Texting your ex is no easy task, so today, I’m going to take you through the text messages that almost no ex can resist.
You’ll probably notice that a lot of these sound very simple and intuitive, and that’s because people usually overthink when they are in the midst of texting their ex, even when the actual answer is right in front of them.
However, before texting their exes, people at the beginning stages usually have two questions on their mind:
- When Should I Text My Ex?
- Should I Reach Out To Them First Or Wait For Them To Reach Out To Me?
Well, if you stick around until the end of this article not only will I answer both of these questions but I’ll also show you real life text messages that exes weren’t able to resist.
Let’s start with the first question.
Exactly When Should You Be Texting Your Ex?
For the first question, the only time you should be texting your ex is after you’ve successfully completed the no contact rule.
Don’t know what the no contact rule is?
I know I sound like a broken record but here’s a quick crash course,
Or for those who learn better via definitions,
The no contact rule is basically a period of time after your breakup, usually between 21 and 45 days, where you purposefully avoid all contact with your ex.
Generally speaking, there is no valid reason to text your ex during this period, and if you do, you have to restart the whole process all over again.
(Side Note: If you do have a legitimate reason to break no contact then you should hop over to our article on the limited no contact rule.)
So, now that you know you should not be reaching out via text message to your ex until after the no contact rule we should probably figure out if you should even be reaching out to your ex first or not.
Should You Reach Out To Your Ex First Or Wait Until They Reach Out To You?
As far as who should reach out first- our studies have shown that it doesn’t really matter who reaches out first.
What matters the most, in the long run, is who ends the conversation first.
So, there’s really no need to think,
“Oh, I should wait for my ex to reach out first because he’s a man.”
In fact, most of our clients see success when they take matters into their own hands and reach out first because that lets them control how the conversation eventually ends too.
When you’re consistently the one to end conversations, your ex will want to reach out to you first eventually.
Again, I’ve talked a lot about this on my YouTube channel,
I know you guys probably want more in-depth answers but I feel like it’s a little derivative to hammer home the same points in every single article so instead I’d like to switch gears and start talking about those irresistible text messages.
The Framework For Irresistible Text Messages
So now that we have the timing squared away, what is the framework that you should apply for texting your ex?
There are three things you want to have in every conversation with your ex:
- Catch your exes interest and get him to respond via a first contact message.
- Have an organic conversation. (This one is key because people often try to plan out conversations, but you can never truly anticipate the other person’s reactions, so it’s better to create organic conversations that flow naturally.)
- End the conversation first.
So, what exactly constitutes that perfect message to start a conversation?
Thanks to the data we’ve gathered via our clients’ experiences in our private facebook group,
We have narrowed down what kind of text messages exes respond best to and perhaps what has shocked me the most is that the most successful type of text message is something I would have never guessed.
By far, the most successful message techniques is the two part damsel in distress text message.
What Is The Two Part Damsel In Distress Text Message?
This kind of text message doesn’t just get your ex to reply; it goes a step further and gets them engaged in the conversation, so they stay in it for longer.
The classic two part damsel in distress message has three parts to it that gets your ex to initially respond:
- Hook your ex in with a pattern interrupt
- Engage your ex in his own interest
- End the conversation first.
Let’s talk about each of these elements.
Hooking An Ex With A Pattern Interrupt
First off, let’s discuss the pattern interrupt or hook.
A conversational hook is pretty much like a fishing hook, where you cast a line in with a hook and hope a fish takes the bait.
You employ the same technique with a pattern interrupt that’s basically a variation of anything that interrupts the pattern of a normal text message conversation.
Think of it like this. Throughout your relationship, you probably got super comfortable with your ex, so all your conversations started with something generic like “hey, what’s up?” Well, it’s time to switch that up.
Most women incorrectly assume that the situation after a no contact rule is the same as texting before their breakup.
That just won’t cut it.
If you reach out to your ex after 30 days with a “Hi,” they won’t have any reason or obligation to respond.
Or it might even incite a negative response like “where were you, and why were you ignoring me?”
