"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"
Imagine you met the man of your dreams.
Basically everything you wished for as a little girl.
The two of you have this amazing relationship where it almost seems like you were destined to be together.
You are completing each others sentences…
You can’t keep your hands off each other…
And you have all those great inside jokes that no one understands except you…
You are basically this couple,
But then something happens…
All of a sudden the man or your dreams starts to become distant. It doesn’t happen overnight. Rather its a long drawn out process. You used to not be able to go a moment without talking to each other but now you go days.
You start to get that bad feeling in the pit of your stomach and sense that a breakup is on the horizon.
Sure enough, it happens.
You hear the five words that no woman ever wants to hear.
“I don’t love you anymore?”
Upon hearing this you are devastated.
All kinds of questions run through your head.
“How is this even possible?”
“How is it that he can’t love me anymore when I still love him so much?”
“What did I do wrong?”
Well, with this article I am going to be answering these very delicate questions.
First though, I think we should have a little discussion on if it is even possible for a man to fall out of love.
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Can A Man Even Fall Out Of Love With You?
Would you like to hear something funny about me?
I absolutely love Disney movies!
This is a fact my wife constantly teases me about.
How much do I love Disney movies?
Well, one day my wife was looking up the highest grossing movies Disney movies of all time on Wikipedia and she decided to test me.
The Test- How many of the 50 movies listed there have I seen.
How many of the movies on the list do you think I have seen?
Nope, I had seen every single one of them…
“My name is Chris and I have a problem.”
Hey, everyone has quirks so don’t judge.
Anyways, the thing I have always found interesting about Disney movies was the fact that they promote the idea of true love.
What is true love?
(P.S. I am also a fan of the Princess Bride)
True love is this idea that love is everlasting and won’t ever end. In other words, if you have true love with someone then you will be with that one person for your entire life and you won’t ever falter or look elsewhere.
It’s an incredible idea but is it real?
Does True Love Exist?
True love is one of the rarest things on this earth.
So yes, technically it does exist.
However, it is very rare and most people never experience it.
Because it IS possible for people to fall out of love and unfortunately a lot of people do.
I deal with exes every single day…
Technically if these couples were experiencing true love the thought of breaking up with each other wouldn’t even be crossing their minds. Heck, people who are experiencing true love wouldn’t even know this site exists.
The Disney Problem
You know how much I love Disney, right?
Well, as much as I love Disney I do have one issue with their movies.
Their movies have convinced everyone that true love is common when it is not. Look, if you have true love in your life consider yourself lucky because most people can live a lifetime without knowing it.
From a young age we watch Disney movies and from a young age we are taught that there is someone out there that loves just us and won’t ever cheat on us or leave us.
So, this shapes our perception of love and it makes it even more devastating when things don’t work according to plan.
Ok, enough of this depression.
Lets turn our attention to the real reason you are here, to get answers.
Falling Out Of Love…
A while back I sent out an email to my newsletter subscribers and asked them what they would like me to write about?
The very first response I got back was this question,
“Chris, is it possible for a man to fall out of love with you? If so, why?”
Well, technically that is two questions but I think you get the gist of it.
Above I answered the first question,
“Is it possible for a man to fall out of love with you?”
(Yes, anyone can fall out of love and we blame Disney for that 😉 .)
Well, below I am going to be answering the next question,
- Why do men fall out of love with you?
Lets dive right in!
Why Do Men Fall Out Of Love With You?
There are literally hundreds, maybe even thousands of reasons for why a man could fall out of love with you.
Now, I know this is going to be a touchy subject for a few of you since the last thing you probably want to do is take a look at such a negative aspect of relationships. However, if you really want insight into the mind of a man you have to wade through the muck sometimes.
Above I mentioned that there could be thousands of reasons for why a man might fall out of love with you.
Well, I don’t know about you but I can’t sit here and write about thousands of reasons.
(Even I don’t have the time and patience for that and I write A LOT.)
So, what I am going to do for you is give you the most common “fall out of love” reasons that I have seen through this site.
Of course, that isn’t the only thing I am going to do for you.
You see, I believe in giving as much valuable information as I possibly can to you and for this article I have decided that in addition to explaining why men can fall out of love with you I am also going to give you my strategies for safeguarding your relationship to prevent that particular reason from happening to you.
Reason #1- The Honeymoon Period Ends
A common complaint you hear from men who have fallen out of love is,
“Things just aren’t the same between us anymore..”
