How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Back

Will Text Messages Be THE THING That Gets Your Ex Back?

Using text messages to get your ex boyfriend back can be one of the most effective “recovery” tactics that one can employ.

In fact, if done correctly, a text message can bring up reminiscent feelings that can set you down the right path to getting your ex back.

However, there seems to be a huge misunderstanding among the women out there on how to actually use text messaging effectively.

I am not going to lie to you, sending a text message is a huge risk, if done incorrectly you will decimate any chance you have of that happy reunion you keep daydreaming about.

In order for this to work the landscape has to be set up in a certain way.

Allow me to explain.

Understanding Where Texting Fits Into The Grand Scheme Of Things

I want you to take a moment and look at the graphic below,

This is the basic strategy that I teach to women who come to Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

(Obviously things can get more advanced as you go.)

Now, if this is your first time being exposed to the strategy I would be shocked if you weren’t confused.

I like to tell newbies that our strategy is a little like a puzzle.

You can’t just pick and choose the pieces that you think will fit correctly. Things have to be done in a certain order.

Of course, when you put the puzzle pieces in the right order you give yourself the best chance to succeed.

Now, I started this article off by telling you that if you don’t use text messages in the right way you can essentially ruin your chances of success.

Well, here is the right way to use them,

Still confused?

Ok, I don’t want you to send any type of text message until AFTER the no contact rule has been completed.

I can hear the chorus of people screaming,

“CHRIS! Hold your horses… What is the no contact rule?”

Great question!

BUT FIRST… There’s Something Important You Need To Know

I have been helping men and women get back with their exes for over half a decade and I have learned that most people have preconceived notions when they end up on my site. They think that all they have to do is follow the directions that I give them on the page and they are good to go. Now, while this may hold true in some cases I will say that texting an ex is usually such a complex process that I can’t explain everything there is to explain in one simple article.

Luckily, I have created an “ultimate resource” for you to follow to not only help you understand the correct way to text your ex but to also help you get your ex back.

All you have to do learn about this resource is to click the button below,

Ultimate Texting GuideTactics I Just Can't Publish Publically...

 

Understanding How No Contact Can Fit Into The Texting Strategy

I am going to level with you…

The no contact rule is a very complex idea. Sure, it may sound simple to the average reader but you will find there are so many layers of things that have to be done in order to be successful with it that it merits it’s own article.

Luckily, I have created that article for you.

My recommendation is to read that article first before you even think about continuing.

Why?

Because I am going to give you the bare minimum definition on how the no contact rule works.

And if you are very serious about getting your ex boyfriend back (which I know you are) then you are going to want the intricate and layered definition.

So, what is the no contact rule?

Well, this is going to sound really weird but for the next 21 – 45 days I don’t want you to talk to your ex boyfriend.

Like… at all.

WHAT???

Yup, I know it sounds ridiculous but trust me, doing this will stack the odds in your favor in a very unique way.

Did you know that according to statistics cited in Your Tango 65% of men have admitted to thinking about their ex girlfriends too much?

Now, since I am a guy I can definitely say that this is a very true statement.

And the no contact rule is essentially going to raise your chances of making your ex boyfriend think about you too much.

So, for the next 21 – 45 days days you are not going to talk, text, email or write to your ex.

Oh, and in case you are wondering it is not going to be easy.

Since you are on my site I am assuming that you are interested in somehow trying to get your boyfriend back.

No matter how hard it is or how much you want to talk to him DO NOT DO IT, even if he responds you have to ignore it.

(UPDATE: I will say that there are certain situations where you must alter the no contact rule. In order to get a list of those situations click here)

You may be sitting there and wondering something like,

Ok, I get this whole idea of the no contact rule but why does it even work? Is there any evidence to back up the fact that it works?

Truthfully the psychology behind why it works is fascinating. Of course, in order for me to properly explain it to you I must first let you in on how a man can view a breakup.

As a guy, I will admit we have a warped way of looking at things. For example, after a breakup a guy will think something like…

“Just wait, she will text me begging to come back.”

Now, that is wrong on so many levels but you are going to use this type of thinking to your advantage.

By completely taking 21 – 45 days for yourself without texting him or talking to him at all you are slowly taking control of the situation.

Instead of thinking

“Just wait, she will text me begging to come back.”

He is going to be thinking..

“Why hasn’t she texted me yet? Has she moved on already?”

Do you see the power of the no contact rule now?

It is basically the ultimate way to get him checking his phone every five minutes to see if today is the day that YOU will text HIM.

But why?

Why does he have that reaction.

Well, the no contact rule utilizes a psychological principle called reactance.

Reactance: Human beings have freedoms. When those freedoms are threatened they are likely to react in a way to get that freedom back.

Let’s look at what’s happening here with the no contact rule.

By using the no contact rule on your ex boyfriend you are depriving him of HIS freedom to talk to you.

According to reactance he will react in a way to try to get that freedom back.

In other words, you may notice that he starts doing things in an effort to get your attention.

Ok, now that you have a general idea of what the no contact rule is I think we should move on and focus a bit on texting.

We already know that you aren’t supposed to use any type of texting strategies on your ex boyfriend until AFTER the no contact rule.

But even before you send your ex boyfriend a text I want to show you something.

GNATTING (What Is It?)

Since you are all beautiful women 😉 I am sure you have had your fair share of suitors throughout your life.

Now, out of those suitors, throughout your years in the dating realm there has had to have been at least one guy that didn’t pick up the hints that you weren’t interested in him.

He texted you, you ignored

He texted you again, you ignored again

And so on and so forth.

It usually looks a little something like this:

Essentially, the person who sent the message above turned into a text terrorist.

The text receiver was clearly ignoring the sender but they refused to accept that fact so they kept texting until they they could get a response.

Most women fail at texting their exes for the simple fact that they commit this texting sin and quite honestly it’s not even their fault.

Right after a break up everyone involved is out of whack emotionally and are prone to do some really stupid things.

I have heard plenty of stories where women, in the heat of the moment, texted their exes multiple times, even after getting no response.

Now, after almost half a decade of researching and helping the visitors to this site I have come up with a pretty clever acronym to describe someone who goes a little crazy when it comes to texting their ex.

I like to call it GNATTING.

G- Going

N- Nuts

A- At

T- Texting

The best way to think of this is to imagine that you are walking down the street when, all of a sudden, you have the misfortune of walking into a swarm of gnats.

Of course, if you have ever had this experience you would know that they follow you wherever you go.

You walk to the left, they follow you to the left.

You walk to the right, they follow you to the right.

You try to swat them away, they buzz harder.

It seems like no matter what you do they just won’t leave you alone.

Well, if were to apply this same principle to your ex you would be the gnat that is constantly following your ex boyfriend around.

Of course, I still haven’t explained why this is such a mistake.

Why Gnatting Is A Big Mistake

Have you ever seen that popular show, How I Met Your Mother?

Well, if you haven’t I certainly have 😉

(If you watch the show you would get the reference.)

Anyways, there is this really hilarious scene where Barney Stinson (a character) attempts to describe what’s called,

The Hot/Crazy Scale

It’s basically this scale that describes how “hot” a woman has to be to put up with her crazy antics.

I can’t do it justice in a simple explanation though so I am going to recommend that you take a simple minute out of your day and watch this,

Do you see where I am going with this?

No?

Ok, I want you to imagine the Hot/Crazy Scale without the Hot aspect embedded within. In other words, it doesn’t matter how “hot” you are. If you are crazy then you are simply going to be looked at as crazy and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.

That’s kind of what happens when you engage in gnatting.

You are labeled as crazy and the more and more you engage in this type of behavior the farther away you are going to get from your ultimate goal of getting him back.

Don’t become a gnat.

