My Ex Boyfriend Hates Me And I Love Him….

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

There’s this guy I dated last year. He was different from any man I’ve ever dated. I didn’t like him when I first met him. His voice was annoying and he clearly had reasons for asking me out in the first place that weren’t exactly kosher. You see, before me, he had run through.

I realized this later when I got to know his friends. One of them told me about his past girlfriends, so I knew going forward the kind of person I was seeing. So I wasn’t surprised when he turned out to be just as awful as his friend warned me he would be.

After we had been together for six months and I had kind of started to believe that thing that every single girl believes in that situation.

Maybe he is just are different with me. He decided to break things off the only way he knew how. He gave me the same excuses he had given what I can only guess were many women before me.

Lucky for me, I was expecting it to happen eventually, even if I had momentarily hoped that things would work out. But the thing is, he had started laying the groundwork for a new relationship long before he broke things off with me with the girl he’s still with today.

Needless to say, I feel a little bit like “Good Luck Chuck” sometimes when I think about it. But the thing is, when he told me every line in the book to break things off, he never once said anything close to the truth, the fact that there was someone else he was interested in.

I had EVERY right to be angry when I realized, “I need space”, “I just don’t want a serious relationship right now”, and “I really need to focus on x,y, and z right now” were all just him trying to push me away to make room for this new girl. ( I’ve met her. She’s actually really great.)

Out of the whole relationship, though, I had made some incredible friends. So, we were stuck in the same friend-group. I know that he was expecting me to just sever the friendships and walk away, but my friends weren’t about to let that happen.

So, I opted to keep the friendships no matter how awkward it made things. I wasn’t mad at him even though I probably should have been, but I wasn’t.

When he realized I wasn’t just going to roll over and be destroyed by the fact that he dumped me for someone else, He made every effort to ruin my life and to make me feel as if he hated me. I actually felt sorry for the new girl for a bit because he was expending so much energy on hating me that I’m sure she felt it on her end.

He even banned me from friend gatherings. Now, that, well, that kind of sucked.

The crazy part is, I haven’t really spoken to him in a year and he is still trying to keep up with what is going on in my life. I start doing something new, and there he is trolling my Snapchats and LinkedIn, since he doesn’t have access anywhere else. If I wanted him back, I’d post a lot more online, I think.

But that breakup turned out to be a good thing for me. Seeing him be a jerk made me realize that he was not who I thought he was.

Now, I’m not telling you this because I want you to make the same decisions I did. Odds are, your ex didn’t go into your relationship planning to treat you poorly like mine did.

I tell you this because I have never truly been hated by anyone. Having someone that acted like he cared for close to half of a year treat me as if I had somehow wronged him simply because I refused to let him steamroll over me would have been heartbreaking if I had ever let myself fall for him.

Heck, I’m not saying it didn’t hurt. It was like having your best friend gut punch you on the playground after they told you they had another best friend. It’s not easy, even when you know it’s coming.

So, I can imagine, being blindsided by it at all isn’t fun either.

From Love to Hate

So what changed? How did he go from caring to hating you?

I mean, clearly he cared about you at some point, but now you are dealing with him saying hateful things:

“I hate you.”

 

“I never really loved you.”

 

“I don’t love you anymore.”

 

“You’re worthless.”

 

“You mean nothing to me.”

 

“Don’t ever talk to me again.”

The list goes on I’m sure. We have women come to the Recovery Pro Facebook Page and tell us every day the horrible things their exes have said to them before, during, and after a breakup. Most of them are downright vicious.

A lot of them ask us what that means. Why would someone who cared for 6 months, a year, 3 years, or even longer say such hateful things?

Well, today is your lucky day, because we’re going to dig into why this happens to so many women, and I’m sure men too on some level. But today we are talking about you and why your ex boyfriend suddenly felt the urge to lash out at you.

The good news is, it most likely has absolutely nothing to do with anything you have done. So… YAY!

 

The bad news is he’s pushing you away for some reason and you are probably dying to figure out why.

There is only one way you will ever find out the answer… patience. It’ll be difficult, but it’ll definitely be worth it.

 

 

What’s a Girl to Do?

Well, right now I’m sure your brain is jumping to all sorts of conclusions and it’s coming up with all sorts of over-the-top solutions. That’s completely normal. But I’m going to tell you something that sounds a little odd.

