The Correct Way To Talk To Your Ex Boyfriend

How do you talk to your ex boyfriend?

Who knew that such a simple question could have such a complicated answer. Since you are reading this page I am going to assume that you have an interest in learning how to talk to your ex boyfriend the right way. While I ultimately can’t lend you my brain to help in whatever your goals are with your ex I can use it to give you my perspective on the right way to approach any talking, texting or emailing situation regarding your ex boyfriend.

Throughout Ex Boyfriend Recovery you will probably notice that I talk a lot about talking, specifically how to talk when you text someone. While I do briefly touch on interacting in person and through other forms like calling I have never really gone into the detail that the visitors coming to my site really need.

Well, that changes now. With this comprehensive guide I plan on teaching you what I consider to be the right way to talk to an ex boyfriend.

The Rules Of Talking To Your Ex

talking to an ex

Have you read this site?

No I am just teasing you.

Did you know that there are rules for talking to your ex? Luckily, I am going to use this section to outline the basics for you. Alright, so the first thing you need to understand is that there are actually many different mediums for talking to an ex boyfriend. I will be covering those mediums in a future section within this guide but for now just understand that the way you approach casual “talking” with your ex boyfriend will be different for each specific medium.

(Again, I have your back on that as I will teach you exactly what you need to do in each medium.)

For now it is important for you to grasp a simple concept. While each specific medium will have different “talking” rules there are a set of rules above that set of rules.

(lots of rules huh?)

That means that the set of rules I am about to describe to you are very important. They will lay the foundation for every single conversation you will have with your ex until you accomplish your goal. I will talk more about goals in a second but first lets look at the basic rules of talking to your ex.

  • Emotions Are Not Always Your Friend.
  • Be Zen & At Peace.
  • Be Confident.
  • Be Pleasant.

Those are some weird rules. I mean, it sounds like I have turned into a Buddhist priest with all this talk of zen and peace. However, I promise you that the rules above are very relevant to any situation I can think of. Now comes the hard part, trying to explain the rules to you ;).

Emotions Are Not Always Your Friend

emotions

In order for me to feel like I have done a good job explaining this particular rule I have to explain a major difference between the way men and women talk.

(Again, this is covered in-depth in Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

You see, when women talk to other women emotions can be shown without any repercussions. In fact, I feel that this is why women are such good listeners. You have been in so many women to women conversations that you are naturally used to dealing with emotions.

Men are different. I can tell you right now that I have never cried in front of another guy. I would feel weird crying in front of another guy. Now, I will admit that I don’t have a “cry in person” type of personality. However, I have never had a male friend cry in front of me before either so it isn’t just me.

Here is the simple truth.

Men have emotions but we are not used to dealing with them.

This is where things start to get interesting because on one side you have women (who are used to dealing with emotions) and on the other side you have men (who are NOT used to dealing with emotions.) This is a fact that many of the women visiting this site can’t seem to understand.

So, why are emotions not always your friend?

Simple, when you talk to a man and are over emotional you aren’t attractive to him. Instead, thoughts like:

“She’s always like this.”

“No wonder I don’t want to date her.”

“This girl is crazy.”

will creep into his head and trust me when I say that, that is not a good thing. A lot of the women that I deal with on a daily basis are emotional wrecks (this tends to happen when you run a site about ex boyfriends.) So, I expected this fact to come with the territory. Still though, I am a guy and while I may be a little more understanding than the average one I can get a little taken aback when someone is too emotional.

You all call me an expert in relationships. The truth is that I am not. What I am an expert in is men and take my word for it. If you are too emotional when you talk to your ex boyfriend you are not going to achieve your goals.

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Be Zen & At Peace

zen

This “rule” kind of goes hand in hand with the one above.

We have already established that being too overemotional usually isn’t a great idea when talking to a member of the opposite sex. However, we haven’t discussed HOW you should act when you talk to them. This is where the zen rules comes into play.

Before you even begin to have a talk with your ex boyfriend you need to make sure you are in a zen state. So, when I talk about zen what am I talking about?

Zen- Being at complete and absolute peace

When I think of someone in this type of a state I think of someone who can’t be touched, who can’t be affected by bad news/ bad things. Let me give you an extreme example to get my point across.

Lets say that there are two versions of me. For fantasies sake we will call them:

  • Average Chris
  • Zen Chris

Both of these versions are presented with the same scenario:

A person comes up and pushes them.

Now, each of the “me” versions will handle this situation differently.

How Average Chris Handles The Situation

This version of me would most likely yell “what did you do that for?” He would then proceed to push the person back and potentially get in a fight.

How Zen Chris Handles The Situation

This version would probably stand up straight and either wave or smile.

Ok, I know it sounds corny but I am about to arrive at the point. If you are at a zen state it will be impossible for your ex boyfriend to say something that will hurt you. That means your hurt can’t turn into anger and the anger can’t turn into yelling. Achieving this type of a state before you talk to your ex boyfriend will prevent you from coming off as too overemotional.

Do you see how important it is now?

Be Confident

confidence

Have you ever talked to a confident person before?

When talking about confidence in relationships what’s the first thought that comes to mind. It’s that women are attracted to confidence, right? Well, in my book you will learn that it’s not just women who are attracted to confidence.

It’s men.

Now, when I talk about confidence what do you think I mean?

I am talking about someone who wasn’t afraid to look you in the eye and smile. This is something I have noticed from both men and women who I come into contact with in my own personal life. Usually, when you look them in the eye they look away. It’s like people think that looking someone else in the eye is a sin or something.

Well, I am here to tell you that it is not. In fact, holding eye contact is a sign that someone is confident!

No matter what your ultimate goal is with your ex boyfriend when you talk to him I want you to be confident.

There is a pretty big problem I am seeing from the women who communicate with me on this site. While I am not helping them in person I can tell just from the way they talk to me in emails and comments that they are wanting to talk to their exes far too soon.

This puts me in an interesting predicament because while I do want to tell you to slow down and get your mind right before you try to talk to your ex I also know that I can’t control what you do. Thus, a lot of the people I advise go completely against my advice. Interestingly, a lot of these people will come back to me saying

“I wish I had just did what you said. I feel like I ruined everything :(.”

Don’t believe me? Go to the comment sections on this site and I promise you will find a few.

Anyways, the key problem I see with women who talk to their ex too soon is the fact that they aren’t confident. They aren’t confident about what to say or how to act. You may think that confidence is something that someone is born with but I am here to tell you that it is not. In fact, if you give me the nerdiest looking girl I am CONFIDENT that I could turn her into someone that men would chase.

While I am not going to go into specific details about how you can become more confident (out of fear that this page would turn into a confidence page.) I will tell you a quick tip.

Fake it until you BECOME it!

Be Pleasant

happy frog

I like watching interviews. Specifically ones on talk shows. In fact, I remember a few months ago I literally spent 6 hours straight watching funny interviews with celebrities on YouTube. While I don’t recommending going full nerd (like me) for a day I do recommend you watch a few talk show interviews with Hugh Jackman or Nathan Fillion (P.S. an entire story Fillion told on a talk show actually happened to me. Not exactly but very similar!)

Now, you may be wondering why I picked those two specific actors.

Well, they just look so full of life and energy. They look confident, happy and most importantly pleasant to be around.

I want you to conjure up some of that pleasant energy.

There is a negative connotation for people that aren’t pleasant. However, there is a very positive connotation for people that are. While you may have some serious history with your ex I want any confrontation that you have from this point on to make him go “wow, she is so full of energy.”

Trust me when I say that good things will happen :).

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The Different Forms Of Communication

communication

In this section we are going to explore the different ways that you can communicate with an ex boyfriend. While I am the first to admit that I have already written about this before I feel it is important to go over the forms of communication again. Of course, I do want to provide you with a lot of value so those of you reading the “forms of communication” again can get something new out of it for your troubles.

As a result, I am going to be talking about the proper form you should exhibit when you talk to your ex using the methods of communication outlined here. But first, lets take a look at those actual “forms” of communication first.

  • Texting
  • Calling
  • In Person

As you can see these are the most common ways that you can communicate with a boyfriend. Lets look at each specific “way” a little closer.

Texting

texting

This is my personal favorite form of communication. In fact, I enjoy it so much that I wrote an entire book about it.

Just take a look around Ex Boyfriend Recovery to see why. In a nutshell, texting someone allows you into a persons private world. It is a digital way of talking to someone one on one and if you master the texting form I am about to show you, you can accomplish some great things.

Proper Form

I text a lot of people every day. I text friends, family and crushes ;). I have noticed something very interesting about the way that I text each specific group and the way each specific group texts me. First though, what do I mean by groups? Well, it is quite simple:

Texting Group- A term I made up to describe an entire category of people that I text. For example, a best friend would be placed in the “friend” group while a boyfriend or girlfriend would be placed in a “lover” group.

For the purposes of this article we are going to be looking at two major groups:

  1. Friends
  2. Lovers

Now, I bet you are wondering why we are going to be looking at two groups instead of the one you really care about (lovers or I guess in your case ex lovers.) Well, I wanted to give you a group to compare to so you can understand the difference between how you communicate with a certain category of people.

One thing I have noticed when talking to friends is that I really don’t care about a response very much. There are certain people that I consider friends that I will sometimes duck out of a texting conversation with. Those friends don’t take it personally and I don’t take it personally when they do the same thing to me.

However, the dynamic completely shifts when you talk to someone that you could potentially date (or date again in your case.) Now all bets are off and you really care about a response. You dissect every single response you get. You worry if a response is too short or you go ballistic if you don’t get a response.

While I don’t have some PHD in relationships there is one thing I know a lot about and that is texting. You see, I have used myself as the ultimate guinea pig to see what works and what doesn’t work. I have studied the tactics that women have employed to try to date me and have gone to town on what they did that worked and what didn’t work.

While I can’t get into any specifics yet (I will do that later) I will tell you something fascinating I have learned that you can apply anytime you talk to someone.

A Chess Match

(Disclaimer: This only applies to the specific group of “lovers.”)

Texting is a chess match!

No, think about it for a moment. Every text you send has to be carefully thought out and has to inspire the other person to want to text you back. Some women are better at playing the game than others while some women will flat out refuse to play. However, whether you like it or not texting is nothing more than a game and like any game you can risk losing if you make a mistake.

