My Ex Boyfriend Told Me To Move On… Does He Really Mean It?

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

I want to show you something that a woman on our private support group posted yesterday,

I underlined the particularly important parts.

Now, as you can imagine for a woman who desperately wants her ex back having that ex tell her that he is moving on and that she should as well can be devastating. Now, the woman who posted this screenshot of his text was very upset.

However, she asked me the inevitable question that almost all women ask,

Should I tell him to go F*ck Himself…

Wait… no that’s not right.

Hmm…

One sec let me consult my notes.

…..

……..

…………

Ah, here it is.

She asked me,

What does my ex boyfriend really mean when tells me that I should move on?

Well, rather than answering her directly (since it’s going to take me about a week to answer her properly) I decided to do a deep dive and answer her through this article instead!

After all, I am sure there are millions of other women out there that can benefit from learning what the heck your ex boyfriend really means when he says that you should move on.

So, rather than listen to me ramble on let’s just cut right to the chase and answer the burning question that’s probably been plaguing your mind ever since your stupid ex opened his mouth.

(I will always be on your side FYI!)

Does He Really Mean It When He Tells Me To Move On?

Yep, I decided to get right to the heart of the thing that is bugging you.

Now, what I am about to say may be a tad bit controversial so make sure you listen up.

I want to start off by saying that I have some bad news and some good news.

Which would you like to hear first?

The bad news, eh?

Ok, brace yourself because this is probably going to hurt to read but just know that I have some good news (and some hope) that is soon to follow.

Are you ready?

Have you grabbed on to your chair or seat or whatever you are near to get in your bracing position?

The Bad News = Your ex boyfriend absolutely means it…

Ok, now let me quickly jump into the good news.

The Good News = He may have only meant it in that exact moment and it may have no bearing of what he wants in the future…

Let me ask you a question.

Have you ever gotten super angry at someone and said something quite rude to them without actually meaning it?

Yep….

I am pretty sure we have all been there.

It’s entirely possible that your ex got caught up in the heat of the moment from the breakup and said something that he didn’t mean.

Now, for all of you naysayers out there chanting “bullsh*t” let me tell you a little about how we roll here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

I usually don’t say something on this site without proof backing it up.

In other words, I would like to show you the real proof I have of this idea of a man saying something in the heat of the moment and not really meaning it.

Meet Sarah,

Now, Sarah was one of the lucky women who got her ex boyfriend back after enrolling in our private support group!

Do you care to take a guess at what Sarah’s ex boyfriend told her when they broke up?

This is it…

We are never getting back together…

You should move on because that’s what I am going to do too…

He said these things during the heat of the breakup and obviously didn’t mean them when he wanted to get back with her later.

Just watch the 35 minute interview I did with her above if you want the rest of the details.

Now, the question you are probably wondering at this point is,

I get it Chris but how the heck am I supposed to know if he really meant it when he told me to move on?

Ah, well a few years ago I would have just told you to wait around and see how things panned out.

Basically the equivalent of one of these,

However, after gaining more experience with men who have said this to their exes and then turned around and came back my team and I have began to notice certain patterns that have been universally exhibited and I am going to let you in on those “patterns” today.

Are you ready to rock?

Patterns Men Exhibit When They Don’t Really Mean To Tell You To Move On

Alright, so I have identified three very distinctive behaviors/patterns that men exhibit when they tell you to “move on” but don’t really mean it.

Those patterns are as follows,

  1. Telling You To Move On And Then Not Leaving You Alone
  2. Making A Romantic Declaration Of Some Sort
  3. Dating Someone New Very Quickly And Then Breaking Up Very Quickly

Of course, me just telling you these patterns aren’t enough.

On the contrary, I have always believed that details are essential if you want to understand what the heck is going on in your ex boyfriends mind.

So, that is what I am going to spend the rest of this article.

Defining exactly what I mean when I list each of these patterns.

Pattern #1: Telling You To Move On And Then Not Leaving You Alone

I have always been of the belief that actions speak louder than words.

This is especially true when you are dealing with someone going through a breakup where emotions run high and they often won’t say what is really on their mind. I learned a long time ago that if you want to get to the bottom of what someone truly feels then you need to study how they act after a breakup.

For example, if your ex boyfriend tells you to move on and he never talks to you again (even after you try to talk to him) then it’s a pretty safe bet that he meant what he said.

