If you want to understand why your ex is texting you after a breakup then there are 9 things that you need to take into account.

By looking at these 9 “motivations” you will get a clearer picture on why your ex insists on texting you.

Now, if you know anything about me then you’d know that I like to be very thorough in my articles. Heck, just take a look at my best selling book for evidence of that (hint: It’s maybe a little too thorough.)

Ultimately by the end of this article my intention is that you’ll have a clear understanding of exactly why your ex is texting you.

9 Reasons Why Your Ex Is Texting You

There are two main things you are going to want to take into account when trying to understand why your ex boyfriend is texting you and how to respond.

  1. First, consider if you are still in the middle of a no contact period.  Take into account how long he has been sending you these unsolicited texts.
  2. Secondly, what indicators are you seeing that suggest your ex is behaving differently from how he usually responds to you?

Knowing these things will give you a backdrop of his mindset and motivations and will help you interpret his reasoning for texting you.

(Side Note: I go through this process a lot more in-depth in my book Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. So, if you are looking for a more in-depth explanation I’d encourage you to check that out.)

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Remember, when you are in the no contact period, your ex is going to be feeling just as vulnerable as you are.  So you might not hear from him for awhile.  So don’t freak out if you don’t hear from him it’s actually quite common.

Now, one of the biggest benefits to owning a large website like this is I get access to a lot of data and it’s through that data that I am able to pinpoint the best methods to get an ex back. I’m also able to get insight into why people do the things that they do.

When it comes to the reasons for why an ex will text you after a breakup I have found that there are typically 9 things motivations that are consistent.

  1. Your ex is feeling guilt about what went down
  2. Loneliness may be pulling your ex down so they look to you to pull them up
  3. Your ex is bored
  4. Your ex may be fighting off their anger and resentment
  5. They want sex
  6. They miss you as a friend
  7. They want to see if you have given up and moved on
  8. It might be about the relationship
  9. They might actually want you back

Lets dissect these motivations one by one.

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Reason #1: Your Ex Boyfriend Is Feeling Guilt About What Went Down

I’m going to start by talking about guilt

Your ex might text you if he is feeling guilty about the breakup. This kind of attempt to reach out is most common during the no-contact period and is usually only used if your ex-cheated on you, vanished without breaking up with you or did something really awful like calling off a wedding.

When you first receive this text, you may think to yourself why does my ex keep texting me, he broke up with me but keeps texting me like everything is normal.  But you know things are far from normal.  But you can’t help wonder what it might mean.

Guilty texts are generally not sent under normal relationship situations, but if there are breakup circumstances involved, then just know such texts are often sent by your ex as a way to clear his conscience. To make him feel less guilty.  It’s a way for him to relieve those feelings that he did something wrong and hurt you and perhaps ruined his chances of getting you back.

So to get rid of his guilt, your ex boyfriend will feel compelled to right his wrong by reaching out to you with texts.

The sort of things your ex might say if he is feeling guilty are:-

  • I am sorry
  • You deserve better
  • I wish I had never…..

Or if you are a visual learner,

Reason #2: Loneliness May Be The Pulling Your Ex Down So They Look To You To Pull Them Up

This again is most common during the no contact period, especially around the three or four week mark. How do I know this?

So, on top of having a ton of data to play with I also do one on one coaching with men and women every single week. One thing I’ve noticed is that a lot of texts from exes seem to happen around weeks 3 to 4 during the no contact rule.

This is because your ex is used to speaking to you every day, suddenly when you are not talking all the time he is going to feel very lonely.

Your ex is going to miss the little texts you used to send to say “Good morning” or “How is your day?” especially if you dated for an extended period of time.

This type of text is unlikely if your ex is seeing someone new already as unfortunately your ex is probably going to text her when he is feeling lonely….

The good news is that if he is in a rebound relationship then he probably misses you a lot and the new girl is a distraction from the sadness he is feeling.

Sometimes these texts that your ex is sending you comes from a blended mess of feelings which involve both loneliness and guilt. As you can see, these post breakup periods can get complicated with all the emotions swirling causing your ex boyfriend to behave oddly and unpredictably.

Its a classic hot and cold kind of behavior that you might see from him as he tries to construct what he wants, but meanwhile he uses you to fill in his lonely gaps.

For more on hot and cold behavior watch the video below,

So if you want to know why your ex keeps texting you after he broke up with you, just know that more often than not, it is a combination of factors.

The sort of things your ex might say if he is feeling lonely are:-

  • Heyyyyyyy….
  • Whats up?
  • Did I see you at…..

Reason #3: Your Ex Is Bored

This kind of text tends to happen after no contact. I bet you want to know why, right?

Well a lot of guys go into party mode straight after a breakup. Being single is exciting and he has this amazing vision of all the fun stuff he is going to do with his freedom. Once he has been out a few times, spent all his money and realized all his friends are in relationships, he is going to revert to the life he had before he met you.

Which includes (and is not limited to)

  • TV
  • Computer games
  • Endless tinder rejection
  • Eating takeout
  • Work.

