It’s not unusual to feel hurt or deceived after a breakup, especially if your ex is walking around like he’s on cloud nine. In circumstances like these, second guessing your entire relationship is not unusual. It happens to everyone.
We all feel like this at some point.
You may be going through the ExRecovery Program, or perhaps you are just trying to find a way to move forward. Either way, it isn’t uncommon to let your thoughts get the better of you. And, as they say, we are hardest on ourselves.
I mean here you are having to put in an actual effort to get back to normal, and he seems to be just breezing through it like it’s nothing.
Is it possible that he’s happy without you?
It is possible. But in all likeliness, he’s struggling exactly like you are. He might just be better at hiding it.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz10 Things Happy People Don’t Do
1. They Don’t Blame Other People for Their Problems
Owning up to your actions and their consequences gives you control over the outcome. If your ex is happy, then he won’t need to find anyone to point the finger at for the breakup or anything else that is going on in his life.
If he isn’t ready to take responsibility for the things happening in his life, then he isn’t in control. But that doesn’t mean that you’re in control of how things go either.
If you want to be the only one who has a say in the outcome, in both this circumstance and in your life, then you must accept it as a whole.
You remember in Lion King when Mufasa looked at Simba and said,
“Everything the light touches will be yours.”
He didn’t say,
“pick the parts you like, and then disregard the rest.”
that would be silly. He wouldn’t have been King if he didn’t accept responsibility for all of it.
It’s the same way with your life. If you don’t accept responsibility for all of it, then you can’t rule over it. And if you don’t rule over your life, who does?
You’d be hard-pressed to find any man or woman who is happy with someone else choosing his fate.
It’s like what they say… all or nothing?
2. They Don’t Let Negative Thoughts Overthrow Reason
As I am sure you know by now, when you let yourself get caught up in negativity, everything has a way of seeming gloomy and pointless. Like one of those overly dramatic scenes in a music video when the camera focuses in on someone’s face just as they happen to be looking out into an overcast downpour.
The same can be said for those moments in life when you are smitten and it seems as if nothing can touch you.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizWe are creatures, ruled by our emotions. And our emotions tend to make us act out in many irrational ways.
Yet, you will find, over time, that it is possible to find moments of pure happiness even in times of extreme grief. If you are unaware of this I can give example.
As I have mentioned in other articles, my grandmother and I were quite close. I spent a great deal of time with her as a child. I considered her to be more of a friend than my grandmother. She had an incredible sense of humor, and many vices that made her quite a character.
I watched her beat many bouts of cancer. She was the strongest woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. How many grandmothers have you known that karaoke “Space Cowboy” with their granddaughter?
I was quite overcome with grief the weeks after she died. But that didn’t keep me or my cousins from sharing ridiculous stories from our childhood. Even amidst the huge feeling of loss, we found joy in recanting stories of our unique childhoods. We spent days and days sharing memories of the woman who made It so unique.
The only way I found to get out from under the overwhelming grief was to remind myself of the goals I had for myself. This, paired with how much my grandmother supported me in those goals, gave me the drive to power through.
That is what happy people do. They manage their thoughts like a skillful stunt driver avoiding obstacles. Be mindful of the negative thoughts that you know lead to a rut. Learn to navigate toward more positive thoughts.
3. They Don’t Focus on One Single Relationship/Goal
There’s a connectivity that happy people have to the life around them.
I’m not talking about those people that simply appear to be happy…
I’m talking about the people that actually… ARE happy.
Okay, so he’s not a people. He’s a raccoon. But I think we can all agree that he’s pretty darn happy.
So many people get so determined to make a change that they balance their entire future on their relationship with the gym. Well, what happens when you sprain your ankle or get the flu and can’t maintain that relationship?
It’s healthy to have other thriving relationships. They exist outside of the one they have/had with their partner as opposed to balancing their entire life around one relationship. They recognize that doing so would be setting themselves up to have the “happiness rug” pulled out from under them.
Happy people are truly happy because they have an emotional support system that will catch them should they ever fall. They know that they don’t have to rely on themselves alone if they are having a hard time. This gives them a taste of comfort that unhappy don’t have access to.
4. They Don’t Dwell on the Past
One thing you should know about happy people, they live only for the present moment and the future they are building. They don’t dwell on past mistakes or losses.
Living in the past can only hold you back. The only thing negative memories are good for is to take lessons away from. And this doesn’t just mean bad memories either. It means any notable accomplishments they made as well.
