By Shannon

You were going about your business, just living life and suddenly you get it… the text.

“How you doing?”

or

“Heyyyy”

After a breakup, the last thing you expect is for him to start reaching out again and trying to talk to you. Especially, if he’s dating somebody else. It’s doubly true if he went back to his ex. I mean… WHAT IS HE THINKING?! Right?

So, you get the text and your heart skips a beat.

Let me tell you a story.

I was seeing a guy and things seemed to be going great. Fast forward two months and he was not only dating one of his exes, they were having a baby!

It’s incredibly confusing and frustrating. Not only that, but it can lead to a lot of unnecessary pain for the women involved.

So I am here to shed some light on what exactly is going on and why your ex might be reaching out to you.

There are three scenarios that we are going to focus on.  All of the scenarios center around if your ex was the one that did the breaking up and is now dating a woman that he had previously dated before you.

Here are the scenarios:

  1. Your ex still wants to be friends
  2. Your ex says he still wants you
  3. Your ex is married

Your Ex Still Wants To Be Friends

Is He Being Sincere?

This one is the trickiest one.

You are going to need to determine whether your ex is sincere or not.

Is he just saying that he only wants to be friends because he wants to keep you on the hook while also having the benefits of his actual girlfriend? Or does he actually miss the friendship and partnership that you offered him?

You have to be careful with this one because you will be tempted to believe the latter. Why? Well, it’s human nature to not want to be forgotten.

Common sense says that if he broke up with his ex shortly before you got together and your relationship didn’t last long, then he probably still had feelings for her while you were together.

It’s not easy to accept, but if that is the case and he says that he still wants to be friends with you then you need to consider if that is something that you are really okay with.

If it has been several months or years since the two of you broke up and you feel as though you would be comfortable with being friends then accept his offer of friendship. If your relationship ended very recently then it may be a good idea for you to enter into No Contact.

OR

If you have already completed No Contact, then you can utilize the Being There Method if you are trying to get him back. The Being There Method is pretty self-explanatory. You just… be there. You don’t tell your ex how you really feel about him, you just remain friends with him and allow your presence in his life to slowly chip away at his new relationship.

It is important to be careful with the Being There Method and to set boundaries for yourself. You don’t want to end up as only a friend or a friend with benefits. You also don’t want to end up as his emotional crutch. Remember not to give him the benefits of a girlfriend unless he is willing to give you the title.

If you are using the Being There Method and your ex tries to push forward with sexually charged texts, or anything along those lines, be playful about it but still shut it down.

Here’s a little example:

Him: “What you doing?”
You: “Just got out of the shower, you?”
Him: “Damn, kinda wish I was there to see that lol”
You (teasingly): “You wish! You gave up that privilege. Remember? Anyways, I’ve gotta go I have to get ready to go out. Ttyl!”

You leave him hanging and yet he’s still thinking about you stepping out of the shower. It was flirty, and a little sexy, but set a boundary.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Your Ex Says He Still Wants You

Again you are going to need to be careful here.

It’s true that in this situation your ex is blatantly saying that he wants you, but what does that mean exactly?

Does he WANT YOU?

or

Does he want to be WITH YOU?

And if it meant that he still wanted to be with you then why would he still be with his ex?

Remember, actions speak louder than words.

When somebody knows you well, they know how to manipulate you.
When you care deeply about someone it is easy for them to manipulate you.

Do you see where I am going with this?

Your ex is going to know exactly what he knows he has to say to get you to act the way that he wants you to. He is going to know how to push you away and he is going to know how to draw you in.

He Sees You As A Possession

Dogs do this thing sometimes where they will have a toy for years and never look at it once but the second another dog comes over they get super protective of the toy and won’t let the other dog touch it.

Men are like that. He has decided he doesn’t want to be with you, but he doesn’t want anyone else to have you either.

And what is the best way for him to make sure that you don’t find anyone else? He keeps you wrapped around his finger and holding out for him.

Doesn’t seem fair, does it?

He has a shiny new girlfriend and you have no one?

Well, it doesn’t seem fair because it isn’t fair.

