What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

The Friend Zone: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends

Four words, four little words can be the difference between having a relationship or being in the friend zone forever.

“Let’s just be friends….”

In my time here building Ex Boyfriend Recovery I have received close to 300 emails from different women, all with unique stories about their boyfriends and breakups. One common theme that I have picked up on when communicating with them is “what are you supposed to do if your ex boyfriend says he just wants to be friends?” Now, I will admit that if you find yourself in this position you are going to have some work to do and even if you do everything that I outline on this page you still may not be able to get your ex boyfriend back.

This is The Friend Zone Page..

My readers have dubbed this as the “friend zone page.” Since this page has garnered so much attention I thought I would come back and buff it up a little bit. So, this new version of the page is going to focus a lot about how YOU can get out of the friend zone if you have been placed there by an ex. Now, since you are on this page I am assuming that your ultimate goal is to get your ex boyfriend back.

There seems to be a common misunderstanding that getting out of the friend zone is essentially the same thing as getting a boyfriend back. Well, I hate to burst your bubble but it isn’t. Getting out of the friend zone doesn’t guarantee you success in getting him back. All it does is prove that you could POTENTIALLY be more than friends with him again. There are a lot of goals/steps that have to pass in order for you to be an official couple again and this page cannot help you with that. Remember, this article is only about how to get out of the friend zone.

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A Sad Truth That You Need To Accept

friend zone

I am going to tell you something that almost everyone else out there is afraid to tell you. All I can do is raise your chances of getting your ex back. Ultimately, the decision on whether he should take you back or not is up to him, not me or you. Even if you do everything right he may still decide that it’s best to move on. The sad truth is that a part of the strategy outlined on this page is out of your hands.

Why am I telling you this?

Because I want you to prepare yourself mentally for the possibility that you may not get him back. I am going to be completely honest with you, women who tend to do better when it comes to getting out of the “friend zone” and into the dating zone are ones who have accepted this sad truth. The ones that I see fail time and time again are the ones that are overly emotional and can’t accept that life may have to go on without their ex significant other.

friend zoneThe Friend Zone

Ahh… the dreaded friend zone! It’s a place that we have all put someone in the past and a place that we never want to be. I will admit that my introduction to the friend zone came in my early high school years. However, I remember it like it was yesterday. There was a girl who I really liked a lot and thought she felt the same about me. I soon found out how wrong I was when I asked her out to a school dance and got the dreaded “Umm… we can go as friends right?”

Make no mistake about it, I know what it is like to have feelings for someone and not be able to do anything about it. The question I am going to ask is, “is it possible to get out of the dreaded friend zone?”

I personally believe that it is possible. However, you have to accept that a certain part of getting out is left up to chance.

Getting Out Of The Friend Zone

Since we are talking about ex boyfriends here you do have a certain advantage on your side. You see, in the example I gave above (where I asked the girl to the dance) I was at a disadvantage because the girl had no romantic feelings for me at all. Your case is a little different because your ex boyfriend has already demonstrated that he does have romantic feelings towards you. Now, he may have lost his feelings towards you which is why he broke up but don’t worry because I am going to give you the tools you need to reignite his feelings for you. First things first though.

Freezing Him Out

freezing

(If you want to learn more about the no contact rule I suggest reading PRO as soon as possible.)

If this is going to work there are a certain amount of sacrifices that you are going to have to make. These sacrifices won’t be easy and even as I write these words I am sure that 90% of the people reading this page will fail to do them. Why? Because most people don’t have to discipline to do what I am about to suggest.

I am a big believer in the No Contact Rule. You know, that little rule that says you can’t talk to your ex in any way shape or form for 30 days? If you look through my site you will see that almost on every page I mention it’s significance. If that doesn’t tell you how important I think it is then perhaps a few website visitors can convince you.

The following quotation is a comment I received yesterday from a woman who has been actively freezing her ex boyfriend out using the no contact rule!

I originally left a post on the 8th….. And stopped contacting him unless it was about our daughter. It’s been three days, I’m telling you NC works. This morning at 7am I received a text from him that said “do not respond to this, but I miss you”. Holding strong, and I have been running and eating healthier. The next time he sees me I am going to look amazing. Hold on with the the NC ladies, it’s one of the hardest things, but after three days I already had him admitting that he misses me! …. Keeping busy!!

“Alright, alright Chris, we get it No contact = Good but you haven’t told us how it can help get us out of the friendzone?”

Usually when people get “friendzoned” they accept their fate and actually become friends with the person they are interested in. Now, what do friends do? Well, they talk, text message, facebook, etc. I am not saying this behavior is bad I am just saying that you can’t expect to get back on your ex boyfriends radar doing this.

Since we are focusing specifically on an ex boyfriend the dynamic is a little different. Most women who come to me seeking for help have done the following things immediately after their breakup:

  • They have blown up their exes cell phone with whiny text messages like “please, we are worth fighting for” or “I can change I promise.”
  • Their behavior has forced their ex to unfriend them on Facebook.
  • They have put their ex in an uncomfortable corner where he would no longer respond to their texts or calls.
  • Written letters declaring their undying love.
  • Oh, and my personal favorite, gone to their exes parents to ask for advice.

Trust me, this behavior is not attractive to men. In fact, we are hardwired to believe that it is expected from women after a breakup. I remember my last serious breakup the exact thoughts I had going through my head were “I wonder when she is going to call me?” Now, you may be thinking “wow that is great he wanted her to call.” I didn’t mean it like that. I meant it like this “I wonder when she is going to call me to start trying to get me back?” I must give my ex props for not being too desperate and clingy. However, three days later she texted and in my mind at that moment she lost her value to me.

You see, for three days I was on the edge of my seat waiting for the call or text, almost expecting it. It was exciting to be left in suspense like that but all the excitement left the moment my hypothesis was confirmed and she texted. Now, can you imagine how different that situation would have gone if she would have just waited a full 30 days before texting me? Let me give you a small sample of how I think I would have reacted.

Days 1-5: “When is she going to text me? I know she totally wants me back.”

Days 6-12: “Something is wrong, &*^% she is really over the breakup.”

Days 12-20: I’d probably break down and text…. no response… I get very very angry.

Days 20-30: “Well fine… I am sooo over her..” she finally texts “Wow, I can’t believe this happened.”

Notice how slowly but surely I went kind of crazy! Guys only go this crazy over girls they are interested in hearing from. Of course, not all guys will react this way but don’t worry. I know exactly what to do in those cases as well.

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Time To Take Matters Into Your Own Hands

matters into hands

The no contact rule alone probably will not be enough to get you out of the friend zone. For some women, you will find that a simple freeze out for a month will be enough. However, in my experience, more has to be done to reclaim your old relationship. This section is the “more” that has to be done.

Now, I am not going to lie to you. It is very easy to screw up this part. If you say one wrong thing or act just a tiny bit too desperate your chances of getting him back will be gone faster than you can say “goodbye.” No pressure right? Haha. Don’t worry though, I am going to do my best to lay out this method in the simplest manner possible so you can understand exactly what you need to do.

