Welcome to another episode of the ExBoyfriend Recovery Podcast.

I’m your host Chris Seiter and today we’re going to be talking about 7 Texts to Send to Your Ex When You Miss Them.

And these seven texts are going to be based on real life results.

I’ve done a lot of research trying to figure out what the best way was to conquer this particular topic and figured out what you probably really want is to see some real life results from some of my clients and that’s what I’m going to show you today.

So, you’re going to get seven texts that real people have used to start conversations with their exes.

Now, before I get started, my recommendation to everyone who is starting the process of trying to get your ex back is to hop over to my take my Ex Recovery Chances Quiz.

The Seven Texts To Send To An Ex If You Miss Them

So let’s get started and talk about the seven texts that you can send to your ex when you miss them.

I think starting this off is an important tactic that needs to be covered first. Before you even send a text or even dream about constructing a text, one thing that you should have already done is implemented a no contact rule and completed it.

We find that this is an important element and one of the reasons that these seven text messages worked on their exes was the fact that the people who had implemented the text messages had also implemented a no contact rule.

So, what I need you to do is before you even consider sending these texts, pick one of the timeframes that best suits your situation when it comes to the no contact rule.

  1. Either the 21 day rule
  2. The 30 day rule
  3. Or the 45 day rule.

And then stick to it and do your no contact period.

Once you’ve done that, we can talk about the purpose of texting your ex.

The Unknown Purpose Of Texting Your Ex

So a lot of people think that the goal of sending a text message to your ex is to get them back, but Rome wasn’t built in a day and you certainly are not going to win your ex back in a day.

It’s best to think of text messages as a tool to help you get to your overall goal and that overall goal is to get your ex back. But in order to do that, conversations must first be had.

So instead of thinking of a text message as this be all end all tactic where you get your ex to respond to you and declare their undying love, think of it first as a way to simply start a conversation and you’re going to find that’s the common theme among every single one of the text messages that I’m going to show you today.

Speaking of which, let’s get you our first text message.

Text Message #1: “I have a question and I really only trust you to answer it.”

This person said, “I have a question and I really only trust you to answer it.”

Now, why did this text message work?

Well, let me first off start by saying that this person who sent this text message got a response from the ex within 35 minutes of sending it.

As I go through these text messages, I’m going to explain to you why I believe it worked. The response time, if the response time was available for my client, or if they even gave that to me, and some of the conversation that happened afterwards.

So why did this work?

Well, because it really creates that damsel in distress vibe.

By simply saying, “I have a question and I really only trust you to answer.”

You’re putting your ex in the hero role. He’s the only one to answer. He’s the only one that you trust enough to respect their answer. So the other interesting thing about this is usually when you say, “I have a question and I really only trust you to answer.” The ex is going to respond, “Hey, what is it?”

Well, she was able to allow the conversation to unfold because she tapped into one of his interests and I believe the interest is she tapped into here was glasses, specifically for going shooting. I guess her ex was a very avid gun expert and she wanted to get his advice on what kind of glasses she should wear if she wanted to do that and that got him to open up. And you’re gonna notice that’s a common theme throughout many of these text messages.

So let’s move on to text message number two.

Text Message #2: “I have a confession to make. This is [insert name]. I don’t know if the new sim card messes with these things.”

The second text is; “I have a confession to make. This is [insert name]. I don’t know if the new sim card messes with these things.”

Now first thing I want to say that simply by using the, “I have a confession to make” texts, we found that that yields close to a 90% response rate and in this case it got a response within one hour. So a little bit longer than you would hope, but it did get a response.

Now, she also tried a really interesting strategy here, the secondary part to the text message. “Hey, this, you insert your name, I don’t know of the new Sim card messes with these things.” It’s an interesting strategy because I believe that she was blocked and she had to go get a new number with the new sim card and she had memorized her ex’s number.

So she tried to put the sim card statement in to get away with the fact that this is kind of like a “strange number” texting the ex. And interestingly enough, he was very responsive when she did this, even though he had been the one to block her. He went around to say something like, “Oh hey, yeah. The new sim cards working great.”

And the trick here is though, she needed to have a delicate confession to make that wasn’t going to freak him out. So her confession was she liked one of the shows that he recommended and that opened the floodgates to a pretty nifty conversation.

Text Message #3: “So have you heard the news?”

Now text message number three is pretty basic. Someone just simply said, “So have you heard the news?” This works basically because it’s based on curiosity, right? So one thing that we’re learning here is that pattern-interrupts seem to work real well. Suddenly saying like, “Hey, I’ve got a fashion make.” Or “Hey, have you heard the news?”

That’s a pattern-interrupt.

But also curiosity.

Embedding some type of curiosity in the text message works really well too.

That’s exactly what this text message is. “So have you heard the news?” The intended thought that the ex is supposed to have is, “What news? I want to hear this news.” And she got a response within 32 minutes, which isn’t too bad. And his responses were, “??” and then a little while later, “Well?”

I don’t have really much more to go on the conversation that happened here because she just simply screen shotted the immediate response after 32 minutes and was just giddy over the moon that her ex even had reached out to her or responded to her initial text message.

So this is something that you can put in your back pocket and use when you need it.

Text Message #4: “Jesse Pinkman has entered the Westworld-verse. Where do you think they’re going this season?”

This one is pretty straightforward too.

“Jesse Pinkman has entered the Westworld-verse. Where do you think they’re going this season?”

Now, this is an interest based text almost immediately.

Now what do we mean by that? Well, it’s taking one of her ex-boyfriend’s interests and embedding it into the initial text message. I don’t have information on how long it took the ex to respond to this, but he engaged with her immediately and even said that he was really glad to hear from her.

