How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Back

Will Text Messages Be THE THING That Gets Your Ex Back?

Using text messages to get your ex boyfriend back can be one of the most effective “recovery” tactics that one can employ.

In fact, if done correctly, a text message can bring up reminiscent feelings that can set you down the right path to getting your ex back.

However, there seems to be a huge misunderstanding among the women out there on how to actually use text messaging effectively.

I am not going to lie to you, sending a text message is a huge risk, if done incorrectly you will decimate any chance you have of that happy reunion you keep daydreaming about.

In order for this to work the landscape has to be set up in a certain way.

Allow me to explain.

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And that’s where I come in!

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What if I were to tell you that I have put together an “On Demand Coaching Class” where I am going to coach you for free?

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Oh, and if you were wondering “Jennifer Christina” is my wife 😉 .

This is another Facebook testimonial from someone who is on the Private Facebook Group.

I’ve got about 300 more Facebook testimonials just like this.

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Understanding Where Texting Fits Into The Grand Scheme Of Things

I want you to take a moment and look at the graphic below,

strategy

This is the basic strategy that I teach to women who come to Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

(Obviously things can get more advanced as you go.)

Now, if this is your first time being exposed to the strategy I would be shocked if you weren’t confused.

I like to tell newbies that our strategy is a little like a puzzle.

You can’t just pick and choose the pieces that you think will fit correctly. Things have to be done in a certain order.

Of course, when you put the puzzle pieces in the right order you give yourself the best chance to succeed.

Now, I started this article off by telling you that if you don’t use text messages in the right way you can essentially ruin your chances of success.

Well, here is the right way to use them,

strategy-copy

Still confused?

Ok, I don’t want you to send any type of text message until AFTER the no contact rule has been completed.

I can hear the chorus of people screaming,

“CHRIS! Hold your horses… What is the no contact rule?”

Great question!

BUT FIRST… There’s Something Important You Need To Know

I have been helping men and women get back with their exes for over half a decade and I have learned that most people have preconceived notions when they end up on my site. They think that all they have to do is follow the directions that I give them on the page and they are good to go. Now, while this may hold true in some cases I will say that texting an ex is usually such a complex process that I can’t explain everything there is to explain in one simple article.

Luckily, I have created an “ultimate resource” for you to follow to not only help you understand the correct way to text your ex but to also help you get your ex back.

All you have to do learn about this resource is to click the button below,

Ultimate Texting GuideTactics I Just Can't Publish Publically...

 

Understanding How No Contact Can Fit Into The Texting Strategy

I am going to level with you…

The no contact rule is a very complex idea. Sure, it may sound simple to the average reader but you will find there are so many layers of things that have to be done in order to be successful with it that it merits it’s own article.

Luckily, I have created that article for you.

My recommendation is to read that article first before you even think about continuing.

Why?

Because I am going to give you the bare minimum definition on how the no contact rule works.

And if you are very serious about getting your ex boyfriend back (which I know you are) then you are going to want the intricate and layered definition.

So, what is the no contact rule?

Well, this is going to sound really weird but for the next 21 – 45 days I don’t want you to talk to your ex boyfriend.

Like… at all.

WHAT???

Yup, I know it sounds ridiculous but trust me, doing this will stack the odds in your favor in a very unique way.

Did you know that according to statistics cited in Your Tango 65% of men have admitted to thinking about their ex girlfriends too much?

Now, since I am a guy I can definitely say that this is a very true statement.

And the no contact rule is essentially going to raise your chances of making your ex boyfriend think about you too much.

So, for the next 21 – 45 days days you are not going to talk, text, email or write to your ex.

Oh, and in case you are wondering it is not going to be easy.

Since you are on my site I am assuming that you are interested in somehow trying to get your boyfriend back.

No matter how hard it is or how much you want to talk to him DO NOT DO IT, even if he responds you have to ignore it.

(UPDATE: I will say that there are certain situations where you must alter the no contact rule. In order to get a list of those situations click here)

You may be sitting there and wondering something like,

Ok, I get this whole idea of the no contact rule but why does it even work? Is there any evidence to back up the fact that it works?

Truthfully the psychology behind why it works is fascinating. Of course, in order for me to properly explain it to you I must first let you in on how a man can view a breakup.

As a guy, I will admit we have a warped way of looking at things. For example, after a breakup a guy will think something like…

“Just wait, she will text me begging to come back.”

Now, that is wrong on so many levels but you are going to use this type of thinking to your advantage.

By completely taking 21 – 45 days for yourself without texting him or talking to him at all you are slowly taking control of the situation.

Instead of thinking

“Just wait, she will text me begging to come back.”

He is going to be thinking..

“Why hasn’t she texted me yet? Has she moved on already?”

Do you see the power of the no contact rule now?

It is basically the ultimate way to get him checking his phone every five minutes to see if today is the day that YOU will text HIM.

But why?

Why does he have that reaction.

Well, the no contact rule utilizes a psychological principle called reactance.

Reactance: Human beings have freedoms. When those freedoms are threatened they are likely to react in a way to get that freedom back.

Let’s look at what’s happening here with the no contact rule.

By using the no contact rule on your ex boyfriend you are depriving him of HIS freedom to talk to you.

According to reactance he will react in a way to try to get that freedom back.

In other words, you may notice that he starts doing things in an effort to get your attention.

Ok, now that you have a general idea of what the no contact rule is I think we should move on and focus a bit on texting.

We already know that you aren’t supposed to use any type of texting strategies on your ex boyfriend until AFTER the no contact rule.

But even before you send your ex boyfriend a text I want to show you something.

GNATTING (What Is It?)

Since you are all beautiful women 😉 I am sure you have had your fair share of suitors throughout your life.

Now, out of those suitors, throughout your years in the dating realm there has had to have been at least one guy that didn’t pick up the hints that you weren’t interested in him.

He texted you, you ignored

He texted you again, you ignored again

And so on and so forth.

It usually looks a little something like this:

no-hint-text

Essentially, the person who sent the message above turned into a text terrorist.

The text receiver was clearly ignoring the sender but they refused to accept that fact so they kept texting until they they could get a response.

Most women fail at texting their exes for the simple fact that they commit this texting sin and quite honestly it’s not even their fault.

Right after a break up everyone involved is out of whack emotionally and are prone to do some really stupid things.

I have heard plenty of stories where women, in the heat of the moment, texted their exes multiple times, even after getting no response.

Now, after almost half a decade of researching and helping the visitors to this site I have come up with a pretty clever acronym to describe someone who goes a little crazy when it comes to texting their ex.

I like to call it GNATTING.

G- Going

N- Nuts

A- At

T- Texting

The best way to think of this is to imagine that you are walking down the street when, all of a sudden, you have the misfortune of walking into a swarm of gnats.

Of course, if you have ever had this experience you would know that they follow you wherever you go.

You walk to the left, they follow you to the left.

You walk to the right, they follow you to the right.

You try to swat them away, they buzz harder.

It seems like no matter what you do they just won’t leave you alone.

Well, if were to apply this same principle to your ex you would be the gnat that is constantly following your ex boyfriend around.

Of course, I still haven’t explained why this is such a mistake.

Why Gnatting Is A Big Mistake

Have you ever seen that popular show, How I Met Your Mother?

Well, if you haven’t I certainly have 😉

self-five

(If you watch the show you would get the reference.)

Anyways, there is this really hilarious scene where Barney Stinson (a character) attempts to describe what’s called,

The Hot/Crazy Scale

It’s basically this scale that describes how “hot” a woman has to be to put up with her crazy antics.