IMPORTANT- In order for the methods below to work to their fullest extent you must have implemented a 30 day no contact rule.

Catching His Eye

You are going to text your ex boyfriend.

“Whoa… Wait, Wait, Wait! What about calling, emailing or writing a letter?”

Good question! I actually wrote an entire section in The Texting Bible outlining the benefits of texting vs. calling, emailing and letters. Check it out here. So, after you read that section and we are on the same page the question now becomes “what do you say to your ex after all this time in a text message?”

Well, I actually have two methods for a first contact text. One method will be for women whose ex boyfriends have contacted them during the no contact period and the other method is for women whose boyfriends didn’t.

First Contact Text For Women Whose Ex Boyfriends Contacted Them During NC

Alright, admittedly you already have a bit of an advantage over the other women (the ones whose bf’s did not contact them.) Your ex is clearly interested in you, probably a little worried and maybe a little angry that you haven’t been responding to him. Anyways, the point of all this is that it probably won’t take a lot to get your ex to respond to your first contact text. With that in mind, I definitely WOULD NOT recommend that you send him a simple one word text like:

“hey” or “hi”

In fact, I would even say variations like:

“hey, what’s up?” or “whats going on?”

Are a really bad idea.

(Again, this is covered in The Texting Bible)

If you are going to send a text to your ex boyfriend (who told you he just wants to be friends) a simple “Hey, whats up?” isn’t going to do the trick. Your text needs to have substance and it needs to force him to reach back in his mind and think of something positive. Here are a few of my personal favorite examples:

text message

Or another one of my favorites:

text example 2

First Contact Text For Women Whose Ex Boyfriends Did Not Contact Them During NC

I know it feels hopeless. You read about the no contact rule and were sure it was going to work. You waited day after day secretly hoping that today was the day that he would finally reach out to see how you were doing… only he didn’t. What now? Should you give up and just accept that maybe you two weren’t meant to be together?

No, you aren’t going to give up until you try everything you can.

First things first, your main priority isn’t to start up a conversation with a friendly text (like the women did in the examples above.) Your main objective is to get him to respond to your text message and then engage him in a conversation. So, how do you get him to respond to a text message when deep down you have a feeling that he wants nothing to do with you.

You create a text message so enticing that it is impossible for him NOT to respond to it.

I will provide you with examples for my “enticing” text below but some of you may not like it because it will require a lot of planning and thought for what to say after the message to keep him hooked in. However, our main objective is just to get him to engage in a text messaging conversation with you because it is a sign that he is interested in what you have to say.

However, if you have a better idea for your “enticing” message then feel free to use it or you can ask me what I think about it in the comments section of this page. Lets take a look at the two examples that I have come up with.

text 3

or

text 4

The key to making these texts work is to have something interesting to say after the initial “confession.” What you need to say is completely up to you. However, the probability that you will get a response is very high so make sure you have something prepared.

Also, this is something that is a personal preference to me. I would actually wait one hour from the moment that he responds before you respond to his text messages. This way, he is sweating a little bit and can’t wait for your response. It will take amazing discipline but it might increase the chances of him engaging you in a conversation.

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The Conversation

This section is extremely important because it is going to teach you how your conversations should go with your ex. While I plan on going as indepth as I can here nothing will ever compare to the detail that I use in the bible here.

I am going to give you a little insight to the male mind. The thing about men is that a certain part of their attraction towards women is very predictable. You see, we always want what we can’t have. You tell us that we can’t have that cookie on the plate… we want that cookie. You tell us that we can’t have that cute blonde in the corner… we want that cute blonde in the corner.

Here is the funny thing. Most men, once they set their mind to something they get a bit of tunnel vision. They focus on that one thing and block everything out. You want your ex to get his tunnel vision on YOU. The only question is how do you accomplish that?

Well, that is easy! You just become something that he can’t have by dominating every texting conversation you have with him. Now, when I say “dominate” I don’t mean to actually dominate him. For example, if you are a Republican and he is a Democrat do not dominate him in the conversation to the point where he changes party affiliations, that’s just scary.

No, I want you to dominate the conversation by ending it first. You always want to leave with him wanting a bit more. I would compare this to the show Game of Thrones. If you have ever seen GOT then you know how wildly addicting it is. However, if you really stop to think about it, while the writing is great and the plot twists come out of nowhere, it is really the shows ability to keep you coming back for more that makes it so interesting. Every single episode is left with an amazing cliffhanger that makes you go “WHYYYY… Why does it have to end?”

I want you to take this “cliffhanger” theory and apply it to your conversations with your ex boyfriend via text message. Make sure that you always leave him wanting more.

How do you do this? Well, there are really two ways to do this.

Method One: The Nice Way

The nice way to end a conversation with your ex is to start the conversation with him, hook him in the conversation.

The Hooking Point- The part of the conversation where your ex is extremely engaged. Think of it like the climax of the story, except it is the climax of the conversation.

Anyways, once you have him hooked you simply bow out of the conversation with this simple text:

text 5

Method Two: Evil Genius Way

I really can’t take credit for this method. I have to thank almost every single girl that I have really liked and not gotten. I have found that this method works on me (so by default it should work on your ex boyfriends and help you get out of the friend zone.)

This method is a lot like the one described above. You get engaged in a conversation with your ex, you get to the hooking point of the conversation and then you end the conversation abruptly making him want more. Here is the only difference.

Instead of ending the conversation with a simple “I g2g” like I explained in the example above, you end the conversation by not responding at all.

This will accomplish two big things. For one, he is going to be checking his phone multiple times, which will reinforce to him that you are important. Secondly, technically you never ended the conversation so you can always start back up whenever you want and it won’t be weird!

	https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/chris-avatar.jpg	

Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

1,457 thoughts on “The Friend Zone: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends”

  1. Alia

    January 21, 2018 at 10:01 am

    I recently broke up with my boyfriend. That time it was mutual but after that i tried to get him back but he denied giving a silly reason and now when i blocked him for 2 days he asked me to not to do this again and i don’t want to be with you ever after this but yesterday he asked me to be friends what should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 21, 2018 at 5:23 pm

      Hi Alia,

      Dont be.. If you’re in nc, continue it..

  2. Amelia

    January 19, 2018 at 3:52 am

    Dated someone for 3 1/2 months. I ended up really liking him. He said he wasn’t sure if I was his forever mate and he didn’t want me to wait for him to figure it out, he kept contacting me A LOT but never discussed commitment or changed feelings, so I went on a date with someone else. He asked me over to his place, I went, I told him that I dated elsewhere, he was not happy and said he couldn’t believe what I did. Said we could be friends but he usually doesn’t go back on that kind of thing. I’ve been very honest in my wanting to fix things with him and be exclusive … he says no, just friends for now. Texts are a few days apart between us. NC for 30 days? This is kind of silly …. haven’t known him all that long so I don’t get what his wishy-washy push/pull issue is.
    Thanks for your help. Feeling a bit crazy. 🙂

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 20, 2018 at 4:07 am

      Hi Amelia,

      Dont take this the wrong way. I just want to clarify. What is purpose of continuing contact with him if you’re already seeing somebody else? Are you hoping he would change his mind?

