By Chris Seiter

Updated on March 8th, 2021

Four words, four little words can be the difference between having a relationship or being in the friend zone forever.

“Let’s just be friends….”

In my time here building Ex Boyfriend Recovery I have received close to 300 emails from different women, all with unique stories about their boyfriends and breakups. One common theme that I have picked up on when communicating with them is “what are you supposed to do if your ex boyfriend says he just wants to be friends?” Now, I will admit that if you find yourself in this position you are going to have some work to do and even if you do everything that I outline on this page you still may not be able to get your ex boyfriend back.

This is The Friend Zone Page..

My readers have dubbed this as the “friend zone page.” Since this page has garnered so much attention I thought I would come back and buff it up a little bit. So, this new version of the page is going to focus a lot about how YOU can get out of the friend zone if you have been placed there by an ex. Now, since you are on this page I am assuming that your ultimate goal is to get your ex boyfriend back.

There seems to be a common misunderstanding that getting out of the friend zone is essentially the same thing as getting a boyfriend back. Well, I hate to burst your bubble but it isn’t. Getting out of the friend zone doesn’t guarantee you success in getting him back. All it does is prove that you could POTENTIALLY be more than friends with him again. There are a lot of goals/steps that have to pass in order for you to be an official couple again and this page cannot help you with that. Remember, this article is only about how to get out of the friend zone.

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A Sad Truth That You Need To Accept

friend zone

I am going to tell you something that almost everyone else out there is afraid to tell you. All I can do is raise your chances of getting your ex back. Ultimately, the decision on whether he should take you back or not is up to him, not me or you. Even if you do everything right he may still decide that it’s best to move on. The sad truth is that a part of the strategy outlined on this page is out of your hands.

Why am I telling you this?

Because I want you to prepare yourself mentally for the possibility that you may not get him back. I am going to be completely honest with you, women who tend to do better when it comes to getting out of the “friend zone” and into the dating zone are ones who have accepted this sad truth. They don’t sit there obsessing about the fact that it looks like their ex doesn’t care about them anymore. Instead, they are the ones that I see fail time and time again are the ones that are overly emotional and can’t accept that life may have to go on without their ex significant other.

The Friend Zone

Ahh… the dreaded friend zone! It’s a place that we have all put someone in the past and a place that we never want to be. I will admit that my introduction to the friend zone came in my early high school years. However, I remember it like it was yesterday. There was a girl who I really liked a lot and thought she felt the same about me. I soon found out how wrong I was when I asked her out to a school dance and got the dreaded “Umm… we can go as friends right?”

Make no mistake about it, I know what it is like to have feelings for someone and not be able to do anything about it. The question I am going to ask is, “is it possible to get out of the dreaded friend zone?”

I personally believe that it is possible. However, you have to accept that a certain part of getting out is left up to chance.

Getting Out Of The Friend Zone

Since we are talking about ex boyfriends here you do have a certain advantage on your side. You see, in the example I gave above (where I asked the girl to the dance) I was at a disadvantage because the girl had no romantic feelings for me at all. Your case is a little different because your ex boyfriend has already demonstrated that he does have romantic feelings towards you. Now, he may have lost his feelings towards you which is why he broke up but don’t worry because I am going to give you the tools you need to reignite his feelings for you. First things first though.

Freezing Him Out


(If you want to learn more about the no contact rule I suggest reading PRO as soon as possible.)

If this is going to work there are a certain amount of sacrifices that you are going to have to make. These sacrifices won’t be easy and even as I write these words I am sure that 90% of the people reading this page will fail to do them. Why? Because most people don’t have to discipline to do what I am about to suggest.

I am a big believer in the No Contact Rule. You know, that little rule that says you can’t talk to your ex in any way shape or form for 30 days? If you look through my site you will see that almost on every page I mention it’s significance. If that doesn’t tell you how important I think it is then perhaps a few website visitors can convince you.

The following quotation is a comment I received yesterday from a woman who has been actively freezing her ex boyfriend out using the no contact rule!

