The breakup…

It happens to everyone. Heck, it’s probably the reason you’re here now.

No matter what the reason is for the breakup – cheating, long distance, a big fight that got out of control. It also doesn’t  matter how long you and your partner were together, whether it was 3 months, 3 years, or married with three children.

There may come a point when your boyfriend/husband says:

“That’s it. I want out. There is no chance for us.”

Of course, this is a pretty common occurrence at Ex Boyfriend Recovery. It really doesn’t matter what the exact words are.

The first instinct for you, the girlfriend/boyfriend or wife/husband is to try to convince him that he’s made the wrong decision.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a bad plan.  It’s the usual way the plan is implemented that’s the problem.

We men, (yes, me included) are simple creatures. Telling a guy he is doing something wrong will not get him to agree with you. It will not get him to see the light, and come running back to you. Telling him over and over, will especially not accomplish this.

In fact, it’s the quickest way to get him to stick to his decision.

You see, you have to show a guy that giving up on the relationship he had with you is a bad idea. How do you show him. It’s simple.

But first, let’s talk about the three most important things NOT to do.

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Being a Text Gnat

The breakup has happened.

You are feeling lost without the one you thought completed you.

You want this person in your life.

You crave that feeling that you are still apart of their life.

What do you do?

Text them. Not once. Not twice. But Many times.

In fact, you text so much, because, you want his attention and if you have to drive him crazy, fine at least he won’t forget you.

But this ladies and gentlemen, is faulty logic.  By being a “text gnat” or a “call gnat,” you are essentially trying to force a guy to love you.  And let me tell you, it never works.

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Sending Gifts/Grand Gestures

It’s the same with grand gestures as with text gnatting.

You don’t want to be “out of sight out of mind,” but you crave a pathway back to his heart and quickly.  So, your over emotional brain says,

“Let’s buy him something he’s always wanted.”

No.

Not only does it make you look desperate, most guys have no problem keeping the stuff you bought, and still dropping you.

This step also opens the door for the last thing you don’t want to do.

Sleeping with your Ex

The best way to show them that you care and love them is to give them your whole self, right?

WRONG.

Sleeping with your ex without a commitment or entering into a friends with benefits situation is not the way back into a relationship with your ex.

So should you just give up?

What do you do now?

First thing’s first – you start NO CONTACT

No contact is simple.

And yet for some, it’s the hardest.

What is it?

Well, the premise goes like this: you don’t contact your ex…. at all (especially not on his birthday.)

I can’t tell you how many times I get asked the birthday question. I should probably just charge to answer that question, but then I couldn’t teach you everything I’ve learned through research, experience and working with people to help get their exes back.

Of course there are a few exceptions to No Contact:

  • You have children together
  • You live together
  • You work together

You can learn more about No Contact and Limited No Contact here: (https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/episode46/)

The good thing is that many do not even realize how beneficial the no contact rule is for the power it restores to the individual.

No matter how long your No Contact period (21, 30, or 45 days), and no matter if it’s limited or a full-scale no contact, this time of non-communication gives your ex a chance to see a side of you he hasn’t seen in a while.

The one that’s not there.

No really.

He gets to see what life is like when you aren’t in it.

And the more he realizes that, that life is miserable the better your chances of getting him back.

Now, one thing that I am sure you are going to find fascinating is that almost all exes react differently to No Contact. (More on that here: The Male Mind During No Contact)

So what do you do while you’re regaining your power during No Contact?

Regaining Your Power During No Contact

Put simply, you become the Ungettable Girl!

In my Private Support Group, we call them UG’s.

But what does it mean to be a UG?

This is what a UG IS NOT:

UG’s have goals, they have master plans.

And their first master plan is NO CONTACT.

During No Contact, the master plan is to focus on yourself;

  • You go out and do things you’ve always wanted to do.
  • You go out with friends and maybe date a new person.
  • You sign up for classes that expand your mind or let you acquire new skills.
  • You work on becoming financially stable, if this has been an issue for you.
  • You strengthen your career.
  • You get healthy by working out.
  • You pamper yourself.

There are three main areas that I like to emphasize about becoming and being an Ungettable Girl.

