Have you ever wondered if your ex will ever speak to you again?

Well, you’re not alone because that’s one of the most asked questions our clients have.

So, read on to know if you will ever hear from your ex again after your breakup.

This article will cover two major things:

  1. Factors that make it more likely for your ex to reach out to you.
  2. An EXACT timeline of when you should expect contact from your ex.

I think the best way to handle the question of whether you’ll hear from your ex is by looking at the numbers. You know what they say about history repeating itself, so it’s always helpful to find patterns.

What The Numbers Say About Your Ex Reaching Out First

Statistics about how often exes reach out would be a great place to start to answer this question…

However, no one has ever done a legitimate study on this topic before… until NOW.

I actually surveyed my Facebook support group of over 3000 women to see how long it took for their exes to reach out to them and whether their exes reached out first at all.

Now I know you’re all curious to know the results, but before we get to that, I want to dial it back a bit and talk about some basic statistical research done around this question by others, so we know that my polling is in line with past trends.

Establishing A Baseline

The first idea to look at are studies about how likely it is that an ex is still into you. I mean, your ex will only reach out if he still wants you, right?

Thankfully, there has been a LOT of research on this concept.

Today I’m focusing on two very specific studies, though:

  1. A 2014 poll by the Associated Press about exes
  2. Research by a graduate student for their graduate school coursework

Let’s dissect

Graduate Student Survey On Facebook Creeping

(Source)

Veronica Lukaacs, a graduate student, decided to survey her classmates who had been through breakups.

She only asked them one question:

“How often do you Facebook stalk your ex?”

Hey, there’s no need to dig further back into your seat with embarrassment most of us have been guilty of doing this.

So, Unsurprisingly:

88% of her classmates who had been through breakups admitted to Facebook stalking their ex.

That clearly tells us that the majority of people have the desire to speak to their ex, but they just don’t have the courage to take the initiative.

I love talking about this poll all the time because it’s SO important to understand how we all behave on social media as it relates to behaviors after a breakup. Most of us live a massive part of our lives on social media, so the desire to find out what your ex is up to is basically the first step of reaching out to them.

The 2014 Poll By The Associated Press

(Source)

Now let’s move on to the 2014 Associated Press study on exes that was done in the anticipation for a huge TV show about exes. This study had about 1200 participants who had all experienced a breakup at some point in their lives.

They were asked a bunch of questions but here are their most noteworthy answers according to me:

  • Over 50% of respondents find it moderately to extremely difficult to get over an ex.
  • 51% of respondents said that they had attempted to stay friends with an ex after a breakup.
  • 32% of them admitted that still having feelings from their exes prevented them from finding a new romantic relationship.
  • 41% admitted that they got back together with their ex after a breakup before.

Okay, so what’s the point of all these numbers?

Well, now you KNOW that the intent to reach out to an ex is almost always there!

That’s just how human nature is. We all want what we can’t have, and we don’t realize the importance of what we had until it’s gone.

So yeah, it is HIGHLY likely that you will hear from your ex after a breakup.

But if they’re thinking the same thing, then who initiates?

Who Should Reach Out First. You or Them? 

Do you need to reach them first to start a conversation, or do they need to reach out first?

This game of chicken to see who goes first can spell doom for the future of relationships, so I decided to take matters into my own hands and see what others think.

I  surveyed women who are going through breakups and trying to get their exes back on my private Facebook group about how often exes reach out first and how long does it take them to reach out first.

Out of 3000+ women, only 55 women admitted to the poll. While that’s not a whole lot of women, the results I saw are still pretty interesting. Their answers featured a wide variety of time frames of how long it took for their exes to reach out to them first.

What fascinated me the most is how far off the longest and shortest times were for exes to initiate contact.

The fastest time that it took for an ex to reach out first without being prompted was 8 days.

On the other hand, the longest time was 75 days!

That’s a BIG range.

But when you average it all out, it comes out to 38 days for an ex to reach out first, without being prompted.

This tells us a lot about the mental state exes are in immediately after a breakup.

On the lowest end of the spectrum at 8 days, we can see that it will take at least a week of no contact for your ex to miss you enough and feel comfortable enough to reach out to you. Now maybe this lower end could have been even lower if we had more than 55 women, but this week-long period seems to hold pretty true regardless.

