Hey guys guess what time it is?
Yup, it’s time for another episode of “The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast!”
Hold your applause ladies!
I know I am awesome but we don’t want me to get a big head and think I am king of the world….
Anyways, in today’s episode we are going to learn about what you can do when you can’t get an ex boyfriend to respond to you.
And our guest today is a woman by the name of Erica who finds herself in this exact predicament. Lets take a look at her situation,
- Her and her boyfriend broke up a month ago
- The reason for the breakup = him not knowing what he wants in life
- Erica wanted a commitment
- Did the no contact rule for 25 days
- After no contact her ex responded in a positive manner but then she couldn’t get him to respond after that
- Worries her ex no longer even cares about her
What This Episode Covers
- I talk about the 3 no contact rules
- Why an ex boyfriend won’t respond to you via text message
- The two types of texts you can send to get him to respond
- The “nuclear football” method to get him to respond
- No seriously… the nuclear football method
- My new E-Book
Important Links Mentioned In This Episode
(Special shout out to Amor who did our transcript this week! Thanks Amor!!)
Welcome to the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast! Where we help you get your ex back and have the fairy tale ending you deserve! And now, your host, he’s been dubbed as the ex-whisperer, Chris Seiter!
Welcome to another episode of the ex-boyfriend recovery podcast. Today we’re going to be hearing from a woman named Erica but before I get that, I have a special announcement to make. I don’t know if you’ve known this but, I have actually been writing a new e-book specifically about the no contact rule and I’m almost done with it which I cannot tell you how excited I am. Recently, I wrote another book called The Texting Bible which did really well. A lot of people were just asking me, “What text should I send in this situation?” or, “What text should I send in that situation?” So, I wrote an entire book full of 250+ text messages to send in just about any situation I could think of.
The No Contact Rule Book that I’m working on right now, basically covers everything you’ll ever need to know about the no contact rule and my thinking or my line of thinking on how someone should do the no contact rule has changed. When I first started the website I always recommended a 30 day no contact rule and how you had to stick to the 30 no contact rule no matter what. Well, as I grew up more in this niche and as I’ve learned more about people’s situations, I came to notice that staying strict to a 30 day no contact rule the entire time isn’t necessarily the smartest way to play it. There are some situations where you have no choice but to break the no contact rule.
So, basically this book is just going to cover any kind of question that you’ll ever have about the no contact rule and I’m super excited about it because I don’t think I’ve ever written anything this comprehensive. I don’t think anyone’s ever written anything this comprehensive about the no contact rule. So, just keep an eye out for that. Like I said, I can’t tell you how excited I am. Also, I want to give a special shout out or thanks to Amor. She’s going to be transcribing this episode which you can find on the exboyfriendrecovery.com website and also we just added a new customer service rep to handle all the customer service emails that I get and I cannot say how proud I am of these two members: Amor and Leia; who is our customer service rep who just—she just started last week. I can’t tell you how proud I am because they pretty much respond to everyone who asks a question. Amor responds to people on the website and Leia responds to people who ask questions through email or through the newsletter or stuff like that and they’ve been doing a phenomenal job.
I’ve noticed a lot of people are really, really happy and you know, that’s kind of our motto here at ex-boyfriend recovery. We just want to help everyone who has a question. Everyone deserves to be attended to and I don’t know where else you could really find that when it comes to getting an ex back or getting over an ex or recovery or anything of that nature online right now. I mean there are forums out there that you know—that people respond to your questions but there’s no one really expert wise responding to people. And you know my wife is in charge of the YouTube channel. So, she answers people there. I kind of take time to write all the content, obviously come up with all the ideas, write all the books and everything. I also comment on exboyfriendrecovery, my other website exgirlfriendrecovery, and the Youtube channel but I’ve got specific people for customer service through email—through support emails and for the websites: exboyfriendrecovery and exgirlfriendrecovery. Obviously this is—you’re listening to this probably on exboyfriendrecovery because I don’t have a podcast for exgirlfriendrecovery but it’s pretty awesome. Everyone gets answered now and I always kind of felt bad about that in the past because no one would really get answered after a certain amount of time because it was just so overwhelming for me. I mean writing the content itself, doing the research for the articles, coming up with the ideas isn’t necessarily a short task. It takes a long time. Weeks in fact sometimes. So, the fact that people are getting attended to is just music to my ears but I’ve rambled on too long as I typically do. So, let’s just get right to it. Today we’re going to hear from Erica.