  1. Health
  2. Wealth
  3. Relationships

See, UG’s aren’t just pretty or handsome faces.

They aren’t a certain size or shape.

They aren’t just smart and career oriented people that are rolling in riches. And they aren’t just on really good terms with everyone in their lives, like their family and friends.

UG’s are all of this.

They are the total package.

UG’s focus on themselves.

They know what they want out of life.

They have goals.

They don’t expect to have those end goals to magically appear.

They work towards those goals.

UG’s are positive people.

Other people enjoy being around them, because they have a positive outlook. UG’s have fun.

UG’s take care of their health.

Physically, Mentally, and Spiritually.

UG’s realize that having a fulfilled life doesn’t mean relying on another person for their happiness.  UG’s create their own happiness in their lives.

During this time of becoming  a UG, many people in Ex Boyfriend Recovery come to a crossroads.

“Do I want him back?” or “Do I give up now that I’m happy, or do I work to get him back and be happy?”

It’s worth noting that many people have completed the UG/No Contact stage and found that they are happier without their ex.

Their ex may have been abusive, a narcissist, or just not mature enough to handle the outstanding person you have grown to be during this journey to find happiness within yourself. You may have went on practice dates during this time, and found someone you like better.

It’s also worth noting that many people have found different exes getting in contact with them during this time, trying to rekindle old flames.  They have found that once they give up on their exes, and move on, the ex comes running back.

The power of an Ungettable Girl/Guy is astounding.

No matter what the reason, it’s not a failure, as long as you are satisfied with the person you have become.

So now what?

Well, it’s up to you at this point. Do you want him back, or do you want to move on to something different, and hopefully better?

For the purposes of this article, let’s say that you want to continue to try and get him back.

Why you ask?

Well, why not?

He’s said he no longer wants to be with you.

But you have to remember, you’ve grown since he said that. You’ve taken a step back and gotten perspective. And hopefully, during this time of No Contact, he’s gotten some perspective as well.

You see, what a lot of people find when they come to Ex Boyfriend Recovery is that the days of the No Contact phase seem long and unending.

At the very beginning of their No Contact phase, most people are like,

“What am I going to do? He’s out there, without me. He may be seeing someone else. What if I lose him totally?”

This is why it’s really important to define your goals during this time, to establish new routines and make progress towards those goals.

Because what usually happens by the end of the No Contact phase is this:

“Omg, No Contact Ends in 3 Days, What am I going to do? I’m not ready!”

“What is going to be my first text to him? I need ideas!”

“I’m thinking about extending my NC period, I’m really enjoying it too much!”

These conversations happen often in our Private Support Group.

Countless people have used their No Contact phase to get comfortable with being their own person. They take control of their emotions. They date other people to gain perspective into their previous relationship with their ex.

Sure, there’s the new “skill learning”, the pounds dropped at the gym, career advancements, and time with friends and family that strengthen bonds.

But there’s a comfort that comes in liking yourself and accepting yourself for who you are, and working towards the person you want to be.

So what does this have to do with getting your ex back after he’s said there is no chance?

EVERYTHING.

You have to be comfortable with yourself, with leaving the past in the past, and confident in building a new relationship.

You have to “let go without letting go.”

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Letting Go Without Actually Letting Go

Essentially, you are letting go of all the pasts hurt and anger that led to your breakup. You have to let go of these things. Otherwise, your next decision of “Do I try and get him back or move on?” will be greatly impacted by your actions.

What most people find when they enter the Texting Phase is that your ex, is not going to act the way you thought he would.

When you think he’s going to act one way, he has a totally different reaction.

Something you know he thinks is going to be hilarious, gets you a text of “Lol,” 6 hours after it was sent.

This is the phase that can make or break your progress. And it all has to do with how you prepped yourself for this phase.

If you enter into this phase with the idea that things are going to be like they were before, you’ll be able to pick right up where you left off, and in a month or so you’ll be back with your ex, prepare to have those ideas squashed.

Not saying this doesn’t happen, but it’s rare. And the chances of the relationship heading back down the road for a breakup increase. Why?

Because nothing changed. It’s the same problems.

But, if you enter into the texting phase with the acceptance that there are going to be times that your ex will be frustrating, there will be days he doesn’t react the way you thought, and you will have to be patient, then chances are good that you will have something you can build that new relationship on.

