What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

Is Your Ex Boyfriend Flirting With You?

Do you know what flirting is?

Of course you do…

I mean, it’s the whole reason you are here, right?

Well, what if I were to tell you that you actually don’t know what it means.

Do you think you’d roll your eyes at me?

I am just going to go out on a limb here and say that you would.

Ok…

Let’s get this eye roll out of the way.

1…

2….

3…..

ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME.

Did you get it out of your system?

Ya?

Good!

Ok, now I can go on to explain what flirting actually is.

Of course, before I do that I want to ask you a question. What do you think flirting is?

My guess is that you’d probably say something along the lines of,

Acting in a way that shows that you like, or have taken an interest in a member of the opposite sex.

For example, if person A flirted with person B then that would mean person A acted or said things in a way that made person B think that person A liked them. Get it?

Ok, here is where I am going to shock you.

That is not what the actual definition of flirting says.

When you open up the dictionary and turn to the official definition of flirting here is what it says,

FLIRTING- To behave as though you are attracted to/ trying to attract someone but for your own amusement. In other words, you behave as though you like them but you aren’t serious about it.

Notice how I bolded a specific portion of that definition.

The part I put in bold in the definition above is important because I think our society as a certain misconception of what flirting actually is.

You see, most of us believe that when we are being flirted with it’s a good thing that indicates that the person likes us. However, according do the official definition above it’s not. In fact, according to the definition above being flirted with is a bad thing because it means that we are being played.

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You Don’t Want Your Ex Boyfriend To Flirt With You… Wait, WHAT?

flirting

I am assuming that you are here for a reason.

You are here because you probably want your ex boyfriend back and you are trying to determine if he is flirting with you.

Well, I am going to help you determine that but before I can do that I need to explain something to you.

According to the definition above having an ex boyfriend flirt with you isn’t a good thing. In fact, if he is flirting with you in the strictest sense then that means that he is doing it for fun or for his own amusement and I don’t know about you but if that was happening to me I wouldn’t be too happy.

But lets back up for a second.

You came here because you probably want your ex boyfriend to be flirting with you.

Of course, before you read this page you were under the assumption that having him flirt with you was good.

Well… it’s not.

Instead what you really are trying to determine is if he is using flirttraction on you.

What Is Flirttraction?

attracting

Good question!

Flirttraction is my own creation.

Basically it is a combination of the good elements of flirting (remember not all of the elements around flirting were bad) and attraction.

What do you get when you combine flirting and attraction?

FLIRTTRACTION!

Ok, I know I have a goofy way of looking at things but that goofy way has probably helped more people get back with their exes than anyone online so just roll with it.

Here is the official definition of flirttraction,

Flirttraction– To behave in a way that shows you are attracted/trying to attract someone.

Notice anything different with this definition?

Perhaps the fact that instead of this time flirting isn’t for ones own amusement. Instead, if your ex boyfriend flirts with you it’s because he actually likes you and is attracted to you.

This is flirttraction in a nutshell.

In fact, when you came to this page this is probably what you were searching for. You were probably trying to determine if your ex boyfriend was “flirting” with you in this manner.

Of course, now that I have educated you a bit you know that what you are really looking for is a way to determine if he is flirttracting you.

In other words,

Flirting = BAD

Flirttraction = GOOD

And that’s what I am going to teach you today.

I am going to teach you the best method in which you can determine what your ex boyfriend is thinking when you think that he is flirting with you (or flirttracting with you.)

Does that sound like something you would be interested in?

Ya?

Ok, lets hop to it.

Signs Of Flirting Vs. Signs Of Flirttraction

flirting not sure

One of the most popular questions I get here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery is,

“My ex boyfriend did blah, blah and blah. What do you think it means? Is he flirting with me?”

Now, since I have already established that flirting is actually not a good thing what these women are really wanting to know is whether or not their ex boyfriend is using flirttraction on them.

In this section I intend to show you what flirting looks like and what flirttraction looks like.

After all, it’s easier to to wade through the BS once you know what to look for.

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Words = Flirting & Actions = Flirttraction

Lets pretend that you are trying to get your ex boyfriend back and during this campaign to win his heart back he says a few things that make you excited.

What are the things?

Well, during one texting conversation he sends you this text,

miss you so much

Pretty awesome, right?

Well, as your conversations get deeper and deeper over text message he starts sending you witty little texts like,

my girl

Now, any girl that receives a text like that from a guy she likes is going to run around her house jumping and screaming like a little kid with happiness.

In most cases getting a text message like that is very good.

In fact, I would say that if you were to receive a text message like that from your ex it is a good thing.

HOWEVER, receiving a text message like this is only one step to understanding if what your ex boyfriend means what he says.

I mean, getting a flirty text message from your ex are only words.

There are no actions to back it up.

What did your ex boyfriend say to you in the text above?

He said that he would love nothing more than to hold you and caress you, right?

Well, has he?

No?

Then we might have a problem.

I want you to go ahead and look at the title of this section.

What does it say?

It says,

  • Words = Flirting
  • Actions = Flirttraction

Talk is cheap.

Action is everything.

And therein lies the difference between flirting and flirttraction.

An ex boyfriend who flirts with you will have a lot of nice things to say.

He will tell you that he misses you…

That he wants to hold you…

Heck, he even might say that he loves you…

However, when it comes time to actually back up the talk with action he is nowhere to be found.

Flirttraction on the other hand is a little bit different.

An ex boyfriend who is using flirttraction will say those very same nice things.

Telling you that he cares about you…

That he wants to hold you…

That he misses you…

Oh, and even telling you that he loves you…

Of course, when it comes time to prove that what he is saying is true he actually does it.

He acts like someone who cares about you…

He actually holds you…

He reacts in a way that a man normally would when they miss you.

He looks you in the eye (in person) and actually SAYS the words, “I love you.”

That is the main difference between flirtation and flirttraction.

Flirtation is all talk.

Flirttraction is all action.

Why An Ex Boyfriend Will Flirt With You

loves it

It’s weird, right?

The fact that now you have to look at flirting like a bad thing.

It’s a total paradigm shift and I completely understand if you are having trouble wrapping your mind around it. Well, you want to know what is even harder to wrap your mind around?

The reason for why an ex boyfriend could flirt with you.

I mean, why would someone who claimed to love you play around with your emotions like this?

(Side Note: Don’t forget that flirting means that your ex is “flirting” with you on purpose for his own amusement. In other words, he doesn’t mean anything nice that he says to you )

As it turns out there are a lot of reasons for why an ex boyfriend could “flirt” with you and since I am a guy who has flirted for my own amusement before I think I can teach you something about the way the mind of a man works.

So, I am going to give you two examples from a friend I know in my personal life.

  1. An example where he used flirtation (BAD)
  2. An example where he used flirttraction (GOOD)

Lets start with the flirtation.

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My Friend Using Flirtation

My friend, lets call him Caleb, didn’t exactly have the best luck with girls.

While he wasn’t bad looking he wasn’t confident with himself.

As a result, he didn’t have a great idea of how to talk to women and when a woman would show him some attention he ate it up like no tomorrow.

Of course, when you look at his history of dating he was definitely wronged. Women had used some flirtation on him and when he would send the predetermined text message explaining his undying love for them they pretty much told him to take a hike.

These failures shaped Caleb and instead of trusting women and opening up to them he would use them to make himself feel better.

How would he do that?

Lets say a girl would come along… lets call her Ashley.

Ok, so Ashley has come along and really likes Caleb but Caleb doesn’t like her. Instead, he likes feeling wanted by her.

He loves the feeling of being chased.

After all, he doesn’t get chased very often.

But Ashley is not a stupid girl. She can sense when a man is not into her. Caleb knows this so he decides that the best way to keep her on the hook is to flirt with her. To give her false hope. Besides, when you flirt with a girl who likes you she is a sure bet to flirt right back and say something nice to you which is what Caleb wants.

Here’s the thing, though.

He doesn’t really want her. He just wants to feel wanted by her.

That’s what flirting is all about.

Lets move on to the next example now with flirttraction.

My Friend Using Flirttraction

Alright so we have already covered what it looks like when Caleb uses flirting on a woman.

Now lets flip the script and take a look at what is going through his mind when he uses flirttraction on a woman.

Ok, so one day Caleb decides to go out with a group of friends and meets a girl.

Now, this girl makes an impression on Caleb.

So much so, in fact, that he begins to develop deep feelings for her. Oh, and when I say deep feelings I mean DEEP feelings. The kind of feelings that leads to marriage.

Here’s the jig though.

The girl likes Caleb too.

She has been developing those DEEP feelings and the two of them have been using flirttraction on each other. In other words, when Caleb sends a text message like this to the girl,

kiss you

He actually means everything he says in the text message.

For example, above I mentioned the idea that flirting was all about words and flirttraction was all about actions (I mean, the word action is actually in flirttraction.) So, when Caleb says he misses his girl his actions are in line with a man who misses a woman. Oh, and when he says he wants to kiss his woman passionately he actually does it when he sees her.

This is flirttraction in a nutshell.

Basically everything that a man says he will actually do or his actions will fall in line with.

You know what this means, right?

IT MEANS THAT A MAN WHO IS USING FLIRTTRACTION IS FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU.

Think about it for a moment.

This entire section is about teaching you why men flirt and why men use flirttraction.

Above I mentioned that the main reason men flirt is to feel superior.

They want to feel strong and they gain this strength by making women chase them.

Flirttraction, on the other hand, is totally different.

A man uses flirttraction when he is falling for someone (or if he HAS fallen for someone.)

Needless to say, when it comes to getting an ex boyfriend back flirttraction is a big deal. In fact, creating flirttraction in your ex boyfriend is a huge part of my system, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.

Now, I know the question you are wondering right about now.

You are probably sitting there thinking,

“Ok Chris, I understand the difference between flirting and flirttraction but HOW do I get my ex boyfriend to use flirttraction on me as opposed to regular flirting?”

I am so glad you asked!

How To Make An Ex Boyfriend Use Flirttraction On You

make you

Definitely don’t take the Austin Powers approach.

We have already established that if you want a good chance of winning your ex boyfriend back you probably need to get him to use flirttraction on you.

But how?

What is the process of making an ex boyfriend do that?

Well, that’s what I am here to teach you today.

The first thing you have to understand is that you are going to have a little harder of a time making your ex boyfriend use flirttraction on you than the average woman just trying to make a man she has never dated before use flirttraction.

