Have you ever wondered if your ex will ever speak to you again?

Well, you’re not alone because that’s one of the most asked questions our clients have.

So, read on to know if you will ever hear from your ex again after your breakup.

This article will cover two major things:

  1. Factors that make it more likely for your ex to reach out to you.
  2. An EXACT timeline of when you should expect contact from your ex.

I think the best way to handle the question of whether you’ll hear from your ex is by looking at the numbers. You know what they say about history repeating itself, so it’s always helpful to find patterns.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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What The Numbers Say About Your Ex Reaching Out First

Statistics about how often exes reach out would be a great place to start to answer this question…

However, no one has ever done a legitimate study on this topic before… until NOW.

I actually surveyed my Facebook support group of over 3000 women to see how long it took for their exes to reach out to them and whether their exes reached out first at all.

Now I know you’re all curious to know the results, but before we get to that, I want to dial it back a bit and talk about some basic statistical research done around this question by others, so we know that my polling is in line with past trends.

Establishing A Baseline

The first idea to look at are studies about how likely it is that an ex is still into you. I mean, your ex will only reach out if he still wants you, right?

Thankfully, there has been a LOT of research on this concept.

Today I’m focusing on two very specific studies, though:

  1. A 2014 poll by the Associated Press about exes
  2. Research by a graduate student for their graduate school coursework

Let’s dissect

Graduate Student Survey On Facebook Creeping

(Source)

Veronica Lukaacs, a graduate student, decided to survey her classmates who had been through breakups.

She only asked them one question:

“How often do you Facebook stalk your ex?”

Hey, there’s no need to dig further back into your seat with embarrassment most of us have been guilty of doing this.

So, Unsurprisingly:

88% of her classmates who had been through breakups admitted to Facebook stalking their ex.

That clearly tells us that the majority of people have the desire to speak to their ex, but they just don’t have the courage to take the initiative.

I love talking about this poll all the time because it’s SO important to understand how we all behave on social media as it relates to behaviors after a breakup. Most of us live a massive part of our lives on social media, so the desire to find out what your ex is up to is basically the first step of reaching out to them.

The 2014 Poll By The Associated Press

(Source)

Now let’s move on to the 2014 Associated Press study on exes that was done in the anticipation for a huge TV show about exes. This study had about 1200 participants who had all experienced a breakup at some point in their lives.

They were asked a bunch of questions but here are their most noteworthy answers according to me:

  • Over 50% of respondents find it moderately to extremely difficult to get over an ex.
  • 51% of respondents said that they had attempted to stay friends with an ex after a breakup.
  • 32% of them admitted that still having feelings from their exes prevented them from finding a new romantic relationship.
  • 41% admitted that they got back together with their ex after a breakup before.

Okay, so what’s the point of all these numbers?

Well, now you KNOW that the intent to reach out to an ex is almost always there!

That’s just how human nature is. We all want what we can’t have, and we don’t realize the importance of what we had until it’s gone.

So yeah, it is HIGHLY likely that you will hear from your ex after a breakup.

But if they’re thinking the same thing, then who initiates?

Who Should Reach Out First. You or Them? 

Do you need to reach them first to start a conversation, or do they need to reach out first?

This game of chicken to see who goes first can spell doom for the future of relationships, so I decided to take matters into my own hands and see what others think.

I  surveyed women who are going through breakups and trying to get their exes back on my private Facebook group about how often exes reach out first and how long does it take them to reach out first.

Out of 3000+ women, only 55 women admitted to the poll. While that’s not a whole lot of women, the results I saw are still pretty interesting. Their answers featured a wide variety of time frames of how long it took for their exes to reach out to them first.

What fascinated me the most is how far off the longest and shortest times were for exes to initiate contact.

The fastest time that it took for an ex to reach out first without being prompted was 8 days.

On the other hand, the longest time was 75 days!

That’s a BIG range.

But when you average it all out, it comes out to 38 days for an ex to reach out first, without being prompted.

This tells us a lot about the mental state exes are in immediately after a breakup.

On the lowest end of the spectrum at 8 days, we can see that it will take at least a week of no contact for your ex to miss you enough and feel comfortable enough to reach out to you. Now maybe this lower end could have been even lower if we had more than 55 women, but this week-long period seems to hold pretty true regardless.

