Have you ever wondered if your ex will ever speak to you again?
Well, you’re not alone because that’s one of the most asked questions our clients have.
So, read on to know if you will ever hear from your ex again after your breakup.
This article will cover two major things:
- Factors that make it more likely for your ex to reach out to you.
- An EXACT timeline of when you should expect contact from your ex.
I think the best way to handle the question of whether you’ll hear from your ex is by looking at the numbers. You know what they say about history repeating itself, so it’s always helpful to find patterns.
What The Numbers Say About Your Ex Reaching Out First
Statistics about how often exes reach out would be a great place to start to answer this question…
However, no one has ever done a legitimate study on this topic before… until NOW.
I actually surveyed my Facebook support group of over 3000 women to see how long it took for their exes to reach out to them and whether their exes reached out first at all.
Now I know you’re all curious to know the results, but before we get to that, I want to dial it back a bit and talk about some basic statistical research done around this question by others, so we know that my polling is in line with past trends.
Establishing A Baseline
The first idea to look at are studies about how likely it is that an ex is still into you. I mean, your ex will only reach out if he still wants you, right?
Thankfully, there has been a LOT of research on this concept.
Today I’m focusing on two very specific studies, though:
- A 2014 poll by the Associated Press about exes
- Research by a graduate student for their graduate school coursework
Graduate Student Survey On Facebook Creeping
Veronica Lukaacs, a graduate student, decided to survey her classmates who had been through breakups.
She only asked them one question:
“How often do you Facebook stalk your ex?”
Hey, there’s no need to dig further back into your seat with embarrassment most of us have been guilty of doing this.
88% of her classmates who had been through breakups admitted to Facebook stalking their ex.
That clearly tells us that the majority of people have the desire to speak to their ex, but they just don’t have the courage to take the initiative.
I love talking about this poll all the time because it’s SO important to understand how we all behave on social media as it relates to behaviors after a breakup. Most of us live a massive part of our lives on social media, so the desire to find out what your ex is up to is basically the first step of reaching out to them.
The 2014 Poll By The Associated Press
Now let’s move on to the 2014 Associated Press study on exes that was done in the anticipation for a huge TV show about exes. This study had about 1200 participants who had all experienced a breakup at some point in their lives.
They were asked a bunch of questions but here are their most noteworthy answers according to me:
- Over 50% of respondents find it moderately to extremely difficult to get over an ex.
- 51% of respondents said that they had attempted to stay friends with an ex after a breakup.
- 32% of them admitted that still having feelings from their exes prevented them from finding a new romantic relationship.
- 41% admitted that they got back together with their ex after a breakup before.
Okay, so what’s the point of all these numbers?
Well, now you KNOW that the intent to reach out to an ex is almost always there!
That’s just how human nature is. We all want what we can’t have, and we don’t realize the importance of what we had until it’s gone.
So yeah, it is HIGHLY likely that you will hear from your ex after a breakup.
But if they’re thinking the same thing, then who initiates?
Who Should Reach Out First. You or Them?
Do you need to reach them first to start a conversation, or do they need to reach out first?
This game of chicken to see who goes first can spell doom for the future of relationships, so I decided to take matters into my own hands and see what others think.
I surveyed women who are going through breakups and trying to get their exes back on my private Facebook group about how often exes reach out first and how long does it take them to reach out first.
Out of 3000+ women, only 55 women admitted to the poll. While that’s not a whole lot of women, the results I saw are still pretty interesting. Their answers featured a wide variety of time frames of how long it took for their exes to reach out to them first.
What fascinated me the most is how far off the longest and shortest times were for exes to initiate contact.
The fastest time that it took for an ex to reach out first without being prompted was 8 days.
On the other hand, the longest time was 75 days!
That’s a BIG range.
But when you average it all out, it comes out to 38 days for an ex to reach out first, without being prompted.
This tells us a lot about the mental state exes are in immediately after a breakup.
On the lowest end of the spectrum at 8 days, we can see that it will take at least a week of no contact for your ex to miss you enough and feel comfortable enough to reach out to you. Now maybe this lower end could have been even lower if we had more than 55 women, but this week-long period seems to hold pretty true regardless.
The highest end at 75 days is pretty far off, though, and could be a hard wait for some of you.
That’s where your priorities come in.
Getting Your Priorities Straight
Ask yourself what’s more important to YOU.
Waiting for your ex to reach out to you or you reaching out to your ex first?
I hate to say this, but I definitely think my male clients definitely have an edge in this department because of societal norms. Society dictates that men are supposed to be the ones that take charge and start conversations with women.
Some might even say that its considered taboo for women to reach out to men.
Well, what if I told you that we’ve been finding great success when our female clients reach out first?
If women take charge against social norms and reach out to their exes first, it shows a disregard for societal norms and a genuine interest to get back together. What guy wouldn’t like that? Just don’t give him too much, though.
Not giving too much is why women find lots of success because in the end, it’s really not about who started the conversation, it’s about who ends it.
The significance of being the last one to have a word relates to a widely known psychological concept known as the “Zeigarnik Effect.”
I’ve talked a lot about that before.
The Zeigarnik Effect basically means that people remember incomplete or interrupted tasks better than completed ones.
How does this relate to a conversation with your ex?
Well, what actually happens in this conversation?
If you really want them back, you might come off too excited and clingy by overstaying your welcome. That’s a big NO.
We always tell our clients not to overstay their welcome but actually to end the conversation on the most exciting parts.
So, your ex has another reason to reach out to you later.
By ending the conversation abruptly, you leave them wanting more and let them come to you, again and again. Please don’t make yourself too available, or your ex won’t realize what they’re missing.
We’ve seen SO much success with this that we’ve been able to put aside the stereotype of “it’s a man’s job to reach out first.”
After all, It’s almost 2020. It’s more than okay for women to take charge and reach out first as long as she’s ending the conversations first.
So, here is what we learned today:
- Without any prompting, expect to hear from your ex any time between 8 and 75 days.
- There is almost always the intent and desire to reach out to your ex.
- The problem arises of who reaches out first.
- Traditionally, it was men.
- However, women reaching out first WORKS even better!
Ladies, you don’t HAVE to wait for a man to reach out to you. You have every right to speak to him first but remember to keep yourself scarce so he’s left wanting you back as his girlfriend.