While there are a lot of variables in play here there is one specific aspect of the “game” that I want to focus on and that is control. Recently I began to notice something really interesting happen with one particular person I was texting. It was something that turned me off from talking to her in general….

One thing about me (and most other men) is that when we talk to someone we want complete control.  Lets take a moment and define what I consider to be control of the conversation.

Control- You are controlling the conversation if the other person you are talking to is putting more effort in. You can determine this by examining the size of the text messages and the amount of text messages sent

This is really important so I am going to give you a few examples to show you what I am talking about.

(For more examples of texts like the ones below please visit The Texting Bible.)

Size Of Text Messages:

size

Notice how the second person in the conversation typed such a long message while the first one typed a short one. This is indicative that the second person is putting more effort into the conversation than the first one. What this can tell us is that the second person may be more engaged in the conversation than the first. Hence, person number one is in more control because he/she is making person number two put forth more effort to stay engaged in the conversation. Now, while I admit that this may not matter to everyone it is definitely something that I notice when talking to another person.

The Amount Of Text Messages Sent

amount of texts

There are a couple of things I want you to notice in the mock text message above. Look at how often person two texts person one. Once again, this is indicative of the fact that person two is putting in more effort into the conversation than person one. Thus, this gives person one the power in the conversation because he/she knows for a fact that person two is engaged.

Calling

call me

In this section we are going to explore proper calling form. Again, I won’t be going into the specific “how to” (I will do that later) but I will be giving you guidelines to follow on your call. Alright, before I really dive in I want you to be aware that there is a slight problem with calling someone else.

A Warning About Calling

If you are anything like me then you don’t think very quickly on your feet. You may read this website and think I have amazing insight and while I think I do have some valuable knowledge if I were to talk to you in person one on one I couldn’t remember half the things I talk about here.

Why is that?

Well, the answer is quite simple. When I write long guides like this I have time to plan, to reflect. It literally takes me days to finish a guide like this because I am thinking very carefully through every little thing that goes on this page.

When you call and talk to someone you are not given the advantage of being able to think through your responses. The other person is expecting a response to their response and things can get out of your control very quickly. So, my warning to you is quite simple.

Do not call unless you are prepared.

Lets talk a little about being prepared now.

Proper Calling Form

I want you to go look at the rules of talking to your ex boyfriend in the sections above. I want you to understand those very well because this is where we integrate them.

A lot of the “guru’s” out there will give you a script to follow on a phone call. Heck, that is probably what a lot of people want. Here is the deal though, all the “scripts” go out the window when it comes down to actually talking to your ex. It is impossible for me to give you a script to follow because your ex may say something that requires you to go completely off script and then you are going to sit there and thin:

“Okay… now what do I do?”

So, rather than script some robotic response for you to say I think it would be better of me to teach you what I have learned about communicating when I want to accomplish something.

The first thing I want to teach you is quite simple.

Don’t overreact.

This is especially true when it comes to your ex. Why? Well, it’s because this one person has the power to make you go crazy with a single word. Too often have I seen women make the mistake of getting upset over something stupid which in turn ends up causing a fight that sets their efforts way back.

If you are not in a place emotionally where you can remain calm then DO NOT talk to your ex on the phone. Think of it like this. If your ex punched a puppy in front of you and you react then you aren’t ready to talk to him on the phone. I know that sounds extreme (poor puppy 🙁 ) but the truth is that overreaction leads to anger which will lead to fights. I don’t have to tell you that fights are bad right?

The next thing that you need to accomplish is having the ability to leave your ex wanting more.

Avid readers of my site know that I talk about this a lot. Well, I talk about it a lot because it is THAT important. Now, since we are talking about calling a person on the telephone it adds an interesting element into this discussion. One thing I have found is that hearing someones voice can be addictive.

A few weeks ago one of my friends wanted to call me. Of course, I was busy at the time so I gave some push back:

“I can’t talk right now.”

Though she kept insisting so I eventually gave in:

“Ok, but only for 5 minutes.”

Our phone call ended up lasting an hour.

The process my mind went through was actually pretty fascinating. At first I thought “ok, only five minutes” but that soon turned into “just 15 more minutes” which eventually evolved into “I am going to talk forever..”

Now, what happened to me CANNOT happen to you. I was weak and threw caution to the wind. The truth of the matter is that calling on the phone and having a conversation can be addicting. However, if you are going to talk to your ex throwing caution to the wind and giving them the time they want when they want it will not cause them to come back and want more. Instead, it will make them not want to call you for a while.

In Person

bond meme

Now we are getting to the meat of this guide.

Talking in person can be tricky in it’s own way. Once again, the risk here is that you don’t have time to think through your responses and me giving you scripted responses will not work. Now, I realize I briefly dabbled into the scripted responses in the calling section above. Well, I didn’t want to dive too far into that particular pool because I wanted to talk about it in this section.

The Problem With Scripted Responses

My second year of college was very interesting relationship wise. Contrary to popular belief I was not always a social person. In fact, in high school I didn’t really talk to many people thus I missed out on a lot of social experiences. However, in college I really began coming out of my shell. At the urging of my friends I asked girls out which in turn yielded a story for the ages.

The story I am about to tell you will probably make you laugh but at the same time I want it to serve as a reason why scripted responses are never a good idea.

Our story (like any good story) starts out with a girl. This girl at the time I would have considered to be out of my league. Both of us were in the same class together and I remember all the guys gathering and talking about her. None of us knew her name so we dubbed her THG (The Hot Girl.) I just remember every single day after class we would all talk about what the THG did that day. It is actually a little creepy now that I think back but that is what happened.

One day one of the members of our creepy little group bet me that I couldn’t get a date with the THG. Of course, being the fool I was I got angry and accepted his challenge.

“Next week I am going to get her number. You just watch.”

You see, I had never been denied a number. Any girl that I had ever talked to had always handed her digits to me so in my mind, while this THG was “ungettable,” all I would have to do is spark up some small talk and ask for her number. In hindsight, I wish I had done that. Instead, my mind kicked in because I really wanted to crush this, since my manhood had be challenged, so I started doing some research. In my research I came across some clever scripted responses that I memorized and practiced for hours.

I can remember it as clear as day. I remember standing in front of the THG (her name was Brooke by the way.) I remember delivering these weird robotic lines to her. I remember feeling awkward. I remember the cringed look on her face. I remember walking with her afterwards and feeling really awkward. I remember thinking “ok, just ask for her number and get the heck out of here.” But I think I mostly remember her ducking into the women’s restroom to get away from me.

I was ashamed and embarrassed at the same time. I had always prided myself on being relate-able. On being a nice guy that could get anyone to open up and here I was walking away from this beautiful girl that I had creeped out so much that she ducked into the bathroom just to get away from me.

So, what went wrong?

I am sure the guru’s would tell me that I didn’t deliver the “lines” correctly but the truth is that I did. While I didn’t feel confident I know I appeared confident. After all, I had practiced them for hours in front of a mirror for goodness sakes. The truth was that I didn’t know how to react to HER responses to the scripted lines.

Why?

Simple, the scripted lines weren’t from me. They were from some pickup artist community and they weren’t in line with the type of person I was. While I thought they were clever I wouldn’t know how to respond to her because the true line wasn’t from me.

Proper “In Person” Form

Talking to someone in person is awesome.

I always love face to face interaction with someone more than anything else. In this section I am just going to give you a few guidelines to follow. I don’t want to go into too much detail specifically because I am going to give you an overview of what to do in your situation later on. Nevertheless, there are certain guidelines to follow if you want to give you the maximum chance to succeed no matter what your talking goal is.

The first thing I want to explain to you is the importance of looking flawless. Up until this point we have discussed texting form and calling form. What are two things that those have in common? Well, you don’t see the person face to face. When you are meeting to have a conversation with someone in person a new aspect is introduced, how the person looks.

I will be the first to admit that there are times when I am talking to someone I am attracted to that I stop listening to what they are saying and just daydream. Why am I telling you this? Because it is an important insight to the male mind. Any girl who can do this to me will have power over me. Now, it won’t be ultimate power but it will be power. I can give you an example that occurred to me a few weeks ago. I remember I was talking to a girl (face to face) and while she was talking I remember just wandering off and thinking “she has the cutest nose, I wouldn’t mind waking up to that nose in the morning.”

Why did I tell you that?

Because, it has been a few weeks since that conversation and I still think about that daydream. If she were to call me up on the phone right now I would pick it up and be happy to pick it up.

Another interesting aspect to talking to someone in person is that just like with texting there is someone who controls the conversation and someone who doesn’t. Take a moment to review the texting rules above, specifically the graphic on “the size of text messages.”

Believe it or not but this same graphic can, in a way, be applied to in person talking.

I have found that whenever I talk to someone, if I am the one that has to put more effort into talking then I am the one that is more invested in the conversation. On the flip side I have been on dates with women who have done all the talking. I have found that women who talk a lot on dates are interested in me romantically. It is the women that I have to chase that I find more attractive as compared to the over talkative ones.

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The Goals Covered In This Guide

goals

How you talk to your ex boyfriend will depend completely on what your overall goal is. For example, someone trying to get over an ex boyfriend will have a different approach as compared to someone trying to get him back. That is what this guide is going to attempt to do, show you how to approach talking with your ex in different situations. While I will be the first to admit that there are probably hundreds of different situations I had to prioritize and pick the most common situations. The ones I picked are the following:

  1. How to talk to him if you want him back.
  2. How to talk to him if you want to move on from him.
  3. How to talk to him in a way that he won’t get defensive.

Lets take a look at some of the most common goals that people tend to have when talking to an ex boyfriend.

How To Talk To Him If You Want Him Back

want him

This is where I kind of get caught between a rock and a hard place. Take a step back and forget for a moment that we are talking about “talking.” The whole subject of ex recovery is a complex one. I have been writing for this site for about a year and I am still finding things to talk about. In fact, I think it will probably take five years before I can literally sit back and say:

“Ok, that’s it! I have covered everything.”