I originally left a post on the 8th….. And stopped contacting him unless it was about our daughter. It’s been three days, I’m telling you NC works. This morning at 7am I received a text from him that said “do not respond to this, but I miss you”“. Holding strong, and I have been running and eating healthier. The next time he sees me I am going to look amazing. Hold on with the the NC ladies, it’s one of the hardest things, but after three days I already had him admitting that he misses me! …. Keeping busy!!

“Alright, alright Chris, we get it No contact = Good but you haven’t told us how it can help get us out of the friendzone?”

Usually when people get “friendzoned” they accept their fate and actually become friends with the person they are interested in. Now, what do friends do? Well, they talk, text message, facebook, etc. I am not saying this behavior is bad I am just saying that you can’t expect to get back on your ex boyfriends radar doing this.

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Since we are focusing specifically on an ex boyfriend the dynamic is a little different. Most women who come to me seeking for help have done the following things immediately after their breakup:

  • They have blown up their exes cell phone with whiny text messages like “please, we are worth fighting for” or “I can change I promise.”
  • Their behavior has forced their ex to unfriend them on Facebook.
  • They have put their ex in an uncomfortable corner where he would no longer respond to their texts or calls.
  • Written letters declaring their undying love.
  • Oh, and my personal favorite, gone to their exes parents to ask for advice.

Trust me, this behavior is not attractive to men. In fact, we are hardwired to believe that it is expected from women after a breakup. I remember my last serious breakup the exact thoughts I had going through my head were “I wonder when she is going to call me?” Now, you may be thinking “wow that is great he wanted her to call.” I didn’t mean it like that. I meant it like this “I wonder when she is going to call me to start trying to get me back?” I must give my ex props for not being too desperate and clingy. However, three days later she texted and in my mind at that moment she lost her value to me.

You see, for three days I was on the edge of my seat waiting for the call or text, almost expecting it. It was exciting to be left in suspense like that but all the excitement left the moment my hypothesis was confirmed and she texted. Now, can you imagine how different that situation would have gone if she would have just waited a full 30 days before texting me? Let me give you a small sample of how I think I would have reacted.

Days 1-5: “When is she going to text me? I know she totally wants me back.”

Days 6-12: “Something is wrong, &*^% she is really over the breakup.”

Days 12-20: I’d probably break down and text…. no response… I get very very angry.

Days 20-30: “Well fine… I am sooo over her..” she finally texts “Wow, I can’t believe this happened.”

Notice how slowly but surely I went kind of crazy! Guys only go this crazy over girls they are interested in hearing from. Of course, not all guys will react this way but don’t worry. I know exactly what to do in those cases as well.

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Time To Take Matters Into Your Own Hands

matters into hands

The no contact rule alone probably will not be enough to get you out of the friend zone. For some women, you will find that a simple freeze out for a month will be enough. However, in my experience, more has to be done to reclaim your old relationship. This section is the “more” that has to be done.

Now, I am not going to lie to you. It is very easy to screw up this part. If you say one wrong thing or act just a tiny bit too desperate your chances of getting him back will be gone faster than you can say “goodbye.” No pressure right? Haha. Don’t worry though, I am going to do my best to lay out this method in the simplest manner possible so you can understand exactly what you need to do.

IMPORTANT- In order for the methods below to work to their fullest extent you must have implemented a 30 day no contact rule.

Catching His Eye

You are going to text your ex boyfriend.

“Whoa… Wait, Wait, Wait! What about calling, emailing or writing a letter?”

Good question! I actually wrote an entire section in The Texting Bible outlining the benefits of texting vs. calling, emailing and letters. Check it out here. So, after you read that section and we are on the same page the question now becomes “what do you say to your ex after all this time in a text message?”

Well, I actually have two methods for a first contact text. One method will be for women whose ex boyfriends have contacted them during the no contact period and the other method is for women whose boyfriends didn’t.

