After a break-up your ex-boyfriend can say all kinds of things and it can be difficult to understand what he means and how you should act afterwards.
One of the most common things an ex might do is tell you not to contact them anymore.
If your ex-boyfriend has said this, then you are probably worrying that he never wants to speak to you again but it is very rare that he ever actually means this.
To help you maximize your chances of getting your ex back this article is going to teach you all about:-
- The reasons he might ask you not to contact him
- What you should do to get him talking to you again
- If he even cares about you.
If your ex-boyfriend has told you never to contact him again then there are a number of reasons why he might say that.
The good news is that this is something your ex tends to say in the heat of the moment and later regrets.
Reasons he might ask you not to contact him
Alrighty, now we are getting to the meat of the article here.
Below I have compiled four main reasons for why he might ask you not to contact him.
Reason #1: You Were A Text Gnat
What is a Text Gnat?
It is someone who Goes Nuts At Texting!!!
If you bombarded your ex-boyfriend with text messages and phone calls after the breakup, begging him to talk to you and get back together, then you would be considered to be a Text Gnat.
Gnatting your ex to get back together is a fruitless exercise and your ex will have found it incredibly annoying.
If you are still texting your ex-boyfriend asking to get back together or to meet up then you should stop immediately, as you run the risk of getting blocked by phone, email, and social media by your ex if you do not respect his wishes.
Sending endless messages to an ex-boyfriend can also scare the hell out of him. Have you ever heard the phrase,
“Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”?
What this means is that no one is angrier than a woman who has been rejected. If your ex can see in your messages that you are angry with him for breaking up with you, he knows that unless he brings the situation under control, you have the potential to turn stalker and show up at his house or at his work and wreak major havoc in his life.
If you are Gnatting your ex-boyfriend by sending a lot of text messages or phone calls after the breakup it is likely that your ex will tell you not to contact him anymore as you are both annoying or your behavior scares him.
Reason #2: Pain
It might seem strange that someone breaking up with you will feel pain but it is true.
When your ex-boyfriend ends the relationship, he is going to experience the same feelings as you do after the breakup. An ex will experience separation anxiety after the breakup and as time goes by he will miss you more and more, because of this he might ask you not to contact him again as it will remind him of you, just as he is trying to move on.
If your ex has been struggling with the breakup he most likely asked you not to contact him because talking to you hurts too much. When an ex is experiencing this kind of pain then he is likely to feel that having a clean break will help him to return to normal quicker.
Reason #3: Anger
Arguments either during or after a breakup can leave your ex-boyfriend feeling extremely angry. When this happens, it is not uncommon for an ex-boyfriend to lash out and demand that you never contact them again.
If your ex does this, he is acting from a place of anger rather than logic and in that moment he is trying to hurt and punish you for the breakup.
Once your ex overcomes his anger in the subsequent days or weeks, he will begin to miss you and regret what he has said. An ex-boyfriend is most likely to act out of anger either mid argument or straight after he receives an unwanted text message from you.
Reason #4: The Other Woman
This reason is definitely the biggest concern amongst subscribers in the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Support Group. I can’t think of any cases across our subscribers where an ex-boyfriend has a new woman and the ex-girlfriend isn’t filled with panic.
If your ex-boyfriend is seeing someone else, then the most likely reason he has asked you not to contact him again is because he has a new girlfriend. There are two potential things that would cause an ex-boyfriend to ask that you do not contact them again.
1) When your ex is in a new relationship he will want to respect the other woman, because of this he will ask that you stay away.
2) If his new girlfriend is aware that you are in contact with you ex then she may demand that he stops talking to you.
If your ex has a new girlfriend very soon after your breakup, you should take comfort in the idea that it is probably as rebound and is unlikely to last. Men often enter rebound relationships as a way to distract themselves from the loneliness of being without you. When the new relationship ends your ex will again start to miss you and regret telling you not to contact him anymore.
How To Get Him Back
Now that you understand why your ex-boyfriend might ask you to leave him alone we are going to take a little time to discuss what you can do to win your ex back.
