The Four Best Ways To Respond To Your Exes Text Messages

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

Lately I don’t know what it is but I’ve been getting so many messages about text messaging.

Specifically: “Chris, my ex texted me this, how do I respond to it?”

So, I thought it would be prudent for me to make a video for you.

One of the biggest mistakes that I see men and women make when it comes to texting their ex is they text them too soon.

It’s really important that you first implement a no contact rule when you’re texting your ex.

Why? Well, this can do a lot of things for you but mostly it’s to make sure you don’t act like this.

“He won’t respond! Hmmmp! Why doesn’t he respond?!”

Now, I can go on an on about the no contact rule and the many different important applications that it serves you when you’re trying to get your ex back and why it’s important to do it but I’ve already done some many videos. I’ve written so many articles on it that I think I’ve covered it and I’m like a broken record going around and around.

Just know one thing, before you text your ex, make sure you do a no contact rule. Because from this point forward. That is the assumption that we are going to be making.

Now, what I like to do is give you four text message responses or four things that your ex will text you and how to respond to them.

But first let’s talk about the many different experts out there who recommend that you do this thing or say this thing but the advice isn’t all that really good.

You see most experts will say stuff like,

“Don’t reply right away.”

 

“Be Bubbly”

 

“Always have something interesting to say.”

Actually I’m kind of guilty of that last one. Now, here’s the important point. When someone says be bubbly, have something interesting to say, don’t reply right away, what the heck does that even mean?

That’s kind of why I wanted to put this video together for you. I wanted to create something that was really specific on how you should respond when your ex texts messages you in a certain way.

But before we get into the details of that, there is an important concept that I need you to understand: Mirroring.

“I am one handsome devil.”

No, not that type of mirroring.

When I say Mirroring, I simply mean mirroring your ex’s text to you.

So, when your ex texts you, he puts a certain amount of himself into the text. He puts a certain amount of effort into it, if you will. Well, imagine that he texts you with something like this.

How should you respond to that?

Well, if you’re not mirroring, you’ll probably respond like this.

But the problem with that is, that’s not the proper mirroring. He is clearly not putting as much effort into the text message as you are. So, what would be the correct way to mirror his text?

Well, you’d simply do something like this.

See?

Now, if that’s too confusing, don’t worry. I’m going to explain it when I get to the specific text messages. In fact, I think we’re already there. Let’s just get right down to it. Let’s take a look at the 4 common text messages that your ex boyfriend will send to you and how exactly you should respond to them. Now, let’s pretend that your ex boyfriend after a bout of missing of you, send you this text message.

“I’ve been thinking about you so much!”

Well, your natural instinct will be to do this:

“Oh my god!! Oh my god!! He texted me!! He misses me!”

And well, I can certainly understand the excitement of having your ex boyfriend text you something like that, that’s not the correct way to act. Instead you should say something like this:

“Well, of course you do.”

It’s flirting. It’s cheeky. It is really a smart way to go. Now, let’s get to one of the most common types of text messages that your ex boyfriend will send to you after the no contact rule. It’s what I like to dub the one word text message.

You know, he’ll start a conversation with,

“Hey”

“Sup”

“Yo”

Though that last one may not be common.

So, how do you deal with this?

How do you respond to a one word text message conversation started from your exboyfriend? Well, there’s a lot of different ways but remember when I was talking about mirroring and how you need to basically mirror the effort that he’s putting into his text messages? You should mirror this text message. So, if he says to you,

“Hey”

You should say:

“Hey”

Get it? or if you really, really want to get technical with it, don’t respond at all. He puts in minimal effort, you put in no effort. Now, unfortunately this next text message happens a little too much and it’s painful when it does happen.

So, what is this text message?

Well, it’s the stand up text message.

“Hey, I can’t go out with you today. I got super busy.”

And when a lot of women, especially when they put in so much effort. So much work to try to get their ex boyfriend back, get a text message where your ex is basically standing you up, they act like this.

“Hmm, can’t go out with me huh?? Well, let’s see what Sebastian has to say about that.”

So, what’s the play here? Do you simply just accept the fact that he stood you up and you basically lay down and take it? No. The correct play is to send a message like this.

“Oh, that’s completely fine. In return, I met the most amazing people.”

And this text message works really great because it makes him understand that there are consequences.

It makes him understand that you’re a hot commodity and even works better if you could have actually pictures to go with it. So, he’s not just thinking you’re making it up. Now, let’s go to the final and probably most common and most asked text message that I get.

The dreaded one word response after you have put your heart and soul into a text message.

So, pretend for a moment that you sent this text message to your ex.

“I miss you so much. I feel like I am barely hanging on.”

There’s a lot of emotion in there. There’s a lot of words in there. You put a lot of effort into it. Except after he gets the text message, he responds with this:

“Ha ha!”

So, what do you do to this?

Do you get really angry at him for basically not responding how you wanted him to respond? No, stay true to the mirroring tactic. If he says haha, you say haha back or if you really want to get really technical with it, no response.

Simply don’t respond after that.

Make him understand that there are consequences when he doesn’t put effort into his text messages.

And that’s going to do it for this video of the ex boyfriend recovery YouTube channel. I want to take a moment and then thank you for watching to the end. If you’d like to learn more about text messaging, simply go to www.exboyfriendrecovery.com. I have a quiz there you can take on text messaging. I have so many resources. In fact, I’m rewriting an entire guide on text messaging.

So, if you want to get that guide, simply sign up at www.exboyfriendrecovery.com. Take one of the quizzes. I’ll see you there.

December 14, 2016

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

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What Do You Think? (142)

  1. Sisi - 0

    Sisi

    Hi team,

    My ex bf and I had been dating for 6 yrs and he broke up with me a month ago. We agreed not to speak to each other and for him to call… it’s been 30 days NC and he reached out with a text which sounds pretty neutral. “I dont know when you will be ready to chat but yeah just message me and ill find some time. Don’t even know what to talk about but anyway hope you are doing ok.”
    Not really sure how to respond, I want him back but it’s complicated since it’s LDR and we were more of the Skype type rather than texting

    Thanks

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      How much did you improve in the past month and how active were you in posting?

  2. Natalia - 0

    Natalia

    I was wondering how should I respond while txting with my ex if he say smth like ‘I met someone else’ or even ‘I am seeing with someone else right now, I think we shouldnt txt this much cause I want to focus on this new relationship’ ?

    Reply
  3. Daria - 0

    Daria

    Hello, so I recently started initiating conversation with my ex this week after completing 31 days no contact. The responses so far have been positive and he has been responding in a timely manner. I have been following the texting chart Chris has laid out in the ebook, but on Monday I will be leaving for Costa Rica for a week and will not have access, to the internet in order to text him. Does this mean all rapport will be lost when I leave? Should I start over with texting or pick up where I left off? I will be on day 7 or texting when I leave.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Daria,
      Nope, it won’t. Use it to your advantage. Have fun, take lots of pictures and do a lot of stuff that you can share to him and talk about. You can continue with the topics you left off or start new ones.

  4. Suzanne - 0

    Suzanne

    This may seem like a random question, but since it consists of “contact,” I’m curious. At what point in the post-NC texting phase is it appropriate to go back to things like Playing Words with Friends or things you did like that as a normal couple for fun? Maybe that sounds silly, but if it was something you bonded over and had playful competition, wouldn’t it help rebuild attraction? If so, is it okay to initiate that?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Suzanne,

      when you’ve built more rapport, when you’re exchanging more text messages and when he’s more comfortable talking to you. You’ll know that because you’ll feel it.

  5. Marie - 0

    Marie

    I’ve read The Texting Bible and know that Chris recommends 12 days of messaging before calling. What if my ex calls me– or wants to talk on the phone earlier after re-establishing contact? Is that okay or should I wait? I’m on day 28 of NC! I’ve almost made it! Whoo hoo!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s ok to answer if he does..12 days, is when you’re the one initiating the call.

    • Marie - 0

      Marie

      So I finished my NC and texted him with a message that ended ‘made me think of you.’ He texted back in one minute, and said ‘thank you for thinking of me.’ What the heck does that mean? Then he texted ‘hope you are well.’ We’d both sent two messages at that point, so I stopped responding. I can’t tell if either of those are good or not. They could be nothing…

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s still better than nothing.. but it’s kind of neutral. So, initiate again with a more conversational topic, one that he always loves talking about after 3-5 days.