It is difficult to accomplish this. A lot of people like to base their success now on successes they’ve already had. It takes great mental fortitude to leave your past behind you, a mental fortitude that few have.
It takes great mental fortitude to leave your past behind you, a mental fortitude that few have. But, focusing on the things you can do in the present to create the future you want can make even the most horrible past fade away.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizI used to watch my boss’ dog. And let me tell you, it was a gorgeous dog, very smart. But she would do this really dumb thing that I never could understand. She would roll on her back in her own poop. It was so gross. I kept having to hose her off. It wasn’t just gross, it was annoying.
That is what it’s like to be the person sitting next to someone who just can’t let go. At first, you’re sympathetic. You might laugh and console them saying,
“it’s okay, you learned your lesson.”
But, sure, enough, after a few times helping them out of the mess they’ve made, you are going to say,
“forget it,”
and let them sit in it till they learn how to clean themselves up. Okay, you wouldn’t expect a dog to clean up on their own. But, just for the sake of the point, just pretend they can.
I know. It’s a stretch.
Anyways…
Dwelling on the past only perpetuates any sucky feelings you’re having. Eventually, people will get tired of picking you up and you won’t just feel like crap, you’ll end up facing it on your own.
So let’s talk about what your ex is doing?
Yeah, I know you’re keeping tabs on him despite everything I say. Why else would you think he’s so happy?
Pay attention to whether he mentions the past a lot, to you, to others, or on social media. If he is, even though he appears happy, If he’s still focused on the past, it’s likely that it is all for appearance.
5. They Don’t See Problems, They See Challenges and Opportunity
As I said earlier, my grandmother was the strongest woman I’ve ever known. She beat three separate types of cancer.
One day, when I was about eight years old, my grandmother was sitting in the hospital bed. A nurse came in and put an IV in the back of her hand. I watched closely despite my dislike of needles. I was interested in what was going on with her, but she saw my concern. She gestured toward gently,
“They stick me with so many needles, I’m starting to like it.”
Now, if you are like me, even the mention of the sight of needles makes you cringe a little.
Even though she was in a lot of pain, incredibly tired, and knew she might never leave the hospital, she was focused on comforting me. She saw the chance to teach me a lesson about staying positive rather than be held back by the obstacle she was facing.
We talked about it about ten years later and she just said,
“Yeah I was totally faking it. I hate needles, I just wanted you to enjoy our time together, even if we were in a hospital.”
Happy people don’t stop being happy when they come face-to-face with obstacles. They turn them into opportunities to build strength and to empower the people around them. They keep in mind that opportunity can arise from any circumstance, even the bad ones.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizOkay enough of the sappy memories, I’m about to start tearing up.
You get the idea, though. Right?
6. They Don’t Allow Negative Things to Take Up Space in Their Lives
As I mentioned before, having meaningful non-romantic relationships is important. When your mind tends to dwell on negative things no matter what you do, it is important to be cautious about your connections. Happy people do not spend more time than necessary with negative people. They will only keep them from making progress in their own lives.
Hopefully, you know your ex well enough to know the people he hangs out with. If he’s posting pictures of hangouts with his bud from work who is always a downer, then chances are he’s not really having as much fun as it seems.
When you know that you are weakened by circumstance, do you want a safety net that lifts you up or one that holds you down?
Happy people say goodbye to negativity. They don’t let it hang around.
7. They Don’t Put Things Off
A lot of the time, people use their unhappiness as an excuse to sit back and let life pass them by, an excuse for inaction. This is unfortunate as choosing not to act is willingly choosing to remain in one place.
Very few people would want to stay in the exact same place that they are in life when they are dealing with a breakup. Yet, it is easy to feel helpless when faced with uncertainty and heavy emotions. A lot of people get overwhelmed and cannot find the boldness to move forward with the rest of their life.
Happy people do not allow themselves to give into excuses or sadness. They do what needs to be done to continue with the life before them. This is how they get through trying times. They trust in that safety net of trusted friends and family I was talking about before.
8. They Don’t Get Hung Up on Small Stuff
Have you ever seen a happy person get hung up on things that are small in the grand scheme of things?
No.
Why?
Well, happy people seek out more reasons to be happy. They also see trying circumstances as opportunities, as I pointed out earlier. This removes any reason to get hung up on small things. Any situation can become an opportunity, even the horrible ones. So, there is no reason to remain unhappy.
