This Is How You Should Contact Your Ex Boyfriend

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

Contacting an ex boyfriend can be tricky. This is especially true if you have plans on getting him back. Look at this page as your ultimate guide for deciding how you should contact your ex. If you don’t already know, I put this site together with one ultimate goal, to create the best resource for women who want to get their ex boyfriends back. This page is going to look at every single aspect of how someone should be contacting their ex. We will weigh the pros and cons of every single method and I will show you which method the experts recommend.

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Contacting An Ex

(To learn more about how to properly contact your ex boyfriend please check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

listeneing

Alright, lets jump right in to this. I do feel compelled to mention that most women make a serious mistake when they want to contact their ex boyfriend. The average woman who really wants their ex back becomes what I like to call a text gnat. Have you ever had a gnat fly around your head? No matter how many times you swat at it, it just doesn’t seem to leave you alone. I hope you are seeing the analogy here, you are the gnat. Every time you text him he is probably rolling his eyes, getting angry or getting you angry. In short, texting him like a mad woman isn’t a smart idea.

In fact, right after a breakup (especially if he broke up with you) he is expecting you to beg for him back. He is expecting you to text or call him like crazy. So, I am going to recommend that you refuse to contact him after a certain amount of time, 30 days to be exact (you learn that in the articles I recommended above.) So, instead of him rolling his eyes every time he sees your name in caller I.D.. His whole world will have shifted and he is going to be wondering why you aren’t begging for him back.

It’s amazing what a bit of silence will do for you!

Summary

  • Do not even think to contact your ex boyfriend until 30 days of silence are up.
  • Doing this will cause him to wonder why you aren’t begging for him back.

Ways To Contact Your Ex Boyfriend

(To learn more about the different ways to contact your ex please check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

contact image

Ok, there are a lot of different ways you can contact someone you used to have a relationship with. Some of them are extremely good and some of them aren’t. This section is going to explore the three of the most popular methods that ex girlfriends use to contact their ex boyfriends.

Calling Via Phone

Ah yes, the dreaded phone call. Phone calls are interesting because they can be used effectively and you can have great success with them. However, it isn’t a matter of just picking up the phone, calling up your ex and gushing your heart out to them. No, calling on the phone has to be done in a specific way in order to maximize your success (which I will outline later.) Lets look at some of the pros and cons of calling on the phone.

Pros- Things can get emotional in a good way!, You can get a definitive answer anytime you ask an important question., You can actually hear your significant others voice.

Cons- Things can get emotional in a bad way., Calling doesn’t give you time to think, anytime they ask you a question you have to answer quickly., It is easy to get into an argument again., Higher chance of getting into a fight.

Writing A Letter

Writing a letter is an interesting tactic for first contact. I do know that a few experts who sell their own products recommend this but if I am being completely honest I am not a fan of this tactic at all. Basically how this works is that you write a letter professing your undying love for your ex and how you would like to reconnect. The biggest problem I have with this method is the fact that if you literally went through the 30 day no contact period, without contacting your ex once, it might seem a little creepy if he opens his door to find a letter from you professing your undying love.

Pros- If your ex is into letters this tactic might very well work.

Cons- Can be very creepy if done incorrectly, There is no way to get an immediate response like with calling or texting, After a no contact period writing a letter professing your love may actually hurt you more than help you.

Writing A Text Message

It just seems like texting came out of nowhere. Pretty much 90% of the people who have a cell phone all utilize text messaging. Text messages are sacred to everybody. Have you ever tried to take one of your friends phones and read their text messages in front of them. Trust me, they get either uncomfortable or very angry. This can give you a distinct advantage when texting your ex. They will take your texts seriously and they probably won’t be shared with anybody. It is a way that you can talk to your ex in a very personal way without actually being out with them one on one physically.

Pros- Texting is very intimate, ability to share cute pictures, It is impossible to raise your voice through a text message, you can actually think before you send anything.

Cons- Honestly I can’t think of any.

(Special Instructions On Texting- Text messaging an ex boyfriend is complex. While I would love nothing more than to write a million words on the topic I don’t have the time or patience for that so what I am going to do for you is recommend that you check out my book, The Texting Bible if you are interested in learning how the entire process works.)

3 Steps To Correctly Contact Your Ex

(For more in-depth information on the 3 steps to contacting your ex check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

right way

Alright, in this section I am going to briefly describe the “game plan” for contacting your ex. In no way is this set in stone. However, your best chance of getting him back could very well be the strategy I describe here. I also do want to point out that all I am going to talk about here are the bare essentials. I am not going to go into what you should be saying when you contact him, I wrote an entire page for that.

Step 1: Implement the No Contact Rule. Basically for 30 days you cannot talk to your ex via texting, calling, facebooking, googling, etc. If you screw up and contact him before the 30 days is up then you have to start all over from day 1.

Step 2: After your 30 days are up you are ready to make first contact. The best way to make first contact in my opinion is via a text message. However, you need to make this text message so interesting and fascinating that it will be impossible for him not to respond. That is the way you need to treat this first text. Again, I am not going to give examples here. The page I talked about above has plenty and teaches you how to correctly communicate with your ex via a text message.

Step 3: Once you have reached the ideal place in your communication you are going to ask for a hangout or small meet up if he hasn’t already suggested it. Again, a lot has to happen between step 2 and step 3 and you are going to have to read this page for that. However, you aren’t going to ask for the hang out via a text message you are going to ask for it via a phone call. This is the correct way to use a phone call, after you have already established some rapport with each other. Again, if you want to know what to say during this call you are going to have to visit the page I keep telling you to go read, hint hint!

February 1, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (610)

  1. TebsT - 0

    TebsT

    Hi please help

    I got dumped by my ex in January (on new yrs day).we dated for three months..it was a total surprise ,his reasoning was that he had trust issues and that he does not trust me.I was in shock,cried a bit,begged and eventually told him to go to hell.he said we couldn’t be friends.didn’t contact him until 15 April.text him saying that I ran into his holiday pics and hoped he was well.he responded saying it was good to hear from me and hoped I was well.I responded hours later cause I didn’t expect a response.and just said I’m great and glad to hear that he is well.i never got a response from him.so dnt know whether I should contact him and if I do what do I say…..honestly wonder what’s up and what now?

    Reply
  2. Alice - 0

    Alice

    I have just finished the no contact rule. We had been seeing each other for only 2 months and things ended because mutual friends were putting pressure on him to commit (this did not come from me!). I sent my first contact message which went really well at first…. It went along the lines of:

    Me: “Hey, so I’m making pizza with your grandmother’s secret sauce! Delicious”
    Him: “is it as good as our pizza? Followed by play time”
    me: “Better!! …I’m getting good at this!
    Remind me of play time…?”

    I didn’t get a response to my last message. I was hoping to engage in a flirty convo but it seems as though he either misinterpreted my message or it was too much too soon. I have waited a whole day still nothing and want to send him another playful message tomorrow saying: “Oh … “PLAY” time….yessssss I remember now! No, was just me and the pizza…(unfort)

    **Jeez! Kind of you to spark that thought and not play along (pun very much intended)!!
    How are you by the way?”

    Your thoughts? Help

    Reply
  3. Jowan - 0

    Jowan

    Hi
    I think the whole thing is over but i dont know why i am writting to you.
    My boyfriend came to ask to marry me but my family refused him i insisted that i want to marry him but my family didnt accept that because he is not living in our region and also he is poor. I dont know what was exactly the reason but they dont want me to marry him they also said you dont know him very well.. My boyfriend got mad and said if they dont want me so we have nothing to do to make them accept and he said we must accept our fate and get apart but after that i tried another time to persuade my father and it ddidnt work we returned to each other times and times me and my boyfriend and i told him that we will stay together and you will talk to my father after passing some time but we saw that it is impossible my father will agree and we see that we are getting connected to each other more and more so we got apart again but each time i text him and dont leave him in peaceand the last time he got angry and said your family dont want me so please leave me alone and live your life he said dont give me fake hopes as always i told him please come again and dont leave our love to fade away he said we are decieving ourselves by giving ourselves fake hope he said its better to forget each other because there is no solution the last time he got so angry and said go i dont want your family i hate your family so dont text me again and forget me i asked him do u still love me he said no go and live your life find yourself another boy..but i know he is not serious when he said i dont love you.
    and it has been 19 days since then i didnt talk to him but i miss him and i cant get back to him beacause i know my family are still the same and they wont accept him and my boyfrind hate my family because my family underestimated him… I dont know what to do. Please help me