    • Marie - 0

      Marie

      Okay, so here’s the exchange– he’s obsessed with eggnog. Funny, I know, but true! Like crazy loves it. So this was our conversation. (He cheated, which is why I broke up with him. He asked for a second chance the day I broke up with him and I did a 30 Day NC. So conceivably, he could still be with her, I don’t know.) You said it was neutral. Is it?

      Me: Wow– I don’t know if your grassroots crusade has paid off or if this is some sort of North Pole distress signal, but I just saw a carton of eggnog. In Giant. In February. I think the universe is trying to tell me something. It’s either to text you… or to stop shopping at stores with expired dairy! Either way, it made me think of you.

      Him: (one minute later) Thank you for thinking of me
      Him: (ten minutes later) Btw did you buy it? I would pay for it

      Me: Ha– I’ve forgiven you, which is why I DIDN’T buy it. I’m pretty sure that three-month old eggnog is not how you’d choose to die. (Actually, it probably is, but you’re not old enough yet. So I’ll save it.)

      Him: Lol thank you
      Him: I hope you are well

      I don’t know what to think– or even if I should initiate again. Part of me thinks that I’ve opened the door and told him I’ve forgiven him, so shouldn’t he text me if he truly wants to move forward?

    • Marie - 0

      Marie

      Okay, so here’s the exchange– he’s obsessed with eggnog. Funny, I know, but true! Like crazy loves it. So this was our conversation. (He cheated, which is why I broke up with him. He asked for a second chance the day I broke up with him and I did a 30 Day NC. So conceivably, he could still be with her, I don’t know.) You said it was neutral. Is it?

      Me: Wow– I don’t know if your grassroots crusade has paid off or if this is some sort of North Pole distress signal, but I just saw a carton of eggnog. In Giant. In February. I think the universe is trying to tell me something. It’s either to text you… or to stop shopping at stores with expired dairy! Either way, it made me think of you.

      Him: (one minute later) Thank you for thinking of me
      Him: (10 minutes later) Btw did you buy it? I would pay for it

      Me: Ha– I’ve forgiven you, which is why I DIDN’T buy it. I’m pretty sure that three-month old eggnog is not how you’d choose to die. (Actually, it probably is, but you’re not old enough yet. So I’ll save it.)

      Him: Lol thank you
      Him: I hope you are well

      I don’t know what to think– or even if I should initiate again. Part of me thinks that I’ve opened the door and told him I’ve forgiven him, so shouldn’t he text me if he truly wants to move forward?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      That’s positive! If he only said thank you and hope you are well, it’s neutral because it’s not conversational. It sounds like he’s just being nice. But that whole conversation is positive. It’s one conversation, yes, it looks like you’ve forgiven him but that doesn’t he’s sure about that with just one conversation. So, for now, if you want, you can wait if he initiates but it’s ok if you initiate too.

  6. sarah - 0

    sarah

    need some advice. my ex dumped me out the blue last sunday morning, however I do have a suspicion he was talking to someone else even though I do not have proof. I wished him the best, asked him to get his things,and even though I was devasted i immediately began nc. he initially blocked me on fb and then I noticed yesterday that he unblocked me and today I received a text from him and he was being super nice asked to grab his things one day next week and told me thanks and be blessed. should I respond?: why is he texting now and being super nice about it?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sarah,

      probably wondering why you’re handling it the way you’re handling it right now.. You can talk to him about exchanging stuff during nc, but only about those stuff.

  7. Anon - 0

    Anon

    Hi, I did the ‘Will Text Messages work…’ quiz and got “chances are not great”. Most of our interaction before and during the relationship over the years was primarily via Facebook Messenger. During the relationship, we only texted when there was no response on Messenger or phone call regarding something important or to pass on messages. So my question is, after NC, should I try to initiate first contact via text or Facebook Messenger? Is there a downside to using this instead of text? But as we didn’t use SMS that much, will it come off as odd and seem that I am trying too hard?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anon,

      you can use fb messages.text means, text form, not just text messages 🙂

  8. Marty - 0

    Marty

    My ex broke up with me on xmas day and I started the NC but made it to the first weekend in January when he came over and hung out all day with me till 10pm because he misses me said I was the best gf ever even kissed me and flirted but no sex.Then a couple days after I was still made he broke up with me to see some girl he had crush on or to see what else is out there. Kinda pissed him off when I mentioned it. So I started NCagain
    I posted publicly on FB I was sick
    Day 11 of NC I get this text
    I’m sorry you’re sick. I wish I could comfort you. I miss your sweet soul
    I don’t respond
    Day 13 ofNC I get this text
    Marty beautiful, I feel real bad that you are sick. I’d like to take care of you if you permit me to.. i can come get you tomorrow morning early and bring you to my house so you can rest And recouoerate. . I’ll tuck you into bed, give you lots of liquids (warm soup), medicine,& tender loving care while you rest. What are your thoughts?

    I haven’t replied it’s hard because I want to what do I do? I want to get him to commite to me.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Marty,

      your sick and yet he wants you to travel? Sweet words but for me, it’s like he just wants you to hear what you want to hear

  9. Pea - 0

    Pea

    Hi,

    Around 5 months ago my ex boyfriend cut all ties with me, even communication and said he felt like we shouldn’t talk for a very very long to hopefully let everything cool down. We have been broken up for a year and 5 months. 5 days ago he suddenly contacted me out of the blue regarding some serious matters and I thought that would be the end of it. However, as the conversation progressed, he suddenly said he misses talking to me and stuff (which I presume means hanging out) and that he really shouldn’t be talking to me because his girlfriend wouldn’t like it. We had a little chat and even had a little joke about his favourite food that I use to make him. He tried to flirt a little from what I could see and after that he said he would talk to me some other time and that he enjoyed having a chat with me. I’m a little confused what all this could mean so I need some help!

    Thank you.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Pea,

      Take it as it is..that he just misses you..if you want to build more rapport keep talking but dont expect too much too soon

  10. Jesse - 0

    Jesse

    Hey all,

    All right, so no contact has officially ended. I texted him two days ago because I had to, I’d forwarded him the electric bill with no communication attached and he didn’t respond (after I’d already forwarded him the December bill and asked him to take it over but he never did). So I had to text him and make sure he got it to which he said “oh I’m sorry for missing that, I’ll do.” Now, after 30 days of not speaking to the person you’d just spent a year and a half of your life speaking to/sleeping next to everyday, I’m hard-pressed to believe he missed an email in his inbox with my name on it. Anyway, all of this makes me think he wanted me to text him.

    Since then we’ve texted back and forth a bit, I’ve updated him on how great I’m doing. I’m asking most (almost all) of the questions but he always responds, and sometimes we go 8-16 hours before responding, which I like. I showed the text conversation to my friend and she said he was being “lovely.” I had insane expectations in the relationship so I’m wondering if his whole ‘I’ll respond but I’m not going to perpetuate the conversation” thing is a means of protecting himself from that. I’m wondering if that’s also why he created a situation in which I needed to text HIM first, so I wouldn’t get too excited about anything (seriously I’m like a drooling loyal puppy it’s gross).

    Or is he just not perpetuating it because he’s not interested and is trying to imply that and I’m kidding myself?

    Anyway, I’m glad things are creeping along. I don’t actually want to get back together right now, this separation was crucial, but it’s an “I still dream of having his babies” sort of thing.

    So I don’t know that I’m asking for any specific advice, just wondering what vibe you get and checking in now that we’re post-NC. Eventually, when it feels right, I suppose I’ll say something like “while it’s obviously right we’re not together, I miss knowing you, wanna get coffee?” Suggested timeline on that?

    OR am I just deluding myself? He doesn’t ask about me, is giving brief answers that don’t go into detail, and takes 16 hours to respond to a text.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jesse,

      it’s ok that you’re initiating, what’s more important is that you’re the one ending the conversation at high note.. transition to calls first, build more rapport before asking for a meet up..

