EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message

What is a “first contact” text message?

Great question!

First Contact Text Message: The first text message that you send to your ex boyfriend after you have successfully completed the no contact rule.

And it just so happens that the first contact text message is the subject of today’s podcast episode.

Check it out,

Video Of Episode 53 (The Perfect First Contact Text Message)

What are your thoughts on the fact that we are now filming these podcast episodes?




If you would be so kind to leave us some feedback in the comments section of the show notes that would be absolutely incredible!

Sarah’s Situation

Sarah’s situation is very interesting. Unlike many of the people asking questions she has almost completed the no contact rule and is starting to shift her focus towards texting her ex.

Which is exactly what we recommend.

Of course, she has a few questions about the texting phase,

  • She is on Day 25 of the no contact rule and is shifting her focus towards texting
  • Her ex started his first “real job” (whatever that means)
  • She wonders if she can break the no contact rule early
  • She wants to let him know that she’s thinking about him and praying for him

You can tell that Sarah is an extremely kindhearted human being but that doesn’t always play well in the world of “getting an ex back.”

We discuss that and much more in this episode,

What I Talk About In This Episode

  • The zeigarnik effect
  • Open loops
  • The anatomy of a perfect first contact text message
  • The importance of knowledge about an ex
  • The importance of storytelling
  • Specific action phrases to use
  • And much more…

Important Links Mentioned In This Episode

Transcript Of This Episode

Download The Transcript For This Episode Here

(BONUS) The Anatomy Of A Perfect First Contact Text Message

I promised during the episode that in the show notes I would have a graphic depicting everything I was talking about.

Well, you can find that here.

Screen Shot 2016-07-27 at 5.25.30 PM

So, what the heck does this “graphic” even mean?

Well, allow me to deconstruct it for you,

Knowledge- This refers to the fact that you need to use the knowledge of what you already know to be true about your ex. What are his likes? What are the topics that you know for a fact that he will respond to if you were to text him about it.

Stories- Specifically interesting ones. Create a story that can not only serve as an interesting hook but also that can allow you to work in the other aspects that we are going to talk about.

Action Phrase- You want your text to start out with an action phrase. Something that’s sure to grab his attention. “Oh my god…”, “You won’t believe what I just saw” are great examples

The Tie In- End the text by saying something like “It was the first time you popped into my head in a while.”

Pretty epic graphic, huh?


Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter