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2,733 thoughts on “How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Back”

  1. Avatar

    Erica

    March 22, 2017 at 10:19 pm

    Hi Amor.. the situation at the moment:
    It is three weeks since I contacted him after No Contact rule. He has been lovely himself like a few months ago. I have initiated texting once in a while. Not everyday though as I know he is working a lot. We have got to meet a few times just quickly and he asked me twice about going for a coffee when he has time. Last week I got to know that we’ll be working next weeks some shifts together (As he is helping our mutual friend with the grocery store (our mutual friend owns the grocery store where I will start an internship) as she has some health issues. How should I handle those working situations? I really worry if I will mess up working because he is there. But then I have thought that I just friendzone him and stay calm. I have also thought if I could do some flirting. I don’t want to show him I am still interested. Should I stay more distant or give some hints?

    Thank you in advance, you have been a big help.

    1. Avatar

      Erica

      April 1, 2017 at 7:56 am

      Well.. I had only two shifts with him this week. Wednesday went well so far but Thursday was a disaster… There is another girl working at the grocery store as well. I know her and I know they have known each other longer time. On Thursday I saw how she got more attention and I noticed that their chemistry is so different. I felt so bad on Thursday. When he came to work, he went directly to her to talk about something and totally ignored me.. didn’t even say hello. I don’t know why on Wednesday things looked so good. Or is it my head that make things look worse than it is. But I know he was hanging all day with her after work on Wednesday (I have heard that they have spend a lot of free time together) . I have a feeling I can’t get him back… I just can’t. She is more prettier. Thursday was so awkward. I still have 6 shifts together with him. Next week only on Monday and Saturday.
      I behaved normally around him even I felt bad inside. I don’t know how I can survive next shifts with him.. I can’t pretend feeling well. I just try not to be around him that much. I try avoiding him if necessary. I assume he can see and feel that I feel uncomfortable around him.

      Should I tell him that I am only for work there and nothing more? Should I tell him that I have felt a bit awkwardness at work because of the relationship we had last year?
      I have a small feeling that he has felt awkwardness as well and that’s why he has felt safety near the other girl. He can be normal with her and he can joke around her. But with me, he is more reserved. Of course we can joke as well..but it is so different. I haven’t texted him at all after last weekend, well on Thursday evening about something we talked at work but didn’t get reply. I decided I don’t text him any unnecessary texts that he doesn’t think I am still interested. Well..I was but I have started to accept the other girl is more in his life than me.

      I am about to give up….

    2. Avatar

      Erica

      March 26, 2017 at 4:02 am

      I started to worry what if he thinks I am starting to work at the same place than he because of him. I tried to initiate texting on Friday and Saturday (last time we texted on last Sunday and we got to meet up quickly on Tuesday) but he didn’t continue texting after one text but He replied immediately. Maybe I am just overthinking and he was just busy. Or my texts weren’t that interesting. 🙁 I have to text on Tuesday (unless he visits at the grocery store) to ask about Wednesday as we are working on the same shift. I should not make any speculations but his behavior confuses. Well.. I decided I just treat him as a co-worker on the first week and see how it goes. After that start some flirting. I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable if he has started thinking I wanted to start my internship there because of him. Because it isn’t so. I even didn’t know he would work there. Maybe it is my head that makes those thoughts and I should stop immediately. I just had to write down my thoughts as I am going crazy by over thinking.

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 26, 2017 at 4:27 pm

      yep, that’s just over thinking and yes, just be civil in the first week

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 25, 2017 at 5:39 pm

      Hi Erica,

      stay cal, happy and flirting is good too..Just don’t be emotional, no to negativity

  2. Avatar

    Anaya

    March 20, 2017 at 12:41 pm

    I NEED MAJOR HELP. I COMPLETELY SCREWED UP ANY CHANCES I HAD WITH HIM AND I KEEP SCREWING UP AGAIN AND AGAIN.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 22, 2017 at 2:39 pm

      Hi Anaya,

      you have to restart nc and stick to it.. check this one:
      7 Simple Things You Can Do To NOT Spiral Out Of Control After A Breakup

  3. Avatar

    Erica

    March 10, 2017 at 2:33 am

    So the things didn’t go the way I planned.. I mean I planned to wait a week but I had to text him on a day 4 after I sent the link.

    I may start an internship at the grocery store that our mutual friend owns and it is a close to Starbucks where he works. I had to text him about it as he may get confused if we will meet up more often. Texting went well..really well.  I kept it neutral. We ended up texting 15 or more messages both. He was lovely himself like he was a few months ago. He said as soon as he has time, we can go for a coffee. I was really surprise him saying that. I am going to visit at that grocery store on Saturday and told about it. He said I should stop by at Starbucks and he’ll make me a latte. I am so confused but I am taking it slowly. I tried to end texting at high point twice but he kept texting and asking questions. On the 3rd time I got to end it.
    I think No Contact helped.. I remember he texted that way last time in October-November.. And he broke up with me the beginning of December.

    Well..Now slowly rebuilding rapport. I don’t wanna make any wrong moves.

    Thank you Amor all the help.. I know I didn’t follow the full 45 day NC and thZhou is time I didn’t wait a week. But now slowly but surely rebuilding the rapport.

    I think if we meet up on Saturday. I’m gonna wait a day or two to initate texting again. I will see how the meeting goes. I try keeping it short as I know he has to work.

