If you want to understand why your ex is texting you after a breakup then there are 9 things that you need to take into account.

By looking at these 9 “motivations” you will get a clearer picture on why your ex insists on texting you.

Now, if you know anything about me then you’d know that I like to be very thorough in my articles. Heck, just take a look at my best selling book for evidence of that (hint: It’s maybe a little too thorough.)

Ultimately by the end of this article my intention is that you’ll have a clear understanding of exactly why your ex is texting you.

9 Reasons Why Your Ex Is Texting You

There are two main things you are going to want to take into account when trying to understand why your ex boyfriend is texting you and how to respond.

  1. First, consider if you are still in the middle of a no contact period.  Take into account how long he has been sending you these unsolicited texts.
  2. Secondly, what indicators are you seeing that suggest your ex is behaving differently from how he usually responds to you?

Knowing these things will give you a backdrop of his mindset and motivations and will help you interpret his reasoning for texting you.

(Side Note: I go through this process a lot more in-depth in my book Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. So, if you are looking for a more in-depth explanation I’d encourage you to check that out.)

Remember, when you are in the no contact period, your ex is going to be feeling just as vulnerable as you are.  So you might not hear from him for awhile.  So don’t freak out if you don’t hear from him it’s actually quite common.

Now, one of the biggest benefits to owning a large website like this is I get access to a lot of data and it’s through that data that I am able to pinpoint the best methods to get an ex back. I’m also able to get insight into why people do the things that they do.

When it comes to the reasons for why an ex will text you after a breakup I have found that there are typically 9 things motivations that are consistent.

  1. Your ex is feeling guilt about what went down
  2. Loneliness may be pulling your ex down so they look to you to pull them up
  3. Your ex is bored
  4. Your ex may be fighting off their anger and resentment
  5. They want sex
  6. They miss you as a friend
  7. They want to see if you have given up and moved on
  8. It might be about the relationship
  9. They might actually want you back

Lets dissect these motivations one by one.

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Reason #1: Your Ex Boyfriend Is Feeling Guilt About What Went Down

I’m going to start by talking about guilt

Your ex might text you if he is feeling guilty about the breakup. This kind of attempt to reach out is most common during the no-contact period and is usually only used if your ex-cheated on you, vanished without breaking up with you or did something really awful like calling off a wedding.

When you first receive this text, you may think to yourself why does my ex keep texting me, he broke up with me but keeps texting me like everything is normal.  But you know things are far from normal.  But you can’t help wonder what it might mean.

Guilty texts are generally not sent under normal relationship situations, but if there are breakup circumstances involved, then just know such texts are often sent by your ex as a way to clear his conscience. To make him feel less guilty.  It’s a way for him to relieve those feelings that he did something wrong and hurt you and perhaps ruined his chances of getting you back.

So to get rid of his guilt, your ex boyfriend will feel compelled to right his wrong by reaching out to you with texts.

The sort of things your ex might say if he is feeling guilty are:-

  • I am sorry
  • You deserve better
  • I wish I had never…..

Or if you are a visual learner,

Reason #2: Loneliness May Be The Pulling Your Ex Down So They Look To You To Pull Them Up

This again is most common during the no contact period, especially around the three or four week mark. How do I know this?

So, on top of having a ton of data to play with I also do one on one coaching with men and women every single week. One thing I’ve noticed is that a lot of texts from exes seem to happen around weeks 3 to 4 during the no contact rule.

This is because your ex is used to speaking to you every day, suddenly when you are not talking all the time he is going to feel very lonely.

Your ex is going to miss the little texts you used to send to say “Good morning” or “How is your day?” especially if you dated for an extended period of time.

This type of text is unlikely if your ex is seeing someone new already as unfortunately your ex is probably going to text her when he is feeling lonely….

The good news is that if he is in a rebound relationship then he probably misses you a lot and the new girl is a distraction from the sadness he is feeling.

Sometimes these texts that your ex is sending you comes from a blended mess of feelings which involve both loneliness and guilt. As you can see, these post breakup periods can get complicated with all the emotions swirling causing your ex boyfriend to behave oddly and unpredictably.

Its a classic hot and cold kind of behavior that you might see from him as he tries to construct what he wants, but meanwhile he uses you to fill in his lonely gaps.

For more on hot and cold behavior watch the video below,

So if you want to know why your ex keeps texting you after he broke up with you, just know that more often than not, it is a combination of factors.

The sort of things your ex might say if he is feeling lonely are:-

  • Heyyyyyyy….
  • Whats up?
  • Did I see you at…..

Reason #3: Your Ex Is Bored

This kind of text tends to happen after no contact. I bet you want to know why, right?

Well a lot of guys go into party mode straight after a breakup. Being single is exciting and he has this amazing vision of all the fun stuff he is going to do with his freedom. Once he has been out a few times, spent all his money and realized all his friends are in relationships, he is going to revert to the life he had before he met you.

Which includes (and is not limited to)

  • TV
  • Computer games
  • Endless tinder rejection
  • Eating takeout
  • Work.

And then after he goes through this stage, your ex boyfriend is going to sit up and notice, you are not there anymore. He will notice that it is not quite as fun without you. Now that thought of you being missing from his life has always been way in the back of his mind, buried in your ex’s subconscious.

But now since some time has gone by and all these familiar routines that use to involve you are clearly not involving you anymore. This is when these thoughts come to the front of his mind and he begins to realize he is bored, feeling a bit empty with you, his old girlfriend, not there.

This is the trigger of your ex boyfriend sending you a ” I am bored text”.  Boredom has a way of chipping away at his resentment and anger or whatever is there that was preventing him to reach out to you.

When this happens, he is going to remember how much more fun life was when you were around and he will send you a boredom text.

Now like everyone else, you may be heartened to get this text from your ex.  You will likely think my ex just texted me, should I text him back?  The short answer is not at first.  First you will want to verify that your ex bf is truly bored.  Watch for the tone of his next few texts?  Does he seem equally bored?

Then ask yourself that if that is all you mean to him…a person who keeps him less bored…do you really want to respond.  Probably not.

What If It’s a Text Triggered by a Rebound Relationship?

OK, so let’s change the scenario to something I see a lot with my coaching clients.

If your ex is dating someone new and you get this kind of text, it is usually a sign that his new girlfriend is already getting on his nerves and the relationship will not last.  Your ex boyfriend actually might be getting bored of his new girlfriend, realizing how much more value and contentment you bring to his life.

I’m going to tell you that if I was seeing someone new, I definitely would not text an ex-girlfriend to chat….. that is a big dating no-no!  But just know that some guy will do this, almost impulsively, so try to take in the entire picture of whether his texts rise to the level of deserving a reply.

Signs he is texting you out of boredom include:-

  • He puts no effort into texting
  • He has nothing interesting to say
  • Doesn’t keep regular contact
  • He only texts when he has nothing to do
  • He texts but does not want to meet up

Reason #4: Your Ex May Be Fighting Off His Anger And Resentment

This kind of text is mostly likely to happen during no contact or immediately after you send your first text.

