How do you talk to your ex boyfriend?
Who knew that such a simple question could have such a complicated answer. Since you are reading this page I am going to assume that you have an interest in learning how to talk to your ex boyfriend the right way. While I ultimately can’t lend you my brain to help in whatever your goals are with your ex I can use it to give you my perspective on the right way to approach any talking, texting or emailing situation regarding your ex boyfriend.
Throughout Ex Boyfriend Recovery you will probably notice that I talk a lot about talking, specifically how to talk when you text someone. While I do briefly touch on interacting in person and through other forms like calling I have never really gone into the detail that the visitors coming to my site really need.
Well, that changes now. With this comprehensive guide I plan on teaching you what I consider to be the right way to talk to an ex boyfriend.
The Rules Of Talking To Your Ex
Have you read this site?
No I am just teasing you.
Did you know that there are rules for talking to your ex? Luckily, I am going to use this section to outline the basics for you. Alright, so the first thing you need to understand is that there are actually many different mediums for talking to an ex boyfriend. I will be covering those mediums in a future section within this guide but for now just understand that the way you approach casual “talking” with your ex boyfriend will be different for each specific medium.
(Again, I have your back on that as I will teach you exactly what you need to do in each medium.)
For now it is important for you to grasp a simple concept. While each specific medium will have different “talking” rules there are a set of rules above that set of rules.
(lots of rules huh?)
That means that the set of rules I am about to describe to you are very important. They will lay the foundation for every single conversation you will have with your ex until you accomplish your goal. I will talk more about goals in a second but first lets look at the basic rules of talking to your ex.
- Emotions Are Not Always Your Friend.
- Be Zen & At Peace.
- Be Confident.
- Be Pleasant.
Those are some weird rules. I mean, it sounds like I have turned into a Buddhist priest with all this talk of zen and peace. However, I promise you that the rules above are very relevant to any situation I can think of. Now comes the hard part, trying to explain the rules to you ;).
Emotions Are Not Always Your Friend
In order for me to feel like I have done a good job explaining this particular rule I have to explain a major difference between the way men and women talk.
(Again, this is covered in-depth in Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)
You see, when women talk to other women emotions can be shown without any repercussions. In fact, I feel that this is why women are such good listeners. You have been in so many women to women conversations that you are naturally used to dealing with emotions.
Men are different. I can tell you right now that I have never cried in front of another guy. I would feel weird crying in front of another guy. Now, I will admit that I don’t have a “cry in person” type of personality. However, I have never had a male friend cry in front of me before either so it isn’t just me.
Here is the simple truth.
Men have emotions but we are not used to dealing with them.
This is where things start to get interesting because on one side you have women (who are used to dealing with emotions) and on the other side you have men (who are NOT used to dealing with emotions.) This is a fact that many of the women visiting this site can’t seem to understand.
So, why are emotions not always your friend?
Simple, when you talk to a man and are over emotional you aren’t attractive to him. Instead, thoughts like:
“She’s always like this.”
“No wonder I don’t want to date her.”
“This girl is crazy.”
will creep into his head and trust me when I say that, that is not a good thing. A lot of the women that I deal with on a daily basis are emotional wrecks (this tends to happen when you run a site about ex boyfriends.) So, I expected this fact to come with the territory. Still though, I am a guy and while I may be a little more understanding than the average one I can get a little taken aback when someone is too emotional.
You all call me an expert in relationships. The truth is that I am not. What I am an expert in is men and take my word for it. If you are too emotional when you talk to your ex boyfriend you are not going to achieve your goals.
Be Zen & At Peace
This “rule” kind of goes hand in hand with the one above.
We have already established that being too overemotional usually isn’t a great idea when talking to a member of the opposite sex. However, we haven’t discussed HOW you should act when you talk to them. This is where the zen rules comes into play.
Before you even begin to have a talk with your ex boyfriend you need to make sure you are in a zen state. So, when I talk about zen what am I talking about?
Zen- Being at complete and absolute peace
When I think of someone in this type of a state I think of someone who can’t be touched, who can’t be affected by bad news/ bad things. Let me give you an extreme example to get my point across.
Lets say that there are two versions of me. For fantasies sake we will call them:
- Average Chris
- Zen Chris
Both of these versions are presented with the same scenario:
A person comes up and pushes them.
Now, each of the “me” versions will handle this situation differently.
How Average Chris Handles The Situation
This version of me would most likely yell “what did you do that for?” He would then proceed to push the person back and potentially get in a fight.
