By Chris Seiter

Updated on March 8th, 2021

Do you know what flirting is?

Of course you do…

I mean, it’s the whole reason you are here, right?

Well, what if I were to tell you that you actually don’t know what it means.

Do you think you’d roll your eyes at me?

I am just going to go out on a limb here and say that you would.


Let’s get this eye roll out of the way.





Did you get it out of your system?



Ok, now I can go on to explain what flirting actually is.

Of course, before I do that I want to ask you a question. What do you think flirting is?

My guess is that you’d probably say something along the lines of,

Acting in a way that shows that you like, or have taken an interest in a member of the opposite sex.

For example, if person A flirted with person B then that would mean person A acted or said things in a way that made person B think that person A liked them. Get it?

Ok, here is where I am going to shock you.

That is not what the actual definition of flirting says.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

When you open up the dictionary and turn to the official definition of flirting here is what it says,

FLIRTING- To behave as though you are attracted to/ trying to attract someone but for your own amusement. In other words, you behave as though you like them but you aren’t serious about it.

Notice how I bolded a specific portion of that definition.

The part I put in bold in the definition above is important because I think our society as a certain misconception of what flirting actually is.

You see, most of us believe that when we are being flirted with it’s a good thing that indicates that the person likes us. However, according do the official definition above it’s not. In fact, according to the definition above being flirted with is a bad thing because it means that we are being played.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

You Don’t Want Your Ex Boyfriend To Flirt With You… Wait, WHAT?


I am assuming that you are here for a reason.

You are here because you probably want your ex boyfriend back and you are trying to determine if he is flirting with you.

Well, I am going to help you determine that but before I can do that I need to explain something to you.

According to the definition above having an ex boyfriend flirt with you isn’t a good thing. In fact, if he is flirting with you in the strictest sense then that means that he is doing it for fun or for his own amusement and I don’t know about you but if that was happening to me I wouldn’t be too happy.

But lets back up for a second.

You came here because you probably want your ex boyfriend to be flirting with you.

Of course, before you read this page you were under the assumption that having him flirt with you was good.

Well… it’s not.

Instead what you really are trying to determine is if he is using flirttraction on you.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

What Is Flirttraction?


Good question!

Flirttraction is my own creation.

Basically it is a combination of the good elements of flirting (remember not all of the elements around flirting were bad) and attraction.

What do you get when you combine flirting and attraction?


What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Ok, I know I have a goofy way of looking at things but that goofy way has probably helped more people get back with their exes than anyone online so just roll with it.

Here is the official definition of flirttraction,

Flirttraction– To behave in a way that shows you are attracted/trying to attract someone.

Notice anything different with this definition?

Perhaps the fact that instead of this time flirting isn’t for ones own amusement. Instead, if your ex boyfriend flirts with you it’s because he actually likes you and is attracted to you.

This is flirttraction in a nutshell.

In fact, when you came to this page this is probably what you were searching for. You were probably trying to determine if your ex boyfriend was “flirting” with you in this manner.

Of course, now that I have educated you a bit you know that what you are really looking for is a way to determine if he is flirttracting you.

In other words,

Flirting = BAD

Flirttraction = GOOD

And that’s what I am going to teach you today.

I am going to teach you the best method in which you can determine what your ex boyfriend is thinking when you think that he is flirting with you (or flirttracting with you.)

Does that sound like something you would be interested in?


Ok, lets hop to it.

Signs Of Flirting Vs. Signs Of Flirttraction

flirting not sure

One of the most popular questions I get here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery is,

“My ex boyfriend did blah, blah and blah. What do you think it means? Is he flirting with me?”

Now, since I have already established that flirting is actually not a good thing what these women are really wanting to know is whether or not their ex boyfriend is using flirttraction on them.

In this section I intend to show you what flirting looks like and what flirttraction looks like.

After all, it’s easier to to wade through the BS once you know what to look for.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Words = Flirting & Actions = Flirttraction

Lets pretend that you are trying to get your ex boyfriend back and during this campaign to win his heart back he says a few things that make you excited.

What are the things?

Well, during one texting conversation he sends you this text,

miss you so much

Pretty awesome, right?

Well, as your conversations get deeper and deeper over text message he starts sending you witty little texts like,

my girl

Now, any girl that receives a text like that from a guy she likes is going to run around her house jumping and screaming like a little kid with happiness.

In most cases getting a text message like that is very good.

In fact, I would say that if you were to receive a text message like that from your ex it is a good thing.

HOWEVER, receiving a text message like this is only one step to understanding if what your ex boyfriend means what he says.

I mean, getting a flirty text message from your ex are only words.

There are no actions to back it up.

What did your ex boyfriend say to you in the text above?

He said that he would love nothing more than to hold you and caress you, right?

Well, has he?


Then we might have a problem.

I want you to go ahead and look at the title of this section.

What does it say?

It says,

  • Words = Flirting
  • Actions = Flirttraction

Talk is cheap.

Action is everything.

And therein lies the difference between flirting and flirttraction.

An ex boyfriend who flirts with you will have a lot of nice things to say.

He will tell you that he misses you…

That he wants to hold you…

Heck, he even might say that he loves you…

However, when it comes time to actually back up the talk with action he is nowhere to be found.

Flirttraction on the other hand is a little bit different.

An ex boyfriend who is using flirttraction will say those very same nice things.

Telling you that he cares about you…

That he wants to hold you…

That he misses you…

Oh, and even telling you that he loves you…

Of course, when it comes time to prove that what he is saying is true he actually does it.

He acts like someone who cares about you…

He actually holds you…

He reacts in a way that a man normally would when they miss you.

He looks you in the eye (in person) and actually SAYS the words, “I love you.”

That is the main difference between flirtation and flirttraction.

Flirtation is all talk.

Flirttraction is all action.

Why An Ex Boyfriend Will Flirt With You

loves it

It’s weird, right?

The fact that now you have to look at flirting like a bad thing.

It’s a total paradigm shift and I completely understand if you are having trouble wrapping your mind around it. Well, you want to know what is even harder to wrap your mind around?

The reason for why an ex boyfriend could flirt with you.

I mean, why would someone who claimed to love you play around with your emotions like this?

(Side Note: Don’t forget that flirting means that your ex is “flirting” with you on purpose for his own amusement. In other words, he doesn’t mean anything nice that he says to you )

As it turns out there are a lot of reasons for why an ex boyfriend could “flirt” with you and since I am a guy who has flirted for my own amusement before I think I can teach you something about the way the mind of a man works.

So, I am going to give you two examples from a friend I know in my personal life.

  1. An example where he used flirtation (BAD)
  2. An example where he used flirttraction (GOOD)

Lets start with the flirtation.

My Friend Using Flirtation

My friend, lets call him Caleb, didn’t exactly have the best luck with girls.

While he wasn’t bad looking he wasn’t confident with himself.

As a result, he didn’t have a great idea of how to talk to women and when a woman would show him some attention he ate it up like no tomorrow.