Say you stub your toe. You aren’t going to swear off walking for the rest of your life, are you? Why would you derail your life for insignificant things, like your ex posting a picture on Instagram?
9. They Don’t Compare Themselves to Others
Happy people are too busy leading their own lives to waste time on things that aren’t lending to their future happiness. Anything that detracts or distracts from that course is a waste of time. That includes worrying about what others are doing.
If your ex is still paying attention to what you are (or aren’t) doing, then he’s definitely not focused on his own happiness. Some part of him is still wondering what you’re doing.
10. They Don’t Need Approval
As I said before, happy people don’t allow anything that detracts or distracts from their positivity.
Seeking someone’s approval places their happiness in someone else’s hands. This would be something that detracts from the course ahead.
Why?
People have their own interests at heart, whether they’re your family, a supposed friend, or an acquaintance along the way. Even if they care for you, they will see your needs through a filter of their own. They will be likely to guide you towards a future that is better for them than for you.
Happy people don’t feel the need to control everything. But they don’t put the control over their happiness in other people hands. That would be careless.
Happy people stay aware of what is going on in their lives
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizHow to Use This Information to Your Benefit
Knowing how to tell the difference between true happiness and feigned happiness can be a great advantage to you. You will come to find that very few people find happiness in full.
Turn that into a tool and turn your eye inward, at yourself.
What do we know already?
Well, we know you aren’t necessarily happy. Otherwise, how would you have ended up here? You want to get your ex back.
Well, part of that is becoming what we call the Ungettable Girl.
It’s basically leveling up in life. You want your ex to see you as someone who is out of his league. Once you can do that he’ll find himself asking himself,
“What have I done?!”
Once he realizes what a mistake he made, letting you walk away, he’ll do everything he can to have you back in his life.
So let’s look at that list of things happy people don’t do again.
10 Things Happy People Don’t Do
1. They Don’t Blame Other People for Their Problems
2. They Don’t Let Negative Thoughts Overthrow Reason
3. They Don’t Focus on One Single Relationship or Goal
4. They Don’t Dwell on the Past
5. They Don’t See Problems, They See Challenges and Opportunity
6. They Don’t Allow Negative Things to Take Up Space in Their Lives
7. They Don’t Put Things Off
8. They Don’t Get Hung Up on Small Stuff
9. They Don’t Compare Themselves to Others
10. They Don’t Need Approval
How can we turn it into a list of action items you can do to be happy?
Okay it’s not quite THAT easy… but…it’s not impossible.f we look at each one carefully, we can turn it into an action item. And let’s face it, if you are worried about his happiness, then your happiness is probably needing a little attention of its own.
If we look at each one carefully, we can turn it into an action item. And let’s face it, if you are worried about his happiness, then your happiness is probably needing a little attention of its own.
1. Be accountable for the choices you’ve made.
By accepting responsibility for the things YOU had control over in getting to the point you are at, you are accepting responsibility for your future.
2. Learn to master your thoughts.
This one takes a little more work that the others. We grow up knowing the mind to be a wandering entity, as if it is something we cannot control.
I’ll try and stay out of the philosophical side of things when I say this. Any time you find yourself thinking negatively, redirect your thoughts towards the positive.
I had a friend back in college who would wear a rubber band around her wrist. Anytime she started thinking negatively about herself, she would snap herself with it. It was a sort of negative reinforcement.
This can be helpful in your situation as well.
Anytime you find yourself feeling sorry for yourself rather than working toward the future, you could pop a rubber band on your wrist.
(If you happen to be opposed to an unsightly rubber band, Scunci has these clear rubber hair ties that are perfect and basically invisible.)
3. Build a network of meaningful relationships and set several long term goals.
Having meaningful friendships are important.
Keeping up with them while you are in a relationship is even more important.
So many people get wrapped up in their significant other and forget all about the rest of the world.
4. Learn what you can from the past and then focus on the future.
Looking backward only does one thing. It keeps you from moving forward.
Go ahead and accept that what happened in the past happened and decide how you will keep from making the same mistakes in the future.
5. Learn to see difficulties as a learning experience.
This is another difficult one.
Seeing moments that were not only difficult but painful as positive moments is not a path many people take.
I think that that is because it is much easier to feel sorry for yourself than to move forward with your life.
That would mean putting in the work to make it better. Not many people like to put in the work.
6. Surround yourself with positivity.
It is inevitable that there are people that you know that always seem to drain the positivity out of everyone around them.