I can’t do it justice in a simple explanation though so I am going to recommend that you take a simple minute out of your day and watch this,

Do you see where I am going with this?

No?

Ok, I want you to imagine the Hot/Crazy Scale without the Hot aspect embedded within. In other words, it doesn’t matter how “hot” you are. If you are crazy then you are simply going to be looked at as crazy and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.

That’s kind of what happens when you engage in gnatting.

You are labeled as crazy and the more and more you engage in this type of behavior the farther away you are going to get from your ultimate goal of getting him back.

Don’t become a gnat.

Just don’t do it…

The Correct Way To Utilize Text Messages

Do you remember the graphic I created for you above detailing the entire strategy of getting your ex boyfriend back?

No?

Ok, no worries I will just post it below again for you,

strategy

Well, what if I told you that every single one of these “puzzle pieces” had puzzles pieces to go within them?

Take a look below,

overall-texting-strategy

Still confused?

Ok, let me make it a bit clearer.

With this particular article we are going to be focusing on this part of the strategy,

overall-texting-strategy-copy

Take a good look at this graphic.

Essentially the most important components that you need to master when you text your ex boyfriend are,

  • The First Contact Text Message
  • Rapport Building Messages
  • Attraction Building Text Messages

So, from this point on that is what we are going to focus on.

I am going to teach you to master each of these components so you can truly be ready when the time comes to text your ex boyfriend.

Sound good?

Let’s begin with the first contact text message.

The First Contact Text Message

I have been doing this for a pretty long time and have pretty much learned that the first contact message is an essential part of the overall strategy that I teach.

How essential?

Think of it this way.

Generally you only have three chances to nail this and get a positive response.

If you don’t do it within those three times then your chances of success take a pretty drastic hit.

No pressure though.

Luckily, since I have determined that this is an essential part of the strategy I have spent a lot of time refining my strategy for it and have even recorded entire podcast episodes over it here (link) and here (link.)

The first contact text message has three main parts to it,

  1. The Action Phrase
  2. The Theme
  3. The Story

What I’d like to do is take a moment to dive into each one of these and really expand upon them so you have a really good idea of what I am going for here.

The Action Phrase

What do you think I mean when I say,

“Action Phrase?”

Is it like those old Batman cartoons that had the words,
“Bam”

“Wam”

“Pow”

In them?

pow

Actually that’s kind of right.

I want you to take a second and imagine something for me. You are at a crowded bar with a group of your friends. Now, since you are a nice person you offer to go buy drinks for everyone in your group.

After listening very intently to everyone’s drink order you go to the bartender and put in the order.

Of course, there is always that moment of awkward silence upon ordering your drinks where you are just sitting there waiting for the drinks to be made.

So you decide to do the one thing that you always have fun doing, check out some of the guys.

Upon inspecting the latest crop you notice there isn’t anything that’s up to your standards.

That’s when you hear it…

“Mam, your drinks are ready.”

You grab the drinks and begin to walk over to your friends who are bunched up in a very tight knit group.

It’s loud…

The music is blaring…

And as much as you yell you can’t get any of your friends attention.

That’s when a thought enters your head.

“Hmm… I wonder if I….”

You put the drinks down and decide to clap your hands as loud as you possibly can,

jokerclap

In that instant all of your friends have your undivided attention. In fact, the whole bar does.

That’s kind of what we are trying to do here with the action phrase portion of the first contact text message.

We are trying to say something that will snap your ex to attention.

Remember, if you follow the plan I laid out here (link) then you will have just ignored your ex boyfriend for 21 – 45 days.

Simply saying,

hey

Isn’t going to cut it.

You are going to have to do a lot better than that.

You need to say something that will not only capture his attention but peak his interest.

One of my personal favorite action phrases is,

action-phrase

What is your automatic response to this text?

It’s to say, “what,” right?

The action phrase is meant to set up the next part of your text which we will talk about right now.

The Theme

A lot of women come to me every single day and ask a simple question,

“Is there any advantage that I have over the other girls trying to attract my ex girlfriend?”

The answer to that question is yes.

The advantage that you have is knowledge.

Now, it may not be as flashy as something like the honeymoon period but knowledge can be a very powerful thing if it’s wielded in the right way.

You’ve heard of that famous book called,

The Art of War

Right?

It’s written by this genius named Sun Tzu who was a Chinese general.

Anyways, in it he says,

“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”

Which of these categories do you think you fall into?

Well, you know your ex and you know yourself so I think you have a pretty clear advantage over other women.

Of course, it’s how you wield your knowledge that will make all the difference between success and failure.

So, what is the correct way to use knowledge?

You know your ex boyfriend.

You dated him.

You know what he likes and you know what he doesn’t like.

So use this knowledge when it comes to your first contact text message. Make sure that you aren’t talking about something that he will have no interest in.

I’ll give you an example.

A couple of months ago I did something that was unheard of in my industry.

I actually filmed a live coaching session and posted it live to my website for FREE.

The whole coaching session covers how to handle the first contact text message. When I got to the part where Whitney (the woman I was coaching) and I were talking about how to use her knowledge of her ex properly I explained the idea of creating a theme for a text message.

I’ll tell you what I told her.

Use your ex boyfriends “likes” to create a theme for your first contact text message.

Whitney determined that her ex loved golf so her theme should be golf. In other words, throughout her first contact text message she would emphasize golf.

More specifically, she would work golf into a story for her ex boyfriend.

The Story

People connect with stories.

Why do you think movies and TV shows are so popular?

It’s because we love watching/ reading stories.

Ironically I have found them to be eerily effective with first contact text messages.

Let me give you an example.

Whitney, the woman I decided to coach ended up picking golf as her theme and when she worked it into a story it looked like this,

text-result

You may have also noticed that she utilized her action phrase before she told her story.

By the way, the screenshot of the text message you see above is from her phone.

This is the real result that she got.

Now, should you use her text word for word and send it to your ex boyfriend?

Absolutely not.

I am just trying to give you the formula.

Which is this,

template

That’s pretty much the nuts and bolts of what I want you to do for the first contact text message. Let’s move on to the more interesting text messages.

Rapport Building Text Messages

Women are always coming up to me and asking,

“Chris, how do I “re-build” attraction with my ex over text?”

And I used to give some long winded answer about how it’s important to “be interesting” or “influence them.”

But what does that even mean?

I think the truth was that I didn’t even know.

And that fact always kind of annoyed me.

So, about a year ago I decided to dissect this thing called “attraction.”

Specifically, how do you spark it.

All I had to do was draw from my own experience and take an introspective look at what’s worked on me.

And the more I thought about it the more I began to realize that attraction doesn’t just come out of nowhere.

Instead, there is a clear path to it.

And that path starts with rapport.

Allow me to elaborate.

Rapport is defined as a close and harmonious relationship in which the people or groups concerned understand each other’s feelings or ideas and communicate well.

In other words, rapport is the thing that is built when you get along with someone.

The way I look at it rapport simply lays the foundation for attraction.

Without it you don’t have any hope to build any type of attraction.

I often tell the story of the time that I went on a date where no rapport was built at all.

Seriously, I tried everything on this date to build rapport with this girl but she wasn’t having it.

I would tell a funny joke, she wouldn’t even crack a smile.

I would tell an engaging story, she would stare at me blankly.

Nothing was working on this girl.

Suffice it to say, I couldn’t create a harmonious relationship with her where she understood my feelings or ideas.

As a result, the date was disastrous.

Here is my point, attraction cannot be built without rapport. It’s an essential part of the process. It creates a foundation that you can build attraction upon.

In fact, one of the biggest mistakes that I see women making on a continual basis is the fact that they try to start building attraction with their exes without first having built rapport.

