By Chris Seiter

Updated on March 8th, 2021

Your ex boyfriend lied to you…

Maybe he lied to you about something big or maybe he lied to you about something small. It really doesn’t matter. The fact is that he lied to you. Now, later on within this page I am going to talk about the different degrees of lying (white lies vs bad lies) but for now I want you to get two simple facts through your head.

  1. All men lie.
  2. All women lie.

If you don’t understand these facts then I am sorry but you are on the wrong page because I am purely dealing with the truth here. Humans at their core are liars. Heck, I have told a lot of lies throughout my life as have you. I mean, when was the last time someone asked you “hey, are you ok?” only to have you say “I’m fine” when the truth is you really weren’t. The point I am trying to get at here is that most people want to figure out what an ex lying to them means. However, that is the wrong question.

The right one should be:

“what caused your ex boyfriend to lie?”

That is really what I am going to dissect on this page but before I can do that I think it will be best to actually define what a lie is.

The Definition Of A Lie

(To learn more about how lying can tie into getting your ex boyfriend back please visit this link.)

voldemort lie

I know what your thinking.

“Are you crazy? I don’t need to know what a lie is when I already know what it is.”

Just indulge me for a few minutes and I promise you won’t regret them.

I am giving you the ultimate advantage! Think about this for a moment. I am a guy who has dated. I know how men think (I am one.) So, literally this page is the ultimate guide to understanding why men lie. I can guarantee that you will have a very hard time finding a page with as much insight into the male psyche as this one has. With that being said when I talk about “defining” what a lie is I am not talking about the dictionaries definition (or Wikipedia’s definition.) No, I am talking about MY definition.

I swear I am not trying to sound arrogant or anything like that but since this is my page I kind of want to do things my way. So, what do I consider to be a lie?

A Lie- A fact (that you know to be true) that you will consciously hide from another person. Lies can be broken up into two categories. White lies and bad lies (which will be talked about in the next section.)

One of my favorite stories to tell was the time that I got away with a lie to my mother (but felt so bad about it that I ended up blowing the whistle on myself.) When I was in grade school, at the end of the year, all of the classes would make us complete a final exam for that class. There was one particular day where I slept in a little too late and missed my History final. In my mind, I determined that I could make the final up the next day. So, rather than call my mother to take me to school (since I missed the bus) I ended up just playing video games in my room (remember, I was 13 years old at this time.)

Anyways, about an hour into my video game session I began to hear something outside of my room. I slowly tip toed out and to my horror there was my mom going out the front door. Turns out there was some type of repair man that was supposed to repair something at our house and my mother had come home to be there. I quickly ran back into my room and hid under the bed.

My plan- to wait it out and stay hidden until she left.

“Oh, but what if she doesn’t leave? What if she is here for hours? What if she comes into my room and sees me hiding under the bed? How do I explain that?”

Ok, new plan- I “finished” my final exam and they gave us a half day (meaning they let us go home early.)

So, essentially I lied my butt off. I remember going down the stairs. I remember acting like everything was fine. But mostly I remember how bad I felt about lying. I knew something was true and I told a lie to hide that fact. I’ll finish the rest of the story later on in this guide. For now, lets move on and explore a more interesting topic.

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White Lies Vs Bad Lies

biggest lie

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All lies can be placed into two different categories. Yup, you guessed it:

  1. White Lies
  2. Bad Lies

Within this section we are going to take a look at the definition for both types of lies. I would like to start with white lies first!

White Lies

walter white lie

Believe it or not a lot of people are split on what they consider to be a “white lie.” For the purposes of this guide we are going to assume a white lie is:

White Lie: A harmless lie, usually with good intentions meant behind them.

Here is a list of examples of some of the most common white lies:

Oh, I love that gift!

Who hasn’t gotten a stupid gift for Christmas? In general, I consider myself to be a very easy going person. As a result, I kind of want everyone to be happy by default. This is kicked on overdrive around Christmas time (especially during gift exchanges with extended family.) I can tell you that I act super pleased and excited whenever a receive a gift even if I think it is dumb.

What are you talking about? I am 28 years old!

Honestly, I don’t have a huge problem with this white lie but I know plenty of women who do. I have actually met women who lie to me about their age because 28 or 29 sounds better than 30. I consider this to be a harmless lie and while it is technically a “lie” it isn’t really hurting anyone in the process.

I was awesome in High School! I pitched a no hitter!

I am sure women tell this white lie too but I know from experience a lot of men will tell this white lie. This is a way to boost their self esteem and make them seem more “cool” to women. How do I know this? I played baseball in high school and while I don’t like to brag I am not going to deny the fact that I was really good. I was a pitcher and I ended up pitching a perfect game. For a pitcher a perfect game is like hitting a home run every time you come up to bat. Anyways, a few years ago someone I know told me that he was a good high school baseball player in high school.

Every time I would see this person he would just brag about how he was so great at baseball. Well, one day an opportunity arose for us to play in a co-ed softball league. Now, softball is a really easy sport for me because I played baseball in high school. However, this “bragging” friend of me pretty much sucked at it. It became apparent after a few games that he was simply feeding his ego by telling himself this white lie that he was a good baseball player in high school.

Bad Lies

woody lie

Now that you have a better idea of what a “white lie” is I would like to move on to the more serious kind of lie, bad ones. So, what is a bad lie? Quite simply it is:

Bad Lie: Relationship affecting type lies. Deception about a very serious topic.

Here is a list of examples of some of the most common bad lies:


To the best of my knowledge I have never been cheated on. So, I can’t imagine what it must feel like to be cheated on. Cheating is the ultimate deception or the ultimate lie (if you will.) One thing I have learned from women that have cheated who have visited this site is that the guilt is almost unbearable. In fact, in most cases the guilt is so bad that you are forced to come clean. Now, I don’t want to dive too deep into this one because I will be talking about it a lot more in-depth later on in this guide. For now, just understand that cheating is a common “bad lie.”

Lying About Feelings

I did some external research for this post. In my research I asked a few friends to tell me what they thought the worst lies a man can tell them is and this was one of the most common answers I received. In the United States the average life expectancy hovers around 78-79 years. That means that you have a total of about 28,500 days to live and hopefully have a fulfilling life. Now, I don’t know about you but someone who wastes your time lying about their feelings towards you is a very annoying thing because they are taking precious days out of your life.

So, not only will you be emotionally hurt because someone lied about feeling something towards you but they will also be wasting YOUR time. Talk about a double whammy of a bad lie.

Saying Sex Meant Something To Them When It Didn’t

This is another type of bad lie. Contrary to popular belief sex means something. How can it not? You are giving your mind, body and soul over to someone and trusting them to take care of it. Sex is the ultimate form of expression that we as human beings have and yet there will always be people that take sex completely for granted.

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This is a touchy subject for me because I know a lot of men who jump from girl to girl. I am definitely not a fan of that approach. Think of it like this. If a man jumps from girl to girl each girl is going to build a connection with that man (unless of course she just wants a one night stand but we are going to assume she doesn’t.) The connection that each girl built is going to be shattered when she finds out that the guy only slept with her because he wanted a quick “lay.”

The feeling that follows for a woman who has a connection shattered when she sleeps with a guy can only be rivaled by cheating.

A Truthful Insight Into Liars

(For more insight into your ex boyfriend please check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO)

yoda insight

I would like to shift our focus back to your ex boyfriend. After all, the real reason you came here is to dissect why HE lied. The thing to understand about ex boyfriends and lying is that not all of them are created equal. How do I know this? Well, I have (sadly) some incredible insight when it comes to men(ex boyfriends) and lying.

