Hey guys guess what time it is?

Yup, it’s time for another episode of “The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast!”

YAY!!!!!

clapping

Hold your applause ladies!

I know I am awesome but we don’t want me to get a big head and think I am king of the world….

11885761_1699758493591972_4048904219548415199_o

Anyways, in today’s episode we are going to learn about what you can do when you can’t get an ex boyfriend to respond to you.

And our guest today is a woman by the name of Erica who finds herself in this exact predicament. Lets take a look at her situation,

Erica’s Situation

  • Her and her boyfriend broke up a month ago
  • The reason for the breakup = him not knowing what he wants in life
  • Erica wanted a commitment
  • Did the no contact rule for 25 days
  • After no contact her ex responded in a positive manner but then she couldn’t get him to respond after that
  • Worries her ex no longer even cares about her

What This Episode Covers

  • I talk about the 3 no contact rules
  • Why an ex boyfriend won’t respond to you via text message
  • The two types of texts you can send to get him to respond
  • The “nuclear football” method to get him to respond
  • No seriously… the nuclear football method
  • My new E-Book
Is There A Chance Your Ex Will Take You Back?
Take The Quiz

Important Links Mentioned In This Episode

Transcription

(Special shout out to Amor who did our transcript this week! Thanks Amor!!)

Emcee:

Welcome to the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast! Where we help you get your ex back and have the fairy tale ending you deserve! And now, your host, he’s been dubbed as the ex-whisperer, Chris Seiter!

Chris Seiter:

Welcome to another episode of the ex-boyfriend recovery podcast. Today we’re going to be hearing from a woman named Erica but before I get that, I have a special announcement to make. I don’t know if you’ve known this but, I have actually been writing a new e-book specifically about the no contact rule and I’m almost done with it which I cannot tell you how excited I am. Recently, I wrote another book called The Texting Bible which did really well. A lot of people were just asking me, “What text should I send in this situation?” or, “What text should I send in that situation?” So, I wrote an entire book full of 250+ text messages to send in just about any situation I could think of.

The No Contact Rule Book that I’m working on right now, basically covers everything you’ll ever need to know about the no contact rule and my thinking or my line of thinking on how someone should do the no contact rule has changed. When I first started the website I always recommended a 30 day no contact rule and how you had to stick to the 30 no contact rule no matter what. Well, as I grew up more in this niche and as I’ve learned more about people’s situations, I came to notice that staying strict to a 30 day no contact rule the entire time isn’t necessarily the smartest way to play it. There are some situations where you have no choice but to break the no contact rule.

So, basically this book is just going to cover any kind of question that you’ll ever have about the no contact rule and I’m super excited about it because I don’t think I’ve ever written anything this comprehensive. I don’t think anyone’s ever written anything this comprehensive about the no contact rule. So, just keep an eye out for that. Like I said, I can’t tell you how excited I am. Also, I want to give a special shout out or thanks to Amor. She’s going to be transcribing this episode which you can find on the exboyfriendrecovery.com website and also we just added a new customer service rep to handle all the customer service emails that I get and I cannot say how proud I am of these two members: Amor and Leia; who is our customer service rep who just—she just started last week. I can’t tell you how proud I am because they pretty much respond to everyone who asks a question. Amor responds to people on the website and Leia responds to people who ask questions through email or through the newsletter or stuff like that and they’ve been doing a phenomenal job.

I’ve noticed a lot of people are really, really happy and you know, that’s kind of our motto here at ex-boyfriend recovery. We just want to help everyone who has a question. Everyone deserves to be attended to and I don’t know where else you could really find that when it comes to getting an ex back or getting over an ex or recovery or anything of that nature online right now. I mean there are forums out there that you know—that people respond to your questions but there’s no one really expert wise responding to people. And you know my wife is in charge of the YouTube channel. So, she answers people there. I kind of take time to write all the content, obviously come up with all the ideas, write all the books and everything. I also comment on exboyfriendrecovery, my other website exgirlfriendrecovery, and the Youtube channel but I’ve got specific people for customer service through email—through support emails and for the websites: exboyfriendrecovery and exgirlfriendrecovery. Obviously this is—you’re listening to this probably on exboyfriendrecovery because I don’t have a podcast for exgirlfriendrecovery but it’s pretty awesome. Everyone gets answered now and I always kind of felt bad about that in the past because no one would really get answered after a certain amount of time because it was just so overwhelming for me. I mean writing the content itself, doing the research for the articles, coming up with the ideas isn’t necessarily a short task. It takes a long time. Weeks in fact sometimes. So, the fact that people are getting attended to is just music to my ears but I’ve rambled on too long as I typically do. So, let’s just get right to it. Today we’re going to hear from Erica.

Erica:

Hi Chris,

My name is Erica and me and my boyfriend broke up about a month ago and it wasn’t a bad breakup. It was a really calm break up and the reason for breaking up is that he said he didn’t know what he wanted in his life right now and I want more commitment. I want to know that we’re working towards some type of future together but he just won’t say it. He says he doesn’t know. Anyways, so I used the no contact rule for about 25 days and I texted him. He was really excited to hear from me. Texted me within seconds and said he wanted to see me but I haven’t heard from him from the past couple of days. I’m not sure what to do. I know you say 30 days. I don’t know if I should do the no contact rule all over again and stick to the 30 days or—and I don’t really know what he’s doing. So, I’m not really sure what to do. So, let me know what you think. Thank you.

Chris:

Well, thanks Erica for you know, sending the voice mail over and everything. I know that takes a lot of courage. So, just want to take a moment to praise you for having the courage to ask for help. It’s interesting, recently I did a study more of like for my own internal purposes. Also, I’m writing another e-book but I’m not going to tell you about that yet. But I did kind of a survey of the comments. I took a hundred comments from ex-boyfriend recovery and my other website, ex-girlfriend recovery and I looked at what kind of questions were being asked. And without a doubt, the number one question was, “Do I have a chance?” But the number two question not by a lot, was, “What do I do next?” which is kind of the question that you are having right now Erica.

