Believe it or not but there are actually a lot of different ways to discover why your ex boyfriend may be ignoring you. Here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery I am sad to say that I see a lot of this (ex boyfriends ignoring their ex girlfriends) thus it would be an understatement to say that I am experienced at diving in to the male mind and dissecting it. Oh, and it also helps that I am a male myself so I kind of know what I am talking about ;).

In this article I am going to be helping you understand why your ex boyfriend is ignoring your numerous attempts to reach out and contact him. However, I don’t want to stop there. I want to give you a few steps going forward that you can implement to improve your chances of getting him to speak to you.

The #1 Mistake Women Make After A Breakup

jaws

Have you ever seen the movie Jaws? In the movie John Williams composed a score for Steven Spielberg that has gone on to become a classic.

Da Da…. Da Da… Da Da Da Da Da Da…

Ok, you get the picture. Anyways, any time women call, text or show up unannounced to their ex boyfriends house I picture that music playing. Men can sense desperation and your desperate activities are the equivalent to blood in the water for a shark. Except I would say in this case instead of you ex “being the shark” he is getting the heck out of dodge and running the other way. In the end, it all boils down to what behavior is attractive and unattractive to men.

The number one mistake that women make after a breakup is becoming to needy or desperate. I really want you to understand this section so I am going to define common desperate actions that ex girlfriends take and look at them from a males perspective.

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Texting Way Too Much

I talk about this extensively in The Texting Bible

Just sayin…

If you have read my site then you would know I am a big fan of texting to get an ex boyfriend back. That means that there is a time for texting but right after a breakup is not ideal. The problem that a lot of women make is they turn into what I like to call a text gnat. Essentially, this is a person who texts multiple times, even though they don’t get a response. I took the liberty of locating a text gnat for you so you can better understand what I am talking about here.

Check it out below:

no hint text
Essentially, the form of a text “gnat” message goes like this:

text gnat form

The main problem here is that if you are sending that many messages without any responses it makes you look totally desperate. To give you perspective, here is how a real conversation should look:

 normal conversation example

(For more text examples check out The Texting Bible)

I want you to really notice here that in this example the other person is actually engaged in the messaging and that means it is ok to keep messaging them without seeming desperate or needy.

Now, since you are reading this page I am betting that you are seeing more of the “text gnat” example above. I want to take a moment and explain to you just how harmful that line of messaging can be.

The Male Perspective On Texting Too Much

I am not going to pull any punches here so make sure you brace yourself. To a guy attention is flattering. I am not going to lie, I love getting attention from women, nothing feels better. However, when I get too much attention from them (in the form of texting) it becomes a complete turnoff.

The question you are probably asking is “why?”

Actually, it is quite simple. A girl who has to message someone that much is displaying two qualities that are a turnoff to every human being on this planet. For one, she can be way too overemotional and emotions scare guys to death. I understand that women are emotional by nature but when you show that much desperation, guys begin to get really scary thoughts. Let me give you a real example.

I remember a long time ago I was “talking” with this girl and she ended up sending me a total of 22 unanswered text messages. Now, personally speaking at first it was kind of flattering. However, once it reached that level I began to have a lot of scary thoughts.

“What if she tracks me down and tries to hurt me?”

“What if she hurts herself?”

“I hope I never see her in person again.”

The second really unattractive quality that women can display when texting too much is the fact that there is no chase involved. Call me old fashioned but I like chasing after girls. The best way I can describe this phenomenon is by comparing it to a video game. The best part of a video game is the act of trying to complete it. However, if someone were to give me all the cheat codes to the game it no longer becomes as fun. Sure, it may be a little fun at first but eventually when the cheat codes make it that easy to complete I will lose interest.

The same can be said with desperate women who text too much. It is like they hand you a cheat code and you lose all your interest after a certain amount of time.

Calling Way Too Much

calling too much

I hope you read the section above because this one is almost exactly the same except you are dealing with calling instead of texting. So, the other big mistake that women make that can cause their ex boyfriend to want to ignore them is spamming his phone with calls.

I used to think I was alone in this but I soon learned that other guys are exactly like me. A guy has to be in the right mood to talk on the phone. I am a mood person by nature. If I am not in the mood to go out and see people one day then I will not do it. The same goes for phone calls. Sometimes I just don’t want to talk on the phone. If I am in that kind of mood then trust me, you aren’t going to get me to talk on the phone.

Ah, but now enters a crazy girl (no offense) that just calls you ten times a day. Not only will it creep me out on a level I have never known before but I am really not going to pick up a phone now. You see, calling adds an element that texting does not, the human voice.

With the human voice we can tell when someone is upset, angry or happy. You can tell all of that over the phone (and with a text you would have no clue.) I wanted to point this element out because I feel it adds to the fact that he may be ignoring you.

Generally speaking, someone who is calling you a lot (back to back to back.) Has two types of news.

