My Ex Boyfriend Seems So Happy Without Me… Is It True?

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

It’s not unusual to feel hurt or deceived after a breakup, especially if your ex is walking around like he’s on cloud nine. In circumstances like these, second guessing your entire relationship is not unusual. It happens to everyone.

We all feel like this at some point.

You may be going through the ExRecovery Program, or perhaps you are just trying to find a way to move forward. Either way, it isn’t uncommon to let your thoughts get the better of you. And, as they say, we are hardest on ourselves.

I mean here you are having to put in an actual effort to get back to normal, and he seems to be just breezing through it like it’s nothing.

Is it possible that he’s happy without you?

It is possible. But in all likeliness, he’s struggling exactly like you are. He might just be better at hiding it.

10 Things Happy People Don’t Do

1. They Don’t Blame Other People for Their Problems

Owning up to your actions and their consequences gives you control over the outcome. If your ex is happy, then he won’t need to find anyone to point the finger at for the breakup or anything else that is going on in his life.

If he isn’t ready to take responsibility for the things happening in his life, then he isn’t in control. But that doesn’t mean that you’re in control of how things go either.

If you want to be the only one who has a say in the outcome, in both this circumstance and in your life, then you must accept it as a whole.
You remember in Lion King when Mufasa looked at Simba and said,

“Everything the light touches will be yours.”

He didn’t say,

“pick the parts you like, and then disregard the rest.”

that would be silly. He wouldn’t have been King if he didn’t accept responsibility for all of it.

It’s the same way with your life. If you don’t accept responsibility for all of it, then you can’t rule over it. And if you don’t rule over your life, who does?

You’d be hard-pressed to find any man or woman who is happy with someone else choosing his fate.

It’s like what they say… all or nothing?

2. They Don’t Let Negative Thoughts Overthrow Reason

As I am sure you know by now, when you let yourself get caught up in negativity, everything has a way of seeming gloomy and pointless. Like one of those overly dramatic scenes in a music video when the camera focuses in on someone’s face just as they happen to be looking out into an overcast downpour.

The same can be said for those moments in life when you are smitten and it seems as if nothing can touch you.

We are creatures, ruled by our emotions. And our emotions tend to make us act out in many irrational ways.

Yet, you will find, over time, that it is possible to find moments of pure happiness even in times of extreme grief. If you are unaware of this I can give example.

As I have mentioned in other articles, my grandmother and I were quite close. I spent a great deal of time with her as a child. I considered her to be more of a friend than my grandmother. She had an incredible sense of humor, and many vices that made her quite a character.

I watched her beat many bouts of cancer. She was the strongest woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. How many grandmothers have you known that karaoke “Space Cowboy” with their granddaughter?

I was quite overcome with grief the weeks after she died. But that didn’t keep me or my cousins from sharing ridiculous stories from our childhood. Even amidst the huge feeling of loss, we found joy in recanting stories of our unique childhoods. We spent days and days sharing memories of the woman who made It so unique.

The only way I found to get out from under the overwhelming grief was to remind myself of the goals I had for myself. This, paired with how much my grandmother supported me in those goals, gave me the drive to power through.

That is what happy people do. They manage their thoughts like a skillful stunt driver avoiding obstacles. Be mindful of the negative thoughts that you know lead to a rut. Learn to navigate toward more positive thoughts.

3. They Don’t Focus on One Single Relationship/Goal

There’s a connectivity that happy people have to the life around them.

I’m not talking about those people that simply appear to be happy…

I’m talking about the people that actually… ARE happy.

Okay, so he’s not a people. He’s a raccoon. But I think we can all agree that he’s pretty darn happy.

So many people get so determined to make a change that they balance their entire future on their relationship with the gym. Well, what happens when you sprain your ankle or get the flu and can’t maintain that relationship?

It’s healthy to have other thriving relationships. They exist outside of the one they have/had with their partner as opposed to balancing their entire life around one relationship. They recognize that doing so would be setting themselves up to have the “happiness rug” pulled out from under them.