    Reply
  4. Belinda - 0

    Belinda

    Hi there, I’ve successfully completed the NC rule and my ex did checked on me to see how I was doing. After the 30 days, I started texting him and asking him a random question to start a conversation. He told me that it was funny because he wanted to text me on that day as well. We talked a little and I cut the conversation short. After that, it’s been 5 days I’ve not contacted him yet. When we’re in a relationship, he knows that I would always be the one who initiate things first. I was emotionally dependent on him and he knows that. Even after the break up, I’ve been always the one to contact him first. So should I still initiate contact to build rapport or should I just wait till he text this time? And if yes, I’m not too sure what to text him because he would know that I am trying to win him over again.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yes, initiate but always be the one to end it at high point.. Use topics he always loves talking about

  5. jenny - 0

    jenny

    after 30 of NC but i don’t heard anything from my ex yet .. what should i do next please help !!! he also don’t wish me on my birthday . i miss him every single day i just want to talk to him again

    Reply
  6. Ella - 0

    Ella

    Hello! so I’ve made some progress most of them from this website. He broke up with me because he believes he was hurting me and that i deserved better. He wanted to focus on the more important aspects of his life and he wanted to live his youth freely. I implemented no contact and worked on myself and now me and my ex are chatting. Last week, we met at a party and we had a great night together! Catching up and flirting. I asked him about what he wanted to happen and he said he was so confused and he didn’t know what he wanted. I asked hin if he wanted me to let him go, he said he doesn’t know. Everyone, including him, tells me that he loves me but is just at a point in his life where so many things are going on and he’s confused about having a relationship. After a few days he chats me up about something really random. I reply after quite some time and not overly enthusiastic. He tries to maintain the convo but then after a while he starts to seenzone me. He sent a message this morning, telling me that i got a perfect mark on this exam. His thesis mentor showed him my paper. Then i reply and tell him that his thesis mentor showed him a vid of him singing and i joked about how it was good. He seenzones me. I don’t get why he messages me about really random things that don’t really matter, then when i reply, he seenzones me. I do really want him back but his behavior is confusing, how do i respond to this?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ella,

      it’s good that he initiates, but you didn’t mention if you initiate too. Actually he’s doing what you should be doing, initiate a convo and then leave at high point.. He might have been stopping to reply because the conversation got boring or he has nothing to say anymore.. He’s in control of the conversation. So, turn the tables, and initiate and then end the convo before it gets boring..

  7. Rita - 0

    Rita

    Hey,

    So, here’s what happened: I found a guy from Tinder and we had a two months rocky relationship that ended because of the communicational problems, at least that’s how I see it. When we broke up, I did all the mistakes I shouldn’t have done and it was not pretty. Now I have calmed down and I’m in the middle of my 30 days NC. I want to try again with him for many reasons. Start a whole new relationship, but with the same person. The thing is he has blocked me from everywhere and since we don’t have any common friends, my only way to cantact him after these 30 days is to write him a letter and bring it to his door. Is that stalking? As I said our break up wasn’t pretty and I showed up behind his door a few times right after the break up.

    I have been planning the letter I want to give to him and it’s really important that I will get it right, because basically that’s my one and only chance to get him unblock me, so that it would be posible to us to start to communicate again. Besides, unfortunatelly I’m leaving the country soon (end of the March) which means if he decides to unblock and contact me, we will most certainly build the raport slowly, because of the distance. I don’t see it that bad though, since the mistake we did before was to move too fast in our relationship. And I will get back in a few months if things go well.

    So, I’ll be writing him a letter and here is one part of it, I would like to hear your opinion about it. It’s very important that I don’t sound too clingy or desperate, because that’s how I was right after the break up, but that is not how I really am. Here goes:

    “It would mean a lot to me to know that after all we are fine. You are always going to be an important person to me and the truth is that I wouldn’t like to loose the contact with you. Let the posibility exist and let’s see where the life will take us. Although, I understand that in this point the decision to contact me is complately yours.”

    How’s that for the first (and possibly the only) contact? Besides that, there are few lines about work and dogs we share a common interest.

    Thank you for taking time to answer, it means a lot to me.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Rita,

      are you actively improving yourself and in posting in social media? If not, you have to restart the count and do at least 30 days again. If yes, extend to 45 days, let’s hope you’re unblocked by then because yes, sending that letter is like stalking. What about email?
      check this one too:
      EBR 002: What To Do If You Have No Way Of Talking To Your Ex

  8. Mae - 0

    Mae

    Hello,
    I apologize for the length, but I have a lot to say and don’t know how to paraphrase it lol. Please respond if you can.

    So, I recently ended things between my sorta-boyfriend and I. It’s a very involved story on how we got involved with each other, but basically, he had been asking me out for five years prior to us actually getting together. I always turned him down or cut him off because I just wasn’t that into him, nor did I actually trust him enough to get in a relationship. Also, I’m fiercely independent, so the thought of having a boyfriend was almost always induced a cringe from me. This past summer, a friend of mine suggested we should all hang out at the movies. I almost declined because I knew it was a double date, but went anyway. On the date, I was surprised at how gentlemanly he was, and how kind he was being to me despite the past.
    Afterwards, we talked everyday for 6 months straight, and things were going swimmingly. I started trusting him bit by bit. However, we did have our problems. I found that he was very secretive about his own feelings, and that he told most people that we were “just friends”. His closest friends knew what our relationship was, but that’s all. He didn’t even tell his family about me. Also, in that entire six month span, we had only gone on ONE official date. He said that he only liked hanging out at houses, or on double dates with my best friend and his best friend (because they were also romantically involved) because it’s more “intimate” and fun. Initially, I went along with it, thinking it was just him being nervous. As time went on, however, I grew increasingly uncomfortable with it, as it only seemed like he was only interested in sex after a while. While we did do things, I told him that I wanted to wait to sleep with him because I didn’t fully trust him yet. He said he respected my decision.

    Then one night, things got a bit out of hand and I ended up sleeping with him because I felt pressured (it was a bit forced, to say the least). When it was all said and done, he said it wouldn’t change his feelings for me. Everything afterward was okay until I ended up having a pregnancy scare because of it. Initially, we were very supportive of each other and agreed to not let it get between us. However, shortly after, his best friend and my best friend broke up. Things seemed off during our conversations after that, and I got the feeling that he was losing interest in me. To make matters worse, he started posting rude things on his Snapchat and said that he was “single” in one post. I was distraught, and when I came to him about it, he brushed it off. At one point, he sent a very rude message to me, and I gave him the silent treatment for 4 days out of anger.
    When I finally reached out to him again, I told him that I was doing some thinking, but he only replied to the part of the message he was interested in. Then, he didn’t reply when I responded. I tried to call him later that day, but he ignored me. I was outraged at that point, and posted a very discreet yet pinching message on Snapchat saying that I didn’t have a problem with cutting people off so that he would see it. Immediately after he saw it, he went on a tirade on his story, calling me a “h–” and saying everything he hated about me indirectly. Initially, I didn’t pay it any mind, but then it got to me.

    The next day, I sent him a very long message explaining everything what I thought was wrong (like how I thought he only wanted me for sex and how I think he only wanted me because his best fiend liked my best friend), and essentially telling him that if he didn’t want to talk to me, fine and that I wasn’t ever going to chase him. It would hurt to know, but I would be okay regardless. Again, he didn’t respond. A few days later on Valentine’s Day, I texted him saying I hope he was doing well because he told me his grandmother died that day. He didn’t respond, but watched all of my snaps on Snapchat. Since then, I’ve been posting a lot to hide the fact that I’m a bit hurt from the break, and he watches them all. He posts more pictures with his friends now, but I don’t watch them everyday to show I’m not chasing.

    Recently, I’ve been thinking about getting my stuff back from him, but he won’t respond to me when I ask him about it. Instead, he posts himself using my things on Snapchat. I also sort of don’t want to get it back, though, because I don’t want it to be the last interaction with him. I don’t know where he stands with me emotionally, and I really do miss him because he was always sweet to me. He as also always very protective and affectionate to me. He only started acting differently when he got around his friends (I think they really inspired his bad behavior), and I feel like his pride and ego are keeping him from really expressing how he feels).

    Regardless, I’ve resolved to wait a few days before attempting to contact him again for my things. I figure if I give him time, he may reach out. But at the same time, I don’t know because I don’t know the extent of his feelings. It’s tearing me apart to not hear from him, and I slightly regret breaking up with him despite the things he’d done. I want to attempt to reconcile, but I don’t know if anything can come out of it. It just boggles my mind that after all this time of trying to get together, he starts acting this way all of a sudden. Should I try waiting for 30 days or just leave him alone completely after I get my things? What are your thoughts?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Mae,

      I’m confused. When did you actually became official? Correct me if I’m wrong, but were you friends that started going out and then slept together and now he wants all of that to stop?