Your brain can be your worst enemy right now, not just because you are probably overthinking everything. It will tell you to do some pretty outrageous stuff to get him back and most of them will just hurt your case.

 

 

Have you ever set an alarm in the morning for something really important, only to have your mind work the noise into your dream giving you a few extra hours that it thinks you need?

What I’m saying is that your brain isn’t’ always right. In this case, you’re probably asking yourself What do you do now that your ex who supposedly cared for you is putting all of his energy into hating you?

Right now your ex might hate you simply because you aren’t making walking away easy. Maybe you were surprised by his need to pull away. In my experience and from what I know of other people, the worst thing you can do when someone wants to leave is to try to force them to stay.Just like magnets, if you change one’s direction and try to push them together, the other will be repelled.

Now, I’m guessing you don’t want to repel your ex. In fact, since you found yourself here at this site I’m going to assume you want him back.

First thing’s first. you have to fight every single natural urge that you think will get him back.You know you’ve had those thoughts.

You know you’ve had those thoughts. You’ll be getting coffee and you’ll think, “I could get him one and drop it off at his work. It’ll be a reason to see him and he’ll be grateful.”

Wrong!

 

From where he’s sitting, it’ll make you seem desperate, and slightly stalkery.

Love is funny. We tend to try to love the people in our lives the way we like to be loved. If we desire compliments, then we tend to dole them out easier, If we desire texts, then we tend to text more. So when we want someone to come back and be close to us, we tend to smother them a bit. We try to get them to come back the way we would want someone to try to win us back.  But, the only way to get him back is to make him think it was his idea. And the only way to do that is to get through No Contact.

A lot of times after a break-up, the women that come to us have already given in to the urges they’ve had to try to get him back. They end up chasing their ex and driving them away. That need to know thing your feeling right now will drive you to want to understand why he’s angry. I get it. You want to feel like you are doing something productive to make that happen.

Do you want to know a secret?

It doesn’t matter why he’s angry.

 

You can get him back without knowing why he’s acting this way at all.

In fact, in most cases, anger is just a tool he’s using to push you away.

This is where that patience comes in. Once you get him back and he is hopelessly in love with you again… then you can bring it up casually in a normal conversation after you’ve been back together for a while. But for now, let’s just focus on getting him back.

Have you ever tried to get a child to do something he didn’t want to do? If you have, then you know that you can’t be direct about it. You have to peak his interest. In the same way, No Contact creates an air of mystery. In this case, I would suggest a 30-45 day No Contact Period, just to give him time to cool down.

During that time you are going to become your best self. You are going to enjoy life, go out with friends, and post pictures to your social media.All the while, you will not respond to any attacks from him at all.

No Contact means no contact at all. No texts. No phone calls. No long heartfelt letters. This is the time to fight those instincts and stick to what we’ve laid out for you with the ExBoyfriend Recovery Program. Read more about No Contact here.

It can be the most difficult part of getting your ex back, but it is also the most effective.. If you can get through that part, then the rest of the program is fairly simple.

Just look at Sarah Michelle’s story. Her ex told her they were never getting back together. Boy, was he wrong!

Even she had some trouble getting through No Contact and it took her a few tries to get it right, she had such great success that Chris invited her to share her story with us. You see, sticking to No Contact didn’t just get her boyfriend back, it did so much more than that.

Doing No Contact properly will have him wondering what you’re doing without him.

 

In Sarah Michelle’s case, he was begging her to come back before she could even get all the way through No Contact.

I will give you a little advice to make No Contact a little easier, though, especially if your ex is lashing out at you.

Did you ever watch “Lost”?

In what I think was the very first episode, Jack tells Kate a story about his past to calm her down so she can handle suturing up a wound he got when their plane crashed.You see, he was a surgeon and he messed up a surgery on a girl’s spine that could have been catastrophic. It had been a long procedure and he had accidentally shredded the base of her spine. As you can imagine he was terrified.

Now, I know it’s fiction, but the way he said he dealt with the fear was by getting through 5 seconds at a time. Now, 5 seconds is a bit small for me, so I’m going to suggest 30 minute or an hour. If you can make if through the next hour not responding to him, then you can get through any hour without giving in to the urge to respond.