If he texts during no contact he is probably angry you are ignoring him and having a tantrum…. I know it’s so childish right?

If your ex texts you after the no contact period he might be responding this way to your first text as he is angry after the breakup, this is a sign that it is too soon after the breakup to text him as his feelings are still very raw.

It is also possible it is not so much anger that is bubbling up inside him, but a long simmering wave of resentment that your ex boyfriend has within him for you.

So when you ex boyfriend is holding on to lots of resentment for you, he has to find a release and sometimes it come out in these passive aggressive texts he will leave you.

It’s not like your ex is in a rage, nor is it an innocent like ex texted how are you.  But rather he is holding on to something that happened and has not worked through it yet.  So your ex boyfriend will find some way to convey some hostility, without being rude.

Is Your Ex Boyfriend Confusing You With His Texts?

Quite often you will find that if your ex-boyfriend sends you an angry text he will send you a kinder apology text hours or days later, this may even become a cycle until his feelings start to settle down.

Are you feeling confused yet?  Is he doing this on purpose?  Does he even know what he wants or is your ex boyfriend playing mind games to confuse you or throw you off the trail of what he really wants.

Your ex is most likely to text you out of anger if you cheated on him or if you were the one who initiated the breakup as he feels he lost the control in the relationship which from a guys perspective is pretty humiliating.

There is some good news hidden in here, if your ex texts you when he is annoyed or angry it means he still has feelings for you on some level.

Why?……

Because hate is not the opposite of love; indifference is!

If your ex looks like he hates you, what it really shows is that they love you but feel upset and disappointed that you didn’t meet their high expectations for the relationship and now he is trying to punish you for it.

If you get an angry text it is a very easy one to identify.

  • Signs you will want to look for are:-
  • He will blame you for the breakup
  • He seems upset
  • He says he never wants to speak to you again
  • He says he hates you
  • He insults you

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Reason #5: Your Ex Is Texting You For Sex

I’m sure you all know and hate this type of text…. It’s the booty call text

(Side Note: If you want to know my thoughts on this kind of text and exactly how you should handle getting it then I can’t recommend PRO enough for you. I have a whole section in there covering this exact scenario.)

Your ex is going to send you this kind of text when he wants to hook-up with you for sex.

I hear of these all the time.  The girlfriend will be crushed because he ended it or perhaps they both agree to give each other some space.  Sorta like a trial boyfriend and girlfriend separation. Then he will text her and she will be left wondering, “my ex just texted me should I text him back because he seems lonely, distraught, sad, in pain, or whatever it is that he wants you to think”.

But sometimes, when you peel back the your ex’s real intentions, he is playing the sympathy card in order to have sex.  Remember, breaking up is painful act emotionally and physically.  We are connected to our lovers in such a way that we are addicted in some ways and when we can’t have that dopamine release or whatever chemical cocktail is produced when we make love (think oxytocin), we are capable of doing anything to satisfy that urge.

Your boyfriend may be hungry for your body and you too might need that fix.  So your ex boyfriend might text something that will create this sexual stirring and before you know it, you and he are having post breakup sex.

Don’t Become a Prisoner To Your Ex Boyfriend’s Sexual Urges

Be very careful here, if your ex-boyfriend wants to have sex it does not mean he wants to get back together and having sex with him is not going to make him fall back in love with you. I’ve talked about this many times before but having sex with your ex-boyfriend before you are fully back in the relationship is going to damage your chances of getting back together.

When you have sex with your ex outside of a relationship you will give show him that he doesn’t have to put in any effort with you, it will also make him believe you are the type of girl who sleeps with men casually. This is not an attractive quality to a guy….. Guys like getting casual sex but they don’t keeping girls who like casual sex!

If your ex-boyfriend sends you a booty call text it means that he still finds you physically attractive which is great news, but what you really want is emotional attraction if you are going to become his girlfriend again…

So remember the un-gettable girl doesn’t accept booty calls.

Signs that you ex-boyfriend wants to talk to you for sex are:-

  • He only texts late at night
  • He texts when he is drunk
  • He is overly flirtatious or the text is sexual in nature
  • He wants to swap naked pictures
  • He asks you to come over to his place

Reason #6: They Miss You As A Friend

This type of text can happen either during or after the no-contact period.

Just because you have broken up doesn’t necessarily mean your ex hates you right now, sometimes you ex actually misses your company as you had a great friendship too.

I know what you are thinking, that this is great news and you should dive into being friends. I want you to be careful if you get this kind of text as you do not want to end up in the friend zone! The more friendly you are, the deeper into the friend zone you are going to get….

On the positive side though, from what I have found in one on one coaching calls with clients is that it is kind of rare though that a guy would put his ex-girlfriend permanently in the friend zone, I would only do that to a woman if I never found her attractive or viewed her like a sister.

If you had a physical relationship then I would say it’s unlikely that he no longer finds you physically attractive.

The main reason you are in the friendzone is that there is a lack of personality chemistry between you or that you are too available to him and there is no chase or challenge for your ex-boyfriend involved in winning you back.

Signs he misses you just as a friend include:-

  • Your conversations are very factual
  • He asks your advice on other women
  • He texts you to complain about his problems
  • He talks to you like one of the guys
  • He says you are friends
  • He tells you remind him of his sister/cousin/mother

Reason #7: He Wants To See If You Have Given Up and Moved On  

This type of message can happen at any time but is most likely during no contact period as your ex-boyfriend will want to know if he is winning the breakup!

Basically he wants to see if he is moving on faster than you.  He can’t stand not knowing so your ex boyfriend will send you a text or series of text messages to figure out whether you have given up on him.

Now part of this behavior could be due to your excellent work in your social media tactics to portray yourself as the Ungettable Girl and how you are turning around your life and living such a happy existence.

So your ex bf sees all this and gets this little crushing feeling each time he sees you smiling and having fun, getting along quite well without him.  So in order to verify this, your ex will invariably put out some text message feelers to check on your real emotional status.  In his mind, how could you be so happy, yet he feels so bad.

The only way for him to reconcile this disbelief in his mind is to text you, hoping to get a clue somehow about whether you still have any lingering feelings for him.

Know That Your Ex Boyfriend Might Be Trying To Nail You Down

You might also find you get this kind of text when you start dating again as he suddenly feels a sense of panic; you may also see this kind of text shortly after your ex starts dating again so that he can brag about how great his life is.

If he sends you this kind of text message, he is trying to boost his ego by seeing if you still care. A guy would really only send this kind of text if he still valued your opinion so it’s a reasonable indication that he still has feelings for you.

The motive for his text here is difficult to understand from one message, it could be that your ex would like to keep you as a fall back plan incase his current options don’t work out, it could be that he really misses you, or finally it could that he has feelings for you and wants to see if you might still feel the same.