Why?

Because you have dated your ex before and he already knows what it feels like to be with you.

Furthermore, your relationship with him failed.

So, when you take all of this into account you have a few extra obstacles to overcome. Nevertheless, I think I have a unique approach to overcoming these obstacles and achieving flirttraction within your ex boyfriend.

I like to call it “quality theory.”

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What Is Quality Theory?

quality

I have a question for you.

When you look at men as a whole which qualities do you think they will point at in women that will make them fall in love?

Take a moment to think about it….

Taking moment….

Taking moment….

OK, moment taken.

I am guessing that you came up with something generic like,

Being confident…

Having a sense of humor…

Oh, or my personal favorite, having the ability to make a man open to falling in love…

I actually did a little research of my own and this is what I found.

Basically every dating website has the same regurgitated garbage.

They cited things like,

A woman’s ability to flirt back…

Patience…

Being good humored…

A woman who says something about a man staring… (seriously)

I am going to make a pretty bold claim right now that may make me a few enemies in the dating space.

EVERYONE IS LYING TO YOU!

The qualities that they are claiming are what make men fall in love are total BS and I can’t stand it anymore.

I am a guy who has,

  • Dated someone I fell in love with
  • Married that same person I fell in love with
  • Started a family with this person that I fell in love with

And I can tell you that the BS that these websites are spouting as “qualities” aren’t going to do anything for you when it comes to creating flirttraction with your ex boyfriend.

I am going to give you the low down and I am going to do this by teaching you about something I like to call “quality theory.”

Quality Theory– In order to obtain flirttraction from your ex boyfriend you must identify the 7 qualities that make a man fall in love and become them.

But what are these seven qualities?

  1. Looks
  2. Challenge
  3. Obsession
  4. Intimacy
  5. Trust
  6. Openness
  7. Admiration

Now, before I go into each of these qualities one by one I would like to take a moment and explain why “quality theory” is so effective at creating flirttraction with your ex boyfriend.

Generally speaking, a man who uses flirttraction on a woman is in the process of falling in love or has already fallen in love.

Right now I am not 100% sure we can say that about you and your ex boyfriend.

Instead of feeling the thrill of love he is feeling the negatives of heartbreak.

The best way to get your ex boyfriend back into the mindset of feeling love is to identify the qualities that he will fall in love with and become those qualities again. Oh, and in my experience a man doesn’t have to have all of these qualities to fall in love.

In fact, most women only do 4 or 5 of things really well.

So, imagine if you were to do all 7 really well?

Do you see how effective it can be?

Lets talk about the qualities now.

Quality One: Looks

looks kill

I know I have said this a lot throughout Ex Boyfriend Recovery but looks do matter to men.

Look, if you want the lowdown on men and falling in love the fact of the matter is that it’s easier for a man to fall in love with a woman who is good looking as compared to one who is not.

But that’s not the most shocking thing I am going to say in this section.

I have a bit of good news for the women out there who are maybe feeling a little uncomfortable about the way they look.

While looks are important they aren’t everything.

Oh, and your relationship usually isn’t totally reliant on looks.

I have this phrase that I always say and there is a lot of truth to it.

Looks get you in the door but your personality keeps you in the room.

That means that when it comes to how you look your chances of reconnection aren’t going to be totally reliant on that.

In fact, biologists have done studies specifically on looks.

You’ll never believed what they found.

Biologists state that the people who have a collection of mathematically average features, have a more diverse set of genes and that end ups being a preferred selection criteria when your subconscious brain scans the environment for attractive looking people.

In other words, sometimes it pays to be average or plain looking.

Besides, you have an advantage over the average woman out there just trying to attract a boyfriend for the first time.

You have already dated this guy and the fact of the matter is that he probably found you attractive when you dated him so you probably don’t have to worry about it too much.

Nevertheless, when it comes to looks what I said definitely rings true.

A man is going to fall in love with a beautiful woman more easily than an ugly one.

You know what that means, right?

It means if you want to maximize your chances of flirttraction then you are going to have to make yourself as beautiful as possible.

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Quality Two: Challenge

challenge

Are you aware of the idea of “courting?”

Any time I think of courting the first thing I think about is some disney prince singing to some disney princess high in a tower with a rose in his hand.

Actually, kind of like this picture (without the princess in the tower.)

courting

The truth is that every society has a courting ritual but there always seems to be one constant.

The MAN has to court the woman.

Now, as a man I can tell you that this is very engrained in our nature. After all, it was men who were typically the “hunters” in the hunter and gatherer societies. Men are used to hunting and there is nothing more appealing to us than a beautiful woman (quality one) who is a challenge (quality two.)

Why is that, though?

Why is it that men are so turned on by a challenge?

While I am sure there is some psychological insight out there on why I would much rather prefer to give you my opinion.

Imagine that you are a Lion (or lioness in your case.)

As a lioness you know that in order to survive you are going to have to hunt food.

What food?

Lets say a zebra.

One day you are roaming around and you spot your prey, a zebra.

So, what do you decide to do?

You decide to try and hunt the zebra.

After a long one hour chase the zebra gets away….

You are angry and go to sleep for the night being pretty upset that you didn’t get that zebra.

The next day comes and you wake up hungry and you spot that very same zebra.

You chase in pursuit again and again after an hour long chase you give up from exhaustion.

Man, what a challenge…

Ok, another day goes by and you spot your zebra again. However, this time after an hour long chase you finally get it.

VICTORY!

It’s the best tasting meal you have head all year long.

Why?

Because of the effort you put in to get it.

Men work in the same way. The more effort we invest into a woman the better it feels when we get her and the easier it is for us to fall in love.

Take my wife for example.

MAN WHAT A CHALLENGE!

I lived in Texas she lived in Pennsylvania…

She had men constantly chasing her (which made me feel like she was more of a challenge because she was used to being fawned after.)

What I am trying to get at here is that men love challenges and your ex boyfriend is no different.

Now here is the 5 million dollar question.

Are you a challenge?

You desperately want him back, right?

You probably acted a little desperate towards him, right?

So, what about you screams challenge to him right now?

Probably nothing and that is something you are going to have to work on.

Quality Three: Obsession

obsession

I was a little split on whether or not to include this one.

Why?

Because when I talk about obsession I am not talking about you obsessing over a guy. I am talking about the guy obsessing over you. Now, that’s not really a quality “per-se” but we are going to go ahead and include it because when you look at what happens to the human brain when it’s falling in love there is a certain amount of obsession that goes along with it.

Hmm…

How can I put this in an easy to understand way?

I know I have cited this example a lot but I find it extremely relevant so I am going to cite it again.

They have done studies on the human brain during a breakup and you’ll never believe what they found.

Apparently the part of the human brain that lights up when a man or woman goes through a breakup is the same part of the brain that lights up on someone who is addicted to cocaine when they are looking for a fix.

This is essentially the scientific explanation for why so many people want their exes back after a breakup.

Scientifically you are no different than a drug addict looking to get another fix.

Isn’t that a little scary?

So here is my theory.

Obviously a drug addict puts drugs into their body and the chemicals from those drugs are what creates this obsessiveness, this hunger to “get another fix.”

Well, my theory is that when someone falls in love the actual act of falling in love serves as the “drug.”

We already know that when a man or woman falls in love the brain releases it’s own set of “feel good chemicals.”

Adrenaline…

Dopamine…

Serotonine…

Oxytocin…

Vassopressin…

These are all fancy names for chemicals that the brain releases that makes us feel like we are in love.

We also know that once someone falls in love the chances of them becoming a little obsessive are that much higher.

Take me for example, when I met my wife I am not afraid to say that I was OBSESSED with her.

(Probably on an unhealthy level.)

Now, you can read all about our story here but the short version is that I moved from Texas to Pennsylvania for her so our relationship could survive.

Do you think I would have done that if I wasn’t obsessed with her?

Do you think I would have moved from a place that I loved very much (Texas) to a scary place (Pennsylvania) for someone that I wasn’t obsessed with?

Absolutely not.

There almost always is an element of obsession when someone falls in love and that means that if you want your ex boyfriend to “fall in love” with you again and use flirttraction on you, you are going to have to find a way to make him obsessed with you again.

The way he was at the start of your relationship during the honeymoon period?

Now, I can hear the doubters out there right now saying,

“That’s impossible. There is no way that I can make him obsessed with me again.”

Try not to look at “making him obsessed with you again” as this super hard task. If you do that then you won’t get anywhere. Instead, lets simplify this as much as we can.

I gave you some pretty epic information about what happens to the brain when it falls in love.

You remember, right?

Right?

…..

You forgot already didn’t you?

I said that the brain releases all of these wonderful chemicals when it is falling in love.

Heck, I even listed the chemicals above.

If that is the case then making your ex boyfriend fall in love with you and ultimately become obsessed with you again is a matter of leveraging these chemicals. Theoretically if you can make your ex boyfriend associate YOU with all of the five chemicals below,

  1. Adrenaline
  2. Dopamine
  3. Serotonine
  4. Oxytocin
  5. Vassopressin

Then he will become obsessed with you and you will start to see some flirttraction responses.

Now, is it as easy as that?

No…

But when you boil it down to the simplest form this is what you are going to get.

Quality Four: Intimacy

kiss

We are talking about your ex boyfriend and intimacy here.

You know what that means, right?

SEX.

You see, when women think of intimacy they think of candlelit rooms, passionate kisses and making love.

When men think of intimacy they think of sex.

For the time being I want you, as a woman, to go against your normal thinking of intimacy and look at this in the way that a man would.

I know this is probably not what you want to hear but sex does play a role when it comes to quality theory and falling in love. You see, sex is probably the number one act that can bring a man and a woman closer together.

Oh, and as much as men want you to believe that they can have unemotional sex… they can’t. It’s too powerful of a thing not to attach any type of emotions to it.

Now, does this mean that I want you to call your ex boyfriend up right away and have sex with him?

NO WAY!

I have made it clear a million times on Ex Boyfriend Recovery that you should not sleep with your ex until your relationship is official again.

However, that doesn’t mean that we can’t use your exes hunger for sex to our advantage.

So, I am going to give you a little golden nugget of information that you can use to leverage your exes interest of sex.

I actually talk about this in my seduction article so if you want the full scoop I advise that you click on that link and learn more about it there.

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How To Use Sex To Your Advantage

One of the biggest issues that women have when it comes to getting an ex boyfriend back is keeping him engaged.