They are called Energy Vampires. (Look it up! It’s a real thing!)
Energy Vampires are people who can’t see past their own little bubble that they live in and are incapable of understanding other people’s situations.
Limit your time around people who tend to be self-centered.
Too much time with them will hold you back and keep you distracted from making progress in creating a happy life for yourself.
7. Take care of things in a timely manner.
After a breakup (or any sudden life change really) it is easy to get stuck in a rut and start putting things off because you “just don’t feel like it right now.”
If you want to build a happy life, you will have to force yourself to do a lot of things you don’t really want to do. No Procrastinating!
8. Learn to let small things go.
Like I said earlier, derailing your entire life over something that is insignificant is something we all want to avoid.
The thing is, when we find ourselves in emotional duress, we see the world slightly askew.
Things that wouldn’t normally be a big deal are suddenly much much bigger.
We read into every little thing and tend to over react.
When we were talking about mastering our thoughts earlier, I mentioned maintaining a grasp on reason. What you’ll have to do use that mastery of your thoughts and train it to recognize when you over react.
9. Learn to build self-esteem and self-worth.
This one is possibly the most important gift you can give yourself.
If you like you, then there is nothing and no one that can stand in your way ever. I don’t care what obstacle there is, if you learn to know what you are worth, you won’t care how other people see you.
I’ve met quite a few of you in our Facebook group and I have yet to meet anyone who doesn’t deserve a happy life. You are each so wonderful and talented in your own right.
I know at this moment it might be hard to see that, but if you take a moment to appreciate the things you do have to offer rather than the things you don’t, you will find that you are a lot more “worth it” than you ever knew.
10. Challenge yourself for a reason, not for other people.
What is your reason for building a better life?
Is it solely to get your ex back? If this is the case, it’s time to reevaluate.
Create a better life because YOU DESERVE A BETTER LIFE. I helped my friend who kept going back to his girlfriend over and over again, despite the fact that she treated him like he was worthless.
I had to keep reminding him that the reason he was building a better life had to be for him and his daughter, not because he wanted his ex to want him back.
He didn’t listen the first six times around (he’s hard-headed).
But, eventually, he realized that in order to build something that lasts, he has to do it for himself and the little person that depends on him, because she was never going to respect him if he kept things going the way they were.
The idea here is to build a happiness that lasts, not something temporary.
Leave what other people think out of it.A lot of people think that they need to spend all of No Contact trying to get their ex to notice the changes they are making… which can make you look a little desperate for attention.
11. Turn your focus away from what he wants and what other people think.
Instead follow these guidelines and make yourself happy. Soon He’ll be googling, “My Ex Seems So Happy, Is She?” and the answer will be a resounding “Yes!”
Now that you have your guidelines.
There are lots of ways to stay on track.
The last time I worked on bettering myself, I created a wallpaper for my phone that would remind me why I was putting forth the effort. It helped keep me from sending that unfortunate text that you can’t take back.
Some people make themselves inspiration boards. Let us know how you’re staying on track and working on making yourself happy.
I’d love to see what you do with this.
The possibilities are endless!
Rishika
June 21, 2019 at 7:45 am
What if it’s the other way round and HE thinks that I AM happier without him? What if he thinks he is a toxic presence in my life and wants to stay away in order to make me happier?
T
February 10, 2019 at 9:06 am
Hi,
I had a boyfriend of almost 3 years and things got stale. I guess I always knew we were better as friends. But I wanted to make it work so I had a talk and we decided to try to make it work. In the meantime I became friends with a personal trainer at my gym. I initially thought he was gay, due to how concerned he was about his appearance. But as I got to know him and he became flirty I realised he wasn’t.
During the last two weeks of my relationship I cheated on him with this personal trainer. He was so lovely, gave me all the attention I was lacking.
The night my ex found out, my new man was round mine. My ex was distraught, but I told him we’d only kissed. Long story short, messy break up. But my new man, Nathan, left and stayed parked around the corner until the early morning to make sure I was ok and was there in case something happened.
He was perfect, taking me on surprise dates, buying me flowers and leaving them on my doorstep. We spent all our time together. So much so that it made sense for him to move in.
About two months in he changed. He would get snappy at me for no reason, and then I would get upset, and it would cause friction. We would always sort it out because we loved each other.
By the way, he told me he loved me before he officially asked me out and that he had never told another girl that. However, his previous girlfriend had 2 abortions with him because he felt he was too young to have kids, and didn’t actually want to be with her and feel trapped. He was 19, she was 35.