Signs that he is trying to see if you have moved on are:-

  • He asks if you are seeing someone
  • He might try to make you jealous
  • He mentions/checks your dating profile
  • He starts a conversation but vanishes soon after
  • He seems nervous

Reason #8: It Could be About Relationship Things You Both Have In Common

If you and your ex lived together, have joint bills or you owe each other money then your ex-boyfriend might text you to make some arrangements.

This is also the kind of text you might receive if you have children together as your ex may want to arrange child support payments or visitation rights etc.

If your ex send you this type of text, it is not great news…. It means that he currently sees the breakup situation as permanent.

If I wanted my ex-girlfriend back, I would try to postpone collecting my stuff or separating bills for as long as possible because I would be hoping that things will go back to how they used to be. Basically I would try and pretend to myself that the breakup wasn’t even happening!

This doesn’t mean that you can’t still get your ex back, it just means it is going to take a lot more effort and patience compared to some of the other situations.

Signs that you have received an administration text are:-

  • He only talks about bills/money/the house
  • He only wants to discuss the children
  • He doesn’t want to meet up to talk face to face

Reason #9: Your Ex Boyfriend Might Actually Really Want You Back 

I know this is the text you have all been excited to read about.

Actually this kind of text is sent by ex-boyfriends all the time I see it a lot in coaching sessions. It is very common for a guy to come to his senses when he realizes what he is missing after a breakup.

An ex-boyfriend can send this kind of text at any point during or after no contact.

Sometimes an ex will come to you during no contact and asks you directly to get back together, this tends to happen if you broke up because you had a big argument. Generally I find that an ex-boyfriend will be more cautious about wanting to get back together and will start by making small talk and then say they need to talk to you.

If your ex does want you back you will find that the frequency of texts he keeps sending will be high and he will spend a lot of time checking up on you via your friends, family and social media too.

Signs that your ex is sending you a text to get back together:-

  • Asks about your day
  • Mentions talking to your friends or family
  • Talks about your Facebook or Instagram
  • He asks to see you to talk
  • Says he has a question to ask you
  • He brings up inside jokes
  • He calls you by your pet name
  • He gives you compliments
  • He asks to get back together

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8 Frequently Asked Questions About Why Your Ex Boyfriend Leaves You Text Messages

Sometimes your ex is so wound up he will leave you all sorts of text messages causing you to be both bewildered and baffled, not knowing what to make of it or what to do.  I get lots of questions from women on this topic of receiving texts from their ex boyfriends.  So let me help you a bit with processing what might be your ex boyfriend’s motivation for sending it and what you should do.

FAQ 1: How long should I wait to talk to my ex after receiving a text from him after the breakup?

There is really no one stock answer because it depends on many variables such as how long the two of you were together and how good was the past history between the two of you to name a few.  But generally if the breakup was harsh and bad feelings remain, then I would suggest waiting at least 30 days before reaching out or responding to any of his text messages.

FAQ 2: When an ex texts you, what does it mean when he says he made a mistake?  Should I trust him?

Again, you need to be careful about rushing back into a relationship, particularly shortly after a breakup has occurred. Emotions are flying high and impulsive decision making can usually lead to more problems and a ratcheting up of more chaos.  So it’s a good sign that your ex thinks he has made a mistake, but one should go it slow and not rush right back into the relationship. Take baby steps.  Trust should be earned by your ex boyfriend, not freely awarded to him.

FAQ 3: My Ex Boyfriend Texted How Are You.  What does it mean?  How should I respond?

Don’t be so quick to assign meaning from any texts you receive from an ex, particularity if it arrives out of the blue.  You could be doing a disservice to yourself. It could mean anything.  He might just be checking up on you as a friend.  He may be warming up to the idea of reopening the communications channel.  He may be really wanting you back, but is afraid to say it outright.  Or your ex boyfriend might have an evil streak in him and is just jerking your chain. It is better to stick to your plan and keep doing those things you should be doing as outlined in your No Contact Plan of a Action.

FAQ 4: Why does an ex text me after I told him to leave me alone?

Often it’s because he can’t let go.  Like you, he should be going through his No Contact plan and focusing on self healing and becoming a better boyfriend for you.  But often, your ex is just a prisoner to his emotions and can’t help himself.  The urge to connect with you is so strong he will often ignore his better judgement and send you text after text, hoping and preying you might respond.  There are other reasons too, but that is often the main driver of his behavior.

FAQ 5: He broke up with me but keeps texting me.  Has he changed his mind?

It is possible your ex boyfriend is having second thoughts, but before you can conclude such a thing, you really need to see a bigger picture which should include phone conversations and meet-ups to confirm what he is thinking now and why he has had a change of heart.  The last thing you want to do is have a rebound with your own ex boyfriend.  Jumping right back into a toxic relationship, one in which neither of you have solved the core problems, is just asking for more trouble.

FAQ 6: When an ex texts you, what does it mean when he says he needs some space.  Does he still love me?

It’s likely that your man just needs some down time.  So don’t rush him.  The worst thing you can do is get into his space because guys can get defensive and insecure if their girlfriend is pushing too hard.  Your ex boyfriend values his freedom and he might have a lot going on in his mind that he can’t yet work out.  So honor his request and see where it leads to before deciding your next move.

FAQ 7: My ex texted me and said I needed to text him back

Remember, you are no one’s puppet. In fact, in many cases, if you text him back like he insists you should, then you are playing right into his hands.  He wants control, maybe far more than he deserves.  So don’t give him control.  This is certainly the case if you are in No Contact.  Sure, if this is an emergency situation, then you certainly would want to communicate.  Ask him if this is an emergency.   See what he has to say.

FAQ 8: What are the reasons why your ex texts you all the time?  He has a new girlfriend and I don’t know what he wants and am not sure if I should keep responding?

Often a former lover will reach out to you frequently just to keep tabs on you.  Maybe you have moved on, but he has not fully accepted that yet. Or maybe he is trying to gauge your interest level in case this new girlfriend of his doesn’t work out.  So often, its a way to keep the communication channel open and satisfy his curiosity about your availability.  He also might still love you and is now having serious second thoughts.  So lots of reasons can drive your ex boyfriend’s behavior.  So what do you do if your ex keeps texting you week in and week out? If it creates anxiety or upset feelings, then ask your ex nicely if he would stop texting you.

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214 thoughts on “9 Reasons For Why An Ex Will Text You After A Breakup”

  1. Star

    March 30, 2018 at 5:33 am

    My question disappeared! I don’t know if there was a technical problem?

    You brought up the following in the article:

    Signs that your ex is sending you a text to get back together:-

    Asks about your day
    Mentions talking to your friends or family
    Talks about your Facebook or Instagram
    He asks to see you to talk
    Says he has a question to ask you
    He brings up inside jokes
    He calls you by your pet name
    He gives you compliments
    He asks to get back together

    My ex mentioned a sentimental family memory, mentioned how beautiful I look (Facebook pics, which he liked and loved) and other compliments. This was just under two months of no contact. Since then (a couple of weeks) it has been silent. What is that?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 30, 2018 at 7:19 am

      Hi Star,

      It’s still here.. That’s good..it means you’re making progress..have you transitioned to calls?