The point I am trying to make here is that in this particular section I can’t cover every little detail that absolutely needs to be covered. Don’t worry, there are still some very important things to talk about here all I am saying is that you are going to have to use this site (or the E-Book 😉 ) to fill in the blanks that I don’t cover here.

With this in mind lets take a look at an important concept.

How Your Emotions Play A Role In Getting Him Back

I have talked a lot about emotions throughout this guide. Probably so much that you are getting tired of hearing about them. Well, whether you like it or not emotions play a HUGE role in getting your ex boyfriend back, just not the way you think.

So, what do we know about emotions?

Well, we know that men and women process them differently. Women can often talk about their emotions while men don’t want to hear about them. In fact, this is why some men will run away from a situation that they deem too “emotional.” Here is the crazy part though, you can’t get your ex boyfriend back until you tap into his emotions and the best way to do that is through your emotions.

If you truly understand this fact then you can use it to your advantage.

You know what I love about well written T.V. shows? I love the fact that they carefully lead up to a climax. Game of Thrones is a perfect example of this phenomenon. All of the characters are developed from the beginning of the season. You become invested in them and then by the time episode 9 rolls around you know that some crazy sh*t is about to go down. (Episode 9 is traditionally the climax episode in Game of Thrones.)

Now, this phenomenon wouldn’t work unless the development in the episodes before episode 9 didn’t occur.

This is how I like to view getting an ex boyfriend back. For women wanting their ex boyfriends back, the “climax” would actually be getting him back. However, in order to successfully get to that climax development needs to occur. Ah, but there is just one small problem. In order to develop to the “climax” you need to use your emotions but your ex isn’t exactly good at dealing with emotions now is he?

So, the real question becomes how can you get to a point where you can be a little emotional and not have your ex freak out?

Well, strangely you have to train him like a dog.

The first thing you have to do is talk to him in a non emotional manner. However, with each interaction you slowly build (devlop) to a more emotional state. View this as your own mini climax development.

Lets take a step back here and dissect what I am talking about because these concepts are really important.

So, the gist of what I said above is that there are two “climax developments” that need to happen. On a big picture level the climax development that needs to happen is just the general development to getting your ex back. However, on a smaller scale another climax development needs to happen. This climax development is all about training/getting your ex to a place where he is comfortable with dealing with emotions.

How To Talk To Him If You Want To Move On From Him

move

Moving on from an ex boyfriend is actually quite easy. In fact, I can tell you exactly what you need to do to do it in a few short sentences. The part where women have trouble is actually implementing the advice. In this section I am going to give you an overview of how you need to talk to your ex boyfriend if you want to move on from him.

But first I would like to say something. If you haven’t already read my post about getting over an ex boyfriend I suggest you stop everything you are doing and read it!

If you already have then lets talk “moving on.”

YOU Control The Process, Not The Other Way Around

I am getting annoyed.

Women come up to me and ask for my advice (which I am happy to give out) all the time. However, I really get annoyed when they tell me point blank that they want to move on and then a week later they want their exes back again. Then, after things don’t go their way (within the next week) they want to move on from him again.

NEWSFLASH this isn’t the type of deal where you can close your eyes and all of a sudden you can just get over your ex boyfriend. No, it is going to take some work on your part. Ah, but this leads us to another annoyance of mine, entitlement.

There are some women out there that think they are entitled to have things go their way all the time. While I will admit that confidence is never a bad thing to have it becomes a problem when that confidence turns into entitlement.

You are not entitled to anything. Not when it comes to stuff like this.

Getting someone back is hard and in some cases getting over someone is even harder. The phenomenon I described above (where someone will jump around on whether they want their ex back or want to move on from them) is a prime example of someone letting the situation control them.

I like to call this “being in limbo land.”

Women who are unsure of what they want are in limbo land. If you truly want to get over your ex boyfriend you can’t be in limbo land. When it comes to relationships people often say there is no black or white there is only the grey in between. This is without a doubt one of the truest statements BUT only when it comes to relationships. When it comes to getting over an ex boyfriend there can only be black or white. There can be no in between. You either want him back or you don’t. Anytime you are unsure is a time where your situation controls you.

How To Talk To Him Specifically

I want you to remember that this section is all about moving on from an ex boyfriend and just like trying to get an ex boyfriend back there is a certain way that you will have to talk to your ex if you want to move on from him.

Most people will tell you to flat out ignore him and while I do think that is an important part of the process I only think it should be done in the beginning stages. Eventually though it is inevitable that your paths will cross and how you talk to him will either validate your decision or send you into limbo land.

I have actually seen women do so well with moving on from their ex to only fall back in love with him after talking to him. Remember, this is the guy that has so much power over you that you come back to this site reading up on how to approach him.

So, if you are wanting to move on from him then they key for you is to be respectful but very careful. In this case you need to be really guarded about your feelings. You don’t want to talk about anything “controversial.” Just keep things light and casual and don’t talk to him for very long.

While you don’t want things to be awkward the number one goal is to care for your well being and not his. Always remember that!

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How To Talk To Him So He Won’t Get Defensive

defensive

No one likes receiving bad news.

No one likes talking about things that make them uncomfortable.

No one likes being put on the spot when talking about a relationship.

These are important facts to remember when you read this section. I have actually found this particular part of the guide the most interesting to dissect because there is a lot going on here. First though, what usually makes a men go on the defensive?

Most of you would probably point at the three examples I gave above (bad news, etc, etc) as prime reasons and while your assumption would be correct it is not the entire story here. I have actually found an overarching rule that hovers over “what makes an ex boyfriend go on the defensive.”

How You Approach The Situation

I want you to think back to your last fight. It doesn’t have to be with your ex it can be with anyone. Chances are that there was yelling/anger/fury involved. I can think back to my last blowup. It happened about a month ago with my brother. Now, I am the type of person that rarely gets in fights with people. However, when it comes to my brother all caution is thrown to the wind.

Anyways, a month ago something interesting happened. Yes, I got into an argument with my brother but I also had an epiphany about the situation. I wasn’t angry about the disagreement we were having I was upset with the way that he talked to me. The tone in his voice, his annoyance and disgust with me showed through and I really didn’t like being talked to that way.

So, the real reason we got into an argument was because of the way he had approached talking to me about something. Now, here is the epiphany. If he had just come and talk to me very calmly and normally there would have been no argument or fight.

Lets apply this epiphany to most situations that couples find themselves in.

If you were to approach your particular situation in a very calm manner I am betting that most arguments you have would have been avoided. Obviously, this won’t work 100% of the time because sometimes no matter what you do the other person is going to get angry but I would say this can work a good 70% of the time. So, if you know you and your ex need to talk about something serious or something that you feel could potentially upset him you need to prepare yourself before you go into the lions den.

The best way to prepare?

Be as calm as possible at all times!

	https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/chris-avatar.jpg	

Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

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720 Comments on "The Correct Way To Talk To Your Ex Boyfriend"

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Chichi
Guest

Hi,
I just got out of 30 NC days. I started texting my ex by mentioning some places i visit recently and remind me of him then wish him well or nice weekend. Very casual, but seem he is still angry and ask me why i tell him, he doesnt need to know, he is bored and tell me go enjoy with “friend”. How should i choose topic to talk to be welcomed, or ger positive response from him? It seems for me he is angry and being bitter.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Chichi,

You need to restart the nc rule..

Chichi
Guest

Hi,
I just got out of 30 NC days. I started texting my ex by mentioning some places i visit recently and remind me of him then wish him well or nice weekend. Very casual, but seem he is still angry and ask me why i tell him, he doesnt need to know, he is bored and tell me go enjoy with “friend”. How should i choose topic to talk to be welcomed, or ger positive response from him? It seems for me he is angry and being bitter.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Chichi,

You need to restart the nc rule..

Sarah
Guest

Also I forgot to mention that this is the second time we have broken up the first time he came back and told me he made the biggest mistake ending things and couldn’t forgive himself.

Sarah
Guest
I tried to post this earlier but it looks like my post disappeared! Anyways posting again. Four days ago my boyfriend broke up with me, we have been dating a little over two years. He and I were long distance for 2 years, but this past May he moved back home to the same city as me. He told me he felt smoothered as it was a tough adjustment going from being 9 hours apart and speaking on the phone everyday to seeing each other everyday for hours. He said a few other reasons but being smoothered is what stood… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

if you did the no contact rule before in the first break up, do at least 45 days. if not, do at least 30 days.

Sarah
Guest
Yes my goal is to go 30 days no contact. I am just worried especially since this is the second time, he will feel less inclined to reach out to me. He said I could reach out to him, if I need to but not to talk about getting back together. The day after he broke up with me, he went to see my best friend Hailey and her boyfriend who is my ex’s best friend. She brought up the fact him and I had broken up and had tried to find out more information, but he started getting upset… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Yeah just avoid acting on the mindset that you dont have a chance and avoid talking about negative things.. Anybody would be upset if somebody close to their ex is prying info about the break up..so he had a normal reaction..

Sarah
Guest

I’ve been having a hard time staying positive. I am nervous he is over me and the relationship we had. It’s almost been 2 weeks though since the breakup. And I haven’t heard anything still, I feel more worried than I did the first breakup. And I haven’t mentioned him and I to anymore mutual friends. Just trying to keep busy and do things for myself each day.

Sarah
Guest
I ended up meeting up with my ex and talking yesterday, so I could give him back some clothes that belonged to him and to also talk about something that happened between us. At first the conversation was really back and forth and we talked about the situation that had happened we fought about that for 30 minutes. Then the next hour we were together we just talked about music, working out, and catching up on things that had been happening to us. It was good to end our get together on a better note at least. We decided we… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Continue slowly building rapport while maintaining having your own life

Sarah
Guest

When I texted him yesterday he seemed kinda distance and to the point, almost business like. I was the last one to send him a text he never replied, pretty much on the lines of saying “Hopefully in time we can put everything behind us and start hanging out soon”. Maybe I should give it a few days before reaching out? Or just not reach out and let him come around.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

The process we suggest is texting firsg, and then calls, and them meet ups..because you need to slowly build rapport..

Sarah
Guest

Also I forgot to mention that this is the second time we have broken up the first time he came back and told me he made the biggest mistake ending things and couldn’t forgive himself.