Just don’t do it…

The Correct Way To Utilize Text Messages

Do you remember the graphic I created for you above detailing the entire strategy of getting your ex boyfriend back?

No?

Ok, no worries I will just post it below again for you,

Well, what if I told you that every single one of these “puzzle pieces” had puzzles pieces to go within them?

Take a look below,

Still confused?

Ok, let me make it a bit clearer.

With this particular article we are going to be focusing on this part of the strategy,

Take a good look at this graphic.

Essentially the most important components that you need to master when you text your ex boyfriend are,

  • The First Contact Text Message
  • Rapport Building Messages
  • Attraction Building Text Messages

So, from this point on that is what we are going to focus on.

I am going to teach you to master each of these components so you can truly be ready when the time comes to text your ex boyfriend.

Sound good?

Let’s begin with the first contact text message.

The First Contact Text Message

I have been doing this for a pretty long time and have pretty much learned that the first contact message is an essential part of the overall strategy that I teach.

How essential?

Think of it this way.

Generally you only have three chances to nail this and get a positive response.

If you don’t do it within those three times then your chances of success take a pretty drastic hit.

No pressure though.

Luckily, since I have determined that this is an essential part of the strategy I have spent a lot of time refining my strategy for it and have even recorded entire podcast episodes over it here (link) and here (link.)

The first contact text message has three main parts to it,

  1. The Action Phrase
  2. The Theme
  3. The Story

What I’d like to do is take a moment to dive into each one of these and really expand upon them so you have a really good idea of what I am going for here.

The Action Phrase

What do you think I mean when I say,

“Action Phrase?”

Is it like those old Batman cartoons that had the words,
“Bam”

“Wam”

“Pow”

In them?

Actually that’s kind of right.

I want you to take a second and imagine something for me. You are at a crowded bar with a group of your friends. Now, since you are a nice person you offer to go buy drinks for everyone in your group.

After listening very intently to everyone’s drink order you go to the bartender and put in the order.

Of course, there is always that moment of awkward silence upon ordering your drinks where you are just sitting there waiting for the drinks to be made.

So you decide to do the one thing that you always have fun doing, check out some of the guys.

Upon inspecting the latest crop you notice there isn’t anything that’s up to your standards.

That’s when you hear it…

“Mam, your drinks are ready.”

You grab the drinks and begin to walk over to your friends who are bunched up in a very tight knit group.

It’s loud…

The music is blaring…

And as much as you yell you can’t get any of your friends attention.

That’s when a thought enters your head.

“Hmm… I wonder if I….”

You put the drinks down and decide to clap your hands as loud as you possibly can,

In that instant all of your friends have your undivided attention. In fact, the whole bar does.

That’s kind of what we are trying to do here with the action phrase portion of the first contact text message.

We are trying to say something that will snap your ex to attention.

Remember, if you follow the plan I laid out here (link) then you will have just ignored your ex boyfriend for 21 – 45 days.

Simply saying,

Isn’t going to cut it.

You are going to have to do a lot better than that.

You need to say something that will not only capture his attention but peak his interest.

One of my personal favorite action phrases is,

What is your automatic response to this text?

It’s to say, “what,” right?

The action phrase is meant to set up the next part of your text which we will talk about right now.

The Theme

A lot of women come to me every single day and ask a simple question,

“Is there any advantage that I have over the other girls trying to attract my ex girlfriend?”

The answer to that question is yes.

The advantage that you have is knowledge.

Now, it may not be as flashy as something like the honeymoon period but knowledge can be a very powerful thing if it’s wielded in the right way.

You’ve heard of that famous book called,

The Art of War

Right?

It’s written by this genius named Sun Tzu who was a Chinese general.

Anyways, in it he says,

“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”

Which of these categories do you think you fall into?

Well, you know your ex and you know yourself so I think you have a pretty clear advantage over other women.

Of course, it’s how you wield your knowledge that will make all the difference between success and failure.

So, what is the correct way to use knowledge?

You know your ex boyfriend.

You dated him.

You know what he likes and you know what he doesn’t like.

So use this knowledge when it comes to your first contact text message. Make sure that you aren’t talking about something that he will have no interest in.

I’ll give you an example.

A couple of months ago I did something that was unheard of in my industry.

I actually filmed a live coaching session and posted it live to my website for FREE.

The whole coaching session covers how to handle the first contact text message. When I got to the part where Whitney (the woman I was coaching) and I were talking about how to use her knowledge of her ex properly I explained the idea of creating a theme for a text message.

I’ll tell you what I told her.

Use your ex boyfriends “likes” to create a theme for your first contact text message.

Whitney determined that her ex loved golf so her theme should be golf. In other words, throughout her first contact text message she would emphasize golf.

More specifically, she would work golf into a story for her ex boyfriend.

The Story

People connect with stories.

Why do you think movies and TV shows are so popular?

It’s because we love watching/ reading stories.

Ironically I have found them to be eerily effective with first contact text messages.

Let me give you an example.

Whitney, the woman I decided to coach ended up picking golf as her theme and when she worked it into a story it looked like this,

You may have also noticed that she utilized her action phrase before she told her story.

By the way, the screenshot of the text message you see above is from her phone.

This is the real result that she got.

Now, should you use her text word for word and send it to your ex boyfriend?

Absolutely not.

I am just trying to give you the formula.

Which is this,

That’s pretty much the nuts and bolts of what I want you to do for the first contact text message. Let’s move on to the more interesting text messages.

Rapport Building Text Messages

Women are always coming up to me and asking,

“Chris, how do I “re-build” attraction with my ex over text?”

And I used to give some long winded answer about how it’s important to “be interesting” or “influence them.”

But what does that even mean?

I think the truth was that I didn’t even know.

And that fact always kind of annoyed me.

So, about a year ago I decided to dissect this thing called “attraction.”

Specifically, how do you spark it.

All I had to do was draw from my own experience and take an introspective look at what’s worked on me.

And the more I thought about it the more I began to realize that attraction doesn’t just come out of nowhere.

Instead, there is a clear path to it.

And that path starts with rapport.

Allow me to elaborate.

Rapport is defined as a close and harmonious relationship in which the people or groups concerned understand each other’s feelings or ideas and communicate well.

In other words, rapport is the thing that is built when you get along with someone.

The way I look at it rapport simply lays the foundation for attraction.

Without it you don’t have any hope to build any type of attraction.

I often tell the story of the time that I went on a date where no rapport was built at all.

Seriously, I tried everything on this date to build rapport with this girl but she wasn’t having it.

I would tell a funny joke, she wouldn’t even crack a smile.

I would tell an engaging story, she would stare at me blankly.

Nothing was working on this girl.

Suffice it to say, I couldn’t create a harmonious relationship with her where she understood my feelings or ideas.

As a result, the date was disastrous.

Here is my point, attraction cannot be built without rapport. It’s an essential part of the process. It creates a foundation that you can build attraction upon.

In fact, one of the biggest mistakes that I see women making on a continual basis is the fact that they try to start building attraction with their exes without first having built rapport.

And who can blame them?

They just ignored their exes via the no contact rule and they want to start seeing the fruits of their labor. Unfortunately, patience and discipline will be required here.

And that patience and discipline will come in the form of building rapport.

But how?

How do you successfully build rapport with your ex boyfriend?

Well, I think a great reference point to look at is how salespeople use rapport.

It’s often said that before you go in for the kill (aka: the sale) you must first build rapport with your prospect. Essentially you are priming the prospect for the sales pitch.

Warming them up to it so to speak.

You can build this type of rapport in three ways,

  1. Making It Personalized
  2. Making It Unique
  3. Making It Appropriate

This template is going to be the reference point for every rapport building message that you send to your ex.

Now, I have thought for a long time on how best to explain the rapport building messages to you and ultimately I decided on giving you a fake scenario and crafting a message around it.

