By Chris Seiter

Updated on April 9th, 2021

Lately I don’t know what it is but I’ve been getting so many messages about text messaging.

Specifically: “Chris, my ex texted me Ha Ha, what does it mean and how do I respond to it?”

So, I thought it would be prudent for me to make a video for you so you would have an idea of how to respond to an ex boyfriend text.  After all, he went to the trouble of reaching out to you.  But your mind is probably working overtime trying to figure out how to respond to an ex who is contacting you and apparently might want you back.

So I am going to give you a lot more than just something to watch!

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The 10 Questions About Responding To Your Ex’s Texts You Have Been Dying to Ask!

One of the things you will learn today is not only how to respond to an ex asking how you are doing, but let me give you some answers now on  how to deal with a whole assortment of text message questions he might send you such as:

1. When my ex texts me, “I miss you”.

He might indeed miss you a lot, but if you are in the middle of your no contact period, be strong.  The rush of dopamine he was use to getting when you were around is missing. He needs a fix. Don’t give it to him just yet.  Play you cards right, you can build greater value.

2. When your ex boyfriend texts you out of the blue, what does it mean?

It probably means he is curious about you.  Maybe he is a nice guy and just saying hello.  But more often than not, he is taking a temperature of the after breakup climate to see if you are open to talking.  So he may be testing you to get a read on your willingness to reconsider.  Depending on where you are in the ex recovery process, it may be appropriate to ignore him or respond and slowly repair the communication lines.

3. When your ex texts you, “Hey” or “What’s going on” or he says, “Are you missing me yet”

These weak little messages are just that. Weak and poor imitations of real conversation.  So if you are within the No Contact period, just ignore them.  If not, then meet these texts with what I describe below as a similar mirrored response.

4. What do you do if your ex boyfriend confesses he made a mistake leaving you or pleads for you to forgive him?

If he acts this way right after the breakup, then it is best you ignore him in most situations.  It’s most likely he is feeling it and is desperate for some attention.  But he may not have truly learned his lesson.  Now,  there are exceptions.  If the history of the relationship has been strong, then perhaps he made a bad mistake and is willing to meet with you and offer a heartfelt apology.

5. How do you respond to your ex saying, “I love you”

Well, perhaps your ex does love you.  Then again, he may love himself more and wants you to be around to ease his pain.  You have to ask yourself, has enough time gone by for the wounds of the breakup to heal.  Stay true to your plan and focus on your recovery and rebuild your confidence.  If he loves you that much, it won’t go anywhere.

6. And how in the heck do you handle it when your ex’s girlfriend texts you asking questions about him?  Ouch!

Hearing from your ex’s girlfriend can be a bit awkward and weird.  If she is shopping for advice on your ex boyfriend, then tell her he is a wonderful man.  Use a little bit of reverse psychology.  If you say anything negative about your ex, she may go running to him to use it against you.

7. Why is he texting you so often?  Are there reasons why your ex texts you so much?  Is it good or bad.  What does it mean?

It probably means he is a bit stir crazy.  If your ex is firing texts at you left and right, it could be for any number of reasons.  He may be impulsive and insecure and you are his rock.  So in this way, he is using you.  Or he could be having a bit of a panic attack and just can’t help himself.  Then again, your ex may be a real swine and is just harassing you with his texts.

8. What if he texts me every day, but I am not interested.  How do I get him to stop?

You have two choices.  Block him.  Or send him a nice reply, explaining you are in a different place in your life now and would ask him to respect your privacy and stop texting you.

9. I have been trying to avoid my ex boyfriend but what if he texts me during no contact.  Should I break it.  I am afraid I will lose him.

It is a common fear people have.  They fear if they don’t respond to their Ex’s text message, he will give up on them and it will be all over forever. Rarely does that happen.  It is much better to stay the course with your No Contact.  If you must, you can always send him a text explaining you need some space and won’t be communicating for the next few weeks to heal and focus on other needs.

10. What if he texts me first with nice things to say to me.  Should I stop the no contact rule and give him another chance?

I wrote a book called The No Contact Rule which talks about making exceptions.  This could be a time where you make one if certain other factors fall into place.  If you have spend a decent amount of time in No Contact and your relationship history has been good with him, then it would be OK to respond and proceed slowly.

Now Let’s go over some ex back texting fundamentals!

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When Should You Respond To Your Ex’s Text Messages?