First Contact Text For Women Whose Ex Boyfriends Contacted Them During NC

Alright, admittedly you already have a bit of an advantage over the other women (the ones whose bf’s did not contact them.) Your ex is clearly interested in you, probably a little worried and maybe a little angry that you haven’t been responding to him. Anyways, the point of all this is that it probably won’t take a lot to get your ex to respond to your first contact text. With that in mind, I definitely WOULD NOT recommend that you send him a simple one word text like:

“hey” or “hi”

In fact, I would even say variations like:

“hey, what’s up?” or “whats going on?”

Are a really bad idea.

(Again, this is covered in The Texting Bible)

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If you are going to send a text to your ex boyfriend (who told you he just wants to be friends) a simple “Hey, whats up?” isn’t going to do the trick. Your text needs to have substance and it needs to force him to reach back in his mind and think of something positive. Here are a few of my personal favorite examples:

text message

Or another one of my favorites:

text example 2

First Contact Text For Women Whose Ex Boyfriends Did Not Contact Them During NC

I know it feels hopeless. You read about the no contact rule and were sure it was going to work. You waited day after day secretly hoping that today was the day that he would finally reach out to see how you were doing… only he didn’t. What now? Should you give up and just accept that maybe you two weren’t meant to be together?

No, you aren’t going to give up until you try everything you can.

First things first, your main priority isn’t to start up a conversation with a friendly text (like the women did in the examples above.) Your main objective is to get him to respond to your text message and then engage him in a conversation. So, how do you get him to respond to a text message when deep down you have a feeling that he wants nothing to do with you.

You create a text message so enticing that it is impossible for him NOT to respond to it.

I will provide you with examples for my “enticing” text below but some of you may not like it because it will require a lot of planning and thought for what to say after the message to keep him hooked in. However, our main objective is just to get him to engage in a text messaging conversation with you because it is a sign that he is interested in what you have to say.

However, if you have a better idea for your “enticing” message then feel free to use it or you can ask me what I think about it in the comments section of this page. Lets take a look at the two examples that I have come up with.

text 3


text 4

The key to making these texts work is to have something interesting to say after the initial “confession.” What you need to say is completely up to you. However, the probability that you will get a response is very high so make sure you have something prepared.

Also, this is something that is a personal preference to me. I would actually wait one hour from the moment that he responds before you respond to his text messages. This way, he is sweating a little bit and can’t wait for your response. It will take amazing discipline but it might increase the chances of him engaging you in a conversation.

The Conversation

This section is extremely important because it is going to teach you how your conversations should go with your ex. While I plan on going as indepth as I can here nothing will ever compare to the detail that I use in the bible here.

I am going to give you a little insight to the male mind. The thing about men is that a certain part of their attraction towards women is very predictable. You see, we always want what we can’t have. You tell us that we can’t have that cookie on the plate… we want that cookie. You tell us that we can’t have that cute blonde in the corner… we want that cute blonde in the corner.

Here is the funny thing. Most men, once they set their mind to something they get a bit of tunnel vision. They focus on that one thing and block everything out. You want your ex to get his tunnel vision on YOU. The only question is how do you accomplish that?

Well, that is easy! You just become something that he can’t have by dominating every texting conversation you have with him. Now, when I say “dominate” I don’t mean to actually dominate him. For example, if you are a Republican and he is a Democrat do not dominate him in the conversation to the point where he changes party affiliations, that’s just scary.

No, I want you to dominate the conversation by ending it first. You always want to leave with him wanting a bit more. I would compare this to the show Game of Thrones. If you have ever seen GOT then you know how wildly addicting it is. However, if you really stop to think about it, while the writing is great and the plot twists come out of nowhere, it is really the shows ability to keep you coming back for more that makes it so interesting. Every single episode is left with an amazing cliffhanger that makes you go “WHYYYY… Why does it have to end?”

I want you to take this “cliffhanger” theory and apply it to your conversations with your ex boyfriend via text message. Make sure that you always leave him wanting more.

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How do you do this? Well, there are really two ways to do this.

Method One: The Nice Way

The nice way to end a conversation with your ex is to start the conversation with him, hook him in the conversation.