How Zen Chris Handles The Situation
This version would probably stand up straight and either wave or smile.
Ok, I know it sounds corny but I am about to arrive at the point. If you are at a zen state it will be impossible for your ex boyfriend to say something that will hurt you. That means your hurt can’t turn into anger and the anger can’t turn into yelling. Achieving this type of a state before you talk to your ex boyfriend will prevent you from coming off as too overemotional.
Do you see how important it is now?
Have you ever talked to a confident person before?
When talking about confidence in relationships what’s the first thought that comes to mind. It’s that women are attracted to confidence, right? Well, in my book you will learn that it’s not just women who are attracted to confidence.
Now, when I talk about confidence what do you think I mean?
I am talking about someone who wasn’t afraid to look you in the eye and smile. This is something I have noticed from both men and women who I come into contact with in my own personal life. Usually, when you look them in the eye they look away. It’s like people think that looking someone else in the eye is a sin or something.
Well, I am here to tell you that it is not. In fact, holding eye contact is a sign that someone is confident!
No matter what your ultimate goal is with your ex boyfriend when you talk to him I want you to be confident.
There is a pretty big problem I am seeing from the women who communicate with me on this site. While I am not helping them in person I can tell just from the way they talk to me in emails and comments that they are wanting to talk to their exes far too soon.
This puts me in an interesting predicament because while I do want to tell you to slow down and get your mind right before you try to talk to your ex I also know that I can’t control what you do. Thus, a lot of the people I advise go completely against my advice. Interestingly, a lot of these people will come back to me saying
“I wish I had just did what you said. I feel like I ruined everything :(.”
Don’t believe me? Go to the comment sections on this site and I promise you will find a few.
Anyways, the key problem I see with women who talk to their ex too soon is the fact that they aren’t confident. They aren’t confident about what to say or how to act. You may think that confidence is something that someone is born with but I am here to tell you that it is not. In fact, if you give me the nerdiest looking girl I am CONFIDENT that I could turn her into someone that men would chase.
While I am not going to go into specific details about how you can become more confident (out of fear that this page would turn into a confidence page.) I will tell you a quick tip.
Fake it until you BECOME it!
I like watching interviews. Specifically ones on talk shows. In fact, I remember a few months ago I literally spent 6 hours straight watching funny interviews with celebrities on YouTube. While I don’t recommending going full nerd (like me) for a day I do recommend you watch a few talk show interviews with Hugh Jackman or Nathan Fillion (P.S. an entire story Fillion told on a talk show actually happened to me. Not exactly but very similar!)
Now, you may be wondering why I picked those two specific actors.
Well, they just look so full of life and energy. They look confident, happy and most importantly pleasant to be around.
I want you to conjure up some of that pleasant energy.
There is a negative connotation for people that aren’t pleasant. However, there is a very positive connotation for people that are. While you may have some serious history with your ex I want any confrontation that you have from this point on to make him go “wow, she is so full of energy.”
Trust me when I say that good things will happen :).
The Different Forms Of Communication
In this section we are going to explore the different ways that you can communicate with an ex boyfriend. While I am the first to admit that I have already written about this before I feel it is important to go over the forms of communication again. Of course, I do want to provide you with a lot of value so those of you reading the “forms of communication” again can get something new out of it for your troubles.
As a result, I am going to be talking about the proper form you should exhibit when you talk to your ex using the methods of communication outlined here. But first, lets take a look at those actual “forms” of communication first.
- In Person
As you can see these are the most common ways that you can communicate with a boyfriend. Lets look at each specific “way” a little closer.
This is my personal favorite form of communication. In fact, I enjoy it so much that I wrote an entire book about it.
Just take a look around Ex Boyfriend Recovery to see why. In a nutshell, texting someone allows you into a persons private world. It is a digital way of talking to someone one on one and if you master the texting form I am about to show you, you can accomplish some great things.
I text a lot of people every day. I text friends, family and crushes ;). I have noticed something very interesting about the way that I text each specific group and the way each specific group texts me. First though, what do I mean by groups? Well, it is quite simple:
Texting Group- A term I made up to describe an entire category of people that I text. For example, a best friend would be placed in the “friend” group while a boyfriend or girlfriend would be placed in a “lover” group.
For the purposes of this article we are going to be looking at two major groups:
Now, I bet you are wondering why we are going to be looking at two groups instead of the one you really care about (lovers or I guess in your case ex lovers.) Well, I wanted to give you a group to compare to so you can understand the difference between how you communicate with a certain category of people.