Of course, when you look at his history of dating he was definitely wronged. Women had used some flirtation on him and when he would send the predetermined text message explaining his undying love for them they pretty much told him to take a hike.

These failures shaped Caleb and instead of trusting women and opening up to them he would use them to make himself feel better.

How would he do that?

Lets say a girl would come along… lets call her Ashley.

Ok, so Ashley has come along and really likes Caleb but Caleb doesn’t like her. Instead, he likes feeling wanted by her.

He loves the feeling of being chased.

After all, he doesn’t get chased very often.

But Ashley is not a stupid girl. She can sense when a man is not into her. Caleb knows this so he decides that the best way to keep her on the hook is to flirt with her. To give her false hope. Besides, when you flirt with a girl who likes you she is a sure bet to flirt right back and say something nice to you which is what Caleb wants.

Here’s the thing, though.

He doesn’t really want her. He just wants to feel wanted by her.

That’s what flirting is all about.

Lets move on to the next example now with flirttraction.

My Friend Using Flirttraction

Alright so we have already covered what it looks like when Caleb uses flirting on a woman.

Now lets flip the script and take a look at what is going through his mind when he uses flirttraction on a woman.

Ok, so one day Caleb decides to go out with a group of friends and meets a girl.

Now, this girl makes an impression on Caleb.

So much so, in fact, that he begins to develop deep feelings for her. Oh, and when I say deep feelings I mean DEEP feelings. The kind of feelings that leads to marriage.

Here’s the jig though.

The girl likes Caleb too.

She has been developing those DEEP feelings and the two of them have been using flirttraction on each other. In other words, when Caleb sends a text message like this to the girl,

kiss you

He actually means everything he says in the text message.

For example, above I mentioned the idea that flirting was all about words and flirttraction was all about actions (I mean, the word action is actually in flirttraction.) So, when Caleb says he misses his girl his actions are in line with a man who misses a woman. Oh, and when he says he wants to kiss his woman passionately he actually does it when he sees her.

This is flirttraction in a nutshell.

Basically everything that a man says he will actually do or his actions will fall in line with.

You know what this means, right?


Think about it for a moment.

This entire section is about teaching you why men flirt and why men use flirttraction.

Above I mentioned that the main reason men flirt is to feel superior.

They want to feel strong and they gain this strength by making women chase them.

Flirttraction, on the other hand, is totally different.

A man uses flirttraction when he is falling for someone (or if he HAS fallen for someone.)

Needless to say, when it comes to getting an ex boyfriend back flirttraction is a big deal. In fact, creating flirttraction in your ex boyfriend is a huge part of my system, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.

Now, I know the question you are wondering right about now.

You are probably sitting there thinking,

“Ok Chris, I understand the difference between flirting and flirttraction but HOW do I get my ex boyfriend to use flirttraction on me as opposed to regular flirting?”

I am so glad you asked!

How To Make An Ex Boyfriend Use Flirttraction On You

make you

Definitely don’t take the Austin Powers approach.

We have already established that if you want a good chance of winning your ex boyfriend back you probably need to get him to use flirttraction on you.

But how?

What is the process of making an ex boyfriend do that?

Well, that’s what I am here to teach you today.

The first thing you have to understand is that you are going to have a little harder of a time making your ex boyfriend use flirttraction on you than the average woman just trying to make a man she has never dated before use flirttraction.


Because you have dated your ex before and he already knows what it feels like to be with you.

Furthermore, your relationship with him failed.

So, when you take all of this into account you have a few extra obstacles to overcome. Nevertheless, I think I have a unique approach to overcoming these obstacles and achieving flirttraction within your ex boyfriend.

I like to call it “quality theory.”

What Is Quality Theory?


I have a question for you.

When you look at men as a whole which qualities do you think they will point at in women that will make them fall in love?

Take a moment to think about it….

Taking moment….

Taking moment….

OK, moment taken.

I am guessing that you came up with something generic like,

Being confident…

Having a sense of humor…

Oh, or my personal favorite, having the ability to make a man open to falling in love…

I actually did a little research of my own and this is what I found.

Basically every dating website has the same regurgitated garbage.

They cited things like,

A woman’s ability to flirt back...


Being good humored…

A woman who says something about a man staring… (seriously)

I am going to make a pretty bold claim right now that may make me a few enemies in the dating space.


The qualities that they are claiming are what make men fall in love are total BS and I can’t stand it anymore.

I am a guy who has,

  • Dated someone I fell in love with
  • Married that same person I fell in love with
  • Started a family with this person that I fell in love with

And I can tell you that the BS that these websites are spouting as “qualities” aren’t going to do anything for you when it comes to creating flirttraction with your ex boyfriend.

I am going to give you the low down and I am going to do this by teaching you about something I like to call “quality theory.”

Quality Theory– In order to obtain flirttraction from your ex boyfriend you must identify the 7 qualities that make a man fall in love and become them.

But what are these seven qualities?

  1. Looks
  2. Challenge
  3. Obsession
  4. Intimacy
  5. Trust
  6. Openness
  7. Admiration

Now, before I go into each of these qualities one by one I would like to take a moment and explain why “quality theory” is so effective at creating flirttraction with your ex boyfriend.

Generally speaking, a man who uses flirttraction on a woman is in the process of falling in love or has already fallen in love.

Right now I am not 100% sure we can say that about you and your ex boyfriend.

Instead of feeling the thrill of love he is feeling the negatives of heartbreak.

The best way to get your ex boyfriend back into the mindset of feeling love is to identify the qualities that he will fall in love with and become those qualities again. Oh, and in my experience a man doesn’t have to have all of these qualities to fall in love.

In fact, most women only do 4 or 5 of things really well.

So, imagine if you were to do all 7 really well?

Do you see how effective it can be?

Lets talk about the qualities now.

Quality One: Looks

looks kill

I know I have said this a lot throughout Ex Boyfriend Recovery but looks do matter to men.

Look, if you want the lowdown on men and falling in love the fact of the matter is that it’s easier for a man to fall in love with a woman who is good looking as compared to one who is not.

But that’s not the most shocking thing I am going to say in this section.

I have a bit of good news for the women out there who are maybe feeling a little uncomfortable about the way they look.

While looks are important they aren’t everything.

Oh, and your relationship usually isn’t totally reliant on looks.

I have this phrase that I always say and there is a lot of truth to it.

Looks get you in the door but your personality keeps you in the room.

That means that when it comes to how you look your chances of reconnection aren’t going to be totally reliant on that.

In fact, biologists have done studies specifically on looks.

You’ll never believed what they found.

Biologists state that the people who have a collection of mathematically average features, have a more diverse set of genes and that end ups being a preferred selection criteria when your subconscious brain scans the environment for attractive looking people.

In other words, sometimes it pays to be average or plain looking.

Besides, you have an advantage over the average woman out there just trying to attract a boyfriend for the first time.

You have already dated this guy and the fact of the matter is that he probably found you attractive when you dated him so you probably don’t have to worry about it too much.

