You are incredibly smart.
The fact that you want to understand your ex boyfriend better says a lot about your character.
Abraham Lincoln once said,
“I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better.”
In other words, when honest Abe met someone who he didn’t like he became determined to understand them better. He was willing to open his mind to seeing their differences and understanding what made them tick.
So, rather than being set in his “hate” he would actively try to do something constructive.
But I would argue that he wouldn’t just do that with the people that he didn’t like. I think an argument can be made that says that he did it with anyone who challenged him or who he couldn’t quite understand.
I feel that most people don’t have this view when it comes to their exes.
Most people are set in their hate.
I mean, how many times have you heard someone say,
“I never take anyone back..”
“There are more fish in the sea…”
“Once an ex… always an ex…”
But not you…
No, you are taking the Lincoln approach.
You want to understand your ex better. More particularly, you want to understand why he texts you randomly.
And I want to say that you definitely came to the right place.
Here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery we strive to understand the inner workings on what goes on in a mans mind.
How do we accomplish that?
Well, by utilizing our secret weapon, ME!
Now, that may sound arrogant since I am comparing myself to a secret weapon,
But the truth is that I am like your best guy friend who doesn’t pull any punches when it comes to your dating choices. I tell you exactly what is going on in your exes brain so you can finally get the answers you need to understand why the hell you are where you are.
Don’t believe me?
This is a comment I got on my Facebook Page where I was compared to a guy friend who takes you out on dates, makes you feel better and gives unbiased advice without any suspect motivations.
Hey, the people have spoken!
And that’s what I am going to do for you here.
I am going to give you unbiased advice, no strings attached.
Except can you PLEASEEE buy my book?
No just kidding, just kidding.
Look, if you aren’t familiar with my website everything I write on here I have strove to make the best in the world and that means that when I am through creating this page it is going to be on that level.
But first in order for this page to make sense we are going to have to operate under an assumption.
What Is The Assumption?
The assumption that we are going to operate under is the fact that you and your ex boyfriend have been broken up and he is texting you at random times post breakup.
As far as you can tell there is no pattern to when he texts you.
And it’s driving you nuts because you want to understand what’s going on in his head.
Now, I will say that usually every post I write has some way of tying into getting an ex back but I am not going to do that this time. Can you use what I am about to teach you to get an ex back?
But it’s not about that.
It’s about understand what is going on in your ex boyfriends mind.
Plain and simple.
Ok, well now that we have that out of the way let’s take a look at some of the factors you are going to have to be looking at in order to understand what’s going on in your exes brain.
Factors You Need To Look At
I have identified four main factors that you need to take into account to fully pin down why your ex boyfriend is randomly texting you.
Those factors are,
- When Is He Texting You?
- What Are The Texts Saying?
- How Did You End The Breakup?
- How Serious Was Your Relationship?
Now, I will explain why each of these factors is important in a moment but first I would like to explain what we are going to use them for. In a few sections I am going to start listing every legitimate reason that I have ever seen explain why a man will randomly text an ex girlfriend.
Some of these are covered in my book.
Some of these I have seen ex boyfriends use on ex girlfriends…
Some of these I have used myself…
And some of these are pretty much common sense…
Now, the obvious question you are having at this point is,
“How do the four factors above play into this?”
Simple, we are going to use those four factors to determine how likely a particular reason for a random text is happening in your situation.
For example, let’s say that reason “A” is happening because you and your ex had a very serious relationship. Well, then that might explain the underlying reason for why your ex boyfriend is randomly texting you.
But this begs an interesting question.
What if, by using the factors above, you determine that your ex is randomly texting you for more than one reason.
Is that normal?
Human beings are very complex creatures and sometimes there can be more than one motivation behind why they do things.
Ok, now that you have a good grasp at the why the four factors are important lets turn our attention to defining what I mean by them.
Factor One: When Is He Texting You?
Now, at first glance you may be sitting there wondering,
“Why does this even matter?”
