By Chris Seiter

Updated on July 25th, 2018

If you were ever wondering about how to text your ex boyfriend after a breakup then you came to the right place.

Today we hear from Lauren (not the same Lauren that was in episode 21.)

Lauren is wondering how she should text her ex boyfriend after the no contact rule.

Let’s find out!

(Disclaimer- The advice I give in this episode should only be used AFTER the no contact rule.)

What Do I Talk About In This Episode?

  • Understanding the purpose of text messages
  • How to prepare an interesting first text message
  • Tide theory
  • What texting an ex would be like in a perfect world
  • What texting an ex is like in in the actual world
  • When to end the texting conversation
  • How to transition from a text message to a phone call

Important Links Mentioned In This Episode

I wish I had more to link to but I don’t 🙁 .

Oh well, lets just jump right into the game plan.

Is He Worth All This Trouble?
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How To Text Your Ex Boyfriend After A Breakup


The Purpose Of Text Messages

You need to have one goal in mind if you are texting your ex boyfriend.

What’s the goal?

Simple, to transition from a text message to a phone call.

Your First Text

Here is my motto when it comes to the first text after the no contact rule,

It has to be so interesting that it would be impossible for your ex boyfriend NOT to respond to it.

I give a few examples of how this text message should be structured in the episode. So, make sure you listen for that.

Tide Theory

I almost don’t want to try to explain this here because it is so complicated but I will give it my best shot.

Imagine a tide on a beach and how the tide slowly but surely pushes the waves further and further out on to the beach.

You need to approach texting in the same way.

Slowly but surely the more you text your ex the longer and more in-depth the conversations become.

Get it?

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz


Listen to the episode then because I do a much better job of explaining it there…  😉 .

50/50 Split

In an ideal world you will start conversations with your ex 50% of the time and he will start conversations with you 50% of the time.

Unfortunately, a lot of times in the real world you have to start 100% of the conversations at first and earn your way to a 50/50 split.

How do you earn that split?

End Conversations At The High Point

Once you locate the high point of a conversations through text you should end the conversation there immediately.

This leaves your ex wanting more and the more he wants more the more he wants you.

Transitioning To A Phone Call

I have a good story to tell you…

You know what, listen to the episode and I will tell you there.


Podcast Transcript

Welcome to Episode 22 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. Yesterday we heard from a woman named Lauren. Well, today we’re going to hear from another woman named Lauren. It just worked out this way. I love this question. It’s specifically about texting your ex-boyfriend after the no contact rule.

Let’s hear from Lauren:

“I am currently doing no contact. On March 23rd, no contact finishes for me. I am planning to send a text message to break no contact but I’m wondering, after he answers and we have a short conversation, for the next conversation, do I initiate contact or should he?

Does it become a balance between who contacts who, or for the most part, is it initially on me? I’m a little confused about everything. I did try to buy Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro. However, since I am purchasing from Japan, none of my means of purchase are currently working. Any help you could provide would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.”

Hi, Lauren. First, I want to apologize for your troubles buying the ebook. Unfortunately, the payment processor I have does not branch out to certain areas of the world. I think India has trouble buying it. I guess Japan does as well. I really apologize for that.

I’m looking around to see how I can improve that situation because I lose out on money when that happens. For your troubles, if you do comment on the episode show notes at and say, “Hey, it’s me,” I will send you the ebook for free. It’s a $47 value ebook and I’ll send it to your email for free because you are adding value by asking your question, which was a great question.

One of my favorite things to talk about is texting your ex. You are doing the no contact rule. You said it ends on March 23rd. This episode will be out before March 23rd. You’re confused about sending text messages and the split on who texts who first. I’m going to make that clear in this episode. Rather than give general knowledge and then go into a game plan, I’m going to hit the game plan right now.

The first thing that you need to understand when it comes to texting your ex-boyfriend is the fact that getting him back is not the priority. Transitioning from texts to phone calls is the priority. The best way to do that is to build attraction, trust and rapport through text messages and then transition to a phone call.

The perfect way that this works is, first, you send text messages. You build attraction through text messages. Ideally, you will have built up enough attraction to where he’ll want to talk to you on the phone.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Once you talk to him on the phone, you can build even more attraction at a higher rate and then transition from a phone to an in-person date. It may take a few more dates to get him to commit to you. The idea is to get him to recommit to you through dates. Then you keep doing this process until you get him to commit to you.