Nevertheless, when it comes to looks what I said definitely rings true.

A man is going to fall in love with a beautiful woman more easily than an ugly one.

You know what that means, right?

It means if you want to maximize your chances of flirttraction then you are going to have to make yourself as beautiful as possible.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Quality Two: Challenge


Are you aware of the idea of “courting?”

Any time I think of courting the first thing I think about is some disney prince singing to some disney princess high in a tower with a rose in his hand.

Actually, kind of like this picture (without the princess in the tower.)


The truth is that every society has a courting ritual but there always seems to be one constant.

The MAN has to court the woman.

Now, as a man I can tell you that this is very engrained in our nature. After all, it was men who were typically the “hunters” in the hunter and gatherer societies. Men are used to hunting and there is nothing more appealing to us than a beautiful woman (quality one) who is a challenge (quality two.)

Why is that, though?

Why is it that men are so turned on by a challenge?

While I am sure there is some psychological insight out there on why I would much rather prefer to give you my opinion.

Imagine that you are a Lion (or lioness in your case.)

As a lioness you know that in order to survive you are going to have to hunt food.

What food?

Lets say a zebra.

One day you are roaming around and you spot your prey, a zebra.

So, what do you decide to do?

You decide to try and hunt the zebra.

After a long one hour chase the zebra gets away….

You are angry and go to sleep for the night being pretty upset that you didn’t get that zebra.

The next day comes and you wake up hungry and you spot that very same zebra.

You chase in pursuit again and again after an hour long chase you give up from exhaustion.

Man, what a challenge…

Ok, another day goes by and you spot your zebra again. However, this time after an hour long chase you finally get it.


It’s the best tasting meal you have head all year long.


Because of the effort you put in to get it.

Men work in the same way. The more effort we invest into a woman the better it feels when we get her and the easier it is for us to fall in love.

Take my wife for example.


I lived in Texas she lived in Pennsylvania…

She had men constantly chasing her (which made me feel like she was more of a challenge because she was used to being fawned after.)

What I am trying to get at here is that men love challenges and your ex boyfriend is no different.

Now here is the 5 million dollar question.

Are you a challenge?

You desperately want him back, right?

You probably acted a little desperate towards him, right?

So, what about you screams challenge to him right now?

Probably nothing and that is something you are going to have to work on.

Quality Three: Obsession


I was a little split on whether or not to include this one.


Because when I talk about obsession I am not talking about you obsessing over a guy. I am talking about the guy obsessing over you. Now, that’s not really a quality “per-se” but we are going to go ahead and include it because when you look at what happens to the human brain when it’s falling in love there is a certain amount of obsession that goes along with it.


How can I put this in an easy to understand way?

I know I have cited this example a lot but I find it extremely relevant so I am going to cite it again.

They have done studies on the human brain during a breakup and you’ll never believe what they found.

Apparently the part of the human brain that lights up when a man or woman goes through a breakup is the same part of the brain that lights up on someone who is addicted to cocaine when they are looking for a fix.

This is essentially the scientific explanation for why so many people want their exes back after a breakup.

Scientifically you are no different than a drug addict looking to get another fix.

Isn’t that a little scary?

So here is my theory.

Obviously a drug addict puts drugs into their body and the chemicals from those drugs are what creates this obsessiveness, this hunger to “get another fix.”

Well, my theory is that when someone falls in love the actual act of falling in love serves as the “drug.”

We already know that when a man or woman falls in love the brain releases it’s own set of “feel good chemicals.”






These are all fancy names for chemicals that the brain releases that makes us feel like we are in love.

We also know that once someone falls in love the chances of them becoming a little obsessive are that much higher.

Take me for example, when I met my wife I am not afraid to say that I was OBSESSED with her.

(Probably on an unhealthy level.)

Now, you can read all about our story here but the short version is that I moved from Texas to Pennsylvania for her so our relationship could survive.

Do you think I would have done that if I wasn’t obsessed with her?

Do you think I would have moved from a place that I loved very much (Texas) to a scary place (Pennsylvania) for someone that I wasn’t obsessed with?

Absolutely not.

There almost always is an element of obsession when someone falls in love and that means that if you want your ex boyfriend to “fall in love” with you again and use flirttraction on you, you are going to have to find a way to make him obsessed with you again.

The way he was at the start of your relationship during the honeymoon period?

Now, I can hear the doubters out there right now saying,

“That’s impossible. There is no way that I can make him obsessed with me again.”

Try not to look at “making him obsessed with you again” as this super hard task. If you do that then you won’t get anywhere. Instead, lets simplify this as much as we can.

I gave you some pretty epic information about what happens to the brain when it falls in love.

You remember, right?



You forgot already didn’t you?

I said that the brain releases all of these wonderful chemicals when it is falling in love.

Heck, I even listed the chemicals above.

If that is the case then making your ex boyfriend fall in love with you and ultimately become obsessed with you again is a matter of leveraging these chemicals. Theoretically if you can make your ex boyfriend associate YOU with all of the five chemicals below,

  1. Adrenaline
  2. Dopamine
  3. Serotonine
  4. Oxytocin
  5. Vassopressin

Then he will become obsessed with you and you will start to see some flirttraction responses.

Now, is it as easy as that?


But when you boil it down to the simplest form this is what you are going to get.

Quality Four: Intimacy


We are talking about your ex boyfriend and intimacy here.

You know what that means, right?


You see, when women think of intimacy they think of candlelit rooms, passionate kisses and making love.

When men think of intimacy they think of sex.

For the time being I want you, as a woman, to go against your normal thinking of intimacy and look at this in the way that a man would.

I know this is probably not what you want to hear but sex does play a role when it comes to quality theory and falling in love. You see, sex is probably the number one act that can bring a man and a woman closer together.

Oh, and as much as men want you to believe that they can have unemotional sex… they can’t. It’s too powerful of a thing not to attach any type of emotions to it.

Now, does this mean that I want you to call your ex boyfriend up right away and have sex with him?


I have made it clear a million times on Ex Boyfriend Recovery that you should not sleep with your ex until your relationship is official again.

However, that doesn’t mean that we can’t use your exes hunger for sex to our advantage.

So, I am going to give you a little golden nugget of information that you can use to leverage your exes interest of sex.

I actually talk about this in my seduction article so if you want the full scoop I advise that you click on that link and learn more about it there.

How To Use Sex To Your Advantage

One of the biggest issues that women have when it comes to getting an ex boyfriend back is keeping him engaged.

Well, this little tactic that I am about to teach you will not only keep your ex engaged but it will actively cause him to use flirttraction on you.

So, what is this tactic?

Well, when I talk about this I want you to picture sex as a physical object that you are dangling in front of your ex.

Does that make any sense?


Ok, I will create a graphic for you to describe it.

Look below,

Do you see how the object being dangled in front of the cat has “sex” next to it?

Well, what happens when you dangle an object in front of a cat like this?

It chases after the object, right?

Well, the same simple principle applies here except instead of danging an object in front of your ex you are going to be dangling sex.