After all, you don’t want the old relationship back. It didn’t work out, did it?

This is why having goals, and having an understanding what is going to make you happy is so important before enter the Text Phase.
It’s also important that you are in control of your emotions.

The frustration and the anxiety do not just go away simply because you completed your No Contact. You have to work at it.
So that is the reality.

This is not a program that will fix a relationship simply by following a checklist of steps.

It is however a support system designed to give you tools that will help you as you work towards rebuilding a better relationship with your ex.

What to Read Next

How To Get Your Ex To Initiate Contact With You

By Chris Seiter | 0 comments

Why Does My Ex Talk To Me And Then Ignore Me?

By Chris Seiter | 0 comments

How To Make Him Want You Back

By Chris Seiter | 0 comments

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43 thoughts on “He Said It’s Over For Good… What Do I Do?”

  1. Avatar

    Hayley

    August 14, 2019 at 1:22 pm

    Hi, I’m new to all this. I broke up with my partner 2 weeks ago. A couple of months back he told me he didn’t love me because he doesn’t know what love is. I’d had wine and blurted out everything that was on my mind. He cried alot and kept saying sorry but the relationship ended. We live in different parts of the country and have no reason to see each other again. We have spoken a couple of times and he said ‘it’s over, he doesn’t want a relationship anymore’ I’m devastated that after 5 years this has happened. Do you think no contact will work? Many Thanks

  2. Avatar

    Maridsa

    April 3, 2019 at 12:36 pm

    My ex and I broke up after a year of dating! We talked the first week about bills that we had together but that was it. I started the no contact duke but he hasn’t tried to message me for 5 days. Will he ever or? His sister reached out to me saying she’s still wanted to be friends and loved me but I won’t be hanging with her.

  3. Avatar

    Beth

    April 3, 2019 at 12:27 pm

    Hey team,
    My boyfriend and I broke up a week ago after dating for 1 year. We were engaged and about to get married and we had a fight that pushed him over the edge and he said he hit his breaking point and he was done. We had a bunch of tickets together and bills that we had to talk about the first week to sort out which we did and then that as it. It’s been like 5 days and he hasn’t tried to reach out again. I want to start the no contact order but I can’t if he never tries to talk to me again? Or maybe I Need to be patient? His sister and sisters boyfriend reached out to me a few days ago saying they loved me and still wanted to hang with me. We all talked for a little but i won’t be hanging out with her. Especially since I need to start getting over this! Any advice will help!

  4. Avatar

    lebohang

    November 22, 2018 at 2:18 pm

    Hi team
    Lebohang
    I broke up with my baby father, because I once cheated on him and came back late at the wedding cause I was a stromy so he sad its over when I try to explain he sad no I was busy with someone else and he sad because I was raised by a single parent the chances of getting married are too small

  5. Avatar

    Ally

    November 8, 2018 at 11:23 am

    Have you ever heard of 70 days no contact? Guys who come back months later? Not 21,30 or 45?

    Last time we ended things it was only 55 days before he spoke to me again, and this time he hasn’t and it’s been almost two and a half months now.

    I am devastated. The first time he broke it off before the summer, I was moving on and found a new guy who I was getting to know. Then of course, he comes back as I am moving on. But our friendship was never the same. He kept asking who I was with when I said I hung out with someone. He would try doing things to impress me. He found out about this guy in August, and he was so jealous and hurt. At the end of August, I couldn’t handle it anymore and I told him it’s done and I couldn’t handle the way he was treating me. If he was so jealous he should have asked me out.

    Anyways, he turned it onto me and said I never cared for him, I’m not a real friend, told me he was never jealous even though he told me he was so many times, (do guys start denying what they’ve said when they’re mad?)

    I tried reaching out 2 months into no contact, and I think I said all the wrong things, (I said we probably won’t be in eachother lives anymore and I wished him the best). He stopped replying when I said that. Probably because I made it sound like I was completely done? He gets offended very easily and if he’s feels like being abandoned he will switch the blame to protect himself.

    Then a couple days ago I see that he’s posted a new girl on his story. She looks exactly like me. I guess he liked how I looked but I wasn’t enough for him compared to her? I was heartbroken seeing that.