My name is Erica and me and my boyfriend broke up about a month ago and it wasn’t a bad breakup. It was a really calm break up and the reason for breaking up is that he said he didn’t know what he wanted in his life right now and I want more commitment. I want to know that we’re working towards some type of future together but he just won’t say it. He says he doesn’t know. Anyways, so I used the no contact rule for about 25 days and I texted him. He was really excited to hear from me. Texted me within seconds and said he wanted to see me but I haven’t heard from him from the past couple of days. I’m not sure what to do. I know you say 30 days. I don’t know if I should do the no contact rule all over again and stick to the 30 days or—and I don’t really know what he’s doing. So, I’m not really sure what to do. So, let me know what you think. Thank you.
Well, thanks Erica for you know, sending the voice mail over and everything. I know that takes a lot of courage. So, just want to take a moment to praise you for having the courage to ask for help. It’s interesting, recently I did a study more of like for my own internal purposes. Also, I’m writing another e-book but I’m not going to tell you about that yet. But I did kind of a survey of the comments. I took a hundred comments from ex-boyfriend recovery and my other website, ex-girlfriend recovery and I looked at what kind of questions were being asked. And without a doubt, the number one question was, “Do I have a chance?” But the number two question not by a lot, was, “What do I do next?” which is kind of the question that you are having right now Erica.
So, I’m going to tell you. Here’s what you’re going to do next. But first, let’s do a quick recap of your situation. So, you broke up a month ago. So, break up is pretty, relatively soon. You said it wasn’t a bad breakup and it was relatively calm and I’m assuming you’ve experienced other breakups that you have not had calm breakups with so, this seems like it was a pretty calm breakup, if there is such a thing as that. And also he claims not to know what he wants in his life right now. That’s sort of his reasoning for breaking up with you which, ironically I hear that a lot too. Like I said, when I did that survey of the hundred questions that came up a lot. You know men trying to say, “I don’t know what I want in my life right now. It’s not you, it’s me.” It’s something always relating to them. I’m not quite sure what to make of that but I guess we can cover that a little bit later. She—Erica said, she wants a commitment. So, let’s read between the lines here and just get everything on the table. She wants the type of relationship that will lead to a marriage someday. That’s how any man is going to take it. She also did the no contact rule for 25 days which is pretty good. I’ll get to that in a second. And after the no contact rule he responded really positively but after a few days he went cold turkey and no matter what she does, she cannot get a response from him.
So, here’s what I’m going to teach you to day Erica or all the people listening. Here’s what you’re going to do to get an ex-boyfriend to respond to you the vast majority of the time. Now, can I guarantee that an ex-boyfriend is going to respond to you EVERY time that you reach out to him? No, but you show me the person that says they can guarantee that and I’ll show you a liar because there’s no one on earth that can guarantee that they can make someone respond to you a 100% of the time. Nevertheless, what we can do is get close to perfection. We can get close to getting him to respond to you 100% of the time. So, we’re not going to be shooting for the strategy to get a man to respond to you every single time that you reach out to him. That’s what our goal ultimately will be but we cannot come up with the strategy like that. All we can do is come up with a strategy that will raise your chances of having him respond to your text messages.
First things first, let’s take a look at Erica’s situation. She said she did the no contact rule for 25 days and she admitted that she kind of broke it a little bit early but I would say that depends on the type of no contact rule you’re doing. As you’re going to learn in my book, I recommend three types of no contact rules: The 21 day rule, The 30 day rule and The 45 day rule. Now, there’s different situations that I would recommend for the 21 day rule versus the 45 day rule but assuming Erica—which I’m assuming she started out doing the 30 day rule or she– you know at the beginning of the no contact period, when she decided, “Hey, I’m going to ignore him for x amount of days.” She determined 30 days was going to equal x. So, by that standard, she did break the no contact rule a little early but you also have to keep in mind, if there’s a 21 day rule technically she went above and beyond that. So, I’m not quite sure what to make of it other than if you—I’m not thinking it’s too much of a big deal, looking at the reasoning that he cited for the breakup. So, I honestly —I’m not going to criticize her too much here because I think she should have probably been doing the 21 day rule instead of the 30 day rule. So, she went 25 days and here comes the next important part. The no contact rule seemed to work. Every time she reached out to him, he seemed to be exciting but she wasn’t exciting enough. And that’s what we’re going to talk about right now.
Why wouldn’t her ex-boyfriend respond to her? She got a positive response after the no contact rule but if you look at it logically, it makes sense. She ignored him for 25 days. I’m assuming he reached to her and was trying to figure out, “Like hey, what the heck is going on? Why aren’t you responding to my messages? Or why have you dropped off the face of the earth?” I’m assuming that happened. So, when he did hear from her after the 25 days that she did do. He was obviously really excited and responded fast and responded positively but just getting a response isn’t good enough. You have to hold a man’s interest and that comes down to your ability to hold a conversation which, I’m going to talk about in a moment. Right now, the predicament that Erica’s in is that she can’t get him to respond to her messages anymore. It seems like he went cold turkey completely. Like he was real responsive at first, and then bam! All of a sudden, nope. Not anymore. So, what can she do?