  9. Julie - 0

    Julie

    Ok so I did 23 days no contact. And I know I should text but he’s not the biggest texter. And I just decided to call. Well I called and he answered
    He gave me clarity on why the breakup happened (which is some of what I thought – he felt pressure for more commitment after 2 years and he felt we were fighting too much) without getting into it too much – we didn’t fight daily and we are long distance – our fights would just escalate to be really bad to the point where I’d say things I didn’t mean I was grasping at straws to figure out why we were fighting and I made all the stupid mistakes of just pushing
    Wellanyways so I skipped the text
    And went straight to call
    And he asked how I was doing a whole lot and I’m not sure what’s he was looking for
    I just talked about what was going on and got update on his work situation – and then I asked if he wasn’t in a place to discuss why he broke up (as it was during a random fight and out of the blue and made no sense)
    And then he was saying why but he’d be reminiscing a lot about stuff we did the last two years
    So he’s leaving the country next month
    What do I do now ?
    We ended the convo that I would just wait to hear from him again.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Julie,

      Even if the fights wasn’t a lot, if that’s mostly what he remembers in the relationship, then it’s enough for him to say it’s too much..

      Dont tell him again that you would wait for his text.. because it’s like you’re saying “I’m just here waiting for you”

      I get the feeling that you’re rushing it because he’s leaving. Dont, because no matter what you do he’s still leaving. You dont want him to think you’re being clingy even to the last minute.

      You would have to build rapport while he’s away.

      If what he said is true, then him leaving is probably one of the reasons because if he doesn’t want to commit, he senses the relationship or you, would demand more effort when he’s away, making it feel like an added responsibility or stress for him, instead of something to look forward to when he’s sad in the new place..

      When he said that he would reminisce about the good stuff, it’s like he’s saying, “dont worry, I’ll try to remember the good too, and not just the bad stuff.” to make you feel good because he knows when he said the reason why he broke up with you, that hurt.

      for now, don’t initiate for a week. You can reply if he does but be the one to end the conversation at high point. Continue to be very active in improving and in posting.. Remember, you have to convey you have a life, and you value yourself through those posts.. that way its indirect..because if you say directly to him that you’re changing, you wont fight with him anymore and not a responsibility, you will sound like you’re just trying to convince him

    • Julie - 0

      Julie

      Well the convo ended that way because we talked about me going to visit in a few weeks before he goes because there’s an event I was sipppsed to be at and he knows he’d be there and wish I was there – so he said he wasn’t sure if it was a good idea because we should “move on” and that I “need to find someone who treats me how I want” and he didn’t want to hinder that – but he has tickets for me to go. And I was like – well I’ll go but I’ll leave it up to you. So he was thinking that ya ill probably go but he was hesitant to commit to it. So I just said ok well I guess you can decide if I’m coming and you can let me know. So that’s that aspect
      As far as him reminiscing like he actually brought stuff up! Like remember that one time and remember this and remember that and wasn’t this …. like wtffffff

      So if he invites me to go. I’ll go. But if not
      How do I keep building rapport while he’s away? Just randomly send messages ?

    • Julie - 0

      Julie

      And since I can’t talk about it – how do I convey that we won’t fight anymore? I mean other than not fighting but we aren’t in a relationship to have the petty fights we had

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      ah ok..yeah, go if he invites you.. Just keep having good conversations, that’s your only option of building rapport and leaving an impression that you’re not always angry anymore, there will be a time that he might initiate a fight or do something or say something that he knows he has to say and he will expect you to be angry, dont be.

    • Julie - 0

      Julie

      So the thing is
      I have plane tickets to see him. He said he’d reimburse me if I didn’t come. I said I was only coming if he wanted me. However – I don’t mind getting out of town and financially it’s not a big deal
      Do I bring it up as it’s next week or do I just sit and wait

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s probably just to make you feel a little less hurt by conveying that he also remembers the good things.. it would be better to ask about the trip when it’s nearer

    • Julie - 0

      Julie

      So you don’t think he’s interested anymore ?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      more probably that he doesn’t want you to expect because he’s leaving.. He doesn’t want to let you hope now, because he’s leaving.

    • Julie - 0

      Julie

      So he called but I couldn’t talk so we arranged to talk in a few days
      1) can I text and ask if he’s ok because he sounded down
      2) if he sounded down because he’s calling to say he doesn’t want me to come visit – what do I do? I already have plane tickets. Do I let him reimburse me or just go on vacation?
      3) if he doesn’t want to see me do I just go back into no contact ?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I’d go for vacation. Have fun, don’t let him take that away from you. I mean, you’re looking forward to having fun, if he doesn’t, then have fun still. For me you don’t to text him, because if he wants to talk about it, he’ll text what’s up. As of now, it might look like you’re mommying him.. Since you’re still going to talk in a few days, bring that up if he still sounds sad. If he doesn’t want to talk at all, go back to nc but that should be the last..

    • Julie - 0

      Julie

      So do I answer when he calls? Or do I need to not be available and call him back?
      I just think since he didn’t want to tell me why he called that he was “saving me” from dealing with bad news at work. And he’s going to say he doesn’t want me to come.
      I caved and texted this morning saying I was sorry I was busy last night and I hope he doesn’t have to work too late tonight (he’s swamped at work).
      So I messed up cuz I texted. So what do I do now

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Don’t worry too much. Since you already texted, let’s wait if he says something.So, yes you can answer if he calls. If not, don’t worry for him. You know if you he really wanted you to be there, you would be.. Because if he wanted to save you from stress, that’s means he thinks you can’t handle it right? So, if he does that, have fun. Go on a vacation.

    • Julie - 0

      Julie

      I think it more means he doesn’t want me to handle it
      When we talked the other day he kept asking if I was ok and acting like he wanted me to beg to be back together
      It seems hard to not ask to be

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s good if he wants to handle it himself.. but it’s not good for him to want you to beg. That’s an ego boost.
      but it’s different if it looks like he wants to talk about it, he just doesn’t know where to start.. if you are having good conversations, it’s ok to open that up but for me if you are going to see each other, then better to talk about that in person

    • Julie - 0

      Julie

      He didn’t write back to my text so I don’t anticipate he wants to see me which isn’t good
      And I think he does want me to ask for him back – our 2 hour convo the other day he kept saying things and I was so set in the mind set of acting like I don’t want to get together so I wouldn’t want him to think that’s why I called but is that what he was wanting was for me to say it’s ok if we get back together ?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s hard to say from my end, but since you can talk to him right, it means you have a chance of finding out. initiate again with a different topic, when you hit the high point, when both of you are in a good mood, ask or brush on the topic to see how he reacts.

    • Julie - 0

      Julie

      He’s suppose to call me today. But I texted him yesterday and he didn’t respond so what does that mean !

    • Julie - 0

      Julie

      So he said he’d call me today and he didn’t. I know he’s going out of town so I decided to call him cuz he will be busy this weeken. He didn’t answer
      So what do I Do now
      He’s the one that asked if he could call tonight
      Also do I tell him I’m going to be in town

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If he doesn’t call all day today.. text him tomorrow but if he still doesn’t answer, that’s a sign that he’s ghosting you, which is not good.. Because that leans more on not really wanting to talk to you, especially if you’re making the effort now that he could talk.. I hate saying this but, you have to set a limit after that. First you feel like he wants you to beg, and then he ignores you after that.. totally an ego boost.. if he’s being like that, move on.

    • Julie - 0

      Julie

      Is it an ego boost or did he answer the phone thinking I was wanting to get togehrr and then when I didn’t – in fact I said several times that I wasn’t saying that – that he then felt like I didn’t want to get back together and he doesn’t want to just be friends ?
      What do I say in my text and do I tell him that I’m still going to be in town

    • Julie - 0

      Julie

      So he calls after sending me a pic that was very sentimental / reminiscent of our relationship . Then talks about how he doesn’t want to see me it’s not a good idea so I’m like fine im not playing this game why’d you send me this pic and then call to say you don’t want to see me again
      And he said he can’t say he doesn’t want to see me again but it’s not a good idea to lead me on and I’m like well we aren’t friends and that was prettt messed up to send that picture
      And so he apologized and said how we have all this potential still and I am very good to him and he misses me a lot
      I got a little upset but kept my cool other than I said this makes no sense
      I’m not sure why you’d send that pic and then tell me how much you cherish the relationship but you don’t want to get together yet
      Is he stringing me along ???