One thing I have noticed when talking to friends is that I really don’t care about a response very much. There are certain people that I consider friends that I will sometimes duck out of a texting conversation with. Those friends don’t take it personally and I don’t take it personally when they do the same thing to me.
However, the dynamic completely shifts when you talk to someone that you could potentially date (or date again in your case.) Now all bets are off and you really care about a response. You dissect every single response you get. You worry if a response is too short or you go ballistic if you don’t get a response.
While I don’t have some PHD in relationships there is one thing I know a lot about and that is texting. You see, I have used myself as the ultimate guinea pig to see what works and what doesn’t work. I have studied the tactics that women have employed to try to date me and have gone to town on what they did that worked and what didn’t work.
While I can’t get into any specifics yet (I will do that later) I will tell you something fascinating I have learned that you can apply anytime you talk to someone.
A Chess Match
(Disclaimer: This only applies to the specific group of “lovers.”)
Texting is a chess match!
No, think about it for a moment. Every text you send has to be carefully thought out and has to inspire the other person to want to text you back. Some women are better at playing the game than others while some women will flat out refuse to play. However, whether you like it or not texting is nothing more than a game and like any game you can risk losing if you make a mistake.
While there are a lot of variables in play here there is one specific aspect of the “game” that I want to focus on and that is control. Recently I began to notice something really interesting happen with one particular person I was texting. It was something that turned me off from talking to her in general….
One thing about me (and most other men) is that when we talk to someone we want complete control. Lets take a moment and define what I consider to be control of the conversation.
Control- You are controlling the conversation if the other person you are talking to is putting more effort in. You can determine this by examining the size of the text messages and the amount of text messages sent
This is really important so I am going to give you a few examples to show you what I am talking about.
(For more examples of texts like the ones below please visit The Texting Bible.)
Size Of Text Messages:
Notice how the second person in the conversation typed such a long message while the first one typed a short one. This is indicative that the second person is putting more effort into the conversation than the first one. What this can tell us is that the second person may be more engaged in the conversation than the first. Hence, person number one is in more control because he/she is making person number two put forth more effort to stay engaged in the conversation. Now, while I admit that this may not matter to everyone it is definitely something that I notice when talking to another person.
The Amount Of Text Messages Sent
There are a couple of things I want you to notice in the mock text message above. Look at how often person two texts person one. Once again, this is indicative of the fact that person two is putting in more effort into the conversation than person one. Thus, this gives person one the power in the conversation because he/she knows for a fact that person two is engaged.
In this section we are going to explore proper calling form. Again, I won’t be going into the specific “how to” (I will do that later) but I will be giving you guidelines to follow on your call. Alright, before I really dive in I want you to be aware that there is a slight problem with calling someone else.
A Warning About Calling
If you are anything like me then you don’t think very quickly on your feet. You may read this website and think I have amazing insight and while I think I do have some valuable knowledge if I were to talk to you in person one on one I couldn’t remember half the things I talk about here.
Why is that?
Well, the answer is quite simple. When I write long guides like this I have time to plan, to reflect. It literally takes me days to finish a guide like this because I am thinking very carefully through every little thing that goes on this page.
When you call and talk to someone you are not given the advantage of being able to think through your responses. The other person is expecting a response to their response and things can get out of your control very quickly. So, my warning to you is quite simple.
Do not call unless you are prepared.
Lets talk a little about being prepared now.
Proper Calling Form
I want you to go look at the rules of talking to your ex boyfriend in the sections above. I want you to understand those very well because this is where we integrate them.
A lot of the “guru’s” out there will give you a script to follow on a phone call. Heck, that is probably what a lot of people want. Here is the deal though, all the “scripts” go out the window when it comes down to actually talking to your ex. It is impossible for me to give you a script to follow because your ex may say something that requires you to go completely off script and then you are going to sit there and thin:
“Okay… now what do I do?”
So, rather than script some robotic response for you to say I think it would be better of me to teach you what I have learned about communicating when I want to accomplish something.
The first thing I want to teach you is quite simple.
This is especially true when it comes to your ex. Why? Well, it’s because this one person has the power to make you go crazy with a single word. Too often have I seen women make the mistake of getting upset over something stupid which in turn ends up causing a fight that sets their efforts way back.
If you are not in a place emotionally where you can remain calm then DO NOT talk to your ex on the phone. Think of it like this. If your ex punched a puppy in front of you and you react then you aren’t ready to talk to him on the phone. I know that sounds extreme (poor puppy 🙁 ) but the truth is that overreaction leads to anger which will lead to fights. I don’t have to tell you that fights are bad right?
