By Chris Seiter

Updated on February 1st, 2021

Contacting an ex boyfriend can be tricky. This is especially true if you have plans on getting him back. Look at this page as your ultimate guide for deciding how you should contact your ex. If you don’t already know, I put this site together with one ultimate goal, to create the best resource for women who want to get their ex boyfriends back. This page is going to look at every single aspect of how someone should be contacting their ex. We will weigh the pros and cons of every single method and I will show you which method the experts recommend.

Contacting An Ex

(To learn more about how to properly contact your ex boyfriend please check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)


Alright, lets jump right in to this. I do feel compelled to mention that most women make a serious mistake when they want to contact their ex boyfriend. The average woman who really wants their ex back becomes what I like to call a text gnat. Have you ever had a gnat fly around your head? No matter how many times you swat at it, it just doesn’t seem to leave you alone. I hope you are seeing the analogy here, you are the gnat. Every time you text him he is probably rolling his eyes, getting angry or getting you angry. In short, texting him like a mad woman isn’t a smart idea.

In fact, right after a breakup (especially if he broke up with you) he is expecting you to beg for him back. He is expecting you to text or call him like crazy. So, I am going to recommend that you refuse to contact him after a certain amount of time, 30 days to be exact (you learn that in the articles I recommended above.) So, instead of him rolling his eyes every time he sees your name in caller I.D.. His whole world will have shifted and he is going to be wondering why you aren’t begging for him back.

It’s amazing what a bit of silence will do for you!


  • Do not even think to contact your ex boyfriend until 30 days of silence are up.
  • Doing this will cause him to wonder why you aren’t begging for him back.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Ways To Contact Your Ex Boyfriend

(To learn more about the different ways to contact your ex please check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

contact image

Ok, there are a lot of different ways you can contact someone you used to have a relationship with. Some of them are extremely good and some of them aren’t. This section is going to explore the three of the most popular methods that ex girlfriends use to contact their ex boyfriends.

Calling Via Phone

Ah yes, the dreaded phone call. Phone calls are interesting because they can be used effectively and you can have great success with them. However, it isn’t a matter of just picking up the phone, calling up your ex and gushing your heart out to them. No, calling on the phone has to be done in a specific way in order to maximize your success (which I will outline later.) Lets look at some of the pros and cons of calling on the phone.

Pros- Things can get emotional in a good way!, You can get a definitive answer anytime you ask an important question., You can actually hear your significant others voice.

Cons- Things can get emotional in a bad way., Calling doesn’t give you time to think, anytime they ask you a question you have to answer quickly., It is easy to get into an argument again., Higher chance of getting into a fight.

Writing A Letter

Writing a letter is an interesting tactic for first contact. I do know that a few experts who sell their own products recommend this but if I am being completely honest I am not a fan of this tactic at all. Basically how this works is that you write a letter professing your undying love for your ex and how you would like to reconnect. The biggest problem I have with this method is the fact that if you literally went through the 30 day no contact period, without contacting your ex once, it might seem a little creepy if he opens his door to find a letter from you professing your undying love.

Pros- If your ex is into letters this tactic might very well work.

Cons- Can be very creepy if done incorrectly, There is no way to get an immediate response like with calling or texting, After a no contact period writing a letter professing your love may actually hurt you more than help you.

Writing A Text Message

It just seems like texting came out of nowhere. Pretty much 90% of the people who have a cell phone all utilize text messaging. Text messages are sacred to everybody. Have you ever tried to take one of your friends phones and read their text messages in front of them. Trust me, they get either uncomfortable or very angry. This can give you a distinct advantage when texting your ex. They will take your texts seriously and they probably won’t be shared with anybody. It is a way that you can talk to your ex in a very personal way without actually being out with them one on one physically.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Pros- Texting is very intimate, ability to share cute pictures, It is impossible to raise your voice through a text message, you can actually think before you send anything.

Cons- Honestly I can’t think of any.

