I can’t tell you how often I receive an email like this,

“Chris, I am trying your text message strategies out on my ex but I’m only getting “neutral responses” back. How can I keep him engaged while texting me?”

That is certainly what Becky thought when she sent me a voicemail.

You see, Becky is in a really difficult situation.

Her boyfriend broke up with her and didn’t speak to her for a few weeks. In a moment of panic she penned a letter to him (which I never recommend) and followed up with a few text messages. He has received both the letter and the messages but has only replied in a neutral way which is far from ideal.

This of course leads her to wonder if neutral responses are a good thing or a bad thing?

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Important Topics Covered In This Episode

  • If neutral responses to your texts are good or bad?
  • Pairing your text messages with Facebook Posts
  • Charting all of your text messages to see what he is responsive towards
  • Making sure you are talking about things HE is interested in

Important Links Mentioned In This Episode

Interview Transcript

  •  Hey, hey, hey!
    Welcome to another episode of the ex boyfriend recovery podcast. I’m really excited to have you here today. Really quick note before we get started here. Last week, you may have noticed that I started up the podcast again where I’m doing this quick answer–question and answer sessions. And last week, stupid me, I forgot to turn on my microphone.
    So, if you’re wondering why the quality was just not good last week, well, that’s why or specifically last episode.
    So, hopefully, you’ll forgive me for that but let’s get diving in today. Today, we’re going to be talking to a woman named Becky. Becky’s kind of interesting in the fact that she’s trying to get her ex back and she’s trying to get him to engage in a conversation with her through text messaging. She’s struggling with that specifically and you know, it’s really interesting that she asked this question because this is a problem that I see a lot of men and women are having in our private support group.
    My wife, my team and I were always talking to men and women in this group and telling them, “Hey, make sure that you make your texts interesting.” and it never ceases to amaze when we tell someone that, they’ll take it but they’ll come up with texts that aren’t necessarily interesting or some texts that are downright offensive to their exes.
    So, today I’m going to be covering the ins and the outs of making sure that you keep your ex engaged in a conversation with you over text messaging but before we dive into the question from Becky, I have a bit of a favor to ask.
    Not a lot of people talk about this but podcasting requires things like subscriptions and rating and reviews to really survive and thrive and I want to ask you for a favor. If you could, please go to our iTunes page and subscribe to this podcast.
    If that’s maybe too much of a commitment for you, hey, no pressure at all.
    But I will say though, if you enjoy the podcast and even if hate the podcast, go to our iTunes page. It’s pretty simple. Go to iTunes.com and type in ex boyfriend recovery in the search box, our page will pop right up.
    Click on it and leave an honest rating or review. If you could do that, that would be immensely helpful and will help this podcast survive because if we don’t get enough subscribers or if we don’t get enough ratings or reviews, the honest truth is, it’s probably not worth the time to continue doing this. So, if you could, just take 5 minutes out of your day and do that.
    I would be immensely grateful.
    But let’s get off of that and get right to Becky’s question.
  • Hi Chris,

    This is Becky.

    I have a question for you regarding my exboyfriend. So, my ex boyfriend and I broke up in April and he wasn’t speaking to me for the first few weeks and then I sent him a letter and a few messages and he has received them but since then he’s been very neutral and so I messaged him two weeks ago and since then I have started the no contact rule.

    I’m wondering, is neutral messages a good sign?

    Should I be doing something else?

    I will definitely be planning the next message to send after the no contact rule has gone through but he wasn’t being outwardly mean but he wasn’t being engaged either.

    I’m just wondering if you have podcast or something that I can listen to to get him engaged and get him interested. Thanks for all the great work that you’ve been doing and awesome!

  • Well, I wanted to take a minute to thank Becky for calling in and asking that question and I think I have some really interesting advice for you Becky but first things first, like always, I’d like to do a quick recap of your situation.

    Just to make sure that I have it internally and also in case anyone, maybe wasn’t listening or fell asleep while they were listening to this podcast.

    Shame on you. We’ll have it. You broke up with your ex and he didn’t speak to you for about the first few weeks and then you sent him a letter and a few messages and he has received them but has since then been pretty neutral we would say.