    Will he eventually come around? I’m not planning on reaching out ever again.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 8, 2018 at 11:42 pm

      Hi Ally!

      Certainly one can do it for even a longer period, though I seldom recommend anything over 60 days. But yes, relationships can come back together after being apart for a very long period of time. Every couple’s situation is unique, with different dynamics acting up on it.

      You might want to take a look at my Private Facebook Support Group as it can help folks through their ex experience.

  6. Avatar

    Sonya

    September 21, 2018 at 10:52 pm

    I don’t know what to think. We had a strange story, most of it on chat. But had a strong vibe between us in real, lot of fundamental things in live we do and see and think the same way . We met going through difficult times in our lives but no matter what I was there for him, he was leaving-coming back . When once I almost left for real , he made me come back. Anyway, out from nowhere he just decided it’s over , got angry about simple questions I made ( the same he asked me though), told me not to talk to him anymore and he won’t either, and when I got angry and told him he’s playing with people, he threatened to block me, it was ridiculous, I laughed, he blocked me. I know what people will say – it’s clear as a daylight – he doesn’t want you, move on. But, I rarely meet men we have this mutual vibe between us. I didn’t and do not want to give up on it..

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 21, 2018 at 11:34 pm

      Hi Sonya…strange stories are my favorites! I know it sucks when a guy out of the blue runs the other direction. This seems to be a good case for employing no contact. You can learn more in my books, posts, podcasts, etc. But if you want a comprehensive plan…get my ebook (Pro) my friend!

  7. Avatar

    Ozioma

    August 18, 2018 at 3:33 am

    Hi chris and Jenny, i need some guidiance. Im slowly sinking into depression.

    I cheated on my ex, but it wasnt physical, i just sent my nudes to some other guy. And i told my ex i was a virgin, which i truly am but he now believes it was all an act. It was a relationship of 1.7years. Things ended extremely very super bad, that was Last sunday.

    I uploaded a story of how my day went today and how i had fun, no hurt intended.

    He called me and said ” this is how u planned on making it up right? ” and after that he blocked me everywhere , calls, texts. Social media.

    And when i thought all my appology letters where working

    Now he hates me so much, i want to send a text through a friends phone notifiying him illd be entering NC, but my bitrthday is also im a weeks time

    Should i enter NC now or keep appologising?
    and wait till after my birthdah to begin NC.

    Please i need guidance

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 19, 2018 at 12:39 am

      Hi Ozioma!

      So sorry your ex doesn’t believe you, but perhaps in time that will change given the length of time you were together. He is probably working thru some anger and resentment, but time will smooth that out in most people. You should stop apologizing because it makes you look guilty and probably just makes him more upset. Best to enter into No Contact and follow the guidelines I lay out in my ex recovery program (Pro) which you can learn more about on my website’s home page.

  8. Avatar

    JF

    February 26, 2018 at 3:50 am

    I was dating a guy 39 years old I am 46 we have had some up and down moments yes a bit toxic.. long story short the other day we went on a day trip out of town .. he tends to be controlling and didn’t like I spoke my mind about something that bothered me.. Hevbecame very loud in restaurant and I asked him to lower his voice he became louder and told me we are over for good and find my own ride home which is over two hours away and left me in a big and strange city .. that being said I feel very sad that he was able to set all feeling aside and abandon me without feeling bad if you love another person why would they do that ? I am questing everything right now .. why I can’t speak my mind if he even loved me how he has no empathy and I don’t know how I can get over him I thought he was my soul mate

  9. Avatar

    Sarah

    October 29, 2017 at 11:17 am

    Me and my ex were together for 4.5 years and he suddenly broke up with me 2 weeks before starting uni together. Since then it’s been about a month and I have been texting him none stop (which is stupid!) but I can’t help it and I know I’m ruining my chances of getting back together by doing that. I don’t know what to do cause I’m still so in love with him but he’s told me to find someone else and that he doesn’t love me anymore 🙁

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 31, 2017 at 9:14 pm

      Hi Sarah,

      Do you want to do the no contact rule?