But it’s actually really important.
It can mean an entirely different thing if your ex is texting you immediately after a breakup as opposed to a year later.
Factor Two: What Are His Texts Saying?
This one I feel is actually pretty straightforward to understand.
A man who texts you something mean is going to have a different motivation as opposed to a man who texts you something positive or nice.
This is another factor that we can’t afford to throw out.
Factor Three: How Did You End The Breakup?
This is a data point that I personally feel is essential to understanding the motivation behind a random text message.
Let’s say that you cheated on your ex boyfriend. Well, that might be important to know when trying to dissect why he is sending those hurtful messages.
But I would also argue that it’s important to know if you ended your breakup mutually. Usually in those cases you can rule out any really bad hurt feelings (there will always be hurt feelings in any breakup) towards you.
Factor Four: How Serious Was The Relationship
The meaning behind a text message to someone you were engaged to is going to be very different as opposed to someone who you just dated for a while.
Understanding the seriousness of your relationship is one of those things that is going to be important for me to determine why he is texting you.
So, those are our four factors.
But if this is truly going to be the best page on random texts online I feel I need to add something a little extra.
The Added Bonus I Put In For You
One of my flaws as a human being is the fact that I feel extreme guilt for certain things.
For example, I felt extreme guilt for the fact that I was getting a lot of sleep when my daughter was born and my wife was not. So, I decided that I would stay up all night to take care of the baby so my wife could get some sleep.
I mean, they say happy wife, happy life, right?
Turns out that was a horrible idea as I didn’t get any work done online for a month.
And of course, that made me feel very guilty.
Here’s the point.
When I feel I am not pulling my weight I feel very guilty and that even extends down to small things like writing these posts for you.
So, yesterday I was sitting back and thinking about this post on random text messages and I thought to myself,
“Is this really the best I could do?”
And my answer, of course, made me feel guilty.
I felt like I could do more for you.
What would really set this article over the top is if I included actual examples of what these texts look like.
Take a look at the section below this one.
There you will find a total of 6 different random texts that an ex boyfriend can send an ex girlfriend.
My initial plan was to just talk about these 6 different texting outcomes and explain the motivations for why an ex boyfriend would send them using the factors above.
HOWEVER, I think it would be awesome if on top of that I included examples of what each of them look like.
So, here is how I am going to structure things going forward,
As you can see I am going to first talk about the text type and give a brief introduction into what that random text is.
After that brief introduction is over I am going to move on and give 3 to 5 examples of what those random text messages look like. I feel this will prove to be educational for you to determine if your ex is sending you this type of a text message.
Of course, once I have finished doing that I am going to move on to talking about the motivations behind why an ex boyfriend would send you that particular text message.
And then finally, I am going to utilize the “four factors” I talked about above by diving into if you are receiving this random text message from your ex.
The Random Text Messages
I put a lot of thought into this and determined that it would be impossible for me to list every conceivable random text message that a man would send you after a breakup. I mean, if I were to do that then this page would literally have THOUSANDS of messages and you wouldn’t have the patience for reading this page anymore.
(Not to mention that I wouldn’t have the patience to write it.)
So instead, I decided to figure out what the most popular random text messages were.
The final count I ended up with was six. Here’s what they look like,
- The Test Message
- The Miss You Message
- The Check Up Message (Figuring Out Where You Went)
- The Booty Call Message
- The Brag About Himself Message
- The Boredom Message
(For more text messages check out “The Texting Bible.”)
So, let’s jump right to it.
The Test Message
Breakups tend to bring out the worst in people. Would you believe it if I told you that I once witnessed a woman screaming at her “soon to be ex” at the top of her lungs from her apartment as he screamed back at her from the street?
Seriously… I was taking the trash out and I happened to hear this sound.
It was this loud shrill sound and I thought to myself,
“What is that?”
So, after I threw the trash out I went for a little walk trying to figure out where the sound was coming from and that’s when I saw it.