One of the biggest mistakes that I see men and women make when it comes to texting their ex is they text them too soon.  You can get so excited and wrapped up about hearing from your ex, you just drop everything you are doing.  Never mind that he only texts and doesn’t call you.  Or that it has only been 4 days since the breakup.

You probably were so invested in the relationship and miss him or her so much, you are just dying to hear what he or she has to say. Unfortunately, problems usually arise when you feel desperate to get the communications started up again.

It’s really important that you first implement the no contact rule when you’re thinking of texting your ex and stick with it.

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Why? Well, this can do a lot of things for you but mostly it’s to make sure you don’t act like this.

“Should I text him back.  What if I don’t?  What if I do, but he doesn’t respond! Why am I in this position to begin with?

Now, I can go on and on about the no contact rule and the many different important applications that it serves for you when you’re trying to get your ex back and why it’s important to do it.

But I’ve already done so many videos. I’ve written so many articles on it.  So I think I’ve covered it pretty well for you.

So What Are The 5 Situations Where You Can Respond To a Text From Your Ex?

1. Implement No Contact To Set the Stage for Future Text Messages

You guessed it.  Don’t go chasing after your ex’s text messages until after you have implemented No Contact.  If you do it sooner, before NC, or after, you are asking for trouble.  Angry and resentful feelings are always lingering near the surface shortly after the breakup. Much more often than not, you and your ex will butt heads.

2. First Allow Time To Heal Before You Try and Answer His Texts

Before responding to your ex boyfriend (or girlfriend), be sure you have invested enough time to heal.  Breakups are hard on couples and you will be hurting emotionally and physically.  When your ex boyfriend breaks up with you, it feels like a punch in the gut.  Your feelings will be raw and you will be confused, stunned…all sorts of emotions will flood your mind.  So you need quality time to allow for your body and mind to flush out those stress hormones and recover.

3. Be Sure To Build Value To Draw Your Ex In

You shouldn’t be even thinking of answering your ex’s text messages until you have had sufficient time to build value.  I am not saying you aren’t already an awesome person.  But there are things you can do to cause your ex to see that he made a mistake.  You want to reinforce that you have some special qualities that he has taken for granted and along the way, pick up a few new things that will cause him to sit up and notice.  There are lots of things you can do to become the best version of yourself and make sure he knows about it

4. To Explain Briefly To Your Ex Why You Need Space (versus just ghosting him with no explanation)

In some occasions, it serves you to give your ex a heads up as to why you are adopting the No Contact Rule.  This works well in those situations where you believe he will react very poorly if you completely shut down communications without him being aware of why.  You can briefly explain that you need to get in touch with your feelings and work on personal goals.  While your ex bf may still feel rejected and frustrated with your explanation, it shows you as being a classy person and serves you in the long run.

5. Respond To Your Ex’s Text If You Deem It To Be An Emergency or Critical Information.

Just please be reminded, before you text your ex, make sure you have gone through a no contact period of time where you have created some space and a communications blackout with your ex.  If an emergency has occurred, it is understandable you respond. If there is important information you both need to exchange, then certainly attend to that, then return to NC.

When Shouldn’t You Respond To Your Ex’s Text Message

Just to make sure we are on same right page, there are certain conditions that should be made before you text him back which I described above. Nevertheless, you should know there are certain tricks and ploys your ex boyfriend (or ex girlfriend) might try on you to induce you to respond. These texting rules apply before, during, and after the No Contact Period.

Let’s go over those situations in which you should avoid answering his text messages:

  • Immediately following the breakup (24 hours).  This period can lead to all kinds of chaos.  Best to let things calm down a bit
  • When your ex is being sarcastic or bitter about what has happened between the two of you.
  • Your ex sends you a desperate texting plea to meet to discuss the break up.
  • When you feel angry and resentful.  Fight back those urges to text him because it will make things worse.
  • Avoid texting him back after the No Contact period if you are unsure if he is the right guy for you.
  • Just avoid answering his message if you suspect he drunk texted you.
  • Don’t respond to his text messages if you have already decided to move on and end the relationship permanently

Four Kinds of Text Message Responses You Can Send To Your Ex

So, let’s assume you have done all the things I described above to better your ex recovery chances. Now, what I like to do is give you four text message responses that should prove effective with your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend.

But first let’s talk about the many different experts out there who may just give you simplistic answers to what is in reality a very complicated situation requiring planning and insight into the ex recovery process.   Some experts will say stuff like,

“Don’t reply right away.”

But under some circumstances, as you seek to build attraction, you may want to reply promptly, taking the conversation to its peak, then ending it on its high point.

