The Friend Zone: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

Four words, four little words can be the difference between having a relationship or being in the friend zone forever.

“Let’s just be friends….”

In my time here building Ex Boyfriend Recovery I have received close to 300 emails from different women, all with unique stories about their boyfriends and breakups. One common theme that I have picked up on when communicating with them is “what are you supposed to do if your ex boyfriend says he just wants to be friends?” Now, I will admit that if you find yourself in this position you are going to have some work to do and even if you do everything that I outline on this page you still may not be able to get your ex boyfriend back.

This is The Friend Zone Page..

My readers have dubbed this as the “friend zone page.” Since this page has garnered so much attention I thought I would come back and buff it up a little bit. So, this new version of the page is going to focus a lot about how YOU can get out of the friend zone if you have been placed there by an ex. Now, since you are on this page I am assuming that your ultimate goal is to get your ex boyfriend back.

There seems to be a common misunderstanding that getting out of the friend zone is essentially the same thing as getting a boyfriend back. Well, I hate to burst your bubble but it isn’t. Getting out of the friend zone doesn’t guarantee you success in getting him back. All it does is prove that you could POTENTIALLY be more than friends with him again. There are a lot of goals/steps that have to pass in order for you to be an official couple again and this page cannot help you with that. Remember, this article is only about how to get out of the friend zone.

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A Sad Truth That You Need To Accept

friend zone

I am going to tell you something that almost everyone else out there is afraid to tell you. All I can do is raise your chances of getting your ex back. Ultimately, the decision on whether he should take you back or not is up to him, not me or you. Even if you do everything right he may still decide that it’s best to move on. The sad truth is that a part of the strategy outlined on this page is out of your hands.

Why am I telling you this?

Because I want you to prepare yourself mentally for the possibility that you may not get him back. I am going to be completely honest with you, women who tend to do better when it comes to getting out of the “friend zone” and into the dating zone are ones who have accepted this sad truth. The ones that I see fail time and time again are the ones that are overly emotional and can’t accept that life may have to go on without their ex significant other.

friend zoneThe Friend Zone

Ahh… the dreaded friend zone! It’s a place that we have all put someone in the past and a place that we never want to be. I will admit that my introduction to the friend zone came in my early high school years. However, I remember it like it was yesterday. There was a girl who I really liked a lot and thought she felt the same about me. I soon found out how wrong I was when I asked her out to a school dance and got the dreaded “Umm… we can go as friends right?”

Make no mistake about it, I know what it is like to have feelings for someone and not be able to do anything about it. The question I am going to ask is, “is it possible to get out of the dreaded friend zone?”

I personally believe that it is possible. However, you have to accept that a certain part of getting out is left up to chance.

Getting Out Of The Friend Zone

Since we are talking about ex boyfriends here you do have a certain advantage on your side. You see, in the example I gave above (where I asked the girl to the dance) I was at a disadvantage because the girl had no romantic feelings for me at all. Your case is a little different because your ex boyfriend has already demonstrated that he does have romantic feelings towards you. Now, he may have lost his feelings towards you which is why he broke up but don’t worry because I am going to give you the tools you need to reignite his feelings for you. First things first though.

Freezing Him Out

freezing

(If you want to learn more about the no contact rule I suggest reading PRO as soon as possible.)

If this is going to work there are a certain amount of sacrifices that you are going to have to make. These sacrifices won’t be easy and even as I write these words I am sure that 90% of the people reading this page will fail to do them. Why? Because most people don’t have to discipline to do what I am about to suggest.

I am a big believer in the No Contact Rule. You know, that little rule that says you can’t talk to your ex in any way shape or form for 30 days? If you look through my site you will see that almost on every page I mention it’s significance. If that doesn’t tell you how important I think it is then perhaps a few website visitors can convince you.

The following quotation is a comment I received yesterday from a woman who has been actively freezing her ex boyfriend out using the no contact rule!

I originally left a post on the 8th….. And stopped contacting him unless it was about our daughter. It’s been three days, I’m telling you NC works. This morning at 7am I received a text from him that said “do not respond to this, but I miss you”. Holding strong, and I have been running and eating healthier. The next time he sees me I am going to look amazing. Hold on with the the NC ladies, it’s one of the hardest things, but after three days I already had him admitting that he misses me! …. Keeping busy!!

“Alright, alright Chris, we get it No contact = Good but you haven’t told us how it can help get us out of the friendzone?”

Usually when people get “friendzoned” they accept their fate and actually become friends with the person they are interested in. Now, what do friends do? Well, they talk, text message, facebook, etc. I am not saying this behavior is bad I am just saying that you can’t expect to get back on your ex boyfriends radar doing this.

Since we are focusing specifically on an ex boyfriend the dynamic is a little different. Most women who come to me seeking for help have done the following things immediately after their breakup:

  • They have blown up their exes cell phone with whiny text messages like “please, we are worth fighting for” or “I can change I promise.”
  • Their behavior has forced their ex to unfriend them on Facebook.
  • They have put their ex in an uncomfortable corner where he would no longer respond to their texts or calls.
  • Written letters declaring their undying love.
  • Oh, and my personal favorite, gone to their exes parents to ask for advice.

Trust me, this behavior is not attractive to men. In fact, we are hardwired to believe that it is expected from women after a breakup. I remember my last serious breakup the exact thoughts I had going through my head were “I wonder when she is going to call me?” Now, you may be thinking “wow that is great he wanted her to call.” I didn’t mean it like that. I meant it like this “I wonder when she is going to call me to start trying to get me back?” I must give my ex props for not being too desperate and clingy. However, three days later she texted and in my mind at that moment she lost her value to me.

You see, for three days I was on the edge of my seat waiting for the call or text, almost expecting it. It was exciting to be left in suspense like that but all the excitement left the moment my hypothesis was confirmed and she texted. Now, can you imagine how different that situation would have gone if she would have just waited a full 30 days before texting me? Let me give you a small sample of how I think I would have reacted.

Days 1-5: “When is she going to text me? I know she totally wants me back.”

Days 6-12: “Something is wrong, &*^% she is really over the breakup.”

Days 12-20: I’d probably break down and text…. no response… I get very very angry.

Days 20-30: “Well fine… I am sooo over her..” she finally texts “Wow, I can’t believe this happened.”

Notice how slowly but surely I went kind of crazy! Guys only go this crazy over girls they are interested in hearing from. Of course, not all guys will react this way but don’t worry. I know exactly what to do in those cases as well.

Time To Take Matters Into Your Own Hands

matters into hands

The no contact rule alone probably will not be enough to get you out of the friend zone. For some women, you will find that a simple freeze out for a month will be enough. However, in my experience, more has to be done to reclaim your old relationship. This section is the “more” that has to be done.

Now, I am not going to lie to you. It is very easy to screw up this part. If you say one wrong thing or act just a tiny bit too desperate your chances of getting him back will be gone faster than you can say “goodbye.” No pressure right? Haha. Don’t worry though, I am going to do my best to lay out this method in the simplest manner possible so you can understand exactly what you need to do.

IMPORTANT- In order for the methods below to work to their fullest extent you must have implemented a 30 day no contact rule.

Catching His Eye

You are going to text your ex boyfriend.

“Whoa… Wait, Wait, Wait! What about calling, emailing or writing a letter?”

Good question! I actually wrote an entire section in The Texting Bible outlining the benefits of texting vs. calling, emailing and letters. Check it out here. So, after you read that section and we are on the same page the question now becomes “what do you say to your ex after all this time in a text message?”

Well, I actually have two methods for a first contact text. One method will be for women whose ex boyfriends have contacted them during the no contact period and the other method is for women whose boyfriends didn’t.

First Contact Text For Women Whose Ex Boyfriends Contacted Them During NC

Alright, admittedly you already have a bit of an advantage over the other women (the ones whose bf’s did not contact them.) Your ex is clearly interested in you, probably a little worried and maybe a little angry that you haven’t been responding to him. Anyways, the point of all this is that it probably won’t take a lot to get your ex to respond to your first contact text. With that in mind, I definitely WOULD NOT recommend that you send him a simple one word text like:

“hey” or “hi”

In fact, I would even say variations like:

“hey, what’s up?” or “whats going on?”

Are a really bad idea.

(Again, this is covered in The Texting Bible)

If you are going to send a text to your ex boyfriend (who told you he just wants to be friends) a simple “Hey, whats up?” isn’t going to do the trick. Your text needs to have substance and it needs to force him to reach back in his mind and think of something positive. Here are a few of my personal favorite examples:

text message

Or another one of my favorites:

text example 2

First Contact Text For Women Whose Ex Boyfriends Did Not Contact Them During NC

I know it feels hopeless. You read about the no contact rule and were sure it was going to work. You waited day after day secretly hoping that today was the day that he would finally reach out to see how you were doing… only he didn’t. What now? Should you give up and just accept that maybe you two weren’t meant to be together?

No, you aren’t going to give up until you try everything you can.

First things first, your main priority isn’t to start up a conversation with a friendly text (like the women did in the examples above.) Your main objective is to get him to respond to your text message and then engage him in a conversation. So, how do you get him to respond to a text message when deep down you have a feeling that he wants nothing to do with you.

You create a text message so enticing that it is impossible for him NOT to respond to it.