  3. hola

    January 9, 2018 at 12:04 am

    Hey!
    I have broken up with my ex 5 years ago. He entered into a relationship with someone else but still contacted me during that period. We have kept in touch those years, but I do not understand him sometimes he is showing love, he wants to meet etc, and sometimes he distances himself. There have been times when he have told me that he would like to have a relationship with me then after a month he has told me that we are just friends. He has blocked me plenty of times when i sent him long text messages, this year i am not sending him long text messages when we fight and he is not blocking me. I do not know what to do and I do not understand his feelings towards me.What do you suggest me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 10, 2018 at 6:21 pm

      Hola!,

      Try the nc period and since you’ve been back and forth for 5 years, do at least 45 days.

  4. Shelley

    December 21, 2017 at 12:05 pm

    I commented on here a while ago and finally bucked up the courage to do something about being friend zoned. Unfortunately, we have been “friends” for a year and a half since the breakup. Though friends and I all saw that he would treat me differently, he never fessed up to it. I met up with him the other day and told him we either figure something out or we can’t talk to each other anymore. He was taken off guard and now we aren’t talking. I do truly need this for myself, but there is a slight piece of me that is hoping he’ll think things through, finally, and reconsider. How do you suggest I put my mind at ease from these hopes that may not happen?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 25, 2017 at 6:13 pm

  5. emily

    December 18, 2017 at 9:05 am

    My bf of two years broke up with me about going a month ago. I am trying the nc for going to a month but I am not sure if it is going to work as he have not talked to me since I started.

    Before the breakup, I did all the things that I should not have reason, beg, cry. He told me we have been constantly quarrelling over the same issue for almost a year and have not come to a compromise conclusion and he is kind of exhausted. He says he still love me but because of it he feels different and thinks we should not be together because we have very different point of view and personality.

    He says he wants some time to think about it and we might get back in the future when we change in like years down the road. He didn’t give me a definite answer of whether we are going to get back together, he just say we should do our own stuff for now and maybe go on dates and he say I might think he is actually not the one.

    Do you think I can still make this relationship work out after all this have happen

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 20, 2017 at 6:59 pm

      Hi Emily,

      Try the no contact rule first, if it doesn’t work, then move on..

  6. Kristen

    December 14, 2017 at 2:08 pm

    I had dated this guy on and off for over a year. It had been awhile since we’d seen each other but met up last weekend. He called a few days later to say it was good to see me but he just didn’t feel the spark. But he wants to remain friends and he’s “not saying those feelings won’t ever be there in the future.” He went on to say that he has dated a lot since he broke up with his fiancee several years ago and hasn’t had a spark with anyone. I told him that I was a little “uhhh” after our meet up too so I get where he is coming from but I have always enjoyed chatting with him and that being around him always felt easy. He agreed and then we hung up. What do I do from here? Try the friends thing? Let him take the lead and see if he really meant that or was just trying to let me down easy?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 15, 2017 at 4:37 pm

      Hi Kristen

      if you want to move on, don’t be friends.. If you really just want to be friends, nothing more, then yes, talk to him..

  7. Lynnie

    November 28, 2017 at 1:43 am

    Hie Amor,

    My on-off ex boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me 2 weeks ago citing that our goals are not aligned, he doesn’t love me anymore and he no longer has feelings for me. He has requested for me to let go of what we had and to move on.

    I requested to be friends at the point of break up and he agreed. He has never initiated contact since the break up and all communication that we had was initiated by me.

    I tried doing NC one week after our breakup but broke it a week later. He replied to 90% of my texts promptly in a mixture of distant and neutral manner. He often tells me that he is doing okay & hopes that I am coping well and am doing okay too.

    I have so many questions on my mind and would like to seek your advise:
    1) Does he really not love or have feelings for me anymore?
    2) Has he moved on from the relationship?
    3) Does his actions indicate that I’ve been friendzoned?
    4) Is thete a possibility of us ever getting back together?
    5) Should I tell him honestly that I don’t want to be just friends or should I go straight to NC again?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 29, 2017 at 1:50 pm

      Hi Lynnie,

      Yes, it looks like you are friendzoned..it’s better to assume that he has moved on, and then just start nc..

  8. Melissa

    November 21, 2017 at 8:21 pm

    Ive done 2 weeks no contact and then i talked to him, begging and asking what went wrong… he blocked me two days after because i had annoyed him, but he said he wouldnt when we talked… then i did no contact again. he did unblock me and we started talking and i was a bit hard to get and he started texting first but, he never tries to get me back or anything. he is just texting me but it is really as friends and i can tell he doesnt try anything with me.. I dont want to be strung along.. we broke up before and he always said he missed me and fought for me back but now he doesnt… what can i do to get out of this friendzone.. i agreed to meet up as friends but he is hesitant.. What should i do?… I really want to meet up because i think i will have a better chance.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 24, 2017 at 2:56 am

      Hi Melissa,

      send a clean slate text.. tell him being friends is not workable for you right now, thank him for everything and then restart nc.. do at least 30 days..

  9. Clair

    November 12, 2017 at 3:11 pm

    My ex boyfriend broke up with me 2 days ago saying he didn’t have an emotional attraction for me anymore. Later on that night he called me and just had a casual conversation with me and asked me if i still wanted to be friends. The next day he called me in the morning saying he had been to a party the night we split up and had slept with someone but he claimed it meant nothing to him and that he couldn’t even remeber her name and also stated it wasn’t good because she “wasn’t me”. I met up with him after the phone call to discuss the situation in person and my ex was trying to kiss me and telling me he will always have feelings for me and will always love me and that the girl he had slept with the night before really didn’t mean anything to him. He was just offered sex so he had sex apparently. He still has my photo as his screensaver on his phone and i think all my photos on his phone. He also knew i was at a party last night and text me asking if i was having fun and asked me to send him a photo of what i was wearing and when i mentioned about having to borrow some guys shirt he seen my message and took longer to reply. He also asked me to add him back on Snap chat and he spoke to me for quite a while on that. I guess my main problem is that he didn’t even wait 24 hours before sleeping with someone else. I have asked people for advice but they all say it’s a guy thing and it’s a guys way of almost coping after a break up. When we met up and he said he still loved me and i told him to stop messing with my head he went very quite and awkward. I just really don’t know where i stand with him.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 13, 2017 at 1:47 am

      Hi Clair,

      It does look like he friendzoned you, do you want to try the advice above?

  10. Confused

    November 9, 2017 at 4:15 pm

    We broke off and he agreed to being friends with me. At first i just thought that we will be like normal friends just catching up once in awhile but in the end We still meet up like as when we were dating, we hold hands, hug and kiss. Im clear that we are only friends but he gave me hope by saying things regarding our future TOGETHER. He still texts me goodmornings and goodnights everyday. But what i cant stand since way back in our dating days is that he is inconsistent? He sort of am all affectionate and then few days after we met he become distant again and we meet and affectionate again and distant again especially through texting.
    Im just confused to the max although i know that i shouldnt since we are only friends. But i really do want to be with him still even if its just a friend, i just dont want to be affected by his behaviour.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 12, 2017 at 11:16 pm

      You’re either friendzoned, or he’s aiming to be friends with benefits.