He has serious issues form childhood, his mum died when he was 7, and then his father moved him and his brother and sister to America, then spain then back to the Uk. His father was also very abusive towards his two sons.
I knew he suffered from depression, so I put his mood swings down to that. One minute he’s be so happy and the next so depressed.
He also started to have money issues which seemed odd because he always seemed so relaxed with money at the start of our relationship.
He admitted to me that he used to take cocaine, but hadn’t in months and never wanted to go back to that life because he knew I would leave him. His ex got him out of £2000 debt to dealers and he still pays her £100 a month to pay her back.
I got a message from two different girls on snapchat saying that he had asked them to come to his sisters empty flat that he was painting, to have sex with him. I was distraught, but he vehemently denied it, was a blubbering mess saying it wasn’t true and how much he loved me and didn’t want to lose me. So I chose to believe him.
We went on holiday to Berlin before Christmas 2018, and he said he didn’t think he was going to be able to afford it. So as his Christmas present, my parents and I paid for him. We went to a Christmas market with a live band whilst we were there and later that day he told me he almost proposed there and then, but didn’t have a ring so didn’t think it a good idea, as he wanted it to be special.
All I got for Christmas was a discounted gym membership renewal to the gym he worked at. And I would have to take the money from his drawer every month. I had also got him a few stocking fillers.
He was so excited about a proper family Christmas when we first started dating. Then when it came to it he didn’t want to put up any decorations or join in. We even had his father and brother round for Christmas dinner. And barely a thank you came from him.
A few months ago he said he needed his own space and was finding living in a family household overwhelming. I was of course upset and saw this as his way of leaving me. We had a mini breakup of a day before he realised he wanted to come back to a home.
We went out clubbing for his friends birthday and after he went to the bathroom and didn’t return for 20 mins I got worried. He wouldn’t return any texts or calls. I asked our friend who works there if she had seen him and she said he had left to pick someone up…but he didn’t have his car. I was a mess, so worried about him and left with people I’d only met that night. A girl came up to me and told me he had messaged her on Snapchat offering a free personal training session to her and would pick her up and drop her home as she didn’t drive. He had also sent her a snapchat whilst we had briefly broken up saying he missed her and thought she was pretty.
An hour and a half later my parents picked me up, we drove around looking for him before I got a text saying he had walked home after getting into a fight with the bouncer because they wouldn’t let him back in. This couldn’t be true because I spoke to the bouncers and they didn’t recognise him. He was so drunk when we got home. He said he had gone outside to see his friend (who is a drug dealer) and drove around in his car for a while charging his phone as it had died. I messaged the friend and he told me he hasn’t been out all night. I asked nathan about this girl and he said he used to be friends with her at school and missed spending time with her, but that was all. The next day nathan was very apologetic and said he actually couldn’t remember why he left.
He started working at this nightclub twice a week for extra money (when we went through his expense there was around £700 a month unaccounted for). I was anxious about this due to the nature of drugs in that environment and also being around pretty drunk girls. Then last Saturday when he was working he told me he might be a bit later as they had to do a stocktake. I got a text at 5:30am saying the staff were having a lock in and he wouldn’t be home for a few hours. He didn’t get home till almost 9am, then went and did 2 hours work at the gym and then went out to lunch with his friend. He had also worked the Friday night. So he hasn’t slept in almost 30 hours. We were supposed to play tennis with his friends that afternoon but he was so exhausted that we couldn’t. He couldn’t understand why I was upset. We had a bit of an argument and then resolved it. He apologised for treating me so badly and wouldn’t do it again, and he loved me. He also told me the money he was making from there was to buy me an engagement ring.
The following morning he was eating cereal in the shower out of a glass bowl. My mum told him that it aaa dangerous as he could hurt himself if he dropped it. (I should mention he can’t take criticism, constructive or otherwise) and he said he couldn’t go 10 mins without being grilled. I told him that she was right however and only had his best interests at heart. He had his aerosols in the window and it was very sunny. I told him that it might be a good idea to move them in case they got too hot and burst. He said ‘alright Deb’ (my mother’s name). And I got a bit upset by that. I knew he wasn’t happy living here again so asked if he wanted to move out. He said if he did then we wouldn’t work, and he wanted me, so he would deal with it. I texted him saying we could make it work as I just wanted him to be happy.