And who can blame them?

They just ignored their exes via the no contact rule and they want to start seeing the fruits of their labor. Unfortunately, patience and discipline will be required here.

And that patience and discipline will come in the form of building rapport.

But how?

How do you successfully build rapport with your ex boyfriend?

Well, I think a great reference point to look at is how salespeople use rapport.

It’s often said that before you go in for the kill (aka: the sale) you must first build rapport with your prospect. Essentially you are priming the prospect for the sales pitch.

Warming them up to it so to speak.

You can build this type of rapport in three ways,

  1. Making It Personalized
  2. Making It Unique
  3. Making It Appropriate

This template is going to be the reference point for every rapport building message that you send to your ex.

Now, I have thought for a long time on how best to explain the rapport building messages to you and ultimately I decided on giving you a fake scenario and crafting a message around it.

So, here is our scenario.

(Jason and Jane just went through a breakup after Jason refused to take their relationship to the next level (marriage.) Everything seemed perfect between the two of them. So perfect in fact that many of their close personal friends thought they were made for each other. Both of them were workout fanatics. Both of them loved reading and cuddling on the couch.)

So, in this scenario what can Jane do with a rapport building text message?

Well, let’s start by making it unique.

How To Text In A Unique Way

We want her to come at this from a different angle than most of her counterparts would.

Uniqueness in my mind when it comes to text messages can come in many shapes and forms.

Sometimes it’s sending a video message…

Sometimes it’s wording something in a unique way…

Sometimes it’s sending a picture when no one else would…

Of course, I have the benefit of data and experience and I can tell you that I have seen a lot of women have incredible results with video messages.

In fact, I am going to tell you a little story about myself and video text messages.

When I turned 24 something really interesting happened to my overall mindset about dating. Most kids my age were content to date around and have fun. However, that idea never appealed to me too much. I am the type of person who puts his all into his relationships and putting the work in and constantly dating a ton of women can get a little boring.

So, at 24 I decided that I was going to start looking for someone I could fall madly in love with.

This wasn’t about sex…

This wasn’t about having fun…

This was about finding someone who could turn my world upside down.

Even if I got hurt in the process I wanted to have an experience that I could draw upon for inspiration.

And at 24 I didn’t think I had felt that way about anyone in my life yet.

Of course, I am a very analytical human being which doesn’t always mesh with “love” where emotions rule. So, rather than dissecting things I decided to look at it like a giant sales pitch.

When you boil dating down to it’s simplest form that’s essentially all it is.

A contest where you have to show a girl that you are the best candidate for her to date.

And honestly the best way to do that is to go above and beyond.

This certainly applies to text messages.

After much deliberation I decided that I was going to swallow my pride of hiding behind words and put my face out there.

Now ladies, let me ask you a question.

How many men in your lives take the time to send you a personal video of themselves anymore?

Not a lot, huh?

So, that’s what I decided to do to be unique.

Instead of merely texting I was going to send a personal video of myself.

In fact, that’s what I did the very first time I texted my wife.

I remember it as clear as day.

I woke up one morning and thought to myself,

I am just going to send a video of myself eating breakfast. It wasn’t anything special to be honest with you. It was simply a look into my daily routine.

However, I did it in such a unique way (by sending her a text video) that she could connect with it.

Now we are married 😉 .

So, let’s say that Jane adopts this unique way of texting.

She decides that she wants to record a video of herself saying something to build rapport.

What should she say?

Well, that’s where personalization comes into play

How To Craft A Personalized Message

Human beings are wired for connections.

I’ll give you an example.

I was doing an interview with a guy by the name of Matt Marr the other day.

Super nice guy.

Super successful too.

So, we did the interview and afterwards we got to talking about our likes and dislikes. Anyways, I happened to mention that I was a big fan of Buffy The Vampire Slayer and he stops everything he is doing and says this to me,

“Wow, if you lived near me I am pretty sure we would be best friends!”

Now, obviously this made me feel good because I found another Buffy fan but I also noticed he started opening up to me after that.

It’s because I hit on a connection we had that was very personalized for him.

I want you to have that type of a moment with your ex.

But how?

Well, I will be the first to admit that it’s not going to be as easy in your case because your ex boyfriend probably thinks he knows everything about you and part of the power of this connection method that I am talking about is when your ex learns something new about you.

But there has to be something that you can connect with your ex on that he doesn’t know about yet.

Human beings always have hidden depths.

Even if it’s as small as being a fan of watermelon it will work.

The key here is that it has to be something that both of you have in common.

Of course, the more meaningful the connection is to him the better.

So, let’s say that your ex boyfriend is a big fan of comic books. Of course, you are also a big fan of comic books as well except you never talked about that with him.

Can you imagine sending a video message saying something like,

“Just thought I would drop you a line seeing as how I picked up the latest issue of Batman. Totally loving it!”

Not only will you blow his mind because you are a fan of comic books but you are going to hit on that connection and you will find that he is super easy to get to open up.

Making The Message Appropriate

Why do you think I added this section?

Well, I thought it would be appropriate to mention that the message you send to your ex needs to be appropriate.

Don’t compare him to bear poop (which literally happened before.)

In addition, don’t cry on video or complain about how much you miss him.

These desperate behaviors are going to drive him away.

Make sure your message is appropriate for the context that we are dealing with here.

Attraction Building Text Messages

I have thought for a long time on how I wanted to handle this section.

There are so many ways to tackle “attraction text messages.” However, I ultimately settled upon love…

Wait, what?

Well, I happened to stumble across this amazing research where scientists literally tried to find out what makes someone fall in love with another person.

They found the following factors were present,

  • Similarity Is Important
  • Emotional Arousal

So, here is my idea. Every single text message that you send to your ex boyfriend needs to have purpose. What better way to hit on that purpose than to make sure every single text message you send hits on making him fall in love with you.

Let’s look at these love text messages a bit deeper.

Similarity Is Important

What’s that famous quote?

Opposites attract.

Actually when it comes to relationships research suggests the opposite is true.

Have you ever seen that movie High Fidelity?

Well, there is a scene in that movie that perfectly sums up what I am going for here,

It’s what you like, not what you are like.

In other words, one of the pillars of attraction that we are going for here is similarity. The more in common that you have with your ex the better.

Now, some of you may have just hit the panic button upon hearing this.

If you are one of these people please don’t.

I am not saying that you have to be a clone of your ex for him to like you. Instead, I am saying leverage you similarities with a little game I like to call,

Have you ever….

What Is The “Have You Ever” Game?

The way this works is simple.

You are going to play a texting game with your ex.

The gist of this game is to see how much you and your ex have in common. Of course, the best part of this little game is that you aren’t going to tell your ex that you are playing it.

I am going to diagram the purpose of this game out for you,

have-you-ever-game

 

So, the game starts where you ask your ex boyfriend a simple question through text message,

have-you-ever-text

What you are trying to do here is bring a similarity to light by asking a simple question. Now, in this example we are going to assume that your ex boyfriend is really big into telescopes and stuff like that. Hence, the reason I composed a text about a super moon.

Now, when your ex boyfriend responds to the super moon text I want you to engage him into talking about the super moon for as long as possible.

It should look something like this except it’s a little more drawn out in real life,

engaging-messages

After you have fully drew out the similarity I want you to repeat the process over and over again. Except this time I want you to ask him a question in a different way other than,

“Have you ever _____”

Get it?

By playing this little game you are going to be hammering your similarities home to him on a consistent basis.

Let’s move on to our next attraction building text message.