So, I’m going to tell you. Here’s what you’re going to do next. But first, let’s do a quick recap of your situation. So, you broke up a month ago. So, break up is pretty, relatively soon. You said it wasn’t a bad breakup and it was relatively calm and I’m assuming you’ve experienced other breakups that you have not had calm breakups with so, this seems like it was a pretty calm breakup, if there is such a thing as that. And also he claims not to know what he wants in his life right now. That’s sort of his reasoning for breaking up with you which, ironically I hear that a lot too. Like I said, when I did that survey of the hundred questions that came up a lot. You know men trying to say, “I don’t know what I want in my life right now. It’s not you, it’s me.” It’s something always relating to them. I’m not quite sure what to make of that but I guess we can cover that a little bit later. She—Erica said, she wants a commitment. So, let’s read between the lines here and just get everything on the table. She wants the type of relationship that will lead to a marriage someday. That’s how any man is going to take it. She also did the no contact rule for 25 days which is pretty good. I’ll get to that in a second. And after the no contact rule he responded really positively but after a few days he went cold turkey and no matter what she does, she cannot get a response from him.

So, here’s what I’m going to teach you to day Erica or all the people listening. Here’s what you’re going to do to get an ex-boyfriend to respond to you the vast majority of the time. Now, can I guarantee that an ex-boyfriend is going to respond to you EVERY time that you reach out to him? No, but you show me the person that says they can guarantee that and I’ll show you a liar because there’s no one on earth that can guarantee that they can make someone respond to you a 100% of the time. Nevertheless, what we can do is get close to perfection. We can get close to getting him to respond to you 100% of the time. So, we’re not going to be shooting for the strategy to get a man to respond to you every single time that you reach out to him. That’s what our goal ultimately will be but we cannot come up with the strategy like that. All we can do is come up with a strategy that will raise your chances of having him respond to your text messages.

First things first, let’s take a look at Erica’s situation. She said she did the no contact rule for 25 days and she admitted that she kind of broke it a little bit early but I would say that depends on the type of no contact rule you’re doing. As you’re going to learn in my book, I recommend three types of no contact rules: The 21 day rule, The 30 day rule and The 45 day rule. Now, there’s different situations that I would recommend for the 21 day rule versus the 45 day rule but assuming Erica—which I’m assuming she started out doing the 30 day rule or she– you know at the beginning of the no contact period, when she decided, “Hey, I’m going to ignore him for x amount of days.” She determined 30 days was going to equal x. So, by that standard, she did break the no contact rule a little early but you also have to keep in mind, if there’s a 21 day rule technically she went above and beyond that. So, I’m not quite sure what to make of it other than if you—I’m not thinking it’s too much of a big deal, looking at the reasoning that he cited for the breakup. So, I honestly —I’m not going to criticize her too much here because I think she should have probably been doing the 21 day rule instead of the 30 day rule. So, she went 25 days and here comes the next important part. The no contact rule seemed to work. Every time she reached out to him, he seemed to be exciting but she wasn’t exciting enough. And that’s what we’re going to talk about right now.

Why wouldn’t her ex-boyfriend respond to her? She got a positive response after the no contact rule but if you look at it logically, it makes sense. She ignored him for 25 days. I’m assuming he reached to her and was trying to figure out, “Like hey, what the heck is going on? Why aren’t you responding to my messages? Or why have you dropped off the face of the earth?” I’m assuming that happened. So, when he did hear from her after the 25 days that she did do. He was obviously really excited and responded fast and responded positively but just getting a response isn’t good enough. You have to hold a man’s interest and that comes down to your ability to hold a conversation which, I’m going to talk about in a moment. Right now, the predicament that Erica’s in is that she can’t get him to respond to her messages anymore. It seems like he went cold turkey completely. Like he was real responsive at first, and then bam! All of a sudden, nope. Not anymore. So, what can she do?

What can she do to get him to respond? The thing you have to understand is, I don’t think she should go back into the no contact rule and I don’t think she should start over from square one. I think she’s already done the no contact rule and every time you redo the no contact rule, it loses its effectiveness a little bit. And remember according to the habit rule, which I talked about a lot in this podcast and on my website. It takes 66 days on average for a human being to make or break a habit so, technically speaking it would only take him 66 days to get out of the habit of thinking about you Erica. So, going back into the no contact rule I’m not sure it’s going to help you in this case. I think you’ve already made enough progress to try to restart the conversation and hold the conversation. I’m going to teach you a method for that a little bit later.

First things first, let’s talk about what you can do to restart a conversation. Now, there’s a lot of things you can do. There’s a lot of text messages you can send. Let’s talk first though before I get into the text messages about what you should do. Should you text him or should you call him? I always vote text because, according to the value chain that I teach, you want to start off with the no contact rule and then after the no contact rule you contact him in a low risk way and that’s text messaging. And then after you build enough attraction through text messaging, you advance over to the calling phase and then obviously after you advance to the calling phase and you build enough attraction in the calling phase, you move over to, you guessed it, dating. One on one dates where you really make some progress and try to get that commitment from him. So, texting is what you need to do Erica. But what type of texts can you send? That’s a good question. I have two text messages that I recommend women send to catch a man’s attention.

The first type of text messages is something I like to call, less is more method. Have you ever heard that phrase, “There’s brilliance in brevity.”? Basically what that phrase means is less is more. You don’t have to use $10 words. You don’t have to use a thousand words to explain something really simply or to get a super awesome result and that’s what this text message encompasses. Alright?

So, here’s the less is more method. You want to make a statement that’s curious that will make him want to respond to you. Here’s an example of that. Let’s say that I’m texting your ex-boyfriend and I’m a woman. Maybe I should do a voice. “Okay. This is the Chris voice. I’m texting the ex-boyfriend. Okay, here’s what I’m going to text. I have a confession to ma–” Okay, this is ridiculous. I can’t even hold a straight face! Okay, let’s pretend I’m a woman and I’m texting your ex-boyfriend. Here’s what you’re going to text.

“I have a confession to make…”

Well, anyone who gets that is going to immediately jump to a conclusion like, “What the heck? What kind of confession do you have to make? I have to know.” And here’s the rest with, the I have a confession text. You have to have a compelling confession and most of the time, you don’t. It’s a great tactic but you have to have a compelling confession to make that’s not going to be negative and most of the time women and men can’t think of a confession to make that’s positive or negative. So, here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to use the principle of, the I have a confession text. Something really simple but really mysterious and kind of switch it around. So, here’s the text message that I think you should send. It’s kind of a variation of the I have a confession text.

“You’re never going to believe what I saw today…”

“Well, what did you see today?” He’s going to wonder to himself as he looks at this text message. “Could have it been Superman? No, Superman doesn’t exist. What the heck could she have seen? Is it relating to me? I have to know.” And then he’ll respond to you. But here’s the thing, if that doesn’t work, you can take this a level deeper. There’s one thing I know about people. It’s that people love to talk about themselves or they love to be praised. So, what you can do is take this template. This, I have a confession to make template. Again, don’t send I have a confession to make. Just the idea of a text like that. You know the—you’re not going to be believe what I saw today… Something mysterious, something open ended that makes him wonder or want you to fill in the blanks. But related to him, make it about him because he’ll always want to hear about himself. So, what’s an example? Well, you could try something like:

“There’s been something I’ve been meaning to tell you…”

That doesn’t quite pack the punch as I have a confession to make but it’s curious enough and it relates to him enough to where he’ll want to respond to it. So, that’s basically the less is more method in a nutshell.