  2. Star

    March 30, 2018 at 4:38 am

    You brought up the following in the article:

    Signs that your ex is sending you a text to get back together:-

    Asks about your day
    Mentions talking to your friends or family
    Talks about your Facebook or Instagram
    He asks to see you to talk
    Says he has a question to ask you
    He brings up inside jokes
    He calls you by your pet name
    He gives you compliments
    He asks to get back together

    My ex mentioned a sentimental family memory, mentioned how beautiful I look (Facebook pics, which he liked and loved) and other compliments. This was just under two months of no contact. Since then (a couple of weeks) it has been silent. What is that?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 30, 2018 at 5:48 am

      Hi Star,

      It’s still here.. That’s good..it means you’re making progress..have you transitioned to calls?

  3. Sprinx

    November 17, 2017 at 8:09 pm

    Hi,
    Going through no contact period and he text me saying he still loves me but as a friend and kept repeated that he values my friendship and still has love for me in another text. In earlier txts through out the week he was asking me to do stuff for him like find him something on Craigslist list. And I told him sounds like something you would have your girlfriend do for you… He didn’t acknowledge that statemebt. Then sent another text days later saying he was going to give me something when he is done with work next week. Then he sent me a video of all of together hanging out as a family at his house said he loved me and to tell my daughter he loved her too and commented that the video app he used to create the family video is cool…so confused…please help me decifer this 🙁

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 18, 2017 at 2:56 am

      Hi Sprinx,

      You’re friendzoned.. And you have to restart nc, because nc means no initiating and no replying.

  4. Sprinx

    March 30, 2018 at 4:38 am

    Hi,
    Going through no contact period and he text me saying he still loves me but as a friend and kept repeated that he values my friendship and still has love for me in another text. In earlier txts through out the week he was asking me to do stuff for him like find him something on Craigslist list. And I told him sounds like something you would have your girlfriend do for you… He didn’t acknowledge that statemebt. Then sent another text days later saying he was going to give me something when he is done with work next week. Then he sent me a video of all of together hanging out as a family at his house said he loved me and to tell my daughter he loved her too and commented that the video app he used to create the family video is cool…so confused…please help me decifer this 🙁

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 30, 2018 at 7:19 am

      Hi Sprinx,

      You’re friendzoned.. And you have to restart nc, because nc means no initiating and no replying.

  5. Megan

    October 17, 2017 at 9:33 pm

    I am terrible at describing situations perfectly, which is evident from the Reddit responses I received so keep in mind you dont have the whole context:

    I moved to Seattle August of 2016 and was having a blast. I went to a yard sale and purchased furniture from this guy later thinking I should have asked for his number. A week later we matched on Bumble and when we realized how we had already met had a good laugh and things just progressed from there. He is a year younger than me and has dated only one woman prior which lasted a little over a year and ended because he felt overwhelmed and ran. He comes from a small town and isn’t someone who wants to rush the romantic aspects of his life, he doesn’t believe in divorce and as a mathematics man he feels he needs a pool of experiences to make such a decision about who he’ll spend his life with. I commanded a proper date and he took me to a baseball game. At the time I wasn’t looking for anything serious and neither was he, so I had no reservations about hooking up the first night. I didn’t plan to see him again (not because I didn’t like him) but he left his jacket at my house. The hookups continued for a couple weeks and we made the decision to be exclusive for health and ease. Gradually over the next couple months it turned into a real relationship. In November I had fallen for him and let it slip in December. He pulled away and was very open about the fact that the L word scares him. We had broken after this and gotten back together because he wanted to try again only to result in him saying he thinks he came back for the wrong reasons. I believe I had made the mistake of letting him back in without any real change on his part. I moved back home with my family to look for work (August) and he just left from visiting for the weekend days ago, we had a wonderfully in-depth and calm talked and he wants to date more women while I am secure in my wants from our relationship. He admits to putting up a wall because he knows things will become serious for him as well if he doesn’t. He laid down a lot of boundaries he needed and I had not so we agreed I should. I told him consider me gone when you leave tomorrow and if you realize you made a mistake it will be a challenge to come back because I will be skeptical. He liked that because it gives him space and creates a challenge; “If you love something let it go and if it is meant to be”- Him. I felt this was a logical boundary to put-forth.
    I am only confused bc when he questioned coming to see me I didn’t try to convince him (in an effort to lay down boundaries) and just said fine don’t come. In our talk he said he was trying to start a dialogue and that that wasn’t the right move but also didn’t know I was working on not having codependent tendencies. I am breaking contact and allowing him to come to me, not sure what I will do if/when he does. In his opinion cutting him out was the wrong approach when he questioned visiting me (we had spent weeks calmly discussing concerns of this visit and settled it then the debating text came in) and yet he thinks I need to “let him go” so he can build experiences and determine what matters to him. I am confused? Completely cut him out or is he saying don’t give up on me I just need space? I understand him more than any man I have ever dated but I am still not sure how to progress in a way that helps us both grow independently and closer together. Keep in mind this mans actions towards me fully support the fact that he loves and cares for me or I wouldn’t think twice about it. We both have grown a lot since the day we met and I am not oblivious to my own imperfections.
    I am 28 and he will be 27 in December. We have been in each others lives for 1 year and 2 months.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 17, 2017 at 10:15 pm

      Hi Megan,

      Why not ask him that?

  6. Megan

    March 30, 2018 at 4:38 am

    I am terrible at describing situations perfectly, which is evident from the Reddit responses I received so keep in mind you dont have the whole context:

    I moved to Seattle August of 2016 and was having a blast. I went to a yard sale and purchased furniture from this guy later thinking I should have asked for his number. A week later we matched on Bumble and when we realized how we had already met had a good laugh and things just progressed from there. He is a year younger than me and has dated only one woman prior which lasted a little over a year and ended because he felt overwhelmed and ran. He comes from a small town and isn’t someone who wants to rush the romantic aspects of his life, he doesn’t believe in divorce and as a mathematics man he feels he needs a pool of experiences to make such a decision about who he’ll spend his life with. I commanded a proper date and he took me to a baseball game. At the time I wasn’t looking for anything serious and neither was he, so I had no reservations about hooking up the first night. I didn’t plan to see him again (not because I didn’t like him) but he left his jacket at my house. The hookups continued for a couple weeks and we made the decision to be exclusive for health and ease. Gradually over the next couple months it turned into a real relationship. In November I had fallen for him and let it slip in December. He pulled away and was very open about the fact that the L word scares him. We had broken after this and gotten back together because he wanted to try again only to result in him saying he thinks he came back for the wrong reasons. I believe I had made the mistake of letting him back in without any real change on his part. I moved back home with my family to look for work (August) and he just left from visiting for the weekend days ago, we had a wonderfully in-depth and calm talked and he wants to date more women while I am secure in my wants from our relationship. He admits to putting up a wall because he knows things will become serious for him as well if he doesn’t. He laid down a lot of boundaries he needed and I had not so we agreed I should. I told him consider me gone when you leave tomorrow and if you realize you made a mistake it will be a challenge to come back because I will be skeptical. He liked that because it gives him space and creates a challenge; “If you love something let it go and if it is meant to be”- Him. I felt this was a logical boundary to put-forth.
    I am only confused bc when he questioned coming to see me I didn’t try to convince him (in an effort to lay down boundaries) and just said fine don’t come. In our talk he said he was trying to start a dialogue and that that wasn’t the right move but also didn’t know I was working on not having codependent tendencies. I am breaking contact and allowing him to come to me, not sure what I will do if/when he does. In his opinion cutting him out was the wrong approach when he questioned visiting me (we had spent weeks calmly discussing concerns of this visit and settled it then the debating text came in) and yet he thinks I need to “let him go” so he can build experiences and determine what matters to him. I am confused? Completely cut him out or is he saying don’t give up on me I just need space? I understand him more than any man I have ever dated but I am still not sure how to progress in a way that helps us both grow independently and closer together. Keep in mind this mans actions towards me fully support the fact that he loves and cares for me or I wouldn’t think twice about it. We both have grown a lot since the day we met and I am not oblivious to my own imperfections.
    I am 28 and he will be 27 in December. We have been in each others lives for 1 year and 2 months.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 30, 2018 at 10:12 am

