Hello and what’s up? Welcome to another episode of The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast, where we’re going to talk about your exes.  

How to get them back, how to move on from them, or just men in general, and what works to get them to commit to you, so that you can get a lifelong commitment, because that’s really what we’re here to do. 

So today, we’re going to be talking about what it means when an ex actually says that he doesn’t see a future with you. We’re going to hear from a woman named Shauntee, whose ex ironically has just said this exact thing to her. 

Does he mean it?

Well, let’s find out.

But before we get started, I do want to let you know, if you’re considering getting your ex back, the first place that you should always start is on our website, to take our ex recovery chances quiz.  

It’s a two-minute quiz that is simply designed to answer one question, what kind of chance do you have of getting your ex back? 

Believe me when I say there’s nothing worse than working to try to get an ex back in a situation that is probably impossible. It’s a waste of your time. It’s a waste of their time.  

So, we want to weed these types of situations out immediately, or help you improve the odds of your chances, but in order for you to understand that, you have to go to my website and take the quiz.  

So again, just go to Google, type in ex boyfriend recovery.  

My website will pop up, and look for the quiz there. There’s only one quiz on the website, and it is the quiz I’m talking about right here in the podcast. 

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz
 

Okay, so now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk about what your ex means when he says he doesn’t see a future with me, and I’m going to play a voicemail I got from one of my readers named Shauntee. 

The Listeners Question

“Hi Chris, this is Shauntee 

My boyfriend broke up with me about a week ago because he said that he thought our relationship had reached a plateau, and that he really didn’t see a future for us, and that to continue dating me would basically be leading me on at this point. 

I’ve read through your website. I didn’t really see an example of a success story from that sort of situation.  

So, I’m just wondering, do you think there’s hope there, that someone who doesn’t think that you’re the one, may realize that they made a mistake, I guess?  

Like I said, it’s been a week. I haven’t spoken with him. I haven’t tried to contact him. He hasn’t contacted me. 

He’s actually not on social media, one of the very few people in the world. So, it’s not like I’m looking at his social media, or anything like that, or he’s not looking at mine because he’s not on it.  

I don’t know if there was another woman in the picture or not. So, I guess, like I said, my question is just, do you think there’s any hope for that at this point, for any hope for any reconciliation?  

Thank you.” 

I just wanted to take a moment and thank you for having the courage to send me a voicemail, Shauntee 

If you’re listening to this podcast, and are interested in sending me a voicemail, you can actually go to my website, and actually, record a 30-90 second voicemail for me.  

Sometimes, I pick the best ones, or the ones that fit the criteria that I’m looking for, and I will answer your question on-air. 

He Doesn’t See A Future Together 

So today, let’s do a quick recap of Shauntee’s situation.  

It looks like her ex broke up with her about a week ago. Her boyfriend broke up with her, and says he doesn’t see a future together, says dating her would be like leading her on.  

Now, Shauntee is obviously very discouraged by this. She’s wondering if there’s still hope. Will he realize that he made a mistake? And interestingly enough, her ex doesn’t have any social media. 

So, when I look at your situation as a whole, Shauntee, there are two things that really stick out to me.  

Number one is, what the heck is going on in his head when he actually says he doesn’t see a future with me?  

I’m sure a lot of people listening to this are wondering that as well.

There’s nothing like having a man actually tell you what’s going on in another man’s head, and that’s what I’m going to spend some time doing today. 

But on top of that, I’m also going to spend some time helping everyone listening, and you Shauntee, understand how men make their commitment decisions.

Because I think, interestingly in this case, the two are kind of linked.  

So, part one of this podcast will be dedicated to figuring out what’s going on in his head when he says this.  

Part two is going to be helping you understand how men make their commitment decisions. 

So, let’s get right to it

Part one, what is going on in his head when he says he doesn’t see a future with you?  

All right, so first off, the first thing you need to understand is, does he believe what he’s saying?  

I would say yes, he does, right now. In this moment, he’s broken up with you, it’s still very fresh, he does believe that he doesn’t see a future together with you. 

Every man who breaks up with a woman, citing this, will believe that at the time, but interestingly enough, the one agent in life that you can count on is change. Feelings change, circumstances change.  

In many cases, anyone who says, “Yeah, he does not believe this,” they’re lying to you.  

Absolutely, he believes that he doesn’t see a future together with you. Why else would he break up with you?  