I will provide you with examples for my “enticing” text below but some of you may not like it because it will require a lot of planning and thought for what to say after the message to keep him hooked in. However, our main objective is just to get him to engage in a text messaging conversation with you because it is a sign that he is interested in what you have to say.

However, if you have a better idea for your “enticing” message then feel free to use it or you can ask me what I think about it in the comments section of this page. Lets take a look at the two examples that I have come up with.

text 3

or

text 4

The key to making these texts work is to have something interesting to say after the initial “confession.” What you need to say is completely up to you. However, the probability that you will get a response is very high so make sure you have something prepared.

Also, this is something that is a personal preference to me. I would actually wait one hour from the moment that he responds before you respond to his text messages. This way, he is sweating a little bit and can’t wait for your response. It will take amazing discipline but it might increase the chances of him engaging you in a conversation.

The Conversation

This section is extremely important because it is going to teach you how your conversations should go with your ex. While I plan on going as indepth as I can here nothing will ever compare to the detail that I use in the bible here.

I am going to give you a little insight to the male mind. The thing about men is that a certain part of their attraction towards women is very predictable. You see, we always want what we can’t have. You tell us that we can’t have that cookie on the plate… we want that cookie. You tell us that we can’t have that cute blonde in the corner… we want that cute blonde in the corner.

Here is the funny thing. Most men, once they set their mind to something they get a bit of tunnel vision. They focus on that one thing and block everything out. You want your ex to get his tunnel vision on YOU. The only question is how do you accomplish that?

Well, that is easy! You just become something that he can’t have by dominating every texting conversation you have with him. Now, when I say “dominate” I don’t mean to actually dominate him. For example, if you are a Republican and he is a Democrat do not dominate him in the conversation to the point where he changes party affiliations, that’s just scary.

No, I want you to dominate the conversation by ending it first. You always want to leave with him wanting a bit more. I would compare this to the show Game of Thrones. If you have ever seen GOT then you know how wildly addicting it is. However, if you really stop to think about it, while the writing is great and the plot twists come out of nowhere, it is really the shows ability to keep you coming back for more that makes it so interesting. Every single episode is left with an amazing cliffhanger that makes you go “WHYYYY… Why does it have to end?”

I want you to take this “cliffhanger” theory and apply it to your conversations with your ex boyfriend via text message. Make sure that you always leave him wanting more.

How do you do this? Well, there are really two ways to do this.

Method One: The Nice Way

The nice way to end a conversation with your ex is to start the conversation with him, hook him in the conversation.

The Hooking Point- The part of the conversation where your ex is extremely engaged. Think of it like the climax of the story, except it is the climax of the conversation.

Anyways, once you have him hooked you simply bow out of the conversation with this simple text:

text 5

Method Two: Evil Genius Way

I really can’t take credit for this method. I have to thank almost every single girl that I have really liked and not gotten. I have found that this method works on me (so by default it should work on your ex boyfriends and help you get out of the friend zone.)

This method is a lot like the one described above. You get engaged in a conversation with your ex, you get to the hooking point of the conversation and then you end the conversation abruptly making him want more. Here is the only difference.

Instead of ending the conversation with a simple “I g2g” like I explained in the example above, you end the conversation by not responding at all.

This will accomplish two big things. For one, he is going to be checking his phone multiple times, which will reinforce to him that you are important. Secondly, technically you never ended the conversation so you can always start back up whenever you want and it won’t be weird!

February 1, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (1,352)

  1. Lottie - 0

    Lottie

    I’ve been with s guy for a year, we both in our 40’s we don’t live together but 5 mins away from each other, things were going great texting calling one another, morning and night but not imbetween as both working, he has children so do I , so we don’t see each othea lot, one day I bumped into him at shop and he asked me back for a cupper, I flirted and we ended up in bed, he had to pick up his little one as he had him on weekends, he drove me home and texted me that night and he text me following day asked if I had a good weekend, I replied, Monday I text good morning, but he had not read my message but had been on line, 3 days passed and I text him if he was ok, he read but ignored and by the end of weekend he had apologised for that as work funeral and mediation was getting on top of him, but would love us to still friends but understand if you don’t” I’m not sure what he was meaning, I’ve had no text or calls since, 2 weeks after I rung him he seemed fine on the phone and said it was nice to hear my voice, I mentioned about that I worried that he ignored me and I find it hard to talk to him when I see him as I get anxious and excited, he said it’s the same for him because he gets over whelmed when he sees me that I drain his blood ! And he is trying to get things done with family etc issues that he can’t concentrate , now I have done the no contact thing it’s been 2 weeks and I feel like I’m not hurting so much, what do you think his intentions are?

    Reply
  2. Brittney - 0

    Brittney

    Me and ex were talking about maybe chances in the future since me and him are both very young. We broke up first time because he wanted to go and see if he could experience more in life and see if he could do better. We did argue constantly but then after 3 months we talked again and things were great. We acted like a couple but being immature me I pressured for commitment and I always spiraled in depression and anger till he just said I think we can just be friends, I still care for you. “We argue so much even as friends, if we dated we wouldn’t last” was what he said. I haven’t talked to him since that, and currently trying to figure my own life out so I can come back stronger and happier. But somehow all the obstacles and negativity put me down. At times it feels as tho wanting him back feels wrong. We had a good relationship I just didn’t know the right steps to make it a good lasting one. Any tips on what my next steps are?

    Reply
  3. Catynca - 0

    Catynca

    Hello,
    My boyfriend just broke up with me four days ago.It was a relationship about 1 year and 5 month. I was very difficult during our relationship also because he is not very good in expressing his feelings.During our relationship we respected eachother but we are from different countries so we speak in english which is not our native language.We have different religions, I am christian and he is muslim.We leave in the same city, in my country. He said he likes me as person and friend too much but not more.He wants now just to be friends and I said to him for me is not possible to be friends.I told him that I was in loved with him and I want to be happy.I told him also that I accept his decision but we will not talk anymore. He ask me to forgive him and I said I forgive him.I suggested to delete me from instagram and facebook and he said he wants to keep. Now there are 4 days since we are not talking anymore, until now we were speaking every day even if we don’t meet every day we were texting eachother throw facebook chat.
    I miss him too much and I was hoping he will change his mind, but nothing.
    What should I do, should I give up?I can not eat I can not concentrate myself and I am very hurt.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      do you want to try the advice above?

  4. Sami - 0

    Sami

    Hi, my ex and I broke up almost 4 months ago. I started NC a week or so after breaking up and successfully completed. Then had a great run at first contact text rapport building texts, short 3-8minute calls etc but we never actually made it to the meet up stage. I’ve been really busy lately and since he doesn’t ask to see me I can’t really be bothered so we can 3 or 4 days without contacting each other before he usually sends me a random message ‘actually they’re similar to a first contact message’ where I feel the urge to respond. Is this going anywhere? Should I be the one to ask him to meet up?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sami,

      how long have you been building rapport?

    • Sami - 0

      Sami

      Hi Amor,

      Roughly 8-9 weeks now.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s good that you’re continuing to talk. It’s ok to ask for a meet up. Make it casual.

  5. April - 0

    April

    If I told my ex boyfriend I could eventually be friends is that bad? Should I have told him I don’t want to at all? I’m on day 12 of NC

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi April

      not really..your chances will depend more on how much you improve

  6. April - 0

    April

    My boyfriend of 5 months broke up with me 1 month ago I did NC for two weeks but called him because I thought I wanted closure and to just move on as quickly as possible.I called him and basically said I was looking for closure and I wanted to be told strait up if he thought there was a chance we would get back together. He seems to really want to be friends… On the phone he brought it up and said he misses me and thinks we make really great friends. I told him eventually I would like to be friends I just need time. Was that the wrong thing to say? Will that put me in the friend zone because I said we could be friends in the future or does it add value because I’m taking space? I’ve restarted NC and am about halfway through he has not contacted me yet but likes my social media posts and makes alot of long posts himself, he also has pictures with girl friends I was jealous of during the relationship, I think he’s trying to get a reaction from me, he never used to post that much… Opinions or advice?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi April

      not really..your chances will depend more on how much you improve

  7. KB - 0

    KB

    My boyfriend broke up with me 9 days ago claiming he just wants to be my friend. We dated for about a year. He admitted he has intimacy issues and can’t allow himself to be vulnerable. That is part of it. I personally think he just doesn’t know what he wants and wants to have the option to “test the waters” of the dating pool but keep me as a back-up. I initiated no contact after the break-up but he texted me yesterday telling me he was “thinking of me and hoping I was ok and to enjoy my weekend”. I did not want to feed into his ego by telling him I miss him and want him back. I ignored him until today ( I waited 1.5 days to respond). I just said “I’m fine. Hope you are well. Take care”. He immediately replied (which he never does) and said “Thanks, hope we can still be friends.”

    How should I respond or should I even bother responding?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kb,
      I hope you restarted nc..

  8. Penny - 0

    Penny

    Hi Amor,

    I know my chances are really low compared to others. Here’s my story.

    I talked to this guy from tinder for about 6 months before getting to meet in person (different continents). Before we met, I told him i like him. He said he only see me as a friend. I asked him for one thing: just don’t build a wall and think that it’s impossible when we meet. He told me right at the start he doesn’t want LDR.

