The breakup…
It happens to everyone. Heck, it’s probably the reason you’re here now.
No matter what the reason is for the breakup – cheating, long distance, a big fight that got out of control. It also doesn’t matter how long you and your partner were together, whether it was 3 months, 3 years, or married with three children.
There may come a point when your boyfriend/husband says:
“That’s it. I want out. There is no chance for us.”
Of course, this is a pretty common occurrence at Ex Boyfriend Recovery. It really doesn’t matter what the exact words are.
The first instinct for you, the girlfriend/boyfriend or wife/husband is to try to convince him that he’s made the wrong decision.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a bad plan. It’s the usual way the plan is implemented that’s the problem.
We men, (yes, me included) are simple creatures. Telling a guy he is doing something wrong will not get him to agree with you. It will not get him to see the light, and come running back to you. Telling him over and over, will especially not accomplish this.
In fact, it’s the quickest way to get him to stick to his decision.
You see, you have to show a guy that giving up on the relationship he had with you is a bad idea. How do you show him. It’s simple.
But first, let’s talk about the three most important things NOT to do and then after that we can talk about whether or not he still cares about you.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizBeing a Text Gnat
The breakup has happened.
You are feeling lost without the one you thought completed you.
You want this person in your life.
You crave that feeling that you are still apart of their life.
What do you do?
Text them. Not once. Not twice. But Many times.
In fact, you text so much, because, you want his attention and if you have to drive him crazy, fine at least he won’t forget you.
But this ladies and gentlemen, is faulty logic. By being a “text gnat” or a “call gnat,” you are essentially trying to force a guy to love you. And let me tell you, it never works.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizSending Gifts/Grand Gestures
It’s the same with grand gestures as with text gnatting.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizYou don’t want to be “out of sight out of mind,” but you crave a pathway back to his heart and quickly. So, your over emotional brain says,
“Let’s buy him something he’s always wanted.”
No.
Not only does it make you look desperate, most guys have no problem keeping the stuff you bought, and still dropping you.
This step also opens the door for the last thing you don’t want to do.
Sleeping with your Ex
The best way to show them that you care and love them is to give them your whole self, right?
WRONG.
Sleeping with your ex without a commitment or entering into a friends with benefits situation is not the way back into a relationship with your ex.
So should you just give up?
What do you do now?
First thing’s first – you start NO CONTACT
No contact is simple.
And yet for some, it’s the hardest.
What is it?
Well, the premise goes like this: you don’t contact your ex…. at all (especially not on his birthday.)
I can’t tell you how many times I get asked the birthday question. I should probably just charge to answer that question, but then I couldn’t teach you everything I’ve learned through research, experience and working with people to help get their exes back.
Of course there are a few exceptions to No Contact:
- You have children together
- You live together
- You work together
You can learn more about No Contact and Limited No Contact here: (https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/episode46/)
The good thing is that many do not even realize how beneficial the no contact rule is for the power it restores to the individual.
No matter how long your No Contact period (21, 30, or 45 days), and no matter if it’s limited or a full-scale no contact, this time of non-communication gives your ex a chance to see a side of you he hasn’t seen in a while.
The one that’s not there.
No really.
He gets to see what life is like when you aren’t in it.
And the more he realizes that, that life is miserable the better your chances of getting him back.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizNow, one thing that I am sure you are going to find fascinating is that almost all exes react differently to No Contact. (More on that here: The Male Mind During No Contact)
So what do you do while you’re regaining your power during No Contact?
Regaining Your Power During No Contact
Put simply, you become the Ungettable Girl!
In my Private Support Group, we call them UG’s.
But what does it mean to be a UG?
This is what a UG IS NOT:
UG’s have goals, they have master plans.
And their first master plan is NO CONTACT.
During No Contact, the master plan is to focus on yourself;
- You go out and do things you’ve always wanted to do.
- You go out with friends and maybe date a new person.
- You sign up for classes that expand your mind or let you acquire new skills.
- You work on becoming financially stable, if this has been an issue for you.
- You strengthen your career.
- You get healthy by working out.
- You pamper yourself.
There are three main areas that I like to emphasize about becoming and being an Ungettable Girl.
- Health
- Wealth
- Relationships
See, UG’s aren’t just pretty or handsome faces.