The next thing that you need to accomplish is having the ability to leave your ex wanting more.
Avid readers of my site know that I talk about this a lot. Well, I talk about it a lot because it is THAT important. Now, since we are talking about calling a person on the telephone it adds an interesting element into this discussion. One thing I have found is that hearing someones voice can be addictive.
A few weeks ago one of my friends wanted to call me. Of course, I was busy at the time so I gave some push back:
“I can’t talk right now.”
Though she kept insisting so I eventually gave in:
“Ok, but only for 5 minutes.”
Our phone call ended up lasting an hour.
The process my mind went through was actually pretty fascinating. At first I thought “ok, only five minutes” but that soon turned into “just 15 more minutes” which eventually evolved into “I am going to talk forever..”
Now, what happened to me CANNOT happen to you. I was weak and threw caution to the wind. The truth of the matter is that calling on the phone and having a conversation can be addicting. However, if you are going to talk to your ex throwing caution to the wind and giving them the time they want when they want it will not cause them to come back and want more. Instead, it will make them not want to call you for a while.
Now we are getting to the meat of this guide.
Talking in person can be tricky in it’s own way. Once again, the risk here is that you don’t have time to think through your responses and me giving you scripted responses will not work. Now, I realize I briefly dabbled into the scripted responses in the calling section above. Well, I didn’t want to dive too far into that particular pool because I wanted to talk about it in this section.
The Problem With Scripted Responses
My second year of college was very interesting relationship wise. Contrary to popular belief I was not always a social person. In fact, in high school I didn’t really talk to many people thus I missed out on a lot of social experiences. However, in college I really began coming out of my shell. At the urging of my friends I asked girls out which in turn yielded a story for the ages.
The story I am about to tell you will probably make you laugh but at the same time I want it to serve as a reason why scripted responses are never a good idea.
Our story (like any good story) starts out with a girl. This girl at the time I would have considered to be out of my league. Both of us were in the same class together and I remember all the guys gathering and talking about her. None of us knew her name so we dubbed her THG (The Hot Girl.) I just remember every single day after class we would all talk about what the THG did that day. It is actually a little creepy now that I think back but that is what happened.
One day one of the members of our creepy little group bet me that I couldn’t get a date with the THG. Of course, being the fool I was I got angry and accepted his challenge.
“Next week I am going to get her number. You just watch.”
You see, I had never been denied a number. Any girl that I had ever talked to had always handed her digits to me so in my mind, while this THG was “ungettable,” all I would have to do is spark up some small talk and ask for her number. In hindsight, I wish I had done that. Instead, my mind kicked in because I really wanted to crush this, since my manhood had be challenged, so I started doing some research. In my research I came across some clever scripted responses that I memorized and practiced for hours.
I can remember it as clear as day. I remember standing in front of the THG (her name was Brooke by the way.) I remember delivering these weird robotic lines to her. I remember feeling awkward. I remember the cringed look on her face. I remember walking with her afterwards and feeling really awkward. I remember thinking “ok, just ask for her number and get the heck out of here.” But I think I mostly remember her ducking into the women’s restroom to get away from me.
I was ashamed and embarrassed at the same time. I had always prided myself on being relate-able. On being a nice guy that could get anyone to open up and here I was walking away from this beautiful girl that I had creeped out so much that she ducked into the bathroom just to get away from me.
So, what went wrong?
I am sure the guru’s would tell me that I didn’t deliver the “lines” correctly but the truth is that I did. While I didn’t feel confident I know I appeared confident. After all, I had practiced them for hours in front of a mirror for goodness sakes. The truth was that I didn’t know how to react to HER responses to the scripted lines.
Simple, the scripted lines weren’t from me. They were from some pickup artist community and they weren’t in line with the type of person I was. While I thought they were clever I wouldn’t know how to respond to her because the true line wasn’t from me.
Proper “In Person” Form
Talking to someone in person is awesome.
I always love face to face interaction with someone more than anything else. In this section I am just going to give you a few guidelines to follow. I don’t want to go into too much detail specifically because I am going to give you an overview of what to do in your situation later on. Nevertheless, there are certain guidelines to follow if you want to give you the maximum chance to succeed no matter what your talking goal is.
The first thing I want to explain to you is the importance of looking flawless. Up until this point we have discussed texting form and calling form. What are two things that those have in common? Well, you don’t see the person face to face. When you are meeting to have a conversation with someone in person a new aspect is introduced, how the person looks.