Really incredibly news

or

Really emotional and bad news.

Since you are an ex girlfriend of his I am betting that your call is going to be filled with emotion and bad news. Why on earth would he want to take your call and face that?

The Male Perspective On Calling Too Much

Sadly I have personal experience with a girl calling too much and I can tell you there is nothing more unattractive and annoying. I think back and those experiences and just cringe because that is how uncomfortable they made me. Given a choice between someone texting too much vs someone calling too much I would always choose texting too much. Unfortunately, a lot of times what happens is when you get a girl who sends a lot of unanswered texts that leads to her calling way too much.

Part of the problem that men have with women calling too much is that they know if they pick up the phone they are going to have to talk to a really emotional human being and while some men will get off on it most of us despise it.

Writing A Long Letter Or Email Declaring Your Love

cover letter

In my best selling book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO I warn women NOT to do this.

To me letters and emails are the same thing. The only difference is that it takes longer to respond to one. I wanted to include the “love letter/email” because I see a lot of it on the site through interacting with you. Want to know what I have learned? It rarely ever works.

Again, the one thing that all of this stuff (texting, calling, letters, emails) have in common is the fact that they are all actions taken out of desperation and que the Jaws music!

What is more desperate than a long love letter or email?

In many cases it could have the opposite effect you were hoping. You see, most women send out letters with the mindset of “this will finally make him understand.” However, the mindset that most men have is “this girl is creeping me out.” I don’t know about you but if I had that mindset I am not going to really take a love letter or email seriously.

The Male Perspective On Emails/Letters

Unfortunately, I don’t have much personal experience with ex girlfriends writing me too many letters or sending too many emails.

NOBODY LOVES ME…

No just kidding, just kidding!

The closest thing I have to it is passing letters back and forth with a girlfriend in High School which is what I would hardly call “experience” (I was young and lets be honest, in high school you don’t know what you are doing half the time.) Nevertheless, I can tell you about some of my male friends that have received letters from exes and how they reacted.

One of my best friends in the world received on of these “lay it all on the line” letters and quite honestly he laughed. He didn’t laugh to her face, he laughed behind her back and even showed me the letter making fun of some of the heartfelt words that she had said. Now, if she had tried a different approach she would have had him on his hands and knees begging for her back (I know my buddy, trust me it is possible.) However, she tried the desperate approach and this is what happens when you go full on desperate, you get laughed at behind your back.

Do not be one of those girls please!

More Common Reasons That Men Ignore Women

ignoring

In the section above I talked about some of the main reasons that an ex boyfriend would ignore his girlfriend (desperation, neediness that whole thing.) I am not going to lie to you, in 85% of the cases everything I discussed above is the main reason that he would want to ignore you. This section is the extra 15% that I didn’t cover.

He Is Doing It On Purpose To Punish You

punish

Some men have a really warped mindset. If they don’t get their way in a relationship (or even after one) they will find ways to manipulate you emotionally. Usually you hear stories about women doing this to men but it can go both ways. One way that exes know they can get under your skin is to simply ignore you for a couple of days. Now, I do want to point out that this is essentially the same thing I recommend doing with the no contact rule. However, there is one major difference. When you do something like the no contact rule you really don’t want to ignore your ex boyfriend, you want to give him time to calm down and also improve yourself in the process.

When men start ignoring you on purpose it is coming from a place of rage just because they know it will punish you. How would I know that you ask?

The Male Perspective On Ignoring To Punish

I am ashamed to say that I have used this method once before. It was in my very first relationship ever and as you can imagine, that version of me was not a great guy. Anyways, I didn’t like the way the relationship was going so I ended up ignoring my girlfriend for an entire day. I didn’t do it because I needed a break or a refresh, which I think would be ok, I did it from a place of anger to punish my girlfriend. I was literally delighted when she sent me ten texts back to back asking where I was. I watched as she worried about me and as she apologized for anything that she did wrong (she did do something wrong but FYI but ignoring her was not the way to deal with it.)

It is not something I am very proud of and I would handle that situation completely differently now but I wanted to prove to you that deep down all men are capable of something like that so it could be a reason that he is ignoring you.

He Is Using The No Contact Rule On You

no eye contact

This one is really rare. It is so rare in fact that I have never encountered it before. Essentially how this works is that your ex boyfriend is using the no contact rule on you on purpose. It is one of those rare cases where you kind of want him back and he kind of wants you back.

I made a joke on this site one time in the comments. It went something like this: “wouldn’t it be funny if you were no contacting your ex while he was no contacting you because you both wanted each other back?” For some reason my joke stuck with me because the more I thought about it the more I realized that this is entirely possible. Like I said though, it is really rare.

The Male Perspective On The No Contact Rule

I think in 95% of the cases a guy is not going to use the no contact rule. I don’t think I can be included in the “get your ex back” conversation because I know so much about it. For example, if I wanted a girlfriend back I would know exactly what to do. So, this is one case where I am the exception to the rule and my insight kind of suffers because of it.

