Lately I don’t know what it is but I’ve been getting so many messages about text messaging.

Specifically: “Chris, my ex texted me Ha Ha, what does it mean and how do I respond to it?”

So, I thought it would be prudent for me to make a video for you so you would have an idea of how to respond to an ex boyfriend text.  After all, he went to the trouble of reaching out to you.  But your mind is probably working overtime trying to figure out how to respond to an ex who is contacting you and apparently might want you back.

So I am going to give you a lot more than just something to watch!

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The 10 Questions About Responding To Your Ex’s Texts You Have Been Dying to Ask!

One of the things you will learn today is not only how to respond to an ex asking how you are doing, but let me give you some answers now on  how to deal with a whole assortment of text message questions he might send you such as:

1. When my ex texts me, “I miss you”.

He might indeed miss you a lot, but if you are in the middle of your no contact period, be strong.  The rush of dopamine he was use to getting when you were around is missing. He needs a fix. Don’t give it to him just yet.  Play you cards right, you can build greater value.

2. When your ex boyfriend texts you out of the blue, what does it mean?

It probably means he is curious about you.  Maybe he is a nice guy and just saying hello.  But more often than not, he is taking a temperature of the after breakup climate to see if you are open to talking.  So he may be testing you to get a read on your willingness to reconsider.  Depending on where you are in the ex recovery process, it may be appropriate to ignore him or respond and slowly repair the communication lines.

3. When your ex texts you, “Hey” or “What’s going on” or he says, “Are you missing me yet”

These weak little messages are just that. Weak and poor imitations of real conversation.  So if you are within the No Contact period, just ignore them.  If not, then meet these texts with what I describe below as a similar mirrored response.

4. What do you do if your ex boyfriend confesses he made a mistake leaving you or pleads for you to forgive him?

If he acts this way right after the breakup, then it is best you ignore him in most situations.  It’s most likely he is feeling it and is desperate for some attention.  But he may not have truly learned his lesson.  Now,  there are exceptions.  If the history of the relationship has been strong, then perhaps he made a bad mistake and is willing to meet with you and offer a heartfelt apology.

5. How do you respond to your ex saying, “I love you”

Well, perhaps your ex does love you.  Then again, he may love himself more and wants you to be around to ease his pain.  You have to ask yourself, has enough time gone by for the wounds of the breakup to heal.  Stay true to your plan and focus on your recovery and rebuild your confidence.  If he loves you that much, it won’t go anywhere.

6. And how in the heck do you handle it when your ex’s girlfriend texts you asking questions about him?  Ouch!

Hearing from your ex’s girlfriend can be a bit awkward and weird.  If she is shopping for advice on your ex boyfriend, then tell her he is a wonderful man.  Use a little bit of reverse psychology.  If you say anything negative about your ex, she may go running to him to use it against you.

7. Why is he texting you so often?  Are there reasons why your ex texts you so much?  Is it good or bad.  What does it mean?

It probably means he is a bit stir crazy.  If your ex is firing texts at you left and right, it could be for any number of reasons.  He may be impulsive and insecure and you are his rock.  So in this way, he is using you.  Or he could be having a bit of a panic attack and just can’t help himself.  Then again, your ex may be a real swine and is just harassing you with his texts.

8. What if he texts me every day, but I am not interested.  How do I get him to stop?

You have two choices.  Block him.  Or send him a nice reply, explaining you are in a different place in your life now and would ask him to respect your privacy and stop texting you.

9. I have been trying to avoid my ex boyfriend but what if he texts me during no contact.  Should I break it.  I am afraid I will lose him.

It is a common fear people have.  They fear if they don’t respond to their Ex’s text message, he will give up on them and it will be all over forever. Rarely does that happen.  It is much better to stay the course with your No Contact.  If you must, you can always send him a text explaining you need some space and won’t be communicating for the next few weeks to heal and focus on other needs.

10. What if he texts me first with nice things to say to me.  Should I stop the no contact rule and give him another chance?