I will be the first to admit that there are times when I am talking to someone I am attracted to that I stop listening to what they are saying and just daydream. Why am I telling you this? Because it is an important insight to the male mind. Any girl who can do this to me will have power over me. Now, it won’t be ultimate power but it will be power. I can give you an example that occurred to me a few weeks ago. I remember I was talking to a girl (face to face) and while she was talking I remember just wandering off and thinking “she has the cutest nose, I wouldn’t mind waking up to that nose in the morning.”
Why did I tell you that?
Because, it has been a few weeks since that conversation and I still think about that daydream. If she were to call me up on the phone right now I would pick it up and be happy to pick it up.
Another interesting aspect to talking to someone in person is that just like with texting there is someone who controls the conversation and someone who doesn’t. Take a moment to review the texting rules above, specifically the graphic on “the size of text messages.”
Believe it or not but this same graphic can, in a way, be applied to in person talking.
I have found that whenever I talk to someone, if I am the one that has to put more effort into talking then I am the one that is more invested in the conversation. On the flip side I have been on dates with women who have done all the talking. I have found that women who talk a lot on dates are interested in me romantically. It is the women that I have to chase that I find more attractive as compared to the over talkative ones.
The Goals Covered In This Guide
How you talk to your ex boyfriend will depend completely on what your overall goal is. For example, someone trying to get over an ex boyfriend will have a different approach as compared to someone trying to get him back. That is what this guide is going to attempt to do, show you how to approach talking with your ex in different situations. While I will be the first to admit that there are probably hundreds of different situations I had to prioritize and pick the most common situations. The ones I picked are the following:
- How to talk to him if you want him back.
- How to talk to him if you want to move on from him.
- How to talk to him in a way that he won’t get defensive.
Lets take a look at some of the most common goals that people tend to have when talking to an ex boyfriend.
How To Talk To Him If You Want Him Back
This is where I kind of get caught between a rock and a hard place. Take a step back and forget for a moment that we are talking about “talking.” The whole subject of ex recovery is a complex one. I have been writing for this site for about a year and I am still finding things to talk about. In fact, I think it will probably take five years before I can literally sit back and say:
“Ok, that’s it! I have covered everything.”
The point I am trying to make here is that in this particular section I can’t cover every little detail that absolutely needs to be covered. Don’t worry, there are still some very important things to talk about here all I am saying is that you are going to have to use this site (or the E-Book 😉 ) to fill in the blanks that I don’t cover here.
With this in mind lets take a look at an important concept.
How Your Emotions Play A Role In Getting Him Back
I have talked a lot about emotions throughout this guide. Probably so much that you are getting tired of hearing about them. Well, whether you like it or not emotions play a HUGE role in getting your ex boyfriend back, just not the way you think.
So, what do we know about emotions?
Well, we know that men and women process them differently. Women can often talk about their emotions while men don’t want to hear about them. In fact, this is why some men will run away from a situation that they deem too “emotional.” Here is the crazy part though, you can’t get your ex boyfriend back until you tap into his emotions and the best way to do that is through your emotions.
If you truly understand this fact then you can use it to your advantage.
You know what I love about well written T.V. shows? I love the fact that they carefully lead up to a climax. Game of Thrones is a perfect example of this phenomenon. All of the characters are developed from the beginning of the season. You become invested in them and then by the time episode 9 rolls around you know that some crazy sh*t is about to go down. (Episode 9 is traditionally the climax episode in Game of Thrones.)
Now, this phenomenon wouldn’t work unless the development in the episodes before episode 9 didn’t occur.
This is how I like to view getting an ex boyfriend back. For women wanting their ex boyfriends back, the “climax” would actually be getting him back. However, in order to successfully get to that climax development needs to occur. Ah, but there is just one small problem. In order to develop to the “climax” you need to use your emotions but your ex isn’t exactly good at dealing with emotions now is he?
So, the real question becomes how can you get to a point where you can be a little emotional and not have your ex freak out?
Well, strangely you have to train him like a dog.
The first thing you have to do is talk to him in a non emotional manner. However, with each interaction you slowly build (devlop) to a more emotional state. View this as your own mini climax development.
Lets take a step back here and dissect what I am talking about because these concepts are really important.
So, the gist of what I said above is that there are two “climax developments” that need to happen. On a big picture level the climax development that needs to happen is just the general development to getting your ex back. However, on a smaller scale another climax development needs to happen. This climax development is all about training/getting your ex to a place where he is comfortable with dealing with emotions.