    We met. He said it was more than friends. I came home.

    For the first month I was whiny and shit. 2nd month improved a little. 2 weeks ago i pre-empt him about going to visit. The next day, he brought up travelling together.

    The following day we talked about how happy we were when we were together. I brought up the trip… And he said if we do the trip he would be really sad when t ends and he would go into depression. He wants to feel, but not like this. So it went from he will think about the trip, to 99% no trip, to “i think we should move on”. He said he would still want me to be his friend because he still want me in his life. He agreed to go day by day, but still say we should move on. I think he already did.

    I will be there in a year as I plan to do further studies. What should I do? I know that if we meet, he would feel. Problem now is he doesn’t want to meet. He doesn’t want me to fly just to see him.

    We have been talking on and off. I want to try the cliffhanger text but I don’t know if I would ever have the chance. I am ok if we are “friends” and meet in a year… But a year is a long time.

    I’m sorry for such a long post. I am well aware that my chances are much lower than others… But I really do want him in my life and back to talking.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi penny,

      if you’re trying to friendzone yourself, yes, continue texting but if you want to increase your chances, follow the advice above..try the no contact rule

  9. Michele - 0

    Michele

    My ex boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago because of the distance and he felt like we were growing apart. He said he had already moved on and he still wanted to be friends. I tried returning to him, asking why and what I did wrong. Which I regret now because I looked desperate. I’ve been trying the No Contact rule for the past 2 days and it’s hard, but it’s going to be worth it if I can get him back. Do I have a chance of getting him back? I’m nervous that he won’t contact me at all for the 30 day period of time. I haven’t contacted him since I was being desperate and I’ve been posting stuff on social media about me being happy in the single life without him. I haven’t heard a peep out of him since. If I could have a chance then I can purchase the program but I want to make sure that I can have a chance.
    Thank you for your time.

    Reply
  10. Erin P. - 0

    Erin P.

    Hello Amor,

    My ex boyfriend and I have been apart “as friends” for about 5 weeks, 4 with sporadic texting (my initiation) and last week was nc. I want to go at least 30 days. I have found some independence again so it’s much easier this time, but I have some concerns about my situation.

    My ex and I were initially friends for 1 year, had a fight about whether we should date (I was tired of flirting going nowhere), and I ignored him/refused to be friends for 10-11 months. After that he started pursuing me and we dated for 3 months; now we’re broken up. I texted him right before nc that I would like to hear from him like actual friends, but I would let him initiate contact. Now, I fear being seen as a flip flopper if I try to text and dominate.

    I would consider ignoring him again, but the first time around we were seeing each other at church meetings twice weekly. I don’t know if I can stay on his mind after our church breaks up in two weeks? But I should stick with nc and what I told him, at least for a month. Maybe master the art of Facebook updates…

    I know I have a lot of changes I need to make for myself and whoever I date in the future. I know my ex and I would both need a Long Timeline to become more compatible if ever.

    What should be my goal right now, and which articles would you refer me to?

    Thank you so much, Amor.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Erin,

      wait, you told him you’re going to ignore him for a month?

    • Erin P. - 0

      Erin P.

      Hi Amor,

      Thankfully I didn’t say I would ignore him, but I did tell him I wouldn’t initiate contact.. which I regret. And he’s not the type to reach out much.

      I’m betting on Facebook updates and almost completely ignoring him at church. The latter is definitely noticed.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      ok..but I thinj you need to initiate after more than 30 days, maybe 35..

    • Erin P. - 0

      Erin P.

      Hmm, that happens to be the last day I’m obligated (and have an excuse) to see him in person.

      Should I keep ignoring him in person and text him later in the day.. or strike up a conversation?

      I don’t know if the timing will make it look like a “change of heart” on my part, also.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      if it’s more natural to talk in person,do it..

    • Erin P. - 0

      Erin P.

      Hi Amor,

      I have another question.
      My ex notices eye contact (or lack thereof) as much as words.

      He is in the habit of seeking my acknowledgement by trying to make eye contact & saying “morning/bye” or “see you Tuesday.”

      So I’ve avoided eye contact at all costs, and only said the variations of “goodbye.”

      Last time we saw each other, he came up to me, said “see you Tuesday,” & didn’t make eye contact. I glanced up quickly and saw his face was scary, like his poker face.
      I looked back down at my book & said, “Oh. Okay. See you Tuesday.”

      Considering that interaction, am I ignoring him effectively & appropriately?

    • Erin P. - 0

      Erin P.

      Update: I realize I accidentally broke nc on day 20. I “reacted” to one of his texts, and I had not realized that “reactions” get sent to him.

      That slip-up exactly happened exactly the day before he said, “See you Tuesday” and he has openly tried to make eye contact again since.

      I am half-excited by his reactions but am also afraid that I may have to restart nc.
      What should I do? Thank you, Amor.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      i think it’s ok to just extend a week more

    • Erin P. - 0

      Erin P.

      I’m here to testify that NC got me well out of the friendzone. 🙂

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      thanks Erin!

  11. Ally - 0

    Ally

    Hey,
    Me and my boyfriend were dating for a year. We had a disagreement which led to him ignoring me for a week. I ended up breaking up with him because I thought he had ignored an important text that I sent on purpose. I sent it a week after our disagreement.
    He said he didn’t read the text yet and that he wasn’t always going to be there at the exact moment something happened, but he would help and support in my situation.

    The next day we ended up talking it out and saying how we felt about our misunderstandings. When I asked if we were dating he said we could be friends for now and try again when his work situation was more stable or when he could see me more often.
    We’ve had great text conversation after that for a few days. I’ve done no contact for 7 days. He said he wants to be friends at the moment. But I want him back. Any advice? Thanks for the help

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ally,

      he’s trying to friendzone you.. restart the count of nc and follow the advice above..

  12. Jenny - 0

    Jenny

    My boyfriend was forced to break up with me by his parents and religious reasons. His family is very muslim. However, they don’t live in the same country as us, so they didn’t know until his uncle who does lives in the same city as us saw us, while we were out together, and told his parents about us. His parents gave him a hard time and recited religious teachings from the Qu’ran, muslim religion forbidding dating and a sin to date a non muslim. However, he is not a deceitful person and definitely didn’t play with me for fun. He was very sincere with me in all of what he said and did and his feelings towards me as well. He seemed in a stressful state, when he told me we had to break up. We were very alike in character and personality and had a particularly similar interest and liking for banters and comebacks which created this bond. It was rare to have this similar kind of humour I have and love, so I don’t want to lose such a rare friend and comeback partner He himself said we could be friends, but then after a week or two when I met him, he was cold to me and when I texted him he didn’t reply. I thought afterwards that I might have texted him too early on, and I texted him to meet up for a talk, maybe that wasn’t that well thought through on my side, as it might have been hard to meet then too. But as he ignored me, I got angry and sent several messages on top of that, no response either. So I decided maybe it was the best to not speak to him at all. When I met him around, I looked away, I think he was even looking my direction though. I still really want to talk to him and be friends. I am afraid to try, as I am scared of being disappointed again. When is it suited to speak to each other again? What is a good way to approach it? Given the muslim case is there a chance to become friends again?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jenny,

      do you want to try the no contact rule? if you’re both young, it’s less likely that he would have courage to go againat his parents wishes..

  13. Sam - 0

    Sam

    Hi all,
    Im just after some advice. I’ve been with the guy 2 years after 1 year we split as I moved location, we were broken up for 1 year but never went to long without contact he always initiated, found myself back in the same area and we pretty much took off where we left.
    Recently I ended things because he wouldn’t give me a commitment.
    Started no contact, exactly a week after I got a sorry message, continue to another week later another sorry message and week after that he asked if we could meet up because he didn’t want things to end the way they had.
    I have a lot of things at his house and responded with a message telling him nothing he said could change what had happened, but i would like to collect my things. We met the day after in a mutual space, gardens and we spoke almost as if nothing had happened, spoke for half an hour and he walked me home, he asked for a hug as i went to leave so i gave him a hug and he said he had something else to give me and would see me another time.
    Two hours later that night I got a message very plain just saying thanks.
    I responded and now 3 days later I haven’t heard a word for him, I just am so confused as to what to do now, is he happy now that he knows I don’t absolutely hate him, is that all he wanted? Does he want to just be friends, I am so stuck and so confused!
    Please any advice would be fantastic

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sam,

      honestly, probably yes. He doesn’t feel guilty anymore. So, he’s at peach.. Did you improve yourself in the last weeks?