Sarah
Guest
I tried to post this earlier but it looks like my post disappeared! Anyways posting again. Four days ago my boyfriend broke up with me, we have been dating a little over two years. He and I were long distance for 2 years, but this past May he moved back home to the same city as me. He told me he felt smoothered as it was a tough adjustment going from being 9 hours apart and speaking on the phone everyday to seeing each other everyday for hours. He said a few other reasons but being smoothered is what stood… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

if you did the no contact rule before in the first break up, do at least 45 days. if not, do at least 30 days.

Sarah
Guest
Yes my goal is to go 30 days no contact. I am just worried especially since this is the second time, he will feel less inclined to reach out to me. He said I could reach out to him, if I need to but not to talk about getting back together. The day after he broke up with me, he went to see my best friend Hailey and her boyfriend who is my ex’s best friend. She brought up the fact him and I had broken up and had tried to find out more information, but he started getting upset… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Yeah just avoid acting on the mindset that you dont have a chance and avoid talking about negative things.. Anybody would be upset if somebody close to their ex is prying info about the break up..so he had a normal reaction..

Sarah
Guest

I’ve been having a hard time staying positive. I am nervous he is over me and the relationship we had. It’s almost been 2 weeks though since the breakup. And I haven’t heard anything still, I feel more worried than I did the first breakup. And I haven’t mentioned him and I to anymore mutual friends. Just trying to keep busy and do things for myself each day.

Sarah
Guest
I ended up meeting up with my ex and talking yesterday, so I could give him back some clothes that belonged to him and to also talk about something that happened between us. At first the conversation was really back and forth and we talked about the situation that had happened we fought about that for 30 minutes. Then the next hour we were together we just talked about music, working out, and catching up on things that had been happening to us. It was good to end our get together on a better note at least. We decided we… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Continue slowly building rapport while maintaining having your own life

Sarah
Guest

When I texted him yesterday he seemed kinda distance and to the point, almost business like. I was the last one to send him a text he never replied, pretty much on the lines of saying “Hopefully in time we can put everything behind us and start hanging out soon”. Maybe I should give it a few days before reaching out? Or just not reach out and let him come around.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

The process we suggest is texting firsg, and then calls, and them meet ups..because you need to slowly build rapport..

Sarah
Guest
My ex broke things off with me 4 days ago after dating a little over 2 years. He and I were in a long distance relationship and 3 months ago he moved back home to the same city as me. He broke thing off because he said he felt smoothered and we were spending a lot of time together, there were other reasons too but I can’t remember what they were. Just smoothering stood out. Anyways we have a lot of mutual friends and they have been accomdating knowing we have broke up and not inviting both of us to… Read more »
Sarah
Guest
My ex broke things off with me 4 days ago after dating a little over 2 years. He and I were in a long distance relationship and 3 months ago he moved back home to the same city as me. He broke thing off because he said he felt smoothered and we were spending a lot of time together, there were other reasons too but I can’t remember what they were. Just smoothering stood out. Anyways we have a lot of mutual friends and they have been accomdating knowing we have broke up and not inviting both of us to… Read more »
TK
Guest
Hi Chris, I have read EX boyfriend recovery pro and implemented ‘NC’ for 30 days. It worked well even after pursuing him for 4 months. He asked me out for few times after ‘NC’ and told me he missed me and we could try our relationship again. However, I became not sure if I really wanted him back after hearing it from him and I also felt his approach was not serious enough, so I said I am not sure about it. He still asked me out on Valentin’s day ( it was very casual outing to see his friend’s… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

I think you should approach it like this one:
My Boyfriend Says He Wants To Date Me and Another Girl

TK
Guest
Hi Chris, I have read EX boyfriend recovery pro and implemented ‘NC’ for 30 days. It worked well even after pursuing him for 4 months. He asked me out for few times after ‘NC’ and told me he missed me and we could try our relationship again. However, I became not sure if I really wanted him back after hearing it from him and I also felt his approach was not serious enough, so I said I am not sure about it. He still asked me out on Valentin’s day ( it was very casual outing to see his friend’s… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

I think you should approach it like this one:
My Boyfriend Says He Wants To Date Me and Another Girl

Jenny
Guest
My boyfriend was forced to break up with me by his parents and religious reasons. His family is very muslim. However, they don’t live in the same country as us, so they didn’t know until his uncle who does lives in the same city as us saw us, while we were out together, and told his parents about us. His parents gave him a hard time and recited religious teachings from the Qu’ran, forbidding dating and all. However, he is not a deceitful person and definitely didn’t play with me for fun. He was very sincere with me in all… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jenny,

do you want to try the no contact rule? if you’re both young, it’s less likely that he would have courage to go againat his parents wishes..

Jenny
Guest
My boyfriend was forced to break up with me by his parents and religious reasons. His family is very muslim. However, they don’t live in the same country as us, so they didn’t know until his uncle who does lives in the same city as us saw us, while we were out together, and told his parents about us. His parents gave him a hard time and recited religious teachings from the Qu’ran, forbidding dating and all. However, he is not a deceitful person and definitely didn’t play with me for fun. He was very sincere with me in all… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jenny,

do you want to try the no contact rule? if you’re both young, it’s less likely that he would have courage to go againat his parents wishes..

Sad
Guest
Hi I’ve been in a relationship for nearly 4 years we have a 8 month old baby together and this is the 3rd time he’s walked away from me. He says I make him feel unloved and have ago to much I am actually getting counselling now but he says its to late and I should have done it a year or two ago he blames me for everything. After two weeks of being split up we stayed hanging out again things went pretty fast and a week later we slept together all that week he kept saying we r… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Sad,

he acts like that because he’s still used to you being around and he’s used to you chasing him or being the one who always wanted the relationship more..

Sad
Guest
Hi I’ve been in a relationship for nearly 4 years we have a 8 month old baby together and this is the 3rd time he’s walked away from me. He says I make him feel unloved and have ago to much I am actually getting counselling now but he says its to late and I should have done it a year or two ago he blames me for everything. After two weeks of being split up we stayed hanging out again things went pretty fast and a week later we slept together all that week he kept saying we r… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Sad,

he acts like that because he’s still used to you being around and he’s used to you chasing him or being the one who always wanted the relationship more..

Shelle
Guest
Hi Chris, I really need your advice. I broke up with my ex just under a month ago due to an unresolved argument which he couldn’t get over. It started with him moving away to university next year (he’s not going anymore as far as I know) and escalated to both of us saying nasty things that neither of us could take back. We both took a few days to cool off and came back to it. I wanted to just let it go because I seen it as an argument which had been blown out of proportion and wouldn’t… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
Hi Shelle, I think he’s just being nice because he said that after you said you’re uncomfortable giving him gifts after what happened. Yes, you haven’t spoken for three weeks but you’re not really in a no contact rule if you weren’t focused in healing and improving yourself during it. Since, it’s your last resort, I think you should restart the count and do 30 days. Even if there’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work, it’s still your better option than to chase him.. after no contact, you can initiate. Check the links below: The Ungettable Girl… Read more »
Shelle
Guest
Hi Chris, I really need your advice. I broke up with my ex just under a month ago due to an unresolved argument which he couldn’t get over. It started with him moving away to university next year (he’s not going anymore as far as I know) and escalated to both of us saying nasty things that neither of us could take back. We both took a few days to cool off and came back to it. I wanted to just let it go because I seen it as an argument which had been blown out of proportion and wouldn’t… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
Hi Shelle, I think he’s just being nice because he said that after you said you’re uncomfortable giving him gifts after what happened. Yes, you haven’t spoken for three weeks but you’re not really in a no contact rule if you weren’t focused in healing and improving yourself during it. Since, it’s your last resort, I think you should restart the count and do 30 days. Even if there’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work, it’s still your better option than to chase him.. after no contact, you can initiate. Check the links below: The Ungettable Girl… Read more »
Kirby
Guest
My ex boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago, the break up was his idea but was mostly amicable. immediately I went into no contact mode for a period of 30 days and decided to contact him; the first message didn’t get a response but I tried again several days letter and got a response. He was neutral in his response (stating he was very busy; he’s in grad school and works full time which was one of the main reasons for the break up) I wanted a day or so before contacting him again and got a… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Kirby,

Maybe it can, there’s no guarantee.. did you improve yourself? If you did, continue doing it even after the 2nd nc

Kirby
Guest

Yes, I have been taking my time improving myself! I work out regularly, do more volunteer work, and focus on my studies. I have even joined a dating site recently, he actually messaged me asking about it and if I was hooking up with people. I stood my ground and did not reply as I felt he was coming from a place of jealousy and anger.

Kirby
Guest
My ex boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago, the break up was his idea but was mostly amicable. immediately I went into no contact mode for a period of 30 days and decided to contact him; the first message didn’t get a response but I tried again several days letter and got a response. He was neutral in his response (stating he was very busy; he’s in grad school and works full time which was one of the main reasons for the break up) I wanted a day or so before contacting him again and got a… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Kirby,

Maybe it can, there’s no guarantee.. did you improve yourself? If you did, continue doing it even after the 2nd nc

Kirby
Guest

Yes, I have been taking my time improving myself! I work out regularly, do more volunteer work, and focus on my studies. I have even joined a dating site recently, he actually messaged me asking about it and if I was hooking up with people. I stood my ground and did not reply as I felt he was coming from a place of jealousy and anger.

Christine Murphy
Guest
My ex broke things off with me 2 weeks ago. I told him I need this time to heal and we would see each other in November which we both agreed that was fine to meet up as friends. We are both in this app with two other friends that meet for thursday night dinners. He deleted the app while we were together since he is temprarily living in a different city for 7 months. Thursday rolls around I was making plans with the two other group members to meet up when he starts chatting also. He also looks at… Read more »
Christine Murphy
Guest

And I mean he goes through my song list and I can see that…. a little odd. Im trying to heal but I wasn’t expecting no contact to go this way…

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Christine,

if he talks to you through the app, don’t answer. Does your friends know you’ve broken up? Create a separate group with them temporarily and explain why.. tell them you just need to do this for your own healing..