And then after he goes through this stage, your ex boyfriend is going to sit up and notice, you are not there anymore. He will notice that it is not quite as fun without you. Now that thought of you being missing from his life has always been way in the back of his mind, buried in your ex’s subconscious.

But now since some time has gone by and all these familiar routines that use to involve you are clearly not involving you anymore. This is when these thoughts come to the front of his mind and he begins to realize he is bored, feeling a bit empty with you, his old girlfriend, not there.

This is the trigger of your ex boyfriend sending you a ” I am bored text”.  Boredom has a way of chipping away at his resentment and anger or whatever is there that was preventing him to reach out to you.

When this happens, he is going to remember how much more fun life was when you were around and he will send you a boredom text.

Now like everyone else, you may be heartened to get this text from your ex.  You will likely think my ex just texted me, should I text him back?  The short answer is not at first.  First you will want to verify that your ex bf is truly bored.  Watch for the tone of his next few texts?  Does he seem equally bored?

Then ask yourself that if that is all you mean to him…a person who keeps him less bored…do you really want to respond.  Probably not.

What If It’s a Text Triggered by a Rebound Relationship?

OK, so let’s change the scenario to something I see a lot with my coaching clients.

If your ex is dating someone new and you get this kind of text, it is usually a sign that his new girlfriend is already getting on his nerves and the relationship will not last.  Your ex boyfriend actually might be getting bored of his new girlfriend, realizing how much more value and contentment you bring to his life.

I’m going to tell you that if I was seeing someone new, I definitely would not text an ex-girlfriend to chat….. that is a big dating no-no!  But just know that some guy will do this, almost impulsively, so try to take in the entire picture of whether his texts rise to the level of deserving a reply.

Signs he is texting you out of boredom include:-

  • He puts no effort into texting
  • He has nothing interesting to say
  • Doesn’t keep regular contact
  • He only texts when he has nothing to do
  • He texts but does not want to meet up

Reason #4: Your Ex May Be Fighting Off His Anger And Resentment

This kind of text is mostly likely to happen during no contact or immediately after you send your first text.

If he texts during no contact he is probably angry you are ignoring him and having a tantrum…. I know it’s so childish right?

If your ex texts you after the no contact period he might be responding this way to your first text as he is angry after the breakup, this is a sign that it is too soon after the breakup to text him as his feelings are still very raw.

It is also possible it is not so much anger that is bubbling up inside him, but a long simmering wave of resentment that your ex boyfriend has within him for you.

So when you ex boyfriend is holding on to lots of resentment for you, he has to find a release and sometimes it come out in these passive aggressive texts he will leave you.

It’s not like your ex is in a rage, nor is it an innocent like ex texted how are you.  But rather he is holding on to something that happened and has not worked through it yet.  So your ex boyfriend will find some way to convey some hostility, without being rude.

Is Your Ex Boyfriend Confusing You With His Texts?

Quite often you will find that if your ex-boyfriend sends you an angry text he will send you a kinder apology text hours or days later, this may even become a cycle until his feelings start to settle down.

Are you feeling confused yet?  Is he doing this on purpose?  Does he even know what he wants or is your ex boyfriend playing mind games to confuse you or throw you off the trail of what he really wants.

Your ex is most likely to text you out of anger if you cheated on him or if you were the one who initiated the breakup as he feels he lost the control in the relationship which from a guys perspective is pretty humiliating.

There is some good news hidden in here, if your ex texts you when he is annoyed or angry it means he still has feelings for you on some level.

Why?……

Because hate is not the opposite of love; indifference is!

If your ex looks like he hates you, what it really shows is that they love you but feel upset and disappointed that you didn’t meet their high expectations for the relationship and now he is trying to punish you for it.

If you get an angry text it is a very easy one to identify.

  • Signs you will want to look for are:-
  • He will blame you for the breakup
  • He seems upset
  • He says he never wants to speak to you again
  • He says he hates you
  • He insults you

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Reason #5: Your Ex Is Texting You For Sex

I’m sure you all know and hate this type of text…. It’s the booty call text

(Side Note: If you want to know my thoughts on this kind of text and exactly how you should handle getting it then I can’t recommend PRO enough for you. I have a whole section in there covering this exact scenario.)

Your ex is going to send you this kind of text when he wants to hook-up with you for sex.

I hear of these all the time.  The girlfriend will be crushed because he ended it or perhaps they both agree to give each other some space.  Sorta like a trial boyfriend and girlfriend separation. Then he will text her and she will be left wondering, “my ex just texted me should I text him back because he seems lonely, distraught, sad, in pain, or whatever it is that he wants you to think”.

But sometimes, when you peel back the your ex’s real intentions, he is playing the sympathy card in order to have sex.  Remember, breaking up is painful act emotionally and physically.  We are connected to our lovers in such a way that we are addicted in some ways and when we can’t have that dopamine release or whatever chemical cocktail is produced when we make love (think oxytocin), we are capable of doing anything to satisfy that urge.

Your boyfriend may be hungry for your body and you too might need that fix.  So your ex boyfriend might text something that will create this sexual stirring and before you know it, you and he are having post breakup sex.