(Special Instructions On Texting- Text messaging an ex boyfriend is complex. While I would love nothing more than to write a million words on the topic I don’t have the time or patience for that so what I am going to do for you is recommend that you check out my book, The Texting Bible if you are interested in learning how the entire process works.)

3 Steps To Correctly Contact Your Ex

(For more in-depth information on the 3 steps to contacting your ex check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

right way

Alright, in this section I am going to briefly describe the “game plan” for contacting your ex. In no way is this set in stone. However, your best chance of getting him back could very well be the strategy I describe here. I also do want to point out that all I am going to talk about here are the bare essentials. I am not going to go into what you should be saying when you contact him, I wrote an entire page for that.

Step 1: Implement the No Contact Rule. Basically for 30 days you cannot talk to your ex via texting, calling, facebooking, googling, etc. If you screw up and contact him before the 30 days is up then you have to start all over from day 1.

Step 2: After your 30 days are up you are ready to make first contact. The best way to make first contact in my opinion is via a text message. However, you need to make this text message so interesting and fascinating that it will be impossible for him not to respond. That is the way you need to treat this first text. Again, I am not going to give examples here. The page I talked about above has plenty and teaches you how to correctly communicate with your ex via a text message.

Step 3: Once you have reached the ideal place in your communication you are going to ask for a hangout or small meet up if he hasn’t already suggested it. Again, a lot has to happen between step 2 and step 3 and you are going to have to read this page for that. However, you aren’t going to ask for the hang out via a text message you are going to ask for it via a phone call. This is the correct way to use a phone call, after you have already established some rapport with each other. Again, if you want to know what to say during this call you are going to have to visit the page I keep telling you to go read, hint hint!

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649 thoughts on “This Is How You Should Contact Your Ex Boyfriend”

  1. Maria Cruz

    August 20, 2022 at 11:56 pm

    This is truly helpful. I am going to do the 30 day no contact.

  2. Daniella

    December 1, 2020 at 6:08 am

    Hi! So me and my ex boyfriend were dating for about 9 months and recently broke up over text because we were always arguing. On the first day of us breaking up I kept on nagging him and asking him all these questions and sorta begging him to come back. I’m still very sad about the situation and I’m just now realizing how happy I was with him. I’ve read the pdf and I’m going to try out the no contact rule but we still say goodnight and good morning to each other and he sometimes asks me what I’m doing. I don’t wanna not respond to him but I know that’s the rules. What do I do?
    Thank you, daniella

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 23, 2020 at 6:22 pm

      Hi Daniella, so if you read the information about no contact then you know what to do – its only you who can choose to follow the program or not

  3. Camile

    November 11, 2020 at 1:30 am

    Hello, I really want to contact my ex. We broke up 9 months ago. We have not talked ever since. We dated for 5 years prior & I have tried moving on, I dated, met many wonderful men, but I just can’t get him out of my thoughts, and when I think about him, he still makes my heart melt. We broke up because we were both in a stressful state at that time.
    At this point I don’t know if it would be a great idea to reach out. Only reason I haven’t is because I want him to be happy & if he is healed I don’t want to reopen a wound that should have been left alone. What are your thoughts?

    Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 18, 2020 at 8:36 pm

      Hi Camile, the worst he can tell you is he is not interested and you can focus moving on again. I would say that the fact you have not spoken in so long that you may find he is slow with investing in conversations with you, but there is nothing to lose to give it a go before moving on for good.

  4. M

    October 6, 2019 at 4:21 pm

    Hi there,
    My story is very complicated…. We were together for five months and then he broke up with me because he said he got some issues related to his papers and he might have to go back to his country. He broke up with me in April and it’s October and he’s still here…I think it was just an excuse to brake up with my. Then I decided to apply NC rule but he texted after three days and I can never say no to him so I thought let’s not do NC but after free weeks he started ignoring me, not completely but like reply to my text after six seven hours… And he hardly met after our brake up. Then I finally decided to go for NC. And after that he texted me few times to break my NC. I texted him after my NC period and now again he’s behaving the same, reply to me after six seven hours. I don’t know what to do. Do you think I still have any chance!!?

