Is My Ex Boyfriend Over Me Already?

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

It is not easy to see the big picture when you get dumped by your ex boyfriend.

It can cause you to behave erratically and irrationally.

Losing your boyfriend is never something you can plan or prepare for.  And when it happens, you fall into these web of emotions, eventually culminating in the singular question:

Is my ex boyfriend truly over me?

It is a painful question to entertain.  When your ex drops you out of his life, all you can think of is “why me”?

What have you done to deserve to be treated this way by the guy you have done so much for?

You wonder to yourself,

“could my ex boyfriend really be over me already?”

Is there some way to get him back?

It seems way too soon for him to have just shoved you aside in his mind.

How could your boyfriend be so cruel?

These are the thoughts that are bouncing around in your mind.

It seemed like everything was going smoothly up until you got the news that he wanted out.  Perhaps the two of you struggled in the relationship before.

It’s not unusual for couples to have falling outs.

Indeed, if I could count how frequently I have heard about couples calling it quits, well, let’s just say it happens a lot.

Maybe that is not a bad thing, right?

Two people meet, date, see each other, then things go awry somewhere down the road causing the couple to split up.  In away, it is part of the selection process.

First romances hardly every work out.

But let’s say in your situation, this falling out is worse than the others.

It is seldom a mutual decision. Either your boyfriend broke up with you or you finally said, “no more” and ended it with him.

But some time has passed.

The immediate aftermath is over. All of the angry and confusing feelings may have subsided somewhat.

So you are left wondering if your ex boyfriend still cares about you.

You care.

That you know for sure.

You think about him every night in bed.

For that matter, he is constantly in your mind.

You still have feelings for him.

But does he, you wonder?  Y

ou think to yourself that he must still have some feelings.

After all, the two of you were a pretty hot item.

I am Struggling to Cope – Why Isn’t My Ex Boyfriend?

But the fairy tale romance you and your ex boyfriend enjoyed came crashing down and now these confusing feelings are settling in.

It seems incomprehensible to you that you can be drowning in sorrow, yet your ex bf seems to be completely unaffected.

Even if he was the one that instigated breaking if off, a part of you still thinks he must have some feelings left for you.

And to make matters worse, you can’t even be sure how to process all the confusing notions running through your mind since your boyfriend cashed you out.

You feel discarded by your boyfriend when he let’s you go.  Maybe there wee signs that your boyfriend was going to drop you, but there is hardly anything that can prepare you when he hits you with it like a ton of bricks.

If your boyfriend left you with little or no notice, you will ultimately be left standing wondering a great many things about what had happened.

Your mind will be like a jungle of thoughts and ideas.  Yet, you find yourself always coming back to “is he thinking of me”.   It’s tough when your ex boyfriend’s real feelings are a mystery to you.

So what do you do if you are haunted by the question of whether your ex still cares about you, thinks about you, and is really over you?

I get this question a lot from women all over.

They want to know if their Ex is struggling in their own way about the breakup.   My clients want to feel that the whole relationship with their ex bf was worth their emotional investment.

So are you wondering if your ex boyfriend is still invested in you?

I get questions and stories of heartache everyday from women who are struggling with these very same heartfelt questions.   No knowing if their ex has even a kind thought for them, tears them up inside.

I can’t believe that my ex isn’t out there somewhere, this very minute, agonizing over not being with me. What should I do?”

“He left me without warning, but It can’t be all over because my boyfriend isn’t one to give up on me. “

“John and I split up a few weeks back.  I still care and practically obsess about us getting back. I really hope he thinks the same way. I fantasize about him and cry a lot.  It helps me cope, I think.  Can it be possible that guys have as hard a time getting past their sorrows as us ladies?

What Is Really Happening in the Mind of Your Ex Boyfriend?

If truth be told, how men and women act during and following a breakup is varied depending on their personality, attachment styles, the length of their relationship, and a host of other factors.

But there are some commonalities.  They just play out at different times.

Let me explain.

Your ex boyfriend is probably not completely in touch with what he is experiencing since the two of you parted ways. Few people really are.  It is not like he is out there whooping it up in those early days

Well, maybe there are some guys out there that behave that way from the get go.  You learn later from friends that he is partying it all up and seems to be taking joy in his new single status.  Of course, if this is the case, it clearly will rub you the wrong way.

But here is another truth.  Guys that do this are usually living in an emotional pretend world.

Your ex is probably embracing a Big Lie.  And that lie is being repeated with every immature action he may undertake after the breakup.

If the two of your were generally a decent couple for a good period of time, then that reality is difficult to overcome in your ex boyfriend’s psyche.  So if your boyfriend is reportedly “doing just fine” or seems to be “really happy”, trust me, it is in part an illusion.

If your ex has a heart, he cares.  He just might not yet understand how much he cares.

It is said they after a guy and girl break things off, the woman is usually immediately crushed by the end of the romance.  Feelings of rejection and resentment can take hold, though usually, it is the tears of unrequited love that dominates her mood.

But later, as time marches by, the girl does a better job of recovering and putting things in perspective, learning lessons from the failed romance and setting aside many of the painful memories.

Whereas boyfriends who are experiencing a breakup, early on will sort of live in their own fantasy world.  They will go out and play and act up. Thoughts of their ex girlfriend are pushed back to the outer recesses of their brain.

They will convince themselves that the breakup with you was the best thing that ever happened.  As your ex puts more stock on celebrating their freedom, they will just live it up even more.  Maybe a lot.

This is how they will behave, at least until the reality of their complicated feelings comes crashing down around them.

You may hear stories of your ex out there carousing and drinking and partying and dating and schmoozing and just being a real jerk about things that he has purportedly said about you.

But fate has a way of balancing the romance equation.

While your ex boyfriend may act like he does not have a care in the world and is fully and completely over you, there is nothing further from the truth.