    Hope this text is not too confusing and not many grammar mistakes as I really don’t know what to think myself.. Things are so confusing.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 10, 2017 at 9:16 am

      it’s clear…that’s ok.. it’s good that youre5 taking it slow..just keep it that way

  4. Avatar

    Sam

    March 7, 2017 at 1:40 am

    Hi,
    Me and my ex had been together for 3 years in a long relationship. Also like to mention he was my first love visa versa.However now has been 4 years of not being in a relationship we talk once in a blue moon. I still have feelings for him. I just don’t understand if he does or doesnt he says he dont want to be with me but also says he hasnt found the right one after me . Also he feels that due to the breakup which i had left him for some family matters and i had move onto another man had effected him lots and always gets flashbacks he also says if that did not happen we would of been married by now.. I still love him and i feel like he doesnt want to go back to how it was as i left him. Not long ago he even asked me if i still mention him. Why, i dont know. He also asks to see my picture in a while. Can you please tell me what to do.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 10, 2017 at 9:55 am

      Hi Sam,

      Frankly, that means he’s not attracted to you. Have you tried the no contact rule? If yes, how many times? How long did you do it? How much did you improve? in this 4 years, you always kept in touch? And also, this is not to judge you but just to shed light in your situation, how long did you chase him? Because if you kept chasing hin for a long time, that means you have to do a long nc for restart.. maybe at least a year..

  5. Avatar

    Erica

    February 16, 2017 at 7:02 pm

    Hello,
    On Valentine’s Day it was 21th day of NC and I hadn’t heard from him over a month. I posted on Facebook a picture of heart shaped cupcakes that were baked by me. I can’t believe he liked that picture. I have been really active on Facebook lately and I am sure he had seen most of my posts but now..after a month it is a first time I get this little sign of him. I assume it must be a good sign. Gosh I can’t believe he still has a strong effect on me
    At first I planned to have NC for 45 days because I was really clingy and begging for him to come back. But now I have been thinking about cut it down. What do you think? It means I will finish NC next Wednesday after 30 days NC. I wanna see how I will feel then. I think I feel much better now. I am not depressed as I was a month ago. I started a few new hobbies. I have learned a lot of things about relationships via this website and I wanna used them to re-build attraction on him.
    one more question..
    and I have been preparing the first message as I know some of his interests and hobbies. Can I use a little white lie on it? That he probably doesn’t never find out that it actually wasn’t true.

    1. Avatar

      Erica

      March 10, 2017 at 2:32 am

      So the things didn’t go the way I planned.. I mean I planned to wait a week but I had to text him on a day 4 after I sent the link.

      I may start an internship at the grocery store that our mutual friend owns and it is a close to Starbucks where he works. I had to text him about it as he may get confused if we will meet up more often. Texting went well..really well.  I kept it neutral. We ended up texting 15 or more messages both. He was lovely himself like he was a few months ago. He said as soon as he has time, we can go for a coffee. I was really surprise him saying that. I am going to visit at that grocery store on Saturday and told about it. He said I should stop by at Starbucks and he’ll make me a latte. I am so confused but I am taking it slowly. I tried to end texting at high point twice but he kept texting and asking questions. On the 3rd time I got to end it.
      I think No Contact helped.. I remember he texted that way last time in October-November.. And he broke up with me the beginning of December.

      Well..Now slowly rebuilding rapport. I don’t wanna make any wrong moves.

      Thank you Amor all the help.. I know I didn’t follow the full 45 day NC and thZhou is time I didn’t wait a week. But now slowly but surely rebuilding the rapport.

      I think if we meet up on Saturday. I’m gonna wait a day or two to initate texting again. I will see how the meeting goes. I try keeping it short as I know he has to work.

      Hope this text is not too confusing and not many grammar mistakes as I really don’t know what to think myself.. Things are so confusing.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 10, 2017 at 9:16 am

      it’s clear…that’s ok.. it’s good that youre5 taking it slow..just keep it that way

    3. Avatar

      Erica

      March 5, 2017 at 8:07 pm

      I assume I made a mistake..
      Well..he replied on the second day that he is sorry he could not text earlier as he is busy with his two jobs and driving school. He also asked how I am. Well I waited over an hour to reply that it is okay if he could not reply earlier and I am doing fine. I also commented about his driving school that it is great and also mentioned that I have also thought about going to one.
      No replies after his question. Not even read them.
      On a day 3 I didn’t text but on a day 4 I texted and I joked about driving school (I know he has a good sense of humor) and I asked a question. No reply and not even read my messages. I see he is online once in a while.
      Today a day 5.. He still haven’t read my messages. The mistake is that I sent him a text with a link about the event I told on the day 1. I know I should have waited but I couldn’t help myself. I don’t want to start gnatting which I did before I started NC. I am not the same clingy and needy girl I used to be. I am not. His messages on a day 1 and 2 sounded so positive and suddenly no replies. Maybe I should give him time to reply. Maybe he really is busy. i should not be over analyzing. So does that mean I could still try but wait a week or longer to initate texting again? I wanna show him I am changed. But really hard having any conversation if he seems always being busy. I know I am not one of top priorities at the moment.
      This really makes me feel crap..maybe you say I need more patience. I know. But His replies gave me hope. Maybe he thinks I start gnatting again because I have sent 4 messages after he asked how am I… and all of them are unread. He has done that before…leaves my messages unread until he replies.. or not going to reply at all. I don’t wanna ruin this again.
      I try keeping myself busy next days and try again..in one week or more? 10 days?
      and if no reply.. then two more weeks. If nothing..then it is better move on. Right? I have read this website as much as possible and hoping to make things right.

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 8, 2017 at 7:25 am

      yeah, wait a week from the last day you sent a text,.that was the link right? if he still doesn’t reply wait two weeks before initiating again..

