In this article we’re going to talk about the very best text messages to send your ex after a breakup.
So let’s get started and talk about some of the best text messages that my team and I have seen this year that have worked to get responses from exes.
Of course, before I start listing off the very best messages to send your ex, we first need to understand the overall goal when it comes to texting your ex.
Your goal here is to get a response.
A lot of people seem to believe that it’s my job to give you every single text message that will work on your ex, and while I would certainly love to do that, what I have found works better than anything is organic texting.
What Is Organic Texting?
What do I mean by that? I mean a text message exchange that sounds natural and follows the patterns and style that you would have fallen into while you were together.
So in essence, what we try to do here on the Ex Boyfriend Recovery website and the YouTube channel is to show you how best to start conversations with your ex that have the potential to turn into full-blown organic exchanges that run naturally, just like they used to.
The issue with trying to have templated responses to every single thing that you will text your ex is that it sounds fake.
Part of winning an ex back is making everything seem authentic. And quite frankly, there is no way to fake authenticity.
Although I can give you suggestions, ultimately it’s the real, authentic you that your ex fell for in the first place, and it’s you, the best version of you, that he will respond best to.
So rather than dealing out four of the best full conversations I’ve seen my clients have with exes, I’m going to just start with one singular text by showing you how they started the conversation.
The Best Text Messages I Have Seen Work This Year
What’s interesting is when you actually look at these successful text messages and how they get positive responses from exes, you’ll start to notice two patterns develop.
Firstly, most of the text messages that I’ve seen work contain some sort of pattern interrupt.
This is a way of catching your ex’s attention throughout his busy day.
If you want a bit more of an explanation on what that is I suggest you watch this short video I filmed,
Sometimes we will see texts like
“Hey, I have a confession to make.”
A pattern interrupt makes you do a double-take.
Now the other interesting aspect that’s included in these text messages is a curiosity hook.
A curiosity hook needs to make your ex curious enough to engage in a conversation.
So now you understand the best patterns to go by, let’s look at four of the best text messages I’ve seen used this year.
Text Message #1: So, have you heard the news?
This is your standard pattern interrupt text message. Your ex is going to stop and think, what news?
This is also a curiosity hook, and we have found it is often successful in getting a “What news?” kind of reply.
And you are now engaged in a conversation.
What do you do then?
Well, you just let the conversation unfold organically. Make sure you have some interesting news – something that involves his interests, not just yours – and keep the exchange positive and light.
Maybe a new exhibition or film just opened near you, or there’s a new tech announcement you know he’ll be into, or a sale on his favorite website.
You can then follow up by discussing this interesting news for a few messages, before ending the conversation before you want to.
Before you want to? Yes. Again, you want to interrupt the pattern. Leave the conversation with him wanting more; don’t wait until the conversation starts to peter out.
You can say something like, “Gotta run, my friend is here!” or “Heading out to the gym now.” You can keep it simple, but where possible be the one to end the conversation.
Leave him wanting more, and curious about you. You want to have him thinking positively about you, so that when you next text him, he’s open to a conversation again.
Text Message #2: I need your expertise.
This text message combines a pattern interrupt and a curiosity hook, and also a touch of ‘damsel in distress’, which we have found is very effective in getting a response.
Everyone likes to think they are an expert on certain things, and everyone likes to be indispensable. So appeal to his male pride, and ask him for his help.
The most common reply is a simple, “On what?”
This is great – you’ve got him interested. Now you want to start a full organic conversation with him.
Next you say, “I’m having a debate at work, and…” and then you simply put your debate in there.
It’s another great way of catering to what your ex knows, or something that interests him. It shows you value his knowledge and opinions.
Make sure you pick something that is allied to his interests, and make sure it’s not something you can just look up on Google.
The addition of your opinions on whatever the debate is, and those of your colleagues, means you can easily draw him into an organic conversation which has the potential to keep going, and keep him interested.
That is, until you are ready to end the conversation. See the point above, and make sure that you don’t let the conversation drag on.
This can be pretty hard to do, especially if things are going really well, but pick a high point then make an excuse and stop messaging.
Text Message # 3: Hey, I thought this would be right up your alley.
Now I have to say this is my very favorite text message, because the women who have used it do something very specific that sets it apart.
There’s nothing at face value that sounds extremely interesting to say “Hey, I thought this would be right up your alley.”
The women who use this will typically send some kind of funny video or news article that will interest the ex. You can then let the conversation flow from there.
But there’s another option.