All I can tell you is that it is highly unlikely (but still likely) that your ex is ignoring you for this reason.

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He Really Doesn’t Want To Talk To You Anymore

good-let-the-hate-flow-through-you-john-mccain-meme

I didn’t create this site to get your hopes up by feeding you false logic. Actually, the true story behind me creating this site was I typed “how to get your ex boyfriend back” in Google and thought to myself “I can totally do a better job than these jokers.” One thing I do pride myself on is the fact that I don’t pull punches with people. I tell them like it is and sometimes that means facing truths like this:

It might be possible that your ex boyfriend wants nothing to do with you anymore which is why he is ignoring you.

It is unfortunate but it could be the truth. Women who wind up in situations like this have typically wronged their ex in horrific ways. I have a buddy whose wife actually cheated on him eight different times with eight different men. Now, I don’t know about you but I don’t blame him for wanting nothing to do with that girl.

Anyways, the real warning sign that you can use to figure out if this is the reason your ex is ignoring you is to think back to your relationship and figure out the ways in which you wronged him.

The Male Perspective On Him Ignoring You Because He Wants Nothing To Do With You

Realistically, the only way I would NOT talk to an ex girlfriend is if she wronged me in a horrible way. Of course, I said that above but I failed to go into the actual ways in which women can wrong men. If a woman did any of the following things to me I would seriously consider cutting her out of my life.

  • Cheating on me (one strike and your out with me (most guys aren’t like that though.))
  • Lying to me multiple times (I understand that everyone lies but if it is frequent occurrence like every single day then I will not be happy about that.)
  • Manipulating me.

How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend To Notice You Again

notice me

Lets be realistic here. It is highly unlikely that your ex is going to drop off the face of the earth and never contact you again. Yet, every single day I get a question in the comments saying something like:

“What if he never contacts me again?”

or

“He didn’t respond to my text message. My life is over…”

I can honestly say that in all my time here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery I have never encountered a situation where an ex boyfriend never talks to an ex girlfriend again. I mean come on, your ex is going to eventually contact you. The real question though is how he contacts you.

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

When your ex finally does contact you he can contact you the good way, the bad way or the ugly way (see what I did there 😉 .) I am going to take a moment to explore each one. Lets start on a positive note with “the good” first.

The Good

If he messages you and doesn’t completely hate you then that is good right? Well, there is slightly more to it than that. You want your ex to message you and remain positive in his interactions. I would classify the message below as a good response from an ex boyfriend.

the good

The Bad

Essentially any type of communication where he is really dismissive or short with you. You see this a lot with one word text messages like “no,” “cool” or “ok.” Check out the example below:

the bad

The Ugly

Getting a response like this from an ex boyfriend can be heart shattering. An ugly response isn’t one where he just dismisses you it is one where he also disses you. I gave you a perfect example of an “ugly” response below:

The Ugly

(For more text message examples visit this page.)

The Key To Getting A “Good” Response

So, by now I am hoping you have realized that when you and your boyfriend get in touch again you want it to be on “good” terms. What if I told you that I have found a way that allows you to accomplish that while remaining in control? Do you think that would be something you would be interested in?

I can hear the harmonious sound of yeses all around!

The No Contact Rule = Less Desperate

The first step to getting your ex boyfriend to respond to you in a positive manner is to implement the no contact rule. This accomplishes a number of things. First off, remember way back when I talked about how desperate women are the number one turnoff that makes men ignore their exes? Well, by implementing a NC rule you can shed that “desperate” persona that your ex has you classified as. It also can work as a table flipper. What do I mean by this?

Simple, men are a lot like dogs in that we like our routines. Honestly, taking a step back I think my whole life is made of routines. I get up, start work, go for a workout then keep working. It is an endless routine but it doesn’t end there. Routines are a common occurrence in our relationships as well. If you acted desperate your ex would have gotten into the routine of ignoring you because you were desperate. So, when you stop acting desperate he is going to perk his head up and try to sniff out the reason why you stopped being desperate.

This is exactly what you want him doing because it will change the dynamic. Before it was you scrambling around for his approval. By essentially implementing a no contact rule you can get him to scramble for your approval instead. In the end though, the NC rule can do wonders for shedding your “desperateness and neediness.”

Generally speaking, I tell women to stay in the no contact rule for thirty days. That means you have to make it thirty days of not calling, texting or emailing him. Do you think you can do that?

What Do You Say To Him

You have been on the offensive before in sending text messages but he ignored them all. This time things are going to be different though. If you have successfully completed the no contact rule for thirty days then you are going to go on the offensive again but this time you are going to do it my way.

I want you to send him a text message. But not just any old text message this one has to be different.