“Be Bubbly”

It does sound good, right?  Why not be happy sounding and positive.  It its a drag on your recovery chances if you are whining or sounding negative or blaming.  But you don’t won’t to sound overly happy in some situations, because it might not fit the situation.  You can come of as sounding superficial or as a person who is deluding themselves. Sometimes its pays to be more serious, more mature, even reserved in order to present the right image.  Being confident and and keeping your stuff together certainly is advisable.

Sometimes people say…

“Always have something interesting to say.”

Actually I’m kind of guilty of that last one. Now, here’s the important point. When someone says be bubbly, have something interesting to say, don’t reply right away, they are just throwing generalities at you, where your situation may require more of tactical approach.

That’s kind of why I wanted to put this video together for you. I wanted to create something that was really specific on how you should respond when your ex texts messages you in a certain way.

But before we get into the details of that, there is an important concept that I need you to understand.

1. First Kind of Text Response: It’s referred to as Mirroring

“I am one handsome devil.”

No, not that type of mirroring.

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When I say Mirroring, I simply mean mirroring your ex’s text to you.

So, when your ex texts you, he puts a certain amount of himself into the text. He puts a certain amount of effort into it, if you will. Well, imagine that he texts you with something like this.

How should you respond to that?

Well, if you’re not mirroring, you’ll probably respond like this.

But the problem with that is, that’s not the proper mirroring. He is clearly not putting as much effort into the text message as you are.  Whatever the reason, it’s not so cool is it.  So, what would be the correct way to mirror his text?

Well, you’d simply do something like this.


Now, if that’s too confusing, don’t worry. I’m going to explain it a bit more when I get to the specific text messages. In fact, I think we’re already there. Let’s just get right down to it.

Let’s take a look at 4 common text messages that your ex boyfriend will send to you and how exactly you should respond to them.

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2. Second Kind of Text Response: The Confident Text Reply

Now, let’s pretend that your ex boyfriend, after spending a good amount of time missing you, sends you this text message.

“I’ve been thinking about you so much!”

Well, your natural instinct will be to think to yourself…

“Oh my god!! Oh my god!! He texted me!! He misses me!”

And well, I can certainly understand the excitement of having your ex boyfriend text you something like that.  I am sure it is exciting to finally hear from him.  But you have to be careful you don’t let all of your excitement bleed into your text message. You don’t want him to perceive you as being desperate or a wounded soul who will do just about anything to have him back in your life.

You need to reflect confidence.  You need to beam with value.  Remember, you are the Ungettable Girl!

You want to reinforce to your ex that you are a catch. Your are not easy.  He needs to do some chasing to  win you over.  And your ex boyfriend has some catching up to do to properly woo you over.

His text messages to you are his way of feeling you out.  He is like a hunter, trying to track you down.  So let him work on chasing you down because he will love it, whether he realizes it or not.

So instead of a bubbly or silly text reply, you should confidently say something like this:

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“Well, of course you do.”

It’s flirting. It’s cheeky. It’s confident, but not arrogant.  It is really a smart way to go.

3. Third Kind of Text Response:  More Text Mirroring!

Now, let’s return to one of the most common types of text messages your ex boyfriend will send you.  It could happen anytime.  Remember, if he sends you one of these kind of one word text gems during the no contact period, unless you are toward the end of your no contact timeline, then it’s best you ignore him.  Otherwise here is how you handle these provocative texts you might receive from your ex (just kidding – nothing provocative or creative with these kinds of messages!).

Sometimes your guy (or girlfriend) will just test the waters.  He is not sure where your head is, so he may send you a kinda brain dumb text message.

You know, he’ll start a conversation with:




“How goes it”

Missing me yet”

Though that last one may not be common.  It’s a little bold!

So, how do you deal with this?

How do you respond to a briefer than brief text message conversation started by your ex boyfriend?

Well, there’s a lot of different ways but remember when I was talking about mirroring and how you need to basically mirror the effort that he’s putting into his text messages? You should mirror this text message. So, if he says to you,


You should say:


Get it? Or if you really, really want to get technical, don’t respond at all. He puts in minimal effort, you put in no effort. Best in most cases, your replay will be received positively.  It is a slightly positive response.  Giving him anything more reduces your value.

4. Fourth Kind of Text Response: The Stand Up Text Message

Now, unfortunately this next text message happens a little too much and it’s painful when it does happen.

So, what is this text message?

Well, it’s the stand up text message.

