Will An Ex Boyfriend Break Up With You To Protect Himself?

“I want to break up…”

They are the five little words that any woman who wants to have a long lasting relationship will dread.

If you have had the misfortune of being on the receiving of those words you are most likely left reeling and wondering what went wrong.

The truth is that there are literally thousands of reasons that a current boyfriend can break up with you. In fact, throughout the history of this site I have covered a lot of these reasons,

  • You being needy..
  • Him being needy…
  • You being emotionally unavailable…
  • Him being emotionally unavailable…
  • Cheating…
  • I think you get the idea here.

Well, today I am going to be focusing in on one specific reason and I have YOU to thank for that.

You see, a few weeks ago I sent out an email to my newsletter and asked you one very simple question,

“What do you want me to write about?”

In total, I got something like 500 responses all asking me to write about specific topics. Out of those 500 responses I chose the very best ones and it just so happened a lot of people were wondering if their ex boyfriend was breaking up with them to protect himself.

Diving Deeper Into This Guide

This guide is meant to accomplish a few things.

Firstly, like always, I want to teach you about men and how they think. However, since we are covering a specific situation here with men who break up with you to protect themselves I want to teach you about the minds of the men who could potentially be doing that to you.

In short, this guide is going to cover the following topics,

  1. Is it even possible for a man to break up with you to protect himself ?(The answer is yes. 😉 .)
  2. What is going on in his head to make him do that?
  3. What can you do about it if it does happen to you?

Okie dokie.

Lets get started!

Can Your Ex Boyfriend Break Up With You To Protect Himself?

protection

A lot of you may be wondering why I even chose this topic.

I mean, why would I make such a big deal about one small little situation.

I’ll admit that I am kind of shocked to be dedicating so much time to this little question but as I said above, this is what a lot of you wanted.

When I asked you ladies a few weeks ago what you wanted me to write about this particular situation came up on more than one occasion. In fact, it came up so frequently that I absolutely had to write about it. There was no other choice.

So, is it even possible?

Can an ex boyfriend break up with you in an effort to protect himself?

The answer to that question is a resounding YES.

Of course, you know me.

I don’t just stop at the yes. I give you more and more and more. So, in an effort to provide more value to you I have decided to inform you at how often this particular instance can occur.

How Often Will An Ex Boyfriend Break Up With You To Protect Himself?

often

In a perfect world I would be able to assign a certain percentage value to the reasons for breakups.

For example, I could make some sort of claim like,

“10% of breakups occur because someone cheats and 20% occur because men are protecting themselves.”

Unfortunately, we don’t live in a perfect world and as hard I tried for you guys I can’t assign a percentage for the protecting reason. The world and relationships are just to muddy for that. What I can do for you though is generalize things based on my extensive experience in dealing with thousands of couples.

While a generalization is not ideal I have found that more often than not my generalizations prove to be right.

In my opinion, men who break up with you because they are protecting themselves while not overly common are more common than you think.

I know that really doesn’t help you very much, does it? Well, it’s just that men who are protecting themselves are very hard to track.

For example, if the two of us were dating and I wanted to break up with you to protect myself I probably wouldn’t tell you that was the reason. What I probably would do is make up some fake reason so your feelings wouldn’t get too hurt.

Of course, this still really doesn’t help you very much does it?

Hmm…

Ok, here is what I am going to do.

I am going to give you a little cheat sheet. Think of it like me lending you my awesome brain for a few seconds.

This cheat sheet is going to teach you everything you need to know about what situations to look out for and in what situations your ex boyfriend is more likely to protect himself in.

The Cheat Sheet- What Situations Will Your Ex Boyfriend Be More Likely To Protect Himself In?

cheat sheet

In my experience there are certain situations that will make a boyfriend more likely to break up with you to protect himself.

I plan on covering those situations in this section.

Want to know what the situations are?

  • He Finds Out Your True Colors.
  • He Doesn’t Want History To Repeat Itself.
  • He Is Scared Of Getting Into A Deeper Commitment.
  • He Is Scared Of Your Past.

So, the purpose of this section is to give you a quick little cheat sheet that you will be able to glance at and determine if your ex could have potentially broke up with you to protect himself. In other words, if you were in any of these situations and your ex broke up with you when you seemed to think things were going well then you might want to take note.

Lets take a look at the situations now,

He Finds Out Your True Colors

true colors

What does that even mean?

Your ex boyfriend found out your true colors?

When everyone first starts dating they are on their best behavior. For example, when I first started dating my wife I didn’t want her to know that I was susceptible to a little jealousy here and there.

(Psst… I still don’t want her to know so don’t tell her.)

Anyways, when we first started dating I tried to remain as calm as I possibly could when any mention of one of her guy friends would come up. While I am very confident in myself I definitely don’t want to spend my days thinking of my (then) girlfriends guy friends. Heck, If I had it my way she wouldn’t say anything about them at all.

So, I would remain very quiet and standoffish any time the topic would be brought up. Now, I am not the type to tell a woman what to do in a relationship. I like it when people come to conclusions on their own so I just remained mum about the topic for the longest time hoping it would go away.

Eventually though, my wife started learning that I was not very responsive when it came to that topic and she found out my true colors…

My True Colors- I am definitely not a fan of listening to stories of my wife and other guys having a good time. Past or present. In other words, I can get jealous.

Look, I know that probably isn’t the best thing in the world for a relationship advice guy to admit but I know exactly how I am.

I get jealous where maybe someone better in that area wouldn’t.

I am a Taurus after all 😉 .

Your Ex And YOUR True Colors

No one in this world is perfect.

Everyone has their flaws.

Some people are needy.

Some people are jealous (slow, embarrassed hand raise here.)

Heck, some people are just downright mean.

Now, here is the scary part. It is impossible to really know someones true colors until later on in the relationship.

(Remember, everyone is on their best behavior in the beginning.)

I want to run a scenario by you.

Lets say that you and a new boyfriend just started dating and everything is great.

You love him…

He loves you…

All is right in the world.

You two are in that mushy stage where you can’t keep your hands off each other and you are always whispering things to each other like,

“Your the most amazing man I ever met.”

or

“Your the most amazing woman I have ever met.”

You get the idea.

Of course, a few months later your boyfriend begins to notice something. He begins to pick up that you are extremely needy and high maintenance. Now, some men can deal with needy and high maintenance girls but your boyfriend isn’t one.

In fact, out of all the qualities in the world.

A needy high maintenance girlfriend turn him off the most.

Now we have a bit of a problem.

All of a sudden that mushy happy stage where the two of you are living in La La land where nothing can go wrong ends and your boyfriend begins to think to himself,

“Oh my god… I can’t be with a needy high maintenance girl.”

This singular thought evolves and soon he comes to a sad conclusion…

“I need to break up with her to protect myself.”

Do you see how that worked?

Happy Stage Dissipates (leads to) Realization Of True Colors (leads to) Him Breaking Up With You To Protect Himself

He Doesn’t Want History To Repeat Itself

history

History is a funny thing when it comes to relationships.

Any time I write an article for this site I am drawing on my own past experiences either through my own life or through this site. In other words, the past I have experienced affects me and what I write.

Your ex boyfriend is no different.

It is entirely possible that he could be protecting himself with a breakup so his own BAD past experiences don’t repeat themselves.

Now, I actually have a real life experience to draw from to prove that this particular outcome does exist.

A good friend of mine ended up getting married at a really young age.

What is a young age?

Well, I personally think marriage around the age of 21 is a little below the norm.

Anyways, my buddy got married when he was 21 years old and he was with his wife for a total of three years. While I am sure they certainly had their honeymoon period that was abruptly ended when he ended up walking in on his wife and his best friend in bed.