      Hi Megan,

      Why not ask him that?

  7. suman

    July 27, 2017 at 2:58 pm

    hey..I want to ask you about my situation. me and my ex were dated for 4 years and its been a 2 months now we broke up.actually we broke up on our 4th anniversary bcoz i got drank and i slap him in front of his 2 friends. i was so angry that he was busy with his work and he didn’t wish me neither i did and i was also busy with my bestie who came to town for some work so i thought we are meeting in the night so ill wish him everything was going good only but i ruined it and make it worse in my ego. actually just 3 months back i shifted to his hometown and he shifted to his hometown 8months back only. he dont want me to shift right now bcoz i was not doing well with my work and professional so he told me to complete my everything backlogs so after that shift but i thought it is going so hard to talk or communicate so its get better if i shift there and ill do my work and he will do his work but i feel he thought i am gonna restrict him from everything and just now he started his work so he got panicked. bcoz from 1 month he was telling me it is going very hard to handle bcoz i am so possessive about what he is doing? where he is going? so i was stupid but we are having good going also but by slapping him was big mistake bcoz he warned me previously when i did same to him that its gonna be first and last i wont forgive you but i was mad. for same days after brake up he blocked me and i did try for 15 days but he wont want to come back so i stoped talking to him for 15 days after that one day i messaged him and now we are talking and we meet 2 times by my random visite to him and 1 time he ask me to meet and we had good time and drink and long drive. we didnt talk about any topic love and break up anything but i saw his love for me by his body and talk. i did one mistake that i made some cards for him to asking him back and love you all so i forget to give him and that was i kept his back seat of the car that when i go ill give him but i didnt told him about that. when he get to know he was little bit angry that u should told me this and y u thinking all of this. i thought we are generally meeting and doing hangout so i got upset and didnt messaged him for a week then i cant stop to talk so i messaged him and he told me i am busy ill talk to you night and he only messaged me and we talked about my work and now i asked him about to meet and have a drink with me like we both enjoyed that day when we hangout so he told me he will meet me on this weekend. see i really love him and i did so many mistakes so its very hard for him to come back to me. please tell me how to make this all okay and again he trust me like he did and i want him back please help me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 29, 2017 at 7:54 pm

      He got angry that you still had feelings for him?

  8. suman

    March 30, 2018 at 5:54 am

    hey..I want to ask you about my situation. me and my ex were dated for 4 years and its been a 2 months now we broke up.actually we broke up on our 4th anniversary bcoz i got drank and i slap him in front of his 2 friends. i was so angry that he was busy with his work and he didn’t wish me neither i did and i was also busy with my bestie who came to town for some work so i thought we are meeting in the night so ill wish him everything was going good only but i ruined it and make it worse in my ego. actually just 3 months back i shifted to his hometown and he shifted to his hometown 8months back only. he dont want me to shift right now bcoz i was not doing well with my work and professional so he told me to complete my everything backlogs so after that shift but i thought it is going so hard to talk or communicate so its get better if i shift there and ill do my work and he will do his work but i feel he thought i am gonna restrict him from everything and just now he started his work so he got panicked. bcoz from 1 month he was telling me it is going very hard to handle bcoz i am so possessive about what he is doing? where he is going? so i was stupid but we are having good going also but by slapping him was big mistake bcoz he warned me previously when i did same to him that its gonna be first and last i wont forgive you but i was mad. for same days after brake up he blocked me and i did try for 15 days but he wont want to come back so i stoped talking to him for 15 days after that one day i messaged him and now we are talking and we meet 2 times by my random visite to him and 1 time he ask me to meet and we had good time and drink and long drive. we didnt talk about any topic love and break up anything but i saw his love for me by his body and talk. i did one mistake that i made some cards for him to asking him back and love you all so i forget to give him and that was i kept his back seat of the car that when i go ill give him but i didnt told him about that. when he get to know he was little bit angry that u should told me this and y u thinking all of this. i thought we are generally meeting and doing hangout so i got upset and didnt messaged him for a week then i cant stop to talk so i messaged him and he told me i am busy ill talk to you night and he only messaged me and we talked about my work and now i asked him about to meet and have a drink with me like we both enjoyed that day when we hangout so he told me he will meet me on this weekend. see i really love him and i did so many mistakes so its very hard for him to come back to me. please tell me how to make this all okay and again he trust me like he did and i want him back please help me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 30, 2018 at 6:01 am

      He got angry that you still had feelings for him?

  9. fifi

    June 19, 2017 at 1:11 pm

    Hi EBR,

    I’ve gotten all these after 5.5 months separation:

    Mentions talking to your friends or family
    Talks about your Facebook or Instagram
    He asks to see you to talk
    Says he has a question to ask you

    However, he seemed to be an emotionally unavailable person from the last time i met (he refused eye contact)
    And i found out, the less engaged i am with him, he will initiate some conversation with me. (he is an introvert)
    Should I just move on, or keep building rapport?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 22, 2017 at 2:42 pm

      If he’s an introvert..it would really take time..so just keep building rapport

  10. fifi

    March 30, 2018 at 5:33 am

    Hi EBR,

    I’ve gotten all these after 5.5 months separation:

    Mentions talking to your friends or family
    Talks about your Facebook or Instagram
    He asks to see you to talk
    Says he has a question to ask you

    However, he seemed to be an emotionally unavailable person from the last time i met (he refused eye contact)
    And i found out, the less engaged i am with him, he will initiate some conversation with me. (he is an introvert)
    Should I just move on, or keep building rapport?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 30, 2018 at 6:32 am

      If he’s an introvert..it would really take time..so just keep building rapport

  11. Macey

    June 14, 2017 at 6:28 pm

    HI Amor:

    I would like to know what you think about my situation. I was dating a guy for about a year and a half and then relocated to his hometown to live with him. He thought I wanted to be back where I used to live but I didnt, and he broke up with me. I got my own apartment down the street and then we got back together after three weeks. We stayed together for four months and he broke up with me again in March saying our relationship was not sustainable and that I needed to work on myself and get to my happy place. Said he still loved me and didn’t know what the future would bring but if it were to bring us back together, itd have to be from a place where we were both happy and whole in our existence. It is not June 14th and I have successfully not spoken to him for 35 days. He tried to text me on June 1st saying he knew i was taking an exam and that he hoped it went well. I didn’t reply. His birthday was two days later and I did not reply. I recently made a match.com account and I saw he’s on there and he viewed my profile. I still love him and want to get back together but dont know what to do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 16, 2017 at 7:39 pm

      Hi Macey,

      how much did you improve and how active were you in posting?