In other words, he told you one thing and backed it up with the action of silence which everyone in the “ex recovery” game knows is a bad thing as it relates to your own ex boyfriend.

But what if the opposite happens?

What if your ex boyfriend tells you to move on and then proceeds to send you text messages like this over the next few days,

Well, he is saying one thing with his words but his actions are clearly saying another thing, aren’t they?

You know, I’ll never forget one thing I read from renowned psychotherapist Esther Perel when she was interviewing a couple that was trying to rebuild after an affair,

When Debbie brings up the affairs, Marc alternates between justifying and blaming himself.

(source)

It’s almost like this pendulum swinging back and forth where a person can flip/flop their position from one end to the other.

The analogy has always stuck with me because I have experienced this very same phenomenon with the men and women I work with who experience breakups.

One day they can be on top of the world very excited about how things are progressing and the next they swing to the other end of the spectrum cursing me that I am not helping them enough.

Breakups tend to have this spectrum swinging affect on humans and your ex boyfriend is no different.

One minute he can be steadfast in his belief that you should get over him and the next moment he could be having this internal conversation with himself where he is literally thinking,

Why did I tell her that? I don’t want her to be over me…

And that’s where this pattern comes into play.

If you find that your ex can’t seem to stop talking to you after he tells you to “move on” it could be a sign that the pendulum is swinging the other way.

Pattern #2: Making A Romantic Declaration Of Some Sort

Let’s go down this rabbit hole a little bit further.

Now that you have grasped my pendulum analogy you probably have a little insight into why your ex boyfriend may be giving you mixed signals by telling you to move on. Hell, you have probably experienced the pendulum playing with your emotions yourself.

So, I’d like to throw out a hypothetical here for a moment.

Lets pretend that your ex boyfriend told you very specifically that he wants you to move on. However, after the fact you find that he keeps messaging you and talking to you.

Basically he exhibits pattern one in spades.

But this time he takes it a step further and makes a romantic declaration.

Romantic Declaration = Something your ex says to you that can be taken in a romantic way

I feel it’s important to spend some time defining specific romantic declarations your ex is likely to make since I realize I am dealing with women who tend to read into every little action that he does.

Generally the type of romantic declaration I am talking about ISN’T going to be this,

That’s what I would call a “GRAND” romantic declaration.

While it’s not impossible for an ex to suddenly have an epiphany and want to win you back it is unlikely and it would be a waste of your precious time sitting around waiting for it to happen.

Instead, it’s likely that the type of romantic declarations you will receive can go a little like this,

You and your ex are texting at a pretty good clip and all of a sudden he texts you this,

“I really miss you!”

Notice how it’s not overly romantic. It’s almost as if he let his guard down and let you in on the internal conversation going on in his head.

You want to make sure you pay attention to things like this because they are important.

Another popular romantic gesture I see a lot of ex boyfriends making is calling their ex by a “pet name.”

Pet Name: Something he used to call you often instead of your name

For example, my wife will sometimes call me,

“Babe…”

“Hun…”

“Honey…”

“Lovey…”

These are all her little pet names for me.

Now, I know for a fact that it’s meant to be sweet and romantic by nature because she doesn’t call other men in her life by these names. Instead, they are all reserved for me.

(And I suppose we are going to have a major problem if she does start calling other men by these names.)

Here is my point.

If your ex boyfriend begins calling you by your “pet name” then it’s a small little romantic gesture that is giving you insight into his frame of mind.

The pendulum may be swinging back towards hoping you don’t move on.

Pattern #3: Dating Someone New Very Quickly And Then Breaking Up Very Quickly

I saved the most outrageous pattern for last because it is so counter intuitive.

Before I started Ex Boyfriend Recovery I was under the impression that if you were trying to get an ex boyfriend back it’s never good if that ex boyfriend starts dating a new girl.

And for the most part I still believe that is the case.

HOWEVER!

There is one particular circumstance where the rules slightly change.

Care to take a guess at what that circumstance is?

….

…….

………..

Ok, ok… I kind of gave the answer out in the heading but I am trying to keep things exciting for you 🙂 .

The circumstance is if your ex quickly jumps into a relationship with a new girlfriend after your breakup and then quickly breaks up with her.

Remember what we learned from pattern one?

Words don’t matter as much as actions and by dating a new girl your ex boyfriend is clearly taking a bold action.