The highest end at 75 days is pretty far off, though, and could be a hard wait for some of you.

That’s where your priorities come in.

Getting Your Priorities Straight

Ask yourself what’s more important to YOU.

Waiting for your ex to reach out to you or you reaching out to your ex first?

I hate to say this, but I definitely think my male clients definitely have an edge in this department because of societal norms. Society dictates that men are supposed to be the ones that take charge and start conversations with women.

Some might even say that its considered taboo for women to reach out to men.

Well, what if I told you that we’ve been finding great success when our female clients reach out first?

That’s right!

If women take charge against social norms and reach out to their exes first, it shows a disregard for societal norms and a genuine interest to get back together. What guy wouldn’t like that? Just don’t give him too much, though.

Not giving too much is why women find lots of success because in the end, it’s really not about who started the conversation, it’s about who ends it.

The significance of being the last one to have a word relates to a widely known psychological concept known as the “Zeigarnik Effect.”

I’ve talked a lot about that before.

The Zeigarnik Effect basically means that people remember incomplete or interrupted tasks better than completed ones.

How does this relate to a conversation with your ex?

Well, what actually happens in this conversation?

If you really want them back, you might come off too excited and clingy by overstaying your welcome. That’s a big NO.

We always tell our clients not to overstay their welcome but actually to end the conversation on the most exciting parts.

Why?

So, your ex has another reason to reach out to you later.

By ending the conversation abruptly, you leave them wanting more and let them come to you, again and again. Please don’t make yourself too available, or your ex won’t realize what they’re missing.

We’ve seen SO much success with this that we’ve been able to put aside the stereotype of “it’s a man’s job to reach out first.”

After all, It’s almost 2020. It’s more than okay for women to take charge and reach out first as long as she’s ending the conversations first.

Conclusion

So, here is what we learned today:

  • Without any prompting, expect to hear from your ex any time between 8 and 75 days.
  • There is almost always the intent and desire to reach out to your ex.
  • The problem arises of who reaches out first.
  • Traditionally, it was men.
  • However, women reaching out first WORKS even better!

Ladies, you don’t HAVE to wait for a man to reach out to you. You have every right to speak to him first but remember to keep yourself scarce so he’s left wanting you back as his girlfriend.

What to Read Next

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By Chris Seiter | 2 comments

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Signs That Your Ex Is Scared To Get Back Together

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88 thoughts on “Will I Ever Hear From My Ex Again?”

  1. Avatar

    Chelsea

    March 27, 2020 at 5:50 pm

    So long story short my ex and I had our first meet up last Sunday And it was INCREDBILE. We talked openly and about our future and past mistakes. After I got home we exchanged some nice texts. The next day I needed help with something so he called me that night we talked about that thing and other fun things. I know I pushed it too far though when I offered to drop off food I made he loves sometime this week and he reiterated that things needed to be taken slow, that we both needed to grow more and change some things. So this kind of put me down although I agree 100%, but I haven’t heard from him since then. I don’t know what to do from here I almost feel rejected. Idk when he will reach out or if I should first :/

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 29, 2020 at 12:26 pm

      Hi Chelsea, I would suggest that you allow him to take the driving seat on how fast this relationship progresses. Keep telling yourself its a long term relationship you want, so it takes time to build that foundation again! Breathe. I mean with this C19 going on there is plenty of time for you spend apart now.

  2. Avatar

    Megan

    March 9, 2020 at 2:55 am

    So me and my ex boyfriend started dating January of 2019 and we broke up in October of 2019. We started out as roommates in December 2018. When we broke up in October we decided that we should see where things go and we kinda got back together. While we were consistently together he cheated on me. He admitted to it when we broke up. He has some mental issues that make him really depressed and he has mommy issues.