Now, let’s talk about the second type of method. The second method is I like to call the knowledge approach. Now, when it comes to human beings everyone has their interesting little quirks or everyone has interests that they’ll talk about no matter what. I’ll use an example. My wife will talk about our child together and hot air balloons and sometimes Paris, no matter what. So, if I bring those up, she’ll get excited and she will respond to me. So, you need to do the same type of thing with your ex-boyfriend. Pull out a piece of paper right now and try to figure out what kind of likes does he have? What interests him so much that he’ll always respond to you or always respond to? Me, I think I’m really nerdy in the fact that I’ll respond to Game of Thrones or anything TV related or movie related that I really like a lot. So, any TV shows that I’m really into like House of Cards or any kind of movie I’m really into like Star Wars or something. If you bring that up, I’ll go like, “Oh, oh, Star Wars! That’s Awesome! I can’t believe—did you see the latest movie? That one scene?” I’ll just get going and going and going and that’s the idea here. We need to find those topics that will always interest your ex. Now, here’s the problem. You cannot pick a topic that you think he’s interested in. You have to pick a topic that you know a 100% with certainty he’s interested in and it can’t be boring okay. I’m trying to think an example of a boring topic that I like but wouldn’t respond to.

Well, I think off the top of my head, uhm, exes. If someone were to bring up an ex -boyfriend or an ex-girlfriend in front of me, I wouldn’t respond to it immediately because to be honest I’m tired of it a lot and it’s work for me. In my free time I like kind of relaxing and not thinking about work so much. So, if someone brings up work related things to me, I’m pretty sure I’m not going to respond to it but if they bring up something I’m really into that I believe for, I’ll respond to it. So, let’s use my wife as an example when I create this mock text over this podcast. I already told you that there’s three things I think she’d respond to: our child, hot air balloon and Paris. So, here’s what I would do. If I wanted her to really respond to a text from me, I would say something like—this is kind of maybe going a little too far. I hope you understand this but I would combine the two methods. I would use less is more method and the knowledge approach. So, I would start off my text message with this. I would say—you know, I’d text her and I’d go:

“You’re not going to believe what happened to me…”

Well to that she’d go, “What happened to you?” Then I would say something like:

“I had a dream about Lily (which is our baby). She was in a hot air balloon traveling over Paris and we were chasing her and couldn’t get her. ”

So, that basically combined her three interests in a dream and used both methods. Do you see how that works? So, remember my wife’s three responses that she get really into are: hot air balloons, our child, and Paris. I basically said I had a dream about our child being in a hot air balloon riding over Paris and we couldn’t catch her. Well, she going to respond to that and then that brings us to the next point. Getting him to respond to a text message or using the text messages I just taught you isn’t enough. It will never be enough. You need to consistently get him to respond and that’s why I’m going to teach you about the nuclear football. Now, do you know what the nuclear football is? It’s basically the satchel or briefcase that The President of the United States or a person assigned to The President of the United States will carry along with him or her. And it basically contains launch codes for nuclear missiles in case the POTUS, the President of the United States, needs to launch a nuclear missile attack and he’s not in a place where he can give the command or something. It’s a nuclear football. It’s sort of like the be-all end-all, the ace in the hole type of thing. But you need an ace in the hole. You need a nuclear football. So, what I’m going to do now, is give you your nuclear football.

So, there are four parts to this method. Alright so, you get him to respond, that is part one. Getting and ex-boyfriend to respond is part one. Good. That’s what this whole podcast episode is about but that’s not enough. You need to go deeper. Then after he responds you need to spark a conversation and add value to the conversation. Interest him with a crazy story or something interesting that he didn’t know before. Something that he’ll never forget for the rest of his life. You need an example? I’ll give you an example using my own life.

About 10 years ago, I had the most curios case of déjà vu. Now, if you don’t know déjà vu, it means—or rather if you don’t know what déjà vu, it means—-boy I’m just having a trouble! It’s not even a tongue twister and I’m having trouble. Okay, if you don’t know what déjà vu is, it simply means seeing the same thing over again. It’s a French word that kind of means that.
So, 10 years ago, I was a sophomore in high school and I was 16 years old. So, at 16 years old I was a sophomore in high school and the most curious thing happened to me. Now the thing you have to understand about me at that time is I was really into baseball. I had great a support system in the fact that my dad would always pick me up after school and we would go out and practice pitching. I was a really good pitcher. So, we practiced pitching and he would get there and catch me and you know we’d do that for a few hours and practice hitting and I was on the baseball team. So, that’s how that worked. Every single day, where you just drill over and over and over again. There was this one day that always stuck out to me. This déjà vu day. I was pitching to him one day and all of sudden in the distance I see this cloud. So, that’s strange that cloud. So, you know he throws the ball back, I catch the ball, I get the ball, wind up, I pitch another pitch, he throws the ball back, I look up again and that cloud got a little bit closer. I didn’t think anything of it. There’s probably some smoke coming by. So, I wind up, pitch again, he catches the ball, throws the ball back to me, I catch again. Damn, that cloud is getting really close and then all of a sudden I realized, “Wait. That’s not a cloud. That cloud is buzzing. Holy mo—those are bees!”

It was a swarm of bees and they were heading right toward us. So, immediately I get the ball and say, “Dad, dad, dad look behind you.” There are a swarm of bees coming and this cloud was gigantic. So, we did the only thing that you would expect to do in that situation. We ran to the car and hid in the car as the swarm of bees went over us and that was that. Interesting experience. I’ve never seen those swarm of bees in my life up to that point.

A week later, something happens. Something very curious. So, a week later—another thing you need to know about me is not only did I do baseball. I was also on the track team. Anyways, so a week later I was at track practice one day and we were running around and all of a sudden we were running and I noticed that everyone was ducking or crouching or going off to the side. I’m like “What the heck is wrong with these people?” I didn’t quite comprehend it until I looked up and realized it was a swarm of bees and a swarm of bees was heading right towards me. So, again I did the only thing that I could think to do in that situation. I ran my ass off. I ran so far and here’s the funny thing. I didn’t have a shirt on either and they were right behind me. So, I’m sprinting as fast as I humanly can and I feel them hitting my back. It is the most crazy thing I have ever experienced. I’m running. I’m running. I’m running. In fact I ran so far, I ran across the school into the girls’ soccer team but by that time the bees weren’t chasing me anymore. So, here you have me being chased by bees and running into the middle of a girls’ soccer practice yelling, “There are bees! There are bees everywhere!” and then I turn around there’s no bees.