  11. Alexis - 0

    Alexis

    Hi,
    I dated someone for a year and we broke up because we’re in different spots in our lives right now. He’s in medical school about an hour away (and a chronic over-achiever), and I work full-time in marketing in a major city. Needless to say, were living completely different lives at the moment. I’ve been more in love with him than any other man I’ve dated, and we truly became best friends as well as great partners. When med school started, we knew things would change, but we didn’t realize how much. I don’t need a lot of time together, calls, or texts because I’m a super busy person and frankly have never been the type of person who needs contact 24/7, but he wasn’t able to even give me the bare minimum of what I need with the time school took up. We ended it about a month ago, on good terms. He awknowkdegd that he can’t give me what I need right now, and I agreed. We talked about how this isn’t a breakup because a lack of love, but because it’s for the best given the circumstances. A lot of the “who knows about the future” and “I still want you in my life” “I love you and hope we can at least be friends” type stuff. We went about 3 weeks (maybe a little less?) with no contact, and he called me out of the blue on Friday. I answered because I thought something might be wrong, but turned out he just wanted to catch up and “check in” and see what was new. We talked for about 20 min and he sounded unimpressed/bored with his life lately whereas I was quite excited and cheery about all the recent big news/promotion at my job. He told me he was coming to my city that night and asked if he should reach out to meet up. I told him I had plans with girlfriends but he was welcome to meet us out (didn’t think he actually would). He did. Drove to the city, waited in like outside alone in the cold for 30 min to get in, and stayed out until I was ready to leave. We went home and had sex, cuddled all night, had sex in the morning, went to brunch, and then split ways. Everything was more or less “normal” and it def felt like we were a couple for those few hours. We didn’t text Saturday or Sunday but texted a little bit today about being honest if we slept with someone else should this happen again (for safety reasons). After a few texts, I said bye have a great week/month/whatever and he told me to have a great week and keep doing amazing at work and keep killin’ it with the career. Now I’m not sure what to do..wait for him to reach out again? Continue texts? Ignore for a few days? Help!

    Reply
  12. Anna - 0

    Anna

    My ex and I broke up 3 months ago. I went into NC right away. He never reached out but when I contacted him at 60 days he sounded all bubbly and happy to hear from me. We had long text and phone conversations, flirted and discussed what were were doing with our lives.

    He said I Love You quite a few times, he misses me, so my heart sunk and I felt like saying the same thing back but didn’t. Because I broke up with him as he wasn’t putting in much effort to see me on a regular basis, just text.

    Sometimes though he will end a conversation and just ghost. I always initiated. Why wouldn’t he get back to me later in the day? I understand things come up and we get busy. But he does this quite often. I then have to chase him down and he will talk again.

    I really want him back but feel maybe he is playing some sort of game? He keeps saying how much he loves me, I am perfect for him, etc. but his behavior don’t seem like it when he disappears from a text message. He also had mentioned going to Italy in the spring and said it would be great if we could go together.

    What should I do? Just ignore him? I am not sure if he is really interested or not. His words say so but the ghosting is confusing me.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi anna,

      ask first. like hey, if you’re busy on the afternoons dont be shy to tell me. So, that I wont bother you. And dont be shy to share your daily shenanigans! 😉

  13. Courtney - 0

    Courtney

    So around mid September 2016 my ex left me for someone he was friends with. We were together for 7 years and had recently had a baby. He had told me it was because I changed and he didn’t feel love for me anymore. So I initiated partial contact, as we have a kid together. Well fast forward to mid November he wanted to work things out between us, so he left his girlfriend. 3 days into that and he tells me that I’m not what he wants and he doesn’t feel the same about me anymore, and goes back to this girl. I then found out that I am pregnant (I made a HUGE mistake of sleeping with him during those 3 days). So I told him then continued partial contact, speaking to him only when he asks about our child. Yesterday (January 7th, 2017) he texts me telling me that he broke up with his girlfriend because I’ve been on his mind, but rather than rushing into a relationship he wants to “just be friends and see what happens”. He is very serious about leaving this girl this time to the point where he is moving in with his mom (who happens to hate the girl he was with), but he said it was mutual breakup and that they are both hurting from it but will get over it. So with all this being said, I am very confused as to what he feels. Because on one hand, he told me he doesn’t love me anymore, not once, but twice. On the other he out of the blue texts me that I’ve been on his mind and left a girl he still loves to try to be friends with me. I don’t know what his motives are, I really do want to try to make things work between us, both because I love him and for our children’s sake. But I feel as if he is just doing this so his parents will stop hating him and because he feels obligated to because I’m pregnant. But even so, would you really leave someone you claim to love just to be friends with the mother of your children?
    I have never had such a rollercoaster of a break up

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Maybe he’s tired with the negativity of thay relationship and he wants to be more involved with his child..take what he said with grain of salt. Be friendly, civil but dont expect much and don’t stop the routine that you have already established for yourself when he wasn’t around

  14. Anna - 0

    Anna

    So it is day 12, well technically now 13, of my no contact. I have recieved several messages like “hi, hope you have a good day” and i have been disciplined and ignored. Tonight he sent “alright, take care then” which has me rather shaken. I feel it is a guilt me into responding, but a part of me feels he may be sincere… I dont wanna loose him! And Im tempted to break the no contact rule! I’m barely creeping up on the halfway mark and I fear his impatience will cause me to loose my chance… what do I do?!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anna,

      the more reason that you should stick to nc.. because if you reply to that kind of text, he will keep using that tactic on you, which ia being angry

  15. Kez - 0

    Kez

    hey, my bf broke up with me like 3 weeks ago .. because we had a lot of problems that happened because of one of his friends… but then when i try to move on he text me after like 5 days of no texting and talks as if nothing happened and sometimes a if we are back together and when i ask him a clear question what are we he doesnt give a clear respond as if he cant decide yet but i dont know what should i do.. should i text him should i not should i just let go but i dont want to .. sometimes after i respond to him after he text me he treats me bad just because he knows that i will always be there no matter what .. so i tried the NC rule but after like 5 days he text me and i cant ignore him because he will get really mad like he maybe will stop talking to me like forever especially that he is not getting used to me not responding or ignoring him.. like maybe if did the NC rule and ignored him after it if i texted him he will ignore me treat me really bad because he is angry .. so my situation now is that he has finals ad he is really busy studying and usually at these times when we were together i used to call him and ask him how was his exam and stuff.. but now i dont know what to do .. we are not talking for 3 days now so should i continue not texting him and asking how was his exams or should i just do the NC rule but i am really scared of his reaction after ignoring him

    Reply
  16. Hope - 0

    Hope

    Hi Chris!
    I don’t want this to be too long, so I will summarize what my situation is, and what happened from when I broke up with him until now.
    Late May 2015, I broke up with my boyfriend when I was 7 mths pregnant because I couldn’t handle arguing with my parents and my ex about keeping the child. He got a rebound immediately. Messaged me that he didn’t care about rebound, and then he’d answer with short responses as if he’s angry (but I figured that it’s because he got a job and that he was actually busy.) So, I did NC for a month. When I contacted he seems interested, tells me that rebound is out of the picture, but that he’s not so sure if he should talk about how he misses me. So then there’s a cycle that goes on for several months where I initiate (I know, bad move,) he seems cold/seems interested only for sex, then I initiate NC again.

    I realize that there are two reasons why I haven’t made any progress: 1. I tend to show too much interest sometimes and 2. I haven’t really changed much about myself.

    So here’s what happened recently: He’s been contacting me now, but only for sex. So I told him that I can’t, because I don’t want to catch feelings or get hurt. He asks for sex again. We have this deep conversation on Skype where I tell him once more that I’m not interested in just sex, and then the weirdest thing happened-we actually had a deep and fun conversation about our lives. Then he pulled away from me (he didn’t talk to me again for several days.) We’ve been having more quality conversations but he has been responding slower and more neutrally like cool, okay, yeah. So my question is, should I end the conversation or should I just give no response until he responds again?

