It is not easy to see the big picture when you get dumped by your ex boyfriend.
It can cause you to behave erratically and irrationally.
Losing your boyfriend is never something you can plan or prepare for. And when it happens, you fall into these web of emotions, eventually culminating in the singular question:
Is my ex boyfriend truly over me?
It is a painful question to entertain. When your ex drops you out of his life, all you can think of is “why me”?
What have you done to deserve to be treated this way by the guy you have done so much for?
You wonder to yourself,
“could my ex boyfriend really be over me already?”
Is there some way to get him back?
It seems way too soon for him to have just shoved you aside in his mind.
How could your boyfriend be so cruel?
These are the thoughts that are bouncing around in your mind.
It seemed like everything was going smoothly up until you got the news that he wanted out. Perhaps the two of you struggled in the relationship before.
It’s not unusual for couples to have falling outs.
Indeed, if I could count how frequently I have heard about couples calling it quits, well, let’s just say it happens a lot.
Maybe that is not a bad thing, right?
Two people meet, date, see each other, then things go awry somewhere down the road causing the couple to split up. In away, it is part of the selection process.
First romances hardly every work out.
But let’s say in your situation, this falling out is worse than the others.
It is seldom a mutual decision. Either your boyfriend broke up with you or you finally said, “no more” and ended it with him.
But some time has passed.
The immediate aftermath is over. All of the angry and confusing feelings may have subsided somewhat.
So you are left wondering if your ex boyfriend still cares about you.
That you know for sure.
You think about him every night in bed.
For that matter, he is constantly in your mind.
You still have feelings for him.
But does he, you wonder? Y
ou think to yourself that he must still have some feelings.
After all, the two of you were a pretty hot item.
I am Struggling to Cope – Why Isn’t My Ex Boyfriend?
But the fairy tale romance you and your ex boyfriend enjoyed came crashing down and now these confusing feelings are settling in.
It seems incomprehensible to you that you can be drowning in sorrow, yet your ex bf seems to be completely unaffected.
Even if he was the one that instigated breaking if off, a part of you still thinks he must have some feelings left for you.
And to make matters worse, you can’t even be sure how to process all the confusing notions running through your mind since your boyfriend cashed you out.
You feel discarded by your boyfriend when he let’s you go. Maybe there wee signs that your boyfriend was going to drop you, but there is hardly anything that can prepare you when he hits you with it like a ton of bricks.
If your boyfriend left you with little or no notice, you will ultimately be left standing wondering a great many things about what had happened.
Your mind will be like a jungle of thoughts and ideas. Yet, you find yourself always coming back to “is he thinking of me”. It’s tough when your ex boyfriend’s real feelings are a mystery to you.
So what do you do if you are haunted by the question of whether your ex still cares about you, thinks about you, and is really over you?
I get this question a lot from women all over.
They want to know if their Ex is struggling in their own way about the breakup. My clients want to feel that the whole relationship with their ex bf was worth their emotional investment.
So are you wondering if your ex boyfriend is still invested in you?
I get questions and stories of heartache everyday from women who are struggling with these very same heartfelt questions. No knowing if their ex has even a kind thought for them, tears them up inside.
“I can’t believe that my ex isn’t out there somewhere, this very minute, agonizing over not being with me. What should I do?”
“He left me without warning, but It can’t be all over because my boyfriend isn’t one to give up on me. “
“John and I split up a few weeks back. I still care and practically obsess about us getting back. I really hope he thinks the same way. I fantasize about him and cry a lot. It helps me cope, I think. Can it be possible that guys have as hard a time getting past their sorrows as us ladies?
What Is Really Happening in the Mind of Your Ex Boyfriend?
If truth be told, how men and women act during and following a breakup is varied depending on their personality, attachment styles, the length of their relationship, and a host of other factors.
But there are some commonalities. They just play out at different times.
Let me explain.
