If you were ever wondering about how to text your ex boyfriend after a breakup then you came to the right place.
Today we hear from Lauren (not the same Lauren that was in episode 21.)
Lauren is wondering how she should text her ex boyfriend after the no contact rule.
Let’s find out!
(Disclaimer- The advice I give in this episode should only be used AFTER the no contact rule.)
What Do I Talk About In This Episode?
- Understanding the purpose of text messages
- How to prepare an interesting first text message
- Tide theory
- What texting an ex would be like in a perfect world
- What texting an ex is like in in the actual world
- When to end the texting conversation
- How to transition from a text message to a phone call
Important Links Mentioned In This Episode
I wish I had more to link to but I don’t 🙁 .
Oh well, lets just jump right into the game plan.
How To Text Your Ex Boyfriend After A Breakup
The Purpose Of Text Messages
You need to have one goal in mind if you are texting your ex boyfriend.
What’s the goal?
Simple, to transition from a text message to a phone call.
Your First Text
Here is my motto when it comes to the first text after the no contact rule,
It has to be so interesting that it would be impossible for your ex boyfriend NOT to respond to it.
I give a few examples of how this text message should be structured in the episode. So, make sure you listen for that.
I almost don’t want to try to explain this here because it is so complicated but I will give it my best shot.
Imagine a tide on a beach and how the tide slowly but surely pushes the waves further and further out on to the beach.
You need to approach texting in the same way.
Slowly but surely the more you text your ex the longer and more in-depth the conversations become.
Listen to the episode then because I do a much better job of explaining it there… 😉 .
In an ideal world you will start conversations with your ex 50% of the time and he will start conversations with you 50% of the time.
Unfortunately, a lot of times in the real world you have to start 100% of the conversations at first and earn your way to a 50/50 split.
How do you earn that split?
End Conversations At The High Point
Once you locate the high point of a conversations through text you should end the conversation there immediately.
This leaves your ex wanting more and the more he wants more the more he wants you.
Transitioning To A Phone Call
I have a good story to tell you…
You know what, listen to the episode and I will tell you there.
Welcome to Episode 22 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. Yesterday we heard from a woman named Lauren. Well, today we’re going to hear from another woman named Lauren. It just worked out this way. I love this question. It’s specifically about texting your ex-boyfriend after the no contact rule.
Let’s hear from Lauren:
“I am currently doing no contact. On March 23rd, no contact finishes for me. I am planning to send a text message to break no contact but I’m wondering, after he answers and we have a short conversation, for the next conversation, do I initiate contact or should he?
Does it become a balance between who contacts who, or for the most part, is it initially on me? I’m a little confused about everything. I did try to buy Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro. However, since I am purchasing from Japan, none of my means of purchase are currently working. Any help you could provide would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.”
Hi, Lauren. First, I want to apologize for your troubles buying the ebook. Unfortunately, the payment processor I have does not branch out to certain areas of the world. I think India has trouble buying it. I guess Japan does as well. I really apologize for that.
I’m looking around to see how I can improve that situation because I lose out on money when that happens. For your troubles, if you do comment on the episode show notes at www.ExBoyfriendRecovery.com/episode22 and say, “Hey, it’s me,” I will send you the ebook for free. It’s a $47 value ebook and I’ll send it to your email for free because you are adding value by asking your question, which was a great question.
One of my favorite things to talk about is texting your ex. You are doing the no contact rule. You said it ends on March 23rd. This episode will be out before March 23rd. You’re confused about sending text messages and the split on who texts who first. I’m going to make that clear in this episode. Rather than give general knowledge and then go into a game plan, I’m going to hit the game plan right now.
The first thing that you need to understand when it comes to texting your ex-boyfriend is the fact that getting him back is not the priority. Transitioning from texts to phone calls is the priority. The best way to do that is to build attraction, trust and rapport through text messages and then transition to a phone call.
The perfect way that this works is, first, you send text messages. You build attraction through text messages. Ideally, you will have built up enough attraction to where he’ll want to talk to you on the phone.
Once you talk to him on the phone, you can build even more attraction at a higher rate and then transition from a phone to an in-person date. It may take a few more dates to get him to commit to you. The idea is to get him to recommit to you through dates. Then you keep doing this process until you get him to commit to you.
Right now, we’re not focusing on the overall plan. We’re specifically looking at the text message portion of the game plan and what you need to do.
The first thing I want you to understand is that getting him back with texts is not your priority, Lauren. It’s simply to transition from text messages to phone calls. In order to do that effectively, you need to build up tons of attraction. You need to build up tons of rapport. You need to be interesting enough to where he’ll want to transition from a text to a phone call.
I’ll answer your questions. The first text message that you send your ex-boyfriend after the no contact rule has to be so interesting that it will be impossible for him not to respond. A lot of women worry about this.