The first thing I want you to realize is that the general texts that you are used to sending aren’t good enough. The experts will tell you that you have to send interesting texts that will capture his attention. Of course, I like to take it a step further. I like to tell my visitors that any text you send him has to be so interesting that it would be impossible for him to ignore it. That is a lot of pressure but I don’t want you to sweat it. I have a variation of a text that I love to use.

Actually, to be honest, I have never talked about this text before so this is the first time I have ever made it live. I would like to introduce you to..

The “You Aren’t Going To Believe What I Just Saw…” Text

This is a text message of my own creation and it is kind of complicated so listen up. Our ultimate goal here is to not just get a response but to get a “good” one. Initially, when you send this text message out you aren’t going to get a positive response right off the bat. I would say it is normal to receive a neutral response. The beauty of this text though is that it sets you up for a positive response.

So, the first step is to send this text message to him:

I just saw

Notice how this text message is intriguing as it just begs for him to respond to it with a “what?” or “what did you see?” At this point you are going to step on the breaks. The initial “what I saw” text you just sent him is just a test to see if he responds. If he does respond then you are going to take out a stopwatch or phone and wait between 30-60 minutes.

Why would I want you do do that?

Because, it kicks the tension up a knot. I want him to check his phone every five minutes waiting for your response. It is the equivalent to having an audience on the edge of their seat waiting to find out what happens next. You are trying to do that but to your ex boyfriend.

Once you wait the 30-60 minutes it is time send the next part of the text message. I want you to think back to your relationship together. Think back to an innocent but fun memory you had together then I want you to send him something like this:

jamie kennedy

Take notice how I included an innocent but pleasant memory from a past relationship in this example. This is important because it will bring up nostalgic feelings in your ex and he can’t help but want to respond positively!
Now, once he does respond positively you have accomplished your mission and he isn’t ignoring you anymore!

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1,914 thoughts on “Why Is My Ex Boyfriend Always Ignoring Me?”

  1. Avatar

    GK

    May 16, 2020 at 11:20 pm

    Thank you for this. I was just dumped on Monday by someone I cared for very deeply. At first I was angry with him because he always said I was the best girlfriend he’s ever had. However, he dumped me because he felt rushed. I’m 28 and he’s 25. So he felt that I loved him too fast and freely and he said he had a change of heart. We ended on good terms after we spoke. At first we were ok on social media but he completely cut me off and did not contact me at all. So I messaged him once and he responded respectfully and kindly. Than I decided to remove him off everything without saying a word or responding. So I went 4 days of NC, I slipped up today and now I will start fresh. So this will become day 1. I don’t ever want him back though. I want him to regret losing the best thing to happen to him. Because I know I treated him better than anyone has not only because he said these words are before and after the break up, but because I know my worth. I’m Thankful I came across this page. Now I will wait the 30 days and save this! Thank you so much ♥️

  2. Avatar

    Sali

    May 8, 2020 at 10:29 pm

    Hey, am on my 3rd week of NC and my ex has not reached me yet , and there is a girl who followed me on Instagram telling me she has been dating my ex for 3years and i also this was my third year with my ex too , so it’s like he was dating both of us at the same time. But we were serious he even took me to his family and introduced me as his wife to be before we brokeup on march , so i saw the lady posting photos of her and my ex on Instagram, could this mean that he has already moved on and stop loving me and forgt what we shared , will I get him back again ? Coz am still in love with him although he cheated……Help me please please

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 12, 2020 at 3:49 pm

      Hi Sali, it sounds like your ex has a grass is greener syndrome. The first thing you need to do is 45 days of NC so great that you have done 3 weeks so far keep up the good work. You can then then start doing the being there method if you want to get him back.

  3. Avatar

    Luna

    April 30, 2020 at 7:45 pm

    I think I totally blew it. I went nuts texting him this morning because he went silent. After 3 days of my trying to keep NC, I blew up on him. I wasn’t rude but I sure told him a lot of stuff, which totally made me look like a maniac… The best part of all of this, he not once did he engage with me! He hasn’t blocked me but won’t reply either. I don’t want to loose him but I kind of made myself look like a psychopath. I am so embarrassed of my behavior! I became frustrated with his inconsistency and non-responsiveness. I have no idea what went on between us to made him back off and not talk to me anymore! How can I get my man back? Thank you for any feedback/guidance you can provide me with.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 2, 2020 at 3:05 pm

      Hi Luna, you need to complete a full No contact where you do not break it after a few days at a time because it loses its effectiveness

  4. Avatar

    Jessica P

    April 30, 2020 at 5:40 pm

    Hi there,

    My ex broke up with me kind of out of no where, we were really good together and hardly fought so it blind sided me.
    We broke up 6 weeks ago and haven’t spoke since (NC rule).

