By Chris Seiter

Lately I don’t know what it is but I’ve been getting so many messages about text messaging.

Specifically: “Chris, my ex texted me Ha Ha, what does it mean and how do I respond to it?”

So, I thought it would be prudent for me to make a video for you so you would have an idea of how to respond to an ex boyfriend text.  After all, he went to the trouble of reaching out to you.  But your mind is probably working overtime trying to figure out how to respond to an ex who is contacting you and apparently might want you back.

So I am going to give you a lot more than just something to watch!

The 10 Questions About Responding To Your Ex’s Texts You Have Been Dying to Ask!

One of the things you will learn today is not only how to respond to an ex asking how you are doing, but let me give you some answers now on  how to deal with a whole assortment of text message questions he might send you such as:

1. When my ex texts me, “I miss you”.

He might indeed miss you a lot, but if you are in the middle of your no contact period, be strong.  The rush of dopamine he was use to getting when you were around is missing. He needs a fix. Don’t give it to him just yet.  Play you cards right, you can build greater value.

2. When your ex boyfriend texts you out of the blue, what does it mean?

It probably means he is curious about you.  Maybe he is a nice guy and just saying hello.  But more often than not, he is taking a temperature of the after breakup climate to see if you are open to talking.  So he may be testing you to get a read on your willingness to reconsider.  Depending on where you are in the ex recovery process, it may be appropriate to ignore him or respond and slowly repair the communication lines.

3. When your ex texts you, “Hey” or “What’s going on” or he says, “Are you missing me yet”

These weak little messages are just that. Weak and poor imitations of real conversation.  So if you are within the No Contact period, just ignore them.  If not, then meet these texts with what I describe below as a similar mirrored response.

4. What do you do if your ex boyfriend confesses he made a mistake leaving you or pleads for you to forgive him?

If he acts this way right after the breakup, then it is best you ignore him in most situations.  It’s most likely he is feeling it and is desperate for some attention.  But he may not have truly learned his lesson.  Now,  there are exceptions.  If the history of the relationship has been strong, then perhaps he made a bad mistake and is willing to meet with you and offer a heartfelt apology.

5. How do you respond to your ex saying, “I love you”

Well, perhaps your ex does love you.  Then again, he may love himself more and wants you to be around to ease his pain.  You have to ask yourself, has enough time gone by for the wounds of the breakup to heal.  Stay true to your plan and focus on your recovery and rebuild your confidence.  If he loves you that much, it won’t go anywhere.

6. And how in the heck do you handle it when your ex’s girlfriend texts you asking questions about him?  Ouch!

Hearing from your ex’s girlfriend can be a bit awkward and weird.  If she is shopping for advice on your ex boyfriend, then tell her he is a wonderful man.  Use a little bit of reverse psychology.  If you say anything negative about your ex, she may go running to him to use it against you.

7. Why is he texting you so often?  Are there reasons why your ex texts you so much?  Is it good or bad.  What does it mean?

It probably means he is a bit stir crazy.  If your ex is firing texts at you left and right, it could be for any number of reasons.  He may be impulsive and insecure and you are his rock.  So in this way, he is using you.  Or he could be having a bit of a panic attack and just can’t help himself.  Then again, your ex may be a real swine and is just harassing you with his texts.

8. What if he texts me every day, but I am not interested.  How do I get him to stop?

You have two choices.  Block him.  Or send him a nice reply, explaining you are in a different place in your life now and would ask him to respect your privacy and stop texting you.

9. I have been trying to avoid my ex boyfriend but what if he texts me during no contact.  Should I break it.  I am afraid I will lose him.

It is a common fear people have.  They fear if they don’t respond to their Ex’s text message, he will give up on them and it will be all over forever. Rarely does that happen.  It is much better to stay the course with your No Contact.  If you must, you can always send him a text explaining you need some space and won’t be communicating for the next few weeks to heal and focus on other needs.

10. What if he texts me first with nice things to say to me.  Should I stop the no contact rule and give him another chance?