Happy people are truly happy because they have an emotional support system that will catch them should they ever fall. They know that they don’t have to rely on themselves alone if they are having a hard time. This gives them a taste of comfort that unhappy don’t have access to.

4. They Don’t Dwell on the Past

One thing you should know about happy people, they live only for the present moment and the future they are building. They don’t dwell on past mistakes or losses.

Living in the past can only hold you back. The only thing negative memories are good for is to take lessons away from. And this doesn’t just mean bad memories either. It means any notable accomplishments they made as well.

It is difficult to accomplish this. A lot of people like to base their success now on successes they’ve already had. It takes great mental fortitude to leave your past behind you, a mental fortitude that few have.

It takes great mental fortitude to leave your past behind you, a mental fortitude that few have. But, focusing on the things you can do in the present to create the future you want can make even the most horrible past fade away.

I used to watch my boss’ dog. And let me tell you, it was a gorgeous dog, very smart. But she would do this really dumb thing that I never could understand. She would roll on her back in her own poop. It was so gross. I kept having to hose her off. It wasn’t just gross, it was annoying.

That is what it’s like to be the person sitting next to someone who just can’t let go. At first, you’re sympathetic. You might laugh and console them saying,

“it’s okay, you learned your lesson.”

But, sure, enough, after a few times helping them out of the mess they’ve made, you are going to say,

“forget it,”

and let them sit in it till they learn how to clean themselves up. Okay, you wouldn’t expect a dog to clean up on their own. But, just for the sake of the point, just pretend they can.

I know. It’s a stretch.

Anyways…

Dwelling on the past only perpetuates any sucky feelings you’re having. Eventually, people will get tired of picking you up and you won’t just feel like crap, you’ll end up facing it on your own.

So let’s talk about what your ex is doing?

Yeah, I know you’re keeping tabs on him despite everything I say. Why else would you think he’s so happy?

Pay attention to whether he mentions the past a lot, to you, to others, or on social media. If he is, even though he appears happy, If he’s still focused on the past, it’s likely that it is all for appearance.

5. They Don’t See Problems, They See Challenges and Opportunity

As I said earlier, my grandmother was the strongest woman I’ve ever known. She beat three separate types of cancer.

One day, when I was about eight years old, my grandmother was sitting in the hospital bed. A nurse came in and put an IV in the back of her hand. I watched closely despite my dislike of needles. I was interested in what was going on with her, but she saw my concern. She gestured toward gently,

“They stick me with so many needles, I’m starting to like it.”

Now, if you are like me, even the mention of the sight of needles makes you cringe a little.

Even though she was in a lot of pain, incredibly tired, and knew she might never leave the hospital, she was focused on comforting me. She saw the chance to teach me a lesson about staying positive rather than be held back by the obstacle she was facing.

We talked about it about ten years later and she just said,

“Yeah I was totally faking it. I hate needles, I just wanted you to enjoy our time together, even if we were in a hospital.”

Happy people don’t stop being happy when they come face-to-face with obstacles. They turn them into opportunities to build strength and to empower the people around them. They keep in mind that opportunity can arise from any circumstance, even the bad ones.

Okay enough of the sappy memories, I’m about to start tearing up.

You get the idea, though. Right?

6. They Don’t Allow Negative Things to Take Up Space in Their Lives

As I mentioned before, having meaningful non-romantic relationships is important. When your mind tends to dwell on negative things no matter what you do, it is important to be cautious about your connections. Happy people do not spend more time than necessary with negative people. They will only keep them from making progress in their own lives.

Hopefully, you know your ex well enough to know the people he hangs out with. If he’s posting pictures of hangouts with his bud from work who is always a downer, then chances are he’s not really having as much fun as it seems.

When you know that you are weakened by circumstance, do you want a safety net that lifts you up or one that holds you down?
Happy people say goodbye to negativity. They don’t let it hang around.

7. They Don’t Put Things Off

A lot of the time, people use their unhappiness as an excuse to sit back and let life pass them by, an excuse for inaction. This is unfortunate as choosing not to act is willingly choosing to remain in one place.