She then proceeded to tell him that his best friend wasn’t the only guy that she had been with.

No, she had ended up cheating on him eight times with eight different men.

(FYI I have told this story on this site before if you were wondering.)

I don’t care who you are, an experience like that definitely makes an impression on you that will last forever.

How did my friend react?

Not well…

In fact, he ended up protecting himself so much from relationships that he hasn’t even been on a date with a girl in five years. Yes, you read that right FIVE YEARS.

What Kind Of Experiences Can Make A Man Protect Himself?

The way this works is actually quite simple.

If your ex boyfriend was dating you and he kind of gets the feeling that his own unfortunate history in relationships is about to repeat himself he will decide that the fastest way in which he can protect himself is to break up with you.

What I would like to do now is give you a list of all the types of experiences that can have this type of affect on a man.

  • If he was cheated on.
  • If he was in a long relationship that ended really badly.
  • If he had an abusive ex girlfriend (not you.)
  • If he was stuck in a relationship where he felt trapped or bored but didn’t do anything about it.

My point in giving you that list is actually quite simple.

If your ex boyfriend sensed any of these things during his time with you then he might take action to nip things in the bud so history doesn’t repeat itself.

For example, if he was with you and during your relationship you were constantly hanging out with other men then he is inevitably going to have this train of thought,

“I wonder if she is cheating on me? She is always around these other guys? What do they have that I don’t?”

Pretty soon, if the debacle continues then he is going to convince himself that you are indeed cheating on him or that you are a high risk of it.

So, what is it that he does to take care of this little problem?

Yup, you guessed it.

He will break up with you to protect himself.

He Is Scared Of A Deeper Commitment

star wars commitment

Some men are commitment-phobes.

In other words, they will break up with you because they are scared of commitment and this can be looked at as a way of them protecting themselves. In other words, a man who is truly a commitment-phobe is going to be protecting himself.

But what defines a commitment-phobe?

What is going on a mans head to make him a commitment-phobe?

Oh geez… don’t get me started.

Well, firstly you know you are dealing with a commitment-phobe when he has the following qualities,

  • Doesn’t Want Titles
  • Very Standoffish
  • Act Like They Don’t Care About Anything
  • The Marriage Factor

Like always, I am going to dive deep and flesh out each one of these bullet points. Lets start with “titles.”

They Don’t Want Titles

commitment

Men who are commitment-phobes aren’t going to want an official title.

You know, the boyfriend title?

A few weeks ago I wrote an article on why men won’t want to update their Facebook status to say “in a relationship” and usually an underlying cause of that is the fact that they are terrified of being labeled because in their warped mind being labeled a boyfriend can potentially end with them being hurt.

So, the best way to protect themselves is to not label the relationship.

After all, if you aren’t officially labeled as a boyfriend how can you get hurt, right?

They Are Very Standoffish

I can’t tell you how many times I have gotten an email like this,

“Chris, I have tried everything in my relationship to make it work but no matter how hard I try my boyfriend never lets me in. He is always so standoffish and any time I try to have a meaningful conversation he just shuts down.”

This is classic commitment-phobe behavior.

Usually you will get a guy who gives you mixed signals or is very hot and cold too.

For example, one moment the guy will be all into you and the next he is sad or depressed and its not even like he has to say anything for you to pick up on it. I mean, It’s almost like you can feel the energy between the two of you shift from a positive vibe to a negative one.

So, what the heck is going on for a guy to do this?

Well, usually what happens to a commitment-phobe is that he will go into a relationship (even if its not official) with his guard up.

gsp guard up

Then what usually happens is that your amazing personality, looks and charm start to work their magic and slowly but surely that guard begins to drop. All of a sudden he begins to have fun with you and starts to think that life with you isn’t so bad.

But then the worst thing ever happens.

A singular thought enters his mind…

“What if she hurts me?”

In other words…

anderson-silva-

So, what happens is after he has this thought he will put his guard back up and become very standoffish towards you.

This creates this hot and cold effect that you are constantly worrying about.

They Will Act Like They Don’t Care About Anything

I dont care

Last year I met a guy who I liked very much.

He had a good personality, seemed very family oriented and made everyone laugh a lot.

“Ok Chris whats wrong with him?”

Geez, you guys are harsh…

…..

…..

Ok, there was something a bit off about him.

He was haunted by his divorce and as a result kind of became a commitment-phobe to his current girlfriend. Of course, it wasn’t his girlfriend who told me this but it was him himself.

He actually told me without telling me.

You see, every time he would talk about his girlfriend he would constantly tell me things like,

“I don’t care what she does. She can go out to the bar any time she wants or flirt with any guy she wants.”

I remember at the time just nodding my head in agreement to not start an argument but the truth of the matter was that I was thinking,

“I definitely wouldn’t be ok if my woman started flirting with any guy she wanted. I think he was lying.”

Of course, the more I thought about it afterwards I began to see what was really going on.

This guy was absolutely burned by his divorce and it affected him on a deep level. So, in an effort to cope with it he put his guard up in a very unusual way. He began training himself not to care about anything bad that could potentially happen to him.

For example, if his girlfriend cheated on him he was training himself not to care.

If his girlfriend was emotionally or physically abusive, he would not care.

It was all an effort for him to protect himself by not getting attached to her so he wouldn’t end up feeling the sting he felt during his divorce.

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

The Marriage Factor

mawwiage

Here’s a fun fact about men that you won’t hear anywhere else.

Men are scared of marriage.

Actually, that’s nothing new…

However, what I want to talk about is the WHY!

Why are men so afraid of making the biggest commitment of all?

Why does it freak them out so much?

Well, it freaks them out because of a little something I like to call,

The Marriage Factor

What is the marriage factor?

I am so glad you asked!

The marriage factor is a certain thought process that a man goes through when he considers marriage to a woman.

I feel very qualified to talk about this since I just got married last year to a woman who completely destroyed my marriage factor.

Ok, the marriage factor goes like this,

Most men enjoy being single.

They like the way it makes them feel. They like that feeling of being free without having anyone to answer to.

I mean, when you date someone you have to basically check in with them a lot to let them know what you are up to. For some men this can be kind of annoying and makes them feel a bit trapped.

Oh, and in case you are wondering I am not even talking about marriage yet. Nope, I am just talking about a good old fashioned relationship.

Now, when the thought of marriage does enter the picture a man will usually get freaked out by a few things.

  • Marriage = A Lifelong Commitment To Just ONE Person
  • Marriage Usually Leads To Kids
  • His Way Of Life Is Gone

Marriage being a lifelong commitment is an obvious one. What isn’t obvious though is the kids factor. Call me crazy but I have a deep belief that most men out there are very protective towards their family and will do anything for their kids.

(There are definitely exceptions to this rule.)

However, when push comes to shove a lot of men step up and become great fathers to their kids. Of course, the introduction of a child into the mix means that a man can no longer hold on to his own selfish ways.

A man will have an innate belief that his every waking moment will be dedicated to his child and while being a father can be a very fulfilling thing you can understand how it won’t be appealing to a man who enjoys the freedom he has as a single guy.

Marriage usually leads to children…

Do you see where I am going with this?

When a guy starts to get wind of the fact that his significant other wants him to propose the marriage factor thought process is going to go through his head.

MF Thought One- “Oh my god…  I am going to have to be committed to her for life. What if things change?”

MF Thought Two- “First comes love… then comes marriage… then comes the baby in the baby carriage…. If we have a child my life is going to be over…”

MF Thought Three- “I am going to lose my friends… I am going to lose my late nights out… There is no way in hell she is going to let me keep partying the way I am now…”

So, with all of these scary thoughts swirling around in his head what does he decide to do?