Christine Murphy
Guest
Yes they know we have broken up. Is doing this going to make him try to contact me instead of beating around the bush using our dinner group app? My friends in the dinner group even think it is werid because he only started using the app again a few days after the break up. I feel so confused what is happening… We broke up October 1st. I’m doing the whole no contact, focus on myself, better myself, have fun. But I feel like he has been stalking me on social media. I just want him to reach out and… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

It’s not guarantee that he will but there’s a good chance since it’s obvious that he’s already trying to in the group.

Christine Murphy
Guest
My ex broke things off with me 2 weeks ago. I told him I need this time to heal and we would see each other in November which we both agreed that was fine to meet up as friends. We are both in this app with two other friends that meet for thursday night dinners. He deleted the app while we were together since he is temprarily living in a different city for 7 months. Thursday rolls around I was making plans with the two other group members to meet up when he starts chatting also. He also looks at… Read more »
Christine Murphy
Guest

And I mean he goes through my song list and I can see that…. a little odd. Im trying to heal but I wasn’t expecting no contact to go this way…

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Christine,

if he talks to you through the app, don’t answer. Does your friends know you’ve broken up? Create a separate group with them temporarily and explain why.. tell them you just need to do this for your own healing..

Christine Murphy
Guest

And I mean he goes through my song list and I can see that…. a little odd. Im trying to heal but I wasn’t expecting no contact to go this way…

Christine Murphy
Guest
Yes they know we have broken up. Is doing this going to make him try to contact me instead of beating around the bush using our dinner group app? My friends in the dinner group even think it is werid because he only started using the app again a few days after the break up. I feel so confused what is happening… We broke up October 1st. I’m doing the whole no contact, focus on myself, better myself, have fun. But I feel like he has been stalking me on social media. I just want him to reach out and… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

It’s not guarantee that he will but there’s a good chance since it’s obvious that he’s already trying to in the group.

Christine Murphy
Guest
Yes they know we have broken up. Is doing this going to make him try to contact me instead of beating around the bush using our dinner group app? My friends in the dinner group even think it is werid because he only started using the app again a few days after the break up. I feel so confused what is happening… We broke up October 1st. I’m doing the whole no contact, focus on myself, better myself, have fun. But I feel like he has been stalking me on social media. I just want him to reach out and… Read more »
Mahnoor
Guest
So i completed NC of 30 days and it was an active one. He and i were together for 3 years. He replied to my message instantly. He joked with me and overall it was a pleasant conversation and there was no argument involved in it. But then he left me on read and didnt reply at all since then maybe because he was out of things to talk about or i dont know. I just want to know what to do now? Should i text him again or wait for him to message me? And if he doesn’t message… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Mahnoor,

maybe there was just nothing to say anymore.. you can initiate again the next day.. if he doesn’t reply, wait for 3-5 days before messaging again.

Mahnoor
Guest
So i completed NC of 30 days and it was an active one. He and i were together for 3 years. He replied to my message instantly. He joked with me and overall it was a pleasant conversation and there was no argument involved in it. But then he left me on read and didnt reply at all since then maybe because he was out of things to talk about or i dont know. I just want to know what to do now? Should i text him again or wait for him to message me? And if he doesn’t message… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Mahnoor,

maybe there was just nothing to say anymore.. you can initiate again the next day.. if he doesn’t reply, wait for 3-5 days before messaging again.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Mahnoor,

maybe there was just nothing to say anymore.. you can initiate again the next day.. if he doesn’t reply, wait for 3-5 days before messaging again.

Alexandra S.
Guest
Hello, I need help. The man I was seeing for 10 months (28) broke up with me (25) 2 months ago. I pushed for more commitment by asking to meet his friends around the time of his birthday, and it spooked him. He has not brought a girl to meet his friends in 5 years (he says he has had only 1 real girlfriend). Two weeks after this talk, he ended things, saying he didn’t think he could call me his girlfriend. I completed NC for 1 month- during this time I traveled, I went out a lot with friends,… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
Hi Alexandra, Hmm.. you told him you would like to see him and hang out and that it’s hard for you to guage his interest? That actually shows you’re trying to get him back..Even if it was just the interest about hanging out, and that he been aloof before you said that. That line may add to his assumptions that you’re being friendly to get him back and not just being friendly only. That whole message shows you still have something for him.. It’s not really a casual message. Because in the first line, you specifically said you would like… Read more »
Alexandra S.
Guest

Thanks for the message. Well we didn’t talk for the week. And then he messaged me and said we can’t be friends and we’re not going to get back together. I still replied and said I was open to talking about it and that I can’t really say much in a text. I think this is hopeless.

Olivia
Guest
Hi Amor, I know I have to wait a week. Wednesday Nov 2, will be a week, but I don’t know what to say, or what type of text to send. I’ve tead the article about 10 times, the first time was a month ago when you told me he was ghosting me. Thats what I was referring to about maybe approaching the article differently. I’m not sure how much of the rest of the information on this site is applicable to this situation. Even the EBRPro book only has about a page on ghosting and it just says its… Read more »
Olivia
Guest

Sorry it put my comment under Alexandrias post not my own. i didnt mean to do that. Olivia

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
It’s ok Olivia! Dont worry, I actually read the whole comments always. Sometimes,I forgot some parts of it but most of the time that’s because I only remember the most important points. When you’re ghosted, it’s either he’s a coward, jerk, or he got tired and annoyed with you.. whatever it is of the three, it would be better to do a no contact.. but if the reason of him ghosting you was that he was a jerk, you cant do anything about it.. It looks like his reason was the last, and you said it yourself he might see… Read more »
Alexandra S.
Guest
Hello, I need help. The man I was seeing for 10 months (28) broke up with me (25) 2 months ago. I pushed for more commitment by asking to meet his friends around the time of his birthday, and it spooked him. He has not brought a girl to meet his friends in 5 years (he says he has had only 1 real girlfriend). Two weeks after this talk, he ended things, saying he didn’t think he could call me his girlfriend. I completed NC for 1 month- during this time I traveled, I went out a lot with friends,… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
Hi Alexandra, Hmm.. you told him you would like to see him and hang out and that it’s hard for you to guage his interest? That actually shows you’re trying to get him back..Even if it was just the interest about hanging out, and that he been aloof before you said that. That line may add to his assumptions that you’re being friendly to get him back and not just being friendly only. That whole message shows you still have something for him.. It’s not really a casual message. Because in the first line, you specifically said you would like… Read more »
Alexandra S.
Guest

Thanks for the message. Well we didn’t talk for the week. And then he messaged me and said we can’t be friends and we’re not going to get back together. I still replied and said I was open to talking about it and that I can’t really say much in a text. I think this is hopeless.

Olivia
Guest
Hi Amor, I know I have to wait a week. Wednesday Nov 2, will be a week, but I don’t know what to say, or what type of text to send. I’ve tead the article about 10 times, the first time was a month ago when you told me he was ghosting me. Thats what I was referring to about maybe approaching the article differently. I’m not sure how much of the rest of the information on this site is applicable to this situation. Even the EBRPro book only has about a page on ghosting and it just says its… Read more »
Olivia
Guest

Sorry it put my comment under Alexandrias post not my own. i didnt mean to do that. Olivia

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
It’s ok Olivia! Dont worry, I actually read the whole comments always. Sometimes,I forgot some parts of it but most of the time that’s because I only remember the most important points. When you’re ghosted, it’s either he’s a coward, jerk, or he got tired and annoyed with you.. whatever it is of the three, it would be better to do a no contact.. but if the reason of him ghosting you was that he was a jerk, you cant do anything about it.. It looks like his reason was the last, and you said it yourself he might see… Read more »
Carine
Guest

Hello,
My boyfriend and I broke up 2 months ago, and last Sunday I talked to him after those 2 months. We talked twice but I’m always the one who has to start the conversation and when we talk he’s always flirting with me. But he never starts the conversation… I don’t know why he does that. I don’t talk to him every day because I don’t want him to think that I’m needy or anything. But right now i don’t know what to do.. Can you help me?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Carine,

do you end the conversation at a high point? That means he’s not really that interested in you, yet.

Carine
Guest
Yes I did, and he thinks like: “I should invite you for a drink” and ” you’re a such a cute girl” I know that he still has feelings for me but he’s scared he will get hurt again. Last week at my sister’s wedding he kept looking at me. He was happy that I started to talk to him. When we talk I wait an hour to reply and when I do that my text turns blue like he was waiting for my reply. Tuesday was the last time I talked to him. How do I make him talk… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
oh… if he’s really just afraid, that means you have to it slow. You have to build trust over time.. It’s not something that you can rush.. Because if he’s afraid and avoiding connection that means he made a decision not to be so close to you.. And you have to just continue to be friendly to him and continue being active in your life to be interesting for him.. End the conversations in high point too and don’t always be too available.. like rest from texting for 3 days after texting him for 4 days.. I think you should… Read more »
Carine
Guest

Hello,
My boyfriend and I broke up 2 months ago, and last Sunday I talked to him after those 2 months. We talked twice but I’m always the one who has to start the conversation and when we talk he’s always flirting with me. But he never starts the conversation… I don’t know why he does that. I don’t talk to him every day because I don’t want him to think that I’m needy or anything. But right now i don’t know what to do.. Can you help me?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Carine,

do you end the conversation at a high point? That means he’s not really that interested in you, yet.

Carine
Guest
Yes I did, and he thinks like: “I should invite you for a drink” and ” you’re a such a cute girl” I know that he still has feelings for me but he’s scared he will get hurt again. Last week at my sister’s wedding he kept looking at me. He was happy that I started to talk to him. When we talk I wait an hour to reply and when I do that my text turns blue like he was waiting for my reply. Tuesday was the last time I talked to him. How do I make him talk… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
oh… if he’s really just afraid, that means you have to it slow. You have to build trust over time.. It’s not something that you can rush.. Because if he’s afraid and avoiding connection that means he made a decision not to be so close to you.. And you have to just continue to be friendly to him and continue being active in your life to be interesting for him.. End the conversations in high point too and don’t always be too available.. like rest from texting for 3 days after texting him for 4 days.. I think you should… Read more »
Olivia
Guest
Hi Chris, I’m not sure if my boyfriend and I have broken up or if we’ve just had our first fight and it’s still in the cooling off period. We met on Plenty of Fish in February 2016 and hit it off immediately, first messaging a lot, then finally texting from morning until one of us fell asleep 12-14 hrs later, and after a few months of that we finally met, and we’re still constantly texting and talking on the phone until about a month and a half ago when he started a new job as a tow truck driver… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Olivia,

Be silent and for the next 2 weeks and just be active in improving yourself.. if he does text you then reply.. if not, initiate after that 2 weeks.