When he came home from work a few hours later he just assumed that he was moving out, and acted like it wasn’t a big deal. I was a bit upset so went into the bathroom to cry. He came in begging me to think about it because he loved me so much and couldn’t lose me. I told him I would think about it.
Later he texted asking what was happening with us. And I told him I didn’t know, because I didn’t know what would make him happy anymore. He said he’d had time to think and thought we should ‘call it a day’. I begged him to come home after work to talk. He did. He said he went to the clifftop in his car after work and almost drove off, but his friend called (another drug taker) and distracted him. I was crying, he was cuddling me saying how much he loved me but just wasn’t happy. My dad spoke to him for an hour and got though to him that he needs help. He then told me he knew he needs help but I couldn’t be around whilst he was getting it as he needs to do it himself. I was a wreck. Mum mum cake and spoke to him and he was all over the place, saying one thing then contradicting himself the next. He then said he loves me but doesn’t want to be with me, so had to break up with me.
He left, got snappy with my mum when she asked him nicely what the last few hours of talking had been about. I asked for one last kiss and then he left crying. He texted me saying it was he hates thing to do but he thought it was for the best. The next few days we texted a few times. He said he loves me but isn’t in love with me and doesn’t want to be with me and is happier now. He’s been posting all over his Instagram being with friends out doing things.
He’s unfollowed me and my mum on Instagram and unfriended is on Facebook.
He spoke to my mum and said that I just don’t make him happy anymore, that I’m amazing and I’ll find someone who deserves me, but that’s not him. I asked him to please not go off with any other girls until we meet in a few weeks time, and he said if he wasn’t happy with the perfect girl how could he be happy with anyone else.
Then I see on his Instagram story that he’s out to dinner with two girls. He can do what he wants but I find it very insensitive.
His client picked up his belongings and have him a letter I wrote to him. He said he’d read it but didn’t want to read it before work as he didn’t want to get upset.
His brother and sister don’t understand why he did this as they both think I was so good for him.
His friends seem to not find it shocking, almost as if they knew he was going to do this. But to me it was a shock.
He says he still loves me, but isn’t in love with me and I don’t make him happy.
I’m such a mess.
I’ve talked to him under a fake profile and he’s said he’s happier now and ‘done with the situation’.
I guess what I’m asking is, what would your advice be? About someone who has serious mental health problems and can be selfish and a flirt.
I still love him for some reason. And I’m hurting.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated,
Chris Seiter
February 10, 2019 at 10:39 pm
Hi T….that was a heck of a story and I am not even sure where to begin! I glad you shared it with me. I am glad you did for yourself too as telling your story….writing it down can bring you clarity and insight. It can be cathartic in getting it out, lifting you up to see more potential solutions for your own healing and recovery. There are many ways for you to heal and that should be your primary focus. I think a long term No Contact is in order here, with the focus being on you focusing on “you”, not for his sake, but for your own.
Hanna
April 20, 2018 at 4:15 pm
What if I was making him unhappy by being needy and repeating one mistake after another? (mostly because I was reacting to hia distance) When it was partly me? When he is now happy without me even if I did a lot and had only good intentions? what can be done?
Chris Seiter
April 20, 2018 at 4:32 pm
Hey there Hanna…we all make mistakes. What is important is learning from them and not dwelling on the past. You own self healing is critical. If you have not already picked up Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro, then go take a look at it (website Menu/Products link) because it serves as a Companion Guide and helps you through this process, particularly your own self healing. That is the ex recovery piece people lose sight of and is so important in so many ways.
Angella
July 2, 2017 at 7:10 am
Hello,
My EX-Boy Friend seems so happy and satisfied without me.It’s been 53 days after our break up and each day he became more happy and successful.he constantly post about how life is beautiful and good and how every thing is getting better on instagram.its driving me crazy because I’m desperate and alone and its like i was the barrier in his life and he relieved now. our relation ship took 2 years without any big fight and we were so happy.i live in Iran and his family wants a traditional way of getting married for him so he broke up with me to let me go and said he cant lose his family and their emotional and financial supports for me but he said that he loves me and never forget the best days of his life that he had with me.please help me.I’m losing my mind over this break up.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 4, 2017 at 9:16 pm
Hi Angella,
You need to have professional therapy.. And to start being active in healing and improving yourself
V
April 23, 2017 at 3:49 pm
I didn’t see the comment appear to be waiting for moderation so I repost, just to be sure my thought get to you. If it already sent, please delete the extra!
