What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

My Ex Boyfriend Told Me Not To Contact Him Anymore

After a break-up your ex-boyfriend can say all kinds of things and it can be difficult to understand what he means and how you should act afterwards.

One of the most common things an ex might do is tell you not to contact them anymore.

If your ex-boyfriend has said this, then you are probably worrying that he never wants to speak to you again but it is very rare that he ever actually means this.

To help you maximize your chances of getting your ex back this article is going to teach you all about:-

  • The reasons he might ask you not to contact him
  • What you should do to get him talking to you again

If your ex-boyfriend has told you never to contact him again then there are a number of reasons why he might say that.

The good news is that this is something your ex tends to say in the heat of the moment and later regrets.

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Reasons he might ask you not to contact him

Alrighty, now we are getting to the meat of the article here.

Below I have compiled four main reasons for why he might ask you not to contact him.


Reason #1: You Were A Text Gnat

What is a Text Gnat?

It is someone who Goes Nuts At Texting!!!

If you bombarded your ex-boyfriend with text messages and phone calls after the breakup, begging him to talk to you and get back together, then you would be considered to be a Text Gnat.

Gnatting your ex to get back together is a fruitless exercise and your ex will have found it incredibly annoying.

If you are still texting your ex-boyfriend asking to get back together or to meet up then you should stop immediately, as you run the risk of getting blocked by phone, email, and social media by your ex if you do not respect his wishes.

Sending endless messages to an ex-boyfriend can also scare the hell out of him. 
Have you ever heard the phrase,

“Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”?

What this means is that no one is angrier than a woman who has been rejected.
If your ex can see in your messages that you are angry with him for breaking up with you, he knows that unless he brings the situation under control, you have the potential to turn stalker and show up at his house or at his work and wreak major havoc in his life.

If you are Gnatting your ex-boyfriend by sending a lot of text messages or phone calls after the breakup it is likely that your ex will tell you not to contact him anymore as you are both annoying or your behavior scares him.

Reason #2: Pain

It might seem strange that someone breaking up with you will feel pain but it is true.

When your ex-boyfriend ends the relationship, he is going to experience the same feelings as you do after the breakup. An ex will experience separation anxiety after the breakup and as time goes by he will miss you more and more, because of this he might ask you not to contact him again as it will remind him of you, just as he is trying to move on.

If your ex has been struggling with the breakup he most likely asked you not to contact him because talking to you hurts too much. When an ex is experiencing this kind of pain then he is likely to feel that having a clean break will help him to return to normal quicker.

Reason #3: Anger

Arguments either during or after a breakup can leave your ex-boyfriend feeling extremely angry. When this happens, it is not uncommon for an ex-boyfriend to lash out and demand that you never contact them again.

If your ex does this, he is acting from a place of anger rather than logic and in that moment he is trying to hurt and punish you for the breakup.

Once your ex overcomes his anger in the subsequent days or weeks, he will begin to miss you and regret what he has said. An ex-boyfriend is most likely to act out of anger either mid argument or straight after he receives an unwanted text message from you.

Reason #4: The Other Woman

This reason is definitely the biggest concern amongst subscribers in the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Support Group. I can’t think of any cases across our subscribers where an ex-boyfriend has a new woman and the ex-girlfriend isn’t filled with panic.

If your ex-boyfriend is seeing someone else, then the most likely reason he has asked you not to contact him again is because he has a new girlfriend. 
There are two potential things that would cause an ex-boyfriend to ask that you do not contact them again.

1) When your ex is in a new relationship he will want to respect the other woman, because of this he will ask that you stay away.

2) If his new girlfriend is aware that you are in contact with you ex then she may demand that he stops talking to you.

If your ex has a new girlfriend very soon after your breakup, you should take comfort in the idea that it is probably as rebound and is unlikely to last. Men often enter rebound relationships as a way to distract themselves from the loneliness of being without you. When the new relationship ends your ex will again start to miss you and regret telling you not to contact him anymore.

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How To Get Him Back

Now that you understand why your ex-boyfriend might ask you to leave him alone we are going to take a little time to discuss what you can do to win your ex back.

Step One: The No Contact Rule

The best thing you can do when your ex-boyfriend asks you not to contact them anymore is to give him space, just as he asks. Regardless of the reason he is asking, the best course of action is to give him some temporary space for 3-4 weeks.

This short period of silence is called No-Contact and is a temporary measure.

  1. If your ex says this to you when you breakup, you should immediately go into No-Contact.
  2. If your ex says this to you after your No-Contact period, you should do another 3-4 weeks.

During your no contact period you should refrain from all contact with your ex-boyfriend by phone, text, email, social media etc. Use your No-Contact period as an opportunity to work on yourself and become a stronger and better person.

Time is a great healer and your period of No-Contact will help you both. As time goes by the fact your ex has not heard from you in a while will make him miss you. As you have not contacted him, he will wonder if you have moved on, and this will give him a greater desire to chase you.

The other great side effect of the No-Contact period is that its resets your ex-boyfriend’s memories of you as a person. If at the end of your relationship you were a Text Gnat, then having a period of silence with your ex will help you to overcome your ex’s perception of you as needy and annoying.

Having a period of time where you do not contact your ex-boyfriend, helps him to forget the bad memories of the breakup, and replace them with a feeling of nostalgia for the good times you had together. This can only be achieved if you undertake a period of No-Contact.

There is no need to pre-advice your ex that you are going into No-Contact nor should you feel the need to apologize before you do unless you have done something seriously wrong like cheating.

Step Two: Become The Ungettable Girl

During your No-Contact period you have a golden opportunity to become a better version of yourself.
What could your ex-boyfriend want more than someone they miss?…… Someone they miss who got hotter, smarter, and more popular of course!!!!

This hotter, smarter, more popular version of yourself is what we call The Ungettable Girl.

To become The Ungettable Girl you should focus your efforts on practicing something called The Holy Trinity, which involves dedicating time towards improving your health, wealth and relationships.

Focusing on your health, particularly after a breakup is so important. It is easy to forget your physical and mental wellbeing when a relationship ends. Take time to eat properly, exercise regularly and deal with your emotional issues.