    In January 2020 we moved out and he moved in with some of his friends and I moved home with my parents. We moved out of our house together because the rent became to high. In the month of January we hung out a good amount of time depending on work schedules. In February his phone got shut off so we would talk on Facebook messenger. The last time we hung out he had hugged me and said he misses me and then later he messaged me saying he misses me. We ended up getting into an argument a couple days later and he set my messages to ignore but he didn’t block me. This Wednesday I had found out that he was seeing the girl he cheated on me with or he was at least hanging out with her. I vented to my friends about it and I guess one of them messaged the girl and told her how he cheated on me and everything. I got a message from him on Thursday morning while I was at work. He had said that I win and that she knows everything and then said now I’m gonna be alone for sure. I had no idea what was happening and that made him more mad and he blocked me. So I ended up messaging the girl and I said I don’t know what’s going on I don’t care but if you make him happy then great because I just want him happy. Then he unblocked me and messaged me saying he doesn’t wanna communicate with me anymore and that he’s trying to move on and how we’re unhealthy and our road has ended and that he’s moved on and that he’s sorry he hurt me by cheating on me. I said back to him that the only thing unhealthy was him and that he can’t say the road ended when it never really started(references when he cheated) and that I understand he hates me and I had no idea what was going on and that I’m trying to move on also and that I just want him happy then I told him to have a good one.

    Later that night I messaged him because I had a bunch of stuff that I thought he might want. I said I know you don’t wanna hear from me and then I asked if he wanted it and he could sell it if he wanted. He replied back within 10 minutes and said sure I guess so. Then I said cool send me an address for me to mail it to you so you don’t have to see me and then I apologized for them getting hurt that morning and I had no idea what was going on and that what’s important to me is that he’s happy and ok. He never replied but I still wasn’t blocked or set to ignore. Then I got drunk the other night and I drunk texted him. I had said that I know he doesn’t wanna hear from me and that I’m sorry I’m just really really drunk and that I miss him. He read it within 30 minutes. I messaged him the next day apologizing and I’m set to ignore which wasn’t a big surprise but I’m still not blocked. I’m extremely confused. He’s been on reddit though hitting on girls so I don’t think what he has with the other girl is serious and also the other girl didn’t believe my friend and she was kinda rude but whatever. I’m just confused. I want him back really bad even if he cheated. Tell me I’m stupid I don’t care. I love him.

    Also we are both 27 and I’ve been married before and divorced and he’s just been in relationships with girls.

    I guess I’m confused because I want him back I’m gonna do NC but I’m confused as to why he says he doesn’t wanna communicate but then replied quickly later and reads my messages but doesn’t reply and sets me to ignore and he doesn’t block me.

    I try talking to my friends about it but they just don’t care and just tell me to get over it but it’s hard. And they don’t understand. They don’t understand why I love him especially since he cheated. It hurts to not have him and nights are awful because my mind goes all over the place.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 20, 2020 at 9:15 pm

      Hi Megan, it is natural that you want to talk to your friends and family about this, sadly their sympathy runs low in the end. They tell you to move on, tell you that you deserve better etc. This is because they care about you and he is the one who has hurt you so he is the enemy.

      If you want to try and get your ex back then you need to start with a No Contact, and focus on your Holy Tinity showing your ex that you are getting over him and moving on with your life. Hang with your friends but do not bring him up. Focus on doing things that are going to be fun and enjoy yourself

  3. Avatar

    Lucy

    January 26, 2020 at 4:48 pm

    Txs Shaunna. I reached out to him through LinkedIn to tell him I was sorry for my behaviour after the split (as it was his decision), but it was before 30 days, he didn’t block me but I don’t even know if he read it… and now after 2 months of having NC I’m really scared of his reaction if I show up again. I don’t want him to see me as if I was desperate and not being done with him..

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 30, 2020 at 10:04 pm

      Hey Lucy I would reach out with a text that Chris suggests, if you do not reach out then you are not going to make progress in getting your ex back if that is what you want. Actions is what matters with this program

  4. Avatar

    Diana

    January 22, 2020 at 11:42 pm

    Thank you Shaunna.

    You are right, it always seemed to me that he was too busy for me, but I could tell that he really loved me when we were together even if it was one short year. I know that distance was probably the main issue that tore us apart and made him fall out of love. I misunderstood what it means to be an UG, but I honestly have been happy for the most part. It’s been six months, after all. I got a promotion at work, I’m in my last semester of college, I have a lot of good things going for me. It’s just that sometimes I get sad and start to wonder if he gets sad too, or if he misses what we had too. I went more than 45 days no contact before I even read the blog, but when I reached out that last time, he was so dry. Should I try again after another couple months? I know that Chris says once too much time has passed, the chances are slim to reconcile. My ex is a really quiet, reserved guy who doesn’t have social media, so he hasn’t seen any of my new posts where I’m happy and doing well. In all honesty, I just miss having him in my life and I’m confused on how to get him back. Do you think I should keep trying? Thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 23, 2020 at 10:06 am