Instead, you offer a pattern interrupt.
You want to say something so intriguing and mysterious that your ex has no choice but to respond.
I always ask my clients to think of their ex walking down a path and then seeing their text message pop up and do a double-take to make sure he read it right.
If your message can make that happen, your pattern interrupt is perfect!
So, here are some of the perfect pattern interrupts we’ve seen in damsel in distress text messages?
- “Hey, guess what I finally got around to…”
- “I need your medical advice.”
- “Hey, I know this is random, but how do you make your protein shakes?”
- “I have a big problem, but only trust you for an answer.”
- “Hey, can I pick your brain for a second?”
And here are a few taken directly from clients our program;
See a theme in all of these?
They express a problem, usually without telling the ex exactly what that is.
That creates intrigue and triggers your ex’s hero position/complex where your ex just wants to jump in and save you!
Not knowing the specifics of what you need help with can trigger their intrigue and make them respond because they need more information to help you out.
Keeping An Ex Engaged With Their Interests
Okay, so now that your ex is hooked and responding, you’re about halfway there, but there are still a ways to go.
Keeping your ex engaged is the second half, and that’s where the second part of our damsel in distress message comes in.
In the second part, you engage your ex in an interest of theirs.
A few years ago, I had a Eureka moment during a conversation I was having with someone when I realized that I didn’t really want to continue talking to this person anymore because they only talked about things that interested them.
What’s the point of a relationship where you never feel like your interests are validated?
Most of our clients who have trouble talking to their exes were trying to engage with their ex about things that they weren’t interested in.
If you actually talk to your ex about things they are interested in, you can engage them so much more because they’ll be enthusiastic about the topic, and they’ll be excited to see you interested in something they value.
I’ll use one of the example pictures I attached above to prove this point.
I want you to pay attention to the fact that this woman did a perfect job of crafting the perfect hook/pattern interrupt but that alone wasn’t enough to keep him engaged and responsive.
Nope, he’s only responsive because of the fact that she engaged him in an interest of hers.
Look at the string of responses she gets when she does that,
Here’s another example from an excerpt from a real conversation of one of our clients and their ex:
“Hey, can I pick your brain for a second?”
This is her perfect pattern interrupt that offers enough intrigue for her ex to respond.
Yeah, this isn’t a long response, but that’s not what we were going for anyway. We just needed to get the ball rolling. You want to engage your ex in a back and forth.
“I’m trying to get some leg gains. Do you have any go-to workouts that you’d recommend?”
I think it’s safe to assume that her ex was a bodybuilder or some level of fitness geek, and that’s why this worked so perfectly! She immediately made it about his interests, so he would feel like an authority on the subject.
She knew that her ex was obsessed with working out, so to engage him, she had to speak in his language.
His response was:
“Are you asking me because I got fat legs? Just kidding. Squats, deadlifts, lunges, and thrusters. But anything will do really. You just have to make sure you’re eating more calories than you’re burning.”
Right off the bat, he gets playful about how he’s a good looking guy.
Also, look how long and wordy his response is!
She asked to pick his brain, and she definitely succeeded because he could probably go on and on about this subject for as long as she wants. This is the perfect example of an engaged ex.
So, if you’re trying to talk to your ex, first off, you need to look up the conversations you’re having with your ex.
You need to engage your ex with something that interests him, not you.
We all know the famous saying Rome wasn’t built in a day, so you’re probably not going to get your ex back in a day either.
But if you can string together multiple versions of such conversations and let them fully unfold, you’re on the right path!
Remember To End The Conversation First
You should always aim to end the conversations first.
And that end should come when you feel like you’re at the high point of the conversation.
That’s how you leave your ex wanting more.
If you’ve correctly made your ex feel like you’re getting involved in things that interest him, he will probably want to reach back out to you to gauge your progress or offer some more support!
Navigating the mine field of texting your ex after the no contact rule is super easy when you follow these three steps:
- Use a convincing hook, preferably one that makes him think you need his help.
- Keep him engaged by talking about his interests
- End the conversation first to leave him wanting more