Reflect on what you could do to make yourself feel more confident about your body, perhaps that means losing weight or new haircut. You should do whatever you feel is appropriate to regain your confidence and feel fabulous in your own skin.

Working to improve your health is in your own best interests but it also helps to get your ex’s attention… after all men are visual creatures! I would emphasise though that the kind of beauty that all men love is supported by an inner confidence….

This is why you focus on your mental health as well as your physical looks.

The next area to focus on is wealth. This is particularly crucial if you used to live with your ex or were in a long-distance relationship, as both can leave you in financial hardship.
When trying to improve your wealth you should search for both short and long term solutions.

That can mean, taking on extra hours in your current job, reaching for a promotion or even studying for a qualification that will lead to your dream job.
Another thing you could think about doing is volunteering and undertaking charity work to gain the experience you need to get a better job.

You are probably wondering why wealth is an important area to focus on…… well I’m pretty sure most guys don’t really care about how much money you have. However your ex will care about how independent you are financially as this is seen as an indicator of how needy you are.

The other reason financial independence is important as it increases your value in his eyes because a woman who has freedoms of her own will not date a low quality guy…… He knows you will have more options now! Due to this your ex-boyfriend will want to chase you again.

The final pillar of the Holy Trinity of The Ungettable Girl is relationships.

The Ungettable Girl is a social butterfly, she has amazing relationships with her friends, is fantastic with her family and is always getting asked to go on dates.
During your no contact period you should spend time renewing old friendships, creating new ones, improving your relationship with your family and going on dates.

Take up some new hobbies and interests to meet new people and have subjects to talk about with your ex. Sign up for a dating website, go speed dating, ask your friends to set you up on blind dates.
You may not yet feel like dating new people, however you should actively seek to go on at least two dates before you re-connect with your ex. I recommend this as it will help prevent you from falling back into needy behavior.

Dating other guys will also increase your ex’s desire to chase you due to the Principle of Scarcity, if your ex sees you moving on it will lead him to believe that if he doesn’t act soon his chance will be gone!

On your quest to become the Ungettable girl you should post interesting material to social media.

As you have practiced the No-Contact rule, your ex-boyfriend is likely to start missing you and begin to stalk you on social media to see what you are up to. Take lots of pictures of all the places you are going and people you are meeting and share them on social media for your ex-boyfriend, and any mutual connections to see. In doing so you will ensure your ex sees all the fruits of your hard work to become The Ungettable Girl.

When he sees your photos he will feel jealous of your new life and fear he is missing out…. That fear is going to make him want to be in your life again.

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Step Three: Build Rapport

After your no contact period is over your next step is to start texting your ex to build rapport and later create attraction. To build rapport with your ex you should send a first contact text message, this should be something fun, exciting and interesting so that it grabs your ex’s attention and makes him want to talk to you.

To get some inspiration on what you can text your ex, create two lists.

Places you went together and experiences you shared

His hobbies and interests

Using these lists as a basis for your texting will help to make your message as interesting as possible to him. These lists can be used to generate two types of text.

The first type of text message is the Memory Text which is used to subtly remind your ex of a positive time you spent together. For example you and your ex spent a summer travelling around Germany so you decide to send him the following text.

The second type text is called the Million Dollars Text because it is going to be so unusual and exciting it will be like winning a million dollars. It consists of information your ex is going to want to hear.

What you will notice about both of these text messages is that they are positive, light and low pressure. Your first contact text message should not mention getting back together or meeting up to discuss the breakup, as it is far too soon in the process and will scare your ex away.

Your initial text messages to your ex-boyfriend should be focused on building rapport and establishing positive dialogue that you can later build upon.

You should aim to keep your first texting conversation very brief, no more than perhaps 3-4 texts long. I want you to be the person that ends the conversation, you should try to to do it at a high point as this will leave your ex wanting more.

If you do this successfully it will trigger his desire to chase you in later interactions.

The purpose of the first contact text message is to simply remind your ex that you exist, that you are thriving and happy without him and indicate that it is safe to talk; in doing so you will pique your ex-boyfriends interest to want to converse more.
If your ex doesn’t reply to your text, stay calm and try again in 7-10 day’s time.

If your ex tells you to go away, wait a month.

Winning your ex back will take time, you will use numerous texts and phone calls and face to face meetings in the process to get your ex-boyfriend back.

You will need to exercise restraint and patience to be successful.

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Step Four: Being There

If your ex-boyfriend is in a new relationship then you are going to have to practice something called the “Being There” method after your period of no contact.
The Being There method is a way to stay present and relevant in your ex-boyfriends life until his new relationship naturally comes to an end.

You are NOT trying to actively break them up so you should maintain respectful boundaries with your ex-boyfriend.

By being friendly with your ex you are going to allow his new girlfriends jealousy to eventually break them up. I don’t believe there are any girlfriends who would be happy with their guy staying in touch with his ex so the fact you are “being there” will put strain on their relationship.

Your objective with the Being There method is to be a constant presence in your ex’s life, all the time reminding him of how great you are and how you are a better option than the other woman….. you will find this much easier if you are really working hard to maintain your Ungettable Girl status!


Whether your ex-boyfriend has a new girlfriend or is simply going through an emotional rollercoaster after the breakup it is always worth remembering that requests to leave him alone are usually said in the heat of the moment and are generally temporary.

Your strongest position to win your ex back at this moment is silence and no-contact, give your ex exactly what he is asking for right now. In doing so you are respecting his wishes, giving him space to regret his decision and allowing yourself time to heal and become the Ungettable Girl.

Winning your ex back is a journey that requires patience, you cannot go from zero to hero overnight in the eyes of your ex-boyfriend. Composure and positivity will go a long way towards helping you to re-establish a connection with your ex, this will lay a strong foundation to build attraction later so as you can work towards getting back together.


Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

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64 thoughts on “My Ex Boyfriend Told Me Not To Contact Him Anymore”

  1. Linda Bates

    March 7, 2018 at 7:51 am

    I was a text gnat I was told because he’s introvert just text him so I did and he told it was to much and then we got together and didn’t go all the way he left and I texted him the next day because when left we didn’t say a word to each other he then told me that he don’t want to talk to me anymore and please don’t call or text and he said please don’t

  2. YG

    January 5, 2018 at 7:56 pm

    After about a month of being back with my ex everything was fine but one day we got into a petty argument , it was a miscommunication but I made it worse and then I tried to fix it by telling him I loved him later that day and he told me he doesn’t want to play with my emotions so it’s best we cut all contact …

    But he had been telling me he loved me since we came back into contact and even during the month we were separated ..

    I’m just wondering why ? Did I scare him by saying it ? Or was it just because we were fighting?

    When he told me , I was angry so I told him never to come back into my life again , and then blocked him . He hasn’t tried to reach out . It’s been three days … I’m lost on what to do . We were toghter off and on for three years.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 8, 2018 at 6:32 pm

      Hi YG,

      If you’re on and off then that’s it.. He’s used to breaking up with you when it gets hard or stressful.. Check this one:
      How To Get An On Again/Off Again Boyfriend Back

  3. SJ

    December 13, 2017 at 7:43 pm

    My ex and I have been broken up for about five months. We first met in April and by the end of the month we were a couple. Things we fine, we went on two dates, and then my parents decided that we had to have a chaperone or be with a group. My ex is older than me and did not like the rules, it was something he was not used to. But we did meet up a few times to see each other. After the breakup, (we dated two months) my ex still flirts with me and checked in on me. But at the time he said that I was not ready to date and we were not getting back together, but he had feelings for me. Then things started to change in September when he made a comment to a friend about hurting me, I asked what he meant by that and he said that his experience would hurt me and that I Should be with someone I can share more with. I was confused and told him that it did not matter what happened in his past we can do things together. I must have said too much, because he didn’t respond to my texts. I asked him about it and he said there was no need to talk about it. I felt like he was blowing me off. At some point he told me that he just wanted to be friends and I was a nice person. We exchanged mean things to one another and stopped talking for three weeks. That was out first fight over text message. In October I wished him Happy Birthday and another week went by. The next week we talked over the weekend via text and I asked to meet up, he said that he was talking to someone and that was not a good idea. Once again we talked about our breakup and how I felt it was unfair that we could not fix out problems and he moved on to someone else. It seemed to finally end. However I was still asking questions and he was getting annoyed with them. After some more texting back and forth, he finally admitted that we should stop talking, because I was not getting over the breakup, as well as ” what are your intentions?’ ” it will be better in the long run”, “he’s not the guy for me”, ” I want to be more than friends and he can’t do that”, ” I’m gonna make someone happy one day”, ” I’m not gonna be your boyfriend”. He did say sorry for hurting me, it was not his intentions. We haven’t talked in a month and I know he has blocked my number, because before he would respond to me but now nothing. Can you break this all down for me? What should I do now?

  4. Sherin

    December 10, 2017 at 6:14 am

    Hey Chris, I’m madly in love with this man. The relationship was short (3 months) but the feelings were very intense. It was definitely not a fling. We had wonderful chemistry between us and were perfect for each other. He made me feel like the happiest woman in the world. I wanted to spend more and more time with him, I had too much concern for him, I loved him like a baby.
    I sometimes did feel that I was becoming a bit clingy , but I never did doubt him, check on him, or restrict him from talking to other friends, especially of the opposite sex. I just wanted to make sure that he spends enough time with me too. But I was never demanding in the process.
    Earlier this month, He told me he needed a ‘break’. I felt my ground slipping away beneath my feet. I was so confused what was that supposed to mean and I couldn’t help but ask for clarification from him. Whenever I tried to speak to him he tells that he fell in love with me too quickly without knowing much about me, and that now he first wants to be friends, know about me better and then think of a relationship. I was really hurt and paranoid and was acting crazy as he meant the world to me and his sudden change was too hard for me to fathom and accept.
    Weeks went on like this before he gave me another blow to my already confused heart – He wanted a breakup. He told me that he does not love me anymore, But he cares for me and will be always there for me. I know he will – for he is a true gentleman, but I feel my life ripped out of me-I just can’t imagine my life with another guy.
    Currently we are friends, but I have a feeling he may move on fast, I’m honestly trying to get back to him. I want him so badly and he cares for me too. He assures that he’ll always be there for me, but he says he doesn’t love me. Please help,I want my sweetheart back. Pls tell me what I can do in this situation to get him back. I have tried begging, though I knew that would make him look down on me. he still cares for me. because he told that he doesn’t want anybody sympathizing for me and to stay strong after the breakup. But recently when I asked him to take me back again, He told me not to talk to him for a while and he doesn’t want anyone. What should I do now?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2017 at 4:16 am

  5. Jean

    November 19, 2017 at 10:46 pm

    Also I was active in improving myself in the NC period and have been active on social media too, but he cannot see anything anyway as he blocked me from everything the last time we split up. He said he didn’t want to keep re adding me every time we fell out as he was bothered about what people would think (this happened quite a while ago)

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 21, 2017 at 7:22 pm

      Yup, you need to restart 30 days nc, make your posts public.. He has to think you’re really moving on and then follow the advice on how to initiate contact on the link in my first reply to you..

  6. Jean

    November 19, 2017 at 10:41 pm

    Yes I basically sent him a long txt saying i missed him and that i had made a mistake and that at the time I just needed space to deal with meeting new family etc. He said he wasn’t going to read my message, that i didn’t deserve it and he didn’t want to see or speak to me again. He said i made my choice and to leave him alone and post his key. I replied saying that i had a feeling this would be his response and that i would leave him alone and move on. I left it a few days and sent him a positive message saying you’re not going to believe what happened to me? he responded with you won the lottery? I replied with a funny positive message about what had happened with a friend; relating the message to something we used to do together, but he didn’t respond. I left it a day and sent him a message relating to a subject he is quite interested in but I have still not received a response. Do you think there is no hope? Should I start the NC again? It makes things worse that we have split up a few times and I was always the one to break up with him. He may have had enough…what are your thoughts? Thanks a lot for responding!