But what are these actions telling us?

Well, lets study what is actually going on.

Action #1 = Your Ex Boyfriend Quickly Jumping Into A Relationship With Someone New

This action tells us a couple of things.

Firstly, the fact that he was so quick to jump into a new relationship means that he is definitely hurt by his breakup with you.

Now, generally the public believes that moving on this quickly is a negative behavior but what if I were to tell you that it’s not.

What if I were to tell you that one of the fastest ways to get over a relationship is to actually go on the rebound.

Would you believe me?

Probably not but numerous studies have clearly stated that it is.

Of course, that is probably a nightmare for you to hear as you are probably reading this article to figure out if your ex boyfriend even wants you back, right?

Well, the good news is that we still have another action to explore!

Action #2 = Your Ex Boyfriend Quickly Breaking Up With The New Girl

Have you ever heard of the grass is greener syndrome?

If not then I’d highly recommend you check out this amazing article I wrote on it a few years back.

In it I talk about this idea of an internal rating system that men have when they date someone.

The premise is really simple.

Basically a man keeps this internal rating system (let’s use a 1 – 10 scoring system for the purposes of this example) to measure how satisfied he is with the relationship. Now, most women think that once they get their “grade” it’s set in stone.

For example, they think that if they are given an 8 out of 10 by a man that, that is their grade forever from that particular man.

But that’s not how it works.

On the contrary, the grade a woman is given evolves and changes each and every day depending on his satisfaction with the relationship.

For example, a woman is probably going to get a lot of high scores at the beginning of the relationship (8 – 10’s) as she navigates her way through the honeymoon period.

But that grade is bound to go down as she gets out of the honeymoon period and more fights or arguments accumulate.

Maybe by the time that it’s all said and done he has her rated as a 6.

Now let’s make things really interesting and tie this point system back into action two here.

Let’s say your ex boyfriend rated you as a 7 by the end of your relationship with him and he immediately jumped into a relationship with a new girl. Now, upon entering a new relationship with a new girl he is going to be comparing your score to her new score.

At first her score is probably going to be higher but that’s bound to happen with the excitement of the honeymoon period but that will always wear off and his score for his new girlfriend is going to drop.

Let’s say that it drops to a 5.

So, where you were a 7…

She was a 5…

Do you see where I am going with this?

He is going to break up with her because he will have found out for himself how great he had it with you.

It’s the grass is greener syndrome in a nutshell.

And I can’t tell you how many times I have seen this phenomenon in action.

It’s almost comical but I suppose in a weird way it makes complete sense.

Sometimes men just have to found out how difficult it is to fine an amazing woman like you on their own.

There is no substitute for experience!

April 26, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (53)

  1. D - 0

    D

    My boyfriend broke up with me 4 days ago because I read his text messages without his permission. I became insecure after meeting his childhood female friend who actually gave him a book on dating upon first meeting me in person. In his texts she was telling him to break up with me for no good reason. I told him that I read the text and he said that he cannot figure out a logical way that he could ever trust me again but that he still likes me. He cried for 2 hours, gave me a long hug and made really intense eye contact before leaving. I was trying to ignore it. But he made it so obvious. His friends really like me and feel that the other girl might like him and that she is not a good person. One told me to not give up on him, please. He is away on a trip currently. He’ll be back in a few days and is supppsed to contact me to talk. I’m not sure what to do. His family keeps writing on my Facebook. He doesn’t have a Facebook. He said that he broke up with me because he can’t trust me. That it has nothing to do with his female friend and that he is not interested/attracted to her. I’m his first girlfriend in 8 years and he is 30.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      How long we’re you together?

  2. Hopeless - 0

    Hopeless

    Hi Chris & Amor, I broke up with ex boyfriend 3 weeks ago, after a 1,5 year relationship. I really regret it but he thinks I moved on and that I’m back with my ex boyfriend which is absolutely not the case. I really want him back but when we talk, all he says is how much he hates me and that I’m a stranger to him now. He tells me that he doesn’t love me anymore at all and doesn’t care for me. I’d like to believe that he’s saying these things out of anger or hurt but he also blocked me in every way possible. In the beginning I made every mistake possible but now I’m trying the no contact. It just hurts so much cause he’s following, liking and flirting with so many new girls now. I really don’t know what to do, do you thinks it’s hopeless and I should give up?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      why does he think you’re back with your ex? what did you tell him about that?