But what you are counting on, and it’s what I’ve seen happen in countless situations, is that change can occur, and he can change his mind. 

Now, let’s distil down a little deeper, and try to understand the actual process going on in his head. Why is he getting this thought?  

Well, in my opinion, I think he thinks that there’s a better alternative out there for him.

The thing you need to understand about men is, often when we’re making commitment decisions, we’re doing it based on a cost and benefit scenario. 

In other words, we’re looking for an opportunity that’s going to provide the most benefits and minimize the most costs.  

So, he’s in the relationship with you, and he’s enjoying his time potentially, because he thinks,

“I’m getting a lot of benefit out of this relationship and it’s not costing me much. My feelings are still into this,” but somewhere along the way, there was a catalyst, a catalyst for change. 

This is actually a technique that I use with my coaching clients, because what I find is, that a lot of the women who I coach, and also who Coach Anna coaches, will be a little blind to the real reason that caused the breakup.  

There’s always a catalyst, there’s always a turning point. Sometimes it’s not one singular moment, it’s a combination of many singular moments.  

But it’s important for you to be aware of what that catalyst is, that catalyst that turns things for the worst, that makes him think,

“You know what? This is costing me too much. There are not enough benefits. The benefits don’t out weigh the cost anymore.”  

So, it’s important to think back. In most cases it can be something as simple as a comment like, “Oh yeah.” 

My wife and I, interestingly … I’ll give you a really inline idea of this process at work. My wife and I often will watch The Bachelor, or recently we’ve been kind of getting a kick … at least I get a kick out of it … this idea of The Bachelor in Paradise, where essentially they get all these couples together on a beach, and you can only advance at the competition as long as you’re in a couple. 

There happened to be a woman and a guy who were really hitting it off. It looked like she liked him and he liked her, and then she made some comment.  

Now, the interesting thing, the trademark you need to understand here, is with The Bachelor in Paradise, they’re often introducing new people into the equation, and the new person has the opportunity to take someone out on a date.  

It just so happened that the men had the power, which means the men have these roses. 

I know this sounds like a ridiculous show, but the men have these roses, and they are allowed to give it to the women of their choice, to advance in the competition.  

Of course, the couples that were already together don’t necessarily stay together, because there’s always new women coming in, that are going to ask the men on dates. 

There was one couple that seemed really strong, and what ended up happening was, the woman felt a little insecure about the facts that there’s another girl that’s going to come in, that could potentially ask her man on a date.  

She got so insecure, she decided to test him. Her test was, “Hey, if you get asked out on a date, I want you to do what’s best for you. I want you to go on the date.” 

Now, the man was really into the girl, but this kind of took him aback, because he was looking for an actual commitment out of the person he was with, and it made him feel like the girl he was with wasn’t as committed because she was doing this test.  

And so of course, the girl, the new blood, comes and asks him on a date, and he takes it. Of course, the girl who gave him the test is in tears. 

This is all because the new alternative came in and he felt, you know what?  

Maybe there is a better alternative out there for him. This caused the catalyst for this dissension, this break up, so to speak.  

It can be something as simple as that, or something as complicated as, for 15 weeks straight you fought every single day. 

Those are the kinds of catalysts we’re looking at. Once you have those identified, you can get an idea of the moment he starts looking for alternatives.  

Think of it like this. If you look at the pros and cons list of being in a relationship with you, the second the cons start outweighing the pros, the second he starts looking for more alternatives. 

Now, does him saying this to you …  

Hey, my ex said he doesn’t see a future with me. Does him saying, “You know what? I don’t want to be with you anymore. I don’t see us being together when we grow old,”  

Does that impact your overall chances of success with getting him back? Not really. 

I know that’s a weird thing to say, especially after I gave all this evidence saying, “Yes, he does believe what he’s saying in the moment. Yes, he’s thinking there are better alternatives out there,” but here’s the trick.  

Thinking there are better alternatives out there aren’t the same as there actually being better alternatives out there.  

And if you listen to what I’m about to say, if you take some time and understand how men make their commitment decisions, you can actually turn this in your favor, because the agent of change will occur. He can change how he’s feeling. 

You’re a week out from your breakup, Shauntee. The emotions you’re having, and he’s having, are at the highest state.  

So, I don’t know about you, but most of the time when people are in highly emotional states and tell you something, they’re doing it as an impulse reaction.  

That impulse might not be the same a year from now, six months from now, three months from now. 