The Hooking Point- The part of the conversation where your ex is extremely engaged. Think of it like the climax of the story, except it is the climax of the conversation.

Anyways, once you have him hooked you simply bow out of the conversation with this simple text:

text 5

Method Two: Evil Genius Way

I really can’t take credit for this method. I have to thank almost every single girl that I have really liked and not gotten. I have found that this method works on me (so by default it should work on your ex boyfriends and help you get out of the friend zone.)

This method is a lot like the one described above. You get engaged in a conversation with your ex, you get to the hooking point of the conversation and then you end the conversation abruptly making him want more. Here is the only difference.

Instead of ending the conversation with a simple “I g2g” like I explained in the example above, you end the conversation by not responding at all.

This will accomplish two big things. For one, he is going to be checking his phone multiple times, which will reinforce to him that you are important. Secondly, technically you never ended the conversation so you can always start back up whenever you want and it won’t be weird!

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1,563 thoughts on “The Friend Zone: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends”

  1. Asiya Ahmed

    July 24, 2023 at 10:33 am

    Me and my ex have been dating for one month and being in a relationship for nearly 4 months. He said that the relationship was too mentally overwhelming for him and his dad said its cos of his autism as well as the fact that he doesn’t emotionally matured yet so he wants to be friends. He want to take break and date. Yesterday when I asked him whether he had feelings for me he said its a bit much but he still sees me as a friend

  2. Summer

    November 22, 2022 at 4:13 am

    Hi! I was wondering how I should go about doing no contact if I already agreed to remain friends with my ex? I was thinking of texting him and saying that I thought about it and due to our history together I can’t imagine us ever being able to be just friends but if he changes his mind to let me know. I’m just not sure if being so definite on never being friends is a good idea because then what if I contact him and he think it’s just because I want to get back with him because I said that. I don’t know what I should do or say or if I just completely messed up my chances of going no contact because I already agreed to still be friends.

  3. Kara

    September 17, 2022 at 5:54 am

    I know the NC rule is important but is it in any way possible if you work together. My ex and I work in a restaurant together and are professional at work. Do you think I will have to quit my job in order to fully commit? Or is no contact outside of work and no personal talk at work worth a try? I have worked there for 8 years so it’s hard for me but I know I may have to. My ex and I were together 5 years.

    1. Coach Shaunna Nicol

      September 22, 2022 at 7:08 pm

      Hi Kara, so you would follow the limited no contact, where you would only speak with your ex on business reasons. Otherwise, you avoid small talk and you do not discuss your break up or relationship with anyone else in work either.

  4. Eve

    May 1, 2021 at 6:21 pm

    Hi, I’ve read lots of your content lately and it’s been really helpful but I can’t work out if I should do a NC or not – please help (though I know you get thousands of these comments!) I dated this guy for 4/5 months – no relationship as he decided he “couldn’t see a future”, but told me he still wanted to be “good friends”. I was foolish enough to not have boundaries, agree, even continue sleeping with him (now stopped), and am well and truly ‘friend-zoned’ (another 4 months later.) We don’t see each other often but are in regular contact, and despite working on myself and trying to move on, I’m still in love with him. I can’t work out if the NC rule would apply here or not – given that so much time has passed, it would be like blanking a friend, and might seem weird or dramatic? I’m trying to be light and friendly with him now but give him space (he definitely seems like an avoidant) – and as I say work on myself, but I feel I’ve accidentally ‘skipped’ the NC which lots of your content says is a terrible idea! And I’m afraid if I try to now it will backfire. (Wish I’d found you sooner.) X

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 13, 2021 at 8:49 pm

      Hey Eve, yes go into a NC it doesn’t matter that you agreed to be friends, you need to take some space and give him a chance to miss you but when you start reaching out after your NC your boundaries need to be clear this includes not giving boyfriend privileges to someone who isn’t your boyfriend.