    Thank you for reading

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Hope,

      did you mean as in stop talking? For me no but it would be better if you’ll be the one to end the conversation at high note

  17. Gwen - 0

    Gwen

    Hi Amor,

    I wrote asking for advice I think a week ago… But well… The thing is I followed the advices here and it went very well and we started having a relationship again, then I got jealous and paranoic one day about one of his friends and he got very angry at me. We talked about it and he told me he still wanted to be with me, he wasn’t angry anymore and that everything was alright. However he was being very cold with me (we are long distance, I mean I noticed it through message) and as you adviced me to be less avaliable I’ve tried it, but the thing is that now he isn’t talking to me at all, he doesn’t write at mornings as he used to do everyday, he doesn’t even say good night, he just talks like one sentence a day and it’s being like a week he is that way with me. I told him yesterday I wanted to talk with him and he told me he was out and we would talk later, but he didn’t write me anything. Today he hasn’t told me anything, nor even hello, anything… And I haven’t texted him anything else because I don’t wanna be clingy or a text gnat… But I really don’t know what to do, he told me we were alright and now he is almost disappeared… I’m angry on the one hand because he has being telling me these past months he was so sorry he treated me that way when he broke up with me and that this time he would be more romantic and treat me better, he told me he had no doubts and he loves me… And now he disappears this way 🙁 And I can’t understand it because after the argument we had he told me we were alright and everyday it started like getting better and like before and now suddenly he is acting this way… But on the other hand I know I have to be calmed and not to overwhelm him… So I really don’t know what to do… Do I wait until he texts me and do I act normal as if nothing happened and see if it all goes back to normal? Do I write him and try to talk with him about this? Or maybe if he writes I was thinking about not answering in some days… Or is it a bad idea? What do I do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      try to follow the advice on this one:
      How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming

    • Gwen - 0

      Gwen

      Thank you Amor I’ve read it and I’m going to try the advice in there… Just… one more thing please, yesterday I couldn’t hep it and I got very sensitive… I started sending him texts he had texted me saying he loves me bla bla bla … And told him how does he want us to solve our problems if he isn’t even answering me now… And he hasn’t answered anything… I think I acted very wrong I regretted sending those texts just after I sent them… I also have to say he is having so much fun lately because he is on his vacations, while lately because of various things I’m not having social life at all and right now I can’t help it, I know it was an important thing while getting him back but at this point I don’t know the importance of that… So… well my question is do I text him and say I want us to talk and try to be open about this as the advices on that post say or do I wait until he answers…? Also my fear is that he answers directly breaking up with me so I don’t even have the choice of talking with him…

    • Gwen - 0

      Gwen

      Well sorry for writing too much Xd it’s just i wanted to add he hasn’t answered me at all yet and it was my bday and he didnt even wished me a happy bday :/ so I don’t know if talking to him or waiting… But what if it is weeks until he decides to text me?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      nope, dont text him your actions, just do it. Set a limit until when you would observe if he would text you, because if it’s too long then he’s already ghosting you..

    • Gwen - 0

      Gwen

      Sorry Amor I haven’t understood completely so you mean it’s better if I don’t write and wait but I have to set a limit waiting? Or that I should write but then set a limit in the time I’m waiting?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      sorry.. I mean dont text him.. be active in improving yourself in the mean time.. then maybe if after 2 weeks he still isn’t texting, ask him how he is.. if he doesn’t reply, take that as ghosting and then decide if you want to move on or try no contact rule as a last resort before moving on

    • Gwen - 0

      Gwen

      Hi Amor…

      Okk thank you but something happened… My best friend texted him and told him he is not apreciating my love bla bla bla and that he should talk to me and he has… He told me he wants to talk with me about everything but he also answered my friend and told him I deserve a good person so… I suppose he has in mind breaking up with me… I will try NC one more time… How long should I do it this time? 30 days or more because this is the second time we break up and I suppose he is going to be more afraid of getting back with me even thinking we can talk again after NC and he thinks about being with me… Etc I’m afraid he will have that fear… Also it makes it more difficult that we are long distance and this time he hasn’t come here he was going to come this month but as this all happened… Well how long should I wait 30 is ok for him to cool down and miss me again?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      wait.. you said he talked to you right? Then what did he say? If he didn’t say to break up with you, follow the advice on the article in your previous comments about how to prevent a break up.

    • Gwen - 0

      Gwen

      Yes, he told me exactly “I’m so sorry for not having answered you anything, we are going to talk about everything” but he told my friend “she deserves someone to whom she can give all her love” among all the things he told… That’s why I’ve thought he’s going to break up. We couldn’t talk but we are going to have that conversation today. I’ll try to follow all the advices anyway and try to prevent it. I’ll try to be relaxed.

    • Gwen - 0

      Gwen

      Amor, something happened so we will talk tomorrow and as I have another day I want to ask if appart of those advices it’s better if I start a normal convers and I try to talk with him normally during the day because we are gonna talk about that at night… Or is it better if we just have the night convers?? I thought it because maybe he is angry or something so he cools down a bit but I don’t know if that’s a good idea… And also do I talk as if I had’nt read that from my friend, I mean he knows I’ve read it of course but I mean as not taking seriously that he has in mind breaking up and just talking openly as in the advices ??

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      just talk with him normally if he will talk to you in the day.. and yes, just relax and listen openly

    • Gwen - 0

      Gwen

      Hi Amor,

      We talked finally. Well it went more or less well, I followed all the advices. The thing is our situation is difficult because of the distance and right now it isn’t really possible having a real relationship. He can’t come this month and we are not going to see each other like in 3 months. Because of his job and our situation it’s very complicated. However, we have thought the best we can do right now while I can move there or not or at least while we can’t visit each other during months and months, we are going to go slower, and be more realistic about this. So we have like gone some steps back but being together it’s weird… But not really dating. I’ve agreed anyway because I’ve realized it’s true we can’t be in a relationship right now. We know we want one for the future if everything goes well and that right now we are going to visit each other and have fun. I don’t like the fact that we aren’t commited anymore for the moment but I think it’s true the best way for this to go is to make it slower. My fear is being completely frienzoned because I know we can’t have a real relationship right now but I don’t want him to lose interest in me and friendzone me either… So what can I do?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Have a solid timeline on until when you two will be like that. If it reaches that timeline and it’s not progressing, then move on.

    • Gwen - 0

      Gwen

      Hi Amor,

      I’ve been trying not to give importance to this since I had that talk with him and just let things flow naturally. But I’ve decided I still want to try before thinking about moving on. The thing is that I’ve noticed now he has completely friendzoned me and I don’t know what I should do. I don’t know if follow the advice and frienzone him, or if that’s going to push him even more because of distance and he’s going to think like oh it’s ok if she has dates I don’t care anymore and he just keeps friendzoning me. Also I don’t know if NC makes any sense at this point because I already tried it months ago, (and it worked really well, I got him back) but doing it again… :/ I’m not sure. So then I’ve thought about trying again leaving him in cliffhangers and being less available, and I want to try like to start writing him just a few messages this week then more and more like following the plan again but without NC… But I’m really lost I’m not sure what I should do. He still writes me everyday, he tells me good morning every day and then sometimes we don’t talk more and other times we have some conversations, it’s just we are “friends” and nothing else. Today I was angry because of the situation but I didn’t want to mess anything up so I just tried to be nice at him but at the same time I was teasing him. I told him now I don’t like his hair bla bla bla… Just a silly conversation but suddenly he has told me “well although you don’t like my hair I’ve always loved yours, it’s so beautiful” so I don’t know if taking that as if he has flirted because I also don’t want to be blinded by my feelings. Also I’ve tried twice this past month, and I’ve left him with no answer two times to see his reaction, and the next day he wrote me again being nice like chasing me but then when I’ve answered he has left me with no answer until the other day as if he was talking a revenge… So yeah that’s pretty much everything and he sends me voice messages but I’m avoiding calls and voice messages, I also don’t want to do any videochats yet because of my fear of being too available and frienzoned (although I think I already am :/ ) So what should I do?? I have many doubts 🙁

    • Gwen - 0

      Gwen

      Also, since we had that talk I’ve been meeting another guy and we have had some dates but I don’t want nothing serious with him it’s just because I wanted to avoid being as hurt as I was the other time he broke up with me. I love my ex a lot but I want to think about me this time. Of course he doesn’t know anything about this guy and as he lives in another city he’s not going to find out. Well I don’t think I’m acting wrong because we are not dating so I’m not cheating on him. My question is if I should keep these dates with this guy a secret not to make him see me as a friend completely or get angry or whatever and stop trying having anything with me in a future, or if I should use it as a way of making him jealous or something??