  10. Peter - 0

    Peter

    Hello Amor,
    I broke up with my girlfriend two years ago. We were together 12 years.
    We were really great together however she started having really bad mental health problems (anorexia/depression related) and was continually using me as an emotional (abusive) punching bag for the last several months of the relationship.
    I had to jump to save myself.
    I implemented a two year no contact. The idea was to give her space to heal. I am back to my old self again and really strong and I have reconnected with my old friends and my hobbies.
    I have found lot’s of new female friends (strictly friendship only) however I have not found the chemistry that I cherished with The Ex.
    The two year no contact is now finished.
    She has two male friends she has known since before my time however not had a boyfriend since we broke up.
    Visually she still appears very sickly.
    I am not sure I wold like to restart the relationship, however it would be nice to see how she is going and maybe start a friendship and see how we go from there.
    She dislikes texting.
    Would a nice card simply saying hello be a good alternative to initiate contact?
    Thank you,
    Peter. 🙂

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Peter,

      it’s been two years, I think a card is too serious(lack of a better word) as first step..are you social media friends? if yes, comment on her posts or send and friend request..

  11. Lexie - 0

    Lexie

    Okay so my ex broke up with me on new years day. And I did the common mistake of begging him to give me another chance and saying I won’t live without him and that I wanted to die (I really felt and feel that way.) He kept saying no because he thinks that we will just break up again and he doesn’t want to go through all of this again. So I think I made a big mistake of texting him and saying “I’m sorry I won’t bother/text you again. I promise this time.” and directly after that message I started the no contact period on January 7th and haven’t texted him since. Its been about two weeks and he hasn’t contacted me at all since then and I’m actually getting worried that he won’t contact me before the NC period is up. I know from reading every single article on here that he wouldn’t move on that fast but I’m scared that he’s trying to. I mean I didn’t tell him I was doing no contact but I’m worried that I basically told him I was doing NC by saying I wouldn’t text him again. And I’m really scared that he thinks I’m suicidal or that I’m crazy because I said I didn’t want to be alive without him and that I wanted to die. Because if he thinks that then that will really ruin my chances of getting back together with him. Anyway, here’s my question. I see how it says after nc, you start texting each other and I don’t think that will be hard for me to accomplish with us. But after texting, it says you should start calling him. Here’s the problem with that. My ex, when we were together, never really called me. We just never called each other. We used to call and facetime each other a lot in the beginning of our relationship but after a while it stopped. I would sometimes try to call him or I would ask him to call me and he would always say no. He just didn’t like to call me unless it was to say he was waiting outside of my house to pick me up or if it was an emergency. So is it essential to start the calling phase after the texting phase? Because I don’t think it will work in my situation. Thanks and I hope you reply because I really need help haha

    Reply
    • Lexie - 0

      Lexie

      I’m sorry but I forgot to mention that we currently look at each others snapchat stories and he’s always smiling and joking with his friend and it looks like he’s moving on but maybe he’s faking it like I am. I post things that make it look like I’m okay on purpose like pictures of my dog and pictures of when I go places to make him think that I’m doing fine (I’m really not doing fine.) but I’m worried that it’s looking like I’m trying move on and that’s not what I want him to think at all so do you have any advice for me

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lexie,

      why did you break up? Actually you’re not allowed to look at his posts or social media stalk him during nc.. and are you actively improving yourself? If you dont do calls, texts are ok.. and do you want him you’re just waiting for him?

    • Lexie - 0

      Lexie

      Thank you for replying. He broke up with me because I was “saying stuff I shouldn’t have been saying.” Basically, I was being really mean because I wanted to see him on new years eve but that couldn’t happen so I was saying mean stuff to him because I didn’t get my way. I don’t know why I’m this way but I’m taking this time during no contact to evaluate my life and my attitude towards other people and him (if he takes me back.) I could say that I’ve been improving myself. My aunt has been taking my cousin and I to the gym twice a week and that helps a little. And actually from the time I first contacted you, I’ve stopped posting on my snapchat story and I’ve stopped looking at his because I realized that if he sees me everyday on snapchat, then he won’t have a chance to miss me. And I’ve been thinking a lot and I still want to be with him, I love him. He still hasn’t texted me since I started NC and I only have 13 days left of NC so I’m starting to get scared that he won’t text me. I don’t know what to text him if I have to be the one to text him first after no contact. I’m seriously worried that I’ll text him something wrong and it will mess up my chance for good (if there is still a chance) Please help me. Xoxo

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I think you should extend nc to 45 days.. you have to massively improve yourself and make a new routine..go to the gym more, have a make over and do new things and make new friends.. You have to be better, less emotional and more rational before initiating contact..be active in posting again because that’s your indirect way of showing you’re moving on but dont view his posts

    • Lexie - 0

      Lexie

      Okay. I trust you so I’ll extend the NC to 45 days. I’ll start posting again and I’ve unfriended him from snapchat because even if I saw that he posted something it would make me upset and I didn’t have any interest in looking at it. I didn’t block him though so he can still see what I post. I’m still unsure as to what to first text him if he doesn’t text me first. I seriously wish I could get the texting bible but I don’t have the money for it. I’ve read each of the articles on this site and I’ve been getting the daily emails from Chris about the tide effect and the other tactics but I’m clueless.

    • Chris Seiter - 4
    • Lexie - 0

      Lexie

      Okay so 45 day no contact just ended two days ago and I texted him “Hey” 20 mins ago. I only said “hey” because I still have no idea what to say and I was just going to wing it. And he’s read my text but hasn’t replied. I was going to ask him how his dog was doing, if he texted back because I really love his dog and I always called him my son haha. I know I shouldn’t assume anything right now but what do I do if he doesn’t text back? I’ve heard that if this happens, you should give the other person another week of no contact but I’m not sure if that will work in my case. I’m stuck.

    • Lexie - 0

      Lexie

      Oh sorry I just checked again and he hasn’t read it. But if you could still help me with the questions I just asked I will appreciate it

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Sure! No problem! I’ll wait if you have further questions

    • Lexie - 0

      Lexie

      Okay so he did read my message yesterday when I just said “hey” but he didn’t reply so I’m just assuming that he’s not even going to talk to me at all. He probably thinks I’m going to eventually try to get back together with him. So then last night I texted him and I said “if you’re not going to talk to me then you need to come get your stuff. I’m not keeping your stuff if things are like this.” and he hasn’t read or replied to my message so I don’t know what to do.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Oh no, you can’t get angry when you’re trying to build rapport. I know it’s frustrating, but that’s just how it is. You can’t build a relationship being angry. I think you need to rest for week and then initiate again.

    • Lexie - 0

      Lexie

      Okay so I just have one more question, then. I still don’t want his things if we’re not together but if he’s not going to answer after a week, what do I do?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that means you need to take the last approach of resting for two weeks after that and then initiate again. If he doesn’t reply that means you have to move on and then send his things after that.

    • Lexie - 0

      Lexie

      Okay thanks for the advice. I hope I can work this out with him. Even after about two months, I’d still do anything if it helped us get back together. I’ll be sure to let you know what happens because you’ve been helping me this far haha

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You’re welcome! I’ll wait for the update!

  12. Amber - 0

    Amber

    I have finished 5 months of no contact (apart from responding to emails of essential boring stuff which I had to but I kept it all business). Then my ex called me out of the blue a couple of weeks ago. I watched it ring out because I was too surprised to answer and know what to say. Then about 4 days later I text him asking what’s up. He says he just wanted to see how I was. I said ‘good thanks u?’ and he replied saying he was oaky and mentioned some minor issue he’s having with moving offices. I said ‘oh ok well good luck’. I thought that might be it but he texted again a couple of hours later asking if I still do my creative hobby and that’s really really good. I was feeling weird and reluctant about the conversation because I felt like maybe he wasn’t really interested and I was worried he’d just stop replying to me and I would look desperate again like I was being I went no contact. So after a week a texted back ‘not really. anyway i’m glad you’re okay. btw…’ and then I assured him I was going to sort out this this boring thing to do with bills which i already said I would. As I wanted to end the conversation as I was scared otherwise he would end it. But I tried to not sound rude at all too. I hope it wasn’t rude or too stand-offish.

    Anyway so that was about 3 weeks ago. Now I’m worried I might have put him off by being too short and taking long to reply. I just want him to call me. I don’t want to make small talk over text because that’s what I tried to do before the long no contact and I just got left with the ball in his court. Now I’m thinking of calling him as I know he won’t call me anytime soon and I’m worried I might leave it too long and that he feels dejected possibly. Of course I’m scared that he just doesn’t care. I’d rather he called me though of course. Should I call him or would it likely look desperate and put him off? Not sure what to do.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Amber,

      if you’re going to call, have you worked out what to talk about?