  14. Caitlin - 0

    Caitlin

    Hey,
    Me and my boyfriend were dating for just over 4 months. He left me because of my anxiety, he basically thought it’d take years for me to change (When i know it won’t), i think he found me a little too clingy and needy.
    He said he didn’t love me anymore.
    But on the day he left me (we sat and talked for hours) he was still hugging me loads and even kissing me still (even when he left my house and we said goodbye)

    I’ve tried no contact but it’s just not going to be possible. We have a lot of mutual friends and there’s often social events which we both go to. I’ve done no contact for one week and we talked once on facebook after 7 days.
    He says to my friends that he wants to still be friends with me.
    But obviously I want more than that. I really want him back but as I said, no contact just isn’t an option at the moment. Any advice? thanks.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Caitlin,

      that’s too short… because right now, if he thinks you’re clingy, his perspective of you will not change if you’re always there.. it just confirms, you’re not changing and probably still hoping.. and now, it looks like he wants to friendzone you too.. even if it’s not a guarantee that nc will work, what I’m sure is, one way or another you have to change something in your life and that starts with improving yourself. Attraction is from desire, desire is felt with something you dont have.. desire in a stable relationship is reignited with absence or distance because the both are not always available because both have their own lives..
      when the guy thinks that his partner is amazing, a good and caring partner and that he will lose her if he doesn’t put effort because she will not hesitate on leaving because she has standards, the right guy will step up because he knows the girl is willing to do her part in the relationship and not lose herself and continue to improve herself and life at the same time..

      but when a guy thinks you’re clingy, that more likely means you don’t have a life but him.. it’s like he views you as a responsibility and that there’s no mystery in you anymore that he would be interested with..

      the reason why nc is effective most of the time is because even if you improve yourself, if you’re still always present, he would start to think you’re doing it for him. Therefore, there’s still no feeling of interest from him..There’s no feeling of losing you if you’re always there.. That’s why most of the time, the exes wanted to be friends because that way he doesn’t lose you but doesn’t have to go back with you to keeo talking to you..

  15. Erin - 0

    Erin

    So right now, I’m very confused and going through a breakup and unsure if any of this will work for me. My boyfriend and I were bestfriends before we started dating, when we first met we both had other partners, cut to three years later, both single and getting really close and I end up liking him, so we end up together. It’s long distance. Same state just a few hours away. We weren’t together long ( 3 months ) before he pulled the, I can’t do this anymore, I stopped loving you, maybe I never loved you in the first place. So I do the crazy girlfriend thing, 37 text in 12 hours, yikes I know. He was very understanding because of my mental illness ( Chronic OCD ) and I was obsessing on trying to talk to him. So he pulls the, lets go back to friends card. But he dances around it, does ” maybe one day if things are right we will end up being together again but right now I think we should just be friends, but I’m not ruling anything out. ” so being desperate I was like ok ok whatever you want. So we tried to talk as friends, but he just kept ignoring me. So I snapped and go crazy, about like ” oh if you are my friend still you should care that Im hurting, you were my friend first, how could you be so cruel! ” and you know what he does, he ignores it. So I was like fine then, I can play that game too. So I haven’t reached out or been needy for 5 days I think. But here is where it gets more complicated. He lives with one of my other bestmates, so they are hanging out nonstop and having a blase, my ex is happy, he has freedom and all that. But I call my friend who lives with him, just to talk, and said friend tells my ex to contact me when he feels ready. So I finally got a text off my ex, but only after I spoke to our mutual friend. It says ” I know you needed time to think, how are you feeling? 🙁 ” so Im like yay, finally something, but he only sent it because the mutal friend told him too. Also, we have an event in like three weeks at the house they both live at. Not to mention we game with the same crowd. So what on earth do I do? Do I still continue NC until that event? And does NC work if he can still see when I’m online gaming or on facebook? Because he pulled the friends card, we haven’t deleted one another. I just don’t know what course to keep on. I’m very confused and feel like he is so happy without me and only reached out because of said friend. 🙁

    Reply
    • Erin - 0

      Erin

      I would also like to add, that multiple times he has said he doesn’t want to string me along, that he doesn’t want to leave me on the backburner, but he also said he would ” give us time as friends. I dont jump from girl to girl. ” But the only reason he is thinking that maybe one day I’ll get a second chance is because when he dumped me I made him promise not to rule anything out. So I feel like he is humouring me because he didn’t want to hurt me more. So he promised to still be around, and game with me and text me, because I asked him too. He also said ” I still care about you. I just don’t want to say anything that makes it seem like I’m still there with you like that. I’ll be here as a friend, but not as your partner. I don’t have faith in how we were, I wanted us to work so bad. ” Mixed signals everywhere. Everyone says its pity, or because I asked him to stick around. So I’m so confused and don’t know what to do.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Erin,

      don’t do nc, just to make him miss you. Those are just probable feelings that he will feel. Do nc for yourself, to heal, grow and improve. It would be better if you accept that he has moved on, that he doesn’t have feelings for you anymore and that he’s just being friendly because he’s still used to having you around. Be active in improving yourself. Take this as a restart. After nc, slowly rebuild rapport while continuing to improve yourself. I think you should restart the 30 day count after he sent you a text when your friend asked him to. And tell your friend you appreciate the help but it would be better if he let your ex be.. and then just be casual and polite at the same event you’re going.

    • Erin - 0

      Erin

      I understand that no contact if to heal myself and I am slowly getting better. Since I last messaged him it has been 9 days, and the breakup was a week before that. I even took NC further and have disconnected from any area online where he could see me active for a little while. Including FB, Messanger, My DS and Playstation. Just so I could have a week purely for myself. So far no messages, other then the one I mentioned before that our mutual friend told him to send. I understand NC is for myself, but I came to this page seeking how to get out of the friendzone so I could maybe one day get him back. And he honestly doesn’t seem to care about no contact. So I am confused as to what to do. I am continuing NC of course …. but I just feel like he is completely over it and this isn’t doing anything to help.

    • Erin - 0

      Erin

      I feel like you telling me to just accept that he doesn’t love-care-miss me and to move on defeats the whole purpose of this website? I came here to try and find out whether I could get the man I loved back, not to be told he has probably moved on and is only being friendly.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Yes, that is what I’m telling, but not really too.. What I meant is it would be better to accept that he has moved on, so that the goal from there is to attract him and not to try to harness back feelings that are not there anymore. That’s why you need to treat it like a restart. Like, you’re starting over as strangers. We don’t guarantee that you would get your ex back, I hope we could though.. but nope.. We can only help you increase your chances. When you try to approach it that way, it would be less frustrating because you know that you’re not trying to figure out if he still has feelings, but you’re cultivating it. Kinda like 2 strangers slowly falling in love with each other as they get to know each other more. Your edge is, you know what his interests are already.

      And also, if you do need to move on, we will say it. Because this is not a site to keep you hoping and holding on when the better option is to really move on.

      but right now, do no contact process first, if it doesn’t work out, then you know you’ve done what you can in the most dignified way before moving on.

    • Erin - 0

      Erin

      Okay, thank you for clearing that up. I understand now what you are saying. That I need to let go of thinking I will get what we had back, because that is never going to happen. But to focus on improving the problems we had because of my issues, and slowly rebuild a new relationship, a better one. A restart. After no contact of course. I’m sorry if I seemed rude. I understand now that I need to let go and spend this time actively working on myself and maybe in three weeks, reconnect with him and see if we can build new. After all he said he wanted to stay friends and see if we could build back up to a point where we could be together again. Maybe a restart was all he wanted all along. Thank you for being kind and answering everyone of my comments. It’s greatly appreciated.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Nope, that’s ok. I understand. It’s actually common for an ex to be want to be friends because they still have that feeling of missing you because they’re used to having you and talking to you, but not really enough, or not in a romantic way to want you back. So, be really active in improving yourself, having your own routine that you would continue even after nc, enjoy it. Because after it, you would have to juggle that while rebuilding rapport.

  16. Jessica - 0

    Jessica

    On day 23 of no contact I broke it and then since again In am doing its it has been 31 days should I go in no contact again or just follow these friend zone method.He daily calls me and texts me and now I am getting a impression that he started forgetting me what should I do? I really think I should message him but don’t know it will work or not so please help!!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jessica,

      Did you mean you restarted the count after you broke it? and did you mean he contacts you everyday in this second nc and you’re not answering? If you’re answering him, that’s not nc.. but if you mean you restarted the count, so all in all you did 54 days, and thst you didn’t answer, then it’s time build rapport now

    • Jessica - 0

      Jessica

      Hello amor can u tell me what is time build rapport
      Actually Jessica he used rubbish tactics so he can talk to me on day 23 he called on my mother’s cell and told me that if I won’t talk He will disturb my mom.So we had a conversation on that day and now since then means it has been 8 more days and he wants me to be his best friend.So what should I do?
      Should I start no contact again of 30 days
      Or should I just follow Chris advice to ends things on high notes?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      sorry that was a typo.. I meant it’s time to build rapport now..

      but since you answered and it’s was after a threat, that means the power is over him, which shouldn’t be. It should be equal..Because he will repeatedly do that in order to get what he wants.. And right now, he wants to be friends because he wants to do what he’s used to do until he’s comfortable enough not to talk to you anymore.. you have to talk to your mom about that or have her block his number amd then restart the no contact period..

  17. Bardcore - 0

    Bardcore

    This was really insightful and I live for these articles.

    So my ex and I had a talk last night and are no longer boyfriend and girlfriend but he did make a point to tell me that he genuinely enjoys my company and wants to be friends, and that he’ll be available if I ever need anything, which I appreciate. After our break-up, though, we got to talking about the D&D campaign we’re gonna be in with a ton of mutual friends (which isn’t for a few weeks), and we arranged to meet up tomorrow to help me create my character. I do genuinely need the help to make the character. My learning how to make D&D characters is how we first got together, so there’s that too. Can I start on N/C after I get my character figured out with his help? Naturally I’m gonna look awesome when I go see him and I’ve got plans after so it’s all good.

