Why Do Men Fall Out Of Love With You

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

Imagine you met the man of your dreams.

He’s handsome…

Charming…

Smart…

Basically everything you wished for as a little girl.

The two of you have this amazing relationship where it almost seems like you were destined to be together.

You are completing each others sentences…

You can’t keep your hands off each other…

And you have all those great inside jokes that no one understands except you…

You are basically this couple,

neck kissing

But then something happens…

All of a sudden the man or your dreams starts to become distant. It doesn’t happen overnight. Rather its a long drawn out process. You used to not be able to go a moment without talking to each other but now you go days.

You start to get that bad feeling in the pit of your stomach and sense that a breakup is on the horizon.

Sure enough, it happens.

You hear the five words that no woman ever wants to hear.

“I don’t love you anymore?”

Upon hearing this you are devastated.

All kinds of questions run through your head.

“How is this even possible?”

“How is it that he can’t love me anymore when I still love him so much?”

“What did I do wrong?”

Well, with this article I am going to be answering these very delicate questions.

First though, I think we should have a little discussion on if it is even possible for a man to fall out of love.

BUT FIRST… There’s Something Important You Need To Know

I have been helping men and women get back with their exes for over half a decade and I have learned that most people have preconceived notions when they end up on my site. They think that all they have to do is follow the directions that I give them on the page and they are good to go. Now, while this may hold true in some cases I will say that getting an ex back is usually such a complex process that I can’t explain everything there is to explain in one simple article.

Luckily, I have created an “ultimate resource” for you to follow to not only get your ex back but to understand why they are acting the way they are acting.

All you have to do learn about this resource is to click the button below!

Get Relief FasterWith Tactics I Can't Put on the Blog...

 

Can A Man Even Fall Out Of Love With You?

simply

Would you like to hear something funny about me?

I absolutely love Disney movies!

This is a fact my wife constantly teases me about.

How much do I love Disney movies?

Well, one day my wife was looking up the highest grossing movies Disney movies of all time on Wikipedia and she decided to test me.

The Test- How many of the 50 movies listed there have I seen.

How many of the movies on the list do you think I have seen?

30?

35?

45?

Nope, I had seen every single one of them…

“My name is Chris and I have a problem.”

Hey, everyone has quirks so don’t judge.

Anyways, the thing I have always found interesting about Disney movies was the fact that they promote the idea of true love.

What is true love?

true love

(P.S. I am also a fan of the Princess Bride)

True love is this idea that love is everlasting and won’t ever end. In other words, if you have true love with someone then you will be with that one person for your entire life and you won’t ever falter or look elsewhere.

It’s an incredible idea but is it real?

Does True Love Exist?

bigfoot

True love is one of the rarest things on this earth.

So yes, technically it does exist.

However, it is very rare and most people never experience it.

Why?

Because it IS possible for people to fall out of love and unfortunately a lot of people do.

I deal with exes every single day…

Technically if these couples were experiencing true love the thought of breaking up with each other wouldn’t even be crossing their minds. Heck, people who are experiencing true love wouldn’t even know this site exists.

The Disney Problem

You know how much I love Disney, right?

Well, as much as I love Disney I do have one issue with their movies.

Their movies have convinced everyone that true love is common when it is not. Look, if you have true love in your life consider yourself lucky because most people can live a lifetime without knowing it.

From a young age we watch Disney movies and from a young age we are taught that there is someone out there that loves just us and won’t ever cheat on us or leave us.

So, this shapes our perception of love and it makes it even more devastating when things don’t work according to plan.

Ok, enough of this depression.

Lets turn our attention to the real reason you are here, to get answers.

Falling Out Of Love…

all out of love

A while back I sent out an email to my newsletter subscribers and asked them what they would like me to write about?

The very first response I got back was this question,

“Chris, is it possible for a man to fall out of love with you? If so, why?”

Well, technically that is two questions but I think you get the gist of it.

Above I answered the first question,

“Is it possible for a man to fall out of love with you?”

(Yes, anyone can fall out of love and we blame Disney for that 😉 .)

Well, below I am going to be answering the next question,

  • Why do men fall out of love with you?

Lets dive right in!

Why Do Men Fall Out Of Love With You?

whyyyy

There are literally hundreds, maybe even thousands of reasons for why a man could fall out of love with you.

Now, I know this is going to be a touchy subject for a few of you since the last thing you probably want to do is take a look at such a negative aspect of relationships. However, if you really want insight into the mind of a man you have to wade through the muck sometimes.

Above I mentioned that there could be thousands of reasons for why a man might fall out of love with you.

Well, I don’t know about you but I can’t sit here and write about thousands of reasons.

(Even I don’t have the time and patience for that and I write A LOT.)

So, what I am going to do for you is give you the most common “fall out of love” reasons that I have seen through this site.

Of course, that isn’t the only thing I am going to do for you.

You see, I believe in giving as much valuable information as I possibly can to you and for this article I have decided that in addition to explaining why men can fall out of love with you I am also going to give you my strategies for safeguarding your relationship to prevent that particular reason from happening to you.

Let’s begin!

Reason #1- The Honeymoon Period Ends

over now

A common complaint you hear from men who have fallen out of love is,

“Things just aren’t the same between us anymore..”

or

“My feelings have changed…”

It’s actually really ironic because the only reason they say things like this is because they get so used to how the relationship feels during the honeymoon period that they grade everything on the relationship based on that feeling.

Take a look at the graph below.

Screen Shot 2015-02-10 at 12.12.47 PM

Imagine that, that arrow represents the height of your relationship, the honeymoon period.

It’s a period where you see your significant other as perfect. It’s almost like they can do no wrong or they are some sort of transcendent being.

Well, some men get so used to the honeymoon period that they start grading the entire relationship by that standard.

So, when the honeymoon period wears off and comes back down to earth…

Screen Shot 2015-02-10 at 12.19.52 PM

Your boyfriend starts to think there is something wrong in the relationship.

He isn’t developed enough emotionally to understand that the honeymoon period at the beginning of a relationship isn’t supposed to last forever. It’s supposed to come back down to earth after a while.

Unfortunately, somewhere along the way your boyfriend got it in his head that the way that he feels during the honeymoon period is how he is supposed to feel throughout the entire relationship. So, when the honeymoon period does wear off he starts to think he is falling out of love with you when really what is happening is he is just returning to normal.

So, now that you understand this concept how do we safeguard a relationship from it?

How To Safeguard Your Relationship

In my mind safeguarding your relationship from reason number one all has to do with your selection of man.

A man who thinks he is falling out of love because the honeymoon period ends probably hasn’t experienced a lot of relationships before. This kind of means that in order to safeguard reason number one from happening to you your boyfriends past relationship experience is in demand.

In other words, it can be a bit risky for you to fall for someone who hasn’t had a lot of relationship experience in the past because they might make the honeymoon period mistake.

Reason #2- You Cheated On Him

Cheating

I am going to tell you a little bit about myself.

When it comes to relationships I am more loyal than a dog.

I mean, some men aren’t made for monogamy but I definitely was.

If there is a god out there I often imagine that when he created me he thought to himself,

“Let’s make this guy the most loyal man on earth.”

So, when you understand that about me you probably also understand that when it comes to people who aren’t loyal I am not really a fan of their actions. Yes, that sometimes puts me at odds with you guys (sorry.) Seriously, sometimes I will read a situation from the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Nation and think to myself,

“WHYYY… Why would you cheat?”

So, lets do a little role play here.

Lets say that you and I are dating and you make the biggest mistake of your life and cheat on me (and trust me it would be a mistake because I am AWESOME.)

I would without a doubt fall out of love with you because to me cheating is the biggest betrayal you can make in a relationship.

Now, that is just me.

Is it possible that other men can feel differently?

Umm… no, not really.

Even though other men might not be as loyal as I am I guarantee you that they will feel just as betrayed.

But why?

What is it about cheating that makes a man fall out of love?

Why Cheating Makes A Man Fall Out Of Love

I am going to open up a bit and speak from the heart here.

Lets say that you and I were dating and you cheated on me.

(Oh, and I didn’t find out from you, I found out from the guy you cheated on me with. )

Well, in this case I would experience a number of emotions.

I would experience,

  • Anger
  • Depression
  • Self Doubt
  • Paranoia
  • A Need For Revenge

Lets also make another assumption. Lets say that despite all of this I stuck with you. I decided to try to forgive and forget and move on with our relationship.

Well, I know for a fact that every time you’d go out with your friends, family or you’d be at work I would wonder in the back of my head,

“I wonder if she is f**king some guy right now?”