  3. R - 0

    R

    Hi I am new to this but rly hope to get a response… My bf of 2 yrs broke up with my via text yesterday after I said something to upset him the night before. We have a ton going on in our lives right now.. both r single parents, both of our vehicles r broken down & cant afford to get them fixed so have barely seen each other in the past month after usually spending every day together like 1 big happy family.. on top of that I’m going through ovarian cancer…. I haven’t handled not seeing him & his kids very well & I miss them terribly.. so do my kids. I felt like he didn’t miss me too because he didn’t say it at all & I felt he was becoming distant. Well last night we were texting & joking like things were fine.. he even mentioned taking time off for a cruise were planning when I’m done with my treatments.. but when i tried the talk to him about how distant he’s been he just flipped & broke up with me.. I let it be thinking he just overreacted which he tends to do but when I texted him the next morning he stuck with it.. he told me not to try to guilt him back into it, that I am what’s wrong with everything in my life & past relationships.. & not to text him… I begged him to reconsider like an idiot but then just left him alone… I love him & his kids & just want our happy family back.. plus my treatments make me even more emotional than I normally would be. I can’t believe this is happening. Do you have any advice to help me get him back?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi R,

      give it a week..just be silent

  4. SLA - 0

    SLA

    Hello,
    I have an out of the blue question. I know this is ex boyfriend recovery but I am a 25 year old female and I would love to be a part of the Facebook private chat due to my situation. I’ve heard it is very helpful and I could use all of the support I can. My ex is just like a guy when it comes to emotions and personality, but more emotions. I am a tomboy but act with the emotions of a woman lol. I have a huge heart and will do anything to have my ex back. We dated for 2 years. I just wanted to make sure it is appropriate since a lot of women can relate to these situations. Thanks

    Reply
  5. A - 0

    A

    What should i do if my exbf knows i visit this site?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      what do you mean? did he tell younor you told him?

    • A - 0

      A

      He told my friend he knew I was visiting this site .. and my friend told me .. this is bad right?

    • A - 0

      A

      He told my friend he knew I was visiting this site .. and my friend told me .. what should I do?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yup..that means initiating contact after 45 days is very obvious.. you can still improve yourself and be active in posting but for him to think that you’re really moving on, you have to do a very long no contact period.. for it to seem real that you have moved on and you’re just being friendly when you initiate contact..

  6. Kelsey - 0

    Kelsey

    After dating for over two year I broke up with my boyfriend. I regret it and I begged to her him back. He started talking to a new girl about two weeks after the break up. He’s has tired to help me with my emotional distress but it hasn’t worked and he only gets frustrated with me. He says he’s not commented on either way on our relationship(meaning he has not committed to getting back together or never getting back together). And he says he doesn’t know what’s gonna happen in the future but his hearts not in it right now. Today He told me he doesn’t think the new girl is rebound. But he has also said he has barely gotten to know her yet and he isn’t ready for a relationship. He still cares about me but I have been to be too much recently. And because I made him feel unwanted during the last part of our relationship, he is still really hurt and angry. He said he wants time and space and for me to move on for now. What should I do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      do at least 30 days of no contact period..be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media

  7. Kiko - 0

    Kiko

    Thanks for the reply!

    Since it’s the first time meeting up, I don’t want to talk about our relationship/break-up, I just want to have fun, so he gets positive emotions about meeting up, it that a good idea?

    Also, should I make plans for another meet-up when I’m with him? How many days/weeks should be between those meet-up’s?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yup just have fun and leave at high note.. theres no concrete time span on when you should meet up.. if he raises meeting again, good..if not, dont mention it

  8. Jessica J - 0

    Jessica J

    Me and my boyfriend of 1 year and 8 months . (On and off )Broke up the 26th because for 3 weeks before then I’ve been very emotional and confused, I kept breaking up with him every like 4 days and then would come right back the next day .& just kept starting arguments between us , I think it was because I was upset about something I found out and month ago and was holding it in and it finally started bothering me . Finally on that day he said he’s tried of it and it’s annoying and said we needed a break for a while I said ok and didn’t contact him the rest of that day or the next day but the 3rd day (yesterday) I texted the conversation was fast & neutral . Later at night I messed up by texting him and asking him to come have drinks with me and some friends , he ignored me .
    Today I texted him , I asked if we were ok he said “yeah we’re ok”
    Then I asked are we still on speaking terms he said he “I need to be alone for a while ”
    I asked what did I do to make him not like me anymore , he said “Its not that I don’t like you , I just want to be alone don’t make this into something it’s not ”