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      if you’re really just friends, you don’t have to hide dating because it looks like you’re doing something wrong when you’re hiding it.. I think nc can still help because the first one was months ago..because in order to create attraction, there has to be desire..desire is what you feel to something you dont have..being present, conveys that even if you’re not together, he’s not going to lose you

    • Gwen - 0

      Gwen

      Hi Amor,

      Ok I’ve decided to try NC, just I don’t know if telling him I need space or something or just stop talking. The thing is that the other day I found a pic with a sentence that was like for a LDR and I wasn’t thinking I don’t know why I did it but I sent it to him. He hasn’t answered during the weekend and today he has told me his phone was broken but he hasn’t mentioned anything about the pic with the text. On the other hand I’ve seen he has been online on other apps and also he was getting the messages so I’m angry and I haven’t answered him today. I don’t know if keeping myself from answering and start NC today or if it’s better talking with him and telling him I need time. The last time I did NC I told him I needed time and I talked with him about it because we finished the relationship as friends so I thought it would be a better way. I told him to tell me if he ever felt he wanted something with me again and to be sincere with his feelings and never hide me anything if in time we got together again not to be afraid. He told me he would do that, then I started NC, and actually he did that. Two weeks after NC he told me if we could talk like before and I said yes so he started texting me everyday and chasing me… Two weeks later he told me he had to confess he still was in love with me and wanted to try something again and that he was telling me that because he promised me he wouldn’t hide his feelings from me as I asked him too. So I’ve thought maybe starting NC in a nice way again will make it easier for contacting him after NC like the other time. Maybe if I tell him the same, to be sincere with me always etc and also that I need some time but then we are going to talk like always if we talk again, that way he is like going to keep contacting me after NC. So which way should I do NC??
      Also, this time we have been together I haven’t seen him in person, and I read in one of Chris’ articles that to make these tips work you have to have had physical contact with the person not just a complete online relationship, so the thing is that I was thinking about visiting his city this month and I don’t know if it would be a good idea to meet him and well if I meet him I don’t know if we are going to be just friends or if something more is going to happen, not sex, because of my personality I just do it inside a relationship but I would’t matter kissing him. So, my doubt is also if it’s a good idea, that way I could also see how he treats me now in person and after that I don’t expect him to magically want to be with me because of a kiss, but like to have some memories I could use this time after NC and also I’d really like seeing him again. So yeah,… is it a good idea and maybe after that starting NC or is it better if I start NC right now?? And talking with him about everything or just leaving him with no answer???

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      for me this time, just start nc. Because you’ve already said that before and you still broke up.. He wouldn’t think you’re serious with your standards if you keep saying them but not follow them.. go there after you’ve built rapport and attraction through texts and calls first..

    • Gwen - 0

      Gwen

      Ok thank you Amor, I’ll do that. I hasn’t answered anything so I’ll keep doing NC.

    • Gwen - 0

      Gwen

      Oh btw, how many days this time? Also 30 is ok or less?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I think you should do at least 30..

    • Gwen - 0

      Gwen

      Ok thank you Amor.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you’re welcome!

  18. Jane - 0

    Jane

    Hi,

    I broke up with my boyfriend of 15 months nearly 2 weeks ago. He cheated on me in the summer and I forgave him because he told me he was sorry, it made him realise how he needs to hangs his life and how much he wants me. He went away for a few weeks afterwards and it allowed me to put things into perspective. He came back and was stressed with work and otherwise influences and has admitted thst he was unhappy. I did everything I could to support him through this period and saw glimmers of the old him back and how it used to be between us. Then he became really distant and dumped me via text saying that he loved me but didn’t fancy me anymore, was depressed and unhappy, he needed to make changes in his life and it was his journey to go on alone. So I begged and cried! Then I found this site and I have initiated NC. It’s been 4 days and I didn’t even respond to his “happy new year” text. I’m feeling produce, have booked an appointment with a counsellor to work on me but I can’t help thinking that it’s his depression talking. Do you think with NC and working on being the “ungetable girl” I will have a chance? I’m in my mid 30s, he’s early 40s.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi Jane,

      there’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work but if its his depression then pushing to change his decision will just make him feel you dont understand what he wants, which is to break up..

    • Jane - 0

      Jane

      Hi Amor,
      I’m feeling positive. I’m seeing a counsellor to work on me and I’m implementing the NC rule. I’m hopeful for a future with him but also taking strides to figure out what I want from my life. He’s been texting everyday and I’ve been strong and ignored the messages.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s good.. keep doing that even when you’re in the building rapport stage already

  19. Alice - 0

    Alice

    Hi Amor !
    First I want to thank you for the reply on my previous comment on an other post some weeks ago. I can’t find it to reply there but thanks anyway.
    My ex bf broke up with me 3 weeks ago and I went no contact the day after the break up. The first week was a nightmare but I managed to keep myself busy, see my friends, do new activities and today, 21 of nc I received a text from my ex, he said he sent me the money he owed me and wished me happy new year festivities. I didn’t reply and this evening he sent me an other (rather angry) text, saying that I could’ve answered and that I was disappointing him even more everyday.
    I was and am still very confused with this? I don’t understand why he would be disappointed in me? He was the one to break up with me and he was the one to tell me he didn’t have feelings for me? Before NC I told him I needed time and he said he understood that and will always like me and our relationship and whatever I decided (talk to him, be his friend or not) he will always have positive thoughts about me.. now it doesn’t seem like it ?!
    I wanted to ask why but I didn’t, in the end, I replied 3 hours later “hey! Couldn’t reply earlier, crazy day! Thanks! Happy new year to you too and I hope you are doing fine :)”

    I didn’t want to have a conversation with him too soon and I thought it ended it quite well (tried to follow EBR advices) and he replied “yeah I bet with your new life as a model you don’t have time” (it maybe doesn’t sound rude the way I translated it, but in our language the text was rude) because I did some pictures as a model for a friend whose a photographer, just for fun, and he saw it on my snapchat story..
    I didn’t reply, and I don’t plan to but what is going on in his mind? WHy is he suddenly turning in that rude guy when I didn’t do anything to him and we were suppose to stay friends… is he mad because I didn’t beg for him and stop chasing after him? Is that a good sign or..?
    I planned to send him the first contact text next week but now I don’t know?
    SOrry for the long post I don’t even know if it makes sense ..

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Alice,

      It can be a form over taking back power because he didn’t expect you to really stick to nc. The thing is, it was broken when you replied, not just because you replied, but because you replied after an angry text. It was like you got afraid and then decided to turn around the situation by replying. And then that looked like his tactic worked on you, so it would be better to restart the count before attempting contact again. Maybe do just 21 days nc.

  20. Dree - 0

    Dree

    Hi!

    My ex and I had a pretty stable & happy relationship, eventually we broke up because of a lack of communication & he was going to work overseas for a year. We had a amiable breakup, then after a while we had a huge fight and he got triggered- he told me he would never want to get back with me again and he started sleeping around (i didn’t know as i had already started no contact) Only after i’d made my first contact message did i realise he’d been like this. Is there still a way for me to get him back/ help him heal from this relationship without being viewed negatively by him?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Dree,

      how long did you do nc, how much did you improve, how was the first contact text?

  21. Help! - 0

    Help!

    Hi,

    So update…
    I have completed NC and it’s been exactly 32 days now I haven’t spoken to him. On day 30 I got a call from an unknown number the day before Christmas, in the evening..it rang for a while but I didn’t pick up. Not sure if it was him or not..I will pick up if I see his number. Like I said, I’m on holidays, I come back tomorrow so physically I’m not in the same state as him now. I had deleted his number beginning of NC, not blocked it incase he contacted me but cos I deleted it I can’t contact him. As previously stated I can’t find him on FB and that’s his only social network. So what do I do now? Continue improving and just wait it out? His future was uncertain when he dumped me and his visa issues were main reason for breakup.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      since you dont have any other way, wait for a call again because that’s probably him

    • Help! - 0

      Help!

      Thanks Amor,

      But if it was him wouldn’t he have called more than once after NC?

      Thankyou

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      maybe it was weird for him to call twice..maybe he bitt dialed or intended to just greet but doesn’t want to look desperate by calling again

    • Help! - 0

      Help!

      Is 35 days of NC and nothing from him mean it’s time to properly move on? If he only called once and never tried again.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Not really..some even dont experience any form of contact during nc

    • Help! - 0

      Help!

      Thanks Amor. I have decided that if my ex doesn’t contact me tomorrow (New Years day would be great excuse for contact on his part) then I’m moving on. This website has helped with my personal growth, I also would love an article on how to move on when he doesn’t contact during or after NC. As some situations don’t get the results people hope for.

      Thankyou so much for your guidance!

    • Help! - 0

      Help!

      Ok so I was intent on moving on if I didn’t hear anything by tomorrow. But this morning I once again got a call on private (exactly a week from the last one). This time I let it ring about 3 times then picked up..the person wasn’t talking and I was like “hello, hello? Silence..then they hung up. If this is my ex why wouldn’t he have the balls to say something?!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Maybe he is testing the waters if you’re angry

    • Help! - 0

      Help!