Step One: The No Contact Rule
The best thing you can do when your ex-boyfriend asks you not to contact them anymore is to give him space, just as he asks. Regardless of the reason he is asking, the best course of action is to give him some temporary space for 3-4 weeks.
This short period of silence is called No-Contact and is a temporary measure.
- If your ex says this to you when you breakup, you should immediately go into No-Contact.
- If your ex says this to you after your No-Contact period, you should do another 3-4 weeks.
During your no contact period you should refrain from all contact with your ex-boyfriend by phone, text, email, social media etc. Use your No-Contact period as an opportunity to work on yourself and become a stronger and better person.
Time is a great healer and your period of No-Contact will help you both. As time goes by the fact your ex has not heard from you in a while will make him miss you. As you have not contacted him, he will wonder if you have moved on, and this will give him a greater desire to chase you.
The other great side effect of the No-Contact period is that its resets your ex-boyfriend’s memories of you as a person. If at the end of your relationship you were a Text Gnat, then having a period of silence with your ex will help you to overcome your ex’s perception of you as needy and annoying.
Having a period of time where you do not contact your ex-boyfriend, helps him to forget the bad memories of the breakup, and replace them with a feeling of nostalgia for the good times you had together. This can only be achieved if you undertake a period of No-Contact.
There is no need to pre-advice your ex that you are going into No-Contact nor should you feel the need to apologize before you do unless you have done something seriously wrong like cheating.
Step Two: Become The Ungettable Girl
During your No-Contact period you have a golden opportunity to become a better version of yourself. What could your ex-boyfriend want more than someone they miss?…… Someone they miss who got hotter, smarter, and more popular of course!!!!
This hotter, smarter, more popular version of yourself is what we call The Ungettable Girl.
To become The Ungettable Girl you should focus your efforts on practicing something called The Holy Trinity, which involves dedicating time towards improving your health, wealth and relationships.
Focusing on your health, particularly after a breakup is so important. It is easy to forget your physical and mental wellbeing when a relationship ends. Take time to eat properly, exercise regularly and deal with your emotional issues.
Reflect on what you could do to make yourself feel more confident about your body, perhaps that means losing weight or new haircut. You should do whatever you feel is appropriate to regain your confidence and feel fabulous in your own skin.
Working to improve your health is in your own best interests but it also helps to get your ex’s attention… after all men are visual creatures! I would emphasise though that the kind of beauty that all men love is supported by an inner confidence….
This is why you focus on your mental health as well as your physical looks.
The next area to focus on is wealth. This is particularly crucial if you used to live with your ex or were in a long-distance relationship, as both can leave you in financial hardship. When trying to improve your wealth you should search for both short and long term solutions.
That can mean, taking on extra hours in your current job, reaching for a promotion or even studying for a qualification that will lead to your dream job. Another thing you could think about doing is volunteering and undertaking charity work to gain the experience you need to get a better job.
You are probably wondering why wealth is an important area to focus on…… well I’m pretty sure most guys don’t really care about how much money you have. However your ex will care about how independent you are financially as this is seen as an indicator of how needy you are.
The other reason financial independence is important as it increases your value in his eyes because a woman who has freedoms of her own will not date a low quality guy…… He knows you will have more options now! Due to this your ex-boyfriend will want to chase you again.
The final pillar of the Holy Trinity of The Ungettable Girl is relationships.
The Ungettable Girl is a social butterfly, she has amazing relationships with her friends, is fantastic with her family and is always getting asked to go on dates. During your no contact period you should spend time renewing old friendships, creating new ones, improving your relationship with your family and going on dates.
Take up some new hobbies and interests to meet new people and have subjects to talk about with your ex. Sign up for a dating website, go speed dating, ask your friends to set you up on blind dates. You may not yet feel like dating new people, however you should actively seek to go on at least two dates before you re-connect with your ex. I recommend this as it will help prevent you from falling back into needy behavior.