    5. Avatar

      Erica

      March 2, 2017 at 12:42 pm

      I know you said it is better to extend the NC period than to shorten it. It was the 37 of 45 yesterday and I suddenly I had a feeling I have to text him about one event he might like because I didn’t want him to hear about it from anywhere else. It was all of a sudden..like 5 mins I got the idea..I created a text “Hi, There will be [this and this event] next month. I thought you might like going there. Tell your colleagues about it too. Hope all is well with you”. (because the event is something to do with his job and something he likes).
      He had replied immediately but I saw his reply 4 hours later because I didn’t get any notifications on FB Messenger. He had replied: “:) [smiling emoji], I’ll get back to you later on because I am on my way to driving school”.
      I replied: “Take your time. I just came back home from a meeting and now just relaxing before going to bed” Because it was an evening I realized his reply.
      He still haven’t got back to me but I saw he was online after I sent that message. I am feeling really good about his reply because it made me feel good. I know he is working and not time yet to reply. I will wait as long I need to.
      But let’s assume that he forgets to reply. Should I initiate texting after a few days with another topic or do i wait a week?

      really appreciate all of your help.

    6. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 3, 2017 at 12:04 am

      wait a week..

    7. Avatar

      Erica

      February 26, 2017 at 11:38 am

      This week has been bad. I have got a bad cold and couldn’t go anywhere. Been thinking too much and I have started missing him a lot. It is a day 34 of 45. I feel terrible and I look terrible. I feel like I am not ready to text him yet. But I still have 11 days to go. I think this cold is already getting better so I assume I feel much better in 11 days. I also have thought about what if I would text him on a day 40 because it is a weekend and I am sure he has more time to reply as he is not working. what do you think?
      I have been thinking about what to text him. Not sure about that white lie I mentioned earlier. It was something to do with a video game he likes. I am stressing what if he won’t reply. Well.. I should stop over analyzing and worrying makes me feel even worse.

      I feel so much better that I can write here. Thank you for this great page.

    8. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 26, 2017 at 9:33 pm

      Most of the time it’s better to extend than to cut short. If you’re not feeling better now, cutting it short may not be the best option.

    9. Avatar

      Erica

      February 18, 2017 at 11:11 am

      Thanks for your reply. I think you are right..I am gonna do that 45days NC. Today it is day 26. I think I wouldn’t have been ready yet after 30 days.

      I am already planning the first txt message. What do you think, can I use a little white lie on my first text message? Just to get his attention to reply back. Something he doesn’t find out. And if I keep it only 2 texts on a first day, I don’t think he comes back to it next day if I say on a second txt that “I gotta go”

    10. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 20, 2017 at 5:31 pm

      Just make sure he really doesn’t find that out, and it’s ok if he doesn’t come back on the topic the second day. You can initiate and just make sure you’re always the one ending the conversation at high point.

    11. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 16, 2017 at 9:43 pm

      I know it feels good, yes, that’s a good sign and congratulations! But, it would be better if you finish 45, so that you don’t look like you were just waiting for him to act and then you jumped on the opportunity.

  6. Avatar

    Laura

    February 15, 2017 at 11:22 pm

    My ex believes I am having an affair with my business partner, I have tried to reassure him but he does not believe me, he stopped speaking to me on 10th Feb, 12th Feb he messaged saying hi and asked how I was, I said I was ok but was hurting, he told me to go “check myself” I ignored this an said I missed him to which he replied I hope so, we left it at that until 14th Feb, he messaged saying he knows I do not love him, he knows I have a thing with my business partner, he allied me a liar and said he does not trust me, he hates me and to not contact him, I did just to say it was all in his head to which he said, what’s done is done. I really do not know what to do or what is going on in his head, I really need some advice on what to do, he is really stubborn and sounds very angry but I have not done anything wrong

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 16, 2017 at 6:01 pm

      Hi Laura,

      what made him think that? Check this one:
      How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If He Thinks You Cheated But You Didn’t

  7. Avatar

    Hannah

    February 12, 2017 at 8:43 am

    Hey Amor
    SO my ex and I broke up January 3rd. It was my birthday and he left me that night because he thought I was being too flirty. He told me to stop drinking or he would leave. When I told him that was unrealistic he said goodbye. About a week later I messaged him, telling him I missed him and would do what he wanted, but at this point he said no. We ended the conversation with, “I love you, goodbye.”
    It had now been about a month since I last spoke with him and I can’t stop thinking about him. I think I’m at the point where I can message him. He’s very into golf and recently started chiropractic school, so I thought I could start off with “I finally saw a chiropractic! I see why you love it. It helped alot.”
    We both workout at the same gym but he avoids eye contact. He’s blocked me on all social media.. do I have a shot? Can I get him back?
    Thank you for your time!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 13, 2017 at 7:57 pm

      Hi Hannah,

      Even if it has been a month, if there isn’t significant change in you, you should restart the count and I think this time, you need to go in a different gym.. Improve yourself in the health, wealth and relationships aspect of your life ..Be active in posting in social media during nc too..

  8. Avatar

    Carrie

    February 9, 2017 at 6:38 pm

    Hey, my ex boyfriend ghosted me 3 months ago (he had serious personal problems and he was angry and stopped answering my calls and texts or he simply didnt wanna be with me anymore idk) but then i went on NC rule for the last 3 months, and i finally texted him and he answered we had a decent conversation..and 2 weeks later he texted me ( that happened yesterday) we texted throughout the day like the old fun times ( no flirting though..well some compliments from both sides) and now idk what to do to get him back, should i be the one who texts first this time?