I wrote a book called The No Contact Rule which talks about making exceptions.  This could be a time where you make one if certain other factors fall into place.  If you have spend a decent amount of time in No Contact and your relationship history has been good with him, then it would be OK to respond and proceed slowly.

Now Let’s go over some ex back texting fundamentals!

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When Should You Respond To Your Ex’s Text Messages?

One of the biggest mistakes that I see men and women make when it comes to texting their ex is they text them too soon.  You can get so excited and wrapped up about hearing from your ex, you just drop everything you are doing.  Never mind that he only texts and doesn’t call you.  Or that it has only been 4 days since the breakup.

You probably were so invested in the relationship and miss him or her so much, you are just dying to hear what he or she has to say. Unfortunately, problems usually arise when you feel desperate to get the communications started up again.

It’s really important that you first implement the no contact rule when you’re thinking of texting your ex and stick with it.

Why? Well, this can do a lot of things for you but mostly it’s to make sure you don’t act like this.

“Should I text him back.  What if I don’t?  What if I do, but he doesn’t respond! Why am I in this position to begin with?

Now, I can go on and on about the no contact rule and the many different important applications that it serves for you when you’re trying to get your ex back and why it’s important to do it.

But I’ve already done so many videos. I’ve written so many articles on it.  So I think I’ve covered it pretty well for you.

So What Are The 5 Situations Where You Can Respond To a Text From Your Ex?

1. Implement No Contact To Set the Stage for Future Text Messages

You guessed it.  Don’t go chasing after your ex’s text messages until after you have implemented No Contact.  If you do it sooner, before NC, or after, you are asking for trouble.  Angry and resentful feelings are always lingering near the surface shortly after the breakup. Much more often than not, you and your ex will butt heads.

2. First Allow Time To Heal Before You Try and Answer His Texts

Before responding to your ex boyfriend (or girlfriend), be sure you have invested enough time to heal.  Breakups are hard on couples and you will be hurting emotionally and physically.  When your ex boyfriend breaks up with you, it feels like a punch in the gut.  Your feelings will be raw and you will be confused, stunned…all sorts of emotions will flood your mind.  So you need quality time to allow for your body and mind to flush out those stress hormones and recover.

3. Be Sure To Build Value To Draw Your Ex In

You shouldn’t be even thinking of answering your ex’s text messages until you have had sufficient time to build value.  I am not saying you aren’t already an awesome person.  But there are things you can do to cause your ex to see that he made a mistake.  You want to reinforce that you have some special qualities that he has taken for granted and along the way, pick up a few new things that will cause him to sit up and notice.  There are lots of things you can do to become the best version of yourself and make sure he knows about it

4. To Explain Briefly To Your Ex Why You Need Space (versus just ghosting him with no explanation)

In some occasions, it serves you to give your ex a heads up as to why you are adopting the No Contact Rule.  This works well in those situations where you believe he will react very poorly if you completely shut down communications without him being aware of why.  You can briefly explain that you need to get in touch with your feelings and work on personal goals.  While your ex bf may still feel rejected and frustrated with your explanation, it shows you as being a classy person and serves you in the long run.

5. Respond To Your Ex’s Text If You Deem It To Be An Emergency or Critical Information.

Just please be reminded, before you text your ex, make sure you have gone through a no contact period of time where you have created some space and a communications blackout with your ex.  If an emergency has occurred, it is understandable you respond. If there is important information you both need to exchange, then certainly attend to that, then return to NC.

When Shouldn’t You Respond To Your Ex’s Text Message

Just to make sure we are on same right page, there are certain conditions that should be made before you text him back which I described above. Nevertheless, you should know there are certain tricks and ploys your ex boyfriend (or ex girlfriend) might try on you to induce you to respond. These texting rules apply before, during, and after the No Contact Period.

