EBR 063: When Texting Goes WRONG With Your Ex…

When it comes to getting an ex boyfriend back one of the most asked questions that we get is,

How do I text him?

And if you are pretty familiar with our site you would know that I have put together quite a few guides over the years detailing exactly what to do. Well, I want you to take a moment and imagine something for me.

Imagine that you read all of my “in-depth” guides and had a pretty good idea of how I teach texting. And yet, when you actually went to implement my teaching it turned into a disaster.

Well, this is the exact thing that happened to the woman featured in today’s episode.

She sent a string of text messages and they didn’t work out too well for her.

Well, today I am going to dissect her messages and show you what she should have done.

Video Of Episode 63 (When Texting Goes WRONG With Your Ex…)

Pretty crazy, right?

Here’s a better explanation of the situation we are talking about in this episode,

The Situation We Are Talking About

  • The woman wanted to remain “anonymous” so we are just going to refer to her as anonymous
  • She completed the 30 day no contact rule
  • She began texting her ex like she was supposed to
  • He ended up not responding well to it at all
  • She has no idea on what to do

Important Things We Talk About In This Episode

  • The importance of being interesting with your texts
  • Every text you get is information and it’s important that you use that information properly
  • My crazy new phone number and the calls I get from it
  • Not going too fast, too soon
  • Looking at the situation from your exes perspective

Important Links Mentioned In This Episode

Interview Transcript

  • Every so often I get a voice mail that really sticks out to me and that was certainly the case with the voicemail that I’m going to feature in this episode. Now, there’s a lot of things you can do to really stick out to me and get featured on this podcast. You can have an interesting situation, you can have a funny situation, you can have really good audio.

    There’s a lot of different things that I take into account. But this one, this one took the cake because you can hear the frustration and anger in this woman’s voice. And her situation is kind of funny at the same time and interesting at the same time.

    This situation really had it all. Now, what we’re going to talk about today is texting.  Texting is a thing that a lot of people struggle with when it comes to getting their ex boyfriends back. They don’t know what to say, how to say it or what to do. And even though I can’t really cover all of those things in one podcast episode, I can introduce you to them. And that’s what I’m going to attempt to do here.

    This woman essentially talk to me about her entire conversation with her ex and it went completely wrong. And so what we’re going to do today and, I’ve never done anything like this. So, this is kind of a first here for the ex boyfriend recovery podcast, is we’re going to take those four text messages that were sent because remember this conversation did not go well. It didn’t really last very long and I’m going to dissect what she did wrong, and kind of give you some insight into what her ex boyfriend was thinking.

    So, without further ado, I’d like to introduce you to our really, really great Anonymous call her–“Call-her”! [Laughs] our Anonymous caller–Call her, I can’t believe I said that. I’m going to introduce you to our Anonymous caller who has a question about texting.

  • Hi!,

    So, I started no contact up to 30 days and then I texted today my ex and I wrote, I just said,

    “I just drove past you in Glenroy.” Hang on. I’m sorry. The text was:

    text-1

    And then he replied half an hour later.

    text-2

    And then I wrote,

    text-3

    and then he wrote,

    text4

    I don’t know what to do now. Please help.

  • Ok. Wow, that is one heck of a situation. It definitely did not go well and we’re going to talk about that and hopefully give you some understanding of what went wrong, what you could have done better, and what’s going on in his mind to make him act or say the things that he’s saying.

    So, the first thing I want to do is commend you on the no contact rule. I know that’s a really difficult time to go through. The only thing that I can really–and you didn’t really mention anything about this. But the only thing that I can really advise on with the no contact rule, is ask you a simple question. What significant changes have happened? If you are the same version of yourself that you were during the relationship and you just ignored him for 30 days, that is actually not enough anymore with the no contact rule. We become a lot more advanced in our understanding of the no contact rule and what really works to get an ex back. And often times, personal growth and development has to happen during this time and period where you are ignoring your ex.

    So, if you didn’t do anything like that and you approached him and tried to text him. We found that things tend not to go really well. Whereas if you have created a lot of personal growth and development during the no contact rule and then you text him, you’re in a much better frame of mind. You’re more confident and things just end up going better.

    Now, you didn’t really talk much about that. Mostly, you were talking about your text message conversation that went horribly wrong. So, let’s talk a little bit about that.

    The one thing I want you to understand here about texting is it’s almost like a little chess match and every single text you send gives you a piece of information. And based on that information that you get, it essentially informs your next move. So, if things are going well, then usually you know you need to pull back and retreat and try to figure something else out. If things are going good, then you know you can kind of keep advancing and the idea here is you want things to continue to go good, so you can kind of advance up the value chain.

    Of course you wouldn’t be calling me if things went really well. Things went disastrously bad. So, here’s what I’m going to do. Four texts were sent here.

    Text number 1 was you said, “I just drove past you in Glenroy. Hope you are well.”

    To which he responds, “Glenroy? I think you got the wrong person.”

    And then you wrote, which this is where things really started going wrong.

    “Ooops, I could have sworn it was you. It kind of reminded me of the night I was in my bathrobe.”

    And if you are watching this on Youtube. I just basically made love to the camera right there! Ok, and then he responds,

    “Who the F is this?”

    And that’s when you know, it really went wrong. So, I’m going to take you text by text and explain what you didn’t do right, what you did do right and what he’s thinking. So, let’s start with the first text.

    So, I have written a lot about this on exboyfriend recovery and I’ve even done podcast episodes about it because this is really where women struggle the most. So, when women do the no contact rule, they’re ignoring their ex from 21-45 days. Any kind of time frame in between that. And after that I’d recommend, “Ok, now it’s time to text your ex” and then you have that ultimate question. “Well, what do I text him?” And this is something that women struggle with a lot.