But what if I told you it was simple? What it all boils down to is

  • If your ex wants to be with you he is going to do whatever he needs to do to be with you.
  • If he wants to be with his ex, then he’ll do whatever he needs to do to be with her.

He Likes The Attention

Another possibility is that having two women seeking his attention gives him an ego high. In the personal situation that I talked about at the beginning of the article, this is what happened to me. The man that I was seeing knew that he wanted to be with his ex but he got such a rush from stringing me along that he kept it up for as long as I let him.

Don’t get me wrong, I am sure that there are some situations in which a guy is going through a confusing period of his life and is genuinely having a difficult time deciding between you and the other ex girlfriend… That being said nine times out of ten he’s just trying to have his cake and eat it too.

If your ex is dating another woman and he tells you that he still wants you, make it clear to him that he needs to make a decision – either her or you. Don’t let yourself become an option. You want him to respect you and if you allow him to string you along there is not going to be any respect there.

My favorite way to respond when an ex says,

“I want you.”

is to say,

“I’ll believe it when I see it.”

That is really the only way to know if he means business, if he is willing to take action.

On a die note, you kind of have to ask yourself if this a man you want to get back together with? He is talking to you and telling you he wnats you while he is dating someone.

I mean could you ever trust him not to be telling other women the same thing if you did get back together.

Think about it. He is currently dating another woman and is talking to you behind her back. Is that the type of man you want to be with? Is he going to dump her, start dating you, and then get bored and start talking to her or another woman behind your back?

You also need to think about what your ex means when he says he “Wants you”. Is your ex just bored with the sex life in his current relationship and looking for some… some… extracurricular activities?

Or does he mean he actually wants you and wants to be with you?
There is a huge difference and men know that the way they phrase something can trick women into giving them what they want.

My point is – just be careful so that you don’t end up hurt.

Your Ex Is Married

Run!

Run now!

You want no part of this situation. If your ex loved this woman enough to marry her and is now talking to you behind her back then there are some serious problems with his definition of commitment. Not to mention, you do not want to be in the middle of things when it all falls apart.

If your ex tells you that he is going to be leaving his wife and that he wants to work on things with you – RUN! He may be telling you the truth, but until those divorce papers are signed you want no part of that.

Furthermore, this is a woman that he dated, broke up with, and then dated again and decided to marry. There is a complicated history there. It’s unlikely that go away. Is that something that you want to have to deal with or get involved in?

One of my best friends met a man on a dating app a couple of years ago. They hit it off and started seeing one another. A couple of months into the relationship he admitted to her that he was separated but still married to his wife. He promised my friend that the divorce papers were in the works. Fast forward two years and he still hasn’t gotten the divorce!

If you really think about it, you will probably realize you deserve better than a man who is talking to you behind his wife’s back anyway. As I mentioned before, every situation is different, but in the case of marriage, it does not paint the prettiest picture.

At the end of the day, there are some people that are just not good people. We tend to see the best in everyone when our hearts come into play. We want to believe our ex’s heart is pure and that they are going to act just the way that they say they are.

And sometimes it works out. But, it’s important for you to be honest with yourself about how often that actually happens… rarely.

When it comes to a married ex, remember… if he’ll do it for you… he’ll do it to you. If he talks to you behind his wife’s back, then chances are, if you get back together, he’ll be talking to other girls behind yours.

The Take-Away

It’s easy to tell what I’m saying here.

I’m going to simplify it for you. If your ex is talking to you as if he is single when he is with another woman, then you should consider his character. If you get back together with a man who does this, you should know now that you will probably be dealing with him doing the same thing to you. It’s about character.

If your ex is simply trying to keep you in his life as a friend, you still want him back, and you’ve done No Contact already, then you can use The Being There Method with a gentle hand until you see him take action to make himself available to date you. So, yes, if your ex is back together with his ex you still have a shot at getting him back. I only suggest going forward with getting back together if he leaves her completely though.

It’s a hard situation to be in. You want to believe that he will do what he says he will. Ultimately, it’s a decision you have to make, but if you go back to an ex before he has made moves to be single and available for you or that has bad character, then you are placing yourself in a toxic situation. And you will find yourself in this situation where you are hurt all over again. So, be aware of what you are getting yourself into as you move forward.