So, let’s take some time and understand how men make their commitment decisions. Because your ex, right now, is looking for a new type of commitment.  

Four Major Factors 

In my opinion there are four major factors that you need to take into account:

  1. Satisfaction
  2. Alternatives
  3. Investment
  4. Fear of loss

Let’s talk a little bit about each one of these.  

Satisfaction

How satisfied is your ex in the relationship he’s in currently?  

Alternatives

We just spent a whole bunch of time talking about this, but alternatives.

Is there someone else out there who can meet his needs better? 

Remember, when I view alternatives, or when your ex is viewing alternatives, he’s looking at a pros and cons lists.  

He’s looking to see, “You know what? This girl has more pros than cons, than the current relationship I’m in, or the current relationship I was just in.” 

Investment

How much money, and time, and emotional energy has he spent invested into the relationship?  

This is a really undervalued factor, and I’d argue it’s one of the most important, if not the most important factor to commitment decisions, investment.  

What we found is, as long as an ex has invested a lot of time, energy, emotional energy, resources into a relationship, even if that relationship is starting to become unsatisfying, even if the alternatives are ripe, he can still stay in the relationship because he feels like it’s a waste of his time. 

There’s nothing people like less than wasting their time, even if we spend all day wasting our time. 

And then finally,

Fear of Loss

Oftentimes to me, this is the agent that gets the action of commitment in play.  

It’s not enough just to be satisfying. It’s not enough to be the best alternative. It’s not enough to get his investment sometimes, or get his time invested into you. 

Sometimes, we find that when we teach our clients about this process, and they actually work to try to get a commitment from their ex, they do a great job of getting satisfaction, alternatives, investment.  

It’s not enough to push him over the edge. It’s not until he feels like he’s about to lose you forever, that he will take action. 

So, what does this mean?  

Well, when you look at understanding how men make commitment decisions, it gives you the game plan going forward, especially with an ex who says he doesn’t see a future with you.  

So, an ex who says that, is essentially talking almost about investment.  

He’s not willing to invest enough time into the relationship because he doesn’t think it will pan out, because either it’s become unsatisfying, but my guess is, he thinks there’s a better alternative out there. 

What are breakups, if not an admission that, “You know what? I think I can do better than you.”  

It’s your job, your mantra, to live your life in a way that he feels like he’s going to miss out on the alternative of being with you.  

It’s your job to live your life in a way, and romanticize the past for him, so that when he does start meeting other alternatives, other women, he’s comparing them to the bar that you set, and the bar that you set is so high.  

That is how you get a man to commit to you. 

What to Read Next

Why Your Ex Is Hardwired To Care About You

By Chris Seiter | 0 comments

Why Is My Ex Silent After A Breakup?

By Chris Seiter | 0 comments

Does Your Ex Boyfriend Still Care About You? Let’s Find Out Together!

By Chris Seiter | 181 comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

87 thoughts on “My Ex Said He Doesn’t See A Future With Me”

  1. Avatar

    Angel

    March 22, 2021 at 6:03 am

    me & my bf have been together for almost 2years, we just broke up recently because of preasure on his work & i guess me being upset on things he do made it worst, this is the 2nd time he left.. the 1st time was also because of preasure he believed that im just causing him more stress that time, i chased him for a while then stopped, then he came to me to fix & get back together & i guess this time i feel like its the same thing.. the only problem is we havent seen each other because of the lockdown, he told me that “im wasting his time, & he doesnt see any future with me, because he feels like im just adding stress & such”… i just wanna know do you think we would get back together again? We havent talked ever since.. I got a 75% on the quiz but i dont feel like it would happen.. but i am lowkey hoping that were gonna get back together soon.. should i try that “no contact” thing on him?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 24, 2021 at 9:00 pm

      Hi Angel, its your call if you want to follow the program or not. But no matter what it needs to start with a no contact