    And then two weeks ago you messaged him and either you–you didn’t specify but I’m assuming you either got a neutral response or no response at all. And you’re sitting here wondering if neutral messages is a good thing which I suppose lends credence to the fact that that message that you sent to him two weeks ago was a neutral response that you got back.

    Now, you’ve since entered the no contact rule which congratulations on doing that. That is definitely the right move but one of the big smartest things you can do during the no contact rule is prepare for when you eventually do talk to your ex. And you’re pretty much wondering how to get a man engaged and how to keep  a man interested in texts. So, there’s a lot to cover here. I guess I’ll just start by getting right to the meat and talking about neutral messages.

    So, for those of you who don’t know, when you text an ex, there’s a couple possible outcomes that can occur. You can either text him and get a positive response where that’s something like you’re texting him some generic texts and he responds very positively, he could even compliment you and then you have things like neutral responses.

    So, neutral responses are basically, he’s not engaging with you but he’s just giving you enough to get by. It’s sort of just the bare minimum. The other way to call this is it’s sort of just like the mediocre response.

    The third type of response you can get is a negative response and negative responses, I don’t think I have to go too far out of my way explaining what these are. It’s pretty simple.

    You text him and he says, “F off! I hate you!” Things like that. And then of course you have no response, you text him and you’re just talking to a wall. He doesn’t say anything back. He doesn’t text you back. He just ghosted you essentially. And I’m of the mind that–so, are neutral responses good? Yes and no. You can’t get anywhere and you’re not going to get him back certainly with neutral responses.

    You have to get more positively responses than neutral responses but when you look at the grand scheme of having him actually contact you or talk to you, getting a neutral response is not the worst thing in the world. The worst thing in the world is actually getting no response. I would actually say no response is worse than negative responses.

    Now, why?

    Well, because with negative responses you can actually turn him on. He’s giving you something.

    You can turn that negative responses on their head a little bit. You can do some sort of mental judo moves and if you really think about it, someone who’s going to get that angry at you still cares in their core in some way shape or form. Neutral responses on the other hand are–no responses on the other hand is death.

    We do not want a no response.

    Are neutral messages a good thing? Yes and no. I would say neutral are not great and they are not going to get you your ex back but it is better than a negative response and it is better than no response. So, neutral response is probably the easiest to shift into positive responses and essentially that’s what we’re talking about today.

    How to turn a neutral man who’s not engaged with you in conversation to a text into someone who is engaged with you in conversation through text. So, there are really three things that I want to talk to you about today Becky.

    So, the first thing is actually I cannot take credit for this. There’s a woman who actually for her protection, I’m not going to say her name. But she is a really amazing success story that we have on our private support group and she was kind enough to do an interview with me on this podcast which I have posted to the website.

    In fact I don’t know the name on the top of my head but I will tell you what, I’m going to make a note to find in the show notes to find that woman specific success story but the gist of it is, she was a master at texting her ex. She had actually done something that I can’t believe that I had never personally thought of before.

    She found a way to pair her text messages with her Facebook and Instagram post.

    So, if you’re not savyy with social media, the way this works is if you were not talking to your ex a lot and you’re trying to remain directly in his life in some way shape or form, you can actually use social media to your advantage. And the woman here, what she did was actually really smart. She went and hired an internet marketing company.

    Now, an internet marketing company, they’re specifically made for getting websites or social media profiles high in search rankings. So, she thought, what I maybe can do is, I want him, I want my profile on Facebook to be the first thing that he sees every single day when he logs onto Facebook. So, for $6, she went to this internet marketing company and hired them to basically get her a bunch of followers on Instagram or friends on Facebook or likes on Facebook or what have you.

    Just basically get a lot of–I don’t know the perfect word on the top of my head but get a lot of buzz building around her profiles. And so anytime he would log onto Facebook she would be at the top of his news feed for example.

    So, it’s this like subliminal messaging where she’s constantly at the top of the newsfeed and she also did something really smart in the fact that she would do really interesting things. She went in like a fun run. She took pictures with friends on a fun run.

    She was being like super active. She was going out and having fun at clubs or parties or so. I don’t know. Fill the blanks. Figure out something interesting and she just posted it there. But essentially what this did, it had this really interesting effect on her ex.