What do I mean by “dangling sex?”

I mean that you are going to give your ex boyfriend subtle hints that you are into him sexual. Now, you have to be careful about not going too overboard with this because if you go overboard that is all your boyfriend will end up thinking about.

However, the idea behind this is that you are going to get your ex all worked about regarding sex and then when he starts making a move I want you to pull away.

This is the equivalent of pulling the toy away from the cat in the picture above.

Once you have pulled away I want you to wait a while and then dangle sex in front of him again.

The more you repeat this process the higher your chances are that your ex boyfriend will ultimately use flirttraction on you.

Quality Five: Trust


The idea behind quality theory is to list out all the qualities in women that men fall in love with.

Well, this is one of those qualities that isn’t technically found in women.


How can I put this?

I know!

What is your deepest darkest secret? I am talking about the one that you don’t want anyone to know. I am talking about the one that your best friend in the world wouldn’t even respond well to. Do you have a secret like that?

If you don’t then lets pretend you do.

Lets have some fun here and say that your deep dark secret is that you killed a man…

Ok, so you are wanted for murder and you are just in the beginning stages of falling in love with a man.

Now, you know that eventually this man is going to realize that you are a wanted woman and once he finds out that information he probably isn’t going to love you anymore. It’s at this point that you are faced with a choice:

Trust that he will respond well to the news that you are wanted for murder…


Risk not telling him and have him find out on his own…

What would you do if you were faced with this choice?

Would you have enough trust in the man you were falling in love with to forgive you for murdering another man…

Something tells me you wouldn’t and that’s what I would like to talk about here.

In order for a man to fall in love with you he has to trust you. He has to be willing to tell you his deepest darkest secrets and trust that you will respond well to them. Now, if you were able to gain that kind of trust then he would be in love with you on a deep level.

Quality Six: Openness


This is going to sound really weird but men like a woman who is willing to open herself up to him.

What do I mean by that?

Simple, a woman who is willing to be herself is wildly attractive to us.

Lets pretend that there are two women competing for the attention of a man.

Woman 1 = Super confident in herself but very closed off. She has problems letting people in.

Woman 2 = Also very confident in herself and has an amazing ability to open herself up.

Which one of these women do you think has a better chance at finding love?

The one who was willing to open herself up!

I don’t know what it is but there is something wildly attractive about a woman who is willing to open up to a man.

Now, this is going to sound really weird but have you ever seen that movie 500 Days of Summer?

If you haven’t then I suggest you drop everything you are doing right now and go see it now because it is probably one of the best indie movies I have ever seen. Anyways, there is a scene in that movie that perfectly sums up the attractiveness of a woman who is willing to let her walls down for a man.

Let me set it up for you a bit.

You have this guy, Tom.


And then you have this girl, Summer.


Tom and Summer actually end up dating but their relationship starts to fade a little bit and there is a moment where Summer is at a bar and a really rude guy starts hitting on her right in front of Tom.

Guess what?

Tom doesn’t like that so he starts a fight with the guy and gets clobbered in the face.

So, Summer does what any girl who gets protected by a man should do.

She takes him to her apartment to clean him up a bit.

Here’s the thing though… Tom has never been to her apartment before.

It’s new territory for him. Oh, and to make things even better it seems like Summer starts opening up to him in a way that she never has before.

And with that I would like to quote word for word from the movie.

Narrator: As he listened, Tom began to realize that these stories weren’t routinely told. These were stories one had to earn. He could feel the wall coming down. He wondered if anyone else had made it this far. Which is why the next six words changed everything.

Summer: I’ve never told anybody that before.

A woman who is willing to put her walls down for a man is a woman worth keeping.

It’s definitely a quality that men can fall in love with.

Quality Seven: Admiration


If there is one universal truth about men it’s this.

All men love admiration.

More specifically, we love admiration from women.


Ok, this may sound really strange but if a man feels admired by a woman it gives him confidence he never knew he had. I mean, there’s a reason that socially you aren’t a man until you lose your virginity to a woman.

In other words, women have the power to turn little boys into men.

Here’s the trick with admiration though.

You see, some women are smart enough to realize that men love admiration and overdo it.

That’s when the movie viewing effect comes into play.

Movie Viewing Effect- Watching a movie for the first time is always better than the second or third time. With the first time the emotions you experience are always better.

Well, women who give too much admiration to men actually run the risk of having this movie viewing thing negatively effect them.

The last thing you want to do is get a man too used to admiration from you.

Yes, you need to give him admiration but you also need to mix it up so he is craving admiration from you.

There is always a difference between craving admiration and having too much of it.

What to Read Next

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

130 thoughts on “Is Your Ex Boyfriend Flirting With You?”

  1. Dawn

    April 30, 2022 at 5:18 pm

    I’m glad I saw this but now I have more questions. My ex and I broke up a month ago after 2.5 years of dating. He said he didn’t know what he wanted his 36 and wasn’t happy anymore and I’m controlling and have no friends outside of him. He wants to hang out with the boys and stuff. We did have some fights about things he did that I didn’t like I.e. looking at other girls and he has emotionally cheated on me in the past. We do live together and have 2 cats. I’m not happy about the break up and miss him terribly. We don’t talk unless I initiate it and it’s only to pick up stuff from our house and see the cats. Other than that no communication. I have been there a few times now and we are cordial with each other. However this last time he was very flirty and he hugged me a few times we lightly kissed once in the lips very quick and nothing more. He even said he wish he could go back and change somethings. We cuddled on the couch he put his hand on my thigh I snuggled into him and we watched a movie together. It was great. Every once in awhile he would tickle me and I would laugh at one point he even slapped my ass. I was thinking this is good maybe he still likes me. But then he got a call and a text and said he had to leave soon to go do something. Didn’t ask me to come with or anything. So I finished getting my things together. I go to my car and tells me to drive to safe and that’s it no hug no kiss no nothing. Am I reading to much into this or does my ex still have feelings for me. I’m so confused and wish it would work out between us.