    Thanks guys!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Bardcore,

      what about getting help from other people?

    • Bardcore - 0

      Bardcore

      There currently isn’t anyone else available until after the campaign starts.

      Side note: one of his best friends actually thought my ex was an absolute idiot for ending the relationship, and they’re hanging out today anyway. And his buddy’s not the type of person to just not hold someone accountable for their choices.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      ok..of that’s really the only choice, start nc after it..

    • Bardcore - 0

      Bardcore

      I really appreciate your advice!

      I do have an additional question though. If, at some point during N/C, he wants to meet up with me (whether it be just to talk as friends OR to (best case scenario) try dating again), how would I proceed? He’s pretty dead set on keeping me in his life to some capacity. Would I keep on with the N/C and ignore it or do I go meet up with him?

      Also I’m not quite at UG status yet but I’ve been trying to improve my health (mental and physical) since before we even broke up, and I’m pretty confident I’ll be there relatively soon.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      if it’s just to meet, nope. But if he really says he wants to be back in a relationship with you, as boyfriend-girlfriend, then yes of course you can break it..that’s good..keep improving even after nc

  18. Julie - 0

    Julie

    Dear Amor

    Last time, we talked about my situation and friendzoned. Actually, I had a dinner and watching a movie at cinema with him last night. I would like to stay this was just “hanging out between friends” however it was not I think. It was a date, well-dressed up, he paid everything for the night. He seemed a little bit nervous. No physical contact during the date by the way. After the date we said good-bye each other and as usual he said text me when I am at home. And while I was on the way back home he texted to me right away that thanks for the nice evening. I am confused what he thinks about this date and me. If we are just friends both of us should not be able to feel no intense….? And I want the second date of course. From now on, what actions will be the best way for me to have the second date?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Julie,

      that’s good for you. go back t9 your activities, dont be too available..let him work for your time..He should be the one thinking how to ask you for a 2nd date

  19. lulu - 0

    lulu

    So what should i do ? Stay his best friend but without showing him or indicating that im emotionally available for him and that im not making the option of being together available ?
    And does this mean that basically all we’re ever gonna have is friendship?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If you’re going to stay being his friend now, more likely that’s just it. You’re going to stay his friend. If you want a higher chance of him seeing you in a different light, do not stay in the same position. Risk losing him. Do at least 30 days of nc and then focus in having a new routine, improving yourself, having your own life, meeting new people, have a makeover, be active and productive and continue that routine even after nc while slowly rebuilding rapport

    • Lulu - 0

      Lulu

      Im planning on staying for a while now just until he get stable with his university studies and then would it be okay if I just started the NC then ? And since we talk way too much during the day should i tell him that i decided to leave because ignoring him outta no where when we contact almost throughout the whole days doesn’t feel appropriate

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it really wont feel appropriate because you made him think you’re his best friend and then you’re just going to disappear.. for me, I dont advise that you do that because you’re like mommying him and it would be harder to appear as an ungettable girl later on because you’re so available now but I respect your decision..The best you can do is tell him being friends is not really working out for you and then do at least 45 days of nc and focus in having your own life and widening your world, make new friends, date, explore and grow as a person during and after nc..

    • lulu - 0

      lulu

      I wont let him know that i stayed for his educational status ill just pretend that I gave it a try as being his friend but thats not working out for me and i cant deal with such situation would that be fine ?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I still suggest you should go straight to nc, but if you really want to be friendly first, yes, that’s the best option you have

  20. Karen - 0

    Karen

    GREAT SITE!
    Ok so I grew up with this guy, who is a couple years younger always had a crush on me slightly. We would talk on occasion via text or social media when one was single. But for the most part we both always were involved. Until recently he reached out on social media and asked if I was single again and why I hadn’t contacted him? I was on vacation at the time, he said have fun and text him next week and we should get together. I didn’t. A week later he text me saying good thing I didn’t hold my breath waiting for your text. We text back and forth. Ended up hanging out a few days later. Both had a great time. He always for the most part initiated the conversation. We basically talked daily consistently for 18 straight days and hung out/dates 7 times. He was 100% all about me and we had talked of taking things slower.
    We bumped into his crazy ex that he has a past on and off 4 years and most recently has blocked her from all forms of communication the last few months. She approached him 2 times while we were out and was causing a scene till we left. He was uncomfortable doing the one step back while she takes one step forward and he was just shaking his head. This was a Saturday night. Sunday I could feel he was pulling away. I finally text later that afternoon and he was short. We had originally had plans to hang out but was not feeling good(aka hungover). I said I hope you feel better and he said thanks. Let it be.
    Monday I text asking if he was alive and he replies right away saying he was and he hasn’t said anything bc he feels bad and needs to be single right now. Im awesome and he doesn’t want to hurt me and would be best to be friends right now.
    I asked if it was something said or done Saturday night or if it was seeing her and getting in his head?
    He replied, Seeing her was weird but he’s not going to talk or see her. Said he promised it was nothing I did and it’s all him, he just needs to be single and doesn’t want to hurt me, that I am too good of a person.
    I followed it up with appreciate his honesty and little bummed about it all but have had a great time and he’s a great guy and not to settle for less than he deserves. NOTHING MORE monday.
    Tuesday night he calls… I didn’t answer and later called back and he was chipper and asking what I was doing & then jumped into the convo please don’t be mad at me, and don’t be a stranger now… I just don’t want to hurt you and youre a great girl. I don’t want my ex, but realize I had this door wide open for her for the longest time and Ive never fully been “single”. I don’t want to realize this 2months down the road etc… Its hard to explain bc I don’t get it myself. He’s like you’re great, and actually you’re too good for me. Then basically said again dont be mad at me, and stranger comment again and said call or text me tomorrow.
    Wednesday I did make mistake sending a couple snap chats but being “funny”…. no conversation further…
    Today is Thursday. Im driving myself crazy if I’ve ruined this all already or is their still a chance?
    Do you think seeing his ex stirred something in him and the drama of it all reminded him he didn’t want a relationship right now?
    Just confused how it was all him pursuing and BOOM… I need to be single/we need to be friends right now?
    Think it was going too fast even though we said slow and got freaked out?
    Or is it truly just all done and over?! Did I throw myself into the friend zone? I want out… HELP! 😉

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Karen
      more likely you are friendzoned, but why not try the advice above first?

    • Karen - 0

      Karen

      Thanks for the reply…
      EBR Team Member: Amor
      February 2, 2017
      Hi Karen
      more likely you are friendzoned, but why not try the advice above first?

      You suggested try the advice above as in the NO CONTACT?

    • karen - 0

      karen

      As in do the 30-day NC?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yep! I know you started, that’s good but try to restart it and then focus in improving yourself.. make him regret through your improvements..

  21. lulu - 0

    lulu

    oh forgot to mention we started out as friends stayed friends for 6 months until that day he confessed and we became together..thought u should know

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lulu,

      you became his rebound and now you’re friendzoned.. in order to meet the right guy and for a guy to value you and respect you, you have to respect yourself too. You have to learn to let go of the people who are not within your standards.. it’s ok, if you want to be good friends with him, but keep in mind, your actions send him a message that you’re just there waiting for him if in case it doesn’t work out with the other girl, even if you knew he left you and went back with her..So, if ever it gets well with the other girl again, it would be easy for him to repeat what he just did..