Very few people would want to stay in the exact same place that they are in life when they are dealing with a breakup. Yet, it is easy to feel helpless when faced with uncertainty and heavy emotions. A lot of people get overwhelmed and cannot find the boldness to move forward with the rest of their life.

Happy people do not allow themselves to give into excuses or sadness. They do what needs to be done to continue with the life before them. This is how they get through trying times. They trust in that safety net of trusted friends and family I was talking about before.

8. They Don’t Get Hung Up on Small Stuff

Have you ever seen a happy person get hung up on things that are small in the grand scheme of things?

No.

Why?

Well, happy people seek out more reasons to be happy. They also see trying circumstances as opportunities, as I pointed out earlier. This removes any reason to get hung up on small things. Any situation can become an opportunity, even the horrible ones. So, there is no reason to remain unhappy.

Say you stub your toe. You aren’t going to swear off walking for the rest of your life, are you? Why would you derail your life for insignificant things, like your ex posting a picture on Instagram?

9. They Don’t Compare Themselves to Others

Happy people are too busy leading their own lives to waste time on things that aren’t lending to their future happiness. Anything that detracts or distracts from that course is a waste of time. That includes worrying about what others are doing.

If your ex is still paying attention to what you are (or aren’t) doing, then he’s definitely not focused on his own happiness. Some part of him is still wondering what you’re doing.

10. They Don’t Need Approval

As I said before, happy people don’t allow anything that detracts or distracts from their positivity.

Seeking someone’s approval places their happiness in someone else’s hands. This would be something that detracts from the course ahead.

Why?

People have their own interests at heart, whether they’re your family, a supposed friend, or an acquaintance along the way. Even if they care for you, they will see your needs through a filter of their own. They will be likely to guide you towards a future that is better for them than for you.

Happy people don’t feel the need to control everything. But they don’t put the control over their happiness in other people hands. That would be careless.

Happy people stay aware of what is going on in their lives

How to Use This Information to Your Benefit

Knowing how to tell the difference between true happiness and feigned happiness can be a great advantage to you. You will come to find that very few people find happiness in full.

Turn that into a tool and turn your eye inward, at yourself.

What do we know already?

Well, we know you aren’t necessarily happy. Otherwise, how would you have ended up here? You want to get your ex back.

Well, part of that is becoming what we call the Ungettable Girl.

It’s basically leveling up in life. You want your ex to see you as someone who is out of his league. Once you can do that he’ll find himself asking himself,

“What have I done?!”

Once he realizes what a mistake he made, letting you walk away, he’ll do everything he can to have you back in his life.

So let’s look at that list of things happy people don’t do again.

10 Things Happy People Don’t Do

1. They Don’t Blame Other People for Their Problems
2. They Don’t Let Negative Thoughts Overthrow Reason
3. They Don’t Focus on One Single Relationship or Goal
4. They Don’t Dwell on the Past
5. They Don’t See Problems, They See Challenges and Opportunity
6. They Don’t Allow Negative Things to Take Up Space in Their Lives
7. They Don’t Put Things Off
8. They Don’t Get Hung Up on Small Stuff
9. They Don’t Compare Themselves to Others
10. They Don’t Need Approval

How can we turn it into a list of action items you can do to be happy?

Okay it’s not quite THAT easy… but…it’s not impossible.f we look at each one carefully, we can turn it into an action item. And let’s face it, if you are worried about his happiness, then your happiness is probably needing a little attention of its own.

If we look at each one carefully, we can turn it into an action item. And let’s face it, if you are worried about his happiness, then your happiness is probably needing a little attention of its own.

1. Be accountable for the choices you’ve made.

By accepting responsibility for the things YOU had control over in getting to the point you are at, you are accepting responsibility for your future.

2. Learn to master your thoughts.

This one takes a little more work that the others. We grow up knowing the mind to be a wandering entity, as if it is something we cannot control.

I’ll try and stay out of the philosophical side of things when I say this. Any time you find yourself thinking negatively, redirect your thoughts towards the positive.