I would seriously wonder that.

I know it’s an irrational thought to have all the time in every situation but you betrayed me, remember?

Oh, and then I would picture you with some other guy and it would make me furious. Just the thought of him having you or you giving yourself to him in ways that you wouldn’t give to me would make me livid.

Now, I am going to ask you a very simple question.

If you had done this to me do you think I would love you more or less after it happened?

LESS!

How To Safeguard Your Relationship

This one is simple…

DON’T CHEAT.

Or at the very least if you think you are going to cheat and realize there is no hope for your relationship then just break up with your boyfriend so you don’t make more of a mess of your relationship by potentially crushing him for years to come.

 Reason #3- You No Longer Admire Him

admiration

Men love to feel admired.

I can attest to this.

I want my wife to think I am the greatest man who ever walked the earth. Now, I can guarantee you that I am not the greatest man who ever walked the earth but if my wife thinks I am then all is right in my little world.

(Kind of pathetic, huh?)

The point is simple, I love feeling admired by her and your boyfriend is probably no different.

When you first started dating he probably felt like he was the most important person on this earth to you but something along the way changed.

Maybe you got bogged down and depressed by troubles at work…

Maybe you were having health problems and this caused you to close up emotionally…

Heck, maybe you just flat out started ignoring him and his needs…

Whatever the case you have to remember that your boyfriend has an ego to feed and it is constantly hungry. Now, most women understand this and do a great job of feeding that ego but every once in a while a woman can get preoccupied with other things and completely forget to feed it.

This is a very bad thing because it means a man is going to start to feel a lack of admiration.

A Lack Of Admiration Leads To A Lack Of Love

Lets do another fun little role-play.

Lets say that you and I are dating and when we first start dating you are doing an amazing job of making me feel admired.

You are constantly telling me how great I am…

How handsome I am…

How I have the body of a Greek God…

How out of all the men in the world I am the greatest lover you have ever had…

How I am the best thing that has ever walked this earth…

Did I let that go on for a little too long?

Oops..

Anyways, at the beginning of our relationship I am feeling pretty darn admired.

Lets fast forward three years and change the dynamic of the relationship entirely.

While the beginning of our relationship was marked with you constantly “admiring me” the end of it is marked with you not making me feel admired at all. Instead, all you do now is criticize me (which is perfectly fine every once in a while if I do something wrong.) However, the amount you criticize me is a little too much.

All of those great compliments you were giving me at the beginning of the relationship have disappeared and now I am commonly thinking thoughts like,

“I wonder if she still looks at me in that way…”

or

“I wish I was with someone who appreciated me…”

So, three years later now that the dynamic of our relationship has changed do you think I am more in love or less in love with you?

The answer is quite simple, I am not in love with you anymore because instead of feeling admired I am feeling like I am beneath you. I constantly have to scramble for your approval and I can’t get a compliment from you without first having to ask for it.

How To Safeguard Your Relationship

I know what I just told you is a bit of a shallow outlook on men but I took it to the extreme to make a point clear.

Most men don’t need admiration on a daily basis and oftentimes women who can make men constantly crave their admiration win out in the end. So, there is an advantage to not constantly giving a man the admiration he craves. However, don’t let this fool you into thinking that you can’t ever let your feelings out and admire the man you are dating.

What you really need to do is find a balance between admiring and not admiring (with the intent of making him crave your admiration.)

So, what I would say the best practice is, is to constantly jump between admiring and not admiring.

For example, lets say that one day you decide that you really want to admire your boyfriend and let him know what you really think of him (the good things.) So, you spend the entire day just showering him with compliments and being all lovey dovey…

On this day you are setting the standard and he is going to subconsciously think that you are going to admire him like this every single day.

Well, the next day I want you to spend the entire day NOT complimenting him.

Don’t be mean about it or anything like that.

Just make it a normal day where the two of you interact and have fun but don’t feed his ego with a ton of compliments.

Now, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way so allow me to dive in a bit deeper.You can still say stuff like, “I love you” or “I miss you” but you cannot say stuff like,

“You are the best thing that ever happened to me…”

or

“You have the most incredible body on a guy that I have ever seen…”

or

“You are the most handsome man I have ever seen…”

Do you get it?

One day you shower him with those type of compliments and the next day you don’t show him with them. After a few days you shower him with the compliments again. The idea here is to always keep him guessing and craving these compliments from you.

This way he is constantly seeking your attention.

Reason #4- You Are Way Too Clingy

clingy

Lets now turn our attention to a situation where a woman showers her boyfriend with WAAYYY too much attention and expects the same amount of attention in return.

A girl who is clingy is kind of cute at first… until it’s not…

Does that make sense?

No?

Ok, allow me to explain.

Above we established that most men seek attention from women.

In other words, they want to feel admired by them.

Well, what type of girl is more admiring than a girl who loves you so much that she becomes clingy?

So, at first a girl who is clingy can kind of be attractive to a guy. After all, she is really making him feel admired. Of course, there is a point where it becomes too much.

For example, lets say that we are dating and you are starting to become clingy to me.

Well, at first I will probably think to myself,

“Wow, this is kind of cute. She must really care for me a lot.”

Of course, I am under the assumption that your clingy behavior is going to stop eventually. So, when it doesn’t that is when we have a problem. All of a sudden my “cute” thoughts about you turn into “hate” thoughts about you and slowly but surely I will start to fall out of love with you.

So, how are you supposed to prevent this from happening if you know that you are a bit clingy in relationships?

How To Safeguard Your Relationship

The main take away here is that men kind of like a little clingyness upfront BUT only upfront. There is a point where it can be too much. So, if you know you are susceptible to being clingy in relationships then you definitely want to make a mental note to tone it down.

“Yes Chris… I know that but HOW?”

I am going to give you a piece of advice.

If your whole world revolves around pleasing the person you are in a relationship with then you are most likely going to be clingy.

Instead, you should be looking to find another purpose with your life than just this one person you are dating. Look, I know that may be kind of hard to hear since if you are on this website then you must love your boyfriend A LOT. However, remember that you also have to have your own life.

So go get it!

P.S.

Women who end up “getting their own lives” often have an interesting effect on their boyfriends or ex boyfriends.

What is the effect?

Their boyfriends end up being the clingy ones!

Reason #5- You Are Insanely High Maintenance

In a perfect world high maintenance wouldn’t matter.

Whenever I think of high maintenance girls I always think back to that episode of Friends where everyone keeps telling Monica she is high maintenance…

(Sorry for the stupid ads…)

In a perfect world you would all have a Chandler telling you that he likes “maintaining you..”

Of course, we don’t live in a perfect world…

Instead, what usually happens when a guy finds out that his girlfriend is super high maintenance is he gets extremely annoyed.

Sometimes when I am scanning through my own personal Facebook profile I will see one of my friends post something like,

“Yes, I am high maintenance BUT I’m worth it…”

Umm…

No, no your not…

Let me explain something to you.

A girl who is super high maintenance isn’t attractive to men.

Now, before I go on I think it is important for me to define what I mean by “high maintenance.”

What I Consider To Be A High Maintenance Girl

Do yourself a favor, go to Google and type in,

“What is high maintenance.”

Once you do this you will be greeted by two definitions,

  1. Needing a lot of work to keep in good condition.
  2. A person (or relationship) demanding a lot of attention.

Most people mistake high maintenance for definition number one. Well, when I talk about high maintenance here on the site I am talking about definition number two.

Ok, imagine for a second that you are in a relationship with a guy and he is constantly demanding all of your attention.

Instead of both of you attending to each others wants and needs it is all about him.

He is completely selfish and seems like he doesn’t ever care about what YOU want in a relationship.

I am betting you would be kind of annoyed.

Why?

Because the relationship would be all about him.

THAT IS WHAT A HIGH MAINTENANCE GIRL IS LIKE.

Selfishly men want their needs taken care of too so this can create a problem in a relationship when their needs aren’t being taken care of.

It creates resentment and resentment and falling out of love go hand in hand..

How To Safeguard Your Relationship

If you are high maintenance and you know it then you have some work to do to safeguard your relationship.

I would say that your best defense in your case is to always make a point of making sure your boyfriend is taken care of.

Also, don’t be offended if he can’t do every little thing you want.

No man is superman…

Well, except me 😉

superman me

So, I guess what I am saying is not every man is ME!

(I hope you realize I am just kidding.)

Reason #6- His Needs Weren’t Met (Emotionally or Physically)

more

(Disney makes yet another appearance….)