  7. Jean

    November 14, 2017 at 10:58 pm

    Hi, I recently broke up with my partner of 3 years a month ago. We had been having some difficulties for about a year and towards the end the relationship had become really awkward and we lacked communication. I had split up with him a few times before but we always ended up back together, it was mostly me initiating contact again. When I broke up with him this time I explained that I didn’t think it was working and that he had become lazy in the relationship. He got angry and started saying how much he had done for me and that I had contacted him to get back together last time. He said he wasn’t going to do this again and I could tell he was really upset as he kept messaging. I would listen to him at the time and left it. After a month I now regret my decision and I messaged him, he replied saying I didn’t deserve his contact, that I had made my choice and he didn’t want to see or speak to me ever again. He said to leave him alone. What should I do? I love him and want him back, do you think there is a chance?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 18, 2017 at 1:51 am

      HI Jean

      your first message is asking him back? And it’s not a no contact rule period if you weren’t active in improving yourself and in posting.. restart nc and check this one too:
      How To Properly Start A Conversation With Your Ex After No Contact

  8. Malath

    October 23, 2017 at 11:59 am

    Hello .. ty for responding
    No, i didnt say that .. when i apologized i said that am sorry for how we ended then i said that a friendly ending would be better for both .. however it was like if i am saying that ending would be better for both so after re reading my msg i re write him that i meant to be friendly and not to cut him off of my life but he rejected me by asking me to delete his number although he replied to my first text in a friendly way ..

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 24, 2017 at 5:28 pm

      Hi Malath,

      Ah ok , well, building rapport means just being friendly.Not asking if you can be friendly. Because if a guy doesn’t want to get back together, he would not want to give you hope.. If he doesn’t initiate in a week, do one last nc, at least 30 days. Be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media and then initiate contact after nc..

  9. Malath

    October 12, 2017 at 7:10 am

    Hello , I was with a guy almost 5 months .. he was flirting and he makes hints that I should love him .. however i was so careful cause am not sure about him… day after day i found that its over he seems to be serious .. however i told him that i am attached to him and wether that fears him or no .. then he said we’re just friends and that he doesnt want a relation ship and that he told me that he doesnt want ( but he never said before ) however he deleted me directly eventhough i’ve only said that am getting attached .. then i sent him a vn via whatsapp (youre immature .. and even if u wanted a Relationship i dont want it and blah blah … ) then i went on NC for 21 days .. yesterday i apologized on how we ended he replied to me in a good way and wished me luck then i realized my msg to him showed that i dont want him back so i replied that i didnt mean that then he said please delete my number .. i said ok then deleted him …. Now , I am moving on but i’d like to know if that respond of him was to harm me bc i insulted him before or is it bc he really doesnt like me ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 12, 2017 at 6:23 pm

      HI Malath,

      You said you didn’t mean the apology?

  10. Grace

    October 7, 2017 at 12:15 pm

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year. We have never had one fight. We took a three week time out in June because things got really stressful with his ex wife taking him back to court for more child support etc and I told him I loved him for the first time. He isn’t the most verbal person when it comes to his emotions and he just got overwhelmed. Things seemed to be fine until the day he went to court in August. I text him in the morning to wish well and he said he didn’t want to talk but said thank you. I text him in the afternoon to check in on him and the last line on my text said, I won’t bug you anymore tonight, text if you need me. He wrote back and said Please stop! For some reason it really upset me. I called him and we ended up fighting about me calling him and he told me that I was crossing his boundaries and that he was blocking me on his phone, then he hung up. I unblocked my number, and called him back about 20 minutes later and told him that I would give him his space and he got really mad at me for unblocking my number I guess, said something about the boundaries and that this just wasn’t right, he started yelling at me about never to contact him again and that if he wanted to talk to me he would call me. Then he hung up. I was shocked! We have never spoken to each other this way, ever…We are older, in our 40’s and have always respected one another. I emailed him the next day and apologized. I sent him a letter the next week and a final email about 4 weeks later. I have heard nothing from him. It’s now been 8 days with no contact. I’m completely in love with this man and he knows it. Should I continue the no contact and see what happens, or is it totally over? I really am at a loss. He did say in the conversation, why did you do this? we were good. you were really to good to me and I was good to you. We had even just had a conversation about our relationship three weeks prior about how to improve things a bit. I’m just so upset right now….

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 8, 2017 at 11:12 pm

      Hi Grace,

      Yes, continue nc..try it..be active in improving yourself, and in posting..continue doing that even while slowly rebuilding rapport.. If it doesn’t work, move on..

  11. Messed up

    September 17, 2017 at 12:14 am

    So I messed up. Ex and I broke up 3 months ago, never did no contact more than a couple weeks. It was a mutual cycle of hanging out heaps and then stopping and repeating.
    I told him how I felt and then proceeded to call him out for leading me on and how us being friends wasn’t working and we should give this a go. He kept saying lets be friends and that his feelings were getting weaker and how we could be friends if I stopped aksing for closure. I then got mad and said he was taking me for granted and how acknowledging my feelings should not be a favour its just the right thing to do. He got mad and said let’s not be friends.

    Does he mean it? Have I even lost the ablity for us to be mates

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 20, 2017 at 10:31 am

      Hi Messed up,

      If he broke up with you, then in his point of view, why would he have to acknowledge your feelings? Yes, he knows you have feelings, but he broke up with, so now he just wants to be friends.. I don’t know if I make sense to you but my point is, he wants to friendzone you.. So, either you start the no contact period if you still want to try with him later on or move on..

    2. Messed Up

      September 21, 2017 at 12:48 pm

      I forgot to mention. During the past 3 months he did have moments where he said he still had feelings for me. Or how he was confused. Or how he was on the fence. And once how he was “scared how strong his feelings were” because he didn’t want a relationship.

      You make perfect sense but that’s what I have left ^^ I’m about to see him at a lot of events. Should I maintain no contact?

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 26, 2017 at 7:41 pm

      Yup, stay in nc

    4. Messed Up even more

      September 27, 2017 at 3:46 am

      So a lot happened since that message. I saw him at a party and on the one hand he was very obviously avoiding me, talking/flirting with anyone but me. But he told my mutual female friend that he had feelings for me but wasn’t sure if I did and didn’t want a relationship.