    Then I asked was he done for good and should I move on he said “yes , I’m sorry if that’s not what you want . But that’s what I want and need ”
    When I started asking why , he said “this is an prime reason Right here , all you do is push and push , and it’s just pushing me to not want to talk ” then ended the conversation saying “About to go do errands ill ttyl sometime”
    I texted back saying of course I’m acting like this because I love you and it hurts for you to tell me to move on .
    He didn’t reply.

    I decided to start no contact after that message but should I do no contact to try and get him back at the end ? Or should I cut contact to move on like he said ?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      do no contact to heal and improve.. if after no contact you want to build rapport go ahead while continuing to improve yourself.. if it doesn’t work, move on

  9. Jessica J - 0

    Jessica J

    Me and my boyfriend of 1 year and 8 months . (On and off )Broke up the 26th because for 3 weeks before then I’ve been very emotional and confused, I kept breaking up with him every like 4 days and then would come right back the next day .& just kept starting arguments between us , I think it was because I was upset about something I found out and month ago and was holding it in and it finally started bothering me . Finally on that day he said he’s tried of it and it’s annoying and said we needed a break for a while I said ok and didn’t contact him the rest of that day or the next day but the 3rd day (yesterday) I texted the conversation was fast & neutral . Later at night I messed up by texting him and asking him to come have drinks with me and some friends , he ignored me .
    Today I texted him , I asked if we were ok he said “yeah we’re ok”
    Then I asked are we still on speaking terms he said he “I need to be alone for a while ”
    I asked what did I do to make him not like me anymore , he said “Its not that I don’t like you , I just want to be alone don’t make this into something it’s not ”

    Then I asked was he done for good and should I move on he said “yes , I’m sorry if that’s not what you want . But that’s what I want and need ”
    When I started asking why , he said “this is an prime reason Right here , all you do is push and push , and it’s just pushing me to not want to talk ” then ended the conversation saying “About to go do errands ill ttyl sometime”
    I texted back saying of course I’m acting like this because I love you and it hurts for you to tell me to move on .
    He didn’t reply.

    I decided to start no contact after that message but should I do no contact to try and get him back at the end ? Or should I cut contact to move on like he said ?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      do no contact to heal and improve.. if after no contact you want to build rapport go ahead while continuing to improve yourself.. if it doesn’t work, move on

  10. Jessica J - 0

    Jessica J

    Me and my boyfriend of 1 year and 8 months . (On and off )Broke up the 26th because for 3 weeks before then I’ve been very emotional and confused, I kept ending it with him every like 4 days and then would come right back the next day .& just kept starting arguments between us , I think it was because I was upset about something I found out and month ago and was holding it in and it finally started bothering me . Finally on that day he said he’s tried of it and it’s annoying and said we needed a break for a while I said ok and didn’t contact him the rest of that day or the next day but the 3rd day (yesterday) I texted the conversation was fast & neutral . Later at night I messed up by texting him and asking him to come have drinks with me and some friends , he ignored me .
    Today I texted him , I asked if we were ok he said “yeah we’re ok”
    Then I asked are we still on speaking terms he said he “I need to be alone for a while ”
    I asked what did I do to make him not like me anymore , he said “Its not that I don’t like you , I just want to be alone don’t make this into something it’s not ”

    Then I asked was he done for good and should I move on he said “yes , I’m sorry if that’s not what you want . But that’s what I want and need ”
    When I started asking why , he said “this is an prime reason Right here , all you do is push and push , and it’s just pushing me to not want to talk ” then ended the conversation saying “About to go do errands ill ttyl sometime”
    I texted back saying of course I’m acting like this because I love you and it hurts for you to tell me to move on .
    He didn’t reply.

    I decided to start no contact after that message but should I do no contact to try and get him back at the end ? Or should I cut contact to move on like he said ?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      do no contact to heal and improve.. if after no contact you want to build rapport go ahead while continuing to improve yourself.. if it doesn’t work, move on

  11. Tess - 0

    Tess

    Hey ,

    My boyfriend broke up with me almost 6 months Ago after a short term relationship, we saw each other 3 months later, I made the convincing him to be with me mistake after the breakup. The time I saw him he didn’t have feelings anymore he said, then he got angry at me and apologised overreacting and asked to please stay friends.