  22. lulu - 0

    lulu

    Hi, To whose reading this.. i know this is long but please read along </3
    Im kinda in a tough situation and I'm really really hesitating when it come to the NC rule cause I think this is going to cause me somethings and in a negative way.. So let me explain my situation first, so this guy i met..at first we were both crushing on different people and he was basically helping me get that guy i was crushing on but..eventually I fell for him instead but I kept quite because I knew he had feeling for that other girl tho I showed it to him, hinted him so he basically knew i had feelings for him and acted as if he didn't know tho he always treated me with so much care and talked to me in an intimate way and spends way too much time with me that at some points i suspected that maybe things are changing ?.. so after i while they got together for most likely a month or so i thought ( he later as in recently explained that they weren't officially together just acted like it and thats when he thought theres no chance and then we got together..read on all find the details) after that they broke it off and after a while he confessed that he loves me! and we got together for 5 months exactly lol.but during those 5 months i caught him going out with that same girl behind my back for couple of time not much but still..we fought about it but he always said that its nothing were just friends (which i knew anyways that they were) or ill explain everything for u later just give me some time and wed eventually just forget the whole thing..until recently when i found out..again..that they met this week without me knowing so i got so mad and confronted him…and things got complexed in a weird way..he said that i forced myself onto him from the very first (thats when i mentioned that i hinted and so) and that i forced him into this relationship but I mean come on he's the one who confessed first :/ how come did i force him lol ? anyways so 2 days ago (around 4 days after our fight) we talked about it and he explained it with a little bit of more details (i still don't have the whole story)..he said that at first as in the days where he was into that same girl (btw that girl and him has a long story as well they kinda both have feelings toward each other"long-complicated story" ) so he had feelings for her but he thought they never had a chance with each other and since i was there and hinting him and such he decided to give it a try with me </3 and so we did but during our relationship things happened between them and he realized that they do might actually have a chance with each other and thats when he had to ends things with me i guess and during the relationship he always took care of the fact that he doesn't bring me so close to him being afraid that id get hurt in the end.. anyways i did ask him tho if whether he ever did actually have feelings for me during our time or nothing at all he said that Yes he did actually have feelings for me tho i still don't know the whole story cuz i kinda cut him off and refused to talk or give him the chance to explain things but were planning on meeting up soon so he'd explain the whole thing with further details.. now my problem is that i did cut him off from the very first day all of this happened but he just wouldn't stop reaching me out calling, texting,checking up on me and to be honest i did answer him but not in my normal attitude but he just acted as if he didn't notice and kept trying to keep things normal..and when we talked he really explained that he needs me In his life so much and that why can't we stay together just because were not in a relationship he said" if blocking me from everywhere and cutting me off is what u need and would help get u a peace of mind or heal ur heart then you have the right to do so i won't stop you" well for what he says that he can't stand seeing me hurt…he strongly doesn't want to do that at all but if thats what i want he'd do it..(for me).. when i thought about it I told him that its fine and id stay in his life and love u like always i mean i can't force his feelings 🙁 but he needs me as he says he really really needs me i quote him to be specific after telling him my decision to stay he said " This might be inappropriate to say but I really need you" and after the whole conversation we had he said : "I really really missed you" ( its because i kinda cut him off for the whole week and only replied to him if he reached me out, he was trying to reach me out a lot and have couple of random conversation but i never really responded to him that much.. it like he was doing that so we don't grow apart) look he's a virgo aka very very complicated mind If i chose to do the NC rule he might think of it that i don't want to be in his life and that i chose to let go and leave and he's actually gonna respect that (according to what i already mentioned) and he might just leave and another thing we are really really close to each other he even said and i quote : " i never had or kept any female friend this close to me in my life and that knows every thing about me " (its like he's indicating my importance in his life)so were basically keeping what we have, just ignoring the part that we were once together 🙁 i do still love him and explained that to him and he understands it too ,so I'm scared that doing this and being away for 30 days would literally destroy the close connection we have </3 like he still reaches me out throughout the whole day actually 5 minutes ago he called for no reason he took a break for 5 min from what he's doing and called me but had to go back to it so he hanged up and said that well talk later he said I'm just calling to mess with u .were even going to the movies on sunday too </3 oh my god i literally don't know what I'm doing I'm in a very complicated situation please help me <///3 he has a lot of problems in his life majorly his education problem and I'm helping him out way too much for him to get back into it and stand up on his feet again and he needs me so bad for that he needs my positive boost he always says this : "you always weirdly give me that positive energy somehow" and he said as well "I've never felt this positive in my life" and he's going to start his semester next week this is a very sensitive time and seriously needs my support he always talks to me about it when he gets his anxiety attacks and start re worrying and like have all these obstacles in his head and I help make things simple for him and clearing them out of his head I'm even the one who registered the semester courses for him cause he was too scared to face it and do it himself, not him nor her, i did :/ so it really feels wrong to leave him at such time not when he needs me most that'll just crush everything we have..itll crush him and it'll make us grow apart and maybe even gives that girl the chance to take that privilege from me and he'd go to her instead of me since I'm no longer available..sometimes i feel more closer to him than her to him but i donnu really whats between them its a long story between them and its kinda private between them and respect that privacy..basically because they had feeling for each other but then he backed off and got with another girl because everyone was pressuring them to get together and he didn't want it that way and she got shocked from that fact because she thought he felt the same and left his life for a year( i didn't exist in his life at this time) but never got with anyone and never got over her feelings for him and now she's back almost the exact same time i met him she came back.. I'm sorry i know this is too long to read </3 but I'm really holding all of this in my crushed heart </3 and have no idea how should i deal with this

    Reply
    • Erin P. - 0

      Erin P.

      Hi Lulu,

      This is my humble, nonprofessional opinion: what is your ex boyfriend doing for you that makes you more to him than a caretaker? Why would he deserve such a commitment from you when he hasn’t been loyal or committed to you?

      He can say whatever he wants about needing you, missing you, or valuing you. But if you don’t feel comfortable or valued as his friend (especially after the repeated betrayals when you were together), then he is not valuing you.

      I suggest you withold what he hasn’t earned. I know how hard this is to actually do, because I get so emotional when I try to ignore my ex and feel his eyes on me. I feel so sad when I see him sad, especially if I was the cause. But he will not value me if I give him everything he wants on his terms.

      So, hard as it is, you need to let him feel the pain of not having you in his life so he can make a choice, once and for all.

      P.S. Until you get the full story and he stops spending time with the other girl, you are much safer not taking him back. And if you catch him with her while you are dating, you need to end it first.

      I will be thinking of you and hoping this situation gets better. Prayers

  23. Julie - 0

    Julie

    I ended up with my boyfriend on 22nd of January. No contact for 1 week, in 2 days after he texted me however I did not answer. And he texted me in 2 days after, I continued no contact however I contacted him the day after I received the message to him. On 31 January I finally met him. We met at cafe and talked about how I and he have been doing. And he asked me why I did not reply to him however, I changed a decision and contacted to him.

    I said, I needed a space and time from relationship. And I tried to show I have gradually been improving myself from issue which lead to break-up. I think it was too soon to meet him… The improvement will not show him too soon.. Of course not.
    The reason why he contacted me was wondering how I have been doing and based on friendly basis. He wants to keep contact with me in friendly basis. He said he is able to have a dinner, go to cinema, and meet his family with me however, in FRIENDLY basis. He said right now he is too busy with work and study. He was always busy with work during the relationship with me….. He does not want to give any false hope to me that one day we will get back together for sure even though he still has feelings for me. I cannot understand how he can stay a friend with me after break-up even though he misses me…. For right now, he does not want to consider a relationship with me nothing but meeting me as a friend. I am afraid acceptance of friendship would make me being ended up a friend to him… He said if I cannot stay friend with him he would respect my decision and it will become nothing. I feel really hurt and stuck in this situation. I cannot see any hope or do not know what to do from now on. I feel so weird to become a friend with him. Seems he cannot break the contact with me after break-up and sounds like he just wants to keep me in his life….

    What am I supposed to do ?….

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Julie,

      he’s probably friendzoning you because he’s still used to having you around.. do you want to restart no contact period?

  24. Rachael - 0

    Rachael

    Hey, 🙂 so I have been doing no contact for a week now, and he hasn’t tried to reach out once. We ended on relatively good terms. What he said I 100% believe, he said that he needs more time before he can be in a relationship (which as i said i completely believe. he is going through a lot right now, and seriously doesn’t have any time and hasn’t for a while.) and that he def wants to stay friends forever, as for getting back in a relationship, he said he really does want to be back with me when he has either more time or I am out of school. Once again, i believe him. My point to this is that 1. im not sure if the tips on the website are really going to work well for me or maybe drive him away? Also more specifically if its normal that he hasnt even tried to text me in the past week since i stopped speaking to him. thanks

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Rachael,

      there’s no guarantee that nc will work. It only helps increase your chances. If you kept talking, there’s a higher probability that you would be friendzoned.. If he’s busy, yes it’s common that a guy would not reach out after breaking up

  25. Julia - 0

    Julia

    I was talking to a guy long distance but we were never offical but our convos were deep and he said he could see with him for good forever the only issue was the distance different countries. Recently he told me hes going back to his ex to try make it work. Blindsided me i texted him a long text about how he did me dirty ( he never told me he was in contact with her or dating other girls). We stopped talking even though he msgd me randomly. But then we talked on the phone and he basically told me again no that im not listening to him. To move on. Then i texted him recently for closure asking why he doesnt care.. he said he does about me he cant be faithful to a girl in his own country how can he be faithful to me in a diff one. I felt like i said what i had to although not at all. I told him we can try be being friends but he thinks i might not be ready if he posts pics on social media of them. I dont want to be weird cause i know his family… should i still do nc?

    Reply
  26. Ashley - 0

    Ashley

    I posted a comment but not sure if it actually went through, but my ex sent me a message saying “I want you, but I can’t keep going back and forth, lets see what happens if we are friends for a bit, okay?” Do I not answer it and immediatly go into no contact? I really want to be with him and not caught up in the friendzone.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ashley,
      yes, it did went through.. Tell him, sorry being friends is not workable for me right now, but thank you.. and then start the no contact rule

  27. Ashley - 0

    Ashley

    So my ex sent me a message today “He wants me, but wants to see what happens if we are friends for a bit” Do I not answer that and immediatley start no contact? I do not want to get stuck in the friendzone.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ashley,
      yes, it did went through.. Tell him, sorry being friends is not workable for me right now, but thank you.. and then start the no contact rule

  28. Anna - 0

    Anna

    My ex and I dated for 5 months, but got pretty close over the short period of time. We met each others children and he even asked me home to meet his family (which I declined). Anyways, a couple month’s ago he suddenly broke off our relationship w/ no good explanation. It wasn’t a bad breakup, but just confusing. I went into no contact for 36 days and really improved myself. After the 36 days, I began following the texting advice and got positive responses from my ex. We’ve chatted on the phone and there is some flirtation going on. A couple days ago, he agreed to meet me for dinner after work, but ended his text with “just as friends if thats cool?” I agreed, and we talked for a little while longer but never set a date to grab dinner. The next day he text me “so when are we hanging out?” We’ve finally made plans to grab dinner, but what does all this mean? Am I friend zoned or do I still have a chance?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anna,

      not yet.. just use reverse psychology..use that opportunity to build more rapport..