No man is going to stay in a relationship (long term) if he feels his needs aren’t being met.

Now, women get incredibly offended when a man tells them something like,

“You aren’t meeting (Need A) or (Need B.)”

For example, if we were dating and I said,

“I feel like you are never there for me when I need you to be…”

No doubt you would take that as me saying,

“You aren’t good enough for me…”

Well, that is really not what I am saying at all.

All I am doing by telling you that I feel like you aren’t there for me when I need you to be is to tell you what I need from you to be happy.

In other words, I am trying to help YOU out in the relationship.

Now, lets say that you really make an effort to “be there for me” and I am still not pleased. Well, in this case you have my permission to be angry at me for still being upset about it.

Why?

Because you are making an effort and that is all anyone can ask of anyone in a relationships.

A Word On Physical Needs

I feel like I am about to kick a hornets nest full of angry women here…

hornets nest

Eh… What the heck, I am going to risk it.

Sex and love go hand in hand…

More particularly, a lack of sex and a lack of love go hand in hand.

I know I am going to get those women out there swearing up and down that their boyfriend is better than that. In fact, I once had a woman tell me that there is more to love than sex…

She is right…

Love is an incredible emotion that has a lot more to it than just sex.

Here’s a fun little test.

I want you to go out and pick a guy to fall in love with. In the first three months of dating him I want you to have an incredible relationship with him. In other words, I want you to laugh, have fun, have deep intimate discussions AND be intimate with each other on a very frequent basis.

Ok, so now that you got him hooked lets test to see if sex really has a correlation to falling out of love.

I want you to tell him that for the next year you will not be sleeping together…

Not once…

You won’t even let him touch you.

How long do you think he would stay with you then?

Something tells me not long.

…..

(Drops Mic…)

drops mic

I’m out!

Published February 12, 2015, | Modified October 25, 2016

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What Do You Think? (88)

  1. Tara - 0

    Tara

    My ex-fiance broke up with me out of the blue 8 weeks ago saying he doesn’t feel he’s “in love” with me anymore and wants out. We have so many tangled finances to sort out which he left for me to figure out and is in contact via text every week to ask how I’m getting on with them. I’m so angry that he had this easy option of just running off and abandoning me to sort the mess out. I also found out he’s been secretly seeing his colleague from work (my snooping showed they checked into a hotel two weeks after our breakup and there’s been texts and calls before that), not sure if he cheated or not but they’re definitely together at the moment and he’s not telling his friends or family about it yet. I deleted him from my Facebook and instagram, he changed his profile picture of himself (from a photo of us as a couple to just him) but he’s still listed as engaged and he kept all of his other photos of us up (including his wall photo).

    I’ve done NC for over 30 days with the exception of talking about the finances etc. but it doesn’t seem to have worked. He’s still with her and I’m not getting anywhere with him. I’ve tried to make some positive changes in my life, I’ve met new people etc. I understand he’s messed up but I still want him back. I’m at a loss as to how to behave now, he doesn’t know that I know anything about this other girl. Should I keep it this way?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Tara,

      The nc is just leverage, it’s not the solution to the problem. It’s just to help you have space to improve, heal and think. That’s why it’s very important that you still continue the routine you started during nc and to keep improving. By now, you have to start being friendly only. It’s not right to start off saying you know about the other girl. It would be better if you tell it person.

  2. Ana - 0

    Ana

    I have no idea whatsoever of what to do regarding my situation. I have extreme insecurities and I really never treated my ex-boyfriend as he deserved to be treated thanks to them. He was the perfect boyfriend. I didn’t really acknowledge he was the one I’ve always wanted because my insecurities always warned me about not opening too much to him. I always thought of him like someone who would hurt me. A few weeks ago, we got into a fight and I think I kind of made him explode. Since we have always been fighting and such I guess that last one really did it. He didn’t leave me, I left him out of anger. It was a stupid fight but we managed. Or so I thought. The following days I noticed he was different. He didn’t talk to anyone, mostly spent his time alone, I would notice he was really sad. I approached him and talked and he told me he needed his space. I thought he had lost interest and couldn’t help myself to find out. This caused me to have several other arguments which just made it worse. One day he tells me he isn’t really sure if he wants to keep going on with the relationship because he was tired and since I require a lot of time and effort, he was leaving some things for his career to be with me which, in his point of view, wasn’t worth it because I would always argue or not appreciate him enough. We didn’t decide on anything regarding the relationship status for a few days, but the tension would always grow stronger on him, and me because I finally realised where I went wrong. (treating him bad, etc.) I tried to tell him it would all change but he would always say he’s unsure. But that he loved me but he couldn’t deal with a relationship right now. I was devastated because i knew I could make it all better and fix things but he wouldn’t let me in. And I noticed we switched roles, as in now he was like me trying to protect myself, and I was like him trying to get to me. I didn’t know what to do. We decided later on to go on a break but we would always text everyday. One day he told me he would go out to a certain place and since I was trying to give him his space, you know. In a few hours I notice in social media an ex-friend of mine which I really don’t like because she always had a thing for my boyfriend, posted photos of him and her in that specific place he told me he was going. I didn’t know what to think. He did not tell me he was going with her which in the past, they both had a romantic connection which didn’t really work out. So you might imagine what was going on in my head. We talked about it and he said she was only a friend, etc. I didn’t mind because I can’t change what happened but it really hurt me. We went out the next day and that’s when it all ended. But he was different. He would treat me like if we were still together and telling me how he felt about me and giving me love, etc. but we’re not actually in a relationship although we share mutual feelings and everything like so. I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I think he’s messing with me to see if i really changed. What do I do? Should I just completely move on or try again? Thank you!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ana,

      why not try the no contact rule first?

  3. Yg - 0

    Yg

    We’re both college students, we’ve been together for three months, he broke up with me because he said that I wasn’t there for him when he needed me and yeah I do agree to that, I was busy with my exams and all that I didn’t bother looking for him. He then told me he thought about the break up for a month and that’s why he’s sure that he doesn’t love me anymore. I know my mistakes and I told him I’m willing to change and be a better partner but he doesn’t want to give me that one chance as he said he has given me plenty of chances before, but I didn’t realise there was a problem between us. Is there a way for us to get back together? He seemed pretty determined about the breakup.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Yg,

      plenty of chances for just 3 months? if he’s determined, then dont contradict his decision.. try doing the no contact rule for 30 days instead and then focus in healing and improving yourself. Even if the reaaon for the break up was you not being there, being there now after he made a decision of not talking to you anymore would just look like you’re really not lisrening to him..

  4. B.P - 0

    B.P

    Hi, I am looking for advice on whether I have a shot at getting my ex back. He broke up with me two weeks ago because of loss of attraction/feelings weren’t the same. Personally I think it’s due to some of my actions during the time we were dating. We were dating for 6 months and it was my first relationship. I realized some things about myself that I need to change (anxiety/depression/insecurities) I know that I am changing those things for me though, not for him. And I took action on bettering myself a few days after he broke up with me. But I still do want another shot once I make those changes.
    The breakup did not include fighting, and most of the little things that we got into were at the end of the 6 months. He took me out for dinner and said he doesn’t think it’s going to work etc. I sent him a message the day after wishing him well etc. He replied positively and both of us haven’t talked to each other in two weeks. I blocked him on facebook two days ago for my own health of not obsessing over what he’s doing (that’s another thing – I think I got too sucked in and lost my individuality).
    His birthday is next week and that’ll be day 24 of NC. I read the recent post about not saying happy birthday during NC (It was posted just before I was going to ask in the comments lol). I don’t expect him to contact me during the 30 days of NC that I set, so I’m basically wondering where to go from here. Do you think I should send a first message even later than 30 days? There are a few more factors I’d like to add but your response on the situation so far would be greatly appreciated! Thank you.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI BP,

      that’s actually part of the no contact rule. You should intiate to text him after 30 days.. but what’s more important is that you really change for the better in the remaining days.

  5. Alexandra David - 0

    Alexandra David

    I think my chances to get back my ex are a lot below 0%….after one week of NC and living together he told me to move out of the house asap and that he can’t help me renew my visa (i’m living in his country, Israel, and I came here on his name so only he can help me with living here and visa) because he doesn’t want to lie the autorities that we’re still a couple. Also he told me he feels good about the breaking up and he doesn’t love me anymore… I’m devastated, I’m trying to be strong but it kills be inside, we had an amazing relation, we fighted a lot to be together and suddenly one day he comes and tell me he doesn’t feel good about it anymore… I’m trying to stay stick to NC but is hard because we still need to talk about the legal procedures and moving, but every time he mentions how happy he is with the breaking up…

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s ok to talk about important things.. what you need to avoid during nc is those heavy relationship talks.. and if he initiates it, don’t reply negatively. YOu need to stay calm.