    1. Avatar

      Carrie

      February 10, 2017 at 12:54 pm

      What does it mean to end the conversation at a high point? and how long should I wait to text him? (he initiated 2 weeks after the last conversation we had) I don’t want to be too pushy and talk to him again after only 2 days but at the same time I don’t want him to lose interest.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 10, 2017 at 9:17 pm

      like ending it in a cliffhanger style, end the conversation when it has hit the climax of the conversation.. Try the tide theory in this link:
      Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

    3. Avatar

      Carrie

      February 9, 2017 at 9:26 pm

      Hi again, thank you for your help… And I m a student so I was busy preparing for exams, looking for a 6 month internship, doing sport and applying for universities abroad..so I just kept my mind off of the break up and I just tried to find inner peace … its funny coz I watched a tv show where a successful woman couldn’t find a husband so she married herself, that inspired me into thinking I don’t need anybody else to make me happy, and I feel complete by myself.. Still i went on a date with a sweet guy friend who kept asking me out, but then it just reminded me of the ex, that s why i contacted him, we had good conversation and 2 weeks later he initiated the conversation, and “It all came back to me” so as I said idk how much time i need before i am the one to initiate, does he even thinkin about gettin back with me?

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 9, 2017 at 9:43 pm

      let’s say he doesn’t.. it would be better to think that he doesn’t so that you would act from a point of view of building rapport and attraction instead of expecting him to already have those feelings.. It’s ok to initiate. What’s more important is the quality of the conversation and that you’re the one ending the conversation at high point.

    5. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 9, 2017 at 9:07 pm

      Hi Carrie,

      it’s ok to initiate, but how have you been in the last 3 months? How much to improve yourself?

  9. Avatar

    Kales

    February 8, 2017 at 9:41 am

    I need some help — I had essentially been following this process with my ex (together 6 mo, broke up because of commitment-phobia essentially). Right after we split I did NC for about 3 weeks and then texted. This led to hanging out and him saying how much he missed me, how miserable he’d been, etc… I said I thought we should be together, and he said “I think you’re right,” and had a super romantic day.. I slept with him (mistake #1, I know), and over the next few days he got spooked I guess and started withdrawing. I let it rest for a few days, then texted on his birthday… we communicated some, but he still seemed distant. After a few more days of close to NC, I dropped off his birthday gift with a note saying something like, “I understand, we’re cool, best of luck.” He didn’t text for several days, and finally said, “thank you for the awesome gift. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to write. I just don’t know what I want.”

    At that point I did 30 days of NC, and I was a mess for a lot of it, but once things started improving in my life I texted him something light and he begged for us to be friends. I said fine, but there can’t be middle ground: either we are just friends (nothing physical) or we can be fuck buddies (nothing emotional)… at that point I felt pretty over him, so I honestly thought that was possible. (Mistake #2, I’m sure). He asked what j wanted, and I said I’d like to give friends a shot.

    We started texting regularly, and things seemed to be going well… but I started to realize all my feelings were still there. One night he came over for dinner (as friends), and we got snuggly. I had told him no physical stuff was allowed, and he respected that. But I wanted more, though I didn’t say so.

    He left, and I started crying… So I called him and said “I’m sorry, but I can’t be your friend. I have feelings for you and it’s too hard.” He begged me to reconsider. I ended up drunk and sent some crazy messages including telling him I loved him and that I was blocking him, that I would miss him and that I didn’t understand how he could pass on a connection like ours, and how I wanted to get physical and hated the rejected-feeling I had (Mistake #3). I blocked him for about a minute, but he didn’t respond until the morning. His text said he wanted to talk about things and that he doesn’t want me out of his life. He talked about how much he cares about me and how hard it is to be without me (meaning NC).

    I was embarrassed and had given up, so I said “not sure what there is to say after that, but sure we can talk.” I got sick the next day, and he checked up on me all the time, ended up bringing me medicine and food, and we were lovey-dovey that evening. That Saturday we were at a party together, and I gave him loads of space, but was friendly and flirty when we interacted… we ultimately slept together again. Afterwards he said, “I still don’t want a relationship right now with anyone.” I said I’d never cared about the titles, but he was concerned with expectations too… like we might not talk everyday and whatnot– still unclear what exactly he is ok and not ok with, honestly.

    That was this past weekend. He seemed distant at the end and said he didn’t feel great (hangover). He said we’d talk soon, and I did NC for 2 days: mostly to make him see I’d be ok with a more unstructured relationship (which I am). I texted tonight and he responded, but it seems distant. What I really want is the closeness we had and the intimacy emotionally and physically, but I feel he’s hesitant because I think he believes I will only be ok with more.

    So, how do I proceed? Ideally, yes, I would like a relationship. I love him, and I know he loves me too. I don’t want him out of my life, and he clearly doesn’t want to be rid of me either. So I don’t know how to get back on track with building closeness and getting things relaxed again.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 8, 2017 at 5:03 pm

      Hi Kales,

      You said you did another 30 days and when you felt you were improving you texted him something light, does that mean you texted him during the 30 days? You have a small chance now because the more you do nc, the less it can help.. It starting to look like your pattern, and it loses conviction. This time, the best bet is you stick to 45 days, massively improve yourself to the point that he’s going to regret losing you, date others and take it slow after the no contact period while continuing to improve yourself.