In most cases, this behavior is just made up drama as he pretends not to care about you.  Little by little, all of his bravado and false sense of knowing what is best for him comes crashing down.

Does your Ex Boyfriend Need a Serious Reality Check?

The timeline is different for all guys.

I think of it as the boyfriend reality check.

But in time, he will be transformed (by varying degrees) into a sniffling, moody, somewhat depressed former lover. He will start feeling like he is missing out on all the things that made him really feel special.  He will realize that he previously took you for granted.

The realization of that will hurt and while you are entering into that phase of getting past what he did to you, he will be passing you by (on an emotional level), headed in the opposite direction.

Yes, such are the vagaries of how men and women are different.

In the beginning, your ex will be thinking of himself.

He will likely feel a certain degree of relief that he has his freedom back. He will be telling himself lots of little lies as he passes through the post splitting up phase.

These behaviors usually play out for a few days or even weeks.  But if your guy is like most guys, he will eventually realize he has not fully come to terms with what has happened.

What Do the Break Up Gods Say About Your Boyfriend Needing and Wanting You?

Fate speaks the truth in the topsy turvy world of breakups.

The problem is no one can see the future.  Well, maybe Yoda can, but I haven’t seen him around lately.

The  breakup Gods are the ones that settle the score for all couples.

They will sneak right up to your ex and shake him at his core.  The breakup Gods are not about evening the score.  They are simply in the business of delivering to us certain truths about our feelings.

It will usually happen to your ex boyfriend when he least expects, because after all, most guys are not really in touch with their true feelings after being separated from their girlfriend.  They live in a sort of pretend world.  They act like they are not in pain.  They pretend that you never really gave them fulfilling moments.  Your boyfriend will tell himself all the pretty little lies he can muster up and will do this over and over again.

But eventually, your boyfriend’s facade will melt away.

Unless your guy is a complete, self absorbed ass, his thoughts will turn to you.

As to how much he really needs you back in his life….well that is impossible to predict.  There are just way too many variables.

Some guys realize the stupidity of breaking up with you, swallow their pride, and then makes some kind of gesture. Other guys arrive at that emotional place where they begin to doubt if it was really such a good idea to end things with you.  They become amenable to finding a way back in.

Then of course we have the stubborn boyfriends who oppose doing anything that is in their best interests.  While they are not hopeless, they certainly make the whole affair of recovering from a breakup a much more difficult ordeal.

Finally, there are some guys who just simply don’t want back into the relationship. They either broke up with you or you ended it with them and for any number of reasons, they have come to terms with what is best for them (and you).

So what is the simple answer to how you can get your ex bf to notice you and act like he cares deeply for you?  Is that even possible if he is not feeling it inside?   How do you even get him to that place where he is in touch with his feelings?  The short answer is to give him space as “time” is your ally.  But there is more to it.

I realize what you want most is for your ex to sweep you off your feet and tell you how much you mean to him.

That is truly want you want to hear and experience.

Is it even possible? Yes, of course it is.

Is it likely?

Nothing in the sphere of ex boyfriends and ex girlfriends can be characterized as probable or likely.  But I have some ideas that might just help you, help him get to that moment when you both realize that the parting was too swift….that you both deserve a do over.

How Do You Get Your Ex Boyfriend To Act Like He Has a Heart?

You know, that is really what we are talking about here.  What can you do to awaken those feelings that “you know” are hidden up inside your ex?

Every dag I get a parade of women asking for help on this topic.

Chris, what can you do if your ex boyfriend just has gone stone cold about everything that reminds him of our relationship?”

“My ex dropped me out of his life, just like I was a nobody.  He behaves like he never knew me. It kills me that he treats me like this. Does this mean I have no chance?   I am desperate for some tips on how I can turn my ex bf back into a loving, caring person again.”

“I think my ex has wiped me out of his mind completely.  If there is anything left, even a memory of us, he seems determined to let it waste away.  I am really sick of hoping he has even one kind thought about me.”

Understand that your Ex Boyfriend is Probably Experiencing the Playboy Phenomenon

These troubled women are all experiencing a common behavior from men, following the breakup.

I call it the “Playboy Phenomenon”.

If your man is the the one that precipitated the split, then shortly afterwords he will likely succumb to the urge of acting like a Playboy.

In his mind (because most guys cherish their freedom) he is FREE.  He may have these visions of hanging with his buddies and partying it up. So don’t be looking for any cues or clues from your former boyfriend that even a little part of his heart bleeds for you.

Remember, your ex is a guy.  He thinks like a guy. He is not living inside your mind or processing things like you do.

Now of course, this is not the case for all men.

Some guys actually act like grownups.  They may have a sensitive, empathetic side.  Maybe the breaking up with you was rough on him.  And knowing that you will likely be keeping tabs on him, he will be respectful and moderate his behaviors such that they are not misconstrued.  These are the nice, conscientious guys.  They are graced with a good dose of empathy.

I mean after all, when you have two people who were in love, but who have now gone their separate ways, well….you have a very sorrowful drama playing out.  It should be rough on everyone’s feelings.  So sure, there are some men out there that process their experiences in life in the same way you do. If you are matched up with a guy like that, then I like your chances.

But, many guys don’t have that kind of makeup, at least not yet.  Maybe they are young and just have not yet experienced the emotional cycle of a breakup, so they have no clue how to act or what to expect or even how to feel.

Some guys are in a phase of their life where they are just really playboys and want the play the field and hang out and flirt and drink and play some more. You get the picture.

Then there are the mean VINDICTIVE ones.

Yep, they are out there.  I sure hope you were not seeing one of those kind of boyfriends.

No matter what you say or do or think, these guys are just not going to have much room upstairs in their mind for feelings like “Oh, she was so pretty” or “I miss the smell of her when we make love” or “I wish I could see that little curl of my ex girlfriend’s smile”.