Olivia
Guest

Thank you so much for the reply!!! I just circled the 2 week date on my calendar! I hope he contacts me before that, but it helps a lot to have an actual plan! Have a great day!!!

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Have a great day too!

Olivia
Guest
Ok so I failed. I attempted contact during the nc period, and yes he finally broke his silence at 5am today via text but it was only a one word response “alive” in response to a note I left on his door asking if he was ok? Since during his rant to me in our last conversation 2 weeks ago he said “he’d call me back, and there was only 3 reasons why he wouldnt text me 1. He’s busy, 2. He’s hurt or worse (he works a very dangerous job), and 3. Something was wrong with his phone.” Naturally… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

of course I’m willing!I reply to all of you, that’s why sometimes it takes time..

okay..You had me do the back flip when you searched his death certificate!But I understand.. If that happens, which I doubt, someone in his family or friends will call you or you will know it through social media..
anyways, I dont think you made it worse but it’s more apparent now that he’s just ignoring you.. if you contact him more, you’ll just annoy him.. I think you should restart no contact

Olivia
Guest
Thank you for the reply! Im on day 1 of NC again, but how long should I be in this mode? I ask only because in the previous reply you said 2 weeks, the site says 30 days, or 21. Also just a bit more background info that makes this situation a bit unique. We’ve never been FB friends! He has an account but he doesn’t use it! You cant even friend request him its greyed out. I asked him about that at the begging and he said he had to create an account for a class because thats the… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Oh sorry, I didn’t made it clear. The first two weeks of silence was not really a no contact for me. I just thought that maybe he just needs space, that’s why I said you should reply if he texts.. But now, I think you should do no contact for 45 days. It’s apparent that he wants to break up. He should have just told you that, but right now, I don’t think asking him about that will give you an answer, he might just even agree with breaking up if you ask him.

Olivia
Guest

Ok thank you. 🙁

Olivia
Guest
What did I do that was so wrong? I dont understand why 45 days as opposed to 30? And technically we’re not broken up he just wants to? Im sorry. I’m just really in shock at the moment. I feel really stupid right now because I dont understand. I can do 45 days its going to be hard, but I can do it. Im at a loss why not 30? Is it because I failed earlier or because we’re just that screwed. The sins of the people in his past have now hurt me too, and us too, or is… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
dont look at like a punishment, take it as a part of life that you will really experience because there are different kinds of people in the world.. he’s ghosting you, and you’ve done what you can. You’ve given him space and then showed that you still worry but all he can say is that he’s alive.. He didnt even explain why he’s being silent.. Most of the time, in this cases we really recommend 45 days for you to heal and be more rational.. and sometimes because 45 days is not that predictable for him. Not like 30 days,… Read more »
Olivia
Guest
Hi Amor. So today is day 45! I can’t believe its finally here! I’m super scared! Steven hasn’t contacted me at all. I expected that knowing he can be super stubborn, but based on what I’ve read from the website and books I dont know if he’s just being stubborn, or if he’s still angry, also I don’t know if I’ve done enough to prepare. I don’t think the text I’ve been composing in my head is good enough. I’m still realing from the shock that he’s chosen to disappear, “ghost” me, “forget about me forever” as Chris described ghosting… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

I like the second one better, but add something to make it conversational.

OMG I just saw the coolest looking Joker costume after trying the claw machine and I thought of you! It made me happy. By the way, what was your technique in claw machines?

Olivia
Guest
Hi Amor, so I sent the text you helped me with “OMG I just saw the coolest looking Joker costume after trying the claw machine and I thought of you! It made me happy. By the way, what was your technique in claw machines?” No reply… 🙁 Now what? Brainstorm some more? Thank you for trying to help me. I’m alone on this quest. Reading other peoples comments I realize I expound a lot more than most. Thanks for your patience and understanding if you met me IRL you’d be like damn she has her shit together, dreams big, has… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

That’s good! Stay strong.. It’s normal that it would hurt, that’s love. Hmm.. what about this one:
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Ghosted You

You have to wait a week before trying again.

Olivia
Guest
Hi Amor, I know I have to wait a week. Wednesday will be a week, but I don’t know what to say, or what type of text to send. I’ve tead the article about 10 times, the first time was a month ago when you told me he was ghosting me. Thats what I was referring to about maybe approaching the article differently. I’m not sure how much of the rest of the information on this site is applicable to this situation. Even the EBRPro book only has about a page on ghosting and it just says its a sucky… Read more »
Olivia
Guest
Hi Amor, I know I have to wait a week. Wednesday Nov 2, will be a week, but I don’t know what to say, or what type of text to send. I’ve tead the article about 10 times, the first time was a month ago when you told me he was ghosting me. Thats what I was referring to about maybe approaching the article differently. I’m not sure how much of the rest of the information on this site is applicable to this situation. Even the EBRPro book only has about a page on ghosting and it just says its… Read more »
Olivia
Guest

Sorry I didnt realize the first time I sent the message it saved! The site had me go back and reenter the captcha Oops!!! I added on the 2nd one some of the texts I was thinking of…

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
It’s ok Olivia! Dont worry, I actually read the whole comments always. Sometimes,I forgot some parts of it but most of the time that’s because I only remember the most important points. When you’re ghosted, it’s either he’s a coward, jerk, or he got tired and annoyed with you.. whatever it is of the three, it would be better to do a no contact.. but if the reason of him ghosting you was that he was a jerk, you cant do anything about it.. It looks like his reason was the last, and you said it yourself he might see… Read more »
Olivia
Guest
Hi Chris, I’m not sure if my boyfriend and I have broken up or if we’ve just had our first fight and it’s still in the cooling off period. We met on Plenty of Fish in February 2016 and hit it off immediately, first messaging a lot, then finally texting from morning until one of us fell asleep 12-14 hrs later, and after a few months of that we finally met, and we’re still constantly texting and talking on the phone until about a month and a half ago when he started a new job as a tow truck driver… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Olivia,

Be silent and for the next 2 weeks and just be active in improving yourself.. if he does text you then reply.. if not, initiate after that 2 weeks.

Olivia
Guest

Thank you so much for the reply!!! I just circled the 2 week date on my calendar! I hope he contacts me before that, but it helps a lot to have an actual plan! Have a great day!!!

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Have a great day too!

Olivia
Guest
Ok so I failed. I attempted contact during the nc period, and yes he finally broke his silence at 5am today via text but it was only a one word response “alive” in response to a note I left on his door asking if he was ok? Since during his rant to me in our last conversation 2 weeks ago he said “he’d call me back, and there was only 3 reasons why he wouldnt text me 1. He’s busy, 2. He’s hurt or worse (he works a very dangerous job), and 3. Something was wrong with his phone.” Naturally… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

of course I’m willing!I reply to all of you, that’s why sometimes it takes time..

okay..You had me do the back flip when you searched his death certificate!But I understand.. If that happens, which I doubt, someone in his family or friends will call you or you will know it through social media..
anyways, I dont think you made it worse but it’s more apparent now that he’s just ignoring you.. if you contact him more, you’ll just annoy him.. I think you should restart no contact

Olivia
Guest
Ok so I failed. I attempted contact during the nc period, and yes he finally broke his silence at 5am today via text but it was only a one word response “alive” in response to a note I left on his door asking if he was ok? Since during his rant to me in our last conversation 2 weeks ago he said “he’d call me back, and there was only 3 reasons why he wouldnt text me 1. He’s busy, 2. He’s hurt or worse (he works a very dangerous job), and 3. Something was wrong with his phone.” Naturally… Read more »
Olivia
Guest
Thank you for the reply! Im on day 1 of NC again, but how long should I be in this mode? I ask only because in the previous reply you said 2 weeks, the site says 30 days, or 21. Also just a bit more background info that makes this situation a bit unique. We’ve never been FB friends! He has an account but he doesn’t use it! You cant even friend request him its greyed out. I asked him about that at the begging and he said he had to create an account for a class because thats the… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Oh sorry, I didn’t made it clear. The first two weeks of silence was not really a no contact for me. I just thought that maybe he just needs space, that’s why I said you should reply if he texts.. But now, I think you should do no contact for 45 days. It’s apparent that he wants to break up. He should have just told you that, but right now, I don’t think asking him about that will give you an answer, he might just even agree with breaking up if you ask him.

Olivia
Guest
Thank you for the reply! Im on day 1 of NC again, but how long should I be in this mode? I ask only because in the previous reply you said 2 weeks, the site says 30 days, or 21. Also just a bit more background info that makes this situation a bit unique. We’ve never been FB friends! He has an account but he doesn’t use it! You cant even friend request him its greyed out. I asked him about that at the begging and he said he had to create an account for a class because thats the… Read more »
Olivia
Guest

Ok thank you. 🙁

Olivia
Guest

Ok thank you. 🙁

Olivia
Guest
What did I do that was so wrong? I dont understand why 45 days as opposed to 30? And technically we’re not broken up he just wants to? Im sorry. I’m just really in shock at the moment. I feel really stupid right now because I dont understand. I can do 45 days its going to be hard, but I can do it. Im at a loss why not 30? Is it because I failed earlier or because we’re just that screwed. The sins of the people in his past have now hurt me too, and us too, or is… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
dont look at like a punishment, take it as a part of life that you will really experience because there are different kinds of people in the world.. he’s ghosting you, and you’ve done what you can. You’ve given him space and then showed that you still worry but all he can say is that he’s alive.. He didnt even explain why he’s being silent.. Most of the time, in this cases we really recommend 45 days for you to heal and be more rational.. and sometimes because 45 days is not that predictable for him. Not like 30 days,… Read more »
Olivia
Guest
What did I do that was so wrong? I dont understand why 45 days as opposed to 30? And technically we’re not broken up he just wants to? Im sorry. I’m just really in shock at the moment. I feel really stupid right now because I dont understand. I can do 45 days its going to be hard, but I can do it. Im at a loss why not 30? Is it because I failed earlier or because we’re just that screwed. The sins of the people in his past have now hurt me too, and us too, or is… Read more »
Olivia
Guest
Hi Amor. So today is day 45! I can’t believe its finally here! I’m super scared! Steven hasn’t contacted me at all. I expected that knowing he can be super stubborn, but based on what I’ve read from the website and books I dont know if he’s just being stubborn, or if he’s still angry, also I don’t know if I’ve done enough to prepare. I don’t think the text I’ve been composing in my head is good enough. I’m still realing from the shock that he’s chosen to disappear, “ghost” me, “forget about me forever” as Chris described ghosting… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

I like the second one better, but add something to make it conversational.