  10. Avatar

    Rach

    January 30, 2017 at 12:59 am

    My Ex and I were still on talking terms a couple weeks after he broke up with me. We were together for almost 2 years. He gave me hope of getting back together and then didn’t. Before NC I asked him if I was bothering him when I would text him and he told me that he doesn’t know why I would ask that because I don’t bother him. My 30 days NC is coming up and I’m going to reach out to him. He isn’t one to start text messages. Before we were together we would text all the time and wouldn’t say goodnight to each other, the conversation would just start back up in the morning. When we were together it was always goodnight and good morning so the conversation never ended. What if I’m always the one to start the conversation? I know he will always respond and he says I don’t bother him. I just don’t know how to make him text me first. When I do my first contact do I just keep starting the texts everyday?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 30, 2017 at 2:40 pm

      Hi Rach,

      it’s ok that you initiate the texts, what’s mkre important is that you’re the one ending it at high point..

  11. Avatar

    Mercy

    January 26, 2017 at 11:55 pm

    Hello
    Please help me
    I and my boyfriend has an issue since 15th f Jan, and i have been the one texting and begging but no response, and i stopped texting him since 24th but i am missing him but want to go with the NO CONTACT RULE
    I’m just scared of losing him. Please what can i do to make sure he come back to me realising I’m sorry. But this time i don’t
    want to be the desperate one
    Please i need your help

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 27, 2017 at 11:54 am

      Hi Mercy,

      you have to be willing to lose him..because the reason why you’re being desperate is because you’re not willing to lose him.. there’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work, but if you dont want to look desperate, dont chase.

  12. Avatar

    Abigail

    January 24, 2017 at 9:11 pm

    Hello, I have a few questions. Please help! Okay, so I did the No Contact for 17 days and I reached out because I was feeling confident. I am in a long distance relationship, or well I was. He responded positively. I texted him the “Guess what happened to me?” and he responded with “What’s that?”. He had not responded to me before, so it was good. We had a small conversation and then it ended. I followed the procedure as texting, then not texting on Day 3 and etc. I am on Day 8 – A story. I told him a funny story this morning, and we both laughed. Yesterday, I posted a picture on snapchat that I looked good and he saw it. I wasn’t responding to his messages until he said, “We need to talk about something, when you can find some time”. We had a casual conversation yesterday and he asked me, “What are we doing? I thought we broke up and now we’re talking, or trying to.” I partially begged for us to get back together, but he said he couldn’t do it because he still had a bad taste about us in his mouth. He enjoyed talking, and other stuff while we were together but things would just go bad when we would meet in person. I would get jealous and naggy, and I do admit to that. I ended up apologizing for all that, and he said it was in the past. I just lost it after previous problems we had, and it took a toll on me. Anyways, I ended up apologizing for sending him those messages and that I did not want to force him into anything he didn’t want. He hasn’t changed any of our pictures, or his status on facebook. He hasn’t even told his family or friends. So I suggested for us to continue as we were. He asked me, “What are we doing right now? Friends or dating or what?” I don’t understand why he would ask me that! He just said he didn’t want to be with me, and that we were broken up. So I just told him not to over think it and for us to just talk. We’ve been talking great today, but I still feel this ugly feeling in my stomach. He said he wasn’t going to look at my snapchat anymore because it bothered him, and that he was sorry. What do I do? I’m sorry for the long message, but I’m just confused. Please help! I’ve been initiating every text pretty much, and I know this process needs patience but will he ever message me? Should I stop messaging him for a few days? What should I do? Is this good or do I let it go? It’s hard since we are LDR, but I don’t want to give up. I’ve been doing me, and working out, blah blah blah, but talking to him hurts especially after what he told me yesterday. I know there’s tons of questions, but please help as much as possible. Thank You!

    1. Avatar

      Abbs

      February 3, 2017 at 8:37 pm

      Hi Amor,
      I previously wrote you to tell you about my story, as you can see above. lol. I just wanted to give you an UPDATE on my situation and see your thoughts. Where do I begin? Last I talked to you, we discussed about him not texting me first. That was on January 28. We have continued to talk, my ex and I, and he has initiated contact as well as sending me snapchats. He sometimes asks me about my days and where I’m going or what I’ve been up to. We talk daily and we’ve been talking since January 17. A total of 18 days. Ugh! It feels like a lifetime since we’ve been broken up. Anyways, he talks to me normal (neutral) on some days and other days he’s very flirty (positive). He asked me about if I had been with anyone else and stupid jealous shit like that, so I told him to not ask me those type of questions because it offended me. So he stopped. Two days ago I told him I wanted to go visit him in March and he got pushy and distant. For example: He was like are you sure, are you very sure? etc. So I changed the subject. I remember last time you told me that it was too soon so I waited to tell him. Yesterday, I partially brought it up and told him that I felt like he laughed at me because of the way he reacted. He said he was sorry and that we has being pushy, and that he acted distant because he was scared. I told him I did sense that and he responded with “I told myself I wouldn’t do it anymore, but I’m slowly crumbling”. I told him to not look at it as a weakness and I changed the subject to something about his job. We said our goodnight and whatever. Today, I brought up my idea of visiting him in march and he said for me to go if I wanted, and he said he would want me to go. He said, “Baby, I can’t travel out of Europe on a 3 day weekend, but try to find a place here in Europe so we can go”. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME HE’S CALLED ME BABY SINCE JANUARY 1!!! (He’s In the military). Anyways, our conversation continued but he said to give him 30 minutes until he got done with work. We didn’t talk about it anymore, but he said he was excited. I felt like he got distant again, but then again I was freaking out. I started being sweet and calling him baby and bleh bleh, and he didn’t respond to any of that. He was just neutral. I asked him if he felt scared about me visiting and us, and he said “No serious questions tonight”. So I said sweet dreams and that I looked forward in talking to him tomorrow, with a heart.

      FIRST: I’M SORRY FOR WRITING SO MUCH!