  6. Ana - 0

    Ana

    Hello Chris, this is the first time I learned about uou and I’m very impressed with your work! I’d like to hear your thoughts on my situation. After 2 and a half years of relationship (1 year living together), yesterday my boyfriend ended everything because he felt out of love. I couldn’t include him in any categories above, but I have a feeling I know what happened. When I moved in to his house, I ended up moving inton his life and leaving mine out the door. I molded myself to somehow become a female version of him. I thought I was just trying to make him happy, but our relationship became boring I guess… We never had any fight,we had good communication and intimacy, and we did everything together. I felt lack of appreciation and he knew it was an issue, but an issue I was dealing with… I felt our love and compatibility were more important. Anyway, I feel lost knowing my love and best friend will now be part of my past and not my future, so I was wondering if you have any advice for me, please? Thank you

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Ana,

      are you in nc now and do you still live together?

  7. Jay - 0

    Jay

    Hi Chris,

    I just listened to your podcast (I love that you have these in addition to the blogs)! I have a question about your third reason he “falls out of love”: FIGHTING.

    My ex and I recently broke up because he said we were fighting too much. But we were fighting because I wanted him to understand he was being selfish. The reasons are immature, like he would plan a guys night and cut our romantic getaway short. I try to let him know how that makes me feel but he says I suffocate him. We have tons of space and do our own thing with friends all the time. He’s 25 and I’m 26. So to me it just sounds like it’s just a maturity thing.

    However, I’m hurting because he just gave up on our 1.5 year relationship. I’m going to give him space, but sometimes I can’t help but think he really just fell out of love with me.

    What is your take on this situation? Would love to know if this type of breakup can have a happy ending of getting back together? Or is it impossible until one day, he just grows up?

    Thanks so much.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jay,
      is he always like that? Do you feel like you’re not his priority over others?

    • Jay - 0

      Jay

      Not necessarily. Sometimes it’s great, and sometimes it’s like he forgets. That’s why I’m confused. It seems like he is easily influenced by what his peers do though (most of his friends have significant others). We have a great time and are compatible. Funny thing is when we broke up he said we have fundamental differences (think differently) when we fight. I feel like he is just clouded in his judgement because he’s tired of fighting. But it’s not necessarily fundamental (unless maturity is fundamental)… Am I being stubborn?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hmmm.. I asked that because you asked if your relationship would change if he matures, so, I thought he’s always like that.

      But if you say, you’re always fighting, maybe that’s really the real reason. And you also said, you were always trying to say to him that he is being selfish because of his actions. So, in guy terms, that’s nagging.

      If he fell out of love because of the constant fights, that means after nc, you should avoid it all costs.. Be calm and listen. But also, it’s better to work on yourself on how you handle situations when he’s busy being with his friends or when he chooses his friends over you.

      For me, when a guy does that, I have fun myself. Of course, I get upset. I tell it calmly to my boyfriend and then I say, I’m trying to understand and I say, since I really like to go out, I’ll ask my friends to go out instead and then genuinely tell him “Enjoy honey, love yah. See you (whenever you agreed to see each other again) with emojis” Believe me emojis help a lot. That may sound corny, but it works for me because I let go and I have more fun than him(without doing things that I will regret of course) and then he sees it, and he’s like, “Wow, that was fun, I should been with her.”

      Well, I hope that helps 🙂

  8. Sabrina - 0

    Sabrina

    Hello, I just recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. He left me at 6 months pregnant saying he fell out of love. Our pregnancy was planned and we were happy… so it seemed. He stated the child wasnt his and accused me of cheating, which I never did. We did have a split for 6 months and I slept with someone else. The times don’t match to being pregnant though. I might have stop showing admiration or seemed high maintenence but I have to work full time, handle being pregnant, and take care of the house when I can. He moved out, putting his stuff in storage, and is living with his sister. I have to pay for everything now, he even took the bed! He told me he wanted nothing to do with me and his daughter until he knows she’s his. I’m so confused… this came to me as a surprise. Why did he fall out of love with me at the most important/special time in our lives?

    Reply
  9. My Honey - 0

    My Honey

    Im in my most frustrating period of my life now. I have a bf but, he said he’s not sure if he still loves me or is he just convincing hiself to stay(coz of long term relationship) and he feels that there’s something missing on him. We are now 4years since last october. But we had a problem before, we broke up last year coz he’s fed up with me(we’re on our 3-1/2yrs that time). Then he came back and continued our relationship early this year because he found out that i was falling inlove with another guy and cant bare to see me loving other man. But, after 6mos, i’ve been feeling unwanted by him, he’s not as sweet as we were before (first 3yrs) so, he asked for his space so that he could have time to think and realize if the feelings are still there so, I gave him 2 weeks. Then, we met again last sunday and before we had a talk, we went to a park to view some beautiful sceneries. Yeah, we had a date and seems like there’s nothing changed on how he acts on me (not being irritated/uncomfortable). And he’s the first one who hold my hands while we’re walking. Then, after that date, i initiated our conversation about our status. But until then, still, he’s not sure if he still loves me or is he falling out of love. He said, maybe he’s falling out but i asked him why does he still holds my hands and hugs me. He cannot answer me and he told me maybe it’s because of the long period that we had been together that’s why he doesn’t feel irritated when he holds me. But, when he’s talking to me, he told me that he also felt the heavy feelings on his chest (hard feelings for seeing me hurting or seeing my reactions) but he’s not sure if he felt the hurt. He told me maybe he felt hard because he thinks that it’s about the long period that we had invested for each other and not the feelings of love. But he still said he’s not sure of it. He also thinks that maybe, the love he feels for me is now only a constant feelings (because of our long term relationship) or love for a sister/best friend/special person. And told me that he still misses and thinks of me all the time but he thinks that he has changed. A change that he cannot understand to himself. So my world turned down and kept on crying. I talked to him saying maybe he’s just anxious about his feelings to me and told him our beautiful memories in the past, all my plans, dreams and futures with him. i also asked him if he still sees me in his future and if will he get hurt/jealous if i will be with another man, but he’s not sure if he would still feel that. But then he kept on apologizing to me. So, i thought that, that day would be the end of our relationship and told him maybe there’s someone more deserving than him and i have to find another man to forget him, so he asked why, is he not deserving for me? Then he insisted that he’s not yet breaking up with me, instead, to have an additional space/break to think again. So gave him another 2 weeks. He said he will try to revive the feelings. Told me too that he thinks that he doesn’t know if he could find another better/more than like me (as beautiful, as kind and has a pure heart). He was also the one who always hugs me then kisses my forehead while i was crying that time and still calling me honey. Is there a possibility that he still has feelings for me? And if not why does he still holds, hugs and kisses my forehead? Do guys will still do that even if they have been falling out of love with their gf? Btw, he also said that he still cares for me alot. Is it true that when a guy falls out of love, he would feel irritated to do some body contact with his gf and care less for them? Im so confused about his actions with me. we also had our chat conversation yesterday coz i asked him to upload all our old pictures he had on our fb page (to keep them as good memories). And feels like he still likes looking at our pictures together (based on our convo). Please explain to me why he’s still like this. :'(

    Reply
  10. Trish - 0

    Trish

    Hi Chris,

    My boyfriend of over 6 years broke the news to me the 10th OCT that he no longer felt the same way about me… we were together since we were 16yrs old.. This came to me as a HUGE SHOCK… I was utterly heartbroken… I did beg and he gave us another week to try work things out..

    At the end of this week i felt him pull away and not want to talk to me or say he loved me so the decision was made to break up.

    he said he needed time, he was confused, he felt trapped, he said i needed to work on me and get back to my old self and that i cant do that if im with him… at the beginning he said if i was the old happy me he’d take me back in a heartbeat (I got depressed, panic attacks for nothing, clingy and emotionally dependent on him for everything) MY life revolved around HIM!