Well, this little tactic that I am about to teach you will not only keep your ex engaged but it will actively cause him to use flirttraction on you.

So, what is this tactic?

Well, when I talk about this I want you to picture sex as a physical object that you are dangling in front of your ex.

Does that make any sense?

No?

Ok, I will create a graphic for you to describe it.

Look below,

Do you see how the object being dangled in front of the cat has “sex” next to it?

Well, what happens when you dangle an object in front of a cat like this?

It chases after the object, right?

Well, the same simple principle applies here except instead of danging an object in front of your ex you are going to be dangling sex.

What do I mean by “dangling sex?”

I mean that you are going to give your ex boyfriend subtle hints that you are into him sexual. Now, you have to be careful about not going too overboard with this because if you go overboard that is all your boyfriend will end up thinking about.

However, the idea behind this is that you are going to get your ex all worked about regarding sex and then when he starts making a move I want you to pull away.

This is the equivalent of pulling the toy away from the cat in the picture above.

Once you have pulled away I want you to wait a while and then dangle sex in front of him again.

The more you repeat this process the higher your chances are that your ex boyfriend will ultimately use flirttraction on you.

Quality Five: Trust

trust

The idea behind quality theory is to list out all the qualities in women that men fall in love with.

Well, this is one of those qualities that isn’t technically found in women.

Hmm…

How can I put this?

I know!

What is your deepest darkest secret? I am talking about the one that you don’t want anyone to know. I am talking about the one that your best friend in the world wouldn’t even respond well to. Do you have a secret like that?

If you don’t then lets pretend you do.

Lets have some fun here and say that your deep dark secret is that you killed a man…

Ok, so you are wanted for murder and you are just in the beginning stages of falling in love with a man.

Now, you know that eventually this man is going to realize that you are a wanted woman and once he finds out that information he probably isn’t going to love you anymore. It’s at this point that you are faced with a choice:

Trust that he will respond well to the news that you are wanted for murder…

OR

Risk not telling him and have him find out on his own…

What would you do if you were faced with this choice?

Would you have enough trust in the man you were falling in love with to forgive you for murdering another man…

Something tells me you wouldn’t and that’s what I would like to talk about here.

In order for a man to fall in love with you he has to trust you. He has to be willing to tell you his deepest darkest secrets and trust that you will respond well to them. Now, if you were able to gain that kind of trust then he would be in love with you on a deep level.

Quality Six: Openness

open

This is going to sound really weird but men like a woman who is willing to open herself up to him.

What do I mean by that?

Simple, a woman who is willing to be herself is wildly attractive to us.

Lets pretend that there are two women competing for the attention of a man.

Woman 1 = Super confident in herself but very closed off. She has problems letting people in.

Woman 2 = Also very confident in herself and has an amazing ability to open herself up.

Which one of these women do you think has a better chance at finding love?

The one who was willing to open herself up!

I don’t know what it is but there is something wildly attractive about a woman who is willing to open up to a man.

Now, this is going to sound really weird but have you ever seen that movie 500 Days of Summer?

If you haven’t then I suggest you drop everything you are doing right now and go see it now because it is probably one of the best indie movies I have ever seen. Anyways, there is a scene in that movie that perfectly sums up the attractiveness of a woman who is willing to let her walls down for a man.

Let me set it up for you a bit.

You have this guy, Tom.

tom

And then you have this girl, Summer.

summer

Tom and Summer actually end up dating but their relationship starts to fade a little bit and there is a moment where Summer is at a bar and a really rude guy starts hitting on her right in front of Tom.

Guess what?

Tom doesn’t like that so he starts a fight with the guy and gets clobbered in the face.

So, Summer does what any girl who gets protected by a man should do.

She takes him to her apartment to clean him up a bit.

Here’s the thing though… Tom has never been to her apartment before.

It’s new territory for him. Oh, and to make things even better it seems like Summer starts opening up to him in a way that she never has before.

And with that I would like to quote word for word from the movie.

Narrator: As he listened, Tom began to realize that these stories weren’t routinely told. These were stories one had to earn. He could feel the wall coming down. He wondered if anyone else had made it this far. Which is why the next six words changed everything.

Summer: I’ve never told anybody that before.

A woman who is willing to put her walls down for a man is a woman worth keeping.

It’s definitely a quality that men can fall in love with.

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

Quality Seven: Admiration

awesome

If there is one universal truth about men it’s this.

All men love admiration.

More specifically, we love admiration from women.

Why?

Ok, this may sound really strange but if a man feels admired by a woman it gives him confidence he never knew he had. I mean, there’s a reason that socially you aren’t a man until you lose your virginity to a woman.

In other words, women have the power to turn little boys into men.

Here’s the trick with admiration though.

You see, some women are smart enough to realize that men love admiration and overdo it.

That’s when the movie viewing effect comes into play.

Movie Viewing Effect- Watching a movie for the first time is always better than the second or third time. With the first time the emotions you experience are always better.

Well, women who give too much admiration to men actually run the risk of having this movie viewing thing negatively effect them.

The last thing you want to do is get a man too used to admiration from you.

Yes, you need to give him admiration but you also need to mix it up so he is craving admiration from you.

There is always a difference between craving admiration and having too much of it.

	https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/chris-avatar.jpg	

Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

108 thoughts on “Is Your Ex Boyfriend Flirting With You?”

  1. Ash

    May 9, 2017 at 2:34 am

    Hi Chris. I dated my ex for 9 months and were good friends for about a year before that, we always wanted to do everything together. We did fight a lot when we days and it was slowly getting better, but it was definitely taking a long time to figure out a good way to argue. about a month and a half ago he told me something was “off” with our relationship. I first assume this means he doesn’t like me. He said that’s not true. I think well maybe he still doesn’t have strong feelings like I do, but when he first brought everything up he said he was “borderline in love with me”. His friends and family love me, I’m the first girl he’s brought to meet his family and he loves spending time with me and he says he trusts me. The only thing I could think of that’s left is the fact that we fight,, but still doesn’t really make sense to me.
    Anyway, after he said that, we basically spent the next month like normal trying to somehow figure our how to fix things. I suggested talking about issues i thought were resolved that still bothered him but he said there was no point in doing that because talking about that stuff wouldn’t make a difference. We really enjoyed our time together but he said nothing changed. He wanted to be friends. At first I said no, then changed my mind because it hurt me to not see him. During that time i would come over do everything like normal, we hung out with his friends (whom he had not told we broke up), he would kiss me all over, we even slept together, the only difference being he tried to not kiss me on the lips. today I told him I don’t think I should come over anymore. He said he would miss me but he understands if this is what I want to which I responded with “this isn’t what I want but you don’t feel the way I feel so I’m sad either way”. Maybe that wasn’t the best thing to say but it obviously makes me very sad. I guess what I’m asking is in your opinion what does this mean, especially when he said something feels “off’.
    Thank you <3

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 11, 2017 at 4:54 pm

      hi Ash,

      when did you break up?

    2. Ash

      May 11, 2017 at 10:55 pm

      We broke up officially maybe a weeks ago. Tried to be friends but I knew I still had feelings for him. Told him i don’t think i should come over his house anymore and then started NC, that was 3 days ago

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 12, 2017 at 7:19 pm

      that’s good.. stick to atleast 30 days.. be an ungettable girl.. he probably meant, he’s not that attracted or into you

    4. Ash

      May 15, 2017 at 2:54 am

      Hi Amor,
      I posted another comment. Not sure if it didn’t go through because my internet was acting up or if you just haven’t gotten to it yet. Either way, something else has come up so far and I’m hoping it’s not too much trouble to help me through it or figure out the right way to go about this and think about it.
      So I have been doing NC for 6 days now. I obviously miss him, but I have been making plenty of plans friends and family and making sure I’m being productive and working a lot, also going to the gym.
      He texted me saying he missed talking to me. but then he says, “i don’t care if you respond or not I’m going to text you when i want because I want to be your friend and no matter what happens you’ll always be my sugar cube.” which is his nickname for me.
      He sent me a youtube link he said i would appreciate, and a picture his friend took of us the last day we hung out as “friends”.
      I’m going to continue NC and continue working on myself like originally planned. To be honest I really just broke down when I saw this text message. I know I can’t handle just being his friend, that’s not what I want. My question to you is, is this a good sign or just showing that he’s not interested at all? To me this feels worse, which is why I’m asking you to get your honest and more experienced opinion.
      Thank you <3

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 15, 2017 at 4:19 pm

      He’s used to talking to you, so he wants to be friends.. it’s still a good sign but right now, focus in improving yourself

    6. Ash

      May 17, 2017 at 8:59 pm

      If my messages are going through a million times I’m sorry, my internet on my phone keeps acting up and it’s not telling me if the message has been sent.
      so he’s been contacting me 4 days in a row so far, sometimes more than once a day. he hasn’t told me he wants me back or anything, but he did once ask me why i was ignoring him. I’m not sure he understands why I’m ignoring him. Today is only 9 days in. I know there’s only certain exceptions to breaking NC such as him being a text gnat, which he is (but not begging me to talk to him or get back with me), but because this is so early am I supposed to let him continue to do this? The messages haven’t been negative I just really didn’t expect him to reach out this much.

    7. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 19, 2017 at 8:43 pm

    8. Ash

      May 27, 2017 at 3:48 am

      Hi Amor.
      After that last post I did end up breaking NC. He just kept calling me and I was going crazy so I finally answered. We talked that night and he told me he likes being with me but at some point he feels I’ll want more and he won’t. He also said he may have known that from the beginning. I’ve been doing NC again for 8 days now.
      A big part of me believes him, a small part of me doesn’t bc we were always so happy being together and doing things together and our values are pretty much exactly the same. We both have more fun when we’re out together with each other than separately.
      Do you think he’s worth my time? I miss him and my heart truly aches. But I can’t help like feeling all he’s ever going to want is just a friendship

    9. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 29, 2017 at 3:02 pm

      finish this process first..if it doesn’t work, at least you know you did what you can

    10. Ash

      June 17, 2017 at 2:50 am

      Ok day 28. He’s messaged me twice. Once last week, it was just a link about a show we used to watch together, he didn’t say anything with it. Just now sent me a long message starting out saying he appreciated the memories we made. He then said he lost pretty much everything on his old phone including all texts, photos, etc of us. Said he been thinking of me everyday and maybe this is a sign to not think of me as much but he’s still not happy about it. Told me not to respond he just wanted to tell me that. Should I respond? Or extend NC? if I text him in 2 days do I just ignore the fact that he messaged me entirely?