Don’t Become a Prisoner To Your Ex Boyfriend’s Sexual Urges

Be very careful here, if your ex-boyfriend wants to have sex it does not mean he wants to get back together and having sex with him is not going to make him fall back in love with you. I’ve talked about this many times before but having sex with your ex-boyfriend before you are fully back in the relationship is going to damage your chances of getting back together.

When you have sex with your ex outside of a relationship you will give show him that he doesn’t have to put in any effort with you, it will also make him believe you are the type of girl who sleeps with men casually. This is not an attractive quality to a guy….. Guys like getting casual sex but they don’t keeping girls who like casual sex!

If your ex-boyfriend sends you a booty call text it means that he still finds you physically attractive which is great news, but what you really want is emotional attraction if you are going to become his girlfriend again…

So remember the un-gettable girl doesn’t accept booty calls.

Signs that you ex-boyfriend wants to talk to you for sex are:-

  • He only texts late at night
  • He texts when he is drunk
  • He is overly flirtatious or the text is sexual in nature
  • He wants to swap naked pictures
  • He asks you to come over to his place

Reason #6: They Miss You As A Friend

This type of text can happen either during or after the no-contact period.

Just because you have broken up doesn’t necessarily mean your ex hates you right now, sometimes you ex actually misses your company as you had a great friendship too.

I know what you are thinking, that this is great news and you should dive into being friends. I want you to be careful if you get this kind of text as you do not want to end up in the friend zone! The more friendly you are, the deeper into the friend zone you are going to get….

On the positive side though, from what I have found in one on one coaching calls with clients is that it is kind of rare though that a guy would put his ex-girlfriend permanently in the friend zone, I would only do that to a woman if I never found her attractive or viewed her like a sister.

If you had a physical relationship then I would say it’s unlikely that he no longer finds you physically attractive.

The main reason you are in the friendzone is that there is a lack of personality chemistry between you or that you are too available to him and there is no chase or challenge for your ex-boyfriend involved in winning you back.

Signs he misses you just as a friend include:-

  • Your conversations are very factual
  • He asks your advice on other women
  • He texts you to complain about his problems
  • He talks to you like one of the guys
  • He says you are friends
  • He tells you remind him of his sister/cousin/mother

Reason #7: He Wants To See If You Have Given Up and Moved On  

This type of message can happen at any time but is most likely during no contact period as your ex-boyfriend will want to know if he is winning the breakup!

Basically he wants to see if he is moving on faster than you.  He can’t stand not knowing so your ex boyfriend will send you a text or series of text messages to figure out whether you have given up on him.

Now part of this behavior could be due to your excellent work in your social media tactics to portray yourself as the Ungettable Girl and how you are turning around your life and living such a happy existence.

So your ex bf sees all this and gets this little crushing feeling each time he sees you smiling and having fun, getting along quite well without him.  So in order to verify this, your ex will invariably put out some text message feelers to check on your real emotional status.  In his mind, how could you be so happy, yet he feels so bad.

The only way for him to reconcile this disbelief in his mind is to text you, hoping to get a clue somehow about whether you still have any lingering feelings for him.

Know That Your Ex Boyfriend Might Be Trying To Nail You Down

You might also find you get this kind of text when you start dating again as he suddenly feels a sense of panic; you may also see this kind of text shortly after your ex starts dating again so that he can brag about how great his life is.

If he sends you this kind of text message, he is trying to boost his ego by seeing if you still care. A guy would really only send this kind of text if he still valued your opinion so it’s a reasonable indication that he still has feelings for you.

The motive for his text here is difficult to understand from one message, it could be that your ex would like to keep you as a fall back plan incase his current options don’t work out, it could be that he really misses you, or finally it could that he has feelings for you and wants to see if you might still feel the same.

Signs that he is trying to see if you have moved on are:-

  • He asks if you are seeing someone
  • He might try to make you jealous
  • He mentions/checks your dating profile
  • He starts a conversation but vanishes soon after
  • He seems nervous

Reason #8: It Could be About Relationship Things You Both Have In Common

If you and your ex lived together, have joint bills or you owe each other money then your ex-boyfriend might text you to make some arrangements.

This is also the kind of text you might receive if you have children together as your ex may want to arrange child support payments or visitation rights etc.

If your ex send you this type of text, it is not great news…. It means that he currently sees the breakup situation as permanent.

If I wanted my ex-girlfriend back, I would try to postpone collecting my stuff or separating bills for as long as possible because I would be hoping that things will go back to how they used to be. Basically I would try and pretend to myself that the breakup wasn’t even happening!

This doesn’t mean that you can’t still get your ex back, it just means it is going to take a lot more effort and patience compared to some of the other situations.

Signs that you have received an administration text are:-

  • He only talks about bills/money/the house
  • He only wants to discuss the children
  • He doesn’t want to meet up to talk face to face

Reason #9: Your Ex Boyfriend Might Actually Really Want You Back 

I know this is the text you have all been excited to read about.

Actually this kind of text is sent by ex-boyfriends all the time I see it a lot in coaching sessions. It is very common for a guy to come to his senses when he realizes what he is missing after a breakup.

An ex-boyfriend can send this kind of text at any point during or after no contact.