  11. Confusion

    November 8, 2017 at 12:38 pm

    I should probably add that when he originally broke up with me 4 weeks ago he took it back when we talked it over. He told me that he just wanted a break for another week to figure himself out and we would get back to our relationship and figuring that out after, but 4 days after that he texted me saying he lost feelings and just wanted to stick with a breakup.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 8, 2017 at 9:50 pm

      Hi Confusion,

      yep, restart nc.. how much are you improving yourself.

  12. Confusion

    November 8, 2017 at 12:28 pm

    My boyfriend of 3 years recently broke up with me saying he doesn’t see me as a girlfriend anymore and more as a friend. He’s been having issues in his life and is saying he’s really confused about his feelings. He doesn’t think he’s stable to be in a relationship but wants to remain friends. I tried nc for 2 weeks but broke it due to the fact I see him everyday at school. Should I go back to no contact or continue to be there as a friend to help him through what he’s going through?

  13. Grace

    October 31, 2017 at 2:02 pm

    I should add that he and I have a child together. Maintaining a good relationship with his family is important for that reason I think. Does that help me in this situation?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 1, 2017 at 8:44 pm

      Hi Grace,

      Restart the count of nc and check this one:
      How To Get Your Ex Back When You Have A Child With Them

  14. Grace

    October 31, 2017 at 1:55 pm

    I am close with my ex’s family and have been meeting up with his mother and venting to her/getting advice from her since we broke up. I didn’t realize until reading this that it was a no-no! How do I come back from that? He and I have been in NC for a month now.

  15. Lauren

    October 25, 2017 at 8:37 pm

    My ex and I been split for almost 3 months now. I finished the nc of 30 days and during the NC time he had been begging me to talk to him. So after NC we finally talked a little. A week after we had finally talked a little bit he asked what he could do to make things better between us. BTW we are now 4.5 hrs apart and I’m pregnant. I told him I needed some time to think because things went down ugly. He said I understand. So after a week I finally sent him a txt and started our conversation very positive and reminded him of a good memory. Finally I said to him what he thought would make things better. He said he didn’t know where to start and his life is a mess right now. So I said I can make a few suggestions but it comes down to what he wants too. I said I want what is best for the baby. He agreed that’s what he wants to. So then he says we need to be cordial to each other and small talk everyday. He’s said he might be visiting a buddy in town soon and said we could get dinner. I also invited him to a dr. Appt If he was around at the same time. He’s been calling me darling and hun. Today he txted me asking how my day was going. Is he trying to put me in the friend zone or is this his way of taking it slow or maybe relieving some of his guilt for abandoning me and our unborn child??

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 28, 2017 at 11:22 pm

      It looks like he’s just trying to be a good co-parent, and nothing else..

  16. Dorina

    October 23, 2017 at 1:06 pm

    Hi!My ex contacted me 1 month ago after 3 month no contact.We talked the break up through text messages and our immature behavior in the past.We meet in person and agreed to be friends first to see where this will go.He even asked me to go to Prom with him.Things where going pretty good,we went to a festival with his friends.I brought up the starting over topic and he said we dont have to rush things.I agreed with him and not so soon a senior guy in our School got interest in me and we talked a few days but I didnt feel like continuing talking as I still had feelings for my ex.Course my ex heard about my admirer and he told me a few days later that he lost feelings for me and now only sees me as a friend.He was sorry for confusing my feelings but after the 3rd week he lost the spark.Our prom will be on December and we are still dancing together 2 times a week.What can I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 24, 2017 at 5:40 pm

      Hi dorina,

      You can follow the advice on this one because it’s almost the same:
      EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

  17. Katie

    October 21, 2017 at 10:42 am

    Hey,

    Me and my ex have been broken up for nearly 6 months after a 3.5 year relationship . He broke up with me after a fight we had, we were arguing about stupid things towards the end. Since then we have been in and out of contact and seeing each other. I’ve tried to do no contact twice but both times I broke it after he messaged me after nearly 3 weeks. I’ve made all the possible mistakes with him at this point and really need your help! Recently we have been in contact more and he’s been initiating talking to me and meeting up. I’ve made the mistake of asking him what he wants and he says he just wants to be friends and get on. I don’t know whether he’s saying this because I’ve asked him too soon or if he really means it, I know he is scared of losing me completely because he says one reason he has doubts about getting back together is that if we broke up again we would probably never talk again. Even though I’ve made it clear to him that friendship is not an option for me and we wouldn’t be able to talk anyway. I don’t know whether to go in to strict no contact this time or give it time to see where things go if he is wanting to see me more? He just makes me so frustrated sometimes because he will tell me he’s too tired to do something then go out with his friends!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 24, 2017 at 1:15 pm

      Hi Katie,

      Do one last nc at least 45 days

  18. Anon

    October 16, 2017 at 10:50 pm

    Hey,
    So my boyfriend and i have been broken up for just over a month. We dated for 2 years and he broke up with me because he “couldnt do it anymore” and thought i was rude. (I read the ungettable gorl article and i think i went from a 20 to a 8).
    I did no contact for a short amount of time and it worked, we started dating again. He went to hospital during no contact and thats why it was broken but we started dating again after that.
    We then had a fight about the stuff we used to always fight about.
    I tried no contact again but failed. And we decided to take it slower and date non exclusively. We tried to be friends with benefits (which i no you shouldnt do but i hadnt read anything about it yet back then) and that didnt work and he felt more detatched from me.
    After a week he then said he only wanted to be friends. I read the articles about friend zones on this page and i did no contact for a short amount of time again and took control of the conversations. He said he missed me, it had been empty without me and that he still loved me. We then tried to date again. After we hung out once he was acting different. We spoke about it and he said that he made the weong decision and only missed or friendship and not the romantic relationship.
    Now he has given me the decision of being his friend or not talking again. He said he doesnt see me romantically anymore and that we can never be more than just friends. I dont know what to do. I do want him back, we were good together for 2 years. I know we still care about eachother, but he said he doesnt see me romantically anymore. I understand what he says when he doesnt see it being a relationship because there has been a lot of stuff happening since the breakup. Please help

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 17, 2017 at 11:50 am

      Hi Anon,
      Stict to at least 30 days of nc.. Be active in improving yourself and in posting..

    2. Denise

      October 17, 2017 at 11:17 pm

      thankyou for replying, i have been improving myself, going to the gym, reading books, working on being a nice person and i think it has worked, thats why we started dating again in the beginning because he could see change happening.
      After our last hang out and our conversation of deciding between just friends forever – not going to evolve into a relationship, or nothing. We said we would talk in a week, im not going to contact him during that period, i do want to try a loner period nc, but i dont know what that will do since his mind is made up that he only misses our friendship and not relationship, our birthdays are really close together and are in 1 month so i dont want to do a full no contact. Can i do a week and a half contact, and what will the no contact even fix if he has made up his mind?