Your ex boyfriend is probably not completely in touch with what he is experiencing since the two of you parted ways. Few people really are. It is not like he is out there whooping it up in those early days
Well, maybe there are some guys out there that behave that way from the get go. You learn later from friends that he is partying it all up and seems to be taking joy in his new single status. Of course, if this is the case, it clearly will rub you the wrong way.
But here is another truth. Guys that do this are usually living in an emotional pretend world.
Your ex is probably embracing a Big Lie. And that lie is being repeated with every immature action he may undertake after the breakup.
If the two of your were generally a decent couple for a good period of time, then that reality is difficult to overcome in your ex boyfriend’s psyche. So if your boyfriend is reportedly “doing just fine” or seems to be “really happy”, trust me, it is in part an illusion.
If your ex has a heart, he cares. He just might not yet understand how much he cares.
It is said they after a guy and girl break things off, the woman is usually immediately crushed by the end of the romance. Feelings of rejection and resentment can take hold, though usually, it is the tears of unrequited love that dominates her mood.
But later, as time marches by, the girl does a better job of recovering and putting things in perspective, learning lessons from the failed romance and setting aside many of the painful memories.
Whereas boyfriends who are experiencing a breakup, early on will sort of live in their own fantasy world. They will go out and play and act up. Thoughts of their ex girlfriend are pushed back to the outer recesses of their brain.
They will convince themselves that the breakup with you was the best thing that ever happened. As your ex puts more stock on celebrating their freedom, they will just live it up even more. Maybe a lot.
This is how they will behave, at least until the reality of their complicated feelings comes crashing down around them.
You may hear stories of your ex out there carousing and drinking and partying and dating and schmoozing and just being a real jerk about things that he has purportedly said about you.
But fate has a way of balancing the romance equation.
While your ex boyfriend may act like he does not have a care in the world and is fully and completely over you, there is nothing further from the truth.
In most cases, this behavior is just made up drama as he pretends not to care about you. Little by little, all of his bravado and false sense of knowing what is best for him comes crashing down.
Does your Ex Boyfriend Need a Serious Reality Check?
The timeline is different for all guys.
I think of it as the boyfriend reality check.
But in time, he will be transformed (by varying degrees) into a sniffling, moody, somewhat depressed former lover. He will start feeling like he is missing out on all the things that made him really feel special. He will realize that he previously took you for granted.
The realization of that will hurt and while you are entering into that phase of getting past what he did to you, he will be passing you by (on an emotional level), headed in the opposite direction.
Yes, such are the vagaries of how men and women are different.
In the beginning, your ex will be thinking of himself.
He will likely feel a certain degree of relief that he has his freedom back. He will be telling himself lots of little lies as he passes through the post splitting up phase.
These behaviors usually play out for a few days or even weeks. But if your guy is like most guys, he will eventually realize he has not fully come to terms with what has happened.
What Do the Break Up Gods Say About Your Boyfriend Needing and Wanting You?
Fate speaks the truth in the topsy turvy world of breakups.
The problem is no one can see the future. Well, maybe Yoda can, but I haven’t seen him around lately.
The breakup Gods are the ones that settle the score for all couples.
They will sneak right up to your ex and shake him at his core. The breakup Gods are not about evening the score. They are simply in the business of delivering to us certain truths about our feelings.
It will usually happen to your ex boyfriend when he least expects, because after all, most guys are not really in touch with their true feelings after being separated from their girlfriend. They live in a sort of pretend world. They act like they are not in pain. They pretend that you never really gave them fulfilling moments. Your boyfriend will tell himself all the pretty little lies he can muster up and will do this over and over again.
But eventually, your boyfriend’s facade will melt away.
Unless your guy is a complete, self absorbed ass, his thoughts will turn to you.
As to how much he really needs you back in his life….well that is impossible to predict. There are just way too many variables.
Some guys realize the stupidity of breaking up with you, swallow their pride, and then makes some kind of gesture. Other guys arrive at that emotional place where they begin to doubt if it was really such a good idea to end things with you. They become amenable to finding a way back in.
Then of course we have the stubborn boyfriends who oppose doing anything that is in their best interests. While they are not hopeless, they certainly make the whole affair of recovering from a breakup a much more difficult ordeal.