    He would log onto Facebook and he would see, “Wow! She’s doing all this really incredible things.That’s really interesting. That is not what I thought she would be doing after this break up. I thought she’d be in a corner crying herself to sleep every night.”

    Well, it turns that he would actually be the one that would bring up these things to her in a text message conversations.

    So, the way this works is pretty simple.

    She would engage him in a text conversation and he would actually bring like, “Hey, I saw that you were like in the area or something and did a fun run.” It would get them some interesting topic to talk about.

    But I also think that this strategy, this idea of pairing your text messages with Facebook, basically having Facebook is proof to back up what you’re saying  can be a really a great way to get an ex engaged. So, let’s use the fun run thing as an example here.

    Let’s say that you Becky, go on and do this 5k fun run right?

    And you’re taking pictures and you look like you’re having a blast. Well, even if your ex doesn’t see it or he doesn’t bring it up to you directly, you can maybe bring it up to him directly and even point him towards Facebook in some indirect way so he has proof or you have proof to back it up and he can actually put a picture to the story you’re telling him. So, that’s the first tactic that I want to talk to you about today.

    Basically text pairing, pairing your text messages with really interesting Facebook or Instagram or other social media post.

    Now, the second thing that I want to talk to you about today is charting your messages.

    This is really, really underrated but it’s something that I essentially think every person needs to do if they’re not doing already. So, what do I mean by charting your messages? Well, not a lot of people look at texting this way but texting an ex is sort of like an art form.

    Sometimes what works for one particular ex where I’ll advice, “Hey, send your ex like a really cute video of your ex or something.”

    Maybe that will work for one ex but maybe for another ex he hates videos and it doesn’t work for him. Honestly, no one’s ever gone to the finite detail of actually detailing, “Hey, this is what works for my ex. This is what doesn’t work with my ex.” They only way you can do that is charting your text messages one by one. So, the idea here is you sent your ex a text, you’re basically buying data. You’re essentially figuring out, “Okay, how did he respond to this text message? Was it neutral? Was it positive? Was it negative? Was it no response?” Generally speaking, you’ll find a pattern between neutral responding text messages.

    They’re all going to be kind of boring or not engaging enough and then every once in a while, you may find that what you thought was a really great idea, your ex doesn’t necessarily think is a great idea. The only way to find this patterns is to actually chart your messages. If you chart messages, you can figure out, “My ex doesn’t like me sending video messages. My ex doesn’t like me sending text messages about myself. He only likes to talk about him.” Knowing this is really important in keeping him engaged.

    So, just to recap so far, we’ve talked about sex pairing with social media basically using social media posts to back up your text messages. The second thing we’re talking about here is charting your text messages. I even want to take it a little step further. Chart your overall messages with basically who texted who versus the content of the text message versus how he’s responded to the text message but goes that further and even before you send the text, map out his potential responses.

    A lot of times when I’m working with women through the Facebook lives or whatever that I do Monday, Wednesday and Friday through our private support group. I’ll ask them, “Hey, what was the text message you sent to him that didn’t get a response?” and often times it will be something that didn’t really garner a response or more specifically I’m thinking women are actually your question Becky where they’re really worried, “Hey, I only got a neutral response.” And then I’ll come to find out that they ask him a question that essentially you could answer with yes or no. So, if you map out your text, say, “Hey, isn’t the weather so great today?” Horrible text but just bear with me here. “Isn’t the weather so great today?” Essentially he’ll say, “Yeah, it is or no, it’s not.”

    There’s not like a lot of room for him to expand this. So, when you’re actually mapping your text out you can actually make a lot of headway in making your texts seem more interesting if you map them out and map out his potential responses. So, the idea here is to crack the text where you’re limiting the neutral responses or the no responses. Now, let’s pivot and look into our third topic that I want to talk to you about today is topics that he will find interesting and the keyword there is him.

    Topics that he finds interesting. Men love to talk about themselves. We love to have our ego stroked and we love to talk about ourselves. If you start texting us about the amazing shopping spree you went on or the amazing hair product that you just bought,we’re going to say, “Oh that’s nice.” And then just not give you the time of day.

    Whereas if you are talking to us about this emotional hot point that you know for a fact we love and for me, if you know me, I am total nerdy Buffy the vampire slayer. Seriously, women on the private Facebook group, will even just mention it and I will go crazy and off on the tangent talking about it like I am kind of now. But the key with your ex to make your text messages interesting to him is find his hot point.