      Well I mean last time I didn’t pick up at all, and it’s funny exactly a week later he (if it was him) decides to try again. But how can he figure if I’m angry when I only got two words in? Which was hello twice. I sounded pretty happy and out of breath as I had just exercised.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      It would be too coincidental that somebody would call you twice.. if it’s really him, he’ll probably call again..if he still doesn’t answer..then better not answer the 4th call, (if there will) or initiate a text. If he doesn’t answer, move on..

    • Help! - 0

      Help!

      Yeah that is so true!
      I mean two calls is too much of a coincidence and a week apart exactly. But why would he still have his caller ID as unknown? I can’t text him cos I deleted his number at beginning of NC to stop temptation to break it. And I can’t text a private number

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I dont want to make assumptions..so, you just have to set a limit on until when you would wait

  22. K - 0

    K

    Hi, Marry Christmas everyone and i always appreciate your works.

    so about 12 days into NC I broke it and texted him if we could talk and the messages were marked as unread for a few days so i thought he either deleted the app or blocked me. So i wasn’t expecting to hear from him at all, but rather was relieved that he didn’t or wouldn’t get the messages as i was kind of regretting texting him.

    but then on 24th, he texted me back and was like “Can we do it in one or two weeks? I am having a family time and busy.” (he was cold and not friendly at all) so a few hours later i texted “okay Merry Christmas” and that was it. He read the message this time but no more reply.

    Should i talk to him in 1 or 2 week when he has time? I was planning to tell him that how i didn’t like the way our last phone call went and since those last 3years still means a lot to me no matter what, i just wanted to say a proper goodbye and that i wish we didn’t have to be strangers and maybe stay friends. And do NC for another 21 days maybe and start to talk to him and build the rapport. I thought in this case he would think maybe i have moved on and actually accepted the fact that we’re not together anymore and besides since i suggested to stay friends, i would have more legitimate reason to talk to him.

    But at the same time i am so worried that he might no care and have no feeling left at all like he said when he was breaking up with me. If i agree to talk to him in 1 or 2 weeks and do another nc after that, would that make any difference? What do you think i should do?????
    Thanks

    Reply
    • K - 0

      K

      oh also when we talk, can i mention that i have gone out and met new people but even though that other guy was interested in me, i wasnt ready to date other people because maybe i am so used to him, or maybe i just want to enjoy a little more time as a single and enjoy myself, but now that we have talked, i feel so much better (and maybe ready to move on)?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi K,

      I agree with your plan of talking to him for closure only and maybe later on being friends and then to do nc again.. It doesn’t matter if he believes you or not at that moment, because what matters more is your actions after you say that.. your actions should be convincing that you really are moving on..

    • K - 0

      K

      I was thinking closure talk-> nc-> being friends and building rapport and keep talking and keeping him hooked until we’ll be able to meet in person in march, but do you mean i should be friends and build rapport and then do another nc?? I am a little confused:( but thank you so much for the reply. I appreciate how much supportive you guys are and it’s always good to know that this group of experts has my back:))

    • K - 0

      K

      Oh and how many days of nc are you suggesting after the closure talk?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      sorry!!! I meant closure talk and then nc and then rebuild rapport.. I think 21-30 days is ok

    • K - 0

      K

      Hi, its me again. I haven’t talked to him yet but i just read the article about the push/pull theory. I really liked the idea and even thought about subtly implementing it on him when we talk but I’m worried as soon as i push him he will just be pushed to the point where theres no coming back. He is the kind of the person who even in a very stressful situation just accepts it and move on and he is also a coward who wouldn’t even try to fight it to get what he wants and besides he was very determined when we were breaking up. So I’m not sure if i should tell him that i don’t want to be back in the relationship right now (which is true) before he has a chance to say it. What if i say it and he thinks ‘oh great. now its easier to move on and i don’t even need to consider it’ ? Should i still go for it? thanks!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Well, if he was set on breaking up with you , it’s less likely that he will ask you back in the near future. If you meant just saying that out of nowhere.. Don’t do it. Just build rapport. You are going to sound like you’re just trying to convince him that you don’t want a relationship if you say it at the early stages of building rapport, when he’s not even asking for you back. If he asks, then answer with humor,be cheeky. “You haven’t conquered all the stages to get to the final rose yet, ready for a bumpy ride mr. bachelor? ;)” Something like that.

    • K - 0

      K

      Yeah but I thought in the earlier comments you recommended I should tell him i have actually moved on and do nc and then build rapport so I figured maybe telling him i am not interested before he has a chance would be okay maybe..? And one more question, it has been almost 2weeks since he replied “can we do it in 1-2weeks?” to my”can we talk?”text and haven’t heard from him yet…should I text him one more time if i wait like 4more days and still hear nothing from him? Thanks!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      oh.. I meant doing or telling that before the nc, so that it’s like a closure or clean slate talk but when you start building rapport dont mention it again..except for the circumstances in my latest comment before this

    • K - 0

      K

      Hi, so 2 weeks were up and i thought I’d kindly remind him that he said he’d talk so I texted him asking if he could talk like 4days ago and the messages are still marked as unread… I mean I understand why I’m not his favorite person to talk to right now but i just want the “closure” (for now). What’s confusing is that he said he’d talk in 1-2 weeks like 2weeks ago but now he’s ignoring me again…. I don’t know what is going on in his mind.. should i wait like one more week like the last time I texted him? Or should I text him that I understand why he doesn’t want to talk but I would appreciate it if he could give me 20-30minutes and the sooner the better? What should i do?

      Oh and one more question, let’s say he’s moved on, is there any article on how to re-attract the exes who have moved on already? Thanks!!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      The no contact approach should be on that mindset, that the person has moved on already. And actually asking permission to talk or just asking him if he could talk is like chasing, basically you start the conversation. Right now, if he’s not replying, that probably means he just really wants you to move on and he just said before that he would talk after two weeks maybe hoping you have moved on… but let’s still wait. If he doesn’t reply in a week, move on.

    • K - 0

      K

      So if I wait like one more week and still don’t get a response from him, can I just text him that I understand why he doesn’t feel comfortable talking to me but i just wanted a proper closure and that I still appreciate the last 3years and all these good memories and I hope we can be friends someday? Dose it count as chasing? Thanks!

    • K - 0

      K

      I mean, can I just text him what I wanted to tell him on the phone and also tell him?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hmm..the thing with that is, if you’ve already said that before, in exactly like that or different but with the same intention, then dont say it again.. because you will look like you’re just trying to convince him what he should think of you when everybody knows what you want is something else..if you haven’t said it in any form then go ahead

    • K - 0

      K

      Luckily for me I haven’t said anything like that before so maybe I’ll text him next week or tomorrow.. and what if I text him (I’m not expecting any reply or anything though…) and then go nc and text him again one month before I move to the states talking about not-relationship-related stuff? Do I have ur approval on that?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      🙂 if he replies, continue texting him.. if he doesn’t, continue to nc for one last time

    • K - 0

      K

      It has been 2days since I texted him about the closure and 1week+ since I asked him if he could talk but still nothing from him…and the messages are still marked as unread:( I’m not even sure if he knows i texted him or not…(but pretty sure he didn’t block me) Does he feel nothing but annoyed? Is there any way i can turn things around? Should i do nc and contact him via Facebook this time? Then for how long should i do nc? Please help….

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      the more you do nc, the less it can help you, that’s why it would be better if this one is going to be last.. Make it 45 days, make it seem like you’re really moving on..date others, and keep being active

    • k - 0

      k

      Hi, so heres an update.. so like I explained above, i asked him if we could talk, but we couldn’t. Instead, i texted him how grateful i am of the last 3 years and that I don’t want this relationship now and that i don’t want us to be strangers. but it was mostly about how grateful i am. And he finally texted me back today. he was like “thank you for the good things you said **(my name), i am so sorry i kept ignoring your text and it took me so long to reply. I’ve been busy with the big training(he’s in the military). I’ll text you back more properly when i have more time. until then, take care, and thanks”
      and i didn’t say anything afterwards. I think even if he texts again, like he said he would, he would be just like “yeah, thank you for the last 3 years and I’m sorry it didn’t work. Have a good life”
      Should i be disappointed? and should i go nc from now on and even after he texts me that kind of things? or should i have said something after he texted me today? whats my game plan?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I think that really means he just wants you to move on and that nownis not the right time to try to build rapport because like he said, he’s busy.. In that cases, like in the article for girls with military exes, there could be a time that the only chance is that you have to do nc until he gets home

    • K - 0

      K

      So I’ve read the article but what’s tricky about my situation is that he’s back home in the states and I’m oceans away from him(we’ were an international couple) so he is allowed to have phone, computer, internet.. just any normal life and i think the training is only a temporary thing.. And i am planning to move to the states maybe in march or April. Should I still stick to nc until i get on the plane to the states?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yes, because it looks like he really doesn’t want to talk. That it’s not just about him being in training.