A lot of you really like my stuff. You come to Ex Boyfriend Recovery because you think I have the most truthful and helpful insights into the male brain online right now. Before I wrote this website I made a promise to myself. I was going to tell you everything. I wasn’t going to hold back because if I do then you may miss something that could help you understand your boyfriend. That makes the next thing I have to tell you very hard to say.

I am a liar.

I have lied to women about some pretty bad stuff. While I have never cheated on anyone or anything like that I can honestly say some of the lies I have told would shock you. Heck, I think back to them to this day and feel embarrassed still. Don’t worry, I will spill my secrets later on in this guide. For now, I want to give you some insight into your ex boyfriends (and men in general.)

All men are flawed. Myself included.

I am not particularly fond of the fact that I am flawed but I know I am. You see, the thing about me (and most men) is the fact that we are all perfectionists to some extent. For example, the only way I will go up and talk to a girl is if I know for a fact that I look how I want myself to look.

Now that is an interesting topic, looks.

Women tend to be insecure about their looks. However, I think that men can be just as insecure (if not more.) Throughout this site I have established that men can be very visual in nature.

“Hey, hot girl behind you dude don’t turn around”

I can’t tell you how many times I have had that phrase muttered to me. Here is where things get interesting though. Since men have an idea of what they consider to be “hot” they also apply that own idea to themselves. So, because they are so visual they notice their looks a lot more. Add in to the fact that pretty much no one is perfect looking and you get some pretty insecure guys.

Now, I bet you are wondering where lying comes into the equation. Well, generally men who lie do so to make up for these insecurities. For example, I once lied to a girl about how tall I was when she told me that she only liked tall guys. While I certainly did it to impress her I also did it because her mentioning she liked tall guys made me insecure about the fact that I wasn’t as tall as some other guys out there.

FYI: I am 5’9″

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The Underlying Reason For An Ex Boyfriend To Lie

lying reason

Everyone talks about the lies but you know what they never talk about? The actual reason for the lie. I find that a much more fascinating topic to study rather than the lie itself. With that in mind, this section is going to be all about the underlying reasons for an ex boyfriend to lie to you.

AKA: The most important section throughout this entire guide!

He Doesn’t Want To Hurt Your Feelings

cut me deep

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I suppose you could categorize this reason under a white lie. Though, there are some cases where this can be used as a reason for a bad lie as well. The important thing to grasp here is that men and women are very different. When I was around 17 years old I discovered a simple fact. Women tend to drop hints throughout a conversation to test you/allude to what they want.

In other words, you guys speak in riddles whereas men don’t. Now, assuming your ex boyfriend was smart enough to figure the “riddle/hints” of women then he would know to always be on lookout for these riddles. For example, any time a woman says:

“Does this dress make me look fat?”

You answer no!

Why would you do that? Well, because not only does it hurt a woman’s feelings but there is a meaning behind that question. While maybe some women may really want to know, I think the vast majority want to know what their man thinks about their weight.

Lets take a step back and focus on the “sparing your feelings” part of that statement for a minute. I can think of a lot of lies I  have told to women simply to spare their feelings. Usually these were women I cared about. As a result, it would hurt me to see them hurt. However, there was also an element of selfishness to it. Yes, I cared about these women. Yes, I didn’t want to see them hurt. But there is something you have to understand about me and all men. Our most favorite thing in the world is to be admired. Not just by you but by the entire world.

In order to be admired we know that we have to be liked by people. In order to be liked by people we know that we have to be on good standing with them. I don’t know about you but making someone upset or angry usually puts them out of good standing with you. So, the element of selfishness creeps in is the fact that we don’t want to hurt a woman’s feelings because it will put us out of good standing with them.

A few years ago I was friends with a girl who had a pretty big crush on me. Unfortunately, I didn’t feel the same about her. Eventually a point came where her feelings boiled over and she put me on the spot:

“Look, I really like you and want to date you but if I am wasting my time here just let me know.”

To my great shame I lied to her:

“Right now… no, but maybe in the future”

(The truth was that she had no shot ever in the future. I just felt bad and wanted to not see her crushed.)

I lied for two reasons.

  1. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.
  2. I was enjoying the attention and I didn’t want it to stop. AKA I didn’t want to stop being admired.

He Is Scared Of Your Reaction


Last week I wrote this post. In it I talked a lot about women and emotions. Essentially, I described how men fear women’s emotions because they don’t know how to deal with them. It’s funny, I run a website read by thousands of women who are clearly in an emotional state. Each day I receive hundreds of comments, emails and Facebook messages from women who are very emotional.

I am a guy. So, do I fear these emotions?

Absolutely I do!

People call me an expert and I hate that word. The truth is that I am not a whiz when it comes to relationships. However, I am a whiz when it comes to understanding men and that is where my insight comes in handy. So, here is my big insight. Men are scared to death of you overreacting, making a scene or getting too over emotional.

It is entirely plausible that a man will lie to you to prevent an “over reaction” from happening.

I want to tell you a quick story so you can really grasp this point.

About four years ago I was dating someone. Now, I will be the first one to admit that I was not perfect in the relationship (neither was she though.) While I do feel bad about that I think that by telling you this story (from my perspective) I can give you an interesting insight into men.

Anyways, I was dating this girl and I knew for a fact that she was very uncomfortable with me even talking to other girls. Now, I do want to state for the record that I have never cheated in my life and I never will. However, I will also admit that I am a very friendly person by nature and enjoy talking to a lot of people. This can sometimes rub women the wrong way and I understand that fact. Anyways, I knew I had to be very careful about talking to the girl that I was dating about my interactions with other women.

“What did you do today?” She would ask.

“Oh, nothing much!” I would say.

The truth was I was dying to tell her about this interesting conversation I had in class with the girl that sat next to me but I knew if I did that I wouldn’t be able to make it out of the day alive. You see, even the mention of another girl would cause an overreaction and I did not want that.

So, I lied to her as much as I could to prevent this overreaction.

Looking back I should have just been up front and honest with her. Her issues with me even talking to another member of the opposite sex was a definite slap in the face saying that she didn’t trust me. But thats another story.

There Is Upside


If you are confused then don’t worry. Everything will become clear in a second.

Whenever a lie is told it is usually told to prevent something that YOU don’t want from happening. Lets take the example in the section above. I lied to my ex girlfriend because I didn’t want her to get angry/upset at the fact that I talked with another female. The upside for me lying to her was the fact that I wouldn’t get in trouble and I could stay on her good side.

With every single lie ever told there is an upside.

Lets go with something really drastic now. Lets say your ex boyfriend cheated on you. What would be the upside to lying about that to you? Well, as you remain ignorant to the situation he can continue sleeping with the new girl and you at the same time (not together hopefully.)

With every lie there is upside. Always remember that fact.

He Wants To Impress You

gsp impress

I alluded to this reason above in the “white lies” section.

Would you like to hear something really interesting about men?

Their need to impress you actually doesn’t go away when they date you. In fact, I think in some cases it can be even greater. While there will always be exceptions to every rule I think that for every man having a girlfriend who admires him and believes he is the greatest thing to ever walk the earth is pretty important.

At least, that is what I thought in my last relationship.

It is a given that you want to impress a pretty girl that you aren’t dating but I found it even more interesting that I found myself with a need to impress a girlfriend that I had already “gotten.” As a result, I would kind of “stretch” the truth a little bit about any major achievements in my life.