    2. Macey

      June 17, 2017 at 9:09 pm

      I have improved a lot, I have been seeing a therapist, joined a gym in the area, even made a new friend. I workout now everyday and joined a field hockey team. I actually decided to delete the match.com account because I couldn’t stand looking at anyone else and I was feeling sad seeing his picture on it.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 18, 2017 at 7:23 pm

      initiate contact so you can slowly rebuild rapport..check this one:
      How To Properly Start A Conversation With Your Ex After No Contact

    4. Macey

      June 20, 2017 at 1:38 pm

      Hi Macey:

      I initiated contact yesterday and started off asking about something for my mother. He asked me how a test went that I had recently taken. I said it went well. It took him a while to respond after I texted him back. He said he hoped that I was well. I said I was and that I made friends. He said he was glad to hear it. I asked him if he saw the new twin peaks that him and I used to watch. Took him 2 hours and 45 minutes to respond but said yes he did and how it was crazy etc….but supposed to be like that. I then tried to text him again with a funny youtube video but he never answered. So after five hours, I deided to just ask him “Do you think you’d want to see me again?” He said, I don’t know, I do miss you but it’s probably best not to complicate things. I said I understood and that I missed him veery much. Then I asked him if he were me, would he move? Then we got into a discussion about me moving from this town because I moved up here for him. He told me I should stay and gain some stability and confidence on my own and be happy. He said he was sorry things worked out the way they did. I thanks him for helping me figure out if I should move or not and I said I still think he’s special. He said he was glad to help and said i’m sure things will work out ok and he said he still thinks I’m special too. I then sent him this big message about what I really missed about our relationship, a time when he used to sing to me when we slow danced. I also said that I wrote down everything we actually did and I was going to give it to him someday and I said sometime perhaps I’ll give it to you. I told him I didn’t expect him to respond. He didn’t respond. What do you think?

    5. Macey

      June 21, 2017 at 6:50 pm

      HI Amor:

      So I initiated contact the other day. He sent a message asking me how a test went that I recently took. I told him it went well, that I hoped he had a lovely birthday which was two weeks prior and to take care. He said I hope you are well. I said I am and that I made some friends. But then I asked him if he saw a new tv show that we used to watch. He sent back a good message about yes him seeing it and he was happy that I was making friends. Then I tried to keep the messages going by sending him a funny youtube video. But he didn’t respond. So then I asked him about 4 hours later “Do you think you’d want to see me again?” He said I don’t know. I do miss you but it’s probably best not to complicate things. I said I understood and that I missed him very much. He didn’t say anything so then I asked him “if you were me would you move ?” this enticed him I think because he asked me where I was going to move to ( i currently live down the street from him) I said somewhere other than where I am now, he said that I could probably use some stability in my life etc. and that I should try and focus on being confident on my own and to try and make the town my own now. He said he was sorry for the way things ended up. I said okay, thank you for listening and I said I still thought he was special. He said he was glad to help, sleep well, and that he still thought I was special too. After that, I sent him this big text about what I missed about our relationship, I said I didn’t expect a response, and how I wanted to give him a note with everything we ever did someday. He didn’t answer. So later that evening I asked him if he would meet me at the park just to talk. He said I’m sorry but I can’t do today, what do you want to talk about? I said i dk nvm, i wanted to give you the note I wrote and to say bye. He didn’t answer. Then I had a meltdown and decided to change my number. THoughts?

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 23, 2017 at 2:40 pm

      You have to restart nc and avoid starting convos like that becausebit was obvious that you wanted to get back with him

  12. Macey

    March 30, 2018 at 5:33 am

    HI Amor:

    I would like to know what you think about my situation. I was dating a guy for about a year and a half and then relocated to his hometown to live with him. He thought I wanted to be back where I used to live but I didnt, and he broke up with me. I got my own apartment down the street and then we got back together after three weeks. We stayed together for four months and he broke up with me again in March saying our relationship was not sustainable and that I needed to work on myself and get to my happy place. Said he still loved me and didn’t know what the future would bring but if it were to bring us back together, itd have to be from a place where we were both happy and whole in our existence. It is not June 14th and I have successfully not spoken to him for 35 days. He tried to text me on June 1st saying he knew i was taking an exam and that he hoped it went well. I didn’t reply. His birthday was two days later and I did not reply. I recently made a match.com account and I saw he’s on there and he viewed my profile. I still love him and want to get back together but dont know what to do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 30, 2018 at 9:06 am

      Hi Macey,

      how much did you improve and how active were you in posting?

    2. Macey

      March 30, 2018 at 9:07 am

      I have improved a lot, I have been seeing a therapist, joined a gym in the area, even made a new friend. I workout now everyday and joined a field hockey team. I actually decided to delete the match.com account because I couldn’t stand looking at anyone else and I was feeling sad seeing his picture on it.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 30, 2018 at 10:26 am

      initiate contact so you can slowly rebuild rapport..check this one:
      How To Properly Start A Conversation With Your Ex After No Contact

    4. Macey

      March 30, 2018 at 6:32 am

      Hi Macey:

      I initiated contact yesterday and started off asking about something for my mother. He asked me how a test went that I had recently taken. I said it went well. It took him a while to respond after I texted him back. He said he hoped that I was well. I said I was and that I made friends. He said he was glad to hear it. I asked him if he saw the new twin peaks that him and I used to watch. Took him 2 hours and 45 minutes to respond but said yes he did and how it was crazy etc….but supposed to be like that. I then tried to text him again with a funny youtube video but he never answered. So after five hours, I deided to just ask him “Do you think you’d want to see me again?” He said, I don’t know, I do miss you but it’s probably best not to complicate things. I said I understood and that I missed him veery much. Then I asked him if he were me, would he move? Then we got into a discussion about me moving from this town because I moved up here for him. He told me I should stay and gain some stability and confidence on my own and be happy. He said he was sorry things worked out the way they did. I thanks him for helping me figure out if I should move or not and I said I still think he’s special. He said he was glad to help and said i’m sure things will work out ok and he said he still thinks I’m special too. I then sent him this big message about what I really missed about our relationship, a time when he used to sing to me when we slow danced. I also said that I wrote down everything we actually did and I was going to give it to him someday and I said sometime perhaps I’ll give it to you. I told him I didn’t expect him to respond. He didn’t respond. What do you think?