Sometimes an ex will come to you during no contact and asks you directly to get back together, this tends to happen if you broke up because you had a big argument. Generally I find that an ex-boyfriend will be more cautious about wanting to get back together and will start by making small talk and then say they need to talk to you.

If your ex does want you back you will find that the frequency of texts he keeps sending will be high and he will spend a lot of time checking up on you via your friends, family and social media too.

Signs that your ex is sending you a text to get back together:-

  • Asks about your day
  • Mentions talking to your friends or family
  • Talks about your Facebook or Instagram
  • He asks to see you to talk
  • Says he has a question to ask you
  • He brings up inside jokes
  • He calls you by your pet name
  • He gives you compliments
  • He asks to get back together

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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8 Frequently Asked Questions About Why Your Ex Boyfriend Leaves You Text Messages

Sometimes your ex is so wound up he will leave you all sorts of text messages causing you to be both bewildered and baffled, not knowing what to make of it or what to do.  I get lots of questions from women on this topic of receiving texts from their ex boyfriends.  So let me help you a bit with processing what might be your ex boyfriend’s motivation for sending it and what you should do.

FAQ 1: How long should I wait to talk to my ex after receiving a text from him after the breakup?

There is really no one stock answer because it depends on many variables such as how long the two of you were together and how good was the past history between the two of you to name a few.  But generally if the breakup was harsh and bad feelings remain, then I would suggest waiting at least 30 days before reaching out or responding to any of his text messages.

FAQ 2: When an ex texts you, what does it mean when he says he made a mistake?  Should I trust him?

Again, you need to be careful about rushing back into a relationship, particularly shortly after a breakup has occurred. Emotions are flying high and impulsive decision making can usually lead to more problems and a ratcheting up of more chaos.  So it’s a good sign that your ex thinks he has made a mistake, but one should go it slow and not rush right back into the relationship. Take baby steps.  Trust should be earned by your ex boyfriend, not freely awarded to him.

FAQ 3: My Ex Boyfriend Texted How Are You.  What does it mean?  How should I respond?

Don’t be so quick to assign meaning from any texts you receive from an ex, particularity if it arrives out of the blue.  You could be doing a disservice to yourself. It could mean anything.  He might just be checking up on you as a friend.  He may be warming up to the idea of reopening the communications channel.  He may be really wanting you back, but is afraid to say it outright.  Or your ex boyfriend might have an evil streak in him and is just jerking your chain. It is better to stick to your plan and keep doing those things you should be doing as outlined in your No Contact Plan of a Action.

FAQ 4: Why does an ex text me after I told him to leave me alone?

Often it’s because he can’t let go.  Like you, he should be going through his No Contact plan and focusing on self healing and becoming a better boyfriend for you.  But often, your ex is just a prisoner to his emotions and can’t help himself.  The urge to connect with you is so strong he will often ignore his better judgement and send you text after text, hoping and preying you might respond.  There are other reasons too, but that is often the main driver of his behavior.

FAQ 5: He broke up with me but keeps texting me.  Has he changed his mind?

It is possible your ex boyfriend is having second thoughts, but before you can conclude such a thing, you really need to see a bigger picture which should include phone conversations and meet-ups to confirm what he is thinking now and why he has had a change of heart.  The last thing you want to do is have a rebound with your own ex boyfriend.  Jumping right back into a toxic relationship, one in which neither of you have solved the core problems, is just asking for more trouble.

FAQ 6: When an ex texts you, what does it mean when he says he needs some space.  Does he still love me?

It’s likely that your man just needs some down time.  So don’t rush him.  The worst thing you can do is get into his space because guys can get defensive and insecure if their girlfriend is pushing too hard.  Your ex boyfriend values his freedom and he might have a lot going on in his mind that he can’t yet work out.  So honor his request and see where it leads to before deciding your next move.

FAQ 7: My ex texted me and said I needed to text him back

Remember, you are no one’s puppet. In fact, in many cases, if you text him back like he insists you should, then you are playing right into his hands.  He wants control, maybe far more than he deserves.  So don’t give him control.  This is certainly the case if you are in No Contact.  Sure, if this is an emergency situation, then you certainly would want to communicate.  Ask him if this is an emergency.   See what he has to say.

FAQ 8: What are the reasons why your ex texts you all the time?  He has a new girlfriend and I don’t know what he wants and am not sure if I should keep responding?

Often a former lover will reach out to you frequently just to keep tabs on you.  Maybe you have moved on, but he has not fully accepted that yet. Or maybe he is trying to gauge your interest level in case this new girlfriend of his doesn’t work out.  So often, its a way to keep the communication channel open and satisfy his curiosity about your availability.  He also might still love you and is now having serious second thoughts.  So lots of reasons can drive your ex boyfriend’s behavior.  So what do you do if your ex keeps texting you week in and week out? If it creates anxiety or upset feelings, then ask your ex nicely if he would stop texting you.