Anything that would make the girlfriend basically think I was the second coming I would lie about. Now, I am not saying I was a compulsive liar but I would extend the truth a little bit any time I could get extra boyfriend points. Being admired by a girlfriend can be absolutely intoxicating so you can understand the compulsion to keep adding on to your lies.

Think of it like a drug. Once you start it is hard to stop.

Playing The Victim

your next

Alright, this is the one I really wanted to talk about it. In fact, this little nugget of knowledge is the reason I decided to write this post. Buckle up because this is going to be really disturbing to talk about for me and a little disturbing for you to listen to.

Some men will lie because they like being the “victim.”


It’s complicated and the only way for me to properly explain it to you is by giving you some insight into my experience with “playing the victim.”

Here comes the disturbing part.

I once played the victim to a girl I had a crush on in high school.


Because I thought it would make me sound cooler (I was 15 years old so I was pretty much an idiot.)

I completely made up something that wasn’t true to get someone to feel sorry for me. Again, I have no clue why. If I am being completely honest it is to this day the worst lie I have ever told (way worse than my amusing little “missing the final” story I still have to finish 😉 .) The reason I feel this way is because I made up something completely not true. I made up an entire alternate reality to make a girl feel sorry for me.

The lie?

I basically told this girl that things at home weren’t great with my parents when they totally were. Trust me, my parents are probably the kindest and most caring people you will ever meet. However, for some sick reason I felt the need to fabricate some lie so I could get this crush to feel sorry for me.

Again, 15 year old idiot at the time.

The Truth Is Embarrassing

deer embaressed

Unfortunately, this is another “lie reason” I have experience with.

Whats that popular quote?

The truth will set you free

Well, for some men the truth is something that they want to beat over the head with a baseball bat and put in the trunk of their car (never to be found again.) We live in a society where things like peer pressure and survival of the fittest are still very much alive. Lets tackle the survival point first.

Men are like animals. We travel in packs and pick on the weakest member of the “herd.” Essentially, we are all bullies. However, as we become adults the “bullying” becomes less physical and more mental. Ok, lets say a group of men are going out on the town for a night of fun. There are five members in this group. It just so happens that one of the members of this group is a virgin. This member knows that he will be perceived as weak if any of the other members find out (since they are all not virgins) so he lies about it.

The truth is embarrassing to him.

Now, lets take the same situation except lets mix the group up a little bit. There are still five members in this new group (3 are male, 2 are female) except instead of “going out” they are all going to play a friendly game of truth or dare. Now, my thoughts on truth or dare are pretty simple. It is the ultimate peer pressure game ( ;). ) When a girl member of the group asks the virgin member of the group what age he lost his virginity at (after he picks truth) the virgin member is faced with an interesting decision. Does he lie or does he tell the truth?

I am betting that almost any guy who was faced with the virgin’s position would lie. It is just the nature of men (or humans for that matter.) We all lie when we deem the truth to be too embarrassing.

The Mindset Of Your Ex Boyfriend During A Lie

(For more information on the mindset of your ex boyfriend please check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO)

princess bride meme

(Hey, who doesn’t love the princess bride?)

In this section of the guide we are going to take a step deeper into the “lying” rabbit hole and examine some of the possible mindsets that an ex boyfriend can have when he lies to you. This is another one of those types of sections that can potentially get under your skin. So, if you are easily annoyed by some of the stuff I am talking about here…. well, maybe this isn’t the section for you.

With that out of the way I want to take a moment and examine some of the main points I am going to be discussing here.

  • Double Standards.
  • The Guilt Of Lying.
  • Confessing.

Alright, I am tired of rambling with the set up language lets get down to business!

Double Standards

double standard

Our society is kind of screwed up. Nevermind politics, I am talking purely about the sheer amount of double standards enforced. Immediately, the one that pops into my mind is the fact that it is acceptable for a man to have sexual partners while it is unacceptable for a woman to.

This particular double standard is interesting to look at from an outsiders perspective because there is a lot to learn. For example, if a man sleeps with multiple women he is treated like a hero amongst other men. On the other hand, if a woman sleeps with multiple men she is called a slut and shunned from society.

Can you say unfair?

Of course, this is coming from a society that teaches women that anyone seeing them in their underwear (bra and panties) is bad. Meanwhile, if you go to the beach you see multiple women in bikinis. The ironic part is that THEY ARE BOTH ESSENTIALLY THE SAME THING!

Sorry I got a little off course there.

So, is there a double standard applied to lying when it comes to your ex boyfriend?

You bet your butt there is!

You will find that some men can justify any lie they tell. Heck, that bad lie I told a few sections ago I justified as “I need to do this to make her feel something for me.” Yet, whenever I would catch my ex girlfriend lying to me all I would see was RED for the next few days.

It was unfair. Here I was lying and getting away with it and any time she told a small little tiny lie I would flip out on here.

Now, there is something I want to point out here. A lot of the “double standard” is going to depend on how mature your boyfriend or ex boyfriend is. In my case I was not very mature. I really didn’t know how to handle the feelings I was feeling and as a result I did some really stupid things that hurt my own relationship.

Will Your Ex Boyfriend Feel Guilt When Lying?


There is a lot to talk about here.

First, I would like to answer the guilt question I posed above. Does he feel guilt when he is lying to you?

It depends….

It depends on a lot of factors.

  • Is he a compulsive liar?
  • Has he convinced himself to “never tell you?”
  • Rationalizing the lie?

All of these factors play a distinct role in the “guilt” or “un-guilt” he will be feeling. I want to take a moment to really go in-depth on all of the points I talked about above.

Is he a compulsive liar?

Do you know what the definition of compulsive is?

Compulsive- A very strong desire or obsession to do something

In other words if your boyfriend is a compulsive liar he can kind of “get off” on lying. Think of it like a drug. A drug addict will keep taking drugs because they are addicted. A compulsive liar has an addiction to lying. So, the question now becomes will a compulsive liar feel any guilt about lying.

Look, I am not pretending to be some sort of psychological genius. I am a guy trying to make sense of the world and relationships just like you. However, when confronted with this question I can honestly say that I DO think someone who is a compulsive liar can feel guilt.

Lets take the drug addict comparison I made above. Someone who is an addict can be aware that their behavior is wrong. They probably go to sleep at night very conflicted because of this fact. I mean, they know deep down that taking the drugs they are taking is not good for them but on the other hand they are addicted and can’t stop. I think in a way a compulsive liar can feel the same type of guilt about their lies.

Now, that doesn’t mean that their behavior will stop but it probably does mean that their is guilt involved.

Has He Convinced Himself To “Never Tell You?”

I can say that I have personal experience with this point.

I have created lies before that I have promised to never tell a girlfriend. While I am not proud of this fact I am also not afraid to talk about it because I feel it will be a fascinating study for you to hopefully understand more about your ex boyfriend. So, the question we are studying here is if he will feel guilt if he decides to “never tell you” his lie?


However, another important point needs to be raised here.

How good is he at keeping secrets?

Just because he has decided that he will never tell you he lied doesn’t mean he will keep his word. In my experience, secrets have a way of becoming easily exposed. As humans, we are a little hypocritical. We all hate drama (or we all say we do.) However, deep down there is always a part of us that enjoys the interesting twists and turns it can bring.

Why do you think we love crazy T.V. shows so much?

All it takes is one big fight for his lie to be exposed. Maybe he gets angry and is fishing for hurtful things to say and it just so happens that, that hurtful thing was that lie he has been keeping hidden.