      Hey Diana, I cannot tell you to stop or keep trying that is only you who can decide this. I would say that if you give this process a go and follow it correctly and still dont get him back after a set amount of time (that you decide for yourself) and he does not show interest in getting back together then you start focusing on moving on. At least then you can live with the fact that you gave it your best efforts

  5. Avatar

    Lucy

    January 22, 2020 at 10:25 pm

    Thanks Shaunna. Just to have your advice and even to help me not doing it… You wouldn’t recommend reaching out to him after these 2 months if he still has me blocked, right?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 23, 2020 at 10:01 am

      Hey Lucy, if it has been over 30 days of you not having any interaction you have worked on yourself and you have another method of reaching out to him where it will appear natural to him then do so, but make sure it is a message that Chris suggests to hook his attention. If he blocks you on that media too then yes you need to just work on yourself until he is ready to unblock you

  6. Avatar

    Emma

    January 21, 2020 at 1:36 am

    Hi, my ex and I stopped contact 4 years ago because we both felt we were incompatible. I always hoped he would contact me but he never did. Last month I ended up messaging him for the first time in 4 years. I said I came across a cute old photo of us and asked how he was and whether he was dating. He gave no response. He is 33 while I am 29. Is there anything else I can do? Should I quit? During our time I held back my appreciation for him. So now I want to let him know he meant a lot to me and our time wasn’t in vain.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 22, 2020 at 2:49 pm

      Hi Emma, so the message you sent would have been a intimate memory which is why he probably didnt reply, after 4 years of not speaking that is going to be make him think you are still hung up on him. To get someone back after such a long break up you need to approach this system as if he was a new person totally, you are both different people from four years ago. https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-guide-to-getting-him-back-after-a-year-or-more-apart/ give this article a read to help you understand

  7. Avatar

    Sasha

    January 20, 2020 at 10:34 pm

    My ex and I have been together 2x over the past 2 years. Our first break up was when people would get involved telling him and I that we should break up, which caused a lot of issues along the road. Arguments would arise on the daily so we figured on ending it. A year goes by and I hear nothing from him. I then initiated a conversation with him which led to a relationship again, except on a better, healthy note. Eventually we broke up in September, considering I had to move far away and begin college. I initiated the break up to begin with because of long distance being an issue for me and it caused issues within our relationship; however, we still felt strong for one another. We’d still talk every now and then but I noticed patterns of it diminishing. I would be left on read a lot of the time and receive messages a couple days later. I confronted this issue and as a response, he was busy with work, family, and friends. I respected and wondered if we’d talk again or if there would be some friendship if possible. I got my answer, saying with the turn of events he is trying to build on himself and not get distracted emotionally, that we’ll talk again sometime. I’m left with myself guessing and wondering if we actually will. I was the one who initiated talking to him again time after time.
    Not to mention, he’s not into social media so I barely get to see him post anything.
    2 weeks now without talking. With time away I’ve been building on myself but every night I still think of him. Will he actually talk to me again?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 22, 2020 at 8:53 pm

      Hey Sasha, if you give it some time doing a no contact and then reach out I think you will get him talking again but you are going to have to spend some time working out if you are able to handle a long distance relationship and if you can make it work through issues. I suggest looking for a local relationship therapist to speak to about your insecurities and see what they recommend you do while you’re single.

  8. Avatar

    K

    January 20, 2020 at 1:23 pm

    My ex reached out to me asking me how I am doing. It’s been over 6 months since I heard from him. We were together for 3.5 years . He broke up with me over the phone. He said it was too hard to see me in person. I felt that he never gave me closure. It’s been hard going NC but it helped me in so many ways. Anyways I was so happy to get the first text from him. I still love him and my gut feeling is that we will get back together one day. He’s just stubborn and I needed to let realized that he made a mistake for breaking up with me. We’ve been through a lot together. I was there for him after his messy divorce. What hurts the most ia that he started seeing someone else after we ended things. Anyways I think he reached out to me because he’s having problems with the rebound. We had several text back and forth but he hasn’t responded back to my last text which was over a week ago. I texted him asking him about why he decided to contact me out of the blue and I said I thought he was seeing someone. I decided to go back NC again. His birthday is next month on Valentine’s day should I reach out to him. Unless he is no longer with the rebound I don’t think I have a chance of getting him back. What are my chances of hearing from him again or getting him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 22, 2020 at 2:59 pm