If you need something more tangible, you can always do what I’d do. I would set a countdown on my phone for the day that No Contact is done. There is one called “Countdown” in Itunes that is free. I use it regularly. Anytime you feel like giving into the ideas your brain has, all you have to do is look at the countdown and remind yourself, “I’ve made it this far, can make it a day longer.

Get Started Now

So, what am I trying to say?

The sooner you start, the sooner you’ll be through No Contact. You just have to ignore the fact that he’s angry, even if you think you did something to deserve it. You won’t get the chance to fix it if you don’t get him to be a part of your life again. You won’t achieve that by driving him away. So take the tips I’ve laid out and apply them to your situation.

  1. Don’t give into overthinking. It’ll just have you doing things that will work against you.
  2. No Contact. No Contact. No Contact.
  3. Just get through the next 30 minutes without reaching out to him, then start the next 30 minutes.
  4. Set yourself a countdown on your phone. It makes the time feel less like forever.
  5. Keep living your life and make it better. This creates a sense of intrigue on his end and ensures that things won’t just go back to the way they were. I mean, clearly he wasn’t happy with the way things were going.

Feel free to let us know how your No Contact is going in the comments below. We’d also be happy to answer any questions you might have and give you guidance along the way. If you’ve bought the book, be sure to oin us on our Private Facebook Page. We have quite a community over there that doubles not only as a way for us to connect with you, but as a way for you to get the support you need quickly.

You’ve got this.

March 7, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (14)

  1. Muskan - 0

    Muskan

    just recently I broke up with my boyfriend,we spnd lot of time together,he is my first love and everything for me,ours relationship was to good evn in school all teachers know about tht we are in relationship, all students said made for each other ,I think about him always every minute ,I was wanting a2nd chance to solve the problem but he decided to breakup evn he doesn’t give any reason why he want to break up with me,i had sent him lot of msgs to convenience him,bt I also force him to continue the relationship otherwise I do sucide and all ,I know there is my mistake and I’m feeling guilty about this ,I was do this only because I don’t want let him go bt after doing this he starts hating.now he don’t evn want to talk me ,it’s hard it’s realize that I will never be with this boy again ,he is the boy who does not want to make me cry bt now he hates me because of my reasonso please please please give me some advice how I get him back because I don’t want to leave him in any condition

    Reply
  2. mon - 0

    mon

    hi! I’m 20.2yreas ago my boyfriend dumped me without any reason… we had such short relationship like 2 months..and in relationship we couldnot meet up that much….after breakup he asked for date but for some prob I can’t go with..then he stopped to talked to me..then for my few friend he started to think I’m slacking on him..which I have not.. so the he hated me n blacked me in social medias … it been 2 years I’m blocked my him… I still miss him .. I still I want him back.. I do love him…maybe he have forgotten me.. but I can’t sleep in nights for him..im in pain .. what should I do…

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Mon,if you’re still blocked after two years, that means you need to move on

  3. Rose - 0

    Rose

    I need hlp..
    i have been seeing ur videos..The things u said r the things happening in my life..Me and my bf was in a very thick relationship..He loved me so much..n mee too..later seeing his affection i was badly in love with him..i used to call him frequently and we used to meet every week..and his interest turned down..The main problem was me calling him frequently..At our final exam time he said to me that he was loosing interest and so i said take your time..Nw lets have a break for sometime and we will be back to our relation..when i said that he was so sad..i didnt pick up his call..And later on he cried.
    Bt i luv him..then v got back together and then the real problm strts.. he completely looses his intrest n he said v need a break..let our final exams be over..but i was really afraid in giving time to him..he started avoiding me..I am very sensitive..Small things make me cry..and soo his frnds knew this they saw mw crying..And they convinced them and he came back..bt i didnt knw the real problm was frequently contcting him..2 dys before valentines day we got back and he was back to normal..calling him made him again loose intrest and later on lead to break up..His friends and everyone had talked to him but nw he is in a strong decision that he doesnt was a relation..after that he was avoiding me badly..he says to his friends that i knw its hurting her but i cannt do anything if thus goes further and after a long time v broke up she wont be able to resist that pain..so it is better to stop now..many of his friends talked to him..And he got angry for that everyone staying in my side..And later on i started the no contact rule till our final exams got over..He said to his friend that i wil surely contact her but nw it is not the time she should forget me as her lover..There was no improvement..he was becoming more harsh to me to avoid me and he said that the only way to avoid her is being harsh..Then he called me and said to meet him..he gave me all the things i have given him and said with this our relation ends here.. after that i tried meeting him but for some or the other reason i dont know may be it is that it is not yet time to meet him..If his friends thrws a party and calls me for it my ex says dont call her.. if she comes i wil go from here,is she or me important for you..now he says being single is like having freedom..He lost intrest in being in a relation..And tried contcting him..bt doesnt respond..a few days before i calld him and by surprise my number was out of reject list and just talked and i said i still luv him..and after few talks he just hung up without saying the i calld back 3 times there was no response..today i called him when he undrestood it was me he hung up i tried again but he rejected my call.. During our exam times i followed the no contact rule..but.. he says that he want me as friend nothng else..
    Please help me..He says he is not at all intrested in a relationship..Bt he knows that i have contact with his friends and still on this topic..please help me..Nw he is like reallY moved on..And as cool as ever..he says being single is like freedom n so on.. 🙁