So really we’re noticing patterns developing here. Pattern-interrupts, curiosity, and interest based text message. If you can find a way to combine all three, it looks like you found the Holy Grail. Let’s keep going.

Text Message #5: “Hey there, I need your monster truck expertise.”

Text message number five. “Hey there, I need your monster truck expertise.”

Here is yet another interest based text message. Though interestingly enough, it didn’t get a response really quickly. It got a response within four hours, which is a pretty long time and I bet you my client was freaking out throughout those four hours saying, “This doesn’t work. Oh my God, this was an awful idea.” And then of course when the response came, 360. Or 180, I suppose.

Now what’s interesting here is that she weaved some jealousy into the text, so the initial text was like, “Hey, I need your monster truck expertise.” And of course he was like, “Hey yeah, shoot, what do you need?” She responded by saying, “I got asked to a monster truck show.”

That is an excellent way of weaving in jealousy because guess what? He’s going to be sitting there and thinking who asked her to the monster truck show? That sounds like a date. I hope it’s not another guy. That gets his wheels turning a little bit. Really effective use of text messaging there.

Text Message #6: “I keep seeing your bike.”

Now text message number six is kind of a weird one. “I keep seeing your bike.”

Her ex was a very avid motorcyclist I suppose. Now this is kind of a mix of an interest based text message and curiosity based. So the curiosity actually comes in by simply saying, “Hey, I keep seeing your bike.” He’s curious and saying, “Where are you when you’re seeing my bike?”

But it’s also interest based because guess what?

He’s really into his bike.

It took him a while to respond to this one as well, three hours to be exact.

And her ex of course was really into bikes, but he quickly shifted the focus onto her asking about a triathlon that she had coming up. A great example of a text message that’s just simply meant to bridge the gap and start a conversation. That’s the best use of first text messages starting up conversations.

Don’t try to win everything with one specific text message. I hate to break it to you guys, but the magic bullet of a text message that immediately brings a man to his knees doesn’t exist. I’ve never seen one do that,. but I’ve seen one create conversations that can do that. So her ex being really into bikes quickly shifted the focus by asking her about her triathlon coming up. That’s text message number six that we have found worked.

Text Message #7: “Guess what I got to try out?”  

Finally, here it is. “Guess what I got to try out?”

An almost entirely curiosity based text message once again. So what is the pattern we’re seeing develop here? Pattern-interrupts, curiosity, interest based. All of these things really make a difference at getting responses from ex. So how long did this text message take to get a response?

Well, in all it took 28 minutes for this particular woman to get a response and she allowed the conversation to continue by implementing one of his interests, some type of headphones. So the conversation initially went like this: “Hey, guess what I got to try out?” He goes, “What?” The headphones that he recommends and then the conversation flows from there.

So the big thing I want you guys to take away here as you’re listening to this podcast episode, or even watching this on YouTube as I put it up on YouTube, is the fact that when you’re looking at creating a text message, don’t try to do too much with the first text message.

Just simply look at it as a tool to start a conversation. Create enough curiosity, interest, and a big enough pattern-interrupt to grab your ex’s attention. The idea here is when he sees a text message from you, he’ll look at it and immediately want to open it up and respond to it.

But the interesting thing is looking at these seven text messages, not all of these women got responses really quickly. In fact, I believe the shortest one was 28 minutes. That’s pretty long time because usually when I get a text message and I’m interested in talking to someone, I’ll respond immediately.

Some people had four hours until they got a response. So it’s important to be patient here.

The general rules of dating don’t necessarily apply when you’re trying to get an ex back or trying to make an ex miss you, or even trying to start a conversation with your ex. So keep those things in mind.

4 thoughts on “7 Texts to Send to Your Ex When You Miss Them”

  1. Avatar


    October 4, 2019 at 7:08 pm

    Hey Chris,

    I am curious enough on this. My bf broke up with me our 9 year relationship because of his family pressure (conservative Indian family) and accepted a girl of his parents interest. I am in my no contact period and I am cracking my head to break his marriage (I know it makes me look desperate and awful). I dont know about ye progress, bcos during my last contact with him I fought with him made him feel guilty and angry and pushed him to go out of state. Out of frustration he said he will never come back. He neither needs me nor his family nor anything for that matter. I dont know what happened thereafter. Though i work on my self recovery almost all the times I get myself involved with these ideas or tracing him. Can you help me out in these specific scenario?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 4, 2019 at 9:54 pm

      Hey IG, so you need to work on yourself like you said. As for the pressure from his family to marry the woman they’ve chosen for him Im not fully sure on their culture does he have the right to refuse the marriage? Don’t reach out to him unless you have done a full 30 days NC beforehand. You need to reach out when you feel like you are emotionally stable and ready to accept any outcome.

  2. Avatar


    August 18, 2019 at 5:19 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I did it to my ex. When he said he needed time to clear his mind, I can sense that something is wrong. After a month he said he doesn’t want to continue our relationship.

    After a month, I texted him and he replied after few minutes. Then I tried few times but just a short texting. He replied me after 3-5mins. But I keep it simple. After he replied, I stopped the conversation.

    I don’t think he wants me back as this is our 3rd breakup in 9 years.

    What do you think?

  3. Avatar


    August 14, 2019 at 9:48 am

    hey chris! i dated this guy for 6 months in college, we spent lots of time together and everything was good. then we went back home for break last month and he broke up with me out of nowhere (over text!), he told me that he still liked me but not the way that i like him. then, he asked for a “break” because he didn’t want to be committed too much. i’ve been in no contact and its been 3 weeks ago.. and in 2 weeks we’ll be back for college. what do you think i should do? should i move on or should i wait?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.