  2. Avatar

    Alice

    March 17, 2021 at 1:14 am

    I started dating this guy at the beginning of the pandemic and it was everything I ever wanted in a relationship. We are both in college, albeit different ones, and this was his first relationship (not my first). We had a lovely, healthy relationship. I would say that we almost never fought, got into minimal arguments that would be resolved before we went to bed. We saw each other quite frequently during the first 6 months, and less so as school and work became busy, but still at least 2-3 times a week. My family and friends really liked him, and from the few interactions with his family, it seemed like they liked me too. He employed the it’s not you it’s me response, and broke up with me because he was unsure if he saw a future with me. We spent a little more than a week talking about how we felt/hanging out post breakup, and I could tell that he was genuinely trying to mitigate my hurt. However, he insists that he isn’t ready to commit to someone the way he thinks I deserve, and isn’t ready for the pace I am at. He says that being alone is the best thing for him right now, that he needs to feel independent. He says that he loves me but thinks that separating is the right choice. We talked about potentially trying again in the future, but he did not seem enthusiastic about the idea, and hesitantly said yea maybe, but continued to insist that I would find someone that loved me the way that I love him. There were a few times where it felt like he was going to walk out of the relationship (which I think is anxiety driven) and he told me that I deserve better than someone who is unsure. He doesn’t want me to wait, and I’m trying to focus on school and other endeavours, but there will always be a part of me that hopes he comes to a realization/realizes he made a mistake. Obviously I want to feel like we have equal footing/feel the same in the relationship, but I don’t see how the logical answer was to stop dating. There is no uncertainty that he loves and cares about me and I know that he’ll be there for me when I need, but I want him as my partner not my friend.

  3. Avatar

    Maria

    February 9, 2021 at 11:27 am

    I have dated a guy for almost 3 months. Everything was very nice, we met many times, spent a lot of time together and it was clear that we both really liked each other and put much effort in getting to know each other. He was always telling me how much of a lovely, fantastic, brilliant and attractive woman I am in his eyes and that he thinks so highly of me. He kept telling me and proving this things to me until the last time we met and then, not even 2 days afterwards, he told me that we should have left it there because he didn’t see us progressing and we don’t have enough in common in certain areas, which I don’t agree on. We have different backgrounds yes and we are from different countries (both living in London) but our personalities and goals in life do match.We had actually planned to have dinner together for his bday, the day after his text. He didn’t want to talk to me in person and not even by phone, then after a few texts exchanges, we stopped contacts from the 4th of this month.
    I think he misunderstood his feelings and he took the wrong decisions.
    Would there be any chance of him trying to reconcile with me in the future?
    Maria

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 9, 2021 at 9:58 pm

      Hi Maria, if you work on yourself and do not apply too much pressure in your situation then there is a chance, but you need to work on the Ungettable girl information.

  4. Avatar

    Laura

    February 2, 2021 at 3:19 am

    My on and off again man of 8 months went from telling me a few months ago he’s going to marry me and then just broke up with me recently because he “doesn’t see a future here and can’t commit and it isn’t fair to keep me waiting for a chance he’ll change is mind.” He’s the first person I’ve seen myself with in a long time so I am invested and it sounds dumb but I don’t believe he actually means it, he does have serious commitment issues and keeps finding his was back to me. I’m not blind that he may be coming back bc it’s familiar. But I’m just wondering if there’s any hope here for us to get back together seriously with that small amount of info?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 5, 2021 at 12:44 pm

      Hi Laura, so I hope you don’t take it the wrong way, but for someone to want to “marry you” in 8 months when you are on and off again. It is not a healthy sign. It seems he works more on impulse than actual feelings. You need to work out why your relationship is on and off first, and if there actually is a possibility of a stable healthy relationship with this person. Work on yourself, read the ungettable articles and the Holy trinity as this is going to help you.

  5. Avatar

    Shannon

    January 22, 2021 at 10:29 pm

    My on and off again ex of 3 years broke up with me again. Claims there’s no future and that he’s wasting my time. He constantly walks out on us when he’s stressed with work. This is the fourth time. Every time he breaks up, he comes back a month or so later because to him it was a way to have a break and restart, when I mentioned he does this every time he said that it doesn’t matter because he has to end cycle. However, after same conversation he then agreed on a 30 day break. Ive been in No Contact for 2 weeks now and he hasn’t reach out. Claims he needs the time to focus on work/himself without distractions yet is active on social media. Is this savable? I got 70% on the quiz, but I don’t really believe he will come back. Whats your advice?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 25, 2021 at 5:12 pm

      Hi Shannon, if you want to try to get your ex back, or want more time to move on then either way you need to follow a 30 day No Contact and work on yourself in that time, then when you reach day 28/29 you can decide if you want to reach out in attempts to follow this program or continue to move one

  6. Avatar

    Sara

    January 5, 2021 at 6:22 am

    My ex of 6 months broke up with me a day after our holiday trip together via phone call saying he can’t project future with me anymore as he’s in his 31 this year and that we have different personalities, mindset, interest, culture etc. We also had some small fights when we were living together during lockdown but he was willing to work together on it. Im actually turning 22 and he sees that I’m changing a few behaviour but it’s not ideal for him. What does he mean by that? Its really painful for me because all I can think about is our awesome memories we had. I am so confused because he told me he has feelings with me but he is determined of giving this relationship up. Why wouldn’t he compromise and not giving us another chance? Will he ever come back again?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 11, 2021 at 7:41 pm

      Hi Sara, for your best chance it is to follow the advice given and work on yourself during your no contact period.