      Hey K, so if you want to get him back then you need to start following the process as you have not spoken in 6 months then you can start the texting phase but keep in mind you are not going to pick up where you left off you need to work yourself up the value chain. Starting to treat him as if it is someone you have not had a relationship with some one you are getting to know for the first time. If he has someone else in his life, you need to do the being there method which you can find on this relationship.

  9. Avatar

    Alyssa

    January 19, 2020 at 5:11 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me after 4 months of dating. He said he just didn’t feel it anymore and he didn’t want to try to make it work and then be in the same spot a few months down the road. He said he wasn’t unhappy in the relationship just that we are different people and just aren’t for each other. What do I do from here. How do I process this.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 19, 2020 at 5:42 pm

      Hi Alyssa, that is hard to hear from someone especially when we don’t feel that way too! The way forward is starting with a no contact and spend some time working on yourself so that you feel happier and get over the break. Use this link to help you with what sort of actions you should be taking to become the ungettable girl exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-ungettable-girl/

  10. Avatar

    Esther

    January 19, 2020 at 3:34 pm

    Hi Chris I just broke up with fiance like 3 weeks ago and in these weeks i have been apologising and wanting him back. I tried involving his friends but he couldn’t listen to any of them. The reasons he told me he was breaking up with me because i was rude, disrespected him,am sturbon and a 50/50 way of life. Now it keeps on eating me day and night wanting to compensate and help him heal,so now he gave me 2 months of not calling him or texting him. I really want to respect his decision but its hard for me because he was a person who really loved me so much and I could see it from his actions. My fear is he is going to work from somewhere very far and things might get worse because of the distance. I really want him back, so how can i get him back? He is the love of my life and my future husband please help me on how to go about all this and how long can this get. He said we are never getting back and so on.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 19, 2020 at 5:48 pm

      Hey Esther, its difficult when you want to show someone you have changed or tell them you will change and they dont want to hear it, you need to allow your ex some space and this includes trying to get your exes friends to talk to him too. It is not going to help you! Read about the no contact rule and what work you need to do to yourself in the mean time. Give this article a read also because it is about how to show your ex you are changing https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-can-i-show-my-ex-that-im-changing/

  11. Avatar

    Lucy

    January 19, 2020 at 9:20 am

    Thanks Shaunna. Just to have your advice and even to help me not doing it… You wouldn’t recommend reaching out to him after these 2 months if he still has me blocked, right?

  12. Avatar

    May

    January 17, 2020 at 2:44 am

    So my ex broke up with me on social media about 8months ago because he was leaving for college and after a series of relationship issues, he decided it was best to let it go, especially because he didn’t wanna try LDR. Ever since he’d be nice to talk to me and would awkwardly look at me and occasionally text me. Friends claimed he’d talk to them about me. Flash forward to recently, he hasn’t really talked to me and makes it obvious that he’s avoiding me, but I’m not sure why if he initiated the breakup and NC, and we mutually decided that we’d like to be friends after he broke up with me. I’ve known him for two years and we’ve had an on-off relationship, but have always remained best friends. I’m confused why things had to change, and I want to know what I can do to change the way they are now.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 18, 2020 at 4:12 am

      Hi May take some time to work on yourself during NC and then reach out in a friendly way showing how well you are doing with yourself lately. And as you have mutual friends you can show your friends how great you are and that information will get back to him