A woman who was on the top floor of the apartment complex screaming down at a man. I didn’t want to linger around too much since the man was 10 feet in front of me screaming right back at his soon to be ex.
Actually, I remember I literally thought, man I wish I had a card I could give him.
You know, one that says “Chris Seiter: Ex Boyfriend Recovery.”
Something like this,
That’s actually my other day job.
Shh… it’s a secret.
But hey, we are getting way off topic here. All I was trying to say is that breakups tend to bring out some bad sides of people. As a result, after a breakup a man may try to send a text message to gauge where you are at.
Think of it like a “test.”
It’s a way of determining if you are still lingering around on the dark side of the force or if you have maybe calmed down to be a jedi yet.
You Are Thinking- Man, he is really into these Star Wars analogies today
Let’s take a look at what a “test text message” will look like.
Examples Of Test Messages
Yes, I realize that this is pretty basic but it’s entire existence serves as a way for one party to gauge where the other party is at. I mean, this is literally the equivalent of asking you if you are ok without actually asking it.
Your Ex: “Hey, how are you doing?”
You: ” I am still f*cking pi**ed at you…”
Your Ex Thinks: (Ok, she still needs more time.)
Let’s take a look at another example,
To be honest this is a hybrid text message.
It wraps a test and an apology together. Now, you may find it weird that I used this as an example but this is something I see a lot from the men at Ex Boyfriend Recovery. They are trying to gauge if their exes are still angry at them. However, they also have a guilty conscious for something and can’t help but ask for forgiveness.
Let’s move on to another fine example of a test message,
I am not going to lie to you.
This is the random type of text message that I can see myself sending to an ex.
Because it’s looked at as small talk but there is a different ulterior motivation behind it. You see, if I were to send this I would do so because I am trying to gauge my exes reaction. I would send it because it’s not looked at like a test. Instead, it’s looked at as small talk and based on how my ex were to respond to that small talk would dictate how I approach things going forward.
And trust me when I say that I am not the first man in the world to ever think this tactic up.
What Is An Exes Motivation To Send A “Test Message?”
This is the fun part.
This is where I feel Ex Boyfriend Recovery shines as opposed to the other websites out there. You see, we specialize in explaining the “why.”
Hmm… now that I think about it that’s probably why so many people are drawn to PRO. But I am getting off topic here.
I want you to understand what’s going on in your exes brain. You know how they say that knowledge is power?
Well, it’s true!
So, why would an ex boyfriend send you a message that is meant to gauge your reaction?
What is his motivation for doing so?
Well, there are two huge ones that immediately come to mind.
Motivation One: He Can’t Stand Someone Being Angry At Him
I feel this is a motivation I can really get behind because I am this person.
Let me give you an example.
The other day someone I work with snapped at me for being a little too demanding. It’s the first time anything like that has ever happened and it kind of shook me up.
“Why would they be mad at me? Aren’t I a god to them?”
Haha.. No, just kidding.
But it did shake me up and the entire day that’s the only thing I could think about. So, what I started doing is sending them tests to gauge their reaction. I wanted to make sure they were ok emotionally before I started sending them work to do.
It’s entirely possible that an ex boyfriend who sends you a test message to gauge your reaction is motivated by the fact that he can’t stand that you are looking at him in a lowly light. Don’t forget, I did a huge write up on an exes “god complex.” So, it’s not too far fetched for a man to want to retain his god complex if you do something that makes him think that he is no longer a god to you.
Motivation Two: He Wants To Be Sure You Are On Good Terms Before Continuing A Friendship Or Relationship
Let’s stay with the idea that an ex boyfriend who sends this random text message to you does so under the fact that he can’t stand you being angry at him.
There is still a lingering question that I haven’t answered yet?
Why is he so concerned with the fact that you may be angry at him?
What’s the underlying motivation for that?
I want you to take a moment to look at the graphic I put together for you below explaining his thought process,
So, here is what happened.