  29. lizzy - 0

    lizzy

    We have been dating on and off for 18months and just last week he told me he want us to be friends. And that he is also changing his sofa in his leaving room so he want them to come and deliver them to me. And I said I don’t want to be friends with him. Now I have started th NC and he keeps texting and sending me videos but I don’t reply to them. My question is whiles I’m doing the NC can i still take the sofas from him because i need them.

    Reply
  30. Jennifer - 0

    Jennifer

    My ex and I’ve been together for about a year and a half and he broke up with me a little over a month ago and he just says he wants to be friends so we can try and rekindle our relationship. my ex and I’ve been together for about a year and a half and he broke up with me a little over a month ago and he just says he wants to be friends so we can try to rekindle our relationship. We lived together and he asked me to move out so I’m living with some friends of ours and he keeps wanting to come over to their house so it’s been really difficult trying to do the no contact rule. Over this last month and a half I’ve been trying to just be friends hoping he’ll change his mind and every time I bring it up he shuts me down and says he needs more time and space. It’s been a couple of days and I just started the no contact rule but he’s text me every single day of it about little things like I have mail at the house or I need to check up on my friends in New York. I’m just so confused in what he wants I feel like he wants his cake and eat it too and I am just hurting in the meantime until he decides to make up his mind whether he wants to be with me or not. I’m just so confused about what he wants I feel like he wants his cake and eat it too and I’m just hurting in the meantime until he decides to make up his mind whether he wants to be with me or not. I just don’t know what to think or what to do please help!

    Reply
  31. Deborah Young - 0

    Deborah Young

    My boyfriend broke up with me about 8 months ago.He is very honest,and he says that he;s not ready for a relationship right now bc he’s dealing with a lot.We don’t see each other at all but we talk practically every day.He’s not looking for anyone or doesn’t want to be with anyone else but me,but right now,he doesn’t want to be with me.He admitted the other day that he misses me,but right now he’s not ready to talk about his feelings.We had a fairytale romance,when we first started talking we couldn’t be together then,and he waited for me.We are still really close,so now I’m waiting for him.I have on several occasions sent him texts that were insecure or needy,and he got mad and told me to stop bc it was pushing him away.He’s not anything like most other guys,and I know him really well so most of the things on this site wouldn’t work on him,so I’m not sure what to do at this point.He said he will tell me things when he’s emotionally ready.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Deborah,

      So, he friendzoned you and now you’re waiting for him to see you in a different light? Did you set a limit on until when you’re going to wait?

  32. Svee - 0

    Svee

    Hi,
    It’s been a month since my ex broke up with me, we were best friends for an year and then in a very serious committed relationship for the next two and a half years. Towards the last six months of the relationship, I took him for granted got manipulated by one of my other friends into thinking that my guy was not treating me right. We ended up fighting so much so he took a drastic step last month and broke up. He told me he loves me and we have a bond but he doesn’t see it working in the future as he doesn’t want to hurt me more than he already has (which was because of me being insecure). I did the usual begging and pleading and he withdrew, blocked me on all social media and told my friends to take care of me. Then in three days, he texts me again, says he isn’t coming back and I should try to move on and again tells me that he loves me. I tell him that I’d like to be friends again (I have no intention of being friend zoned, I just wanted him in my life) and he said he’ll think about it. After that, we’ve been on complete NC for a month nearly and recently, he unblocked me. We work together on a student blog and we were civil to each other on the group. He hasn’t deleted any of our pictures on social media and he asked one of my friends how I was doing and he felt that I was better off without him. I really do want him back as my boyfriend but I’m at cross ends. I don’t want to be friend zoned. What do I do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Svee,

      how much did you improve in the last month? Does it seem like you moved on?

  33. Bee - 0

    Bee

    My bf and I split after 1.5 years days before Thanksgiving. I attempted the NC. He initially broke it on day 5 by coming over to my place. Then I broke it on day 14 in an emotional breakdown (I called and he answered). Then we continued the 30 days. Finally I asked him for my stuff. He came over, we both said sorry, we talked, were intimate, made arrangements to hang out that wknd and followed through to go snowboarding. Overall it seems like we’re on the same page. But on the way home he said we can’t get back together so soon. He said to others we need to be friend, and btwn him and I we can work on it. He said the breakup was fast and immature, plus what are our friends and family to think? He also doesn’t want to be intimate because he doesn’t want to “cheapen” the process of us working on it. I said that we both can agree that getting back together we both have to be better versions of ourselves or it won’t work. I know he’s working on himself. I’m trying to get back into the swing of things. I’m also trying to keep open communication with him but am noticing that I’m initiating it or he is beginning to respond more slowly in the last week. He is a good sweet man, he does have a history of working on things with his ex’s, so that makes me hopeful. But more so I want to no be friend zoned and I want to get back together. We’re both in our early/mid 30’s and marriage is important to us. So I agree, we can’t “cheapen” this time apart to work on ourselves. If it works we need to bring the 2.0 versions of ourselves to the table. But what kind of communication should I keep at what frequency?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Bee,
      mirror him..if he’s nit that responsive now then be more focused in your activities. He has to think you’re not going to wait forever

  34. Alison - 0

    Alison

    Hi Amor.

    I was dating this guy for a few months until just over a month ago. We’ve known each other for over 8 years but only beginning of last year started reconnecting with old friends after a major breakup with an ex and friends. He was the one to ask me out first some months later and I knew from the beginning I wasn’t interested in starting another serious relationship when I was still healing from the last one. However, when I tried to say things like “I don’t like when you do [insert thing here]” or “I’ve just had a bad day, can we meet up?” he just assumed I was seeing it as serious and could throw back the whole “Remember – we are only casual” which really hurt me. I mean… he knew I wasn’t thinking of him like that. I never called him my boyfriend, never thought of anything long term, etc.

    And then I did.

    Right as some terrible things were going on in my life he broke up with me going “i just don’t feel like going out anymore”. I can’t blame him for the timing – it’s not like I told him I was starting to talk to surgeons, oncologists and the like. But I can’t even do the no contact rule to try and get over it. We see each other a minimum of once a week, we have to talk to each other every couple of days, we get invited to the same events, we have the same friends, etc, etc. And while I’m not ready for something serious – he knows I’m interested in him and starting up again. On New Years we shared a kiss and I dropped him home. Despite my feelings and everything I was not going to let him walk him home drunk at 2am. We shared a kiss and he invited me in but I told him no. I would’ve liked to go in but he was far too drunk for that – something I told him the next day as well.

    So how can I try and start something up (not even seriously because I’m being realistic and starting this one step at a time) when I have to see him and talk to him constantly? Everything I look at I can’t seem to even try because I can’t do NC

    Reply
  35. Rachel White - 0

    Rachel White

    My boyfriend and I broke up two months ago, first month was no contact but after that he still said he wanted to be friends because he thinks we are not ready and maybe in a year or two we can be happy together but there is also a chance we both find others. I’m not sure I can be friends with him because it all seems so much easier for him, because he knows I’m there waiting if he changes his mind. So now I decided to change things because I feel he needs time and space, so I’m going to slowly back off and barely reply to his messages. The problem is he is only gonna be in my country for 4 more months and after that he is going back home so is letting him come to me (or not but then at least I can move on) a good idea?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Rachel,

      Did you ask him to get back together right after nc? You mean letting him visit you?

  36. :/ Really sucks - 0

    :/ Really sucks

    Me and my ex were really good friends for 5 months prior to us dating for 2 months. Known each other for 7-8 months total. He recently broke up with me a couple of weeks ago saying how he needs me as a “(best) friend” right now, and he didn’t want a relationship with me because of himself. He is worried of hurting me and himself and has created distance.
    He’s got pretty deep scars and therefore has commitment issues, he told me he’d tell me the reason on his decision on this one day but it’s really killing me on the inside. I’m trying really hard not to text him, but when he texts me i immediately text back. He’s like my best friend and i can’t just talk to him.
    This is a really fragile situation and i don’t know what to really do.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi,
      If yoy keep replying everytime he texts you, it looks like you’re too available.. do you want to try the no contact rule?

  37. In a pickle - 0

    In a pickle

    I just did 30 days no contact and reached out… During our first text conversation he said we can be friends, but nothing more. He has made it clear that he would like to see me though twice during the conversation. Do I go back into no contact or follow the rules stated above and ignore what he said.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi In a pickle,

      You have to answer his invite if he asks again,whether you’re meeting him or not because he will bring that up again if he notices that you’re not answering it. I think you should restart the count but this time, tell him first you understand his decision but you’re not in a place to be friends for now.. and then massively improve yourself

  38. Isabella - 0

    Isabella

    Hello Chris and Amor,

    I followed the No Contact advice for more than 30 days. My ex did contact me half-way to meet up, but I told him no. After doing no contact again, I initiated contact with my ex by following the “First Text” message. Everything went great. We texted back and forth and eventually agreed to meet up for lunch. When we met, we had a great conversation on what we’ve been up to. Our bond seemed the same except we didn’t do any romantic things or any flirting. We had one silent moment and I kinda freaked out and blurted if we could be “friends” from now on. That he can contact me anytime if he wants to hang out or someone to talk to. He seemed to agree by nodding his head and we resumed talking again. When we parted ways, he told me to text him anytime I want to hang out.