“My feelings have changed…”
It’s actually really ironic because the only reason they say things like this is because they get so used to how the relationship feels during the honeymoon period that they grade everything on the relationship based on that feeling.
Take a look at the graph below.
Imagine that, that arrow represents the height of your relationship, the honeymoon period.
It’s a period where you see your significant other as perfect. It’s almost like they can do no wrong or they are some sort of transcendent being.
Well, some men get so used to the honeymoon period that they start grading the entire relationship by that standard.
So, when the honeymoon period wears off and comes back down to earth…
Your boyfriend starts to think there is something wrong in the relationship.
He isn’t developed enough emotionally to understand that the honeymoon period at the beginning of a relationship isn’t supposed to last forever. It’s supposed to come back down to earth after a while.
Unfortunately, somewhere along the way your boyfriend got it in his head that the way that he feels during the honeymoon period is how he is supposed to feel throughout the entire relationship. So, when the honeymoon period does wear off he starts to think he is falling out of love with you when really what is happening is he is just returning to normal.
So, now that you understand this concept how do we safeguard a relationship from it?
How To Safeguard Your Relationship
In my mind safeguarding your relationship from reason number one all has to do with your selection of man.
A man who thinks he is falling out of love because the honeymoon period ends probably hasn’t experienced a lot of relationships before. This kind of means that in order to safeguard reason number one from happening to you your boyfriends past relationship experience is in demand.
In other words, it can be a bit risky for you to fall for someone who hasn’t had a lot of relationship experience in the past because they might make the honeymoon period mistake.
Reason #2- You Cheated On Him
I am going to tell you a little bit about myself.
When it comes to relationships I am more loyal than a dog.
I mean, some men aren’t made for monogamy but I definitely was.
If there is a god out there I often imagine that when he created me he thought to himself,
“Let’s make this guy the most loyal man on earth.”
So, when you understand that about me you probably also understand that when it comes to people who aren’t loyal I am not really a fan of their actions. Yes, that sometimes puts me at odds with you guys (sorry.) Seriously, sometimes I will read a situation from the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Nation and think to myself,
“WHYYY… Why would you cheat?”
So, lets do a little role play here.
Lets say that you and I are dating and you make the biggest mistake of your life and cheat on me (and trust me it would be a mistake because I am AWESOME.)
I would without a doubt fall out of love with you because to me cheating is the biggest betrayal you can make in a relationship.
Now, that is just me.
Is it possible that other men can feel differently?
Umm… no, not really.
Even though other men might not be as loyal as I am I guarantee you that they will feel just as betrayed.
What is it about cheating that makes a man fall out of love?
Why Cheating Makes A Man Fall Out Of Love
I am going to open up a bit and speak from the heart here.
Lets say that you and I were dating and you cheated on me.
(Oh, and I didn’t find out from you, I found out from the guy you cheated on me with. )
Well, in this case I would experience a number of emotions.
I would experience,
- Self Doubt
- A Need For Revenge
Lets also make another assumption. Lets say that despite all of this I stuck with you. I decided to try to forgive and forget and move on with our relationship.
Well, I know for a fact that every time you’d go out with your friends, family or you’d be at work I would wonder in the back of my head,
“I wonder if she is f**king some guy right now?”
I would seriously wonder that.
I know it’s an irrational thought to have all the time in every situation but you betrayed me, remember?
Oh, and then I would picture you with some other guy and it would make me furious. Just the thought of him having you or you giving yourself to him in ways that you wouldn’t give to me would make me livid.
Now, I am going to ask you a very simple question.
If you had done this to me do you think I would love you more or less after it happened?
How To Safeguard Your Relationship
This one is simple…
Or at the very least if you think you are going to cheat and realize there is no hope for your relationship then just break up with your boyfriend so you don’t make more of a mess of your relationship by potentially crushing him for years to come.
Reason #3- You No Longer Admire Him
Men love to feel admired.
I can attest to this.
I want my wife to think I am the greatest man who ever walked the earth. Now, I can guarantee you that I am not the greatest man who ever walked the earth but if my wife thinks I am then all is right in my little world.
(Kind of pathetic, huh?)
The point is simple, I love feeling admired by her and your boyfriend is probably no different.
When you first started dating he probably felt like he was the most important person on this earth to you but something along the way changed.