Right now, we’re not focusing on the overall plan. We’re specifically looking at the text message portion of the game plan and what you need to do.

The first thing I want you to understand is that getting him back with texts is not your priority, Lauren. It’s simply to transition from text messages to phone calls. In order to do that effectively, you need to build up tons of attraction. You need to build up tons of rapport. You need to be interesting enough to where he’ll want to transition from a text to a phone call.

I’ll answer your questions. The first text message that you send your ex-boyfriend after the no contact rule has to be so interesting that it will be impossible for him not to respond. A lot of women worry about this.

A lot of women fail at the first text message after the no contact rule because they don’t do enough planning or think of good text messages. I’m always asking women on the website, “What was the text message you sent exactly?” They usually give me something generic like, “Hey” or “Hi” or “What’s up?” A one-word text message that has no value at all isn’t going to compel your ex-boyfriend to respond. You need to earn his response. After that, you can end the conversation very quickly.

You need to come up with a very interesting text message. It needs to be something that’s going to pique his interest enough to respond. You aren’t trying to get him back with the first text message. You’re just trying to prove that he’s going to respond to you. Once you have that proven, you can start building that rapport.

Let me give you an example. There are tons of examples in Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro, which I’ll link to for those of you who want to buy it. Lauren, just make sure you leave a comment and I’ll give you a free ebook. This is only going to happen for you. Everyone else will have to buy it. There are tons of examples of text messages in the book.

Some of the most effective examples are the “I have a confession” text. It works like this. I would only use the “I have a confession” text as a last resort. If you’ve used all of the other text messages that I recommended and your ex hasn’t responded, then use the “I have a confession” text.

It goes like this. You text your boyfriend, “I have a confession to make…” He will say, “What?” If someone says, “I have a confession to make,” their mind wonders. They have to find out what the confession is. When he says, “What is it?” then wait 30 minutes before you respond to him. Then you end the conversation really quickly.

That’s an example of a text so interesting that he can’t not respond to it. There are plenty of examples. That’s one of the most effective examples. I would only use that as a last resort. I can’t give you the exact messages, text by text. I have to leave some premium content for those who pay for it. Again, if you want the text messages, you’re going to have to check out Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro.

Let’s move on. You have to send him a first text message that’s interesting. After that first text message, you want to end the conversation as fast as you possibly can. This is where your question comes in, Lauren. You’re wondering, “I understand how to send the first text message and end it. But what then? Do I contact him? Does he contact me? What’s supposed to happen?”

I don’t care who contacts who first. In a perfect world, there would be a 50/50 split. You would contact him 50% of the time and he contacts you 50% of the time. You’re even. Sometimes at the beginning, especially when you’re trying to get your ex-boyfriend back, you need to have a 70/30 split or 100/0 split.

This means that you have to do all the work. It’s almost like you’re trying to start a fire. You’re trying to ignite it. Once it’s ignited, the fire will take care of itself. Then he’ll start texting you. Right now at this portion, you have to be willing to put in the work to earn that right. Don’t be afraid to text him first.

I like to reference something called the tide theory. This correlates to exactly how I want conversations to go as time goes on with you and your ex-boyfriend. Let me explain this. You’re walking down the beach and you notice the tide. The tide is not very far onto the beach yet. The waves come in and splash. You think, “No big deal. It’s pretty far away.”

At the end of the day at sunset, the tide is very far up the beach. The waves are coming far up the beach. It’s almost like it happened so naturally and slowly that you didn’t even have time to see it. I want you to have this kind of tide effect when you’re texting your ex. I want conversations to last longer and longer as time goes on. Then, eventually, you try to get that phone call.

Let me give you an example of what I mean. Let’s say that you send your first text message to your ex. He responds and then you end the conversation immediately after that. A day later, I want you to text him. I want the conversation to go a little bit longer. Maybe instead of stopping two text messages in, I want you to go four or five text messages in.

Then I want you to end the conversation. A day or two later, I want you to text him again. Instead of a four or five text message conversation, I want you to last seven or eight. Then a day goes by. Then you try to make a text message conversation last 11 or 12 messages. Then the next day happens. I want you to extend it to 15 to 20.

As time goes on, I want it to get longer and longer until you are both texting every single day. The rapport is built. It seemed like it happened naturally over time, although it didn’t. I’m explaining the process to you of how it has to happen gradually. You have to gradually pique his interest. That’s tide theory.