The women who are super-successful with using this text message don’t actually send anything.
Why would this work?
Well, think about it.
If you’ve sent this text, then you don’t send anything to follow it up, it gives your ex an automatic reason to respond basically saying, “Hey, you didn’t send anything.”
It’s a response based on curiosity.
It might not be the best quality of response, but when you are initially reaching out to your ex after a period of using the No Contact Rule, even a neutral response is good news.
Essentially, this whole text message is a big curiosity hook.
They sit around waiting for whatever you’re going to send them to come through, but it doesn’t come. Their curiosity gets the better of them and they tell you you didn’t send anything.
This is when you respond and send the link or image, and voila, you’ve created a conversation.
This one is a bit more risky in that you might annoy your ex by not sending anything. This would be especially true if you two haven’t had any interaction at all for a while, so use it wisely in your specific situation.
This is a really great text message to use if you know your ex well enough to know that it will pique their curiosity rather than irritate them. It’s also a great conversation starter for your second or third positive exchange.
Text Message #4: Hey, I know this is random, but [insert question]?
Now I know this text message may not seem a lot, but this message yielded the most positive responses that we saw in our private Facebook support group. Why?
It’s pretty much by the book. It’s a pattern interrupt and a curiosity hook embedded. All of the text messages I’ve talked to you about today are those, but for whatever reason, this kind of makes an ex respond more and engage in a conversation.
My theory here is that, like the other messages in this article, this allows you to insert your ex’s interests directly into it.
For example: “Hey, I know this is random but…I really need your help on this fantasy football league that my work made me join.”
If your ex is into fantasy football, you have just hooked them into a great conversation with you.
There’s an element of the ‘damsel in distress’ with this one too – if you make him feel like he’s the only one who can really help you here, he’ll come out of the conversation feeling positive.
The “This is random” element of the message can also work as an oblique reference to the fact that you guys haven’t been talking to each other for a certain period of time, however long that may be.
You are acknowledging that fact, not ignoring it.
Some clients have exes who have replied to whatever initial message is sent with, “What? I haven’t heard from you for x amount of time and you’re sending me this now?”
So if you think that’s the response you might get, this is a very subtle way of saying, hey, I realise it’s out of the blue but…and then trying to get involved in that first conversation on the road to getting your ex back.
Make sure whatever you follow that first hook message with is really good.
Make a list of his interests and follow some accounts on Facebook or Instagram or news channels, and pick up on something before your No Contact Rule period ends.
So that’s the essence of the four best text messages to send your ex.
Wait, Where Does The No Contact Rule Fit Into This?
But if you’re quite new to all this and haven’t got far into the process of getting your ex back, you might be wondering about this No Contact Rule I have mentioned.
This is usually the first step in winning your ex back, but also in helping you to cope with the breakup and not make things worse for yourself.
A No Contact Rule is a period of time, usually between 21 and 45 days (depending on your situation and how bad the breakup was) where you do not initiate any contact with your ex, and you do not reply to any messages they send you on any medium.
This includes not stalking their social media and not talking to their friends, mutual friends or their family about them or the breakup.
There are certain situations (e.g. you live or work together) where you have to have limited contact, but you keep it strictly business. You don’t even ask them how they are.
This gives both parties space to process their feelings and get some distance from the inevitable and painful negativity of the breakup. Even amicable breakups aren’t pleasant, and you both need time to heal.
You also use this time wisely. Fill your time with new experiences, friends, fun times, achievements at work and so on. Post it all on your open social media channels, and 90% of the time an ex will check in. More importantly, it gives you a new focus and helps you recover your self-confidence and shine again.
This is a really quick introduction to the No Contact Rule, but it really is an essential step before you start texting. Towards the end of your No Contact Rule period, you can start planning your text messages using the strategies I have explained above.
If you want more information on No Contact, texting and the rest of the step-by-step system for getting your ex back, you can check out the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro package, which goes into lots of detail and covers every situation we have come across.
There’s also a more detailed outline of No Contact and why it’s so important on the website here.
Thanks for getting to the end of this article! I really hope it helps. Those first texts after giving your ex some space can be really nerve-wracking, but with good planning you can ace it.
If you haven’t already, take that Ex Recovery Chances Quiz, it’s only two minutes and gives you a great idea of your chances of getting your ex back.
If you have any questions about how to text your ex, or any part of the Ex Boyfriend Recovery program, let me know in the comments below.
My team and I really try to answer as many as I can!