Your ex boyfriend initially had this thought,
Before we try to be friends or start a relationship again I want to be sure that we are on good terms.
Of course, this lead him to have this thought,
Wait a minute… I don’t think I can stand the fact that anyone would be mad at me. It will just stress me out too much. What can I do to gauge how she is feeling about me without it seeming too obvious?
This is how men think.
They sometimes have levels beyond an initial thought.
Let’s move on and talk about our next random text message.
Is The “Test Message” Happening To You?
Oftentimes I see the “test message” happening to women women right after the breakup.
Timing is important here because that’s probably when an ex boyfriend is going to worry the most about what you are thinking of him and if you are mad at him.
Another important fact that needs to be taken into account is the seriousness of the relationship.
The more serious the relationship was the more likely a test message will be.
Simple, let’s say that a couple was engaged and a man is operating under the assumption that the woman is very into him. Well, after the breakup he may end up missing the feeling of “being the man” and may make an attempt to reclaim his former glory.
The “Miss You” Message
This one isn’t too revolutionary.
As a result, I am going to skip creating a long introduction leading up to the examples because it really isn’t necessary. Instead, I am going to combine the introduction of explaining what the “I miss you” text is with showing you examples.
Because I think showing you the examples of this text message alone will pretty much tell you what this text message is.
All this text message is, is when an ex boyfriend starts missing you and let’s you know about it,
Again, there is nothing too revolutionary going on here.
Of course, every once in a while you will get those exes who really, really, really miss you. When that happens you will see what I like to call the next level of an “I miss you” text,
Who knew two little words had so much power but they do.
Adding in that little “so much” is very insightful and it can tell us something about an exes mindset.
(Side Note: I cover a lot of the “I miss you messages” in The Texting Bible)
What Is An Exes Motivation For Sending You An “I Miss You” Text Message?
I am not going to lie to you. I see this “I miss you” text from exes a lot when the no contact rule is being done to them.
And it’s not hard to dive in to the motivation behind why they would send this text message if they were being ignored.
I think the better question is why would an ex send this text message if you aren’t using the no contact rule on them?
Ah… in the words of the immortal joker,
As I think about it the only thing that makes sense to me would be the grass is greener syndrome.
I have this theory.
When men date a woman they have this internal attraction scale.
Stop me if you’ve heard this already.
You haven’t heard it before?
Anyways, when a man dates a woman he rates a woman in a certain way on this scale and as long as that rating is high enough he will continue dating her.
Take a look below,
(Forgive my poor drawing.)
But I am sure you get the gist.
The higher you rate on a man’s happiness scale the longer he will date you. However, if you begin to drop on his scale then he will break up with you or find a way to get out of the relationship.
That’s where the grass is greener syndrome comes into play.
Let’s pretend that when you were dating your ex boyfriend he had you rated as an 8,
That’s a pretty solid rating.
But that’s also at the beginning of the relationship. As the relationship progressed things began to grow stale and nothing was done to keep things fresh.
Therefore, your very strong 8 rating dipped down and became a four…
It’s at this point that your ex boyfriend becomes very unhappy and seeks out a breakup.
And that’s when something fascinating happens.
You see, breakups give people time to reflect and think about what they want and instead of mostly focusing on the horrible times that made him feel like a four he thinks back to those times that made him feel like an eight. He starts to feel like he may have made a mistake in breaking up with you and that’s when it happens.
He begins to miss you.
Of course, I want you to remember this “scale theory” as I am going to talk about it again a little bit later when I talk about the grass is greener syndrome.
Let’s move on.
Is The “Miss You” Message Happening To You
The main factors to consider here are,
- The Seriousness Of Your Previous Relationship
- What The Actual Message Says
The seriousness isn’t that hard to figure out. The more serious your previous relationship with your ex the more likely you are to receive an “I miss you” text.
But I find what the actual message says to be more fascinating.
As a general rule, the longer the “I miss you” the more he probably actually misses you.