Let’s go over those situations in which you should avoid answering his text messages:

  • Immediately following the breakup (24 hours).  This period can lead to all kinds of chaos.  Best to let things calm down a bit
  • When your ex is being sarcastic or bitter about what has happened between the two of you.
  • Your ex sends you a desperate texting plea to meet to discuss the break up.
  • When you feel angry and resentful.  Fight back those urges to text him because it will make things worse.
  • Avoid texting him back after the No Contact period if you are unsure if he is the right guy for you.
  • Just avoid answering his message if you suspect he drunk texted you.
  • Don’t respond to his text messages if you have already decided to move on and end the relationship permanently

Four Kinds of Text Message Responses You Can Send To Your Ex

So, let’s assume you have done all the things I described above to better your ex recovery chances. Now, what I like to do is give you four text message responses that should prove effective with your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend.

But first let’s talk about the many different experts out there who may just give you simplistic answers to what is in reality a very complicated situation requiring planning and insight into the ex recovery process.   Some experts will say stuff like,

“Don’t reply right away.”

But under some circumstances, as you seek to build attraction, you may want to reply promptly, taking the conversation to its peak, then ending it on its high point.

“Be Bubbly”

It does sound good, right?  Why not be happy sounding and positive.  It its a drag on your recovery chances if you are whining or sounding negative or blaming.  But you don’t won’t to sound overly happy in some situations, because it might not fit the situation.  You can come of as sounding superficial or as a person who is deluding themselves. Sometimes its pays to be more serious, more mature, even reserved in order to present the right image.  Being confident and and keeping your stuff together certainly is advisable.

Sometimes people say…

“Always have something interesting to say.”

Actually I’m kind of guilty of that last one. Now, here’s the important point. When someone says be bubbly, have something interesting to say, don’t reply right away, they are just throwing generalities at you, where your situation may require more of tactical approach.

That’s kind of why I wanted to put this video together for you. I wanted to create something that was really specific on how you should respond when your ex texts messages you in a certain way.

But before we get into the details of that, there is an important concept that I need you to understand.

1. First Kind of Text Response: It’s referred to as Mirroring

“I am one handsome devil.”

No, not that type of mirroring.

When I say Mirroring, I simply mean mirroring your ex’s text to you.

So, when your ex texts you, he puts a certain amount of himself into the text. He puts a certain amount of effort into it, if you will. Well, imagine that he texts you with something like this.

How should you respond to that?

Well, if you’re not mirroring, you’ll probably respond like this.

But the problem with that is, that’s not the proper mirroring. He is clearly not putting as much effort into the text message as you are.  Whatever the reason, it’s not so cool is it.  So, what would be the correct way to mirror his text?

Well, you’d simply do something like this.


Now, if that’s too confusing, don’t worry. I’m going to explain it a bit more when I get to the specific text messages. In fact, I think we’re already there. Let’s just get right down to it.

Let’s take a look at 4 common text messages that your ex boyfriend will send to you and how exactly you should respond to them.

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2. Second Kind of Text Response: The Confident Text Reply

Now, let’s pretend that your ex boyfriend, after spending a good amount of time missing you, sends you this text message.

“I’ve been thinking about you so much!”

Well, your natural instinct will be to think to yourself…

“Oh my god!! Oh my god!! He texted me!! He misses me!”

And well, I can certainly understand the excitement of having your ex boyfriend text you something like that.  I am sure it is exciting to finally hear from him.  But you have to be careful you don’t let all of your excitement bleed into your text message. You don’t want him to perceive you as being desperate or a wounded soul who will do just about anything to have him back in your life.

You need to reflect confidence.  You need to beam with value.  Remember, you are the Ungettable Girl!

You want to reinforce to your ex that you are a catch. Your are not easy.  He needs to do some chasing to  win you over.  And your ex boyfriend has some catching up to do to properly woo you over.

His text messages to you are his way of feeling you out.  He is like a hunter, trying to track you down.  So let him work on chasing you down because he will love it, whether he realizes it or not.

So instead of a bubbly or silly text reply, you should confidently say something like this:

“Well, of course you do.”

It’s flirting. It’s cheeky. It’s confident, but not arrogant.  It is really a smart way to go.