    Find that one topic that he’s always going to open up to and try to craft a message around it. The other thing you can do is involve action phrases in your text message. So, an action phrase is essentially a pattern interrupt. A pattern interrupt is anything that you can say or do to get someone to snap to attention.

    So, the example that I always like to give is let’s say that, you know, I’m at the bar with a bunch of friends and a bunch of friends asked me, “Hey Chris, could you go get us like a round of drinks?” And I say, since I’m a nice guy, “Yeah, sure, I’ll get you some round of drinks.” And so, as I’m waiting for the drinks to come, I noticed that the friends I was with come into this congregated circle and it’s almost like they’re excluding me from the circle.

    So, I come back with the drinks and I’m saying, “Hey, what’s up guys?” but they’re ignoring me. Now, what do you think I could do to get their attention? Well, let’s say I put the drinks on the ground and I clap really loud. All of a sudden everyone stands to attention and looks right at me. You need to do that with your ex boyfriend. It’s called a pattern interrupt. You’re going to interrupt the pattern of what he expects. And a really great way of doing this is using an action phrase. So, an action phrase is, “Oh my god! You’re not going to believe what I just saw.” or, “I have a confession to make..”

    Something that will snap him to attention. I will say, kind of disclaimer on that I have a confession to make text. It’s a little bit flawed because often times women will not have a great confession to make and can’t find a confession that’s positive because generally speaking when someone says, “Hey, I have confession to make..” they freak out thinking, “Oh my god, you cheated on me.” or something like that. So, the key here is to use an action phrase and pivot in to something that you know for a fact that he finds interesting.

    Not you, but him. I cannot stress that enough. It’s a huge problem that I’m finding on our support group. So, many people think, “Oh wow. This is the most interesting topic in the world.” and they’ll say, “Chris, what do you think?” and I’ll say, “That’s interesting to you. That’s not interesting to him.” So, really texting him requires you-texting him and making him engaged and making him seem interested requires you to really know a lot about him, a lot about his likes and dislikes. You really have a distinct advantage if you’ve been with him for a longer amount of time.

    So, let’s just recap before we end this quick episode. So, here are the three things that you can do essentially to make sure that you stay more engaged with your ex and for the record, you don’t have to use just this tactics with your ex.

    If you’ve decided, “Hey screw my ex. I don’t want him. I want a new guy.” Well, you can use this on him too. Alright, so tactic number 1 is text pairing with Facebook or other social media outlets. Basically using your social media outlets or Facebook posts to spark conversation with your ex or even refer to them so you can kind of have a little extra oomph with your text. So, that’s the first tactic.

    The second tactic is charting your text messages out. So, chart everything out so that you know what he likes, what kind of texts he likes. He may like picture meme, funny texts. He may hate them. He may like videos, he may hate them. This is important information to know because you could limit the neutral, negative or no responses that you’ll get going forward. And then finally, make sure that you’re only talking about topics that he’s going to find interesting, cannot stress that enough. He needs to find these topics interesting.

    So, that is going to do it for this episode.

    Hopefully that was a really fun, nice little, bite sized, action packed episode. If you haven’t already, I cannot stress this enough, we really, really would love to have you come to our iTunes page and subscribe to this podcast and if that’s too much of a commitment for you, no problem. Just leave an honest rating and review. Even if you want to curse me and say, “I hate you, Chris. You suck.” Leave the review. Though generally I hope you wouldn’t do that. Anyways, I am going to go now but I promise I’ll be back soon. You and me, we have another date.

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29 thoughts on “How To Keep Him Engaged While Texting”

  1. Avatar

    Danielle

    August 21, 2019 at 12:56 am

    I’m also in a confusing spot. I have stayed on my no contact for what has been exactly a month, and my ex messaged me. On Instagram it says when you’re active or *online* and I was up late one night on there, and after a month of no contact, my ex messaged me “what Keeps you up?”

