Lately I don’t know what it is but I’ve been getting so many messages about text messaging.

Specifically: “Chris, my ex texted me Ha Ha, what does it mean and how do I respond to it?”

So, I thought it would be prudent for me to make a video for you so you would have an idea of how to respond to an ex boyfriend text.  After all, he went to the trouble of reaching out to you.  But your mind is probably working overtime trying to figure out how to respond to an ex who is contacting you and apparently might want you back.

So I am going to give you a lot more than just something to watch!

The 10 Questions About Responding To Your Ex’s Texts You Have Been Dying to Ask!

One of the things you will learn today is not only how to respond to an ex asking how you are doing, but let me give you some answers now on  how to deal with a whole assortment of text message questions he might send you such as:

1. When my ex texts me, “I miss you”.

He might indeed miss you a lot, but if you are in the middle of your no contact period, be strong.  The rush of dopamine he was use to getting when you were around is missing. He needs a fix. Don’t give it to him just yet.  Play you cards right, you can build greater value.

2. When your ex boyfriend texts you out of the blue, what does it mean?

It probably means he is curious about you.  Maybe he is a nice guy and just saying hello.  But more often than not, he is taking a temperature of the after breakup climate to see if you are open to talking.  So he may be testing you to get a read on your willingness to reconsider.  Depending on where you are in the ex recovery process, it may be appropriate to ignore him or respond and slowly repair the communication lines.

3. When your ex texts you, “Hey” or “What’s going on” or he says, “Are you missing me yet”

These weak little messages are just that. Weak and poor imitations of real conversation.  So if you are within the No Contact period, just ignore them.  If not, then meet these texts with what I describe below as a similar mirrored response.

4. What do you do if your ex boyfriend confesses he made a mistake leaving you or pleads for you to forgive him?

If he acts this way right after the breakup, then it is best you ignore him in most situations.  It’s most likely he is feeling it and is desperate for some attention.  But he may not have truly learned his lesson.  Now,  there are exceptions.  If the history of the relationship has been strong, then perhaps he made a bad mistake and is willing to meet with you and offer a heartfelt apology.

5. How do you respond to your ex saying, “I love you”

Well, perhaps your ex does love you.  Then again, he may love himself more and wants you to be around to ease his pain.  You have to ask yourself, has enough time gone by for the wounds of the breakup to heal.  Stay true to your plan and focus on your recovery and rebuild your confidence.  If he loves you that much, it won’t go anywhere.

6. And how in the heck do you handle it when your ex’s girlfriend texts you asking questions about him?  Ouch!

Hearing from your ex’s girlfriend can be a bit awkward and weird.  If she is shopping for advice on your ex boyfriend, then tell her he is a wonderful man.  Use a little bit of reverse psychology.  If you say anything negative about your ex, she may go running to him to use it against you.

7. Why is he texting you so often?  Are there reasons why your ex texts you so much?  Is it good or bad.  What does it mean?

It probably means he is a bit stir crazy.  If your ex is firing texts at you left and right, it could be for any number of reasons.  He may be impulsive and insecure and you are his rock.  So in this way, he is using you.  Or he could be having a bit of a panic attack and just can’t help himself.  Then again, your ex may be a real swine and is just harassing you with his texts.

8. What if he texts me every day, but I am not interested.  How do I get him to stop?

You have two choices.  Block him.  Or send him a nice reply, explaining you are in a different place in your life now and would ask him to respect your privacy and stop texting you.

9. I have been trying to avoid my ex boyfriend but what if he texts me during no contact.  Should I break it.  I am afraid I will lose him.

It is a common fear people have.  They fear if they don’t respond to their Ex’s text message, he will give up on them and it will be all over forever. Rarely does that happen.  It is much better to stay the course with your No Contact.  If you must, you can always send him a text explaining you need some space and won’t be communicating for the next few weeks to heal and focus on other needs.

10. What if he texts me first with nice things to say to me.  Should I stop the no contact rule and give him another chance?

I wrote a book called The No Contact Rule which talks about making exceptions.  This could be a time where you make one if certain other factors fall into place.  If you have spend a decent amount of time in No Contact and your relationship history has been good with him, then it would be OK to respond and proceed slowly.

Now Let’s go over some ex back texting fundamentals!

Is There A Chance Your Ex Will Take You Back?
Take The Quiz

When Should You Respond To Your Ex’s Text Messages?

One of the biggest mistakes that I see men and women make when it comes to texting their ex is they text them too soon.  You can get so excited and wrapped up about hearing from your ex, you just drop everything you are doing.  Never mind that he only texts and doesn’t call you.  Or that it has only been 4 days since the breakup.