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 19, 2017 at 2:55 pm

      all the more that you should stick to at least 30 days instead of greeting him.. the no contact rule is not a guarantee it just helps increase your chances. check this one:
      “Can I Text My Ex On His Birthday?” Let’s End This Discussion Right Now

  19. Confused Much

    October 10, 2017 at 1:32 pm

    Hi,
    My ex and I have been broken up for 6 weeks now. I started the NC the day after he broke up with me. About 3 weeks ago he started reaching out only because I went away for vacation and I guess it caught him off guard. He also started looking at all my social media at that point which he used to ignore. Since he reached out about 21+ days in NC I figured it would be okay to respond back. We would text back a forth for days. Then he asked to hang out which we ended up seeing each other last week. He even reached in to kiss me a few times but I was hesitate to kiss him so I just pulled back. Before the night ended he asked if we can hang out soon because he had such a great time. I respond with an I don’t know. After that he texted me the same night saying how happy he was to see me etc. We texted a couple of days after back and forth and I eventually asked him what does he want out of all this because he would always reach out and we would text back and forth and then he wouldn’t answer. I know when I asked him what does he want it was somewhat of an emotional text. We both agreed that we still have feelings and like spending time with one another and dont want to lose one another. And I thought the convo would’ve went somewhere else but he just said he wants to be friends and isn’t ready for anything else mind you we are suppose to hang out at the end of this week. I wasn’t looking for a “I want to get back with you text” because I’m not sure jumping into a relationship right away would be smart. I guess I was looking for a let’s just try to see how things go, work on it and take it day by day. And what’s confusing is that last week he said he isn’t opposed to working on things. I’m not really sure what to do from here. Do I go hang out with him. Do i just remove him from my life because I know being friends won’t help me move on or let go of the past.

    Ps this isn’t the 1st time we broke up. He broke up with me 2 times before but it never lasted more then 2 weeks.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 10, 2017 at 3:00 pm

      Just agree, keep building rapport and being ungettable..

    2. Confused Much

      October 11, 2017 at 3:59 pm

      Hi Amor,

      So i should just agree to being friends with him? Also we still plan on hanging out this friday should i still attend that. And lately when we’ve been texting he reaches out we text bacl and forth for a while then he just doesnt respond after. Should i be the one who cuts the convo short.

      Thanks in advance for your help.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 12, 2017 at 12:11 pm

      Yup, just don’t always be available.. Be the one to friendzone him by aggreeing but being more valuable because you have other things to do.. go out with other friends, continue improving yourself.

  20. Confused much

    October 9, 2017 at 8:41 pm

    Hi,
    So my ex and I have been broken up for 6 weeks today. The day after he broke up with me I immediately started to not contact rule. He would text me only to for an item I had of his. Which I would respond with one word answers. He asked for the item a few times but I was busy. When I mentioned to him that I wouldn’t be able to drop it off because I was going away he quickly asked me why I didn’t tell him I was leaving and asked where I was going. I disregard him and only spoke about his belongings. I ended up dropping it off the next day but he was home which I knew. I reached it to him letting him know I dropped it off (it was already 21 days of NC). He started a convo with me asking how I was extra. I would respond and we had a good convo. I ended up not responding after. During my vacation he would reach out and I would take my time texting back. Needless to say since then he has been reaching out, looking at all my social media etc. We hung out last week and it was good. It even seemed like he was going to kiss me a few times but I would pull back because I wasn’t sure I was ready. We planned to hang out again this weekend. But we started discussing what we were going and he mentioned how he just wants to be friends and isn’t ready for anything else. I’m not sure what to do from here.

    PS we broke up twice before but clearly got back together and the break ups weren’t longer then two weeks.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 10, 2017 at 2:59 pm

      Just agree, keep building rapport and being ungettable..

  21. Florence

    September 29, 2017 at 12:39 pm

    Hello, my boyfriend broke up with me after two years. About five months later, he begged me to come that his only human that he make mistakes in his life. During the time he was begging me, I didn’t come back because I wasn’t sure if he was serious. Later on I decided to come back to give him second chance. Since then we have been communicating very well. He even ensure me that this time it will be better. Just two months ago, I came to visit because I’ve been in school. He explain to me that he has a child with another woman, that she got pregnant during the time he was asking me to come back. Just last two weeks, he said we should just be friends that he’s not the right person for me. That we can not be together. I asked him the reason because I have already accepted that he has a child. He said he doesn’t like my reaction when he told me about the baby that I cried all night. That he’s not the right man for me. I should look for another man. That we should just be friends, that we will be communicating, and again he said he still care that am his person. I don’t just understand, what should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 30, 2017 at 7:38 pm

      Hi Florence,

      Give him time.. If after a week or two, he doesn’t initiate, think about whether you want to try to get him back or not

  22. briana

    September 22, 2017 at 3:31 pm

    my ex boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago after a fight. he’s been telling me to move on and that he loved me as a person. at first hes been telling people that it wasn’t forever and it was just a break. now he has been telling people that he just sees me as a friend. i feel as if there is still a connection and that there is still something there, because we still hang out and when we do it’s like nothing happened. we still talk everyday, but not how we used to. we are supposed to go on a “date,” just two friends hanging out. how do i get him to see that i am willing to make this relationships better and that i love him? how do i get him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 27, 2017 at 4:30 pm

      HI Briana,

      do you want to try the advice above?

  23. olufunmilayo

    September 13, 2017 at 3:37 pm

    hi,
    my boyfriend broke up with me last month I was doing the no contact rule but only for 8 days because of an urgent thing that came up though we are friends now and we talk everyday but I noticed that recently he ignores my messages and he has also told me the things I did that made him en
    d the relationship my question now is is there probability of us getting back together and how do I do that
    thanks

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 15, 2017 at 4:11 pm

      Hi Olufunmilayo,

      Why did he break up with you and how long was your relationship? You uave to restart nc and stick to at least 30 days..

  24. Peach

    September 8, 2017 at 2:44 am

    Hello,

    I broke up with my bf two weeks ago after a one year relationship, last week he asked for a second chance and I considered it which les to us spending the weekend together. However the next day when he said that we should take some time apart.

    I had a talk with him just yesterday asking if we were over. To which he replied “for now I guess” and “we should take some time apart focus on uni or something and just forget about eachother for a bit”.

    I want to have him come back and stay for good this time. But what does he mean when he says that?

    1. Peach

      September 8, 2017 at 2:45 am

      Opp sorry accidently double posted. i thought the first didnt go thorugh!

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 12, 2017 at 9:35 pm

      HI Peachie,

      You’re the one who broke up with him first, so that’s normal that he’s undecisive.. are you going to try the no contact rule?

  25. Peachie

    September 7, 2017 at 11:59 pm

    Hello,
    I broke up wih my bf two weeks ago after one year of being together and last week he asked for a second chance. We spent the night and following day together but the next day he popped up saying that he felt like we need some time away from eachother.
    I had a talk with him yesterday asking if we were over. To which he replied “For now i guess” “we should go on a break focus on uni or something, and try forget about eachother for a bit”.