      He also kept looking at me everytime I flirted with someone else, I got a lot of guys attention at that party. In fact every guy except HIM. And in the end he told our mutual riend that he shouldn’t care and I have the right to date whoever I want.

      The day after that was my birthday, the 23rd. He did not wish me a happy birthday but liked photos that my friends posted. He does not normally wish people hb’s but he has always wished me.
      Now I don’t know what to do. Is this officially irrevocably done? Or can no-contact still work.

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 28, 2017 at 10:46 pm

      finish nc first, and then slowly rebuild rapport after while continuing improving yourself and having your own life.

    6. Messed Up even more

      September 27, 2017 at 3:46 am

      Now a lot happened since that post. The replies here a little bit slow but I underrstand you’re busy. I saw him at a party and on the one hand he was very obviously avoiding me, talking/flirting with anyone but me. But he told my mutual female friend that he had feelings for me but wasn’t sure if I did and didn’t want a relationship.

      He also kept looking at me everytime I flirted with someone else, I got a lot of guys attention at that party. In fact every guy except HIM. And in the end he told our mutual riend that he shouldn’t care and I have the right to date whoever I want.

      The day after that was my birthday, the 23rd. He did not wish me a happy birthday but liked photos that my friends posted. He does not normally wish people hb’s but he has always wished me.
      Now I don’t know what to do. Is this officially irrevocably done? Or can no-contact still work.

    7. Messed up

      September 30, 2017 at 7:28 am

      I dont know if its a browser issue but my last comment doesn’t have a response?

      I’ve been focusing on myself and going on dates. But I still want to resume contact eventually. Is it still plausible?

    8. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 30, 2017 at 10:09 pm

      It didn’t have a response in my end too..I may have approved it accidentally..sorry about that.. Yes, you can continue nc and initiate contact after it

    9. Messed Up

      October 1, 2017 at 2:05 pm


      Hey so I did that and a lot of guys posted photos of me and like my Facebook is a flood of me clubbing and having a good time. My ex ended up blocking me and upon further research from friends I realised he put up his profile privacy so no one can see his friends but he readded his ex (who lives on the other side of the world and has a partner of a few years) but he blocked her for me when we were dating.
      Is this completely over? Do you see any logic in any of this? cos I’m confused.
      Is it time to move on or can I still continue nc

    10. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 2, 2017 at 2:53 pm

      Just continue nc and make your posts public

  12. Azz

    September 12, 2017 at 11:17 am

    Hi Chris and Hi to all of EBR Team Members! I need some advice and support from you guys, please help.

    Me and My Ex were together for almost year and a half. We had some ups and downs as probably every couple has. Most of the time however I felt truly happy. I thought: “This could last forever”. I was finally myself, not trying to prove anything, just pure happiness.
    My Ex – due to some severe family issues – has never dated anyone seriously and, even though he is almost 30, has not much of an experience in this matter. At one hand he had to grow up fast (to e.g. support his parents financially), on the other – he is very vulnerable (which I wasn’t aware of because he is so uncommunicative – I knew he was sensitive but I wasn’t aware of the level). He has trouble talking about his feelings and concerns – our fights were usually me being angry and him being sad. He tried his best and I know that now.
    Almost three weeks ago we had our last argument (I thought it was about our mutual future plans, he afterwards told our good friend that it was about our constant fights), which in fact was the most ‘human’ one – there was talking instead of screaming, hugging and telling each other how much we love the other one and have to figure something out to be together. Something completely new. It started with him telling me that one of the solutions is to break up, however he thinks it is unacceptable and doesn’t want to do that. We later agreed that we love each other to death, do not want anyone else (he said “if it wasn’t you, I would choose to be alone”), that we are ‘the ones’ in each other lives. Maybe because ‘the talk’ lasted so long (almost 7 hours), we couldn’t communicate properly – all of sudden he said ‘I think we need to break up’. His caring and loving behaviour immediately changed. He didn’t want to talk to me, look at me, touch me. I lost it there – begging mode was turned on, horrible horrible things etc.
    I had some time to think it all over, especially when I found out that it was all about our fighting. Made some examination of conscience, found my faults and patterns I used all the time and decided to finally change. What was so wrong about me is that I wasn’t paying much attention to my ex’s feelings. For me, after the argument was over, it was all ok, however, he kept it somewhere deep down feeling that he failed me again and I was not as happy as I deserved to be. If I knew how much was at stake, I would never hurt him that way, he was too good for me. I am pretty sure that I made him happy as well…
    Our mutual friend told my Ex that we should both talk (I didn’t ask for this at all, seriously). After more than a week my Ex sent me a text “if there’s something that hasn’t been already said, we should meet”. So we did. After really nice and fun small talk (oh how he looked at me…), we started talking about major subject – I apologised sincerely, mentioned all my faults and asked for a second chance. He said “Never again”, “this is to hard for me”, “I will always love you, but now I love you differently than it was before”. He also told me that he has already given me a second chance six months ago, which I was completely not aware of (because he didn’t tell me about it…). I still have no clue WHY he wanted to meet – to see me begging again? Probably that does not matter now. This time, fortunately, I was strong enough to not fall into tears, just hugged him and wished him all the luck he deserves. Of course he said not to contact him and “I hope that some day we could meet as friends but not now”.
    We are not connected through any social media (we never needed that, it was never a big deal), so me posting photos on fb etc. will do nothing, our mutual friends are actually his friends that he introduced me to (so now I kinda lost them too). Chances of two of us meeting are below zero.
    I am willing to do anything to get him back. Maybe not now, maybe in a year or more, but I feel we should be together. I need to find my balance alone first. I am just worried – if he is so hurt, he probably won’t answer my texts and just doesn’t want to know me anymore. Should I extend my NC for more than 45-60 days? Just tell me what to do… Are there any chances or should I give up now?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 14, 2017 at 8:42 pm

      Hi Azz
      We can’t guarantee that you will get your ex back but you’re right that you need to put yourself first.. Check this one:
      How Do I Break Down My Ex Boyfriend’s Emotional Wall?