At least they don’t have those feelings in the forefront of their mind.  Maybe there is some goodness in these kind of guys and their vindictive behavior is a product of them simply overreacting.  If not and their undesirable behavior becomes a pattern, then you are better off without them in your life.

If we are talking about a narcissistic, pig headed, mean, angry, and resentful ex bf, then you are better off just imagining he doesn’t even exist.  He won’t be thinking of sweet things to say to you, unless he wants something.  That is not his make up. Maybe you broke up with your ex bf and his ego just couldn’t handle it.

This is where practicing the No Contact Rule will do you much good.   Just remember, you should have zero tolerance for anyone that mistreats you. There are many good catches out there.  Take the lessons learned from the failed relationship and trust you will land on your feet.

What Does Your Relationship Recovery Plan Look Like Going Forward?

My advice is not aimed at trying to resurrect good feelings from the vindictive ones.  They are in a class of their own and you are better off not chasing that failed romance.  Let’s focus on those ex boyfriends that showed at least a minimum standard of class.

So the question on the table is how do you awaken the spirit of love you believe still resides within your ex?  How do you jog his memories of the really beautiful moments you both shared together?  Because if you do, it will help a lot.

So I have an interesting, somewhat fun filled plan that might just raise your chances.

Maybe that is all the two of you need.  Just a little spark to resurrect the loving feelings that have not escaped either of you.  I figure you wouldn’t have come here to my website unless you were looking for some ideas.  You are probably looking to land on some actionable tips.

Maybe you need some detailed strategies on how to recover your ex bf.  Well, you came to the right place.  I have that and a lot more.  But there is another thing you came here for.

You might not even know it.

You need a lift me up.

You have spent far too much time thinking about what your ex boyfriend might be thinking.  That is a lot twisting and turning of emotions.

You could benefit from a mood lifter.  A little fun.

So here you go.  Here is my fun filled way of trying to re-direct you down the right path.  Are you ready?

Here are the 5 steps to stirring up your ex boyfriend’s interest in you!

1.Take Yourself on a Date. You need a mood elevator and what better way to do that than to treat yourself to something really fun, and really special.  If you want to double date, then take yourself out twice.  I know.  It sounds kinda crazy, but a while back I did a Podcast and spoke to this very wise woman who said one way to rebuild yourself is to treat yourself the way you would want your boyfriend to treat you.  Involve yourself with something that you really would like to do.  For now on, you are your own best friend.  Your ex is bound to notice the change in your attitude and temperament.  He will hear about. He might see you in person briefly.  Your social media pics will reflect the new you.

2. Start a Rumor that your have a Mystery Lover.  I know.  I know.  It sounds so adolescent to participating in such a ruse.  But consider it anyway.  What we are talking about here is you constructing an imaginary lover’s triangle.  So just put a little thread out there that you have received this lovely bouquet of roses.  Take a pic and post it on Facebook, inquiring “who the heck sent this to me!”  Since you have been dating yourself, you might as well give yourself some roses.  It will be perfect. Your ex boyfriend is bound to notice and if he doesn’t, well, you have friends and other tactics you can turn to that will help him hear about it.  A little jealousy, if measured out in the right quantity, can go a long ways!

3. Go on an Adventure to a Far Away Place.  Do you see how all these things connect.  You are dating yourself.  You give yourself some flowers.  And now the world will soon learn that you are off on this adventure.  Make sure you take a lot of pics and post them all.  Send a little, innocent text (embedded with a picture) of you doing something fun that the two of you use to do when your were dating.  The message should sound innocent and slightly unintelligible (“So much white sand”). Make it out like it went out as a broadcast email to several people and your ex accidentally go it.  You are planting seeds in your ex boyfriend’s subconscious.  Give it time.  I bet it will take root.

4. Eat a HUGE piece of Pie.  This one is entirely for you. I want you to love yourself more than you have ever love another.  You deserve the moment.

5. Practice Patience and Being Active.  Most of my clients never finish the No Contact Period.  They can’t resist reaching out to there ex boyfriends. But often when they do so, it is too soon.  They have not planted enough seeds. They have not created enough attraction.  They have not sufficiently healed.  So practice being happy with being your best friend and while you are at it do these things. Walk 2 miles.  Jog on mile.  Play tennis. Go see a movie. Read a book. Sign up for a yoga class (or karate).  Essentially, I want you to engage in life and all the things you enjoy doing and a bunch of things you have never done.  Do them all.  Create unforgettable moments for yourself.  So many good things come from these activities. Health.  Spiritual wealth.  Release of mood elevating hormones.

So is that rascal you call your boyfriend, really and truly over you?

Naah, no way I say!

February 20, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (50)

  1. Hopeful - 0

    Hopeful

    My ex broke up with me a week ago, March 16th. He said it wasn’t my fault/I didn’t do anything wrong, but there was too much going on in his life and it wasn’t working anymore. We live 1 1/2 – 2 hours away from each other and he drove all the way to me to do it in person. I’d felt the affection and interest from his end fizzing out for some time, and feel as though I made things worse because when he seemed to withdraw, I’d reach out and message him more. That was my fault, but there was a lack of communication from him that never really went away, and his friends seemed more important. I never got to meet them because of the distance and the fact that I’m incapable of driving to him alone. It was too much to arrange.

    At first he was affectionate through text and in person. He would ask me when I was free every week and we’d make plans to see each other. He’d even try to make it so we could see each other sooner. I was really excited, I thought he was really into me and the relationship. Then he got into some problems with his dad and got the car he was using taken away (steering lock, and his dad was the one paying for the car), and it became extremely hard for us to see each other, as I’d have to drive to him with my mom accompanying me, because it was a long drive and we both felt it wasn’t safe for me to go alone. This started two months into our relationship and continued for another two months until he got the car back.

