Today we’re going to talk about how to make an unresponsive ex more responsive, including sharing five text messages that have gotten clients responses in less than 30 minutes each time.
The first thing you need to do if you want your ex back is to figure out your chances. Take my free two-minute quiz to see how likely a reconciliation with your ex is.
Once you’ve done that lets switch gears for a bit and focus on one singular truth that I feel women tend to miss out on.
It’s Not About Who Starts The Conversations, But Who Ends Them
Women tend to have the belief that if they reach out first, it’s a sign of weakness, telegraphing their intentions to their ex and making it obvious that they want them back.
But I’ve found that actually, the opposite is true.
It’s not about who starts the conversation, but who ends it. Beyond that it’s a function of how satisfying that conversation is
I’ll give you an example.
Psychologists have long known about the Peak End Theory. I actually talk about that in the video below.
Essentially it describes and explains the way human beings look back on memories.
Scientists have figured out that when it comes to looking back on memories, people only really remember two specific points in any relationship – the peak, and the end. The peak is, of course, the most satisfying part, and the end is the end of the experience.
Now let’s relate that to reaching out to an ex first. By reaching out first you are essentially extending an olive branch, building a bridge that can allow a conversation to happen.
Most of the time, people who reach out to their exes first make a lot of mistakes. The conversation is not very satisfying, they don’t do anything intriguing to keep their ex on the hook, and they do not end the conversation first. They let the conversation go on too long because they want to keep that contact going, but their ex gets bored and stops replying.
Let’s compare that with someone who reaches out to their ex first and engages them in a very satisfying conversation and then abruptly ends that conversation.
You’ll notice that if you repeat this pattern your ex will become more interested in talking to you, and might start reaching out on their own. If they know they’re going to have an interesting conversation with you, they are much more likely to do this.
The important thing is to remember the basics of the peak end rule. The peak needs to be high, and you need to be the one ending the conversation
Doing so several times will create a snowball effect where your ex will actually start reaching out to you.They begin to expect that the conversation will be interesting, and you know that you will end it before that peak point has passed and they lose that interest. Keep the power in the exchange by being the one to end the conversation.
Real Live Text Message Examples That Worked
One of the main benefits of ordering one of my products (and this is not the hard sell) is that you gain access to the private Facebook group with over 2,500 people on it who are in the same situation as you – they are trying to get their ex back.
One of the best things about this group is that people share their successful text messages in order to help others. Any time they create a text message (often with the help of moderators) that gets a reply in less than 30 minutes and an engaging conversation ensues, they screenshot that text message, blank out the names and put it in an album in the Facebook group.
I want to show you four of those real life text messages and explain why I think they worked, and how long it took the ex to respond.
Text Message No. 1: “Hey, guess what I finally got around to…”
This was sent to an ex and got a response within 15 minutes. But why did it work?
It incites curiosity
A good text message should make your ex curious enough to respond. The obvious reply is ‘What is it?’ That’s exactly what happened with this message. It bridged the gap, and allowed the two of them to have a great conversation. Your first text message is simply about extending that olive branch.
When he asks what you got around to, you should of course have an answer ready, and it should be something that will spark hi interest. Basing your text messages (especially initial ones) around things that he is interested in will appeal to him more than ones based on interests that he didn’t share with you.
Text Message No. 2: “So, have you heard the news?”
This one took 30 minutes to get a response, but remember there may be external factors and circumstances which you have no control over. For example, he might be in the middle of a work day and isn’t allowed to stop to text you.
You’ll notice that this text also has a great curiosity hook.
Again, when telling him the news, it should be something that will make him feel positively towards you – something that will make him feel proud of you, something he knows is a big deal for you, and ideally something that relates to his own interests.
Text Message No. 3: “I need your advice.”
This one was responded to almost instantaneously – in less than a minute.
It has a damsel in distress theme – men like to feel wanted and needed, and this message insinuates ‘Hey, you’re the only one who can help me.’ You do therefore need a further question that can’t be answered by simply Googling!
Also with this message, there is the curiosity factor embedded once again. This is a two-for-one deal!
Text Message No. 4: “I have a question and really only trust you for an answer.”
This one had a 17 minute response time. I think this is an even better message than the last one because it does two things very well. It does a better job of creating that curiosity angle, and a better job of portraying you as the ‘damsel in distress’. It appeals to his male pride – only he can help you.
Finally, please understand: these are real text messages used by real people to get real responses. This doesn’t mean your should copy them word for word.
You always need to add your own personal touch to your text messages
Otherwise it will come across as templated and rigid, and that’s not very appealing. Keep that in mind as you go forward.
If you want to learn more about the texting phase of getting your ex back you can check out my Texting Bible, which covers what to text your ex in every conceivable situation.
Also check out my YouTube channel for more ideas on how best to text your ex.