  5. Yuumi

    January 3, 2021 at 6:42 am

    Me and my ex boyfriend dated for 1.5 years and were friends for 2 years before we started dating. We rarely get into fights when we were together in college. After we graduated, we have been long distance for 6 months and broke it off last month. Main reason is there was another guy pursuing me and my ex bf knows about it. The guy tried to kiss me and my bf found out about it and was expecting me to cut him off. But I did not, i stayed friend with the guy and my ex bf found out. My ex bf said he doesn’t have the confidence to keep this relationship going anymore because he can’t see a future with me after what happened. And he said he cannot trust me. I have been texting him. He acted as friends at first and still called me by my nickname but now he is acting distance. I havent go on NC. What should I do? Would NC still work if we have been texting for a week and half after the breakup?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 25, 2021 at 4:30 pm

      Hi Yuumi, yes No Contact is still needed if you want to follow this program, but NC alone does not get your ex back. You need to work through the articles and understand how the program works, you also are going to have to show that you are not interested the other guy friend and distance yourself from him if you want your ex back. This is going to have broken his trust because you were in a situation where your friend felt it was okay to kiss you, and that you also hid it from your ex. Things like this take time but it is fixable.

  6. Nicole

    December 3, 2020 at 3:32 pm

    Hi, I dated someone for a year and were talking for another year and a half for a total of 2.5 years. I broke it off and stopped responding to him. Went no contact for 28 days and reached out to talk…he was so angry that I wasn’t speaking to him. Sometimes he said he wanted to move on then would say he wasn’t done. I told him I didn’t want to be friends I wanted to keep dating. We started communicating for 2.5 weeks and then he said he wanted to put off seeing each other again and wanted to just remain friends. I said ok, and stopped responding to anything else. I’ve been no contact for 2.5 weeks since. What do I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 28, 2020 at 7:10 pm

      Hi Nicole, you’re doing the right thing following the no contact rule – you need to do this for 30 days solid and then start reaching out with the texts that Chris suggests in his articles and videos.

  7. Someone

    October 16, 2020 at 1:14 am

    Hey..sorry its me again update i did no contact we started talking and he said he had feelings for me (this was a few days ago) and he kept texting me now he said his feelings are weak and he wants to just be friends and i feel like his feelings for the other woman what should i do if even after no contact he sees me as a friend, also he never really specify if his feelings are strong or weak in the first place maybe it was always weak? Then again he said it was strong but now its weak and he only wanna be friends..

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 16, 2020 at 9:37 pm

      Hi A, so now is the time to start doing the being there method but you need to be 110% in control of your emotions, you can see now he is open to talking to you and being friends. Read the articles about the being there method and what sort of texts you should be sending to your ex to get him interested in talking to you

  8. K

    May 30, 2020 at 12:03 pm

    Hey. I honestly don’t know what to do. I’m hurting because my boyfriend of nearly 4 months just broke up with me two days ago and this happened just a few minutes after an argument we had over the phone about something I keep doing that he doesn’t like. Even when I tried to change my issue, he still didn’t believe I was trying to change it at all. And then he hung up the phone. When I called him back after awhile the same night, he started saying that he wants to focus on building himself and that he doesn’t deserve me and that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now. He said that we should try being friends to build our friendship first. But when I asked him if there was a possibility for us to get back together in a relationship, he said time will tell and if we’re meant to be then it’ll happen. But he kept saying he doesn’t want love right now and won’t be with anyone else right now because he only wanted to be with me and that he wants to focus on other things right now and just wants us to be friends. What should I do because I have a feeling the NC method won’t work with him since he’s already bad with communication and because we’re in this quarantine period, I barely get to see him. He’s always too busy now that he’s gotten an online internship, also having another job on the side and university courses. I’m scared and hurt because he’s the best person I’ve ever been in a serious relationship with and he told me the same thing. I honestly know that I may never find another person like him and I have been in so many terrible relationships before. He says that I’m his best friend. From that night I called him the next day and then said that I’ll try this ‘friendship’ thing even though it was going to be hard but he said it was also going to be hard for him and that the sacrifice is necessary. But then we continued speaking on the phone that day and it ended up making me feel worse because of how he was speaking to me as just a friend and things ended up becoming awkward on the phone before the call ended. Also, that same day he wanted me to help him with something regarding his internship so I sent him what he needed and then he’d reply saying, “Thank you I really appreciate it’ or ‘Thank you dear’, calling me ‘dear’ the way he did when we were in a relationship. But I kept ignoring those texts and said nothing. None of us have reached out to each other ever since and now I’m worried and wondering why he’s not trying to reach out to me if he wanted us to work on our ‘friendship’. Though I’ve changed my mind about it now because I feel like I can’t really be friends with him. I really want us to get back into a romantic relationship. It was amazing and I don’t want to lose him. I still love him so much. He told me that night when we broke up that he still cares and still loves me but as a friend. So my question is: What do I do? Will the NC method work if I continue to not contact him since a day ago? Will he ever speak to me again? Can he still see me as his girlfriend again? Is there still hope for our relationship or should I just give up now? This quarantine period also doesn’t make it any better…