    Reply
  4. Cee - 0

    Cee

    Hi, my boyfriend broke up with me a month ago and I did everything wrong post breakup such as being needy, desperate, gnat texting, etc. I started NC two weeks ago but he messaged me yesterday and I broke no contact. He then deleted me off all social media. Will the NC still work if I restart now? I feel like he hates me…

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s not a guarantee that it will.. but it’s better to do it than chase.

  5. An - 0

    An

    I have unintentionally emotional abuse my ex boyfriend and say mean things to him. He is so hurt that he didnt reply my messages and also didnt want to meet me because I think he doesnt trust me anymore. I said something terrible like “I wish I had a better boyfriend than you” or “I wish my boyfriend could be strong enough to protect me” while he was sick. What should I do now? Im desperate.

    Reply
  6. Pam - 0

    Pam

    Im fine in no contact. Im to pissed off to speak to him anyway. I hate him I just still miss him. But perhaps it is over. In any case no contact is easy we hate each others guts. But he has my only nice pair of prescription eye glasses. I would like them back. I asked once 4 or 5 days ago by text. No response. I’ll buy new ones before I ask again. If he does call to give them back should I even bother or just write them off? They were just cheap anyway. I think I have my answer. For all I know they’re likely in his trash can anyway lol

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Pam,

      if you can just replace them, then just let them be..dont answer if he’s not to contact you about it during nc

  7. Jenny - 0

    Jenny

    Hi team, I need some major help!

    I broke up from my ex boyfriend of 4 years 3 months ago. I was devastated but in a way I knew it was coming as this past year he messed me around and I think he just wanted to be a lad and do what 19 year old boys do. We broke up and straight away he was messing around with girls, I was heart broken and decided to move on myself. Whilst we weren’t together I did sleep with someone else I was seeing mainly because I was hurt at what he was doing to me ( at the time he was the only boy I had ever slept with) in the end he found out and was so upset he headbutted me which broke my heart even more. I tried to do no contact to see if that would make a difference I did two weeks and then gave in and he completely rejected me, then I did 3 weeks and broke it the other day and ended up begging for him back. Unfortunately because of the other guy he insists he has no more feelings for me and we are done for good. Every time I beg and cry he just tells me to move on; never contact him again and he doesn’t care about me. I am so gutted it’s unreal the fact that he wasn’t begging before was hard but now that he has no feelings for me, he hates me and wants nothing more to do with me again hurts even more. When I do no contact he makes no effort to contact me at all and he’s moved on. He was my first love, the love of my life and he cheated and lied and more importantly hurt me. I know in these situations I should realise my worth and move on but more then anything I want him to actually realise what we had and what we lost and him beg for me for a change. He is so stubborn I know that what I want will never happen. All he does is slag me off behind my back and tell people he’s gonna make my life hell but all I want is for him to come back realise what he threw away and be the man I need for good.

    What do I do? Is it too late this time? Will he ever come back even though he says he feels nothing for me? I am suffering with so much anxiety and depression because of this I can’t take anymore I just want him back.

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jenny,

      There’s less chance of him begging if you dont change.. change and improve first.. it’s not yet too late. Focus in that.. Aim to be an ungettable girl..

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