They aren’t a certain size or shape.
They aren’t just smart and career oriented people that are rolling in riches. And they aren’t just on really good terms with everyone in their lives, like their family and friends.
UG’s are all of this.
They are the total package.
UG’s focus on themselves.
They know what they want out of life.
They have goals.
They don’t expect to have those end goals to magically appear.
They work towards those goals.
UG’s are positive people.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizOther people enjoy being around them, because they have a positive outlook. UG’s have fun.
UG’s take care of their health.
Physically, Mentally, and Spiritually.
UG’s realize that having a fulfilled life doesn’t mean relying on another person for their happiness. UG’s create their own happiness in their lives.
During this time of becoming a UG, many people in Ex Boyfriend Recovery come to a crossroads.
“Do I want him back?” or “Do I give up now that I’m happy, or do I work to get him back and be happy?”
It’s worth noting that many people have completed the UG/No Contact stage and found that they are happier without their ex.
Their ex may have been abusive, a narcissist, or just not mature enough to handle the outstanding person you have grown to be during this journey to find happiness within yourself. You may have went on practice dates during this time, and found someone you like better.
It’s also worth noting that many people have found different exes getting in contact with them during this time, trying to rekindle old flames. They have found that once they give up on their exes, and move on, the ex comes running back.
The power of an Ungettable Girl/Guy is astounding.
No matter what the reason, it’s not a failure, as long as you are satisfied with the person you have become.
So now what?
Well, it’s up to you at this point. Do you want him back, or do you want to move on to something different, and hopefully better?
For the purposes of this article, let’s say that you want to continue to try and get him back.
Why you ask?
Well, why not?
He’s said he no longer wants to be with you.
But you have to remember, you’ve grown since he said that. You’ve taken a step back and gotten perspective. And hopefully, during this time of No Contact, he’s gotten some perspective as well.
You see, what a lot of people find when they come to Ex Boyfriend Recovery is that the days of the No Contact phase seem long and unending.
At the very beginning of their No Contact phase, most people are like,
“What am I going to do? He’s out there, without me. He may be seeing someone else. What if I lose him totally?”
This is why it’s really important to define your goals during this time, to establish new routines and make progress towards those goals.
Because what usually happens by the end of the No Contact phase is this:
“Omg, No Contact Ends in 3 Days, What am I going to do? I’m not ready!”
“What is going to be my first text to him? I need ideas!”
“I’m thinking about extending my NC period, I’m really enjoying it too much!”
These conversations happen often in our Private Support Group.
Countless people have used their No Contact phase to get comfortable with being their own person. They take control of their emotions. They date other people to gain perspective into their previous relationship with their ex.
Sure, there’s the new “skill learning”, the pounds dropped at the gym, career advancements, and time with friends and family that strengthen bonds.
But there’s a comfort that comes in liking yourself and accepting yourself for who you are, and working towards the person you want to be.
So what does this have to do with getting your ex back after he’s said there is no chance?
EVERYTHING.
You have to be comfortable with yourself, with leaving the past in the past, and confident in building a new relationship.
You have to “let go without letting go.”
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizLetting Go Without Actually Letting Go
Essentially, you are letting go of all the pasts hurt and anger that led to your breakup. You have to let go of these things. Otherwise, your next decision of “Do I try and get him back or move on?” will be greatly impacted by your actions.
What most people find when they enter the Texting Phase is that your ex, is not going to act the way you thought he would.
When you think he’s going to act one way, he has a totally different reaction.
Something you know he thinks is going to be hilarious, gets you a text of “Lol,” 6 hours after it was sent.
This is the phase that can make or break your progress. And it all has to do with how you prepped yourself for this phase.
If you enter into this phase with the idea that things are going to be like they were before, you’ll be able to pick right up where you left off, and in a month or so you’ll be back with your ex, prepare to have those ideas squashed.
Not saying this doesn’t happen, but it’s rare. And the chances of the relationship heading back down the road for a breakup increase. Why?
Because nothing changed. It’s the same problems.
But, if you enter into the texting phase with the acceptance that there are going to be times that your ex will be frustrating, there will be days he doesn’t react the way you thought, and you will have to be patient, then chances are good that you will have something you can build that new relationship on.
After all, you don’t want the old relationship back. It didn’t work out, did it?