Now, there is always another side of the coin to explore when it comes to stuff like this. What if he decides to take the lie to his grave? What if actually does it?

If his mindset is like that then he will feel guilt for sure. However, you probably won’t have the faintest idea he is feeling guilty. People who are good at keeping secrets tend to be good at suppressing guilt and other emotions.



Why not just confess and get the lie out in the open?

It sounds cliche but really you do feel so much better when you do this!

This reminds me, I haven’t finished my lying story yet have I?

Lets do a quick recap:

  • I slept in.
  • Missed my History final.
  • My mother came home.
  • I told a lie to her about a “half day.”

She totally bought the lie. I was in the clear! HOME FREE!

Oh, but it gets better. My mother then proceeded to give me this speech about how proud she was of me. How she was so happy that I was doing well in school (I wasn’t exactly a model student at that time.) Now, at that age one of my favorite things to do was order pizza. She had suggested to me that as a reward “I should order a pizza.”

This was getting ridiculous. She was laying on the ultimate guilt trip. A speech and then a pizza. Was this some sort of mom trickery? Did she know I was lying?

No, there was no way. I sold that lie perfectly.

I ordered the pizza and that was when it kicked in. Have you ever seen those cartoons where there is an angel and a devil on someone’s shoulder? Well, I was having one of those moments.

The Devil: Dude, just play it cool. She has no idea. You can take the test tomorrow and she won’t have any clue. Plus, PIZZA!

The Angel: This is not the right thing to do. Look how sweet she is. She doesn’t deserve this type of treatment. YOU NEED TO TELL HER.

Eventually the overwhelming guilt kicked in. I grew a pair and fessed up!

The reaction from my mom was exactly what I expected. Yelling, yelling and more yelling. Oh, and I also had to cancel the pizza order. Let me tell you, THAT was an interesting conversation. When it was all said and done she ended up driving me to school. It was lunch time when I got there and guess what they were having? PIZZA!

My mom can be scary when she is angry but my father could be even scarier. I feared the moment he found out but he never did. While I was wrong to lie to my mom she appreciated the fact that I confessed and did the right thing. As a result, she never told him.

She explained to me that the only reason she didn’t tell him was BECAUSE I did the right thing.

So, I guess confessing a lie has it’s advantages!

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182 thoughts on “Why Your Ex Boyfriend Lied To You”

  1. nancy

    September 4, 2020 at 11:06 pm

    My exBF broke up with me because my multiple sclerosis got worse during the 5 years we were together. MS is chronic and incurable, I am not in a wheelchair, but there will be good times and bad times, he knew this going in from day one. He told me day one he was divorced and 55. He let it slip a couple of months in that he actually had never been married, even though I had asked him several specific questions about his wedding and honeymoon and his separation and divorce, and he flat out lied in all those answers during those first few months. I broke up with him on the spot, but a friend said let him explain himself. he promised he would never lie to me again. he said they got engaged a couple of years after he met his fiance and they had already been living together but she never would set the date and they lived together for another 7 years but broke up because they had one fight too many because she had a mental illness (not because she wouldn’t set the date) and made his life a living hell.(victim story and I fell for it ,shame on me). fast forward a year after he broke up with me, i’m at the jewelry store with the jewelry he bought me to have cleaned, and the clerk shows me the list of jewelry he bought there so I could make sure I bring back to the store for cleaning all the jewelry that was theirs that he bought me but they showed me EVERYTHING he had ever bought there even before “our time”. so i could see the jewelry he bought the “fiance/wife” and it turns out the time line for the engagement is off by about 7 years. he didnt’ buy the engagement ring years before and then they lived together for 7 years with her never setting a date, he actually had not ever bought the engagement ring until 9 years into the relationship which was only a couple of months before they broke up and not years before like he said. remember when he supposedly came clean? he still lied. considering he left his first girlfriend after 5 years when she reached an age that having a baby would be a health risk and said he still wasn’t ready although he had a job, real estate and a house, and considering the second one he was not actually engaged to for years with her not setting the date(like he told me), but he actually never got engaged until right before they broke up after years of living together, and considering he left me when my health worsened and he realized that too was a future “he couldn’t get out of”, this sounds to me like a commitment phobe as well as a liar who lies to manipulate others to the extent it suits him until “she” makes his life a “living hell”. which I guess my illlness did even though i had help in the home and did everythign I could to get the support i needed so as not to overwhelm him. so apparently i forgave him for lying all those years ago and even though he said he had come clean, he actually didn’t cause he still lied and a jewelry store told me the truth long after he was gone and I had no one to confront. clearly this guy is a big loser and did me a huge favor, but I lost alot of time as we are both over 60, and in many ways I think my health worsened when i was with him because within a few months he was gone, i was on the road to recovery, but because of my age will never fully recover. he had asked me to remain friends and I said i’m not friends with people who leave their partners because they are sick, that’s not a quality I admire so no thanks,. but what irks me after finding this out is it violated my power in choice when it comes to dating. if i had known the truth about the second girlfriend, i never would have continued to date him because i just don’t date men who have never been married by 45. period. so he lied on day one and when he “came clean’ he still lied because he had to say atleast he was committed before 45 i guess. and i made an exception because i love him and bought that he said he felt like he was married so what was the difference? she was the one who was refusing to set the date (for a weddign when there was not even an engagement?!) . you might not agree but to me it is very different if someone lives with someone for years and then buys a ring and leaves next fight, or if someone gets engaged early on and he stays with her and she’s the one who’s preventing the marriage from actually taking place. one way he’s the victim to feel sorry for, the other he’s the commitment/intimacy phobe liar. if i had known the truth about his second relationship ontop of what I knew about the first, and considering he had been lying to me for months, if he had really come clean then I would have broken up with him and that would have been the end of the story. and maybe i might not have become as sick as I was. it’s hard to know because MS can get worse, but I can also point to alot of things he made more difficult because he didn’t understand, he didnt’ do the research about MS that again, turns out he lied cause he told me he did and knew what he was getting himself into. i never lied to him, and i lost alot of $ trying to get better, $ i don’t exactly have. and health and dating is challenging, i was doing alright on my own, i have been married, widowed, and in other healthy relationships in my life, but i seriously could have done without that experience for alot of reasons. a friend of mine said most men who lie about not being married when they are married, not about being divorced when they were never married.

  2. Jodie B

    March 31, 2020 at 10:19 pm

    My ex and i were together for 3 years and we had arguments but also had amazing times. He broke up with me two days ago saying he lost feelings for me and started losing feelings the last 9 months of the relationship and wanted to focus on him. said he put his feelings aside and did al that to make me happy. He never showed he was unhappy with me. It hurt really bad of course because he told me things like he really wanted to be with me and marry me and plan trips and all that good stuff. He never cheated. We also had sex frequently. How do you tell someone nice things like that and accept gifts if you say you lost feelings? He says he would check on me and we can be friends, does he mean that. Especially for that long. I even cried to him telling him how i feel and he has a nonchalant attitude. Did he really lose feelings or was it something else? Would he try to get back with me after he realizes i was good to him? Will he ever realize? Im so confused.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 7, 2020 at 3:41 pm

      Hi Jodie, when relationships have become predicable and things get into patterns / some may say boring. The “in love” feeling dies down and people star to question their feelings for you, so while he may still care for your and love you, he is now losing that “in love” feeling. It happens when things become routine. Read about being Ungettable and work your Holy Trinity. Use social media as a window for him to see the “new you” and then start your texting phase after 30 days NC