Yup, you guessed it.

He decides to break up with you to protect himself.

He Is Scared Of Your Past

scared

Usually when you talk about the past the first thing most people think of is men.

“He has some serious baggage…”

“He just got divorced…”

“He won the Nobel Peace Prize a few years ago…”

Wait.. that last one doesn’t quite fit.

Let me clear something up.

When I talk about someones past I am not referring to their past accomplishments I am referring to their past relationships. More specifically, their past failed relationships and any baggage that goes along with those relationships.

Like I said above, most people immediately point the finger to men and the baggage they bring.

“Oh, he slept with 20 women in the past…”

Well, I hate to say this but women are just as guilty as men when it comes to their pasts. In fact, sometimes a woman’s past can be such a hard thing for a man to overcome that he will talk himself out of the relationship.

Let me give you an example.

Real Life Example

As many of more avid readers know I actually run two fairly large relationship websites, this one, Ex Boyfriend Recovery and another one called Ex Girlfriend Recovery. Well, my other site, Ex Girlfriend Recovery, deals specifically with helping men get their ex girlfriends back.

(Funny Story- A few weeks ago a woman from Ex Boyfriend Recovery told me that her boyfriend went to Ex Girlfriend Recovery trying to find advice on how to get her back. Meanwhile, she was on Ex Boyfriend Recovery trying to find out a way to get her boyfriend back. They were both using the no contact rule on each other when both of them wanted each other back. Of course, after the NC rule was completed they did get each other back but I digress…)

There is one fellow that specifically sticks out in my mind when I think back to my other site Ex Girlfriend Recovery.

You see, this guy got so freaked out about his girlfriends past that he ended the relationship to protect himself.

What was her past?

Well, lets just say that she was more experienced than him in certain aspects of love. More specifically, she had cheated a few times in the past.

Pretty soon this guy was convinced that his girlfriend would cheat on him no matter what he did since she cheated on her exes in the past. So, he broke up with her to “nip it in the bud” before the bud nipped him.

In other words, he was protecting himself…

	https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/chris-avatar.jpg	

Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

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574 Comments on "Will An Ex Boyfriend Break Up With You To Protect Himself?"

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No Name
Guest
I don’t understand my situation AT ALL!! my ex is emotionally unavailable and I recognized all the red flags 2 months into the relationship and I overlooked them. He’s always been an introvert with life baggage from the past.. It was very rare that he’d open up and he’s always been so private and secretive but I trusted him.. I dated him for a year and I felt like I didn’t even know that much about him but he claims I’m the first person he truly opened up to. I believe it because even his family says he’s always been… Read more »
No Name
Guest
I don’t understand my situation AT ALL!! my ex is emotionally unavailable and I recognized all the red flags 2 months into the relationship and I overlooked them. He’s always been an introvert with life baggage from the past.. It was very rare that he’d open up and he’s always been so private and secretive but I trusted him.. I dated him for a year and I felt like I didn’t even know that much about him but he claims I’m the first person he truly opened up to. I believe it because even his family says he’s always been… Read more »
Layla
Guest
Hi, So I was dating a nice guy for about 4 months. Well, I believed him so be a nice guy. Things were casual and we were moving at the same pace. We are both independent and happy with our independence so it didn’t feel like either of us were being remotely needy or asking for more. Everything was moving along well. I’m very easy going and he brought out that in me because he was low-stress and honest and nice. One night, I told him that I got into school on the other side of the country. I told… Read more »
Layla
Guest

… I should mention that this was two weeks ago exactly. I stood up for myself on the phone and was very open with my feelings of being hurt and angry. But I’m also very reasonable and just said my peace and it’s been two weeks of no contact. We have a ton of mutual friends and they’ve already seen him around and I know I will see him soon. Do you think he is going to come around or did I scare him off for good?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

He’ll understand that those were emotions..what’s more important is if you are actively healing and improving yourself and being active in posting too

Layla
Guest
Hi, So I was dating a nice guy for about 4 months. Well, I believed him so be a nice guy. Things were casual and we were moving at the same pace. We are both independent and happy with our independence so it didn’t feel like either of us were being remotely needy or asking for more. Everything was moving along well. I’m very easy going and he brought out that in me because he was low-stress and honest and nice. One night, I told him that I got into school on the other side of the country. I told… Read more »
Layla
Guest

… I should mention that this was two weeks ago exactly. I stood up for myself on the phone and was very open with my feelings of being hurt and angry. But I’m also very reasonable and just said my peace and it’s been two weeks of no contact. We have a ton of mutual friends and they’ve already seen him around and I know I will see him soon. Do you think he is going to come around or did I scare him off for good?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

He’ll understand that those were emotions..what’s more important is if you are actively healing and improving yourself and being active in posting too

Abi
Guest

Hi, if I was emotionally abusive to him, can I still get him back? Nearing the end of the relationship, it was horrible. I called him names like f***er and said things like I wasted my time of being in the relationship. I don’t know if I even have a chance left. I’m 2 months into NC.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Abi,

that’s common.. you just said it out of anger.. your chances will depend more on the length of the relationship, reason of the break up and how much you improve during and after nc

Abi
Guest
Hi Amor, thanks for replying. My situation is that I was mean whenever I quarreled with him, not just towards the end. There was a time he called me because he was supposed to meet me and he wanted to remind me about it. I was rushing out when he called and thus I got mad and scolded him badly. He was hurt by it. This happened more than half a year ago. I don’t know if me scolding him whenever we fought will contribute to him thinking twice about reconciling. I asked him what’s the real truth for breaking… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

I believe him…guys are not as sensitive as girls.. he wasn’t that hurt but he got tired of it..

Abi
Guest

Thanks for your reply. I’m just afraid he was lying because he didn’t want to hurt me, and so he told me he didn’t feel emotionally abused. Also… is there a possibility he would suddenly think about it and be like, “Oh yeah… maybe that was emotional abuse but I didn’t realise it until she asked me”? Like, could there be a possibility of him thinking that and thus drastically reducing my chances?
And is there any way I can salvage this now? ): My friends told me to give it more time… but I don’t know.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

he probably wont but let’s say he will, then all the more reason that you should improve and maintain it.. so, that he will see that you act differently than before..

Abi
Guest

Oh, and 1 month+ after the breakup, he retweeted a tweet that mentioned that emotional abuse and dysfunction is not love. I texted him about it and he said it was not referring to us or me. This was before I texted him again asking if he felt emotionally abused throughout the relationship. I’m confused right now. What do you think?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

it’s still the same tactic.. you have to improve yourself

Abi
Guest

Hi, thanks for replying. Can you help explain his behavior more in detail? As I’m quite confused by his behavior now… do you think he was lying when he said the tweet wasn’t referring to me?
And to be honest… if I had emotionally abused him throughout the relationship… do you think I can still salvage this?

Abi
Guest

Also… I have read online that emotionally abusive relationships will never have any chances. Do you think so too?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

don’t over think.. if it was really emotional abuse, he wouldn’t talk to you ever.. don’t get stuck on that idea because it’s not going to help you. Put your energy on how you’re going to rebuild rapport later on. if he said his tweet doesn’t refer to you, then it doesn’t. Because it will end up being about you when it wasnt at first, if you keep going back to it
If he lied, that’s his problem,not yours anymore.

Abi
Guest

Thank you. It really helped clear some doubts in my head… also, when do you think I should break no contact and text him? It’s been 3 months now…

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

if you didn’t talk for 3 months, you should initiate but if you’re not in emotional position to do that, don’t yet. do it when you’re more rational.