This is why having goals, and having an understanding what is going to make you happy is so important before enter the Text Phase.
It’s also important that you are in control of your emotions.
The frustration and the anxiety do not just go away simply because you completed your No Contact. You have to work at it.
So that is the reality.
This is not a program that will fix a relationship simply by following a checklist of steps.
It is however a support system designed to give you tools that will help you as you work towards rebuilding a better relationship with your ex.
hayley maddison
October 2, 2024 at 7:16 pm
hi so me and my ex broke up on july 28th of this year I texted a lot and i knew he really didn’t like it but struggled to stop out of fear her would not reach out. we did 6months of long distance from November last year to may this year. spent a month up with him and his family and then suggested we see each other every 2 weeks weekend wise as i moved back home after i finished uni. the first weekend i saw him after being up north i thought everything was fine until he said he had something to tell me which was he lost a little feelings and love. the 2nd weekend i didn’t want to bother him about what he told me but then we broke up and i asked what the issues were but i only got he didn’t miss me as much. I know during our relationship i texted him everyday and never knew when he wanted space when we was apart to me when we was doing long distance i felt like we could barley talk and he responded when he could. i accepted the break up as felt like i could’t fight for it. did not contact and broke with reaching out asking for the reasons even though he said he would probably come back and talk to me in person which never happend as he was moving base for work. i found out that it was nithing to do with what i had done but he didn’t know how it would work with distance even though he mentioened how it would be a lot easier for me to go up which i was fin with. However, i sruggled to open up out of fear he would see me diffrently and i didn’t want to worry him about my past, i was told i am too much, too clingy I even tried to give soloutions on how it could work but he later said during the end of september after i explained why i struggled to open up was that he does’t think he loves me but he didn’t know through all the messages i got since we broke up was i don’t know, i don’t know if we will get back together like he was unsure. we had a 2hr phone call one point and he seems to think we need to focus on ourselves and how he thinks i would be better for someone else as i think i have an anxious attachment style without realising it during our relationship. at the end of the call he said he might reach out but wouldn’t tell me when as he didn’t wan to get my hopes up but all his answers would be is i don’t know. how do i get him back if i already feel like i have screwed it up.
Justine
October 29, 2023 at 6:34 am
My x dumped me his father is terminally ill. I was there for him but out the blue he told me he don’t want to be with me anymore but I mean the world to him and he will always be there for me but it’s over. I really don’t know if he means it or it’s just what he going through.
Coach Shaunna
November 9, 2023 at 5:25 pm
Hi Justine, it sounds as if he is grieving and he is looking to reduce the stress and worry in his life. Allow him space and follow the NC rules. Work through what we call the Holy Trinity showing him that you are the best version of yourself and that he let someone great go.
Miracle
May 1, 2022 at 10:53 pm
Hi!
My bf dumped me after 5 months of dating, we did talk about future and moving in together.
After meeting couple of times he said things won’t work for us in future. He is acting like he has feelings and no feelings and told me not to reach out to him. I did no contact for 3 weeks , then text him back asking him to come back and let’s try to work it out, he is still the same and so stubborn. Will he ever comeback ? How many days do I have to do No contact? He still active on social media and haven’t disconnected.I’m emotionally attached and want to make things work out.
Crystal
October 6, 2021 at 7:35 pm
I have been with my boyfriend for just shy over 2 years, we were both previously married to other people and have known each other for @14 years. He owns a bar and is at it every night “working”, he has now become angry if I make the slightest facial expression or comment and then goes directly to “I’m done with you” then doesn’t talk to me for days. This has happened @3 times now. This time it happened again last night and today when I asked what the issue is he said he wasn’t talking to me and that he’s done and that he doesn’t see the end with me so might as well walk away now then he proceeds to tell me he “hates me at his bar” and he “hates when I sit at his table”. He’s not normally hurtful to me.
Here’s the issue, he owns multiple properties that he could move out to but he’s still here, we also own a business together and have financed a vehicle together. He won’t even talk to me about all that. I tried discussing if he was done with me then what’s the next steps to exiting as far as the house, business, etc. he won’t talk.
Is this him being him again and ignoring me a few day/week then one day everything is AOK again??
So confusing!