Emotional Arousal

Pay attention to this section because nothing on this page is more important than grasping this concept.

Yes, it’s that important.

What’s the first thing that you think of when someone talks about arousal?

Sex, right?

At least, that’s what I think of.

But when I talk about arousal from this point on I am not talking about sexual arousal or something of that nature.

So, what am I talking about?

The dictionary defines arousal as to stir to action or strong response; excite: .

That’s what I am going for here. I am talking about inspiring your ex when you talk to them to take a certain action (Ideally a positive one.)

Now, here is the funny thing about arousal.

It’s often said that Any type of situation that affects us emotionally increases the chance of falling in love.

Now, I am not sure I agree with that statement but it gives me a starting point to describe an interesting phenomenon.

I wouldn’t say that I am a workout fanatic or anything like that but I do love to work out. In fact, I try to get at least five workouts in every single week. And one of the hard truths that I have had to learn about working out is the fact that if you don’t have music playing in your ears while you workout it can be an extremely painful experience.

Of course, I like the randomness of having the radio on when I work out.

(Some things are better left up to chance and this is one of them.)

Every once in a while a song will come on the radio that inspires me. It really gets me motivated. It gives me this amazing feeling in my chest and for a short period of time I feel like I have some incredible out of body experience where everything is effortless.

I was dead tired but a minute after hearing this song I feel alive for the first time.

If you work out I am sure you have had this experience happen to you at least once in your life.

Ultimately the song was so good that it aroused you.

The ultimate goal when you are texting your ex boyfriend is to make him aroused in this way.

While talking to you, you want him to feel inspired.

You want him to feel genuinely happy.

You want to touch him on a deep level.

But why?

The Good Feelings Theory

I have this theory.

Of course, in order to explain this theory properly I need to get a bit scientific. Specifically, I need to explain what happens when you have a crush on someone.
Let’s pretend that you develop a crush on someone at your work. Every time you see this person you feel excited and “giddy.”

Have you ever taken a moment to stop and ask yourself what causes that feeling?

Well, when you see your crush and become aroused the neurons in your brain start releasing dopamine (also known as the “feel good hormone.”)

Dopamine has been associated with feelings of euphoria.

Now, here is where things get interesting.

This euphoric feeling is triggered by seeing your crush and it makes you feel good. And because your body wants to keep feeling good your brain will constantly fire off more dopamine.

And this is kind of what you are going after here with arousal.

The ultimate goal is to make your ex boyfriend so aroused that every time he sees a text from you dopamine is constantly being fired in his brain.

In other words, you are reinforcing the fact that you make him feel good on a biological level with every text you send.

But how?

How can some simple words in a text message make this happen?

Well, I’ll leave it up to J.K. Rowling to explain that,

“Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it.”

And we are definitely looking for some magic here.

Understanding The Inner Workings Of Arousal

In the example above I asked you to imagine a crush.

After doing that I thoroughly explained the biological workings of feeling aroused.

But have you ever asked yourself what is going on inside of a mans head when he is becoming aroused by a woman?

Well, I would like to tackle that now because understanding this one simple fact is essential for you to be able to construct a perfect arousal text message.

When I found the research on dopamine above I remember thinking that it was extremely interesting. However, I also thought that when dopamine is being fired off in my brain when I have a crush on someone the inner workings are completely different.

It’s often the daydreams that do it for me.

I’ll give you an example.

When I met my wife and we started texting back and forth I got that giddy feeling of euphoria. In fact, that’s how I knew that I was falling for her. Whenever I got a text from someone I automatically wanted it to be from her.

And when it wasn’t I almost felt disdain for the person who was texting me.

But an interesting thing started happening.

I remember having these vivid daydreams where I would imagine a potential future with her.

I would daydream about anything you could imagine.

Her being in trouble and me coming to the rescue,

superman

Going to parties with her,

parties

Heck, even dressing up for Halloween,

halloween

It was really these daydreams that pushed me over the edge and made me take the necessary actions to date her.

And here is the scary truth.

If I had just liked her a little and didn’t have those type of daydreams I wouldn’t have ever dated her.

She was the one woman who made me feel euphoric and aroused.

However, upon reading about the dopamine I am wondering if my dopamine was working on overdrive when I was having these vivid daydreams?

I think so.

And I think the daydreams might also be the key to re-attracting your ex boyfriend.

Now, let’s call upon some of that magic.

Arousal Text Messages

Daydreams are key here.

I want you to remember that.

But not all daydreams can be positive.

(Buffy Spoiler Alert)

I’ll never forget the episode of Buffy called “Hell’s Bells” where one of the main characters, Xander, is about to get married to his longtime girlfriend Anya.

Of course, a demon comes to town and gives him these vivid daydreams of what their life could be like.

And the daydreams he has are horrifying.

His whole life flashes before his eyes and he calls the wedding off.

Now, the only reason I say that is because we are dealing with your ex boyfriend. Someone who may not be too happy with you right now.

So, it’s important that if you are going to lead your ex to have a daydream about you that it be positive.

Now, the key to a good positive daydream is that it has to be emotionally affecting.

Now, there is one way that you can do this really extremely well.

Re enforce The Height Of Your Relationship

Let’s tackle reinforcing the height of your relationship first.

The Height Of Your Relationship

Have you ever heard of this idea of misattribution of emotions?

The basis of the theory is that sometimes you can have an emotional experience that is so powerful that it affects you an a deep level. However, you don’t know where that feeling comes from. So, you kind of stick that experience to the most practical thing you can think of.

Dan Ariely, an MIT behavioral economist, did a really fascinating study where he surveyed an audience who was watching a band.

He asked the audience a pretty simple question,

How attractive do you think the band members are.

He asked the audience this question before the band started playing.

After all the answers were in he told the band to start playing their songs. When the band ultimately finished playing he then posited the same question to the audience, how attractive do you think each of the band members are?

An overwhelming majority of the audience gave the band members a huge boost in attractiveness.

So, what happened here?

Well, the band played songs that made people emotional.

It aroused them and ultimately they determined that the band was responsible for how they were feeling which meant that they were more attractive.

Now, why do you think I told you that story?

Well, the key thing you need to keep in mind here is that when you are trying to reenforce the height of your relationship you are trying to tap into this misattribution of emotions.

By bringing up an experience that affects your ex on an emotional level you are banking on the fact that he is going to associate you with those positive emotions.

Now, how can you do this with a text?

Well, I am going to ask you a series of questions and depending on how you answer these questions is going to tell me the angle you should take when typing up a text message.

  1. What was the exact moment in your relationship with your ex that you felt like it couldn’t get any better?
  2. If you could use a specific image to describe that moment what would it be?
  3. Describe how the most powerful feelings made you feel during the peak of your relationship.

Hmm…

The more I write this up the more I feel like I should do this exercise with you.

Ok, so here’s the deal.

I will use my relationship with my wife as an example to show you how to really reenforce the peak.

I’ll take it question by question.

What was the exact moment in your relationship that you felt like it couldn’t get any better?

The moment that I was staring into her eyes during our wedding.

If you could use a specific image to describe that moment what would it be?

Luckily, our wedding had professional photographers so I have the exact moment captured on film. Here’s a picture of the exact moment I am talking about above,

jennifer-chris-w-189-copy

Now, I do want to interject for a moment here.

Please do not think you have to have your exact “peak moment” captured with your ex. Imagery is the most important thing I am going for here.

If you think back to your peak moment and this is the image that is conjured in your mind,

field

Then that is completely fine.

Having a picture is important. Take your time on this.

Describe how the most powerful feelings made you feel during the peak of your relationship.