  3. Rukkie

    December 30, 2019 at 2:43 pm

    Hello Chris
    I just stumbled upon your site and I’ll appreciate if you can give me your opinion on this.
    I recently started dating man who’s been divorced and has a son. We started talking early in the year but our communication got cut off for a while but it got back on later in the year.
    My issue is he lied about the timing of his divorce. When we first met, he told me he was divorced for seven years ( his son is also seven and when I asked he said his ex left when she was pregnant). However, I asked again and he said he started the divorce proceedings in 2015 but it ended in 2017 because it was a contested case.
    I feel it makes no sense to have lied about something as sensitive as this. And when I confronted him about it, he admitted it and said he lied because he cared about me and not because he had no interest. I asked him what changed and if it is because he doesn’t care anymore.
    He told me he’s ashamed and embarrassed that he lied to me especially cause he tells his son that lying is a bad thing.
    On the surface, this seems a little harmless but it’s making me feel like there’s more to this especially cause it doesn’t make any sense to have lied in the first place.
    I think my feelings is also geared up by the fact that I believe he’s not putting in so much effort in the relationship. Fine we’re in different countries and I’m seven hours ahead of him but I feel it’s a problem if I have to be the one to draw his attention to obvious issues (like when we talk, not responding for hours, etc) that has to do with the relationship.

    Is it just me or does this relationship screams red flag?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 3, 2020 at 5:03 am

      Hi Rukkie, so you say you are long distance, is that going to change in the near future? As for him lying about when he got divorced I can imagine it was more to make you think that he was completely single as going through a divorce can be an emotionally challenging thing for anyone, even if they want the divorce. I would suggest explaining your feelings to your guy about communication and if they choose not to change the way they are then you have to accept this is who they are in a long distance relationship, or move on

  4. A

    October 30, 2017 at 1:34 pm


    I have been on and off with my ex for the last 6 months – broke up and moved out. Thought everything was going well, got a tattoo on Friday, he came with and surprised me by getting the same one. He told me he loved me for the first time after we broke up. We got in a tiff on Sunday morning. I went out to his house in the evening and found out on social media that he was out with two girls all day and his friend- he didnt tell me. The girl posted them drinking and her wearing his sweater, hat, and jersey. I asked him about it and he said they saw each other there and hung out all as friends – he has been friends with her for years. The girls and his friend went back to his house after to hang out. I kept at it because I knew something was off with his story and found out he lied straight to my face and that she was there before. He said he gave her the clothes a couple weeks ago from the first story he told me. I feel heartbroken and betrayed. I don’t think they hooked up or it was a date or anything like that but he lied for no reason. Can you please help me

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 1, 2017 at 3:48 pm

      Hi A,

      Do you want to try the no contact rule?

  5. A

    October 30, 2017 at 1:21 pm


    I have been on and off with my ex for the last 6 months – broke up and moved out. Thought everything was going well, got a tattoo on Friday, he came with and surprised me by getting the same one. He told me he loved me for the first time after we broke up. We got in a tiff on Sunday morning. I went out to his house in the evening and found out on social media that he was out with two girls all day and his friend- he didnt tell me. The girl posted them drinking and her wearing his sweater, hat, and jersey. I asked him about it and he said they saw each other there and hung out all as friends – he has been friends with her for years. The girls and his friend went back to his house after to hang out. I kept at it because I knew something was off with his story and found out he lied straight to my face and that she was there before. He said he gave her the clothes a couple weeks ago from the first story he told me. I feel heartbroken and betrayed. I don’t think they hooked up or it was a date or anything like that but he lied for no reason. Can you please help me

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 1, 2017 at 3:47 pm

      Hi A,

      Do you want to try the no contact rule?

  6. Jessica Jones

    October 2, 2017 at 2:59 pm


    I found out about a week ago that my boyfriend had been lying about where he was going at night. When I confronted him, he told me it’s a very hard time in his life and he just needed to go out alone, but was embarrassed to tell me that so said he was with friends instead.

    I don’t think he’s cheating, but he still lied and wouldn’t really talk about it. So I packed all my stuff and left. It’s been a week and he’s not even tried to call to say he’s sorry or to talk or to even assure me things will be okay.

    I’m not sure if he’s just digesting things or if he thinks I ran and am just letting me go or if this is his way of pushing me out of the relationship because he’s too weak to say I don’t love you anymore.

    We’ve been together for a year and it was going very well until the last month when some family issues arose and rather than letting me help, he just pushed me away and then I found out about the lie.

    Do you think he’s mentally struggling and just needs space or is he pushing me away? He’s not called so does this mean he’s just letting it end? I’d like at least some closer if so, but don’t want to call him.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 2, 2017 at 10:24 pm

      Hi Jessica,

      Actually you already said it. He started pushing you away last month

  7. Gara

    September 17, 2017 at 10:36 pm

    Hi Chris!

    My ex broke up with me, and after making many mistakes regarding my breakup with my ex (having sex with him & begging), my ex boyfriend and I just returned each other’s stuff not too long ago. This comes 4 months after our actual breakup and 6 weeks after our last sexual encounter. This was an in person swap, during which I told him that I will no longer be contacting him, and he told me he had a new girlfriend named Rose. However, upon investigating his social media, the only Rose that he follows (and the only one who goes to our college), posted a photo of her and her boyfriend (that is NOT my ex) not even a month ago. This girl is also only followed by my ex’s roommate on social media (she lives in their building so that’s understandable), but not by any of his other friends like I was early on in our relationship. I have come to the conclusion that this ‘new’ girlfriend does not exist, and that what he told me was a lie. He has made it very clear to me that he does not want to get back together, which I have accepted and have told him that I was trying to move on, so I was curious to know why you think that my ex would lie to me about having a new girlfriend. Thanks!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 20, 2017 at 11:04 am

      HI Gara,

      either he’s trying to make you jealous, or you’re actions show you’re still hoping and he doesn’t want you to, so he says he has a gf for you to move on.

  8. Stella

    December 7, 2016 at 4:43 pm

    I have been cheated on multiple times. But what really hit me was that one of my ex’s lied to me and eventually used me. We went out for two months and he later said ” uggh hey, umm you see I still see you as a friend, so yeah”. I was completely devastated. (It was over text). I sent him “so it’s over huh?” He left me on seen, but didn’t answer. Later on I sent him “okay” and I started realizing all those little details and why he never told anyone about me. But I know he will get karma, for acting like a complete jerk. (Excuse my language). What hurt me painfully, what broke me down was that he wasted my precious time while he already had reserved ones for him. What hurt me was that he played me and he didn’t even apologize he didn’t even give me any reasons! Just that one of him “only seeing me as a friend”. I can’t understand why he didn’t end that relationship while we were in a few days of dating I don’t know why he had to wait till we had two months together ; I won’t lie I do have trust issues it’s like if I’m traumatized already. It does hurt to know that this might happen again. I’m scared to be hurt painfully again. I’m in a relationship with a marcelous, strikingly astonishing boy and we have 1 month being together and honestly I’m scared to even think about 2 months because I just image what happened in the past. But I know my boyfriend and I will be happy for many years, months, to come.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 11, 2016 at 10:55 am

      Hi Stella
      charge to experience whatever happened with the guy before.. All of us go through something like that and he was not your boyfriend. The guy you7 seeing now is official. So, enjoy it. Build memories

  9. Jen

    December 6, 2016 at 5:10 pm

    I snooped on my ex’s phone because I felt like he was lying about talking/seeing other girls. It’s fine because we’re both single. Turns out, a week before he contacted another girl, asking her out on a date. She said she had a bf and he said to let him know if anything happens…and that they can pick up where they left off. Now he’s saying he wants to be with me and only me. That he never talked to any girls or was interested in other girls while we were broken up for a couple of months. It’s aggravating because I know he’s lying but he won’t confess to it…and I don’t want to tell him I know. What’s your opinion on this?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 10, 2016 at 6:30 pm

      Hi Jen,

      Well, for me, you have to come clean too. Because unless you really talk about it, then nothing happens. He’s already lying, so he’ll just keep lying.