Abi
Guest

Hi, if I was emotionally abusive to him, can I still get him back? Nearing the end of the relationship, it was horrible. I called him names like f***er and said things like I wasted my time of being in the relationship. I don’t know if I even have a chance left. I’m 2 months into NC.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Abi,

that’s common.. you just said it out of anger.. your chances will depend more on the length of the relationship, reason of the break up and how much you improve during and after nc

Abi
Guest
Hi Amor, thanks for replying. My situation is that I was mean whenever I quarreled with him, not just towards the end. There was a time he called me because he was supposed to meet me and he wanted to remind me about it. I was rushing out when he called and thus I got mad and scolded him badly. He was hurt by it. This happened more than half a year ago. I don’t know if me scolding him whenever we fought will contribute to him thinking twice about reconciling. I asked him what’s the real truth for breaking… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

I believe him…guys are not as sensitive as girls.. he wasn’t that hurt but he got tired of it..

Abi
Guest

Thanks for your reply. I’m just afraid he was lying because he didn’t want to hurt me, and so he told me he didn’t feel emotionally abused. Also… is there a possibility he would suddenly think about it and be like, “Oh yeah… maybe that was emotional abuse but I didn’t realise it until she asked me”? Like, could there be a possibility of him thinking that and thus drastically reducing my chances?
And is there any way I can salvage this now? ): My friends told me to give it more time… but I don’t know.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

he probably wont but let’s say he will, then all the more reason that you should improve and maintain it.. so, that he will see that you act differently than before..

Abi
Guest

Oh, and 1 month+ after the breakup, he retweeted a tweet that mentioned that emotional abuse and dysfunction is not love. I texted him about it and he said it was not referring to us or me. This was before I texted him again asking if he felt emotionally abused throughout the relationship. I’m confused right now. What do you think?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

it’s still the same tactic.. you have to improve yourself

Abi
Guest

Hi, thanks for replying. Can you help explain his behavior more in detail? As I’m quite confused by his behavior now… do you think he was lying when he said the tweet wasn’t referring to me?
And to be honest… if I had emotionally abused him throughout the relationship… do you think I can still salvage this?

Abi
Guest

Also… I have read online that emotionally abusive relationships will never have any chances. Do you think so too?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

don’t over think.. if it was really emotional abuse, he wouldn’t talk to you ever.. don’t get stuck on that idea because it’s not going to help you. Put your energy on how you’re going to rebuild rapport later on. if he said his tweet doesn’t refer to you, then it doesn’t. Because it will end up being about you when it wasnt at first, if you keep going back to it
If he lied, that’s his problem,not yours anymore.

Abi
Guest

Thank you. It really helped clear some doubts in my head… also, when do you think I should break no contact and text him? It’s been 3 months now…

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

if you didn’t talk for 3 months, you should initiate but if you’re not in emotional position to do that, don’t yet. do it when you’re more rational.

Marie
Guest
I’m 37 and my boyfriend is 54. We are both introverts and get along very well. Before us he hasn’t dated in over 8 years. He was with her for 15 years and she left him. I think he’s scared of being hurt and right now his only other friend is having problems with their partner and I think it made him think about being single again. We haven’t had any fights at all and we have so much in common. Anyways, this past weekend I didn’t hear from him at all(usually he does all the initial contacting) and then… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Marie,

so you mean he wants you to chase? For your peace of mind, send a message. Ask him and explain your side. If he’s still decided then at least you both know you cared to ask him back before you ignore him..It’s ok to talk to him about stuff exchangibg5 during nc, as long as it’s only about that

Marie
Guest
I’m 37 and my boyfriend is 54. We are both introverts and get along very well. Before us he hasn’t dated in over 8 years. He was with her for 15 years and she left him. I think he’s scared of being hurt and right now his only other friend is having problems with their partner and I think it made him think about being single again. We haven’t had any fights at all and we have so much in common. Anyways, this past weekend I didn’t hear from him at all(usually he does all the initial contacting) and then… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Marie,

so you mean he wants you to chase? For your peace of mind, send a message. Ask him and explain your side. If he’s still decided then at least you both know you cared to ask him back before you ignore him..It’s ok to talk to him about stuff exchangibg5 during nc, as long as it’s only about that

michelle
Guest
So following on from earlier comments have finally managed to meet with boyfriend after doing a period of no contact to talk about his ending relationship by email, after 1 and 1/2 years together. I told him that we needed to communicate more about what was going on, and that the fact that he had housemates had made it difficult to talk sometimes when they were there in his house. While I understand they help pay the mortgage after his wife leaving, I understand this and don’t have a problem, but simply pointed out that it hasn’t made things easy… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
Hi Michelle, you need to assess your non-negotiables. You say you’re not settling but right now you are, because you’re waiting for him to do something you want, which he doesn’t want to do. Whether it’s because of his issues or what not, it’s still something you’re both not agreeing with. You want commitment, he doesn’t. If you stay, that means you’re agreeing to the current set up. You really have to risk losing him because if you don’t, you’ll stay just the way things are right now. He’s old enough. He can handle himself. You’re not his mom nor… Read more »
michelle
Guest
So following on from earlier comments have finally managed to meet with boyfriend after doing a period of no contact to talk about his ending relationship by email, after 1 and 1/2 years together. I told him that we needed to communicate more about what was going on, and that the fact that he had housemates had made it difficult to talk sometimes when they were there in his house. While I understand they help pay the mortgage after his wife leaving, I understand this and don’t have a problem, but simply pointed out that it hasn’t made things easy… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
Hi Michelle, you need to assess your non-negotiables. You say you’re not settling but right now you are, because you’re waiting for him to do something you want, which he doesn’t want to do. Whether it’s because of his issues or what not, it’s still something you’re both not agreeing with. You want commitment, he doesn’t. If you stay, that means you’re agreeing to the current set up. You really have to risk losing him because if you don’t, you’ll stay just the way things are right now. He’s old enough. He can handle himself. You’re not his mom nor… Read more »
Leslie
Guest
My boyfriend broke up with me to protect himself. All the evidence is present: – He had his heart broken by an ex wife who left him and aborted his child all in a day’s decision. – His last girlfriend was insecure and couldn’t be trusted not to run off with another man. I am none of these things. I am one of your truly confident, self-assured women who realizes just about everything she wants in life… except this man, of course. We dated for seven months “long distance” (2.5 hours of driving… so we saw each other every 1-2… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
Leslie
Guest

Hi Amor,

Thank you for your response. The article doesn’t pertain to my situation, as I didn’t cheat on or lie to my ex – I just loved him. He dumped me, afraid that he doesn’t love me enough. But I honk it stems from a lack of confidence in himself and his life.

Are there any other articles about insecure men, ones that don’t involved guilt and remorse? I’ve done nothing to feel guilty about. 🙂

Thanks,
Leslie

Leslie
Guest
My boyfriend broke up with me to protect himself. All the evidence is present: – He had his heart broken by an ex wife who left him and aborted his child all in a day’s decision. – His last girlfriend was insecure and couldn’t be trusted not to run off with another man. I am none of these things. I am one of your truly confident, self-assured women who realizes just about everything she wants in life… except this man, of course. We dated for seven months “long distance” (2.5 hours of driving… so we saw each other every 1-2… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
Leslie
Guest

Hi Amor,

Thank you for your response. The article doesn’t pertain to my situation, as I didn’t cheat on or lie to my ex – I just loved him. He dumped me, afraid that he doesn’t love me enough. But I honk it stems from a lack of confidence in himself and his life.