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 27, 2021 at 8:28 pm
Hey Crystal this does not sound like a healthy relationship at all, the best you can do is follow the limited no contact for business and financial reasons. I would suggest that when things are calmer and he is less angry that you approach the living situation with him and explain that you would like him to move out (giving him a reasonable deadline). I would suggest that you stop accepting his behaviour it is not fair or right if he does not want you around his bar etc then take that as to stay away. You focus on you and let him feel the loss of you.
Melissa
July 29, 2021 at 8:18 pm
Here’s the issue with me and my ex. We were together what a year and half. The first 5-6 months were amazing. I knew in the first 6 months he was the love of my life, I knew I wanted to be with him forever. I am an emotional scarred person. I had long term relationships, my previous x cheated on me and left me for someone else. We were together for quite awhile. But this guy was my first actual serious boyfriend since that heartache. He made me feel alive. I got cold feet said I was getting nervous for how fast it was going needless to say my friend had died when we initially started dating. So I was a mess, I didn’t feel comfortable letting him see that side of me. So I would say ” I need a cry day and I am not up to doing anything, I am very sad and I would hope that understand that it’s not you, it’s just I need to cry and let it out.” …. So he said he understood that. Well I didn’t know this til months later that he took offense and said ” he felt like I was pushing him away!” Which was not the case at all. I don’t like feeling vulnerable and people seeing that and I know I should have let him in… Well we did good amazing, not good, amazing, not good then in December of 2020 I told him I wanted a ring. I was head over heels! We were excited. Well it was awesome again. I ended up getting pregnant, in March 2021. Ended up having an abortion. Shocked. Like I love you, you love me, you tell me I’m the one for you but he said I have been looking online to see what types of abortion there is, the pills or the one in clinic! So I’m so confused. Sad. Felt like I had no choice. This is my boyfriend, the love of my life didn’t want a child with me. So I went to depressed mode, didn’t know how to react to his touch his love and kind words to me. Then had many other issues arise custody court dad found out he has cancer. All I’m 4 months. So I am emotional. Then he tells me I’m not giving him enough of my time to him, his needs aren’t being met. I said I need you to be strong for me because my whole world feels like it’s crashing… Well he dumps and said I was the ” shittiest gf he has ever had!” And I said I am going thru alot and I’m sorry if I haven’t been there in ways that you need me. Well now he is seeing someone else, and told me he is done and never coming… And said so mean and harsh things. Does be feel guilty? I mean he has some issues with drinking and is an alcoholic, past gfs cheated on him. Is this relationship doomed ?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
August 23, 2021 at 10:49 am
Hi Melissa, so for an outsider based on the information that you have given I think the BOTH of you have some self work to do! And this cannot be done together especially his alcoholism. I would suggest that you work through what’s going on in your life without him in it and make sure that your focus is to overcome your struggles that are happening right now and become happy. He needs to work on himself and that is not something you can do for him or tell him to do. You had more than enough going on in your life without taking care of someone who is not in a secure place themselves.
JC
April 25, 2021 at 2:49 am
Hi! My boyfriend of almost 4 years broke up 2 months ago. We we’re inseparable although sometimes we got into small fights which a couple can’t really avoid but still managed to make up. Until pandemic came and I had to go back to my hometown. We we’re in an LDR for 5 months and got the chance to see each other for a week and felt so much love during those days for missing each other. The next month came and we got into a huge fight (a usual fight-not updating on what’s going on), we were so cold to each other for 2 days already and then he texted me that he realized that its way better and practical that we just break up giving me reasons that he was the problem, we keep on fighting since I got home, that he can no longer give me his time which i deserve due to his busy work schedule. I never received a phone call for formality knowing we are LDR. He also blocked me in all his soc med accts and blocked my number too. I constantly bugged him for 2months saying mean harsh words at first then finally apologizing and begging him to start all over again. Now he says he no longer loves me and there is really no chance of getting back together yet we came into a mutual aggreement to remain friends on fb instead. He also told me that I dont deserve him because he’s still too far from everything he wants to be -career wise. He wants to work on himself alone. I gave him my last goodbye saying im gonna miss him and we will no longer be able to see each other forever but he said “why not? Im looking forward to it.” I begged him still check up on me while im healing and told me “i guess will not talk to you for NOW” like, what does he mean by this? Is he coming back? I just really don’t understand.
