By Chris Seiter

Updated on August 10th, 2021

Many people come to my website obsessed with finding out if their exes want them back.

With this article I thought it would be interesting to flip the script and talk about some of the signs that you need to watch out for if your ex DOESN’T want you back so you know it’s time to move on.

The only question is,

Does your situation fall into any of these categories?

Well, that’s exactly what you are going to get in this comprehensive guide.

6 Signs Your Ex Doesn’t Want You Back

It shouldn’t come as a shock to you that most of the people who try to get their exes back usually fail. It’s one of those things where the odds aren’t in your favor. Therefore, it’s actually quite easy to identify specific behaviors that exes exhibit if they don’t want you back.

That’s exactly what I’ve done for this article.

I’ve compiled a list of people who’ve failed to get their exes back and tried to connect the dots for you so that you can see what behaviors their exes were exhibiting.

In all, I have identified six main behaviors that an ex will exhibit if they don’t want you back,

  1. Your ex doesn’t respond to you
  2. Your exes responses are mediocre
  3. Your ex blocks you for a month
  4. Your ex friend zones you
  5. You become friends with benefits
  6. Your ex cancels dates at the last minute

Let’s take a moment to do a quick crash course on each of these behaviors so you can get a grasp on if your ex is exhibiting them.

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1. Your Ex Doesn’t Respond To You

This one is pretty straight forward.

When compiling data for this article the single biggest factor in determining if your ex wanted you back or not was how frequently they would respond to you.

Specifically with an emphasis on text messages.

Let’s say that you follow my advice and implement a no contact rule. Now, if you’ve read my book or coached with me you’d know that my version of the no contact rule is slightly different than most of my peers.

You see, they’ll have you believe that all you need to do to get your ex back is utilize a no contact rule.

Almost as if implying they’ll fall into your lap if you just do this one strategy.

I’m a little more realistic.

You see, I learned that people tend to get the best results when they are proactive and reach out to their exes first. So, lets say that you do that. You reach out to your ex first but you don’t get a response.

You do your best not to panic so you wait a few days and try again.

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Same result…

Each time you try to reach out your ex snubs you.

In my experience, it’s impossible to get an ex back if they don’t communicate with you.

So, I’d begin worrying if you reach out and don’t get a response the majority of the time you try to initiate communication.

Of course, that’s not all you should be concerning yourself with.

2. Your Exes Responses Are Mediocre

In my experience most exes will respond to you after a breakup.

Very rarely do my clients run across an ex that exhibits behaviors similar to sign one. What’s more than likely is if you get an ex who does this to you,

Do you see what happened there?

Every time this person tried to initiate a conversation with their ex they got a one word response. In other words, this persons ex only gave mediocre responses.

Now, this brings up an interesting question.

What constitutes a mediocre response?

In my opinion, it’s when your ex responds to you in a way in which a text message has no substance to it.

Almost as if to say,

“I have better things to do with my time than talk to you.”

Definitely not a good sign.

3. Your Ex Blocks You For More Than A Month

I’ve written a lot about being blocked by an ex on this website.

You want to know the crazy thing I’ve learned about it?

Generally speaking, people panic when their ex blocks them. However, those people are rarely blocked for more than a month. Inevitibly their ex will unblock them without them having to do anything.

It’s truly a game of patience.

I know it’s a lot to take on faith but just listen to one of my clients experiences with being blocked,

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Blocking someone tends to be an impulse decision with many different motivations.

The thing about impulse decisions is that you tend to regret them.

And 30 days seems to be that magical number for when regret begins to set in.

Now, if we understand this at a basic level it isn’t too difficult to make a leap that it’s a very bad sign if you remain blocked by your ex for more than 30 days.

At that point it might be time to start thinking something is awry.

4. Your Ex Friend Zones You

The friend zone is not a fun place to be when it comes to relationships.

Everyone whose ever seen these memes knows exactly what I’m talking about,

No one really talks about this but there is a sense of superiority that comes along with the friend zone. It’s almost like the person who puts you in the friend zone is saying,

“I’m better than you because I know I can get you whenever I want.”

I’ve long held the belief that attempting to get an ex back is all about timing and positioning.

Do you think being put in the friend zone is the right position to get your ex back?

It’s not.

In fact, I wrote an entire section about the dreaded friend zone in my book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.

In it, I make the argument that the best way to get out of the friend zone should you find yourself in it is to use it’s perception to your advantage.

I’ll give you an example.

This is the thought process behind a man who puts you in the friend zone.

Like I said, there is a sense of superiority behind it.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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My argument is that you need to use this “sense of superiority” that your ex gets to your advantage.