You probably were so invested in the relationship and miss him or her so much, you are just dying to hear what he or she has to say. Unfortunately, problems usually arise when you feel desperate to get the communications started up again.

It’s really important that you first implement the no contact rule when you’re thinking of texting your ex and stick with it.

Why? Well, this can do a lot of things for you but mostly it’s to make sure you don’t act like this.

“Should I text him back.  What if I don’t?  What if I do, but he doesn’t respond! Why am I in this position to begin with?

Now, I can go on and on about the no contact rule and the many different important applications that it serves for you when you’re trying to get your ex back and why it’s important to do it.

But I’ve already done so many videos. I’ve written so many articles on it.  So I think I’ve covered it pretty well for you.

So What Are The 5 Situations Where You Can Respond To a Text From Your Ex?

1. Implement No Contact To Set the Stage for Future Text Messages

You guessed it.  Don’t go chasing after your ex’s text messages until after you have implemented No Contact.  If you do it sooner, before NC, or after, you are asking for trouble.  Angry and resentful feelings are always lingering near the surface shortly after the breakup. Much more often than not, you and your ex will butt heads.

2. First Allow Time To Heal Before You Try and Answer His Texts

Before responding to your ex boyfriend (or girlfriend), be sure you have invested enough time to heal.  Breakups are hard on couples and you will be hurting emotionally and physically.  When your ex boyfriend breaks up with you, it feels like a punch in the gut.  Your feelings will be raw and you will be confused, stunned…all sorts of emotions will flood your mind.  So you need quality time to allow for your body and mind to flush out those stress hormones and recover.

3. Be Sure To Build Value To Draw Your Ex In

You shouldn’t be even thinking of answering your ex’s text messages until you have had sufficient time to build value.  I am not saying you aren’t already an awesome person.  But there are things you can do to cause your ex to see that he made a mistake.  You want to reinforce that you have some special qualities that he has taken for granted and along the way, pick up a few new things that will cause him to sit up and notice.  There are lots of things you can do to become the best version of yourself and make sure he knows about it

4. To Explain Briefly To Your Ex Why You Need Space (versus just ghosting him with no explanation)

In some occasions, it serves you to give your ex a heads up as to why you are adopting the No Contact Rule.  This works well in those situations where you believe he will react very poorly if you completely shut down communications without him being aware of why.  You can briefly explain that you need to get in touch with your feelings and work on personal goals.  While your ex bf may still feel rejected and frustrated with your explanation, it shows you as being a classy person and serves you in the long run.

5. Respond To Your Ex’s Text If You Deem It To Be An Emergency or Critical Information.

Just please be reminded, before you text your ex, make sure you have gone through a no contact period of time where you have created some space and a communications blackout with your ex.  If an emergency has occurred, it is understandable you respond. If there is important information you both need to exchange, then certainly attend to that, then return to NC.

When Shouldn’t You Respond To Your Ex’s Text Message

Just to make sure we are on same right page, there are certain conditions that should be made before you text him back which I described above. Nevertheless, you should know there are certain tricks and ploys your ex boyfriend (or ex girlfriend) might try on you to induce you to respond. These texting rules apply before, during, and after the No Contact Period.

Let’s go over those situations in which you should avoid answering his text messages:

  • Immediately following the breakup (24 hours).  This period can lead to all kinds of chaos.  Best to let things calm down a bit
  • When your ex is being sarcastic or bitter about what has happened between the two of you.
  • Your ex sends you a desperate texting plea to meet to discuss the break up.
  • When you feel angry and resentful.  Fight back those urges to text him because it will make things worse.
  • Avoid texting him back after the No Contact period if you are unsure if he is the right guy for you.
  • Just avoid answering his message if you suspect he drunk texted you.
  • Don’t respond to his text messages if you have already decided to move on and end the relationship permanently

Four Kinds of Text Message Responses You Can Send To Your Ex

So, let’s assume you have done all the things I described above to better your ex recovery chances. Now, what I like to do is give you four text message responses that should prove effective with your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend.

But first let’s talk about the many different experts out there who may just give you simplistic answers to what is in reality a very complicated situation requiring planning and insight into the ex recovery process.   Some experts will say stuff like,

“Don’t reply right away.”

But under some circumstances, as you seek to build attraction, you may want to reply promptly, taking the conversation to its peak, then ending it on its high point.

“Be Bubbly”

It does sound good, right?  Why not be happy sounding and positive.  It its a drag on your recovery chances if you are whining or sounding negative or blaming.  But you don’t won’t to sound overly happy in some situations, because it might not fit the situation.  You can come of as sounding superficial or as a person who is deluding themselves. Sometimes its pays to be more serious, more mature, even reserved in order to present the right image.  Being confident and and keeping your stuff together certainly is advisable.