Hi Amor, It’s me again. Sorry for bother you so much. I’m already 3 weeks into NC. Since the breakup was so messy and base on my ex’s characters, I plan to take 60 days of NC, is it OK? I’m doing pretty fine. The yoga class will only open at the start of next month so I still have to wait a week more to actually step up my game. But I’m still on an emotional roller-coster. Today is my ‘down’ day, just feeling sick of the thought that he’s having fun out there while I’m struggling to get over the breakup you know. I’ll eventually be OK again the next day, though I still think of him 24/7. Can I ask your opinion on how my ex would act regarding https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/is-my-ex-boyfriend-over-me-already/? There is a problem with the captcha there so I try posting here.
We dated for 5 months. My ex is a Libra, quite conservative, prissy, stubborn, thinking his mindset is always true so he tends to stick to it, very caring toward his gf, sensitive, sentiment. When we were together, he was always the one to text/mes me first, we talked for like almost 15h/day in his days off. Heck, he even planned a future with me, I thought that he was very serious about our relationship. I saw how he treated his ex’s, he remains friend with his first gf in high school, broke up with his 2nd gf on good term cuz LDR, they never talked again, but I know he loved her more than me. The time being with me is the shortest out of 3, but we had great chemistry, I gave him feelings/experience that he had never felt before with his ex’s, he said so. Eventually we broke up due to me being the wild one and he can’t cope up with. I get used to the know of him posting nothing on his FB, but he likes a lot of posts, he always online for a chat with his friends, being busy with his assignments and social life. I admit he does post-breakup things better than me. He has no problem in getting a new girl if he wants to. Do you think he got over me that easily? He isn’t a curious guy, so I doubt that he’d check my FB.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 29, 2017 at 7:35 pm
You still have to post, because he might not always be curious, but he will be at some point and you have to have a lot of posts when he checks.. If your gut tells you to do 60 days, do it but mostly we only advise up to 45 days.
V
April 23, 2017 at 3:44 pm
Hi Amor, It’s me again. Sorry for bother you so much. I’m already 3 weeks into NC. Since the breakup was so messy and base on my ex’s characters, I plan to take 60 days of NC, is it OK? I’m doing pretty fine. The yoga class will only open at the start of next month so I still have to wait a week more to actually step up my game. But I’m still on an emotional roller-coster. Today is my ‘down’ day, just feeling sick of the thought that he’s having fun out there while I’m struggling to get over the breakup you know. I’ll eventually be OK again the next day, though I still think of him 24/7. Can I ask your opinion on how my ex would act regarding https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/is-my-ex-boyfriend-over-me-already/? There is a problem with the captcha there so I try posting here.
We dated for 5 months. My ex is a Libra, quite conservative, prissy, stubborn, thinking his mindset is always true so he tends to stick to it, very caring toward his gf, sensitive, sentiment. When we were together, he was always the one to text/mes me first, we talked for like almost 15h/day in his days off. Heck, he even planned a future with me, I thought that he was very serious about our relationship. I saw how he treated his ex’s, he remains friend with his first gf in high school, broke up with his 2nd gf on good term cuz LDR, they never talked again, but I know he loved her more than me. The time being with me is the shortest out of 3, but we had great chemistry, I gave him feelings/experience that he had never felt before with his ex’s, he said so. Eventually we broke up due to me being the wild one and he can’t cope up with. I get used to the know of him posting nothing on his FB, but he likes a lot of posts, he always online for a chat with his friends, being busy with his assignments and social life. I admit he does post-breakup things better than me. He has no problem in getting a new girl if he wants to. Do you think he got over me that easily? He isn’t a curious guy, so I doubt that he’d check my FB.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 29, 2017 at 7:35 pm
You still have to post, because he might not always be curious, but he will be at some point and you have to have a lot of posts when he checks.. If your gut tells you to do 60 days, do it but mostly we only advise up to 45 days.
Kei
April 10, 2017 at 2:48 pm
My ex boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and was in a long distance relationship for most of it. He has broken up with me twice and I broke up with him this time as I felt like I was no longer a priority in his life. I still love him deeply and unfriended him on fb. He has recently changed his status to single and public it. We have been in Nc for two weeks and he hasn’t reached out and seems really happy without me in his life. As much as I’m trying to let go as this final breakup feels permanent, I can’t help but want him to reach out to me and make things work. Please advise.