By doing something that indicates that your ex is actually in your friend zone it does something to his head. It forces him to confront a reality that he believed was impossible at one point.

But I’m getting a bit off topic here. Let’s go back to some of the warning signs you need to keep an eye out for.

5. You Become Friends With Benefits 

A lot of people falsely believe that sleeping with their ex will be “the ultimate show of love” and convince them to commit to them again.

I find the opposite is actually true.

What ends up happening is that once you sleep with your ex they understand where the proverbial line in the sand is.

They understand that they can get away with sleeping with you whenever they want without a commitment.

I’d like to tell you a story that I think will sum human nature up for you,

Now, what does Roger Bannister breaking the four minute mile have to do with sleeping with an ex.

Well, pay attention to what happened after he did it.

According to the video, since he broke the 4 minute mile mark, 20,000 people have broken it.

Once you show someone that something can be done it opens all new possibilities to them.

Once you sleep with your ex and let them know that it’s ok to have sex with you without a commitment you have essentially shown them that that behavior is ok and they will take advantage of it as long as possible.

6. Your Ex Cancels Dates At The Last Minute

This is a sign that I haven’t seen anyone ever talk about.

And yet, it’s something I see in our Private Facebook Group all the time among women who don’t get their exes back.

In order to fully understand what this is all about you must first understand the nexus behind “mixed signals.”

I want you to take a moment and watch this video I did on YouTube a few months ago,

In it, you’ll notice I start talking about this idea of an internal conversation that happens after they see you. It’s during this internal conversation that ultimately their mind gets made up on whether or not they should be with you.

A lot of my clients get so caught up with what their ex is saying in the moment.

But having your ex say something during the most romantic part of an encounter isn’t the same thing as having them decide to say something to you after the fact.

In my opinion, that is more powerful.

So, why does an ex promise to take you on a date and then suddenly back out?

Well, ultimately it boils down to that internal conversation they have in their head.

They stand you up because they talk themselves out of seeing you.

The only question is, how do you get the opposite to happen?

Well, if you’re interested then make sure you immerse yourself in our website because that’s what it’s all about.

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23 thoughts on “6 Signs To Watch For If Your Ex Doesn’t Want You Back”

  1. Zanof

    February 27, 2022 at 8:09 am

    Hey Chris! First of all I love all your videos and they make me feel so much better! So my ex broke up with me about two months ago, but I work for his company under him, there isn’t any way I can do no contact because I have to see him everyday for work remotely but not face to face. At first right after our break up he told me that he wanted me to change and I was pretty messed up, he has always been a good boyfriend, this is the second time he is leaving me but alwyas comes back. Which I am hoping for this time as well. He was meeting me very few days but lately he has been cancelling plans all the time, the next day I get a message from him saying “sorry I fell asleep” and then he sends me snaps of himself. I am very confused and don’t know what to do!! Please help me out as I really love the guy and I am guilty for my behavior.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 1, 2022 at 10:47 pm

      You would need to follow the limited no contact where you only speak with him about work stuff when and if you have to. Avoid speaking with him otherwise.

  2. Ale

    April 17, 2020 at 3:24 pm

    Hello Chris and Company!
    Currently one month into the breakup. Should I worry about the signs after having contacted him once I finish my 30 NC or do the signs apply for after the breakup itself as well?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 20, 2020 at 1:10 pm

      Hi Ale, this is something you can look out for throughout the process really. But when you start the texting phase you must be emotionally prepared for all outcomes including not getting replies at times

  3. Mich

    March 1, 2020 at 6:20 pm

    So me and my ex was meant to meet yesterday for the first time ( it was his plan and it was him that has reached out to me since ending thing with me it wasn’t me who reached out as I thought we was completely done to be honest ) I obviously still care about him & was interested in meeting him with a open mind
    however he cancelled on me last minute said ‘ works stressing me out really bad day still stuck here not sure how long I’ll be’
    I obviously got upset and angry but I tried not to show that so I said ok well let me know if it’s a massive problem it’s not the end of the world we can always do something another time. He then responded back after a while and said ‘ I’m only on the train home now I’ll text you when I get off ‘ so I wrote back saying ‘ look don’t worry about tonight, shame we couldn’t of met but perhaps another time and sorry you’ve had a shit day hope it gets sorted out take care x ‘
    He hasn’t reached out or apologized at all. Does this mean his flaked and his changed his mind? Or do I give him some space and see what happens? Advice would be appreciated Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 12, 2020 at 10:15 pm

      Hey Mich so yeah as he cancelled I would allow him to come to you and if you do not hear from him within 10 days reach out with a text but do not mention meeting up just have a short positive conversation which you end without reason. Watch some of Chris texting videos so you understand what I mean

  4. Jessica

    January 5, 2019 at 5:50 am

    Hi my ex boyfriend I broke up in September 2018 . We always on and off. We tried to be friends with benefits because our lives. We had a fight about friends with benefits in person. Then we acted fine and we still talked. A few days later he texted me saying he thinks he doesn’t thonk we are meant to for each other due to the fight about friends with benefits. Before this we always dated on and off. After that I went no contact rule . I reached out usually answers. We haven’t apoken since September 2018. Maybe I didn’t let the no contact rule pass enough time. He hasn’t reached out to me. I’m back to no contact.