“Hey, I can’t go out with you today. I got super busy.”

This is a painful kind of message to get for a lot of women, especially when they put in so much effort. It takes so much work to get an ex boyfriend back, so when you get a text message where your ex is basically standing you up, should you act like this….

“Hmm, can’t go out with me huh??

Well, let’s see what Sebastian has to say about that.”

Well certainly, I don’t want you doing anything like this!

So, what’s the play here?

Do you simply just accept the fact that he stood you up an basically lay down and take it?


There is an appropriate way of handling this and doing it with class and a little zinger at the end.

The correct play is to send a message like this.

“Oh, that’s completely fine. In return, I met the most amazing people.”

This text message works really great because it makes him understand that there are consequences to standing you up.  It reinforces to your ex boyfriend that you are a person of value and if he keeps blowing you off, he might just lose you to somebody else.

It makes him understand that you’re a hot commodity even works better if you actually have pictures to go with it. So,  now he’s not just thinking you’re making it up, he can see with his own eyes that you are quite the popular girl and not even shaken by his lousy move.

Now, let’s go to the final and probably most common and most asked text message that I get.

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5. Fifth Kind of Text Response:  Meet Him With Mirrored Silence  (Bonus Tip!)

I am giving you one more lesson. It’s all about the dreaded one word response after you have put your heart and soul into a text message.

So, pretend for a moment that you sent this text message to your ex.

“I miss you so much. I feel like I am barely hanging on.”

There’s a lot of emotion in there. There’s a lot of words in there. You put a lot of effort into it. Except after he gets the text message, he responds with this:

“Ha ha!”

So, what do you do with this kind of insensitive text response by your ex boyfriend?

Do you get really angry at him for basically not responding how you wanted him to respond?

No, stay true to the mirroring tactic. If he says ha ha, you say ha ha right on back.  Then go silent for a several days.  If your ex boyfriend is going to at like an insensitive ass, ridiculing your heartfelt text, you need to ghost him for a while.

Simply don’t respond to him for a good spell. You silence will speak volumes and reset the expectation that you have no tolerance for immaturity

Make him understand that there are consequences when he doesn’t put effort into his text messages.

And that’s going to do it for this video of the ex boyfriend recovery YouTube channel!

I want to take a moment and thank you for watching to the end. If you’d like to learn more about text messaging, simply take some time and navigate around my website. I  have a quiz that you can take on text messaging. I also have so many other resources that will likely suit your needs!

In fact, have an entire guide on Text Messaging and it is a Bible on how to respond in all sorts of situations!

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245 thoughts on “The Four Best Ways To Respond To Your Exes Text Messages”

  1. Nikki

    May 5, 2023 at 9:43 pm

    My situation is a little different I was dating this boy online for 10 months and all we did was talk over the phone and I send each other pictures that’s it. No New FaceTiming or anything like that. He always said that I had assumptions that he was cheating on me which I did And that’s why he wanted to end it with me And we could just be friends. So I texted him back and said “I just realized we had nothing in common anyways so yeah we could just be friends:)” So my question is why did he text me literally the day after we broke up and his text said “Gm wyd” And I’m trying to figure out what I should reply back and say?

    1. Coach Shaunna

      August 16, 2023 at 2:02 pm

      Don’t reply, he broke up with you. Allow him to have the break up. Work on yourself so that you start to feel better and less insecure when in a relationship. Was there merit for you to believe he was cheating on you all the time? Or was it the fact that this was an online relationship and lond distance made you insecure?

  2. Cat

    March 29, 2022 at 6:53 pm

    Hi – He wasn’t an official ex as we were never boyfriend-girlfriend, but long story short, he got a girlfriend when we had a back and forth thing going on and broke my heart. The last we spoke was January (things left on a bad note) until last Monday night when he texted me, “heyy.” I replied in the morning with a simple, “hey,” but he never replied after that. I was originally planning on sending him a text in 3 weeks time after finishing 60 days of no contact, but then he texted me. I would, of course, prefer for him to be the one to text me again, but I doubt he will…What are my next steps here and what was he thinking by texting me..? Does it reveal that there are potential cracks in his relationship…maybe the grass is greener syndrome…? I really fell for him. I’ve been posting on insta, he looks at all of my stories, but that’s kinda the only outlet I have…