    PS: English is not my first language.


    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 7, 2019 at 8:35 am

      Hi M, so you need to do a 30 day NC where you dont reply to his messages, and dont reach out (not sure if that been done here)

      With your texts and him taking so long to reply, we do actually recommend that you match their reply time – and word count in the text (this is hard sometimes but it is possible) If you read through some articles and get yourself used to how the program works this is going to give you, your best chance of getting him back. Have you made any positive changes during the break up to show him what hes missing out on?

  5. Marie

    January 18, 2019 at 8:14 pm

    Okay so my story is pretty bad well i was seeing this guy for 2-3months things happened btw us didnt work the 1st time he was w someone else so it ended.I tried to contact him he was not having it so after he broke up w the girl he started to talk to me again but samething happened.I ended up telling him how i felt that i loved him he acted surpried but he knew my feelings were steong told me he was seeing someone else and that he was falling for her which was a lie bc he was dating others on the side besides her.I was hurt got mad went to his place where the girl was coming out of we fought i hit him and argued w him left after.I tried to talk to him he basically told me to not contact him or he would call the cops.He made it bigger than it was but i still have strong feelings toward him so want to let it cool down.How should i approach it?I need help

    1. Chris Seiter

      January 18, 2019 at 8:18 pm

      Hi Marie! Have you considered using No Contact. Check out my Program and read up on how it all work. Feel free to pick up a Guide or my eBook to learn how it all comes together!

  6. Jade

    April 6, 2018 at 8:18 am

    So my ex broke up with me less than a week ago and even though he knows I want space to heal he has been texting to see if im okay. Ive only replied as i have to see him to sort our stuff out. After then I have decided NC for about a month and maybe contact him then once all the pain has gone and I have worked on myself. Some sites say to write a letter to tell them how well your doing and to intrigue them into replying back. My ex knows how I like to write letters but he has never been a letter writer himself. Would you suggest a text or a letter?

    1. Jennifer Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 3:15 am

      I love that question because it’s one I’m so passionate about. I never recommend a letter UNLESS you cheated. Letters come off to emotional and you want to seem aloof. In your situation knowing that your ex is not a letter writer I would highly recommend sending a text instead.

    2. Jade

      April 7, 2018 at 11:49 am

      Thank you for your reply. What would you suggest mentioning in my text? Since we’ve broken up he’s been round twice to bring my stuff and get his and he’s forgotten then stuff I actually needed so has to come round again. Is he playing games now?

    3. Jennifer Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 10:32 pm

      It sounds like he’s leaving stuff there to have an excuse to still talk to you in the future. I bet he still cares for you.

      Do you have Chris’ Texting Bible? That would be a great resource for you if your stuck with the texting phase.

  7. Brankica

    February 15, 2018 at 6:55 pm

    after 4 months my boyfriend left me after the new year when we got back from the trip, on the grounds that I was very tolerant, good and that he had some kind of blockade. He told his friend that I did not look even real to him. After breaking up we saw, we made a chat on that topic but it was categorical that my character does not suit me. I want to get him back. We never challenged him, I showed him love, and my attention was paid to me, but it happened that he broke up with me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 19, 2018 at 12:07 am

      Hi Brankica,

      He broke up with you because you were too nice? are you going to try the nc rule?