If you do decide to move frward with getting him back, you can apply the standard tactics to get an ex back who is in a new relationship. Here is a video Chris made on just that.

 

 

So, now that you are fully informed, I want to start a conversation with you in the comments below. Tell me about the details surrounding your situation. Tell me what you have done so far. And tell me what you think your next course of action is. Our experts will be happy to talk to you and help you decide what you should do next.

That being said, let’s get started!

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15 thoughts on “He Went Back To His Ex, But Still Texts Me”

  1. Avatar

    Amanay

    May 2, 2020 at 9:07 pm

    I was seing a guy few weeks we were both single told me he liked me wanted to start seing me then he goes all quite for few days I was on social media saw he was back with his ex I text him he blocked me of all

  2. Avatar

    Renee green

    May 7, 2019 at 7:21 am

    I been in a relationship for 2 years we broke up December 28 2018 he told me he going back to the relationship he had he text me that told me don’t call him or text….. that’s how it was sent the text been 4 months now without contract from him it’s hard but I’m getting over it doesn’t hurt as bad like it used to but i still think about him hope everything works out for them i know one day lord will bless me with a wonderful man

  3. Avatar

    Jayne

    April 7, 2019 at 7:18 pm

    Similar situation for me, with my ex for 5 months and it was unreal. Him and all of his family welcomed me and we got serious quick, they all said I was the best thing to happen to him. He has 2 young children with his ex and contact has always been difficult, resulting in his mum making the arrangements. Everything was going perfectly until he text me saying he is giving it another go with her. His family and everyone close to him are shocked and said she will not be welcome. He has told me he regrets his decision and he would do anything to get me back and that she manipulated him and used the kids to persuade him to make this decision which he says he knows was irrational and wrong. I’ve told him I am willing to talk to him and he has said he needs time to think and will get in touch tomorrow. I thought he would be jumping at the chance to talk if he was as broken hearted as he is making out

  4. Avatar

    Bre

    November 11, 2018 at 8:12 am

    Me & my ex broke up I tried to make things work but things had gotten worst after his cousin told him i was saying really bad things about him that have never came out of my mouth & his cousin really has a crush on me he really hated seeing us together. Me & my ex have been friends for 11 years we were child hood friends he would always try to make me his gf but i didn’t want to mess our friendship up & we always would say it would hurt if we’d ever stopped talking forever. It’s been 7 months since we’ve broken up & he has gotten back with his ex after 2 years of them not being together she was so upset about our relationship. We’ve talked a couple of times since our break up & there were good conversations & sometimes bad , he blocked me on social media once him & his ex gotten back together igs i wasn’t supposed to know but i found out of course but i talked to him 2 months ago he called me & questioned me about the situation between me , him & his cousin after that i haven’t talked to him since. I’m really heart broken because i definitely miss our friendship & relationship i genuinely loved him. Idk if he still loves me & i want him back but it’s pointless because him & his ex will regain all of those feelings for each other all over again & they are now over their differences they had in their old relationship so there wouldn’t be any hope for me him to fix our situation if they’re fixing theirs or theirs are already fixed.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 11, 2018 at 7:48 pm

      Hi Bre!

      Why don’t you take some time for yourself to heal and just don’t think about this for awhile. Later you can decide if you wish to invest any more energy into this. IF you feel you could use some ongoing support, you can join my Private Face Book Support Group.

  5. Avatar

    Amber

    October 9, 2018 at 6:33 pm

    My kids father was having an affair with his ex and “baby mama” when my son was not even a month old. I was recovering from csection and could not have sex but I got so annoyed of him asking for it I told him go find it elsewhere. He took those words literally and now shes pregnant. For who I dont know. Possibly him. He apologized and is trying to fix things. He doesn’t communicate with her. He would like to have court ordered visitations so that he does not have to contact her. We broke up for about a month. I moved out. I took him back. He moved in. It has made our relationship stronger but I just cant stop thinking about it.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 10, 2018 at 2:09 am

      Hi Amber!

      You might want to reach out to talk to a mental health professional to talk about how to cope with these feelings.