What can she do to get him to respond? The thing you have to understand is, I don’t think she should go back into the no contact rule and I don’t think she should start over from square one. I think she’s already done the no contact rule and every time you redo the no contact rule, it loses its effectiveness a little bit. And remember according to the habit rule, which I talked about a lot in this podcast and on my website. It takes 66 days on average for a human being to make or break a habit so, technically speaking it would only take him 66 days to get out of the habit of thinking about you Erica. So, going back into the no contact rule I’m not sure it’s going to help you in this case. I think you’ve already made enough progress to try to restart the conversation and hold the conversation. I’m going to teach you a method for that a little bit later.
First things first, let’s talk about what you can do to restart a conversation. Now, there’s a lot of things you can do. There’s a lot of text messages you can send. Let’s talk first though before I get into the text messages about what you should do. Should you text him or should you call him? I always vote text because, according to the value chain that I teach, you want to start off with the no contact rule and then after the no contact rule you contact him in a low risk way and that’s text messaging. And then after you build enough attraction through text messaging, you advance over to the calling phase and then obviously after you advance to the calling phase and you build enough attraction in the calling phase, you move over to, you guessed it, dating. One on one dates where you really make some progress and try to get that commitment from him. So, texting is what you need to do Erica. But what type of texts can you send? That’s a good question. I have two text messages that I recommend women send to catch a man’s attention.
The first type of text messages is something I like to call, less is more method. Have you ever heard that phrase, “There’s brilliance in brevity.”? Basically what that phrase means is less is more. You don’t have to use $10 words. You don’t have to use a thousand words to explain something really simply or to get a super awesome result and that’s what this text message encompasses. Alright?
So, here’s the less is more method. You want to make a statement that’s curious that will make him want to respond to you. Here’s an example of that. Let’s say that I’m texting your ex-boyfriend and I’m a woman. Maybe I should do a voice. “Okay. This is the Chris voice. I’m texting the ex-boyfriend. Okay, here’s what I’m going to text. I have a confession to ma–” Okay, this is ridiculous. I can’t even hold a straight face! Okay, let’s pretend I’m a woman and I’m texting your ex-boyfriend. Here’s what you’re going to text.
“I have a confession to make…”
Well, anyone who gets that is going to immediately jump to a conclusion like, “What the heck? What kind of confession do you have to make? I have to know.” And here’s the rest with, the I have a confession text. You have to have a compelling confession and most of the time, you don’t. It’s a great tactic but you have to have a compelling confession to make that’s not going to be negative and most of the time women and men can’t think of a confession to make that’s positive or negative. So, here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to use the principle of, the I have a confession text. Something really simple but really mysterious and kind of switch it around. So, here’s the text message that I think you should send. It’s kind of a variation of the I have a confession text.
“You’re never going to believe what I saw today…”
“Well, what did you see today?” He’s going to wonder to himself as he looks at this text message. “Could have it been Superman? No, Superman doesn’t exist. What the heck could she have seen? Is it relating to me? I have to know.” And then he’ll respond to you. But here’s the thing, if that doesn’t work, you can take this a level deeper. There’s one thing I know about people. It’s that people love to talk about themselves or they love to be praised. So, what you can do is take this template. This, I have a confession to make template. Again, don’t send I have a confession to make. Just the idea of a text like that. You know the—you’re not going to be believe what I saw today… Something mysterious, something open ended that makes him wonder or want you to fill in the blanks. But related to him, make it about him because he’ll always want to hear about himself. So, what’s an example? Well, you could try something like:
“There’s been something I’ve been meaning to tell you…”
That doesn’t quite pack the punch as I have a confession to make but it’s curious enough and it relates to him enough to where he’ll want to respond to it. So, that’s basically the less is more method in a nutshell.