Lindsay
January 10, 2021 at 12:47 am
This is the best article and analysis I have ever seen about how to deal with “done with it” type of ex or narcissist kinda relationship. These system is so smart and the most rational practices I ever know with tools to use for self therapy.
Caitlin
December 26, 2020 at 6:47 pm
Hi, me and my boyfriend just broke up, I acted like a fool drinking and got angry at him, before that night he said he was inlove with me. I am seeking counseling because of what men did to me in the past. I told him how sorry I was since then no contact, but he said he loves me and is still really mad at me, he also said maybe we can discuss our future. How do I know it’s over?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 15, 2021 at 9:53 pm
Hi Caitlin, I would say that this is more of your ex not being able to deal with the anger that you are expressing. You do need to explain to your counsellor that you are struggling and experiencing outbursts with your boyfriend. I would say that he would be open to discussing things in the future but you need to show that you are making positive steps to feeling better. Follow a no contact for 45 days and then reach out using the program for guidance on how to reach out.
Raven
November 11, 2020 at 10:51 am
Hi, I really need your help. My ex boyfriend broke up with me on October 28 2020 because for that last month we hardly ever saw each other. He works nights shift and was falling into depression and didn’t feel like talking to me or anyone else. We also had some bad communication and the past week we were together I suspected a breakup so I would call him crying every night until he finally said that he can’t do this anymore. He said that we were just together because we were comfortable and we lost connection and we were always fighting over little things. He said he no longer sees a future with me but then sometimes he says that we’ll see what the future holds. At first I was constantly begging for him back. He said he wants me in his life so I went to his birthday party with his friends two days after the breakup. But then I got emotional the next day and we didn’t talk for 4 days until I reached out to him. We planned on hanging out as friends tomorrow but I don’t know what I should do. I want to ask him if we could hang out again while we’re together but I’m scared that I ruined my chances because I never implied the NC rule. I think a way I can show him how I’ve changed is to not be so emotional and so dependent on him because when I was begging for him back he told me that was also why we needed to be apart.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 12, 2020 at 8:13 pm
Hi Raven, I think you need to go into a no contact and work on yourself for a little amount of time. Showing him you are not emotional when he isnt getting a break from you is not going to work. You need to cut contact for a little while. 45 days I would say based on what you have said above.
Beau
October 31, 2020 at 8:11 am
Hi EBR,
I’m just wondering if all of the above will still work after being broken up for 10 weeks and ofcourse me being a sad, desperate girl who’s been driving him insane..
In the beginning of the breakup he said he wants to get back together but needs some time alone, i went crazy and 10 weeks later his emotions run so high he screams at me that it’s done and nothing was right and he’s better off without me and it’s too late etcetera. But he also still says i need to calm down and we don’t know what the future holds..
Also he keeps saying things need to change first and then we can talk, and then he completely loses his mind again and starts screaming again.. HELP! 🙁
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 31, 2020 at 3:13 pm
Hi Beau, yes but only if you are working on yourself and becoming the best version of yourself. IF you do not work on yourself, and make positive changes. Then your ex sees you as the same person and makes him not want to come back to you. Read about being Ungettable and the Holy Trinity apply this to yourself and show your ex that you are doing great through mutual friends and social media.
Shelley Malcolm
October 17, 2020 at 7:29 pm
Hello, so I have a crazy one for you. So I am the rebound my boyfriend of 5 years left his 11 year live in relationship for me. We been together 5 years. Both of our moms passed away 5 years ago and we believe this is why we became together. He said he was on way out of his 11 year relationship. They sold there house. Problen they speak all the time still. He raised her child she had with another man. But my bf said they talk because of there son or her son that he raised. Anyways hes been sleeping on her couch as he had nowhere to sleep. He sent me a text last week saying hes done with me and to never contact him again. He never wants to talk to me again. However the week before we had sex in his truck. I don’t know what to do or to believe. He said he can’t give me what i deserve. That I deserve someone better.. He has no place of his own and either do I as I was evicted 2 years prior. So I rent a room where he is not allowed to come to anymore. I am really hurt and feel lost. We always have had the best time together. Laughing talking etc. What should I do? He doesn’t respond to my texts either. Did I also say that his vehicle is also in both his ex name and his still. He has alot of stuff in there nsmes still. He claims that he talks to her because of the son. I said thats fine but ex is an ex for a reason. Can I assume hes back with her even though he said hes not? Please help I am struggling here. He promised that he would never hurt me or leave me that he felt that he liked me more then I did him. But now that I don’t have security as home car etc I feel like he used me. Please give me sone advice what to do. I am just . Thank you so much.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 19, 2020 at 11:24 pm
Hi Shelley, I wouldn’t say that you were a rebound if you were together for 5 years, however you could find that you helped each other grieve and it made it easier as you both had a similar loss. If you want your ex back you need to start with a 45 day no contact and then work on yourself in that time so your ex can see some positive changes in your life and how well you are doing without him around.
