If you want to get your ex boyfriend to talk to you again then you are going to have to do some work. I am assuming, since you are reading this page on my site, that right now you and your ex boyfriend aren’t on speaking terms. Every single day I get a minimum of at least twenty emails from women who are all over the place emotionally because they aren’t on speaking terms with their ex. So, trust me when I say that you are not alone with how you are feeling right now. Of course, before I dive in to the good stuff there are a few things that I need to make you aware of.
Neediness/Desperation = No Talking
What is the first thing that you want to do after a breakup, especially if you aren’t ok with it? You probably want to contact your ex, ask how he is doing, beg a little bit and eventually get upset because he isn’t giving you the time of day. I want to tell you something about men, seeing as how I am one and know what it is like when a girl contacts me in the way I described above. To men, any sign of neediness or desperation, and make no mistake about it, begging and crying display those qualities, are a complete turn off. Of course, there will always be the oddball guy that is so pathetic that he actually feeds off of making women beg and cry but usually those are very rare.
So, if you want to get on speaking terms with your ex again you are going to have to do things that aren’t perceived as needy or desperate. The only question is, how do you do that?
I am glad you asked….
The No Contact Rule
The no contact rule is something I talk a lot about in my PRO system but more on that later…
Rather than texting or facebooking your ex every five minutes, a woman who wants to take control of the situation with her ex will implement something called a no contact rule. I am sure you have heard of it before. Basically, for 30-90 days you cut off all communication with your ex. Now, I am not going to lie to you. Successfully completing the NC rule for a minimum of 30 days is going to take a tremendous amount of discipline. I would say that about 90% of the women that come to this site will fail at this. It’s unfortunate too because the NC rule is probably the most effective tactic that you can use to not only get your ex boyfriend back but to get on speaking terms with him.
What if my ex told me to never contact him again? Will the no contact rule still work?
The no contact rule is supposed to accomplish more than just cutting yourself off from your ex. Most likely, if your ex boyfriend says something like “never contact me again” he is really hurt by something you did or just the breakup in general. By implementing a no contact period you let time go by for him to calm down emotionally. Most women think their ex is being an “a-hole” after the breakup but if you look at the situation logically from his point of view you can understand why he is acting a way that you are not used to. Your boyfriend may have put a lot of stock into your relationship and when it didn’t work out he got so frustrated that he has a “lash out” defense mechanism which is where the “never contact me again” comes from.
Other ways the NC rule can help you get on talking terms with your ex again.
When most people teach their website visitors to use the no contact rule they teach them the basics (don’t contact your ex for a set amount of days.) However, 99% of my peers are forgetting quite possibly the most important part of the no contact rule, you can use the time away from your ex to improve yourself. Now, when I say “improve yourself” I am not just talking about getting in the right mindset and all that nonsense. I am talking about physically as well. Men are very visual creatures and I am not going to lie to you, they will have no problem breaking up with a girl if they are… overweight, have skin issues or if they consider them to be too ugly. I know that is a harsh thing for me to say but I am just going to give it to you straight.
You are REQUIRED to use this time to improve yourself physically as much as you can. This will not only make your ex go “wow” if he ever sees you in public again but it will make any mutual friends that you may both have go “wow” as well. Why is that important? Because if there is anything I have learned in my years here on earth it is that friends are blabber mouths ;). That means, if his friends think you are looking better than ever then he will eventually hear it and get curious.
Of course, I will admit that the probability of a friend seeing you and squealing to your ex that you look amazing isn’t very high. That is where Facebook comes in. Yes, even Facebook is a great get your ex speaking to you again tool. Nearly 90% of Facebook users admit that they stalk their ex via their profile. You can bet your butt that your ex boyfriend, no matter how bad the breakup was, will be looking at your profile. So, what better way for you to show off the new you to him by taking a picture and posting it on your profile?
How To Get Him To Talk To You Again
If you implement the no contact rule like I suggest above I would estimate that 40% of the time your ex will reach out and try to talk to you. Most people don’t respond well to silence and if your ex feels like you are ignoring him, which you are, he will go a little crazy trying to get a hold of you.
In fact, if you search around in the comments section of this website you will find multiple cases where exes have gone so crazy during the no contact rule that they have resorted to doing things like:
- Saying things on Facebook to try to bait you into calling them.
- Getting your brothers phone and calling you.
- Sending angry messages to you via text.
- Showing up at your house and banging on your door.
- Sending you an email.
- Sending you a letter.
(Yes, all of these examples were taken from the comments section of this website.)