    I since found out he was texting another girl we both work with and had feelings for her – all communication with her has stopped he said she was just a distraction from the bad in our relationship…

    He wont allow me to talk about the situation and has asked i only talk about random stuff and to still be friends but when I tried to talk about random things he wouldnt reply after 1 or 2 messages…

    I had no contact with him for 4 days then i needed to get some of my most important things off him so we met…. we had a brief conversation i told him i was working on me for me… he said he just wanted to be friends right now and that he cant make any promises he’ll feel different in the future..

    now as i mentioned we work together… all his friends in work are ignoring me and talking about the whole thing behind my back… this hurts me more than trying to deal with the breakup…. He watched as one his friends who worked with us tell me he had no time for me atal… i was deeply hurt i just want to work… my ex went to the manager to speak about the situation (my ex is also a Jr Manager) apparntely he said his friend shouldnt be ignoring me and that it was wrong…

    he was told i was upset but didnt cmoe to talk to me atal that night i left without seeing him..

    I do want to do the NC…but do you think we have hope… we never argued more than 10mins then we’d laugh it off we were so happy i know my depressing behaviour wasnt easy to deal with but he doesnt want to fight for it he wants time alone….

    Please Help I do love him but right now I have taken steps to move on but I get panicked at times I’ll regret moving on and i done nothing to get back the good times we had…he was my bestfriend, we spoke everyday, we planned our future together… he said he has felt like this for a long time…atleast 5months 🙁

    Reply
  11. Meredith - 0

    Meredith

    I love these lesser known articles you post that no one seems to comment on 🙁 to me they’ve helped a lot.
    Now I’m going to be conceited here and I say that I don’t believe my ex broke up with me for any of these reasons because we had a good relationship. We fulfilled each other’s needs, had a good sex life,definitely wasn’t a lack of admiration or love, no cheating, and I wouldn’t call myself clingy or high maintenance, I’m pretty laid back really.
    I’d constantly be doing things for him that he asked and doing all the typical “womanly” chores around the house.
    I’ve heard that the most common reason that people fall out of love are for the same reasons they fell in love with you. Do you know how true this is? And if it is, how would one combat this issue?
    Another question, is it possible that a male can fall back into love with you after falling out of love and realistically, what are the chances of this happening?
    Obviously some things are never meant to last and we just have to get on with our lives, despite how much we wish we could change things.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      ME TOO!

      I always like them the best too.

      Ppl just like the big commenting type of stuff like NC and how to use text messages.

      Could you expand on that common reason theory that you gave. It sounds interesting to me.

  12. Lissy - 0

    Lissy

    So I’ve commented on a couple different articles, because reading your articles helps me clear my head. But you talk about someone who thinks the relationship should be just like the honeymoon phase… and how if they don’t have a lot of relationship experience this is what the guy will think. I can totally see that with my ex, in addition I might have been a little clingy, but I guess my question then is, how can I get him back if he thinks it should be a honey moon phase all the time, or is that something he will have to learn? And how does he learn this, without me losing him to someone else?

    Reply
  13. Victoria - 0

    Victoria

    Hi Chris,

    I don’t know if you will reply to my comment or not but I recently broke up with my boyfriend (he is 27 and I am 23) on Friday. Everything was going so so great. He told me he saw a future together, he told me that I was the one, and he adored me. I adored him as well. We were so healthy with our communication and allowing for each other to have our own lives but also making sure that we had good quality relationship time. We hit the six month mark and about a few weeks ago he started acting distant and then BOOM! Hits me with, “I am not sure we have a future together anymore”. I was devastated. I backed off of him a little and continued to act happy and supportive towards him. I was hoping this was just a phase and that he would get over whatever was making him feel weird. Well on Friday night he told me that he felt “too content” with me and wasn’t sure why but he felt differently from when we first started dating. He said he loved me but he was confused and that I could stay in a relationship with him but there would probably not be a future. I was crushed. I told him things can’t be a fairy tale forever and that love takes work and effort. Nothing I said changed his mind. So I broke up with him, I couldn’t wait around for him to one day decide he actually did see a future or for him to just be done with the relationship in general. I have been a mess and my best friend told me about your website and your book. So Saturday evening I began implementing the NC rule. Sunday he texted me twice saying he missed me and that this was really hard on him but never once did he say he made a mistake. So now its Monday and I am trying to stay strong. I just don’t know if maybe the honeymoon phase ended with us and he freaked out because things started to feel more normal. He went from telling me that he couldn’t wait to one day give me his last name and writing me four page love letters to telling me out of no where that he just didn’t think or know if we are meant to be. I truly think that he could be the one. I don’t feel infatuated with him and its not all in my head. He has all the qualities I have been looking for in a man, he is so thoughtful and genuine and he made me feel like a princess. He really made me feel like I was the only girl in the world and I have never loved anyone the way I loved him. I just don’t understand what happened, I am truly heartbroken….HELP! If you can and if you have time I would love a response. I can’t tell you how much you have helped me over the last few days. When I feel weak and like I’m going to break I listen to a podcast and it makes me feel bold, like I am a UG. Even if I don’t hear from you, you have still helped me so much. Thanks!

    Reply
  14. Lilli - 0

    Lilli

    HI Chris!!
    Your site its awesome, it has all kinds of information.
    I was in relationship for 5 years and the last year was long distance (new job and wedding plan), everybody told me that LDR never work (im not agree, it depends on the commitment and love). He came for my birthday, we had a fight that day about me being possesive with his time while he was in the city and that i wasn’t in the right place when he “needed me”?, so he broke up with me (2m ago), next day i begged him for an opportunity, he said he loved me but he was disappointed.
    I wish him luck and happiness because he is a good person and deserves it, he didnt say a word which dissapointed me (he was in his world, and its ok), i think the reasons were 70% of the above in your page, and that we both are stubborn.
    We haven’t talk since that day, i know that being in a LDR is really really very difficult, im dissapointed because he gave up. Maybe we didn’t undestand to each other.
    Im not angry, i can not hate him, he is a good person, he is still being a part of me and we had great times together (but i know he doesnt feel that way about me), i dont know if we are going to talk again (im still waiting), and that frustrates me, i don’t even know if that is convenient.

    I know your page is to get exboyfriends back, the fact is that i don’t want him back because im scared i will never trust him again, (and i think your page is helping me), i want to be an ungettable girl because of ME, not because of him, i want to move on because i think i deserve more than to be looking for something that maybe at the end doesn’t deserve my energy, it is a log and difficult way but i’ll make it by myself!!!

    So i just wanna say thanks for your page, it has humor, seriousness, and commitment, ill give you a 5 star rate!!! =)

    PD. I love your CONCEPT of the ungettable girl, boys want what they can’t have, and the fact is that THEY WANT HER. What im not totally agree is how you are putting her on the table, the fact that “ALL THE RESPONSIBILITY” of a good relationship depends 100% on her. I think both parts are responsibles, obviously one more than the other (just a point of view).
    If you want to give me some advice i’d appreciate it 😉

    Reply
  15. L - 0

    L

    i realize now from reading this that my choice in partners (a man 4 years younger who had little relationship experience) set me up for this heartbreak I am experiencing right now when he told me he “no longer is in love” with me. I believe he is stuck thinking the honeymoon phase of crazy sex and mutual obsession would last forever. It’s been four days since he broke up with me, and I have been mostly NC (and full NC the last two days). Is there anything I can do to get him back at this point ? We had such a loving, respectful, honest relationship and the idea that it’s over forever is heartbreaking.

    Reply
  16. M. - 0

    M.

    I did so!it was really good and helpfull! I have a question though. Last year I did take a Picture with a guy friend of mine and a week after my ex closed his fb and some months after I learned about his new girlfriend..This period there’s a guy I’ve been a few dates with but I don’t know if it’s a good idea to try this jealousy-picture thing again or hide this. What do you think?
    Meanwhile today my ex posted a pic of him making out with his gf.It’s so hurtful And i don’t know what to do anymore.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      admin

      I think it might be a good idea in this instance!

    • M. - 0

      M.

      I’m in the very bad position to say that that guy left me out of the blue also blocked me on fb and instagram!I don’t get it..I really don’t understand what I did wrong, Do you think it was because I told him I want things go more slow or there is another woman? so bye bye photo-plan…

    • M. - 0

      M.

      I’m in the very bad position to say that that guy left me out of the blue also blocked me on fb and instagram!I don’t get it..I really don’t understand what I did wrong, Do you think it was because I told him I want things go more slow or there is another woman? so bye bye photo-plan…

  17. M. - 0

    M.