    I feel like this period of time hindered our relationship because all I had to hear from him was, for the most part, texts. He wouldn’t answer for 3-8 hours a lot of the time if he was out and with friends, and sometimes didn’t tell me he was out beforehand so I knew to give him space, or even what was going on. During this time he also (I felt) became less affectionate towards me, which made me think something was wrong and made me cling.

    I tried telling him several times that I had problems with feeling like his friends took up most of our relationship. He got to spend half the week with them and, on average, a day and a half with me. When we were spending time together in person he’d be texting them, or leave my house early to spend more time with them. I also told him it made me anxious when I didn’t know he was out and didn’t hear from him for hours. These were things he seemed eager to take care of at first, but when they kept happening, I kept addressing them, until eventually he got offended and frustrated with me. In hindsight, I wish I had given him more space.

    With our one year anniversary 24 days away, he suggested a break. I freaked out because no one had suggested one before. We had been arguing, so I told him we needed to wait until we were less emotional to make such a major decision about our relationship. It was never discussed again, though I did tell him I worried he felt forced to stay with me about ten days later. This wasn’t something he confirmed or denied. Almost one month after our anniversary he broke up with me and said he felt pressured to stay with me, despite me voicing my concerns about that in the past. He said he didn’t remember me bringing it up to begin with.

    We haven’t talked since he broke up with me. We agreed that we could still hang out and be friends, but I’m worried he won’t want to see me because I’m so far away, and there will be less incentive since we’re not together. I asked if this was definitely the end of us ever getting back together and he said he didn’t know but “he’d cross that bridge when he came to it,” but also seemed adamant about the fact that us taking a break now wouldn’t make things better (a suggestion I brought up) and that there were better guys out there for me. Some of his belongings are still here, and he still has a book I let him borrow. I don’t know when to do the exchange or how to handle it, but I want it to be in person. He’ll like things I post on Faecbook and is active on there a lot, but we still haven’t reached out to one another. People I’ve told say “it doesn’t seem like it’s over” and that “it doesn’t seem like he wanted to break up with me.”

    I’m trying to do 30 days of NC, but on day seven it feels impossible. I worry he won’t want to reach out to me and is enjoying his “freedom” with his friends and that he’s completely over me for someone local and won’t to talk to me at all. I’m upset with myself for how clingy I was and how that pushed him away, and now I’m afraid that’s all he’ll remember, since I even told him on the day of the break up that I was scared when he left my house I’d never see or hear from him again.

    Is him liking the stuff I share/post positive? I want to think so, but I don’t know what to think because he hasn’t contacted me. His relationship status also says “In a relationship” from when I changed mine, but when I go to look at this, it has our anniversary, which makes me think he either hasn’t remembered to change it, or isn’t over things. This is all really confusing for me, and I don’t know what to think. Please help.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Hopeful,

      do you want to try the no contact rule?

  2. Ashley Spinelli - 0

    Ashley Spinelli

    My ex and I broke up 2 months ago…I initially broke up with him but then 2 days went by and I texted him asking if we could talk because I wanted to work things out and he said that this was for the best for us and that he’s happier single and will be single for a long time. He said that he needs to figure out where he wants to be in life and that requires him to be single. since then I have made the mistake of asking him to talk so he blocked my number, Facebook, my family on Facebook too and my friend told me that he just recently deleted pictures of us. Is it hopeless to try and reach out or is there even a chance for us anymore?

    Reply
  3. Ally - 0

    Ally

    Hi there. I’m not sure if my situation is quite suitable for this thread.. but I’m really upset and desperate and I just need some advice and talk to someone
    My ex and I have had a very complicated journey. To be honest I don’t even know how it evolved the way it did. We used to be very in love .. almost 3 years ago now. He then moved away and the distance took its toll. He dumped me a soon moved onto another girl which I later found out he dated for almost a year. In that three years I never really moved on from him. I dated here and there but there really wasn’t anyone who could replace him for me

    8 months ago due to coincidence I moved to where he lived at the time. I thought I’d drop him a text to say hello. For the first few weeks-months I thought he liked me. From his behaviour and language. We would talk or see each other almost every single day. He would want to know every moment of my life. However he never actually made a move or ask me out on an official date. It dragged on for a long time and I started to wonder if I have been friend zoned. But a few other things happened which made me believe he may still have liked me. After 6 months of this, I had to move back to my home. And to my surprise, he wanted to and eventually followed me and moved states for me. However his one request was that we live together (as housemates in separate bedrooms). I felt obligated to agree as he had to move his entire life

    We’ve been living together as housemates for almost two months now. Initially we were really close and spent almost every moment together. However in the last couple of weeks there have been a few personality issues that have started to irk me. I retaliated by basically being less friendly and more distant. In hindsight I don’t know if this was the right move but I was getting tired and I wanted to exert some authority too.

    I feel like this uncertainty and lack of clarity has made me very frustrated and easily irritated. For weeks I’ve been wanting to have the talk with him. But I’m not very good at initiating this conversation. I’ve tried 3-4 times. But I’ve always chickened out.

    One week ago we both got very drunk. And he made a sexual move on me. Regretfully I did respond.. we didn’t actually have sex but suffice to say things got heavy. We’ve never talked about it. Since then I’ve tried one more time to have this conversation with him over nice dinner and wine which he initially agreed to then cancelled two hours before. I was really disappointed and didn’t bother hiding my feelings

    Today I came home from work unexpectedly. He had mistaken and thought I was working late. I came back finding him on my couch watching a movie with a random girl. I was really hurt and didn’t know how to react. He introduced her as a friend. ANd kept trying to make small talk with me but I was just not having any of it. I just couldn’t conceal my feelings and gave very curt replies. I decided to leave and go out or a drive. I came back an hour later and she was still there with him trying to make small talk with me. I replied curtly then went back to my room and didn’t come out for the rest of the night

    I don’t understand Chris. Have I misunderstood things all along ? Was I too late in deciding to make a move ? How should I behave and respond from here onwards ? The day before this incident, he asked if I would take a sick day as he had the day off work. So we could spend time. I told him I couldn’t at short notice. And less than 24 hours later I come home to a random girl on my couch cosying up to him. I’m just so lost right now. Could you please enlighten me what went wrong, have I been friend zoned ? Can I and how do I get out of this ? Is it all too late for me ? What should I do ??

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ally,

      just talk.. there’s no other way around it because it might have been confusing for him too

  4. Tiea - 0

    Tiea

    Hi- my ex boyfriend and I broke up four months ago. We were together for almost five years. I have not tried NC. We talked almost daily since we broke up and I thought up until recently that we were going to fix things. I found out this past Sunday he is dating someone (lied to me about it) – at the moment it is not serious. Needless to say I was very upset when I found out and felt like he had led me on to thinking we could fix our relationship. We got into an fight about it and he said many hurtful things and he told me he was done with me. I feel so lost without him. I want him back so badly. We broke up because I had many personal issues going over the summer and I was pushing him away so he became unhappy and left. Is it too late for me?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Tiea,

      looks like she’s a rebound. It’s not too late to do a 30 days nc..

  5. Help please - 0

    Help please

    Is it stated that the no contact rule will always work? And how long should you do that before you give up?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi,

      Nope, there’s no guarantee that it will. It can only help increase your chances. It depends on the situation on how long you should do it.

  6. Isthatyou - 0

    Isthatyou

    Long story short, I cheat on my ex who wanted to marry me. He was hurt so he told me to not worry about him anymore and that he would go his own way. He then also said he would be back and that he would let me know. Blocked me on every social media and so did I him.

    Five days later someone contacted me with a private number. I didn’t pick up. It could have been him? I checked his other social media (which he doesn’t know I have) and he was online around that time. Then the next day someone called me again with a private number. Again I didn’t pick up but checked his social media and he was online around that time (45 minutes before) again. Then the next week after that someone contacted me again with a private number. Again I didn’t pick up and checked his social media again and again he was online 45 mins before the call was made. It has been 18 days since we have last talked to each other.

    Please don’t direct me to another link about how to get back an ex when you’ve cheated. Jut tell me could it be him? Is it just a huge coincidence? He did say he would contact me. So I don’t know if I’m just so biased or if it’s really him? I’m glad I haven’t picked up yet because I’m doing the 30 day no contact rule. We were planning on getting married so he never saw this coming and wouldn’t have left if I had been faithful. Please help me with the questions

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Isthatyou,

      yes, it can be him. You don’t want a link about how to navigate your situation? Does that mean you don’t want to try advice there? Whether it was him, it doesn’t matter because that’s not going to help your improvement and it’s a miss call. You didn’t have a conversation. But if it helps you to feel better, yeah, it can probably be him but still, he didn’t ask for you back right? So, right now the more important thing is you focus in improving yourself.

  7. Jackie - 0

    Jackie

    Quick version: got dumped by my ex after 3.5 years together on January 22nd (36 days ago as of today)

    We broke up twice before, the first time was last August (2016) and it lasted 2 weeks before he came back. Admittedly, even though he initiated the first contact after he broke up with me, I rushed things with us getting back together so fast.

    We were good for the next 4 months, happy and completely normal. Christmas Day was one of our best days ever, full of love. Then on January 28th, he broke up with me randomly. He gave these as the following reasons:
    -we had gotten too serious and talking about marriage so much scared him
    -I was unstable and relied on him a lot (this is true)
    -he needed to focus on himself because he had a very important personal event coming up where he needed to perform well

    I begged for him not to go but he did anyways. After 5 days of not talking, he came back again. He came over to my house and asked me back, this time however, he didn’t want to tell his friends/family. We remained secret for a few weeks. The few weeks after that were rough. He was depressed and always second guessing us. Then after 2 weeks being back together, he said he needed time to think about us. We didn’t talk for a week and then the 7th day we met up and he ended it even though at the beginning of the conversation he wanted to make it work.

    When we broke up this last time (Jan 22), I didn’t really beg. I acted mad (I was) and didn’t plead. I texted him that night saying I thought it was a mistake. The next day I texted him asking him to not say anything bad about me and basically just not trash your relationship. He agreed. We have not talked since that day(35 days). The only “contact” has been from his end where he liked one of my tweets on twitter.

    I feel like NC won’t work because he isn’t expecting me to contact him. I mean, we broke up, we aren’t supposed to talk. Not talking after a break up is normal. My silence is not out of the ordinary to him. I also feel that the pressure from his friends and family will keep him from getting back with me.

    It should be listed that I had serious problems trusting him. Not because of anything he did, but because I have extreme anxiety that I am now being treated for and seeing improvements. In the relationship, I was EXTREMELY controlling. I know realize that’s not okay and don’t plan on being that way again. But honestly, it wasn’t fair to him and it was exhausting for him.

    These are my thoughts. Yours?

    Thank youuuuuu

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jackie,

      It doesn’t mean there can’t be a restart. It’s good that you didn’t talk but the question is how much you improved and how active were you in posting? I think you need to start the count of 30 days from now and then be very active in improving yourself. Check the link below about that and then after it, slowly build rapport and attraction.
      The Ungettable Girl

  8. Jackie - 0

    Jackie

    Quick version: got dumped by my ex after 3.5 years together on January 22nd (36 days ago as of today)

    We broke up twice before, the first time was last August (2016) and it lasted 2 weeks before he came back. Admittedly, even though he initiated the first contact after he broke up with me, I rushed things with us getting back together so fast.