    Then he didn’t talk to me at all except for wishing me a happy birthday, so I asked him if he really does want to stay ‘friends’ he said yes but we don’t fit in each others life anymore, which I a few days later responded with a sincere apology and saying in that case it might be better to forget him.. now I didn’t make contact for almost 2 months. Everything I will do will push him away so I’m kind of hoping he will change his mind and contact me.

    I still miss him, he was a good guy, we just had a distance and I made him lose interest over being ‘needy’ texting him I think.

    Do you know anything for me to fix this? I really have no idea where to start..

    x

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you mean you’re in a long distance relationship?

    • Tess - 0

      Tess

      Hey amor,

      Yes it was a long distance relationship.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      if you didn’t contact him and you know you changed, then initate contact.. if he doesn’t respond well, move on

  12. d - 0

    d

    My boyfriend broke up with me 2 days ago. We have had the same fight over the entire course of our relationship, about a friend of his who has a thing for him. I felt she was overstepping her boundaries to him, and he also lied to me a couple of times about the situation to “avoid conflict” with me. The funny thing is, i never saw this girl as a threat because i knew he would never be attracted to her, but i still felt threatened by their friendship. she used to sleep at his house when her ex would lock her out of their shared apt together. then the girl ended up moving across the street from my boyfriend and they are all part of the same friend group. I only get to really see my boyfriend on the weekend due to our work schedules and distance in the places we live. HIs bday was a couple of weeks ago and that girl was there and i unfortunately had too much to drink and was a complete and utter bitch the entire night. It as really bad, i just shut down, and it was pretty obvious i was furious causing his friends to leave. (i know, i know, i am extremely embarassed by this)

    We had a huge fight about her again about 4 days ago to which the convo ended that he would text me in a couple of days to see how i feel, and then 2 days ago he explosively broke up with me OVER TEXT. He ranted and released all his pent up anger from our relationship, saying some really hurtful things, while I apologized and took blame for almost everything (even though i know it takes 2 to tango). This went on for FOUR HOURS and then finally he said “ok i’ll stop now”. i said a couple of more things, then ended the conversation as well, thinking that’s it, there’s nothing more to say. He texted me again yesterday morning, with the aggressive comment ” you were supposed to change your behavior in my compassion toward you. you just didn’t”.

    I know he is angry and hurt, but i already accepted the blame for everything and even suggested ways to which i would correct all the crap that has happened. i even said i would apologize to his friends and get to know them to which he replied “my friends don’t care and neither do it, i stopped caring on my birthday. learn your lesson and move on”. I’m annoyed that every time we would have an argument he would say it’s alright after, get over it, and keep acting like it was all gravy with us.

    I agree when he said “this should be the happiest time for us and we fought the whole time”. He wants a lady who is going to make him #1 in her life, ,since he doesn’t really have family to lean on. i think he is pretty set on finding a wife at this point since he is in his mid 30’s and i’m in my early 30’s. We haven’t said i love you to each other yet, but we did talk about the future and what that meant, etc. he even mentioned talking about us getting a place together within the next year after he meet my family (the weekend before his explosive birthday).

    I guess my question is, why the hell did he send that text yesterday? to have the last word? does he secretly want to work it out? i already started no contact by not replying, but i know he won’t take well to me playing games either. i am leaning back to let him cool off, but i genuinely feel like a majority of this (NOT ALL) is my fault due to the way i was acting and taking it out on him about the girl.

    Any suggestions? Or should i really just keep it moving?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it looks like he thought the break up.. but you should just continue in nc.. because he’s not asking for you back..so, for now continue in nc

    • d - 0

      d

      it looks like he thought the break up..?

    • d - 0

      d

      “he thought the break up…”? sorry, confused…

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      sorry that was a type.. I mean, he thought about the break up, it crossed his mind if he did the right thing.

  13. Eve - 0

    Eve

    Hi Amor!

    I did improve alot! Lost 8kg, new clothes, became more social, faked my confidence so much, that I actually started to feel really confident!

    I’ve been more active on Facebook than normal, eventough I never post alot during our relationship! However I do know my EX isn’t a big fan of Facebook and can ga days without checking it. I unfollowed him, so I have no idea of he’s posting or online! I did read that atleast 88% of EXES check their EXES Facebook!