    I’m just wondering if its past the point of hearing from him again because 6 weeks seems like a long time.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 2, 2020 at 2:42 pm

      Hi Jessica, yes you can start the program now it is not too long, people at times down start until months down the line

  5. Avatar

    Sally

    April 19, 2020 at 4:12 pm

    Help me please, I know NC it’s too late coz its almost two months now , what can I do to win him back

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 20, 2020 at 12:20 pm

      Hi Sally it is not too late to start your NC now. Make sure you stick to it and work on yourself in that time

  6. Avatar

    Saz

    April 12, 2020 at 2:43 pm

    Hi,

    Great article, but my biggest question is can the no contact rule work even if you have been the desperate ex calling/texting and getting ignored? I’m 5 days into no contact but aware that I am guilty of calling/texting and most likely scaring him off!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 13, 2020 at 12:35 am

      Hi Saz yes it can work as long as you stick to it for the 45 days now

  7. Avatar

    Sarah Richards

    April 3, 2020 at 12:20 pm

    Me and my ex boyfriend have a very on and off relationship for the last 4 years. We had a small fight and he ignored me and blocked me for 3 weeks. A few days ago he reached out again after unblocking me but told me he was just checking up on me and not to take it as anything other than that. He has now blocked me again. I don’t know what to do because I wish it was easier than this and I just want things to be normal between us.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 4, 2020 at 8:47 pm

      Hi Sarah, next time your ex reaches out ( and he will) ignore him. Complete a No Contact but you need to take the opportunity to ignore him. As hard as that may be, and with the current times too. You need to work on your Holy Trinity and show you are focusing on yourself and not waiting to hear from him

  8. Avatar

    Esther Manjia Jalloh

    April 2, 2020 at 1:14 am

    Hi . I broke up with my boyfriend cause he didn’t have time for me and looks like I was always making excuses for him. But I felt bad and text him the next day that it was a prank but he hasn’t replied . I have called him like five times and sent bunch of messages saying am sorry but he doesn’t reply but I can see him active on WhatsApp. We have been dating five months .

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 2, 2020 at 2:12 pm

      Hi Esther, so I suggest that you give your ex a chance to think about how he feels and get back in touch with you when they feel they are ready. Until then focus on the Holy Trinity and stick to NC

  9. Avatar

    Cheryl

    March 29, 2020 at 2:13 pm

    The night before he dumped me we booked a holiday everything was fine the next day but I could tell he was in a mood and trying to start a arguement he then dumped me by text and blocked me on everything told me he would get his brothers gf to give me my stuff but I went to Paris the following week and the night before the brothers girlfriend asked if she could collect his stiff and I said I wasn’t back to the Saturday and she said okay but didn’t say anything about getting it later but I think me going there annoyed him and that’s why he asked her to get it then the following Tuesday he unblocked me and said have you got my stuff together yet and I said yeah and then he said is my wallet there and I said yeah and he said ok but I left it at that but I think he wanted me to continue talking cause there was no need for him to talk to me if it was going through her so on Wednesday there I texted to see how he was and he’s ignored still to this day but o feel he’s playing games with me cause he would have just blocked me again if he didn’t want to hear from me

  10. Avatar

    Kadye

    March 28, 2020 at 8:27 am

    I left my boyfriend a month ago as he has mental health issues and despite wanting to work through them with him he gradually pushed me away and became quite selfish (he arranged to go away with his friends my birthday weekend ).
    Ultimately I want to get back with him when he is better and we talk daily in a friendly way …But
    The last few days he will just suddenly ignore me for a long period of time.
    I want to do no contact as I think he may be playing mind games with me but I am worried about ignoring a message if he hits rock bottom and tries to reach out. Any suggestions?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 28, 2020 at 4:12 pm

      Hi Kadye, so when it comes to mental health issues and this process. You will know the answers to these. Does he have a support system at home? Family and friends who will be there for him if he does reach a point of hitting rock bottom. This does not change that you need to do a no contact period – where you do not answer him no matter what. If you want to get him back, by following the recovery program is your best chance

  11. Avatar

    Tori

    March 11, 2020 at 6:49 pm

    My boyfriend and I have been having issues with fighting and immaturity issues. We broke up for a couple of hours and then agreed to make it work after discussing changes to be made in our relationship. We lived together. He packed up all his things and left. We had been working on things, made a promise to stay together until the end of this school semester to give each other time and we had been fighting less. Not a huge amount less but enough to see change. Then we got in a small stupid fight and he left me. He is telling his friends he’s done and “riding the single train”. I texted him yesterday asking to talk and he said he was willing to talk. When I asked him when, he never responded. I leave for a trip to Europe and two days and just feel like I cannot leave without some form of closure without being half way across the world and miserable. What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 18, 2020 at 12:14 am

      Hey Tori, so think of things this way, closure is a state of mind if you know you need to forgive yourself and your ex for what went wrong and focus on getting over the breakup. You are going to be travelling around Europe then that is amazing UG thing to post on social media about even if current times is going to be making that difficult for you. You can reach out to your ex after 30 days of No contact. If you want to get your ex back, if you do not then stay in NC until you are home again