OMG I just saw the coolest looking Joker costume after trying the claw machine and I thought of you! It made me happy. By the way, what was your technique in claw machines?

Olivia
Guest
Hi Amor, so I sent the text you helped me with “OMG I just saw the coolest looking Joker costume after trying the claw machine and I thought of you! It made me happy. By the way, what was your technique in claw machines?” No reply… 🙁 Now what? Brainstorm some more? Thank you for trying to help me. I’m alone on this quest. Reading other peoples comments I realize I expound a lot more than most. Thanks for your patience and understanding if you met me IRL you’d be like damn she has her shit together, dreams big, has… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

That’s good! Stay strong.. It’s normal that it would hurt, that’s love. Hmm.. what about this one:
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Ghosted You

You have to wait a week before trying again.

Olivia
Guest
Hi Amor, I know I have to wait a week. Wednesday will be a week, but I don’t know what to say, or what type of text to send. I’ve tead the article about 10 times, the first time was a month ago when you told me he was ghosting me. Thats what I was referring to about maybe approaching the article differently. I’m not sure how much of the rest of the information on this site is applicable to this situation. Even the EBRPro book only has about a page on ghosting and it just says its a sucky… Read more »
Olivia
Guest
Hi Amor, I know I have to wait a week. Wednesday Nov 2, will be a week, but I don’t know what to say, or what type of text to send. I’ve tead the article about 10 times, the first time was a month ago when you told me he was ghosting me. Thats what I was referring to about maybe approaching the article differently. I’m not sure how much of the rest of the information on this site is applicable to this situation. Even the EBRPro book only has about a page on ghosting and it just says its… Read more »
Olivia
Guest

Sorry I didnt realize the first time I sent the message it saved! The site had me go back and reenter the captcha Oops!!! I added on the 2nd one some of the texts I was thinking of…

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
It’s ok Olivia! Dont worry, I actually read the whole comments always. Sometimes,I forgot some parts of it but most of the time that’s because I only remember the most important points. When you’re ghosted, it’s either he’s a coward, jerk, or he got tired and annoyed with you.. whatever it is of the three, it would be better to do a no contact.. but if the reason of him ghosting you was that he was a jerk, you cant do anything about it.. It looks like his reason was the last, and you said it yourself he might see… Read more »
JBC
Guest

Hi, me and my ex just broke up solely due to distance as I am moving to a different city than our university for an internship next year. I did ask to make sure it was solely distance and he said yes and that he wouldn’t lie to me (we’ve been friends for a long time and were together 9 months) and that he just couldn’t do distance.
We’ve been in contact on and off, but I don’t know what to do for the best?
Thanks

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

HI JBC,

YOu should do active no contact.. and click this link: The complete guide to getting an ex boyfriend back in a long distance relationship

JBC
Guest

Hi, me and my ex just broke up solely due to distance as I am moving to a different city than our university for an internship next year. I did ask to make sure it was solely distance and he said yes and that he wouldn’t lie to me (we’ve been friends for a long time and were together 9 months) and that he just couldn’t do distance.
We’ve been in contact on and off, but I don’t know what to do for the best?
Thanks

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

HI JBC,

YOu should do active no contact.. and click this link: The complete guide to getting an ex boyfriend back in a long distance relationship

Elizabeth
Guest

I thought this was really good. But I do have one question. When I talk to my ex boyfriend it is really awkward. Like a 10 minute awkward silence. Even when we were together it was awkward to talk to him. So my question is how do I make less awkward when we talk? I try to make conversation with him but again still awkward. Please help.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

HI Elizabeth

do you mean talk personally or in texts?

Elizabeth
Guest

Talking to him in person. When we text we are fine. But when we get together it’s awkward.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

it’d means there’s not enough rapport..

Elizabeth
Guest

What does that mean? Rapport????

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

it means there’s not enough connection built when you’re texting.. yeah, it’s fine but I think it has to be great so that when you meet you have something to continue talking about.. coz at first, yes it will awkward but it will get less awkward as you talk coz it will sound like how you are when texting.

Elizabeth
Guest

Okay. So what are some steps to help me improve my rapport with him. I mean he still likes me. Well he still loves me. And I trying to decide how I feel about him. He knows things about my past so I have that wall up. And he is okay with it. He says he will wait. How do I know if I want to be with him?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

I think you need to assess first if you really want him or not, coz even if he’s not bothered now woth your walls it looks like that’s what’s stopping you open up and have fun

Elizabeth
Guest

Okay. What are some steps to help me with that and the rapport.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

let your guard down and talk about what interesting for him ot the topics that he loves talking about

Elizabeth
Guest

Okay. What are some general topics that will be good to start a conversation?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

list the topics that he loves talking about and his interests

Elizabeth
Guest

Well what if one of those topics and interest is about me. I don’t like being the center of things all the time.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

about you? if he likes talking about you then that’s good but more commonly, people like talking about themselves and what they love

Elizabeth
Guest

Okay. Sometimes it’s hard to get to know him. Because he is autistic but you would have never known. And we have dated a couple of times. But everytime I broke it off. I think I’m just scared of relationships because I don’t want to get hurt. I have had trauma in the past and I know that’s why I have walls.

Elizabeth
Guest

It’s been a little over a week with no response for my comment above. Are you still there?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

yes Elizabeth.. sorry I didn’t think it needed a response.. I thought it was just a reaction to my comment before that.. have you let your walls down and noticed what most of his interests are?

Elizabeth
Guest

That’s okay. So wat are some questions to ask myself to see if I should go out with it to see if he is the one for me.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
you’ll get hurt no matter what.. because that’s how relationships work.. being on guard always shuns other people and may cause you to be inauthentic too.. just enjoy and get to know the other person, be curious and learn from him.. just keep your head with your heart. if a guy does something wrong, be observant but don’t be quick to judge until you’re more sure with your doubts.. there are a lot of people in the world…as in.. if you go out more and do more of the things that you love, you’ll meet a lot of guys who… Read more »
Elizabeth
Guest

So my mom says every time I talk about this one ex my eye light up. And I just want to know if that is a sign that I like him or love him?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

hmm it is.. but you should be more sure about what you feel because you’re the one feeling it

Elizabeth
Guest

I thought this was really good. But I do have one question. When I talk to my ex boyfriend it is really awkward. Like a 10 minute awkward silence. Even when we were together it was awkward to talk to him. So my question is how do I make less awkward when we talk? I try to make conversation with him but again still awkward. Please help.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

HI Elizabeth

do you mean talk personally or in texts?

Elizabeth
Guest

Talking to him in person. When we text we are fine. But when we get together it’s awkward.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

it’d means there’s not enough rapport..

Elizabeth
Guest

What does that mean? Rapport????

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

it means there’s not enough connection built when you’re texting.. yeah, it’s fine but I think it has to be great so that when you meet you have something to continue talking about.. coz at first, yes it will awkward but it will get less awkward as you talk coz it will sound like how you are when texting.

Elizabeth
Guest

Okay. So what are some steps to help me improve my rapport with him. I mean he still likes me. Well he still loves me. And I trying to decide how I feel about him. He knows things about my past so I have that wall up. And he is okay with it. He says he will wait. How do I know if I want to be with him?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

I think you need to assess first if you really want him or not, coz even if he’s not bothered now woth your walls it looks like that’s what’s stopping you open up and have fun

Elizabeth
Guest

Okay. What are some steps to help me with that and the rapport.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

let your guard down and talk about what interesting for him ot the topics that he loves talking about

Elizabeth
Guest

Okay. What are some general topics that will be good to start a conversation?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

list the topics that he loves talking about and his interests

Elizabeth
Guest

Well what if one of those topics and interest is about me. I don’t like being the center of things all the time.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

about you? if he likes talking about you then that’s good but more commonly, people like talking about themselves and what they love

Elizabeth
Guest

Okay. Sometimes it’s hard to get to know him. Because he is autistic but you would have never known. And we have dated a couple of times. But everytime I broke it off. I think I’m just scared of relationships because I don’t want to get hurt. I have had trauma in the past and I know that’s why I have walls.

Elizabeth
Guest

It’s been a little over a week with no response for my comment above. Are you still there?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

yes Elizabeth.. sorry I didn’t think it needed a response.. I thought it was just a reaction to my comment before that.. have you let your walls down and noticed what most of his interests are?

Elizabeth
Guest

That’s okay. So wat are some questions to ask myself to see if I should go out with it to see if he is the one for me.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
you’ll get hurt no matter what.. because that’s how relationships work.. being on guard always shuns other people and may cause you to be inauthentic too.. just enjoy and get to know the other person, be curious and learn from him.. just keep your head with your heart. if a guy does something wrong, be observant but don’t be quick to judge until you’re more sure with your doubts.. there are a lot of people in the world…as in.. if you go out more and do more of the things that you love, you’ll meet a lot of guys who… Read more »
Elizabeth
Guest

So my mom says every time I talk about this one ex my eye light up. And I just want to know if that is a sign that I like him or love him?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

hmm it is.. but you should be more sure about what you feel because you’re the one feeling it

Natalie
Guest
We were together for about 3 yrs, coming up on our 3rd year anniversary he told me he couldnt do this anymore an that he loved me soo much an i am his best friend and he cried for days and days, he never does that ever! He said hes not even sure if hes makn right decision, but we cant be together everyday and cant relocate, either one of us right now, and its hard to not be together like we should, so when we first met we were inseparable and together everyday for the first year an half… Read more »
Natalie
Guest

I have absolutely no one to turn to, and really could use someone to talk to! Without that i feel like im a wreck and il never be okay, i appreciate this site so much, but is there resources that dont cost a ton to just have someone to talk to? About relationships and getting them back possibly? I would really appreciate any help i can find!