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 15, 2020 at 9:01 pm

      Hi K, so yes you should continue with No Contact, but you do it from the day after you last had contact with him, (this includes social media stalking) and focus on your Holy Trinity. Working on yourself, and showing your ex that you are doing great without him – post on social media and speak to mutual friends about all the great things you are doing.

  9. Syd

    May 23, 2020 at 6:32 am

    I’ve been in friends with benefits for 2 years. Theres a period when i had boyfriend and she had girlfriend. He just broke up with his gf 2 months ago. Which i know he didn’t really love. Then i realized i want a commitment with him. We talking in phone everynight and chat all the times sometimes video call. We talked about everything, our secret, our family, work, childhood story, everything. It is happened while we dated our bf/gf or both of us were single. But then it hit me hard when he told me he spent the night with his ex, even though we were in chat all time that night. Then i asked him to leave me alone because i cant accept the fact he spent the nights with other girls. We stop communication for a week now. Suddenly i butt dial him last nite at 3AM, it was just a single ring. He called back right away. I didnt answer. He chat, call our personal name he gave me. I didnt answer. He made video call. I didnt answer. Then he chat again asked why did i called. I just answer fat finger, sorry.. i want him to be my bf.. what should i do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 4, 2020 at 9:24 pm

      Hi Syd, you need to work on yourself and be sure that you re start and stick to your No Contact for 30 days no more accidental calls either. Read and follow the information about the Holy Trinity

  10. Mera

    May 22, 2020 at 3:00 am

    2 years of friendship, 3 months of normally dating and we have good relationship, but in our first fight he decided yo broke up with me without any real reasons he just said “ I noticed future indicators of this relationship, will gonna lose our friendship so please we have to take step back to save this friendship instead”, two days after he started contacting me in a friendly way. I am trying to apply the NC but he always contacting me (as we are friends), however I don’t like this new zone so i have acted very tough with him to stop contacting me again which happened for last 5 days.
    It’s one month now from our break up, I am very confused about his attitude and don’t know what should i do to get him back.

  11. Mera

    May 21, 2020 at 2:29 am

    2 years close friends, started dating 5 months ago broke with me without reasons he just said “it’s better to keep our friendship as i see a future indicators will make this relationship so hard for all of us”, two days after he contacted me casually (as we’re friends) and now it’s 4 weeks from our break up, Can’t apply the NC because he is always contacting me (in friendly way no mixed signals), however i have treated him in toughness to stop contacting me Which happened for last 5 days.
    I am too confused about his way and Can’t accept the friend-zone and Want to know how should i treat him?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 30, 2020 at 11:08 am

      Hey Mera, so if you want him back as a boyfriend then you are going to have to apply the No Contact rule. Regardless if he is reaching out to you or not. You need to complete the NC.