    • Amber - 0

      Amber

      Hi,

      just catch up i guess and just see what he says basically. I only want to call because he called me before but I didn’t answer and then I wasn’t all that receptive to his texts so I just feel like maybe there are loose ends and it’s just put it in my head that I want to talk on the phone now to satisfy my curiosity. What do you think? But I don’t want to look desperate or stupid pr anything by calling?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s been too long to react to that call..So, this time, just treat this as a start over and build rapport through texts first..

  13. pezzab - 0

    pezzab

    Hi i’m about to come out the no contact phase and want to get the first message right.
    I’ve seen a band that means a lot to her is about to start touring in a few months, and my friends dog has just had a litter of puppies which are her favorite. i was thinking of either telling her about the band or sending her a photo of the puppies and saying i thought she’d like them. any better suggestion/criticisms or advice?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Pezzab,

      use the puppies because that’s recent..you can use the band topic next time..

  14. Daisy - 0

    Daisy

    How does all this applies when your ex got your number blocked so there’s no way of even texting nor calling him?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Daisy,

      Are you going to do the no contact rule?

  15. janet - 0

    janet

    Hey there,

    So I managed to enter into texting conversation with my ex; but I kind of took the flirting too far (it turned sexual) and he rejected me. I didn’t demonstrate that I was hurt too much, but how long should I leave it before starting again with text rapport? How do I come back from the rejection? I was thinking NC for a week? *Note to self… never again!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Janet,

      commonly it’s a week but try just 3-5 days.

  16. Kyrie - 0

    Kyrie

    Hi, in 2015, I listened to Chris’ podcast religiously (mostly when I took a bath, ha) … and with his advice and tips and mindset tips, I was able to turn my year-long FWB into a boyfriend! Yay, and thank you. 10months in, he has relocated to Ca (I am in TN). I took the drive with him and stayed with him for 1 month, helping him set up his new place. My return was tough, especially ince I literally lost my job that very day. He’s a corporate climber and I am a flimsy freelancer/ budding entrepreneur, so this lack of financial reliability is a source of contention for him. He sees me as having no vision, which I can see, since I have so many passions, but lack focus. Anyway, I visited for Thanksgiving, (his dime), and the tension was apparent immediately. He was less affectionate or attentive so I expressed how my needs were not getting met, and that his tone and our general lack of communication was making me question his commitment to me. He confessed that his frustration is likely coming out in his tone, etc, but didn’t really resolve to fix. Since I still had not secured a job, it felt as though he was holding his love hostage (btw, he has never told me that he loves me). I understand his perspective and he understand mine, but without a solution, I constantly feel like maybe he is just giving me the slow fade. I didn’t really want to test him, but I didnt know what else to do… so I posed “releasing each other of any expectations” (aka a non-agressive breakup) once I go back home, but he did not oblige.. The plan was to return for XMAS and New Years, but my insecurity got the best of me when I felt as though my texts were being ignored and he wasnt calling. B.C of that and my work situation, I didnt not end up going for xmas and new years. He has told me he wants to be with me, but that he needs an assis so that he doesnt feel as though he is carrying the weight. I talked to him on NYE, he even sent a text saying how we should just go camping every NY from now on, but he has not called me this year, yet. I have been exchanging some texts that are reminiscent of positive times, but only mirroring his response time (sometimes 6-12hrs). I realized my insecurity was a major turn off and until I resolve that, nothing else will help. So Ive been trying to work on myself, obtain gainful employment , etc but OMG, the tears that fall every day. I’m realy afraid that I am going to lose my strength and just break it off, but that is not what i want to do. I truly do not think there is anyone else, but the pain of no resolve is killing me, I mean V-day is right around the corner. I want to be mature, and strong and focused on myself but I don’t know how or what to do when I am so distraught. I am so paranoid that he is just waiting it out… for me to break up with him, which is crazy. Any advice? Can a girl get a gameplan = more connection + more postive vibes and less tears?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kyrie,

      you know what you need to change, you just have to face it and do it. If you need financial stability, then focus in doing that. Sit down and write what you need to do to have more clients. Make yourself happy first. Especially that you’re already with that kind of person. He never said i love you once and yet you added more dissapointments by expecting more from him and worrying he will break up. You’re not broken up yet right? So, lessen your problems by taking control of what you can, yourself. Improve and strive to improve always. Do it for yourself. check the link below:
      EBR 060: “Dating Yourself” During No Contact With Veronica Grant

  17. may - 0

    may

    Hi
    My ex n i had dated for 4 years. We broke up on 11th Nov 2016 cuz i found out he had been cheating on me with his colleague. He broke up with both of us. I begged him not to leave me but he dumped me cuz i posted his cheating event on my Facebook. He is notorious for cheating even befire dating with me But i love him so much. I had completed NC period for 1 month. I had texted him for two days, 1 text per day, but he didn’t reply. What should i do?

    Reply
  18. Monica - 0

    Monica

    Hi actually I been following the NC with alll details and it was so successful for me to release and find my self back after a horrable breakup I’m on the 27 days couple of days ago he asked about me through my best friend and he told her (send her my regards) and he made sure that she won’t forget. After a day and a half I didnt want to break the NC till I complete at lest 30 days but actually I sent the regards back through my friend as (hey l told her she send regards to you too and your family) he text back (sweet). FYI he is blocked from all calls, msgs, FBI etc.. so the question I’m wondering what’s next expectation and what should I do now ?
    Thanks

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Monica,

      did you mean what’s your next step? Initiate a first contact text..so, that means you have to unblock him

    • Cassy - 0

      Cassy

      I have been in NC for 66 days. After 7 months dating. My ex basically left me for another girl. I went extra long without contact because it was a hard break up. I thought I’d wait a few more days I still wasn’t sure if I was ready but I have def improved, I know he will be deployed in a few days (military ). Today I checked his FB and saw he engaged this girl after only 2 months. I’m not sure if I should still contact…this is a tough situation to handle and I’m surprised he is engaged.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Cassy,

      probably because they’re still in the honeymoon stage and he’s going in military, so that’s a way of securing the relationship or they’re really serious about it. For me, you should move on. If they are in the honeymoon stage, it won’t work out, but that would probably happen once the distance takes a toll on them.

  19. Monica - 0

    Monica

    Hi actually I been following the NC with alll details and it was so successful for me to release and find my self back after a horrable breakup . I’m on the 27 days , couple of days ago he asked about me through my best friend and he told her ( send her my regards ) and he made sure that she won’t forget . After a day and a half I didnt want to break the NC till I complete at lest 30 days but I actually send the regards back through my friend as ( hey I told her she send regards to you too and your family ) he text back ( sweet ) .. FYI he is blocked from all calls , msgs , FBI etc .. so the question I’m just wondering what’s next expected ?
    Thanks a lot

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Monica,

      did you mean what’s your next step? Initiate a first contact text..so, that means you have to unblock him

  20. REN - 0

    REN

    My ex-boyfriend walked out from the relationship we had for 6 and half months, we work together,and i find myself contacting him and wanting to talk to him,i really want him back so that we can plan to and get marriage and have a kids..he is a nice person but he got mixed up with another woman and this other woman has a kid for someone else,but if i call he picks up and if i watsapp him he replies. what can i do to win him back for life??

    Reply
  21. Chelle - 0

    Chelle

    Hi Amor, so I have actually already completed NC, but I still have not contacted my ex, as I am worried about what to text him.
    I was thinking about dropping him a text that pretend like I saw him somewhere and just ask how he’s doing. But I worry he doesn’t respond to it. What would you advise?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You can send that or choose a current topic that he’s interested

    • Chelle - 0

      Chelle

      Hi, Amor thank you for the reply. So I sent that and he replied, and I replied asking how he’s been and he stopped replying. What should I do now?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      The you see him somewhere text? Did he just replied where? That’s negative, wait a week before initiating again

    • Chelle - 0

      Chelle

      he replied saying that wasn’t him and that he hasn’t been anywhere near this city in over a week. but he also recently added me back on snapchat. so I don’t really know what to make of it

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      well, at least he added you back..that means it’s ok to start being conversational

    • Chelle - 0

      Chelle

      Thank you Amor for all your help!! I still have not initiated contact again (a week hasn’t past yet), however I was wondering, if he doesn’t respond after I attempt to initiate again, should I greet him merry christmas? which would only be a couple of days after I initiate contact again.