  2. Esmeralda

    December 31, 2019 at 4:33 am

    I am glad I came across this. I recently broke up with my ex boyfriend three days ago. After five months of dating he wanted to take care of his ex wife of fourteen years because she got diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. He also did not know if he wanted to be in a relationship with me or her. I ended it after feeling hurt. We were even going to get an apartment together. Well we did get the apartment. I don’t want to move in with him but at the same time I do. His ex wife will not be living there. I want to move on but at the same time I don’t. Part of me still wants him and the other part does not. I said yes to moving in with him which is probably stupid of me to say. I just don’t think I’m going to do it though.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 3, 2020 at 6:01 am

      Hi Esmerakda, it is a tough situation to be in, he clearly cares for his ex wife to want to take care of her, almost as a sense of duty. But he needs to decide if he is going to do this and try to have a relationship with you? Are you going to be able to deal with him taking care of his ex wife while with you? If you dont think you can do this then walk away, this will affect your life for a long time so it is not something you should walk into with out considering every path

  3. Nathalie

    June 9, 2019 at 9:07 pm

    So hard!! Been on a date with my ex.
    He suggested the date, we went to a nice romantic place had lunch and went for a walk.
    It felt good… Then he started flirting… After a while he just grabbed my hand while walking, just the same we did before… We stopped at a point to look at boats, he took me in his arms… Man that felt so good… It felt like BF GF without the kissing.
    I should have pushed him back, give him some more room to chase me…
    While we were going home he to’d me how he was missing “a partner” in his life…
    It is clear to me that I did not trigger is feelings for me… He felt lonely, needed some intimacy and went back to me knowing I would aloud him so…
    I fooled myself and am again heartbroken.
    I feel it is over now!
    Going no contact now!!! Not te get him back, but to recover from the heartbreak
    I feel totally devastate, feels like second heartbreak!
    I screwed in my attempt to get him back!
    Time to move on and love myself.
    Thanks for all your advise Chris, I did not manage to apply your tips

    1. Chris Seiter

      June 10, 2019 at 12:16 am

      Hi Nathalie! No Contact can often be the best medicine for many reason…You bet…love yourself…find healing activities.

  4. Noreen maqsood

    March 23, 2019 at 7:36 am

    Hey chiris
    My boyfriend left me & break up when my parents find a boy for my marriage he left but somehow my marriage has not fix & he know m single thoug he come back he wants me back now I also love him & want him back but I can’t forget that he cheats on me what to do now please help me

  5. Daniela

    April 20, 2018 at 4:17 pm

    My ex broke up with me out of the blue. We didn’t have any fighting or issues, he just said he didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. I am heartbroken because we are very compatible and everyone who saw us could feel the spark between us. He was hoping we could be friends but I told him I needed my time to heal.
    After 2 weeks of no contact, I reached out to him and we agreed to meet for dinner. He mentioned several times how happy he was I contacted him. The entire dinner was fun and we just laughed and caught up with each other’s lives. There was nothing awkward and if we both didn’t have to work in the morning we could’ve stayed up all night talking and enjoying the time. He wants to meet again at some point.
    However, I was disappointed that despite our undeniable chemistry and our amicable break up, he was not being flirty with me at all. It really did feel like he only wants to be my friend and nothing more.
    Do I have a chance of turning this around?

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 20, 2018 at 4:30 pm

      Hi Daniela…yes i do. The communication channel is open and that is positive. Just go it slow. Attraction is best when it is slowly simmers. And if you want a comprehensive blueprint on how to optimize your chances, consider picking up a copy of “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” (website Menu/Products link). Clearly you are still smarting from the breakup, so your own internal healing is important and you can learn more about that (i.e. The Holy Trinity of Recovery) which I talk about in my ebook. So obviously it is unclear where this will all go, but it is best you be prepared to deal wit whatever curves come your way, so take a look at some of the resources I offer to help you through this process. Again, I think things seem to be progressing well. Let him do more of the chasing and try not to talk about the relationship dynamics with him in these early stages.

    2. Daniela

      April 20, 2018 at 5:04 pm

      Thank you for your quick reply Chris! I actually already purchased and read the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro and have been doing everything to improve myself and heal in time. You are absolutely right. I will just have to keep moving slowly and hope that if it’s meant to be he will come back for me. He specifically said he doesn’t want to lose me from his life a few times. I guess the heartbreak makes me more anxious. Thank you!

    3. Chris Seiter

      April 20, 2018 at 9:22 pm

      Hi Daniela…it is understandable that anxiousness can grab a hold of you during this period. But you have a plan and are focusing on your own recovery and that is very, very important. If you think you would benefit by joining my Private Facebook Support Group, give it a look. I have about 1400 women that are now part of the Group and there is a lot of synergy going on. Also, I offer Coaching Services. So if you need more info, just go to my website Menu/Products link to learn more. I see some positives here given what he has said and your dedication to the process. So keep me in the loop, Daniela!

    4. Chris Seiter

      April 20, 2018 at 9:22 pm

      Hi Daniela…it is understandable that anxiousness can grab a hold of you during this period. But you have a plan and are focusing on your own recovery and that is very, very important. If you think you would benefit by joining my Private Facebook Support Group, give it a look. I have about 1400 women that are now part of the Group and there is a lot of synergy going on. Also, I offer Coaching Services. So if you need more info, just go to my website Menu/Products link to learn more. I see some positives here given what he has said and your dedication to the process. So keep me in the loop, Daniela!


    April 8, 2018 at 5:18 am

    hi i have a ex and i have been broken up for 3 months now. we are in contact via text daily. we met for coffee recently and he was being very affectionate with the hugs and touching me and a kiss on the cheek. he also brought up our past relationship and how he feels we are in a good place now. he called us friends but his actions say otherwise. i have feelings for him still but im confused as to what he wants and how to proceed.

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 10, 2018 at 4:00 am

      I feel like he wants friends with all of the benefits. And by that I mean sex.

      I think it’s important that you employ the ZE (Zeigarnik Effect) and continue to leave him wanting more so that he chases you. As he chases you you’ll find he’ll invest more and that’s where we want him.

    2. jessica

      April 10, 2018 at 4:08 am

      hi! thanks for the reply! I’ve made it clear to him that i am not interested in the friends with benefits thing but i am still lightly flirting with him. he has gradually become more attentive and im letting him do the chasing 🙂

    3. Chris Seiter

      April 10, 2018 at 11:59 pm

      Good job Jessica!

    4. jessica

      April 11, 2018 at 12:09 pm

      hi thanks for the support! he surprised me yesterday by stopping by where he knew i would be just to say hi. we stayed and chatted for a bit and he mentioned that there was something he wanted to talk about but he didnt want feelings of confusion to arise at this point because im going through a really stressful phase at work. I’m not sure how to deal with this. he now has been more attentive than in the last one week…

    5. Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 1:31 pm

      Take things slow, like you are getting to know him. And take on some activities to reduce that stress! Best of luck Jessica. Dig into any of my ebooks if you need a comprehensive blueprint!

    6. jessica

      April 18, 2018 at 10:39 am

      thanks Chris! how do I get access to your blueprint?

    7. Chris Seiter

      April 18, 2018 at 11:03 pm

      Hi again Jessica. Just go to my website “Menu” and click on Products. You can see the listing of my special ebooks on this topic and other services. The ebooks are massive in length and cover a great deal. So take a look. All of them act as Companion Guides.

    8. Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 1:31 pm

      Take things slow, like you are getting to know him. And take on some activities to reduce that stress! Best of luck Jessica. Dig into any of my ebooks if you need a comprehensive blueprint!