    11. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 19, 2017 at 6:32 pm

      you dont have to extend..and you can continue on his topic if you want to

  2. Rachael

    February 9, 2017 at 8:27 pm

    Hey 🙂 I just wanted to say that if it weren’t for the fact that you have this very in depth blog with so many posts, i probably would have gave up on this no contact rule thing after day 2. I am currently 17 days in. Every day I find myself thinking about him, and wishing i had him back, so instead of texting him which would help me feel satisfied in the moment, but would be bad for me in the long run, i read a couple of your articles then focus on school and bettering myself. All that energy i have towards wanting him back, i directly put into bettering myself and being smart about getting him back. So yeah, i just wanted to say thank you for having this blog to help keep me focused on my goals. 🙂

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 9, 2017 at 9:36 pm

      Thank you for sharing that Rachael! I’ll forward this to Chris!

  3. Kianna

    June 20, 2016 at 3:16 am

    I have been in a long distance thing with a guy for a long time and i need help getting his interest back.
    It started with him pursuing me, inviting me to come see him, talking to me every day and showing signs of missing me if I was gone even for a few hours, and expressing interest in a proper relationship.

    He then gradually began losing interest, and from what he has told me it was for a few reasons. 1. I was too obsessive about him and he found me needy, 2. I was very open about us with our mutual online friends and he’s a very private person and felt this was a breach of trust, 3. He interpreted my attempts to work the privacy issues out as nagging him.

    We began fighting lots and things got so bad for a while that he refused to see me for months, stopped any kind of flirting with me, and while we never stopped talking, talking daily turned into 1-2 week breaks not being unusual. He eventually said he was “done with me” but when I said I would be in his area he decided to meet with me anyway and then continued talking to me.

    Recently he has suddenly become very flirty, which is surprising because he went months without being like that. He also seems open to meeting again soon.

    And so i thought things were finally improving… until, after a week or two of constant very heavy flirting for hours every day, he didn’t message me at all for a week. He is now saying that a week is not a long time and that If I think it is I’m paranoid – this is the same guy who used to tell me he couldn’t go 1 day without contact.

    I’m really hurt by this and am now wondering if I have mistaken flirting for amusement for flirttraction. I feel like If he doesn’t even care enough to miss me when I’ve been gone for a week then I have no hope. Plus he talks about how he’d like to see me but doesn’t try to make concrete plans.

    I’m confused whether anything has really improved or if i imagined it. How can he spend so much time flirting so heavily and then just disappear? I’m confused how to get his interest back over a large distance. He recently told me I “often seem desperate for his attention”… how can I become a challenge again if he already thinks this of me? I want him to be interested in a real relationship again and messaging me daily and making effort to meet like he used to….I’m feeling really hopeless about this after his week long silence. I don’t know how to relax with him and stop seeing every sign of distance as a disaster

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 22, 2016 at 5:08 am

      Hi Kianna,

      first you have to do 45 days, and then start to practice having your own life.. you’re going to use nc as a start to that life..so whatever activity you start in it, you have to continue after it because in that way you can establish that you’re not chasing him and try to read this post too:.EBR 004: Breaking The Long Distance Barrier With An Ex

  4. Cherry

    May 14, 2016 at 10:12 am

    Hi

    I broke up with my ex boyfriend last 2 weeks ago, but he didnt want to break up. Then we didnt communicate for almost a week now and then he suddenly texted me kisses and he said he needs my hotness, if i miss him and if i wanted to see him.
    What does it mean is he flirting? still in love with me? or he’s bored?

    need your help please. thanks

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 15, 2016 at 12:13 am

      HI Cherry,
      it means he wants to have sex..

    2. Cherry

      May 15, 2016 at 10:32 am

      Thanks for that Amor. One more thing that made me concern, actually we’re LDR, he’s been away for a month and he’ll be here in Dubai tomorrow he never said to me officially that we broke up but he still wanted to see me. My question now is, should I meet him? and tell him not to sleep together any more? do u think he will leave me forever by saying that?

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 18, 2016 at 6:22 pm

      did you meet? if he leaves you for not sleeping, then it’s his loss.. but it’s better if you just refuse it when the moment comes.

  5. T

    April 15, 2016 at 4:03 am

    Hello,

    I was wondering what I should do.. my ex and I spent time together on Sunday. He then texted me on Monday, and Tuesday but not Wednesday. I texted him today asking if he would like to go to dinner this weekend. He said “I’ll have to think about it….” if he was interested, wouldn’t he have said yes?? What should I do?? If he says no, should I move on? ): I know I probably should have waited for him to ask but I thought he was interested because he was texting me. Maybe he just wanted to hook up because he mentioned sex on Sunday but I declined….

    Thanks for your time,
    T

    1. T

      April 16, 2016 at 5:21 am

      It’s now Saturday and I haven’t heard from him. Should I text him or wait a little longer? I don’t want to be pushy…

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 18, 2016 at 2:05 am

      If you haven’t built enough rapport and attraction to transition to calls, it means you’re taking it fast..

  6. Sammy

    March 24, 2016 at 4:08 pm

    Hi Amor,
    We broke up over 3 months ago now. I did NC, then starting texting him, at first it was going great, then he stopped texting me first, then stopped replying. So I didnt contact him for about a week, then he starts being all flirty and teasing me, and saying we should hang out and that I should text him. (And I know that it is about flirtattraction, not flirtation- I have read ALL the articles haha:) )
    Before I stopped contacting him, I wasnt texting him everyday or anything, so I dont think that that would have shocked him into this behaviour.
    Anyways, any insight into what he could be thinking, or to if i should stayed pulled back for a little while would be great!
    Thanks

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 2, 2016 at 9:35 am

      Hi Sam,

      sorry for the late reply.. You can reply casually to him, you can start with asking how is he is or replying in humour what you can’t say directly to him

  7. Zara

    September 30, 2015 at 10:32 am

    Hi Chris, bought your texting bible, its great! Only issue is it doesn’t cover what to text your ex when they’re with a rebound.

    My ex & I were both deeply satisfied in our relationship, we were both each others best, by a very long shot. I wont bore you with details but, we have been on again, off again for a year & a half. I have broken up with him each time through my own issues/ insecurity which I have now totally worked through (take my word for it) and am now my very best version of myself.

    We were very LC/mostly NC since we split up about 3 months ago, we are on really good terms.

    He has entered a rebound in that time. Which I have never said a negative word about (I don’t speak negatively or unfairly to him ever). Although he has never said a word about her. I only know from seeing a pic of them & her child together on FB.

    He reached out through snap chat a week ago, every day, which I responded to in a friendly yet vague way, then just ignored him.

    2 days ago, I sent him a text extending my gratitude for him making me into such a better person, that I had been aware of his new relationship for a long time & I was really happy for him & hoped that when he was a bit more settled with her that we could be mates!

    He responded positively, telling me what he did wrong for the relationship to fail, which i didnt respond to. He then kept texting me trying to get me to talk to him about it but I was super friendly but extremely vague. Uncharacteristically vague. Which obviously intrigued him intensely because the 4 texts he sent me was that he was confused, he didnt know how to feel & he had mixed feelings.

    I ended it abruptly on a really fun, happy high note which he went crazy for. He swapped from text to snap chat to which I ignored.

    Today, he has been snap chatting me selfies all day & having really fun chats and I was frequently swapping subjects. He then turned the convo to nude pics we shared with one another every wednesday (hump day) & that he kept mine in a secret folder & I eluded that I had kept his in a secret folder also. He said he didn’t think I would have kept them which I replied with an emoji devil face, then he told me “that’s intriguing” & asked me if i still used them to which i responded, that’s for me to know. He said that this was a bad convo to have which i responded with “agreed! we got a little off track there haha”. He started to stress about it, to which I told him he had nothing to worry about, being my accepting, forgiving self. He kept trying to talk about it, telling me that he is having thoughts that he shouldnt & its bad, that if we talk about it, it will happen & that its come into his mind before & he needs to get his head straight. I basically changed the subject & all was good. I also ignored him for a while. He sent me a snap chat selfie saying “could hump dayed for old time sake” (asking me for a nude selfie like old times) to which i responded with “you have someone new for that now”…. He said, sorry was innappropriate, I said was all good then told him he made me laugh (trying to change the subject to positive) to which he responded positively. Now I’m ignoring him because I feel like we’ve spoken too much today!

    I guess what I’m asking is, am I on the right track, I don’t really know how to approach this. Considering that he is with someone else (i don’t know if they’re official) and I am a very spiritual, deeply moral person. I also don’t want him to just think of me sexually…. Which he has always been very sexually obsessed with me…. I am asking because he is a very insecure person when it comes to me, he used to always tell me that he felt he didn’t deserve to be with me, let alone in the same room as me, that I am much, much too good for him. I am concerned that he will stay with this girl despite him obviously not feeling anything for her because she is “safe”. When I have broken up with him, I have destroyed him & made him so terrified to lose me that he holds himself back for fear of losing me & getting his heart broken again (how frustrating as this caused insecurity in me & I would leave him, feeling unloved)

    So do I flirt with him back to let him know he has a chance? Or do I keep treating him like a friend because I am very respectful of their relationship?

    I honestly just want him to be happy, its okay if it isn’t with me, I love him, I do want to be with him & only him (i have never rebounded in our time apart), he is my soul mate but his happiness matters more to me than that & he is aware of that fact…..

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 1, 2015 at 5:55 pm

      One question.

      What do you mean by the rebound?

      Were you the rebound or was your ex a rebound?

    2. Zara

      October 3, 2015 at 8:45 am

      Neither of us are rebounds to each other… He’s currently with a rebound…

  8. Julie

    September 14, 2015 at 4:56 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I have been doing very well with my ex the last little while, building rapport and we’ve now progressed to meeting up. We met up for coffee last week and that went really well, I followed all your steps and advice so thank you for that! He seemed disappointed that I had to go and asked to meet up for lunch the following week (yay…which was today!)

    We had a really lovely time, and I thought that because he asked for lunch instead of coffee that we were progressing, but he didn’t say anything about ‘us.’ He walked me to my car about 10 mins away afterwards and gave me two really long hugs and squeezed me tightly. I am happy because every positive meet up that we have is raising the balance in the relationship’s account 😉 but I can’t help but feel a tiny bit disappointed that he didn’t make a move or say anything. Am I expecting too much too soon?