    • Chelle - 0

      Chelle

      I just sent him a text telling him I started reading a book that he recommended to me a while ago and that it was pretty good and he did not respond. What should I do now? Are my chances pretty much gone or is there something else I could do?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yeah, it’s not good.. I think you shouldn’t greet him these holidays.. let Christmas and New year pass better doing a last attempt

  22. Dre - 0

    Dre

    I’ve completed the 30 days no contact, followed all the texting instructions and gotten great replies over the past 3 days. I’m very happy, but vague…he’s curious…it’s going perfectly! Today he said, “I’m sorry I made you sad. Someone is or will be very lucky to have you”. Now what???

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Dre,

      Just say thank you to those kind of messages and then continue to build rapport.

  23. George - 0

    George

    Heya, I need some advice.. I have been seeing someone the past couple of months, spent my first night with her Friday, she went away for the weekend and come back Monday, the day she came back was the day she broke up with me.. she wasn’t over her ex who now has long term girlfriend (childhood sweetheart in fact) so has no chance of getting back with her. She was used as a pawn in their mind games.. but fell ‘in love’ with one of them, thus she isn’t able to move on with me. She said she wants space and to be single, so I am giving her the 30 days no contact space, and will stay committed to her, I want her new year to be special. With someone who genuinely cares for her, and makes her happy.. but I don’t know if she will just throw it in my face come the end of 30 days. It’s been 3 months since she broke up with her ex. Any advice would be greatful.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi George,

      Improve yourself. Show like you’re moving on. You don’t have to date intimately but go out with friends. How will she value you if she knows you’re just there waiting?

  24. Cathy - 0

    Cathy

    Happy thanksgiving, Amore. I backed off texting to every few days because it didn’t feel natural. Found out yesterday I need a routine medical procedure requiring sedation & will need a ride to & from. Told him bc he is my legal next of kin & asked him if he could take me to & from surgery center. He was quite concerned. He said he was supposed to go out of town one day this wk but didn’t know when & to check back with him Monday & let me know. We texted each other happy tg & that was that. Today he did not text & wish me happy tg like always has, although he messaged my children. I’m hurt & concerned & don’t know what to think as usual. Also he is sending my son money so he fly in & spend Christmas with me. Soooo many mixed messages!! Trying not to discuss relationship w him, but where in the world is he going with this? Still w live in gf.

    Reply
    • Cathy - 0

      Cathy

      Btw, he is not my children’s father.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Awww.. Happy thanksgiving too! Let’s say that, he’s mixed messages is a good news..So, be patient, hold off asking, and use Christmas time to build more attraction. While you’re not seeing each other, use that time for yourself too.

  25. Patti - 0

    Patti

    Hey guys,

    So my boyfriend of 10 months broke up with me because he didn’t see the future for us, and was a bit depressed in general. He contacted me once during NO, sending funny video, I didn’t respond to that. After NO was over, I sent him different funny video and he immediately responded with a smiley face. What’s my game plan now, how should I continue?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Patti,

      how long did you do nc? How much did you improve yourself and are you still improving yourself? You can initiate again. Use a topic that he loves talking about

    • Patti - 0

      Patti

      I did nc for 3 weeks. As an excuse that I didn’t do 4 weeks I will say, that our break up was very calm (he said he doesn’t see the future with me) and I went into nc immediately after break up, without texting, begging etc. Oh and also we are LDR at the moment. I did some improving, started going to the gym and running, I did go out to a party couple of times and had one date. So should I go back and complete nc till 4th week or should I act as it’s already after nc and start to text him on regular basis?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      That’s very good.. I think you should just start building rapport and continue to do the activities you started in nc

  26. Cathy - 0

    Cathy

    Hi Amore. Things have been going well since I started texting w my ex almost 2 weeks ago except for last weekend. I tried texting him a couple of times. The first time I got short friendly response and for the next I didn’t get a reply, which is very unusual. I’m sure he was w his live in gf both times. I don’t think he wants her to know we are in contact bc he told me a few months ago she is jealous and doesn’t like the fact that we are still married. They have been involved for the entire 3 yrs we’ve been apart. What is your take on this & if I don’t text on weekends will it hinder my success?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      of course, because he’s going to be protective of their relationship. If you move too fast or too forward for him, he’ll stop talking to you. When he does that, you just have to let it be. You can’t complain nor demand, even if you’re still married, it’s just on paper right now. He will not start to be friendly unless he’s sure you’ve moved on

    • Cathy - 0

      Cathy

      Thanks, Amore. That clears up a lot of things. A couple more questions- We are texting every day, M-F during work hrs. Have been for about 2 weeks. Sometimes we text back & forth all day. I still initiate all contact. We usually talk about general things, like kids, business, or things happening in our lives & hobbies, like fitness & his hunting. If I bring up too may old memories, he changes the subject. Is the fact that I initiate all contact and he doesn’t respond to old memories a bad thing? We are not to the phone call stage, but he comes over every once in a while to visit. It’s very cordial- like we’re old friends.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yeah, it’s awkward if you keep bringing up old memories. Talk more about natural topics

  27. Cathy - 0

    Cathy

    Thank you, Amor. One question: If I’m going to be less available, should I still be texting according to Chris’s texting rules?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yep you still can

    • Cathy - 0

      Cathy

      Hi Amore. My ex & I have been texting following 30 days bc. It’s going very well. However when I texted him last weekend, got a short answer ending with have a nice day. I didn’t answer but texted him again that night. He did not respond. I’m sure he was with live in gf both times & probably doesn’t wasn’t her to know we are in touch. He mentioned once before nc that she is jealous & doesn’t like that we are still married. She has been involved with him the entire 3years. What’s your take & How do I handle this since it limits our communication?

  28. Cathy - 0

    Cathy

    Hi Amor. You & I were in contact a few weeks ago under a NC topic. Just to review, my husband of 15 yrs & I have been separated for 3 yrs but have remained in a very amicable relationship. He has given me many mixed messages regarding reconciliation. He still supports me financially for the most part since I’m a full time student. He came over occasionally to bring mail & would hang out for an hr or 2. Would always bring wine & the visits were always very pleasant. I started nc because we’ve been in this pattern for the whole separation. Didn’t hear from him until day 29, when he texted saying he had mail for me & wanted to come over. Since it was day 29 of 30 day NCAA, I responded & he came over later that day. He also had a paper having to do with his company ( I own 25%) he wanted me to sign. Referred to me as his wife (why?). We talked mostly about my future career plans & the business. I didn’t wanna get too personal. No relationship talk. Today is day 6. We’ve texted each day except for day 3, with me initiating & him responding, usuall within seconds (usual for us). It’s been very positive & im working on ending convos nicely but abruptly during high points. My question now is, since it’s Saturday & he is with his live in gf, should I contact him? I don’t think she knows we are in contact although he’s told me she does. But in the past he has not responded in the evenings or other times I assumed he was with her. He always responds and visits on weekdays while she would normally be at work. If she realizes we are in touch it may cause grief for him & discourage him from staying in touch. Also, it seems as though we are falling back into the same pattern, however we are in more frequent contact than before. Should I text today & continue following the plan? We are up to 6 50/50 messages. Thanks amor.

    Reply
    • Cathy - 0

      Cathy

      Decided not to text yesterday. Almost texted about the college fb game but my phone went dead & I wasn’t home. I plan to text him about it later today & send a follow up text during the pro game.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Cathy

      I think he referred to you being his wife because on paper you’re still his wife and that’s a legal matter right? You need to become less available because the nc is just the start for your new routine.. He has to think you’re moving on and improving.. If you can find a way to support yourself much better but if not, the least you can do is to have your own life.. So, that he doesnt think that you’re just there waiting…

  29. K - 0

    K

    I’ve been reading your site and I’ve taken your advice about initiating NC. I do have a question, however, about the use of Facebook. My ex moved to a different country, so we almost solely communicate over Facebook Messenger. I am working under the assumption that your rules for texting apply to messaging, but my question concerns reading the messages. Unlike texting, Facebook allows you to see whether or not the other person has seen your messages.

    My first instinct would be to just mute and turn off my ex’s chat so that I don’t get the notifications at all, but you also discussed that there are certain messages that SHOULD be read and could justify breaking the No Contact Rule. If I mute and turn off his chat, I won’t see those messages either.

    Should I read the messages he’s sent? Or should I continue to ignore them in their entirety?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi K,

      Try to use the unseen app, if you don’t want him to see that you’ve seenzoned him. But in order for it to work,after you install it, you have to open the messenger app and seenzone his latest messages, the next messages after that can be just read in the unseen app.. if it doesn’t work, then you have to seenzone his messages.