I had a friend back in college who would wear a rubber band around her wrist. Anytime she started thinking negatively about herself, she would snap herself with it. It was a sort of negative reinforcement.

This can be helpful in your situation as well.

Anytime you find yourself feeling sorry for yourself rather than working toward the future, you could pop a rubber band on your wrist.

(If you happen to be opposed to an unsightly rubber band, Scunci has these clear rubber hair ties that are perfect and basically invisible.)

3. Build a network of meaningful relationships and set several long term goals.

Having meaningful friendships are important.

Keeping up with them while you are in a relationship is even more important.

So many people get wrapped up in their significant other and forget all about the rest of the world.

4. Learn what you can from the past and then focus on the future.

Looking backward only does one thing. It keeps you from moving forward.

Go ahead and accept that what happened in the past happened and decide how you will keep from making the same mistakes in the future.

5. Learn to see difficulties as a learning experience.

This is another difficult one.

Seeing moments that were not only difficult but painful as positive moments is not a path many people take.

I think that that is because it is much easier to feel sorry for yourself than to move forward with your life.

That would mean putting in the work to make it better. Not many people like to put in the work.

6. Surround yourself with positivity.

It is inevitable that there are people that you know that always seem to drain the positivity out of everyone around them.

They are called Energy Vampires. (Look it up! It’s a real thing!)

Energy Vampires are people who can’t see past their own little bubble that they live in and are incapable of understanding other people’s situations.

Limit your time around people who tend to be self-centered.

Too much time with them will hold you back and keep you distracted from making progress in creating a happy life for yourself.

7. Take care of things in a timely manner.

After a breakup (or any sudden life change really) it is easy to get stuck in a rut and start putting things off because you “just don’t feel like it right now.”

If you want to build a happy life, you will have to force yourself to do a lot of things you don’t really want to do. No Procrastinating!

8. Learn to let small things go.

Like I said earlier, derailing your entire life over something that is insignificant is something we all want to avoid.

The thing is, when we find ourselves in emotional duress, we see the world slightly askew.

Things that wouldn’t normally be a big deal are suddenly much much bigger.

We read into every little thing and tend to over react.

When we were talking about mastering our thoughts earlier, I mentioned maintaining a grasp on reason. What you’ll have to do use that mastery of your thoughts and train it to recognize when you over react.

9. Learn to build self-esteem and self-worth.

This one is possibly the most important gift you can give yourself.

If you like you, then there is nothing and no one that can stand in your way ever. I don’t care what obstacle there is, if you learn to know what you are worth, you won’t care how other people see you.

I’ve met quite a few of you in our Facebook group and I have yet to meet anyone who doesn’t deserve a happy life. You are each so wonderful and talented in your own right.

I know at this moment it might be hard to see that, but if you take a moment to appreciate the things you do have to offer rather than the things you don’t, you will find that you are a lot more “worth it” than you ever knew.

10. Challenge yourself for a reason, not for other people.

What is your reason for building a better life?

Is it solely to get your ex back? If this is the case, it’s time to reevaluate.

Create a better life because YOU DESERVE A BETTER LIFE. I helped my friend who kept going back to his girlfriend over and over again, despite the fact that she treated him like he was worthless.

I had to keep reminding him that the reason he was building a better life had to be for him and his daughter, not because he wanted his ex to want him back.

He didn’t listen the first six times around (he’s hard-headed).

But, eventually, he realized that in order to build something that lasts, he has to do it for himself and the little person that depends on him, because she was never going to respect him if he kept things going the way they were.

The idea here is to build a happiness that lasts, not something temporary.

Leave what other people think out of it.A lot of people think that they need to spend all of No Contact trying to get their ex to notice the changes they are making… which can make you look a little desperate for attention.

11. Turn your focus away from what he wants and what other people think.

Instead follow these guidelines and make yourself happy. Soon He’ll be googling, “My Ex Seems So Happy, Is She?” and the answer will be a resounding “Yes!”

Now that you have your guidelines.