Are there any other articles about insecure men, ones that don’t involved guilt and remorse? I’ve done nothing to feel guilty about. 🙂

Thanks,
Leslie

Michelle
Guest
So since my last comment and receiving a break up by email, I replied back same day by email telling him how I felt about him, and all the reasons I wanted him. Connecting memories, good times, insights etc. 2 days later I received another email saying how he was quite overwhelmed by my response and was also touched and honoured. Saying that I had a smile that melts his heart and my heart was like platinum. This hurt but also confused me as it was full of compliments. He said to respect his need for space at this time.… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

it would be better if you come with a group of friends..bringing just one guy would look like you’re just trying to make him jealous

Michelle
Guest
Yes he knows that this guy is just a friend as hes met him a few times. Latest is I received an email from him today giving me a catch up on everything thats been happening. He is under so much pressure. I replied back, and then he came back less than an hour later by email, and asked me if perhaps we could go away for a weekend together with his dog and chill out and talk. This was after I asked him 19 days ago that I wanted to sit down and really talk about everything with him.… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

yeah, I think you laying low, made him feel less pressured and got him to think. Just enjoy that weekend. If he has something to say, listen. If you want to say something, time it right. Say it when he’s in the best mood.

Michelle
Guest
So since my last comment and receiving a break up by email, I replied back same day by email telling him how I felt about him, and all the reasons I wanted him. Connecting memories, good times, insights etc. 2 days later I received another email saying how he was quite overwhelmed by my response and was also touched and honoured. Saying that I had a smile that melts his heart and my heart was like platinum. This hurt but also confused me as it was full of compliments. He said to respect his need for space at this time.… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

it would be better if you come with a group of friends..bringing just one guy would look like you’re just trying to make him jealous

Michelle
Guest
Yes he knows that this guy is just a friend as hes met him a few times. Latest is I received an email from him today giving me a catch up on everything thats been happening. He is under so much pressure. I replied back, and then he came back less than an hour later by email, and asked me if perhaps we could go away for a weekend together with his dog and chill out and talk. This was after I asked him 19 days ago that I wanted to sit down and really talk about everything with him.… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

yeah, I think you laying low, made him feel less pressured and got him to think. Just enjoy that weekend. If he has something to say, listen. If you want to say something, time it right. Say it when he’s in the best mood.

Soph
Guest
Hi there, I am in urgent need of help. My ex-boyfriend and I were in a relationship for 19 months. He is 28 and I am 22. I was his first girlfriend and he lost his virginity to me. When we first met, we hit it off right away and we fell deeply in love. It was incredible and like a fairy tale. After 3 weeks of being together, he said he loved me, which surprised me at first but I was flattered. I didn’t say I loved him until about 2 months into our relationship. After 3 months of… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Soph,

Let’s hope he does but it’s always a battle of standards. If he loves you, and he knows he has to change for the better he will but sometimes, even if he loves, if it’s really breaking his core values or non negotiables, he will not change. And you should think the same, make your non negotiables, so the right guy will stay..

Soph
Guest

Will no contact help fade the negative emotions associated with the end of the relationship? How long should I do no contact for in my situation, and should I wait for him to contact me after NC or should I contact him first?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

the space can help but it’s actually your improvements during and after nc that really helps a lot.. you should try at least 45 days and yes you can initiate contact after..

Soph
Guest
Hi there, I am in urgent need of help. My ex-boyfriend and I were in a relationship for 19 months. He is 28 and I am 22. I was his first girlfriend and he lost his virginity to me. When we first met, we hit it off right away and we fell deeply in love. It was incredible and like a fairy tale. After 3 weeks of being together, he said he loved me, which surprised me at first but I was flattered. I didn’t say I loved him until about 2 months into our relationship. After 3 months of… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Soph,

Let’s hope he does but it’s always a battle of standards. If he loves you, and he knows he has to change for the better he will but sometimes, even if he loves, if it’s really breaking his core values or non negotiables, he will not change. And you should think the same, make your non negotiables, so the right guy will stay..

Soph
Guest

Will no contact help fade the negative emotions associated with the end of the relationship? How long should I do no contact for in my situation, and should I wait for him to contact me after NC or should I contact him first?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

the space can help but it’s actually your improvements during and after nc that really helps a lot.. you should try at least 45 days and yes you can initiate contact after..

Michelle
Guest
I have been with boyfriend for 1 and a half years. During this time my boyfriend has been going through a divorce with ex wife (who cheated on him and is now living with someone else), he had a heart attach (when I was with him), and his mother died (who was terminally ill), 2 weeks later. His job has been on the line. Also suffers with excess weight, which has affected his sleeping patterns. So overall a high degree of stress overall. Despite this I felt our relationship was good. He had said I was a calm in a… Read more »
Michelle
Guest
Further to this, its his birthday at the end of October. While he has said he will call me in a couple of weeks, I think he was flustered at the time, and was just fobbing me off. Couple of weeks is his birthday weekend. Im thinking of no contact now (and this is day 4). I was planning on not contacting him on his birthday as part of no contact, but am just wondering what I should do if he contacts me in a couple of weeks like he said he would. Part of me is scared that he… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
Hi Michelle, You have to give him space.. as he said, let him sort his problems out. I think he chose to fix his life first, to focus on it instead of trying to maintain a relationship while trying to go through a divorce and trying to cope with grief.. Yes, it hurts because it looks like you’re not a priority but if you think about it, he could have chosen a different approach.. He could have just used you as an emotional crutch or somebody to dump his negative emotions on..but he didnt do that.. he chose to handle… Read more »
Michelle
Guest

Thanks for your response Amor.
I am giving him space for now (no contact), but do you think I have a chance of getting him back? I can be patient, even though its so hard.
What if he calls me in a couple of weeks which he said? It would be 14 days since Ive given him space? Would I be best to do NC from there or speak to him. Im worried that he is still feeling negative and says that its over then, with the pressure of everything he is going through.
Thanks very much

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

nope..that would mean you have to ignore that call.. Yeah, I do think you have a chance..juat let him do this on his own for now

Michelle
Guest
I have been with boyfriend for 1 and a half years. During this time my boyfriend has been going through a divorce with ex wife (who cheated on him and is now living with someone else), he had a heart attach (when I was with him), and his mother died (who was terminally ill), 2 weeks later. His job has been on the line. Also suffers with excess weight, which has affected his sleeping patterns. So overall a high degree of stress overall. Despite this I felt our relationship was good. He had said I was a calm in a… Read more »
Michelle
Guest
Further to this, its his birthday at the end of October. While he has said he will call me in a couple of weeks, I think he was flustered at the time, and was just fobbing me off. Couple of weeks is his birthday weekend. Im thinking of no contact now (and this is day 4). I was planning on not contacting him on his birthday as part of no contact, but am just wondering what I should do if he contacts me in a couple of weeks like he said he would. Part of me is scared that he… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
Hi Michelle, You have to give him space.. as he said, let him sort his problems out. I think he chose to fix his life first, to focus on it instead of trying to maintain a relationship while trying to go through a divorce and trying to cope with grief.. Yes, it hurts because it looks like you’re not a priority but if you think about it, he could have chosen a different approach.. He could have just used you as an emotional crutch or somebody to dump his negative emotions on..but he didnt do that.. he chose to handle… Read more »
Michelle
Guest

Thanks for your response Amor.
I am giving him space for now (no contact), but do you think I have a chance of getting him back? I can be patient, even though its so hard.
What if he calls me in a couple of weeks which he said? It would be 14 days since Ive given him space? Would I be best to do NC from there or speak to him. Im worried that he is still feeling negative and says that its over then, with the pressure of everything he is going through.
Thanks very much

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

nope..that would mean you have to ignore that call.. Yeah, I do think you have a chance..juat let him do this on his own for now

Violet
Guest
Hi Chris. I just got dumped today and thankfully I bought your guides after my last break up so I immediately refrained from responding after I got dumped BY TEXT MESSAGE this morning. Anyway, I know he did it to protect himself. He’s always tried to not show emotion to people because he prefers to protect himself on a regular basis. Now, my question is if he doesn’t show emotion in texts (but he was sweet in person during the relationship) how can I identify the positive texts from the neutral responses when I break no contact? And if he’s… Read more »
Violet
Guest

I forgot to add my second question. He dumped me because he saw my true colours. It’s not easy to be with someone who has depression and he only focuses on my few bad days and forgets all my good days. All my past relationships have ended because of this. I’m seeking help and I’m improving all the time.