      SECOND: WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? Do you think things are looking good for us?
      I’ve had bad anxiety about this and I just want to be positive.

      THIRD: WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD DO?

      Thank you so much! I know it’s long but I do hope that you read this.
      You and this website have been great help! I would’ve literally just gone into depression mode If I didn’t do the NC and started bettering myself.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 3, 2017 at 9:35 pm

      Frankly, I still think it’s too early to ask that. There’s a chance he will be more distant as your vacation gets closer or refuse to meet.. and dont try to be confronting, like pointing out what he might be thinking or feeling because it’s starting to look like nagging. I still think you should do one last nc of 45 days or at least 30 but if you really dont want to, the best you can do is to be more focused in other activities that help you be an ungettable girl and to avoid bringing up the vacation

    3. Avatar

      Shubhankri

      January 30, 2017 at 12:16 pm

      Can I get in some contact with you personally I need to ask something

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 30, 2017 at 3:20 pm

      Hi Shubhankri,

      is it with Abigail or with exrecovery?

    5. Avatar

      Abigail

      January 27, 2017 at 2:27 pm

      Thank you for the advice. I have been improving myself and have been feeling great. However, I’m one to not talk about my situations to anyone near me. Hence the reason why I’m talking to someone online. Anyways, we have been friendly and I was the one that suggested it. Like I mentioned before, he has been agreeing to everything I’ve been asking him to do. I do appreciate that a lot. Maybe he’s being nice or maybe he’s still unsure about what to do about us. He asked me, “WHAT ARE WE DOING?”. Why would he ask me that If he was the one that broke it off. I guess that’s where the small chance stands. Also, I honestly feel like I’m okay if we were to not get back together. I feel like it’s too soon to feel this way, but I still love him and want whats best for him, even if it’s not me. It sucks and hurts so much, but what can we do. Yesterday when I sent you the message, I thought about having to save up money and traveling to see him. It would be pointless if we haven’t built up enough rapport. I feel like we have, but even then I hate the feeling of being rejected. I watched “Under the tuscan sun”, don’t know if you’ve seen it but she goes to visit him in Italy and he’s with another girl! ahhh!! I still feel like we’re a couple with a bit of distance. Maybe, that’s whats making me want to fight for him, us.

      So i previously asked if I should stop texting him for a bit to see how he reacts, but you didn’t respond to that question.
      I know I shouldn’t over think it because there’s only so much we can do to get an ex back, but should I stop texting him for a few days? Does that mean the texting time will restart or affect what we’ve built so far? Do you think that will help?

      Thank you for everything that you do! 🙂

    6. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 28, 2017 at 5:38 am

      oops sorry.. yes for me you should stop initiating for maybe 2 weeks max.. see if he initiates. You can reply if you want to but just mirror his texts

    7. Avatar

      Abigail

      January 26, 2017 at 3:07 pm

      I appreciate your response. I mean, obviously I know better as to what is going on in the text messages and you just go off of what I submit on here. However, as far as what I’ve told you, do you think there is a good chance? I’m really trying to back off so that I don’t seem like too much. I have been following this article and the (New Rules) of texting, but sometimes I feel like we go a step back. I know I asked you if I should stop texting him for a few days, but does that mean that If I stop, I’ll have to restart the texting process all over again? I’m trying so hard not to over think this, but It’s so hard. It’s a lot more complicated than actually being in the relationship, but Patience is very important. I understand that. The only thing that sucks about visiting him is that I need to go all the way to Italy. So buying a ticket in advance would be helpful. 🙁 I guess I’ll just have to wait it out to see how things continue. Okay so the questions I ask:

      Do I have a good chance? by reading my story.
      Should I stop texting him for a day or more to see what happens?
      If yes, Would the texting process restart if I do?

      *What would you do if you were in my shoes?

      Thank You

    8. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 27, 2017 at 10:25 am

      there’s a small chance.. because it’s either you’re friendzoned or he thinks you’re still into him and just being nice.. if I were you, I would focus on improving myself first, changing, having my own life to the point that it’s ok if I don’t get him back and that I’m more on the side that has moved on, especially compared to him before starting on being friendly again.. If I have a vacation near his place, I would only ask him to meet once Im there and when we’ve built rapport.. but I won’t invest on travelling just for him

    9. Avatar

      Abigail

      January 25, 2017 at 7:53 pm

      Hey Amor, **UPDATE** He initiated contact today because he fell asleep the night before, and I ended it on a high note. I sent him a video message, a funny one last night while he was asleep. He responded and has been sweet today. He has been flirtatious and stuff like that. We’ve been talking as friends. I am the one that told him for us to talk as friends. He has been agreeing to everything and decided to not change anything yet about telling our families or friends. He sent me pictures, he’s been asking me about my day, he’s been telling me about his day, etc.. I feel good about it but at the same time I’m still progressing myself. I have his notifications muted so that I don’t respond quickly and put much attention to it. I enjoy his friendship/company even if it’s from a distance and not certain if we will get together. We’ve been talking good and he did seem distant, but i understand because he’s being cautious. I understand that he has or wants to move on, because I have been friendly but not pushy. I asked him if he had been talking to girls, and he said no. I told him that it was just a question and that I wasn’t going to get on him about it. Should I go without texting him one day or two to see if he texts me throughout those days (because he has been texting me) or should I continue following the texts as described in this article? I continue to love him of course, but I’m trying to show that I’ve moved on. I know it’s been a bit of time, (25 days) but I feel good, confident and like I’ve moved on but not moving on. I also just found out that I have vacation for a week in march, and I was thinking about asking If I should go visit him? Do you think that’s enough time?