  12. Gal

    April 7, 2020 at 3:47 am

    My ex and I had a great relationship. We built each other up and it felt like we were growing together. A little after one year, he broke up with me and said he needs to figure out why he can’t commit and prioritize me more, he doesn’t want to date anyone right now, he needs time alone to figure this out and figure out what he wants. It’s been three weeks and we haven’t done no contact, he has messaged me only a couple times and the rest has been me initiating, just small talk mostly. He says he has no idea what tomorrow looks like he just has to focus day by day on working on himself. He’s said he still loves me and cares about me, but it’s different right now. When he responds to me it’s normal length texts, but he doesn’t flirt back when I flirt, but he’s happy when I have accomplishments. Is it too late to salvage? We both talked about how great our relationship was and how we felt differently in this and how excited we were to be a part of each other’s lives and goals before, and I want to get some of that back and start a new relationship with him, not get into the friend zone.

  13. Rosa Garcia

    April 2, 2020 at 3:02 pm

    My boyfriend of 5 months broke up with me because he wasn’t ready for a relationship and needs his space, before we ever got intimate with each other we were good friends. But i fell in love with him and i guess got a bit clingy and attached to him but this was all new to me anyway it wasn’t the “he needs space or not ready for a relationship ” that hurt me it was that he said he felt obligated to sleep with that really hurt. He got mad because i showed up at his place unexpectedly and stood over and the next day was still there but he was really annoyed that he snapped and told me those hurtful things. When i was leaving he said we can still be friends and hugged me but I’m am just so damn hurt that he says he felt obligated to having to sleep with me, i can’t get over that he said that and now I’m not only heartbroken but my self esteem has been shattered by what he said, that hurts.

  14. G.

    April 1, 2020 at 5:12 pm

    3 years friends with benefits and “a little more”. I’m acting kinda needy, sometimes he gets tired but still wants me and says he will never leave me. Eventually he does let me go, no longer fights for me as he used to do. Just a break up with no explanation. I do the No contact for a month, then he texts a cold “Happy New year”, then comes a cold “Happy birthday”- I feel bad. I make it clear to him I don’t want us to keep friends – I’m still recovering. Again No contact for 3-4 months! He calls one of a sudden, insists to talk on the phone. We do- friendly and nice, at the end he says: I miss you and I will keep in touch with you. Then I can’t help myself getting emotional and screw up again- he ignores me as usually when I get upset. Will he ever call/text back? What should I do? I don’t want to be ignored, I want to know that he misses me, even though we might never be back together (I’m fine with that ). Thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 6, 2020 at 11:44 pm

      Hi G, I would say he will reach out to you and want to repeat the patterns you have already one. You want a real relationship then you change the dynamics of how you get with this guy. You need to get him to date you, talking to you investing time into you. And then when he is officially your boyfriend – committed relationship that is when you allow sex, closeness to happen.

  15. Jenny

    March 31, 2020 at 3:02 am

    We broke up because he was overwhelmed by the distance, he lives about 3 hours away now. That and the current quarantine is a hurdle to visiting but he dos need to pick up his stuff from my place. How to do this in lieu of face to face for the time being?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 6, 2020 at 11:09 pm

      Hi Jenny, you would need to read about how to get a ex boyfriend back who is long distance and treat the situation the same. Even though it is hard to see each other right now. You need to complete a No Contact and work on your Holy Trinity as best as you can during isolation.

  16. Jenny

    March 29, 2020 at 2:20 am

    My ex broke up with me a month and a half ago. He said he didn’t feel the same, he had moved away for work, and he genuinely wanted to stay best friends. I NCed him, which he tried to break multiple times. He texts me almost every day now, but there’s nothing romantic in it. He hasn’t been liking my Insta or facebook posts either- although he does see them. I don’t want to be the first to suggest getting back together as the distance and his feelings need to be addressed first. Any ideas of how to plant this in his head?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 30, 2020 at 10:22 pm

      Hi Jenny, I would suggest that you move from the texting to the phone calls, and also see how he responds to flirting. Building your way up the value chain as he investing time to text you he clearly wants you in his life. You need to build up that attraction and attempt to arrange a meet up. Ideally you would get him to come to you, as this is him again investing into spending time with you. And when you start meeting more and spending more of that time getting him investing into you he should want to commit to you.