  5. Jay

    December 1, 2018 at 9:05 pm

    Ok so me and my ex where together the week before Thanksgiving and then the Friday after she didn’t stay long as she was tired and was to go shopping Saturday. Well little to my knowledge she was with a guy friend and blew me off on the 4 days she had for her Thanksgiving break. Well I asked her if she wanted to talk she said no. I said okay left it at that texted her the next day . I told her good morning and I been thinking about her. I bought her flowers and lunch Well we were texting until she got home . Then She said why now? I didn’t respond.. Meaning why was I thinking bout her.. She so I made dinner at my house and took it to her as on my way there I asked to see her she said we could arrange it I said how bout 5 minutes I pull in your drive she said yes. Well I got in her truck spilled out how I felt and then she drops the wall on me that she was with someone and she was happy. At first she said I didn’t have a chance then said if she wasn’t happy there is. Confusion I know so I left I didn’t say anything else to her that night. Well long story short she brought her new man to my house today cause her kids and mine are close plus she always hugs me. So what do I do.

    1. Chris Seiter

      December 2, 2018 at 2:26 am

      Hi Jay! So I see you are trying different tactics and its OK if things are confusing because that is often pretty much par for the course. You will benefit if you have a sensible ex recovery plan, so take a look at my Program and remember to look out for yourself…your own mental health and recovery as none of this is easy.

  6. Katlego

    September 13, 2018 at 4:31 am

    Hello Chris! My bf of 5 years decided to end things with me because we’ve been fighting day in and day out for a couple of months now. The situation has become very toxic. He says he is happier without me and that he hasn’t been himself for the last two years because he feels he couldn’t do anything he used to love as he had to compromise to stay home with me and our 1 year old son in weekends instead if partying it up. He refuses to talk to me and is always threatening to block me if I don’t give him some space. I love him so much and I’m scared I might lose him forever if I do apply NC. Please advice

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 17, 2018 at 9:52 pm

      Probably better to try NC, then not give him space. You too will benefit. I wrote a book about the whole Principle (The No Contact Rule Book). Go to my home page to check it out!

  7. Mel

    September 5, 2018 at 8:58 am

    Hi Chris so i decided to do another round of no contact for 30 days after he decided to declare that we were just friends. we recently reconnected 3 weeks ago and then met up for dinner and drinks a couple of days ago. I didnt feel like there was any awkwardness. he said I appeared different in a good way and looked great with the weight loss. he started asking me about my dating life to which i just described some dates that i had been on…and in return out of politeness i asked him how was his. he told me he had 2 girls he had in mind and described them to me..flaws and all, one of which he liked more. I guess I have been friend zoned then? how do I tackle this situation if i want him back?

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 6, 2018 at 4:03 am

      Hi Mel!

      Great job in making progress with your areas of improvement. Perhaps this second NC (consider 21 days instead) will give you a better insight what he wants and what you ultimately will want.

  8. Sam

    September 3, 2018 at 12:57 pm

    My childhood best friend and I have always had this “thing”. He has been a part of my life for about 20 years now. About 3 months ago, I seperated from my husband and he was going through a divorce with his wife. We ended up leaning on each other and instead of constantly running, we both leaned in. For about a month it was absolutely magic. He is a deeply sentimental and emotional guy and I know he felt it all too. A month later though, life started leaking back through and he could not deal. He ended up telling me that he “wanted his life back”, we were fighting ALL the time, and it was admittedly becoming a very toxic situation. By the end of it, he had blocked me from everything, refused to see me, and even hid out at his parents’ house to avoid me.

    This past month has been a mess of hot and cold where one week, we’re talking and we’re both sorry for all the hurt. The next we’re at each others’ throats. When it’s “okay”, we flirt and talk about being together and it just hurts. We start the cycle all over again. Currently NC for a week after I exploded on him AGAIN and told him he was the worst thing that ever happened to me. I felt it at the time, but obvs not true in the least. Heard through the grapevine he went out for a night with some girl way beneathe me in the looks department (I’m not conceited. Honest.). I’m not initiating. He is so incredibly mean if and when I do try to talk to him, that I’m kind of terrified to even try.

