Today we are going to be talking about why your ex refuses to talk to you after a breakup.
We are going to be looking at advanced psychological research on ghosting, reputable polls about breakups and drawing on my own experience of coaching people for a living to come up with legitimate reasons for why your ex won’t talk to you.
Oh, and I haven’t even told you about the best part yet.
After I tell you why your ex refuses to talk to you I’m going to tell you what you can do about it.
Let’s begin!
Why Won’t My Ex Talk To Me At All?
In my humble opinion there are three primary reasons for why an ex will avoid talking to you after a breakup.
In short, they are as follows,
- They Don’t Think Being Friendly Is “Worth It”
- They Fear They Will Hurt Your Feelings
- They Want To Avoid Awkward Conversations
Now, if you don’t know how I roll then you’re in for a treat.
Generally I go above and beyond for my clients and that means I like to go really in-depth on my explanations.
So, not only am I going to explain what I mean by all of the reasons above but I’m also going to dive deeper and tell you what you can do if you find yourself in this precarious position where you can’t get your exes attention.
Sound like a plan?
Cool!
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizReason #1: They Don’t Think Being Friendly Is “Worth It”
Everything I say in these articles I have some type of proof to back up.
So, you can rest assured that I’ve done my research and have found evidence to prove my claims.
So, what did I find for this one?
Well, a few years ago the Associated Press conducted a poll where they asked people all kinds of questions about breakups.
One of the questions asked was,
Generally speaking do you think it is worth it or not worth it for a person to remain friends with an ex after a breakup
The results were pretty clear,
59% of individuals claimed that they don’t believe it is worth the trouble to “remain friends.”
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizNow, I have my own thoughts about being friends with an ex after a breakup and how you can use that to help yourself but overall I think this says something interesting about why your ex doesn’t want to talk to you.
You’ll learn in a few minutes how human beings tend to be very self interested.
So, it completely makes sense for them to weigh the odds and land on the fact that “being friendly” with you after the breakup simply isn’t worth it in the long run.
Reason #2: They Fear They Will Hurt Your Feelings
When preparing for this article it took me a while to locate research.
Ultimately I settled on ghosting research.
If you aren’t familiar, ghosting is the “new terminology” to describe someone who,
Simply disappears from your life with no explanation
Now, it’s easy to mix this up with “the no contact rule” but it’s completely different.
With the no contact rule your intention is eventually to get back in touch. With ghosting it’s to never talk to the person again.
I thought it would be really interesting to understand the motivations behind why people ghost.
The results were fascinating.
According to this article one of the top reasons people ghost is because,
They are afraid to hurt your feelings
Now, this actually makes sense when I look at my own experience in coaching people. One commonality I see among exes is that they aren’t entirely truthful in their explanation of why a breakup goes down. Often you’ll find that when a party is trying to get in touch with another party after a breakup they are seeking more clarification or closure with regards to the breakup.
They are afraid that you can’t take the real reason they broke up with you so they simply avoid you like the plague.
Reason #3: They Want To Avoid Awkward Conversations
When I was 19 years old I went through my very first breakup.
It was bad…
Anyways, a few weeks after it all went down I went to the mall with my friend and happened to see my ex from afar.
What do you think I did?
If you guessed, “pulled a Kramer” then you’d be right,
It’s always awkward to be around someone that there is friction with.
Again, I’d like to turn to that article I cited above on ghosting.
If you read it you’ll notice this little diddy right here,
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizIt was often because I’ve met someone else, and I’m just anticipating that awkward conversation and want to avoid it.
This was the response given when someone was asked why they ghosted their previous partner.
Apparently this person ghosted their ex because they met someone else and just wanted to avoid the awkward conversation about it with their ex altogether.
Now, I find it fascinating that in this case the awkwardness is caused because one party knows they have wronged the other party.
This creates the “awkward” feeling.
Thus presenting the person with two choices.
Fight or flight.
They often choose flight!
What To Do If My Ex Refuses To Talk To Me?
This is where things get fun.
Why?
Because I get to teach you three of my best tips on how to put yourself in a position where your ex will want to talk to you.
Here are the tips,
- Grasp That Your Ex Is Probably Self Interested
- Invoke “The Trust Scale”
- Catch Their Attention With A Pattern Interrupt
Just like before, expect me to go in-depth on each of these concepts.