    5. Macey

      March 30, 2018 at 6:32 am

      HI Amor:

      So I initiated contact the other day. He sent a message asking me how a test went that I recently took. I told him it went well, that I hoped he had a lovely birthday which was two weeks prior and to take care. He said I hope you are well. I said I am and that I made some friends. But then I asked him if he saw a new tv show that we used to watch. He sent back a good message about yes him seeing it and he was happy that I was making friends. Then I tried to keep the messages going by sending him a funny youtube video. But he didn’t respond. So then I asked him about 4 hours later “Do you think you’d want to see me again?” He said I don’t know. I do miss you but it’s probably best not to complicate things. I said I understood and that I missed him very much. He didn’t say anything so then I asked him “if you were me would you move ?” this enticed him I think because he asked me where I was going to move to ( i currently live down the street from him) I said somewhere other than where I am now, he said that I could probably use some stability in my life etc. and that I should try and focus on being confident on my own and to try and make the town my own now. He said he was sorry for the way things ended up. I said okay, thank you for listening and I said I still thought he was special. He said he was glad to help, sleep well, and that he still thought I was special too. After that, I sent him this big text about what I missed about our relationship, I said I didn’t expect a response, and how I wanted to give him a note with everything we ever did someday. He didn’t answer. So later that evening I asked him if he would meet me at the park just to talk. He said I’m sorry but I can’t do today, what do you want to talk about? I said i dk nvm, i wanted to give you the note I wrote and to say bye. He didn’t answer. Then I had a meltdown and decided to change my number. THoughts?

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 30, 2018 at 8:22 am

      You have to restart nc and avoid starting convos like that becausebit was obvious that you wanted to get back with him

  13. Vanessa

    June 3, 2017 at 4:36 pm

    Do you think we will ever talk again? I feel like we both made mistakes & im hurt by some of the things he said, but he has always been my friend first & foremost

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 5, 2017 at 6:30 pm

      more likely he will, when he can see that you’re living your own life..

  14. Vanessa

    March 30, 2018 at 5:33 am

    Do you think we will ever talk again? I feel like we both made mistakes & im hurt by some of the things he said, but he has always been my friend first & foremost

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 30, 2018 at 9:06 am

      more likely he will, when he can see that you’re living your own life..

  15. Vanessa

    June 3, 2017 at 1:48 am

    my ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago because i got mad that he liked a half naked pic of a girl on IG. He initially ignored me because he said it was nonsense. that made me furious & i flipped out on him. I told him i couldn’t stand him, he wasn’t shit, he needs to be single because he’s ignoring me. He had told me the night before that he was stressed out in his life. So after our big fight, he text me & said that he said he would call me back later when he got back home & never did. I reached out to him & tried to ask him why he never called & he said he wasn’t ignoring me & needed space, but the way he was talking felt like he wanted to break up but never actually said it. so we talked for awhile but nothing was resolved. he started ignoring me again. so later on in the week, i kept reaching out to him asking to talk to me..no response. I noticed later on in the week he tweeted that he was “so happy” & posting pics saying he never been this happy. Mind you we were good before this fight, we had went out on a date & had a great time. Then I noticed he unfollowed me off of twitter, so i panicked. I sent him a text basically saying i see u are done so I’m walking away. No response. I then blocked him off of social media because i realized that he was slowly starting to do that. & i didn’t want to get upset all over again if I look & find out he unfollowed me. So another week goes by & i reach out to him because my mom had to go to the doctor. He responded to me but was cold. I told him I needed someone be there for me & he said he would be there for me as a friend. Then I started panicking & begging for him back. (I know..pathetic) but he wasn’t budging. he made it seem like we had a bunch of problems & I was a bad person, & i wasn’t there for him & Im always there for him. Granted when we broke up the first time for a period of time, I know i hurt him & I know i wasn’t the nicest person to him, so i feel like he was just fed up. So i told him i wasn’t giving up while we were texting & he never responded. I waited a few hours & i texted him that i basically will not be made to be the bad person anymore & no response. So the next day he texted me twice abt my mom & i didn’t reply. I attempted to do no contact but i ended up texted him 2 days later. I asked him if he could call me & he said very coldly I’m out right now & asked abt my mom, I replied back that i felt alone & he said that i wasn’t. Then i told him that I needed him to just be here & listen (I know pathetic) He said everything will be ok. I told him i would feel better if i heard his voice, but he didn’t respond. So the next day i talked to my mom abt everything & i began to feel bad about the part i played in our relationship, so i texted him one more time & basically said i apologize for everything & i hope one day we can be friends. No response of course. But i have started no contact. I guess my question is, why didn’t he just tell me that he didn’t want to be with anymore instead of ignoring me & slowly unfollowing off of social media? why didn’t he just tell me he wanted to breakup instead of ignoring me? & Why is he acting like i was bad person? Is it because of the things i did in the past when we broke up? Because he did say he was fed up. We were good before all of this & I told him that but he said things got out of control.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 3, 2017 at 4:07 pm

      Hi Vanessa,

      probably because that’s the easier way for him, he doesnt want to deal with the drama..

  16. Vanessa

    March 30, 2018 at 5:33 am

    my ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago because i got mad that he liked a half naked pic of a girl on IG. He initially ignored me because he said it was nonsense. that made me furious & i flipped out on him. I told him i couldn’t stand him, he wasn’t shit, he needs to be single because he’s ignoring me. He had told me the night before that he was stressed out in his life. So after our big fight, he text me & said that he said he would call me back later when he got back home & never did. I reached out to him & tried to ask him why he never called & he said he wasn’t ignoring me & needed space, but the way he was talking felt like he wanted to break up but never actually said it. so we talked for awhile but nothing was resolved. he started ignoring me again. so later on in the week, i kept reaching out to him asking to talk to me..no response. I noticed later on in the week he tweeted that he was “so happy” & posting pics saying he never been this happy. Mind you we were good before this fight, we had went out on a date & had a great time. Then I noticed he unfollowed me off of twitter, so i panicked. I sent him a text basically saying i see u are done so I’m walking away. No response. I then blocked him off of social media because i realized that he was slowly starting to do that. & i didn’t want to get upset all over again if I look & find out he unfollowed me. So another week goes by & i reach out to him because my mom had to go to the doctor. He responded to me but was cold. I told him I needed someone be there for me & he said he would be there for me as a friend. Then I started panicking & begging for him back. (I know..pathetic) but he wasn’t budging. he made it seem like we had a bunch of problems & I was a bad person, & i wasn’t there for him & Im always there for him. Granted when we broke up the first time for a period of time, I know i hurt him & I know i wasn’t the nicest person to him, so i feel like he was just fed up. So i told him i wasn’t giving up while we were texting & he never responded. I waited a few hours & i texted him that i basically will not be made to be the bad person anymore & no response. So the next day he texted me twice abt my mom & i didn’t reply. I attempted to do no contact but i ended up texted him 2 days later. I asked him if he could call me & he said very coldly I’m out right now & asked abt my mom, I replied back that i felt alone & he said that i wasn’t. Then i told him that I needed him to just be here & listen (I know pathetic) He said everything will be ok. I told him i would feel better if i heard his voice, but he didn’t respond. So the next day i talked to my mom abt everything & i began to feel bad about the part i played in our relationship, so i texted him one more time & basically said i apologize for everything & i hope one day we can be friends. No response of course. But i have started no contact. I guess my question is, why didn’t he just tell me that he didn’t want to be with anymore instead of ignoring me & slowly unfollowing off of social media? why didn’t he just tell me he wanted to breakup instead of ignoring me? & Why is he acting like i was bad person? Is it because of the things i did in the past when we broke up? Because he did say he was fed up. We were good before all of this & I told him that but he said things got out of control.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 30, 2018 at 9:07 am