  7. Brooke

    April 6, 2018 at 1:12 am

    I have not seen my since early September and we were talking by phone and text till it wasn’t going anywhere so I initiated no contact January 24th. He did not contact me for all this time. I decided to reach out just last night. I told him I wanted him to be aware a letter was coming in the mail. I sent him a letter with a very personal song lyrics. Well he replied hours later and told me I look beautiful, sexy, he told me he had to pick his jaw up off the floor and told me my hair looks like ariels from the little mermaid…starting sending me pics of his cats and then a video of his cat and him talking to the cat. He asked how I’m doing and got extremely flirty and very slick flirty texts that had my mouth wide open. He even said “do you think I’m being slick or serious, you know me best”. He would respond within seconds of my texts and we texted back and forth for 4 hours!! Then he said maybe we can pick this up another night. I said sure and he said ok sweet dreams. Are these really good signs!? What should I do next? I want him to chase me. I have not gotten any texts since we spoke Monday. I just mailed the letter today so he won’t get it for another few days.

    1. Jennifer Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 2:34 am

      It sounds like it’s going really well! Try to cut off convo’s before 4 hours to keep him chasing. You need to end conversations first. We never recommend sending letters. Its to emotional and taken the wrong way usually. Since you already sent it see what he does and then go from there.

  8. Ash

    May 9, 2017 at 2:34 am

    Hi Chris. I dated my ex for 9 months and were good friends for about a year before that, we always wanted to do everything together. We did fight a lot when we days and it was slowly getting better, but it was definitely taking a long time to figure out a good way to argue. about a month and a half ago he told me something was “off” with our relationship. I first assume this means he doesn’t like me. He said that’s not true. I think well maybe he still doesn’t have strong feelings like I do, but when he first brought everything up he said he was “borderline in love with me”. His friends and family love me, I’m the first girl he’s brought to meet his family and he loves spending time with me and he says he trusts me. The only thing I could think of that’s left is the fact that we fight,, but still doesn’t really make sense to me.
    Anyway, after he said that, we basically spent the next month like normal trying to somehow figure our how to fix things. I suggested talking about issues i thought were resolved that still bothered him but he said there was no point in doing that because talking about that stuff wouldn’t make a difference. We really enjoyed our time together but he said nothing changed. He wanted to be friends. At first I said no, then changed my mind because it hurt me to not see him. During that time i would come over do everything like normal, we hung out with his friends (whom he had not told we broke up), he would kiss me all over, we even slept together, the only difference being he tried to not kiss me on the lips. today I told him I don’t think I should come over anymore. He said he would miss me but he understands if this is what I want to which I responded with “this isn’t what I want but you don’t feel the way I feel so I’m sad either way”. Maybe that wasn’t the best thing to say but it obviously makes me very sad. I guess what I’m asking is in your opinion what does this mean, especially when he said something feels “off’.
    Thank you <3

    1. Ash

      June 17, 2017 at 2:50 am

      Ok day 28. He’s messaged me twice. Once last week, it was just a link about a show we used to watch together, he didn’t say anything with it. Just now sent me a long message starting out saying he appreciated the memories we made. He then said he lost pretty much everything on his old phone including all texts, photos, etc of us. Said he been thinking of me everyday and maybe this is a sign to not think of me as much but he’s still not happy about it. Told me not to respond he just wanted to tell me that. Should I respond? Or extend NC? if I text him in 2 days do I just ignore the fact that he messaged me entirely?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 19, 2017 at 6:32 pm

      you dont have to extend..and you can continue on his topic if you want to

    3. Ash

      May 27, 2017 at 3:48 am

      Hi Amor.
      After that last post I did end up breaking NC. He just kept calling me and I was going crazy so I finally answered. We talked that night and he told me he likes being with me but at some point he feels I’ll want more and he won’t. He also said he may have known that from the beginning. I’ve been doing NC again for 8 days now.
      A big part of me believes him, a small part of me doesn’t bc we were always so happy being together and doing things together and our values are pretty much exactly the same. We both have more fun when we’re out together with each other than separately.
      Do you think he’s worth my time? I miss him and my heart truly aches. But I can’t help like feeling all he’s ever going to want is just a friendship

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 29, 2017 at 3:02 pm

      finish this process first..if it doesn’t work, at least you know you did what you can

    5. Ash

      May 17, 2017 at 8:59 pm

      If my messages are going through a million times I’m sorry, my internet on my phone keeps acting up and it’s not telling me if the message has been sent.
      so he’s been contacting me 4 days in a row so far, sometimes more than once a day. he hasn’t told me he wants me back or anything, but he did once ask me why i was ignoring him. I’m not sure he understands why I’m ignoring him. Today is only 9 days in. I know there’s only certain exceptions to breaking NC such as him being a text gnat, which he is (but not begging me to talk to him or get back with me), but because this is so early am I supposed to let him continue to do this? The messages haven’t been negative I just really didn’t expect him to reach out this much.

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 19, 2017 at 8:43 pm

    7. Ash

      May 15, 2017 at 2:54 am

      Hi Amor,
      I posted another comment. Not sure if it didn’t go through because my internet was acting up or if you just haven’t gotten to it yet. Either way, something else has come up so far and I’m hoping it’s not too much trouble to help me through it or figure out the right way to go about this and think about it.
      So I have been doing NC for 6 days now. I obviously miss him, but I have been making plenty of plans friends and family and making sure I’m being productive and working a lot, also going to the gym.
      He texted me saying he missed talking to me. but then he says, “i don’t care if you respond or not I’m going to text you when i want because I want to be your friend and no matter what happens you’ll always be my sugar cube.” which is his nickname for me.
      He sent me a youtube link he said i would appreciate, and a picture his friend took of us the last day we hung out as “friends”.
      I’m going to continue NC and continue working on myself like originally planned. To be honest I really just broke down when I saw this text message. I know I can’t handle just being his friend, that’s not what I want. My question to you is, is this a good sign or just showing that he’s not interested at all? To me this feels worse, which is why I’m asking you to get your honest and more experienced opinion.
      Thank you <3

    8. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 15, 2017 at 4:19 pm

      He’s used to talking to you, so he wants to be friends.. it’s still a good sign but right now, focus in improving yourself

    9. Ash

      May 11, 2017 at 10:55 pm

      We broke up officially maybe a weeks ago. Tried to be friends but I knew I still had feelings for him. Told him i don’t think i should come over his house anymore and then started NC, that was 3 days ago

    10. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 12, 2017 at 7:19 pm

      that’s good.. stick to atleast 30 days.. be an ungettable girl.. he probably meant, he’s not that attracted or into you

    11. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 11, 2017 at 4:54 pm

      hi Ash,

      when did you break up?

  9. Rachael

    February 9, 2017 at 8:27 pm

    Hey 🙂 I just wanted to say that if it weren’t for the fact that you have this very in depth blog with so many posts, i probably would have gave up on this no contact rule thing after day 2. I am currently 17 days in. Every day I find myself thinking about him, and wishing i had him back, so instead of texting him which would help me feel satisfied in the moment, but would be bad for me in the long run, i read a couple of your articles then focus on school and bettering myself. All that energy i have towards wanting him back, i directly put into bettering myself and being smart about getting him back. So yeah, i just wanted to say thank you for having this blog to help keep me focused on my goals. 🙂

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 9, 2017 at 9:36 pm

      Thank you for sharing that Rachael! I’ll forward this to Chris!