  13. Avatar

    Suzy

    January 16, 2020 at 5:04 am

    Hi
    Hope this gets a response because advice would be very welcome. My ex broke up with me 2 days ago (had been going out for 7 months), he said he “didn’t want to lose my friendship” and we even had some jokey banter afterwards, he said we could still meet for coffee etc.
    Getting it out that he wanted to split up was almost harder for him than me – I knew it was what he wanted (trust me, all the signs were there) to say and I had to sort of encourage him to “get something off his chest” and he welcomed me holding his hand when he tearily said “we’re different people and want different things”. I didn’t fight it, and admitted that I did some stuff wrong and that we were at different places in our lives.
    That night, before he left for work he texted me saying something about the weather, and we had this exchange of “you can still talk to me about anything no matter what”. My washing machine is broken and he has said a couple of times now that I can use his (I said it’s OK I’ll use my brothers) but it was all quite tender. We work together, see, and we had a shift together where he asked me how I was doing, we had some nice casual talk, he helped me out a bit with the actual work, didn’t seem for the most part to be scared to stay around me, and on the whole it was nice though he did seem more wistful to me at times and jubilant to others. I smiled at him after he said something supportive and he just looked back at me as if he was almost scared.
    I just don’t know what to think. I could tell things were going downhill for a few weeks before the actual break up.

    But what would be the chances though of him wanting me back, provided I follow this no contact rule, which is a bit harder when you work together and we’ve both technically already broken it.

  14. Avatar

    Ferny

    January 15, 2020 at 9:16 pm

    Hey I was recently dating a guy for three months after meeting him on a dating app. We were spending a lot of time together, meeting each other’s friends he even talked to his mum about me. So I end up messaging him that I’m gonna start calling him my boyfriend unless he has any objections. He said yes but it was shaky and he explained how he wasn’t good once things get serious. Anyway I questioned him over it later and he said how he wanted to keep seeing me and be exclusive but didn’t want a serious relationship. So I said I couldn’t do that and cut it off. I messaged him explaining how he hurt me and that I felt how we spent time together doesn’t match what he says. I’ve stopped talking to him now but not sure if I should go back and try take things slow.

  15. Avatar

    Rae

    January 14, 2020 at 11:58 am

    My BF broke up with me after 5 months on 1st December. He said he just wasn’t feeling it and there wasn’t enough there to make it work. I didn’t argue or anything. I just accepted the decision, told him I cared about him and wanted him to be happy. I gave him his Christmas presents and wished him well. He texted me an hour later saying how generous I was and how sorry he was it hadn’t worked out. I replied with I wished him well. Then I went NC. He texted me on Christmas Day just to say thank you again for the gifts and he hoped I’d had a great Christmas. I just replied with a simple You’re Welcome & Merry Christmas. Nothing since. We are not connected on SM at all and have no mutual friends. Initially because we are on good terms, I hoped he would take some time, start to miss me and get in touch. But I’m starting to give up. I’ve been working on myself to become the UG. Out meeting new people, getting fitter, improving myself a lot. I think If he doesn’t come back I will still feel the benefit so it’s worth it. BUT…I miss him and I’m devastated he just seems to have moved on so quickly. I don’t want to text him first. If I’m honest I don’t think I’m ready to even talk to him which I know sounds strange as I clearly want him back. Is it even worth having hope he will come back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 16, 2020 at 11:56 pm

      Hey Rae, keep working the program and read as much as you can that applies to this situation and start texting phase with the hooks that Chris suggests

  16. Avatar

    Diana

    January 13, 2020 at 6:39 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My ex dumped me back in the summer, because he said he lost feelings due to personal issues in his own life. We were becoming distant, because he was constantly busy with work or family. He’s 22 and I’m 21, so I understand that this is a rough age frame and we have priorities other than each other. We dated for a year and during this year we saw each other maybe 2-3 times a month. A little before the breakup, I complained that we never got to see each other. Looking back, I feel like I might have made him feel guilty and he felt like the only option he had was to leave.

    It’s been over 6 months now and I’ve accepted that he’s gone. I’m still struggling to get past it, and it hurts that he didn’t value me enough to even see me and do the breakup in person. He dumped me over an hour long phone call and told me he couldn’t bear to see me anymore, and he didn’t want to see me upset. He said he no longer had feelings for me and he had contemplated ending it for a month.

    He isn’t the kind of ex to reach out, and I stupidly contacted him first a few times throughout the last few months. I did it before I found this blog, and now I regret it. He replied enough to be nice, but he ended each conversation. The one time he started a conversation, he stopped soon and then a few days later he just removed me on social media. Since then, I contacted him once more last month, which I regret now too. I sent him a funny post and said it reminded me of him, but he was so dry about it that I immediately knew it was a bad decision. He ended the conversation and I don’t plan on ever reaching out again. I know that he’s probably hurting too, or maybe he doesn’t wanna lead me on by having conversations with me. He told me during the breakup that he cares for me as a person but he no longer feels in love with me. I guess I should mention we’re both each other’s first loves… it was definitely not easy to let him walk away, but I didn’t want to burden him with my feelings anymore.