  10. Tracy

    October 21, 2016 at 2:54 pm

    I’m pregnant with my fiancés baby that he choose to have. (Meaning she was planned) I have an immunity problem with sickness and he got the flu really bad. He told me he was staying at his work friends house, but I found out last night from his son that he was staying at his ex’s house with his kid and her boyfriend. He got extremely mad at me for bringing up that he lied, but I’m not sure if this is worth breaking up over. He claims he didn’t tell me because I would have gotten upset, obviously, I feel like that’s incredibly inappropriate. I’m at a loss. He said he had no intention on telling me. I can write off a lot of lies and I have to an extent with him, but staying with his ex seems like a huge deal. I don’t think he’s cheating, but at this point I don’t know if it’s just wishful thinking. I don’t want him near me and don’t believe anything he says now.

    I, totally, get that everyone lies, but I’m so confused on if this should be a deal breaker or not.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 22, 2016 at 10:01 pm

      hi Tracy,

      well, his ex’s bf is there..So, it’s really less likely that he would cheat.. I know you’re angry and you have that right but when you talk to him again, dont be..because you’re just confirming the reason why he lied.. just tell him you’re hurt and you need space to think right

  11. Kimbery

    October 17, 2016 at 8:55 pm

    My ex lied about everything from the time he would be home to cheating on me (found texts/emails/phone calls and he denied to the end). Everyday was a lie, and as I came to figure out – has no problem lying, no conscious at all. I am by no means perfect AT ALL, but I am a good person – I lived with him and his daughter. I took care of his daughter like she was my own. When I moved in he owed his babysitter at the time $1800, he said he didn’t have it so I paid it – we were a couple, she was owed the money I felt bad so I paid it. Later (after we broke up) I come to find out his mother in law (he was a widow) gifted him $12K + every January. So he had the money but kept it for himself, he duped me from the beginning so our entire relationship was a lie and he had no problem sleeping at night. I just cannot believe I fell for him – cannot understand how to get over all of the lies.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 18, 2016 at 7:54 pm

      Hi Kimbery,

      Charge it to experience.. at least you know you’re not the bad one here..

  12. Cristina R.

    October 9, 2016 at 1:41 pm

    My ex and I broke up because he moved away to live with his family in another state and he did not want to live in the state I am finishing college in. I found out after the break up that he had lied to me about one of his exes. He said he dated this young girl and eventually found out she was a minor (16 y/o) when he was 24 at the time. He claimed when he found out her age that he broke up with her because he knew it was wrong. I found out from her that he knew her age and was driving her to and from high school. I know he lied because he was embarrassed for dating a minor. But I just feel so disgusted by the truth and am hurt he lied and think that means he would lie in the future. My ex and I talk a. It and he makes comments about us still getting married eventually or being together and still says “I love you”. I just want other people’s thoughts. Should I forgive him? He supported me through tough times. But I’m just so disgusted he dated a ratchet 16 y/o before he dated me.

    1. Cristina r

      October 15, 2016 at 12:30 pm

      That was the only lie. I’m just disgusted he dated a ratchet 16 year old. He should have known better but he still did it anyways.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 16, 2016 at 5:07 pm

      I know.. I understand.. but maybe it’s not that easy to share too.. That’s why he lied about it..

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 11, 2016 at 7:31 am

      Hi Cristina,

      aside from that, did he have other lies with you?

  13. Bell

    September 20, 2016 at 5:19 am

    After two years of being broken up with my ex, he goes out of his to meet me and lied to me about being single and how he wanted to get back with me. In the end he just blamed me for our failed relationship and said he got back with his ex. Later through social media posts, I found out he never broke up with her. What was the point of all that then if in the end he knew he was with her and was going to stay with her?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 21, 2016 at 5:24 pm

      Hi Bell,

      I think he tried to play safe by cheating… If it didnt work out with you at least he still has his gf

  14. Jaici

    September 19, 2016 at 3:42 am

    My ex and I have a complicated relationship. We have both cheated in each other in the past and broken up but got back together. He recently went through my phone while I was asleep and found out I was lying to him and I was texting the guy I had slept with (another ex), but it was just small talk. My ex ended our relationship right then and there. I have barely spoken to him since except to beg for him back but he has basically told me you made your bed now lie in it. I hate that this happened I guyfeel so stupid i never shiuld have texted that and I know if he gave me another chance I would change completely and be faithful. A few days after the break up I went to his house to drop off his stuff and he asked me for a ride to work si i gave him one. He gave me a hug and a kiss half on the mouth ans said he eould text me later. He never did text me. I feel like he is so done and he never wants to look at me again. I have betrayed his trust and I want to gain it back but he won’t even talk to me right now. What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 21, 2016 at 7:06 am

  15. SV

    September 5, 2016 at 3:43 pm

    My ex boyfriend thinks I lied about my abortion when there were two different handwritings on the prescription and now he refuses to believe anything and blocked me on all social media websites. What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 6, 2016 at 2:13 pm

      Hi SV,

      let him cool of for now and even if you didn’t really lie, you have to approach the situation like you lied to him because that’s what he thinks. This is what you should read:EBR 044: Lying To An Ex Boyfriend

  16. Sara

    May 17, 2016 at 6:39 pm

    My ex bf lied to me and I don’t know whether or not to reach out to him or not again. We dated for 1 month and became official. For 3 weeks everything was great, but found out he was still active on dating site. When I found out, it showed he was logged in 1 day prior. We met online, and I deleted mine as soon as things got serious. We never officially talked about deleting our profiles, but it is implied when you become exclusive, right? Anyways, when I found he was still active I was a bit hurt, but wasn’t sure whether to brush it off or as my family suggested test him. So I tested him, made a fake profile. I wish I could redo it but I can’t. I messaged him asking what he was looking for, and he answered back. I was very upset because I thought we were happy but he was still looking. I was an idiot and let me anger get the best of me and broke up with him over text (IK awful). He texted saying we weren’t really dating/ he hadn’t been on for weeks/ and he knew it was me messing with him. (All lies, he even asked me to be his gf) The next day after no contact, i messaged him saying how sorry I was for making the site. He said he wasn’t over his ex and only wanted to be friends for now. So I said ok. The next wk he was dating/seeing someone else. I ran into them at the mall. I was so hurt. Bc he just told me he wasn’t over his ex, but holding hands with a new girl. I texted him and being like why/ect. I got ignored. About a month/3 wks not quite sure, i mssged him. He ended up texting me a few days after saying that the girl was a coworker. (he didn’t know I saw them holding hands, plus I knew she didn’t work with him. It was a huge lie. I message him, not out of anger, that I knew he was lying and that he needs to stop if he ever wants trust ect. I haven’t heard from him since (about 2 months now) We have no contact. I blocked him on FB. I never got an understanding of what really happened between us. Throughout this he ignored me a lot. I thought Id give him time but he has run to the arms of 2 girls now. He is 27. This girls aren’t even 21 yet. It is confusing. I miss him. But wonder why he has lied to me and never apologized or made any attempt to reconcile what has happened.