  10. Kianna

    June 20, 2016 at 3:16 am

    I have been in a long distance thing with a guy for a long time and i need help getting his interest back.
    It started with him pursuing me, inviting me to come see him, talking to me every day and showing signs of missing me if I was gone even for a few hours, and expressing interest in a proper relationship.

    He then gradually began losing interest, and from what he has told me it was for a few reasons. 1. I was too obsessive about him and he found me needy, 2. I was very open about us with our mutual online friends and he’s a very private person and felt this was a breach of trust, 3. He interpreted my attempts to work the privacy issues out as nagging him.

    We began fighting lots and things got so bad for a while that he refused to see me for months, stopped any kind of flirting with me, and while we never stopped talking, talking daily turned into 1-2 week breaks not being unusual. He eventually said he was “done with me” but when I said I would be in his area he decided to meet with me anyway and then continued talking to me.

    Recently he has suddenly become very flirty, which is surprising because he went months without being like that. He also seems open to meeting again soon.

    And so i thought things were finally improving… until, after a week or two of constant very heavy flirting for hours every day, he didn’t message me at all for a week. He is now saying that a week is not a long time and that If I think it is I’m paranoid – this is the same guy who used to tell me he couldn’t go 1 day without contact.

    I’m really hurt by this and am now wondering if I have mistaken flirting for amusement for flirttraction. I feel like If he doesn’t even care enough to miss me when I’ve been gone for a week then I have no hope. Plus he talks about how he’d like to see me but doesn’t try to make concrete plans.

    I’m confused whether anything has really improved or if i imagined it. How can he spend so much time flirting so heavily and then just disappear? I’m confused how to get his interest back over a large distance. He recently told me I “often seem desperate for his attention”… how can I become a challenge again if he already thinks this of me? I want him to be interested in a real relationship again and messaging me daily and making effort to meet like he used to….I’m feeling really hopeless about this after his week long silence. I don’t know how to relax with him and stop seeing every sign of distance as a disaster

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 22, 2016 at 5:08 am

      Hi Kianna,

      first you have to do 45 days, and then start to practice having your own life.. you’re going to use nc as a start to that whatever activity you start in it, you have to continue after it because in that way you can establish that you’re not chasing him and try to read this post too:.EBR 004: Breaking The Long Distance Barrier With An Ex

  11. Cherry

    May 14, 2016 at 10:12 am


    I broke up with my ex boyfriend last 2 weeks ago, but he didnt want to break up. Then we didnt communicate for almost a week now and then he suddenly texted me kisses and he said he needs my hotness, if i miss him and if i wanted to see him.
    What does it mean is he flirting? still in love with me? or he’s bored?

    need your help please. thanks

    1. Cherry

      May 15, 2016 at 10:32 am

      Thanks for that Amor. One more thing that made me concern, actually we’re LDR, he’s been away for a month and he’ll be here in Dubai tomorrow he never said to me officially that we broke up but he still wanted to see me. My question now is, should I meet him? and tell him not to sleep together any more? do u think he will leave me forever by saying that?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 18, 2016 at 6:22 pm

      did you meet? if he leaves you for not sleeping, then it’s his loss.. but it’s better if you just refuse it when the moment comes.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 15, 2016 at 12:13 am

      HI Cherry,
      it means he wants to have sex..

  12. T

    April 15, 2016 at 4:03 am


    I was wondering what I should do.. my ex and I spent time together on Sunday. He then texted me on Monday, and Tuesday but not Wednesday. I texted him today asking if he would like to go to dinner this weekend. He said “I’ll have to think about it….” if he was interested, wouldn’t he have said yes?? What should I do?? If he says no, should I move on? ): I know I probably should have waited for him to ask but I thought he was interested because he was texting me. Maybe he just wanted to hook up because he mentioned sex on Sunday but I declined….

    Thanks for your time,

    1. T

      April 16, 2016 at 5:21 am

      It’s now Saturday and I haven’t heard from him. Should I text him or wait a little longer? I don’t want to be pushy…

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 18, 2016 at 2:05 am

      If you haven’t built enough rapport and attraction to transition to calls, it means you’re taking it fast..

  13. Sammy

    March 24, 2016 at 4:08 pm

    Hi Amor,
    We broke up over 3 months ago now. I did NC, then starting texting him, at first it was going great, then he stopped texting me first, then stopped replying. So I didnt contact him for about a week, then he starts being all flirty and teasing me, and saying we should hang out and that I should text him. (And I know that it is about flirtattraction, not flirtation- I have read ALL the articles haha:) )
    Before I stopped contacting him, I wasnt texting him everyday or anything, so I dont think that that would have shocked him into this behaviour.
    Anyways, any insight into what he could be thinking, or to if i should stayed pulled back for a little while would be great!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 2, 2016 at 9:35 am

      Hi Sam,

      sorry for the late reply.. You can reply casually to him, you can start with asking how is he is or replying in humour what you can’t say directly to him

  14. Zara

    September 30, 2015 at 10:32 am

    Hi Chris, bought your texting bible, its great! Only issue is it doesn’t cover what to text your ex when they’re with a rebound.

    My ex & I were both deeply satisfied in our relationship, we were both each others best, by a very long shot. I wont bore you with details but, we have been on again, off again for a year & a half. I have broken up with him each time through my own issues/ insecurity which I have now totally worked through (take my word for it) and am now my very best version of myself.

    We were very LC/mostly NC since we split up about 3 months ago, we are on really good terms.

    He has entered a rebound in that time. Which I have never said a negative word about (I don’t speak negatively or unfairly to him ever). Although he has never said a word about her. I only know from seeing a pic of them & her child together on FB.

    He reached out through snap chat a week ago, every day, which I responded to in a friendly yet vague way, then just ignored him.

    2 days ago, I sent him a text extending my gratitude for him making me into such a better person, that I had been aware of his new relationship for a long time & I was really happy for him & hoped that when he was a bit more settled with her that we could be mates!

    He responded positively, telling me what he did wrong for the relationship to fail, which i didnt respond to. He then kept texting me trying to get me to talk to him about it but I was super friendly but extremely vague. Uncharacteristically vague. Which obviously intrigued him intensely because the 4 texts he sent me was that he was confused, he didnt know how to feel & he had mixed feelings.

    I ended it abruptly on a really fun, happy high note which he went crazy for. He swapped from text to snap chat to which I ignored.