The goal of this page is to get your ex to talk to you again and as you can see, the no contact rule alone can accomplish that feat. Of course, like I said above, only 40% of the time it will work out. So, the question now becomes “how do you get on speaking terms with them if they don’t take the bait during NC?”
Reaching Out Via Text Message
(Before you spend any time reading this section I want you to go pick up a copy of The Texting Bible. Through that book you will have a great understanding of texting your ex after the no contact rule.)
In the event that your ex doesn’t get back in touch with you then you are going to have to take matters into your own hands a little bit. The way you can do that is by sending a text to him. However, you have to send your text a certain way and you have to understand that the more disciplined you are during your conversation with him the better off you will be.
Before I dive in to the rules of texting your ex I think it is important to mention that YOU SHOULD ONLY TEXT YOUR EX AFTER THE NO CONTACT RULE. If you weren’t on speaking terms with him immediately after the breakup then hopefully the minimum time frame of 30 days will have settled him down enough for him to accept and respond to your texts.
The Rules Of Texting An Ex Boyfriend
- It’s all about control, you want to control every aspect of the conversation you can.
- Ending the conversation first is a must.
- If you want to get back on speaking terms with him then you have to understand that you need to keep your first few texts to him very short.
What Is A Good Text To Send Him?
If I could give my mind to all the women who want their ex boyfriend back I would… well I wouldn’t because I like my mind but I think you get what I am trying to say. The best way I can describe the “ideal” first text to send your boyfriend after a no contact period is like this:
Your text has to be so interesting that it will be impossible for him not to respond.
Now, there are multiple ways to create an “interesting” text. I am going to give you an example below:
This text will require some thought but the chances of him responding are high. Basically, you text your ex the following “I have a confession to make…” It should look something like this.
The point with this text message is to raise his curiosity. He will probably think something like “What could she possibly want?” Now, your work isn’t quite over yet.
What To Do If He Responds
Expect him to respond with something like:
- “What is it?”
No matter what he says to you DO NOT fall into the trap of responding to him, not yet anyways. I want you to take out a stopwatch or mark the time on your phone because after he responds you are going to have to wait an hour (THAT IS SIXTY MINUTES LADIES.)
Why would you want to do this?
His interest is already raised because you sent him the confession text already but I want his interest raised even more. Right now, you aren’t his top priority. Even if you came up with the most fascinating text in the world you wouldn’t be his top priority. In order to become that top priority you need to stay disciplined. By waiting an hour the chances of him checking his phone for your response every five minutes is raised drastically.
Look, I am a guy and when I really like a girl that I am texting I can’t help but look at my phone every five seconds waiting for her response to my most recent text. By sending him the confession text and getting him to check his phone every five minutes waiting for your response you are going to reinforce the behavior that he is used to when he has strong feelings for a girl. In other words, you will become his top priority.
Actually, I wouldn’t be shocked if something like the example below happens to you.
What To Say When The One Hour Is Up
So, he’s responded to your confession text, you’ve waited the full hour, now what? Here is where things get really interesting. I want you to read The Texting Bible and pick out a text there to text him. You have his attention and now it is time for you to send him something positive that will fill him with good romantic feelings towards you. Now, no matter what happens after that I want you to end this conversation thread with him by not responding. If he doesn’t respond to your “confession” it’s ok because you are not responding. If he responds to your confession, I don’t care how enticing it is, I don’t want you to respond with anything. I want you to show that you are in control of the conversation and you have the power, not him.
What To Do If He Doesn’t Respond To You “I have a confession to make…”
There will be a small percentage of women whose boyfriends are so angry with them that they won’t respond even if they have waited a month via NC and sent the ideal text message. If you are one of these women then it is important NOT TO PANIC. Your ex is clearly trying to tell you something here and you have to respect it. He needs more space and you are going to have to wait some more time before you reach out to him again. I would say that if you wait 15 more days without any contact and try again with a different variation of the “I have a confession to make…” text then you might have some success.
I want you to understand that I wrote this page with it’s sole intent being to help YOU get back on speaking terms with your ex. I feel I have accomplished that by showing you some very effective methods to get him to talk to you again. Now, I do realize that I didn’t go into what to do after you open up communication with him to get him back but that was only because I wanted this page to focus on the initial “opening up” of communication with your boyfriend. If you want to learn more about how to get your ex back then I suggest you visit my complete guide on doing so. Also, I am very involved with this site so if you leave a comment I will be responding to it. That is a guarantee!