So, here is our scenario.

(Jason and Jane just went through a breakup after Jason refused to take their relationship to the next level (marriage.) Everything seemed perfect between the two of them. So perfect in fact that many of their close personal friends thought they were made for each other. Both of them were workout fanatics. Both of them loved reading and cuddling on the couch.)

So, in this scenario what can Jane do with a rapport building text message?

Well, let’s start by making it unique.

How To Text In A Unique Way

We want her to come at this from a different angle than most of her counterparts would.

Uniqueness in my mind when it comes to text messages can come in many shapes and forms.

Sometimes it’s sending a video message…

Sometimes it’s wording something in a unique way…

Sometimes it’s sending a picture when no one else would…

Of course, I have the benefit of data and experience and I can tell you that I have seen a lot of women have incredible results with video messages.

In fact, I am going to tell you a little story about myself and video text messages.

When I turned 24 something really interesting happened to my overall mindset about dating. Most kids my age were content to date around and have fun. However, that idea never appealed to me too much. I am the type of person who puts his all into his relationships and putting the work in and constantly dating a ton of women can get a little boring.

So, at 24 I decided that I was going to start looking for someone I could fall madly in love with.

This wasn’t about sex…

This wasn’t about having fun…

This was about finding someone who could turn my world upside down.

Even if I got hurt in the process I wanted to have an experience that I could draw upon for inspiration.

And at 24 I didn’t think I had felt that way about anyone in my life yet.

Of course, I am a very analytical human being which doesn’t always mesh with “love” where emotions rule. So, rather than dissecting things I decided to look at it like a giant sales pitch.

When you boil dating down to it’s simplest form that’s essentially all it is.

A contest where you have to show a girl that you are the best candidate for her to date.

And honestly the best way to do that is to go above and beyond.

This certainly applies to text messages.

After much deliberation I decided that I was going to swallow my pride of hiding behind words and put my face out there.

Now ladies, let me ask you a question.

How many men in your lives take the time to send you a personal video of themselves anymore?

Not a lot, huh?

So, that’s what I decided to do to be unique.

Instead of merely texting I was going to send a personal video of myself.

In fact, that’s what I did the very first time I texted my wife.

I remember it as clear as day.

I woke up one morning and thought to myself,

I am just going to send a video of myself eating breakfast. It wasn’t anything special to be honest with you. It was simply a look into my daily routine.

However, I did it in such a unique way (by sending her a text video) that she could connect with it.

Now we are married 😉 .

So, let’s say that Jane adopts this unique way of texting.

She decides that she wants to record a video of herself saying something to build rapport.

What should she say?

Well, that’s where personalization comes into play

How To Craft A Personalized Message

Human beings are wired for connections.

I’ll give you an example.

I was doing an interview with a guy by the name of Matt Marr the other day.

Super nice guy.

Super successful too.

So, we did the interview and afterwards we got to talking about our likes and dislikes. Anyways, I happened to mention that I was a big fan of Buffy The Vampire Slayer and he stops everything he is doing and says this to me,

“Wow, if you lived near me I am pretty sure we would be best friends!”

Now, obviously this made me feel good because I found another Buffy fan but I also noticed he started opening up to me after that.

It’s because I hit on a connection we had that was very personalized for him.

I want you to have that type of a moment with your ex.

But how?

Well, I will be the first to admit that it’s not going to be as easy in your case because your ex boyfriend probably thinks he knows everything about you and part of the power of this connection method that I am talking about is when your ex learns something new about you.

But there has to be something that you can connect with your ex on that he doesn’t know about yet.

Human beings always have hidden depths.

Even if it’s as small as being a fan of watermelon it will work.

The key here is that it has to be something that both of you have in common.

Of course, the more meaningful the connection is to him the better.

So, let’s say that your ex boyfriend is a big fan of comic books. Of course, you are also a big fan of comic books as well except you never talked about that with him.

Can you imagine sending a video message saying something like,

“Just thought I would drop you a line seeing as how I picked up the latest issue of Batman. Totally loving it!”

Not only will you blow his mind because you are a fan of comic books but you are going to hit on that connection and you will find that he is super easy to get to open up.

Making The Message Appropriate

Why do you think I added this section?

Well, I thought it would be appropriate to mention that the message you send to your ex needs to be appropriate.

Don’t compare him to bear poop (which literally happened before.)

In addition, don’t cry on video or complain about how much you miss him.

These desperate behaviors are going to drive him away.

Make sure your message is appropriate for the context that we are dealing with here.

Attraction Building Text Messages

I have thought for a long time on how I wanted to handle this section.

There are so many ways to tackle “attraction text messages.” However, I ultimately settled upon love…

Wait, what?

Well, I happened to stumble across this amazing research where scientists literally tried to find out what makes someone fall in love with another person.

They found the following factors were present,

  • Similarity Is Important
  • Emotional Arousal

So, here is my idea. Every single text message that you send to your ex boyfriend needs to have purpose. What better way to hit on that purpose than to make sure every single text message you send hits on making him fall in love with you.

Let’s look at these love text messages a bit deeper.

Similarity Is Important

What’s that famous quote?

Opposites attract.

Actually when it comes to relationships research suggests the opposite is true.

Have you ever seen that movie High Fidelity?

Well, there is a scene in that movie that perfectly sums up what I am going for here,

It’s what you like, not what you are like.

In other words, one of the pillars of attraction that we are going for here is similarity. The more in common that you have with your ex the better.

Now, some of you may have just hit the panic button upon hearing this.

If you are one of these people please don’t.

I am not saying that you have to be a clone of your ex for him to like you. Instead, I am saying leverage you similarities with a little game I like to call,

Have you ever….

What Is The “Have You Ever” Game?

The way this works is simple.

You are going to play a texting game with your ex.

The gist of this game is to see how much you and your ex have in common. Of course, the best part of this little game is that you aren’t going to tell your ex that you are playing it.

I am going to diagram the purpose of this game out for you,

 

So, the game starts where you ask your ex boyfriend a simple question through text message,

What you are trying to do here is bring a similarity to light by asking a simple question. Now, in this example we are going to assume that your ex boyfriend is really big into telescopes and stuff like that. Hence, the reason I composed a text about a super moon.

Now, when your ex boyfriend responds to the super moon text I want you to engage him into talking about the super moon for as long as possible.

It should look something like this except it’s a little more drawn out in real life,

After you have fully drew out the similarity I want you to repeat the process over and over again. Except this time I want you to ask him a question in a different way other than,

“Have you ever _____”

Get it?

By playing this little game you are going to be hammering your similarities home to him on a consistent basis.

Let’s move on to our next attraction building text message.

Emotional Arousal

Pay attention to this section because nothing on this page is more important than grasping this concept.

Yes, it’s that important.

What’s the first thing that you think of when someone talks about arousal?

Sex, right?

At least, that’s what I think of.

But when I talk about arousal from this point on I am not talking about sexual arousal or something of that nature.

So, what am I talking about?

The dictionary defines arousal as to stir to action or strong response; excite: .

That’s what I am going for here. I am talking about inspiring your ex when you talk to them to take a certain action (Ideally a positive one.)

Now, here is the funny thing about arousal.

It’s often said that Any type of situation that affects us emotionally increases the chance of falling in love.

Now, I am not sure I agree with that statement but it gives me a starting point to describe an interesting phenomenon.

I wouldn’t say that I am a workout fanatic or anything like that but I do love to work out. In fact, I try to get at least five workouts in every single week. And one of the hard truths that I have had to learn about working out is the fact that if you don’t have music playing in your ears while you workout it can be an extremely painful experience.

Of course, I like the randomness of having the radio on when I work out.

(Some things are better left up to chance and this is one of them.)