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199 thoughts on “9 Reasons For Why An Ex Will Text You After A Breakup”

  1. Avatar

    Maria

    June 8, 2020 at 10:31 pm

    So weirdest thing the guy I was talking to about 2 months ago texted me out of the blue we stopped talking because he had so much on his plate and would take forever texting me back. I eventually got tired of it and told him I couldn’t do it anymore but things went bad and we got into an argument so I thought it was for sure over. The thing is that was the second time we stopped talking because of his lack of time for me. Other than that we were getting along just fine. He texted me to see how I was doing due to everything going on we both live in two different states he’s in New York and I’m in Minnesota we never met and never gotten physical. We also both want to get married and have kids when we were talking things did move fast emotionally but I was always skeptical about him not texting me back but now see that was my own paranoia. I guess my question is what does it mean when a guy texts you out of the blue and is not flirtatious with you? Or does any of the things in this article accept texts here and there joking about our days?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 16, 2020 at 9:15 pm

      Hi Maria, so the issue that you are making plans for the future with someone you have only been speaking with for two months. I suggest that you slow things right down and focus on getting to know each other properly. While he is upset from your argument, you need to take some time out and work on yourself where you think how you need to date this guy and get to know all his traits before planning a future

  2. Avatar

    Alyssa

    May 25, 2020 at 1:07 pm

    What does it mean when you’re in daily contact with your ex, talking & texting every day like when dating, yet not dating? He says he misses me & wants to see me, but is unsure of actually making that step to see one another. Love the emotional connection I still have with him, yet I miss our physical connection (not sex in particular, just being in each other’s company kind of physical).

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 29, 2020 at 3:43 pm

      Hey Alyssa, I would say its a great sign that you are on the right path, he just needs that little nudge to get back into a relationship. I am not sure what your situation with the pandemic is, but if / when you are able to you should arrange some meet ups to see if you can have subtle face to face time to flirt and then increase the romantic vibe gradually so it seems like his idea to get back together.

  3. Avatar

    Brenda

    May 23, 2020 at 7:43 am

    My boyfriend broke up with me 3 days ago after nearly 3 years together, we didn’t live together but spoke about it. We had an up and down relationship and went through some tough times together. We have broke up in the past but this feels more final I collected my stuff from his apartment and he told me he still loved and cared for me and always will but that we dont make each other happy anymore. I’m struggling not to contact him because I’m normally always the one who contacts first..wondering if no contact rule will be successful as when we fight he could generally go long spells with no contact.

  4. Avatar

    Favour

    April 18, 2020 at 10:56 pm

    It has been a month i broke up with my ex bf we broke up due to some issues….he is so arrogant and every lil argument he always insult me…I broke up with him due to his behavior towards me bcos I can’t continue with such behavior even if I still love him…he even went on social media saying things about me wants everyone to know am a wicked or heartless person which was never true …..I kept quite and watch the game I confront him telling him he should stop all that I don’t like it ….after the break up with him I did not chatting with him for about 3 weeks …he chatted me up saying he wants me back that I should forgive him and give him a chance I never wanted to bcos I had a very bad sign he is up to another game of his so I said to my self I should give him a try and see if he has changed or something…I gave him a chance but I gave him a condition not to hurt me or insult me again and he said OK..the relationship continues he blocked me from seeing his status bcos he feel I use to complain every lil thing he post this was even one of the reasons we broke up so he mute me he tried to confuse me and so on…so I ask my self going back to my ex is it the right thing to do I said to my self I should break up and move forward than all this….so I broke up with him again then when I did he started insulting me like he always do after the promise he made he said harsh words to me I was so surprised i ended up blocking him from all possible place on social media even blocked his number but still he messaged me with another number insulting me I blocked him again he messaged me with another number I blocked him again and again gosh this is what has been going on since ..and am tired the truth is that I don’t know what to do about this ….

  5. Avatar

    Tracy P

    April 16, 2020 at 12:16 am

    My boyfriend ended things 3 days ago after dating 3 months. He said at the beginning he didn’t want to rush into anything as his ex really messed his head up, she was controlling and obsessive and made him feel bad all the time, she even hacked his bank accounts and social media. He saw a doctor last year for depression because of it. Thing is we used to date 10 years ago so it moved pretty quickly and we started spending so much time together, he also spoke about a future with me and kept telling me how much he likes me, how he misses me when we weren’t together. We were a perfect match, never argued, really laughed together and couldn’t keep our hands off eachother. He had a few wobbles as he was scared about rushing into another relationship and said his head was still messed up. The day he ended it he cried and said he couldn’t sleep, he feels bad for me and bad for his ex (he feels like he’s doing something wrong) his head is messed up and he needs to be on his own for a while. I stayed calm, showed him I cared but let him go.
    He text that night saying sorry and explaining again he needs to sort his head out, I replied saying I think it’s a waste but I understand. The next day he messaged saying ‘hope you’re ok’. The next day he messages again saying he doesn’t understand why I don’t want him as a friend. I told him I can’t, I feel too much, have your time and then contact me when you’ve sorted your head out. He said ok… but then today he messaged again saying hope you’re ok!!
    What is going on?? I want him back more than anything. I’m trying to do the nc but he’s not a bad guy, I don’t know what to do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 25, 2020 at 4:23 pm

      Hi Tracy, so doing the No Contact rule is nothing to do with if he is a good guy or a bad guy. It is about creating some space and time between you both to reset your situation. Giving you time to work on your holy trinity and then giving him the space that he feels he needs right now. Then start the texting phase sending the texts that Chris suggests in his articles.