  10. Avatar

    Camille

    October 27, 2017 at 8:03 am

    Hi Chris, it’s been a while since the last time I visited your site. Way back then, I remembered clearly how desperate, eager and obsessed
    I am to get my exBF back who happens to be the father of my 9y.o. son (we are not married if incase you need to know). What brought me back here is that I remember how sincere, realistic your advice is. It’s more of valuing your self and getting back to knowing your worth, more than chasing someone who forgot to value your worth. Honestly, I’m no longer sure if I really wanted to win him back. It’s more on, wanting him to win me back. How can I be able to do that. By the way, it’s been 3 weeks since I talk to him, but the last time I check, even we talk to each other we seems distant, especially him. Just a brief sharing, he hurts me a lot of times (he had relationships with other girl while we still live together) yet I try to stay with him but then time comes that I just got tired and want to live a life away from him. The story of our story is to many to mention, if incase you want to learn about it, just email me back. Help me out.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 30, 2017 at 8:13 pm

      Hi Camille,

      It sounds counterintuitive but the more you care or want someone to win you back, the less ungettable you are.
      Because ungettable girls know the guy should win her back if he wants to be in her life.. If he can’t do that, he’s not worth it..

  11. Avatar

    Joan

    October 16, 2017 at 6:43 am

    Hi! I broke up with my ex bf last 2013 for the reason that i fell out of love.. and I just initiated a text last week for ua to meet and talk so that I could apologize. He’s still mad at me and refuses to talk to me. He said “it’s over” but he didn’t tell me directly that he has no feelinga for me anymore. My feelings for him started to return. I want him back. What should I do?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 16, 2017 at 11:44 pm

  12. Avatar

    Annie

    September 6, 2017 at 5:37 am

    Hello am helpless here
    Relation of 6 months.last month with ups and down bcs of our lately sickness.a month ago he went for vacation that was the time he asked for a break.but i was in his place for some reasons.when he came back.it was smooth and got me a gift.since we went to the beach and i saw pics of naked woman that he slept with.that day we had huge fight(he know am so jelous) he kept appologizing.till i accepted the appology.
    It was ok.last time was 12 days ago we went to the sea he was so nice.and we kissed passionately.but bcs i was so confussed bcs of him saying i can know new ppl.and talk with other.plus the kiss and the pics i saw.the next day we went to the sea.there was a guy he spoke to me.and i allowed just to see his reaction with me.guess wt.he got soooo furious and fought with me.i didnt expect it.but he asked not to see me again and that even he had the slight feeling of being back now he is done.i left.after 5 days i tried to meet he was still down.tried to call him many times that day nothing.i made 3 attempts during the 12 days just to make it better.nothing.he seen my texts but nothing
    The last attempt was last thursday.THEN FRIDAY HE MADE LIKE ON MY PROFFILE PIC.honestly i didnt do anything at all.i decided NC after the like.on sundaySOMETHING WEIRD HAPPENED.I FOUND HIS NUMBER CALLING ME.I ANSWERED IT WAS ALL SILENCE.I HANG UP AND CALLED TO CHECK.NO ANSWER.HIS NUMBER CALLED AGAIN.THIS TIME IT SOUND IN HIS POCKET. so i didnt do anything from sunday after this.
    But am confussed. For the like on friday and the unexpected call in sunday.wts his purpose?distruct me? I decided NC
    But the like and the call confussed me
    Should i continue the NC? Or try later ? Or was enough with last attempts?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 7, 2017 at 9:02 pm

      HI Annie,

      restart the count of nc, stick to it and be active in improving yourself and in posting. Do at least 30 days. Don’t reply nor answer his phone calls. You can only break it if he literally says he wants you back.