  6. Avatar

    Frankie

    April 30, 2018 at 1:36 pm

    My ex and I broke up maybe a month ago. He’s been hanging out with his ex girlfriend a lot. The last time I saw him, she was his number 1 bestfriend on snapchat (he deleted me) and she was texting him, she was all in his recent call logs. They’ve been hanging out and I’m sure they’re hooking up again. They’re from the same hometown/have all the same friends. They dated on and off for 6 years. She’s always kind of been lingering throughout our 2 year relationship and I never understood why. I’m really hurt, I feel like I’ve wasted all this time. He still texts me at least once a week. And when he does, you can tell he’s just saying anything he can to make conversation. He’s admitted to still having lingering feelings for her. Our last few arguments, he’s compared me to her a lot. He’s gotten really mad at me and said things like she’s a better person than me. And it’s a lot easier with her than it is with me. How he doesn’t want a happy relationship with me, he wants it with someone else… then we won’t talk for days and he’ll text me as if none of this is happening. I feel like he really loves this girl and I was just a rebound, but then again I’m not sure. I’m devastated. Please help!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 30, 2018 at 2:28 pm

      Hi Frankie…seems like he is having an internal battle of what he really wants. It is hard to say what is really going on. Maybe she is the rebound. If you have not already done so, pick up a copy of my ebook,”Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” as this comprehensive Guide will help you better your chances and walk your through the things you can be doing during this breakup period. Its available by going to my website Menu and clicking on the Products link. You will see multiple things there that should be of help to you! For starters, learning more about and implementing the No Contact Rule in your case should help. So much more you can learn about optimizing your chances. Keep me in the loop Frankie!

  7. Avatar

    Cecelia

    March 26, 2018 at 10:51 pm

    Hi,
    I’m so confused about the whole situation.
    My ex dumped me just a couple days ago and he said he went back to his ex because the flame came back. She knew about me and apparently she was also with someone else..
    We had taken a break, that I offered, because he is dealing with so many issues financially (lost his job) and with his family. He would sleep a lot and even miss class and just be mad about everything.
    Our relationship was good for the most part and I met most of his family. Even during the break we would talk and even kiss and hug. I was there for him. Just 3 days before the break up, he would check on me. I feel like the ex took advantage of the situation of him being vulnerable and the she is a reminder of a better time in his life but I’m still not sure if I should fight for him… He texted me today because I missed class and I replied to him to leave me alone.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 3, 2018 at 1:31 am

      I’m sorry you are going through such a tough time.

      I think regardless, while you figure out your feelings I’d institute the full NC period!

  8. Avatar

    Isobel tan

    March 2, 2018 at 3:04 pm

    He keep texting me during no contact period. Until finally, he sent me a final text saying ” if you do not wish to answer my text anymore , I’ll will respect your decision. Take care ”
    What shall I do? Should I end the no.contact ? I am just 2 days into no contact. I am so scare of losing him if I remain silent,

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 5, 2018 at 5:39 pm

      Hi Isobel,

      Nope, let him be..

  9. Avatar

    Camelia

    February 21, 2018 at 4:45 pm

    My ex and I broke up for 6 months ago. We are not in contact for about 2 months (I blocked him) and then got back in touch with him after that. We started reconnecting and communicating about that the issues in the relationship (we were together on and off about 9 years) and have deep feelings for each other.

    We started going out and spending time time but then learned that he has a lady “friend” at work that he is reporting to and is controlling him. He considers her a good, even though over-protective friend that has his best interests at heart.

    In time I learned that at some point feelings developed between them but because she has an over-controlling behaviour (he calls her OCD). I took a step back and told him I cannot rebuilt a relationship with him while she manipulates his actions towards us and that I will take a step back.

    I took a step back and tried to keep a friendly relationship for about 4 months now. He calls me whenever he is drunk to tell me he loves me and sends me messages all the time on facebook but he always backs out of seeing each other.

    I am ready to move on and have even considered changing my number but at the same time I am wondering if I am making a mistake giving up on someone who I have deep feelings for.

    Would really appreciate your insight.

    Thank you ~

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 25, 2018 at 10:27 pm

      Hi Camelia,

      Have you talked to him about her?