3. Third Kind of Text Response:  More Text Mirroring!

Now, let’s return to one of the most common types of text messages your ex boyfriend will send you.  It could happen anytime.  Remember, if he sends you one of these kind of one word text gems during the no contact period, unless you are toward the end of your no contact timeline, then it’s best you ignore him.  Otherwise here is how you handle these provocative texts you might receive from your ex (just kidding – nothing provocative or creative with these kinds of messages!).

Sometimes your guy (or girlfriend) will just test the waters.  He is not sure where your head is, so he may send you a kinda brain dumb text message.

You know, he’ll start a conversation with:




“How goes it”

Missing me yet”

Though that last one may not be common.  It’s a little bold!

So, how do you deal with this?

How do you respond to a briefer than brief text message conversation started by your ex boyfriend?

Well, there’s a lot of different ways but remember when I was talking about mirroring and how you need to basically mirror the effort that he’s putting into his text messages? You should mirror this text message. So, if he says to you,


You should say:


Get it? Or if you really, really want to get technical, don’t respond at all. He puts in minimal effort, you put in no effort. Best in most cases, your replay will be received positively.  It is a slightly positive response.  Giving him anything more reduces your value.

4. Fourth Kind of Text Response: The Stand Up Text Message

Now, unfortunately this next text message happens a little too much and it’s painful when it does happen.

So, what is this text message?

Well, it’s the stand up text message.

“Hey, I can’t go out with you today. I got super busy.”

This is a painful kind of message to get for a lot of women, especially when they put in so much effort. It takes so much work to get an ex boyfriend back, so when you get a text message where your ex is basically standing you up, should you act like this….

“Hmm, can’t go out with me huh??

Well, let’s see what Sebastian has to say about that.”

Well certainly, I don’t want you doing anything like this!

So, what’s the play here?

Do you simply just accept the fact that he stood you up an basically lay down and take it?


There is an appropriate way of handling this and doing it with class and a little zinger at the end.

The correct play is to send a message like this.

“Oh, that’s completely fine. In return, I met the most amazing people.”

This text message works really great because it makes him understand that there are consequences to standing you up.  It reinforces to your ex boyfriend that you are a person of value and if he keeps blowing you off, he might just lose you to somebody else.

It makes him understand that you’re a hot commodity even works better if you actually have pictures to go with it. So,  now he’s not just thinking you’re making it up, he can see with his own eyes that you are quite the popular girl and not even shaken by his lousy move.

Now, let’s go to the final and probably most common and most asked text message that I get.

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5. Fifth Kind of Text Response:  Meet Him With Mirrored Silence  (Bonus Tip!)

I am giving you one more lesson. It’s all about the dreaded one word response after you have put your heart and soul into a text message.

So, pretend for a moment that you sent this text message to your ex.

“I miss you so much. I feel like I am barely hanging on.”

There’s a lot of emotion in there. There’s a lot of words in there. You put a lot of effort into it. Except after he gets the text message, he responds with this:

“Ha ha!”

So, what do you do with this kind of insensitive text response by your ex boyfriend?

Do you get really angry at him for basically not responding how you wanted him to respond?

No, stay true to the mirroring tactic. If he says ha ha, you say ha ha right on back.  Then go silent for a several days.  If your ex boyfriend is going to at like an insensitive ass, ridiculing your heartfelt text, you need to ghost him for a while.

Simply don’t respond to him for a good spell. You silence will speak volumes and reset the expectation that you have no tolerance for immaturity

Make him understand that there are consequences when he doesn’t put effort into his text messages.

And that’s going to do it for this video of the ex boyfriend recovery YouTube channel!

I want to take a moment and thank you for watching to the end. If you’d like to learn more about text messaging, simply take some time and navigate around my website. I  have a quiz that you can take on text messaging. I also have so many other resources that will likely suit your needs!

In fact, have an entire guide on Text Messaging and it is a Bible on how to respond in all sorts of situations!