Sometimes people say…

“Always have something interesting to say.”

Actually I’m kind of guilty of that last one. Now, here’s the important point. When someone says be bubbly, have something interesting to say, don’t reply right away, they are just throwing generalities at you, where your situation may require more of tactical approach.

That’s kind of why I wanted to put this video together for you. I wanted to create something that was really specific on how you should respond when your ex texts messages you in a certain way.

But before we get into the details of that, there is an important concept that I need you to understand.

1. First Kind of Text Response: It’s referred to as Mirroring

“I am one handsome devil.”

No, not that type of mirroring.

When I say Mirroring, I simply mean mirroring your ex’s text to you.

So, when your ex texts you, he puts a certain amount of himself into the text. He puts a certain amount of effort into it, if you will. Well, imagine that he texts you with something like this.

How should you respond to that?

Well, if you’re not mirroring, you’ll probably respond like this.

But the problem with that is, that’s not the proper mirroring. He is clearly not putting as much effort into the text message as you are.  Whatever the reason, it’s not so cool is it.  So, what would be the correct way to mirror his text?

Well, you’d simply do something like this.

See?

Now, if that’s too confusing, don’t worry. I’m going to explain it a bit more when I get to the specific text messages. In fact, I think we’re already there. Let’s just get right down to it.

Let’s take a look at 4 common text messages that your ex boyfriend will send to you and how exactly you should respond to them.

2. Second Kind of Text Response: The Confident Text Reply

Now, let’s pretend that your ex boyfriend, after spending a good amount of time missing you, sends you this text message.

“I’ve been thinking about you so much!”

Well, your natural instinct will be to think to yourself…

“Oh my god!! Oh my god!! He texted me!! He misses me!”

And well, I can certainly understand the excitement of having your ex boyfriend text you something like that.  I am sure it is exciting to finally hear from him.  But you have to be careful you don’t let all of your excitement bleed into your text message. You don’t want him to perceive you as being desperate or a wounded soul who will do just about anything to have him back in your life.

You need to reflect confidence.  You need to beam with value.  Remember, you are the Ungettable Girl!

You want to reinforce to your ex that you are a catch. Your are not easy.  He needs to do some chasing to  win you over.  And your ex boyfriend has some catching up to do to properly woo you over.

His text messages to you are his way of feeling you out.  He is like a hunter, trying to track you down.  So let him work on chasing you down because he will love it, whether he realizes it or not.

So instead of a bubbly or silly text reply, you should confidently say something like this:

“Well, of course you do.”

It’s flirting. It’s cheeky. It’s confident, but not arrogant.  It is really a smart way to go.

3. Third Kind of Text Response:  More Text Mirroring!

Now, let’s return to one of the most common types of text messages your ex boyfriend will send you.  It could happen anytime.  Remember, if he sends you one of these kind of one word text gems during the no contact period, unless you are toward the end of your no contact timeline, then it’s best you ignore him.  Otherwise here is how you handle these provocative texts you might receive from your ex (just kidding – nothing provocative or creative with these kinds of messages!).

Sometimes your guy (or girlfriend) will just test the waters.  He is not sure where your head is, so he may send you a kinda brain dumb text message.

You know, he’ll start a conversation with:

“Hey”

“Sup”

“Yo”

“How goes it”

Missing me yet”

Though that last one may not be common.  It’s a little bold!

So, how do you deal with this?

How do you respond to a briefer than brief text message conversation started by your ex boyfriend?

Well, there’s a lot of different ways but remember when I was talking about mirroring and how you need to basically mirror the effort that he’s putting into his text messages? You should mirror this text message. So, if he says to you,

“Hey”

You should say:

“Hey”

Get it? Or if you really, really want to get technical, don’t respond at all. He puts in minimal effort, you put in no effort. Best in most cases, your replay will be received positively.  It is a slightly positive response.  Giving him anything more reduces your value.

4. Fourth Kind of Text Response: The Stand Up Text Message

Now, unfortunately this next text message happens a little too much and it’s painful when it does happen.

So, what is this text message?

Well, it’s the stand up text message.

“Hey, I can’t go out with you today. I got super busy.”

This is a painful kind of message to get for a lot of women, especially when they put in so much effort. It takes so much work to get an ex boyfriend back, so when you get a text message where your ex is basically standing you up, should you act like this….

“Hmm, can’t go out with me huh??

Well, let’s see what Sebastian has to say about that.”