Finally, there are some guys who just simply don’t want back into the relationship. They either broke up with you or you ended it with them and for any number of reasons, they have come to terms with what is best for them (and you).
So what is the simple answer to how you can get your ex bf to notice you and act like he cares deeply for you? Is that even possible if he is not feeling it inside? How do you even get him to that place where he is in touch with his feelings? The short answer is to give him space as “time” is your ally. But there is more to it.
I realize what you want most is for your ex to sweep you off your feet and tell you how much you mean to him.
That is truly want you want to hear and experience.
Is it even possible? Yes, of course it is.
Is it likely?
Nothing in the sphere of ex boyfriends and ex girlfriends can be characterized as probable or likely. But I have some ideas that might just help you, help him get to that moment when you both realize that the parting was too swift….that you both deserve a do over.
How Do You Get Your Ex Boyfriend To Act Like He Has a Heart?
You know, that is really what we are talking about here. What can you do to awaken those feelings that “you know” are hidden up inside your ex?
Every dag I get a parade of women asking for help on this topic.
“Chris, what can you do if your ex boyfriend just has gone stone cold about everything that reminds him of our relationship?”
“My ex dropped me out of his life, just like I was a nobody. He behaves like he never knew me. It kills me that he treats me like this. Does this mean I have no chance? I am desperate for some tips on how I can turn my ex bf back into a loving, caring person again.”
“I think my ex has wiped me out of his mind completely. If there is anything left, even a memory of us, he seems determined to let it waste away. I am really sick of hoping he has even one kind thought about me.”
Understand that your Ex Boyfriend is Probably Experiencing the Playboy Phenomenon
These troubled women are all experiencing a common behavior from men, following the breakup.
I call it the “Playboy Phenomenon”.
If your man is the the one that precipitated the split, then shortly afterwords he will likely succumb to the urge of acting like a Playboy.
In his mind (because most guys cherish their freedom) he is FREE. He may have these visions of hanging with his buddies and partying it up. So don’t be looking for any cues or clues from your former boyfriend that even a little part of his heart bleeds for you.
Remember, your ex is a guy. He thinks like a guy. He is not living inside your mind or processing things like you do.
Now of course, this is not the case for all men.
Some guys actually act like grownups. They may have a sensitive, empathetic side. Maybe the breaking up with you was rough on him. And knowing that you will likely be keeping tabs on him, he will be respectful and moderate his behaviors such that they are not misconstrued. These are the nice, conscientious guys. They are graced with a good dose of empathy.
I mean after all, when you have two people who were in love, but who have now gone their separate ways, well….you have a very sorrowful drama playing out. It should be rough on everyone’s feelings. So sure, there are some men out there that process their experiences in life in the same way you do. If you are matched up with a guy like that, then I like your chances.
But, many guys don’t have that kind of makeup, at least not yet. Maybe they are young and just have not yet experienced the emotional cycle of a breakup, so they have no clue how to act or what to expect or even how to feel.
Some guys are in a phase of their life where they are just really playboys and want the play the field and hang out and flirt and drink and play some more. You get the picture.
Then there are the mean VINDICTIVE ones.
Yep, they are out there. I sure hope you were not seeing one of those kind of boyfriends.
No matter what you say or do or think, these guys are just not going to have much room upstairs in their mind for feelings like “Oh, she was so pretty” or “I miss the smell of her when we make love” or “I wish I could see that little curl of my ex girlfriend’s smile”.
At least they don’t have those feelings in the forefront of their mind. Maybe there is some goodness in these kind of guys and their vindictive behavior is a product of them simply overreacting. If not and their undesirable behavior becomes a pattern, then you are better off without them in your life.
If we are talking about a narcissistic, pig headed, mean, angry, and resentful ex bf, then you are better off just imagining he doesn’t even exist. He won’t be thinking of sweet things to say to you, unless he wants something. That is not his make up. Maybe you broke up with your ex bf and his ego just couldn’t handle it.