Every once in a while a song will come on the radio that inspires me. It really gets me motivated. It gives me this amazing feeling in my chest and for a short period of time I feel like I have some incredible out of body experience where everything is effortless.

I was dead tired but a minute after hearing this song I feel alive for the first time.

If you work out I am sure you have had this experience happen to you at least once in your life.

Ultimately the song was so good that it aroused you.

The ultimate goal when you are texting your ex boyfriend is to make him aroused in this way.

While talking to you, you want him to feel inspired.

You want him to feel genuinely happy.

You want to touch him on a deep level.

But why?

The Good Feelings Theory

I have this theory.

Of course, in order to explain this theory properly I need to get a bit scientific. Specifically, I need to explain what happens when you have a crush on someone.
Let’s pretend that you develop a crush on someone at your work. Every time you see this person you feel excited and “giddy.”

Have you ever taken a moment to stop and ask yourself what causes that feeling?

Well, when you see your crush and become aroused the neurons in your brain start releasing dopamine (also known as the “feel good hormone.”)

Dopamine has been associated with feelings of euphoria.

Now, here is where things get interesting.

This euphoric feeling is triggered by seeing your crush and it makes you feel good. And because your body wants to keep feeling good your brain will constantly fire off more dopamine.

And this is kind of what you are going after here with arousal.

The ultimate goal is to make your ex boyfriend so aroused that every time he sees a text from you dopamine is constantly being fired in his brain.

In other words, you are reinforcing the fact that you make him feel good on a biological level with every text you send.

But how?

How can some simple words in a text message make this happen?

Well, I’ll leave it up to J.K. Rowling to explain that,

“Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it.”

And we are definitely looking for some magic here.

Understanding The Inner Workings Of Arousal

In the example above I asked you to imagine a crush.

After doing that I thoroughly explained the biological workings of feeling aroused.

But have you ever asked yourself what is going on inside of a mans head when he is becoming aroused by a woman?

Well, I would like to tackle that now because understanding this one simple fact is essential for you to be able to construct a perfect arousal text message.

When I found the research on dopamine above I remember thinking that it was extremely interesting. However, I also thought that when dopamine is being fired off in my brain when I have a crush on someone the inner workings are completely different.

It’s often the daydreams that do it for me.

I’ll give you an example.

When I met my wife and we started texting back and forth I got that giddy feeling of euphoria. In fact, that’s how I knew that I was falling for her. Whenever I got a text from someone I automatically wanted it to be from her.

And when it wasn’t I almost felt disdain for the person who was texting me.

But an interesting thing started happening.

I remember having these vivid daydreams where I would imagine a potential future with her.

I would daydream about anything you could imagine.

Her being in trouble and me coming to the rescue,

Going to parties with her,

Heck, even dressing up for Halloween,

It was really these daydreams that pushed me over the edge and made me take the necessary actions to date her.

And here is the scary truth.

If I had just liked her a little and didn’t have those type of daydreams I wouldn’t have ever dated her.

She was the one woman who made me feel euphoric and aroused.

However, upon reading about the dopamine I am wondering if my dopamine was working on overdrive when I was having these vivid daydreams?

I think so.

And I think the daydreams might also be the key to re-attracting your ex boyfriend.

Now, let’s call upon some of that magic.

Arousal Text Messages

Daydreams are key here.

I want you to remember that.

But not all daydreams can be positive.

(Buffy Spoiler Alert)

I’ll never forget the episode of Buffy called “Hell’s Bells” where one of the main characters, Xander, is about to get married to his longtime girlfriend Anya.

Of course, a demon comes to town and gives him these vivid daydreams of what their life could be like.

And the daydreams he has are horrifying.

His whole life flashes before his eyes and he calls the wedding off.

Now, the only reason I say that is because we are dealing with your ex boyfriend. Someone who may not be too happy with you right now.

So, it’s important that if you are going to lead your ex to have a daydream about you that it be positive.

Now, the key to a good positive daydream is that it has to be emotionally affecting.

Now, there is one way that you can do this really extremely well.

Re enforce The Height Of Your Relationship

Let’s tackle reinforcing the height of your relationship first.

The Height Of Your Relationship

Have you ever heard of this idea of misattribution of emotions?

The basis of the theory is that sometimes you can have an emotional experience that is so powerful that it affects you an a deep level. However, you don’t know where that feeling comes from. So, you kind of stick that experience to the most practical thing you can think of.

Dan Ariely, an MIT behavioral economist, did a really fascinating study where he surveyed an audience who was watching a band.

He asked the audience a pretty simple question,

How attractive do you think the band members are.

He asked the audience this question before the band started playing.

After all the answers were in he told the band to start playing their songs. When the band ultimately finished playing he then posited the same question to the audience, how attractive do you think each of the band members are?

An overwhelming majority of the audience gave the band members a huge boost in attractiveness.

So, what happened here?

Well, the band played songs that made people emotional.

It aroused them and ultimately they determined that the band was responsible for how they were feeling which meant that they were more attractive.

Now, why do you think I told you that story?

Well, the key thing you need to keep in mind here is that when you are trying to reenforce the height of your relationship you are trying to tap into this misattribution of emotions.

By bringing up an experience that affects your ex on an emotional level you are banking on the fact that he is going to associate you with those positive emotions.

Now, how can you do this with a text?

Well, I am going to ask you a series of questions and depending on how you answer these questions is going to tell me the angle you should take when typing up a text message.

  1. What was the exact moment in your relationship with your ex that you felt like it couldn’t get any better?
  2. If you could use a specific image to describe that moment what would it be?
  3. Describe how the most powerful feelings made you feel during the peak of your relationship.

Hmm…

The more I write this up the more I feel like I should do this exercise with you.

Ok, so here’s the deal.

I will use my relationship with my wife as an example to show you how to really reenforce the peak.

I’ll take it question by question.

What was the exact moment in your relationship that you felt like it couldn’t get any better?

The moment that I was staring into her eyes during our wedding.

If you could use a specific image to describe that moment what would it be?

Luckily, our wedding had professional photographers so I have the exact moment captured on film. Here’s a picture of the exact moment I am talking about above,

Now, I do want to interject for a moment here.

Please do not think you have to have your exact “peak moment” captured with your ex. Imagery is the most important thing I am going for here.

If you think back to your peak moment and this is the image that is conjured in your mind,

Then that is completely fine.

Having a picture is important. Take your time on this.

Describe how the most powerful feelings made you feel during the peak of your relationship.

Honestly, I felt like I had an endless amount of butterflies in my stomach. I became very in tune with my body and the emotions I was feeling.

I remember shaking with excitement as I held her hands.

I remember being touched when tears started forming in her eyes.

I felt like I had final reached the epitome of love.

So, now that I have answered these questions to the best of my knowledge lets put it all together and create a killer text.

You are going to start with one simple statement,

Why do you think you are going to say this?

Well, it’s to establish trust right off the bat.

You want him to think,

“Wow, she trusts me enough to tell me something she has never told anyone before.”

It also serves as the perfect bait to get him engaged in the conversation.

Out of all the text messages you will send to your ex this is the one text that you want him engaged.

Next you are going to send this,

This is the wind up/set up.

You are framing the text with this message and you are also introducing him to the picture that you associate with the peak of your relationship.

The next part is essential though,

This is where you describe the peak and how it made you feel.

You are counting on the fact that with the imagery and the intense description of how you felt you are going to bring him back to that moment as well.

Now, I do want to say one thing before I move on to the next text type.

Sending this message is a risk.

There is no doubt about it.

Make sure you have built up a lot of rapport and sent out a lot of feelers to ensure that the likelihood of him responding negatively to this text is low.

Aren’t There More Text Messages Than This?

I want to start this section off with a bit of a confession.

So far I have only covered three text message types throughout this article.

