Success with the no contact rule is defined in many different ways but perhaps the best indicator of success is by getting a positive response from your ex after it’s completed. Today I’m going to show you my secret four step method that has seen a 90% response rate with my clients.
Yes, you read that right.
A 90% Positive Response Rate
That’s right, after surveying 25 members of our private facebook support group we have learned that 21 of them all received positive responses from their exes after no contact if they followed these steps.
(I apologize for the hair in this video. I had just gotten surgery and was told that I would have to be on bedrest but I kinda refused that’s why the hair looks like I just woke up.)
- It’s all about who ends the conversation
- There is brilliance in brevity
- Craft a text around your exes interests
- Embed a curiosity hook in your messages
Step 1: It’s All About Who Ends The Conversation
One of the greatest difficulties my clients (particularly the females) face when they try the no contact rule is getting a handle of the fact that they might have to be the ones to reach out to their exes “first.”
This is particularly hard for women because they grow up believing that a man must reach out to them first. So, having to reach out to their exes first after the 21-45 day no contact period is almost unnatural and counterintuitive to them.
Well, ladies, what if I told you that all your assumptions about who “should” reach out first are WRONG?
According to my research, what matters most when making a lasting impression and getting an ex to engage with you further is NOT who starts the conversation… it’s who ENDS the conversation.
Most of my first-time clients actually fight with me when I recommend that they reach out to their exes first because, to them, it sounds like “giving in” and usually leads to questions like “why should I reach out first if he’s the one that broke up with me?”
Going down the blame game rabbit hole of wanting your ex to reach out first because you believe they’re “supposed to” will only lead to an unwinnable game of chicken, which isn’t fun for either side.
So, let me make something clear: Reaching out first does NOT hamper your chances… if you’re also the one ending the conversation.
This is especially valid if the conversation really gets going and becomes exciting. Leaving really interesting discussions at their “high point” will make your results EXPONENTIALLY better because it will leave your ex wanting MORE AND MORE.
Ending conversations first abruptly at the most satisfying part of the conversation is the KEY to taking control of the conversation and the future of the relationship too.
Step 2: There Is Brilliance In Brevity
You must realize that if you’re reaching out to an ex after the no contact period, it’s not your one time shot of getting them back. You do NOT need to go from zero to a hundred within the first few texts. In fact, doing so could severely put your ex off from talking to you.
Going for the gold right away means that you’ve failed to realize that there is a brilliance in brevity.
Less. Is. More.
You really don’t need to do everything at once.
Something I tell all my first-time clients who are initiating contact with their exes after the no contact period is not to try to force the conversation to last for three hours or something.
Why not? Aren’t long and deep conversations good?
Well, not necessarily.
The first goal of reaching out after the no contact period is simply to bridge the communication gap and get the ball rolling, NOT having an instant heart to heart with “take me back” pleas.
You do not have to say much to re-establish a connection.
Generally speaking, you should try to:
- reach out to your ex,
- get a positive response,
- engage them in a very quick short conversation,
- dip out – ending the conversation first.
This should be your goal throughout this entire process.
Remember- Rome wasn’t built in a day, so you’re probably not going to get your ex-boyfriend back in a day either! If you try to force it, you may risk pushing them away all over again.
Step 3: Craft A Text Message Around Your Exes “Interests”
Most people make the same grave mistake when they first reach out to their ex: They fail to consider their exes perspective, especially as it relates to having an exciting and intellectually stimulating conversation.
How many times have you heard someone say, “be interesting when you talk to your ex” and thought, what on earth does that even mean?
It’s something I’ve talked about a lot and have even filmed about.
Well, I think it means that when you engage your ex in conversation, it should be about MUTUAL topics that excite both of you instead of just talking about things that interest you.
You can even step it up and solely engage your ex in a topic that he is rabid about. Every ex has passions in their lives, so you need to have a conversation about whatever your ex finds meaningful and exciting.
Talking about something he’s passionate about will show him that you cared enough to learn more about things that matter to him.
So, always relate the topic of your conversation about something your ex finds interesting. You’ll find your ex being extremely responsive when the topic is about them as opposed to “generalized” topics or small talk.
Step 4: Embed A “Curiosity Hook” In Your Text Message
Before I tell you about the curiosity hook, I want to focus on the “ideal template” for the text message that initiates the first conversation after the no contact rule.
Having a curiosity hook with the right amount of mystique will ensure that your ex responds quickly and positively. After they respond positively, it is your job to engage them in a small and quick conversation that exudes the brilliance in brevity idea.
Finally, it’s YOUR job to end the conversation prematurely to leave your ex wanting more.
But it all starts with a brilliant curiosity hook!
So, what is a curiosity hook?
A curiosity hook is anything you can send your ex in a text message that will hook them with an aura of mystique something that’s enough of an unanswered question that encourages your ex to respond to you.
Here are examples of some of the BEST curiosity hooks that WORK:
“I have a confession to make…”
This is a great curiosity hook, but you’ve to be sure that you actually have some sort of confession to follow up with.
“I need your help with something, and you’re the only one I can trust”
This is one of the best ones because it’s a positive text message with enough of a curiosity factor to make your ex respond. Your ex will probably wonder what you need help with, and it’ll stimulate his “damsel in distress” type hero complex that’ll push him to save the day by helping you out.
There are a LOT of curiosity hooks out there, and I’m sure you could come up with some awesome ones too, so if you have any great ideas that have worked for you (or you think could work), leave them in the comments below to help someone else out!
The first thing for you to keep in mind is that reaching out to your ex first is NOT a sign of weakness of giving in. On the contrary, it is a way to take control of the conversation and your future.
It is OKAY and even encouraged for girls to reach out to their exes first after the no contact period, but there are 4 secret steps to make sure that your ex responds (and responds well!) when you reach out:
1. End the conversation on a high note
There is no bigger power move than ending the conversation on a high note. Why? Because it leaves your ex wanting more! It shows him that you’re not too desperate to talk to him and that draws him in even more.
2. Brilliance in Brevity
Keep it short and sweet, and PLEASE do not jump straight into the “I love you, take me back” pleas. They are tacky and will immediately turn off your ex to the whole conversation. At this stage, you just want to
INITIATE casual conversation.
3. Engage your exes’ interests
Do you like talking about topics that you have zero interest in? I’m guessing it’s a no. Well, neither does your ex. If you really want him to stick around, show some effort by making the conversation about topics that he finds interesting!
4. Use a curiosity hook
The best way of making sure your ex will respond is by giving them something to respond to directly. Start your message with a question, request, or observation that creates an aura of mystique for your ex to respond to.
And that’s it! Don’t be afraid to reach out first, but make sure to do it right so your ex responds to you!
Sound off in the comments below with any questions or if you have any tried-and-tested curiosity hooks to share with everyone else.