So, that is why I didn’t get date in high school. Haha! No, I’m just kidding. But that bee story, that was a really weird case of déjà vu. I mean pitching a week before this incident at the school happened and then a week a later another case of déjà vu but the same bees. It felt like they were following me around. Of course I got made fun of for the rest of my time in high school for that and people were saying that I broke records with how fast I ran and jokingly of course. So, then never let me live that down but interesting story nevertheless.
Do you see how that story adds value to a conversation? These are the kind of conversations or stories that you need to be telling to your ex. Make him want to hear more and then that brings us to third part of the strategy. So, just to recap the first part of the nuclear football is to get him to get him to respond. Second part is telling a story or adding immense value to the conversation, something that he won’t forget. And the third part is ending the conversation at the high point. It’s simple math. If you end the conversation at the high point, the point when the conversation won’t get any better, you will leave your ex-boyfriend wanting more. And then what’s likely to happen when that happens? He’ll reach out to you and want to talk to you again or rather he’ll respond to you when you reach out and talk to him again because, wow, the last that he remembers is you telling this incredible story. And then that leads us to the fourth part of our strategy: doing the whole thing over again.

Imagine it like a circle. On the top of the circle you have responding, getting you ex to respond. Halfway down the circle to the right side, you have value, adding value to the conversation. And then to the left side of the circle but still a little farther down, you have ending the conversation at the high point and then close to the top of the circle again you have re-doing the process over again. So, the more you do this, the more the circle continues or rather this wheel continues to revolve, the higher the chances that you’ll get of him responding to your text messages but really the cool part about this strategy is you don’t want to have to reach out first. You want him to reach out first. And that’s what this strategy can accomplish. Just keep doing this strategy over and over again Erica and I promise you, your chances that he will respond to you will drastically increase. Now, it really all hinges on you adding value to the conversation and I think that’s where you went wrong. I think you didn’t add enough value for him to prioritize you because if a man is in love with you or if a man is really into you, he will make time for you no matter what. Trust me, I would go outside of work to talk to my wife. I love her. But your ex-boyfriend not responding to you means you didn’t add enough conversation value. So, work on that. Use the nuclear football method. Work on getting text messages that are worth responding to and you’ll have more success.

So, this was the latest episode of the ex-boyfriend recovery podcast. Had a lot of fun recording it and I hope you get a lot of value out of it. If you have any questions please contact me at www.exboyfriendrecovery.com . You can ask a question in the comments section. You will eventually get responded to a 100% of the time now because I built an entire team around the website or if you have a question, you can obviously email me at [email protected] . And one last thing, if you enjoyed this podcast, I please—I please. Oh boy. Maybe that’s not the right time to screw up when you’re asking someone to subscribe to you but anyways I’m going to ask you anyways. If you like the podcast, please subscribe to us on Itunes and give us a positive review if you like what you (heard). Even if it’s negative and you hate the podcast with every fiber of your being. Well, channel that fiber of the being into telling everyone about it on Itunes. I appreciate you either way. This is Chris Seiter from exboyfriendrecovery signing out.

Emcee:

Thanks for listening to the ex-boyfriend recovery podcast at www.exboyfriendrecovery.com

What to Read Next

Why Your Ex Is Hardwired To Care About You

By Chris Seiter | 0 comments

Why Is My Ex Silent After A Breakup?

By Chris Seiter | 0 comments

How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Back

By Chris Seiter | 2733 comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

354 thoughts on “EBR 041: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Doesn’t Respond To You”

  1. Avatar

    Hikesurfpray

    September 5, 2018 at 6:53 am

    Thanks Chris

  2. Avatar

    Hikesurfpray

    September 4, 2018 at 5:44 pm

    Its been 3 months, we have met up three times since the break up. All went well until i asked on the last meet up about us. He flipped out and said he thought we could be friends and he doesnt want to speak to me ever again. His actions are matching his words because he wont reply to me. I ve started no contact, day 1 over. His birthday is in 21 days should i contact him on his bday? We have broken up before but never this long with no talking. We are together on and off four years. We use to work together so we would always end up speaking but we both got new jobs in order to save money to move in together. So hes taking advantage of not seeing me everyday to ignore me. Before we broke up, i met his kids and he met my family. His idea then we had a stupid fight then this! Iam on holidays right now so posting loads of fun holiday snaps that all his friends are liking, even one of me with a new haircut. But all i can think of is him hence the text which has just made me feel worse since i got no reply. Super anxious!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 4, 2018 at 9:17 pm

      Hey there…..sorry you are anxious. Its part of dealing with breakups, but there are things you can do to reduce your anxiety. I get into all of that in my 247 page ebook, “The No Contact Rule Book”. It will also help you with how long you NC period should and all of the adaptations you can make to the process.

  3. Avatar

    Lauren

    January 11, 2018 at 11:00 pm

    Hi,

    I’m in a similar situation. My boyfriend and I mutually broke up a little over a month ago. He also was having a “I don’t know what I want in my life moment” and we’d gotten quite serious. I want him back. I did 3 weeks of no contact, with the intent to do 4, but he ended up reaching out after 3 weeks. He just wanted to say hi and comment on the Rose Bowl. We continued to text about every other day for about an hour or so with about 15 to 20 texts back and forth of equal length. He initiated about half the time and came close to saying “i miss you,” but kind of beat around the bush. I’ve initiated texting the last two times. Yesterday, I texted him an article about Zermatt (a place he and I recently visited and loved and talk about a lot), and he has not responded. Do I wait and try again in a few days? Help. Thanks.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 14, 2018 at 8:25 pm

      Hi Lauren,

      restart nc.. this time don’t reply if he initiates in your 30 day period.. be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media..