    I was planning on texting him to meet again next week if he doesn’t make contact, and I can’t help but wonder if there’s anything I can do that could give him a little nudge, the issues between us have been resolved but he’s not letting his guard down too easily. What do you think I should do Chris? He seems to be interested but I’m afraid that I could be misreading the situation. Should we just keep meeting up every week to build rapport and in hopes that he’ll make a move or can I do something to maybe show him that I’d like to try again?

    Many thanks for all your hard work!

  9. Dena

    September 3, 2015 at 3:13 am

    Hey Chris,

    I can tell you’ve put a lot of thought and work into the “Bible” – it definitely shows 🙂

    I will let you know how I get on – still a bit nervous, but ok….my NC is up in 3 days time.

    Don’t worry – first babies are very often late. It isn’t unusual at all. Yes, indeed……you will be the “old” man!!!

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 12, 2015 at 1:29 am

      Yup, I guess I’m an old man now,

      I guess you can call me Old Man Chris now…

  10. Dena

    September 1, 2015 at 11:59 pm

    Hey Chris, I wanted to let you know that I have read your Texting Bible, and I love it!! Looking forward to implementing it …..in 4 days time……when my NC ends (yikes!). I am getting quite nervous / impatient now, at the thought, but trying to keep busy. It is usual to feel this way at this stage? (When NC is very close to completion, but you are not quite there yet?)

    For all the other ladies reading this – distract, distract, distract yourself as much as you can, and know that you are worth it 🙂

    Any news re your little girl as yet?

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 2, 2015 at 3:04 am

      Glad you love it!

      I worked really hard on it.

      Any my wife was due yesterday but still no little girl.

      Shes a stubborn one like her old man… geez that’s me now.

  11. Crystal

    September 1, 2015 at 4:36 pm

    Hi Chris,

    So my ex is texting me asking for one of his sweatshirts back. Is there any way I can use this opportunity to talk to him and respark anything? Basically how do I use this opportunity to get him back/talking again?

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 2, 2015 at 3:18 am

      That depends.

      Are you in NC or are you out of it?

  12. Stuck on this one

    August 31, 2015 at 12:16 am

    You’ve shown us how to get your ex to use flirtraction on us, but how do you Deal with a situation when your ex is just plain flirting with you. Trying to get you excited or something? For example, Through text he’ll be talking about dancing and I’ll say we can dance together when he asks when I’ll say you tell me and he’ll say something like “when we get married” bs if we’re teens, how do you respond to these things?

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 2, 2015 at 3:47 am

      Hmm…

      In that example that you gave I would just end the conversation and start a new one.

      Try to get him chasing.

      That’s your goal.

  13. Leia

    August 29, 2015 at 2:37 am

    Hi, Chris,
    He left me a few weeks ago but I moved out from his apartment last Sunday. It was a long-distance relationship and we’ve lived together for two months. He told me he fell out of love with me but he cried for days and he was surprised that I handled a breakup very well. He acts like he’s the one who got dumped. He told me he will give me some space when I return home.
    First three days he was checking Facebook (before that, he rarely used it and almost never post any kind of pictures but now, in my day 3 of NC he posted photo of his cat which I adore and he knows I miss his cat very much because he said I cried over cats, not him) and than he contacted me on day 4 of NC. I didn’t respond. Oh, I unfriended him day before.

    After that, he finally changed relationship status to single, after few weeks. I am not sure what to do. I am not sure if he really fell out of love and should I continue NC because he can move on if he thinks I am over him?

    We had a lot of conversations about breakup after he broke up with me (my idea, I know it’s bad but I needed to know and he didn’t tell me reason, he said he doesn’t know why he fell out of love), while I was living with him. He commented once that it’s my ego which is hurt not my heart and asked me once am I afraid that we’ll fall in love again. He was still asking me some questions like “could you be with someone who likes motorcylces because that’s my wish since forever” and “if we were on vacation, would you get up early to go to beach with me” and I don’t get it. He was also very interested in my hobby and acted like we were dating again, sometimes, but most of the time he was distant and depressed, crying over movies etc. And he kept telling I’m the right person for him but he can’t force himself to feel love again. I am very confused. Is he lying about his feelings or what? Is it possible that he falls in love again with me? We had a wonderful start, I was biggest love of his life, though he didn’t have much relationship experience before and he’ s in his thirties. I would very appreciate your answer, I’ve read many of your articles.

  14. DesignRobot

    August 28, 2015 at 6:55 am

    Hi Chris,
    Me and my ex broke up 3 weeks ago, and i started the NC 2 days after that. It’s been 17 days. In the mean time, he messaged me 4 times. First time was because our mutual friend is leaving the country, second time he asked me out for dinner, third time he asked me out for coffee. For the last time, he realized I don’t want to talk to him, he said he thought we were in good terms, he misses “talking to me”, and it’s depressing not to be able to do that. He said he will not send me message again until I do so. Of course I didn’t respond to any of these.

    Question: Do you think the NC is working or he’s just trying to be friend? I’m a little worried that he said that he wanted to stay friends with me. Is that a success in NC to bring it down to 21 days?

    Suggestion: It may be helpful to start a search functionality for the site, so that people can find similar stories on their own, and find your suggestion in the comments. (Or it may hurt your book business? 😉 )

    Anyway, thank you for your site, it gave me a lot of strength to move on and be a better self.

    1. S

      September 13, 2015 at 3:59 pm

      Chris, please respond. I’m in the same boat. We even have plans to go to events as friends post breakup!

  15. Courtney

    August 27, 2015 at 9:20 am

    Hi Chris,

    Would you please be able to help me.

    My boyfriend broke up with me, about a week ago. We was meant to be going on holiday last friday with his family, but he broke up with me on the tuesday night. I saw a comment on his sister facebook telling her boyfriend that my boyfriend mentioned he did not love me anymore. So i confronted him and he said he said he wasnt happy. He then went on to tell me that he did not love me, he had no feelings for me for two months but did not want to hurt me. He said he still cares for me but he just cannot be in a relationship with me. At this moment in time he is on holiday and I have said to him not to contact me until hes ready to be friends. He is going into the police and I believe he is going through depression or some sort, He is very stressed out. If he contacts me should I ignore him until the 30 days are over? I am going on holiday for 2 weeks of the 30 days.

    Please help me!!

    Courtney

    XO

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 2, 2015 at 3:07 am

      Yes no contact means ignoring him if he contacts you during that period.

  16. Dena

    August 26, 2015 at 4:02 am

    That’s awesome news – I can’t wait to read! I will keep my eye out for it. FYI, today is Day 19 of NC for me. I’ve had my moments, but tracking well overall. Have been hitting the gym very hard and looking quite lovely (if I do say so myself!). Getting slightly nervous at the thought of getting back into contact to be honest, but just taking one day at a time 🙂

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 1, 2015 at 8:57 pm

      Great job!

  17. Lucille

    August 26, 2015 at 3:35 am

    Hi Chris! Just when I thought it would be the best choice to move on (even though I still love him) he texts me, moments later calls me and after catching up, he spills his feelings for me. Saying he couldn’t find anyone like me. The idea of being with someone else didn’t feel right. I was shocked honestly because that’s exactly how I felt. It has been 5 months since the breakup. It was pretty emotional. Anyways, what REALLY caught my attention is when i asked him how I could believe him & he answered: “I can tell you all these things right now, but it’s something I’m going to have to prove to you over time because actions speak louder than words” Okay this reminds me of Flirttraction?! So he told me he really wanted to see me this coming weekend. I agreed. We were texting and getting along well these past few days. One night he texted me goodnight & said he had to return to work the next day but would text me after he was off. It’s been over two days and I haven’t heard from him. Is he still interested? Is he just busy? Should I text him? Thanks

  18. Dena

    August 25, 2015 at 12:23 pm

    Hey Chris, I hope you’re well. When is your “Texting Bible” due for release? Thanks in advance 🙂

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 25, 2015 at 3:24 pm

      Hi Dena! The texting bible will be available this week. Just finishing up the last touches.

  19. Brianna

    August 25, 2015 at 1:26 am

    Hi Chris,

    I’ve been reading through a bunch of your articles for the past few days and a lot of them have really made me feel better. I entered into a LDR back in December of 2014 (I’m in Maryland, he’s in Michigan) and everything seemed to be going well until maybe two or three months ago. He became distant… started responding to less of my messages and blamed it on a number of things (family issues, lots of hours at work, school, his phone being stolen, etc.). I excepted that life makes people busy and things started to go back to being okay a few weeks ago but then I found out that he was cheating on me with someone up in his area. Not just hooking up but actually being in a relationship with someone else. I immediately confronted him about it and he tried to play it off, like I was being paranoid, but he eventually came clean. He said that he turned to her because I stopped talking to him (completely untrue. He stopped talking to me) and then told me that I was far away and that he was happy and wanted to focus on her. I sent him a letter the day that we “broke up” before I found out that he was cheating because he is into receiving letters. Other than the letter, I have not made any contact with him in two days. If by Day 31 of NC I decide that I still want him back, do you think that it will be possible? I listened to episode 15 of the podcast about the lady in a situation similar to mine and you gave her a 10% success rate, if that… If I decided to try after NC, do I follow the same advice that you gave Leslie (Re-assessing the situation, implementing the no contact rule and finding a hook)? Thanks so much for your help and also, thank you for creating this site.

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 25, 2015 at 4:56 pm

      Yep, exactly!

    2. Brianna

      August 27, 2015 at 12:52 am

      Thank you!!!! But would you say that my chances are horrible…?

    3. Chris Seiter

      September 12, 2015 at 1:08 am

      Not great but not horrible.

      Somewhere in between there.

    4. Brianna

      October 6, 2015 at 4:28 am

      Hi Chris! I bought Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO and finished NC successfully. Then I did first contact. He responded somewhat positively and I think that it went well. I waited a few days and sent him a text saying that our favorite band would be playing near me and that it reminded me of when we first met but I got NO RESPONSE 🙁 (I’m guessing that it raised a red flag?). I did some more reading and I think that I was supposed to send him a meme first? So I waited a week and sent him a funny meme. Still no response. I just read your article about what to do after the dreaded no response. Have I blown through my three shots? Do I just kind of sift through the examples and do one that I haven’t done yet? Thanks a bunch for your help so far!!!

    5. Chris Seiter

      October 11, 2015 at 7:02 am

      The only reason I think it could have raised a red flag is that he may have perceived it like you were dropping a hint for him to ask you to go see the band with him.