    I obvioisly want him back, but he is giving me mixed signals. But could I get some opinions on what he meant when he said that?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 12, 2017 at 9:35 pm

      HI Peachie,

      You’re the one who broke up with him first, so that’s normal that he’s undecisive.. are you going to try the no contact rule?

  26. Kate

    September 3, 2017 at 2:36 pm

    Hey so my ex has begun to ask me to hang out regularly and we have been going out a fair bit. I initially considered whether it was just as friends but he knows how I feel so I feel like if he didn’t feel the same he would avoid me?

    I want to ask him out on a date. How do I do it? Do I call it one.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 7, 2017 at 6:47 pm

      HI Kate,

      if you’re friendzoned, don’t ask for a date. He would just reiterate to you that you’re just friends.

  27. Clarisa

    September 1, 2017 at 3:00 am

    I just ended the 45 day no contact. I chose 45 days because he “tried” to ghost me. I said tried because when he quit responding to me I went to his house. When I asked him, very calmly, what was going on he told me he was just stressed and tired from his new job. So I just figured he was distant cuz he was overwhelmed and needed help. So I became extremely helpful and unknowingly smothered him over the next few weeks. When he tried to ghost me he started having another girl over sometimes. I asked him about her, he denied cheating and broke up with me. His reasoning was that he wasn’t ready for a relationship cuz it’s too much for him to handle with all the other things going on in his life. During NC I have been focusing on my health, wealth and relationships. Also, I’ve been posting on social media. Another thing is that I realize I was extremely clingy, gnatted him like crazy and even showed up to his house unannounced a few times. I realize I’m most likely labeled as a crazy girl he once dated, and I’m going to be mindful of my behavior in the future. He didn’t contact me at all during the 45 days. My first text to him was yesterday, “OMG, you’ll never believe what happened to me.” He responded within two minutes, “who’s this?” I realize he must’ve deleted my number but I’m just glad I’m not blocked. I waited about 45mins to respond “I heard that Miami is playing tomorrow! It reminded me of when we talked about that both of our favorite teams suck. Haha. That was the first time you popped in my head in a while. This is Clarisa btw.” I included a funny meme. He didn’t read it until the next morning (this morning) but he didn’t respond, so I committed to wait another 7 days before I contacted him again. To my surprise he responded tonight. He said, “I’m sorry I don’t speak but I feel like if I do you’ll get the idea that it’ll ever be anything more than that.” What do I do now?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 3, 2017 at 7:26 pm

      HI Clarisa,

      have you replied now? If yes, what did you say? If you haven’t, just say Oh I understand! I realized how I was before! lolS! and then tell the story that you were supposed to tell him

    2. Clarisa

      September 4, 2017 at 4:16 am

      Thank you so much for responding! I just messaged him today. We live on the same street and I sent him this, “I just came home and saw a fire out of the corner of my eye! Are you having a pyro moment? Haha.” with a funny meme. This also kind of referenced a time when he jokingly called me a pyro. He responded and we had a few texts about s’mores. I didn’t respond to his final text. Should I still say something like “Oh I understand what you meant the other day! I realized how I was before! Lol!”? And how should I continue?

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 7, 2017 at 7:39 pm

      You can but transition to it casually mid conversation, so that it doesn’t look like you’ve been thinking about only that.

  28. Ashley

    August 31, 2017 at 5:19 pm

    Hi,
    My EX broke up with me two weeks ago after almost seven months of dating. Things were wonderful, we were talking about marriage three months in, however I have guy friends that I was upfront about and one had been texting me. I told my EX my phone was an open book as I wasn’t cheating and didn’t have anything to hide. He felt I was being sneaky and looked through my phone and found texts from my guy friend he considered flirtatious he said it wasn’t me he was worried about but then because they wanted to be with me. Because he was hurt and believed maybe something was going on (he had been cheated on by Ex wife and girlfriends) he said mean things to me. Which he had never even been remotely mean. I was shocked. I came from a ten year verbal abusive relationship. I bolted and ran back to the only thing I knew, my children’s verbally abusive father. I realized very quickly it was a mistake and I hadn’t broken up with the guy I was dating. Things got better and I fell back in love, but I had moved back to my apartment and kept my kids from him so they wouldn’t tell their father. I kept their father on the hook through talk saying I wanted to work on things with no real effort because in the past he had threatened help with childcare for my children, and because of sick days I was having an issue getting a nursing job. So I feared this would happen so I kept their dad on the hook thinking when I got a job I could afford child care and wouldn’t need him any more. The guy I was dating found out through my sister who blabbed on me. The guy I was dating was devastated. He believed I was trying to see who would work out better, and realized how much I had to be dishonest to keep things from falling apart. I can tell he loves me but it seems like he is trying to close himself off because he swears I will do it again. He wants to remain friends and we are talking sparatically but it’s torture because I wanted to get marrried I knew it quickly, but didn’t know how to fix the mistake and be honest with him after everything that happened. What should I do can this program help me? He said when a previous girlfriend cut him off cold turkey it was devistating and really hurt him. Said that when another girl waited for him to work it out that meant something to him but then she. Hanged her mind all of the sudden.

    Thanks

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 31, 2017 at 8:08 pm

  29. Kate

    August 26, 2017 at 3:03 pm

    You didn’t respond to my last question :/

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 27, 2017 at 1:38 pm

      HI Kate,

      I did, I’ll just copy and paste my answer there here.

      It’s either you restart nc or move on

  30. strawberry

    August 25, 2017 at 12:15 pm

    but we are both only 21 years old. why is he afraid to commit when we had already been together 3 years? do you think no contact would work, thanks!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 26, 2017 at 12:33 pm

      HI Strawberry,

      it’s not a guarantee..it can only help increase your chances.

  31. strawberry

    August 24, 2017 at 8:20 pm

    Hello. my bf (ex) of 3 years broke up with me because of “fear of the future” and being afraid that he will hurt me somehow. He told me he still loves me 100% and is not doing this to meet other girls or to “explore” but he just wants to be alone for now. He says he needs himself. He also says things like he does not want to commit to a relationship now and just wants to be by himself. I told him I would stay and help him get through his struggles but he firmly refuses and says he wants this. for more context he is very loyal and has always been loving and loyal to me and I really do believe it is not to meet girls. when he broke up with me he cried a ton and I could tell he was struggling which also broke my heart. Now, I don’t really have a closure because I feel like its a good relationship to be given up on but he refuses to let me in. its been 2 weeks and I can’t deny that I have been checking up on him and I think I was being pressurising on the relationship because I really couldn’t understand why he would let go of it so easily? and also because I thought he was depressed. (maybe he is?) and I wanted to be there for him. all the times I reached out he just told me to respect his decision and he loves me and only the future can tell if we would end up back together. what do you guys think? can I win him back or do I have to let go?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 24, 2017 at 11:30 pm