Well certainly, I don’t want you doing anything like this!

So, what’s the play here?

Do you simply just accept the fact that he stood you up an basically lay down and take it?

No.

There is an appropriate way of handling this and doing it with class and a little zinger at the end.

The correct play is to send a message like this.

“Oh, that’s completely fine. In return, I met the most amazing people.”

This text message works really great because it makes him understand that there are consequences to standing you up.  It reinforces to your ex boyfriend that you are a person of value and if he keeps blowing you off, he might just lose you to somebody else.

It makes him understand that you’re a hot commodity even works better if you actually have pictures to go with it. So,  now he’s not just thinking you’re making it up, he can see with his own eyes that you are quite the popular girl and not even shaken by his lousy move.

Now, let’s go to the final and probably most common and most asked text message that I get.

5. Fifth Kind of Text Response:  Meet Him With Mirrored Silence  (Bonus Tip!)

I am giving you one more lesson. It’s all about the dreaded one word response after you have put your heart and soul into a text message.

So, pretend for a moment that you sent this text message to your ex.

“I miss you so much. I feel like I am barely hanging on.”

There’s a lot of emotion in there. There’s a lot of words in there. You put a lot of effort into it. Except after he gets the text message, he responds with this:

“Ha ha!”

So, what do you do with this kind of insensitive text response by your ex boyfriend?

Do you get really angry at him for basically not responding how you wanted him to respond?

No, stay true to the mirroring tactic. If he says ha ha, you say ha ha right on back.  Then go silent for a several days.  If your ex boyfriend is going to at like an insensitive ass, ridiculing your heartfelt text, you need to ghost him for a while.

Simply don’t respond to him for a good spell. You silence will speak volumes and reset the expectation that you have no tolerance for immaturity

Make him understand that there are consequences when he doesn’t put effort into his text messages.

And that’s going to do it for this video of the ex boyfriend recovery YouTube channel!

I want to take a moment and thank you for watching to the end. If you’d like to learn more about text messaging, simply take some time and navigate around my website. I  have a quiz that you can take on text messaging. I also have so many other resources that will likely suit your needs!

In fact, have an entire guide on Text Messaging and it is a Bible on how to respond in all sorts of situations!

 

176 thoughts on “The Four Best Ways To Respond To Your Exes Text Messages”

  1. Lauren

    October 29, 2018 at 5:47 pm

    What should I respond if my ex texted me “I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you” after a bad breakup 3 weeks ago? I have been keeping NC What does this mean?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 29, 2018 at 11:55 pm

      Hi Lauren!

      Well, its sounds positive on its surface. He could be feel a bit of guilt and also trying to elicit a response from you. Probably best to stay in NC and see if he reaches out again positively. With more positives, then perhaps you end NC a bit early. A lot of factors involved with that though! I cover it in my 247 page eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”!

  2. Dee

    September 10, 2018 at 1:09 am

    Hi so what should I say if my ex boyfriend sends me a sweet happy birthday text and wishing me well after about 50 days of NC?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 10, 2018 at 2:00 am

      Hi Dee….So first, I would not recommend a 50 day NC, unless in a unique case. And certainly if you are interested in your ex and he sends you a pleasant message after all that time, you would respond positively and explore the connection. Do you have my 485 page eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” as it serves as a comprehensive breakup guide.

  3. H.N

    August 8, 2018 at 4:34 am

    hello , i am trying to post a comment but its always disappear

    anyway could u please advise me
    i know a person for 5 months i know its a short time we are also LDR but we have been talking daily and almost 24 hour . he likes to talk all the time

    we stopped talking once for 3 weeks . then he received a gift from me so he talked to me back

    second time we fight and i stopped talking to him and blocked him 2 months . i unblock him, so he received a message i sent before blocking him and he answered the message .that happen before 1 week ago

    i feel he wanted to talk but he is so stubborn and thats really make me sad.
    i mean if i dont make any sign . he will not talk ! and he also letting me so easily
    ( thats why i feel anger and fight with him always i want to change that )

    we start talking and he was so cold .. careless telling me to find my way
    then we start to talk normally now . but he keep telling me he let it go in that day i left
    and he is not ready for me . he wasn’t even ready for me .and lots of stuff like that
    at first i was trying to tell him we was good but he did not try
    then i told him i dont want to talk about the past lets be friends ( is that good ? or i might make it worse by saying that ) ?can u give me ur advise and what should i respond here?

    and also could you advise me should i talk normally and answer him like before ?
    i have read what u said that i should not send him daily ” but i have a different satiation here.
    1. he is the one who sending me daily now so what should i do ? pretend that i’m not seeing the messages for day or two ? or just few hours ? or what ?
    2. the other thing that our relation is still new and it need a strong base ” i’m afraid if i did not build a more nice memories he might find someone to give him the attention ” because he need to talk daily that what he said when we talk first time ever
    3. now he start to send a lot of positive things then he say oh i should not do that because ” he is making his guard down ” he was refusing to tell me details about his day now he is telling me or he is say sorry when he dont respond something
    so should i tell him that i like his good behaviors ? and be postie with him or pretend normal and ignore more ?