    2. Azz

      September 15, 2017 at 9:14 am

      Thanks for your response. Maybe you can advise me what channels should I use to show him I’m an UG (eventually when it happens, surely not now, but I am working on it). As I said before, we are not friends on facebook, but his friends are my friends on fb. I am not very ‘popular’ on fb – I haven’t posted anything in two years time, should I post photos etc. for his friends to see and hopefully tell him about it? We don’t have Instagram, no Snapchat (I guess he has one, but I don’t even know how to use it). We have one mutual friend who keeps in touch with both of us – should I ‘use’ him as a source of information about me to my ex? Or maybe – tell me if it has any sense – use NC also towards our friend (he is an inquisitive type – he may ask my ex whether he has heard from me….?)?

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 15, 2017 at 5:53 pm

      Just be active in fb and make the posts public so that when he gets curious he’ll see them.. If you want to open instagram, that’s good too

  13. Rachael

    August 18, 2017 at 5:37 am

    my bf of 5 years finally broke up with me about a month ago. we were incompatible from the start and i knew it wouldn’t last forever but he became my best friend. the breakup was mutual and respectful and for a full week afterwards we were still texting like best friends. but then i admitted to him that i had been cheating on him at the end of our relationship and he immediately wanted nothing to do with me. of course i don’t blame him for that and i don’t think we should ever get back together as boyfriend and girlfriend but i do miss my best friend. do you think it’s possible he will ever want to be friends again? should i bother trying to find out since i know that he thinks it’s unhealthy for him to even talk to me right now?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 18, 2017 at 5:39 pm

      HI Rachael,

      Yeah someday when much time has passed.. It depends from a person to person but a safe bet would be maybe after 6 months or a year he would have moved on..

  14. Tyler Reeves

    August 10, 2017 at 9:00 am

    Hi ex boyfriend Recovery I’m a 24 yr old male Who was currently in a relationship with a 23 yr old guy who is in the closet.. we’ve been pretty serious for about 9 months now and he isn’t out. I’ve dealt with keeping everything a secret but I love this man dearly. I was told by a friend that he was on Grindr a gay dating site and I freaked out. I texted him telling him I wanted him to leave me alone. He said he was only on there to see if I was.. It was a huge fight at one point he said he seen me on there and that we where even, I was never on there… it was hurtful he would lie and try to turn it on me. We didn’t talk for 3 days and I messaged him today and he called me a liar and to let him be and said goodbye. I care for him with all my heart I would have never reacted the way I did if I didn’t care for him.. what should I do? Should I just let him be so he can calm down or is he like down with me.. some advice from this website would be very obliged

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 10, 2017 at 5:09 pm

      HI Tyler,

      Good thing you’re not in the app. .That means he’s really in it to look dates or what not.. do you want to try the no contact rule?

    2. Tyler Reeves

      August 10, 2017 at 10:57 pm

      Yes I’ve been trying no contact ever since then, he acts like he’s really really angry and disappointed in me which shows he still cares but it’s bitter sweet cuz he’s mad at me or something I never did. I love this man and I know he loves me. I know no contact is the best step but is this worth fighting for? Thank you so much for replying:)

    3. Tyler Reeves

      August 11, 2017 at 9:20 am

      I feel like I need to fight for him, this is the only guy I’ve ever felt like I needed to, it was a bad fight and we both said things I know we didn’t mean, but he’s blocked everything but my number.

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 11, 2017 at 2:27 pm

      he’s trying to stick to his guns right now.. He should be the one proving to you that he’s not cheating. fighting for someone means there’s an outside force trying to stop your relationship. There’s none in yours.

    5. Tyler Reeves

      August 11, 2017 at 4:28 pm

      Thank you much for replying!! I guess my number question is do you think he’s over me or just needs to cool down, if he can prove to me he wasn’t cheating of I’m willing to move on from this, but does he still care saying goodbye or to let him be?

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 11, 2017 at 5:18 pm

      Honestly I think he has an honesty issue. I’m not even if he’s really serious with you. He tried to find another date in grindr. Tried to turn the tables on you and now sticking to his lie because either he’s ego is stopping him from saying sorry and admitting his mistake or he just knows he can make you apologize even if you didn’t do anything and then everything will be okay. That way he still has the upper hand. I actually it’s the latter because from what you said, you think him being angry and calling you a liar is caring but to me, it just looks like he knows if he keeps it up like that, you would give in and apologize for something you didn’t even do.

      If I were in your position, it’s clear he should be the one worried and chasing you, I would move on. If you can’t, do nc at least 30 days. See if he cools down and admits his mistake. If not, move on. He should be the one worrying because he’s busted.

  15. jen

    August 9, 2017 at 7:50 pm

    ok chris what happens if you did all of the above and he opened up said still loves u misses u blabla then u didnt have sex when he tried and he apparently felt rejected not just cuz of the sex accuses u of playing games and says he dont wanna get back together then when asked why he said what he did he said he did want to get back together until i rejected him & played games told u to leave him alone but then like 5mins later said sorry i over reacted and was wrong about some stuff. can you still NC again or should i just move on? hes so up and down weve been separated just over 2months

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 10, 2017 at 4:22 pm

      you can restart nc but if you want to move on, of course that’s ok too.