      HI Strawberry,

      check this one:
      Making An Ex Commit When He Doesn’t Want To

  32. Allie

    August 23, 2017 at 2:13 pm

    I am so upset. My guy and I had been together for about a year and nine months. We’ve been having issues—some relating to things we could’ve done differently relating to one another, some breaking of trust, some disrespectful things, and then also we both deal with mental health issues (and physical ones, too)…we also have histories of abuse (emotional for me, emotional/physical for him) and he grew up without his biological father, has had some difficult events happen in his life, and has a dysfunctional relationship with his family—but have been trying to work on improving habits, taking better care of ourselves, and bettering ourselves in our health, careers, and general lives. A week and a half ago, he did something very disrespectful to me, and I wrote him a letter stating that I was no longer willing to be in a relationship where we didn’t respect and trust one another. I said I was willing to help this heal if he was, too, but that I would no longer accept that behavior. I said I was prepared for whatever the outcome was, asked him to take some time to really think about if he wanted this relationship to go forward, and two days later we met up and he read me a letter he’d written where he started by talking about how sorry he was for behaving the way he did, that he wanted to help me heal…but as “me” and “you”, not “us”, and that he felt like he didn’t have romantic feelings anymore, and that he still wanted me in his life but as a friend. Said he wanted to be there to talk to me, if I wanted to talk, whatever. I was not prepared for THAT outcome, because we’ve been making future plans (not like, getting married, but planning a road trip, he’d just come to me with an idea for a 2-3 day getaway, bought tickets to a concert for us next month and was going to get tickets for another one later this year, our physical chemistry is great…so I’m really confused. This happened a week ago tonight, and the last time I texted him was like 6am the next day/Thursday. I have not made any contact with him since. He has not said anything to me. I don’t know what part is my grief talking, what might have some basis (since I do know him well)…but it doesn’t feel like things line up. I am so upset. I am trying to take care of myself, focus on myself, all that, but all I want to do is talk to him. Please help me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 24, 2017 at 10:40 pm

      Hi ALlie,
      Talk to him about what? Staying friends? Be active instead. Start a new routine in your life, engage in new activities and make new friends.

  33. Zoey

    August 19, 2017 at 11:40 am

    Hey, so interestingly I previously posted on your site 1 year ago and actually got back with ex 8 months ago. He now wants to break up again – on the basis that our relationship has lost its ‘spark’ compared to our initial relationship and our routine has gotten dull. Since getting back together we have been in long distance, personally, we can’t do anything but ‘game’ together for the past 7-8 months. I actually have a potential job lined up in the town where he is. I thought everything will change once and we can try to regain the spark with new life and activities. but he said that since he feels the spark is gone, he feels he needs to be true to himself and me – so I don’t move down and to only break up – he said he’ll feel really guilty if that happens. We had previously planned a vacation beforehand and he said he still really cares about me and sees me as a good friend. he wants us to go to this trip as friends. I don’t know what to do, part of me i have a big question mark that was it the LDR or more. I don’t know if I can see him as a friend on a 2 weeks trip with just us. Should I do NC – I told him i need to reconsider the vacation and I’m not sure what to do with the job as it was really for him. It’s an isolated small town that I know no one – but I am kind of interested in the job – yet i’ll be in the same city as him.. Should I go to the vacation to try to see if i can get that spark back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 20, 2017 at 8:54 pm

      Actually, he did the right thing because if you had moved,it would be really hard for you.. I think you should go to the vacation but if you get him back, let him be the one to invest more in the relationship or mirror him

    2. Zoey

      August 26, 2017 at 1:19 pm

      Is NC required? I did it for one week and bit, then he msged me asking whether or not I’ve decided to go on the trip or not. I’ve told I need a bit of time to still decide because I’m not even sure what to do about that job – I potentially might still take it for my personal progression/independence. But I want to sort out that before deciding for the vacation. He also msged me after we this on ‘gaming server – to ask how games was.’ I want to NC him for myself but at the same time it’s hard because we have this trip going on in 2 months – so I’m not sure what to do as ofc you need to be at least civil. Yet I want my time alone and I don’t want him to think he can stay in my life as a ‘friend’. What should I do?

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 27, 2017 at 12:49 pm

      Ah, it’s two months from now? I wouldn’t go anymore. You’ve broken up, why go right? If I were you I would start the nc right away.

  34. Kate

    August 15, 2017 at 6:45 am

    So he told me he was planning on moving to another country today whilst hanging out. So I told him how I felt because if I didnt I knew I would regret it. I told him I dont expect an immediate answer, or anything serious but i needed him to know.

    He then said he appreciates me being honest and he kind of feels the same but he just is not looking for a relationship and that nothing is finalised yet.

    I want to cry

    1. Kate

      August 16, 2017 at 11:22 am

      Is there anything that can be done at this stage?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 16, 2017 at 2:32 pm

      It’s either you restart nc or move on

  35. Kate

    August 1, 2017 at 1:23 am

    Commented on a different post before but, what happens if your ex seems to want to be your friend only out of guilt? I don’t know if this is me assuming or not but
    When I try and contact him he’s lovely and nice and attentive. But he never takes an initiative, and acts kind of indifferent. I’m afraid that no contact will just make him think along the lines of “good riddance.”

    Please help! (Urgent)

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 1, 2017 at 4:56 pm

      If he’s doing it out of guilt, not doing nc and continuing to initiate contact with him now will help you more?

    2. Kate

      August 1, 2017 at 11:55 pm

      I’ve currently not initiated any contact for a week, and was planning on doing another week of no contact. So like a half no contact because I felt I was being a bit clingy.

      Will that work or should I just contact him now? I don’t know what to do. We have hung out when I initiate and I still feel the spark and chemistry when we do talk. Its there. Basically I know him, and I know he has feelings but he’s trying to repress them. He doesn’t want to try and give it a chance.

      I just don’t know what to do at all. Is it time to move on or do I have a chance?

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 3, 2017 at 6:56 pm

      If you haven’t done nc, you should do at least 30 days.. If you want to get out of the friendzone, he has he may lose you… Improve yourself, have a new routine and have your own life, and be active in posting

    4. Kate

      August 11, 2017 at 5:01 am

      I went around 3 weeks without contacting my ex after a messy breakup with a lot of back and forth.

      After this no contact, I felt like I’d gotten to a better place and since I was just awkwardly avoiding him around uni, I contacted him and we hung out today (since we had agreed to be friends earlier). Now I’m rather confused because when we hung out it was really really nice, he brought up a lot of old memories and pointed out a lot things that he said he noticed I did that were kinda cute.
      On the other hand, he also talked a fair bit about how much he’s been going out with his mates (and he never used to when we were dating, even though I supported it. he mostly just cut ties with his friends for me, and I need to stress that this was voluntary and I never told him who to befriend ).

      Now I’m confused as to whether this is a friendzone and he’s just trying to move past the awkwardness, if he doesn’t care, if maybe he’s slowly getting feelings again, or if he’s just completely moved on since he’s changed a fair bit. (please help, your advice and the guides here have been rather helpful up till now)

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 11, 2017 at 4:56 pm

      your friendzoned.. he’s noticing the change but you’re jumping the gun… you should be the one friendzoning him.. You should be more busy with your own thing over him.