  4. Jean

    January 3, 2018 at 3:02 am

    I’m sorry for the typos I haven’t had sleep and I’m using my mobile in the dark of my room.
    Please help me what style fits a highly insecure guy and yet he will learn to respect my parameters.

    Thank You.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 5, 2018 at 7:00 pm

  5. Jean

    January 3, 2018 at 2:57 am

    Hi
    My exboyfriend and I shared a deep, loving relationship of 2 months and had petty quarrels, but really fought once not talking for only 4 days max. Now lately I found out he has tried chatting girls in foreign countries and we agreed we will not chat with the opposite sex specially random people online not friends or family. I stuck to that and he did not. Then aside form that he has been touchy with my new friend ( he pulled her arm when making her go to tje dance floor witj hks friend and lightly kicked her but while dancing. ) when we went on a double date with his friend. My friend told me she did not like it and clearly my boyfriend was very drunk that night and was too high on alcohol. I was embarrased too for his actions and felt disrespected. That triggered me to ignore him on messenger our only form of communication as I am a tourist here in his country. I know he has deep insecurities as his dad died when he was 7 and his first love left him for a fixed marriage. Thus the need for flirting and constant validation in even the slightest form. I will not tolerate him though so I ignored him 4 days which is our normal when angry. Instead of being sorry.. He infriended me on fb ( he does that to make me reply ) and said- goodbye!!! I then told him. I did not like your actions with my friend and for the 2nd time broke your promise of not trying to chat with girls. So okay.. Goodbye also. Just know that I never did the same.. All I did was respect you and love you.
    Then I started the no contact. On the 14th day for new year’s I had to text our common friends a greeting and decided I will be polite to throw him one generic happy new year and would not want a convo. He replied with one word- happy. I continued on with no contact, but on 16th day at 4am he messaged several times asking if I’m awake and that he misses me.. I did not reply. I don’t know what to do from here. He is highly insecure. I’m afraid he might block me when he gives up during no contact- he is that type. He already un-friended me on fb.. It is our only way of communication. Plus he did not actually cheat he just likes to flrt. On day 5 alone of our no contact.. He posted a music video with lyrics like being in the dark and almost like dead and someone should just rip his heart out. Should I do only 21 days not discounting the new year day as it ends on the 8th. Or start from new year the 21 again or do a 30-day from what point of my applied nc already..? Will it be too hard to handle for an insecure guy? I also do not want to be blocked. I know that’s what he will do next to avoid the pain. Same time I want bounderies established. What should I do about my fragile situation dear Expert? :))

  6. Andrew

    November 1, 2017 at 7:48 pm

    Hello,

    I am a gay man and my ex boyfriend messaged me this after 29 days of no contact –

    “So, today I had to change password at work because it was expiring. That’s where I realized I’ve been using your name as my password for the past 90 days. It made me think of you. I hope you’re doing great! I loved your Halloween Costume:)”

    I replied – “Thanks. Hope you’re well.”

    Was I rude? He saw my Halloween pictures on Facebook but didn’t like it. But he messaged me 3 days after Halloween appreciating my costume. Also, if he has been using my name as the password, obviously he would login everyday at work using that password, why think of me when it is about to expire. Do you think it’s an excuse to talk to me? or is he just trying to play with my feelings to test the waters? He asked me to be friends with him after break up to which I had said I can’t be friends. And I received this text after 29 days of strict no contact. Also, was I rude with my reply to his message? What should I do next?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 1, 2017 at 9:44 pm

      Hi Andrew,

      It’s not rude.. But when you replied your nc was broken.. So you can start slowly building rapport now.. And yes, he probably is thinking about you