  20. Minnie

    August 24, 2015 at 3:00 pm

    Yes. I got my ex back, for a while, exactly 2 months. When I first met him after the break up (I had done no contact before…), he asked me about our problem, whether I really want him to back to not. I said yes, of course, and I also said that I need 1 more chance to do everything better. He agreed with me so we came back together. The next 20 days was really happy. But after that, he suddenly changed his mind. He ignored me, didn’t answer my call and messesages. I really didn’t know what happened. Then I tried to met him and asked what happened to him. He said that he was tired. It wasn’t my mistake but he couldn’t see we could get along with each other. I cried, and begged him. He agreed to continue being my boyfriend, but he didn’t call me, and still tried to ignored me as much as he could.
    Then I found out he recently flirts another girl although we were still in a relationship. He told his friend that he wanted to in a relationship with that girl. I was really angry. I know that he tried hard to make our relationship ok but …I said that I was very sad because such a long time he hadn’t show any care about me, didn’t call or text me first. He said that he was tired too, he was out of interest and didn’t love me anymore. So, we broke up, once again, 2 weeks ago.
    Now I am really confused. I still really hurt whenever I see him, even I try my best to live happily and forget him. He is not good, but I cannot hate him. I’m not sure if I can meet someone make my heart smelt like him did. His family cares about me too. They are really good. I remember every single thing that we did together. But come back to him seems impossible now. I had done almost things before and maybe he will know what I am going to do to get him back. BUT I DON’T WANT TO BEG HIM, I WANT HIM TO BEG ME TO COMEBACK!

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 24, 2015 at 5:17 pm

      Your going to have to go into no contact for 30 days again. When you get back with him this time, you have to remember its like starting all over in a new relationship. You have to rebuild attraction and take things slow.

    2. Minnie

      August 25, 2015 at 7:24 am

      It feels like … I mean that because I had done no contact before, then start to contact him, ….. Maybe this time when I start talk to him, he knows me, he may think ‘Oh, I know what you are going to do next, you are trying to get me back’, like that.. And then he will ignore me again. I am really stressful whenever I think about doing everything again. He said that everything cannot be worked out. Now he seems really want to chase that girl. You know, it’s hard to continue and it’s even hard to give up.

    3. Chris Seiter

      August 25, 2015 at 4:22 pm

      I know it’s tough but you only have a few options at this point.

    4. Minnie

      August 25, 2015 at 4:36 pm

      How can I start re-build attraction again when he has already known my plan? I had tried almost everything before.

    5. Chris Seiter

      August 25, 2015 at 4:40 pm

      By working on yourself during no contact. You will have to be hot and cold. Are you part of the Sarah Vs. Kai email? That explains this well.

    6. Minnie

      August 28, 2015 at 5:56 pm

      He said that he was out of the love with me. He had tried to be with me once again, but it failed. He was tired and cannot be in relationship anymore. :-< Especially he seems to forget me and doesn't care about me any more (He blocked me on facebook but I was so needy and he was tired of seeing me crying so he unblocked). He also try to chase another girl and wants to be in relationship with her. Is your method (no contact, trying to gain attraction…) still effective in this case?
      I really want know how to apply it correctly. I had did wrong one time.

  21. Skarlet

    August 24, 2015 at 9:34 am

    Hello Chris

    I am in a very sad situation and desperately need your help. I commented on this post because it is the most recent and thought you would see it. I have a very complicated situation and I’m not sure you’ve covered some of the things that I’ve experienced. I really want to tell you my story but it’s too long and complicated to write here. I thought that maybe you could use it as more research for your site and maybe at the same time help me with my situation?
    Please let me know I would be eternally grateful

    Skarlet

    1. Skarlet

      August 24, 2015 at 7:20 pm

      I’ve written about 8 pages to tell my story please would you read them?

    2. Chris Seiter

      August 25, 2015 at 5:47 pm

      I don’t get to comments on other forms of media because I get about 200-500 on here a day. I didn’t see it on any of these forums…?

  22. Lucy Smith

    August 24, 2015 at 7:21 am

    Chris, I’ve recently discovered i had a miscarriage -i didnt even know i was pregnant in the first place, this was with the guy i was dating. I havent told him yet i only just found out from my doctor. We’re both in college and i havent seen him since we stopped dating a few weeks ago we havent stayed in contact at all. I dont know whether its like a big enough deal or not for him to know? Do you think i should tell him, it’s made me feel really strange like finding out i was pregnant with his baby then losing it. Does he deserve to know? He’s a good guy.

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 24, 2015 at 5:25 pm

      Do you want him back? If you do, do the 30 days no contact and after rebuilding the attraction and getting back together you can tell him. If you absolutely don’t want him back you can tell him now if you want.

  23. Nicole

    August 22, 2015 at 6:46 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I actually agree and support a lot of your points, but I do sometimes worry that you are giving a lot of people who are in a hard place false hope. I know you promote the idea of moving forward, but I wish there as a little bit more focus on here about getting over a breakup, moving on. I personally was in an on/off relationship for about a year and a half and came to this site often. I like your tough love no- nonsense approach, and your posts are really funny! I’m having trouble gaining the confidence to date again, even though men are interested in me! It’s hard with the hookup culture but even harder for me, because I have been very happy having sex with no strings also and that is tempting! But I do have a heart somewhere in there, I may not be rushing for babies and a husband, but I do want a partner. I think having a place on this site to support moving on and advice about that, would really be healthy and great for those women who CAN’T get, or DON’T want their boyfriend back.

    Also, I like your podcast, and I think you have great potential as a podcaster. Having a guest to bounce off of would really enhance things. It’s hard to talk to yourself (i mean i do it all day, ha!). Not just a voicemail, but a true conversation with a real person (with a fake name) going through this. Hearing a conversation and true personal story, helps people connect, and inspires.

    thanks for it all and having a place for people to talk!

    Nicole

    1. Nicole

      August 22, 2015 at 7:02 pm

      Oh! And I’m aware you did write a post or two on that, I’m suggesting more of them and more detail!

      I would love to hear your advice on the best strategy (aside from don’t contact him every second) when you are first dating someone and you are in the first month or two. There are always so many communication breakdowns, awkward situations, accidental mistakes we all make and some of these send men heading for the hills! I need the non cosmo magazine truth of what makes a man want to move from dating to being exclusive. I feel like so many women latch on so quickly and loose their chance!

      We all know that girl (or we are that girl) who constantly dates but never progresses into the relationship she wants so badly.

    2. Chris Seiter

      August 25, 2015 at 6:14 pm

      Thanks for your feedback. This site is mainly focused on helping women get back with their exes as the website is called ex boyfriend recovery.com but I also help women with getting over their exes and moving on. The post is called How To Get Over Your Ex Boyfriend. Again this is not a huge focus because the purpose of the site is to help women get their exes back.

      I can say the best way to start dating again is to go on a lot of dates until you meet someone you could see yourself with. Never have sex with a man until he is committed to you if you want an actual relationship. It sounds like you might be a little jaded from your experiences which most people go through after a few break ups. Take some time to yourself first and then find a good guy. 🙂

  24. Anonymous

    August 22, 2015 at 5:18 pm

    Hi Chris! My ex and I broke up and had NC for 6 weeks. Out of nowhere he sent me an email accusing me of not wanting to be with him and asked why I couldn’t commit and why I was actively sabotaging the relationship. I was pretty pissed off that he came out swinging at first contact but I remained calm and offered to talk about in person. B/c none of this is true.

    It’s been a week and no reply. So yesterday I emailed him again asking for my stuff. Still no reply. Can you help me understand what’s going on?

    Great Ebook btw. Afraid I couldn’t follow it in this case. First contact from him was loaded, heavy, and brought back negative emotions. So saddd. Feel like 6 weeks of NC went down the drain

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 25, 2015 at 6:17 pm

      Don’t worry go back into no contact for a week and try again. But don’t ask him for your stuff, try a text that will get a positive response. 🙂 If he starts any negative convos again just go back into no contact for another week. keep doing this, its your way of training him not to talk negatively about the relationship.

    2. Anonymous

      August 26, 2015 at 1:13 am

      Roger that!

  25. Marie

    August 22, 2015 at 2:47 pm

    I am just getting out of the no contact period with my ex. We have friendly conversations in person and I always catch him staring at me. He asks about my life and is still very protective of me. He responds to my messages but how do I get him to initiate conversation???

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 25, 2015 at 6:42 pm

      Be a little more hot and cold. How long did you do no contact for?

  26. Jessie

    August 21, 2015 at 9:53 am

    Chris you have helped me SO MUCH!!! After over 3 months of struggling, my ex-husband came back to me! And now he’s chasing me so much, like when we started dating!! I read pretty much all your articles and you’ve worked wonders for me! He says things like he’s so happy we’re back together and he has brought up wanting to go on a second honeymoon!

    My only concern is that he has not told his friends and family we’re back together yet and we’ve been together again for 3 weeks. Can you give me some tips, or maybe even make a blog post, about what to do when he’s keeping it a secret that we’re back together??

  27. Marisa

    August 21, 2015 at 2:46 am

    Hey Chris. So my ex-boyfriend has been flirting with me and I’m not sure if he’s leading me on in order to feel good about himself (whether it’s intentional or not) or if it’s flirtraction. I honestly don’t have a good feeling about it :/ He’ll compliment me, has turned a hug into picking me up and spinning me around, and has made efforts to hang out. But what sort of actions are you saying are required for it to be flirtraction? Can you give a few examples?

    1. Marisa

      August 28, 2015 at 6:24 pm

      Last weekend we went out for drinks and then he asked me if I wanted to watch a soccer game together the next morning before we went to church. Are those the kinds of actions you are talking about in flirtraction?

  28. Z

    August 17, 2015 at 5:16 pm

    I would like advice on getting my ex to come back. we had a really good relationship, no cheating, when we fought we wouldn’t speak for days until we could talk it out. He even wanted to start a life with me. When we broke up a few days ago, he said the reason was because he doesn’t love me the way he used to. I still don’t understand what caused him to feel that way. He said he still cared and he wanted to be friends because he enjoyed being around me. I refused. He’s not very confident and he’s introverted and rarely initiates to anything, he rarely gets jealous either. we go to the same school and work close so we will see each other, so how can I use this information in my favor?