  12. Avatar

    Sassy

    March 1, 2020 at 7:51 am

    Please please please reply
    I have been together with my boyfriend for 3 months now.. at first he really wanted the relationship but now for every thing he tells me it is best if i go then he tells me he is sorry and don’t want me to go. Sometimes he says he wants me to go but at the same time, stay. Five days ago he told me he thinks he loves me and he doesn’t want that because he is afraid of getting hurt. Since he started having mixed feelings I am the one that been chasing him, begging him to talk to me and he keeps ignoring my messages and texts and call less than how he used to. I am over emotional and he sees that i am desperate for him to stay. I am really tired of chasing him but i don’t want us to never speak again. He knows that he is treating me horrible and don’t want to hurt me anymore so he is telling me to go. I really trusted him because he promised he wouldn’t hurt me like this. I was just coming out of a very toxic relationship where i cried every single day and he helped me to get out, I didn’t get a break so i put so much trust in him. He really wanted the relationship and i didn’t at first but he told me i could trust him. I really can not go through this again, i didn’t get a break from the relationship prior and i think i’m even still hurting from that. Now he is hurting me and it’s killing me. Lastnight he told me that sometimes he has strong feelings and other times he just wants to be by himself. Sigh this wasn’t how he was towards me. I am really hoping we can get bk together. Do you there are hopes for this relationship? i will not text or call him again and give him some time since i’m always the desperate one.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 7, 2020 at 9:25 am

      Hi Sassy, so if he has loving feelings for you but also wants time to himself I would say that you are too available to him and that is why he wants space. You need to back off and do things with your friends or family even by yourself if you can and let him see you are not sat at home waiting for him to call you. Read the ungettable articles and videos and apply this to yourself

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    Nickie

    February 5, 2020 at 11:42 pm

    How likely is it that an ex will come back if the relationship is short? Like 3 months? I sent him a text after 3 weeks of no contact and its been a day in which he has not responded.

    Any advice or insight would be great.

    Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 6, 2020 at 9:47 pm

      Hey Nickie, so you needed to do 30 days No contact, not 3 weeks. Did you reach out with a text like what Chris suggests, or was it generic “Hey how are you” type? If so then it is likely it didnt get his attention enough to make him want to reply. Do some research and work on the Ungettable girl for 30 days of NC and see what you can come up with for your first text after a full no contact

  14. Avatar

    Rianne

    December 27, 2019 at 1:35 am

    My ex fiance broke up with me a year after we got engaged. We were supposed to get married in 4 months when he broke up with me. We were together for almost 8 years. He said that his love was not increasing and that he lost his attraction and there was no spark anymore. He then admitted that he had an affair with his co-worker, the one that I had a gut feel before and it lasted for about a year (we were together for more than a year when it happened) but then his relationship just died down. He felt guilty and had to tell it to me. I was devastated, we were in the final stretch of the wedding preps. About 2 weeks after he came back saying that since he was able to take all the skeletons out in the closet that he saw that it was really me that he wants. We got back together and it lasted for 3 months. At first it was all good, we agreed to continue on with the wedding preps, I told him that since it was a long time ago that I can forgive him. As time went by, he started to withdraw his promises one by one until he told me that he is not ready and he doesn’t have an answer for me. I was again heartbroken, I felt like I’ve been to 2 broken engagements with the same man. I broke up with him a week before Christmas but he had to give me something important (cellphone- our xmas gift to my brother) so he went down to my place and he handed me the gift. He didn’t want to have it delivered. He then told me that he thinks that it’s better if we separate for good because his love for me wasn’t enough. He is back to his first reason. I told him that he doesn’t need to reiterate it to me because that’s what I asked in the 1st place. That we need some time apart to fix ourselves. I then asked what’s the real timeline of his affair. He said it lasted 4-5 years and they weren’t together anymore when he proposed to me. I was crushed. I couldn’t believe it. I snapped and said all of the hateful words I could think of. I gave him a chance, he should’ve been honest to me but he lied and lied even after we got back together. I was so hurt I told him that I don’t want to see him again and wiped out everything from my phone. I blocked him in all of the apps and deleted our message threads and pictures. That’s 8 years worth of memories but 5 yrs of those he had another woman. The woman who was willing to take a backseat(accdg to him) because I was the one who’s with him all throughout. With his fam and friends. I felt like I was the only one invested in the relationship. That I was the only one who loved him. He sent me a generic christmas greeting and I didn’t reply. I checked his IG and facebook and I think he also blocked me. I am just so hurt but I still love him. What will I do? I’m scared that he’ll go back to the other woman. 8 years, just like that? Need your insights pls. Thanks.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 3, 2020 at 12:38 am