The highest end at 75 days is pretty far off, though, and could be a hard wait for some of you.

That’s where your priorities come in.

Getting Your Priorities Straight

Ask yourself what’s more important to YOU.

Waiting for your ex to reach out to you or you reaching out to your ex first?

I hate to say this, but I definitely think my male clients definitely have an edge in this department because of societal norms. Society dictates that men are supposed to be the ones that take charge and start conversations with women.

Some might even say that its considered taboo for women to reach out to men.

Well, what if I told you that we’ve been finding great success when our female clients reach out first?

That’s right!

If women take charge against social norms and reach out to their exes first, it shows a disregard for societal norms and a genuine interest to get back together. What guy wouldn’t like that? Just don’t give him too much, though.

Not giving too much is why women find lots of success because in the end, it’s really not about who started the conversation, it’s about who ends it.

The significance of being the last one to have a word relates to a widely known psychological concept known as the “Zeigarnik Effect.”

I’ve talked a lot about that before.

The Zeigarnik Effect basically means that people remember incomplete or interrupted tasks better than completed ones.

How does this relate to a conversation with your ex?

Well, what actually happens in this conversation?

If you really want them back, you might come off too excited and clingy by overstaying your welcome. That’s a big NO.

We always tell our clients not to overstay their welcome but actually to end the conversation on the most exciting parts.

Why?

So, your ex has another reason to reach out to you later.

By ending the conversation abruptly, you leave them wanting more and let them come to you, again and again. Please don’t make yourself too available, or your ex won’t realize what they’re missing.

We’ve seen SO much success with this that we’ve been able to put aside the stereotype of “it’s a man’s job to reach out first.”

After all, It’s almost 2020. It’s more than okay for women to take charge and reach out first as long as she’s ending the conversations first.

Conclusion

So, here is what we learned today:

  • Without any prompting, expect to hear from your ex any time between 8 and 75 days.
  • There is almost always the intent and desire to reach out to your ex.
  • The problem arises of who reaches out first.
  • Traditionally, it was men.
  • However, women reaching out first WORKS even better!

Ladies, you don’t HAVE to wait for a man to reach out to you. You have every right to speak to him first but remember to keep yourself scarce so he’s left wanting you back as his girlfriend.

72 thoughts on “Will I Ever Hear From My Ex Again?”

  1. Avatar

    Alyssa

    January 19, 2020 at 5:11 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me after 4 months of dating. He said he just didn’t feel it anymore and he didn’t want to try to make it work and then be in the same spot a few months down the road. He said he wasn’t unhappy in the relationship just that we are different people and just aren’t for each other. What do I do from here. How do I process this.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 19, 2020 at 5:42 pm

      Hi Alyssa, that is hard to hear from someone especially when we don’t feel that way too! The way forward is starting with a no contact and spend some time working on yourself so that you feel happier and get over the break. Use this link to help you with what sort of actions you should be taking to become the ungettable girl exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-ungettable-girl/

  2. Avatar

    Esther

    January 19, 2020 at 3:34 pm

    Hi Chris I just broke up with fiance like 3 weeks ago and in these weeks i have been apologising and wanting him back. I tried involving his friends but he couldn’t listen to any of them. The reasons he told me he was breaking up with me because i was rude, disrespected him,am sturbon and a 50/50 way of life. Now it keeps on eating me day and night wanting to compensate and help him heal,so now he gave me 2 months of not calling him or texting him. I really want to respect his decision but its hard for me because he was a person who really loved me so much and I could see it from his actions. My fear is he is going to work from somewhere very far and things might get worse because of the distance. I really want him back, so how can i get him back? He is the love of my life and my future husband please help me on how to go about all this and how long can this get. He said we are never getting back and so on.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 19, 2020 at 5:48 pm

      Hey Esther, its difficult when you want to show someone you have changed or tell them you will change and they dont want to hear it, you need to allow your ex some space and this includes trying to get your exes friends to talk to him too. It is not going to help you! Read about the no contact rule and what work you need to do to yourself in the mean time. Give this article a read also because it is about how to show your ex you are changing https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-can-i-show-my-ex-that-im-changing/

  3. Avatar

    Lucy

    January 19, 2020 at 9:20 am

    Thanks Shaunna. Just to have your advice and even to help me not doing it… You wouldn’t recommend reaching out to him after these 2 months if he still has me blocked, right?