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 17, 2015 at 7:38 pm

      It’s not good that he wouldn’t talk to you for days after a fight, its one thing to cool off but it shouldn’t be longer than 1 day. You ever hear the saying never go to bed angry? Anyway, no contact for 30 days should help. Read the post on no contact…

  29. ExDDsGirl

    August 17, 2015 at 5:09 am

    I’ve had comments awaiting moderation in exboyfriend recovery 2.0 and if your ex wants to be friends for almost a week. Is this site usually this inactive? I’ve read the books, but it doesn’t completely pertain to my situation.

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 17, 2015 at 8:11 pm

      I didn’t see your comments? What is your question?

  30. Gaby

    August 16, 2015 at 5:55 pm

    OK so i believe my ex has been using flirttraction on me. Hes always telling me i look gorgeous, trying to touch me and hell also kiss me at random times very intensely. he says he loves that were taking things slow and hes falling for me again. Ive also caught him staring at me a few times. that being said he isn’t ready to get back just yet. he says hes sure of his feelings for me but hes afraid hell ruin things and he has to be sure of that. this weekend he is going on a trip with all our friends (excluding me of course) which im finding very difficult. i will not text him once as i think his move should be the next move. before leaving i told him to have fun and he said thank you well definitely talk soon and have another date. i think things are going very well but my mother and best friend are worried about me and making me doubt things. but in my heart seeing him slowly and things feeling like the beginning in an entirely new way is absolutely worth it.
    what do you think? are my chances of getting him back fairly good?

    also congratulations on your new baby!!! and thank you in advance!

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 17, 2015 at 1:53 am

      Thank you!

      You may have to go into no contact for a little bit. Have you tried that yet? While he is deciding on when he wants to get back with you, you should be in no contact because you don’t want him to use you. It sounds like you have a good shot at getting him back.

    2. Gaby

      August 17, 2015 at 3:34 am

      hes been making lots of efforts and complimenting me and we’ve discussed what things should change and why if were were to get back so i also feel like things are going great and i have a good chance but i don’t wanna get my hopes up either.

      and yes i was thinking that id try no contact a little bit while hes off with our friends and i wont text him until he contacts me as before he left he mentioned he wanted to plan another date. so i want to leave things up to him and see if he messages me.

      my only current problem is my useless mind who overthinks everything and drives me insane ….

    3. Chris Seiter

      August 17, 2015 at 8:30 pm

      That happens to everyone. Make sure you don’t mention him at all to your mutual friends, dont ask about him etc. It will get back to him. Try doing stuff with family or redecorating your room, something that will take your mind off of him.

  31. Khadijah

    August 16, 2015 at 5:35 pm

    So my ex and I have been broken up for a month and are just getting back into contact. After the breakup I made a lot of mistakes to get him back like using his deep dark secrets against him and bashing him to friends which ultimately led him to block me! Now we are building rapport and he’s been complimenting my new look as well as staring at me often (we work together). What type of advice do you have for me to get unblocked and win him back

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 16, 2015 at 11:51 pm

      Great job so far! Don’t worry about getting unblocked for now. When your back in a relationship you can talk about that then.

  32. Lisa

    August 16, 2015 at 11:07 am

    Hi Chris, so my relationship with my ex, which ended about three weeks ago, was great, no big fights or anything, but we broke up because he cheated on a biz trip and he thought it made him realize he didn’t have that much interest in me. So I conducted NC on him after the break-up conversation initiated by me, but after about four or five days, he reached out a few times and liked my FB posts for a couple of times during the NC period, but I did what u said, I ignored him, and then he messaged me saying “So now u are playing ‘never replying’? Fine” and ever since then I have heard nothing from him. Just wondering what he was thinking. Did he start missing me coming back to reality after the biz trip? Will NC push him away and make him closer with the new girl he met? What should be my next step of the game plan after NC? Thanks!

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 17, 2015 at 9:45 pm

      The NC is supposed to do exactly what it’s doing to your ex. He’s just mad because he’s used to getting everything he wants when he wants it. i.e. The girl on his business trip… you etc. So this is a shock to him and you are becoming that ungettable girl. Your next step after NC is to send him a test text.

  33. Alina

    August 15, 2015 at 9:20 pm

    Hi Chris, I have a bit of a challenge for you… Interracial relationships. My boyfriend of 7 years broke up with me about a month ago and one of the reasons was because he didn’t see us having a future together, as we’re from different cultures. However, this was never really a huge problem during our relationship, we never really had many differences, if at all, that differentiated us. I noticed he would only bring these issues up in arguments, but if I ever brought these culture issues in a normal conversation, he’d change the subject and not really want to talk about it. I’m Asian, he’s English, so it’s mostly my side with the “problems”.

    During the break up, he lashed out on me, citing the culture issues as one of the reasons. He got angry at me because I found out he had been lying to me, so he pinned the blame on me and projected other issues in the relationship to make me look like the bad guy. I know I’m making the relationship sound awful, but it wasn’t and I would love to give it another shot.

    I’m currently in NC, he’s sent some texts, been quite rude and demanding but I have ignored him completely and haven’t heard from him for over a week now.

    Would be great to get some insight on this and to see if I have a chance to work on the relationship after we’ve both had the time apart.

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 17, 2015 at 10:39 pm

      Great job with the no contact so far. Yeah sounds like he’s using that as an excuse for your arguments. Your decent shouldn’t have to much to do with your relationship. Sometimes religion etc can play a role in breakups if from different descents but other than that shouldn’t matter.

  34. Brittany

    August 15, 2015 at 4:42 am

    Chris, could you write a through guide to completely move on from your ex boyfriend? That’s why some people are here, to recover from the damage, well at least that is the reason I am. I found your website last year and I read every article searching for answers to get my ex boyfriend back and honestly I don’t want him back in my life. I want to focus on taking care of myself and being the best version I can be for me. If by chance you see my comment I would be forever greatful if you wrote a guide on how to move on from your ex boyfriend. Please. Hope you have a wonderful night or day whatever it is when you see this. Much love, Brittany.

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 17, 2015 at 11:12 pm

      Hey Brittany, It’s already been written, it’s called How To Get Over Your Ex Boyfriend.

  35. Lala

    August 13, 2015 at 10:04 am

    So let me clarify if I understood your advice…

    1) Okay I will not block him from facebook., But do I “unfriend” him? Or just keep him as a friend there? I am uncomfortable with him knowing what is happening in my life and seeing my updates because he is also the type who checks on what is going on with people through facebook (what I have been doing is I have been filtering things in my posts so he can’t see them) So should I keep him as a friend? or unfriend but not block? Just now I’m thinking of taking a short 1 month break from facebook (NC i guess) and keep my contacts in another place. So even to other people who do not know what’s going on- I’m just planning to take a break, for my sake too.

    2) Okay so I will just return his things and what facade/demeanor should I put up? Polite or cold or bubbly and nice? I will make it abrupt (and i would like to also because I want to have nothing to do with him right now at least and focus on myself). I tried NC lots of times and it really seems like he doesn’t care about us anymore (it made him wonder but he didnt put any good effort to understand me. i found out later that he was putting effort and investing elsewhere ifyouknowwhatimean)- but he knows how I feel about him (so I think it’s making him comfortable that I’m all over him and I am ready for him anytime he wants back because I was loyal and nice and loving to him) This time I am walking away for good and with what he did to me, I want him to feel like he has to work for us again and I would like to mean it. I feel very tired.

    When I meet him for the things, I’m worried that something too cold will make him afraid to approach again in the future even if he wants to get back (because honestly he is the stubborn type who plays it macho and is not very open- he is pretty shy and has trouble expressing. He’d rather feel things out than talk things out- bad communicator I know, but I understand that part of him). But something too warm and nice would make him think I will be there anytime. He did not have a sense of urgency when I did a lot of sets of NC with him. There was no cooperation so I feel I must let go right now.

    Just making sure I understand everything you said, Master Chris! and yes, I have been silently following your work for a year now (because I help my friends) and now that I am in this situation, I would like to be on the right guidance/instruction and walk the better path and I appreciate you suggesting me to the best way to it 🙂

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 13, 2015 at 1:07 pm

      1. You will just leave him on your facebook. http://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-definitive-guide-to-using-facebook-to-get-your-ex-boyfriend-back/

      2. Act nice but don’t say anything like “I miss you” or “I want you back.”

      Thanks I appreciate the support Lala!

  36. Nicole

    August 13, 2015 at 1:44 am

    Hi Chris! You’re truly a saint for answering all of these desperate women haha. I know you’re extremely busy, but I’m hoping you can help me out with what my next step should be. I finished NC, but this actually made my ex really angry. I wish I would have read the 30 day vs. 21 day NC article before it was too late 🙁 just a suggestion, I think you should emphasize that strategy a little more, or maybe organize your articles by topics rather than time because some of your older ones are really great but just take a little more work to find because you have to scroll and load all the pages. Or maybe have a table of contents with easily accessible links 🙂 You answered my last comment but I doubt you remember my situation haha, so just to recap, my ex and I were almost best friends for about 8 months after the breakup, and then he shut me down when I got too emotional and mentioned getting back together (he did flirt with me a lot, try to kiss me, and give me mixed signals), so I did NC, which kind of backfired on me. So I had a conversation with him about it, said I just needed some time and space to move on, but he was really mad about the NC and said he’s super busy right now and this is bad timing, and he doesn’t have the energy to be friends with me right now because I “pissed him off”. So I want to respect that, and I’m thinking I should go back into NC but not ignore him this time if he reaches out (while still being the UG, of course). How long do you think I should I wait before trying to contact him again? Or should I just wait until he contacts me?

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 19, 2015 at 4:44 pm

      You dont want to be friends so yes just go back into no contact for 21 days. He’s being spoiled but he’ll get over that. He sounds like he wanted FWB and that’s not ok. 🙂 Show him that it’s not ok.