Maybe you got bogged down and depressed by troubles at work…
Maybe you were having health problems and this caused you to close up emotionally…
Heck, maybe you just flat out started ignoring him and his needs…
Whatever the case you have to remember that your boyfriend has an ego to feed and it is constantly hungry. Now, most women understand this and do a great job of feeding that ego but every once in a while a woman can get preoccupied with other things and completely forget to feed it.
This is a very bad thing because it means a man is going to start to feel a lack of admiration.
A Lack Of Admiration Leads To A Lack Of Love
Lets do another fun little role-play.
Lets say that you and I are dating and when we first start dating you are doing an amazing job of making me feel admired.
You are constantly telling me how great I am…
How handsome I am…
How I have the body of a Greek God…
How out of all the men in the world I am the greatest lover you have ever had…
How I am the best thing that has ever walked this earth…
Did I let that go on for a little too long?
Anyways, at the beginning of our relationship I am feeling pretty darn admired.
Lets fast forward three years and change the dynamic of the relationship entirely.
While the beginning of our relationship was marked with you constantly “admiring me” the end of it is marked with you not making me feel admired at all. Instead, all you do now is criticize me (which is perfectly fine every once in a while if I do something wrong.) However, the amount you criticize me is a little too much.
All of those great compliments you were giving me at the beginning of the relationship have disappeared and now I am commonly thinking thoughts like,
“I wonder if she still looks at me in that way…”
“I wish I was with someone who appreciated me…”
So, three years later now that the dynamic of our relationship has changed do you think I am more in love or less in love with you?
The answer is quite simple, I am not in love with you anymore because instead of feeling admired I am feeling like I am beneath you. I constantly have to scramble for your approval and I can’t get a compliment from you without first having to ask for it.
How To Safeguard Your Relationship
I know what I just told you is a bit of a shallow outlook on men but I took it to the extreme to make a point clear.
Most men don’t need admiration on a daily basis and oftentimes women who can make men constantly crave their admiration win out in the end. So, there is an advantage to not constantly giving a man the admiration he craves. However, don’t let this fool you into thinking that you can’t ever let your feelings out and admire the man you are dating.
What you really need to do is find a balance between admiring and not admiring (with the intent of making him crave your admiration.)
So, what I would say the best practice is, is to constantly jump between admiring and not admiring.
For example, lets say that one day you decide that you really want to admire your boyfriend and let him know what you really think of him (the good things.) So, you spend the entire day just showering him with compliments and being all lovey dovey…
On this day you are setting the standard and he is going to subconsciously think that you are going to admire him like this every single day.
Well, the next day I want you to spend the entire day NOT complimenting him.
Don’t be mean about it or anything like that.
Just make it a normal day where the two of you interact and have fun but don’t feed his ego with a ton of compliments.
Now, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way so allow me to dive in a bit deeper.You can still say stuff like, “I love you” or “I miss you” but you cannot say stuff like,
“You are the best thing that ever happened to me…”
“You have the most incredible body on a guy that I have ever seen…”
“You are the most handsome man I have ever seen…”
Do you get it?
One day you shower him with those type of compliments and the next day you don’t show him with them. After a few days you shower him with the compliments again. The idea here is to always keep him guessing and craving these compliments from you.
This way he is constantly seeking your attention.
Reason #4- You Are Way Too Clingy
Lets now turn our attention to a situation where a woman showers her boyfriend with WAAYYY too much attention and expects the same amount of attention in return.
A girl who is clingy is kind of cute at first… until it’s not…
Does that make sense?
Ok, allow me to explain.
Above we established that most men seek attention from women.
In other words, they want to feel admired by them.
Well, what type of girl is more admiring than a girl who loves you so much that she becomes clingy?
So, at first a girl who is clingy can kind of be attractive to a guy. After all, she is really making him feel admired. Of course, there is a point where it becomes too much.
For example, lets say that we are dating and you are starting to become clingy to me.
Well, at first I will probably think to myself,
“Wow, this is kind of cute. She must really care for me a lot.”
Of course, I am under the assumption that your clingy behavior is going to stop eventually. So, when it doesn’t that is when we have a problem. All of a sudden my “cute” thoughts about you turn into “hate” thoughts about you and slowly but surely I will start to fall out of love with you.
So, how are you supposed to prevent this from happening if you know that you are a bit clingy in relationships?
How To Safeguard Your Relationship
The main take away here is that men kind of like a little clingyness upfront BUT only upfront. There is a point where it can be too much. So, if you know you are susceptible to being clingy in relationships then you definitely want to make a mental note to tone it down.
“Yes Chris… I know that but HOW?”