The tide is slowly coming out, coming out and rising. It seems natural. It doesn’t seem forced. That’s what I want you to accomplish. That’s what I want to have happen. It doesn’t matter who texts who first. In a perfect world, it would be him texting you.

But we don’t live in a perfect world. Sometimes you have to make your own path. Right now when you’re getting the fire started, you need to earn the right to have him text you first. Sometimes it’s okay to play hard to get.

If you want my biggest tip for making him contact you first, Lauren, here it is. My wife did something ingenious. I’m stealing it from her and giving you the advice. My wife got me to marry her, not as a result of this tip. It certainly helped in the attraction phase before we were dating. We would text, much like I just explained to you.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

The tide slowly rose and rose until we were texting every single day. Then, once she had me hooked and we were texting every single day, we would be in the middle of a text conversation. At the most important point of the conversation, when I would send a text to her and think, “I cannot wait to hear her response to this,” she wouldn’t respond. The conversation would be over for the day.

The next day, she would text me, “Good morning.” I would think, “What the heck. Why didn’t you respond to that last text message?” I wouldn’t say it. I was too proud. I was thinking it. The more it happened to me, the more I found myself texting her. Pretty soon, we achieved this 50/50 split, where I would text half the time and she would text half the time. I think it all had to do with her ending the conversation at the high point, which is super important.

I talk about this a lot. I talk about this with texting. I talk about this with phone calls. I talk about this with dating. It can be extremely effective with text messages. When you reach the high point of your text conversation, when your responses are 50 to 60 words each, he sends a text message and you’re thinking, “I bet he can’t wait to hear back from me.” That’s when you end the conversation. You leave him wanting more. You leave him chasing you. That is how you get him to text you. That’s how you achieve that 50/50 split.

That’s my best advice for getting him to text you. As a general rule, it’s not the end of the world if he doesn’t text you first and you’re the one who has to reach out to him. It’s not perfect but sometimes you have to earn the right to get that to happen. The best way to get that to happen is to end the conversations at the high point.

When you text your ex-boyfriend, it’s all about getting a phone call. You’re just trying to transition from text messages to phone calls. Sometimes the best way to do that is to build a rapport through text messages.

Then you need to make sure your first text message is interesting to your ex-boyfriend. It needs to be so interesting where he won’t not respond to it. Then we have the tide theory where things happen naturally. As time goes on, slowly and slowly, you’re getting on a basis where you’re texting every single day, more and more throughout the day. Then I talked about the 50/50 split and how to get that to happen. You end the conversation at the high point.

Now I’d like to teach you how to transition from a text message to a phone call. The best way to do this is with a story. I talked about this in an article I wrote about how to talk to your ex-boyfriend on the phone. I talked a lot about how to transition from a text to a phone call, what to say on the phone call and then how to transition from a phone call to a date. I will link to that article so that you can learn in a more in depth manner than what I’m explaining here. Some people are just visual learners. They’re not audial learners.

Let me explain the best way to transition from a text to a phone call. Let me preface this by saying that you should never try to transition from a text message to a phone call unless you have built up enough traction. That can take weeks, sometimes even months. There is no set time. It happens when it happens. Sometimes he’ll call you out of the blue. That’s great. You want that to happen. You’re on a phone call with him and you can build attraction there. Ideally, I wouldn’t accept a phone call from him until you’ve built enough attraction through text messages.

The best way to transition from a text message to a phone call is after you’ve built up enough rapport and attraction. That’s an important part. That alone may help you get the phone call.

If you’re really itching for a way to get the phone call, this is the best way I can describe it. Imagine that you’re telling your ex-boyfriend a story through a text.

I’ll tell a story for you. “I was walking outside one day and I saw two women fighting. I was drawn to this. I walked over. I was watching these two women fight. I was listening to them. Pretty soon, a crowd starts to gather around them. They’re still fighting. They’re cat fighting. They’re not physically punching each other. They’re just arguing. It becomes evident that they’re arguing over a man. The man was cheating. I’ll tell you what. I’m going to call you and finish this. This is too long to finish over a text. I’m going to call you.”

That’s how you transition from a text message to a phone call. You tell a story halfway through. When it starts to get interesting, you say, “You know what? Can I call you? This story is too long to send through a text message. It’s too good. You need to hear the story on the phone.” Do you see how you created interest? You want to know the end of the story. What were they fighting over? The guy was cheating? What’s going on? You want to know.