Honestly, I felt like I had an endless amount of butterflies in my stomach. I became very in tune with my body and the emotions I was feeling.

I remember shaking with excitement as I held her hands.

I remember being touched when tears started forming in her eyes.

I felt like I had final reached the epitome of love.

So, now that I have answered these questions to the best of my knowledge lets put it all together and create a killer text.

You are going to start with one simple statement,

statement

Why do you think you are going to say this?

Well, it’s to establish trust right off the bat.

You want him to think,

“Wow, she trusts me enough to tell me something she has never told anyone before.”

It also serves as the perfect bait to get him engaged in the conversation.

Out of all the text messages you will send to your ex this is the one text that you want him engaged.

Next you are going to send this,

wind-up

This is the wind up/set up.

You are framing the text with this message and you are also introducing him to the picture that you associate with the peak of your relationship.

The next part is essential though,

the-payoff

This is where you describe the peak and how it made you feel.

You are counting on the fact that with the imagery and the intense description of how you felt you are going to bring him back to that moment as well.

Now, I do want to say one thing before I move on to the next text type.

Sending this message is a risk.

There is no doubt about it.

Make sure you have built up a lot of rapport and sent out a lot of feelers to ensure that the likelihood of him responding negatively to this text is low.

Aren’t There More Text Messages Than This?

I want to start this section off with a bit of a confession.

So far I have only covered three text message types throughout this article.

The obvious question you are probably having at this point is,

“Aren’t there more text message types?”

The answer to that question is a resounding YES!

Here’s the problem though.

We are already about 7,000 words into this article and I have only tackled three messages. The fact of the matter is that I don’t have the time it takes to explain 250 different text message types to you.

That’s what I wrote “The Texting Bible” for.

So, that’s where I am going to recommend that you turn your attention if you want a full outline of every text that you are going to need to send to your ex.

The article is ending suddenly, huh?

I kind of do this on purpose to constantly keep you wanting more.

Remember, The Texting Bible, is probably the best way to fully understand the ins and the outs of texting.

February 1, 2017

Will Text Messages Be THE THING That Gets Your Ex Back?

In so many of the success stories I’ve heard over the years, the primary way that the couple communicated was texting. Texts are short, simple and can lead to HUGE results if you can send the right text message, in the right situation. But it all depends on the inner-dynamics of your relationship.

We’ve put together a quiz, so you can find out if text messages will work for your individual situation. It’s a total of 19 questions, and only takes about 5 minutes to answer. Are you ready to know ?

Take 5 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Now!

What Do You Think? (2,684)

  1. Cecilia - 0

    Cecilia

    Hello,
    I broke up with my boyfriend around 1 month ago. We have been in a long distance as we come from different countries, and he’s currently on working holiday. We’ve been together for almost 9 months, including 4 months together in both Taiwan and New Zealand. We are both around 25. He said he doesn’t know what he wants, we’re in a long distance relationship, and even if he comes to Taiwan again, he will keep traveling, he will meet new people, thus he decided to break up with me as he felt he’s not ready for a long-term relationship, even if he cried and it was a hard decision for him as well. He said we could still be good friends even if at that time I didn’t think so.
    I did the no contact for around half a month after we broke up, I tried to focus on myself and improve myself during the period. After that, I started to contact him. He calls me and texts me when he has free time, and he admitted that he still loves me as he thinks I love him. He doesn’t want me to see other guys as he gets jealous. However, when I asked if he regrets making the decision to break up with me, he said he doesn’t. He said even if we’re back together again, the problem is still there…that we’re still in a long distance relationship, but he said he would like to see me again aside from all the future stuff he’s worried about. Is that just an excuse? I thought I’m able to re-attract him again, but I’m not sure if it’s possible to be together again before we meet each other again. Or is it even possible by using the method you provide? Please help…I really appreciate it. Thank you.

    Cecilia

    Reply
  2. Welllington - 0

    Welllington

    Hi

    Reply
  3. Nylla - 0

    Nylla

    Hey amor,

    Ok my ex and i still live together he says its him(he gets depressed and thinks no one loves him). We were together 6 months. I felt like i can be myself around him and he said the same. We still both love each other but id love to start over with him but im not sure how to because we live together. We also work together and our boss knows whats going on(he said that wasnt a stress on us). Some things have gotten easier. He is also my best friend but doesn’t like to answer questions about is at all. He is very back and fourth! What should i do? I am at a loss

    Reply
  4. Ann - 0

    Ann

    In a LDR we just broke up a few weeks ago and had the break up talk in person when he was back in town for work for a few days. It wasn’t angry he just decided LDR is not realistic. I texted him the day after he left saying I he got home safe & thanks for the talk and he replied telling me not to contact him for a while unless I have more questions about why he ended things & followed up with “it’s over ok?” Just wondering if no contact will be as effective since he basically already asked for NC “for a while” unless I’m really struggling. I didn’t respond and am now in NC. How long would you recommend NC in this case?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Yeah coz he doesn’t know you’re going to not contact him

  5. Shannon - 0

    Shannon

    Hello, I am in the texting phase of the exboyfriend recovery pro. I am on day 4, when I text him he will respond but with short responses. What does this mean? Do I need to do the NC again?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Restart nc and do at least 30 days…

  6. Anne - 0

    Anne

    Hi
    I had a pretty bad break up. After a long fight I asked my boyfriend to block me and and not recieve my calls, he did that immediately. After almost 10 days I realised that I love him and want him in my life. He is a egoistic person and doesn’t text or call first, but after almost 45 days he unblocked me on WhatsApp and keeps changing his do(which for him is unusual). I’m tempted to text him, but I’m not sure if I should.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      why not? have you improved yourself?

  7. Alexis - 0

    Alexis

    Hi. So I did the no contact and after 30 days sent him a message saying “omg. You won’t believe what just happened to me” he replied with “what?” And then “are you okay?” Following “??” And then “??hello?” Within 20 minutes of me sending. He also called twice and I didn’t pick up. He loves cars and I couldn’t drive. So I told him I was taking driving lessons and that the wind was so strong I had to really take control over the car, which was true that day lol. He was really happy to speak to me and asked how it was going and how I’m doing and said I seem lighter and different. And that’s he’s happy I’m growing. Then he asked me how come I texted him lol. I said “I thought I’d do it, but have a nice evening and stay cool” not making him think that we gonna taleave some more. He said okay cool you too. I sent 7 messages. Which I know was wrong. But then waited 3 days to text again. He loves smoking weed and weed in general and me too. So I’ve been growing this tree and I decided to take a picture of it and sent to him with a little writing with it. That was yesterday and he still hasn’t replied. What should I do now?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi alexis,

      Has he replied now?

  8. Patricia - 0

    Patricia

    Hello! On another article on the thought process the guy goes through in NC, I commented that he can’t possibly be thinking of me, because you don’t think of things you throw away. My opinion changed: Thursday night, day 20 of NC he wrote me “Hey” I saw it in my notifications and decided not to write back, because the no contact rule is 30 days and I was also extremely scared. I thought for example that maybe he just wanted his books back (I still haven’t given them back), but then I thought, if that was the case, he would have written that already to avoid conversation. I talked to my mum and she said I should write back, because she believed, if I didn’t write back he would never try to contact me again. The next day I still hadn’t written back yet and I waited until after a three hour exam. I then talked to a mutual friend of mine and my ex and she said I should write him to see what he wants and she also said, I should write as if I were pissed off with him (I obviously didn’t, I have bad experiences of doing such with former crushes) and I wrote back “Hey”. He asked how I was and I asked him bla bla bla and he wasn’t feeling well. He vented his frustration about his problems with his parents (he has a very bad father-son relationship with his dad) and then he thanked me for trying to cheer me up (I actually only said my opinion) and I asked him how I should answer that. Of course he didn’t know, but after some time he apologised for “bothering me with his problems” and I made the mistake saying, he can talk to me if he has a problem. In that same message he also said that he had been thinking about me a lot recently and he needed someone to talk to. I was proven wrong about the not thinking about trash you threw away thing. I guess I’m not trash?? Jokes aside, should I do the no contact rule from the start again? Have I ruined my chances of getting him back, because it’s only been 3 weeks? Please tell me, this is urgent… thanks

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I think you should just slowly start building rapport now..