    And it startled me bc he broke it off with me, and I just thought he is not the person to message first. So we messaged back and forth for quite a bit, and he admit he made a mistake, regretted it, but also wants to “be friends and see where it goes”

    He has since still been contacting me, and it has been friendly. But I know he’s not ready for a relationship, but it seems he wants to keep me around as well? But then I made the mistake of having a hook up with him…

    I feel like I’ve messed things up, but he’s still texting me like when we first dated. What do I do?!

  2. Avatar

    Sara

    July 4, 2017 at 6:23 am

    How can I fix the mistake I made begging him before no contac?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 5, 2017 at 1:33 pm

      the solution to all your worries is to be active in your life…be active in improving yourself and in posting..you need to do that because that’s your indirect way of showing that you’re improving and have your own life and that you’re not going to chase

  3. Avatar

    Sara

    July 4, 2017 at 4:30 am

    Hi, Amor.
    well, I’ve had 29 days of no contact and I’ve been improving, but not posting that much. I’m worried about these things:
    1. he knew I didn’t wanted to talk, so I’m not sure about if he missed me or worried (at least the 24 first days, then he texted me for my birthday, I just said “thank you”, and he replied with a “ok”, no more)
    2. I don’t use to post so much, so it’s been kind of weird to me…
    3. He wants to be friends, I know it shouldn’t be a problem, but what if he just friendzone me? like, I’m scared about giving him my insterest when there is no compromise, because some people have told me he has to miss this, and he has to work to get it back…
    4. I’m not sure, but I think there could be another girl. The thing is that even when I know him more and everything, if he just left me and as he said “I took the right decition, I’ve been ok these days”, then I’m scared of thinking my effort could not be enough.
    5. Before no contact we had a fight, and I’m not sure of how much it affect my chances to get him back, I wasn’t kind and even if the next day I told him I was sorry, I don’t know what he could think about it.
    6. I don’t know if maybe his proud could be bigger than what he could feel again for me…
    Anyways, I’m sure that I want him back, and I want to give my best. I’m just worried about these, because I really want to do everything the best I can…I also begging him, so I’m not sure about how to get close to him again without he thinking I want him back…

    1. Avatar

      Sara

      July 5, 2017 at 7:33 pm

      Yeah, but I mean, we had 24 days of no contact until my birthday, then It was just like “happy birthday”, “thank you”, “ok”…and it was 6 days ago…Should I restart the count or it time to start talking?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 6, 2017 at 7:18 pm

      restart nc of 30 days, be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media sites where posts lasts.

    3. Avatar

      Sara

      July 5, 2017 at 6:08 pm

      Thank you, just one more question, how long should I keep the no contact? He hasn’t text me since my birthday…should I wait more or should I start to talk with him while posting?

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 5, 2017 at 6:50 pm

      You’re welcome! Do at least 30 days of nc..

    5. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 5, 2017 at 1:32 pm

      the solution to all your worries is to be active in your life…be active in improving yourself and in posting..you need to do that because that’s your indirect way of showing that you’re improving and have your own life and that you’re not going to chase

  4. Avatar

    amanda

    June 26, 2017 at 5:11 am

    Hi Amor, so I decided to reach out to my long distance ex who broke up with me nearly two months ago, 12 days ago. We’ve been talking back and forth. At first, he took up to ten hours to respond, but now his replies are more frequent and I even make him laugh with funny pictures. It’s definitely a great start, but I have some questions: 1. could he still have feelings for me? 2. how long should I keep it friendly like this, because I obviously don’t want to be friendzoned! I haven’t called or facetimed him yet either. Thanks for helping!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 29, 2017 at 6:30 am

      It will really take longer than usual because you’re ldr.. You just have to keep talking until you can meet again

  5. Avatar

    Hopeful

    June 16, 2017 at 8:58 pm

    Reading my ex these days is hard. As of today it’s been exactly three months since he broke up with me. By now I’m almost certain that any romantic feelings he had for me are gone, but I’m trying to keep things so we remain friends, like he said we could, while also maintaining improvements and socializing in my life (which has been hard due to health reasons).

    Almost everything seems like a neutral response from him, but he’ll have moments where he’ll surprise and confuse me. For example, I’ve been posting things I know he’s into, like games and shows we like, in addition to pictures of me getting out more and doing things. At least before he’d react to posts about things we’ve watched/listened to/both liked. Now he doesn’t acknowledge them at all. I say that, but after over a month of not liking anything I posted, he liked this status I wrote about me mourning my neighbor who had just died, and that people could offer their support but I might be quiet for a while due to mourning.