    10. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 26, 2017 at 12:22 pm

      follow the article.. I think it’s too early to ask him now if you could visit him in March.. better if it’s at that time or when you’ve built more rapport later on

    11. Avatar

      Abigail

      January 24, 2017 at 9:16 pm

      Another thing is that I can’t help but look to see how many snapchats he gets. Like the number. I need to stop obsessing over it, because it’s hurting me. It makes me think he’s talking to someone else. I really hope that you respond with great detail, because it would be very helpful. Another question that I have, which I know your response might not be 100% accurate, but do all these things that I’m telling you put me in a good place of getting him back? What am I doing wrong?

      Thank You

    12. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 25, 2017 at 2:03 pm

      Hi Abigail,

      at this point, you’re just chasing him. Are you holding on because he hasn’t erased your photos in social media? Because it’s apparent that he doesn’t want to get back, and yet you’re still there.. You’re the only one initiating contact and he knows you want him back but you wont let go.. The first nc was too short.. And for a higher chance, you have to accept that he has moved on. So, that the goal is to attract him again, not to hold on what’s left.. He has to think you have moved on so that he would be willing to start as friends again.. I think you should do 45 days nc one last time…

  13. Avatar

    Linn

    January 23, 2017 at 7:42 pm

    My boyfriend of 10 months broke up with me due to lying. when we started to first date my sons father wasn’t able to let go. he will threaten me and my boyfriend ask me to get restraining order to protect us both. i told him i would but i didnt because i thought the situation will settle on it own. my boyfriend broke up we got back together. through out our relationship my boyfriend would always accuse me of texting or calling different mean which i wasn’t because i was deeply in love with him. i promise him i would never lie to him again. i failed i asked my sons father for help with my son i told my boyfriend i haven’t been talking to him to keep the peace. he found out i did speak to him and i only spoke to him concerning my son . i tried everything to get him back. i dont want to give up i feel like im a bad person. i broke my man trust i want to earn it back. he says he want to be friends. he told me he love me as friend then he said i love you too.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 24, 2017 at 1:18 pm

      Hi Linn,

      Check this one:
      This Is How To Make Him Trust You Again

  14. Avatar

    Jess

    January 13, 2017 at 11:37 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me because of small arguments we had in the relationship. We didn’t contact for 3 weeks then after this period we started seeing each other again and it felt like we were dating. After a really good day together which was a month and a half after we broke up, I asked what he wanted from me. He said he doesn’t know what he wanted anymore and didn’t want to keep me waiting. We spoke and decided to end everything that day as he was confused and didn’t really see anything moving forward together. He was upset and told me he still loved me and cares so much but then he still let me go. What I want to know now is if it is over or if I should restart the nc period and try again in a month as he is still unsure?

    1. Avatar

      smita

      January 24, 2017 at 11:51 am

      The same thing has been happened with me…my x also loves me but let me go
      I am tensed too

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 14, 2017 at 3:36 pm

      Hi Jess,

      when you didn’t speak for 3 weeks, did it seem like you were moving on? I think you should try doing a 30 day nc one last time and then focus in improving yourself and date others too, after that slowly rebuild rapport

  15. Avatar

    Mei Mei

    January 5, 2017 at 7:41 pm

    Ok this is 31st day of not speaking to my ex and I had planned on sending my first text. However, I sent a message to one of his friends that I thought had a hoodie, that I ordered at the beginning of December, to meet up with him, but he tells me that my ex has it now and he will give it to me next week. My ex has not contact me at all to tell me this so this is the first time of me hearing this. My thing is, do I go ahead with the normal first contact text or ask him about the hoodie?

    1. Avatar

      Mei Mei

      February 1, 2017 at 1:14 am

      Ok, so I waited a week and sent a funny old video of me trying to get his dog to go out into the rain to use the potty and asked is he remember this. He doesn’t reply so I waited a couple of days and sent a picture of truck, that I saw on my way to work, that had a big sticker on the back windshield asking “Got Sand?” showing that hes a fan of the Silver Lake Sand Dunes, which my ex loves to go to. But I didn’t get a response from him at all so I decided to wait another week to send out another text. I was gonna send one out today but my sister sends me a text saying that he’s on okCupid talking to one of her friends. Should I even bothering trying to text him like normal, like I don’t know about him on okCupid, or does this mean I just should give up? Also I had planned on reactivating my account on okCupid just to try to go out and date, but now I don’t know if I should.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 1, 2017 at 2:21 pm

      ok, usually we advice to rest for a week. If he doesn’t reply, rest for two weeks before trying again. If he still doesn’t reply, that means it’s better to move on..

    3. Avatar

      Mei Mei

      January 19, 2017 at 4:24 am

      Thank you. He ended up texting me to wish me a happy birthday today and to tell me to he dropped off the hoodie at my house while I was out. I thanked him and remembered that I lost one of my earrings and told him to look out for it, he said that he would keep an eye out for it. I ended our conversation by telling him I was go and enjoy the rest of my birthday and he told me to take care. It seemed we ended on a good note but I think I’m still gonna wait a week before I try to text him again though

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 20, 2017 at 3:52 pm

      ok.. that’s good..

    5. Avatar

      Mei Mei

      January 17, 2017 at 3:54 am

      Ok, our conversations started very slow, I had to skip a day whenever he didn’t respond so but I got him to text me back. He mentioned about giving me the hoodie supposedly last week but I went out of town to work for that week. He asked if I was staying permanently but I told him it was temporary. He sounded concerned but its kind of hard to tell from text. But while I was away we were talking and I was kind of using the new rules of texting except I mixed up with day 4 and 5 and didn’t send out funny text. He still responded to my texts though and we kind of went back and forth within the text limits of the day. However, when it came to the end of day 6 he never replied to my last text or to day 7’s text. I tried again today, the next day, and nothing. So now I’m just gonna give it a day or two before I try again.