Tip #1: Grasp That Your Ex Is Probably Self Interested
I actually touched on this in the article I posted yesterday but I feel it’s important enough to talk about again so here we are.
People look at breakups wrong in my opinion.
And it’s all because you are trapped within your own paradigm.
Think about it, you aren’t really here because you want your ex back. You are here because you want to feel better.
That awful feeling you have inside.
The one that makes you feel alone.
The one that makes you feel scared…
Sad…
Depressed…
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizAngry…
You want that feeling gone, don’t you.
And on some level you understand that they way to get rid of that feeling is to get your ex back. After all, he or she is the source of that pain, right?
Everything you do is for YOU, isn’t it?
Here’s the craziest part. Everything your ex does is for them.
In other words, they are looking for the bigger better deal always.
Think of it like this,
Instead of being trapped in your own paradigm you need to step outside and understand reality for what it really is.
Your ex is self interested.
Their love for you isn’t going to conquer continents.
If you understand this fact it’s going to help you understand what levers you need to pull to get them to pay attention to you.
Tip #2: Invoke The Trust Scale
I’m actually going to pull another concept from yesterdays article again.
(Side Note: That article is really good.)
I’d like to introduce you to what I call the trust scale,
The way it works is simple.
We each place people on this scale differently.
And a lot of it has to do with trust.
For example, you aren’t going to trust a stranger with your heart, are you?
Probably not, you are only going to do that with a significant other.
So, what separates a significant other from a stranger?
Trust!
The biggest mistake I see people making when they try to get their exes back is that they arrogantly believe they are above everyone else.
Like somehow dating and sharing a level of trust with someone at one point of their life puts them above the rest of the world. They conveniently forget that a breakup occurred.
You can’t just act like you are still dating the person.
You aren’t.
Instead, you have to work your way up the trust scale.
Now, the million dollar question running through your mind right now is,
But they are ignoring me… how the heck can I get them to stop ignoring me?
Tip #3: Catch Their Attention With A Pattern Interrupt
I want you to do me a favor and watch something for a minute,
This is a video I put together explaining what a pattern interrupt is.
In our context a pattern interrupt is something you can use to interrupt a pattern and catch your exes attention
Pattern interrupts are defined by curiosity.
It’s essentially something that occurs that creates enough curiosity to warrant attention.
They are perfect for reaching out to your ex with text messages.
So, what is an example of a good pattern interrupt?
Notice how this incites curiosity.
Your ex can read that text message and immediately wonder what this secret is.
Here’s another,
This one creates curiosity as well but it’s a different type of curiosity.
It’s fear based.
Your ex gets this message and the first thing they think is,
What did he/she do to me?
Remember, your ex is only self interested.
Broken and alone
September 1, 2020 at 2:46 pm
A couple months ago I broke up with my bf and kicked him out after having our first major fight… we literally never fought… For 3 weeks we were still communicating and trying but he was coming and going the whole time. It was messing with my head and won’t lie I drank a far amount over those weeks. In the end I was very upset and had had enough and told his father a major secret of his. At the time I knew he would hate me but I was hurting that bad. That day he blocked me on everything. A week later I was sexually assaulted and I reached out to him. He was so mad at me he lashed out at me for talking to his father. He told me he was sorry for what happend told me I didn’t deserve his friendship even then asked me who had done it calling me a dumbass at the same time and then told me it was maybe karma for I had done to him. Do I believe he meant all that no but was I also told later he thought it was a ploy to get him back yes. FYI it was very real. My biggest issue in all this is I still want him back. I’m not mad for what he said. I’m mad I was assaulted. I mad I didn’t have him cause of my own actions. He has not talked to me since the day I told him. I see him a couple times a week at a local hangout but we don’t speak or even go near each other. As much as I need to do for me and my situation right now I still want what I have always wanted and that’s him. I have no clue what to do or how to handle anything. I constantly question every thought I have. We were friends for 9 years. We’re sleeping together for 4 and then officially together for a year. His is my heart my world my everything and not only do I want my partner back for my heart but I want my bestfriend back for my own healing as well. Please help me. I know this isn’t the typical letter but I’m lost and alone and will take any help I can get.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
September 25, 2020 at 8:15 pm
Hi J, I am so sorry for what you went through and its awful that he thinks you made it up to get to him. I would still follow the program starting with a NC but your time in NC needs to be focused on working on getting over and healing from what happened to you! That is going to take some time for you to feel strong again, and make sure that you seek a professional to talk to if you feel you need it to get passed this
Tara
June 30, 2020 at 9:48 pm
I’m dealing with a situation my ex is playing games one minute we’re doing things as a couple the next minute he wants to be on break then he wants to be single then he tells me he needs to figure things out I got irritated in was like what are we doing here in he said he wants to be single in find a place for him in his children we did live together but he moved out so I’m like idk what’s going but he keeps pushing about us being friends smh it’s hurts because i was fighting for a relationship in it’s like he doesn’t care anymore in every time we talk he rather i don’t even bring it but tells me to focus on us in the future in it’s bothers me cause I pour my heart but he acts unfazed or handling it in a different way then me he moved out June 1 in we were together for almost three years
Grace
June 2, 2020 at 3:18 am
I broke up with my boyfriend twice.and after a month I texted hm and his ignoring my text .