  4. Avatar

    May

    January 17, 2020 at 2:44 am

    So my ex broke up with me on social media about 8months ago because he was leaving for college and after a series of relationship issues, he decided it was best to let it go, especially because he didn’t wanna try LDR. Ever since he’d be nice to talk to me and would awkwardly look at me and occasionally text me. Friends claimed he’d talk to them about me. Flash forward to recently, he hasn’t really talked to me and makes it obvious that he’s avoiding me, but I’m not sure why if he initiated the breakup and NC, and we mutually decided that we’d like to be friends after he broke up with me. I’ve known him for two years and we’ve had an on-off relationship, but have always remained best friends. I’m confused why things had to change, and I want to know what I can do to change the way they are now.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 18, 2020 at 4:12 am

      Hi May take some time to work on yourself during NC and then reach out in a friendly way showing how well you are doing with yourself lately. And as you have mutual friends you can show your friends how great you are and that information will get back to him

  5. Avatar

    Suzy

    January 16, 2020 at 5:04 am

    Hi
    Hope this gets a response because advice would be very welcome. My ex broke up with me 2 days ago (had been going out for 7 months), he said he “didn’t want to lose my friendship” and we even had some jokey banter afterwards, he said we could still meet for coffee etc.
    Getting it out that he wanted to split up was almost harder for him than me – I knew it was what he wanted (trust me, all the signs were there) to say and I had to sort of encourage him to “get something off his chest” and he welcomed me holding his hand when he tearily said “we’re different people and want different things”. I didn’t fight it, and admitted that I did some stuff wrong and that we were at different places in our lives.
    That night, before he left for work he texted me saying something about the weather, and we had this exchange of “you can still talk to me about anything no matter what”. My washing machine is broken and he has said a couple of times now that I can use his (I said it’s OK I’ll use my brothers) but it was all quite tender. We work together, see, and we had a shift together where he asked me how I was doing, we had some nice casual talk, he helped me out a bit with the actual work, didn’t seem for the most part to be scared to stay around me, and on the whole it was nice though he did seem more wistful to me at times and jubilant to others. I smiled at him after he said something supportive and he just looked back at me as if he was almost scared.
    I just don’t know what to think. I could tell things were going downhill for a few weeks before the actual break up.

    But what would be the chances though of him wanting me back, provided I follow this no contact rule, which is a bit harder when you work together and we’ve both technically already broken it.

  6. Avatar

    Ferny

    January 15, 2020 at 9:16 pm

    Hey I was recently dating a guy for three months after meeting him on a dating app. We were spending a lot of time together, meeting each other’s friends he even talked to his mum about me. So I end up messaging him that I’m gonna start calling him my boyfriend unless he has any objections. He said yes but it was shaky and he explained how he wasn’t good once things get serious. Anyway I questioned him over it later and he said how he wanted to keep seeing me and be exclusive but didn’t want a serious relationship. So I said I couldn’t do that and cut it off. I messaged him explaining how he hurt me and that I felt how we spent time together doesn’t match what he says. I’ve stopped talking to him now but not sure if I should go back and try take things slow.

  7. Avatar

    Rae

    January 14, 2020 at 11:58 am

    My BF broke up with me after 5 months on 1st December. He said he just wasn’t feeling it and there wasn’t enough there to make it work. I didn’t argue or anything. I just accepted the decision, told him I cared about him and wanted him to be happy. I gave him his Christmas presents and wished him well. He texted me an hour later saying how generous I was and how sorry he was it hadn’t worked out. I replied with I wished him well. Then I went NC. He texted me on Christmas Day just to say thank you again for the gifts and he hoped I’d had a great Christmas. I just replied with a simple You’re Welcome & Merry Christmas. Nothing since. We are not connected on SM at all and have no mutual friends. Initially because we are on good terms, I hoped he would take some time, start to miss me and get in touch. But I’m starting to give up. I’ve been working on myself to become the UG. Out meeting new people, getting fitter, improving myself a lot. I think If he doesn’t come back I will still feel the benefit so it’s worth it. BUT…I miss him and I’m devastated he just seems to have moved on so quickly. I don’t want to text him first. If I’m honest I don’t think I’m ready to even talk to him which I know sounds strange as I clearly want him back. Is it even worth having hope he will come back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 16, 2020 at 11:56 pm