I cut you off and said, “Let’s talk on the phone. I’ll finish this on the phone.” That’s how you transition from a text message to a phone call properly. You create enough interest and intrigue in the story. Then you cut it off right before the most interesting part and say, “Can I call you? I’d like to finish this over the phone.” He’ll say yes.

He’ll want to hear the end of the story. After the story is over, you’re on the phone and the world is yours. You can build attraction through the phone. You can end the conversation on a high point. I talk a lot about that in the article that I’m going to link to in the show notes. That’s how you transition from a text message to a phone call properly.

Lauren, that’s the best advice I can give you on a big-picture scale. Make sure you understand that text messages are all about achieving the phone call. You need to build up enough rapport and attraction to get that phone call. The first text has to be interesting. You also have to implement something called tide theory.

In a perfect world, it’s a 50/50 split, but sometimes that doesn’t happen. You have to be the one who achieves the 50/50 split. You can achieve that by ending text conversations at the high point. He will be the one chasing you and trying to start conversations with you. Then you’ll transition to a phone call.

That’s Episode 22, how to text your ex-boyfriend. Tomorrow I have another success story for you. We started the week with one and we’re going to end the week with one. This success story has a little bit of a twist to it.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for listening to the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. I really appreciate everything you are doing. If you’re trying to get your ex-boyfriend back, please visit the site, Please read the articles. Check out my book, Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro. All of those resources are there to help you improve your odds of getting your ex back. I think we do a great job with that. I’ll see you tomorrow.

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76 thoughts on “EBR 022- How To Text Your Ex Boyfriend”

  1. Becky

    January 17, 2020 at 11:22 pm

    He’s going through a divorce. Worried about custody and overwhelmed with everything so he said ‘he can’t anymore’. I made it to 21 days. Sent a text, got an immediate positive reply. Cut it off early (he didn’t like that.. said it got his mind going like crazy). I waited a few days then sent a text about something we both had an interest in. Again immediate positive reply. Probably let it go on too long because I was enjoying talking to him… he said, ‘I really do miss you’ followed by “but…”. I said I know and understand. So we cut it off there. Said bye. I really really want to ask him if it’s a ‘bye for now’ or ‘bye for good’ kind of thing but I think that’s too much to ask and will end up making him upset and me seem demanding and desperate. Do I just wait and say, I tried and see if the ‘if you love it let it go and if it comes back etc….’ is true?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 18, 2020 at 4:27 am

      Hey Becky it sounds as if you did great the first time, but you should have repeated the second time. So another NC again now and reach out in a similar way down the line by then his divorce should be less painful, but you may find that you dont get a real commitment from him until it has been done

  2. Cherry

    May 14, 2017 at 9:33 pm

    Hello Chris,

    I love your website and am interested in getting the package. I am trying to buy the ebook from India and was wondering how I can purchase it? Please let me know.


    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 15, 2017 at 3:49 pm

      Hi Cherry,

      you can check it out here:
      ExBoyfriend Recovery PRO System

  3. Scheana

    April 26, 2017 at 3:22 pm

    Hello Amor,
    I am in NC only 2 week (2 weeks ago I mailed a letter clearing up my feelings and plans for new me). As I think about what will happen at the end of the NC, I am not optimistic. I have been blocked by text. Day 2&3 after argument, I texted and called to much and he blocked me only emailing from a fake account to tell me to not contact him and he did not want to be with a girl who could not handle being ignored.

    How can someone initiate contact if they are blocked without looking like a stalker?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 29, 2017 at 10:25 pm

  4. Anaya

    March 18, 2017 at 2:16 pm

    Hey chris!!
    I would really really appreciate some help
    I don’t know how to initiate conversation.
    I was doing the NC (today is the 8th day) and he texted me saying he missed me and is sorry.
    i broke the NC and replied. i also cut the convo mid way.
    I dont know what to do next… pls help 🙂
    thanks for your time :))

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 22, 2017 at 2:39 pm

      Hi Anaya,

      you have to restart nc and stick to it.. check this one:
      7 Simple Things You Can Do To NOT Spiral Out Of Control After A Breakup