For example, a man who sends you a basic “I miss you” text like this,
Isn’t going to miss you as much as a man who sends an “I miss you” text like this,
The “Check Up” Text Message
This is one of those messages that is very prevalent when you utilize the no contact rule (if you don’t know what the no contact rule is then I suggest you check out my bestselling book on it.)
So, let’s operate under the assumption that you are in the middle of a no contact rule where you have ignored your ex for a week straight.
Let’s also operate under the assumption that when you and your ex were dating you never went a day without texting so you ignoring him for a week is kind of a big deal from his perspective.
Since you have started the no contact rule he has reached out to you a total of three times and with each text you receive you can see him getting progressively angrier.
Eventually he is going to send a text where he bluntly asks where you went.
That’s the “check up” text message.
Now, I know what you are thinking.
“How is this any different from the test message that you talked about above?”
Well, it’s actually very different because with the test text message he doesn’t bluntly ask why the hell you are ignoring him.
In fact, if you ignore enough test messages you will eventually get served a “check up” message.
But what does a “check up message” look like?
Examples Of “Check Up” Messages
One of two things will generally accompany a “check up” message.
- A slight hint of anger, confusion or concern
- A bold statement that you are ignoring him
“Check up” messages are the number one reason for why so many women fail at the no contact rule. A “check up” message is usually the first push back that you will get from an ex if you are ignoring him. It looks a little like this,
Notice how in this text message your ex directly stated that you are ignoring him and then went on to lay on the angry guilt trip.
But that’s just the most direct way of having a check up.
Some exes will “fake concern” with this type of a text message,
This is the ultimate guilt trip…
Is your ex actually concerned about you?
On some level he probably is. However, he is probably more concerned with the fact that he is being ignored.
After all, I have stated multiple times that men hate to be ignored.
Anyways, let’s move on and talk about some of the reasons for why an ex would send you a text message like this?
What Is An Exes Motivation For Sending A “Check Up” Text Message
As I stated above, generally the reason for why an ex would send you a “check up” message is due to the fact that he doesn’t like being ignored.
However, I would like to aim a bit deeper and understand why he doesn’t like being ignored.
Common sense dictates that a man who doesn’t like being ignored by a woman still has feelings for the woman and while I certainly think a strong case can be made for that fact I would also say that those feelings aren’t generally enough for a man to do a 180 and want to get back together.
Look, all I can do here is bring my own experience with the “check up” message since I have actually been on the “sending end” of one.
A long time ago…
In a galaxy far far away…
Oh wait… did I actually say that out loud?
(Let me try this again)
When I was 21 years old I met a girl who I had a major crush on.
She was the type of girl who I saw myself with and as a result I tried really hard to get her to date me.
It didn’t work.
Eventually after a failed effort she stopped responding to my text messages and I felt powerless. You see, in my mind I was a god who women fawned over.
Case in point…
But I wasn’t. I was just a normal human being and I didn’t like being reminded of it. As a result, I ended up sending one of the “check up” example messages above.
If I am being completely honest with you it’s all about control.
I felt that I had it when I thought that this particular girl had a crush on me. And when I learned that she didn’t I felt my control slipping away.
So, in my experience the “check up” messages occur when a man feels like he is losing control of the situation.
My findings on psychological reactance seem to back this up.
Human beings have a certain amount of set freedoms and when they feel that those freedoms are being taken away or threatened they usually react in a way to try to get that freedom back.
This was certainly the case when I was being ignored.
I lashed out because I felt my freedom to talk to another human being was being threatened.
I lashed out because I didn’t have the control anymore.
I lashed out because I couldn’t think of a more mature way to handle the situation.
Is The “Check Up” Message Happening To You?
The big factor you want to look at revolving around the “check up” message is the timing of it.
When was the “check up” message sent?
Generally speaking it’s sent after a period where you have ignored your ex for a good spell.
The “Booty Call” Message
I have a question for you.
Is it presumptuous of an ex boyfriend to send you a booty call text message?