  8. Euni

    December 14, 2017 at 2:45 am on my nc’s 7days gone.i realy begged him after the breakup but couldn’t pick up my calls and texts.i really want him and am worried the begging drew him so far away that the nc won’t work.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 15, 2017 at 3:55 pm

  9. Mary Johnson

    December 8, 2017 at 6:35 am

    Hi I was in the NC rule for 64 days I decided to text my ex bf for his bday and he replied with 10min and said thank you. Then after 15 days again I decided to text him again and said hello,but this time there was no reply. What went wrong,or what should I do now?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 11, 2017 at 9:59 am

  10. Daisy Bigas

    November 5, 2017 at 7:14 am

    I am on my 17 days of NC
    One of my old friend suggested me to contact my ex-boyfriend and be sweet and caring to him like what he liked me before but I told her that I am doing the No contact rule and I don’t want to broke and change my plan.

    My question is Do I need to do her advice?or better to stay to the NC rule?
    Thank you in advance

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 6, 2017 at 10:31 am

      Hi Daisy,

      Stay in much are you improving yourself and how active are you in posting?

  11. Eileen

    November 3, 2017 at 4:51 am

    I am in my day 24 of no contact. My first 2 weeks of no contact my Ex has been calling me 2-3x a day. He will also text me if I don’t reply. I never answered either his text or phone calls. He tried to call me many times. Last week at 6am as I was locking my front door I heard a call from my pocket, as soon as I saw it i hang up. Omg, I butt dialed my ex .. I was very disciplined about the NC rule and all of a sudden this happened. I think bc the night before I was debating whether I should delete his # on my phone list or not. I need your help!! Is this considered as breaking no contact a butt dial or accidental dial? Pls help! This happens to me all the time even with friends Accidental dialing. Thank you for your reply!! I am considering on texting him next wk day 30 will end next week. Pls help me!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 4, 2017 at 12:57 am

      Hi Eileen,
      nope, it’s not because you hang up.

  12. Carol

    October 30, 2017 at 8:57 am

    Hi, I would like to ask about my currect NC. I was in NC for 2 weeks then I had to bring my ex the money back, which I was owning to him, we saw each other 10 min talked just about work and I told I go for bussines trip and we agreed we could go out after I come back, he wrote me that day messege after few hours: “Was nice to see you, see you after you return.” I did not reply but my question is shall I continue from that day 30 days NC, can I change to 21 days NC since that day or can I count those two weeks in no contact before we met as not broken rule?

    Many thanks in advance. Caroline

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 1, 2017 at 3:25 pm

      Hi Carol,

      How much did you improve yourself during those two weeks and how active were you in posting?

  13. Ann

    October 1, 2017 at 8:17 pm

    Hello.. I have a question . I asked for space from my bf of over 1 year.. and i went NC because he wasn’ treating me well and I had to withdraw for a while. I completed 1 month NC and reached out to him by acknowledging the 2year anniversary of the day we met. He responded well.. and I asked him when I can call him. He himself decided to call me but at the time I was busy and didn’t hear my phone ring. I explained it and offered t call back.. but he has ignored my calls for a day now. Is he playing games? is he not ready to talk? should i continue NC?
    My heart tells me that he is ignoring me on purpose and this is something I wouldn’t like in a relationship that I am in. But on the other hand I am sympathetic to how he too is feeling..and maybe if I give him time to come to me, he may reach out.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 2, 2017 at 7:41 pm

      Hi Ann,

      Just give him time..