    I tried the game plan and it worked once,at First he seemed he wanted to be together,talked to me,said he was excited to go on this trip together,then at some point he said we should go to see a movie together,I agreed but when that day came,no sign of him.And when I asked him if we would go to the movies,he said a job came up and”you see we can’t be together?I say one thing and you take it for granted”.I tried to calm he down and explain,we were ok again and after a while we met for the First time at his House.He presented me to his sisters as his gf,he said he was happybut after that he never asked me out again and when the trip came he said it’s better not to go and that we can’t be together,that he would return all the Money back to me..i tried to ask what’s wrong,then he said he can’t leave his job.I went on NC again,cause I couldn’t do anything else.Meanwhile before NC ends,he closes his fb.I wait more than 30 days,then I decide to text him.He didn’t reply my First text but after a while when I tried again,asking him sth he replied and seemed into the conversation.I tried being funny,end the convo early(with no great results),seem busy,I tried sending him memes when he opened his fb again,we once talked on the phone and he sounded good but then after 2 days he never wished me for my birthday,I never said anything,I didn’t complain ever,but as time passed I saw he wouldn’t make a move,I asked what’s going on with the Money and he said he needs time and that he has a gf.I made a mistake and said I had a bf too.After some days,I texted again thanking him for his support the last summer,saying I appreciate him and asking don’t be strangers.We haven’t talked ever since.I tried to show happpy on fb,I posted the best photos I could,I tried to add handsome guys,post photos from foods I’ve made,tag myself with friends.But nothing..I don’t understand what I did so wrong. Do you think there’s something else I can try??

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0
    • M. - 0

      M.

      yes I’ve read this a couple of times but I can’t make any difference!I mean I posted photos that people who never had liked my photos before pressed like,I have many guy’s likes and comments sometimes but nothing happens..On Friday I opened my fb again and after I pressed a few likes I saw my ex posted a cover photo the same time I did.I wonder if it was accidental(it had happened in the past too) but today he posted 2 sad songs but after again a photo of him and his gf..It really hurts me to see that..And I don’t know how to make a difference?Is there something else I can do and do you think it’s all accidental?? you’re the only one that can help..

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      admin

      You should listen to my social media podcast episode.

    • M. - 0

      M.

      I did so!it was really good and helpfull! I have a question though. Last year I did take a Picture with a guy friend of mine and a week after my ex closed his fb and some months after I learned about his new girlfriend..This period there’s a guy I’ve been a few dates with but I don’t know if it’s a good idea to try this jealousy-picture thing again or hide this.What do you think?

  18. M. - 0

    M.

    To be honest I doubt he has noticed i closed my profile.But what else can I do? I mean I managed to make people who never liked my photos to like them but nothing works on him..I’m pretty sure he doesn’t even remember me..and no sign of the money as well.My friend she’s a lawyer and insists I should take legal action.I feel like that would be a disaster but I don’t see other way.What would you do..??

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      admin

      How much money are we talking about here?

      If it is a lot then he is stealing from you. If its just a little then you might want to just let it go if you really want to try to get him back.

    • M. - 0

      M.

      I think it’s a lot..about 400Euros.I don’t think taking Legal action will be a good idea at all but you really think I can get him back after all this time and when he seems so in love with his gf?I have tried everything mentioned here but it wont work.SHould I just wait?open my fb again or what??

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      admin

      Well, you are entitled to that money.

      What he is doing is theft if he doesn’t return it.

      You have literally tried everything on this site?

    • M. - 0

      M.

      I tried the game plan and it worked once,at First he seemed he wanted to be together,talked to me,said he was excited to go on this trip together,then at some point he said we should go to see a movie together,I agreed but when that day came,no sign of him.And when I asked him if we would go to the movies,he said a job came up and”you see we can’t be together?I say one thing and you take it for granted”.I tried to calm he down and explain,we were ok again and after a while we met for the First time at his House.He presented me to his sisters as his gf,he said he was happybut after that he never asked me out again and when the trip came he said it’s better not to go and that we can’t be together,that he would return all the Money back to me..i tried to ask what’s wrong,then he said he can’t leave his job.I went on NC again,cause I couldn’t do anything else.Meanwhile before NC ends,he closes his fb.I wait more than 30 days,then I decide to text him.He didn’t reply my First text but after a while when I tried again,asking him sth he replied and seemed into the conversation.I tried being funny,end the convo early(with no great results),seem busy,I tried sending him memes when he opened his fb again,we once talked on the phone and he sounded good but then after 2 days he never wished me for my birthday,I never said anything,I didn’t complain ever,but as time passed I saw he wouldn’t make a move,I asked what’s going on with the Money and he said he needs time and that he has a gf.I made a mistake and said I had a bf too.After some days,I texted again thanking him for his support the last summer,saying I appreciate him and asking don’t be strangers.We haven’t talked ever since.I tried to show happpy on fb,I posted the best photos I could,I tried to add handsome guys,post photos from foods I’ve made,tag myself with friends.But nothing..I don’t understand what I did so wrong. Do you think there’s something else I can try??

  19. N.M - 0

    N.M

    Hi!
    Yes he’s high maintenance, I,m mama he’s the baby,
    End of honeymoon period coupled with me being sick of always being the giver, led to him cheating on me, which in turn made me super duper clingy,jealous, suspicious, angry!
    Lack of any outward display of remorse or apologies made me Mad!
    I’m waiting for that since 6 years. Right after first episode he dated again.
    The relationship has rotted totally. You know the background 57/29.
    Is there Any way to get things back on track?
    How can a honeymoon period last forever, how does one explain that to him
    If he is going to keep on cheating just to get that ‘high’?
    Please, any ideas?

    Reply
    • N.M - 0

      N.M

      Cheating due to needs. Sex! I can’t sleep with him when I’m waiting for apologies and remorse! When I do it’s just to ‘keep’ him.
      Sort of like FWB
      And being told he’ll go elsewhere cos he’s Young and needs sex…

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      admin

      A honeymoon period cannot last forever.

      That was the point I was getting at in this article.

      More experience from him and he would have realized that.

    • N.M - 0

      N.M

      Yes well how does one explain to him.
      Also I found him registered on a few dating sites way back in 2008
      I don’t think he’s into that now, he might have had a few chats
      I haven’t got around to listening to your podcasts
      Just reminding you, you said you would respond to my emails
      ( in reverse psychology thread on jan22)(emails of 11jan, redundant now)
      Without having heard the podcasts , I just feel you’re spreading yourself too thin!
      What sets you apart from others has been your being there for us heartbroken women and slowly it’s turning impersonal, you’re very busy, don’t reply comments, when it’s like life or death to the women who are going through torment.
      By all means do innovate, but please get help, and reply within a reasonable period to questions. Sometimes your answers are a bit distracted.
      From all of us who trust you so much, please don’t let us down
      We need you! Please don’t be offended.
      Thanks.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      admin

      I used to be able to answer everyone in a timely and in-depth manner but it’s just not possible anymore.

      Thats why I try to give back through the podcasts.

      I am working on a lot of stuff at once and I am probably spreading myself too thin right now but the reason this site is looked at as an authority isn’t because I answer everyone. It’s because I create in-depth articles so that is where I try to spend most of my time because in the end only a small portion of people visiting this site actually leave a comment.

      For example, 3 million people have visited this site total in the past two years.

      Out of those 3 million people only 40,000 have commented. So, that means that 2.96 million women have come to this website and have not commented. So, the vast majority of visitors to this website don’t even comment that means the only way I can reach them are through articles and podcasts. So, on top of writing articles for everyone I try to get to peoples comments as well.

      It takes me 2 hours every day combing through the comments on not just this site but my other site, Ex Girlfriend Recovery.

      Out of all these people you are the one who stands out the most because you comment so much. So, if you want a more personal response you got it! You are right I owe you one.

      Here it is,

      When I just look at your situation generally it is always HIM controlling things. You are 57 and he is what, 29? You have that hot mature cougar vibe going on for him. Except you don’t have it anymore. You are clingy and you are needy and you know what, you are too available for him.

      If you want to get things back on track you need to find a way to get that mature vibe back for him. Last time I checked older women weren’t needy. They were experienced and fascinating to younger men who had the hots for them.

      It’s a vibe you need to get back.

    • N.M - 0

      N.M

      I Am overwhelmed, I don’t know what to say except Thank you for taking the time and interest! Thank you!
      I need to stop bothering you! You sound very exasperated! I’m sorry!

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      admin

      No your fine!

      Just don’t take it personally if I am a little off in my responses.

      It’s tougher than you think responding to a bunch of people and remembering their situations but I understand where you are coming from completely.

    • N.M - 0

      N.M

      Thanks. But… I wrote mails on same day 4mar!
      Do take time to see? They are the after reaction, that I couldn’t write here.!
      Thanks again!