    • K - 0

      K

      Hi, its me again. So two weeks ago, i left a comment here that he replied “thank you for the good things you said **(my name), i am so sorry i kept ignoring your text and it took me so long to reply. I’ve been busy with the big training(he’s in the military). I’ll text you back more properly when i have more time. until then, take care, and thanks” and it was rather a warm text. And i haven’t heard from him for 2 weeks. I am a little confused because i thought he was the kind of a person who wouldn’t say he’d text me if he doesn’t meant it. Maybe if he didn’t actually mean it when he said he would talk later, should i wait like 45-60 days and text him about random stuff? I know you suggested to wait till I’m in the states but like a few comments before that you said 45days of NC…so please help me

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I suggested 45 days before he said that.. so, after he said that, I still think that like in the article, you might have to do nc until he gets home

    • K - 0

      K

      Hi, so I’ve decided to do nc until April or may when I’ll go to the states. My questions are a) what if i ask him help with some car issues (which would be a pretty innocent request because he know i am not really an car expert and he used to make fun of me for being maybe the worst driver) ? Do you think that could work as the first text message after no of 3-4months? And b) it will be 3-4months after we(or he to be more accurate) stopped talking and 4-5months after the breakup and 7months after we saw each other in person for the last time. I’m worried that so much time has passed that I won’t have any chances. What are my chances? Should I contact him in march as a little reminder? Thanks!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      consider it at as restart.. Yes, you can use that as an excuse for a first contact. At that time, would he be interested when he sees the new you?

  23. Eli - 0

    Eli

    Hi i have a question. My best friend just told me that best friend of my ex asked her to talk with him about how am i doing after breakup. It’s pretty obvious that he will tell my ex what she said. And i dont know what she should tell him. That i am doing very good and i’m totally over him or that i am doing good but sometimes it’s not easy as our relationship was serious and obviously i feel sad from time to time. Will it be better to make him feel like he lost me or to let him know that doors are open in case he’d consider if he has another chance with me?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Eli,

      it would be better if he thinks you have moved on.. if he wants you back, let him work for it. Dont make it an easy come back by letting him think you’re still waiting

  24. Help! - 0

    Help!

    Hi,
    I wrote a previous comment on this page but it’s not processed yet or something?Tomorrow is my last day of NC and I have heard absolutely nothing from him. I can’t text him cos I deleted his number so I wouldn’t break NC, I assume he still has mine. I’m blocked on FB, I am going interstate for a few days and can’t visit him either til after then. People have told me to give up and I’m in a place where I don’t feel lost without him, I’m just bummed NC didn’t work for this situation…or any others of mine tbh..

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi I haven’t reached your previous comment..but, I cant find a previous comment with your email too. I dont remember the back story. Anyways, if you’re blocked in facebook, what about other social media apps? why did he block you?

    • Help! - 0

      Help!

      He doesn’t have other social media apps. Well I’m assuming he blocked me cos I unblocked him not long ago and can’t find him on Facebook. Basically when we broke up he was having visa issues and wasn’t sure if he wanted to stay here.

    • S - 0

      S

      We broke up 3 weeks ago after 1 year. In love, exchanged I love you’s, but the talk of the future (aka marriage) made him nervous. He broke up with me, but he thinks this break will give us time to work through our issues (which we both have) and then we can get back together for good, forever. Clearly, the possibility of a future is there – but not now. We desperately need a restart. I haven’t done the NC rule well. Been talking. I want to start. We’ve been best friends, have a business together, are in the same program, and have the same friends. How can I do the NC rule when I will have to speak to him?

    • Chris Seiter - 4
  25. Sarah - 0

    Sarah

    Hey guys!
    So it’s been a year since my ex and I broke up and at first, I tried the NC rule and tried so hard to focus on myself that it actually worked 🙂 we were so so so close to getting back together, but then like I usually did, I used the pull and push method but this time I seemed to have pushed him away too far and he got really mad and walked away. Since then, it’s taken me a year to get his friendship back and since then he’s told me about a new crush and all his plans to get her attention. I found this confusing because at one point we weren’t talking and the next, he wanted my advice for another girl?
    That was at least a few months ago and I stopped replying to him and inquiring about this girl. We would talk in class, strictly within the topic of school…but recently we went to a camp and prior this camp, it had seemed that I was moving on from him and even developed feelings for someone else. But one night in that camp, we ended up talking alone and he asked if I had a crush and I tried to play it cool, shrugging it off and not making a big deal out of it. Eventually, he managed to guess who it was because, during the camp, he would always be asking who I was texting or trying to get some sort of information out of me.

    We started talking about how I had small feelings for my new crush and he kept asking different questions about my relationship with this new crush (he continued asking questions the next day and a few after that also + on social media). After a while, I apologised for my desperate and poor behaviour after we had broken up (I was a major GNATT before I saw this website). He told me not to be sorry and we continued talking. After a while, he told me that the “girl” he had always mentioned was a made up thing and never actually had feelings for her. Yet, he would never tell me why. I haven’t replied to any more of his texts mainly due to the fact that I don’t want to cause a fight or get attached again.

    Did it mean anything? What he said or the way he behaved? He was treating me the way he used to when we were together and it brought all those feelings back. But, maybe it was that closure we both needed after a year of barely speaking? I’m not sure…Also, throughout the last few weeks, before the camp, his friends had also been making sneaky remarks about me and him being a couple, all of which I denied immediately, but he would always hesistate for a minute or two.

    Sorry that this is so long, but I am just not sure. I would be happy if it was a sign or something, but if it just seemed like that closure after a year of not speaking, then that’s even better because I can officially move on. Hopefullyy, you have a better idea than I do :’)
    Sincerely,
    S

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sarah,

      I think it would be better if you take it as a closure because if he has feelings for you, then he has to work for you this time

  26. Help! - 0

    Help!

    Hi,

    I have only 3 days left of NC left and heard absolutely nothing! He got me blocked on FB and I deleted his number( he could still text me if he wanted to) I just deleted it to not break NC. So if he doesn’t reach out what do I do? He was having uncertainty about staying in this country and visa issues and Maybe he left..

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi I haven’t reached your previous comment..but, I cant find a previous comment with your email too. I dont remember the back story. Anyways, if you’re blocked in facebook, what about other social media apps? why did he block you?

  27. Anon - 0

    Anon

    Hi!

    It’s me again…my last comment with the whole story is under Anatomy of a Breakup Part II.

    I had talked to my ex about a week and a half ago and he was very angry because of personal problems. Amor, you advised me to try to not be one of his problems but to be his shoulder to lean on.

    I don’t think he wants my shoulder to lean on. It’s very confusing…it seemed like we were so close to getting back together. We were hanging out a lot and talking again. But then he just pulls everything away again! For no reason. He tells me he’s angry with me and doesn’t want to have anything to do with me or our daughter. But I called him tonight asking for answers and he didn’t have any! I was terrified he was with a girl because he was being quiet but he said he was “around people” and to “stop being annoying.”

    I just don’t know what to do at this point. I’ve done the NC rule twice but that was months ago. I know it loses its effectiveness the more you use it. But maybe I should use it again…I don’t know what would make him so angry out of nowhere. And I want to make it work so badly but I don’t think I’m making it better at this point by annoying him…but I am terrified of him moving on…

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that means you really have to back off now.. either do nc for a long time or move on

  28. Suhani - 0

    Suhani

    I met this guy 6yrs ago, we have been good friends and I started developing feelings for him, but he always friend zoned me out and after some months, we both started being in friends with benefits relation.. he never committed to me but we kept on continuing our so called benefits relation from past 5yrs, he left me twice and after his relation didn’t work he came back to me. Recently 3months ago, he ended everything and reason was he met someone new in his life. I was very much in depression, I came to this site and I read about no contact rule. Yes, I didn’t wish him Birthday nor contacted him by any means.. Day 26 of NC he texted me and he said he missed me and I didn’t wished him birthday hurted him most. And he confessed me that he misses me and wants me in his life but he likes someone too. This irked me, because from past 6yrs I have been waiting for this guy and he just used me. I was in depression, I used to stay home, cried for hours.. it took me a lot of courage to block him everywhere, I focused on moving on and I changed myself into a better person.. I coloured my hair, got new look..and he tried contacting me through our mutual friends, he stalked me through fake profiles and texted me I look hot, and for moment I only told him I hate him and I wouldn’t talk to him ever, he said he missed me, he wants me back as friends with benefits only.. he can’t promise me to commit and all I m doing right now is No contact rule from week, I don’t know what should I do? I really love him still.. how should I make him commit to me?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Suhani,

      you cant force him. The only approach is to refuse being friends with benefits. We train others on how they treat us. What you keep allowing is the reflection of your standards.