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213 thoughts on “The Four Best Ways To Respond To Your Exes Text Messages”

  1. Avatar

    Praise Osita

    May 20, 2020 at 3:30 pm

    What should I do
    I and my ex boyfriend broke up for 2months nw
    We haven’t spoken to each other since then
    Just now he sent me a message on Facebook “hay beauty, am not your enemy we don’t have to keep malice”
    What should I say

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 10:19 pm

      Hi Praise, so from the message he has sent it seems he is more open to speaking with you but it is not following program. If you are satisfied that you have completed a 30 day No Contact and then you can start reaching out with texts that Chris suggests in a few days time.

  2. Avatar


    April 4, 2020 at 8:10 pm

    So me and my ex boyfriend have been broken up for about 2 months. It ended very badly we both said some very harsh things to each other. I have not contacted him for this whole two months and then yesterday out of the blue he text me wow. I replied with what do you want? He replied with smh.. I then lost my cool and started to text him long paragraphs obsessively and now I am having guilt about it because I poured my heart out and he didnt even respond to any of them.. I feel like I lost my cool and went crazy.. I know what I did now was not the best for me. I deleted our texts because seeing his name on my phone hurts my heart and also makes me text him repeatedly. I am going back to no contact and I will never make that same mistake again. I need advice on how to get him out of my head.. I was doing so good until his name popped up with a text. I do not want to fall for this again because it makes me look and feel weak. What is the best thing for me to do so I will not get in my feelings and make the same mistake?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 9, 2020 at 11:12 pm

      Hi Shelbea, I would suggest that you delete the message without looking at it and just continue with your NC

  3. Avatar


    February 6, 2020 at 6:04 pm


    So my boyfriend broke up with me after I talked to other guys but only as friends. This breakup occurred about 2 weeks ago. Since then I’ve been asking him a lot of questions about the future of our relationship and he said he doesn’t know what the future holds. He is not giving me much to work with here but he said I need to gain his trust back because he told me I shouldn’t talk to this one guy I flirted with before our relationship but I still did but only as friends. He believes I’m sorry and that I’ve changed but not enough yet. He is also going away to the marines at the end of June and I’m scared he’s gonna not give me the chance to prove to him I’ve changed and start up a relationship again. He said he are best friends, but he doesn’t think we can be more than that for a while. I’m hoping to get him back in a few months or so. I know I messed up, but I told him many times I’ve changed and I’m gonna prove it to him. All I want is for him to give me a chance to grow our relationship again and so far we are just really good friends that talk everyday. He said he is mainly scared that even though I claimed he changed, he’s still gonna get hurt. We have been in and off for the past month and we have been off for the past 2 weeks. I am so miserable without him in the romantic way and I am still very much in love with him. How do I initiate the spark to get him back and this time keep him? How do I prove to him that I changed and that I won’t hurt him anymore. I don’t know what to do, I’m scared I’m gonna lose him forever and he will move on. Please help me!!


    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 8, 2020 at 5:04 pm

      Hi Rebecca, so the fact that he is going away for his career and he feels he cant trust you is going to be an issue here. So at this point even though I say men and women can just be friends you need to avoid the specific male that is bothering him completely even as friends. And avoid any flirty or jealousy photos on social media going forward. I would also recommend that you stop talking to him about the relationship, break up and the trust issues. You have apologised, you have asked for another chance he has said no. Take that on the chin and take a step back you are not going to beg him back any more. Focus now on yourself and your female friends. Read about being Ungettable. I suggest that you do a 30 day No Contact where you do not reach out to your ex at all during that time, and if he does not speak to you in that time so be it, you can then go to start the texting phase. Make sure you read as many articles on this website that apply to your situation

  4. Avatar


    December 28, 2019 at 8:36 am

    Hi chris, done with 30days NC and i started to leave a short message to him and he replied positively saying merry christmas and happy new year takecare of your self and your kid. then i replied back saying: yes noted. You too! But im still blocked in facebook and phone. And i recognize he put our chat box in ignore settings. Is he trying to be nice at me and want totally to move on?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 28, 2019 at 11:53 am