The question is, how can I get him to see me in a good light again? Do you have advice on the psychology of seeming more positive in his mind?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
Hi Violet, I hope you dont mind my take for now.. I’m not a psychologist but for him to see the change you have to change genuinely.. Yes, depression is not cured with just a click, but you’re human, you have awareness.. That means you will notice it every time you feel that way. Adress it, acknowledge it, and then choose to do things that will help you get out of it even if you don’t feel like it…Instead of just staying in your bed, go out and walk… think in action because it does help… because let’s face it,… Read more »
Violet
Guest

Thanks so much, Amor. I’m sure trying my best to have self worth and self esteem. It’s a long journey.

Do you have advice on my other question? He often seems neutral in texts. How should I go about breaking no contact next month if he doesn’t communicate well over text or phone?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Oh sorry..I forgot that.. check this for a first contact text:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message

if he doesnt reply, rest for a week before trying again.. if he doesnt reply again, rest for two weeks before trying again.. If he doesnt reply, that means you have to move on..

You have to choose an interesting topic for him, because if he doesnt reply, that just means he’s not interested.. whether he’s texter or not, if he’s interested he would reply…

Violet
Guest

I read the link you mentioned. Very useful but unfortunately we were only together for 4 months so it’s difficult to find a strong memory to pull positive memories of me. How long should I do no contact?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

do at least 30 days..that’s ok..just use whatever memory you have or anything that relates to it

Violet
Guest
Hi Chris. I just got dumped today and thankfully I bought your guides after my last break up so I immediately refrained from responding after I got dumped BY TEXT MESSAGE this morning. Anyway, I know he did it to protect himself. He’s always tried to not show emotion to people because he prefers to protect himself on a regular basis. Now, my question is if he doesn’t show emotion in texts (but he was sweet in person during the relationship) how can I identify the positive texts from the neutral responses when I break no contact? And if he’s… Read more »
Violet
Guest

I forgot to add my second question. He dumped me because he saw my true colours. It’s not easy to be with someone who has depression and he only focuses on my few bad days and forgets all my good days. All my past relationships have ended because of this. I’m seeking help and I’m improving all the time.

The question is, how can I get him to see me in a good light again? Do you have advice on the psychology of seeming more positive in his mind?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
Hi Violet, I hope you dont mind my take for now.. I’m not a psychologist but for him to see the change you have to change genuinely.. Yes, depression is not cured with just a click, but you’re human, you have awareness.. That means you will notice it every time you feel that way. Adress it, acknowledge it, and then choose to do things that will help you get out of it even if you don’t feel like it…Instead of just staying in your bed, go out and walk… think in action because it does help… because let’s face it,… Read more »
Violet
Guest

Thanks so much, Amor. I’m sure trying my best to have self worth and self esteem. It’s a long journey.

Do you have advice on my other question? He often seems neutral in texts. How should I go about breaking no contact next month if he doesn’t communicate well over text or phone?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Oh sorry..I forgot that.. check this for a first contact text:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message

if he doesnt reply, rest for a week before trying again.. if he doesnt reply again, rest for two weeks before trying again.. If he doesnt reply, that means you have to move on..

You have to choose an interesting topic for him, because if he doesnt reply, that just means he’s not interested.. whether he’s texter or not, if he’s interested he would reply…

Violet
Guest

I read the link you mentioned. Very useful but unfortunately we were only together for 4 months so it’s difficult to find a strong memory to pull positive memories of me. How long should I do no contact?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

do at least 30 days..that’s ok..just use whatever memory you have or anything that relates to it

Katie M
Guest
Hi. So my boyfriend broke up with me a few days ago. We’ve been together for 3 years, since the start of university and we were somehow living together already. A lot of things have happened to us throughout the relationship. I caught him flirting a couple of times and after that I just became very moody and short tempered and I would be jealous if I felt that he had more fun with his friends than me. So basically, I wanted him all for myself. A few months ago, we got into a really big fight because of my… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Katie,

you became clingy because you made your world revolve around him.. which is common for a first time relationship.. do you still live together and are going to do the no contact rule?

Katie M
Guest
Hi. So my boyfriend broke up with me a few days ago. We’ve been together for 3 years, since the start of university and we were somehow living together already. A lot of things have happened to us throughout the relationship. I caught him flirting a couple of times and after that I just became very moody and short tempered and I would be jealous if I felt that he had more fun with his friends than me. So basically, I wanted him all for myself. A few months ago, we got into a really big fight because of my… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Katie,

you became clingy because you made your world revolve around him.. which is common for a first time relationship.. do you still live together and are going to do the no contact rule?

JC
Guest
I’ve been dating this guy the past year….and he’s been going through a divorce as well. Its coming down to separation of the Business / House… and I know he is totally stressed out about losing everything. We’ve been exclusive with one another, and off/on in relationship a few times. Finally, I got frustrated with his running hot and cold, especially in last month, and the constant complaining about his life, ex-wife… and I have been very understanding and patient… but comes a point where you thing “what about me”? I recently had surgery, and became I admit, a little… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jc,

there’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work but it’s obvious that he sees you as one of the stressors in his life.. more demands, or talks will not help.. Either you really give him space or you move on

JC
Guest
I’ve been dating this guy the past year….and he’s been going through a divorce as well. Its coming down to separation of the Business / House… and I know he is totally stressed out about losing everything. We’ve been exclusive with one another, and off/on in relationship a few times. Finally, I got frustrated with his running hot and cold, especially in last month, and the constant complaining about his life, ex-wife… and I have been very understanding and patient… but comes a point where you thing “what about me”? I recently had surgery, and became I admit, a little… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jc,

there’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work but it’s obvious that he sees you as one of the stressors in his life.. more demands, or talks will not help.. Either you really give him space or you move on

Kris
Guest
Please help. My boyfriend broke up with a month ago. We had been friends for 5 years before we became a couple a year and half ago the week he got divorced.We took things incredibly slow and fell in love 3 months into our courtship. We live an hour apart and daw each every weekend. This arrangement worked for us both bc I still have children at home and he has commitment issues. Everything had been beautiful until 3 months ago. 2 things happened. His father became gravely ill and he got me a job where he lives so I… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Kris,

well, nc supposed to be one blow.. like straight 21 days is the shortest. how many times have you done 5 days nc?

Kris
Guest
Please help. My boyfriend broke up with a month ago. We had been friends for 5 years before we became a couple a year and half ago the week he got divorced.We took things incredibly slow and fell in love 3 months into our courtship. We live an hour apart and daw each every weekend. This arrangement worked for us both bc I still have children at home and he has commitment issues. Everything had been beautiful until 3 months ago. 2 things happened. His father became gravely ill and he got me a job where he lives so I… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Kris,

well, nc supposed to be one blow.. like straight 21 days is the shortest. how many times have you done 5 days nc?