    Today, he has been snap chatting me selfies all day & having really fun chats and I was frequently swapping subjects. He then turned the convo to nude pics we shared with one another every wednesday (hump day) & that he kept mine in a secret folder & I eluded that I had kept his in a secret folder also. He said he didn’t think I would have kept them which I replied with an emoji devil face, then he told me “that’s intriguing” & asked me if i still used them to which i responded, that’s for me to know. He said that this was a bad convo to have which i responded with “agreed! we got a little off track there haha”. He started to stress about it, to which I told him he had nothing to worry about, being my accepting, forgiving self. He kept trying to talk about it, telling me that he is having thoughts that he shouldnt & its bad, that if we talk about it, it will happen & that its come into his mind before & he needs to get his head straight. I basically changed the subject & all was good. I also ignored him for a while. He sent me a snap chat selfie saying “could hump dayed for old time sake” (asking me for a nude selfie like old times) to which i responded with “you have someone new for that now”…. He said, sorry was innappropriate, I said was all good then told him he made me laugh (trying to change the subject to positive) to which he responded positively. Now I’m ignoring him because I feel like we’ve spoken too much today!

    I guess what I’m asking is, am I on the right track, I don’t really know how to approach this. Considering that he is with someone else (i don’t know if they’re official) and I am a very spiritual, deeply moral person. I also don’t want him to just think of me sexually…. Which he has always been very sexually obsessed with me…. I am asking because he is a very insecure person when it comes to me, he used to always tell me that he felt he didn’t deserve to be with me, let alone in the same room as me, that I am much, much too good for him. I am concerned that he will stay with this girl despite him obviously not feeling anything for her because she is “safe”. When I have broken up with him, I have destroyed him & made him so terrified to lose me that he holds himself back for fear of losing me & getting his heart broken again (how frustrating as this caused insecurity in me & I would leave him, feeling unloved)

    So do I flirt with him back to let him know he has a chance? Or do I keep treating him like a friend because I am very respectful of their relationship?

    I honestly just want him to be happy, its okay if it isn’t with me, I love him, I do want to be with him & only him (i have never rebounded in our time apart), he is my soul mate but his happiness matters more to me than that & he is aware of that fact…..

    1. Zara

      October 3, 2015 at 8:45 am

      Neither of us are rebounds to each other… He’s currently with a rebound…

    2. Chris Seiter

      October 1, 2015 at 5:55 pm

      One question.

      What do you mean by the rebound?

      Were you the rebound or was your ex a rebound?

  15. Julie

    September 14, 2015 at 4:56 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I have been doing very well with my ex the last little while, building rapport and we’ve now progressed to meeting up. We met up for coffee last week and that went really well, I followed all your steps and advice so thank you for that! He seemed disappointed that I had to go and asked to meet up for lunch the following week (yay…which was today!)

    We had a really lovely time, and I thought that because he asked for lunch instead of coffee that we were progressing, but he didn’t say anything about ‘us.’ He walked me to my car about 10 mins away afterwards and gave me two really long hugs and squeezed me tightly. I am happy because every positive meet up that we have is raising the balance in the relationship’s account 😉 but I can’t help but feel a tiny bit disappointed that he didn’t make a move or say anything. Am I expecting too much too soon?

    I was planning on texting him to meet again next week if he doesn’t make contact, and I can’t help but wonder if there’s anything I can do that could give him a little nudge, the issues between us have been resolved but he’s not letting his guard down too easily. What do you think I should do Chris? He seems to be interested but I’m afraid that I could be misreading the situation. Should we just keep meeting up every week to build rapport and in hopes that he’ll make a move or can I do something to maybe show him that I’d like to try again?

    Many thanks for all your hard work!

  16. Dena

    September 3, 2015 at 3:13 am

    Hey Chris,

    I can tell you’ve put a lot of thought and work into the “Bible” – it definitely shows 🙂

    I will let you know how I get on – still a bit nervous, but ok….my NC is up in 3 days time.

    Don’t worry – first babies are very often late. It isn’t unusual at all. Yes, indeed……you will be the “old” man!!!

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 12, 2015 at 1:29 am

      Yup, I guess I’m an old man now,

      I guess you can call me Old Man Chris now…

  17. Dena

    September 1, 2015 at 11:59 pm

    Hey Chris, I wanted to let you know that I have read your Texting Bible, and I love it!! Looking forward to implementing it … 4 days time……when my NC ends (yikes!). I am getting quite nervous / impatient now, at the thought, but trying to keep busy. It is usual to feel this way at this stage? (When NC is very close to completion, but you are not quite there yet?)

    For all the other ladies reading this – distract, distract, distract yourself as much as you can, and know that you are worth it 🙂

    Any news re your little girl as yet?

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 2, 2015 at 3:04 am

      Glad you love it!

      I worked really hard on it.

      Any my wife was due yesterday but still no little girl.

      Shes a stubborn one like her old man… geez that’s me now.

  18. Crystal

    September 1, 2015 at 4:36 pm

    Hi Chris,

    So my ex is texting me asking for one of his sweatshirts back. Is there any way I can use this opportunity to talk to him and respark anything? Basically how do I use this opportunity to get him back/talking again?

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 2, 2015 at 3:18 am

      That depends.

      Are you in NC or are you out of it?

  19. Stuck on this one

    August 31, 2015 at 12:16 am

    You’ve shown us how to get your ex to use flirtraction on us, but how do you Deal with a situation when your ex is just plain flirting with you. Trying to get you excited or something? For example, Through text he’ll be talking about dancing and I’ll say we can dance together when he asks when I’ll say you tell me and he’ll say something like “when we get married” bs if we’re teens, how do you respond to these things?

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 2, 2015 at 3:47 am


      In that example that you gave I would just end the conversation and start a new one.

      Try to get him chasing.

      That’s your goal.

  20. Leia

    August 29, 2015 at 2:37 am

    Hi, Chris,
    He left me a few weeks ago but I moved out from his apartment last Sunday. It was a long-distance relationship and we’ve lived together for two months. He told me he fell out of love with me but he cried for days and he was surprised that I handled a breakup very well. He acts like he’s the one who got dumped. He told me he will give me some space when I return home.
    First three days he was checking Facebook (before that, he rarely used it and almost never post any kind of pictures but now, in my day 3 of NC he posted photo of his cat which I adore and he knows I miss his cat very much because he said I cried over cats, not him) and than he contacted me on day 4 of NC. I didn’t respond. Oh, I unfriended him day before.

    After that, he finally changed relationship status to single, after few weeks. I am not sure what to do. I am not sure if he really fell out of love and should I continue NC because he can move on if he thinks I am over him?

    We had a lot of conversations about breakup after he broke up with me (my idea, I know it’s bad but I needed to know and he didn’t tell me reason, he said he doesn’t know why he fell out of love), while I was living with him. He commented once that it’s my ego which is hurt not my heart and asked me once am I afraid that we’ll fall in love again. He was still asking me some questions like “could you be with someone who likes motorcylces because that’s my wish since forever” and “if we were on vacation, would you get up early to go to beach with me” and I don’t get it. He was also very interested in my hobby and acted like we were dating again, sometimes, but most of the time he was distant and depressed, crying over movies etc. And he kept telling I’m the right person for him but he can’t force himself to feel love again. I am very confused. Is he lying about his feelings or what? Is it possible that he falls in love again with me? We had a wonderful start, I was biggest love of his life, though he didn’t have much relationship experience before and he’ s in his thirties. I would very appreciate your answer, I’ve read many of your articles.

1 2 3