      Hey Irish, so one positive interaction is not going to get him to unblock you and jump straight back into where you were. You have to keep working on it, building up the amount of time you spend talking slowly. You do not mention that you are blocked you just talk to him about his interests and if any of your common interests. Getting small positive conversations through texting is the goal for the first few interactions

  5. Avatar


    November 25, 2019 at 5:40 pm

    Hi there,

    How do we know if he is doing NC or I am doing NC? He got mad at a joke I had made, I apologized straight away. He went radio silent for a week at which after a week he says (after he had been drinking) ‘I’m done being mad now’, which then made me super mad and then he got mad because I got mad! We both stopped taking to each other for 4 weeks and one day until he wrote ‘Hi, how are you?’ which is a low investment message. We are supposed to spend Xmas and NYE in Japan together which he knew months ago I had paid for and struggled to do so. Also, it is non refundable. I am also missing Xmas and NYE with my family because of him. I cant change the flights.
    Do I reply or not? If so, what do I say?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 26, 2019 at 8:42 pm

      Hi Rose, so by the sounds of things its a communication issues youre having in the relationship. If you made a joke that was going to upset him or hurt him you should have been prepared for his reaction. as you have gone 4 weeks not speaking you could reach out and see what happpens in that time

  6. Avatar


    November 12, 2019 at 2:15 am

    My ex and I were on and off for three years and it has now been almost a year since we’ve dated but we have spent most of this time talking until about two months ago. I tried the no contact rule for about a month on and off now and I’ve now decided to stick with it. Two days ago, I told him I needed space from him and I asked him to respect that, to now again implement NC. Yet today he has already openly responded to posts on my social media and stories from my Snapchat. Responded to something about how I have a lot of love for those around me and said that it isn’t wrong. I feel he’s trying to get my attention already but it might be just bait. He contacts me at least twice a week here and there on my social media, because I’ve left it open for contact channels but I don’t know what to do. Keep doing no contact and ignoring him? I guess that will probably drive him crazy.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 12, 2019 at 8:05 pm

      So as your relationship was a long time ago I do recommend you read about the being there method, and articles about long term break ups as this will help you understand what it is you need to do to get your ex back. Keep with your NC and do not reply to anything at all for 30 days minimum.

  7. Avatar


    September 20, 2019 at 9:20 pm

    Hi Chris,

    How can I implement NC when he’s my business partner and my livelihood depends on interacting with him constantly – day and night. I made it clear to keep the conversation strictly business, but these first thing he does is ask how I’m feeling today…I was short – responded, “Sad. But busy”. Was that a bad move? His response was “I’m sorry your feeling sad” and then proceeded with business.

    I don’t know what to do…I love our businesses. Work amazingly together and are more successful together than working alone. I don’t want to walk away from all of the energy, time and resources I’ve invested – yet want to protect my heart, sanity and well-being.

    Heartbroken and confused in TX.

    Many thanks.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 21, 2019 at 5:20 pm

      Hi there, so you need to do a Limited No Contact, and you can find the information on the website. You strictly only speak about business and responsibilities and nothing else. Then once your NC is complete you can build up the conversations slowly

  8. Avatar


    September 18, 2019 at 1:44 am

    Hi Chris,
    I’ve been basically doing NC for 35 days. We broke up because he didn’t put much effort into the relationship. One day we decided to meet and He stood me up and told me he can’t make it and didn’t even bothered to give me an explanation about it and after that I pretty much stopped texting him. Then suddenly out of the blue he texts me that, Do I still wanna be the same way? he told he misses me and wanna work it out but I don’t understand whether I should continue my NC rule or respond him?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 19, 2019 at 9:07 am

      Hi Anna, so hes told you he misses you and wants to work it out – which is great. But him standing you up is a worry as he may be may be questioning his decision. He needs to put more effort into the relationship, based on your reasons for breaking up. Which I would suggest completing the NC and working in yourself to become the UG and then work on texting phase to show him your value

  9. Avatar


    July 19, 2019 at 10:40 am

    Hi Chris

    My ex texted me on Facebook messenger last night saying “I’m just gonna admit it to you, I miss you.” We’ve been apart for almost a year now and I really don’t know how to respond to this text. I thought of just ignoring it but I feel like I need to text something back.. HELP!!