  5. Anaya

    March 18, 2017 at 2:12 pm

    I was doing the NC when he texted me today (8th day) and said he misses me too much and that he’s been thinking about me a lot for these past days.
    He also said whenever he got a text he was hoping it was me, and he apologized and said “we can’t be over. i won’t let it happen.” seeing these texts i broke the NC and replied. Was that a mistake? I ended the conversation mid way and told him i had to go somewhere. he seemed kinda disappointed. Is that a good sign. it’s been an hour since.
    What do i text?? How do i approach this?
    I don’t want to screw up again
    Thanks for your time:)

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 22, 2017 at 2:39 pm

      Hi Anaya,

      you have to restart nc and stick to it.. check this one:
      7 Simple Things You Can Do To NOT Spiral Out Of Control After A Breakup

  6. Divisha

    March 3, 2017 at 7:02 am

    Hi Chris
    I’m a girl from dealing with a breakup. I really love my ex and I want him back. I don’t have any clue how to win him back. I tried buying your book but I’m facing difficulties doing that. I would be greatful if you can guide me.
    Have a nice day!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 3, 2017 at 8:31 pm

      Hi Divisha,

      If you want to try the no contact rule, open this link:
      The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0)

  7. Rae

    January 5, 2017 at 7:40 am

    HI ! do you think is okay if I asked him :::::have you been meeting or dating a girl( becasue if he has been, I m going to give up on him) I cant stand when the guy I like but he meet other girls !

    1. Rae

      January 5, 2017 at 7:42 am

      i have 3 days left finihsing 21 days NC I mean when I finish the 21NC can I ask him i think it is important to me , we havent contact to each other during my NC

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 7, 2017 at 4:23 am

      HI Rae,

      If that’s a deal breaker for you, go ahead and ask him.

  8. Katrina

    January 2, 2017 at 6:53 pm

    I am currently out of my NC period with my ex. I have sent him two texts so far. One yesterday which said “guess what i got to do the other day!?” And his response was a neutral “whats that?” So i responded telling him I got to test drive a car, he is interested in cars and i let him know make and model, but i never got a second response from him and I thought i was because i ended the conversation by saying i had to go. Also told him happy new year. I never got anything back. So today I tried again with a “ok… i have a confession to make…” text. He finally responded with a neutral “whats that?” Again. So i waited a little over thirty minutes before responding with a simple “you were right… chai tea lattes from starbucks are actually pretty good.” Because those are his favorite drinks from there. Thats all i said and he never responded.

    How am I supposed to get him to respond a second, 3rd, 4th, or 5th time? What am i doing wrong here? Im not sure how to open him up now because nothing seems to be working so far. I know I cant talk to him the same way I used to talk to him. I know he is responding to my first texts for some reason but why isnt he responding to my last text? Cant move on with tide theory until he gives me a second text.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 5, 2017 at 11:37 am

      hmm..Those are actually last resort type of texts.. but I think you need to rest for a few days.. because it would be weird to keep texting after that. What are the topics that he always loves talking about? Why not ask a question about those? be interested.

  9. Alexandra

    June 23, 2016 at 3:19 pm

    After the NC, the first text can be a video message? I’m thinking it’d be much easier for him to reply… Do you have any ideas in this way? Also if I’m living with my ex and I’m doing NC do I try also texting during day or should I wait till I get home and talk to him?

  10. Lauren

    May 19, 2016 at 6:48 pm

    Hi Chris and Amor,

    I have the same problem as Lauren (not the same Lauren haha). I don’t have a credit card (because i live in the Netherlands) and I really want to learn more about your method. Is there another way so i can buy the book(s)?

    I read your the ‘New Rules of Texing’ article. I am on day 6 of the scheme, so that means that i have to text him a fun memory. I noticed that ik get more difficult to get him to text me back. I already had to do dat six over, because he only texted me 4 times back.

    I’m trying to make the best of it, but it gets harder and harder every day. I also broke some of the text limits. For instance day 4. Instead of texting him 4 times, i think i texted him 7 or 8 times. I am still the one that has to text first.

    I don’t know where to go from here. Could you give me any advise?

    Thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 24, 2016 at 9:01 pm

      Hi Lauren,

      Unfortunately for now, credit card is the only method. YOu can read other posts, check our videos and podcasts though. It helps a lot. Are you still texting now? Have you done no contact and did you start to improve yourself then?