    Since then, he’s gone back to being quiet. I’ve still been initiating all of the conversations and have tried using videos and pictures of things he likes, as well as bringing up series he’s been watching. It’s hard because he’ll either give me pretty short answers and even got condescending with me when I brought up a game he likes that we both play (by trying to imply I wasn’t good/didn’t know what I was doing), or he’ll give me neutral replies that still somehow advance the conversation. It’s hard navigating through his neutral and rude responses, and part of me wonders if he’s intentionally being rude to push me away.

    I don’t really know what to do. Everyone I know is saying I shouldn’t even give him the time of day with how he’s acting, but I just want to talk comfortably with him. At the same time, it’s hard because I don’t know what mood he’ll exhibit and it doesn’t seem like he even wants to put in effort to stay friends.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 19, 2017 at 3:31 pm

      Either you rest for a week or two from initiating or move on..

  6. Avatar

    Patricia

    June 16, 2017 at 11:57 am

    Hello Amor,
    So I was in the building rapport stage and if he wouldn’t write back, I would wait until the next day to write him and not go to the next step of how many texts are allowed in the tide theory. Sometimes I would leave days out, just like the tide theory says, sometimes he would initiate conversation. In the past few days I didn’t want to start a conversation, since I don’t want to annoy him. Last weekend he was still very engaged and he would try to keep the conversation going, but now I’m not making the first step and he isn’t, so I’m not sure if he wants me to say something first. I figured maybe, he doesn’t want to talk to me. I don’t really know what to do from this point on.
    Best regards and thank you.

    1. Avatar

      Patricia

      June 22, 2017 at 6:58 pm

      But hoping he’ll come back is the only thing that’s keeping me sane. Giving up hope will make me have to stay in the clinic again…

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 23, 2017 at 8:11 pm

      then go back to the clinic and that can also mean you’re not doing something else that has progress and growth. It’s ok to hope, but you have to be realistic. You can’t make your life revolve around him and this can’t go on forever. You have to set a limit.

    3. Avatar

      Patricia

      June 21, 2017 at 9:52 am

      I know you’re fed up with me, but I wanted to follow your advise, but when I initiate, his responses are either neutral or just downright rude, so I decided only to initiate once and I haven’t heard from him since. Of course I don’t point out his mistakes and he is autistic so he doesn’t know how to behave, therefore I don’t have the right to get mad at him. I can’t think of any interesting things to talk about anymore. So at this point I really need you to tell me what to do now. Thanks.

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 21, 2017 at 3:11 pm

      of course not.. there’s a limit to doing this.. If you reached the point that you can’t think of any of his interests to use as topic and you received negative or neutral for 3 times already, then you have to move on..

    5. Avatar

      Patricia

      June 18, 2017 at 3:37 pm

      Thank you so much! And what do I do when I can’t think of anything to say or have run out of things to initiate with?

    6. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 18, 2017 at 5:26 am

      if he started initiating, that means it’s a better time to start initiating in the next days.. since you didn’t for a long time now, you can do it anytime.

  7. Avatar

    Shae

    June 13, 2017 at 11:49 am

    Hey guys,

    I’m not a big poster on social media. I usually share videos or memes and very rarely post about myself. Would it not come across as forced if I all of sudden began posting everything?
    I’m afraid he’ll just think I’m trying way to hard to appear as if I’m fine when in fact I’m not. I do think linking social media with texts is a brilliant idea.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 14, 2017 at 3:16 pm