Ashley
August 21, 2020 at 4:44 pm
Hi. I just broke up with my bf 5 days ago. Both of us loves each other, we used to think about our marriage and future. He told me he wants us to move on and I deserve better guy. He also said he wanted to give us both a better chance. Before I read this page, I constantly text him to tell him that stop pushing me to another guy and I still miss him. But the way he replied me was so cool and short. He once said he wanted us to be friends and update our future to each others. May I know is NC rule applicable for my situation? Will he get back to me?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
September 5, 2020 at 8:32 pm
Hi Ashley, as you said you’ve been texting him and begging him to be with you, you need to go into a 45 day NC where you work on yourself. As for him coming back you need to work on the Ungettable information and show him you are the best he is ever going to get. Read articles to help you through the program
Lydia
August 9, 2020 at 7:10 am
I did no contact after my boyfriend of 18 months dumped me out of the blue 10 days before my birthday in the middle of my exam, a few weeks before due date to move in together. He told me “I love you” every day, and treated me like a princess, never had a fight.
I spent my birthday alone because of pandemic. He texted me once only ” happy birthday, hope we can be friends,can I come to your graduation ceremony”.
I did NC rule for 6 weeks. And after 6 weeks without news from him, I told him I was very upset to see no excuses or remorse after the hurt he has done. He also kept secretly packages and credit cardd that arrived at his place without telling me he had them while I urgently needed them. It’s a behaviour I was also disappointed about.
Eventually we had a big clash and I wrote him how I felt about the break up. Expressed all my feelings in a very honnest and polite way. And that I was ready to forgive him for the hurt if he was ready to apologize for his coward escape.
He never replied to my emails. He came to work to drop my things and told me it was completely over without anything to expect because I did not reply to his birthday message. I’m gutted.
NC rule clearly did not work for me. I’m destroyed by the breakup but I at least have my honor back. It was not right to dump me like “””” and then ask to be friend and come to my graduation ceremony without any transition, introspection, reflection on himself and behaviour.
I tried my best.
Jessica
August 2, 2020 at 8:40 pm
My ex and I broke up 3 weeks ago after dating for 10 years, living together for one, and being engaged for 6 Months. He ended it after doing some therapy (we even did couples) and “deciding” that he needed to work on himself as some things from his past had essentially damaged him. He says he’s been in relationships since he was 18 (he’s now 44) and he needs to be alone at this point in his life. Mind you we had a few minor issues but we never argued until quarantine and even then..very little. He moved out right away and told me I could stay in the house until my son graduated so another year. This is his house btw… I couldn’t do it so I packed up and moved 3 hours away. We still have unfinished business with the move so we’ve still been in contact although almost every time he reiterates we’re over. Is this a man that I can get back? He has a very jaded past due to the business he’s in so I do think there are issues he needs to work on personally. I’m just not understanding why he’s turned so cold towards me. Please help.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
August 22, 2020 at 4:45 pm
Hi Jessica, I think if he is willing to and is committing to working on himself and the issues that he has right now. Then you have to respect that and allow some time to pass. Yes you could follow he program and try to get him back, but I would also understand that this is going to take time while he does some self work
Hayley
August 14, 2019 at 1:22 pm
Hi, I’m new to all this. I broke up with my partner 2 weeks ago. A couple of months back he told me he didn’t love me because he doesn’t know what love is. I’d had wine and blurted out everything that was on my mind. He cried alot and kept saying sorry but the relationship ended. We live in different parts of the country and have no reason to see each other again. We have spoken a couple of times and he said ‘it’s over, he doesn’t want a relationship anymore’ I’m devastated that after 5 years this has happened. Do you think no contact will work? Many Thanks
Maridsa
April 3, 2019 at 12:36 pm
My ex and I broke up after a year of dating! We talked the first week about bills that we had together but that was it. I started the no contact duke but he hasn’t tried to message me for 5 days. Will he ever or? His sister reached out to me saying she’s still wanted to be friends and loved me but I won’t be hanging with her.