  10. Avatar


    July 3, 2019 at 4:32 am

    So, I broke up with my bf because he was treating me poorly after one of our mutual friends broke up with her bf and was spending all his time hanging out with her, doing couple-like things together (obviously I wasn’t cool about it and felt totally disrespected). After two months of texting each other every 5 or so days we meet to talk and return some stuff and I’ve been in no contact rule for about 40 days or so.
    Today I shared some pictures of a small trip I did with a friend for a long weekend and he texted me asking about my trip (“did u really traveled to X place for X event? I would’ve loved to go but I had to work :(“). I asked about his new job (he was unemployed at the time we broke up) and congratulated him on getting the position he was after. Then he stopped talking so I mirrowed. Guessing I’ll text him with some interesting stuff tomorrow or the following day and see how it goes 🙂

  11. Avatar


    June 14, 2019 at 2:51 am

    Hi Chris,

    I was trying to be supportive for my bf by cleaning around his apt where I usually, because he is so stressed with work and school. He kept nitpicking everything I did and yelled at me about how I cleaned. Three days past by and I decided to speak to him, as I calmed down and I could get impulsive at times. I told him how I felt and he just focused on his view on the case. He said he couldn’t relate and understand what I wanted. I told him I would appreciate if he didn’t speak to me that way and that I was trying to support him the best way I could. He then said I should only stay in his place once a wk, because he thought me staying in his place would make ya argue less. I got upset and started picking up my stuff at 1AM, he helped me. I left and took a breather for four days. He txts me random things about his family. When I try to meet up to talk about what happened and put it behind us he just ignored that txt. Two wks later I’m trying to speak to him, he doesn’t want to and he txts how could he speak to the person that left him when he most needed me. That I left him. I write I didn’t and that I’m sorry he misunderstood but that I never did that. He ignored it. One week later, at this point three weeks past I txt him I missed him and he said to not txt him, that I have to understand how serious this is, to delete his number and forget about him.

    Now keep in mind we have been dating for almost three years, this happens may 15 about to be a month. He kept using my Netflix account so I changed my password because I’m nice but he is taking advantage of it. He txts me that night and says can I have the password. I ignored the msg and he txt me four days ago
    are you up? I reply yes and he just spoke about himself through txt and then said nice catching up with you good night.

    At this point I’m writing you because I’m confused and know that he is my ex but I don’t know how to handle this at all, it’s really hard to process as he never communicated anything to me. And he told me to delete his number and is txt me. So what can I do?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 14, 2019 at 3:40 pm

      Hi Ana…it looks like you would benefit from Program. Your guy seems to have some pent up issues and sometimes employing No Contact for a period of time and doing the other things associated with a sensible ex recovery plan is the best move.

  12. Avatar


    June 11, 2019 at 1:28 pm

    My ex contacted me about 30 days into NC. He wrote I think about and miss you everyday and I will never stop loving you. You’re a very special person and I just wanted to remind you of that. First that last sentience really bugged me. Now what…

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 11, 2019 at 6:11 pm

      Hi Shannon…usually NC periods run about 30 days so you might consider using my recommendations covered in my Program on how to reach out.

  13. Avatar


    May 26, 2019 at 8:19 pm

    what if your EX sent you message “U miss us?” after 45 days of NC. what should the ideal reaponse to that?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 27, 2019 at 8:35 pm

      So Brilyn…you have to ask yourself how long should your NC period be. It may be time to reach out and see if you can ignite the spark again, but you should do it the way I teach in my Program

  14. Avatar


    May 13, 2019 at 10:07 pm

    Hi Chris,
    Things with my ex ended a little messy a couple of days ago. He cheated on me. The ending text from him sounded something like “…good, I’m tired of being on trial all the time. Good luck with your life.” I immediately implemented NC (because I honestly believe that he had a poor lapse in judgement, and that we’re supposed to be together someday), and today is day 4. He messaged me earlier today saying “I hope you’re doing okay.” I don’t know what that means, or what his thought process behind the message is, and I don’t know how to respond or if I should respond at all. I’m hoping to get some clarity on the situation.