  7. Lucy

    August 30, 2017 at 12:18 pm

    My partner broke up with me in January 2017. We had been together for 5yrs and I had been wanting to get married. We talked about it but he never committed to the idea and made weak plans concerning the future. I suggested we take a week to think about what we want and after that week he was no clearer. regarding our plans. We argued and he told me he needs to focus on himself as he has nothing to offer and there was a sense of panic, sadness and desperation in what he was saying. He’s cheated on me via text and taken girls out whilst we were together. It’s likely that he was physically unfaithful too. I got upset following the break up but he was resolute and his mind could’t be changed. I begged and cried and he stayed with me that night to make sure that I was ok, but still insisted that he needs to focus on himself. He walked out of my life and asked me to respect his need for time. I couldn’t accept the break up and kept in touch, as did he after 3 weeks of initially barely responding to me. Following the initial silence we would talk and still see each other (at each other’s homes) but we didn’t go out and do the social things like we used to. We were intimate on 3 occasion within a period of 4 months, but the majority of the time that we met we were not intimate. He’s currently in the process of renovating a property he bought and would ask me to look at bathrooms and kitchens with him. He’d send me the options to choose from and send me pictures of the house as it was renovated. He also asked, quite generally, how I’d feel if I ever lived with a lodger/tenant. I knew this was something he was considering as his mum had told me that she had suggested he take in a tenant to save money once he moved into the property. The plan before we broke up had been to move into the property once married. Anyway the property is taking longer than expected and as time has passed I became impatient and dissatisfied with the lack of progress. I brought up the relationship and he pulled away and contact became less. This was around 4 months after our break up. The following month he then saw messages between myself and his mum and was angered that we were ‘plotting’ behind his back to get us back together. He asked to see the messages in my phone, but refused and he told me to leave despite me apologising for the way the messages made him feel. I get on with his mum and she wants nothing more than for us to reconcile After this I resolved to move on. He then messaged me when I got home but I didn’t respond. He messaged me again the next day asking me to call him, but I didn’t so then he called me and I ignored this too. I didn’t hear from him for the next two days, then he called again. No response and so the following day he sent a number of angry texts telling me that I had no right to be angry or to ignore him as he was the wronged party. I then caved and we met up talked and parted amicably but not as a couple. Again my intention was not to contact him as I didn’t like where the relationship had gone. A week later he messaged me and I told him I was at the gym (new hobby I had taken up). He then called me and we spoke. I ended the conversation and there was no contact for nearly 3 weeks before he contacted me again asking how I was. Initially I was quite collected but then I binged on contacting him as I had missed him and sent lots of messages. His responses were positive but I knew I was going about things the wrong way. I then asked to him to see a film and he told me he had seen it already and when I asked to meet up and some excuse about not having time so I told him his contacting me sets me back and that it’s best we part ways properly. He didn’t respond straight away but contacted me two days later on my dad’s birthday wishing him happy birthday and apologised for ignoring my last message, but said he didn’t want to go over things again. He had previously said he needs to focus on himself and to allow him to miss me and make his own decision regarding us. I responded to his messaging by saying thanks and that I would pass his message to my dad and nothing more. It was at this point that I found out about the NC Rule. I went NC for 23 days and then reached out with a first contact text. His response was positive and in my 2nd response I ended the conversation and didn’t respond to his last message. I also didn’t contact him the next day and then the following day he contacted me asking if I was up to date with a TV show. He then sent another text asking me to call him because he wanted advice regarding a job application which I believe was an excuse. I didnt see his message straight away and when I did I asked him to give me half an hour to call him as I was busy. I then called him and we spoke on the phone for the first time after NC. The converstaion was friendly and he asked for advice. I made sure that it did not go beyond his job and I didn’t volunteer information about myself and didn’t enquire about him either. I followed up the next day by emailing him information that I promised, that would help with his interview, and also got back to his question about the TV show. He then asked me more questions about the job, and was really upbeat. I responded to his questions and then told him he’d do great and wished him well. I had plan to follow up in 2 days time on the day of his interview to see how it went, but today he text me thanking me once again for my help and giving me another update about the job.

    My question is does this sound positive and should I resume texting even though we’ve now spoken on the phone? I don’t want to skips stages and I want him to work at getting me back if that’s his intention. I’m actively changing my profile picture and have hinted that I’m out at times in my text responses. I’m a lot more detached than I’ve ever been in my responses to him although I’m trying to be fun and helpful and to rebuild that emotional attachment again. I have a feeling that he’s wondering if I’m different towards him now because i’m not readily divulging information and I’m somewhat nice but aloof. He may think I’m dating now as I have boundaries.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 31, 2017 at 1:18 pm

      Hi Lucy,

      It’s ok to interchange texting and calling to further build rapport.

  8. summer

    August 4, 2017 at 10:38 am

    hi,
    IAM DOING 3 WEEKS NO CONTACT TO MY EX WIFE BUT IN SECOND DAY SHE MESSEGE ME LONG APOLOGIES MESSAGE ON FACEBOOK AND SHE MISSING ME AND TOLD ME IAM GOOD PERSON ETC I DONOT KNOW WHAT CAN I REPLY TO HER I AM CONFUSED NOW HELP??