  9. Grace - 0

    Grace

    Hi, we were dating for 6 weeks, lots of txting a few really amazing dates, massive mutual attraction, I was falling hard, and then I was becoming stressed over some things in my personal life, which he didn’t know about. In the last 2 weeks he wasn’t txting as frequently, which because i was stressed about other things I questioned him why, he kept telling me everything was fine and to relax. I continued to over text and then he stopped responding altogether… I txted 2 days ago and told him that I’m going through some things and that I’ll try txting him back in a few weeks and said that I hope he responds.. and now I’m so upset all I want to do is call him.. what should I do???

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You basically told him the no contact rule which makes it less effective for you.. You need to make it seem you’re moving on through your posts

  10. Drew - 0

    Drew

    Does this strategy work with short term relationships? I met this guy online, we dated for about 2 months, he told me repeatedly how I “checked all his boxes”, how much he liked me, how pretty and amazing and funny I was…we were intimate. And then out of nowhere his level of attention changed, he became disillusioned with the distance between us (we live an hour apart) and the lack of time we had to spend together. He started saying things like “I don’t deserve you”, “I can’t give you what you deserve”, which I’ve always known to be code for “I’m just not that into you anymore”. He tried to end it nicely, I kept holding on for about a day, and then probably thinking he had no other choice – he picked an issue with something I said and basically cut off all contact with me. Made it clear there was no more to discuss. It’s been 3 days and he’s already back on the dating site where we met. I am devastated. I really liked this guy…but apparently he’s already moving on looking for someone new and I’m still here bawling my eyes out. Does any of this work if the guy doesn’t have feelings for you anymore?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s not a guarantee..it just helps increase your chances

  11. Annie - 0

    Annie

    Hi Amor,

    So I just finished my NC period. I reached out to him in my first text with a short story related to a memory from one of our first dates. He replied saying that it was a good day with a smiley face. I replied with a joke and then he replied with another joke to which I didnt answer in order to end the conversation after 2 texts. The next day I followed the guidelines and did not text him. The day after that I started another conversation with an item I found at the store that he might like. He replied in a flirty manner using many smiley faces. I then ended the conversation again by not replying (after 2 texts). The next day I replied to his message from the day before and sent a picture of a mirror that I bought (my reflection was visible and I was wearing a nice dress but I did not say anything about the dress in the text). He replied jokingly again and mentioned that the dress was nice and that I have some clothes at his families place. I said thanks and mentioned I was wearing the dress as I had an interview to become a teacher (something I had always mentioned was a goal during our relationship) and that I would pick up the clothes. He then said the outfit was a great choice for the interview and to just let him know when I´m available. As it was day 4 I tried to reply with a 3rd text saying that I was really excited to teach my first class and id let him know. However, I did not get a reply to the 3rd message.

    Is it a bad sign that he is acting really nice (in just a friendly manner) and wants me to pick up my items? Also what should I do now that he didnt reply? Should I wait for him to text first next time or should I try initiating a convo again tomorrow?

    Reply
  12. Alicia - 0

    Alicia

    Need help please!! My ex and I have been dating for almost 3 months but it got very serious and things moved quite fast. We met online and it’s been long distance. He is currently living in Europe for his basketball season which is ending soon and I live in Vancouver, BC. We flew down to see each other over a month ago in his hometown of Toronto. We spent a weekend together and it was so great. I even met his family. Our relationship has been so great and we told me he has told me many times that he never felt this way before and has never had someone understand him so well because he has had major issues with his mom growing up and I can relate in so many ways and he once told me that means more to him than anything. We are even exactly the same mixed race which is a rare mix and we always thought that was so cool. He has shared things to me he hasn’t with others. We have even hinted marriage to each other. He has always said he has never met someone so similiar, and it’s true. We’re like the same person. This relationship was so special. We were in love. He is a major relationship guy. He is moving back to his hometown this month and I was originally moving there at the same time for my job. So we had so many plans for when we’ll be together. This past weekend I went to another city with a girlfriend of mine and posted a snapchat that ended everything. I did not cheat but it made it seem like I did. He called me as soon as he saw it and was yelling and was so extremely upset with me. He told me it was over. He blocked me everywhere on social media instantly. He then unblocked me on whatsapp a few hours later and the next day he told me to call him. I couldn’t really talk because I was at work so I did not get to say everything I wanted to. He told me I disrespected him and said he can never trust me again and there is no chance of us getting back together. He was really angry and I know he is reacting right now. This was 2 days ago. I am completely heartbroken. I am still blocked on facebook, instagram, and snapchat but I am no longer blocked on Whatsapp which has always been our main point of communication. I feel like that’s a good sign because he hasn’t cut off ALL communication so maybe there is a chance in the future. I wished him a Happy Birthday yesterday but he did not respond. I know he is so hurt and angry right now so maybe he is just acting on his emotions and needs time. Should I try the No Contact rule? I want to send him one more message just to say everything I wanted to and let everything off my chest and just tell him I truly love him. I will also say this is the last I’m contacting you but just wanted to say a few things before I move on. It will be a positive text. Just so he knows. I just want him back 🙁 What should I do?
    Thank you!!

    Reply
  13. Ana Ana - 0

    Ana Ana

    Guys! this is a Huge thank you
    The Theory is genious. Thoug i applied it to the guy i really liked, but in the process of NO contact, met two other nice guys and my Date rate has increased so much! i went like for 6 dates and one guy really got into my heart. BUT i still contacted my Ex after no contact 20 days and been following this strategy of drafting nice texts with No text days, It works so well! Been receiving mostly positive responses and ina very excited tone.
    THANKS CHRIS, Now question is?? do i want him back?? i feel so good and free and it was long distance so we anyway had very few dates///// /….

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Thanks Ana! I’ll forward this to Chris!

  14. Frederique - 0

    Frederique

    Hey,
    I need some help…

    After two years of living together me and my bf decided to have a break. I had some mental problems Which made me depressed and he was working on his projects every minute of the day. I wanted to spend time because I needed emotional support but his projects “were bigger then us”. Promising me I’m the love of his life and I needed to be happy for a while without him. “Taking a step back so we can move forward again”

    We didn’t make rules or set a time period. He needed his attention for work and I moved back in with my parents to get my life together in January. We still met up sometimes to do something fun or romantic untill the end of February. At some point I started to have some doubts about some girls working on his projects. He said it was nothing and just my negativity playing tricks on me. A couple of days later I received some screenshots of a friend he was begging to have a one night stand with. I was broken. When I texted him he was distant and blaming it on being busy with his projects. After two weeks I waited at our house and confronted him about the screenshots. His facebook page was open on his computer and I saw conversations with dozend of girls, any girls, just copy/paste sweet messages to get their attention. He said he liked the fake attention and didn’t care about them, just wanted to use them and that was his reason why he acted that way to them instead of me. Still claimen I needed to take my time to heal and telling me how busy he was, how much pressure was on him etc. Etc.
    After the convo I applied “no contact”

    A week after he had sex with one of those girls. Now he has one girl who reguarly visits, works with and has sex with. She is the complete opposite of me in looks and personality. He keeps this a secret from me and I heard it from his roommate who is a close friend of mine. I don’t know if he really likes her or if she is a rebound. He doesn’t know I know this because I do no contact.