For those of you who don’t know: The booty call text message is a subtle way of a man trying to set up a situation where he can have sex with you… no strings attached.
So, is it presumptuous of him to try?
Let’s look at the statistics.
Recently the AP conducted a fascinating study on exes.
They basically polled 1,240 people and asked them a bunch of questions on exes.
Care to guess what one of the questions was?
“Have You Ever Had Sex With An Ex After A Breakup?”
Guess what percentage of people answered “yes?”
That’s a lot higher than I thought.
Turns out there are a lot of booty calls going on after a breakup.
But I still haven’t answered the question.
Is it presumptuous of an ex to want a booty call after a breakup?
Well, I suppose my answer to that question would depend on the individual.
The Definition Of Presumptuous States: A person failing to observe the limits of what is permitted or appropriate.
But what if your ex boyfriend falls into the 36% category where he has experienced a booty call with another ex? Maybe he thinks it’s the norm and doesn’t see the problem with asking an ex to have sex with him.
Some exes are like that.
Let’s move on.
Examples Of “Booty Call” Messages
Forget everything that Hollywood ever taught you about booty call messages.
Seriously, ex boyfriends are rarely as blunt as Hollywood makes them out to be.
How do I know this?
Well, I have a story for you.
Back when I started Ex Boyfriend Recovery I would spend about 5 hours a day answering your questions and comments.
If I am totally honest with you it was a slog.
It took forever but that time spent in the trenches was valuable because I learned lessons like the one I am about to teach you.
There was a girl, let’s call her Ashton, who wanted her ex boyfriend back very, very badly.
Ashton: “I will do anything to get him back”
Me: “Whoa, slow down. The first thing you should probably work on doing is becoming self sufficient to where you aren’t so reliant on him.”
Ashton: “You are right but I just can’t imagine my life without him.”
This girl wanted her ex back so much.
There was just one problem.
Every time her ex would reach out to her they would have a nice little conversation that always led back to sex.
For example, Ashton would receive a series of texts like this,
Ok, first off…
“The Backstreet Boys?”
Secondly, did you see how Ashton’s ex steered the conversation towards sex?
This seems to be the “go to” for ex boyfriends now-a-day’s when it comes to a booty call. They strike up a conversation, build some rapport and before you know it you are talking about sex with them.
So, how did things turn out for Ashton?
She asked me one day why I thought that her ex kept bringing up sex and I said,
“Well, he probably wants to sleep with you.”
Upon hearing that she became very excited. You see, she took it that, that was a very good sign because men only want to sleep with women that they have feelings for.
I explained to her that, that wasn’t necessarily true and that I usually see this with men who want friends with benefits.
That’s when it happened.
After another sex filled talk with her ex he sent this message,
There it is…. the booty call!
So, did Ashton go for it?
Yes she did.
Against my recommendation she ended up seeing her ex on that Friday and she ended up sleeping with him.
He didn’t commit and that was the last they ended up talking to each other after she realized that he was just using her for sex.
What Is An Exes Motivation For Sending A “Booty Call” Message?
Have you ever heard that theory that men think about sex 7,000 times a day?
Ya… that’s a complete lie.
So, don’t buy into it at all.
However, I will say that men think about sex a lot.
And I’m not the only one to think that.
Terri Fisher and her research team from Ohio State University decided that they would conduct an experiment on how often people thought about sex by giving them clickers,
Basically any time that a man or a woman thought about sex they were supposed to click the clicker. At the end of each day they were supposed to record how many times they thought about sex.
It’s a pretty basic study, right?
So, what were the results?
Men = An Average Of 19 Sex Thoughts Per Day
Women = An Average Of 10 Sex Thoughts Per Day
So, this tells us that on average men think about sex more than women.
Not that I needed a study to tell me that.
But you are probably wondering how this ties into the booty call text messages.
Well, what’s the only thing better than thinking about sex?
Having it, right?