    • N.M - 0

      N.M

      And one mail today all from this email id mentioned in this post. Regards.

  20. M. - 0

    M.

    I did try what you said on November,but instead when I logged in he posted in relantionship status.. I tried to post new photos of me looking the best I could but nothing happens.. I feel so frustrated he hasn’t returned the money I don’t think I can talk to him without losing my patience. What else can I do?Is it possible to change things in favor of me??

    Reply
    • M. - 0

      M.

      please can you help me?On saturday he Tagged him and her in a cafe and today he changed his profile pic with her from the summer… I closed my PROFILE cause I can’t bear to watch this anymore…but wha can I do? Should I just demand my Money back and erase him or what else?? can you advice me?I have no one else to do so…

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      admin

      I wish you hadn’t of closed your profile because now he knows this is bugging you.

    • M. - 0

      M.

      To be honest I doubt he has noticed it.But what else can I do? I mean I managed to make people who never liked my photos to like them but nothing Works on him..and no sign of the money as well.What would you do..??

  21. J - 0

    J

    Hey Chris,
    So after reading the section about the honeymoon period, I feel like this did contribute to me and my ex’s breakup. He’s had two gfs before me. His first girlfriend he dated for a week and his second girlfriend and him dated for a month. We dated about 5 months when he broke up with me because he didn’t love me as much as he used to. On the otherhand, he was my first boyfriend. The past month it had felt like he was pushing me away because he had mono and he didn’t want me to get sick too. Could that be a contributing factor at all? I also sometimes talked about other guys in front of him sometimes but I always made sure that he was the only one I wanted and that I loved him. Since we have the same friend, I talked about him a lot because he and I are fairly close and knows so much about me, which made him jealous. I never meant to and I constantly told him how weird that is because I think of our friend as like a brother. Would that be a part of him falling out of love with me too? I told him not to worry but he said that only made him worry more.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      admin

      Well, women mature faster than men too I believe.

      I doubt the mono was a factor at all.

    • J - 0

      J

      The thing is though is that he also has depression. I know when I asked how he was doing that he hated that. He didn’t want to be reminded when talking to me should’ve been a distraction from it. after we broke up, our friend told me my ex acted jealous around him. My ex’s parents are divorced, so my friend assumed he was jealous because his parents aren’t.

  22. sabrina - 0

    sabrina

    again none of that happened, i always admired him, our relationship was all about what he wanted and when he wasn’t comfortable with something it just didn’t happen (ergo he was high maintenance) , i didn’t cheat i believe we passed the honeymoon period a wile before the break up. i made sure not to be clingy because i know how much men need there space 1 call a day and him staying the weekend with me. i believe all of his needs were answered by me… not to sound so “look at me perfect girl” but i seriously think i did everything “right” and have no idea what the hell happened ! the more i read on this site the more i don’t understand why he would break up with me. a lot of people who know us say that he realized that he wasn’t good enough for me and that that feeling emasculated him and that’s why he broke up with me. is that possible? i was always putting the extra effort in to please him and sometimes he would comment on how unworthy he is and that he doesn’t treat me like i deserve and that i should just break up with him because i can do so much better. so could that be the true reason? was i too good for him?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      admin

      It is definitely possible for him to feel insignificant or demasculated…

      But I don’t buy you were too good for him unless you really did nothing to make him feel wanted.

  23. yamini - 0

    yamini

    sir, i sent u my problem thru the email via “contact me ” section u have at the end.. pls take a look and reply.
    regards yamini.

    Reply
  24. yamini - 0

    yamini

    sir, through the contact me section on your website i have sent u an email just now. Can u pls be kind enough to read it and reply. it is very important for me.
    it is a bit long and might take your time but u wud be an angel to me if you could help.
    i have no one to talk and no where to go. u seem like the only person.. please sir give it a look.
    it was lengthy so i didnt post it here..

    Reply
  25. Lin - 0

    Lin

    My ex broke up with me for the 2nd time in 10 years. We used to work at the same company, but for the last 7 years we basically live in a different country. He works in Japan and have a home in US. I only got to see him when he came to have a trip with me once every 3-4 months. It would be so great during the trip. But once he got back to his work in Japan or back home in US, he basically didn’t keep the communication stable. I often had a problem with him not talking or not texting me. I notice his change since our relationship became long distance. After I left that job, at one time we didn’t see each other for 2 years. I think that’s when he gradually started to change. He’s the kind of guy who needs affection and a loving touch. We often fought over the fact that he would see me only 3-4 times a year, mostly because he would choose to go home to see his adult kids instead (which I totally understand). I offered to move to japan or US and find a work so we could spend more time together, but he never talked about it.

    The last few years, we would be fighting over how he couldn’t come see me more or talk to me more, whether on skype or text. When he broke it off, he said maybe it’s because he didn’t have the feeling to do that in the first place.

    We used to love each other so much for the first 3 years when we worked together and got to spend more time together. We would talk for hours, write thousands of emails.

    Now he left me and said I shouldn’t try to talk him back because it’s not going to work. I don’t understand why he could turn so cold when few months ago we were still all over each other on our trip to Cambodia. After he broke it off, he deleted me off his fb one morning. When I asked him why, he said it’s time to move on. He’d like to try and be with someone.

    It hurts me in a way you couldn’t imagine. He knows how much I have loved him all these years. Even when I didn’t get to see him for 2 years, I was never looking or have an eye on anybody. I could and would die for him. I put up with every wrong things he did. I’ve been in love with him every single day for the last 10 years. He’s the last thing on my mind before I sleep and the first thing when I wake up. The fight we’d had since we were in a LDR was how I wanted him to come see me more and keep in contact more.
    He used to love me with his life. I don’t understand what was going on. Now it seems like he’s with someone just less than 2 months after he left.

    I’m in a really dark place right now. I feel like I can’t breath. Everytime I think of his cold blooded words after he left, I feel like I don’t want to have to live to feel the pain. How could someone changed that much. How could someone so soft so nice so tender like him turned into someone I don’t know of. All those words are a stab to my heart.

    2 months ago I went to see him in Japan for a week. After that I told him I would improve myself and understand him more. I was trying so hard to make it work. But he said he would like to call it quit. It was in his head for a few months and he thought he should let me have this trip first. He dumped me a week after my trip. Of course I’d been begging, writing, saying bad things to him out of hurt. I thought he would change his mind. No. He said he’d like to try and be with someone.

    Can someone please tell me how I could get out of this.
    I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. I don’t know what to do.

    I forgot to tell you that his ex hates me so much she was trying to sabotage our relationship for years and force the kids to do the same. She blames me for the finality of their divorce. He’s never happy at home when the topic about me was raised up, which is every single time….But he often said it’s not about them.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      admin

      I think you need to pull yourself out of that “dark place” first before you can win him back…

      Self reliance in the immediate future is probably the way to go.

    • MADY - 0

      MADY

      lin, some how I understand, its the first time I hear about this website (would’ve loved to know about it earlier in my life). right now the best medicine in my case was time, you see, u spent so much time thinking about him and doing things for him that he took a lot of your time and space, now that he is not in the picture u have a lot of space in you mind, and time in your hands so you miss him. just try to do other things, go out with friends, (what I did) now that I read this website Chris makes a lot of sense and I get a lot of the things but its late, all I can do is apply it to my next relationship. hope you are better 🙂

  26. M. - 0

    M.

    Hello Chris can you please answer a few things for me, I need some serious advice. Well, my ex and I ”broke up” a year ago when he cancelled a trip we had planed togeher, then during summer he told me he has a gf when I asked for the Money he owes me and that he needs some time. I tried to patient, hoped to be a rebound but no..The irritating thing is that she looks like me and we have common interests.I haven’t maintened contact with him cause he wouldn’t reply more than typical stuff or not at all..Even so he hasn’t deleted me from fb..I was thinking of deleting him after NEW year but lately I saw she didn’t like any of his photos or songs and his post seemed weird so I hoped they broke up or sth.But I saw today he posted a photo of chocolates with a ”I love you so much(name)”and a profile photo of him driving a Car(he hadn’t a Car).Meanwhile I noticed that now posts from other people saw up in his profile,when until now they didn’t.I think this is too much for me, I don’t know what to do anymore.I really need a good advice from someone and I TRUST you..Should I delete him or what should I do? and is it all over, no hopes anymore?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      admin

      I wouldn’t delete him… I would just not log on for a while.

    • M. - 0

      M.