      Hey Rae, keep working the program and read as much as you can that applies to this situation and start texting phase with the hooks that Chris suggests

  8. Avatar

    Diana

    January 13, 2020 at 6:39 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My ex dumped me back in the summer, because he said he lost feelings due to personal issues in his own life. We were becoming distant, because he was constantly busy with work or family. He’s 22 and I’m 21, so I understand that this is a rough age frame and we have priorities other than each other. We dated for a year and during this year we saw each other maybe 2-3 times a month. A little before the breakup, I complained that we never got to see each other. Looking back, I feel like I might have made him feel guilty and he felt like the only option he had was to leave.

    It’s been over 6 months now and I’ve accepted that he’s gone. I’m still struggling to get past it, and it hurts that he didn’t value me enough to even see me and do the breakup in person. He dumped me over an hour long phone call and told me he couldn’t bear to see me anymore, and he didn’t want to see me upset. He said he no longer had feelings for me and he had contemplated ending it for a month.

    He isn’t the kind of ex to reach out, and I stupidly contacted him first a few times throughout the last few months. I did it before I found this blog, and now I regret it. He replied enough to be nice, but he ended each conversation. The one time he started a conversation, he stopped soon and then a few days later he just removed me on social media. Since then, I contacted him once more last month, which I regret now too. I sent him a funny post and said it reminded me of him, but he was so dry about it that I immediately knew it was a bad decision. He ended the conversation and I don’t plan on ever reaching out again. I know that he’s probably hurting too, or maybe he doesn’t wanna lead me on by having conversations with me. He told me during the breakup that he cares for me as a person but he no longer feels in love with me. I guess I should mention we’re both each other’s first loves… it was definitely not easy to let him walk away, but I didn’t want to burden him with my feelings anymore.

    With all of this being said… how can I move on from this and forget everything about our relationship, the way he did? I feel so hopeless and I really wish I had found this blog before, so I would have avoided the mistakes I made. And with everything that I’ve said in this comment, is there a chance that we could have each other back? Or should I give up altogether and become an ungettable girl? Please let me know, I await your advice.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 18, 2020 at 11:30 am

      Hi Diana, so as you stated you only seen each other 2-3 times a month it is clear that he did not have a lot of investment into the relationship which is why he has found it easier to walk away. Now following this process is going to give you, your best chance at getting him back but it does mean that you are going to have to do some work to get him back. Starting with a longer 45 day No Contact and work on yourself in that time. Becoming the Ungettable girl is not about giving up and walking away. It is about becoming “the girl” he wants

  9. Avatar

    Lucy

    January 12, 2020 at 9:14 pm

    I understand what you say. I’m in the process of accepting the ‘block’ and not even trying to verify if he has unblocked me.. Even though it still hurts. I think that after these 2 months, things won’t change. Thanks for your support Shaunna.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 13, 2020 at 11:13 pm

      Anytime Lucy 🙂

  10. Avatar

    Lisa

    January 12, 2020 at 6:43 pm

    NC worked. He finally texted me after 28 days of NC. We had tried staying friends after he ended the relationship as were good friends before the relationship started. We stayed in regular contact for a couple months which unfortunately turned into him becoming distant and cold. Typical right? So I went into hardcore NC. I didn’t initiate any contact, but sadly neither did he. Now he’s come out of hiding and apologized for being distant and just said he was dealing with alot but is feeling better and hopes we could meet for coffee or a drink. We had a light and cheerful conversation etc. It was great to connect with him again. Good right? But now I haven’t heard from him again. Just silence. Wtf? It’s been about 6 days since he reached out. What happened? I assume I go into NC again? I don’t want to reach out because I don’t want to appear needy or desperate and I think he should follow through with his idea of meeting up again. I want to re-attract him. What do I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 17, 2020 at 8:56 pm

      Hey Lisa, so I would stop talking about meeting up for the short term basis. Just focus on texting dont rush the process as you are not going to get your end goal. Look up the Value chain and Value ladder to fully understand the process