Ann
Guest
Hi there. So I’m obviously here because my boyfriend broke up with me. We are both 18 and just went to college. We were talking completely fine all week, talking about me visiting during Christmas, he even said he couldn’t wait to see me and everything. The day he broke up with me we messaged like usual, the conversations was normal, we even video chatted that day. Then a few hours later he messaged me breaking up with me, unfriended me off of Facebook, changed his relationship status and profile picture (we both had profile pictures of us together), and… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Ann,

How long were you together? I’m assuming you’re in ldr. How long have you been in ldr. And… you have to restart the count. Start it the day after you asked his friend. I do understand that you have to ask of course, but you have to restart the count after that and then start focusing on improving yourself now.

Ann
Guest
Hi there. So I’m obviously here because my boyfriend broke up with me. We are both 18 and just went to college. We were talking completely fine all week, talking about me visiting during Christmas, he even said he couldn’t wait to see me and everything. The day he broke up with me we messaged like usual, the conversations was normal, we even video chatted that day. Then a few hours later he messaged me breaking up with me, unfriended me off of Facebook, changed his relationship status and profile picture (we both had profile pictures of us together), and… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Ann,

How long were you together? I’m assuming you’re in ldr. How long have you been in ldr. And… you have to restart the count. Start it the day after you asked his friend. I do understand that you have to ask of course, but you have to restart the count after that and then start focusing on improving yourself now.

Luisa
Guest
Dead Chris and team. My boyfriend broke up with me after our second time we’ve been together. We’ve been together 3 years now and back then 2,5 with a 2 years break. The break up now is quite similar to the one back then. Once I had anxiety before an exam and he left me afterwards. This time I moved to Switzerland 6 months after him and began to work as a doctor and it was stressful and he had the feeling to have to lift me up all the time while I was cranky that he went away on… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Luisa,

do 45 days no contact and just focus in having your own life and getting the balance back.

Luisa
Guest
Dead Chris and team. My boyfriend broke up with me after our second time we’ve been together. We’ve been together 3 years now and back then 2,5 with a 2 years break. The break up now is quite similar to the one back then. Once I had anxiety before an exam and he left me afterwards. This time I moved to Switzerland 6 months after him and began to work as a doctor and it was stressful and he had the feeling to have to lift me up all the time while I was cranky that he went away on… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Luisa,

do 45 days no contact and just focus in having your own life and getting the balance back.

sophie
Guest
Hi, I was dating my boyfriend for two years we started talking about marriage and he was terrified, he finally started coming around discussing venues, living arrangements so I decided to ask to go ring shopping just to browse he text me later that day telling me I scared him. he became extremely distant after that and two weeks later confronted me by saying I lack emotions and that despite being the perfect girl something is missing.so its coming up to a month since I implemented the no contact rule but he hasn’t contacted me at all during this period.… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Sophie,

are you actively improving yourself? how old are you both? He doesnt want to get married yet, and I think he thinks you’re rushing him

Sophia
Guest

Hi amor,

Were both 27 and all our friends are married.i am on day 20 of no contact and I finally heard from him yesterday but didn’t reply.i agree about the rushing but I stopped talking about it and he started talking about marriage and venues so I don’t know what to do.shall I reply or maintain no contact and how should I re contact him

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

his latest message is about marriage? what did he say?

Sophie
Guest

Apologies his last message wasn’t about marriage He just messaged sayn hi and asked me how I was and that he really wanted to reach out to me. What shall I message him after the no contact period has finished?!

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

start with a topic that he loves talking about.. check this article on how to text:EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message

sophie
Guest
Hi, I was dating my boyfriend for two years we started talking about marriage and he was terrified, he finally started coming around discussing venues, living arrangements so I decided to ask to go ring shopping just to browse he text me later that day telling me I scared him. he became extremely distant after that and two weeks later confronted me by saying I lack emotions and that despite being the perfect girl something is missing.so its coming up to a month since I implemented the no contact rule but he hasn’t contacted me at all during this period.… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Sophie,

are you actively improving yourself? how old are you both? He doesnt want to get married yet, and I think he thinks you’re rushing him

Sophia
Guest

Hi amor,

Were both 27 and all our friends are married.i am on day 20 of no contact and I finally heard from him yesterday but didn’t reply.i agree about the rushing but I stopped talking about it and he started talking about marriage and venues so I don’t know what to do.shall I reply or maintain no contact and how should I re contact him

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

his latest message is about marriage? what did he say?

Sophie
Guest

Apologies his last message wasn’t about marriage He just messaged sayn hi and asked me how I was and that he really wanted to reach out to me. What shall I message him after the no contact period has finished?!

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

start with a topic that he loves talking about.. check this article on how to text:EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message

Christina
Guest
I’ve been in a LDR with the love of my life for the last 3 years. We have had issues in the past of him judging my past, the time before we were together, which created some trust issues but he knows that I have been faithful the whole time we have been together. We’ve worked very hard together to get through these and I thought we were. 2 weeks ago I was on a business trip and I was drugged and ended up with a concussion and do not remember what happened to me. I lost my purse which… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Christina,

have you talked?

Christina
Guest
I’ve been in a LDR with the love of my life for the last 3 years. We have had issues in the past of him judging my past, the time before we were together, which created some trust issues but he knows that I have been faithful the whole time we have been together. We’ve worked very hard together to get through these and I thought we were. 2 weeks ago I was on a business trip and I was drugged and ended up with a concussion and do not remember what happened to me. I lost my purse which… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Christina,

have you talked?

Kara Hodges
Guest
We were dating for 6 months. We met through our circle of friends. He said he loves me but that he isn’t in love with me and that he isn’t ready for a relationship. I’m the first woman who has ever loved him and that he’s loved, so he says. I’m 31 and he is 26. He says I’m all woman and he is not yet a man. I’m a pretty strong tough woman, but today is hard for me. I’m doing the NC rule, but he text me 6 days later, “Hey, I hope you are doing ok.” I… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

hi Kara,

yes, because you have the right mindset… that’s right..heal first and let him be, so that you dont get friendzoned

Kara Hodges
Guest
We were dating for 6 months. We met through our circle of friends. He said he loves me but that he isn’t in love with me and that he isn’t ready for a relationship. I’m the first woman who has ever loved him and that he’s loved, so he says. I’m 31 and he is 26. He says I’m all woman and he is not yet a man. I’m a pretty strong tough woman, but today is hard for me. I’m doing the NC rule, but he text me 6 days later, “Hey, I hope you are doing ok.” I… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

hi Kara,

yes, because you have the right mindset… that’s right..heal first and let him be, so that you dont get friendzoned

Ampy
Guest
Good day. I have been reading your articles and even purchased your books online. Yes, they did help with making me feel better. I just wanted to know what is happening between me and my ex from your perspective and what i can actually do. You see, my ex was my best friend. I was his first girlfriend. He was my third. He courted me for about a year and a half. I was afraid to go on a steady date with him because i didn’t want our friendship broken but eventually i fell for him and we dated. Our… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Ampy,

what did he mean by the guys that follwed you? were there any comments or any other interactions with guys that he finds offensive? what could have been something thag even your friends would think wrong for you to do as a gf?

Ampy
Guest
Good day. I have been reading your articles and even purchased your books online. Yes, they did help with making me feel better. I just wanted to know what is happening between me and my ex from your perspective and what i can actually do. You see, my ex was my best friend. I was his first girlfriend. He was my third. He courted me for about a year and a half. I was afraid to go on a steady date with him because i didn’t want our friendship broken but eventually i fell for him and we dated. Our… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Ampy,

what did he mean by the guys that follwed you? were there any comments or any other interactions with guys that he finds offensive? what could have been something thag even your friends would think wrong for you to do as a gf?