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 6, 2017 at 8:28 am

      why did you separate?

  9. alia

    August 4, 2017 at 9:26 am

    My long distance bf broke up with me two weeks ago. He said he loved me but because of his problems and difficulties he didn’t see how it could work out. After two days of panicking and begging him I went NC. A week later he sends me a funny joke. I ignored and next day he sends a romantic pic of us on a trip. Do I ignore or reply something very casual? He has relied on me being the one who’s always there, begging him and making things right, I’ve never ignored him for so long. I do want him back but I’ve played it cool so far.

    1. Alia

      August 10, 2017 at 9:06 pm

      I really don’t know what to do.. my ex just keeps sending me funny video clips, memes etc… every day. I also know he’s checking my instgaram account daily. Now I haven’t responded him for two days.. what does he want? And what shoul I do to get him back? I’ve done the no contact for almost three weeks now apart from me sending him one message.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 11, 2017 at 2:17 pm

      that means you have to start the count after the day you sent the last text.. be active in improving yourself and keep being active in posting. Just let him be, that’s a good that he’s like that.

    3. Alia

      August 6, 2017 at 3:32 pm

      I ended up just replying “haha” two days later which he replied with a laughing emoji… I’m just very confused of why he would send me a picture of us. When we broke up he told me “you’ll get over this” and he knows how difficult it is for me so why would he send this? He also contacted me right after the initial breakup: he ignored my messages and I had had enough and told him “that’s it then, good bye”. Next morning he texted me casually that his dad had been on hospital for a few days, I asked if it was serious, he said no. After this I went NC.

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 6, 2017 at 8:26 am

      Hi Alia,

      I hope you didn’t reply and are you actively improving yourself and posting?

  10. subita

    July 29, 2017 at 9:46 pm

    So I finally got through no contact, my ex boyfriend kept messaging me off and on throughout the no contact period asking me to talk to him or atleast provide an update on whats going on with my life. I worked on myself during no contact, got a new job, hung out more with friends, posted in social media, worked on my looks. I finally messaged him after no contact and our exchange has been positive, too positive i feel. He first wanted to know all about me, and seemed keen on knowing about “any major changes” in my life. He said that he is stunned by the change in me, how positive and confident i am, and really seemed excited about my new job. Then he started updating me on things in his life, and it seems he has been upto a lot of improvement in himself, and has been doing a lot of fun things like going on trips, working out etc. I said I am really glad for him, and seems that he didnt let the breakup stop him from things, he started saying that it was really difficult for him, and that I dont know, he is “struggling to move on and move past”. I get a feeling that he is either talking about the positive changes in his life to attract me, or he is trying to match upto me in terms of the positive changes I have achieved, in order to not fall short in front of me. In either case, I dont know how to respond to these changes. I definitely dont think I dont matter to him, because he has always tried to contact me, and shown that my presence and my opinions matter a lot. What do I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 31, 2017 at 7:34 am

      HI Subita,

      that’s good that you’re very active but did you answer him during the no contact period or commented on his comments to your posts if he did?

  11. sina

    July 20, 2017 at 9:33 am

    I did no contact for 27 days. but he contacted me to wish me a happy birthday (with my pet name and kiss smiley) said thank u (1 day later) and told him, that I am on vacation and the trip reminds me on our trip together. we have contact. I answer him unregulary (same day, 2 days, 3 days)
    he used the kiss smiley again. I am staying cool and funny. playing cool girl. now, the last message was a little bit effortless.
    is he testing my reactions? how can I keep the contact? how can I keep the interest? how to get on to get him back? I am unsure

    we hadn’t a proper split. we had a time out because he got cold feet

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 25, 2017 at 8:17 am

      You have to restart the nc and to do it properly by not replyig, not initiating, no liking and commenting back..just keep being active in improving yourself and in posting in social media

  12. Nikki

    June 6, 2017 at 11:03 pm

    Hello!

    Currently in the no contact zone.. one week deep. Got a text from my ex saying “just wanted to say hi” … didn’t respond, but he deleted me on social media. Help?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 9, 2017 at 3:10 pm

      HI NIkki,

      just let him be and continue on being active in improving and posting in social media.

  13. Tammy

    June 5, 2017 at 10:47 pm

    I do not contact my ex …but every week he texts good evening…l thought he would just stop…l just say hey hope you ok have a blessed day….he responds thank you have a blessed day yourself….l wish he would stop textinh.l dnt want him back he makes me very unhappy.