Now, let’s talk about the second type of method. The second method is I like to call the knowledge approach. Now, when it comes to human beings everyone has their interesting little quirks or everyone has interests that they’ll talk about no matter what. I’ll use an example. My wife will talk about our child together and hot air balloons and sometimes Paris, no matter what. So, if I bring those up, she’ll get excited and she will respond to me. So, you need to do the same type of thing with your ex-boyfriend. Pull out a piece of paper right now and try to figure out what kind of likes does he have? What interests him so much that he’ll always respond to you or always respond to? Me, I think I’m really nerdy in the fact that I’ll respond to Game of Thrones or anything TV related or movie related that I really like a lot. So, any TV shows that I’m really into like House of Cards or any kind of movie I’m really into like Star Wars or something. If you bring that up, I’ll go like, “Oh, oh, Star Wars! That’s Awesome! I can’t believe—did you see the latest movie? That one scene?” I’ll just get going and going and going and that’s the idea here. We need to find those topics that will always interest your ex. Now, here’s the problem. You cannot pick a topic that you think he’s interested in. You have to pick a topic that you know a 100% with certainty he’s interested in and it can’t be boring okay. I’m trying to think an example of a boring topic that I like but wouldn’t respond to.
Well, I think off the top of my head, uhm, exes. If someone were to bring up an ex -boyfriend or an ex-girlfriend in front of me, I wouldn’t respond to it immediately because to be honest I’m tired of it a lot and it’s work for me. In my free time I like kind of relaxing and not thinking about work so much. So, if someone brings up work related things to me, I’m pretty sure I’m not going to respond to it but if they bring up something I’m really into that I believe for, I’ll respond to it. So, let’s use my wife as an example when I create this mock text over this podcast. I already told you that there’s three things I think she’d respond to: our child, hot air balloon and Paris. So, here’s what I would do. If I wanted her to really respond to a text from me, I would say something like—this is kind of maybe going a little too far. I hope you understand this but I would combine the two methods. I would use less is more method and the knowledge approach. So, I would start off my text message with this. I would say—you know, I’d text her and I’d go:
“You’re not going to believe what happened to me…”
Well to that she’d go, “What happened to you?” Then I would say something like:
“I had a dream about Lily (which is our baby). She was in a hot air balloon traveling over Paris and we were chasing her and couldn’t get her. ”
So, that basically combined her three interests in a dream and used both methods. Do you see how that works? So, remember my wife’s three responses that she get really into are: hot air balloons, our child, and Paris. I basically said I had a dream about our child being in a hot air balloon riding over Paris and we couldn’t catch her. Well, she going to respond to that and then that brings us to the next point. Getting him to respond to a text message or using the text messages I just taught you isn’t enough. It will never be enough. You need to consistently get him to respond and that’s why I’m going to teach you about the nuclear football. Now, do you know what the nuclear football is? It’s basically the satchel or briefcase that The President of the United States or a person assigned to The President of the United States will carry along with him or her. And it basically contains launch codes for nuclear missiles in case the POTUS, the President of the United States, needs to launch a nuclear missile attack and he’s not in a place where he can give the command or something. It’s a nuclear football. It’s sort of like the be-all end-all, the ace in the hole type of thing. But you need an ace in the hole. You need a nuclear football. So, what I’m going to do now, is give you your nuclear football.
So, there are four parts to this method. Alright so, you get him to respond, that is part one. Getting and ex-boyfriend to respond is part one. Good. That’s what this whole podcast episode is about but that’s not enough. You need to go deeper. Then after he responds you need to spark a conversation and add value to the conversation. Interest him with a crazy story or something interesting that he didn’t know before. Something that he’ll never forget for the rest of his life. You need an example? I’ll give you an example using my own life.
About 10 years ago, I had the most curios case of déjà vu. Now, if you don’t know déjà vu, it means—or rather if you don’t know what déjà vu, it means—-boy I’m just having a trouble! It’s not even a tongue twister and I’m having trouble. Okay, if you don’t know what déjà vu is, it simply means seeing the same thing over again. It’s a French word that kind of means that.
So, 10 years ago, I was a sophomore in high school and I was 16 years old. So, at 16 years old I was a sophomore in high school and the most curious thing happened to me. Now the thing you have to understand about me at that time is I was really into baseball. I had great a support system in the fact that my dad would always pick me up after school and we would go out and practice pitching. I was a really good pitcher. So, we practiced pitching and he would get there and catch me and you know we’d do that for a few hours and practice hitting and I was on the baseball team. So, that’s how that worked. Every single day, where you just drill over and over and over again. There was this one day that always stuck out to me. This déjà vu day. I was pitching to him one day and all of sudden in the distance I see this cloud. So, that’s strange that cloud. So, you know he throws the ball back, I catch the ball, I get the ball, wind up, I pitch another pitch, he throws the ball back, I look up again and that cloud got a little bit closer. I didn’t think anything of it. There’s probably some smoke coming by. So, I wind up, pitch again, he catches the ball, throws the ball back to me, I catch again. Damn, that cloud is getting really close and then all of a sudden I realized, “Wait. That’s not a cloud. That cloud is buzzing. Holy mo—those are bees!”