I am going to give you a piece of advice.
If your whole world revolves around pleasing the person you are in a relationship with then you are most likely going to be clingy.
Instead, you should be looking to find another purpose with your life than just this one person you are dating. Look, I know that may be kind of hard to hear since if you are on this website then you must love your boyfriend A LOT. However, remember that you also have to have your own life.
So go get it!
Women who end up “getting their own lives” often have an interesting effect on their boyfriends or ex boyfriends.
What is the effect?
Their boyfriends end up being the clingy ones!
Reason #5- You Are Insanely High Maintenance
In a perfect world high maintenance wouldn’t matter.
Whenever I think of high maintenance girls I always think back to that episode of Friends where everyone keeps telling Monica she is high maintenance…
(Sorry for the stupid ads…)
In a perfect world you would all have a Chandler telling you that he likes “maintaining you..”
Of course, we don’t live in a perfect world…
Instead, what usually happens when a guy finds out that his girlfriend is super high maintenance is he gets extremely annoyed.
Sometimes when I am scanning through my own personal Facebook profile I will see one of my friends post something like,
“Yes, I am high maintenance BUT I’m worth it…”
No, no your not…
Let me explain something to you.
A girl who is super high maintenance isn’t attractive to men.
Now, before I go on I think it is important for me to define what I mean by “high maintenance.”
What I Consider To Be A High Maintenance Girl
Do yourself a favor, go to Google and type in,
“What is high maintenance.”
Once you do this you will be greeted by two definitions,
- Needing a lot of work to keep in good condition.
- A person (or relationship) demanding a lot of attention.
Most people mistake high maintenance for definition number one. Well, when I talk about high maintenance here on the site I am talking about definition number two.
Ok, imagine for a second that you are in a relationship with a guy and he is constantly demanding all of your attention.
Instead of both of you attending to each others wants and needs it is all about him.
He is completely selfish and seems like he doesn’t ever care about what YOU want in a relationship.
I am betting you would be kind of annoyed.
Because the relationship would be all about him.
THAT IS WHAT A HIGH MAINTENANCE GIRL IS LIKE.
Selfishly men want their needs taken care of too so this can create a problem in a relationship when their needs aren’t being taken care of.
It creates resentment and resentment and falling out of love go hand in hand..
How To Safeguard Your Relationship
If you are high maintenance and you know it then you have some work to do to safeguard your relationship.
I would say that your best defense in your case is to always make a point of making sure your boyfriend is taken care of.
Also, don’t be offended if he can’t do every little thing you want.
No man is superman…
Well, except me 😉
So, I guess what I am saying is not every man is ME!
(I hope you realize I am just kidding.)
Reason #6- His Needs Weren’t Met (Emotionally or Physically)
(Disney makes yet another appearance….)
No man is going to stay in a relationship (long term) if he feels his needs aren’t being met.
Now, women get incredibly offended when a man tells them something like,
“You aren’t meeting (Need A) or (Need B.)”
For example, if we were dating and I said,
“I feel like you are never there for me when I need you to be…”
No doubt you would take that as me saying,
“You aren’t good enough for me…”
Well, that is really not what I am saying at all.
All I am doing by telling you that I feel like you aren’t there for me when I need you to be is to tell you what I need from you to be happy.
In other words, I am trying to help YOU out in the relationship.
Now, lets say that you really make an effort to “be there for me” and I am still not pleased. Well, in this case you have my permission to be angry at me for still being upset about it.
Because you are making an effort and that is all anyone can ask of anyone in a relationships.
A Word On Physical Needs
I feel like I am about to kick a hornets nest full of angry women here…
Eh… What the heck, I am going to risk it.
Sex and love go hand in hand…
More particularly, a lack of sex and a lack of love go hand in hand.
I know I am going to get those women out there swearing up and down that their boyfriend is better than that. In fact, I once had a woman tell me that there is more to love than sex…
She is right…
Love is an incredible emotion that has a lot more to it than just sex.
Here’s a fun little test.
I want you to go out and pick a guy to fall in love with. In the first three months of dating him I want you to have an incredible relationship with him. In other words, I want you to laugh, have fun, have deep intimate discussions AND be intimate with each other on a very frequent basis.
Ok, so now that you got him hooked lets test to see if sex really has a correlation to falling out of love.
I want you to tell him that for the next year you will not be sleeping together…
You won’t even let him touch you.
How long do you think he would stay with you then?
Something tells me not long.
"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"
With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!