    We were good for the next 4 months, happy and completely normal. Christmas Day was one of our best days ever, full of love. Then on January 28th, he broke up with me randomly. He gave these as the following reasons:
    -we had gotten too serious and talking about marriage so much scared him
    -I was unstable and relied on him a lot (this is true)
    -he needed to focus on himself because he had a very important personal event coming up where he needed to perform well

    I begged for him not to go but he did anyways. After 5 days of not talking, he came back again. He came over to my house and asked me back, this time however, he didn’t want to tell his friends/family. We remained secret for a few weeks. The few weeks after that were rough. He was depressed and always second guessing us. Then after 2 weeks being back together, he said he needed time to think about us. We didn’t talk for a week and then the 7th day we met up and he ended it even though at the beginning of the conversation he wanted to make it work.

    When we broke up this last time (Jan 22), I didn’t really beg. I acted mad (I was) and didn’t plead. I texted him that night saying I thought it was a mistake. The next day I texted him asking him to not say anything bad about me and basically just not trash your relationship. He agreed. We have not talked since that day(35 days). The only “contact” has been from his end where he liked one of my tweets on twitter.

    I feel like NC won’t work because he isn’t expecting me to contact him. I mean, we broke up, we aren’t supposed to talk. Not talking after a break up is normal. My silence is not out of the ordinary to him. I also feel that the pressure from his friends and family will keep him from getting back with me.

    It should be listed that I had serious problems trusting him. Not because of anything he did, but because I have extreme anxiety that I am now being treated for and seeing improvements. In the relationship, I was EXTREMELY controlling. I know realize that’s not okay and don’t plan on being that way again. But honestly, it wasn’t fair to him and it was exhausting for him.

    These are my thoughts. Yours?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jackie,

      It doesn’t mean there can’t be a restart. It’s good that you didn’t talk but the question is how much you improved and how active were you in posting? I think you need to start the count of 30 days from now and then be very active in improving yourself. Check the link below about that and then after it, slowly build rapport and attraction.
      The Ungettable Girl

  9. Lauren - 0

    Lauren

    I wrote on a different feed but this one sings a bit to me. Heres my story.

    My guy and I meet two years ago at work. He was married. Well his marriage was shit. They ended it. We started seeing each other right away. Our connection and love is insane. We have everything in common, we love spending all of our time together and we bring out the best in each other. We are best friends. Well along with divorce comes child visits and debt and dealing with his crazy ex. We have had to deal with a lot of out side factors and it hasnt been easy. We have gotten into a few large fights where he wouldnt speak to me for a day or two. (I will admit i didnt handle it like a mature 28 year old more like a child im human) We would always work things out. Well for the last few months I have had feelings of mistrust. Which is strange because i do trust him. Before we dated i was with a guy who treated me so awful. Even caught him in bed with someone. Well it chagned me and i was taking it out on my guy now, Brian. We just went up north to his families cabin this past weekend ( 4 days ago) we had an amazing time. I mean we are so in love and just couldnt even imagine being apart. We got back home and he was telling me how he cherishs our relatonship more than he had in his marriage. He said i love you more than i have ever loved anyone before and youre my world youre my person. Then monday comes. We work togehter and our job can be very stressful on both of us. We were both in funky moods and kinda started arguing. Not bad but not good. I kinda blurted out that i dont trust him. I DONT KNOW WHY i said that i dont even mean it. Well he took that and ran with it. We went to bed and the next day i texted him around 11 am and we casually spoke and we got into a little tiff but nothing that i thought would cause him to leave. He went home on lunch (i live with a roomie but he literally stayed every night and had almost all of his stuff there) well he went home and packed his stuff. I couldnt believe he did that. He wouldnt speak to me. Well i left him alone tuesday. Then wednesday came and i didnt contact him. I spoke to his brother and he said it sounds like he is just mad and stressed and he needs space. Well thursday came (yesterday) and he talked a bit and he agreed to go to lunch with me. We were joking and laughing and even my co workers were like wow he must have came to his senses. We went to lunch and he told me he wants to be on his own to figure things out. Was very cold and closed off. He isnt ever like this. I havent spoken to him. He left facebook up, and we have bills togehter and havent done anything to seperate them. His brother spoke to me last night and said he still feels he needs time and that he will come around because our realtionship is pretty great.

    Side note – not to brag but i was amazing to him. literally people who know us are always like “lauren you treat him like a king” even brian admits it and always would say he is so lucky. Our sex life is amazing. We both have goals together. Our chemistry is crazy. We even share a savings account because we are saving for a house. This break up was out of the blue. Im in shock and so much pain. He is my best friend and is acting like a differnt person. He said that he will “be okay in time” but i know him and he has told me so many times that he needs me and hates being away from me for more than a day. He also hasnt told his family and he told me he wasnt going to tell his son. He also said we dont need to share this with anyone at work. I told his brother all of this and he said that if he was 100% ready to be done he would have made everything more soild and end it all.

    Please help. Im confused and i want and need him back. He is my world and my life. I dont want to push him away.

    Reply
  10. Andy - 0

    Andy

    Is it possible to get back with ex after long time? We are still in contact, it’s been a year, we were fwb, I know, mistake, but he seems that he didn’t overcome our relationship, we talk sometimes about it. He is a commitment phobe and he said that he thinks he is ready for a relationship. We talked about our relationship and we agreed on some things that were wrong in it but I am afraid that he will move on to other girls.
    I wanna know if I have a chance with him after all that time? Does NC helps at all in this case? Because, he is now used to be without me for longer periods… it wont have such an effect. I was clingy and unemployed when we were togehter and I have a job now. Every time I go into NC he seems interested after that but I fail every time. Should I try once more or there is no hope?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Andy,

      check this one:
      Getting Him Back After A Year (Or More) Apart

    • Ändy - 0

      Ändy

      Thank you, Amor, it’ very useful, but I would like to say that we were in contact during that year, so, what in that case? We saw each other last week, he was taking my dog to the vet. What should I do? NC- how long?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Well, you can still try nc and then rebuild rapport after that. I think you should do at least 30 days, and then be very focused in improving yourself in it but continue doing that after nc.

  11. Anon - 0

    Anon

    Hi there,
    My ex broke up with me a month and a half ago. I acted a bit stupid in the first week, texting him etc… So I started NC. When we firstly initially broke up he told me he wouldn’t remove me off social media and he didn’t for two weeks. Suddenly, during the No Contact phase, he has unfriended me off FB, unfollowed me off Instagram and removed me off Snapchat, not all at once but in the space off a week each or so and seemingly after each time I posted something on there. Why has he done this during the NC phase and how do I get him back now that he can’t see my posts? I’m also nearly three weeks into No Contact.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anon,

      he’ll more likely keep checking your posts, maybe through a friends’ or a different account. So just keep being active in posting.

  12. Gloria - 0

    Gloria

    Hey Amor! I’m near the end of the value chain, I think (finally). Texting, calls, and we’ve seen each other at several group events recently. I asked him on a date (a public event). I DID NOT call it a date though, don’t worry. He said he was busy with a 🙁 emoji, so I said no problem and went about as normal. A week later, we were in a steady conversation – he was responding within a minute of each message. I asked him if he wanted to go to a different event – one I know he’d enjoy – and he said “sorry I have plans that day” so I said “no problem! what days are normally good for you?” And he never replied. It’s been three days now.

    Is he just not ready to be alone even in public? What do I do now, and when do I text again?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Yeah, it looks like he’s avoiding it. How long have you been trying to build rapport?

    • Gloria - 0

      Gloria

      Haha, you probably remember me – it’s been a long time now. I already did NC and all that ages ago. Months of back and forth with him, most recently telling me when we see each other he feels like I’m his girlfriend again, etc. We always have an instant connection in person, and he literally remembers more inside jokes that I do. But it’s like every time I get close, he pulls back. I guess that should be a good sign though, that I have this much of an effect on him. Very frustrating though because I keep getting setbacks. Anyways, what do I do about asking for a date since he never wrote back to my last message about hanging out? Just start over with the texting and then calls again..and then try inviting him to something else in a few weeks?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Ahh.. I checked your email in all the messages, I remember you now! 🙂 At this point, ask him straight out what your status is, what he feels. So, that you’re not going back and forth.

    • Gloria - 0

      Gloria

      He’s not good at talking about his feelings. I asked him a couple months ago and said it seems to me he’s not being honest with himself about how he feels about me based on XYZ, and he said “you’re probably right” and I was like, okay so are we going to do anything about it or..?? Ugh. That was basically an admission he still has feelings, in my opinion. That conversation was like, two hours long. He just doesn’t want to talk about it, ya know? He’s been single this whole time. But the thing is, I’m not even talking about a relationship; I’m just trying to get him to see me for a coffee or something! It shouldn’t be that big of a deal. I don’t think he’s over me and if he sees me and hangs out with me, he’ll want me back. He even said he can’t do friends with benefits because if he started seeing me, he would just wanna date me and not meet any other girls, lol. BUT THAT’S THE GOAL. Do you get what I’m saying? It’s like I’m having success but I’m not because he’s refusing to let the last part of the strategy work. Also, our mutual friend told me today he was talking to her a few weeks ago saying he thinks I’m trying to get him back..idk how he can know that. I’m being as subtle as possible and following all the instructions Chris gives! But that means he’s STILL talking about me after all this time.. 😛

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      then tell him that. be candid,funny and cheeky. Tell him, don’t worry, it’s not as if we’re getting married over coffee..

    • Gloria - 0

      Gloria

      I messaged him about it, and he ignored the text. /eyeroll A few days later, I messaged about something else and he answered in 30 seconds. He’s obviously avoiding the topic of interacting in person or phone – I say it’s because he’s worried about falling for me again. Because he’s answering texts on any other topic! I even got him to answer to “hey what’s up” which isn’t even interesting, lol.

      I just found out he’s coming to a mutual friend’s party tomorrow night. Haven’t seen each other in two and a half months now. What’s the most effective strategy for how to act tomorrow? These are the scenarios I’m imagining: If I ignore him and flirt with other people, he’ll get angry and spiteful (last time I flirted with a guy in front of him, he purposely was all over our other friend who he doesn’t even like). If I act friendly and talk to him a lot, he’ll probably push me further away because he’ll find himself feeling that connection again. If I outright flirt with him, he’ll know I still want him back. So what’s the course of action? Idk how to act tomorrow to make any progress!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      be friendly with him ti establish a good impression

  13. Jesse - 0

    Jesse

    Hi team,

    So my ex and I had our first official hang out (outside of couple’s counseling) this past weekend. When we sat down he said he was a little nervous and asked how I was. It was pretty lovely. There was a lot of lingering eye contact. We talked a little bit about the relationship but I was like “none of it matters.” He kept on asking if I was okay. At one point he asked how it felt being friends so soon after the breakup and when I kind of didn’t say anything he was like “well we don’t have to talk about that yet, maybe we can save that conversation for counseling.” So I was like “Yeah, I choose not to answer that question.” And he was like “That’s totally fine.”

    Last week in counseling (which was the first time we saw each other, but it was in a very official capacity) the counselor kind of got very stern with him and said “YOU need to decide what you want.” And he told me I was not allowed to talk to my ex about it or influence his decision in any way.

    Over the weekend my ex said he wanted to continue in couple’s counseling for the time being. Also, when we said goodbye we hugged for a really, really long time. He gave me a big squeeze at one point, and when we pulled apart our faces lingered very close to each other for some time.

    So what’s next? Do I tell him I want to start going on dates again in counseling this week? Do I keep the pressure off and keep hanging out with him in a friendship capacity for a couple more weeks?

    Let me know what you think. That hug and the all the lingering eye contact and keeping our faces so close felt very telling to me, but I don’t want to get ahead of myself.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jesse,

      with counseling, it depends on what your counselor says.. If she says you two should date, go ahead. Because she can see both of your status personally. But for me, if there’s no rapport and attraction, build that first. It should feel natural to want to see each other for dates or hang outs..