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
June 3, 2020 at 9:44 pm
Hi Grace, I would suggest that you read about the texting phase and make sure your attempts to talk to your ex are interesting to him
Hannah
March 29, 2020 at 11:49 am
Hi my ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago after 4 months together. It was a long distance relationship but still managed to see each other twice a week. We go on so well and we made each other laugh never argued and then out of the blue he phoned me and finished it saying the distance was hard. I asked him to give it another chance but his mind was already made up. I’ve since done no contact but he has no blocked me on WhatsApp 3 weeks after. It really hurts but I miss him everyday we were only together 4 months but I really thought we would be together forever. I’m worried he will never contact me again.
Lost
January 10, 2020 at 2:24 pm
I’m extremely confused about my situation. I’m trying to get a guy back that I have a long complicated history with, but he is acting odd.
A few months ago he got really really angry about something I did and started refusing to talk to me. We went no contact for about two months. I finally started talking to him again but he no longer started any conversations, he was distant and a bit rude, and said nothing flirtatious at all (our conversations before the incident had involved tons of flirting). He also started acting a bit weird – for example one day he blocked me, then unblocked me the next day. When asked why he had unblocked me, he said he didnt know. Another time he sent me a happy new years message, then the next day told me he regretted sending it.
After about two months of talking, he suddenly surprised me by hitting on me. We started talking more. We had several days of a lot of flirty conversation and he finally said that if I was nearby (I’m currently in another country) he would consider seeing me and that he has thought about it. He became noticeably a little warmer and nicer and easier to talk to.
I got really excited thinking that when I go back there in a few weeks I’ll finally get to see him and begin patching things up, but in the last three days he has suddenly inexplicably started ignoring me, told me that the flirting “was all talk” and that in reality he wouldn’t want to meet up with me, and said he was bored of us always having the same conversations. When i asked what was going on he told me he doesn’t really want to talk to me anymore and that if I didn’t message him first he’d never talk to me.
This is extremely confusing after the hours and hours of flirting we have recently done and things seemingly improving, and I don’t really know where all this came from or what to do now. I feel like if I talk to him after this I’ll be disrespecting what he said about not wanting to speak. I don’t know what caused his sudden change in behaviour or how to reverse it back to where i thought we were a week ago
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 17, 2020 at 7:40 pm
Hi there so what you have done essentially is caused fear in him so he has backed off majorly you need to go into a no contact and when you are back in his area do not reach out but show on social media you are home and living your life. Meet your local areas and check in on social media etc.
Nadia
January 6, 2020 at 1:46 pm
My ex and I broke up because he met another girl he liked. He then said he wanted to continue chatting to me because he likes me a lot (no idea what this meant). I was upset and called him a liar. Then he said he didn’t want to talk to me anymore. I removed all traces of him from my social media. It’s been 2 days. Should I just forget him?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 6, 2020 at 9:18 pm
Hey Nadia, I can not tell you what to do. It is up to you what you want to do, and I can advise you on either path going forward
Christian Salvatierra
December 7, 2019 at 12:08 am
My ex wife told she never felt the same for as I did after 12 years together, she finished our relationship and have been talking to his ex boyfriend before, just reconnecting friendship according to her, she said that the reason she left is not because another man, I made mistakes and I know i wasn’t the man I shoulda be, but my feelings for her are to strong and I am struggling to let go. We still talk and have been talking better than before our daughter is 11 so we will see each other no matter what. How can kill the hope of getting back together?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 8, 2019 at 10:04 pm
Hi Christian, are you wanting to get your ex back or get over them?