  14. Lucy

    August 30, 2017 at 1:12 am

    So basically, I was with this guy for 2 years and were literally planning our future together. He started wanting space around Easter time which I accepted and let him have it. He then came back and told me that he wanted to be with me and knew he did but didn’t act like it. He was still very distant and didn’t act like he wanted to be with me so I broke up with him because I felt like he still needed more space and time to just be him. We then had a holiday booked for about a month after we broke up which we couldn’t change the names for and would lose our money. He kept texting me and we planned to meet a few times and had a really good time so we decided to go. The first few days went well but then we started arguing about petty things. I told him I needed space after we got back and he kept calling and texting to which I would reply to his text about 3 hours later. Since then, he has been very down and I think he’s going through a quarter life crisis. He’s very insecure and I know that all his best friends at abandoning him, especially now when he needs them the most. I always said I’d stay and be there for him but he’s kept pushing me away because he feels like he doesn’t deserve me and he doesn’t want me to wait or for me not to be happy. Last week he told me for the last time that I should walk out his life, I agreed because I thought that he needed this space and time because he wants to grow alone. He’s apologised for not talking to me about how he was feeling and I have also apologised for not completely understanding. He hasn’t spoke to me since last week but went to speak to my mum the other day because he literally has no one he can talk to about how he feels about life. He trusts me and knows I won’t judge him but he also doesn’t feel like he can tell me how he’s feeling, because he’s a man I guess. At the weekend I got a kitten so yesterday, I sent him a postcard with a picture of her on it and just saying:
    ‘Hey, Just thought I’d update you on my boring life, jokes, I’ve got a kitten. I am so In love with her. Anyway, I hope you’re well.’

    I just want him to feel like I still support him in his decisions because that is one of the things he is terrified about. People not supporting him and running away when things get hard and when he needs them the most. Do you think that the postcard was the wrong thing to do? (I thought it could be like a I’m here if you need me because even though he is my ex boyfriend, he is still going through a reallyyy hard time).

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 31, 2017 at 1:30 pm

      Hi lucy,

      If you want to support a person, that means either you’re his friend, family or girlfriend.. You’re not his mom, so do you mean you want to be friends with him for now?

  15. roni

    June 3, 2017 at 11:36 am

    Hi EBR team
    i got my NC finished 2 days ago and i initiated my first contact yesterday. this is how it goes:
    me: hey this person who sits next to me smells like ur perfume, the one that i hate hahaha. it made me think of u for the first time in a while 🙂
    him: well, thankyu 🙂 again sorry for everything and that i havent asked for apology in pesron 🙁
    me: its okay. haha im okay now. i have something to do bye 🙂
    him: okay, take care 🙂
    him: i am really sorry

    i didnt respond to him the whole night and i texted him this morning when i saw an article wrote by chris to how to respond to an ex asking for apology if u want him back like this
    me: i appreciate the gesture. im sure that the blame cannot rest solely on you either way i do not want to dwell on the past 🙂 i really appreciate that you came to me with this and i hope that you and i can remain on good terms.

    he keeps on responding and saying sorry, i think he just want to wash off his guilt of breaking up with me because he’s fallen out of love. i dont know when to end the convo that’s why i always end it first and replies to him after couple of hours. do you think i did it right? or i should rest the contact for a while and contact him again? i’m just thinking that if ill keep not replying for him immediately will make him do the same bc i know him and his pride. should i keep the convo going or rest for a couple of days?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 3, 2017 at 4:37 pm

      why not try the tide theory? check it in this one:
      Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

  16. roni

    June 3, 2017 at 10:09 am

    Hi EBR team
    i got my NC finished 2 days ago and i initiated my first contact yesterday. this is how it goes:
    me: hey this person who sits next to me smells like ur perfume, the one that i hate hahaha. it made me think of u for the first time in a while 🙂
    him: well, thankyu 🙂 again sorry for everything and that i havent asked for apology in pesron 🙁
    me: its okay. haha im okay now. i have something to do bye 🙂
    him: okay, take care 🙂
    him: i am really sorry

    i didnt respond to him the whole night and i texted him this morning when i saw an article wrote by chris to how to respond to an ex asking for apology if u want him back like this
    me: i appreciate the gesture. im sure that the blame cannot rest solely on you either way i do not want to dwell on the past 🙂 i really appreciate that you came to me with this and i hope that you and i can remain on good terms.

    he keeps on responding and i dont know when to end the convo. i always end it first and replies to him after couple of hours. do you think i did it right? or i should rest the contact for a while and contact him again? i’m just thinking that if ill keep not replying for him immediately will make him do the same bc i know him and his pride. should i keep the convo going or rest for a couple of days?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 3, 2017 at 4:37 pm

      why not try the tide theory? check it in this one:
      Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