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Natalie,

you can comment here whenever you want, we’ll reply as soon as we can.. other commenters sometimes reply too..

did you break up because of the distance?

Natalie
Guest
Part of the reason was for the distance and not being able to see eachother as much, he told me it wasnt fair to either of us, but he wants to still be my best friend, i didnt mind our distance tho, because in my heart i knew we were together, he wants me to be able to have a life, an said right now we cant be together because ultimately i cant relocate to where he is for about 5 yrs, due to children and ex, he never crys and cried for days about doing this an kept sayn… Read more »
Natalie
Guest
We were together for about 3 yrs, coming up on our 3rd year anniversary he told me he couldnt do this anymore an that he loved me soo much an i am his best friend and he cried for days and days, he never does that ever! He said hes not even sure if hes makn right decision, but we cant be together everyday and cant relocate, either one of us right now, and its hard to not be together like we should, so when we first met we were inseparable and together everyday for the first year an half… Read more »
Natalie
Guest

I have absolutely no one to turn to, and really could use someone to talk to! Without that i feel like im a wreck and il never be okay, i appreciate this site so much, but is there resources that dont cost a ton to just have someone to talk to? About relationships and getting them back possibly? I would really appreciate any help i can find!

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Natalie,

you can comment here whenever you want, we’ll reply as soon as we can.. other commenters sometimes reply too..

did you break up because of the distance?

Natalie
Guest
Part of the reason was for the distance and not being able to see eachother as much, he told me it wasnt fair to either of us, but he wants to still be my best friend, i didnt mind our distance tho, because in my heart i knew we were together, he wants me to be able to have a life, an said right now we cant be together because ultimately i cant relocate to where he is for about 5 yrs, due to children and ex, he never crys and cried for days about doing this an kept sayn… Read more »
Natalie
Guest

Chris, i desperately need some relationship help and advice about my boyfriend that just broke up with me! I litterally feel like I cant move on and its destroying me inside! Please help me!!!
Cant eat, sleep, feel like im dying inside!

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Natalie,
what’s your story?

Natalie
Guest
We also were very close to eachothers children and it breaks my heart when my kids ask about him and want to talk to him, and his children always want to talk to me, his childrens mother is completely out of the picture, and i got so close to his kids, and he was always the loner type, but he also said that he is gettn older now and wants someone there everyday and to be able to have companionship everyday, and he knows how bad i want it too, but how can i let him know that we should… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

if distance was just partly the reason, what was really the reason? because you have to address that to yourself.. and also when did you break up?

Natalie
Guest

Chris, i desperately need some relationship help and advice about my boyfriend that just broke up with me! I litterally feel like I cant move on and its destroying me inside! Please help me!!!
Cant eat, sleep, feel like im dying inside!

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Natalie,
what’s your story?

Natalie
Guest
We also were very close to eachothers children and it breaks my heart when my kids ask about him and want to talk to him, and his children always want to talk to me, his childrens mother is completely out of the picture, and i got so close to his kids, and he was always the loner type, but he also said that he is gettn older now and wants someone there everyday and to be able to have companionship everyday, and he knows how bad i want it too, but how can i let him know that we should… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

if distance was just partly the reason, what was really the reason? because you have to address that to yourself.. and also when did you break up?

Hannah
Guest

Hey Chris,
Can you write something on how to talk to your ex, if he has someone (like a friend or something) who tells him what to do or what to say?
Because I feel that’s my case. For me, its this woman who sits next to him at work, and she has fed him with thoughts that have convinced him that I’m not worth his time..so I’m sure I can’t approach in the same way.(nothing romantic is going on between them, she’s older to him)

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Thanks for the suggestion hannah! I’ll forward this to him!

Hannah
Guest

Hey Chris,
Can you write something on how to talk to your ex, if he has someone (like a friend or something) who tells him what to do or what to say?
Because I feel that’s my case. For me, its this woman who sits next to him at work, and she has fed him with thoughts that have convinced him that I’m not worth his time..so I’m sure I can’t approach in the same way.(nothing romantic is going on between them, she’s older to him)

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Thanks for the suggestion hannah! I’ll forward this to him!

M
Guest
Hey Chris, First, thank you for the website. It’s been a huge comfort to read. My boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago and it’s helped me feel better about getting back to myself and thinking positive about the future (whether he ends up being in it or not). The one major thing on my mind right now is something I’m not even sure is going to happen, but have this gut feeling it might. I’ve been traveling for the last 3-4 mo. and haven’t seen him since October. Since the break-up, I haven’t gone NC with him yet… Read more »
M
Guest
Hey Chris, First, thank you for the website. It’s been a huge comfort to read. My boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago and it’s helped me feel better about getting back to myself and thinking positive about the future (whether he ends up being in it or not). The one major thing on my mind right now is something I’m not even sure is going to happen, but have this gut feeling it might. I’ve been traveling for the last 3-4 mo. and haven’t seen him since October. Since the break-up, I haven’t gone NC with him yet… Read more »
Anya
Guest
What if I don’t have any welcome in my life for him? I’m letting him come over this weekend to get his shit that he was sposed to get back in march. Shit that, mind you, was not at my place until stupid me goes to his place to get my clothes & doesn’t check the bag to make sure everythings there and nothings added. My guy bestie thinks he pulled that on purpose. This guy used to be my best friend, 5 years and he was my sidekick. I wasnt sure about dating him because I was afraid to… Read more »
Anya
Guest
What if I don’t have any welcome in my life for him? I’m letting him come over this weekend to get his shit that he was sposed to get back in march. Shit that, mind you, was not at my place until stupid me goes to his place to get my clothes & doesn’t check the bag to make sure everythings there and nothings added. My guy bestie thinks he pulled that on purpose. This guy used to be my best friend, 5 years and he was my sidekick. I wasnt sure about dating him because I was afraid to… Read more »
Baffled
Guest
Hey Chris! How do you recommend I handle talking to an ex that’s being quite cold all of a sudden? He wasn’t being cold a few days ago but I started talking to him today and it’s all 3-5 word messages, very low energy and lacking in enthusiasm. I thought it might have been in my head until I asked what he was up to today and his response was “I have a migraine.”. Seen as he’s pulled hot and cold on me a few times in the past, I got fed up and responded with “Get better soon.” and… Read more »
Baffled
Guest
Hey Chris! How do you recommend I handle talking to an ex that’s being quite cold all of a sudden? He wasn’t being cold a few days ago but I started talking to him today and it’s all 3-5 word messages, very low energy and lacking in enthusiasm. I thought it might have been in my head until I asked what he was up to today and his response was “I have a migraine.”. Seen as he’s pulled hot and cold on me a few times in the past, I got fed up and responded with “Get better soon.” and… Read more »
Rebecca
Guest
I am doing no contact at the moment. Only on day 4. But just wondering about conversation topics for after the no contact period is over… Is there any particular topics I should avoid talking about? Like for example, I want more answers for why the break up happened in the first place (because to me it was totally out of the blue, we only got engaged in December, booked our wedding venue in June, he drew the kind of cake he wanted in my wedding scrapbook in the July then he broke up with me in August) and whether… Read more »
Rebecca
Guest
I am doing no contact at the moment. Only on day 4. But just wondering about conversation topics for after the no contact period is over… Is there any particular topics I should avoid talking about? Like for example, I want more answers for why the break up happened in the first place (because to me it was totally out of the blue, we only got engaged in December, booked our wedding venue in June, he drew the kind of cake he wanted in my wedding scrapbook in the July then he broke up with me in August) and whether… Read more »
Katie
Guest
Hi Chris. I saw my ex on Sunday after a month of NC at his sister’s baby shower. It was awkward at first. He told me he thought I hated him because I de friended him on Facebook and told one of our mutual friends that I was pissed for the reasons he broke up with me. From there conversation got less and less tense. After the shower we went back to his house. We hooked up, I know I know I shouldn’t have done that, and things got less tense. We talked about the flawed reasoning behind why he… Read more »
Katie
Guest
Hi Chris. I saw my ex on Sunday after a month of NC at his sister’s baby shower. It was awkward at first. He told me he thought I hated him because I de friended him on Facebook and told one of our mutual friends that I was pissed for the reasons he broke up with me. From there conversation got less and less tense. After the shower we went back to his house. We hooked up, I know I know I shouldn’t have done that, and things got less tense. We talked about the flawed reasoning behind why he… Read more »
Maria
Guest
I don’t fully want to tell my story. Let’s say I’ve dated my best friend. We never were in the friendzone, we just took things very slowly. We started dating during deployment. When he came home things were great for a couple of months then I let fear take over and began acting differently. We broke up because he wasn’t as happy as before. We cried and came to that conclusion after an hour of talking. We said we loved each other. He told me to text him and keep one of his favorite shirts. We still talk, just not… Read more »
Maria
Guest
I don’t fully want to tell my story. Let’s say I’ve dated my best friend. We never were in the friendzone, we just took things very slowly. We started dating during deployment. When he came home things were great for a couple of months then I let fear take over and began acting differently. We broke up because he wasn’t as happy as before. We cried and came to that conclusion after an hour of talking. We said we loved each other. He told me to text him and keep one of his favorite shirts. We still talk, just not… Read more »
Becca
Guest

So my ex and I work together. I’m trying the NC rule but every time we are on breaks together he tries talking to me. For example I’m by my locker getting my water bottle he walks by me and ask if I like the new water bottle work gave me. I just say yes and move on with my day? Is this breaking the NC rule?

Becca
Guest

So my ex and I work together. I’m trying the NC rule but every time we are on breaks together he tries talking to me. For example I’m by my locker getting my water bottle he walks by me and ask if I like the new water bottle work gave me. I just say yes and move on with my day? Is this breaking the NC rule?