Nia
December 6, 2019 at 4:26 am
He said he didn’t want to date anymore, then tried to be friends. After a few friendly outings I told him I couldn’t be his friend. Then I asked if we could start over. He said no. I haven’t talked to him since. I’m guessing he has someone new. I haven’t messaged or called or anything. I feel so upset over it.
MG
November 21, 2019 at 9:38 pm
Hi there
I broke up with my ex about 3 months ago. I just felt it wasnt working anymore and he was acting weird and distant. At first i felt free and careless but then i started to regret it. he truly loved me and now he doesnt even talk to me(we are in the same class) What should i do?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 24, 2019 at 12:11 am
Hi Mg if it has been 3 months since you spoke try reaching out as a friend first and then start rebuilding your relationship based on what Chris calls the value chain, you can not expect to walk back into his life and pick up where you left off when you hurt him and broke up with him it will have broken his trust and also pride may come into factor here depending on what type of person he is.
Ninaa
November 3, 2019 at 10:01 am
Hi, I dont want my ex back. He has married and started a new family in a new state. My plan was to explore all options to see if my ex would talk to our children. Im trying to enhance my communications skills and generate more positivity as co-workers. It’s been only me doing the parenting . My ex has blocked the kids in response of getting back at me. While he thinks respecting his wife wishes of not interacting with us. I know, no child should ever have to beg A parent for a relationship. But I’m willing to make sure I explore all solutions before, I’ll allow the universe to set what’s meant to be will be. What is your take on this?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 9, 2019 at 4:40 pm
Ninaa, I am appalled by your exes actions it is not your childrens fault that your relationship ended! Nurture and support your children and make it clear you are 100% their stable parent. As hard as this is you are not going to be able to force him to see the children, but you can be open and hoenst with your children as to his decisions are not yours and you have tried to get him to speak with them. The fact the wife isnt happy about him having contact with his children just shows you the type of people they both are. This situation you need to just comfort your children when they miss him, when they have questions explain as best as you can (taking their age into consideration of course). This situation is close to home and I promise as long as you are a supportive and understanding parent and you do your best for them, your children will be fine
Ken
August 5, 2019 at 5:41 am
Hi chris. Me and my fiance split up for just ober 3 months now.. we got together at the age of 16 and are both now 32. She has now blocked all contact with me so i have no way of contacting her we have a son together there have been a fair few crossed words since the break up… i have tried my best to talk to her but she dont and wont talk to me.. she says now it has gone to far to rekindle what we had between us.. i still love her very much.. and there was no cheating throughout the relationship on either side and as far as im aware she has no one else she is seeing.. what do i do for the best
Lyuba
July 29, 2019 at 10:15 am
Hi me and my ex broke up 3 months ago during this time i been trying everything to my mind, researching, reading guides, speak with ppl and etc. But seems whatever i have done dont works. I need serious help… I love him as much as day one of our relationship. Here abit details:hes stuborn person so thats make it harder to have any progress, he moved back in his home which is 10 hours drive far.. We kept speak after the break up and after all he said and did somehow make me think he have feelings but is to disappointed of the relationship. He said “for a good period of time was toxic”. I agree was, but i want to show him that things as this happens and we could of manage it. Unfortunaly he stop trust me and that task or any approach to win him back make him mad and deffencive. I did mistakes wont lie i also appolagise for all of them so he do know i have learn my lessons but yet still dont trust to have US. We did met once after the break up and acording to his words we can be friends with benefits. I also left him a kye of home (we use to live together about 3 years) kinda to show him that he can come back. After that we spoke sometimes our dirty stuff sometimes common subjects. He start get colder and distant till one night while we was messing around on chats(he avoid hearing my voice) he assume i try manipulate him and treat him like dog. That wasnt the case he blocked me and i got so sad nearly to want death.. Whoever there was 2 week or 3 of silence between with very little contact almost none. Mostly me trying to recconect, we spoke on phone by pretence for my closure few days ago he still seek certain “we will never gonna be together, we must move on”. When i ask questions about what he feels for all this or for me or of there new peraon he refuse to say and gets again defencive. So i ask a question if he is happy which he answered “i dont know”. He also told me that friendship is option but seems confuse if thats good idea. I dont know of he have anyone now or if he loves me enough, all i know is i want to be with him again and prove that we can be in good relationship and no longer toxic. That is realy hard, he refuse to speak of any chance to have any US. Chris please help me i am no longer productive humen without him i did ur test and give 75%. Help to get him back.