  37. Olga

    August 12, 2015 at 11:51 pm

    Hey Chris, I haven’t been on here lately because I’ve been trying to forget about my ex boyfriend who blocked me on facebook a few weeks ago. I don’t know why he did it but it hurt so much. We were talking about him not coming to my house party which would be the last opportunity to visit me and see where I live and since we had a really good relation those days I hoped he would say yes. I assumed he would has he had been saying he wished he’d go to the seaside for holidays and preferably WITH ME. After he said it we talked less but he texted me again on my birthday when he wished for me to be the happiest ever and for all my dreams to come true. When he said he wouldn’t come to the party I felt sad and expressed it but in a non-dramatic way. He then said he didn’t know what to say so I told him to forget the conversation cause it led nowhere. Then I changed the topic to our mutual friend (my neighbor at the time and his best friend) who was visiting me at that very moment we were chatting on Facebook. My ex thanked me suddenly and when I asked what for, he said it was for helping him realise that conversation really led to nowhere. He also said he’d be gone for LONGER and boom, I was blocked. First I laughed but then I started crying and told my friend everything and he said it doesn’t sound like my ex at all cause he never talked about me after the breakup. And he said the ex would realise how dump he was and would unblock me soon. Well, it was on 23rd June and now it’s mid August and I’m still blocked. He hasn’t deleted me on Skype though. I told myself I wouldn’t give myself out for him anymore and try to get him back because I should know my worth. So I’ve been trying to forget but I dont’t think I’m doing a good job at all. It really bothers me that I don’t know the reason of this behaviour as I don’t feel like i’ve done something bad, certainly not for purpose. I only wanted to change the topic. Please help me understand… Thanks

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 19, 2015 at 5:00 pm

      The best thing for you to do is focus more on yourself and less on him. Don’t look at his facebook or other profiles. I know that is really hard to do but you shouldn’t be to concerned whether he added you back or not. You will need the no contact rule which means you can’t talk to mutual friends about him either.

    2. Olga

      August 19, 2015 at 8:05 pm

      Thanks for your reply, I appreciate it! I didn’t really talk to our mutual friends about him after that one time when he had blocked me. I really tried to focus on myself, I got accepted into uni, went away for vacation with my besties, had my hair done blond! I only thought about him at night and when I did, I wrote it all in my diary and went to sleep. I almost never cried. Then everything changed because I met him last week.
      Me and my friends were hanging out and decided to go to the most famous spot in our little town. Literally EVERYONE goes there. My ex were there, too. We were both already drunk and he was ignoring me completely, he came to say hi to my friends when I was standing with them but didn’t even look me in the eye. He looked like he was having fun and so did I. I caught him staring at me once or twice but he treated me like air. Most of our friends had already gone home when I finally spoke to him, I asked if he would be going to pretend he didn’t know me for the rest of our lives and I wanted to know what had happened that he had to throw me out of his life. He was really rude to me and it was shocking but okay, I walked out of the pub and said bye to my girls as I wouldn’t waste my time. But he stopped me. We sat on a bench for like an hour…. And he was telling me the worst things: that he didn’t want to see me ever again, that I’m a bad woman and I would never change, that our relationship was the worst, that he always loved me and always would but we just can’t be together, that he had blocked me because it was better for him that way. He asked if I’d forgotten that he was an egoist. He was so angry. I told him to go away, then. He couldn’t. He also couldn’t resist kissing me and he started doing so, repeating things like “I love you”, “I adore you” and then even “I hate you”. He said he’s the weakest and that this situation is so wrong but still he couldn’t leave. When he was walking me home, he was saying that our love wasn’t enough, that he felt like sh*t because he was so weak. He hugged me really tight and said he was going to cry. When we reached my home, I asked him if he’d unblock me on FB, he said no. He kissed my forehead. He told me not to cry because we’d see each other again. I slapped him in the face and ran home. Of course I haven’t contacted him ever since and I’m not waiting for him to do so either. I know he didn’t mean it when he said he hated me (learnt that one from you :)) and it kinda reassured me that I can drive him that crazy but is there even a way to make him trust me again? I know I shouldn’t even think about trying to get him back but of course I am…

  38. Zara

    August 12, 2015 at 9:30 pm

    Hi Chris, I’m currently in NC, it’s going better for me than expected. I feel like I am healing myself and focusing on my personal issues that may have affected the break up and I’m also taking my time to heal and work on things I want for myself. I was with my boyfriend for 6.5 years. He texted me last week, but it was far from romantic, he was asking for some concert tickets that we were supposed to go to together, I ignored him and he got pretty mad after that, saying “I bought my ticket, you can’t just f**king keep them to yourself.” I still ignored him. I don’t know if it was the right thing to do, but I don’t want to break NC, and also those tickets are for me and a friend. I felt like he was trying to put the last nail in the coffin by demanding for his ticket, so I could go alone – even though he has a group of friends he can go with and he can very easily get himself a new ticket. His messages before this were abusive and pretty hateful, like he was lashing out, he ended things via text about a few weeks ago.

    Now, he has made his Instagram profile private from me, but he’s not very active on there anyway and he still has pictures of me on there. I don’t know what this really means? If it means anything anyway. We don’t have each other on Facebook either, so it’s not like I can make him subtly jealous, like you recommend. I know, it’s crazy, we were together for over 6 years but a year ago I unfriended him due to a silly (week long) break up (very immature), and we never added each other after that. So I know it would be weird to add him again. The only communication is though texts. He can’t see what I’m up to via Instagram (where I’m most active), or through Facebook either. I do feel hopeless now. He hasn’t contacted me since last week, he’s now made his Insta profile private and it almost feels like he WANTS to move on and get over me. By not seeing what I’m up to and how I’m doing, I feel that it makes it easier for him to forget about me.

    I’m so sorry to sound pathetic. I feel pretty pathetic, but I need some insight, from a guy who clearly knows what he’s talking about…

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 19, 2015 at 4:15 pm

      Your not pathetic. You just care about this guy, that doesn’t make you pathetic. You should have maybe given him the concert tickets back before no contact. You need to mail the tickets back to him ASAP if you want a chance to get back with him. By keeping them he will think your a gold digger. I dont think he took down the social media stuff because he wants to get over you, I think he took it down because you made him angry for keeping the concert tickets.

    2. Zara

      August 20, 2015 at 10:46 pm

      Hi Chris, thank you so much for the reply. I feel like I’ve screwed up. I think he has already got himself new tickets, or he doesn’t and now he hates me and is ignoring me. I sent him a text asking if he did get some new tickets and he hasn’t replied. I feel like I’ve lost all my chances now by ignoring him when he asked for the ticket initially, and I don’t know how I can make this right. I’ll start NC again, as I asked him via text after reading your reply today. My friends really advised not to give the ticket to him because it was mine and he was being abusive, I probably shouldn’t have listened to them now haha.

  39. Dimple

    August 12, 2015 at 8:37 pm

    I followed all your guide. I think my ex and I were together. He wanted me to leave with him. And I moved in with him. On second day he went to hangout with a girl who live near by our apartment. I got jealous and was very upset about this. Then he said we are in very close and only sexual relationship. I am just helping by letting you stay with me. I told him I don’t want friends with benifit. In the morning he act like cool and said sorry for being mean last night. Next day he keep his distance and act wired. Now I have no choice and can’t move out. Sometimes he showed his feeling. We both flirt. Give compliments. But he said he don’t love me. I am very confused. How do I make him fall in love with me? Do I need to be more ungetable girl? Should I treat him as a roommate and act normal?Please give me your kind advice.

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 12, 2015 at 8:42 pm

      You are in a tough spot since you live with him. You should make plans to move out. It’s not fair how he is treating you.

      Yes, treat him as a roommate and act normal for now. Be a little flirty at times and see if you can create a little competition for him. Is he the jealous type?

    2. Dimple

      September 15, 2015 at 5:58 am

      Hey Chris,
      yes he is Jealous type. He went to that girl house again when we already went to bed. I saw all the text message of them. He was Flirting with her. I saw Half naked /close picture of them. Luckily I found a place and move out from there last week. When I went to give his apt keys, I asked about the text message. But he get so mad and did not want to see me again and want to leave the apt asap. He told me I was jealous. He told me that girl has a boyfriend and he is just friend with her. I am trying to let go him. But It wired I still have felling for him. I have not talk to him since that day. Is there any way to change his mind? what would I do in this situation? How do I create competition for him? How to make him to come back to me and make him realized I am worth it and best than other girls?

    3. Dimple

      September 21, 2015 at 4:45 am

      Yes he is a jelous type. I moved out from there already. I saw texted between that that girl and him . They were firlting each other. when I was trying to talk him about this he got so mad and told me she has a boyfriend and i am just jelous about all. If they are just a friend why he gang out with her whole night and spend long time with her.sometimes he go to her apt late night. He told me I am jelous girl. Do you thing so? Do you thing I have a change to win him back after all this drama? I really need your help to get him back.

  40. Lala

    August 12, 2015 at 8:23 pm

    Hi Chris i have a few questions. I’m deciding on moving on (for now) because I feel I have some baggage and me and my partner have to find ourselves first before entering in a relationship (again).. We are sorting our things out like I am getting my things from his place and he is getting his in mine. I was wondering how I would do this, should I be pleasant or formal or sad? I feel sad because I will have to cut ties with him right now and he did something I have a hard time forgiving at the moment, but at the same time I want him to feel that I am willing to give us another chance if ever in the future (and in case he is interested again) without me appearing like I will still wait for him. Do I say anything specifically like “contact me if you change your mind” or something like that? Or do I just keep things short and simple with a courteous smile here and there and just fade away from contact in his life? I am not really looking for a formal closure (and I don’t think he is because had I not made up my mind to cut ties, I think he will keep me dangling on his thread and chasing him) and honestly, I don’t think he deserves one from me (because he also started keeping things from me- just fading away instead of formally breaking up)

    Also, do I unfriend and block him for a while on facebook? I know you wrote in your blogs that it’s not a good idea to unfriend+block (and it would appear immature) but I think it could help me doing a complete, pure and disciplined NC, then again I am worried it might be a great obstacle for leaving the opportunity for him (for us) to get back. I sort of need a strict headstart for this (to a point I’m hoping to imagine as if he’s dead) because I want to fix myself first. I do love him and I like his core as a person, but we both have room to grow and have to deal with personal issues first before having a mature relationship.

    So there are my two questions: 1) How do I go about while giving back his things? Do I leave a certain message to let him know that I am still open for us in the future? and 2) Do I unfriend and block him in facebook?
    Any advice, master Chris? I would like your good wisdom and guidance to check on this decision I’ve made because this decision is based on what I have picked up from your book and your works on this site, thanks : )

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 12, 2015 at 8:47 pm

      haha master Chris that has a nice ring to it.

      1. No do not block him from facebook. You will need that later to get back with him.
      2. Do not give him options i.e. telling him to “contact you if he changes his mind.” He will do that on his own.
      3. You don’t want to fade away, you want it to be abrupt so he is wondering “where did she go??”

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