    All I know is this whole mess has me completely reeling. I am trying to enjoy things as best I can, but few things DON’T remind me of him. I’m even crying in my sleep lately. Nobody would know that fron social media, either. I just want to be ACTUALLY happy and happy with him…

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 3, 2018 at 8:00 pm

      Hi Sam!

      That is pretty rare to have a close male friend going back so many years. And I think that is great. But I do understand the hot/cold cycle as the pressures on you both from the broken relationships are large. I think you guys should take a step back. Recommend you employ No Contact, but let him know you need some private, quiet time to heal and work on “you” and reflect. You both should benefit. Consider picking up one of my eBooks “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” or “The No Contact Rule Book” as both will benefit you during this stage.

  9. amy

    September 2, 2018 at 2:09 am

    My ex said that he doesn’t see me as a potential gf anymore and has lost romantic feelings as of now. He said he says “as of now” & emphasizes it because the future is unpredictable & he said it might change. Right now, we are best friends but I do want him to miss me. When I went all out for his birthday a week ago, he said he loves me dearly as a person and that he wouldn’t know what to do if he lost me and that he didn’t lose me because I am still his bestest friend and his other half. Those were his exact words. What do I do?

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 2, 2018 at 3:35 am

      Hi Amy…maybe you need to take a look taking some time for yourself, allowing him to realize he should not take you for granted.

  10. Nicole

    August 28, 2018 at 6:30 pm

    Great post!!…but…I completed no contact for 30 days text him and no reply, text him again and no reply. Waited 39 days and text him to which he replied “what is it gonna take for you to never talk to me again”. OUCH!!! I remained claim and replied “Easy. I do hope you’re good.” We had a wonderful & not so wonderful 3 year relationship. I miss him dearly and not sure what to do next….

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 28, 2018 at 9:22 pm

      Thanks Nicole!

      Yes, that was a rather mean response from him. Ummmm. Perhaps take a break from him for awhile. If you are still hurting and trying to reconcile your feelings about it all, then consider joining my “Private Facebook Support Group” which you can learn about more on my home page!

  11. Yara

    August 25, 2018 at 12:23 pm

    Hey EBR Team!

    So I completed my 30 day no contact! And even held out a few extra days before contacting my ex via text (hey, that rhymed!) he surprisingly answered immediately (an improvement from him going hours or even days before replying prior to the NC) we made polite small talk and I was upbeat and totally positive! I slipped in minor deets about my fav new place and job and we talked off and on for hours that day. I made sure to get the last word in and everything. Then silence for 3 days. he had mentioned he was going through a hard time in life and I sent him what I hope were kind uplifting words (serenity prayer) and he thanked me. But initiated no further conversation.

    In the past he has said he loves me, and that he didn’t realize how much he loved me until I was gone and that I broke his heart. He definitely went from being sweet and attentive to ice cold and he’s totally playing the victim.

    He feels I chose another guy over him

    I don’t know what to do

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 26, 2018 at 1:39 am

      Great job Yara! Helping him understand you did not choose someone over him is part of the solution. Try reaching out again in a few days, using one of the text contact messages I talk about in my program.

  12. Andra

    August 17, 2018 at 6:29 pm

    Dear EBR team,
    This might be slightly off topic but I really need your advice.
    So my ex-bf and I broke up after seven years of relationship.
    We’ve been on a on and off relationship until a couple months ago when we decided to move togheter.
    It didn’t work out and we ended up hating each other.
    We split up about a month ago and we moved on. I continued with my life and he did that as well. He might even have a new girlfriend, don’t know for sure, we are not on speaking terms and I do not stalk his social media.
    So we had this biiiig love right? And now nobody seems to believe the fact that we broke up for good. All my known ones always seem to bring him up and it is already annoying me. How can I show them that we broke up for good and there is no comming back for us?!
    Being in a on and off relationship made people think we would always come back to each other but this time things felt real. The breakup felt real and we both felt that there was no comming back! He wanted a new gf and a new life for him. So how can I make people understand that he isn’t gonna come back?!
    Thanks guys,
    Lots of love ❤️

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 17, 2018 at 9:10 pm

      Hi Andra!

      Lots of love right back at you!

      You should feel obliged to convince other people that you no longer feel the relationship is right for you. Don’t even enter into a debate. Your focus should be on your own healing and doing things to bring fulfillment in your life. Now, if something happens much later in the future, then you can always revisit. But don’t bank on that and don’t plan your life around that and don’t worry about what other people think. Just don’t discuss it with others if it upsets you.