      I did try it on November,but instead when I logged in he posted in relantionship status.. I tried to post new photos of me looking the best I could but nothing happens.. I feel so frustrated he hasn’t returned the money I don’t think I can talk to him without losing my patience. What else can I do?Is it possible to change things in favor of me??

    • M. - 0

      M.

      I did try it on November,but instead when I logged in he posted in relantionship status.. I tried to post new photos of me looking the best I could but nothing happens.. I feel so frustrated he hasn’t returned the money I don’t think I can talk to him without losing my patience. What else can I do?Is it possible to change things in favor of me??

  27. hana - 0

    hana

    Hello chris! Does any of your guides provide insights as to why some ex bfs contacts their ex gf when they are in a new relationship. Then go into no contact for a few wks to a mth at most. Then contacts his ex gf again? Its like a back and forth; in and out of nc with their ex gf.

    Definitely not trying to stay friends with their ex gf. So why then?

    Reply
  28. LJ - 0

    LJ

    Hi, i Left a really long comment already but it doesn’t seem to be showing up now?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      admin

      Hi there,

      I am just now getting around to responding to everyone.

  29. marry - 0

    marry

    hey chris . my ex broke up with me last july because of the first reason he had a lot of experiences before me and they didn’t last because when the honeymoon period ends he feels like he don’t love the girl anymore .it happened with me too he was like crazy about me in the first 5 months and then he said i don’t love you anymore because i don’t feel the same . i tried to explain that it’s normal but he didn’t believe it.now we’re friends on facebook we talk sometimes. he always say i don’t love you but i don’t want to see you with another men and i will not let you see me with another woman not because i love you but it’s just not right for you and me he basicly told me that he will not let me know when he will have another girl. another thing is that when he feels that i talk to another man he came asking who is that why are you talking to him you said you will not date anyone else (p.s i said that to him because i still love him) do you think he still have something for me !! and if yes what should i do now should i go on no contact again because i did it once for 2 months .thank you

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      admin

      Hmm… he seems jealous when you talk to other men.

      Would you agree with that assessment?

    • marry - 0

      marry

      hey chris , yes of course he is very jelous if he heard or felt that i talk to other man he would came to talk with me asking who is the guy what he wants from me am i going to date him and if i didn’t answer he got mad and days ago i texted him saying that i want to see him after 2 hours he called me 6 times but i didn’t answer and that night i sent him a message saying that i couldn’t answer because i was busy 2 days after i found him on facebook i said hi he said hi i will delete you from facebook i said why he said nothing is happening between us so it’s better to delete you i didn’t understand anything but i said okey if you think that you will forget me if you delete me go ahead delete me i don’t want that to happen but i respect your choice he didn’t say anything later on that day i checked but the surprise was that he didn’t delete me this was the second time he said this and didn’t do it in the end.he didn’t delete me but whenever i’m on facebook he don’t talk with me or stays offline.after 3 days i called him today but i hung up before he picks up i did it on purpose to see if he will call or not and indeed he called after 2 mn he said hey how are you ..etc and then he said why did you call i said i wanted to hear your voice that’s it ^^ he was like heemm did you miss my voice! i said yes he said hemm you miss just my voice nothing else i laughed we talked like 12 mn and he said i should go.it was short but beautifull.this man makes me crazy he’s like a puzzle i can’t understand him .someone told me that when a man feelslike he is about to fall in love he ran away because love makes him weak is that true .because i feel that he isn’t over me but he say that he doesn’t love me anymore .i’m so confused .what do you think why is he doing this? and what should i do next ?

  30. Shannon - 0

    Shannon

    Hi Chris. I did 21 days of NC and I texted him and I didn’t get a response. What should I do?

    Reply
  31. LJ - 0

    LJ

    Hi chris, Just a quick one.. guilty of a few of these points you have made, was with my ex for 3 years so the last 6months- a year the sex was few and far inbetween. W have been broken up 6 weeks and i know he has been with a few women already which obviously hurts. Havent done a month no contact yet, sort of did a week at a time, but we are talking quite regularly now and on good terms, so i was going to ask do you think i should do no contact now or would that be stupid? should i just continue the conversations and stay interesting etc which im doing and talking about my plans etc and not mentioning the relationship? Or if i do no contact and im just ignoring him emails for a month and then after a month i respond what am i suppose to say as to why i ignored him for a month? or would i just not even say anything and respond to his last email? We are in different countries also but have lived together in various places over the past 3 years..When i first moved back to the uk (hes in canada) i was very clingy tried to call him one time and he didnt pick up, then i was emailing saying i wanted to make it work etc and he said he needed space needed to take a step back to see what he wanted in life we were on different paths blah blah. Now that ive dropped talking about the relationship and just talk about general things what ive been doing and plan to do etc he seems to respond quicker and he asks questions. But like i said he is also hanging out and sleeping with another 1 or 2 girls i believe. He is 24 i am 28… I really dont want him to meet someone he falls for! We have alot in common and i dont believe we are on ‘different paths’ We have had alot of experiences together and done alot of travelling. He just moved back in with his dad since we broke up and his dad is a little mentally unstable and i didnt see eye to eye with him because he got way too involved in out relationship and i dont believe he treats my ex boyfriend well as a son, and he lost his mum when he was young so he does have a loyalty to his dad even though his dad does not act in an acceptable way-ill leave it at that! If you could give me your opinion it would be much appreciated

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      admin

      What do you mean you don’t think he treats your ex boyfriend well?

      Your ex boyfriend doesn’t treat your ex boyfriend well?

    • LJ - 0

      LJ

      Hi dad is mentally unstable hes kind of like a reckless 20 year old.. his mom passed away when he was young and so his dad raised him and i didnt see eye to eye with his dad because my ex had told me all the stories about shit he did while my ex was growing up. He was also very disrespectful towards me and women in general and im not one to not stand up for myself..

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      admin

      Ohh… you were talking about his dad.

      I thought you were talking about your ex talking about one of your other exes…

      My bad.

    • lj - 0

      lj

      yeh so wot do u think? the no contact rule we have been broken up for 6 weeks, had regular contact via email… theres money involved as we shared a credit card and i have to pay him back my half.. should i still do no contact for a month even when he emails about money!?! you dont have any articles on this…

  32. Mary - 0

    Mary

    Hello, Chris! Regarding the first reason, about the honeymoon period, is it possible that he realizes it and falls back in love?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      admin

      Sure it is possible!

      But often times he needs a little push from you.

  33. Paula - 0

    Paula

    My ex boyfriend is a controlling, paranoid, person. He doesn’t want me to travel.. Because he thinks something bad will happen. He broke up with me because he thinks our relationship won’t work out because of his controlling personality. He said if I want to go travel, he’ll ask me questions and I have to text him for updates. Despite, his controlling personality. I love him and we been together 5 years and a half. He just showed his controlling personality just now. I told him I’m okay with answering his questions and texting him while traveling.. But he thinks he’s still paranoid and that won’t change.. And he said he’s love me less when we argue because of his controlling personality. He’s been feeling it for a while. He thinks if we argued he’s not for me and he’s not fit for a relationship. I don’t get it when he just telling me this just now. Not when he first started feeling them. It just hurts.. He said he’s not fit for a relationship but he’s not totally closing the door for a relationship in the future! I want him back but he’s very confusing.. Please help me! I want him back. Sorry for my english

    Reply
  34. Jenny - 0

    Jenny

    Hi Chris!

    So my situation is not to wonderful. My boyfriend of 2 and a half years left me almost three months ago and he told me it was because he didn’t love me anymore because I wasn’t giving him the affection he needed and I agree I was being a little more conserved but I’m also pregnant with his baby. I was 8 months when he left and he never stopped talking to me during the time he left. He would say that he wanted to try again eventually but he didn’t think he was right for me right now. I bought ex boyfriend recovery pro and I’ve read all the way through it and I’m trying to do no contact but with the baby coming soon it’s hard to just stick to the basics because he would come to classes with me. And he acts like everything is all nice and cool between us but it isn’t. He already has a new girl friend and I don’t think I want him back honestly I just want him to want me back so he can have his heart broken. I hope that’s not to mean but I was just wondering if a guy moves on that fast and says he doesn’t love you anymore is he being serious or just making up an excuse to hurt me? Because we’ve had a major break up in the past when he told me he didn’t love me anymore and moved on super fast and then ended up coming back because he never stopped loving me. So is it possible for a guy to lie about not loving you to make you feel hurt because he’s hurt or am I just hopeless with this and should stop trying? I love your site and your book thank you so much!

    Reply

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