A lot of women fail at the first text message after the no contact rule because they don’t do enough planning or think of good text messages. I’m always asking women on the website, “What was the text message you sent exactly?” They usually give me something generic like, “Hey” or “Hi” or “What’s up?” A one-word text message that has no value at all isn’t going to compel your ex-boyfriend to respond. You need to earn his response. After that, you can end the conversation very quickly.
You need to come up with a very interesting text message. It needs to be something that’s going to pique his interest enough to respond. You aren’t trying to get him back with the first text message. You’re just trying to prove that he’s going to respond to you. Once you have that proven, you can start building that rapport.
Let me give you an example. There are tons of examples in Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro, which I’ll link to for those of you who want to buy it. Lauren, just make sure you leave a comment and I’ll give you a free ebook. This is only going to happen for you. Everyone else will have to buy it. There are tons of examples of text messages in the book.
Some of the most effective examples are the “I have a confession” text. It works like this. I would only use the “I have a confession” text as a last resort. If you’ve used all of the other text messages that I recommended and your ex hasn’t responded, then use the “I have a confession” text.
It goes like this. You text your boyfriend, “I have a confession to make…” He will say, “What?” If someone says, “I have a confession to make,” their mind wonders. They have to find out what the confession is. When he says, “What is it?” then wait 30 minutes before you respond to him. Then you end the conversation really quickly.
That’s an example of a text so interesting that he can’t not respond to it. There are plenty of examples. That’s one of the most effective examples. I would only use that as a last resort. I can’t give you the exact messages, text by text. I have to leave some premium content for those who pay for it. Again, if you want the text messages, you’re going to have to check out Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro.
Let’s move on. You have to send him a first text message that’s interesting. After that first text message, you want to end the conversation as fast as you possibly can. This is where your question comes in, Lauren. You’re wondering, “I understand how to send the first text message and end it. But what then? Do I contact him? Does he contact me? What’s supposed to happen?”
I don’t care who contacts who first. In a perfect world, there would be a 50/50 split. You would contact him 50% of the time and he contacts you 50% of the time. You’re even. Sometimes at the beginning, especially when you’re trying to get your ex-boyfriend back, you need to have a 70/30 split or 100/0 split.
This means that you have to do all the work. It’s almost like you’re trying to start a fire. You’re trying to ignite it. Once it’s ignited, the fire will take care of itself. Then he’ll start texting you. Right now at this portion, you have to be willing to put in the work to earn that right. Don’t be afraid to text him first.
I like to reference something called the tide theory. This correlates to exactly how I want conversations to go as time goes on with you and your ex-boyfriend. Let me explain this. You’re walking down the beach and you notice the tide. The tide is not very far onto the beach yet. The waves come in and splash. You think, “No big deal. It’s pretty far away.”
At the end of the day at sunset, the tide is very far up the beach. The waves are coming far up the beach. It’s almost like it happened so naturally and slowly that you didn’t even have time to see it. I want you to have this kind of tide effect when you’re texting your ex. I want conversations to last longer and longer as time goes on. Then, eventually, you try to get that phone call.
Let me give you an example of what I mean. Let’s say that you send your first text message to your ex. He responds and then you end the conversation immediately after that. A day later, I want you to text him. I want the conversation to go a little bit longer. Maybe instead of stopping two text messages in, I want you to go four or five text messages in.
Then I want you to end the conversation. A day or two later, I want you to text him again. Instead of a four or five text message conversation, I want you to last seven or eight. Then a day goes by. Then you try to make a text message conversation last 11 or 12 messages. Then the next day happens. I want you to extend it to 15 to 20.
As time goes on, I want it to get longer and longer until you are both texting every single day. The rapport is built. It seemed like it happened naturally over time, although it didn’t. I’m explaining the process to you of how it has to happen gradually. You have to gradually pique his interest. That’s tide theory.
The tide is slowly coming out, coming out and rising. It seems natural. It doesn’t seem forced. That’s what I want you to accomplish. That’s what I want to have happen. It doesn’t matter who texts who first. In a perfect world, it would be him texting you.
But we don’t live in a perfect world. Sometimes you have to make your own path. Right now when you’re getting the fire started, you need to earn the right to have him text you first. Sometimes it’s okay to play hard to get.
If you want my biggest tip for making him contact you first, Lauren, here it is. My wife did something ingenious. I’m stealing it from her and giving you the advice. My wife got me to marry her, not as a result of this tip. It certainly helped in the attraction phase before we were dating. We would text, much like I just explained to you.
The tide slowly rose and rose until we were texting every single day. Then, once she had me hooked and we were texting every single day, we would be in the middle of a text conversation. At the most important point of the conversation, when I would send a text to her and think, “I cannot wait to hear her response to this,” she wouldn’t respond. The conversation would be over for the day.
