What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message

What is a “first contact” text message?

Great question!

First Contact Text Message: The first text message that you send to your ex boyfriend after you have successfully completed the no contact rule.

And it just so happens that the first contact text message is the subject of today’s podcast episode.

Check it out,

Free On Demand Coaching
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Video Of Episode 53 (The Perfect First Contact Text Message)

What are your thoughts on the fact that we are now filming these podcast episodes?




If you would be so kind to leave us some feedback in the comments section of the show notes that would be absolutely incredible!

Sarah’s Situation

Sarah’s situation is very interesting. Unlike many of the people asking questions she has almost completed the no contact rule and is starting to shift her focus towards texting her ex.

Which is exactly what we recommend.

Of course, she has a few questions about the texting phase,

  • She is on Day 25 of the no contact rule and is shifting her focus towards texting
  • Her ex started his first “real job” (whatever that means)
  • She wonders if she can break the no contact rule early
  • She wants to let him know that she’s thinking about him and praying for him

You can tell that Sarah is an extremely kindhearted human being but that doesn’t always play well in the world of “getting an ex back.”

We discuss that and much more in this episode,

What I Talk About In This Episode

  • The zeigarnik effect
  • Open loops
  • The anatomy of a perfect first contact text message
  • The importance of knowledge about an ex
  • The importance of storytelling
  • Specific action phrases to use
  • And much more…

Important Links Mentioned In This Episode

Transcript Of This Episode

Download The Transcript For This Episode Here

(BONUS) The Anatomy Of A Perfect First Contact Text Message

I promised during the episode that in the show notes I would have a graphic depicting everything I was talking about.

Well, you can find that here.

Screen Shot 2016-07-27 at 5.25.30 PM

So, what the heck does this “graphic” even mean?

Well, allow me to deconstruct it for you,

Knowledge- This refers to the fact that you need to use the knowledge of what you already know to be true about your ex. What are his likes? What are the topics that you know for a fact that he will respond to if you were to text him about it.

Stories- Specifically interesting ones. Create a story that can not only serve as an interesting hook but also that can allow you to work in the other aspects that we are going to talk about.

Action Phrase- You want your text to start out with an action phrase. Something that’s sure to grab his attention. “Oh my god…”, “You won’t believe what I just saw” are great examples

The Tie In- End the text by saying something like “It was the first time you popped into my head in a while.”

Pretty epic graphic, huh?


Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

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142 thoughts on “EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message”

  1. sara

    February 15, 2018 at 3:59 pm

    Hi ex boyfriend recovery team! About a month ago I started talking to a guy I met online. He was the one always messaging me and I just went along. We were texting back and forth for 2 weeks straight, then we met up. The texting was fun and flirty (he even said I was a good flirt and he enjoyed it), but when we met up I got a little shy and nervous and im pretty sure he saw through that. Anyway next day after the date I texted him and I got a dry response then didn’t hear from him for two days. After the 2 days I messaged him to see if we were still meeting up for lunch break that day (we had agreed to that before the date) but he said he did not even go to work that day. At that point I told him casually it was nice talking with him but i don’t want to continue this and good luck. I got no response so I messaged him asking he didn’t even want to wish me good luck? And i still got no response. I never contacted him after. He unfollowed me on instagram (which I’m active on) but still kept me as a friend on facebook (which I’m not so active on), which I still don’t understand lol. It’s been a week and a half and im still keeping myself strong with the NC for 30 days. In the meantime I’m working, working out, going out with friends and just keeping myself busy. I’ve been also keeping my social media activity the same as when we were talking. I change my whatsapp picture once a week (I make sure I pick a good one) and I haven’t posted anything on fb yet (I will next week). I’m afraid if I become more active than usual he’ll see I’m trying to get his attention. I also don’t want to make my instagram public for privacy reasons and I think he’ll see through that also. I’m also just thinking of formulating my first text for when NC is done. I was thinking of “Hey PersonX you wouldn’t believe this! I’m just watching showY and this SingerZ keeps reminding me of you and how fun and exciting our flirting was lol. Hope you’re doing well!”. He liked this SingerX btw. I’m afraid my text has no question for him to answer and keep a conversation flowing. I’m also afraid he hates me now because I just left him so suddenly, and we didn’t have a long/strong enough relationship before for me to use and be able to pull him back. What do you think? I’ve been reading a lot of your articles and I tried to incorporate as much of your points as I could. Thanks for the help!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 18, 2018 at 11:46 pm

      Hi Sara,

      You didn’t leave him. He was the one not responding to you, he probably ghosted you. Don’t tell him that something reminded you of how fun flirting with him was. That’s directly saying you miss flirting not what you were actually doing when you are flirting. For example, if you joked about that singer, talk about the joke.