    Still.. I don’t think he’ll miss me soon. I think he needs more time to miss me?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      extend to 45 days if you want, and then initiate contact.

  14. Jannie moore - 0

    Jannie moore

    Was in a 6 months relationship with a 27 y/o repressed English gentleman.

    Over all, our relationship was adventurous and less dramatic. Harmonious relationship as what I can call it. I am the first to actually be his closest friend and lover. He tells me his inner thoughts and issues.

    It has been couple of weeks since I followed the NO CONTACT rule. He jumped in a plane 3 days after he broke up with me and started a teaching course in Vietnam.

    Few days ago, he told a friend of mine he misses me and was planning to email me once the course finishes which was this week. No emails yet.

    He really insists to our friends he doesn’t see us getting back. Nor he wants to jump in a relationship at least for awhile. Also he assumes I’m dating again which is not true.

    Sometimes I wonder if dumpers do remorse. I’ve always been in long term relationships, at least 2 years. We have only been together for 6 months and I am his longest.

    I just saw today from our mutual friend that he recently deleted our photo together in his profile album on Facebook. It does sting a bit but I’m not going to message him about it.

    Also when we split up, we sent couple of emails back and forth and he showed interest in keeping the friendship. I did not reply on his last email wanting to wait till I’m over him. I just started NC. it will be our first 30 day NC next week. Should I still send a funny Gif or a friendly hi? Or wait for his email? Or.. Just move on… Thanks

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      he’s friendzoning you, you should the nc immediately..

  15. Kiko - 0

    Kiko

    Meeting me EX this Friday for a casual meet up. (As friends) Kinda nervous! Have any tips and/or articles for me so I can prepare a little?

    I have PRO, but I’m still really nervous!
    Thank you!

    Reply
  16. Charlotte - 0

    Charlotte

    My boyfriend and I started as friends last summer. There was always a lot of flirtation between us, but we were both very serious about finding someone to spend the rest of our lives with. He isn’t a player at all- he’s only had two girlfriends, including me, and he’s only been intimate with two women (girlfriends). He’s very loyal and I’ve never had any reason to question that loyalty. We started dating on New Years and it all started out great but there was always this weird element to our relationship- we wouldn’t talk everyday, and because we started as friends, we were ALWAYS double dating. We hardly ever did things one on one. We spent every weekend together at his house though, and I’d go home on Sunday night or Monday morning for work. I shared with him that I wish we’d spend more time together during the week, and most weeks we just wouldn’t have time. We got into a big fight at the beginning of the month, and he said he didn’t feel like trying anymore, he didn’t see himself falling in love with me, and he thinks it’s best we break up. Then a few hours later he said he didn’t want to do anything rash like break up, he just needed time to think. I told him to take as long as he needed, and I didn’t contact him. Two days later he contacted me and said he was so sorry, he still wants to date, and that he definitely sees himself falling in love with me. We had a great weekend, but we didn’t really discuss the incident. This past weekend, I was at his house and I said could you tell me how you’re feeling, I am still feeling uncomfortable with what happened. He wouldn’t open up, so I dragged it out of him and he finally said that he feels the same way, he doesn’t see things getting better and he doesn’t want to try. He broke up with me that night and it was very late at night, so he told me to stay over and we’ll talk more in the morning. We didn’t do anything intimate that night. The next morning he said he still feels the same way and sees a breakup as the only option, and that we’re better as friends. I was a bit upset and didn’t cry but I was pretty mad. I walked out of his house and he didn’t come after me. He said he didn’t realize he felt this way until he was “forced to think about it” when I dragged it out of him. The next day was my birthday, which we had plans for… he sent me a text saying “I’m so sorry for how everything ended up. I really hope we can be cordial and friends like before. I want to wish you a happy birthday!” And I didn’t respond that day. The next day I read this article and saw that I should be ending things on a positive note before entering NC. So I responded and said “I appreciate the birthday wishes and I look back at our relationship fondly and hold nothing against you. I too want the same things and know everything will be fine eventually. I appreciate the text.” He responded and said “Awesome, I appreciate it too. I feel the same”. I then entered NC right away. All of his siblings and aunts and even his mom has reached out to me saying how confused they are, how this isn’t like him, and how they hope this works out. My questions is whether or not we even stand a chance at getting back together? Because we were friends first, we share the same friend group. All of my friends are his friends. But I plan on doing NC for at least 3 weeks, preferably 30 days if I can help it. Could you please help me with the best way to go about getting him back?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      last summer, as in 2016? Do at least 30 days nc.. take it slow in building rapport after, don’t rush.. I think he felt you’re going too fast..