  13. Avatar

    Annie

    September 5, 2017 at 7:14 pm

    Guys in 6month relation. Recently we broke up for good. was 12 days ago. 3 weeks ago he asked for a break and we agreed. but he asked me to stay at his place for some personal reasons. anyway when came back by chance i saw his phone. he slept with someone there. im so jelous for him. so we had a huge fight. from me specifically. after some attempts for appologizing from him i dealed and forgave.
    We went on stable phase. but he was telling me i can know people for friends and ok if i know someone. it felt like he didn’t care. one day we went to the sea. it was awesome. and kissed
    So that confussed me more. the next day we went again to the sea. and by chance a guy came to speak. we spoke. when he came he seem bothered. but wt really anoyed me he had a huge fight with me. and told me to end it this time and doesn’t want to see me anymore. which i didn’t expect it bcs of wt he told me bfr.(idid it cnciously) after 5 days i tried to reach. but nothing. during the 12 days i tried 3 times. notjing.. last time was Thursday and i decided the NC rule. Friday he made like on my profile pic. which amazed me
    Last thing that happened was yesterday i found his number calling me. i answered.. few seconds he didn’t speak so i hang up. i called je didn’t answer. and 2nd time he dialed but was in his pocket. guys am confused of the call thing on Friday..
    Bcs it happened bfr to send me on messenger cat faces. and when i asked him he said. oh sorry it sent by itself and he started talking
    Is he trying to destruct me? Wt to do? will he contact me?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 7, 2017 at 9:02 pm

      HI Annie,

      restart the count of nc, stick to it and be active in improving yourself and in posting. Do at least 30 days. Don’t reply nor answer his phone calls. You can only break it if he literally says he wants you back.

  14. Avatar

    Rachael

    August 18, 2017 at 5:19 am

    my bf of 5 years finally broke up with me about a month ago. we were incompatible from the start and i knew it wouldn’t last forever but he became my best friend. the breakup was mutual and respectful and for a full week afterwards we were still texting like best friends. but then i admitted to him that i had been cheating on him at the end of our relationship and he immediately wanted nothing to do with me. of course i don’t blame him for that and i don’t think we should ever get back together as boyfriend and girlfriend but i do miss my best friend. do you think it’s possible he will ever want to be friends again? should i bother trying to find out since i know that he thinks it’s unhealthy for him to even talk to me right now?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 18, 2017 at 5:38 pm

      HI Rachael,

      Yeah someday when much time has passed.. It depends from a person to person but a safe bet would be maybe after 6 months or a year he would have moved on..

  15. Avatar

    Aisha

    July 1, 2017 at 9:57 am

    My ex broke up with me nearly 2 weeks ago via text after 9months together.

    I have not contacted him since in any way. He has tried to break up with me before but we end up back together. Normally I would be more open and would talk it out but this time, I’m standing my ground for my self respect and dignity with no contact. But a few days ago he liked my social media post and commented with a congratulations because I got a new job.

    What could his action mean and why?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 4, 2017 at 8:36 pm

  16. Avatar

    Farah

    June 30, 2017 at 4:41 pm

    Hey,
    My ex and I have been together for six months now, we haven’t said that we love each other but it was obvious, we were so into each other and the attraction was mind blowing….two months ago we have been going through ups and downs, he was giving me mixed signals, and we weren’t talking that much
    Few days ago, I called him after a month of not contact rule, he was super excited and asked me out, we met and it was really good and then before leaving, he said he wants us to stop meeting because he can’t control himself around or resist me, and he does not like that and he does what that to continue. I said nothing but agreeing with him and left
    He blocked me everywhere after that.
    What I know about him is that he is one of the good guys, he does not know lots of girls and he is all about his family and work.

    Does that mean he did not love me all this time even though it was obvious, and he only wanted me for sex?
    Do we have any chances?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 30, 2017 at 5:12 pm

      It looks you met too early..for me, you should wait for him to initiate contact and then slowly build rapport and dont be fwb again

  17. Avatar

    Hopeless

    June 17, 2017 at 2:40 pm

    Hi Chris & Amor, I broke up with ex boyfriend 3 weeks ago, after a 1,5 year relationship. I really regret it but he thinks I moved on and that I’m back with my ex boyfriend which is absolutely not the case. I really want him back but when we talk, all he says is how much he hates me and that I’m a stranger to him now. He tells me that he doesn’t love me anymore at all and doesn’t care for me. I’d like to believe that he’s saying these things out of anger or hurt but he also blocked me in every way possible. In the beginning I made every mistake possible but now I’m trying the no contact. It just hurts so much cause he’s following, liking and flirting with so many new girls now. I really don’t know what to do, do you thinks it’s hopeless and I should give up?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 19, 2017 at 6:56 pm

      why does he think you’re back with your ex? what did you tell him about that?