Keanu
July 20, 2019 at 11:36 am
Hi,
My ex and I were in a relationship for a little over a year. We meet on tinder and hit it off well enough to keep seeing each other and eventually made it official. But during that year we were on and off because of the sex not being what we wanted it to be and long distance. But despite breaking up we got back together stronger than ever. Throughout our relationship I wasn’t truthful with her about things and I would either lie about them or just hold on to my emotions and not tell her until a few weeks or a month later and she hated that. I noticed she didn’t like it so I tried to be more transparent about my emotions and not lie to her. But there was one lie that I knew I never told her and I should have in the beginning of our relationship, which was I was a virgin at the time that we meet. She took my virginity without me telling her, so for basically a year I have been keeping that from her. But I decided to tell her after the last time we broke up and she didn’t take it well. She told me that sex wasn’t the reason we broke up it was because I was too afraid of what ppl though of me and it hindered me from living my life the way she thought I could. She told me we would never be intimate again and we will never get back into a relationship again. We did the no contact rule for a week or so and I tried to win her back by sending flowers to her job but it didn’t work. So I decided to do NC again and another well past and she contacted me saying that she still wants to talk to me because I’m her best friend and she can talk to me about thing going on in her life. So I said okay because the feeling was mutual. She asked to FaceTime and told me that her sister tried to commit suicide and she doesn’t know what to do. And I gave her some advice that she appreciated. Then like two days later I contacted her just to check in on her to see how she was doing and how her sister is doing but she told me she would call me back. She did and said she’s fine and we talked like we used to reminiscing on our relationship. So a few more days past and the work week started and I texted her some encouraging words to help her get through the week and vice versa. I didn’t talk to her until that Friday and that’s where things started to get confusing for me. I text her on Friday to say are you doing well, she didn’t reply for like six hours so I texted her again asking is she okay and she said she was decent and asked if I’m okay. I thought that was weird because she never used “I’m decent”. So I knew something was up with her. The next couple of days I text her Good Morning but no reply. So I decided to call her to see what’s going on. Again she didn’t answer, so I waited an hour and called again this time she declined my call. So I immediately texted her asking are you avoiding me. So I called again and it went straight to voicemail. I immediately text her back and said WOW. So she finally decided to text me back and say “ It’s not about you.I’m busy.” So I said okay, I was just checking to see if your okay. She replied saying she appreciates me checking on her but she is busy and can’t talk right now, I will respond to you when I get a chance. So not even a minute passes after she sent that text and she calls me. The conversation was awkward and forced and she thought I was mad and emotional but I truly wasn’t I just wanted to know if she is doing well. So we haven’t talk since. I don’t know what is going on or what to do. Help?
Helpme
July 14, 2019 at 5:05 pm
Hi Chris!
I feel like my story is hopeless, so could do with your opinion please.
Me and my ex were together for 5 years. We have broken up and got back together in the past, but this time feels different as he hasn’t reached out at all during no contact, he didn’t respond to my first text after no contact either but he hasn’t blocked me..
neither of us have social media and we live 2 hours apart so there’s no chance we’ll bump into each other 🙁
Please help!! What should I do??
Anon
July 5, 2019 at 5:47 am
Hi Chris,
I broke up with my ex out of impulse and immediately regretted it. It’s been almost 6 weeks now. I notice, every time I approached him he would just push me away. So I tried adopting the NC rule on my third week (lasted about 6 days), but failed when he texted me about my friend who had passed away from leukemia which I replied to. Since then he would always try to reply to my messages even though there was nothing to reply to. We would reply an average of 4 hours after we received a message from each other and I also noticed his messages were getting shorter, colder and more blunt. It was hard to keep the conversation interesting with the replies he was giving me.