And sometimes when a man realizes that he isn’t going to have sex as frequently now that he is single (studies back this up) he begins to regret his decision or he tries to set up a friends with benefits situation.
Given the choice between having consistent sex in a committed relationship versus having consistent sex in an undefined relationship you’d be surprised how many men will jump on that friends with benefits train.
I once said that a man’s genetic hard wiring makes him want to do two things above all else,
The only way the human race can continue to survive is if men continue to replicate or “mate.”
We are dealing with something primal here.
But here is the simple truth behind why you are getting a booty call text message.
Your ex boyfriend wants to have sex with you.
Is The “Booty Call” Message Happening To You?
This is another super easy one to determine.
The factor that you really want to look at is what he says in the text message. If it’s anything related to sex or is surrounded by a bunch of texts that have sexual connotations then you may have a “booty call” text message problem.
Again, I’m not quite sure I can dive in to expand on that more. It’s pretty straightforward.
The “Brag About Himself” Text Message
I have a story to tell you.
A few months after my breakup with my very first ex girlfriend she reached out to me. Her text wasn’t anything special,
I guess she was just trying to open the lines of communication up.
But I didn’t react well to it. In fact, I was pretty nasty to her. I didn’t call her any names or anything like that but I was very standoffish.
I always regretted that.
But not for the reason you are thinking of.
Nope, and I realize this is going to make me sound like a total a**hole but I wish I had kind of bragged about how well I was doing without her.
It just so happens that, that is the next text message that we are going to be talking about.
Examples Of The “Brag About Himself” Message
This one is very easy to spot. In fact, I talk a lot about it in my book.
The “Brag About Himself” Message is generally accompanied by one thing.
A man bragging about himself.
Of course, sometimes the guys who are really slick won’t brag about themselves but they will brag about their possessions.
Take a look at this text message,
The purpose behind this message is to clearly say,
“Look how great my life has been without you in it. I got a new car!!!”
Hmm… I am trying to think of a way that I can make this more interesting.
Ah, I know!
Let me think for a moment and I will think of an actual text I have sent to a girl before where I was bragging about myself.
OHHH I KNOW!
This text was all about the bragging.
For the record, I actually did pitch a perfect game in high school and I ended up striking out every single batter. Our team won 20 – 0. Ya… I’m awesome!
Do you think you have a pretty good grasp of what the “brag about himself” text message looks like?
Let’s move on and talk a bit about some of the reasons for why an ex would send this message to you.
The Motivation Behind Why An Ex Would Send The “Brag About Himself” Text Message
One of my favorite quotes ever is from Frank Sinatra,
The Best Revenge In Life Is Massive Success
I can’t help but think of that quote when I think of this text message. I think an ex would send this message as a way of saying “I am so much better without you.”
Maybe there is a revenge plot going on where he wants you to know that his time with you was horrible.
But that’s what everyone thinks on the surface. I want to peel back those layers and understand his underlying reason for even wanting revenge.
There are a couple of things that spring to mind here.
- He Is Insecure About Himself
- He Is Vindictive
I’ll tackle the insecurity first.
He Is Insecure About Himself
In high school I had a friend who was very insecure about his body.
He wasn’t bad looking.
Quite the contrary, he was good looking.
It’s just that he was skinny. So, when he turned 17 he decided that he was going to start lifting weights so he could gain some muscle mass. Anyways, fast forward a year and he actually had put on some muscle. There was just one problem.
He bragged about it all the time.
Even to the girls he had crushes on.
I remember one girl coming up to me and saying,
“Wow, he is so conceited.”
He really wasn’t. He just needed that extra confidence boost from bragging about himself since he always viewed himself as a skinny kid.
Maybe something like that is going on with your ex where he needs the confidence he gets from bragging about himself through text messages.
He Is Vindictive
This one is much more straightforward.
Your ex may want to make you suffer.
He may want to see you unhappy and the best way he can think of to do that without looking like a total a$$ is by bragging about himself in a way that makes it seem like his life is totally better without you. Sometimes you see this happening where he brags about dating other women.