      Hi Vanessa,

      probably because that’s the easier way for him, he doesnt want to deal with the drama..

  17. Sally

    June 2, 2017 at 5:57 pm

    My ex is an avoidant and I’m anxious. We worked through a lot of it the second time round and improved but then started to let things slip. I had a lot of work stress that I brought home. Because of the stress, he felt like he was getting all the grief. We had a few stressful days and before I knew it an innocent text turned into a big argument. I was looking for him to make the next step and he was looking for me to be independent. He said that I should leave him to his indecision. Knowing what an avoidant is like, I worry he won’t be back.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 2, 2017 at 7:51 pm

      if he got tired with you and he thinks you’re clingy, and if its true, are you going to focus more on being independent now?

    2. Sally

      June 2, 2017 at 8:04 pm

      Yes, I’ve done a fair bit of reading the topic and am getting better at recognising the signs. I have many hobbies that I do alone and I am looking to reconnect with friends and build new relationships so that I don’t just rely on him (if he ever came back)

    3. Sally

      June 3, 2017 at 6:41 am

      Yes, i’ve always had hobbies that i do alone or with others. But i have noticed i get clingy when i feel left out or if i feel he’s flirting with other women. How do i remain calm in these situations? I get really jealous.

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 3, 2017 at 3:24 pm

      once you’re back together, get couples counseling, that way you would know how to communicate better with each other..

    5. Sally

      June 3, 2017 at 8:43 pm

      So as he broke up with me, should I continue with nc until day 30, build rapport and then when in a relationship discuss and go to counselling? Or do I mention it before a relationship starts?
      Thank you for your help.

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 5, 2017 at 6:37 pm

      yes, slowly build rapport and dont mention about couples counseling if you’re not back together, because that could be weird for him.

    7. Sally

      June 8, 2017 at 7:42 am

      So yesterday there was a work do and I decided I would go. After all why should I be sitting at home? I didn’t tell him I was going because I am in strict no contact but when he saw me he tried to get my attention. I was trying to remain cool about it but he then started speaking to me. He was annoyed at me not telling him I was going, but I don’t really care as I don’t need to tell him anything anymore. He initiated the conversation which I was annoyed about because I wanted to be with others. I didn’t spend the whole evening with him, but I fear it has put me back a few too many steps. I was doing so well with no contact and then he barged his way in. There weren’t many of us, so hard for us not to hear our conversations with others. Has this set me back?i have gone back to no contact, but does this mean I have to start again? Is it best just to stay away at all costs even if I miss out?

    8. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 11, 2017 at 1:54 pm

      nope, you’re ok.. you dont have to restart

  18. Sally

    March 30, 2018 at 5:54 am

    My ex is an avoidant and I’m anxious. We worked through a lot of it the second time round and improved but then started to let things slip. I had a lot of work stress that I brought home. Because of the stress, he felt like he was getting all the grief. We had a few stressful days and before I knew it an innocent text turned into a big argument. I was looking for him to make the next step and he was looking for me to be independent. He said that I should leave him to his indecision. Knowing what an avoidant is like, I worry he won’t be back.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 30, 2018 at 9:06 am

      if he got tired with you and he thinks you’re clingy, and if its true, are you going to focus more on being independent now?

    2. Sally

      March 30, 2018 at 9:06 am

      Yes, I’ve done a fair bit of reading the topic and am getting better at recognising the signs. I have many hobbies that I do alone and I am looking to reconnect with friends and build new relationships so that I don’t just rely on him (if he ever came back)

    3. Sally

      March 30, 2018 at 9:06 am

      Yes, i’ve always had hobbies that i do alone or with others. But i have noticed i get clingy when i feel left out or if i feel he’s flirting with other women. How do i remain calm in these situations? I get really jealous.

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 30, 2018 at 10:34 am

      once you’re back together, get couples counseling, that way you would know how to communicate better with each other..

    5. Sally

      March 30, 2018 at 9:06 am

      So as he broke up with me, should I continue with nc until day 30, build rapport and then when in a relationship discuss and go to counselling? Or do I mention it before a relationship starts?
      Thank you for your help.

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 30, 2018 at 10:25 am

      yes, slowly build rapport and dont mention about couples counseling if you’re not back together, because that could be weird for him.

    7. Sally

      March 30, 2018 at 9:06 am

      So yesterday there was a work do and I decided I would go. After all why should I be sitting at home? I didn’t tell him I was going because I am in strict no contact but when he saw me he tried to get my attention. I was trying to remain cool about it but he then started speaking to me. He was annoyed at me not telling him I was going, but I don’t really care as I don’t need to tell him anything anymore. He initiated the conversation which I was annoyed about because I wanted to be with others. I didn’t spend the whole evening with him, but I fear it has put me back a few too many steps. I was doing so well with no contact and then he barged his way in. There weren’t many of us, so hard for us not to hear our conversations with others. Has this set me back?i have gone back to no contact, but does this mean I have to start again? Is it best just to stay away at all costs even if I miss out?

    8. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 30, 2018 at 10:34 am

      nope, you’re ok.. you dont have to restart

  19. Sally

    May 31, 2017 at 5:31 pm

    This is the second break up we are having and I have gone straight into no contact. He contacted me on day 2 with an apology email. To me this felt like it was sent because of his guilt and desire to ease his own feelings. I did not reply. I am worried that will be it. Will he try contacting me again? I guess I have the same fears as other women who think the man will move on and as I have already been contacted, I fear that will be it.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 1, 2017 at 4:22 pm

      why did you break up this time?

  20. Sally

    March 30, 2018 at 5:54 am

    This is the second break up we are having and I have gone straight into no contact. He contacted me on day 2 with an apology email. To me this felt like it was sent because of his guilt and desire to ease his own feelings. I did not reply. I am worried that will be it. Will he try contacting me again? I guess I have the same fears as other women who think the man will move on and as I have already been contacted, I fear that will be it.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 30, 2018 at 9:06 am

      why did you break up this time?

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