  14. Jelly - 0

    Jelly

    Hi! I’m not talking to my boyfriend for 25 days now and it seems like he doesn’t care anymore whether im gone or what. He just like some pics of girls on instagram because i made a dummy account. I mase myself better but im stsrting to miss him more. I sent him last saturday a long letter that im sending him that for the last time

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jelly,

      do you mean you’re moving on?

    • Jelly - 0

      Jelly

      No im not moving on. I just said thank you to him for all the good things that happened between us despite of everything but yeah i got no respond and looks like he really wants to move on and i just feel that if i approach him nothing will happened

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Ok, well first, you shouldn’t have stalked him during nc.. And that’s an ok first contact text, but not really something that is conversational. I think you need to restart the count. If he did move on, he has to think you have to for him to be wiling to be friendly with you again. When you restart the count, be active again in improving yourself and in posting in social media. No social media stalking him. And then continue improving yourself even after nc, while rebuilding rapport. Check the link below for a first contact text. If he doesn’t reply, then at least you know you did what you can before moving on.

      Handling The First Time You Talk To Your Ex After The No Contact Rule (Live Coaching Session)

  15. Ola - 0

    Ola

    Hi!
    First of all I want to thank you. i comment here very often and yours advices are fantastic. I made a lot of mistakes during getting him back but I believe that I still can get him back( thanks to your site). Right now I’ve started Nc once again( as you advised me) but I have a little doubt. Today he has gotten engineer degree. Should I congratulate him and go back to NC or just stick to no contact rule?

    Reply
  16. vanessa - 0

    vanessa

    I’m on day 29, and my messages are still blocked on fb (you can tell now without sending anything). I’m worried it may be too soon. I was planning on making contact on day 35, but should I wait longer? No idea if I’m blocked by text either so…

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Vanessa,

      I think you should extend to 45 to be safe..

    • Vanessa - 0

      Vanessa

      Thanks for replying. What is the benefit of going to day 45 over day 30? Also, I had deactivated my Facebook until 2 days ago, and now I’m actively posting, do you think that might have made a difference to things?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Start the count of the 66 days from the last day you talked, so that means you’re not in the 66th day mark yet. And 45 days is just being safe that if he does unblock you after 30 days, it will not look like you’re just waiting for him to do it to message him.

  17. Brianna - 0

    Brianna

    Hello Christ and Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Team!

    I made a comment on one of the older articles on here about my situation and how I just wanted to move on from my break-up with my ex. 5 months ago, my ex broke -up with me due to having different interests and me being too quiet for his liking, I was depressed and truthfully speaking, I’m still quite sad about the whole break-up. Even to this day I still think about him daily, and I still miss and want him back, but neither of us has bothered to contact the other since the break-up. Because he hasn’t bother to contact me, I been worrying that he’s already moved on since day 1 of the break-up and that the time I invested in our relationship was a waste, but upon reading this article has helped ease a bit of that worry. I’m still going to continue taking care of myself and live my life day by day, but I just wanted to say thank you for all the expert advice, it’s been helping me cope with my break-up the past few months!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Brianna,

      Thank you too! I’ll forward this to Chris!

  18. Aura - 0

    Aura

    I broke up with him, because my previous ex had confused me too much (daughter’s father). We were together 2.5 years and I was going through a lot of depression. After I realized I really did not want my daughter’s father (5 years ago we had a terrible relationship that I had forgotten about and I thought maybe it would be better for my kid if I went back), I went back to talk to him and apologize for being an ass and discovered he was in a “casual” relationship (literally 1.5 weeks after the breakup) and he wanted to try that out, and didn’t want to deal with my emotions anymore.
    He really wanted to just be friends, so he started messaging me all the time, checking how I was doing, worried about me when I was sick or driving a long distance, and generally putting in more effort than he ever had during the relationship. I came across this site in that time and decided to try the no contact thing, he freaked out and started messaging emotional things like don’t ever message me again, one day, to i miss you, the next day, to I just need to hear you say we can’t be friends, the third day. To calling, I don’t know why, but then finally called to say he just wanted me to tell him we weren’t going to be friends.
    Out of that conversation I got that he’s still happy with his no expectations, he just misses talking to me. I said that’s not fair to me, or to whoever this other girl is that is. But he wouldn’t confirm if she’s still around, he gets defensive and generally annoyed if I ask. I tried not to but got all emotional and said I didn’t want to be friends with him, because I can’t bear to worry that I’m just being strung along, and feeling like he chose someone else over me and I’m the backup plan. He said how could we ever get back to a relationship if we don’t start out trying to be friends.
    He seems almost relieved that I don’t want to be friends because it allows him to focus on his life. I know he might just be hiding his feelings, because he is hurt from losing me. But I don’t know what is the best course of action at this point. If someone could want to move on that much to someone else, should I really even want them in my life?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Aura,

      then think about that first.. whether you want him back or not, start the no contact rule. Because the only difference is that, you would initiate contact after a number of days of ignoring him if you want him back..

    • Aura - 0

      Aura

      I completely want to initiate contact all the time. It’s driving me crazy. After telling him I can’t talk to him cuz it hurts right now that he’s moving on, he has finally stopped trying to contact me at all. He removed me from any social media. He’s told mutual friends he’s “Talking” with someone he’s known for a while. I feel like no contact is just going to make him more unlikely to care anymore (he did say he missed me but then said he still likes his freedom), but I’m going to stick it out. I feel like he’s just going to dig in and refuse to move from this new person because he will have had 2 months to get to know her *and they were friends before*. I’m so angry because I feel like when I needed him most he just bailed. I don’t know how to get over that anger at him, but I still want him to come back.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Feel it, acknowledge it and know that the feeling is a reaction to what he did but it’s not who you are. Separate yourself from your emotions. Take responsibility for what you feel, but don’t let it decide for you.

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