  7. Avatar

    Sean

    December 17, 2020 at 6:10 am

    We broke up a week ago we have dated for almost 3 years. I have cheated on her once in our time being together. And after that we will somewhat fine and okay and continued our relationship. Now she broke up with me because she said she couldn’t trust me anymore and that she will never trust me in the future. She said she don’t see us being together in the future so that is why we should breakup. I been trying to prove her that I am trustworthy but somehow she still doesn’t trust me. What should I do to that she believes that she can trust me and she can see a future with me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 20, 2020 at 7:07 pm

      Hi Sean, so if she doesn’t trust you I would suggest that you follow a short 21 day no contact and in that time be sure you avoid spending any time with any women who she may see as a threat. (non family etc) Then start reaching out with the texting phase that Chris suggests in his articles.

  8. Avatar

    Kaylee

    November 30, 2020 at 3:07 am

    My boyfriend broke up with me about 2 days ago. We’re in a long-distance relationship and live about 4 hours away from each other. He graduated back in May while I’m still completing my senior year of college. We dated for 14 months. We rarely ever argued, and I’d say we had a pretty perfect relationship. He was coming up to visit me this weekend, and I was completely shocked when he came into town because he gave me no warning that he was going to break up with me. I was completely blindsided. His reasoning was that he stopped having feelings for me, doesn’t see me in his future, and thinks I’m better for someone else. He kept saying how great I am and how I make him such a better person but we just aren’t meant to be together. I tried so hard to change his mind, but he kept saying how “sure” he was that this is the right thing to do. I really thought he was the one and we were going to get married one day. I’m honestly just so confused and frustrated that he got so scared of his own thoughts that he decided to just end our relationship without trying to fix it. He gave me no reasoning except that he got this feeling that we shouldn’t be together anymore just a couple of days ago. I just wish I could get answers without having to contact him because that’s the last thing I know I should do after him breaking my heart.

  9. Avatar

    No name

    November 15, 2020 at 7:42 pm

    My ex and i broke up yesterday after going on a date… we went back to his house after to watch a movie and after the movie, he said “i don’t see myself getting married to you or having kids, i love you but i just don’t feel passion” … i haven’t even really cried about it because i feel numb. To summarize our relationship, its pretty healthy, we hangout almost everyday, we haven’t really been having sex because I’ve had lots of things going on outside the relationship, he’s trying to work on something as well, our communication is somewhat good but i feel like sometimes i cant really explain what im feeling. We have been on and off for 3 years. We are very comfortable with each other and both enjoy being together, i want to make it work, maybe this something we can talk through work on some things to rekindle the passion?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 7, 2020 at 12:53 pm

      Hi there, so I think you are going to have to work on your issues so that you are able to start having a relationship that has sex involved. I completely agree that sex is not everything but it is a big part of a romantic relationship. You may find that you end up being friends rather than lovers. Working on yourself and spending this time so that you are a happy, confident person even if you do have issues and problems as long as you handle them in a composed way then you show him how strong and secure you are.

  10. Avatar

    Sarah

    October 8, 2020 at 6:01 am

    Mr and my ex broke up while I was 6months pregnant with our second baby together. All in all there’s 5 kids 3 from an ex. I have begged like an idiot professed my love he swears I don’t love him because according to him I have a nasty mean attitude. I honestly toke every failure I was afraid and brought it to life with verbal attacks. I love this man with all of me but he now says this relationship just isn’t it we could not be together he didn’t see it happening. I ask him to considering things he gets really frustrated discussing us. I’ve said if I came to him as a different women then maybe. I know so can improve things about myself he’s says become a better woman before I bring us up. I want my family together desperately

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 8, 2020 at 8:40 am

      Hi Sarah, you need to work on yourself in the sense that you learn to control your emotions so that you can react calmly to these situations. I am going to assume you have had some arguments and some negative interactions to make him feel this way. It is hard when you are pregnant to control your emotions, but make sure that you learn to compose yourself before you react to things. Give your ex some space and let him have that time to calm his own feelings.