The obvious question you are probably having at this point is,

“Aren’t there more text message types?”

The answer to that question is a resounding YES!

Here’s the problem though.

We are already about 7,000 words into this article and I have only tackled three messages. The fact of the matter is that I don’t have the time it takes to explain 250 different text message types to you.

That’s what I wrote “The Texting Bible” for.

So, that’s where I am going to recommend that you turn your attention if you want a full outline of every text that you are going to need to send to your ex.

The article is ending suddenly, huh?

I kind of do this on purpose to constantly keep you wanting more.

Remember, The Texting Bible, is probably the best way to fully understand the ins and the outs of texting.

Published June 11, 2013, | Modified November 17, 2016

Will Text Messages Be THE THING That Gets Your Ex Back?

In so many of the success stories I’ve heard over the years, the primary way that the couple communicated was texting. Texts are short, simple and can lead to HUGE results if you can send the right text message, in the right situation. But it all depends on the inner-dynamics of your relationship.

We’ve put together a quiz, so you can find out if text messages will work for your individual situation. It’s a total of 19 questions, and only takes about 5 minutes to answer. Are you ready to know ?

Take 5 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Now!

What Do You Think? (2,544)

  1. Clarice - 0

    Clarice

    So my ex dumped me over text 6 weeks ago. We’ve barely spoken since….i did the “crazy texts “after we broke up constantly for the 1st 4 days and then once a week for the next 2 weeks. After the 13th of November, i stopped. I went nc.
    On friday a mutual friend went out to eat lunch with my ex. The friend and i play an app game that involves trivia and it went off during their lunch…. i had no idea they were out to lunch, just playing our stupid game lol. Well, our friend said that since it was on the table he opened it to see it was our game, my ex got curious about the game not knowing he was playing me. He grabbed the phone and saw my name and picture. Our friend said he looked at it for several minutes not saying anything, but eventually taking his glasses off and wiping tears from his eyes. Our friend asked if he wanted to talk. My ex said no, that ive probably moved on or hate him. Our friend said that neither was true, that im still hurt, but nothing to what he said. My ex apparently remained kind of depressed throughout lunch but didn’t want to talk.
    So today i broke nc but all i sent was something i knew hed enjoy, a link to a new beer from a brewery we loved to frequent. I also told him i hoped he was doing well.
    Its only been a few hours but i didnt get a response. Hes obviously still has feelings or something to that effect. We dated 2 yrs, i am 36 hes 45.
    We broke up because he didn’t want to move in together, pretty much commitment issues.
    What if i dont hear back? When to reach out again? Or go NC again? For how long?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Clarice,

      so it was just 22 days no contact? If he doesn’t respond, wait a week before trying again. If he doesn’t respond again, wait two weeks before trying again. If he still doesn’t respond after that, it means you have to move on.

  2. Melissa M. - 0

    Melissa M.

    Hi,
    I had recently started talking to a great guy I met. We were clicking really well, and things were moving nicely. However, my brother whom Inclose to was in a car accident, and then as the week progressed a family friend of mine passed away. One thing after the other. Instead of asking him to be there for me, I asked him for space stated I had a rough day. I let him know through out the week what was happening, and pursued to state I knew we weren’t anything, yet I knew we are both interested in one another. This week has been hard as i have lost my grandma two years ago, this summer a friend killed himself, another trying to shoot himself. I had told him that while I’m excited to be in a relationship, I am not ready at this point in time. Instead of allowing him to be there for me I pushed him away, as I have been taking care of myself for a long time. I’m not sure what to do. And some help would be greatly appreciated, as I do like him. I wasn’t sure how appropriate it would be to involve him, as we have barely started something.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI MM,

      I’m sorry for everything that happened to your loved ones. But with all due respect, you have to let go or be at peace with some of them that happened years before, because you have to live in the present and theyre at peace in heaven now too. And with the new guy, he’s probably just reacting to your request, so if you want more connection, just initiate. He’s just respecting your space because you asked ‘for it. So, he’s more likely going to respond positively if you message him positively too. That is if you want to, that would be your decision…

  3. Jennifer - 0

    Jennifer

    It’s been a couple a weeks now, that he’s saying that hes thinking about getting back with me, but he hasn’t said it yet. I asked him he was more on the side of not coming back or coming back, he said more on coming back but give me this weekend to tell you. But everytime he says that, he dosen’t give me an answer. What should I do? Like to make him commit to me again or wtv?

    Thank you

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Stop asking and start focusing more yourself.. you’re starting to look like you’re waiting or chasing him..

  4. Danni - 0

    Danni

    I need advice please, I completed no contact and then started texting my ex of 9 years. It was all going well until I said something in a jokey way that I think he took wrong! Now I haven’t heard from him how long should I wait to text him again? Or should I just leave it 🙁

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      when was that? How long hasn’t he texted you?

  5. jennefer - 0

    jennefer

    I want him back, I need him. I’m Broke right now because of him. I want him to appreciate my feelings for him. I still LOVE HIM, I really do. I want him to feel the same. I want that our relationship will BACK.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jennefer,

      why did you break up? How long were you together? How old are you both?

  6. michelle - 0

    michelle

    hello, my boyfriend and I broke up 3 month ago. We had to break up several times before. Our relationship went back and forth. Basically its because we were in long distance, he wanted me to move to his country and get married next year at least, but I insisted to stay on my country and have my career for 1 or 2 years in my country. We had argued over this issue alot. We both didn’t wanted to sacrifice..I wanted him to be patient with me, but he wasn’t. But I have missed him .. Should I message him. I am confused if I tried to go back to relationship with him and end up breaking up again or He already moved on.. What should I do 🙁

    Reply
  7. Gail - 0

    Gail

    Good day.

    Thanks so much for your reply. (28 Nov 2016)

    Im a very independent person and in the past, i just moved on from break ups. But this guy is really special to me, so i want to do this and do it right.

    So with improving myself, i should do things for me, take care of myself  build confidence etc….

    But how will he notice that? Through social media?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Gail,

      You’re welcome! Yes, be active in posting in social media.

  8. Nana - 0

    Nana

    hi, Im really thankful for your page, it helped me through a lot! It gave me comfort when ntg else could and encouraged me to stay nc.
    for 2 years I was in ldr and then at the end we were both very busy and angry and fighting and so on and I first suggested a break up, but then realized I dint mean it and we stayed together. however, we kept fighting and 2 weeks later my ex bf broke up with me. then he still contacted me and wanted to be friends, which I always declined and wanted us to be together which he declined… that went on for 1 month when we went nc for 3 months. I moved on with my life meaning: having new hobies, trying to be calmer and positive, feeling ok, working on my career, not feeling pitty for myself, being ok with break up and seeing it as a possibility to grow that was necessary, etc. however, I knew I wanted him back still and was thinking of contacting him (1 month nc was over quiet a while), but was still a bit afraid, I would be disappointed if I would end up being friend zoned and I was postponing it till I felt totally ready. I think I was like 90% ready to manage my expectations. and then he contacted me 1 week ago on fb (we always spoke there, since he had no phone…). He basically said he is interested how I was doing and that he saw some pics of me surfing and that it looks fun. then he said he was sorry he hadnt sent my things back and that the reason was he had lost my father’s watch I lended to him and how sorry he was. (the watch means a lot to me and I I was quiet hesitant to lend it to him, but he promised to take good care of it). and then it got into how he wishes me the best and that he would be happy if he could hear stg back from me.
    it’s been a week and I cant bring myself to answer him. I took myself time to reconsider again firstly if I even want him back again. and Im absolutley sure I do. I love him and I think I have changed enough (gained calmness and confidence-that was the main problem I think), however, Im rather scared that he just wrote to me to tell me about the watch and to get it off of his shoulders. and I also dont know how exactly I should reply to maximase my chances in this situation, etc. any help/thoughts appreciated! 🙂