  16. Keerthi

    August 6, 2017 at 4:46 am

    Hi Chris..well my situation here is bit complicated.. because the family is involved too..let me explain from beginning what happened..we have been toghter since 3 years..we were like made for each other couple…there used to casual amount of fights n arugemnt for two reasons..one thing is for giving me some time another is over cutting me off when I’m explaining him something n argue with misunderstanding.. recently same thing happened because we were having long distance relationship since 2 months..the argument lead to a fight and his parents saw him yelling at me n also crying due to the heat of arguments.. issue was really small but arguments were big..his mom dint know about our relationship n she got to know through that fight..she also knew that I was speaking stupid while fighting was on n she asked him to cut me off n end things then n there…well he called me back n told tat we are done..I can’t keep any sort of relationship with you any more so think that m dead to u goodbye…I don’t Evn speak a word as I was shivering n scared…later when I tried to contact him I was blocked in all way possible..so there was no means to contact..I tried contacting him through his father sister n a mutual friend..but he was strong about what he doing n respecting his mother…his mother have got all sort of negative feelings about me n she hates me now…itz been ten days since we broke up..I tried meeting him after a week..he was not ready to talk but later I said I ll clarify things n go off jus allow me to talk once…I did tell him evrythng what I wanted to say n at the I made a peace about he wanting me to go away..I asked him to talk n say wateva he feels he said I v noting to say..while I was saying something he started to pour tears along with me n grabbed me n hugged me..n while saying goodbye he said I love you ..later all of a sudden I startd getting hopes that yes v still have chances..but I am not able to judge him…later when I contacted him through a mutual friend again he startd being rude n said not to contact me anymore by any means…I was devastated coz he was just talking all about my negatives just the way his mom did…so I Donno what should I take from it…m so depressd n broken..he have kept all sort of hard feelings n have made strong that v don’t hv future as his mom is never gona accept me..his mom is thinking that m not gona keep him happy n I may be a threat in his family…m so confused with all these.. I have started no contact rule since 2 days..but since it’s indian society scenario i’m afraid many things will not work as you mentioned in no contact rule thing..it may lead to misunderstanding also…so plz…m blank n I really don’t know what to do..plz help me get him back plz…

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 9, 2017 at 11:41 am

  17. Sunita

    August 4, 2017 at 2:52 am

    I have been talking to this guy for 4 months and he assured me that he will be dating in August. We both are in our final semesters and we agreed to wait.

    Lately he has been hesistant and have been saying his mother has been trying to get some girls to date. He says that he doesnt trust his judgement with woman due to his past relationships.

    On wednesday he told me that his sister and mum had set up a date with a girl. He told me that he will date me, he jst needs to get over this hurdle of meeting with the girl.

    On Thursday, he was acting strange and later started argueing with me that we are very different and went we shouldnt be dating.

    He later told me that he told his mum about me and our 10 year age gap and she said no, he should be dating someone older.

    He told me to leave and nothing can work out between us. I wished him well and he did the same.

    I do want him back. What should I be doing ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 6, 2017 at 7:35 am

  18. Angela

    July 24, 2017 at 12:57 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I met this guy two months ago and we hooked up but he refuses relationship. He is jealous and always thinking I sleep with other guys and I can’t prove him that I am not that kind of girl and he is my first hookup ever, I’ve always been in a relationsips.
    Last night he told me his reasons why he doesn’t want to be with me. He said that he likes geeky girls. That he thought we will have much more in common. I feel so stupid now. Guys were always been interested in me mostly because of my brain, my interests and this guy tells me I’m not good enough because what? I don’t like some geeky stuff and play video games. I would let him introduce me to his interests, I am not closed minded, but he obviously wants some Amy…

    And also, he told me that I am very stuborn and sometimes fight even though I’m not right and that’s true…

    He also said that he likes me but those things are reason why we aren’t in a relationship. Is there any help here? He agreed that we should stop sleeping together cos that’s hurting me and he doesn’t want me to feel hurt. What now? I will not be geek ever… Can I get him to like me despite that? Should I do NC or he will me forget me cos we weren’t official? He is not so popular between women, not a classic geek but a bit nerdy.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 25, 2017 at 5:53 pm

      actually he’s right that you shouldn’t sleep with him.. check this one:
      Do You Have The Same Values As Your Ex? (With Chase Kosterlitz)

    2. Angela

      July 25, 2017 at 7:26 pm

      We had a big fight today. He told me that sex was a main reason why he was hanging out with me and that he won’t call or text often anymore because he enjoys a company of a very few people. That we can hear and see sometimes but that he doesn’t get it why I want to hang out with him aynmore
      He called me crazy when I said that I thought we were friends and said that I’m always making such drama, that I am negative person and why I am bothering him now with that when I knew that he doesn’t want a relationship with me… Yeah, but I didn’t know that I mean nothing to him, he was a good actor… I blocked him, he blocked me…He has hurt me so much.

  19. Maren

    July 22, 2017 at 11:27 am

    Hi! What are your thought on this… So I like this guy at work. We have known each other about a month now. We flirt all the time, so much that others have startet to notice and comment on it. We have really good chemistry and he even told my best friend that he thinks that I am very pretty… But every time we go out, he ends up hooking up with another girl at work. And everyone else is as shocked as me about it. It seemed like he was really into me, but when we are out he is holding her hand and kissing her on her cheek. I get really upset about it, especially since I was sure he liked me. Why do you think he chose her and not me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 25, 2017 at 4:08 pm

      it looks like he’s a player.. that means he didn’t choose her.. he’s playing both of you.

  20. Nat

    July 19, 2017 at 10:45 pm

    Hi my ex walked out in me and our baby 3months ago ended it via text msg and would never talk about it. left us to become homeless whilst he sorted himself out this made me angry but i got over it. We were friends b4 we got together and it lasted for 4 years. we didnt communicate much just with baby drop offs. As time has gone on we built rapport and he was texting everyday talking about other things actualy asking about me saying gnight every night. We met and spent time together with our child several times. He began to open up more to me text me more. Im going thro alot caused by this breakup and was having a bad day he took up my text wrong. After that he began to lash out at me saying he wouldbt meet me anymore as we arent a couple and will only talk to me about our child in the future its hurt even more . I told him i needed distance from him. Ive got so far and now its all ruined im so gutted but im not a door mat either. I dont know what to do anymore i dont think he has any interest and seems to be adding every girl from his work to fb. Our babys young and i feel totally worthless alone and used. I should just give up should i. Feel like im only hurting myself

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 23, 2017 at 6:18 pm

      Why did he leave before?