    6. Kate

      August 11, 2017 at 11:20 pm

      SORRY I accidently replied to Sara’s comment!

      I meant to reply to mine – so what now? Is all hope lost?

    7. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 12, 2017 at 12:26 pm

      that’s ok.. Nope, I meant you should be friendzoning him.. make him want more. Don’t rush. FOcus more in your activities but when you talk or see each other look your best, have fun conversations or activities but make it short.

    8. Kate

      August 12, 2017 at 2:53 pm

      I really appreciate how prompt you are with your replies! My friend actually recommended this website and the book, and was super successful – she’s back with her ex. I didn’t expect you guys to be so good with responding so thank you.

      Anyway back to my case. Last time I was the one who left first but it was also a lenghty hang so it didn’t feel like either left wanting more. I’ve decided to lay off the contact for a bit but I want to eventually tell him how I feel so I can just either get over it or get an answer. What do you reckon

    9. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 13, 2017 at 7:11 pm

      You’re welcome! If you want to get him back, don’t rush. If you want to move on and for closure, do it asap.

    10. Kate

      August 14, 2017 at 1:31 am

      Hmm okay well I do ideally want him back. What do you mean by no rush?

      What if he goes and hooks up with other girls? (I’ve already read about the Worst Fears during NO contact article on the website) but this is after no contact and 2 months have passed since the split. I myself have been on a few dates but it’s not the same as him.

      What should I do right now? Do I hang out with him? Do I just let him be? I havent talked to him since the day we hung out.
      Because at the moment I”m the only one who initiates hanging out/talking. He’s super responsive / keen but he doesn’t start it. He’s not really an assertive guy and even when we were dating/friends before dating he wouldn’t really initiate much unless he was like 100% sure of my reaction.

      When we had a bit of back and forth a couple years ago, he let me walk away and told me when we started dating that he did like me.

      I don’t know what exactly to do in this position. I want to be on his radar but not clingy.

      Do you honestly think theres any chance?

    11. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 14, 2017 at 8:27 pm

      There’s always a chance..if you’re already frirndly, that means approaching the situation like a restart.. Instead of expecting he still feelings for you, think that he doesn’t and build attraction..

  36. Sara

    July 31, 2017 at 2:51 am

    Hi,
    I was dating my ex for just three months and he broke up with me a week ago. In that short week i have reflected a lot on what went wrong, and I think he was right about me being completely tied down by my kids (12& 15). I have them 100% of the time even though their dad should have overnights with them.
    I have spoken to their dad and hope that within a few months he will change his living situation to allow me more time off, but my ex has already become so frustrated with this that he doesn’t want to negotiate a way to work it out. I realize now that I wasn’t prioritizing him, and he feels guilty if my kids are unhappy. He has one child who is grown and says we are in different stages of life. I know I can be more available to him once my kids are not clinging to me 24/7 and there is more balance in my parenting schedule.

    I want to get back together with him, is there any hope? I texted him once since we broke up but now I see the NC idea.
    Thank you!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 31, 2017 at 4:15 pm

      Hi Sara,

      Yeah, I think you have a chance if you and your routine changes

    2. Kate

      August 11, 2017 at 11:17 pm

      So what now? Is all hope lost?

      I just don’t know what to do. :/

  37. T

    July 20, 2017 at 4:20 am

    Hey team,

    I went through the whole no contact for 30 days. He ended up contacting me first on July 4th and continued since then. I followed everything I’ve read so far in all the articles, becoming the ungettable girl, working on myself, remaining on social media and allowing him to see it with him still as a friend on everything. We started off with small talk, to him reminiscing good memories and not so oftenly about bad things, like stuff we’d get mad at each other about and the break up itself (were together for 3.5 years, broke up 1.5 months ago because he felt he needed to work on himself and stop depending on me so much). All in all he says I’m the best he’s had and his family has all made it clear that if he were to ever date anyone after me they’d hate her.

    I’ve been laying low lately, because I did find out from another source he had been seeing someone while we’re broken up, about a week or 2 after we broke up he started seeing her and had continued fooling around with her. He hides her from his friends, and the family hasn’t heard about her yet. So I’ve heard. Also as he talks to me, he tried to be slick about trying to see if I was dating anyone by jokingly referring to me probably moving on to someone who could treat me better. I just laugh and try not to give so much info and I reciprocate that to him, and he claim’s there is no one. Although I know there is. Idk..

    Anyway, I was told in another post to lay low for now while still building some rapport. I’ve been trying to do so, I’m just confused as to whether or not he is talking to me more because he sees me as just a friend or if he’s trying to find a way back to me to reconcile? He’s already gotten to telling me that he regrets his decision on leaving, isnt happy about it, told me that he “did love me and still do love you, I dont care what you say..”
    and then said that he did what he thought he had to do, and that “it is what it is.” He’ll go back and forth between talking about future events with me, like going to places nothing like buying a house, but also go back to saying things like I’ll find someone better.. then sometimes he’ll bring up the past, reminicse, and then say stuff like “too bad we didn’t have our own place”….! I’m effing confused at this point. We’ve still been talking. I just want to know if I’m able to get out of the friendzonewith my situation or not, or what to do? Or if I’m solidly in this zone?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 25, 2017 at 8:14 am

      It looks like he himself is confused.. Just dont rush it.. And dont be emotional with him…continue building rapport by continuing to improve yourself, having your own life and having fun talks while being indifferent whenever he’s negative

  38. CaliCat

    July 17, 2017 at 2:40 am

    Hi EBR Team,
    My boyfriend is undeniably my best friend, and he has likewise admitted that I am his. He wants us to remain close friends despite the breakup (which occurred four days ago after two years of dating). His reasoning behind the breakup is wanting no part in a relationship during college and we are both attending the same school. I feel like that would lead too easily to a FWB relationship which I am not cut out for. I fear that no contact will make him resentful of me abandoning him when we’re still supposed to be such good friends. The break up was pretty amicable, although I did try to argue it which didn’t work but to make him feel guilty and yet still stand by his decision to end things. Should I utilize the shorter 21 day NC rule? What steps should I take as to not hurt him in the process of making him regret the decision to demote me to a friend?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 18, 2017 at 9:08 pm

  39. GoogleEyes

    July 1, 2017 at 11:18 pm

    Hello
    Me and my ex broke up 1 year ago. Since then we have been on/ off dating and friends but more recently just friends. EVery time we try be friends one of us catches feelings – more recently it has been him, and then he finds the need for space from me. We are just starting to get close and rebuild and then he closes the door on me for 1-2 months. I hate this rollercoaster im being put through – i still love him and think he is my soulmate. When we first broke up he said he needed to be older before he wanted to be in a serious relationship and that is why we cannot be together. But now he says he just doesnt see it every happening, but when it starts to happen right infront of him he doesnt let it hapen. He clearly still loves me but I think his dad has brainwashed him against me because he did not like me but he had no reasoning to not like me and i hardly knew his dad, but he really loves and respects his father. What do i do ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 4, 2017 at 8:58 pm

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