  11. Avatar

    Eela

    January 12, 2020 at 4:34 pm

    I think my situation is very different from every one else’s. I made every mistake under the sun that you could possibly make when after the break up. My ex and I broke up after 4 months of trying long distance. We would travel up and down once a month to see each other. On his last visit, his attitude changed. From being the person who made him laugh so much I was now the source of his annoyance. The day after I dropped him off back at the airport he dumped me. Telling me that he wasn’t in love with me. I was heart broken, i begged him to try but his only response was we could be friends still. Since then he has flirted, been hot cold, told me his still unsure about me to finally this last week telling me I should move on. We broke up 4 months ago. I started NC since he told me to move on it’s been a week. Have I blown any chances of us getting back together by still talking to him after the break up?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 13, 2020 at 11:58 pm

      Hey Eela, your situation is not that different honestly a lot of LDR break ups have been similar. And giving that you stick to No Contact and work on yourself for a while and follow the advice on this website then you give yourself your best chance at getting your ex back

  12. Avatar

    Steph

    January 12, 2020 at 8:41 am

    I’m not sure what to do. We broke up about a month ago. Right after the break up we went back and forth whether it could be fixed. I said it could and he needed time to think, then said he didn’t want to fix it. There was a lot of fighting in the relationship. The little things became big problems. No cheating or anything major. A few days after the break up he asked me to go somewhere with him, I went. I thought that meant he wanted to get back but he said there was nothing more to it. But that he would think about getting back together. It’s been 3 weeks. No contact on either side. Not sure if I should reach out or leave it alone

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 13, 2020 at 11:52 pm

      Hey Steph I would do a 45 day NC as there was a lot of arguing during your relationship, allowing those negative feelings to leave both of you. During which time you need to read and follow the advice of becoming Ungettable and then plan your first text to reach out to your ex

  13. Avatar

    Dara

    January 11, 2020 at 7:39 am

    Hi, My bf broke up with me a month ago, but day before we’re both doing fine while celebrating our 15 month sarry he always says that he’s really damn in love with me, but after that day we had an argument that leads him to break up with me but before we ended our conversation that night he said that he needs me but he also needs to let go of me, After 3days of NC with him I started to chat him but he’s not responding so I decided to call him but he just said to me that he already found his happiness by being alone not being with me I mean he’s happy with me but its not just like before its fading when we’re having arguments? and because of my attitude problem I am so demanding when it comes to his time for me. I beg him and ask for a second chance but he never let me, I was so devastated, confused and angry of what he had done to me he just left me hanging. Yesterday we had our last closure and he said to me that his feelings for me is fading but I can still feel, the way he look at me the way he hold my hand the way he talk to me I know he still in love with me I just don’t know what’s the reason of sudden change I tried to ask but the same answers, and he just want to focus on his studies he don’t like commitment or responsibility. I just don’t get it I don’t get him.
    I hope you could help me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 17, 2020 at 7:50 pm

      Hi Dara sounds like the emotions are running high so I would give your ex some space for not and see what happens when you have completed a No Contact

  14. Avatar

    Lee

    January 9, 2020 at 9:12 pm

    i tried posting on another page but… Hi, I’m looking for advice. My situation is a little strange and involves some psychological issues, as well as long distance.

    My ex and I got together late September, days before his birthday. We’d met on instagram and were hitting it off for a few weeks chatting before we both admitted our feelings. Early October, he drove 8 hours to see me for the weekend. He did it again a few weeks later. In November, he drove to me, picked me up, took me back to his place (another 8 hours!) for Thanksgiving, and I got to meet his family. They loved me!

    In between seeing each other, we talked everyday, and we would sleep on the phone together just about every night. However, a situation happened in the beginning of December, where I was feeling depressed, he wasn’t there for me because he was very busy, and I got upset. Since then, he became very reluctant to talk to me, he blamed it on his own mental health, but he insisted for weeks that he still loved me, he didn’t want to break up, but his best friend told me he “was overwhlemed and needed space”.

    So, I gave him space. But the situation didn’t change. I broke up with him a few days after New Years because, I’d barely spoken to him since just after Christmas, asking if he even wanted to be together anymore.

    I just messaged him yesterday asking why, why did he suddenly stonewall me when everything was going good, and we could’ve worked it out? He told me he had a sort of traumatic, lasting impression from a terrible experience in high school that drives him to push people away in close relationships. He apologized for doing this to me, but I asked if he wanted to overcome it, and I said I didn’t want to turn my back on him and our relationship.