      Hi Rianne, it is difficult to decide what to do. Only you can really decide what it is you need to do. You need to spend some time in No Contact and even if he does go to that other woman, that ended years ago by the sounds of things. And he couldn’t have loved her to have her in the background of his life. You need to show you are not going to accept to be treated this way by anyone, no matter how much you love them. When you decide what you want to do, I can advise you further

  15. Avatar

    J

    December 16, 2019 at 10:54 am

    Hey I’m really stuck now. I sent my ex a text after NC with “Hey do you still remember what’s the name of the yogurt shop we ate at (mall) after my national cross country? I kinda wanna bring my friend there. I recently ate some sorbet and suddenly thought of us eating overpriced yogurt together.” Then I unsent the text before he read it one hour later and blocked him because I thought I sounded needy. What should I do now I’m really stuck. He was ignoring and avoiding me during no contact and I’m afraid he will move on if I don’t contact him because I told him that after two weeks of no contact I don’t want him in my life anymore and it has been more than two weeks. He also told me he didn’t love me anymore so I need to contact him to gain attraction from him again.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 16, 2019 at 11:45 pm

      Hi J so you did right, but then un did it… so you need to send a shorter version of the text you sent. Just ask for the name of the place leave the rest out

  16. Avatar

    Fiona

    December 13, 2019 at 10:29 pm

    Hi there,

    My ex and I broke up 7 months ago. We had been on and off for 4 and half years. The first year was great everything was in the honeymoon phase then he broke up with me not knowing if he wanted to commit to a relationship. We then got back together after a day or two. The second time was my fault entirely… I told him I was on a night out and a boy kissed me which was the truth but I pulled away. He then broke up with me for 2 months while all that time I was grovelling for him back. I got him back and then he broke it off again… we eventually got back together.

    I had then move in with him and his parents and this is when it went down hill. I felt in was in a relationship with 3 people. I then went away for training for 12 weeks and during that time I broke it off with him. We kept in touch and as soon as I got out of training I wanted him back. I don’t know how I could have been so stupid. Although the nail in the coffin I told him a slept with someone else.

    I grovelled for months literally.. he would give me false hope and indications that he didn’t really know what he wanted. He told me he just wanted to do his own thing. Three weeks ago we met up and he told me he hadn’t been talking to anyone and was doing his own thing and that I should move on too. I then got upset and he refused to leave until I did. I then left and went straight home and he messaged called me blowing up my phone to make sure I was okay… he even drove by my house to make sure I was home. A couple of days later he told me he was talking to someone else. I then deleted and blocked him. A couple of days later… I suffer from really bad anxiety and was at a shopping mall and had a panic attack. I tried to call him several times however he ignored my calls. He then text me and he said I was picking and choosing when to speak to him and that I told him not to speak to me.

    we then talked the other night and he told me he wanted to see where it would go wit this new girl as you can expect I was heartbroken and said things that I didn’t mean. I asked him to meet up with me but he said no because we just go round in circles and that he told me to move on weeks ago. I then said to him that this girl can’t mean that much to him if he was still speaking to me and he said that I was trying to make him bite and that he would block me. I said he was a horrible person and that he picked her over me and he said what do you want me to say.

    I then messaged saying I still wanted him back and didn’t want to argue… he then said okay I don’t want to argue either. I never messaged back

    It’s been 4 days since we have spoke… I messaged today apologising for the other night for being mean and nasty and I hoped that he could forgive me one day and that I just want him to be happy.

    He’s not read the message but he had been online. I know him he’s usually glued to his phone.

    It’s been 7 months since we broke up but we have also spoke but now I feel I have lost him for good. As he said he had found someone now and Iran it like he done it just after we broke up it was me who went on a date first.

    Pleas help

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 15, 2019 at 10:35 pm

      Hi Fiona, so you need to read about the being there method and make sure you stick with it after your no contact. Read as much as you can on this website that applies to your situation and make sure you understand how to follow the being there method advice without reacting to the other woman and their relationship along the way. It is all about emotional control

  17. Avatar

    A Hazee

    December 2, 2019 at 6:25 pm

    Hello. My ex has abandonment issues and things were great for the first 4 months. Then I left to go to Europe because I received my doctorate and he totally changed. He stonewalled me and treated me badly around his kids but I still endured because I felt he was a good guy. We came back from that but I started to job search in Texas and elsewhere but no jobs came up in Texas where we both lived so I took a job in Denver. I discussed everything with him and though he was reluctant to do long distance he said he would with me. Then he said “We wont give up on this relationship we are gonna do whatever it takes.” 6 Days later he broke up with me and left me all alone in Denver. I had even set up time to work remotely and fly back and forth from Denver to see him. Slowly, this broke me. I have been thru ALOT with men. One day I did threaten to take pills and felt the lowest I had felt in a while. I thought this guy was going to be my husband and ended up dropping me in 5 days!