  30. tacogirl - 0

    tacogirl

    Hi Chris,

    I read your website as soon as my bf broke up with me. Unfortunately, I already texted and called several times before I chanced upon your website.

    Anyway, on the 2nd day of break up i begged him to just talk to me telling him i am ok to be just friends, i am not getting back together, i just want us to breakup gracefully and not hating each other. He picked up, we talked.

    I thought that was it. I sent on last text and I was done. Last text was 3PM.

    Then, the next morning I thought about him but thankfully I no longer have the urge to call. I did not text nor call. All morning and all afternoon (almost). I was surprised to see my phone ringing at 5PM. Then I immediately got a text message after the call. The message was just, ‘hey.’ I almost picked up immediately but I was at a loss for words. I decided to wait and get myself together. I waited for more than 30minutes. I was wondering and asking myself what could be the reason he is calling now. I did not call I just responded to his text with, ‘hi.’ See below:

    him: hey
    me: hi
    him: how are you
    me: just ok. you
    him: i am ok.
    i think it would be very difficult for us not to talk to each other. we understand each other so well
    me: i know
    him: i want to say dorry for what I said to you you dont deserve it no matter what
    let’s not have too much emotions though
    me: sorry had to get socks, im cold ( he knows i easily get cold)
    i agree
    him: listening to a video and doing hw, what a fucking life
    me: i want to say sorry too for what i did, i realized too late. i will never purposely hurt you
    him: i understand
    ok, back to hw, hate it
    me: ok
    for old times’ sakes, why dont you come at my place. we wont talk about what happened. i wont lie to you though i want to hug you. we are not getting back together. promise (and i meant it, it was far from my mind)
    him:i miss you too but it’s difficult
    all is difficult
    we will cry if i come (he rarely cries in our almost 3years together. and he NEVER said him crying in text messages the entire time of our relationship. i knew right then he was tormented. background of the story: i shared our problems with a family member and i was betrayed. it was presented in a way that i was talking awful things behind his back. he broke up with me without giving me a chance to explain. he never wanted that time to listen to my explanation anymore.

    at this point i KNOW he was hurting. he was the one who broke up with me, but i felt he was hurting more.
    i went to see him that night, not because i want to ask him back. i was at the point of ive already given up too and i know it was also the wrong time to talk about getting back together.

    but when i came to see him, he hugged me and i hugged him back. but there was an awkward space. he was obviously hesitant to be close to me and to trust me again. he told me again how hurt he was and as much as i wanted to explain i totally shut my mouth. at that point i was thinking what’s the point. it’s all done. the ending was, we both went to my place and we slept hugging each other like how we always used to, only more of longing for each other.

    i was ready to do the 30 day wait time. in this scenario where it happened sooner – can you share your insight and tell me what i did wrong or what i did right.

    thank you very much. you have been such a great help..

    forever grateful,
    tacogirl

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi tacogirl,

      That’s good that you didn’t try to convince him further but you need to give him space.. I think that’s just what he needs and I think you should only do 21 days no contact..

  31. Parveen - 0

    Parveen

    I’m in relationship since 6 years. Everything was damn so fine.. We loved each other more. We had plans about our marriage and even having kids. And often problems arised in our relationship.. But after all fights we were together always always always. Now again my guy broke up with me. Just because his family is not agreeing for me. This is only problem in our relationship. His mother doesn’t like me. So he is fed up fighting with his mom and finally he left me. I want him back. My life has stopped somewhere.. I’m unable to survive. Can you please suggest me something. I’m in no contact. I’m following NC rule. This is my 16th day if no contact. And he didn’t even call or text me. And I’m not a girl who can love someone else and marry someone else. I’m committed to my guy. Even he also loves me. But how will I get him back???

    Reply
  32. Parveen - 0

    Parveen

    Sir I’m in relationship since 6 years. Everything was damn so fine.. We loved each other more. We had plans about our marriage and even having kids. And often problems arised in our relationship.. But after all fights we were together always always always. Now again my guy broke up with me. Just because his family is not agreeing for me. This is only problem in our relationship. His mother doesn’t like me. So he is fed up fighting with his mom and finally he left me. I want him back. My life has stopped somewhere.. I’m unable to survive. Can you please suggest me something. I’m in no contact. I’m following NC rule. This is my 16th day if no contact. And he didn’t even call or text me. And I’m not a girl who can love someone else and marry someone else. I’m committed to my guy. Even he also loves me. But how will I get him back????

    Subject: Good evening sir. Please reply to my mail sir.. Please sir

    Show quoted text

    Reply
  33. Kat - 0

    Kat

    Hi,

    I got with a guy at the beginning of Aug this year and we got on great. I was really happy with him and felt like he could be the one. At the same time a new girl moved in my rented house and would take all her problems out on me. She later started bullying me and would keep me awake at night so I became exhausted. Every time I was out with the guy I was seeing she would send me messages wanting attention and would send photos of herself in bed feeling sorry for herself. She later started walking around the house in her towel making myself and the guy I was seeing feel really uncomfortable.

    The weekend of our one month dating arrived. We went on a night out I was so exhausted (because of the girl in my house) and after a few drinks I broke down on the guy I was seeing. The next day I was so ashamed of myself and he didn’t seem impressed I knew it was over. I met up with him a couple of days later but the spark had gone. He kept going off to the toilet and would be away for a while each time. I felt like maybe he was cheating on me. (I didn’t accuse him of anything though) Later that day he turned to me saying he didn’t think I was enjoying been with him anymore. I said I was really happy with him and enjoyed his company and that I was just really exhausted. I asked if we could talk about things but he didn’t want to. He later went home and my gut was telling me it was over. A few days later he text me to see how I was and called it a day with me. I respected his decision. I didn’t have any energy left and knew I needed time out to recover from my exhaustion.

    Since the break up I’ve not stopped thinking about him. I’ve managed to catch up on sleep so I feel human again, managed to avoid the girl in my house and also blocked her number so to be left alone, I did the N/C thing and really want to contact him to apologize but I don’t know if he’d appreciate hearing from me. I wish we could give in another go. I’ve started saving to get my own place now. What do you think I should do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kat,

      how long did you do nc?

    • Kat - 0

      Kat

      Hi,
      I did N/C for a month and a half. I sent him a whatsapp message yesterday for the first time (we use to txt when we were together) I messaged him to apologize for breaking down on him, hoped that he’d had a lovely time at a family members birthday, hoped he was ok and told him about the changes I’d made in my like to make me a happier person. He hasn’t blocked me on whatsapp and hasn’t opened my message yet I feel like he’s seen my message as you can read it on your phone without opening the app. Over the last few weeks when I’ve gone on whatsapp to message friends he has been online at the same time every time then a few seconds/mins later he logs off. I know it’s best to leave it and see what happens but do you think I’ve got a good chance of him replying? Does he even think about me anymore?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If he doesnt reply in a week, try this for a first contact text:
      EBR 053: DECONSTRUCTING THE PERFECT FIRST CONTACT TEXT MESSAGE

    • Kat - 0

      Kat

      Well a week has gone by and I’ve heard nothing. I listened to the podcast and don’t think it would make any difference. He obviously wasn’t worth it like my gut told me.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      if you choose to move on, that’s good.

  34. Yasmin - 0

    Yasmin

    So, me and this guy have been dating for about 2.5 years. I got pregnant, but had an abortion. We were living together for 8 months. Then I ended things in feb because I was annoyed he was just sitting around the house doing nothing. Now, I want him back. He met this girl who does cocaine and claims he’s in love with her. Tbh, I think he just likes the fact that she provides him with drugs but eventually he came back to apologize and then broke into my apartment because he apparently had a bipolar schizophrenic attack. He was in jail for 3 months. I did not talk to him once while he was in there. Then when he got out, we started talking again. He told me he wanted a life with me; marriage, kids, everything. Then his mom brought the cocaine girl around him again and now he thinks he loves her. He had the nerve to tell me he slept with her 2 times in one night. I dont think this girl is good for him but he does. She accepts him on drugs and he knows I dont. When he told me he slept with her, he said he wants a future with her but he still wants to be friends with me. Since then, he has only called me once to confirm that we’ll be hanging out once I get back in town in 3 months but i’ve tried contacting him numerous times for him just to leave me on read; essentially ignoring me. Is there any chance that he may see me as a priority again and want to have a future with me? I think the only reason he’s with her is because she’s the only person that will sleep with him, and give him drugs. I just want him back with me. He was always sober and he could be the biggest designer on the new york runway if he just stops wasting time with that girl.