  14. jul

    May 25, 2017 at 2:50 pm

    I initiated the breakup with him after 8 months as he was just too busy for me. It was always me initiating texts and meetups. I couldnt take it anymore so I ended it and went into NC immediately. Went out with my friends, did the things i have been wanting to do and enjoyed myself in the longest time.
    2 weeks into NC.. he contacted me with the following:
    “life have been tough for me. I hope you will not be angry with me anymore. You do take care.”
    I have not responded as I wanted to continue NC. But was just wondering what is he trying to say? Now I am at Day 21 of NC..

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 27, 2017 at 2:24 pm

      Hi Jul,

      he probably misses you and wanting to talk..

  15. Virginia

    May 22, 2017 at 11:53 pm

    My BF and I broke up about 6 most ago. For the 3rd or 4th time. I finished 40 days of NC. I sent an email, to which I got a polite response. So I asked if I could text, because we had blocked each other. So I tried the action, story, end text. This guy would sometimes take hours or days to respond when we were together, but now he responds within the minute. But I just found out he has a new girlfriend he met during NC. He doesn’t know I know. How do I respond if he tells me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 24, 2017 at 6:27 pm

      be indifferent.. and then go back to whatever you were talking about.

  16. Miranda

    May 9, 2017 at 11:20 pm

    so after the 21 one days of no contact he contacts me saying he was a dick and saying he was sorry for behaving that way, i mean when we “broke up” he didnt answered at all, and then he said he didnt know how to handle the situation
    so we have been talking for a week or so again but now he is still doing the same things that annoy me and that i decided to stop talking
    like not letting me know he wont talk that day or no talking for days
    and we were supposed to talk a day at night and he stood me up… and i asked if i had done anything wrong and he just said sorry for not being in phone all day, and i told him it made me feel bad what he was doing, not talking and standng me up and he called me paranoid
    and i actually didnt do the text messages strategy ( we are in long distance) so my question is
    should i start doing the text msg strategy or is it too late? or what topic of the blog must i read for help in this?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 11, 2017 at 7:48 pm

      Truth is, you’re not together anymore. He’s not obligated to let you know when he’s available to talk or not..so, that means you have to be more patient if you want to build rapport.. you check this one if you Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

  17. Shanna

    April 29, 2017 at 11:48 pm

    Hi I was doing the 30 Days NC, reached day 33 yesterday and my ex text me at 9pm…
    He said “Have you been keeping ok?” I haven’t responded because I have no idea what to respond with and whether or not I’m ready to talk to him again. He dumped me after 6 months of dating because he didn’t have any romantic emotional feelings for me. I was being guarded due to previous relationship disasters and as I did like him and was slowly falling I was holding back. So now I have no idea what is going on. Please help

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 30, 2017 at 12:39 pm

      did you do nc to move on?

  18. Sisi

    April 18, 2017 at 11:16 pm

    Hi team,

    My ex bf and I had been dating for 6 yrs and he broke up with me a month ago. We agreed not to speak to each other and for him to call… it’s been 30 days NC and he reached out with a text which sounds pretty neutral. “I dont know when you will be ready to chat but yeah just message me and ill find some time. Don’t even know what to talk about but anyway hope you are doing ok.”
    Not really sure how to respond, I want him back but it’s complicated since it’s LDR and we were more of the Skype type rather than texting

    Thanks

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 25, 2017 at 6:16 pm

      How much did you improve in the past month and how active were you in posting?

  19. Natalia

    March 1, 2017 at 6:10 am

    I was wondering how should I respond while txting with my ex if he say smth like ‘I met someone else’ or even ‘I am seeing with someone else right now, I think we shouldnt txt this much cause I want to focus on this new relationship’ ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 1, 2017 at 8:33 pm

      Hi Natalia,
      Agree with him and
      Check this one:
      Has He Moved On? How To Get Him Back If He Has A Girlfriend

  20. Daria

    February 25, 2017 at 2:06 pm

    Hello, so I recently started initiating conversation with my ex this week after completing 31 days no contact. The responses so far have been positive and he has been responding in a timely manner. I have been following the texting chart Chris has laid out in the ebook, but on Monday I will be leaving for Costa Rica for a week and will not have access, to the internet in order to text him. Does this mean all rapport will be lost when I leave? Should I start over with texting or pick up where I left off? I will be on day 7 or texting when I leave.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 25, 2017 at 10:19 pm

      Hi Daria,
      Nope, it won’t. Use it to your advantage. Have fun, take lots of pictures and do a lot of stuff that you can share to him and talk about. You can continue with the topics you left off or start new ones.

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