  6. Avatar

    Nikki

    April 13, 2020 at 6:17 am

    What does it mean when your ex tests you (during NC) 1. thank you for a postcard that was sent months ago when we were still together, 2. congratulations (for completing something that he knew took uptime) and hope you enjoy your day? I didn’t answer, so, he texted let me know when you have time for me to give you your stuff. What does this mean?
    It was a Harsh but, I think, mutual break up. Under stressful environmental conditions and after being four months apart due to my work.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 14, 2020 at 9:00 am

      Hi Nikki, your ex wanted to see if you would answer him I assume, trying to be “friends”. As for when to get your stuff back I would do this before your NC ends, of course if you are in an area where there is social distancing arrange this safely and follow guidelines

  7. Avatar

    Mary

    April 10, 2020 at 9:04 pm

    We have a son 30. My ex would never commit he always stated his family don’t like me. He had no contact with me or our son 26 years then got in touch. His parents are long deceased I thought he’d changed/grown up. He had vague contact with our son but was very interested in me (currently single). A short physical encounter lots of wonderful words and he disappears again. Now he’s back to trying to make contact leaving messages. We are 66 years old he refuses to bugger off and can’t maintain a normal relationship.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 12, 2020 at 7:48 pm

      Hi Mary, I would just ignore all contact from him he can contact your son if he wants a father son relationship with him without you needing to be involved if you are not interested in talking with him

  8. Avatar

    kris

    March 23, 2020 at 9:13 pm

    i broke up with this guy a few weeks ago, about once a week he will text me telling me hes thinking abou tme or ask how i am. He would send one or 2 messages tops and not reply. This is week 3,last time i told him to lose my number but he just sent the same type of deal. Am i supposed to just ignore his message? Even the 2nd time i had a strong feeling that i am supposed to ignore it. How do you know when a appropriate time to answer is Do you just wait and only answer if they chase a lot after a few weeks?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 23, 2020 at 11:04 pm

      Hi Kris, I am sorry do you want this ex back? If you do not want this ex back then remain in NC and ignore their attempts for conversation unless you are attempting to be just friends

  9. Avatar

    Queen Abigail

    March 20, 2020 at 2:18 pm

    Heloo maaam i had a little quarrel with my boyfriend and we broked up…we went on no contact for about 2 to three weeks and couldn’t hold my feelings cos I still love him and remember how he used to treat me being a lovin’ siggattarius man in love….I contacted him back he picked the call and hanged up when he got to know I was the one,I kept on calling and he still wasn’t picking…I stop calling and went on a no contact for 2months now he came came just texting me last morning which I did replied and immediately deleted the text…he still texted and decided to talk to him for a while…we had a nice chat and just went offline…I came online this morning and saw his text but haven’t replied him back….I don’t know what to do…if I should reply his text or I shouldn’t…I need your help ma’am thanks

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 20, 2020 at 10:34 pm

      Hi QA so as he has reached out to you and wanted to have a friendly conversation I would suggest that you use this to build rapport with him if you want to try and get him back, but you need to take your time do not rush the process. Read about the value chain in this process so that you do not get carried away

  10. Avatar

    Tyyyyyy

    March 17, 2020 at 9:44 am

    My bf just broke up with me today he said he doesn’t love me and that he can’t be with me and said me bye
    Well tonight same day he call me and ask how’s everything going
    And keep apologizing saying he will miss me
    And between him sleeping said me don’t go to class be here with me and than said nothing
    What does it mean

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 17, 2020 at 9:58 pm

      Hi Ty, I am not sure what you mean between him sleeping. I am going to assume… As he has broken up with you, you need to go into a No Contact and give you and your ex some space and a chance for him to feel what it is like without you in his life

  11. Avatar

    Soph

    March 3, 2020 at 4:11 pm

    My ex broke up with me nearly 5 months ago. After a month of no contact, he texted me about giving me back a mug and catching up. I was busy with uni work so we met 3 weeks later and we slept together because in that moment I decided I didn’t want to wait for him to come around.
    Around Christmas/new year we started texting again. At first the conversation would get serious, him telling me he didn’t think it would work and he was gonna try to explain everything to me. After one conversation about how we never communicated well enough, he said we now know if anything happens in the future.
    Over the last two months, we decided to just chat and see how things go. He has messaged me regularly (usually responding to my social media stories), at times he has got upset about the idea of me seeing someone new or not responding to his texts. He had ended conversation asking me to message him soon. Recently, he ended up telling me that he doesn’t always feel like he’s going to be good enough and questions his worth at times.
    I have only asked once in this time if he wanted to meet up and he agreed and I have him two dates I was free. But then neither of us bought it up again. Should I ask again? My only issue is I’m very impatient and don’t wanna waste my time just for him to tell me he just wants to be friends again.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 13, 2020 at 12:12 am

      Hi Soph if you want to get him back then you need to work up the value chain and not ask to meet again until you have gone through the stages that we speak of, those are the texting phase, the phone calls, and then meet up after some weeks of talking. when you get him investing time in talking to you he is going to be more open to the idea of meeting up for coffee etc.