  21. Bonnie

    July 17, 2017 at 3:51 am

    My ex and I were on speaking terms not too long ago and then one day he suddenly told me that he could not talk to me often because he is with someone. I asked him to be honest with me, if that meant cutting ties, stopping all communication, he did not respond. I did no contact for 1 month and reached out, but no response. I sent him many many texts sharing stories and asking him how he is doing but complete silence. Frustrated, I sent a ‘good bye’ message, telling him I am sorry for being bothersome and that I understand what his silence means. No response from his end, of course. I feel that I made the wrong move by sending that ‘good bye’ text because now I can no longer message him, I cannot go back on my words. Did I destroy my chance with him by sending that ‘good bye’ message? Is my situation hopeless? What can I do to win him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 18, 2017 at 9:14 pm

      Actually our advice is if you didn’t get a response the first time, try again after a week, if you didn’t again, try again after two weeks. If you still didn’t get a response after that, that means you need to move on. Since you didn’t get a response for a lot of times before sending the goodbye message, that means we would have advised you to move on even before sending the goodbye message.

    2. Bonnie

      July 18, 2017 at 11:36 pm

      I still like him a lot. Is there anything I can do to win him back? Or it is an impossible task?

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 19, 2017 at 12:34 pm

      restart nc.. do it for the last time and do it properly during and after. Focus in improving yourself and having your own life, be active in posting and do that even while slowly building rapport. Don’t be gnat after nc. Use topics that he likes talking about.. And make it seem like you’re moving on during this nc.

  22. Lynn

    July 16, 2017 at 4:54 pm

    Sorry for the long post

    6 months after the break up: bad last weeks, I was being clingy and negative and he hated the distance (not too far but different cities)
    At first we kept texting, later he got cold and distant, I went NC and after that things were better. He said that he had left last year behind. We started to text each other once a week, later twice or even more. At first neutral conversations, last six or seven weeks we got more personal. I went to his city for a meeting and wanted to meet but he gave me an excuse (well I believe it is true, he was busy with that thing but I know that he finished on time to see me for an hour but…). I wanted to give him his bday present (I had ordered before the break up, for Christmas, but it arrived late, after New Years Eve and he broke up with me 12/28). I sent it to him by mail and he was amazed even before opening. He spent a week telling me how beautiful and cute I am and when he finally opened it (he waited until the night before his bday, my present arrived almost one week earlier and his bday was this week)…he was like crazy, he said that he felt that nothing he could say would be enough to express how thankful he was and everything. A month before he had asked me if I could sent him a picture of me for his bday, so after wishing him happy bday and he texted back saying again how happy he was because me, I sent him. Again, he was incredibly happy and warm, he called me one the names he used to when we were together and told me “if I were there, I would thank you in another way, not only with words”. A few hours later we text each other again and he continued saying thanks “for making my bday an epic bday”. After three days without talking, he texted again showing how thankful and happy he was because of my gifts. I asked to talk today after watching a tv show for sharing opinions (we met each other in that way) but I know he won’t do it, he will talk about it in social media and with another people. I get really jealous when he interacts with another girls and I start overthinking about it, I can’t help it. And sometimes I feel that with them he is trying to fill a gap, not a rebound relationship, maybe a crush or even a close friendship in order to have some of the things he had with me. I’m afraid of that and I can’t stand the idea of him completely forgetting me.

    The thing is…I know for sure he is still attracted to me, and he wants to remain friends. But I need more… And he doesn’t know yet but in two months I’m moving to his city for academic motives. I don’t know how to tell him… For some reason he doesn’t want to see me in person. Sometimes I think he is afraid of falling again and he wouldn’t want to because the distance and stuff like that. But if we wants to be consistent to his decision of breaking up, even if he is being more comfortable texting me (still, I feel him pushing himself back when he gets too close), even if the distance will be over, even if he is feeling the change in me…if he still want to stick to his decision and doesn’t want to see me, he may get distant again to be sure that I won’t try to met when I move… Well, I don’t know because I don’t understand what is in his mind… So I don’t know what to do to gain him back, breaking his barriers and when and how to tell him that I’m moving to his area… Any help? Please, I don’t know what to do.
    And many, many thank you for your work: if we got better last months it was because your advice about NC and texting. Your posts are really helpful.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 18, 2017 at 9:03 pm

      don’t rush it. If you know he’s afraid then being impatient will make you act desperate. If you’re moving nearer to him, then that makes things easier to build rapport and attraction later on

    2. Lynn

      July 23, 2017 at 8:13 pm

      Many thank you Amor.
      He didn’t text me anymore, I texted him a week ago, he didnt answer and never text again. I don’t understand why is he doing this…Is just like before NC. And he keeps talking with anyone but me about our favorite things (there are some news about our shared interests and he didn’t text me to talk about it, but he is very active in social media about that). I don’t know what to do. Of course I am not going to text him, I commited that mistake before NC, forcing conversations and it was bad. I want to keep giving him the relaxed side of me. After NC I never tried to talk about us or asking what was is problem with me and I think that that behaviour was what made him got comfortable and closer to me. Now I don’t understand wy is he distant again, just after being so warm…but I won’t ask. I need him, but I don’t need answers to my texts, I need him to initiate the conversation so I have to wait… But it’s hard, I am having an awful time with this and some other personal issues and I am afraid that he won’t text again. I ca’t understand, we were better than ever after the break up, closer… It wasn’t enough for me but was a very slow step by step and I was waiting to get a litte bit closer before telling him I’m moving…There is no rush, it is two months away, but if he didn’t text me in that time… (the most we have been without talking were the NC and after that we were texting a little bit more each time, last mont were two or three times for week).

      Again, many thank you, I’ll try to be patient, I can’t do anything else. I would try to play the Ungettable Girl card in social media but with my current situation (as I said, not just him, but familiar issues) that’s a little bit difficult right now.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 25, 2017 at 5:26 pm

      yup, that’s the right mindset You’re welcome 🙂

  23. Ivy

    July 16, 2017 at 3:31 pm

    Hi, I am in a on again off again relationship. And while we are off my boyfriend always acts like it is temporary ( we will eventually get back together), and I tell him that I normally go on a date while we are off. But he just broke up with me because I let it slip that I kissed another guy while we were off. What should I do about this?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 18, 2017 at 2:12 pm

      okay.. do this one the proper way.. straight 45 days with no adding him, liking nor commenting back, no texting nor replying.. Make it look like you’re really moving on.. just don’t post anything that’s too forward with somebody else.