  4. Avatar

    Sarah

    January 11, 2018 at 7:06 pm

    I was in a long distance relationship with this guy. Over a little month ago we got into a huge fight and in the heat of the moment we broke up. I went immediately in no contact, he hasnt reached out to me as well. After 34 days of no contact I initiated contact, i sent him a text message just like a friend. When i sent him he came online and did read it.. but no response at all. That happened yesterday. I didnt send anything again. What do I do now?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 11, 2018 at 7:54 pm

      Hi Sarah,

      Aside from following the advice above, check this one too:
      The Stages of Not Getting a Text Back From Your Ex and How to Survive Them

  5. Avatar

    Sarah

    January 11, 2018 at 3:20 pm

    I was in a long distance relationship with this guy, a little over a month ago we got into a huge fight and in the heat of the moment we broke up. I immediately went into no contact, till yesterday. So about 34 days no contact, he didn’t reach out as well and yesterday I initiated contact, I wrote him a text just like a friend. He immediately read my text but didn’t respond at all. What do I do now?

  6. Avatar

    Wren

    November 7, 2017 at 4:28 am

    Hi I have posted on here before but I will repost my situation. my ex of 6 years broke up with me because he said he was unhappy. hard for me to believe since he stayed in it for so long. i found out i was pregnant after the break up and then i miscarried. i didn’t tell him until after the fact because i was unsure of what he might say or do. i did some things that i’m not proud of. i incessantly called and texted him, drunk called him, and showed up at his house unannounced and uninvited to give him stuff back. he has blocked my number again and will not unblock me. i haven’t spoken with him in over 4 months. i wrote him a letter about 4 months ago saying something about the pregnancy and miscarriage but i am not sure if he even read the letter, so i didn’t get a response. then i messaged him two weeks later saying that i was sorry for my behavior and that i would like to talk before i move. then i messaged him a few weeks before i moved to a new city saying that i’d like to talk again and give him some things of his back, again no response. i have been messaging him on social media since he has blocked my number. i know that i haven’t acted right but he hasn’t either and i want a chance at reconciliation. i messaged him a few days before i left for school saying that i would like to give him his things back and that i would like some closure and would like to discuss the pregnancy and miscarriage. but he won’t even acknowledge me and i just don’t think he is being fair. he says that he knows what he wants in the future but no one knows what he/she wants in the future, not even him. it’s unfair of him to say that. his demeanor changed when i got into grad school in the same place where he wanted to go to grad school and he got wait listed. he broke up with me 3 weeks after i got into grad school where he wanted to go. i want to work things out, i want him back, and i want him back now. i found out he is seeing someone else and i lost my cool and i got his family involved and i just wasn’t thinking very clearly and i was just so upset and angry. i have since then cut off contact with them and i have been in therapy for quite sometime and will continue to be in therapy. i cannot handle the fact that he may never talk to me again. he does not get a free pass to act like this and things need to be discussed. i want him back. I am not sure if he is still with this new person, I am too afraid to look on social media to see if he is because I do not want to have another mental breakdown. All I want is him back. That is all. I am tired of people telling me to take care of myself, I have done that and I want a second chance. I have since this apologized to his mom but not his sister. As for him, I have tried to apologize but I am continuously ignored. I heard that he wasn’t seeing the new girl anymore and I want to reach out to him but I don’t know how to reach out in a way to get him to respond to me. I want to rekindle things. I haven’t reached out to him since I moved to a new city for school which was over 2 months ago. I want him back and I need your help. i texted his mom thursday and said “i hope that your son and i can talk one day too and wish him well” and she didn’t respond either. i messaged him last week via txt and my number wasn’t blocked because the message went through. all i said was “hope you’re doing well. i was just thinking about you.” no response. i understand that he may not know what to say to me or he may be doing other things but 6 years is not a freaking joke and i just want him back. i know he’s not acting right. i cannot explain why i want him back, i just do.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 8, 2017 at 6:11 pm

      Hi Wren,

      We can’t say we can give what you want, just because you want it.. That’s like saying yes to a spoiled brat, which I know you know you’re not.. Yes, you are desperate, yes, you want him back badly, but ask yourself too, if he blocked you and his mom is not responding, does it look like continuing chasing is attractive? No right? That’s good that you’re in therapy, keep attending to it and be honest with your therapist even if you know you’re not going to hear what you want to hear.. Yeah 6 years is long, he still might have feelings for you but continuing chasing him is pushing him away because desperation is never attractive.

  7. Avatar

    Jellyhearts

    September 11, 2017 at 12:32 pm

    Hi, I broke up with my bf 1.5 months ago. Did the no contact rule for 18 days before he called to explain why we broke up. And then no contact for another 22 days. I sent him a text with a link to a song from a band he likes and he didn’t reply or read the message. How long do I wait before I text again?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 14, 2017 at 1:15 pm

      That’s probable.. Initiate after a week..

  8. Avatar

    Megan

    June 12, 2017 at 5:30 pm

    Hi –

    My BF and I went on a break for 3.5 weeks, but then he broke up with me because he said I didnt give him enough space, became too possessive and was aggressive (some true some not). That was 5 weeks ago, and we haven’t spoken in 24 days, and on the last day he was angry but said he would reach out to me to be just friends when he was done with a big work project, and until then didn’t want to speak to me (the work project doesn’t really have a set end date – could be two months, could be 9). I sent him a text a couple days ago saying I saw a film this week that reminded me of him (he loves movies, and the film was about his work), that i hope his work was going well and coming together. He never replied, I never sent another 🙁 What do I do? Should I wait a couple more months?

    1. Avatar

      Megan

      June 14, 2017 at 10:30 pm

      I’ve lost 20 lbs since the last time we saw each other face-to-face (this was almost three months ago – we went on a break 9 weeks ago, we officially broke up like 5.5 weeks ago, we haven’t spoken in about 3.5 weeks). More out of heartbreak than trying but I look good. I didn’t post anything for almost 2 months, and since I’ve posted about 5 pictures, and 4 other status updates. All happy, fun things.

      We were together for 8 months. During our “break” the longest I went without attempting to talk to him was 1 week. Since we broke up, I did NC for 22 days. We have been in a bad place now for almost 3 months.

      Yesterday I emailed him (2 days after he didn’t respond to my film text), about a topic he knows a lot about that was sort of related to something I was working on and he responded! Very formally, almost as if he was an expert responding to a stranger, but it was an hour after I emailed him, and it was a whole paragraph. I waited three hours and responded on the same subject, but he never replied.

      I know he’s not seeing anyone else, and hasn’t.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 17, 2017 at 6:06 am

      you probably still appear like you’re chasing him.. 22 days is too short.. you have to do at least 45 days and if he didn’t reply to text, don’t email.. it just looks like you’re desperate to talk to him..

    3. Avatar

      Megan

      June 14, 2017 at 10:22 pm

      I’ve lost 20 lbs since the last time we saw each other face-to-face (almost 3 months ago, even though we spoke 3.5 weeks, and officially broke up 5.5 weeks ago – we went on a break before that). Not neccessarily because I needed to, but because I’m miserable. But I look REALLY good. He’s more so into people’s minds than how they look though. I planned a lot of trips, and I have read every bit of literature I could related to our situation and his personally.