  18. Avatar

    Please help

    June 11, 2017 at 5:07 pm

    Hi Team,

    I could really use some guidance. I separated from my husband around six months ago due to cheating on my part. I messed up badly I admit. I’ve been working on myself and started working a job, made friends etc. My ex started dating someone seriously with a kid shortly after we went our separate ways. I was surprised with his decision to start a new dramatic relationship with a girl with extra baggage. Not necessarily her child but she has a crazy ex husband lurking around. I know he is the type of guy that believes in the fantasy and we broke up because I chose some other over guy which I now regret. I have been taking your advice and have left him alone and was hoping things would go south with him and his gf. I had been having intense dreams about him and to my surprise we ran into each other last week and had a positive talk. No mention of his gf and I kept my cool and didn’t reach out after our run in although I miss him terribly. To my surprise (again) he reached out yesterday and we went on a long walk and talked about several topics. He reached out because he’s having gf problems (shocker) and she is choosing her ex husband over him in terms of their daughter together. I did not bash her and said I was here for him and that I respect him and his relationship and hope he is happy. I felt very strong and know I want him back. I think the fantasy bubble has burst for him and his gf in his mind and I think problems will keep coming up. So what did I do? My family thinks I should tell him how I feel but I think slow and steady wins the race. Obviously I don’t want to get friend zoned either. Should I reach out? Give him space? What happens if he wants to meet up again? I am predicting that he will stay with her for now but I want him to see me in a positive light again and I think appearing drama free and happy is my best bet. The situation has rebound written all over it. I hope I can change his mind about me.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 14, 2017 at 10:08 am

      Even if you left him alone if you weren’t focused in improving yourself and being active in posting, that’s not a no contact period..especially if you reply when he reaches out

  19. Avatar

    Jane

    June 9, 2017 at 7:51 am

    Also when I asked for the documents back he seemed kind of stunt I wanted it back? (I had to ask for it back cause I needed them and I couldn’t get a new copy, I tried) He paused before saying he will make arrangements. I don’t know why

    1. Avatar

      Jane

      June 14, 2017 at 7:54 am

      Im not sure if my previous reply got posted. Anyway I’ll try to retype it here.

      He said he will drop the documents off but he hasn’t yet and he didn’t say when. He called me out of the blue 2 days ago asking me how am I and stuff. He also said I was the biggest mistake of his life ( lol i don’t know why i found that funny). The call lasted about an hour and he was just saying things like how Im the only one in the world that truly knows him and he still respects me and if i ever needed help I could ask him, but thats it. Then he also told me to not call him again? He said he doesn’t believe in relationships and marriage anymore after this and we can never be together again. He also mentioned that I didn’t even text him on his birthday haha. And that he has to be hostile towards me because thats the only way he will get over me? He told me he admits that Im still in his heart and the breakup was hard for him but its getting easier now. I can’t really gauge how or what he feels. What do you think? Oh he also said that he misses my dad the most. So yeah, Im just confused now.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 16, 2017 at 6:54 pm

      it means he keeps talking to you so he can slowly move on by slowly getting used not talking to you

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 13, 2017 at 5:40 pm

      Are you going to get the documents in person? If yes, when?

  20. Avatar

    Jane

    June 9, 2017 at 7:17 am

    Hi 🙂

    Ive successfully completed NC for 30 days, and I’ve definitely grown from where I first was – I would have never thought this. Now I want to reach out to him again and Im so afraid. I haven’t seen him in 2 months. Ive read all the articles about texting guides etc but I can’t come up with anything good I can say. Andddd it would seem like he’s still quite hostile towards me. His ego is the size of everest. I called him and we spoke today (nothing about getting back together, I just needed some important documents back and all he said was “I’ll make arrangements”) but he was being really distant and stuff. It was civil, but cold. Doesn’t seem like he missed me at all. I just tried to keep my cool as well, not reacting. I guess the bright side is he didn’t hang up on me lol. I don’t expect us to magically get back together instantly. Im just afraid to make the next move that would ruin everything. I love him and I really want to make it work. Other guys have been asking me out but inside me it just doesn’t spark up anything. Could you help me please? Any advice? Thanks in advance.

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