After having this go on for about a week, I wrote him a letter because I felt like I wasn’t trying hard enough to fight for the relationship. In the letter, I told him that over the past few weeks I had been actively trying to be the better version of myself and had been working on my communication skills (which was what he had issues with). He didn’t like how I closed up/went mute during our fights and instead, wanted me to be able to talk it out with him. Anyway, I sent the letter on Sunday night and he replied on Monday afternoon saying he received it and thanked me for the chocolates. I replied to him saying ‘no problem and I hope it wasn’t too long to read’. I haven’t heard back since.
It’s been a week and a half now of not hearing back. So I have just used this as an opportunity to attempt NC again (is this valid? because he’s the one who didn’t reply). During this time, he has viewed my Instagram story twice even though we’re not following each other.
I think my main concern is that he is going away on an overseas family trip in the next two weeks (which I had flight tickets for and was supposed to be going too). I’m afraid that him going away on this trip will really help him to move on and not want to speak to me when he’s back. I just feel like going away on holiday gives people a better chance of moving on from a break up.
What do you suggest I do?
Mickey
June 2, 2019 at 1:37 pm
Hi Chris-
I date a woman for six months. It was great for a while but we slowly died out and in the last month there wasn’t any spark anymore. I broke things off with her and she said she felt relieved. We hung out for the next week after and then we just stopped talking.
I went no contact for the next 5 weeks and during the time I spent it working on myself, reflecting on what went wrong with the relationship and realized I wanted to get back together with her. I called her to get her to meet up with me and since she didn’t answer, I left a voicemail telling her I wanted to get together so because I wanted to tell her some things in person. She called back a couple hours later and was very curious, but reluctant to meet in person—she wanted to only talk on the phone. What I did next may have been the nail in the coffin: I told her I wanted her back, that I had realized my part in how the relationship broke down and that’s i was working on all the things I had been needing to work on with my life. She told me she was glad I was working on things and that she “cherished the relationship we had”, but that she was glad she didn’t meet with me in person because she would have been “very frustrated”. She did agree to meet up with me the next week sometime but a date hadn’t been made since she didn’t know her work schedule, so we agreed to nail down a time later that week. I sent her flowers at work the next day and she texted me telling me how beautiful they were and thanked me. The day after she called me late at night while I was asleep but didn’t leave a vm, instead texting me that she thought I might be up and decided to call. I called her back the next morning and she answered saying she was at work but would call me later. She never called back—that was 2 weeks ago. I sent her two texts after trying to nail down a time to meet and she didn’t reply. I called her 4 days after that last conversation and left a vm suggesting meeting at a place neither of had been to but I knew she was interested in while we were dating. She never replied. I have not contacted her since. What are your thoughts?
Mari
May 20, 2019 at 5:20 pm
Hey, so I met this guy and he told me that he felt attraction for me then we starting seeing each other but no so often he never Called me , he doesn’t text me that much and take so long sometimes to reply but always keeps saying that he really likes me. i ‘ve never showed him that I was so into him and he wasn’t even trying that hard either to get me he was always saying that the reason he doesn’t text nor call cause he doesn’t want to get so attached and get hurt in the end so tried to show him my love ( big mistake ) he kept saying he love me and how special I’mean to him and it’s the first time feeling this with someone he told me, he has really hard time in med school that’s why he doesn’the feel like going in dates with me and stuff… but I just felt he was using me and come to me whenever he needs support and affection. I felt that he was taking me fot granted cuz i’ was always there for him and showed him my commitment we have been dating for 3 months and he never took me on a date we just stay at his place watching movies or chilling sometimes we just go for a walk at night. So we were making out a whole night and then 2 days after he told me he doesn’t wanna break my heart anymore and he kept telling me he really loved me and want me in his life but he told me one day I’ll surely leave u. I felt that I was just an option and the whole time he was using me physically and emotionally. He told me” I don’t wanna leave u now but plz forgive me and let’s be friends” I refused and I blocked him on social media but he didn’t cuz I felt he never loved me once and I don’t want him to use me again .he texted me a week later on msg to wish me good luck on my exam. I told him to fuck off and blocked his number do u think I’mright . I never texted him after we broke up but he still wanted us to keep texting . I don’t understand what’s going on in his head do u have any idea plz will he come back to me as a bf not a friend ??????