  17. Girl

    March 23, 2020 at 4:55 am

    My ex boyfriend broke up with me a month ago saying he doesn’t feel okay mentally for a relationship and that he thinks I can’t change my actions that got to him. We did NC for a week and ended up talking about the problems. He says he wants to be just friends despite the fact that he likes me but that he will ignore those feelings. He is not giving me any reassurances that we will ever get back together. Should I be friends? Is it possible to win him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 23, 2020 at 10:35 pm

      Hi Girl, so you can not be friends with someone you want a romantic relationship with as it is going to end up hurting you. If you want him as a friend and accept the relationship is done thats up to you. But if he is not feeling good mentally then he is probably feeling that he needs the space to get himself mentally healthy again

  18. BT

    March 8, 2020 at 2:19 pm

    After a month of no contact, my ex reached out wanting to be “friends”. He’s suggested working out together, meeting up at the park. A couple days ago, he even suggested that I buy tickets to sit next to him at an event coming up. Within 5 minutes of that suggestion, he texts, “But it’s probably a bad idea for us to go”. I wasn’t planning on it anyways, but I asked why he’d even suggest it. He says to me “IDK… I’m bipolar.” This is automatically a turn off to me. I can see exactly where he’s at and this is not the 1st time this has happened where we become friends after no contact while I try increase value/attraction and display growth. I’m over this on and off stuff though. So I replied to him, “Listen, I like you, but this dynamic we have where we start things up again then they go away then we start back up again… it’s become boring. Like it’s no longer interesting or fulfilling. If that’s how it’s going to be again, let’s not bother with this “. I haven’t heard from him since, but I know I’ve bruised his ego a bit. Any advice ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 13, 2020 at 12:07 am

      Hi BT so it sounds like he was missing you and when you started talking to him and agreeing to plans of meeting he then backed off or got scared. I would go and work out in the park he suggested without asking him to join you, and post about it on social media. I would also start texting him in the way that Chris suggests not skipping the value chain

  19. Jen

    March 4, 2020 at 10:41 pm

    We had a huge fight and ever since then, things haven’t been the same. I went to speak to them to talk things over and they were giving me extremely mixed signals, saying that they didn’t know what they wanted, and then that they didn’t really want the relationship anymore. But when leaving, they texted me, and kept texting me, and said they missed me, and when we spoke about it, they reiterated that they still didn’t want this, and that they were just trying to be nice by saying that. I told them not to speak to me then and that I didn’t want to be friends because I couldn’t do that (everything stayed rather amicable, just tense), but after that they still tried to text me. I’m so confused. What to do? Is it just pity?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 17, 2020 at 11:44 pm

      Hey Jen so your ex is trying to subside their guilt for hurting you – that is why they want to be friends. You don’t want to do that if you want your ex back in a relationship. You need to NC them and stick to it for at least no contact of 30 days. Then use a text that Chris suggests in this texting articles and videos to help you break the ice with your ex in re attracting your ex. Working your way up the value chain to get your ex wanting to spend time with you and invest in speaking with you often

  20. Zara

    February 24, 2020 at 5:27 am

    Me and my ex broke up from a month ago. Je said he just needed space and wasnt ready for a relationship. It was just too much, and before he broke up we had this huge endless fight that made us fight about anything. It was just because of a girl he was following. Anyways, since then i have walked to his place plenty of times and begged him. The last time was over a week ago, and then he told me face to face it was over. However, we have then talked in a good way at text messages and we have been on Good terms. So yesterday i asked him if it was a chance for us again. He told me the same thing, that he didnt really want a relationship at the moment. I said i would wait for him, and then we both agreed to stay «friends» in a sorth of way until he might look for a relationship again. And then if he does, but just not with me i said that i wanted him to tell me. So that i didnt «wait» forgranted. Now we talk a little with texts, what to do next? I dont understand if i should use the no contact rule or get me out of friend zone first

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 3, 2020 at 10:43 pm

      Hi Zara, so if you are texting on good terms, you can try to move on to phone calls and work your way up the value ladder

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