    With all of this being said… how can I move on from this and forget everything about our relationship, the way he did? I feel so hopeless and I really wish I had found this blog before, so I would have avoided the mistakes I made. And with everything that I’ve said in this comment, is there a chance that we could have each other back? Or should I give up altogether and become an ungettable girl? Please let me know, I await your advice.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 18, 2020 at 11:30 am

      Hi Diana, so as you stated you only seen each other 2-3 times a month it is clear that he did not have a lot of investment into the relationship which is why he has found it easier to walk away. Now following this process is going to give you, your best chance at getting him back but it does mean that you are going to have to do some work to get him back. Starting with a longer 45 day No Contact and work on yourself in that time. Becoming the Ungettable girl is not about giving up and walking away. It is about becoming “the girl” he wants

  17. Avatar

    Lucy

    January 12, 2020 at 9:14 pm

    I understand what you say. I’m in the process of accepting the ‘block’ and not even trying to verify if he has unblocked me.. Even though it still hurts. I think that after these 2 months, things won’t change. Thanks for your support Shaunna.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 13, 2020 at 11:13 pm

      Anytime Lucy 🙂

  18. Avatar

    Lisa

    January 12, 2020 at 6:43 pm

    NC worked. He finally texted me after 28 days of NC. We had tried staying friends after he ended the relationship as were good friends before the relationship started. We stayed in regular contact for a couple months which unfortunately turned into him becoming distant and cold. Typical right? So I went into hardcore NC. I didn’t initiate any contact, but sadly neither did he. Now he’s come out of hiding and apologized for being distant and just said he was dealing with alot but is feeling better and hopes we could meet for coffee or a drink. We had a light and cheerful conversation etc. It was great to connect with him again. Good right? But now I haven’t heard from him again. Just silence. Wtf? It’s been about 6 days since he reached out. What happened? I assume I go into NC again? I don’t want to reach out because I don’t want to appear needy or desperate and I think he should follow through with his idea of meeting up again. I want to re-attract him. What do I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 17, 2020 at 8:56 pm

      Hey Lisa, so I would stop talking about meeting up for the short term basis. Just focus on texting dont rush the process as you are not going to get your end goal. Look up the Value chain and Value ladder to fully understand the process

  19. Avatar

    Eela

    January 12, 2020 at 4:34 pm

    I think my situation is very different from every one else’s. I made every mistake under the sun that you could possibly make when after the break up. My ex and I broke up after 4 months of trying long distance. We would travel up and down once a month to see each other. On his last visit, his attitude changed. From being the person who made him laugh so much I was now the source of his annoyance. The day after I dropped him off back at the airport he dumped me. Telling me that he wasn’t in love with me. I was heart broken, i begged him to try but his only response was we could be friends still. Since then he has flirted, been hot cold, told me his still unsure about me to finally this last week telling me I should move on. We broke up 4 months ago. I started NC since he told me to move on it’s been a week. Have I blown any chances of us getting back together by still talking to him after the break up?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 13, 2020 at 11:58 pm

      Hey Eela, your situation is not that different honestly a lot of LDR break ups have been similar. And giving that you stick to No Contact and work on yourself for a while and follow the advice on this website then you give yourself your best chance at getting your ex back

  20. Avatar

    Steph

    January 12, 2020 at 8:41 am

    I’m not sure what to do. We broke up about a month ago. Right after the break up we went back and forth whether it could be fixed. I said it could and he needed time to think, then said he didn’t want to fix it. There was a lot of fighting in the relationship. The little things became big problems. No cheating or anything major. A few days after the break up he asked me to go somewhere with him, I went. I thought that meant he wanted to get back but he said there was nothing more to it. But that he would think about getting back together. It’s been 3 weeks. No contact on either side. Not sure if I should reach out or leave it alone

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 13, 2020 at 11:52 pm

      Hey Steph I would do a 45 day NC as there was a lot of arguing during your relationship, allowing those negative feelings to leave both of you. During which time you need to read and follow the advice of becoming Ungettable and then plan your first text to reach out to your ex

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