Kris
Guest
Hi. I am really so lost right now. I REALLY HOPE YOU GIVE IT SOME TIME TO READ THIS. I bought the ExBfProRecovery, heck I even bought the Texting Bible and listen to your podcasts (thats how desperate I am and how I believe in your game plans so much) but I’m kind of losing hope due to the reason of the breakup. My ex bf broke up with me because of insecurities and he has some kind of trust issues. I am a single mom now who was in an abusive relationship (with my ex husband). Now, after my… Read more »
Kris
Guest
Oh by the way, when I was pleading, he asked before if I want to continue the relationship but he can’t promise to give me him self 100% cause he’s still hurt. I refused cause I don’t want to be unfair on myself. sometimes I wish I agreed. But I think we won’t be happy. Anyways, since he’s been talking about feelings lately and I dont want to talk about it. I asked if we can have some time off from each other for now. I hope that was a good move. and then maybe start the NC 30 days?… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

You have to be strong in no contact because the more you restart the less it’s effect. You should be strong in it because you have more of the reason to do it since he knows how much you love him and that you’re just there available when he needs you.

Kris
Guest
Hi. I am really so lost right now. I REALLY HOPE YOU GIVE IT SOME TIME TO READ THIS. I bought the ExBfProRecovery, heck I even bought the Texting Bible and listen to your podcasts (thats how desperate I am and how I believe in your game plans so much) but I’m kind of losing hope due to the reason of the breakup. My ex bf broke up with me because of insecurities and he has some kind of trust issues. I am a single mom now who was in an abusive relationship (with my ex husband). Now, after my… Read more »
Kris
Guest
Oh by the way, when I was pleading, he asked before if I want to continue the relationship but he can’t promise to give me him self 100% cause he’s still hurt. I refused cause I don’t want to be unfair on myself. sometimes I wish I agreed. But I think we won’t be happy. Anyways, since he’s been talking about feelings lately and I dont want to talk about it. I asked if we can have some time off from each other for now. I hope that was a good move. and then maybe start the NC 30 days?… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

You have to be strong in no contact because the more you restart the less it’s effect. You should be strong in it because you have more of the reason to do it since he knows how much you love him and that you’re just there available when he needs you.

J.A.
Guest
Hi, I’m recently divorced after a pretty awful 10 yr marriage. My divorce has been incredibly difficult and high-conflict. It’s been one of those hard-to-believe jaw-dropping disgusting divorces. I also have an 8 year old daughter, and while I meet a lot of men, and get plenty of attention, I just really haven’t been feeling like I needed to be dating right now. But, I did meet someone that I actually liked. I was open to getting to know him better and seeing where things went. I was direct and honest. He seemed to be coming from the same place.… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi J.A,

because you’re in the honeymoon period.. that’s good that you don’t want to chase.. if he is serious with you, he’ll prove it

J.A.
Guest
Hi, I’m recently divorced after a pretty awful 10 yr marriage. My divorce has been incredibly difficult and high-conflict. It’s been one of those hard-to-believe jaw-dropping disgusting divorces. I also have an 8 year old daughter, and while I meet a lot of men, and get plenty of attention, I just really haven’t been feeling like I needed to be dating right now. But, I did meet someone that I actually liked. I was open to getting to know him better and seeing where things went. I was direct and honest. He seemed to be coming from the same place.… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi J.A,

because you’re in the honeymoon period.. that’s good that you don’t want to chase.. if he is serious with you, he’ll prove it

Alva
Guest
Hi Amor, my boyfriend broke up with after 2 years. 2great years together. We moved in together the last 5 months because my family had to move to another city so I wanted to stay with him and finish school. We then went from being super happy to fighting a lot (we’re 17, way too young to move in together, right?). We fought about money and responsibility. His father then got mad and picked a fight with me because he thought my ex’s grades became lower and lower. He thought that we were too young and that we payed to… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi ALva,

Yes, I think you have a chance you just have to continue improving and take it slow.

Alva
Guest
Hi Amor, my boyfriend broke up with after 2 years. 2great years together. We moved in together the last 5 months because my family had to move to another city so I wanted to stay with him and finish school. We then went from being super happy to fighting a lot (we’re 17, way too young to move in together, right?). We fought about money and responsibility. His father then got mad and picked a fight with me because he thought my ex’s grades became lower and lower. He thought that we were too young and that we payed to… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi ALva,

Yes, I think you have a chance you just have to continue improving and take it slow.

Heather
Guest
My boyfriend broke up with me via text message 7 weeks ago. Prior to that time, he had expressed lots of love and long term commitment. It has been difficult to get a reason out of him. Things he has written suggest that he broke up, in large part, due to fear. He wasn’t as certain of my unwavering long term commitment. He has some things going on with his life right now that made him feel less good about himself. He was married 10 years ago, she left him for reasons that could align with his current problems. He… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Heather,

it depends on your standards if you still want to continue this kind of relationship but no contact is still the better option because it seems like you’re not getting anywhere if you keep talking to him.

Heather
Guest
My boyfriend broke up with me via text message 7 weeks ago. Prior to that time, he had expressed lots of love and long term commitment. It has been difficult to get a reason out of him. Things he has written suggest that he broke up, in large part, due to fear. He wasn’t as certain of my unwavering long term commitment. He has some things going on with his life right now that made him feel less good about himself. He was married 10 years ago, she left him for reasons that could align with his current problems. He… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Heather,

it depends on your standards if you still want to continue this kind of relationship but no contact is still the better option because it seems like you’re not getting anywhere if you keep talking to him.

Gwenn
Guest
Dear EBR, I’ve read so many articles on your site to gain perspective, and this one really resonated with me. The situation I’m in is rather unusual by most break up standards, as things were left so open ended.. I could use some advice. He’s been a long time family friend of just over 5 years. We always had a great connection and chemistry. However, timing was never right and we maintained a mutual respect for the others relationship while building a great friendship. February, we caught up over the phone one night after not speaking for 5 months. Come… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

HI Gwenn,

at least you tried right? If he doesn’t reply try to use your time to prove everybody that by time you get together, whatever their opinion is, both of you can handle a relationship by then. If he does reply, then good but take it slow. Don’t rush, so that it won’t add up to the stress of your family pressures.

Gwenn
Guest
Dear EBR, I’ve read so many articles on your site to gain perspective, and this one really resonated with me. The situation I’m in is rather unusual by most break up standards, as things were left so open ended.. I could use some advice. He’s been a long time family friend of just over 5 years. We always had a great connection and chemistry. However, timing was never right and we maintained a mutual respect for the others relationship while building a great friendship. February, we caught up over the phone one night after not speaking for 5 months. Come… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

HI Gwenn,

at least you tried right? If he doesn’t reply try to use your time to prove everybody that by time you get together, whatever their opinion is, both of you can handle a relationship by then. If he does reply, then good but take it slow. Don’t rush, so that it won’t add up to the stress of your family pressures.

Au
Guest
My boyfriend broke up with me weeks ago. He said that he want to protect my purity. He thought that the only way to stop touching me is by breaking up with me. However we are friends now and he still treats me a ‘girlfriend’. He still hugs,kiss on my lips and hold my hands etc when I remind me a lot of times that we shouldn’t be doing these since we are friends now. He treats me as a special friend because he still cares for me and the only reason he break up with me is because of… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Au,

if you stay as friends..it’s more likely that you will be friendzoned

Au
Guest
My boyfriend broke up with me weeks ago. He said that he want to protect my purity. He thought that the only way to stop touching me is by breaking up with me. However we are friends now and he still treats me a ‘girlfriend’. He still hugs,kiss on my lips and hold my hands etc when I remind me a lot of times that we shouldn’t be doing these since we are friends now. He treats me as a special friend because he still cares for me and the only reason he break up with me is because of… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Au,

if you stay as friends..it’s more likely that you will be friendzoned