  11. Vivian

    March 18, 2016 at 8:02 am

    Hello Chris!
    My ex and I have been together for almost a year and we broke up because I started to become obsessive, needy, high maintenance, all those and with added stress from uni he couldn’t handle it anymore so he broke up with me.
    I’ve currently just ended no contact and before no contact me and my ex had a talk about our problems and the break up. We both apologised for what we could have done better but he still insisted on breaking up because he wasn’t sure if I would be able to change (my neediness) and maybe he wasn’t sure if it would be worth putting energy if he’s unsure about whether it’ll work out. On top of that he has all the stress he has to deal with already. But at the end he said there is a chance that we can start things over again but we should just let things run naturally.
    After that I went straight to no contact and have just finished. I initiated texting again and the response is generally positive. But because he is very stubborn, very very stubborn and introvert so it wasn’t a surprise that he didn’t try to contact me during the no contact period although he did pretty much like everything on my social media.
    Also he will never be the one to start a conversation. He will reply friendlily if I say something and will put effort into the conversation but will not be the one to initiate one so I can’t go off the it’s looking good if he initiates the conversation 80% of the time or something like this. Does this mean he’s just being nice or is this going positively? I can’t tell!

    Thank you!

    1. Vivian

      March 24, 2016 at 5:44 am

      Thanks Amor! I’ve having another problem! After that incident, he started to really take his time to reply, sometimes waiting over half the day to reply a text. Does this count as hot and cold behaviour? o_o If it is why is he suddenly doing this and what should I do?

      Thanks a lot 🙂

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 1, 2016 at 3:57 pm

      Sorry for the late repy Vivian! That’s ok because you’ve got into texting already.. As long as he replies positively, I think you should try to transition to calls the next time he replies

    3. Vivian

      March 21, 2016 at 7:31 am

      Hi Amor!

      I’ve continued to do that in text and the conversation and responses are generally very positive. I’ve moved up and had one phone call with him, it was very positive also but I kept it short.
      After the phone call, in terms of texting it’s still positive. I bumped into him today and he pretended not to see me then buried himself to his phone and walked swiftly past. o_o? I’m slightly confused, what does that mean?


    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 21, 2016 at 11:41 am

      Hahahaha! He wasn’t ready… he doesn’t know what to do.. he must have facepalmed himself after that..You can open up about that, like say,

      hey I saw you earlier, but you were busy, next time I’ll make sure to poke your face when I bumped into you! 🙂

      at least that way next time it won’t be awkward

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 19, 2016 at 9:00 am

      Hi Vivian,

      it’s ok that yoy’re initiating, just make the convo interesting and end i high note.. As long as the convo os positive, you can then step up to calls later

  12. CJ

    November 15, 2015 at 4:55 pm

    Hi Chris, I’ve successfully completed NC and have moved into texting phase.

    My question is: is it a bad thing that I am the one to initiate text conversations the first 10 days? Will I come across as needy or desperate? Can I still try to transition to a phone call if I have been the one to initiate text convos? Or should I wait until it’s more 50/50? Btw, He responds to my all my texts.

  13. Elena

    October 4, 2015 at 11:45 pm

    I went 40 days no contact.

    I sent my first “i have a confession text”, waited the 30 minutes, and received 2 neutral responses. I waited 1.5 hours to send off a “hope you’re doing well! :)” and he responded positively wishing me a happy belated birthday. He also responded within 2 minutes of receiving my text after i waited 1.5 hours.

    Sent a second text 4 days later with a positive response, then neutral, then positive regarding my license. he asked a question, I answered and then he waited 1.5 hours to respond. I’m wondering if he did that to make me sweat it out (my response to his question didn’t require a text back) or if he wanted me to wake up to a text from him in the morning (he sent it at 12am on a “school night”).

    Anyway I’m going to wait ~9 days to send another text (keep him waiting as I feel he expects it now).

    My question is- how do I respond if he asks what all these random texts are about? Like what if he questions me contacting him?

    1. Elena

      October 6, 2015 at 1:46 pm

      I DID buy the texting bible too! Will check now. Got my friend hooked on your podcast and she’s not even trying to get an ex back. It’s great.

      Thank you I will keep your words in mind! 🙂

    2. Chris Seiter

      October 11, 2015 at 7:03 am


      Yup, I am going to keep going with the podcast and start a youtube channel and keep adding massive guides to this site.

    3. Chris Seiter

      October 6, 2015 at 4:02 am

      Check out the Texting Bible for more in depth answers to your questions.

      Don’t sweat it too much. Fear is often the enemy of taking action.