  17. Kristen

    May 25, 2017 at 9:01 pm

    About a week ago I just had this feeling that I want/need to contact my ex from 17 years ago. It was like I hit a wall and I can’t stop thinking about it. I am strickly looking for a deep friendship as I have none at the moment and we used to. He has an FB page but doesnt use it. I may have a phone number but its it too creepy to text or should I just do an FB message and hope someday he sees it? I am unhappily married, and have been for a while. I am working on getting my self in a better position and someday single, but not for a long time. I am not interested in starting up a relationship with my ex, I just would like someone to talk to who wont judge me, knows me, and knew who I used to be before I am who I am now, which is not good. What is the first thing I should do/say? I feel like the first words I use could make/break the chance of talking again. I think he is single. I know he is divorced from a long time ago. What is the worst thing that could happen if I do contact him via text? I need to know what I have to prepare myself for and decide if its worth it.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 27, 2017 at 3:25 pm

      just be natural..ask him how he’s been..if you really want a deep friendship, why not make new ones?

  18. Cassia

    May 15, 2017 at 8:08 pm

    My boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago, since then I’ve been doing no contact. The 30 days will be up soon and I’m not sure if I should contact him via text message or Facebook messenger. I’m a little afraid that he deleted my number so I was thinking about sending a message on Facebook messenger, though the issue with that is all our previous conversations are saved, including the one sent after we broke up (My friend told me to send him a message telling him to pick up the rest of his stuff, which I did, but a little later I sent a message saying not to bother with that since I dropped it off at his place. He ended up responding, saying “I understand, thank you.”) I’m just not sure if that’ll harm the possibility of us getting back together. Sorry if I’m overthinking things.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 16, 2017 at 7:27 pm

      use the one that you always used to talk to each other before because that would appear more natural to talk to him with.

  19. TebsT

    April 22, 2017 at 8:29 pm

    Hi please help

    I got dumped by my ex in January (on new yrs day).we dated for three was a total surprise ,his reasoning was that he had trust issues and that he does not trust me.I was in shock,cried a bit,begged and eventually told him to go to hell.he said we couldn’t be friends.didn’t contact him until 15 April.text him saying that I ran into his holiday pics and hoped he was well.he responded saying it was good to hear from me and hoped I was well.I responded hours later cause I didn’t expect a response.and just said I’m great and glad to hear that he is well.i never got a response from dnt know whether I should contact him and if I do what do I say…..honestly wonder what’s up and what now?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 26, 2017 at 2:24 pm

      if you didnt improve in the past months and were not active in posting in social media, do that first.. if you did slowly build rapport..check this one:
      Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

  20. misha

    April 22, 2017 at 11:53 am

    hello im kalani and im from sri lanka ,my bf met me when i was 14yrs old,,we had a reletionship 2 years and i was a angry person and bit of weird and i lied to him so much he just dumped me,, 🙁 since few months ago..i tried NC for the first time and it worked , but again he stop contacting me after he just fed up..i just googled about NC and just stopped talking with him thats the all i knew about NC at that im17 and we r in both same ages.he blocked me in everyway that i could contact him..we both are introverts..i watched chris’s video tutorial and it finally it says to but the ex recovory programme for 87 dollars. in srilanka under 18 s not allowed to spend there own money from the bank account online,they still have children account until gets 18,,i love him so much and there’s nothing wrong with my ex..everytime i feels he’s the only one that i fits to him..actually i had depression after his breakup andi tried to suicide,can some one help me to get back my ex..his the only one that i feel comfortable when i’m with him..we were together for2-3 years..chris as whiteney please can you give me a free ex recovery pro pakage of this? please understand my situation, i’ll hope a good reply from you

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 28, 2017 at 5:51 pm

      misha, you need professional help more than getting the book.. Talk to your school counselor or better to your parents to get you professional help for your depression first

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