  29. Whyte - 0

    Whyte

    So i will try to outline my situation. Ex gone and over with since three years ago. I feel great! Met this guy im dating online. We were going good and had something. But when he was getting all awkward when i tried making or hinting “the talk” i told him i am not interested in having any sort of romantic relationship now.So after that we went on doing the same thing: having clean fun and being sweet- pretty much between the “close friends” and “item” kind of interaction. He started to get issues lately and seems to be aloof or probably wanting space. Recently i got a little emotional because aside from the hormones, i had empathy for my group of friends who fell apart after a fight. I sought to approach him for comfort and maybe a talk, but he seemed to be annoyed and found me needy. I called him out about that and he apologized and started trying to make things up with me and tried to transition to a light conversation. We were supposed to also go to this event next valentines for fun because it’s open for everyone:family, couples friends etc. But when i asked him about it, he started being shy to flaky to refusing to answer (but a long time ago he brought up being interested in attending it with me.) I took time to reflect on my actions and MAYBE i was almost appearing needy-clingy for running to him about my emotions and doubts because i wanted to spend time with him more or hang around with him (but hell, thats what friends are for right? then again, he might be a typical guy who gets weird feelings he cant comprehend?? that all he knows is he wants space from me?…. am i right? i sort of dont want to make efforts overthinking the possibilities of this and just take things at face value.) So anyway I decided i will do a no contact WITH mirroring. I do not want to entirely ignore him but I plan on being formal/civil and mirror- just how it goes in this article. I also plan on not asking him about the event anymore even tho i was really excited about it and had my hopes high. I do want him to chase but I feel like i deserve better treatment. After all, i was able to attract him from the start by being loyal to EBR’s teachings. I probably just got a little too comfortable too soon, so before it gets any worse , i have to keep the control.

    Am i doing things right? I heard a guy-guy has this “man cave” he retreats to when he gets closer to a girl emotionally. I still want to be polite and make him feel thatthe door is open and im not “mad” or “angry” but i also want to make him feel that he sort of disappointed me and i am giving him a chance to prove himself again. Yes, it is up to him, but i would like to influence things in a way that he knows he can approach me, but he has to do the work. Any feedback, ebr? thanks!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi Whyte,

      I think he’s confused with you.. how long have you been seeing each other?

    • Whyte - 0

      Whyte

      5 months.

      what do you mean by confused?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      because you said you were not interested in a romantic relation and then you’re starting to expect more emotional support from him.. For me, you should do the no contact rule but if you really dont want then proceed with your plan

  30. Confused - 0

    Confused

    A couple of days ago my boyfriend came to me with some really hurtful information he had been given through my ex boyfriends friends regarding something I had “supposedly done”. We had a chat and are fine now, however, I want to know your thoughts on the subject. Basically, me and my ex boyfriend haven’t been together for little over a year and a bit now and stopped talking altogether around 5 months ago. However, this information about something I supposedly done surfaced about 6 days ago now from my ex boyfriend. He has a girlfriend and claims he is happy. But, is his way of getting to me and my boyfriend through his friends his way of trying to initiate something? If he wanted to talk to me he normally locked me out of my game but I have since changed all info so he doesn’t haven access to the account. Is this his new way of trying to come back into my life? Any thoughts would be helpful. Thank you 🙂

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Confused,

      That’s hard to tell because what was that that you did? And it can be just a topic that was brushed along when your ex and his friends talked and then reached your current bf now because they were tripping or they were curious, like spreading rumors

    • Confused - 0

      Confused

      I supposedly had slept with my ex boyfriend at that time when I didn’t and if I did he had his girlfriend at that time. It wouldn’t surprise me if did do something like this as he’s tried it before.

  31. Sara - 0

    Sara

    Hi, I needed some advice on getting back my ex. Two months ago, I caught him cheating on me. He denied it and didn’t talk to me. When I contacted him, he just escaped from the questions and said other not related things. After a week I stopped talking to him, for more than 1 month, until today that was his birthday, and i wished him. He said that he didn’t expect me to wish him, that was very sorry that things went that way, and would want to turn back the time, but… Then I texted him that I would still like to talk to him, but not like before. He didn’t reply. He still is in the relationship with the other girl thought. What should I do next, or just live my life and wait if he will ever contact me? It still hurts me a lot, and I want him back. Also, he left the country one week after the cheating, the trip was planned before, I also left the country same day, other destination just to relax. But made it more difficult to meet him in person after this.
    Thanks in advance, I have read every section offline.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sara,

      So, he moved on to the girl he cheated you with? I think that’s the reason why he’s not talking to you anymore. First, that’s awkward because that’s the girl he cheated on with you. He must feel guilty. Second, talking to you can cause problems with his new relationship. Even if you didn’t talk for a month, how much have you improved yourself. If he compares you to the old you, how much have you improved? If he compares you to the girl now, would he miss you more?

  32. Britt - 0

    Britt

    Hey Guys!

    I’m kind of having problems even getting into a conversation with my ex. He is in what I think is a rebound relationship/friends with benefits situation. The first time we texted after no contact was good and positive, I then texted him two more times to only get one response, and then no response to my further reply. It’s been a week since I sent my last message to him (to which he responded), how do I get him to really want to have a conversation with me regardless if he is around this other girl? I think that is what is stopping him from opening my messages (he doesn’t even leave them read, just unopened), that he is around her or other people that he might not want to have see him texting me.

    What should I do, and what kind of texts should I be sending?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Britt,

      that’s normal that he would like that because he’s being protective of his relationship, especially that if he’s not sure if you’ve really moved on.. use topics that you know will get him intrigued, want to talk to you more, topics that he always loves talking about, end the conversation at high point, end in cliffhanger too. Open this one:
      What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On To A New Girl (Video)

    • Britt - 0

      Britt

      Hey Amor

      Do you mean protective of our relationship or his new one? I’m hoping I’m brave enough to text him again today and see how that goes. I’m finding it really hard to employ the “Being There” strategy when he’s kinda not letting me.

      It’s also his birthday coming up this weekend, should I still send him a message for it if he doesn’t reply to my message today?

    • Britt - 0

      Britt

      Did comment again but thought I’d update after messaging my ex as I’m a little confused.

      I texted him and he responded pretty positively, we just got into some general chit chat but all of a sudden he just didn’t open my last message, like he has done in the past. His last reply to me he was continuing the conversation by asking what I had been up to (after I asked him), but I just didn’t get a reply. It’s been over 8 hours and he’s been online, checking my social media too. So why not continue the conversation just as we were starting to have a nice talk?

      Do I keep trying to text him or should I wait and see if he replies or messages me first? I don’t really know where I’ve gone wrong with my replies, I’ve kept them to the point and engaging or so I thought.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      his new one.. He’s probably not letting you be more engaging or do the being there startegy because he might be sensing you still want him back and he doesn’t want to have problems with his relationship

  33. Caroline - 0

    Caroline

    I actually did mirror my ex bf before, after being polite for many months. He would only say one word sentences and act unintrested. When I did they same, he got really pissed and never wrote to me again. Is that a consequence you have to take as a girl? That if you give a guy the same treatment he’s given you – you could loose him even more?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Caroline,

      nope.. It depends on how it was done, the relationship status, his mood, the topic.. A lot of things..

  34. Stuck - 0

    Stuck

    My ex and I had been communicating very positively for 2 months. He had actually been initiating contact before me most days, and we had gone out a couple of times. A few days ago however, he stopped reaching out without warning. I tried to initiate two days in a row via text, and he gave me 1-2 word answers so I figured I’d lay off a bit. It’s now been 3 more days and he hasn’t reached out at all. Am I right to keep, “mirroring” him or how long should I wait for him to reengage before I give up?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Stuck,

      rest for a week or two..maybe he’s having personal matters to take care of

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