It was a swarm of bees and they were heading right toward us. So, immediately I get the ball and say, “Dad, dad, dad look behind you.” There are a swarm of bees coming and this cloud was gigantic. So, we did the only thing that you would expect to do in that situation. We ran to the car and hid in the car as the swarm of bees went over us and that was that. Interesting experience. I’ve never seen those swarm of bees in my life up to that point.
A week later, something happens. Something very curious. So, a week later—another thing you need to know about me is not only did I do baseball. I was also on the track team. Anyways, so a week later I was at track practice one day and we were running around and all of a sudden we were running and I noticed that everyone was ducking or crouching or going off to the side. I’m like “What the heck is wrong with these people?” I didn’t quite comprehend it until I looked up and realized it was a swarm of bees and a swarm of bees was heading right towards me. So, again I did the only thing that I could think to do in that situation. I ran my ass off. I ran so far and here’s the funny thing. I didn’t have a shirt on either and they were right behind me. So, I’m sprinting as fast as I humanly can and I feel them hitting my back. It is the most crazy thing I have ever experienced. I’m running. I’m running. I’m running. In fact I ran so far, I ran across the school into the girls’ soccer team but by that time the bees weren’t chasing me anymore. So, here you have me being chased by bees and running into the middle of a girls’ soccer practice yelling, “There are bees! There are bees everywhere!” and then I turn around there’s no bees.
So, that is why I didn’t get date in high school. Haha! No, I’m just kidding. But that bee story, that was a really weird case of déjà vu. I mean pitching a week before this incident at the school happened and then a week a later another case of déjà vu but the same bees. It felt like they were following me around. Of course I got made fun of for the rest of my time in high school for that and people were saying that I broke records with how fast I ran and jokingly of course. So, then never let me live that down but interesting story nevertheless.
Do you see how that story adds value to a conversation? These are the kind of conversations or stories that you need to be telling to your ex. Make him want to hear more and then that brings us to third part of the strategy. So, just to recap the first part of the nuclear football is to get him to get him to respond. Second part is telling a story or adding immense value to the conversation, something that he won’t forget. And the third part is ending the conversation at the high point. It’s simple math. If you end the conversation at the high point, the point when the conversation won’t get any better, you will leave your ex-boyfriend wanting more. And then what’s likely to happen when that happens? He’ll reach out to you and want to talk to you again or rather he’ll respond to you when you reach out and talk to him again because, wow, the last that he remembers is you telling this incredible story. And then that leads us to the fourth part of our strategy: doing the whole thing over again.
Imagine it like a circle. On the top of the circle you have responding, getting you ex to respond. Halfway down the circle to the right side, you have value, adding value to the conversation. And then to the left side of the circle but still a little farther down, you have ending the conversation at the high point and then close to the top of the circle again you have re-doing the process over again. So, the more you do this, the more the circle continues or rather this wheel continues to revolve, the higher the chances that you’ll get of him responding to your text messages but really the cool part about this strategy is you don’t want to have to reach out first. You want him to reach out first. And that’s what this strategy can accomplish. Just keep doing this strategy over and over again Erica and I promise you, your chances that he will respond to you will drastically increase. Now, it really all hinges on you adding value to the conversation and I think that’s where you went wrong. I think you didn’t add enough value for him to prioritize you because if a man is in love with you or if a man is really into you, he will make time for you no matter what. Trust me, I would go outside of work to talk to my wife. I love her. But your ex-boyfriend not responding to you means you didn’t add enough conversation value. So, work on that. Use the nuclear football method. Work on getting text messages that are worth responding to and you’ll have more success.
So, this was the latest episode of the ex-boyfriend recovery podcast. Had a lot of fun recording it and I hope you get a lot of value out of it. If you have any questions please contact me at www.exboyfriendrecovery.com . You can ask a question in the comments section. You will eventually get responded to a 100% of the time now because I built an entire team around the website or if you have a question, you can obviously email me at [email protected] . And one last thing, if you enjoyed this podcast, I please—I please. Oh boy. Maybe that’s not the right time to screw up when you’re asking someone to subscribe to you but anyways I’m going to ask you anyways. If you like the podcast, please subscribe to us on Itunes and give us a positive review if you like what you (heard). Even if it’s negative and you hate the podcast with every fiber of your being. Well, channel that fiber of the being into telling everyone about it on Itunes. I appreciate you either way. This is Chris Seiter from exboyfriendrecovery signing out.
Thanks for listening to the ex-boyfriend recovery podcast at www.exboyfriendrecovery.com