    He opened my messages but hasn’t responded. He’s very independent and has openly admitted to avoiding conflict and hard feelings. I want to know how to get him back, because before December, he was so into me and he was always there for me, every day. All of a sudden it dropped, and if it was because of his trauma, it can be worked through..

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 13, 2020 at 11:41 pm

      Hey Lee, so unless he is willing to work on things himself and his issues then there is nothing more you can do about this. He is in control of how he deals with his trauma, all you can really do is follow this program and see if he starts coming back through your efforts of contact

  15. Avatar

    Hannah

    January 9, 2020 at 7:11 pm

    My ex and I dated for a year and 5 months then he started bringing up breaking up and how his life was about to get busy and he wouldn’t have time for me and he was stressed and what not.. we finally broke up but then a week later he started talking to me again from May to September he would still talk to me then he started getting distant and would only contact me for sex. He then started telling me he didn’t have feelings for me anymore but would always follow it up with I don’t want to get back together anytime soon or someday or I see a future with you.. I’m 19 and he’s 18 so I get we’re pretty young and we’re each others first love but I just don’t know what to do anymore and I haven’t even done no contact because he would always reach out and we would talk. I should also mention from May to a couple weeks ago we were still sleeping with eachother and most of the time that’s the only thing he’d contact me for and I’d always say yes cause I wanted to see him. Up until we saw eachother on the 25th of December and everything was fine and everything was normal then after that day he started ignoring me and I’d reach out cause I didn’t know what I did wrong.. then a week later I found out from a mutual friend that he likes this new year and possibly wants a relationship with her. They’ve only hung out once but I’m sure they talk a lot .. I’m not sure what to do we haven’t talked since I asked if there’s anything at his house I need to get.. I unfollowed him on social media just to spare myself more heartbreak but he still follows me and he still has our pictures up on Instagram .. I know I need to give him space, but it’s hard because I love him and we went through a lot together. Do you think there’s any chance of me getting him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 17, 2020 at 2:11 pm

      Hi Hannah, this is going maybe appear quite harsh, but I mean it to be helpful and comes from a good place. His hot and cold behavior is a form of keeping you available to him. So the issue with what he is doing is he is treating you as a “safety net” so if he has no one for sex, he will come to you for that, why? Because he knows he can and he knows you are sat there waiting for him regardless if he wants a relationship or just a bit of intimacy. You need to start really working the Ungettable Girl work to your life, as you know he has shown interest in the mutual friend too. Start showing interest in other guys, STOP showing him interest. No Contact him, 30 days at least, and use social media to show him youre happy and doing well. If you go out etc, take some photos with guys he doesnt know and post them, let him see you are not sat at home waiting for him to call you up!

  16. Avatar

    Mary

    January 9, 2020 at 4:23 am

    What should I do when a guy who I was dating 4 months said that he can’t get involved in relationship (when we start dating he was after 2 years toxic relationship) and break up our relationship saying that he doesn’t love me, he have feelings but it’s not love. I think that I was too involved in this and make some pressure cause he always said that he really like spending time with me but he can’t get involved but I really want to make things official and I was really good for him maybe too good and too caring… He broke up 4 days ago. I think that during his “breaking” I was really calm and only said that I don’t understand cause 5 days ago he said that he fell in love with me too . Day after when he ask me out to have a talk I write to him in message that I agree with his decision but i need some time for me now and start no contact then.I forget about one thing that could be important he said something like “I thinking about my emotions and not being sure about them but since our last meetings I’m sure that it isn’t love” – last three weeks I was really scared because he was really distanced and I try so hard to be carrying and loving.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 11, 2020 at 5:45 am

      Hey Mary, so your ex told you he had come out of a toxic relationship and told you he was not ready for a new relationship. To then have you pressuring him into one where you tried to justify it because you were good to him. After being in a bad relationship the last thing he needed was pressure. So you need to allow him this time during NC and work on yourself a little so that you are better control of your emotions and learn to understand someone elses too. You can not force him to want to be with you and we have to accept when someone ends a relationship with us, its their choice to walk away. We just have to learn how to deal with the pain that we feel when they do. So during this time, heal, learn to control your emotions, and make sure you are reading about the Ungettable girl before you reach out to you ex

  17. Avatar

    Leah

    January 8, 2020 at 11:45 pm

    Thank you Shaunna, I understand. I’ll mirror his actions then.
    I just feel I’m an “option”, I need to become the only one, this is hard but it os the only way.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 11, 2020 at 12:53 am

      100% it is the only way and show that you know your worth!