The next day, she would text me, “Good morning.” I would think, “What the heck. Why didn’t you respond to that last text message?” I wouldn’t say it. I was too proud. I was thinking it. The more it happened to me, the more I found myself texting her. Pretty soon, we achieved this 50/50 split, where I would text half the time and she would text half the time. I think it all had to do with her ending the conversation at the high point, which is super important.
I talk about this a lot. I talk about this with texting. I talk about this with phone calls. I talk about this with dating. It can be extremely effective with text messages. When you reach the high point of your text conversation, when your responses are 50 to 60 words each, he sends a text message and you’re thinking, “I bet he can’t wait to hear back from me.” That’s when you end the conversation. You leave him wanting more. You leave him chasing you. That is how you get him to text you. That’s how you achieve that 50/50 split.
That’s my best advice for getting him to text you. As a general rule, it’s not the end of the world if he doesn’t text you first and you’re the one who has to reach out to him. It’s not perfect but sometimes you have to earn the right to get that to happen. The best way to get that to happen is to end the conversations at the high point.
When you text your ex-boyfriend, it’s all about getting a phone call. You’re just trying to transition from text messages to phone calls. Sometimes the best way to do that is to build a rapport through text messages.
Then you need to make sure your first text message is interesting to your ex-boyfriend. It needs to be so interesting where he won’t not respond to it. Then we have the tide theory where things happen naturally. As time goes on, slowly and slowly, you’re getting on a basis where you’re texting every single day, more and more throughout the day. Then I talked about the 50/50 split and how to get that to happen. You end the conversation at the high point.
Now I’d like to teach you how to transition from a text message to a phone call. The best way to do this is with a story. I talked about this in an article I wrote about how to talk to your ex-boyfriend on the phone. I talked a lot about how to transition from a text to a phone call, what to say on the phone call and then how to transition from a phone call to a date. I will link to that article so that you can learn in a more in depth manner than what I’m explaining here. Some people are just visual learners. They’re not audial learners.
Let me explain the best way to transition from a text to a phone call. Let me preface this by saying that you should never try to transition from a text message to a phone call unless you have built up enough traction. That can take weeks, sometimes even months. There is no set time. It happens when it happens. Sometimes he’ll call you out of the blue. That’s great. You want that to happen. You’re on a phone call with him and you can build attraction there. Ideally, I wouldn’t accept a phone call from him until you’ve built enough attraction through text messages.
The best way to transition from a text message to a phone call is after you’ve built up enough rapport and attraction. That’s an important part. That alone may help you get the phone call.
If you’re really itching for a way to get the phone call, this is the best way I can describe it. Imagine that you’re telling your ex-boyfriend a story through a text.
I’ll tell a story for you. “I was walking outside one day and I saw two women fighting. I was drawn to this. I walked over. I was watching these two women fight. I was listening to them. Pretty soon, a crowd starts to gather around them. They’re still fighting. They’re cat fighting. They’re not physically punching each other. They’re just arguing. It becomes evident that they’re arguing over a man. The man was cheating. I’ll tell you what. I’m going to call you and finish this. This is too long to finish over a text. I’m going to call you.”
That’s how you transition from a text message to a phone call. You tell a story halfway through. When it starts to get interesting, you say, “You know what? Can I call you? This story is too long to send through a text message. It’s too good. You need to hear the story on the phone.” Do you see how you created interest? You want to know the end of the story. What were they fighting over? The guy was cheating? What’s going on? You want to know.
I cut you off and said, “Let’s talk on the phone. I’ll finish this on the phone.” That’s how you transition from a text message to a phone call properly. You create enough interest and intrigue in the story. Then you cut it off right before the most interesting part and say, “Can I call you? I’d like to finish this over the phone.” He’ll say yes.
He’ll want to hear the end of the story. After the story is over, you’re on the phone and the world is yours. You can build attraction through the phone. You can end the conversation on a high point. I talk a lot about that in the article that I’m going to link to in the show notes. That’s how you transition from a text message to a phone call properly.
Lauren, that’s the best advice I can give you on a big-picture scale. Make sure you understand that text messages are all about achieving the phone call. You need to build up enough rapport and attraction to get that phone call. The first text has to be interesting. You also have to implement something called tide theory.
In a perfect world, it’s a 50/50 split, but sometimes that doesn’t happen. You have to be the one who achieves the 50/50 split. You can achieve that by ending text conversations at the high point. He will be the one chasing you and trying to start conversations with you. Then you’ll transition to a phone call.
That’s Episode 22, how to text your ex-boyfriend. Tomorrow I have another success story for you. We started the week with one and we’re going to end the week with one. This success story has a little bit of a twist to it.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you for listening to the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. I really appreciate everything you are doing. If you’re trying to get your ex-boyfriend back, please visit the site, www.ExBoyfriendRecovery.com. Please read the articles. Check out my book, Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro. All of those resources are there to help you improve your odds of getting your ex back. I think we do a great job with that. I’ll see you tomorrow.