I wrote a book called The No Contact Rule which talks about making exceptions.  This could be a time where you make one if certain other factors fall into place.  If you have spend a decent amount of time in No Contact and your relationship history has been good with him, then it would be OK to respond and proceed slowly.

Now Let’s go over some ex back texting fundamentals!

When Should You Respond To Your Ex’s Text Messages?

One of the biggest mistakes that I see men and women make when it comes to texting their ex is they text them too soon.  You can get so excited and wrapped up about hearing from your ex, you just drop everything you are doing.  Never mind that he only texts and doesn’t call you.  Or that it has only been 4 days since the breakup.

You probably were so invested in the relationship and miss him or her so much, you are just dying to hear what he or she has to say. Unfortunately, problems usually arise when you feel desperate to get the communications started up again.

It’s really important that you first implement the no contact rule when you’re thinking of texting your ex and stick with it.

Why? Well, this can do a lot of things for you but mostly it’s to make sure you don’t act like this.

“Should I text him back.  What if I don’t?  What if I do, but he doesn’t respond! Why am I in this position to begin with?

Now, I can go on and on about the no contact rule and the many different important applications that it serves for you when you’re trying to get your ex back and why it’s important to do it.

But I’ve already done so many videos. I’ve written so many articles on it.  So I think I’ve covered it pretty well for you.

So What Are The 5 Situations Where You Can Respond To a Text From Your Ex?

1. Implement No Contact To Set the Stage for Future Text Messages

You guessed it.  Don’t go chasing after your ex’s text messages until after you have implemented No Contact.  If you do it sooner, before NC, or after, you are asking for trouble.  Angry and resentful feelings are always lingering near the surface shortly after the breakup. Much more often than not, you and your ex will butt heads.

2. First Allow Time To Heal Before You Try and Answer His Texts

Before responding to your ex boyfriend (or girlfriend), be sure you have invested enough time to heal.  Breakups are hard on couples and you will be hurting emotionally and physically.  When your ex boyfriend breaks up with you, it feels like a punch in the gut.  Your feelings will be raw and you will be confused, stunned…all sorts of emotions will flood your mind.  So you need quality time to allow for your body and mind to flush out those stress hormones and recover.

3. Be Sure To Build Value To Draw Your Ex In

You shouldn’t be even thinking of answering your ex’s text messages until you have had sufficient time to build value.  I am not saying you aren’t already an awesome person.  But there are things you can do to cause your ex to see that he made a mistake.  You want to reinforce that you have some special qualities that he has taken for granted and along the way, pick up a few new things that will cause him to sit up and notice.  There are lots of things you can do to become the best version of yourself and make sure he knows about it

4. To Explain Briefly To Your Ex Why You Need Space (versus just ghosting him with no explanation)

In some occasions, it serves you to give your ex a heads up as to why you are adopting the No Contact Rule.  This works well in those situations where you believe he will react very poorly if you completely shut down communications without him being aware of why.  You can briefly explain that you need to get in touch with your feelings and work on personal goals.  While your ex bf may still feel rejected and frustrated with your explanation, it shows you as being a classy person and serves you in the long run.

5. Respond To Your Ex’s Text If You Deem It To Be An Emergency or Critical Information.

Just please be reminded, before you text your ex, make sure you have gone through a no contact period of time where you have created some space and a communications blackout with your ex.  If an emergency has occurred, it is understandable you respond. If there is important information you both need to exchange, then certainly attend to that, then return to NC.

When Shouldn’t You Respond To Your Ex’s Text Message

Just to make sure we are on same right page, there are certain conditions that should be made before you text him back which I described above. Nevertheless, you should know there are certain tricks and ploys your ex boyfriend (or ex girlfriend) might try on you to induce you to respond. These texting rules apply before, during, and after the No Contact Period.