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Nana,

      I think you should start slowly building rapport… Initiate conversations.. Use topics that he loves talking about

  9. Leena - 0

    Leena

    Hello ! Before nearly 4 mnth i started talking to a guy. He had a gf and their relationship was there since 2 years but they didnot had enough time for each other .his gf was ignoring and hurting him . I talked to him as a friend then we turned out to be lovers . He too fall in love with me and i fell for him too . But still he had next girl in his life (his gf ) then i broke up with him .. and told him i am leaving and texted him many sad messages but he told me he dont wanna loose me and will break up with his gf coz he said he dont have feelings for her anymore . He cried a lot for me . Then again i build up the hope and came to relationship . Now whats happening is his gf got to know about us . She got jealous and has started talking to him again and gives him time too and i am being ignored . I texted him like before saying carry on ur relationship i am leaving . But he is saying like he doesnot wants to loose me and doesnot wants to loose her too . But i dont think this is right . He is back with his gf . He loves her now and i am valued less while i can say in other word i just got used in his bad times . What should i do next ?should i use no contact rule and bring him back or should i let him go ? Or should i stay as friend which i dnt think i can

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi,

      of course it’s not right to keep you both.. Try to do the no contact rule for 30 days.. Heal and improve.. Set aside thinking about what to do with him in the mean time..

  10. Poomi - 0

    Poomi

    Before 2 mnth i started talking to a guy. He had a gf and their relationship was there since 2 years but they didnot had enough time for each other .his gf was ignoring and hurting him . I talked to him as a friend then we turned out to be lovers . He too fall in love with me and i fell for him too . But still he had next girl in his life (his gf ) then i broke up with him .. and told him i am leaving and texted him many sad messages but he told me he dont wanna loose him and break up with his gf coz he said he dont have feelings for her anymore . He cried a lot for me . Then again i build up the hope and came to realtion . Now whats happening is his gf got to know about us . She got jealous and has started to talk to him again and gives him time too and i am being ignored . I texted him like before saying carry on ur relationship i am leaving . But he is saying like he doesnot wants to loose me and doesnot wants to loose her too . But i dont think this is right . He is back with his gf . He loves her now i am valued less while i can say in other word i just got used in his bad times . What should i do next should i use no contact rule and bring him back or should i let him go ? Or should i stay as friend which i dnt think i can

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi,

      of course it’s not right to keep you both.. Try to do the no contact rule for 30 days.. Heal and improve.. Set aside thinking about what to do with him in the mean time..

  11. Linda - 0

    Linda

    Hello, I am very sad and confuse not sure what is right or wrong. My heart is feel very painful . Hope to hear advise from you. I have arrange a big birthday party for my boyfriend, but two days before his bday, he said he will not spend his bday with me and will spend it with someone else. I was upset and mad, I hang up the phone on him. Then he block his phone and text on me. I cool myself down and went to his work and beg him to spend his bday with me, i told him what i have arranged from dinner to booked a room at the casino for a fun night. He said ok he will turn on the phone and call me after work, even give me a goodbye kiss. I thought everything was ok, then at 5 pm i called him but blocked my phone again. It have been two weeks now, no matter how I beg him his still dont return my call or text, I end up calling his co worker to see if he went to work, he actually went on vacation. No call, no text and lie to me does that mean is a break up and he is spending time with another girl. It is very hard for us to be together and i value this relatonship very much that why I was willing to please and beg him most of the time, am I wrong to do this? No reply for two weeks does that me we are finish? what should I do , I am confuse and so painful of not knowing answer to things . Thank you for your help

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Linda,

      he’s ghosting you.. Yes, you value him but it’s not right to keep begging and chasing him.. His actions are not the actions of a person who’s in a relationship

  12. Gail - 0

    Gail

    Good day Chris & Team

    In a very short time, i’ve learned a lot from reading your website. Thanks for creating it. I really appreciate your good & hard work.

    I really need your help with my situation.

    My boyfriend broke up with me about 6 weeks ago. We’ve been dating for about 5 months. Our relationship was great. He put in a lot of effort to win me over. We respected each other and he treated me like a queen. He said he wants a future with me & we were planning on buying property together.

    The only problem we had was his ex girlfriend using their 2 yr old daughter to manipulate him. Since she heard that he is in a relationship with me, she started to give him lots of problems when it came to him spending time with their daughter. That absolutely broke him. He is a very emotional person. She’ll do things like tell him his not a good father and he is throwing his daughter away to be with me.

    The relationship he had with his daughter’s mother was very unhealthy. They use to fight every day and according to him the romance died long before they broke up. Their break up was mutual.

    When he broke up with me, he told me its because he wants to move back to his hometown, so that he can be closer to his daughter. That will be the only way for him to see her more & be part of her life. I asked him if he is back with his ex girlfriend and he said no. The day after that, I sent him a text saying its really difficult for me to let go and our relationship ment a lot to me. He replied and said he is really sorry and our relationship also means a lot to him.

    Two weeks ago, I heard from mutual friends that he is back with his ex girlfriend. According to them the ex girlfriend told him that the only way she won’t turn their daughter against him, is if he let her & the daughter move in with him so that he can take care of them financially since she hasn’t been working for sometime now.

    I then sent him a text & asked if they are back together. He replied saying that he didn’t know how to tell me, yes they are back together. I replied and asked if there is anything else he lied to me about. He then didn’t respond.

    I obviously still love him & all I want to do is text him to tell him that he is making a mistake. He shouldn’t allow her to use his daughter to manipulate him. She doesn’t love him, she just wants his money. But i haven’t contacted him. I actually don’t know what to do.

    Please help because I do want my ex back.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Gail,

      The odds are he’s going to compare you to his ex.. So, keep improving yourself.. If she keeps nagging, and you keep improving, there’s a good chance he will get tired of her and miss you.

  13. Lory - 0

    Lory

    My ex and I where dating for 3 years now and for the last 6 months, it became tough in our relationship that we ended to break-up. Worse part is, he didn’t say what he wanted it but it shows that’s what he wants. I decided to follow NC rule. a month ago and on 11th day of NC he messaged me with “hope you’re doing fine”. Since i am under NC rule, of course i didn’t respond but he knew i have seen his message. After that, no message at all and his last seen on the messenger was on following day of his message to me. What should i do now? Today is my 30th day of no contract rule. Will there still be a chance of getting him back?

    Reply
  14. lara - 0

    lara

    2 weeks ago my boyfriend and i broke up because his friends told him I cheated on him, I denied it and cried and begged him and i told him a hard truth a couple days later that this guy was in fact harassing me and It was so irritating that he didnt believe me and went a bit texting crazy and wrote a bunch of letters, and he just seems gone he said we were truly done and we could still be friends but i was upset that the next day i said i couldnt be friends with him because he couldnt trust me, but i finally had enough and told him that i apologize for acting so crazy an upset and told him i undertsand and im done and wished him well, my question is if i do the no contact rule is there a chance for rebuilding something in the future. we truly loved each other, he just seems to really believe i cheated on him and at first said he just needed time and wasnt sure about the future and after i told him what really happened and went crazy he told me we were really done but that he would be there if i needed him but then after i got mad that he couldn’t see how this guy treated me he told me “stop texting this number”, thats when the next day i apologized and told him it would be the last time that i would contact him and wished him well and he just said the same thing “i wish you well and i hope everything works out”. earlier he told me if i truly loved him i would wait and to show him he could trust me, if i leave him alone for a while and stick it out as waiting but living my life could he start to come back?