  12. Avatar

    Charley

    February 13, 2020 at 7:20 am

    Hello my ex broke up with me 7 months ago and didn’t want anything to do with me he did not answer my calls or texts messages but recently he started texting me and his first message was a middle of a night he accused me of my ex boyfriends before him where all married men and that I have told him I have never dated a married men which is true I never Had anything with married men and he even wrote on his text that he’s sure I have already found someone else again the next day he quickly deleted the text and said he doesn’t even know why he sent me that msg so I should have my life after three weeks ago he text me by asking how I’m doing and he was so emotional which I replied that I’m fine and I’m sure he’s happy and he said not really he didn’t want to talk about it I asked him why he came up Me that night he said he was just looking for trouble that night then I asked him why me why not his new girlfriend?and he didn’t comment I asked him he told you about me dating married men he said no body he just made things up and he was talking like he want me back he even said he didn’t plan for things to go this way that he care about me a lot and that he’s happy I’m okay he said he doesn’t what want to make babies I told him with baby or without baby I love him he said he doesn’t want me to wait and feel bad if he make me wait and he’s in another country now

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 15, 2020 at 1:44 pm

      Hi Charley your ex sounds as if he is going through some emotional states where he is missing you and going back and forth on the idea of being with you. Usually when they are emotional they dont think things through so the fact he is messaging you shows he is thinking of you but then when he speaks to you he takes away the things he has said by telling you not to wait for him etc. So, I would suggest that you start ignoring your ex and following the no contact rule where if he does send an emotional message and just ignore him

  13. Avatar

    Latoya

    February 11, 2020 at 9:23 am

    my ex ended things very badly…..we had a very bad argument he blocked me on whatsapp in December and shortly after we had another argument and i unfollowed him on Instagram….he still continued to follow me….and like my pictures….a month later he texted me saying ” hi how are you doing…u dont have to sya anythig just checking how you are “…..i eventually responded we spoke casually had good convo…i told him i missed him he respond “oh even though we haven t spoken i n so long “….and we continued to speak casually….its been 3 days now he has not texted me again….i feel stupid for getting my hopes up….i think he was juts trying to clear his guilty consciousness

  14. Avatar

    Cara

    January 25, 2020 at 11:20 pm

    My ex and I have been on and off for a couple of months now.. i told him recently i think we both need to see other people so that he can realize what he’s missing without me. He has told me that he’s seeing other people, but got mad when I told him I went on a date. I have not seen him in two months but he does text me quite often. Sometimes I break down and tell him I miss him, but he also tells me that he misses me. I told him yesterday that I don’t want to speak with him again and we need space. He texted me asking how my family was doing because my dad is very sick. Do I respond??

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 28, 2020 at 9:57 pm

      Hey Cara, no do not respond to this if you want to make changes, even if he is being nice, he is just testing to see if you are willing to speak to him after telling him that you dont want to speak to him anymore

  15. Avatar

    Kate

    January 22, 2020 at 8:54 pm

    Hi
    My BF broke up with me a week ago, he messaged me asking if I was coping when I said I was but missed him he replied saying he missed me too and was finding it very tough but thought it will get better and that he did the right thing .
    What does this mean?
    Will he come back to me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 22, 2020 at 9:09 pm

      Hey Kate so ideally ignoring him would have been best response from him as he was testing to see how you were doing to justify his own feelings. If he reaches out again ignore him for at least 30 days and during this time you need to use social media to show you’re happy and getting on with your life

  16. Avatar

    Alli

    January 20, 2020 at 12:37 am

    The guy I was seeing ended things very poorly by allowing the new girl he was seeing behind my back message me from his account that they were together. I even called and he let her answer his phone to tell me to stop contacting him.It came completely out of nowhere and I was heart broken. I didnt understand how we could go from something to nothing in literally seconds. I took the news like a strong woman should and walked away. I didnt seek answers. I knew if he could do that he wasn’t the guy for me. I ceased all communication but didnt block him. I didnt see the need. Well I got a couple messages from him about a week or so ago but didnt see them till today. The first was a link to something we shared similar interest in. The second came a couple days later in the form of “Yo”. I didnt want to respond but my curiosity got the better of me and I messaged back. I mirrored his message and have yet to get a response. He has read the message but it has been hours and still no response. How should I take this? Why even bother trying to contact me if he is just going to ignore me. I don’t get it.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 21, 2020 at 10:41 pm

      Hey Alli, I would say that you have had a “lucky escape” from a guy who is clearly a cheat and wants to play games. Him sending that message, I would assume he was alone at the time or, not around that girl at the time. And then ignored because he was not able to speak to you after that. Ignore him and just focus on moving on from him!