If he does do that then you probably have a vindictive ex on your hands.
Is The “Brag About Himself” Text Message Happening To You
Two factors come into play here.
- What the message actually says
- How you ended things with him
Let’s tackle what the message says first. If you receive a text message where your ex is bragging about himself you are receiving a “brag about himself” text message.
But sometimes that’s not enough for people.
Sometimes they need more evidence.
Ok, next I want to point you towards how you ended things with your ex. If they ended very badly then in my mind that increases the chances that you will receive a “brag about himself” text message.
The “Boredom” Message
This may sound really weird but all I can think about when I think about this message is that funny scene from “How I Met Your Mother.”
If you aren’t familiar with the show then let me give you some quick background for what I am talking about.
There is a character named Barney Stinson who is being taught something by his friend, Ted Mosby in a classroom setting.
Barney, who looks very bored absorbing this lecture all of a sudden exclaims,
How does that relate to the “boredom message.” Truthfully, I have no clue. It was just something funny that I wanted to share with you.
Anyways, thus far every single text message that I have talked about was calculating on your exes part. In other words, he sent that particular text message for that particular purpose.
But doesn’t it make sense that sometimes he can send a text message for no apparent reason other than boredom?
I can’t tell you how often I have done this to my wife.
I simply got bored and there was no one else to talk to so in order to fill the time I text her.
I am trying to think of the last time I did this to her.
I was waiting to have my car inspected and it took an hour. I texted her because I got bored.
And that kind of leads me to my next point.
Examples Of The “Boredom” Message
I think the more interesting aspect of the boredom message is understanding an exes motivation for sending it but I am going to talk about that in a second. For now, let’s see if we can identify what a boredom message looks like.
One of the most common mistakes that people make when trying to identify the boredom message is mistaking it with building rapport.
Sometimes building rapport and texting out of boredom can be eerily similar.
However, I have developed a method for determining if your ex is sending you a text out of sheer boredom.
Above, I gave an example of a time when I went to get my car inspected and it took an hour. As a result, I ended up texting my wife to kill time.
What do you think the first text I sent her looked like?
Let me clue you in,
Essentially, I told her about a situation where I was probably going to be bored.
Therein lies our first clue at determining if an ex is texting you out of boredom.
If he tells you that he is in a situation where you think he is going to be bored then he is probably texting you to kill time.
Now, I personally don’t think this is that big of a deal. In fact, I think having an ex text you out of boredom may work to your advantage.
The Motivation Behind Sending A “Boredom” Message
Figuring out the motivation isn’t that hard.
Your ex is bored.
What’s more interesting is figuring out why he decides to text you when he is bored.
A lot of women get angered by the idea that he is texting them out of boredom.
But they shouldn’t.
In fact, I think it may be a good thing.
Think about the example I gave above of when I was sitting around waiting for my car to get inspected.
I was clearly bored so I texted my wife.
However, I wanted to text her because I knew she would make things less boring.
In fact, I knew that she would make things a lot more interesting.
That’s probably what your ex is trying to do with you. He has found himself in a very boring situation and is looking for you to make things more interesting. So, instead of looking at this like,
“He only texts me when he is bored…”
Look at it like,
“He is looking for me to make his boring day more interesting” because that’s exactly what’s happening.
It’s an opportunity to show off to him.
Don’t squander it!
Is The “Boredom” Message Happening To You?
A few factors to consider here.
- The timing of when he sends you the boredom message
- If he says he is bored
- How you ended your previous relationship
The timing isn’t hard to figure out. If he is texting you in a situation where you think he is bored then that raises the chances of you receiving a boredom text message. Also, another telling factor will be if he actually admits to you that he is bored like in some of the examples I gave above.
Finally, how you ended the relationship is an important factor to consider.
If things ended poorly then he probably won’t rely on you for a boredom text.
If they ended relatively normally then that raises your chances.