    1. Sara

      May 27, 2016 at 11:46 pm

      You think so, even though he hasn’t reached out to me, or apologized? I do miss him, but why has he mad zero effort. If someone cares, they would want to make it work. He didn’t even bother trying.

    2. Sara

      May 25, 2016 at 4:09 am

      You’re right. I did get serious way too fast. I fell so hard for him. I agree that I moved to fast. But so did he. That is what makes no sense. He had the same feelings I did. He told me how much he cared for me, and what not. And his actions showed that. He would surprise me, took me out on dates, was overall everything I wanted, which is part of the reason I fell for him fast. I wish I could redo it, but I know I can’t. I tried reaching out to him many times. I have apologized for the wrongs I did. But he never once apologized, instead just lied. I still miss him, and it sucks. I think to myself some days maybe I should reach out to him again. The last time he reached out to me, but told this huge lie and I called him out on it (but I was very calm, no yelling/swearing) told him to just tell me the truth, and that Ik he was lying, and I never heard from him again. I will admit sometimes I can be dramatic, but I was really hurt. I trusted him too much. Do you think it is worth trying to contact him again? We haven’t talked in little over 2 months. What I don’t understand is if he just wanted to date, why ask to be exclusive, but talk to another woman online?

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 27, 2016 at 10:13 am

      yeah but this time take it as a restart

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 24, 2016 at 6:14 am

      Hi Sara,

      I think you got serious for him way too soon. He was on the dating site to find someone to date but 1 month after isn’t enough to say that a guy is serious, whether you’ve seen each other in person or not.. And when you date someone through a dating site, and you didn’t have enough foundation of being friends before dating, you have to be observant on his actions rather than his words because you don’t know him. If ever you’re going to try it out on the dating site again. Take it slow, let the relationship grow first before putting all your trust in it.

  17. Lilia

    April 12, 2016 at 4:55 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My ex-boyfriend lied to me throughout the relationship which I got to know after the breakup (he did the breakup). I did try to contact him here and there but he never spoke with me. He doesn’t want speak to me at all. Do you think it’s a good idea to confront him again?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 13, 2016 at 9:45 pm

      HI Lilia,

      Nope.. He doesn’t even want to speak in the first place.. If you confront him, you would push him further away.

  18. Chelsea

    March 7, 2016 at 7:52 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me about a week ago, and the reasons were very unclear. We got into a drunk fight which made it even more confusing. My hunch is that it’s own issues. That is a very different, very long story. We dated for 6 months and told each other I love you about a month into the relationship (after “talking” for 3 months). He told me I am the only girl he has said I love you too. He also made future plans with me and said he wants to marry me. He also said I was his longest relationship. He never talked about his ex’s much, but his most recent one was about 3 years ago. I creeped on Instagram and he had some pictures posted of her. The timeline seemed off. It seemed like they might have been together for longer than just the couple of months he said they were. He had told me thy were together 2 months, then she cheated on him, then they got back together and dated for 1 more month, then broke up. I confronted him about the strange timeline. He said they were friends and that’s why he had more pictures of her. It all seemed very strange to me. I took the answer but never 100% believed it. He also only posted 1 picture of us in the time we dated, and that was the night before we broke up, which he deleted after he broke up. Anyway that is besides the point. When I confronted him about the instagram timeline, I had also seen that he liked a selfie she had recently posted. He said he was just trying to show her support because her hometown had just suffered a lot of tornadoes. Because of the conversation, he unfollowed her on instagram. Now, a week after we broke up, he has refollowed her on instagram and now added her on facebook. They weren’t even friends on facebook since before we started dating. She has had a boyfriend for about 3 years now. I don’t understand why he would add her again. Seems like he did love her and they probably did date for longer. I bet he lied about a lot of things. I KNEW he was still hung up on her. I don’t know why else he would go out of his way to add her on facebook and everything. He is clearly scummy. Also he had told me he doesn’t see us getting back together, and I did absolutely nothing. Yet he got back together with his ex after she cheated?? Whoknows if she even cheated, since he is clearly not trustworthy. And why delete my picture? It just seems weird. What do you think Chris?

    1. Chelsea

      April 3, 2016 at 4:00 pm

      Things are still steady. We were able to talk and I was able to voice some of my concerns, which he made me feel a bit better about. He still hasn’t been as sweet as I would like him to be, but he said he’s working on that for me because it’s not something he normally really does. But he knows I need a lot of reassurance. We’re not back together necessarily, but we pretty much are. I may have accepted him back too fast. I probably should have let him chase me a bit more. But i can’t do anything about that now. I am happy we are working it out. I do still have some trust concerns, but he has been better about snapchat. He is still kinda secretive with his phone but I think that is just how he is. I am happy working it out, I’m just still kinda concerned about what the future holds.

    2. Chelsea

      March 25, 2016 at 10:39 pm

      So here’s an update. It’s been about 2 weeks since our talk. He started out really well, really making me feel loved and being a lot sweeter and everything. It has died down some which makes me nervous, but he still is kinda doing it. However, we’ve pretty much gone back to normal. I’ve explained that we are not together, but that we are working it out and neither of us are seeing anyone else. But everything is basically normal other than we still need to talk about some stuff we haven’t gotten to talk about yet because he’s been ill with the flu so it hasn’t seemed fair to burden him with talking right now. I do really wanna talk about things Things have gotten better, but I am sill hurt and confused by the initial breakup. But I’m sure that will pass with time. He’s tried explaining but of course I can’t really see it from his shoes. And he swears up and down he wants to make it work and has been working really hard to even while sick and that he still wants to get married. The only thing is, I haven’t quite gotten past him lying about having okcupid. Even while he was pleading with me to take him back, he still lied and said he didn’t have an okcupid. It wasn’t til about an hour later that he confessed to having one during the breakup. So it is really concerning to me that he lied. I can’t 100% trust him and he knows that. I’m just scared about him lying. Also, everything in our relationship was going perfectly until that drunken fight, and then we broke up. So it kinda happened out of nowhere. I’m scared for this still. I hope that feeling passes wwith time, but right now I feel like I’m walking on eggshells because he could breakup with me at any point or after any fight. He says he won’t and will instead just communicate and work things out during fights but I’m still scared. Also,I’m sure you know about snapchat and how it can be a breeding ground for cheating. Well right before we started talking again he deleted his snapchat. Which was good because it caused a couple problems in our initial relationship and I just think it is a sketchy app. Well yesterday he downloaded it again and said he missed snapping me and also following certain sports teams snapchats. I said that was fine, but I kinda wish he downloaded it back when he regained my trust 100%. So idk if he’s ever cheated on me on there before, but there have been a couple of times I have been suspicious of the girls he snaps. He is a very popular person and knows a lot of people. And he knows a lot of girls because he is in the art program at school and that is majority girls. I never want him to stop being friends with girls because of me. Maybe I am being silly about snapchat but it does make me nervous

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 2, 2016 at 2:11 pm

      Hi Chelsea,
      how are things now?