Let’s go over those situations in which you should avoid answering his text messages:

  • Immediately following the breakup (24 hours).  This period can lead to all kinds of chaos.  Best to let things calm down a bit
  • When your ex is being sarcastic or bitter about what has happened between the two of you.
  • Your ex sends you a desperate texting plea to meet to discuss the break up.
  • When you feel angry and resentful.  Fight back those urges to text him because it will make things worse.
  • Avoid texting him back after the No Contact period if you are unsure if he is the right guy for you.
  • Just avoid answering his message if you suspect he drunk texted you.
  • Don’t respond to his text messages if you have already decided to move on and end the relationship permanently

Four Kinds of Text Message Responses You Can Send To Your Ex

So, let’s assume you have done all the things I described above to better your ex recovery chances. Now, what I like to do is give you four text message responses that should prove effective with your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend.

But first let’s talk about the many different experts out there who may just give you simplistic answers to what is in reality a very complicated situation requiring planning and insight into the ex recovery process.   Some experts will say stuff like,

“Don’t reply right away.”

But under some circumstances, as you seek to build attraction, you may want to reply promptly, taking the conversation to its peak, then ending it on its high point.

“Be Bubbly”

It does sound good, right?  Why not be happy sounding and positive.  It its a drag on your recovery chances if you are whining or sounding negative or blaming.  But you don’t won’t to sound overly happy in some situations, because it might not fit the situation.  You can come of as sounding superficial or as a person who is deluding themselves. Sometimes its pays to be more serious, more mature, even reserved in order to present the right image.  Being confident and and keeping your stuff together certainly is advisable.

Sometimes people say…

“Always have something interesting to say.”

Actually I’m kind of guilty of that last one. Now, here’s the important point. When someone says be bubbly, have something interesting to say, don’t reply right away, they are just throwing generalities at you, where your situation may require more of tactical approach.

That’s kind of why I wanted to put this video together for you. I wanted to create something that was really specific on how you should respond when your ex texts messages you in a certain way.

But before we get into the details of that, there is an important concept that I need you to understand.

1. First Kind of Text Response: It’s referred to as Mirroring

“I am one handsome devil.”

No, not that type of mirroring.

When I say Mirroring, I simply mean mirroring your ex’s text to you.

So, when your ex texts you, he puts a certain amount of himself into the text. He puts a certain amount of effort into it, if you will. Well, imagine that he texts you with something like this.

How should you respond to that?

Well, if you’re not mirroring, you’ll probably respond like this.

But the problem with that is, that’s not the proper mirroring. He is clearly not putting as much effort into the text message as you are.  Whatever the reason, it’s not so cool is it.  So, what would be the correct way to mirror his text?

Well, you’d simply do something like this.

See?

Now, if that’s too confusing, don’t worry. I’m going to explain it a bit more when I get to the specific text messages. In fact, I think we’re already there. Let’s just get right down to it.

Let’s take a look at 4 common text messages that your ex boyfriend will send to you and how exactly you should respond to them.

2. Second Kind of Text Response: The Confident Text Reply

Now, let’s pretend that your ex boyfriend, after spending a good amount of time missing you, sends you this text message.

“I’ve been thinking about you so much!”

Well, your natural instinct will be to think to yourself…

“Oh my god!! Oh my god!! He texted me!! He misses me!”

And well, I can certainly understand the excitement of having your ex boyfriend text you something like that.  I am sure it is exciting to finally hear from him.  But you have to be careful you don’t let all of your excitement bleed into your text message. You don’t want him to perceive you as being desperate or a wounded soul who will do just about anything to have him back in your life.

You need to reflect confidence.  You need to beam with value.  Remember, you are the Ungettable Girl!

You want to reinforce to your ex that you are a catch. Your are not easy.  He needs to do some chasing to  win you over.  And your ex boyfriend has some catching up to do to properly woo you over.

His text messages to you are his way of feeling you out.  He is like a hunter, trying to track you down.  So let him work on chasing you down because he will love it, whether he realizes it or not.

So instead of a bubbly or silly text reply, you should confidently say something like this:

“Well, of course you do.”

It’s flirting. It’s cheeky. It’s confident, but not arrogant.  It is really a smart way to go.