  11. Avatar

    Sarah

    September 20, 2020 at 9:54 pm

    I need to tell my story and get some advise

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 21, 2020 at 4:26 pm

      Post it here and I can advise you best I can 🙂

  12. Avatar

    Te

    August 14, 2020 at 11:00 am

    Hello,
    my bf of 3,5 years left me month and half ago. I was his first relationship and we were together since he we were around 16. We were best friends and aside from some quarreling (we always worked the problems right away and never gone to bed upset) we had amazing relationship. He wasn’t sure what he wants and told me he doesn’t see a future with me and that maybe there is someone better for him. Day before breakup he told me he is thinking about how to propose to me. We were at the party and he was talking with a girl he found attractive at some point of our relationship.

    He was also devastated from the breakup and told me he hope we will work this out but still broke up with me few days after we tried. He is asking about this girl now.

    After breakup i went no contact for 21 days since he has memory problems and worked on myself. Then reached out. At first he was responsive but then he started to take his time replying and told me he isn’t ready to talk to me. He told me he likes how i look and my personality and that there is no problem with me. What should I do from now on?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 15, 2020 at 1:44 pm

      Hi Te, so in this situation where he is telling you he hopes you work it out, but doesnt see a future with you = contradicting himself. He is wanting to be single at the moment and that is fine sometimes people need space to be alone, but he also could be thinking what else is out there seeing how young you got together. Work the holy trinity and the Ungettable information but this time you need to complete a 45 day no contact as he knows you are reaching out to get back together this is not the impression you want to give him

  13. Avatar

    Sharon Wells

    August 10, 2020 at 11:24 am

    My recent ex and I were together for about 5 years in total. We had our struggles but kept going. I became quite insecure towards the end, becoming more needy and low value and this added pressure to our relationship ending in a split. He once said that he did not want to marry me and I stupidly ignored this. Staying led to resentment on my part and I never knew if he was all in.
    When we had an argument the other day, he brought it up again (not going to marry me). I decided to regain control and decided on what I wanted…a future with him leading to marriage. He told me that he didn’t want this so I pulled the plug. He is an avoidant and natural progressions such as moving in together were such hurdles. Funnily enough my decision to leave if our goals didn’t match actually showed him my value. I am determined to work on myself and mature. I’m using no contact to help me but want to know if he’ll come back. Am I wasting my time because I said I want marriage. Which by the way if he came back, I would turn him away if it was anything other than marriage.

  14. Avatar

    Mariana

    May 21, 2020 at 9:56 pm

    My bf broke up with me 3 days ago, he basically said this that he doesn’t see a future and doesn’t want to waste both of our times. I didn’t see the catalyst but I do now, as quarantine was ending he made plans to go hang w/friends at the lake on the weekend that I was coming back in town after being away for almost 2 weeks, I didn’t take well and it pushed me away bc he values his friends and independence highly. I know I was wrong in being so pushy/clingly and I’m working on that but I was reacting like that bc I felt he was being distant and had been having doubts about us. Doubts that started the second time I reacted like that to him having other weekend plans. We texted later in the night that we broke up and it was the most honest and open conversation we had, I didn’t even expect him to reply, just wanted to get some things off my chest. But he expressed his fear of wasting his time with people and wanting to find the right person and loving his independence and free time and how he has a bad habit of comparing current relationships to past relationships and how he thinks he should feel and that’s why he’s been single for so long. I don’t take it for granted that he committed to me even tho that’s something he doesn’t do lightly and I really think we could have had something great and even get back together but I would appreciate any sincere and honest advice. I’ve taken the quiz and I got 74 percent. We casually dated for 2/3 months and officially bf/gf for 2 months.