    I realized that I (the dumpee) friend-zoned my ex! What should I do now? Should I continue doing low contact? Should I ask to hang out again? Do I need to be hot and cold in our next hang out? I was not hot and cold during that Lunch. Thank you.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Isabella

      chill, you’re over thinking.. You’re not suppose to have a romantic date on the first meet..That’s ok.. You’re starting out as friends.. Just take it slow.. Build rapport first, always have fun but don’t be too available.. Continue having your own life

  39. Megan - 0

    Megan

    My boyfriend and I broke up about 3 weeks ago due to him not wanting to be in a committed relationship. We were in a very happy relationship for a little over a year. I have not initiated contact but he kept texting me asking to hang out. We ended up having sex twice these past 2 weeks. He says he wants me to go out and date but he does not want to himself. Is there a good chance of us getting back together? I am on day 2 of the 30 day no contact rule but I am scared to lose him.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Megan,

      dont sleep with him again. There can be a be a chance that he may want you back but dont give him the benefit of being in a relationship when you’re not together. And be active in improving yourself during and after nc

  40. anon - 0

    anon

    I commented on one of these articles like a month and a half ago.

    I’ve done no contact before on my ex, which lasted for only 2 days because he immediately wanted me back. And what I did and made him think was really manipulative. This same guy broke up with me two nights ago because he lost romantic feelings for me and it wasn’t fair to me that he didn’t love me back the same way. When we broke up the first time and I fell off the face of the Earth for him for a couple of days, he didn’t wonder if I moved on. He thought I hurt myself badly. And so this time I told him I wouldn’t be contacting him for awhile. I know the previous break up and explaining that I’m not going to contact him for awhile is going to at least severely limit my chances of winning him back, but is there even a chance? I am hurting so bad, even worse than the first one even though I was more or less expecting this one because I could tell his love for me was dying out.

    Reply
    • anon - 0

      anon

      I should probably add we met through our current friend group, and I told him he’s allowed to hang out with everyone so complete no contact is not possible because when I come home (especially approaching the holiday season) I need to hang out with these people to distract me. It already happened yesterday. He came over to give me my ring back and he gave me the most comforting hug. And so I thought that was it, because I already knew he had plans for the night and so I made plans in our friends’ group chat and he ended up cancelling his plans to go to the party that was planned. Before he left, he asked me again to make sure it was okay that he went and I said “Yeah”. He didn’t say a word to me the entire night, but I also ignored him as much as I could. This morning though, after that being a rough experience at least for me, I told our friends that I like hanging out with them all but I just couldn’t do it anymore and left the chat. I still plan on having one of my closer friends tell them if I decide to do something at my house and want to invite them.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anon,

      Ok, this time, complete the 30 days and make the most of it to heal independently.

  41. Janna Goulding - 0

    Janna Goulding

    My boyfriend just broke up with me. Friend zoned me. I’m scared it’s just because he has commitment issues. I want to try the 30 day NC but I’m scared if I do that immediately, then he’ll think I’m over him. I want him to see if space will help him so he will want me back, but I’m scared that what ever I do will backfire. Advice?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Janna,

      so, you want him to think you’re just there, waiting for him?

  42. Heather - 0

    Heather

    Okay so me and my boyfriend dated for 2 years. We lived together for almost a year and we just moved into a new apartment, and we have pets, leases, and car payments together. We’re both 21. I moved to a different state to be with him, so now I’m alone here, and living with my friend. Things didn’t work out because I was clingy, needy, didn’t try hard enough, and a bit controlling and wouldn’t let him have much freedom. We planned our life together and we’re planning the future together too, the break up totally blindsided me. He said he just didn’t have feelings for me in a relationship type way anymore, and doesn’t care if I try to change, and I asked if we could fix things, and he kept saying maybe down the road or I don’t know right now. So we have been broken up for a month. The first week I kept begging and crying to him, and wasn’t getting the responses I wanted. The second week I saw him to exchange mail I had at our apartment (which is still mine and his but I moved to my friends apartment because I didn’t want to stay there anymore because I was upset) we didn’t talk much during the mail exchange and just were short and that was it. So I decided to go full no contact and not talk, text, call or anything and it’s been 2 weeks of no contact, and 2 days ago he reaches out to me and says hey how are you? I didn’t answer right away, but responded and said I’m good how are you then more simple messages were exchanged, like about work and our pets. So then he sends me a really long message and said “I’m just seeing how you and the pets are doing I don’t want this to be awkward or anything when we talk and even though we’re not together I don’t see why we can’t be friends. If you need anything or someone to talk to I’m here.” So he sent that last night and I opened the message and read it and still haven’t responded because I don’t know what to say to him. I want more than a friendship I thought no contact would make him want to be back with me. I even have been bettering myself and focusing on my health, wealth, and relationship. I’m not sure if he truly wants to be my friend, or if he is unsure if breaking up with me was a good choice so he’s using friendship as a way to come back into my life slowly? I’m afraid to ask him why he wants to be friend because I don’t want to mess it up or make him think I’m not interested. What do I do if I want to get back together with him? Because as of right now I still haven’t answered his message and he knows I read it, and I don’t want to go another day of ignoring it.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Heather,

      if the no contact rule is working to increase your chances, talking and being friends just after two weeks is too early.. try to finish the 30 day, establish your new routine.. he has to see that you’re serious..

  43. Isabella - 0

    Isabella

    Hello,

    My ex-bf of 3 years broke up with me because he said he thinks I’m “not the one.” I implemented NC right away. On day 10 of NC, he texted me asking if I’m free to meet up. I replied the next day asking why he would like to meet up and he said because he wants to see how I’m doing and if we could ever be friends. I told him “no” to the meeting and that I’m not ready to be friends yet. He told me to let him know when I’m ready. To be honest, I don’t mind being friends with my ex because I don’t want to be back with someone who can’t put in 100% into our relationship. I feel like I would need to do NC to heal before becoming friends. However, I do want to at least try and see if there is a chance I can win him back. What do you think is the best method I should do? Since I broke NC to reply to his invitation, do I need restart NC back to Day 1 or continue to Day 11 NC?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Isabella,

      Yes, you need to restart the count to day 1.Be active in improving yourself. Don’t like his posts nor social media stalk him but be active in posting in social media.

  44. Leslie L - 0

    Leslie L

    I’ve been dating my guy for a year. We broke up and we’re trying to work things out. He said he wants things to work but is hurt from what happened in our relationship where I pushed him away and his wall is high . He asked me to be patient and give him time but said he feels guilty that I love him and he dosent feel the same way yet. So he said he wants to just be friends. When I told him no .. he begged me stating ..” I want you in my life.” This isn’t what I want. I’m going to notice every day that your gone. I don’t want you to disappear. Asked me to call him I said no. Then asked if we could sit down and talk in a few days I said no. Bc he just told me his feelings aren’t the same for me and he dosent feel them progressing. This happened last night. This morning he was already texting telling me I left something in his truck. I did not respond bc he had already previously told me this the night before.

    Reply
    • Leslie L - 0

      Leslie L

      he was saying these things in addition to the I want to be friends.

    • Leslie L - 0

      Leslie L

      Also for a year we’ve never been apart (other than when we went to visit famklties for the weekend ) and have never gone more than a day without speaking .

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Leslie,

      you did the right thing because if you agreed, that means you’re friendzoned..worse is you’ll be friends with benefit if something happened.. try doing 30 days no contact..Most important thing is that you heal and improve yourself during and after nc

  45. Kay - 0

    Kay

    My ex boyfriend and I broke up 3 weeks ago. We didnt talk at all except once we texted about work because we work together, once he said happy birthday, and once I just texted him saying I hope everything is okay because his dad passed away a week before. So technically I guess we broke NC but I really dont think i couldve not reached out to him after his father dying….However, the other night we had a “Talk” because we both agreed we wanted to talk about the brekaup as we went 3 weeks without saying anything about it. It didnt go badly but it didnt go well. He just said he doesnt want to be in a relationship right now and he wants to be friends, i told him I didnt want him out of my life but i didnt want to be friends. I even said how can we be friends when we BOTH have feelings still and he said eventually he thinks we will be okay and not feel that way. So my question is, am I stuck in the friend zone? How do I get out? Do i have to do NC all over again? he is going to be so confused.

    Reply
  46. Sara - 0

    Sara

    My boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago. He said he is busy and we should be friends, take things slow and see where it goes. We stayed friends for two weeks till I realized he’s dating other girls. I got upset and I told him I don’t wanna be his friend and watch him finding another woman. He didn’t try much to change my mind. I haven’t contacted him for more than a week and haven’t heard from him. I’m going to stick to the 30 day NC rule. But, I’m not sure if he cares enough to miss me or contact me at all.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi Sara,

      do nc for you to heal and improve
      because even if you stayed to be friends, would he care? no right? He even dated while you were friends..

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