Chris Seiter
May 20, 2019 at 7:26 pm
Hi Mari…its not clear to me either what he is really up to or what is in his head. But i think you should employ No Contact and put some distance between you and he. Give yourself some time to heal and evaluate if wish to invest any more efforts in this relationship.
Anonymous
March 11, 2019 at 1:32 am
Hi Chris,
My ex and I were together for 5 years. We really had a connection, he treated my daughters like his, i met his family and I had met his. He loved me but then he went through a difficult time and know we’ve been broken up for 2 months, since January. He has had my number blocked. We both have no social media whatsoever. I have blocked his number as well, not to get back at him but just to not feel tempted in contacting him. I really feel like I have no hope whatsoever. At first i was the one who told him to move on but because he had me confused, he was pushing me and pulling me, he had gone through a difficult time and he was acting lost and confused. After, a month of telling him to move on I reached out to him. He told me that we could only be friends if not to not talk to each other and he started to get mad. I told him goodbye, i just couldn’t be friends with him. Two months have passed and I seriously feel like it is time to move on for me. I do not know what he is up to, i dont know if he solved whatever he was going through, if that is the reason why he just had to let me go, i am also afraid that he might have met someone. Its been two months, do you suggest just moving on from him? What do you advice?
Chris Seiter
March 11, 2019 at 9:54 pm
Hi there Anonymous!
So it sounds like he has been hot/cold and utterly confusing you. If you are following my Program of No Contact, before you throw in the towel you would want to try and reconnect. There is a method I advocate that I discuss in great detail in my eBook and on my site. So you want to have an ex recovery plan for all of that, but also for yourself too as healing/recovery are very important goals for you to be pursuing.
Sofia
October 27, 2018 at 2:02 am
Chris, I am quite desperate because I feel my case has no hope.
I started seeing this guy on a trip, we got along very well, he told me he felt with me like he hasnt felt with anyone for a very long time, that he wanted to be with me, his actions matched his words, he was loving and honest etc.
He lives in Italy, I was planning on moving to Spain but after this 3 weeks with him in Italy I decided to change Spain for Italy since I really liked it there and I could be with him. He was very excited and happy, I came back home to arrange eveyrthing to leave there. And after about 20 days of being here when I am starting to actually get things done for me to go there he tells me he cant see himself in a serious relationship with me because when we first met on my trip we did a threesome with his friend. And that he has been trying to work around this because we are really good together and he loves me but he just cant imagine himself being a real boyfriend with me because of this. I offered him a million ideas and solutions but he said no. He said this actually happened before to him a similar situation with another ex, they did a threesome and then he started acting like an asshole with her. And he didnt want to do that to me, that it wasnt anyones fault but its reality. He broke my heart, this was 2 days ago, yesterday the day after the “breakup” I told him I was very sad I hadnt been able to sleep all night that I needed to talk to him, he said he would call me later and he never did. He NEVER promised to call me and didnt. I feel I lost him for good and he was the ideal partner for me.
Ive consider sending him a letter with all my thoughts but he already knows everything, I just believe theres power in written things… but for now I will try the NC thing maybe although I think it would just distance him more from me.
I think that if I was there with him phisically he would change his mind. I think maybe he spoke to friends and they made fun of him getting serious with me after what we did, it was my frist threesome and I never though id be serious with him. Im really sad
Chris Seiter
October 28, 2018 at 4:43 am
Hi Sofia!
I remember reading your story as you sent me a message to my support email. You should have gotten my reply!
Michel H
October 2, 2018 at 11:31 pm
I have been ignoring a really stubborn, rude, and arrogant man who became used to me “being the bigger person” and reaching out to him after blow-ups. He became quiet lazy, and is what Id call a lazy dater. He is literally a lion. Waiting me out only to go back to his asshole ways…So now its seems he appears where I go weekly. What the !@$# is that about? Hoping I’ll speak one day??HELL NO! he needs to be tamed once and for all. Miss me hope I speak see Im not and feel I am dead to him. Quite a cocky bastard so this is now funny cause Im winning 🙂 If he speaks fine if not fine. He once went 11 days and caved then 8 days. Im actually tired of the fights over stupid stuff and being ignored for days so you tell me. What do I have on my hands Sir?
Chris Seiter
October 3, 2018 at 1:08 am
Hi Michel!
It seems you should not be in a rush to get back into this relationship.