  15. Avatar

    Amy

    May 6, 2020 at 5:31 pm

    My ex and I were best friends for over a year before we started dating (we were both in relationships during that year). He knew I had feelings for him and when we initially talked he said he didn’t ever, ever want to lose me as a friend and by dating me he was afraid that would happen, especially if we broke up. The issue was dropped. A couple months later, his behavior toward me changed and he said he wanted to date me. During even our friendship… he didn’t always value me as he should have. I was there for him 24/7 without him having to ask, and he wasn’t always for me. We started dating in January and he broke up with me about three weeks ago. I contacted him about two days after, initially, but it was not a plea to get back together, but something he had asked to know about before the breakup. He said he had been having this “feeling” for about 3 weeks (which was when we had to stop seeing each other due to COVID) and he couldn’t shake it. He then said he loved me, but only as his best friend, not his girlfriend and this was the first time I ever heard him say it. He said he couldn’t lose me as his best friend but that he just didn’t see a future with me, so there was no point in continuing. (He broke up with his last girlfriend of 2 years for kind of the same reasons– he didn’t see himself marrying her.) Over our relationship i asked him a couple times if he had truly been ready to date me and he assured me he was and that he was so happy to be with his best friend. However, even during our relationship he was never there for me in the same way that I was for him. He was never mean to me, he just didn’t make me a priority. I don’t know what to do… he was so sure of us getting married and having a future in the beginning (though it wasn’t explicitly said) and then bam, a change. I would date him again but I’d have to see change from his side on making me a priority, but I still don’t understand why he would break up with me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 12, 2020 at 2:59 pm

      Hi Amy, sometimes our exes dont value enough in their mind so the best thing to do is remove yourself from their lives (short term) and let them feel that loss. One of the reasons we follow a NC rule for at least 30 days. I would suggest that this would be more effective way to make your ex realise they were not putting enough into the relationship. Make sure you read articles that apply to your relationship and follow that advice

  16. Avatar

    Sara

    March 22, 2020 at 11:16 pm

    My ex and I were together for a year, then he broke up because he didnt have feelings and he wasnt ready for a relationship then after 3 months came back as he missed me and after 2 months dating, he say he wasnt ready… same history for 2 years.
    Today he finally say he doesn’t see a future with me, he loves me just as a friend and we need to move on for good this time.
    And who knows what will happend in the future.
    Do you think is chance he will change his mind or i can do something? I really love him..
    Also its to painful and i dont know how to move on when I know is no more girls involve
    Thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 28, 2020 at 8:23 pm

      Hi Sara it sounds as if your guy is getting grass is greener syndrome while in the relationship and then when he goes out there and realises he cant do better he comes back to you. I would work on yourself to become Ungettable and then use social media to show your ex you are moving on with your life and he has “lost you”. If he wants to get back together then you need to get him to invest much more time into the relationship before you take him back properly. Go on dates, build a foundation and make him wait for the intimacy of a relationship.

  17. Avatar

    Rachel

    March 22, 2020 at 5:18 am

    Hey Chris,

    My ex and I broke up 3 weeks ago. Long story short, I was in a rough place because I moved to a new state to start a job and it was way more intense than I thought it was. We broke up because he came home for a funeral and I had a mental breakdown during that time. Things were said that were not meant by both parties and he initially just “wanted a break”. I reacted typically and begged to get him back. He went back to his military job and I continued to reach out to him for 3 weeks with the hot and cold conversations. One of those conversations he said “I just don’t see us working out”. It’s hard for me to take him for his word because his answers have been so different every time we’ve talked. I’ve been in NC for 4 days now and it’s just hard because we never fought until this blow out.