  18. Avatar

    Angela

    January 8, 2020 at 7:51 am

    Hey Chris,

    I met a guy online back in 2018 and after months of chatting online, we decided to meet up. We met up on Feb 2019, and we had been dating regularly. He’s 23 and he works right now, and im a 21 year old college student graduating this year.

    Our scenario is this: In his work, he only gets 4 day offs. He takes me out to dates on those four days. He’s the one who always comes to me, because we live far from each other. He is also the one adjusting just to fit in my schedule. Sometimes when my schedule permits it, we meet somewhere halfway. I am always thankful for him because of that.

    Suddenly on Dec 2019 he asked for time for himself. I was shocked because everything was going well actually. The last time we saw each other, we were both sweet and affectionate. One reason he told me why he needed time on his own was that he wasnt fully ready to be commited in a relationship. I mean why would he go through all the trouble of courting me and taking me out on dates for 10 months if he wasnt ready to commit? Still, I agreed to give him some time alone. I told him i would be waiting for him until he’s ready. And also i told him to tell me when i should no longer wait for him and he promised he would.

    Help me! Will he come back? What can i do? Should i still wait for him? if yes, how long? or should i move on and open doors for other guys instead?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 14, 2020 at 5:46 pm

      Hey Angela, I can not tell you to wait for some one that is going to be your decision. I am assuming you have each other on social media by now and would be able to follow the advice for Ungettable girl to show him what hes missed out on. You work on this during your No Contact, at the end of that you reach out through text with a message that Chris suggests, known as a hook. And then see what sort of response you get going forward to that first conversation. Read as many articles as you can on this website, and even consider looking into the books that will help you through each stage of this program if you want to try to get your ex back

  19. Avatar

    Lyds

    January 7, 2020 at 8:26 am

    Hi Chris,
    I recently hurt my bf hitting him because of misunderstanding and I thought he was cheating… He knows though that I’m getting therapy to manage emotions. We have broken up and got back several times before in 3 years. This time he was hurt and gave me a long text saying he couldn’t stay anymore.
    Do you think I still get a chance? He blocked my phone number and he doesn’t use social media. Will he text me one day? Or am I doomed this time.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 7, 2020 at 10:45 pm

      Hi Lyds eventually you will see that they will reach out to you, but it does take time for emotions to come down enough to unblock you. So keep working on yourself in that time so that when they do start getting curious about you, you are ready to wow them

  20. Avatar

    Emily

    January 7, 2020 at 4:47 am

    My ex broke up with me a couple of weeks ago, the next day he insisted that he helps me to move my stuff and that I keep my belongings (as my new apartment will be available only in a week) at his house. He was all nice and sweet and gave me a kiss on my forehead like saying goodbye. I didn’t go in NC right away, I told him this breaks my heart and he said I know but it’s for the best long term. He never wished me merry Christmas or New Years, I contacted him with minor things 2x after which he deleted all my friends (but not me) from Instagram (it wasn’t friend related contact) and only responded with a yes or no and left me hanging the last time I contacted him (I didn’t beg or write long texts). After that I realized that I should do the NC and stop contacting him. The problem is – I have my belongings at his house, I could wait some time before collecting them, but I am pretty sure that he will ask in the near future – when am I taking my stuff out of his house. What should I do in this situation, I want to have the NC and want to have my stuff back sooner or later. If he asks when am I collecting my things – should I respond, what should I do in this case? Also, if he doesn’t say anything and let’s my stuff to be there, but I want to get it back, should I wait still at least 30 days and only then ask for my stuff back? Thanks!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 11, 2020 at 4:29 am

      Hi Emily so I would reach out and ask for your things giving that you are ready to take them all now and then complete a no contact form that! Working on yourself and showing that you are not sat around waiting for him like he expects you to be right now. Being happy and full of life is the last thing he expects so make sure you are sounding happy when you ask for your things

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