    Reply
    • Yasmin - 0

      Yasmin

      Btw, he has since gotten a job since he’s been out and that’s all i wanted him to do. I want him to work for us to be together, see me as a priority, and work towards doing what he loves doing, which is fashion. I still love him with my whole heart, but is there any chance that once I get back into town and physically be in each other’s presence, that he’ll drop that other girl and want to be with me again?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Yasmin,

      Dont love a person for their potential.. It’s good that you a person’s potential but to expect somebody else to be someone else or to change is not empowering.. If he really loves you and he knows that you want him to do better, he will do it in a heartbeat.. no, pleading from you needed.. For me, you should move on.. Move on and focus in your own success..If he does change someday, that’s good but that’s for him to decide and work on.

  35. Sabrina - 0

    Sabrina

    Hi,
    My ex broke up with me on october 3rd because he felt like there was a lack of connection. I think he didn’t feel a connection because he didn’t put any effort into our relationship unless we were together. When we were together we were so happy and clicked very well. I didn’t speak to him for a week, until i texted him to let him know that I wanted to talk. I spoke to him today just so I could express myself and I told him how I felt like he needed to have put more effort into the relationship and that’s why I feel it didn’t work out. He seems to not think that we’re right for each other, but I know that things would be amazing if he would just put effort. I want to get back together with him because we are so happy when we’re together and I know that we could work things out. What do you think?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Sabrina,

      how long were you together and how old are you both, and since has he been not putting effort in?

  36. T - 0

    T

    Hi my ex and I broke up 2 days ago. We broke up because he believed that I couldn’t be “satisfied” but every couple has an argument every now and then right? We broke up through a text because he felt that he didn’t know how to express himself. He knew he hurt me and admitted to being a failure. We ended on pretty good terms but I do want him back being that we’ve been together over a year. I believe I’m going to begin the no contact rule. Is that something you would recommend ?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi T

      are you on and off? If not, give him a week.., just be silent and start improving yourself..Let’s see if he changes his mind.. if he doesn’t start the count for 30 days no contact affer that week and continue improving yourself..

      If you’re on and off, start no contact now..

  37. De - 0

    De

    Hello ,we were seeing each other for about 5 months, he ended it on 21st sept I text him back on the 24th sept , saying I was glad and relieved its over, he text me 9 days later asking if I’m ok, I didn’t reply for 2 weeks, on the 8th oct i changed some settings on messenger and it notified him and he accepted my message requesr a few minutes later, although i didnt message him ,i just changed a setting which showed up as a message request from me, then on the 12th Oct I replied ‘ yes duck’ he hasn’t bothered to open it and read it, do you think he Will, I wish I never replied I just thought he would accept the message request like the other day but he hasn’t this time 🙁

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi De,
      I’m just wondering why did you stop talking to him? it’s that you implementing the no contact rule or was it just coincidental?

    • De - 0

      De

      It was me, I just stopped talking to him because I was hurt x

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      ok, this time, do the 30 no contact rule.. start the count and be focused in improving and healing yourself

  38. Reiko - 0

    Reiko

    Hey,
    I recently ended things very badly with someone I was seeing. We were seeing each other for 2months and he started to lose interest in me. I guess with everything going on in my life I became more clingy and desperate. What’s worse is I have been diagnosed with depression-which I’m waiting for a psychiatrist to get back to me on. So anyways one thing led to another and I basically acted out and screamed at him for no apparent reason. My friend/boss got involved and threatened him to leave me alone. Obviously to save himself he’s now blocked me on facebook and unfollowed me on everything. I tried to explain what happened on whatsapp after, pretty surprised he didn’t block me there. I asked him if there was any chance we can at least be friends. He replied ”Personally I don’t think it’s a good idea but we’ll see. Not right now anyways.” So for me, I guess there’s hope we can be friends one day right? I must have sounded so pathetic in my last message too… wrote like 1000words spilling my heart out which I suppose was 100% the wrong and pathetic move. I guess I just wanted to try again with the guy if possible. At least start of as friends this time and was wondering if this could work ? It’s been driving me crazy and I’ve been feeling sooo guilty things ended the way it has. I guess I just need some real and sound advice. Will the no contact rule work this way too do you think?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Reiko,

      There’s no guarantee that the no contact rule and honestly, if he knows your situation, I don’t think reverse psychology will work too.. But there’s still a chance of being friends again, that is when you’ve truly changed and healed. Put that first.. heal first. Not for him but for yourself.

  39. Laura - 0

    Laura

    Hey, so I’m on day 28 of the no contact rule, and he still hasn’t got in contact with me yet. We weren’t together very long, but I know that we could’ve lasted longer if I had done things differently. I know I was the one that was most to blame for the things that went wrong, I started arguements for no reason, I never seemed like I was happy with him whereas he on the other hand, was so good to me and I don’t feel I appreciated him enough. I know what I did wrong and where I need to change things. I really love this guy and we both want the same out of our lives, we both wanted romance and a family and we would often talked about what we would name our children, and often we liked the same names. We were even talking about moving in together as the start, and then moving on to marriage and children. He broke up with me with the old favourite “It’s not you, it’s me” excuse and he also mentioned that he “didn’t know what he wants” He also told me that he “doesn’t think he’s good for me” Which I feel is my fault for not appreciating him enough.

    I am preparing for the first contact text, but don’t quite know what to text him seeing as we weren’t together very long, we did go dancing together one night and we both had a blast of fun, do I mention that to remind him of the gold ‘ol days or is that too much of a romantic topic for a first contact text?

    Reply
  40. Tina Sawyer - 0

    Tina Sawyer

    way to go wish me luck my second day

    Reply
  41. Tina Sawyer - 0

    Tina Sawyer

    way to go i hope it works for me it will be 2 days today i gonna to try no contact rule.wish me luck

    Reply
  42. Dianne - 0

    Dianne

    Hello, I need some advice.
    My boyfriend (now ex – find it weird to call him that) were together for almost a year when he suddenly broke up with me 2 weeks ago. We never really argue but we did have a bit of an upsetting moment the last time we were together in person. He thought deeply about our relationship for 2 days and then texted he needed to talk to me. Originally he was going to break up with me through text, but I asked to call him. So we broke up over the phone. His reasons were that he didn’t see a future for us, and didn’t want to drag it on or else it’ll hurt more to break up in the future. He also said he doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore and wants to focus back onto himself. While I begged for him to take me back (he insisted breaking up was the only way), I asked to see him one more time in person that weekend. He completely rejected the notion and said it wouldn’t do us any good.

    It has been a little over a week since I contacted him, but almost everyday for the past two weeks I’ve been thinking about asking him to come out one last time. I think I have now accepted that this relationship is over for the time being, but I have many things running through my mind that I keep repeating to myself as if I was talking to him.
    I want to see him one last time as (ex) lovers and say an official goodbye in person, because I’m unsure if I will ever be able to see him as a friend (I cannot bear to think/hear about him dating someone else after me). I want to hear the exact reasons why he didn’t see a future, explain to him how come I saw a future for us and tell him the unsaid words I have left for him. We come from different religions (i am not religious) and different cultural backgrounds, but in my mind I felt like we could’ve worked if we both tried. I also want to know if he thinks we can reconvene again in the future, possibly as lovers or simply as friends. I want him to know that I still care about him as a person and I don’t want to hate him or see him as an enemy.

    I’m not sure if I should still meet with him to say these things. I think it will help me get some ‘closure’ and allow me to move past the ‘what ifs’ and thinking up these conversation in my head. I also know it might reopen the wound I’m in the process of healing. Some friends tell me its a horrible idea, others say it’ll hurt but it’ll help. I’m not sure which to follow.. I am also not sure (if I do contact him to come out) if I should do this 3.5 weeks after the break up call (when I’m free, he may be busy) or 7.5 weeks after the break up call (when he and I should be both free).

    I apologize for the long story, but I am in such turmoil I don’t know what to do.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Dianne,

      how will it help you if you meet him? If it is for moving on, then go ahead

  43. Airina - 0

    Airina

    Hello.Me and my ex broke up around 3 months ago.Today is my 21 day of NCR.ladies trust me whatever they wrote in this site is worth it.My boyfriend reaction during the NCR was the mid-caller reaction.And it was mindblowing how accurate what Chris said about he will contact me at the middle of NCR which was on the 5th day and 16th day.I was sceptical at the beginning to do Ncr coz i afraid that he will think less about me but it didnt happen!I’m still in my NCR which is 9 days more.Give it a try.We are lucky that theres a guy like Chris that are willing to give all the insight about men minds on break up!Wish me luck!

    Reply

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