    4. Chelsea

      March 13, 2016 at 9:57 pm

      So we talked last night. He admitted he is not the best communicator an that there were problems in our relationship that he let build up over time and it kinda came to blows during our drunk fight. He said he regretted breaking up with me as soon as he did it. The next day after the breakup when I tried to talk to him and fix everything and he acted kinda cold and said it was over and we weren’t gonna get back together..he said he acted like that because he felt he had messed up and felt he didn’t know how to fix it. That part confuses me because I was sitting there begging for him to work it out with me yet he still didn’t. Seems strange. He also explained that he was really depressed so his friends encouraged him to join Tinder. He used a bit but ended up deleting it because it didn’t feel right. At first he lied about starting an okcupid. He said he never made one. But then he admitted to that. I am a little concerned that he lied about. He also explained more about the timeline of he and his ex’s relationship. He said it seems like they were together longer because there was a period of time she was dating multiple people even though he thought he was the only one. Again that story seems a little off. But he swears up and down he is gonna work on communication an that he truly wants me back and loves me and wants a future with me. I am not sure right now. I do want him back but I need to figure out a lot of things and he really needs to work on himself. I am also very concerned about the lying about okcupid. I know he was ashamed but I just can’t always wonder if he’s gonna be lying to me. He did delete his ex on Facebook. He said he added her because she works at a fishing store and he wanted to ask her about some of the fishing rods and stuff. Again it does seem a little weird but I don’t know. It’s gonna take a lot for him to earn my trust back so at this point I am not sure if I want to take him back. He said he would do anything to get me back. After I left his house last night we ended up talking on the phone for 2 hours and he was really sweet and everything. And we never really talked on the phone while we were dating so this was new. I am glad that he is putting in effort to be really sweet because that is one of the things I told him that was lacking in our relationship. It will still take time if I do take him back. He said he is okay with that and that he is gonna work on himself and woo me again and he will wait for me. Overall I am glad we are back on friendly terms but we will see about getting back together. What do you think?

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 15, 2016 at 7:50 am

      Good decision..but it’s better if you tell him about that’s ok to be honest just do it in a kid
      nd way coz of course you’re coming from a point where he is at fault.. so, you have to deliver it in a way that be will listen so he won’t be defensive

    6. Chelsea

      March 12, 2016 at 6:05 pm

      Yes. Tonight. He said he wants to talk about stuff too

    7. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 13, 2016 at 5:45 am

      Okay.. update us how it went 🙂

    8. Chelsea

      March 12, 2016 at 2:41 am

      Last night he tweeted: “Was it right…who knows? I sure don’t.” We work together and have seen each other at work 3 times since the breakup, including tonight. When I left work today I passed him but didn’t look at him, as I have done every other day we have worked together. When I got home he texted me about rescheduling our time to give each other the stuff we left at each other’s houses (it’s all important stuff that we both need back). After we rescheduled, he texted me and said “Will you ever be able to look at me again?” I know it is breaking no contact, but I said “I don’t know right now.” He texted back and said “I have been trying to give you space by not going to pint night and such. But we work together so we have to see each other and such.” Pint night is something that he and I used to go to together, weekly at our favorite bar. We would go together as well as my friends. Now I just go with my friends and he has not been to one since. He then asked if I would rather him just drop off my stuff at my place. This is stuff I don’t want just being dropped off. So I texted, “I would rather do the trade-off in person.” He texted, “okay we will.” Then I texted (this is probably dumb) “You can go to pint night if you want. I’m not stopping you.”

    9. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 12, 2016 at 1:29 pm

      yeah..that means no contact is broken..have you set a date to meet up?

    10. Chelsea

      March 10, 2016 at 5:09 am

      So he went from saying he wants to marry me just a couple of days before the breakup, to breaking up. Now, a week after the breakup, he is already on Tinder. When supposedly one reason he broke up with me is because he needs to make himself happy and work on himself. Uh what? Then why are you on Tinder??

    11. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 10, 2016 at 11:34 pm

      hmmm..for now stick to no contact and observe more..

    12. Chelsea

      March 9, 2016 at 7:12 am

      They have been broken up for 3 years and she has been dating her new bf since then, so I don’t really see myself as a rebound

    13. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 9, 2016 at 5:19 pm

      Yeah, I reread your previous post.. I thought you were the rebound because he kept coming back to her.. Yes, tehy broke up three years ago, but they kept in contact and he was active in being in touch with her and you also because you confirmed he was still hung up on her..

      So, now the best bet would be do no contact and improve yourself… coz he still might be checking your profiles every now and then.. make him regret and see he made the wrong choice

    14. Chelsea

      March 8, 2016 at 6:48 pm

      They have been broken up for 3 years and she has been dating her new bf since then

    15. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 8, 2016 at 6:31 pm

      Hi Chelsea,

      it looks like you were the rebound…

  19. Steph

    February 28, 2016 at 9:34 pm

    Hi. My ex and I are back on friendly terms after being broken up for a month. I don’t Facebook-stalk him or do any of the habitual things I used to do out of jealously anymore and I believe he is more comfortable with me now. I’ve shown him that I’m not suspicious of anything he’s been doing in our time apart and I don’t ask probing questions.
    A few times we’ve discussed what we’ve been doing over our weekends. In my news feed he was tagged in a video where he went to a house party. Of course I didn’t make an issue of it but when he mentioned what he did that weekend he said he stayed home. And this weekend he said he was busy a lot (which I totally believe and it’s also really none of my business) but said that when he came back from hanging with his buddy yesterday, “I think I was just chilling after that”. Bizarre that he can’t remember what he did last night lol. Again, I’ve stopped dwelling on what he does in his free time and I didn’t ask him any specific questions that would warrant having to hide anything. He owes me nothing since we’re not a couple and he was usually honest with me during our relationship. I don’t think he’s serious with anyone since he talks to me almost every day and has hung out with me late into the night a couple of times, but maybe he is interested in someone, has begun to date or is just playing the field, which I totally understand and wouldn’t give him grief over.
    So my question is, what’s his motivation for those lies?
    Before we got on friendly terms he said he doesn’t see us getting together in the future but would like to have a talk when he’s ready…and I don’t believe it’s to say he wants me back.
    I even broke the ice on the subject by saying I was hanging with an unnamed friend, to make him a little more comfortable about being honest. So why the lies? Wouldn’t it be easier for everyone involved if he was straight with me? We could both move on so much more quickly.

  20. Meccah

    February 28, 2016 at 4:19 pm

    I’m 17 and my boyfriend broke up with me about 3 weeks ago, we dated for 2 months and we really had a lot of great memories with each other and we only had 2 serious arguments, the first one we were able to work it out but after we had another argument, the next day he broke up with me. He lied to me saying that he lost interest and that’s why he broke up with me but his body language never showed he lost interest. I haven’t seen or talked to him since our breakup. During our relationship we always talked about our feelings and concerns and would even have these deep chill conversations so it just seems weird how he couldn’t tell me he lost interest,we would text everyday for hours on end even during school. Then he’d always telling me how he never wanted to lose me and we were looking towards the future with our relationship but yet he’s the one that broke up with me. He always showed me his phone and everything on it so I know that he wasn’t cheating on me or doing something he shouldn’t have and we both trusted each other. I’ve been doing the no contact since the breakup but I found out that he’s friends with his ex and texting her but in a friendly manner he was with his ex for 2 years before we started dating, is it too late for me to try and get him back? Should I be the one to contact him first? I don’t want to seem like the jilted ex girlfriend that can’t get over her ex.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 29, 2016 at 6:32 am

      Hi Meccah,

      so basically he broke up because he’s been in contact with his ex.. Focus in no contact for now.. once you’ve learned to prioritize yourself first and then let’s see if you still want him back after it..if you do, try to start to rebuild the friendship first

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