      Well, at most you can do 3 posts a week..that wouldn’t be so obvious

  8. Avatar

    Lynn

    June 12, 2017 at 11:24 am

    Sorry for the long post

    Break up almost six months ago. Reason: too much fighting because I was being negative, needy and insecure. Different cities, not far away but “distance” (and he hated that due to bad experience in the past).
    After a good phase and a bad one, with he ignoring me, I went NC. When that month ended, we talked and he said that he has left last year behind but wanted to remain friends. I agreed because it was the only way… After that, we started to get better and talk (text) about common grounds once a week or so.
    Now we text each other in that way, once or twice per week and last weeks he even texted me after midnight (it may seem odd, but after the break up he never texted me at night, when we were together we texted each other almost 24/7 but the night were our special time). We use to talk about tv shows and movies but recently he asked several times about my health (I suffer from migraines) and last time he said “every time I remember it a little I try to ask you, to making you know that I don’t forget about you”. He talked (almost joking) about our connection too and a few weeks ago asked me if there are still familiarity and trust between us. I always try to act positive and happy but inside I miss him and I am suffering, because I am very afraid of not getting him back, I get jealous and worried if he interacts with another girls on social media… My friends say that he is getting closer to me and there is an evolution in our situation (before NC he was distant and cold) and told me to remain calm but it is very difficult… When we started it was so natural and easy that I can`t help feeling hopeless.

    Well, his birthday is coming (next month) and there are two issues:
    1. He used to love my self portraits when we were together. Well, like three weeks ago he asked me if I could send him one (or some) as a gift. It sounded strange to me but I joked and told him that he would have to earn it, Sincerely, I don’t have any problem and for me is even better, if he has my pictures…well, he should think about me. But I don’t understand why he would want my pictures…
    2. Since we broke up just after Christmas, I couldn´t give him one of the presents (it arrived late). So when the bday thing came up, I told him that I would want to give him that present for that, since it is something that I want him to have (he doesn’t know what it is but it is something very special and difficult to find, he told me that he wanted it when we started dating and I found it). I didn’t tell him but I would like to give him in person and I was thinking to going to his city in two weeks (I am searching for job there and I would carry some resumes with me) and asking him to meet. But I have these two weeks to get him in the mood for that before asking, I am afraid…what if he says no? I think that meeting in person could be a very important step to get him back, if I could…

    So…what can I do to make him more interested and build a stronger connection in order to get him back (including meeting in person)?

    Thank you

    1. Avatar

      Lynn

      June 24, 2017 at 2:21 pm

      Thanks Amor. I’ll do that. urthermore, that day I have a bday party in my city so I would come back soon, so he will know that there’s no need of spending too much time, just one hour or two. Less presure… I hope it works…

    2. Avatar

      Lynn

      June 19, 2017 at 3:46 pm

      Thank you Amor. Yes, it sounds like that but the thing is…I would want to go Friday (next week) since he only works during the morning, but if I don’t ask him first, he could go to have lunch with his sister, or take his nephews to the movies or simply go home with his parents right from work (he doesn’t live in the city). He should know in advance that i’m going there because if not, he won’t be free at the moment’s notice.
      He have talked three days in a row, not bad. I would go next week, so I still have a few days for keep improving this… I don´t want to force anything because he seems to be feeling a little more comfortable each day, so I’m not sure about how t act this ays. For example, I won’t text him today, nor tomorrow, I don0t want him to think that I am chasing him just because we talked more during the weekend. And well, mid-week I could try, if he don’t text first… I don’t know…

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 22, 2017 at 2:45 pm

      Ok, just make it an open invite like..hey im having interview there, if you have spare time, let’s grab coffee so I can give your present too!

    4. Avatar

      Lynn

      June 14, 2017 at 3:45 pm

      Thank you Amor. The thing is that I should ask him first because if he can’t… And he told me to tell him if I go any day (and this was before NC, not exactly a good time). I have to tell him a few days early just to make sure that I have more possibilities. But I don’t know… I need to build rapport these days before asking him and I don’t know how to do that… He is confusing, for example, two days ago texted me asking something (that he could have asked to almost any other person) and after a few texts he left my last texts unread (I was explaining that question to him and giving him the feedback he asked). Still dind’t read and he is very active in social media and else. I don’t understand…so I’m scared because I never know if he would text me again or not abd what is happening on his mind. And I keep getting more and more jealous of his interactions with another girls and it hurts me a lot

    5. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 16, 2017 at 7:33 pm

      that means you know there’s a higher chance he wouldn’t meet with you because there’s not enough rapport and attraction yet.. can’t force it.. telling it earlier is like asking permission.. it looks and sounds awkward

    6. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 14, 2017 at 10:27 am

      Maybe he did miss you.. You can meet up with him if you’re already in the area, so that it looks natural that you’re just giving the present since you’re already there