There are lots of ways to stay on track.

The last time I worked on bettering myself, I created a wallpaper for my phone that would remind me why I was putting forth the effort. It helped keep me from sending that unfortunate text that you can’t take back.

Some people make themselves inspiration boards. Let us know how you’re staying on track and working on making yourself happy.

I’d love to see what you do with this.

The possibilities are endless!

February 22, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (12)

  1. R - 0

    R

    my boyfriend of 4 years just didnt come home 1 night after we had lived together and travelled together for the entire 4 years. it has now been 3 months and he has changed his number and blocked me on facebook and i bumped into him the other day and asked him why he did this to me i was crying telling him how much i love him and he just shook his head and walked away. what did i do so wrong to deserve this pain i love him more than anything and miss him so much we used to do absolutley everything together!! how is he living without me so easily when i cant go a day without crying my eyes out!!

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi R,

      I wish I can answer that but I can’t. He ghosted you, and after 3 months, you should try to move on after he didn’t even say sorry when you bumped into him.

  2. Lauren - 0

    Lauren

    My ex and I broke up a few days ago. He was so cold and closed off which isnt him at all. He is acting happy and normal ( we work at the same company so i see him) Is he faking it? We talked a day ago and he claims “He is fine” and “in time ill be okay” We never broke up before and we are honestly obsessed with each other. Im so confused. He literally just told me 4 days ago how im his world and our love is the strongest love hes ever felt. Then he leaves me.

    Reply
  3. Lisa - 0

    Lisa

    So I messed up. After no contact I texted and things were going smooth he was responding at times positive and at times neutral. Then I was starting to get discouraged after a few days Bc he wasn’t initiating and I could tell although he was responding he didn’t seem into it. So I had the dreaded feelings talk! Which was a big no no . He told me i told you we’re friends and we will start off as that but you said a lot of mean stuff to me . Which leads me to believe he still is not over the hurtful things I said to him when it was over. What do I do now ? Have I blown my chances? I feel I was making progress but messed up again because I wanted things too soon too fast . Do I do another round of no contact ? I don’t know :/

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lisa,

      the more you do the no contact period, the less it can help. So, I think you need to apologize for what he felt and then say, if he’s ready to forgive, you can start over as friends. If not, restart the no contact period.

    • Lisa - 0

      Lisa

      Hi Amor,
      Thanks for your reply. Well he did say already that we’re friends and I have already apologized. So after we had the feelings talk he told me “we are friends but you said a lot of mean stuff to me” then I apologized and said a couple other things about my feelings which were all positive and he never wrote back after that . So where do I go from here? Keep in mind that he’s since added me back on Facebook after I initially contacted him after no contact and the texting period was professing smoothly until I stated my feelings. So I’m at a loss of where to go from here. Don’t you think it may not be the best idea to pick up right where I left off of the texting phase right after I expressed my feelings? Bc by him saying I said a lot of mean things to him means he clearly needs more time . What do I do? I’m losing hope please help!

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Oh.. yeah, he didn’t reciprocate your feelings so, he just didn’t answer. I think you need to restart the no contact period but since this is not the first, for it not to look like a pattern and for him to think you understood the situation and you’re moving on, it would be better to do 45 days.

    • Lisa - 0

      Lisa

      Well I did 45 days the first time around Bc of how mean the things i said were. And I def feel it helped Bc I was never expecting him to be responsive once I reached out after no contact and at times he was positive up until the feelings talk so this time around I was just going to do 30 since I did 45 before. And he has even since liked a couple pictures and statuses on my fb page so I def do feel it’s progress from when he first ended things . So what do you think? Do you think 30 days would be good or do you suggest another round of 45?

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      ah, yes, just do 30 this time.

    • Lisa - 0

      Lisa

      Last question I promise! Monday is my birthday what do I do if he texts me happy birthday or writes on my fb page ? Am I allowed to respond just a simple thanks?

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s ok, you can ask anytime! :), nope.. it would be better to ignore that too because what would do if he starts a conversation after that?

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