  3. Roya

    March 27, 2022 at 7:08 pm

    Hey – I started no contact in January with not an ex boyfriend, but I guess still an ex of some sort (we hooked up, used to talk all the time, and he led me on). He has a new girlfriend. I haven’t said anything to him up until a few days ago when he messaged me saying, “Heyy” at night. I waited until the morning to say a simple, “hey,” but he didn’t say’s been 4 days. Any insight/help..? I was originally planning on saying something in a few weeks time, but then he texted me and I’m not sure what’s the best route to take now…Also, does him texting me, “Heyy” at night say that his relationship isn’t solid…? I’m heartbroken he has a girlfriend…

  4. Maria

    February 20, 2022 at 2:04 am

    I was dating a cop for 5 months. We went back and forth for a few times due to not being sure if he wanted to build a life with someone who had 2 kids from a previous relationship, yet he knew about them from day one. He interacted with my children and we’ve had many outings with the kids. After 5 months in, spending so much time together and taking about future kids and marriage I asked him how he felt about us? Well his response was very hurtful, he dislikes those types of questions but I asked anyways. He had the same response, “I haven’t thought about it, I’m not sure if I’m ready for the responsibility of raising 4 kids”, because he also wanted 2 of his own. So I said to him that I deserve someone who knows what they want and 5 months is pretty straight forward about getting exclusive. I said that he needs to figure it out without me, and hopefully I’m still there when he’s ready because I deserve someone who accepts my children and I. He replied back, “Is this what you want, why are you pressuring me to decide now, along with Im a nice girl and I deserve the best but he doesn’t know”. I reached out a week after to see how he’s doing and make it clear that we could be friends in the future because we ended in a bad note. I get a text from him yesterday, “Hey, how are you? I’m not sure if I should respond or ignore him until I’m ready to be friends with him. I want him to miss me and realize that he’s about to loose a good woman, whether that ignoring his texts and see the effort or just ignore him completely for a few months.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 21, 2022 at 10:54 am

      Hey Maria, I think it is good that he has been honest with you that he isn’t sure about what he wants, for now. 5 months is not a long time to decide if you want children and marriage with someone, you barely know each other yet. So try to think of it unemotionally and realise it has only been 5 months… On that note, I would suggest that you be mindful that you do not pressure him into anything but if you continue to date him and it reaches the 12 month mark, that is when things begin to be more serious and you can consider living together for some time before trying to have children or being married. You need to get to know each other fully first, the good the bad and the ugly! Don’t rush things because they end up breaking down!

  5. Ukpai Justina

    July 13, 2021 at 8:18 am

    He wished me happy birthday should I reply? He was like “ahhhhhappy birthday”.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 13, 2021 at 8:36 pm

      You may reply Thank you as you would a general person

  6. Menia

    April 22, 2021 at 3:04 am

    Well how should I respond? My ex and I broke up like 2 weeks ago. Reason why we broke up? He get so annoyed at me and I didn’t give him any space that day. But yeah, he blocked me and I message him 2 days later after we broke up and he still get mad and saying, ‘why you talking so much’ so yeah.
    Today it’s 2 weeks since we broke up and I haven’t talked to him for like 10 days now. I gave him his space and I don’t even bother him. But today, he reached out and messaged me with a “HOW ARE YOU?” sounds so dead right? I don’t want to respond to him cos he was so mad when I kept messaging him before. But at the same time I might lose him. I still love him.

    What should I do? Keep up with the NO CONTACT or message him?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 22, 2021 at 4:44 pm

      HI Menia, I would suggest that you stick with your 30 day NC and not reply to him.

  7. Pearl Babiera

    January 19, 2021 at 12:52 am

    I got engage last April 2020, then elope with him sometime in July 2020 with my aunt and son. Three days of staying together, he said he got overwhelmed with out set-up. To make the long story short, I gave back the ring because he cannot keep up to his promise, no assurance, just silence. After that we became the gf and bf type until this November 2021 a woman chatted me, telling me she is the long time gf for 5 years that overlaps our relationship. No wonder. I have so many that’s whys in my head. Every time I am letting him go he keeps coming back. I love him so much and I want to fight for him and what’s mine but sad to say its hard to fight for someone who haven’t for for you enough. What is the best thing to do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 19, 2021 at 9:00 pm

      Hi Pearl, so if he has been having an affair. Or a double life in a way. Then you need to decide if you can move passed that betrayal. Follow a no contact period of 45 days and then start reaching out with the messages that Chris suggests in his articles.