3. Third Kind of Text Response:  More Text Mirroring!

Now, let’s return to one of the most common types of text messages your ex boyfriend will send you.  It could happen anytime.  Remember, if he sends you one of these kind of one word text gems during the no contact period, unless you are toward the end of your no contact timeline, then it’s best you ignore him.  Otherwise here is how you handle these provocative texts you might receive from your ex (just kidding – nothing provocative or creative with these kinds of messages!).

Sometimes your guy (or girlfriend) will just test the waters.  He is not sure where your head is, so he may send you a kinda brain dumb text message.

You know, he’ll start a conversation with:

“Hey”

“Sup”

“Yo”

“How goes it”

Missing me yet”

Though that last one may not be common.  It’s a little bold!

So, how do you deal with this?

How do you respond to a briefer than brief text message conversation started by your ex boyfriend?

Well, there’s a lot of different ways but remember when I was talking about mirroring and how you need to basically mirror the effort that he’s putting into his text messages? You should mirror this text message. So, if he says to you,

“Hey”

You should say:

“Hey”

Get it? Or if you really, really want to get technical, don’t respond at all. He puts in minimal effort, you put in no effort. Best in most cases, your replay will be received positively.  It is a slightly positive response.  Giving him anything more reduces your value.

4. Fourth Kind of Text Response: The Stand Up Text Message

Now, unfortunately this next text message happens a little too much and it’s painful when it does happen.

So, what is this text message?

Well, it’s the stand up text message.

“Hey, I can’t go out with you today. I got super busy.”

This is a painful kind of message to get for a lot of women, especially when they put in so much effort. It takes so much work to get an ex boyfriend back, so when you get a text message where your ex is basically standing you up, should you act like this….

“Hmm, can’t go out with me huh??

Well, let’s see what Sebastian has to say about that.”

Well certainly, I don’t want you doing anything like this!

So, what’s the play here?

Do you simply just accept the fact that he stood you up an basically lay down and take it?

No.

There is an appropriate way of handling this and doing it with class and a little zinger at the end.

The correct play is to send a message like this.

“Oh, that’s completely fine. In return, I met the most amazing people.”

This text message works really great because it makes him understand that there are consequences to standing you up.  It reinforces to your ex boyfriend that you are a person of value and if he keeps blowing you off, he might just lose you to somebody else.

It makes him understand that you’re a hot commodity even works better if you actually have pictures to go with it. So,  now he’s not just thinking you’re making it up, he can see with his own eyes that you are quite the popular girl and not even shaken by his lousy move.

Now, let’s go to the final and probably most common and most asked text message that I get.

5. Fifth Kind of Text Response:  Meet Him With Mirrored Silence  (Bonus Tip!)

I am giving you one more lesson. It’s all about the dreaded one word response after you have put your heart and soul into a text message.

So, pretend for a moment that you sent this text message to your ex.

“I miss you so much. I feel like I am barely hanging on.”

There’s a lot of emotion in there. There’s a lot of words in there. You put a lot of effort into it. Except after he gets the text message, he responds with this:

“Ha ha!”

So, what do you do with this kind of insensitive text response by your ex boyfriend?

Do you get really angry at him for basically not responding how you wanted him to respond?

No, stay true to the mirroring tactic. If he says ha ha, you say ha ha right on back.  Then go silent for a several days.  If your ex boyfriend is going to at like an insensitive ass, ridiculing your heartfelt text, you need to ghost him for a while.

Simply don’t respond to him for a good spell. You silence will speak volumes and reset the expectation that you have no tolerance for immaturity

Make him understand that there are consequences when he doesn’t put effort into his text messages.

And that’s going to do it for this video of the ex boyfriend recovery YouTube channel!

I want to take a moment and thank you for watching to the end. If you’d like to learn more about text messaging, simply take some time and navigate around my website. I  have a quiz that you can take on text messaging. I also have so many other resources that will likely suit your needs!

In fact, have an entire guide on Text Messaging and it is a Bible on how to respond in all sorts of situations!