    • Charlotte - 0

      Charlotte

      Thank you Amor. I’m trying to be regular with working out and socializing, and I post it on snapchat and he watches all of my stories on snapchat and likes all my pictures on facebook and instagram. Should I continue with the posting or should I take it easy a bit so he doesn’t know what I’m up to? Thank you

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s better to cut back in snap chat because the posts doesnt last

    • Charlotte - 0

      Charlotte

      Thank you Amor! I will cut back. His brother’s girlfriend and I are good friends and she saw him this past weekend and she said that he was watching my stories a few times over and she made a comment saying “oh you must be having a hard time getting over her!” and his other brother laughed and agreed but my ex didn’t say anything. I am seeing him for the first time since the break up (it’ll be 4 weeks) on Saturday at a mutual friend’s graduation party.

    • Charlotte - 0

      Charlotte

      Hi Amor, Saturday went really well with my ex and we had a lot of fun together. Nothing physical went on between us and when I would talk to another guy he would get a little jealous and would follow me around a little bit afterward. Me, him, his sister and her bf went out for drinks after the party and he bought me drinks and we sat next to each other just talking and having fun the entire night. I haven’t heard from him since then though. Honestly the way he was acting on Saturday told me that if I just keep focusing on myself and let him come to me I will definitely get him back but I wanted to see what you thought I should do from here. Thanks!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s a very good sign.. that’s progress..I agree with your plan..are you going to see each other again in person?

  17. Chelly - 0

    Chelly

    Hi! Btw i broke up with my ex 3 months ago. So he contacted me last month and he just asked how i am until he asked me if we can be friends and i agreed. As time goes by, when i was trying to build rapport he’s kinda distant and when he reply its too short that seems like he’s not interested. When we’re not talking i decided to focus on myself. I go out with friends, exercise, focus on myself and even post something nice on instagram because he follows me there. Yesterday, i decided to send a long message the things i wanna tell for the last time. That i still love him and i miss him everyday and hoping he will find someone who truly deserves to be with him and so on. and he replied “It’s gonna be easier for me to move on. SOmewhere inside me i still care about you. I hope you will move on and find the guy you deserve. I still love you and it will stay inside me always” Do you think that he doesn’t want to get back? Or maybe this is not yet the right time for us

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      he doesn’t want to.. but it’s good that you improved yourself.. it’s like you tried to do the no contact process, just not the right way.. because instead of slowly building rapport while continuing to improve yourself, you confessed your feelings.

  18. Chelly - 0

    Chelly

    I broke up with my LDR ex 3 months ago. I tried to get him back but he became so distant with me. I tried to build rapport but when he answers its too short and there’s no interest to it. I focused on myself and even working out, going out with friends and focus in my studies. And even post nice pictures on instagram that he can see. So yesterday i sent him a very long message for all the things i want to say that I still love him and i miss him everyday and i’ll never forget our memories together. He answered that “it’s gonna be easier for me to move on. I hope you will move on and find the nice guy you deserve. I hope we can still be friends because you’re the coolest girl i met and fun to be with. I still love you and it will stay inside me always” do you think he doesn’t want to get back anymore?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      he doesn’t want to.. but it’s good that you improved yourself.. it’s like you tried to do the no contact process, just not the right way.. because instead of slowly building rapport while continuing to improve yourself, you confessed your feelings.

    • Chelly - 0

      Chelly

      So what do you think i can do? I’ll just move on or what?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      either you restart it and do at least 3 weeks and do it the right way or move on..

  19. Eve - 0

    Eve

    Hi EBR!

    I have a question. I honestly think 1 month on NC won’t work on my boyfriend. (We broke up 3 months ago) I did the 30 days NC, but I don’t think he missed me at all. I think it takes longer for him to miss me. Did the first text, he replyed, but I just don’t think he misses me or really noticed me being ‘out’ of his life, since he’s a really busy guy.

    Should I do a longer NC, to give him a chance to miss me more?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      how much did you improve during and after nc and were you active in posting?

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