  8. Jane

    November 19, 2020 at 5:07 am

    After 8 yrs. My ex cheated on me and his now with the woman their on the LDR. My ex says he loves me but he loves the new girl more, and told me that if that woman is the same as me he will be back. I do the no contact he says sorry and he wants me to be happy, and told him i am happy. Then few days ago he ask me to meet him to get something from him.. I told him i was busy and i just get it next time.. I dont know what to do, i want him back.. We love each other so much that we plan our future together, his always consistent, and even he works in different country he always shows how much he loves me when where together.. He meet the girl at work for about a month, and when he come home the woman said she might be pregnant, too late when we know shes not we already broken up.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 19, 2020 at 8:22 pm

      Hi Jane, so the first issue here should be if she really is pregnant – can you deal with being with him when he has a child with someone else? IF so then you can carry on with the program, stick with your no contact for 45 days and work on yourself in that time. You need to learn about the being there method and understand that if she is pregnant then that is going to be an emotional difficult time for the both of them to deal with. So you are going to have to be emotionally sound through this program.

  9. Emma Serafin

    November 6, 2020 at 2:03 pm

    I reached out to my ex after 60 days of no contact. We had a short conversation that flowed very well, and agreed to meet up in person. We spoke for about an hour in person, and I tried to keep keep it light. We hugged at the end of the meeting, and he said that he would respond to me if I reached out, but it doesn’t seem to me like he is going to put any effort into reaching out to me. He is also graduating from college in about a month and moving two hours away (not too long of a trip). I love this man, but how do I pursue him without looking desperate?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 8, 2020 at 10:27 am

      Hi Emma, even though this went well you have rushed things rather than getting him invested in spending time texting and talking to you. Read some more articles about the texting phase and use these methods with your ex before asking for another meet up or expecting him to reach out to you first this soon on

  10. Andy

    November 6, 2020 at 8:49 am

    After 5 years together, he decided we wanted different things in the next couple of years, but didn’t rule out a potential reconciliation in the future. I was blindsided and we hadn’t had a chance to see each other much due to the pandemic. After a month of NC a brief conversation (I reached out), and then another 2 weeks of further NC, we had a long back and forth conversation about light topics. I made a big mistake in that I tried to flirt with him and mentioned something we would only talk about if we were still sexually involved. He responded fine and the conversation moved on, however, it became clear later on that he felt surprised by it. I apologised for confusing him and he mentioned its hard for him to know how to act still as it’s still very fresh (2 months) and that until we are just friends it’s hard to talk in that way.

    I feel very silly, guilty, and embarrassed despite apologising to him and us moving the conversation on from it. Have I lost all hope completely, or is it a case of just time?

    Thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 8, 2020 at 11:53 am

      Hi Andy, I think all that has happened is you have tried to rush the process, read some more articles about how to text your ex and then reach out using Chris’ methods ratherthan trying to skip the value chain.

  11. Alex

    November 4, 2020 at 10:39 pm

    My ex boyfriend and i have gotten together and broken up twice now. Last year we dated and he ghosted me for some immature reasons. Then in early September he reached out to me and we reconnected then got back together. He ghosted me again, this time I guess because he was moving and stressed out (still ambiguous and immature). He just texted me last night trying to initiate conversation over snapchat asking me if I watched the election. I left him on delivered and haven’t responded yet…what do I do? He has been such an asshole to me and taken me on a toxic emotional rollercoaster every time we’re in a relationship/friends. While my brain knows this and tells me to say no, the other part of me still wants him and has hope for us. What should I do? Should I respond to him or just leave him on delivered and not set myself up for disappointment.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 5, 2020 at 10:32 am

      Hi Alex, I would suggest that you move on if the relationship has been toxic – walk away. The fact you dont get an apology for his behaviour I would suggest that you no contact and move forward.