    I blamed it on him and sent him a video crying now he says we could never work it out because of me blaming him. I feel terribly about getting to such a dark space but after months of patience with him, him wanting to break up but not break up (because he claimed I was better than him and he was insecure), after months of just being patient and kind, I lost it that one day and I regret it a lot. However, I dont think he realizes how much pain he’s caused me. Now he is completely ignoring me. He’s thrown the occurrence in my face time and time again but finally he went to reunite with his family in Alabama and I guess they told him it may not be something we can come back from. I told him I was willing to go to counseling and everything but that I had a dark day. It wouldnt happen again because I am getting the support I need.

    It was originally his idea to communicate and one week he loves me, the next he is telling me to move on, then facetimes me 3 times smiling and laughing and then tells me yesterday that he definitely cannot pursue a relationship with me. I have been calling and texting like crazy and I want to be smart enough to do no contact. I also just really love him. Even though he is troubled, I wanted to love him and he acknowledged his maltreatment of me. I just wanted to love him. I dont know how to let this go or even if there is a chance. We did love eachother very much but with him, his response to me changes every other week. Now, I am being ignored. Please know I want to take accountability for what I did because I did not want to scare him but I also think forgiveness is a real thing. We were both convinced we were gonna get married until I left and came back. Then when I left for Denver he said he left me before I could leave him which I never had any intention of doing. I miss him and ultimately I just want closure. How does one deal with this.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 4, 2019 at 9:58 pm

      Hi there A, so you need to spend some time in a No Contact where you give your ex space and yourself, abandonment issues or not it does not warrant for him to treat you badly for bettering yourself! After you no contact you can reach out as a friend and attempt to rebuild your connection and follow the program and do not skip steps

  18. Avatar

    Alicia

    December 2, 2019 at 6:07 pm

    My ex and I dated for about 3 years and broke up with a little over a month ago. We hooked up a few times then I asked him not to contact me if he wasn’t trying to get back together because it was to hard for me to let go. He didn’t contact me for a week then I gave in. He expressed that he loved me but we needed to work on our personal issues (my trust issues) his drinking and temper before trying again. He then said he was coming to town in a few days and would like to take me and my kids out because he missed us. I agreed. But noticed he was texting and calling a number frequently, I asked him if it was a girl he kept saying no he wasn’t entertaining anyone and for me to trust him. I called the number it was a girl and they had met on a dating app. He cut my phone off. Since then I have texted him twice and no response one wasn’t a very nice text. Now I find out he is actually dating this girl for about 2 weeks now. I know I should have done the no contact from the beginning but not sure if I should just let it go now maybe he doesn’t want anything to do with me and I need to move on.

  19. Avatar

    Leila

    November 26, 2019 at 6:19 am

    My bofriend and I broke up two months ago.

    He is completely ignoring me so I stopped texting and calling him for 1 months. We lived in a distance. We had to start to live together in his town. 3 months before I had to move to him, he started to tell me that he is afraid for the future and blame me for stupid things that had no sense. I never lied to him, never cheated, I was so good with all his family and we traveled a lot together. Everything was fine. Now I’m finishing my studies and I wanted to move to his town. Now I feel so sad, no mood for anything, still just can’t believe that it happened. He loved me so much. For bothof us it was our first relationship. We “are”/ were together for 7 years/6 years and 7 months. Everyone from our family and friends is shocked. Such a crying and an expected end…but in bottom of my heart still hoping for the best..

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 30, 2019 at 11:37 pm

      Hi Leila it sounds like he may have gotten scared of the commitment of living together and the next step, even though you were together for a long time.Going from a long distance relationship to living together can be quite daunting for some people. Stick with a No Contact and reach out in a 30days

  20. Avatar

    Faith

    November 20, 2019 at 6:11 am

    Okay where do I even start. My ex boyfriend and I have been on and off for 3 years going on 4. I was pretty care less in the relationship. Would lie to him all the time, had caught me texting other guys and I would constantly party. I would promise him many things but will not follow through. I realized I want to be with this man and I asked him if he was over this? He states it isn’t over but that how many times have I done this and how many times have I fake cried. He doesn’t show any effort anymore and I have been blowing him up through text and calls. He just turned off his phone right now because I was blowing him up. I feel so desperate. It’s been like two weeks that I have been doing this. Questioning him and arguing with him about what’s gonna happen between us now. He just avoids it and just tells me that I always do this and it hurts him that I couldn’t love him right.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 23, 2019 at 8:33 pm

      Hey Faith, so based on your actions while in a relationship with him, and the patterns your relationship took I would say you have pushed him to feel that you didnt love him. So complete a No contact to allow him to have the time away from you and maybe give him a chance to get over the way you behaved. During which you need to avoid posting anything to do with other guys for now. And work on why you felt the need to treat someone that way when you were in a relationship.

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