Beth
April 3, 2019 at 12:27 pm
Hey team,
My boyfriend and I broke up a week ago after dating for 1 year. We were engaged and about to get married and we had a fight that pushed him over the edge and he said he hit his breaking point and he was done. We had a bunch of tickets together and bills that we had to talk about the first week to sort out which we did and then that as it. It’s been like 5 days and he hasn’t tried to reach out again. I want to start the no contact order but I can’t if he never tries to talk to me again? Or maybe I Need to be patient? His sister and sisters boyfriend reached out to me a few days ago saying they loved me and still wanted to hang with me. We all talked for a little but i won’t be hanging out with her. Especially since I need to start getting over this! Any advice will help!
lebohang
November 22, 2018 at 2:18 pm
Hi team
Lebohang
I broke up with my baby father, because I once cheated on him and came back late at the wedding cause I was a stromy so he sad its over when I try to explain he sad no I was busy with someone else and he sad because I was raised by a single parent the chances of getting married are too small
Ally
November 8, 2018 at 11:23 am
Have you ever heard of 70 days no contact? Guys who come back months later? Not 21,30 or 45?
Last time we ended things it was only 55 days before he spoke to me again, and this time he hasn’t and it’s been almost two and a half months now.
I am devastated. The first time he broke it off before the summer, I was moving on and found a new guy who I was getting to know. Then of course, he comes back as I am moving on. But our friendship was never the same. He kept asking who I was with when I said I hung out with someone. He would try doing things to impress me. He found out about this guy in August, and he was so jealous and hurt. At the end of August, I couldn’t handle it anymore and I told him it’s done and I couldn’t handle the way he was treating me. If he was so jealous he should have asked me out.
Anyways, he turned it onto me and said I never cared for him, I’m not a real friend, told me he was never jealous even though he told me he was so many times, (do guys start denying what they’ve said when they’re mad?)
I tried reaching out 2 months into no contact, and I think I said all the wrong things, (I said we probably won’t be in eachother lives anymore and I wished him the best). He stopped replying when I said that. Probably because I made it sound like I was completely done? He gets offended very easily and if he’s feels like being abandoned he will switch the blame to protect himself.
Then a couple days ago I see that he’s posted a new girl on his story. She looks exactly like me. I guess he liked how I looked but I wasn’t enough for him compared to her? I was heartbroken seeing that.
Will he eventually come around? I’m not planning on reaching out ever again.
Chris Seiter
November 8, 2018 at 11:42 pm
Hi Ally!
Certainly one can do it for even a longer period, though I seldom recommend anything over 60 days. But yes, relationships can come back together after being apart for a very long period of time. Every couple’s situation is unique, with different dynamics acting up on it.
You might want to take a look at my Private Facebook Support Group as it can help folks through their ex experience.
Sonya
September 21, 2018 at 10:52 pm
I don’t know what to think. We had a strange story, most of it on chat. But had a strong vibe between us in real, lot of fundamental things in live we do and see and think the same way . We met going through difficult times in our lives but no matter what I was there for him, he was leaving-coming back . When once I almost left for real , he made me come back. Anyway, out from nowhere he just decided it’s over , got angry about simple questions I made ( the same he asked me though), told me not to talk to him anymore and he won’t either, and when I got angry and told him he’s playing with people, he threatened to block me, it was ridiculous, I laughed, he blocked me. I know what people will say – it’s clear as a daylight – he doesn’t want you, move on. But, I rarely meet men we have this mutual vibe between us. I didn’t and do not want to give up on it..
Chris Seiter
September 21, 2018 at 11:34 pm
Hi Sonya…strange stories are my favorites! I know it sucks when a guy out of the blue runs the other direction. This seems to be a good case for employing no contact. You can learn more in my books, posts, podcasts, etc. But if you want a comprehensive plan…get my ebook (Pro) my friend!