  12. Breanna

    September 8, 2020 at 2:57 am

    My long distance(only 4 hours drive) ex-boyfriend and I got into a text message disagreement, about him not giving me the same kinda phone time attention, the disagreement ended with him saying he needed a couple of days to think. I gave him a week, so I texted him, he text back he was working and thinks about me everyday. So I started back texting him, but I noticed his responses back where empty. So I called him and he didn’t answer, so I texted him telling him I was confused and concerned and did he need more time to think. And he said he was sleep when I called, and busy working doubles and yes he needed more time to think. So I sent him money and asked him to call me, because I thought he was having some kinda financial crisis as to why he wasn’t talking to me. Then he just thanked me in a text and didn’t call me, so I called him, a couple days later, and he didn’t answer. I text him the next day, and he responded with I’m sorry, and just asked me how I was doing. So, we text back and forth a couple of days, then I had enough, so I just stopped texting to see if he would text. A few weeks went by, no text, no call. So I text him, a text asking him what was his decision, because I had given him time to think, and what was his response. He texted me back, “A response?”, which made no sense to me. So I texted him asking what did he mean, and if he would call me, so that we could have a conversation for clarity, because I was confused. Then, 3 days went by no response from him. So I text him, thanking him for our time together and that I was moving on, and we could maybe be friends down the road. Then he responded right away, texting me back that he understood, and yes we could be friends, and the reason he didn’t call was bcuz he had a friend die of COVID19, and that he will never forget me, and he’ll check on me from time to time. I immediately text him back, condolences for his friend, then explaining to him what I thought his silence meant, and why I said I was moving on, bcuz he wasn’t communicating with me, about the status of our relationship, and I told him how I felt, and I never wanted to breakup, but if he wanted to be friends, okay. I also, asked him, did he want to meetup and chat, he did agree to. But he said, bcuz of his friends funeral, he would let me know when. Then l sent him a condolence monetary gift for his friend, and he text me, Thank you, and that losing his friend is sad. I asked him if he felt like talking about how he was feeling, after everything had settled down after the funeral to call me or I could call him. He said, okay. I called him later that night, he didn’t answer. So I text him the next morning, asking him how he was feeling, and that I called him to check on him. He text, thanking me for checking on him, and that he was doing better. Then he texted me later that afternoon, asking if I was working or not? I texted, him that it was off the next 2 days, and I asked him if he wanted to talk? Then, a few hours later, he text me a not so nice text, he text, “Not right now…he was in bed watching the game”. That hurt my feelings so I didn’t text or attempt to call. Now, the next day, he text me, “How’s your day?”. I didn’t respond back.
    Here’s my problem, I don’t want to be friends with my ex. I want us to get back together. But my ex, won’t even have a phone conversation with me. What do I do to let him know, I don’t want to be friends, and I want to get back together?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 11, 2020 at 9:24 pm

      Hey Breanna, so you need to read some more articles to understand this program. You especially need to read and understand how to complete a successful No Contact

  13. Emily

    August 20, 2020 at 9:17 pm

    My ex texted me today asking me how I was and what I’ve been up to, with the classic ‘I just wanted to reach out. miss you’. We agreed to meet and talk in a few days to just generally catch up. When the conversation ended, he texted me a few hours later saying my latest pic (posted the weekend before) on Instagram was ‘unreal’ and I’ve had a ‘break up glow up’. What does this mean? How do you even begin to respond to this?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 27, 2020 at 1:34 pm

      Hey Emily, in response to him saying you look good just reply “Thanks” dont respond to the break up comment

  14. Christine

    August 5, 2020 at 4:46 pm

    How do you reply when your ex says; Hi, do you hate me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 5, 2020 at 9:32 pm

      You ignore him if you are in No Contact, if youre not then just reply “no”

  15. Lenushca Cockcroft

    July 22, 2020 at 4:26 am

    I have now started the no contact, but we work together. In you ine article I have understood I have to make him miss what he had, be the person he knew and fell for in the beginning. This being said I am a very bubbly hyped kind of girl. In the other article it stated that contact should be completely limited if working together it should stay at work related topic. How do I now respond if he asks about my kids do I just say good and carry along or as I used to babble about them? One of my traits he loved was that I used to talk to him a lot.. So now being short and withdrawn by just responding good, would this not make him hate me for not being the person he knows?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 25, 2020 at 8:01 pm

      Hey Lenushca, it will not make him hate you it is going to make him miss the person he knew at the good times. When you work together you are going to have to follow a limited no contact where you remain professional in work but do not speak to him about normal day to day things just work related.

  16. Eve

    July 20, 2020 at 8:07 pm

    My boyfriend and I broke up on a bad note. He cheated on me during the relationship which I didn’t even make a big deal. He was opportunistic and was not proud of me. I just had to break up with him since I was not happy even though I loved him.
    I’m starting something good with a new guy. And recently my ex texted me good morning. What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 20, 2020 at 8:22 pm

      Ignore your ex if you are happy with someone else, do not entertain someone who made you feel less than your worth