Dating other guys will also increase your ex’s desire to chase you due to the Principle of Scarcity, if your ex sees you moving on it will lead him to believe that if he doesn’t act soon his chance will be gone!
On your quest to become the Ungettable girl you should post interesting material to social media.
As you have practiced the No-Contact rule, your ex-boyfriend is likely to start missing you and begin to stalk you on social media to see what you are up to. Take lots of pictures of all the places you are going and people you are meeting and share them on social media for your ex-boyfriend, and any mutual connections to see. In doing so you will ensure your ex sees all the fruits of your hard work to become The Ungettable Girl.
When he sees your photos he will feel jealous of your new life and fear he is missing out…. That fear is going to make him want to be in your life again.
Step Three: Build Rapport
After your no contact period is over your next step is to start texting your ex to build rapport and later create attraction. To build rapport with your ex you should send a first contact text message, this should be something fun, exciting and interesting so that it grabs your ex’s attention and makes him want to talk to you.
To get some inspiration on what you can text your ex, create two lists.
Places you went together and experiences you shared
His hobbies and interests
Using these lists as a basis for your texting will help to make your message as interesting as possible to him. These lists can be used to generate two types of text.
The first type of text message is the Memory Text which is used to subtly remind your ex of a positive time you spent together. For example you and your ex spent a summer travelling around Germany so you decide to send him the following text.
The second type text is called the Million Dollars Text because it is going to be so unusual and exciting it will be like winning a million dollars. It consists of information your ex is going to want to hear.
What you will notice about both of these text messages is that they are positive, light and low pressure. Your first contact text message should not mention getting back together or meeting up to discuss the breakup, as it is far too soon in the process and will scare your ex away.
Your initial text messages to your ex-boyfriend should be focused on building rapport and establishing positive dialogue that you can later build upon.
You should aim to keep your first texting conversation very brief, no more than perhaps 3-4 texts long. I want you to be the person that ends the conversation, you should try to to do it at a high point as this will leave your ex wanting more.
If you do this successfully it will trigger his desire to chase you in later interactions.
The purpose of the first contact text message is to simply remind your ex that you exist, that you are thriving and happy without him and indicate that it is safe to talk; in doing so you will pique your ex-boyfriends interest to want to converse more.
If your ex doesn’t reply to your text, stay calm and try again in 7-10 day’s time.
If your ex tells you to go away, wait a month.
Winning your ex back will take time, you will use numerous texts and phone calls and face to face meetings in the process to get your ex-boyfriend back.
You will need to exercise restraint and patience to be successful.
Step Four: Being There
If your ex-boyfriend is in a new relationship then you are going to have to practice something called the “Being There” method after your period of no contact. The Being There method is a way to stay present and relevant in your ex-boyfriends life until his new relationship naturally comes to an end.
You are NOT trying to actively break them up so you should maintain respectful boundaries with your ex-boyfriend.
By being friendly with your ex you are going to allow his new girlfriends jealousy to eventually break them up. I don’t believe there are any girlfriends who would be happy with their guy staying in touch with his ex so the fact you are “being there” will put strain on their relationship.
Your objective with the Being There method is to be a constant presence in your ex’s life, all the time reminding him of how great you are and how you are a better option than the other woman….. you will find this much easier if you are really working hard to maintain your Ungettable Girl status!
Whether your ex-boyfriend has a new girlfriend or is simply going through an emotional rollercoaster after the breakup it is always worth remembering that requests to leave him alone are usually said in the heat of the moment and are generally temporary.
Your strongest position to win your ex back at this moment is silence and no-contact, give your ex exactly what he is asking for right now. In doing so you are respecting his wishes, giving him space to regret his decision and allowing yourself time to heal and become the Ungettable Girl.
Winning your ex back is a journey that requires patience, you cannot go from zero to hero overnight in the eyes of your ex-boyfriend. Composure and positivity will go a long way towards helping you to re-establish a connection with your ex, this will lay a strong foundation to build attraction later so as you can work towards getting back together.