  17. Avatar

    Ms

    January 13, 2020 at 7:39 am

    My fiance and I have been together for over 8 years just recently in October he went in for surgery and aspirated almost Dying and which I was there The whole time and never Left His side. He recovered slowly from that and then went through the actual surgery because the 1st Time he aspirated prior to them cutting him. Then in November once he had 2 weeks to heal he went to Georgia to see family for Thanksgiving. He is on short term disability so he stayed until the beginning of December 2019 but when he was supposed to come back he never answered His phone and went to visit friends in Philadelphia. He said on his way back from Philadelphia he realized he loves me and cares for me but is not in love with me and cried the whole way Back To the state we live in not knowing how to tell me. 2 weeks go by with me begging and pleading and he agreed to take a break went back to Georgia on Christmas Day then came back the beginning of January in which he said he has decided hes over and done he doesn’t feel it anymore but everything ended on good terms and he still cares and loves me that needs to be Alone and not in a relationship right now. He said nobody convinced him and there’s no other girls but his dad and mom have had a rough time This last year then his mom had cancer and he has been working in seems very depressed so not sure what to do I feel like we belong together and told him I wait for him in which she replied I should move on and be happy. It’s now been over a month since to break and over a week since our official break up but we live together in a duplex something at my parents but he occasionly text me how am I and have a good night and be safe. Not sure if hes being nice or if hes having 2nd thoughts? because I feel the surgery Messed with him And it’s more of the depression now and not The normal Man I know. Like I said I still have faith hope for us I just feel he needs to take some time away and handle all the stuff is going Thorough but not sure. Sorry such a long comment just not sure what to take From When he texts me. I keep it Nice simple short replies back. i am just so lost and confused not sure what to do please help!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 18, 2020 at 4:24 am

      Hey Ms I think if he is in a deep depression he does need to focus on himself, but it does not mean that you wait on the sidelines for contact. Make sure you a living your life with your friends and family and enjoying life not putting yourself on hold for him while he works on himself.

  18. Avatar

    Bee

    December 25, 2019 at 10:32 pm

    My ex cheated on me for 6 months. He even went through moving to a new town with me knowing he was cheating. About a month after we moved I caught him with her. He pro,owed to stop and we wer going to work it out, but a month after that he got mad and left because I confronted hi, about how he was still acting shady. Again he reached out next wanted to try to work things out, but kept being shady, so I told him I was done. He gain convinced me to try and I wanted to because we were engaged and had been together for almost 3 years and went through a lot together. We had always been so good together before this, so I caved and gave him another chance. We even had a really great weekend together like old times, but then he went MIA on me for 1.5 days. By then I was done. I love him and it kills me but I knew he was still seeing this girl. I told him I was though and he got mad. I stopped talking to him and found out that a week after he was in a holiday trip with her and her family. I was devastated, but realized I needed to move on no matter how much I love him. So I went and got the apartment key from him and told him he needed to figure out how he will pay his part of the rent, after all he signed the lease with me knowing it would take both of us to pay for it. Then Christmas (a few days after he got back from his trip with the other woman) he text me “you will forever be the one that got away”. What the heck does that mean.? I’m so confused and trying to let go, but he cheated and chose her. And it’s even hard because she knew about me because I had originally confronted them both when I first found out. Why do they get to be happy and I’m stuck being manipulated.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 29, 2019 at 10:57 pm

      Hey Bee, I am so sorry he is treating you like this and it is awful to say, but he did this because he didnt think you would walk away from him so good for you for standing up for yourself and showing your worth! He wont be happy with her, hes already tried to get you back, and you refused. She is going to know what he did to her and she will carry that around with her for some time knowing he is a cheat. Regardless of what he tells her, she was the other woman at one point. Build yourself up and get over the horrible situation you have been put through and come out the other side shining bright that you are better off without someone who is going to do that to you. He will be back to try and convince you that he has changed and wont see the other woman again

  19. Avatar

    Melissa Vorster

    December 7, 2019 at 9:03 pm

    Hi,

    I broke up with my ex boyfriend about a week ago (but the feeling was mutual). This is our second break up since we started dating 2.5 years ago. The reason why we broke up was the fact that he started being really rude ad disrespectful towards me.
    We had a very nasty breakup and I haven’t spoken to him since.
    He keeps messaging me trying to pick a fight with me. He was even rude in these messages. I haven’t replied to any of it because of the no contact rule and I feel like we both need space to figure stuff out for ourselves.
    Why is he doing this?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 8, 2019 at 9:33 pm

      Hi Melissa, he is doing it for a reaction from you, and maybe he thinks that it isnt “over” and youll get back together. Keeping to your No Contact is the right thing to do as he needs to learn that you are not going to tolerate being spoken to like trash and he has to adjust if he wants to hear from you again. I would suggest that you do not break No Contact and reach out to him if you want to by the end of 45 days. I dont see him being too happy about being ignored at first but then he will start to assess why you are not speaking to him at this time.

  20. Avatar

    tarana sethia

    November 30, 2019 at 10:17 am

    hi my ex replies on my instagram stories quite offen, shares memes and also once he called me & its been 2 months after we broke up.He did the break up by saying he dont have any feelings left for me and it was a 1.5yr relationship.I want to know that what he want now by texting me is it friendship or relationship.please help me getting an answer.I’ll wait for your reply.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 1, 2019 at 12:49 am

      Have you completed a full No Contact? If not then you need to go 30 days without speaking to your ex at all. Do not reply to anything including phone calls and texts

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