    Thank you,

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 14, 2019 at 2:27 am

      Hi Jill…implementing NC was the right move. Your ex has some lessons to learn and let’s hope the space and time will reveal to him how big a mistake he made. It seems it is starting to catch up with him.

  15. Avatar

    Maria Smith

    April 26, 2019 at 6:22 pm

    its really amazing and awesome post i rally like your this post thanks for share and keep it up..

  16. Avatar


    April 13, 2019 at 3:04 pm

    Hi Chris. My ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago, and I’ve been doing no contact ever since. Then last night, he just texted me out of the blue and said he just isn’t emotionally ready for a relationship and it woukd be unfair to continue things with me. What does that even mean? He already broke up with me! Shoukd I even respond to him? Do I even have a chance of getting him back now?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 14, 2019 at 1:29 pm

      Hi Victoria….so I think No Contact is the right medicine. Best to have a solid plan helping you throughout this period which includes understanding all the elements of the No Contact Rule. Guys will text out of the blue to try and trigger a response

  17. Avatar


    March 23, 2019 at 9:37 am


    I helped a lot to my ex during our 3years of relationship, about 2months ago my ex talked to me disrespectfully and said I’m not in love with you then I moved to No-Contact. After 1month she messaged me for my birthday and admitted that I helped her too much and said she loves me, after 12hours I replied normally and she changed her txt tonnage and told me I’m the most stubborn person that she ever saw. I said I’m not stubborn, but you told me something which is my red line and you crossed that line.
    She didn’t message anymore, but I know she will message me again when she needs something or seeks help.

    Should I reply to her if she asked for help or something else?
    if Yes, How should I respond?


  18. Avatar


    February 4, 2019 at 3:26 pm

    Hi Chris,

    So to briefly sum up my story. I dated this guy (childhood friend) about 2 years ago now. We dated for a few months, he ghosted, I did no contact, attempted to contact with little success. He has attempted over the last couple of years to contact with. The last time he texted me around October or November, we were talking for a bit and then of course he just went ghost again. So I changed my number, never gave it to him. (We also don’t follow each other on social media anymore, but my account it public). I’ve come to accept that although I love him, I deserve more. But a couple days ago, he messages me out of the blue on Instagram with a heart emoji. Thinking this took no effort, I just didn’t bother messaging back. I would love the chance to rekindle what we had. How can I get him to notice me and put more effort into trying to get me back?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      February 4, 2019 at 5:11 pm

      Hi Zan…best to have a sensible ex recovery plan. So check out my Program as it will help you thru this post breakup period.

  19. Avatar


    January 15, 2019 at 5:41 am

    We broke up because he said he needed time to sort his life out. All along I’ve had trust issues with him because I found out halfway through the relationship that he’d been chatting up other girls and asking them out. But he said he was willing to try to build back the trust. Eventually he started becoming distant, saying he had a lot on his mind about his career and personal life. What eventually triggered the breakup was when I demanded he show proof that he was exactly where he said he was (which he didn’t anyway).

    So it ended and we agreed that being friends would be better. The day right after he’s texting me already, showing me what he’s been up to and then the following day again asking how my day’s been. This confuses me and I have no idea how to respond.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 16, 2019 at 4:03 am

      Hi Diaz! Have you considered NC?

  20. Avatar


    December 20, 2018 at 10:44 am

    If he starts to text after 30 days NC, how soon is the best way to reply?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 21, 2018 at 1:01 am

      My recommendation is pick up my eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” as it is lays it all out in great detail!

    2. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 21, 2018 at 1:01 am

      My recommendation is pick up my eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” as it is lays it all out in great detail!

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