      I want to know if I goofed up by not sending out anything funny on the days that I was suppose to send them. I kept the topic about his truck, something he loves, and the stuff he would do with it, he even sent me pictures of the new stuff he put on it.

    6. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 17, 2017 at 6:25 pm

      not really.. but I think you nees to rest for a week for now

    7. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 7, 2017 at 5:23 am

      HI Mei mei,

      you can do both if you want. Ask about the hoodie in the end of the first contact message.

  16. Avatar

    Min

    December 29, 2016 at 7:29 am

    Hi
    I’m just about finishing 30 day no contact and feel so much stronger in myself. I wanted to know under what circumstances 45 day NC was appropriate please? I discovered my fiancé and partner of 8 years had been recently sleeping with a work colleague. As far as I know they are still together (she wasn’t married and due to leave her husband). Am I playing with fire and likely to get burned or is the likelihood that the relationship is rebound? Sadly I didn’t know about this website until about 6 weeks after we split. We had positive messages in that time until he posted a #break away which precipitated NC for me. 30 days is up on 1 Jan! (It will be 10 weeks in total from the spilt). Do I text? Will the format work if he’s with someone else?
    Thank you so much.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 30, 2016 at 11:09 am

      Hi Min, The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

      There’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work, no matter what the situation is. I think he’s in a grass is greener syndrome. Read the post below and then decided if you want to extend to 45 days..and how much did you improve during nc?

  17. Avatar

    dm

    December 27, 2016 at 6:29 pm

    Hey,
    I was blocked after the breakup through the applications and phone. After one month of no contact rule, I emailed him and wished him to have great holidays. He replied and wished me the same. Should I now ask him to unblock me as we can get into a causal friendship? and when should I reply back? after a day or a week?
    Thanks!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 29, 2016 at 3:51 pm

      Hi Dm,

      did you reply? what did you say?

  18. Avatar

    Sarah

    December 27, 2016 at 6:42 am

    Hello!

    I just want to start this by saying that I am 18 years old, and my ex is 19. We dated for 2 1/2 years before he randomly ended it with me about a month ago. We didn’t fight a lot or anything, but he told me that “he doesn’t feel the same way anymore” and that “he was confused about his feelings since the summer.” However, in those months between summer and when he ended it, he came home for me (he goes to college and I am a senior in high school), he would send me gifts, and just do selfless things for me. After our break up, he invited me to a house party that he was throwing, and I went. But when I was there, he was completely ignoring me, even though he was the one that invited me. I want him back. I don’t know what my chances are. I just started the NC, and I have high hopes, I just want reassurance.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 29, 2016 at 10:43 am

      Hi Sarah,

      aim to be this:
      The Ungettable Girl

  19. Avatar

    Carrie

    December 26, 2016 at 3:03 am

    Hey, I need help. I did the no contact rule (3 weeks after the break up). Received no text messages during it but when I got back in contact the response was pretty positive and receptive. We’ve been talking on an off, I’ve sent the right types of messages (maybe not to the point but as best as I can, step by step). I’m just freaking out because what if he’s just being nice and friendly, and I’m just getting my hopes high for no reason? Also freaking out because NYE is near and I really fear him moving on (which is silly, I know). Not sure how to go about doing the phone call and meet up. Do I try and meet up before NYE to keep me on his mind or do I leave it till after. Also I still have his stuff and his mine and neither of us seem that fussed on exchanging them. Will leaving it there mean something or is it just false hope? I’m going crazy over-thinking and running with my emotions and I really need some advice! As the no-contact worked good even for me – I felt almost back to my normal, confident self again and stable! Thanks!

    1. Avatar

      Carrie

      January 1, 2017 at 1:17 am

      We were texting for about two weeks from mid December. He seemed really receptive and then I mentioned calling and bam, he went silent. So a day after I sent another text. No reply. It’s been about 4-5 days now and I’ve kind of just left it. Part of me wants to just move on actually and avoid this ridiculous chasing and drama. I still care so so deeply as we had a great relationship and split up over a difference in opinion. But if someone doesn’t want your love, then, ya know? Just got to take charge and somehow get my things back so I don’t keep expecting a message regarding them..

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 1, 2017 at 7:34 pm

      I agree.. It’s really better to move on

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 28, 2016 at 5:00 pm

      Hi Carrie,

      how long have you been texting?

  20. Avatar

    Dale

    December 19, 2016 at 11:33 pm

    Hi amor I am writing to you one last time just to update you on my journey. I purchased PRO and I believe I really followed the rules that Chris laid out and they worked in the sense my ex and I started to talk again and he started to reach out to me and we’d flirt often and I could just tell things felt just like before and then I got to “the talk” part and it went completely unexpected. He said he likes me but he just doesn’t want a relationship with me and he doesn’t ever see one with me in the future. I responded saying then why do you want me around and want to keep talking and hanging out and he was like yeah you’re right we maybe shouldn’t talk then because I don’t see any potential in us. Mind you all of our issues came AFTER the breakup. He also told me that during my no contact he slept with someone unprotected, went to lunch with someone else and talked to her for a few weeks. I still don’t understand what went wrong and I wish this would have worked but I guess it’s not meant to be

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 22, 2016 at 12:46 pm

      Hi Dale,

      yeah, it’s either you move on or at least do a longer nc, move on without fully moving on in the hope of a restart

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