This is where practicing the No Contact Rule will do you much good. Just remember, you should have zero tolerance for anyone that mistreats you. There are many good catches out there. Take the lessons learned from the failed relationship and trust you will land on your feet.
What Does Your Relationship Recovery Plan Look Like Going Forward?
My advice is not aimed at trying to resurrect good feelings from the vindictive ones. They are in a class of their own and you are better off not chasing that failed romance. Let’s focus on those ex boyfriends that showed at least a minimum standard of class.
So the question on the table is how do you awaken the spirit of love you believe still resides within your ex? How do you jog his memories of the really beautiful moments you both shared together? Because if you do, it will help a lot.
So I have an interesting, somewhat fun filled plan that might just raise your chances.
Maybe that is all the two of you need. Just a little spark to resurrect the loving feelings that have not escaped either of you. I figure you wouldn’t have come here to my website unless you were looking for some ideas. You are probably looking to land on some actionable tips.
Maybe you need some detailed strategies on how to recover your ex bf. Well, you came to the right place. I have that and a lot more. But there is another thing you came here for.
You might not even know it.
You need a lift me up.
You have spent far too much time thinking about what your ex boyfriend might be thinking. That is a lot twisting and turning of emotions.
You could benefit from a mood lifter. A little fun.
So here you go. Here is my fun filled way of trying to re-direct you down the right path. Are you ready?
Here are the 5 steps to stirring up your ex boyfriend’s interest in you!
1.Take Yourself on a Date. You need a mood elevator and what better way to do that than to treat yourself to something really fun, and really special. If you want to double date, then take yourself out twice. I know. It sounds kinda crazy, but a while back I did a Podcast and spoke to this very wise woman who said one way to rebuild yourself is to treat yourself the way you would want your boyfriend to treat you. Involve yourself with something that you really would like to do. For now on, you are your own best friend. Your ex is bound to notice the change in your attitude and temperament. He will hear about. He might see you in person briefly. Your social media pics will reflect the new you.
2. Start a Rumor that your have a Mystery Lover. I know. I know. It sounds so adolescent to participating in such a ruse. But consider it anyway. What we are talking about here is you constructing an imaginary lover’s triangle. So just put a little thread out there that you have received this lovely bouquet of roses. Take a pic and post it on Facebook, inquiring “who the heck sent this to me!” Since you have been dating yourself, you might as well give yourself some roses. It will be perfect. Your ex boyfriend is bound to notice and if he doesn’t, well, you have friends and other tactics you can turn to that will help him hear about it. A little jealousy, if measured out in the right quantity, can go a long ways!
3. Go on an Adventure to a Far Away Place. Do you see how all these things connect. You are dating yourself. You give yourself some flowers. And now the world will soon learn that you are off on this adventure. Make sure you take a lot of pics and post them all. Send a little, innocent text (embedded with a picture) of you doing something fun that the two of you use to do when your were dating. The message should sound innocent and slightly unintelligible (“So much white sand”). Make it out like it went out as a broadcast email to several people and your ex accidentally go it. You are planting seeds in your ex boyfriend’s subconscious. Give it time. I bet it will take root.
4. Eat a HUGE piece of Pie. This one is entirely for you. I want you to love yourself more than you have ever love another. You deserve the moment.
5. Practice Patience and Being Active. Most of my clients never finish the No Contact Period. They can’t resist reaching out to there ex boyfriends. But often when they do so, it is too soon. They have not planted enough seeds. They have not created enough attraction. They have not sufficiently healed. So practice being happy with being your best friend and while you are at it do these things. Walk 2 miles. Jog on mile. Play tennis. Go see a movie. Read a book. Sign up for a yoga class (or karate). Essentially, I want you to engage in life and all the things you enjoy doing and a bunch of things you have never done. Do them all. Create unforgettable moments for yourself. So many good things come from these activities. Health. Spiritual wealth. Release of mood elevating hormones.
So is that rascal you call your boyfriend, really and truly over you?
Naah, no way I say!