Kei
April 11, 2017 at 3:06 am
I haven’t been posting much on my fb as we are no longer friends on it. The first two times we broke up, I went into Nc for a week each before he begged me to take him back. Whereas this breakup, it has been two weeks with no news from him. The wait is really unbearable.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 11, 2017 at 10:17 pm
you have to restart the count because you have to improve yourself and be active in posting even if you’re not friends
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 10, 2017 at 8:47 pm
how active are you in improving yourself and in posting?
R
February 27, 2017 at 2:35 am
my boyfriend of 4 years just didnt come home 1 night after we had lived together and travelled together for the entire 4 years. it has now been 3 months and he has changed his number and blocked me on facebook and i bumped into him the other day and asked him why he did this to me i was crying telling him how much i love him and he just shook his head and walked away. what did i do so wrong to deserve this pain i love him more than anything and miss him so much we used to do absolutley everything together!! how is he living without me so easily when i cant go a day without crying my eyes out!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 27, 2017 at 7:14 pm
Hi R,
I wish I can answer that but I can’t. He ghosted you, and after 3 months, you should try to move on after he didn’t even say sorry when you bumped into him.
Lauren
February 24, 2017 at 1:23 pm
My ex and I broke up a few days ago. He was so cold and closed off which isnt him at all. He is acting happy and normal ( we work at the same company so i see him) Is he faking it? We talked a day ago and he claims “He is fine” and “in time ill be okay” We never broke up before and we are honestly obsessed with each other. Im so confused. He literally just told me 4 days ago how im his world and our love is the strongest love hes ever felt. Then he leaves me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 24, 2017 at 3:58 pm
Hi Lauren,
Follow the advice on this one:
EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend
Lisa
February 23, 2017 at 12:45 pm
So I messed up. After no contact I texted and things were going smooth he was responding at times positive and at times neutral. Then I was starting to get discouraged after a few days Bc he wasn’t initiating and I could tell although he was responding he didn’t seem into it. So I had the dreaded feelings talk! Which was a big no no . He told me i told you we’re friends and we will start off as that but you said a lot of mean stuff to me . Which leads me to believe he still is not over the hurtful things I said to him when it was over. What do I do now ? Have I blown my chances? I feel I was making progress but messed up again because I wanted things too soon too fast . Do I do another round of no contact ? I don’t know :/
Lisa
February 24, 2017 at 4:51 pm
Last question I promise! Monday is my birthday what do I do if he texts me happy birthday or writes on my fb page ? Am I allowed to respond just a simple thanks?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 25, 2017 at 7:22 pm
it’s ok, you can ask anytime! :), nope.. it would be better to ignore that too because what would do if he starts a conversation after that?
Lisa
February 24, 2017 at 3:00 pm
Well I did 45 days the first time around Bc of how mean the things i said were. And I def feel it helped Bc I was never expecting him to be responsive once I reached out after no contact and at times he was positive up until the feelings talk so this time around I was just going to do 30 since I did 45 before. And he has even since liked a couple pictures and statuses on my fb page so I def do feel it’s progress from when he first ended things . So what do you think? Do you think 30 days would be good or do you suggest another round of 45?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 24, 2017 at 3:59 pm
ah, yes, just do 30 this time.
Lisa
February 23, 2017 at 10:57 pm
Hi Amor,
Thanks for your reply. Well he did say already that we’re friends and I have already apologized. So after we had the feelings talk he told me “we are friends but you said a lot of mean stuff to me” then I apologized and said a couple other things about my feelings which were all positive and he never wrote back after that . So where do I go from here? Keep in mind that he’s since added me back on Facebook after I initially contacted him after no contact and the texting period was professing smoothly until I stated my feelings. So I’m at a loss of where to go from here. Don’t you think it may not be the best idea to pick up right where I left off of the texting phase right after I expressed my feelings? Bc by him saying I said a lot of mean things to him means he clearly needs more time . What do I do? I’m losing hope please help!
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 24, 2017 at 2:05 pm
Oh.. yeah, he didn’t reciprocate your feelings so, he just didn’t answer. I think you need to restart the no contact period but since this is not the first, for it not to look like a pattern and for him to think you understood the situation and you’re moving on, it would be better to do 45 days.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 23, 2017 at 9:12 pm
Hi Lisa,
the more you do the no contact period, the less it can help. So, I think you need to apologize for what he felt and then say, if he’s ready to forgive, you can start over as friends. If not, restart the no contact period.