      We were together for 8 months. He asked to be on a break for 3.5 weeks, and I didn’t fully abide by it (which made him angry) – the longest I went without contacting him during that period was 1 week. Since our break-up, I’ve done NC once – for 22 days.

      I sent him an email yesterday, two days after the film text he didn’t respond to, one related to a topic he knows about that was broadly related to my work and he responded after an hour! It was a very formal response, but it was well thought out, like he was interested (but sort of mechanical – almost like he was replying to a stranger who had asked an expert for advice on a subject). I waited three hours and replied to his email, about the same topic, but he never responded.

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 14, 2017 at 11:32 am

      How much did you improve and how active were you in posting during nc? How long have you been together and how many times have you done nc?

  9. Avatar

    laura

    April 24, 2017 at 2:24 pm

    Please help me. i was friends with my ex for a few years before i fell in love with him, then we went on 2 dates and he said that he didn’t want to go on anymore dates with me. Six months later we became boyfriend and girlfriend. We dated for over a year and a month ago he broke up with me, He called me to explain his issues with the relationship and i didn’t know that at the time and i got so scared that i din’t know what to say. he said he was acting like a tv bf for me and i don’t want that i love him for him and i would do anything to make him happy. My friends told me recently that he thought i was obsessed with him but i know that i am really not. a week after the breakup i called him to apologize for all the mistakes i made and he said “what do you want” and i said “i want you to forgive me and i hope we can still be friends” and he said that he forgives me and that we can. Two days after that phone call one of my friends told me that he said he will never get back together with me. After that i started a no contact period which ended 3 days ago. I sent him a video over facebook and said “hey I saw this and my news feed and thought you’d find this funny” when it ended and he saw it and he didn’t respond. When should i contact him again? What should i do to get him back? what should i do to prove i’m not obsessed? what should i do with everything he got me i’ve been hiding them but i don’t know how long i should keep hiding them?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 29, 2017 at 8:22 pm

      You need to wait a week. If he still doesn’t reply, wait two weeks before trying for the last time.

  10. Avatar

    Stephanie

    March 23, 2017 at 11:26 pm

    I broke up with my ex over a year ago, and I reached out to him about a month ago to get back. He actually responded positively – we met up, and he told me he misses me and still loves me – but that he was very hurt when we broke up and that I was a horrible person. He said the only way he will get back with me is if we get couples therapy together. I agreed. But he said he was dating a girl for 5 months and on the verge of breaking up. He said he needs time to break up with her, but said that I can still text him. Same night after we met up, he texted and said he wanted to hang out again. I said no because he was still dating someone, then we got into more text discussion about how he needs me to be a better person. He agrees he needs to work on himself too, but he kept being pretty hostile about how horrible I was so I ended with “I hope this hostility doesn’t continue when we start again.” He stopped responding, and it has been almost two weeks since he last texted or contacted. I texted him about a week ago just to say hi and wish him a nice week. Again nothing. I’m not sure what happened and what I should do now..

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 26, 2017 at 11:12 am

      Hi Stephanie,
      restart the count.. focus in improving yourself and check this one:
      My Boyfriend Says He Wants To Date Me and Another Girl

  11. Avatar

    Debbie

    January 2, 2017 at 8:59 pm

    I was in a long distance relationship. He ended it because of the distance. I found out via social media on day 25 of NC that he is dating someone local who is quite a bit younger than he and I are. I’m comfortable that she’s a “filler” bc he has known her a long time, has always been local, and he still pursued me even though I lived at a distance. I waited until day 30 and sent the first text to him and I think it was a pretty good one based on all the guidance I’ve read. 3 days later I have no reply. How long do I wait to contact him again? And what sort of text should I send since he didn’t reply to a text when I mentioned one of his favorite hobbies/passions? Thank you!

    1. Avatar

      Debbie

      January 5, 2017 at 10:16 pm

      Thanks for your reply and for the link to that episode (although it was depressing to read!). As it turns out I got a message back from him yesterday . He explained that he had been in Europe (where his family lives) and had just gotten the message. Right as we were breaking up his dad had major surgery to remove a clot from his brain. I know the advice is to be upbeat and clever but it felt disingenuous so I asked him how his dad was. He explained that he is not well, has lost 50 lbs and never even woke to speak to him. Today I wrote him again and said I was praying for his dad as well as him and his son. Along with “Big long hug” with the hugging heart emoji (that was kind of our thing. He texted back his thanks and appreciation for my prayers and thoughts and also texted back “Big Hug” with the hugging hearts emoji.

      Btw – my first text to him was “I just got to Vegas for the weekend and you wouldn’t believe the line of Maseratis I saw” He’s a total car guy and Maserati is his favorite.

      According to the guidelines, I should not text tomorrow – how do I proceed after that given his dad’s health? Do I mix it up with something lighter?

      Thanks for your reply,

      Debbie

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 7, 2017 at 5:53 am

      I agree that you have to adjust your text to his situation. So, that you wouldn’t seem insensitive. It’s ok to talk about light topics to make him happy too. Like that car topic, it can be a breath of fresh air.

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 5, 2017 at 12:36 pm

      Hi Debbie,

      wait a week. What was the exact text you sent? Have you listened to this one?
      EBR 015: How To Get A Long Distance Boyfriend Back If He Has A New Girlfriend

  12. Avatar

    Lovely

    December 10, 2016 at 1:02 pm

    Please help. He broke up with me 2.5 months ago in which I started NC immediately.. I ran into him last night, had a short pleasant conversation, then I decided to finally send my first text after that. I said “Hey btw I forgot to say congrats on all your work being showcased tonight. I know you put alot into it. I’m super proud of you” In which he said “Thank you so much. That really means a lot. I’m just so happy it all came together. Thank you.” .. i replied “Youre welcome 🙂 I wouldve told you in person but that bartender had to kick us out. woulda been nice to chat a little more” and he replied… “Thank you. Yea the bartender was adamant lol. Definitely would have.” … I stopped responding after that. I do not know if these responses are neutral or if they are positive. how should I move forward?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 13, 2016 at 1:33 pm

      Hi Lovely,

      they’re positive. Try again the next day or two. Use a current topic that is interesting for him..