How To Talk To Him If You Want To Move On From Him
Moving on from an ex boyfriend is actually quite easy. In fact, I can tell you exactly what you need to do to do it in a few short sentences. The part where women have trouble is actually implementing the advice. In this section I am going to give you an overview of how you need to talk to your ex boyfriend if you want to move on from him.
But first I would like to say something. If you haven’t already read my post about getting over an ex boyfriend I suggest you stop everything you are doing and read it!
If you already have then lets talk “moving on.”
YOU Control The Process, Not The Other Way Around
I am getting annoyed.
Women come up to me and ask for my advice (which I am happy to give out) all the time. However, I really get annoyed when they tell me point blank that they want to move on and then a week later they want their exes back again. Then, after things don’t go their way (within the next week) they want to move on from him again.
NEWSFLASH this isn’t the type of deal where you can close your eyes and all of a sudden you can just get over your ex boyfriend. No, it is going to take some work on your part. Ah, but this leads us to another annoyance of mine, entitlement.
There are some women out there that think they are entitled to have things go their way all the time. While I will admit that confidence is never a bad thing to have it becomes a problem when that confidence turns into entitlement.
You are not entitled to anything. Not when it comes to stuff like this.
Getting someone back is hard and in some cases getting over someone is even harder. The phenomenon I described above (where someone will jump around on whether they want their ex back or want to move on from them) is a prime example of someone letting the situation control them.
I like to call this “being in limbo land.”
Women who are unsure of what they want are in limbo land. If you truly want to get over your ex boyfriend you can’t be in limbo land. When it comes to relationships people often say there is no black or white there is only the grey in between. This is without a doubt one of the truest statements BUT only when it comes to relationships. When it comes to getting over an ex boyfriend there can only be black or white. There can be no in between. You either want him back or you don’t. Anytime you are unsure is a time where your situation controls you.
How To Talk To Him Specifically
I want you to remember that this section is all about moving on from an ex boyfriend and just like trying to get an ex boyfriend back there is a certain way that you will have to talk to your ex if you want to move on from him.
Most people will tell you to flat out ignore him and while I do think that is an important part of the process I only think it should be done in the beginning stages. Eventually though it is inevitable that your paths will cross and how you talk to him will either validate your decision or send you into limbo land.
I have actually seen women do so well with moving on from their ex to only fall back in love with him after talking to him. Remember, this is the guy that has so much power over you that you come back to this site reading up on how to approach him.
So, if you are wanting to move on from him then they key for you is to be respectful but very careful. In this case you need to be really guarded about your feelings. You don’t want to talk about anything “controversial.” Just keep things light and casual and don’t talk to him for very long.
While you don’t want things to be awkward the number one goal is to care for your well being and not his. Always remember that!
How To Talk To Him So He Won’t Get Defensive
No one likes receiving bad news.
No one likes talking about things that make them uncomfortable.
No one likes being put on the spot when talking about a relationship.
These are important facts to remember when you read this section. I have actually found this particular part of the guide the most interesting to dissect because there is a lot going on here. First though, what usually makes a men go on the defensive?
Most of you would probably point at the three examples I gave above (bad news, etc, etc) as prime reasons and while your assumption would be correct it is not the entire story here. I have actually found an overarching rule that hovers over “what makes an ex boyfriend go on the defensive.”
How You Approach The Situation
I want you to think back to your last fight. It doesn’t have to be with your ex it can be with anyone. Chances are that there was yelling/anger/fury involved. I can think back to my last blowup. It happened about a month ago with my brother. Now, I am the type of person that rarely gets in fights with people. However, when it comes to my brother all caution is thrown to the wind.
Anyways, a month ago something interesting happened. Yes, I got into an argument with my brother but I also had an epiphany about the situation. I wasn’t angry about the disagreement we were having I was upset with the way that he talked to me. The tone in his voice, his annoyance and disgust with me showed through and I really didn’t like being talked to that way.
So, the real reason we got into an argument was because of the way he had approached talking to me about something. Now, here is the epiphany. If he had just come and talk to me very calmly and normally there would have been no argument or fight.
Lets apply this epiphany to most situations that couples find themselves in.
If you were to approach your particular situation in a very calm manner I am betting that most arguments you have would have been avoided. Obviously, this won’t work 100% of the time because sometimes no matter what you do the other person is going to get angry but I would say this can work a good 70% of the time. So, if you know you and your ex need to talk about something serious or something that you feel could potentially upset him you need to prepare yourself before you go into the lions den.
The best way to prepare?
Be as calm as possible at all times!