    Now almost 4 weeks later he lost his job, can’t take proper care of himself and hasnt contacted me. He did upload a cover of the song “neck deep – december” Which is a breakup song on his facebook. In the mean time I got a new job, go out with friends, get therapy, applied to go back to school and do all the things I promised him to become the person again he fell in love with.

    Even Though there is no one that knows him as well as I do, it feels like I don’t know him at all. Being with these girls is super out of character for him but at the same time he is terrible at being alone. He is stabborn and narcissistic and I was always the one keeping things toget her between him and everyone around him, keeping his life stable in his own chaos.

    I just can’t figure out if im doing something wrong, he just doesn’t like me anymore or is even more confused and lost then I am. Please give me some inside of my situation. I’m already watching your YouTube video’s which help me to keep up the no contact. But because of my metal state and trauma’s of abuse and the fear of being abandond I don’t know what is real or overanalyzing. If he care or just is an asshole. If I should go back to him (eventho I really want to) or if he has moved on and I am waisting my time.

    Thank you so much

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Frederique,

      It sounds like a toxic relationship to me. You’re depressed, he’s narcissitic. If he’s really narcissistic, then it’s not out of character for him to be doing all of that. And if youre5 depressed, being with that kind of person is not healthy. You should move on from him..

  15. Jane - 0

    Jane

    Hi Amor,

    I’m just wondering what to say if he asks me where I went for the month of no contact? Should I tell him I needed space or just say i got really busy?

    Reply
  16. Ann - 0

    Ann

    Hello there. I’ve read the book twice and now i was reading the articles on this site.
    I did the nc rule more then one month, just because I wasn’t ready after only 30 days so i went on 50 days, after that i had send him a text messege, he responded an hour after says that he was very happy to hear from me, telling me about himself and what he’s been up to , asking me the same and at the end of his text telling me that he is still ok with the decision he took that he doesn’t want us back together.
    What are my chances in this situation..?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ann,

      why did he say that? did you ask?

  17. Erica - 0

    Erica

    Hi Amor.. the situation at the moment:
    It is three weeks since I contacted him after No Contact rule. He has been lovely himself like a few months ago. I have initiated texting once in a while. Not everyday though as I know he is working a lot. We have got to meet a few times just quickly and he asked me twice about going for a coffee when he has time. Last week I got to know that we’ll be working next weeks some shifts together (As he is helping our mutual friend with the grocery store (our mutual friend owns the grocery store where I will start an internship) as she has some health issues. How should I handle those working situations? I really worry if I will mess up working because he is there. But then I have thought that I just friendzone him and stay calm. I have also thought if I could do some flirting. I don’t want to show him I am still interested. Should I stay more distant or give some hints?

    Thank you in advance, you have been a big help.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Erica,

      stay cal, happy and flirting is good too..Just don’t be emotional, no to negativity

    • Erica - 0

      Erica

      I started to worry what if he thinks I am starting to work at the same place than he because of him. I tried to initiate texting on Friday and Saturday (last time we texted on last Sunday and we got to meet up quickly on Tuesday) but he didn’t continue texting after one text but He replied immediately. Maybe I am just overthinking and he was just busy. Or my texts weren’t that interesting. 🙁 I have to text on Tuesday (unless he visits at the grocery store) to ask about Wednesday as we are working on the same shift. I should not make any speculations but his behavior confuses. Well.. I decided I just treat him as a co-worker on the first week and see how it goes. After that start some flirting. I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable if he has started thinking I wanted to start my internship there because of him. Because it isn’t so. I even didn’t know he would work there. Maybe it is my head that makes those thoughts and I should stop immediately. I just had to write down my thoughts as I am going crazy by over thinking.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yep, that’s just over thinking and yes, just be civil in the first week

    • Erica - 0

      Erica

      Well.. I had only two shifts with him this week. Wednesday went well so far but Thursday was a disaster… There is another girl working at the grocery store as well. I know her and I know they have known each other longer time. On Thursday I saw how she got more attention and I noticed that their chemistry is so different. I felt so bad on Thursday. When he came to work, he went directly to her to talk about something and totally ignored me.. didn’t even say hello. I don’t know why on Wednesday things looked so good. Or is it my head that make things look worse than it is. But I know he was hanging all day with her after work on Wednesday (I have heard that they have spend a lot of free time together) . I have a feeling I can’t get him back… I just can’t. She is more prettier. Thursday was so awkward. I still have 6 shifts together with him. Next week only on Monday and Saturday.
      I behaved normally around him even I felt bad inside. I don’t know how I can survive next shifts with him.. I can’t pretend feeling well. I just try not to be around him that much. I try avoiding him if necessary. I assume he can see and feel that I feel uncomfortable around him.

      Should I tell him that I am only for work there and nothing more? Should I tell him that I have felt a bit awkwardness at work because of the relationship we had last year?
      I have a small feeling that he has felt awkwardness as well and that’s why he has felt safety near the other girl. He can be normal with her and he can joke around her. But with me, he is more reserved. Of course we can joke as well..but it is so different. I haven’t texted him at all after last weekend, well on Thursday evening about something we talked at work but didn’t get reply. I decided I don’t text him any unnecessary texts that he doesn’t think I am still interested. Well..I was but I have started to accept the other girl is more in his life than me.

      I am about to give up….

  18. Anaya - 0

    Anaya

    I NEED MAJOR HELP. I COMPLETELY SCREWED UP ANY CHANCES I HAD WITH HIM AND I KEEP SCREWING UP AGAIN AND AGAIN.

    Reply
  19. Erica - 0

    Erica

    So the things didn’t go the way I planned.. I mean I planned to wait a week but I had to text him on a day 4 after I sent the link.

    I may start an internship at the grocery store that our mutual friend owns and it is a close to Starbucks where he works. I had to text him about it as he may get confused if we will meet up more often. Texting went well..really well.  I kept it neutral. We ended up texting 15 or more messages both. He was lovely himself like he was a few months ago. He said as soon as he has time, we can go for a coffee. I was really surprise him saying that. I am going to visit at that grocery store on Saturday and told about it. He said I should stop by at Starbucks and he’ll make me a latte. I am so confused but I am taking it slowly. I tried to end texting at high point twice but he kept texting and asking questions. On the 3rd time I got to end it.
    I think No Contact helped.. I remember he texted that way last time in October-November.. And he broke up with me the beginning of December.

    Well..Now slowly rebuilding rapport. I don’t wanna make any wrong moves.

    Thank you Amor all the help.. I know I didn’t follow the full 45 day NC and thZhou is time I didn’t wait a week. But now slowly but surely rebuilding the rapport.

    I think if we meet up on Saturday. I’m gonna wait a day or two to initate texting again. I will see how the meeting goes. I try keeping it short as I know he has to work.