  13. Avatar

    Leslie

    October 20, 2016 at 3:32 pm

    Hi Amor,

    I broke up with my ex peacefully 2 months ago due to LDR and have completed NC for 2 months. In the meantime I spent time working on myself and enjoying life. I started tide theory texting in the same format after NC as Chris proposed and initially got short but positive responses. Now I’ve gotten to the establishing rapport stage he’s stopped responding but continues to follow my Snapchat stories. Why is he doing this and how can I get him to respond?

    1. Avatar

      Leslie

      October 23, 2016 at 10:15 am

      Hi Amor, it’s been 5 days since he last responded but the Snapchat story following has been ongoing. Initially I attempted a light hearted conversation about his favourite fast food chains but when he didn’t respond I redirected the topic to his recent travels which he lives for…and still nothing. I’m not sure what I’m missing? If he didn’t want to be in contact it seems a bit counterintuitive to keep up to date with my life…? Do I persist in my efforts? Or give it more time? Thanks!

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 23, 2016 at 2:44 pm

      hmmm..maybe there’s something about his vacation that he doesnt want to talk about.. wait two more days before trying again.. and yes, just be active in social media..

    3. Avatar

      Leslie

      October 22, 2016 at 12:46 pm

      He stopped responding after the 5th message. And it’s been 5 days since I attempted to initiate another conversation. The topic was initially light hearted referencing his love of fast food chains etc but when it didn’t encourage conversation I then pivoted to questions on his recent holidays which is what he lives for so if it’s boring…I’m baffled. What would you advise? And should I continue my social media updates? When do I stop posting? Many thanks!

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 22, 2016 at 11:35 am

      Hi Leslie,

      how many days has it been since he stopped responding? Was the topics or conversation getting boring for him?

  14. Avatar

    Anonymous

    September 17, 2016 at 8:44 pm

    Hello! So basically I just finished no contact. I’ve read almost everyone of Chris’s articles because I’m very determined to get my ex back and am willing to do whatever it takes. I constructed the perfect message that sparked his interest, he replied but according to the “UNDERSTANDING WHY YOUR EX BOYFRIEND IS IGNORING YOU” article his response falls under the bad category, then I said I had to go, and he responded (again, his response falls under the bad category, and I didn’t text back. Today I reached out to him again but have not received a response. Please help! I have no idea what to do. I listened to this podcast and I now know how to construct another intriguing message but I don’t know how long I should wait to send it. He didn’t respond today so should I wait a week and try again or in a couple of days? How long should I wait?? Also, if he didn’t respond to my message won’t I be acting like a GNAT if I text him again?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 20, 2016 at 6:02 am

      Hi Anonymous,

      if he didnt respond at first, wait a week. If he didnt respon for the 2nd time, wait two weeks, if he didnt respond again that means you need to move on..What was his reply?

  15. Avatar

    Anne

    September 1, 2016 at 4:17 pm

    Dear Amor,

    Thank you so much for your help
    I’ll follow your advice. Could you please let me know how long of NC that a man won’t lose his feeling for his ex in this situation? I’m sure I’ll be strong enough to follow the game plan.

    1. Avatar

      Anne

      September 2, 2016 at 12:00 pm

      Got it
      Thank you so much for your time Amor : )

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 2, 2016 at 6:04 pm

      You’re welcome!

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 2, 2016 at 10:58 am

      We usually recommend up to 45 days only because the most common number of days to make or break a habit is 66 days, that means the habit of thinking about you. but it’s not a hard rule because what if he already fall out of love for you way before you started nc? That means nc itself is not the answer..

      Well, it’s not really the only answer. It’s just to help you have a restart and to have leverage to change yourself. Just doing nc, won’t solve things if you don’t change yourself. Relying on his feelings alone without changing yourself is useless.

      With you, the most important thing you need to change, regardless of doing nc or not, is being crazy or so hung up about him.. it’s killing the attraction. You can do and compelete nc but if you’re still that crazy with and you didn’t improve, nothing will change too.

  16. Avatar

    Anne

    September 1, 2016 at 1:10 pm

    For another reason Amor, my ex is getting bored of me. Please suggest how I could attract him again. What kind of text message would help on this?
    Thank you very much

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 1, 2016 at 1:38 pm

      Hi Anne,

      you need to stop chasing him.. With how long this has been going on, it’s more likely that he knows you’ll do anything to get him back and he knows how much you’re crazy about him.. YOu have to change that.. Though you can’t control his thoughts, at least influence it.. Change yourself. Do what you haven’t done in many years. Put yourself first, have your own life, be emotionally independent from him before reaching out again.. Date others, do new things and meet new people.

  17. Avatar

    Anne

    September 1, 2016 at 1:45 am

    Hi! Amor and EBR team
    I broke up with my Ex 8 years ago.
    The situation after that was on and off.
    We decided to separate last 5 years coz he’d like to try new relationship. I stopped contacting him. Not over 1 year after that he reached out, I didn’t respond much coz he lost my trust till he reached out again 1 year later that I gave him another chance. We had much better relationship after that till I did worst mistake. I made a very bad lie to him. I started following Chris E-book. It worked really well. Please let him know I said “Thank you so much”. You saved one more couple : )
    However, I think I didn’t calm enough. I was too pushy to get him back after he forgave me and gave a chance of talking like ordinary people (not friends). The situation now is he ignored me, no response, stopped reading my msg. Seem to be disappeared! Before he ignored me this time, he said he’s trying to see someone else. I know he still has feeling for me. There might be some other reasons that he’s not ready to get back ie worrying about job or his changed look or my unattractive messages. I never want to lose him. I’m serious with this guy. Please help me Amor. I don’t know what to do now and next. Don’t know how to get his interest again. I did the 45 days NC. I got him back on speaking term. I lost him again coz I was confused and too needy to get his response. I would love your game plan. Thank you very much