  17. Shell

    July 10, 2020 at 8:04 pm

    Hey my ex has reached out to me after 5 weeks of no contact. He unblocked me and messaged me on Instagram. He asked how I was & asked for some advice about his mums friend he needed some hospital advice ( we had the same condition )
    I was polite and gave him some information. Then afterwards he said thank you and called me after the pet name we made for eachother.
    He then tried to add me on Instagram 3 times, I got 3 notifications then when I looked he then changed his Instagram profile to private.
    I got a strange message from him this morning but it looked like it was sent by mistake so I didn’t respond. All it was a dot. So I assumed was a mistake or to try grab my attention so just didn’t respond to that. Anyways he hasn’t said anything about meeting to talk about things. The impression I get is his very confused & he doesn’t seem to know how to approach it. What’s your advice? Wait for him to properly contact about meeting up etc?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 4, 2020 at 8:58 pm

      Hi Shell if you want to get this guy back and you have completed a NC successfully then you can start reaching out to him sometimes people dont know how to start a conversation so read some articles about texting and make sure that you are applying this to your conversations when you reach out to him, dont make it just about a condition / friends. Make the conversations about interesting topics to him that he is going to enjoy the conversation

  18. Praise Osita

    May 20, 2020 at 3:30 pm

    What should I do
    I and my ex boyfriend broke up for 2months nw
    We haven’t spoken to each other since then
    Just now he sent me a message on Facebook “hay beauty, am not your enemy we don’t have to keep malice”
    What should I say

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 10:19 pm

      Hi Praise, so from the message he has sent it seems he is more open to speaking with you but it is not following program. If you are satisfied that you have completed a 30 day No Contact and then you can start reaching out with texts that Chris suggests in a few days time.

  19. Shelbea

    April 4, 2020 at 8:10 pm

    So me and my ex boyfriend have been broken up for about 2 months. It ended very badly we both said some very harsh things to each other. I have not contacted him for this whole two months and then yesterday out of the blue he text me wow. I replied with what do you want? He replied with smh.. I then lost my cool and started to text him long paragraphs obsessively and now I am having guilt about it because I poured my heart out and he didnt even respond to any of them.. I feel like I lost my cool and went crazy.. I know what I did now was not the best for me. I deleted our texts because seeing his name on my phone hurts my heart and also makes me text him repeatedly. I am going back to no contact and I will never make that same mistake again. I need advice on how to get him out of my head.. I was doing so good until his name popped up with a text. I do not want to fall for this again because it makes me look and feel weak. What is the best thing for me to do so I will not get in my feelings and make the same mistake?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 9, 2020 at 11:12 pm

      Hi Shelbea, I would suggest that you delete the message without looking at it and just continue with your NC

  20. Rebecca

    February 6, 2020 at 6:04 pm


    So my boyfriend broke up with me after I talked to other guys but only as friends. This breakup occurred about 2 weeks ago. Since then I’ve been asking him a lot of questions about the future of our relationship and he said he doesn’t know what the future holds. He is not giving me much to work with here but he said I need to gain his trust back because he told me I shouldn’t talk to this one guy I flirted with before our relationship but I still did but only as friends. He believes I’m sorry and that I’ve changed but not enough yet. He is also going away to the marines at the end of June and I’m scared he’s gonna not give me the chance to prove to him I’ve changed and start up a relationship again. He said he are best friends, but he doesn’t think we can be more than that for a while. I’m hoping to get him back in a few months or so. I know I messed up, but I told him many times I’ve changed and I’m gonna prove it to him. All I want is for him to give me a chance to grow our relationship again and so far we are just really good friends that talk everyday. He said he is mainly scared that even though I claimed he changed, he’s still gonna get hurt. We have been in and off for the past month and we have been off for the past 2 weeks. I am so miserable without him in the romantic way and I am still very much in love with him. How do I initiate the spark to get him back and this time keep him? How do I prove to him that I changed and that I won’t hurt him anymore. I don’t know what to do, I’m scared I’m gonna lose him forever and he will move on. Please help me!!


    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 8, 2020 at 5:04 pm

      Hi Rebecca, so the fact that he is going away for his career and he feels he cant trust you is going to be an issue here. So at this point even though I say men and women can just be friends you need to avoid the specific male that is bothering him completely even as friends. And avoid any flirty or jealousy photos on social media going forward. I would also recommend that you stop talking to him about the relationship, break up and the trust issues. You have apologised, you have asked for another chance he has said no. Take that on the chin and take a step back you are not going to beg him back any more. Focus now on yourself and your female friends. Read about being Ungettable. I suggest that you do a 30 day No Contact where you do not reach out to your ex at all during that time, and if he does not speak to you in that time so be it, you can then go to start the texting phase. Make sure you read as many articles on this website that apply to your situation

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