    Reply
  15. jasmin - 0

    jasmin

    Hey guys I really didn’t follow anything…lol but my ex and I broke up like a few days ago and he kept texting me I didn’t relpy back for Twp days….then yesterday I asked of he wanted to go our or coffee is this right?? He hasn’t texted me back I’m try to do the pull push thing…..I havnt texted him either is that ok that I asked him to go pit for coffee?????

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jasmin,
      when and why did you break up? How long was the relationship?

    • jasmin - 0

      jasmin

      We’ve only been together for 5 months and we broke up cause we was always arguing

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Ah ok.. well, the push pull is done after the no contact period. Do you want to try that first? If you’re going to do it, it would be better if you do 30 days and then be active in improving yourself during and after the no contact period. YOu can initiate contact after 30 days..

  16. Jyothi - 0

    Jyothi

    Hi, I am confused. Need advise. I was in a relationship for past 2years with a guy who was seperated with his wife for 3 years who wanted to divorce. However, 2-3months ago they patched up as wife refused divorce. He often promised no matter what he will never leave me. But now he joined up with her. He now says he is not happy leaving me but helpless as she refused divorce and thinking of his kids he had to do. But feels bad he had to put me in this situation but its not wantingly. I love him but confused if its worth trying to get him back as he has hurt me so much after giving me hopes for 2years to get married.. He says he is looking for ways to take me to UK as he resides there. He says he misses me. When i keep reminding him how mean snd cheap he is to cheat me a person who is an orphan and cheated by others guys too with fake promises to marry me. When my scolding words become harsh he has blocked me thrice in the past 2-3 months. But he himself unblocks and contacts me asking how i am and that he is missing me. He has helped me financially in clearing my debts without me asking him. I am but paying him back every month. This month i didnt pay so he unblocked and questioned me why i didnt pay and if i am taking revenge. Informed him thats not my upbringing but for some reasons need money as I will be short of money if I pay him. He then agreed to pay when I have. He said really wanted to be with me but couldn’t do anything as wife refused divorce and for kids sake he had to patch up. Should I believe him. Should I trying to get him back. Please advise.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jyothi,

      if he is saying that he will not leave his wife anymore, you should move on..

  17. Patricia - 0

    Patricia

    So far, I’m getting positive responses to my gmail chats, they are lighthearted, he has apologized but I didn’t get into a bit conversation about “us” we just had a nice chat, and he is the one who first initiated contact, every 2 weeks then a little more frequently. I know he is still with the new girl he left me for though and he is liking her statuses etc. on Instagram and they are still together. She got out of her marriage (her ex-husband was leaving her too), and now they are fully together. I know that this will bond them because she is going to rely on him more now that she moved into her own apartment and now that she’s out of her marriage. I know also they will be shopping for decor together and doing all these bonding activities. He did the same for me when I moved to my new place so I know how it will go. I know that they are bonding. So how do I continue to build rapport while this is going on? We went out for 2 years and had a strong bond so I know he does have some feelings left. They have been together 3.5 months now. I know it may be a lost cause, but I want to do the best I can to put myself in a position to get him back. Do I continue to initiate contact if he doesn’t or is it better to wait for him to contact me even if its days or a week between contacts by him?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If he initiates, answer and have good conversation and then initiate the next day too or after a few days.. You have to slowly build rapport like that while also maintaining yourself. So that when they come to a point that the honeymoon period is over, there’s a chance that he will miss you and think of the latest good talks you had

    • Patricia - 0

      Patricia

      So you think that the “being there” strategy will work better here than another period of NC?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Yes, I think so.

  18. Isabelle - 0

    Isabelle

    So what do I do
    If he said that hes gonna think about if we should come back together?
    And ges thinking also of exes with benefits?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Dont agree to be friends with benefits.. It would be better to lose him than lose your dignity.. If he says he’ll think about it, say ok but dont pressure him for an answer.. Be busy in your own life..be the ungettable girl. Dont just wait,be active. If he didnt initiate for 2 weeks, initiate and then talk

  19. Keshaun - 0

    Keshaun

    My boyfriend and I broke up about ba week ago because of me and he said he didn’t think we could work things out because he was unhappy due to my argumentative nature ,he says he still loves me Me wants to be here wit me as friends ,also he started talking to someone else but got mad when I talked to his roommate about someone who I was talking to wehad sex a couple days after the relationship but afterwards he said it wouldn’t be a good idea to do it again ,when we text the conversation is really dry , help me

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Keshaun,

      dont sleep with him again.. How old are you both? Do you want to try the no contact rule?

  20. Lauren - 0

    Lauren

    Hi,

    I’ve been on here before. Me and my ex have been on and off for 9 months. He ended things in May saying he didn’t won’t a relationship, then again July- that time was horrible, he said such horrible things like it wasn’t me it was me and him that didn’t work and he was 100% sure we were done. I did NC for a bit but maybe not that long, maybe 2 weeks… he would reply to all my snapchats with friendly messages until we were constantly chatting via Snapchat then moved back to messenger. He started trying really hard, to meet up and I kept saying no until at one point he was asking 3 times in one day! He came to my birthday meal and got me a present and met all my close friends. He said during this time that we weren’t together and I could date others and he wouldn’t mind. Then a few weeks later he saw me texting another guy and got so angry. We had a very good discussion and he admitted that when he said I could date others he was testing me as he knows he hasn’t treated me right. We were good for a while after that. We had the odd fight when he let me down with terrible communication and then a few weeks ago he did it again with no apology or explanation. I went mad and texted loads. He said it was a turn off and then he said that we broke up before because of this and here we are again. He then went back to Greece to see all his friends (he’s Greek) and didn’t contact me (I didn’t contact him either) when I knew his back on Monday I messaged a few times and got no reply. Tuesday I was really freaking out and dying to sort things out after our fight. He sent me a text late at night ending things saying he’s been unhappy and being home at the weekend made him realise this and that he only stayed with me because of my persistence (lol) I didn’t reply other than the next day to meet to talk. He wouldn’t, he said his mind is made up. We haven’t spoken since. I just don’t believe what he said as we were good until we had an argument and yeah I’m in the wrong for saying to much and bombarding him with texts when we have an argument but our problem in no or poor communication. I think his culture and upbringing makes him really bad at talking about things. I think he’s being irrational ending things on an argument and also refusing to talk through things and ending it via a text. I really think we need better communication to work and we can do it that. Last time we got back together without discussing anything. Do you think I should do NC or do you think it’s really over?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lauren,

      let’s do nc as one last try this time. finish 45 days. Focus in changing yourself,your routine and your life.

  21. Isabelle - 0

    Isabelle

    Hey
    Well I send the text about the movie. Then the next day I talked about Donald Trump wins, he reponded and then later on that day he told me that he was depressed, and felt like he did a mistake about me(i guess the breakup),hes confused he said about what ever hes down or not to come back. He said that he wanted to talk about it face to face. I said ok, but we haven’t met yet. But then the next day he said that he kinda figured out what hes down for but its not appropriate(im guessing maybe exes with benefits -.-). I dont know what to do maybe its not even what im thinking, i want our talk face to face to be on tuesday (the day that im free).
    What do you think I should do?
    Give me many advices please
    Thank youu

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Just talk to him.. because you will only know the next after that talk

  22. Catherine - 0

    Catherine

    Hi EBR Team!!!
    First of all, I just wanted to say thank you for all of the incredible help!! I don’t know what I would do without y’all! Just to give you a little background, my boyfriend and I dated for 11 months and we broke up a little over a month ago. He said he wanted to still be friends and so I tried talking to him a few days after the break up (just as friends) but he was weird and distant, so I immediately went into the No-Contact Period. I successfully completed my 30 day no-contact period and I sent him a text today for the first time. I used your advice for how to send the perfect first text message, reminding him of a time we went rollerskating together and I told him a friend and I were talking about going rollerskating and it make me think of him for the first time in awhile. Well, he seemed to respond positively to my text message, saying “haha yes I do remember!” and I was so excited to see that it made him laugh! I kept it cool and said “Haha I was so clumsy it was awful.” I planned to end the conversation there but then he actually made an effort to keep the conversation going, saying: “It was fun. So what have you been up to?” So I gave him just a very brief 2 sentence update, telling him I’ve kept myself very busy and I mentioned a couple of things coming up that I’m really excited about, and then ended the text asking “what about you?” and I never got a response. I know he saw it because he has his “Read Receipts” on, but he didn’t say anything. I’m so scared! Did I do something wrong? Should I have ended the conversation sooner? I was glad to see that he was actually trying to keep the conversation going, but now I’m just more confused than ever. When should I try to contact him again? What should I say when I contact him? Thank you!!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Catherine,

      hmm, let’s give him the benefit of the doubt this time. Maybe he didnt know what to say or his life is not really that eventful in the last days.. try again after 3-5 days.. List out interesting things for him, those that he always loved talking about..