    Hope this text is not too confusing and not many grammar mistakes as I really don’t know what to think myself.. Things are so confusing.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s clear…that’s ok.. it’s good that youre5 taking it slow..just keep it that way

  20. Sam - 0

    Sam

    Hi,
    Me and my ex had been together for 3 years in a long relationship. Also like to mention he was my first love visa versa.However now has been 4 years of not being in a relationship we talk once in a blue moon. I still have feelings for him. I just don’t understand if he does or doesnt he says he dont want to be with me but also says he hasnt found the right one after me . Also he feels that due to the breakup which i had left him for some family matters and i had move onto another man had effected him lots and always gets flashbacks he also says if that did not happen we would of been married by now.. I still love him and i feel like he doesnt want to go back to how it was as i left him. Not long ago he even asked me if i still mention him. Why, i dont know. He also asks to see my picture in a while. Can you please tell me what to do.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sam,

      Frankly, that means he’s not attracted to you. Have you tried the no contact rule? If yes, how many times? How long did you do it? How much did you improve? in this 4 years, you always kept in touch? And also, this is not to judge you but just to shed light in your situation, how long did you chase him? Because if you kept chasing hin for a long time, that means you have to do a long nc for restart.. maybe at least a year..

  21. Erica - 0

    Erica

    Hello,
    On Valentine’s Day it was 21th day of NC and I hadn’t heard from him over a month. I posted on Facebook a picture of heart shaped cupcakes that were baked by me. I can’t believe he liked that picture. I have been really active on Facebook lately and I am sure he had seen most of my posts but now..after a month it is a first time I get this little sign of him. I assume it must be a good sign. Gosh I can’t believe he still has a strong effect on me
    At first I planned to have NC for 45 days because I was really clingy and begging for him to come back. But now I have been thinking about cut it down. What do you think? It means I will finish NC next Wednesday after 30 days NC. I wanna see how I will feel then. I think I feel much better now. I am not depressed as I was a month ago. I started a few new hobbies. I have learned a lot of things about relationships via this website and I wanna used them to re-build attraction on him.
    one more question..
    and I have been preparing the first message as I know some of his interests and hobbies. Can I use a little white lie on it? That he probably doesn’t never find out that it actually wasn’t true.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I know it feels good, yes, that’s a good sign and congratulations! But, it would be better if you finish 45, so that you don’t look like you were just waiting for him to act and then you jumped on the opportunity.

    • Erica - 0

      Erica

      Thanks for your reply. I think you are right..I am gonna do that 45days NC. Today it is day 26. I think I wouldn’t have been ready yet after 30 days.

      I am already planning the first txt message. What do you think, can I use a little white lie on my first text message? Just to get his attention to reply back. Something he doesn’t find out. And if I keep it only 2 texts on a first day, I don’t think he comes back to it next day if I say on a second txt that “I gotta go”

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Just make sure he really doesn’t find that out, and it’s ok if he doesn’t come back on the topic the second day. You can initiate and just make sure you’re always the one ending the conversation at high point.

    • Erica - 0

      Erica

      This week has been bad. I have got a bad cold and couldn’t go anywhere. Been thinking too much and I have started missing him a lot. It is a day 34 of 45. I feel terrible and I look terrible. I feel like I am not ready to text him yet. But I still have 11 days to go. I think this cold is already getting better so I assume I feel much better in 11 days. I also have thought about what if I would text him on a day 40 because it is a weekend and I am sure he has more time to reply as he is not working. what do you think?
      I have been thinking about what to text him. Not sure about that white lie I mentioned earlier. It was something to do with a video game he likes. I am stressing what if he won’t reply. Well.. I should stop over analyzing and worrying makes me feel even worse.

      I feel so much better that I can write here. Thank you for this great page.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Most of the time it’s better to extend than to cut short. If you’re not feeling better now, cutting it short may not be the best option.

    • Erica - 0

      Erica

      I know you said it is better to extend the NC period than to shorten it. It was the 37 of 45 yesterday and I suddenly I had a feeling I have to text him about one event he might like because I didn’t want him to hear about it from anywhere else. It was all of a sudden..like 5 mins I got the idea..I created a text “Hi, There will be [this and this event] next month. I thought you might like going there. Tell your colleagues about it too. Hope all is well with you”. (because the event is something to do with his job and something he likes).
      He had replied immediately but I saw his reply 4 hours later because I didn’t get any notifications on FB Messenger. He had replied: “:) [smiling emoji], I’ll get back to you later on because I am on my way to driving school”.
      I replied: “Take your time. I just came back home from a meeting and now just relaxing before going to bed” Because it was an evening I realized his reply.
      He still haven’t got back to me but I saw he was online after I sent that message. I am feeling really good about his reply because it made me feel good. I know he is working and not time yet to reply. I will wait as long I need to.
      But let’s assume that he forgets to reply. Should I initiate texting after a few days with another topic or do i wait a week?

      really appreciate all of your help.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      wait a week..

    • Erica - 0

      Erica

      I assume I made a mistake..
      Well..he replied on the second day that he is sorry he could not text earlier as he is busy with his two jobs and driving school. He also asked how I am. Well I waited over an hour to reply that it is okay if he could not reply earlier and I am doing fine. I also commented about his driving school that it is great and also mentioned that I have also thought about going to one.
      No replies after his question. Not even read them.
      On a day 3 I didn’t text but on a day 4 I texted and I joked about driving school (I know he has a good sense of humor) and I asked a question. No reply and not even read my messages. I see he is online once in a while.
      Today a day 5.. He still haven’t read my messages. The mistake is that I sent him a text with a link about the event I told on the day 1. I know I should have waited but I couldn’t help myself. I don’t want to start gnatting which I did before I started NC. I am not the same clingy and needy girl I used to be. I am not. His messages on a day 1 and 2 sounded so positive and suddenly no replies. Maybe I should give him time to reply. Maybe he really is busy. i should not be over analyzing. So does that mean I could still try but wait a week or longer to initate texting again? I wanna show him I am changed. But really hard having any conversation if he seems always being busy. I know I am not one of top priorities at the moment.
      This really makes me feel crap..maybe you say I need more patience. I know. But His replies gave me hope. Maybe he thinks I start gnatting again because I have sent 4 messages after he asked how am I… and all of them are unread. He has done that before…leaves my messages unread until he replies.. or not going to reply at all. I don’t wanna ruin this again.
      I try keeping myself busy next days and try again..in one week or more? 10 days?
      and if no reply.. then two more weeks. If nothing..then it is better move on. Right? I have read this website as much as possible and hoping to make things right.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yeah, wait a week from the last day you sent a text,.that was the link right? if he still doesn’t reply wait two weeks before initiating again..

    • Erica - 0

      Erica

      So the things didn’t go the way I planned.. I mean I planned to wait a week but I had to text him on a day 4 after I sent the link.

      I may start an internship at the grocery store that our mutual friend owns and it is a close to Starbucks where he works. I had to text him about it as he may get confused if we will meet up more often. Texting went well..really well.  I kept it neutral. We ended up texting 15 or more messages both. He was lovely himself like he was a few months ago. He said as soon as he has time, we can go for a coffee. I was really surprise him saying that. I am going to visit at that grocery store on Saturday and told about it. He said I should stop by at Starbucks and he’ll make me a latte. I am so confused but I am taking it slowly. I tried to end texting at high point twice but he kept texting and asking questions. On the 3rd time I got to end it.
      I think No Contact helped.. I remember he texted that way last time in October-November.. And he broke up with me the beginning of December.

      Well..Now slowly rebuilding rapport. I don’t wanna make any wrong moves.

      Thank you Amor all the help.. I know I didn’t follow the full 45 day NC and thZhou is time I didn’t wait a week. But now slowly but surely rebuilding the rapport.

      I think if we meet up on Saturday. I’m gonna wait a day or two to initate texting again. I will see how the meeting goes. I try keeping it short as I know he has to work.

      Hope this text is not too confusing and not many grammar mistakes as I really don’t know what to think myself.. Things are so confusing.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s clear…that’s ok.. it’s good that youre5 taking it slow..just keep it that way

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