  14. Nicole

    August 28, 2015 at 7:02 pm

    Hey Chris,
    I have completed the 30 day NC without any slip ups! I texted him afterwards with the I have a confession & he responded twice & rather quickly. I ended the convo first. I waited 2 days before I sent another “good times remembrance” text & he responded quickly again with a quick reply but when I sent the second text, he didn’t respond. Since it was a failed text, I’m going to wait 5 days. My question is: should I keep the conversations about something other than us & emotional? Also, could you give an insight to whether if he didn’t respond to that type of text what he could possibly be feeling? Anger? Aggravated? Annoyed?
    LDR “KAI”

  15. Cara

    July 27, 2015 at 3:15 am

    Please Help Me!!

    I dated this guy for about four months. We were each other’s first girlfriend/boyfriend. Everything was going great, I met his family and all of his friends. He introduced me into his whole world. We got into a small fight that led into a huge blowup. He thought I was flirting with his friend and he wouldn’t talk to me for a week and then asked me to go to the bar so I could see him with another girl. We got into another huge fight and I did two doses of the no contact rule. After two months, he contacted me. Two days later we met up at his house and talked about our problems and he said that he wanted to put the past behind us and start fresh. He admitted that he still had deep feelings for me and told me he wanted to make me dinner the next night. We slept together.After I left his house the next morning I never heard from him. The I completed the 30 day rule again and now nothing.
    I talked to him last week and he asked where I was that night and what I was doing. It seems he only answers me when he’s drinking. I recently sent him another text bringing up a good memory and he hasn’t answered. Now what? Is there hope? Was I not giving him a chase? Please help me!! Thank you!

  16. Julie

    July 5, 2015 at 3:37 am

    Hi Chris,

    45 days into no contact, it wasn’t easy but once I hit 30 days I kept goin as I heard that he was seeing someone. So, I hesitate to initiate anything, thinking I would look like an idiot trying that since he’s with someone else.. ?????????????

    1. Chris Seiter

      July 8, 2015 at 11:42 pm

      Do you still want him back?

  17. Asha

    June 7, 2015 at 1:19 am

    Hi Chris, hope u well. The most annoying thing when I am doing NC, is that thought of finally he is finally free, since we were together for 6 years, he must wants to try everything now. Is he hug the other girl now or is he sleeping with the other woman now? … This is very poison thought, and I know it is so wrong, bcoz of course he can do anything he like. But it drives me crazy and lead me to break the rule. Do u have any positive thought can share and help this situation?

  18. Pauline

    May 27, 2015 at 1:09 pm

    So I did NC for 30 days, perfectly. He texted me periodically throughout those 30 days, mostly things like “Hope you’re okay, have a great week, love you” but with decreasing frequency. After NC, i followed your instructions and had a lighthearted conversation about a funny anecdote, which i then ended quickly. Then another 3 days later, about a funny picture I sent him. Both conversations were started and ended by me.

    However, I feel like my acting so casual may be pushing him away or just confusing him. I ended my last conversation with “text me sometime this week” but haven’t heard back so far. I’m starting to doubt my whole game plan here – do you have any advice? should i stay the course or is it killing the attraction?

  19. marnie101

    May 26, 2015 at 6:14 am

    Have you thought about writing a guide on what to do if your ex brings up the “heavy stuff” when you get back in contact with them after the NC period? I keep reading all of this and thinking to myself, I will NOT get away with a shooting the breeze text, it would almost be more strange and off-putting. We were always very upfront about our feelings and don’t really do that fake thing. We left each other two adults respectfully and still in love. I have no clue how I could say “hey I’m at our favorite restaurant right now”- he would be like “what? How are you? talk to me! I miss you, are you ok?” and if he texted me that, I would be almost pissed and say something like, “what are you talking about? our restaurant? what are you saying right now??” we haven’t spoken in a month, it would not be normal! How do you handle this. Playing it cool is one thing, but I know that will come off as fake as it is to him.

  20. Rachel

    May 19, 2015 at 1:28 am

    Hi Chris, so I have committed a “sin”… My ex boyfriend broke up with me about two months ago, however after the break up I acted needy and possessive not leaving him alone. Its been about two days that I have not contacted him. When I used to call him he would always answer, he never ignored my calls or texts. He did block and unfollowed me on social media though but still answered to my texts or calls. Friends have told me that he has followed a lot of girls since. Do you think I still have a chance with the game plan?

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