  23. Anna - 0

    Anna

    Hi amour,
    I made the no contact rule and i texted him he replied very postively to me i used to act like i dont care and we hangout but one day he kissed me like as if it was a joke i acted like needy in this day and i think he felt that i still in love with him i asked him how you think about me he escaped from the question and said it is not necessary that i answer it on the second day he texted me as if nothing had happened , he was caring alot and sometimes get jeolous but i dont know if i lost the chance of getting him back ?? What should i do ?? , thank you

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anna,
      Yeah, he more likely knows now that you’re trying to get him back.. So, you need stop talking to him again.. Maybe a week or two.. don’t move too fast after that.

    • Anna - 0

      Anna

      Hi amout,
      He texts me alot and i replie but i decided to not see him for a week we used to see each other every day , what do you think ??

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yeah try that

  24. elaine - 0

    elaine

    my bf and i broke up last wednesday and the day after i begged him to come back to me but he said things have already changed and we were impossible and that we shall be good friends. In the last few days i would text him and he would usually replies and we would have lunch together after class. Is this the right thing to do? I cannot completely follow the no contact rule since we have classes and group projects to do together. Sometimes he would even text me first and ask whether i need help me take the homework. We bought the movie ticket for the coming sun before the breakup which I reallly want to go but Should i start my no contact now? I am so confused. Thanks for helping! And i think i cannot really no contact him for 30 days causes I misses him so much and about the school-together thing.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Elaine,

      if you’re going to do the no contact rule, that means only talking to him about important things and when he initiates, you have to reply direct and short,unengaging but polite way. You have to focus in doing other things, new things and making new friends, basically you’re moving on, improving yourself without totally moving on..If you keep seeing him now, you’re just helping him to either friendzone you or slowly move in from you totally.

  25. Jennifer - 0

    Jennifer

    hey should my first text be like this :
    have you watch the movie Suicide Squad? if yes, don’t you think that the character of the joker is like your friend( his friends name)? lol

    Tomorrow, will be my first text since a week…
    if not can you help me to change my text
    thanks

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s ok…did you send it? Was joker like his friend, just because of the name? if there are other reasons like the smile and the way he moves, you can also try something like:

      I am so seeing you’re friend Joker while watching suicide squad’s Joker, From the walk, the smile, heck even if he’s just standing. Have you seen it? How are you guys by the way?

  26. safiya - 0

    safiya

    hello:-),
    my ex broke up with me 6 months ago. our relationship started falling apart when he told me a coworker made a move on him while he was drinking at a bar one night after work. i told him to cut contact with this young lady and he didn’t. he continued contacting her. after about 1 year he can to visit me on vacation because we are in a long distance relationship, i caught him messaging this girl and i told him it was over. about 2 days after we started communicating with each other and i told him to stop contacting this girl again. after he went back home, it was about 8 months after, he called me crying and said he messed up because he was still contacting the girl and he feel love with her. because this was our first relationship, i begged him to let us fix thing and start over and he agreed. about 8 months after, he ended our relationship because he stated messaging her again, i cried my eyes out because i loved him so much. i asked him if it was possible to fix thing and he told me no. i again started asking him to rethink his decision and he made it care he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me. this was the time i started the no contact rule and he kept calling me and messaging me. i messed up because i started talking back to him after 2 weeks no contact. old feelings started to arise and i told him i will not keep contacting him because it is hard for me to be just friends with someone i was once had an intimate relationship with. we stop contacting each other for about 2 weeks, i would check his accounts on social media and he was always online but he wasn’t messaging me. so i started to assume he was talking to that young lady he ended our relationship for. October was his birthday and i sent him a message and he tried to contact me but i was busy and i didn’t get to response and he didn’t even make the effect to call me again. i started checking his accounts on social media to see if he was online and he was online but not talking to me. i assumed he was talking to the young lady he ended our relationship for so i stated to forget about him and tried my best to move on. about 1 week ago, i received a message from him asking me what i would like for my Christmas gift. i gave him the cold shoulder but he insisted on me telling him what i wanted so i did. he didn’t reply after i told him. about 4 days ago he contacted me again, i didn’t reply. for about 3 days i didn’t reply to his messages. during that time i made the decision to change the color of my hair and place a pic on social media. he stated messaging me after he saw the pic, i finally gave in and replied to one of him messages. he later called me yelling and telling me to always reply to his messages. i told him i do not have to reply to his messaging and the world does not revolve around him. he calmed down and started to ask me what i did to my hair, i told him nothing. he started an argument telling me that i should have some respect for him and answer him messages. i didn’t respond, i just asked him how was work? and he calmed down. he later told me he was relocating to another state because of work and when i checked it out the state he was relocating to was nearer to the girl he cheated on me with. i got angry and i asked him what was his true reasons for relocating and he didn’t reply to my message until the next day, he told me the same reason he told me in the beginning. i am confused, i don’t know what to think. one minutes i feel like he wants to mend our relationship and the next minute i feel he is just holding on to me has a friend he doesn’t want to lose. i really love him and i would do anything for him to give our relationship another chance. we were together for 4 years and we planned our future together, he even asked me to marry him. but since he migrated(we are in different countries) he became another person and he told me he sees no future with me anymore. i want to move on but each step i take forward i keep going back once he sends me a message and i feel he know that but he is too selfish to let me go although he knows he hurt me and i still love him. do you think he has moved on? i asked him if he has moved on and he refused to answer. he ignore my questions whenever i ask him about us getting back together. do you think he still loves me and want to be with me? r do you think he has moved on?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Safiya,

      it looks like he misses you but it doesnt mean he wants to get back with you.. He lost attraction and that was it.. Until now he’s still not attracted and he still sees the old you.. There maybe a chance but not until you totally change and stop fighting every time you talk.. understand that that happens because you still have feelings for him and he still thinks you should act a certain way.. but refrain from engaging in fights, it’s not going to help

  27. Madaline - 0

    Madaline

    Hey Amor,

    I just completed the 30 day no contact rule and sent my ex a text yesterday talking about an achievement of mine, he then texted back quickly and positively and congratulated me on it and asked me a question about it. I waited an hour or 2 to reply and said I would tell him more about the achievement later because i was a little busy today and made sure to end the conversation. I sent another text today saying more about the achievement and this had no reply. (This is day 2). So since he didn’t reply, do I stay on level 2 and send another message tomorrow? or do I go and wait a while before sending another message? I don’t want to seem desperate. Also after the no contact rule, is it ok to start looking at his snap stories? He will know that if I saw them. Also he still hasn’t turned on fb chat for me either 🙁

    Reply
  28. Jenny - 0

    Jenny

    How often should you text your ex after the no contact rule? He never texted me during no contact. I texted him first and he replied quickly after. Not sure where to take it from here.

    Reply

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