  18. Avatar

    Kathleen

    August 28, 2016 at 10:51 am

    Hi,

    The man I was dating for a couple of months got a job in another country. At first we talked about me maybe by chance finding a job to go in the same area (and other places too), but at least to go visit him. Eventually he dumped me saying he was moving and we shouldn’t get any more serious. He had also said previously that he was confused and that we both were places in our lives where we weren’t sure was going to happen (we were both looking for new careers and moves before meeting). He had gotten distant with me for about 1-2 weeks before the dumping and said he was avoiding me because ‘he was leaving’ and had cancelled some dates to group events that we were supposed to be driving together to at his invite, so I ended up skipping going to the last event at all. He was divorced and around this time his ex was causing a lot of problems and drama with their children, so I wasn’t sure if he was growing cooler because of something with me and what I was doing or problems with her and just life stresses and that of course he was moving really far. I gave him a lot of space before this and did not text him constantly/mostly only in response and tried not to seem clingy and was understanding when he would pull away. A few days after he had dumped me, I had sent a facebook friend request and he declined it in a way that I can’t send a new request. I had just recently opened facebook and was surprised that he didn’t add me, as the break up was not nasty or bad, but I do think he had started dating another girl much younger than us in our circle of acquaintances right after dumping me. I did no contact for a little over 30 days and he moved at the end. He did not reach out during no contact and we saw each other twice during a social setting in large groups. We were both polite and friendly and only said hello/hugged like regular friends. About a week after he left I sent a short <10 line text telling him I hoped his move went well and that he liked it there. He hasn't responded to my text after a couple of days. I am not sure if he has had to get a new phone and number since leaving to another country or is just ignoring me. Since last talking to him, I found that I could possibly have a job through a recruiting agency very close or somewhat close to his area depending on the city, but I am not sure. I thought about sending him an email since I'm not sure if my text was ignored or if the text just hadn't gone through because he might have new phone and number for being in a new country. So, should I try to text again or email him? If I do, should I mention that I might have a job close enough to him or what? I am not sure when the job would come through if it does and for which city or area. I don't want to seem clingy/desperate to him or give him an 'ick not her again' chased feeling or make him worry that I am following him. But also I would like to see him again and reconnect if I were to move to the same vicinity.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 30, 2016 at 4:14 pm

      Hi Kathleen,

      don’t tell him that you might have a job in his new place, because you are right. He might think you’re chasing him.. Give it time before sending an email.. Maybe a week or two

  19. Avatar

    Heather

    July 22, 2016 at 9:51 pm

    Hi!

    My ex and I broke up on June 30th. Starting on July 1st, I entered no contact. In that time he favorited a tweet on social media, has stalked my snapchat, and on day 9 of no contact, texted me asking when we were going to do an open mic in my new city (we’re both comedians). I ignored him initially until he texted me again later and asked if us being friends a was “no-go”. After 24 hours, I told him I needed more time to myself to which he responded that he “100% respected that” and then I went back into no contact immediately. During the remainder of no contact, he continued to stalk my snapchat, favorite various tweets (especially regarding other men) and even went as far as to reach out to me via snapchat a picture of my favorite beverage with the caption, “This will always make me think of you.”

    Yesterday marked 21 days since we broke up. In this time I’ve immersed myself in work, made it a point to branch out and attend events catering to my hobbies and interests, and began working out more frequently to manage my stress and emotions. I know, I know, I broke NC by replying to his text to tell him I needed more time on day 9 and I should have started NC from the beginning the very next day. I actually began to. But yesterday (day 12 of the “new NC” and day 21 of the original NC timespan) I found the perfect opportunity to send my first text to him. I found a piece of our hometown in the new city we both live in. I sent him a picture of said item and made a small joke. He responded as if nothing had ever happened and made a joke about the item as well. It seemed like a positive response in my eyes. I responded probably too soon with another quirky comment and intended on ending the conversation after his next response but he never responded after that. The book mentioned managing my expectations which I thought I did because I honestly didn’t really expect him to respond in the first place, but now I’m stuck on where to go next. I’ll admit I was a little disappointed that I didn’t have a chance to end the conversation on MY terms. So now I feel out of control.

    In the past, I would have already sent him another text trying to initiate conversation with him. This time around I haven’t done that. Instead, I’ve kept myself busy all day and have even made solo plans with myself to go to a new gym after work to work out (a nice little boost to my own endorphins while continuing to work on myself). While I don’t intend on texting him anything else until he responds to that one text (as I assume he’s busy with work, etc.)… I don’t know if I should text him anyway just to nudge forward some more conversation. A small part of me thinks he’s testing me, though. In the past, I was a major GNAT and would text him again if I hadn’t heard from him in a few hours so I’m vaguely thinking that he may be holding off on responding to see how I react and test the waters.

    I’m trying to be patient and keep myself positive because I understand that nothing happens over night but I’m really concerned that I have completely blown my chances.

  20. Avatar

    Heather

    July 22, 2016 at 9:51 pm

    Hi!

    My ex and I broke up on June 30th. Starting on July 1st, I entered no contact. In that time he favorited a tweet on social media, has stalked my snapchat, and on day 9 of no contact, texted me asking when we were going to do an open mic in my new city (we’re both comedians). I ignored him initially until he texted me again later and asked if us being friends a was “no-go”. After 24 hours, I told him I needed more time to myself to which he responded that he “100% respected that” and then I went back into no contact immediately. During the remainder of no contact, he continued to stalk my snapchat, favorite various tweets (especially regarding other men) and even went as far as to reach out to me via snapchat a picture of my favorite beverage with the caption, “This will always make me think of you.”

    Yesterday marked 21 days since we broke up. In this time I’ve immersed myself in work, made it a point to branch out and attend events catering to my hobbies and interests, and began working out more frequently to manage my stress and emotions. I know, I know, I broke NC by replying to his text to tell him I needed more time on day 9 and I should have started NC from the beginning the very next day. I actually began to. But yesterday (day 12 of the “new NC” and day 21 of the original NC timespan) I found the perfect opportunity to send my first text to him. I found a piece of our hometown in the new city we both live in. I sent him a picture of said item and made a small joke. He responded as if nothing had ever happened and made a joke about the item as well. It seemed like a positive response in my eyes. I responded probably too soon with another quirky comment and intended on ending the conversation after his next response but he never responded after that. The book mentioned managing my expectations which I thought I did because I honestly didn’t really expect him to respond in the first place, but now I’m stuck on where to go next. I’ll admit I was a little disappointed that I didn’t have a chance to end the conversation on MY terms. So now I feel out of control.

    In the past, I would have already sent him another text trying to initiate conversation with him. This time around I haven’t done that. Instead, I’ve kept myself busy all day and have even made solo plans with myself to go to a new gym after work to work out (a nice little boost to my own endorphins while continuing to work on myself). While I don’t intend on texting him anything else until he responds to that one text (as I assume he’s busy with work, etc.)… I don’t know if I should text him anyway just to nudge forward some more conversation. A small part of me thinks he’s testing me, though. In the past, I was a major GNAT and would text him again if I hadn’t heard from him in a few hours so I’m vaguely thinking that he may be holding off on responding to see how I react and test the waters.

    I’m trying to be patient and keep myself positive because I understand that nothing happens over night but I’m really concerned that I have completely blown my chances.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 23, 2016 at 10:23 am

      Hi Heather,

      that’s ok.. at least he responded positively at first.. you can text again after 2 days if you like

1 2 3 6