  18. Avatar

    Beth

    March 20, 2020 at 7:50 pm

    Hi me and my boyfriend broke up 1 time a couple weeks before we made it to our 1 year mark. We were broke up for about 3 weeks but I still tried to talk to him I called him and texted him I was very pushy. He told me he didn’t love me, didn’t care about me, didn’t think about us, or miss me. His dad asked him if he could see me with another man and he said he didn’t care. Well around week 3 of us being broken up he asked how I was doing I told him “I’m doing good still feeling like I was and how are you doing” he replied “stressed” I apologized because I was thinking I had made him stressed from constantly bothering him well he said “well I’m gonna go good talking to you” I still continued to message him first and that following Sunday he started to text me about how I was doing and about a party I went to so I started to tell him about it and make him jealous. I asked him when I could bring him his gift I had ordered him before we broke up he said I could meet him at his house in the evening the next day. We had a good talk. He ends up messaging me the next morning asking if he can come that morning to talk. We ended up working things out and getting back together. I was so happy that day I can play the whole day out in my head and remember every word said. He told me he said all those hurtful things to make hisself believe he was making the right decision. Well it’s now 5 month after that and he breaks up with me again for same reasons. That we argue to much over dumb things and I never let him have fun with his friends. But this time he said he didn’t see a future with me when a month ago we talked about a future together. He said he wants to love someone the way I love him. That’s hurt but I didn’t know if I should believe he meant that. At first when we talked about it he was asking me what we should do or what he should do like he still wasn’t sure what to do but he ended up breaking up with me in the end. I did the same things as last time messaged him, called him, cried to him, just trying to make him see where I was coming from and trying to convince him not to do this. Well after like a week or a little more I find out he has already started to talk to another girl and hanging out with her and he has worked everyday long hours. I don’t know what to do because I see a future with him and I pray about it everyday. Even though he said all those things my feelings haven’t changed for him and I still see a future with him. I am having a really hard time with this because I believe he is serious this time and I don’t want it to be true. I have read all kinds of articles and watched videos in what to do so I tried the no contact well I tried for like 5 days and I ended up messaging him saying how sorry I was for stressing him out over things and making it harder for him and all I ever wanted was for him to be happy. He messaged me “it’s all fine” it was so short and seemed he really didn’t want to talk to me so I said “ I really hope you are happy” he replied “ I am”. I’m happy that he is happy but I’m not happy he isn’t happy with me. He made me feel a way no one ever has he got me through so many hard times in life and was always the person I wanted to go to, to talk about anything. He has a lot of insecurity problems and I think that was one factor in his reason to break up. He kept telling me I shouldn’t be upset that he should be because he was loosing someone amazing but I was kissing nothing or he didn’t deserve me, or my love, And his emotions didn’t matter. I want more then anything to be with him and be able to spend the rest of my life with him but idk what to do or think. I know this is really long but I need help.

  19. Avatar

    Sophia

    March 18, 2020 at 5:58 pm

    Hi! I hope you can give me some advise. Me (25) and my ex boyfriend (24) were in a relationship for 4.5 years, and 3 weeks ago he broke up with me. He told me that he doesn’t see a future with me anymore, because his feelings for me changed over the past months. We both cried (a lot) and said goodbye.

    A week after the break-up we decided to talk face to face without the crying and all the drama that was going on the week before. This is when I did something very very stupid. I asked him if he wanted to try the 30 days NC (I ASKED him… how dumb!).
    I explained that we both needed to rediscover ourselves and to just enjoy life without each other, while looking back at our relationship every now and then to figure out what went wrong exactly. I also said that after the 30 days we can meet up (if he still wants to) and just get to know each other again, not as boyfriend and girlfriend, but just as two people who used to be best friends for years. If there is a spark, than that’s nice, but if there isn’t, thats fine too and we go our separate ways.

    He said; well why the hell not. At the time I thought I was being very sophisticated and smart, but now, almost two weeks later, i’m afraid I made a big mistake by suggesting the 30 days NC. I’m a huge controlfreak and did it to stay in control of the situation, while it would have been better to just LET GO.

    So, do you think I ruined my chances to get back together by suggesting the 30 days NC? Should I break off the 30 days while I still can or should I just go with the flow and hope for the best? (and do fun stuff with friends in the meantime and work on myself).

    Thanks!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 24, 2020 at 12:26 am

      Hi Sophia, so you need to complete a no contact after a break up to give yourself and your ex a break from each other. And deal with the emotions of the break up at the time. When you reach out to your ex you need to make sure that you are using one of the texts that Chris suggests so that you break a pattern how you would normally reach out to your ex and make sure that the conversation is short and positive.

  20. Avatar

    Kai

    March 17, 2020 at 12:13 am

    Hi, my boyfriend broke up with me 1 month ago after 2 years of relationship together. I did a 2 weeks of brief no contact and decided to ask him if he would like to try again. He told me he could not see a future of us anymore. I understand why he would say that. During our time together, we did not managed to built a strong emotional connection and I was quite demanding. However I am willing to change for the better. I still want to get back together with him because he is special to me and he is worth it. Will there still be any chance of
    reconciliation?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 17, 2020 at 10:01 pm

      Hi Kai, so you broke the no contact for a text we tell you not to send. If you want your ex back then you need to complete a full no contact for 30 days and then reach out with a text that Chris suggests in his articles and videos that open a form of communication with your ex that is going to interest him while also not being emotional or too must pressure on him. You need to work up the value chain before you can reach a point where your ex will start thinking of you in a romantic way again. Re start a no contact for 45 days and work on yourself to be the Ungettable version of yourself.

1 2 3