    So, you are definitely not alone in this Anonymous and you did make some mistakes here. So, you’re text was–your first text to him was, “I just drove past you in Glenroy. Hope you are well.”

    Now, here’s the problem with that. Number 1, there’s nothing interesting about that. There’s nothing that makes him want to actively respond. Number 2, you didn’t follow my protocol on first contact text messages. So, let’s talk about this, your first contact text message, the first message that you basically text to your ex after the no contact rule, has to be interesting. It has to be so interesting that he’ll actively want to respond to you in a positive manner. And I’ve come with this really special protocol for doing this.

    So, you’re going to utilize four things when you’re creating your text message. Your knowledge of your ex, so you’re going to play on to your knowledge of him. What does he like? What does he dislike? And you’re going to try to incorporate that into the text in some way, shape or form. And then number 2, a story. People, I found really respond well to stories. If you really want to connect with someone or build rapport with someone, telling a story is the way to go and generally if it’s a really interesting story, you’re going to get a really interesting response. So, right now we have two. You’re going to utilize the knowledge that you have of your ex already and incorporate it into a story.

    Number 3 is you’re going to use an action phrase. So, you want to start off your text with, “Oh my god!” or, “You won’t believe what I just saw!” An action phrase like this, creates interest. And you want your ex boyfriend to be interested in what you have to say.

    What is your first reaction when I say, “Oh my god! You’re not going to believe what I just saw!” Well, you’re first reaction is, “What did you see?” You want to know. It creates interest, intrigue and I would liken this kind of a pattern interrupt. So, a pattern interrupt is imagine that you were walking up to a group of friends. Ok? And this group of friends all knew each other and they were talking amongst themselves. And you were walking up and you were just trying to get into the middle of the conversation but everyone is talking amongst themselves and you really can’t get their attention onto you. Now, compare that when you walk up to them and then you do this, you snap. Immediately, they stop talking and they look directly at you. The action phrase is meant to do this,

    “Oh my god! (snap) You’re not going to believe what I just saw (snap)! It’s snapping his attention to you and then you tell your story of which you of course you use your knowledge of him and then finally you’re going to tie in.

    Now, this is really where it gets a little tricky. You’re going to say something like, “Yeah that was the first time you popped in my head in a while.”

    Now, I realized, this is a little bit confusing so, I think it’s best if I do this in a cohesive manner.

    So, imagine you decide to send this text to your exboyfriend. He’s a big fan of, let’s say Game of Thrones.

    “You are not going to believe what I just saw.”

    To which he responds, “What?”

    “I just saw the most epic marathon of Game of Thrones and it totally reminded me of that time that I was at your house and we just binge watched the entire series. It was the first time I thought about you in a while.”
    Now, this text is going to do a number of things. 1, you are intriguing him with the action phrase. You’re intriguing him with a pattern interrupt. Something that’s going to make him snap to attention and respond to you. Next, you’re going to tell a little quick story about the time you saw this really awesome Game of Thrones marathon on the television which you know, he’s a big Game of Thrones fan. And you’re going to bring him back into a memory, a good memory of when the two of binge watch it at his house. And then finally, you’re going to tie it back in to you where you’re going to say, “Yeah, it was the first time I thought about you in a while.”

    Now, the important part of this tie in, the “It was the first time I thought about you in a while.” is the fact that you haven’t talked to him in a month ok? So, if you say that, he’s going to think, “Wait, you haven’t been thinking of me this entire time?” And that’s kind of where you want him. So, your text, your problem was, this is what you texted your ex. “I just drove past you in Glenroy. Hope you are well.” That is a normal text message.

    We need to be more creative and have more thought. And of course he didn’t really respond to well to it. Let’s look at the second text. Now, his second text was, “Glenroy? I think you may have the wrong person.”

    Now, remember what I said in the beginning of this episode how every single text message you get is a piece of information ok? Now, this is a vital piece of information. A piece of information that you ignored and this is where you really went wrong. Now, there’s nothing wrong with the fact that you went wrong. Everyone makes mistakes. All I want for you is to learn from the mistake. So, the piece of information that you didn’t pick up on is, someone who says, “Glenroy? I think you may have the wrong person.” is indicative of someone who doesn’t know who you are. So, usually and I know this really well because I got a new phone at the begging of the year and I’m always getting this phone calls from people wanting to speak to the previous owner of the phone. So, I’m getting text messages, phone calls, all for someone who isn’t me. It’s for someone who previously owned the phone ok?

    And so, I am used to getting wrong numbers. So, I’m constantly saying, I think you may have the wrong person. This seems like that is what is happening here.

    So, it seems to me like either he has blocked your number or erased your number so, he doesn’t know what your number looks like. He doesn’t have you in his phone anymore. This is a vital piece of information and it’s a piece of information that you didn’t pick up on. So, what’s the best play here? Well, let’s imagine that you got this piece of information. The mistake you made was you continued to go forward. What you should’ve done was retreated and come up with another game plan. That would be the smart way to approach it. The only thing, the only fly in the ointment so to speak is, every time you come up with a game plan, especially when you’re trying to get an ex back. A lot of things, a lot of variables will change and something won’t go according to your ultimate plan.

    For example, things didn’t go according to your plan right here. You were expecting him to say something like–so, your first text was, “Hey, I just drove past you in Glenroy. Hope you are well.” And you were expecting him hopefully to say, “Oh, that’s so sweet. Thank you for thinking of me.” But you didn’t. He essentially gave you the response of, “Sigh, wrong number.”

    Now, the smart move there is to retreat, regroup and come up with another game plan. You went forward and this is really where you made your biggest mistake. Your biggest mistake was with the third text message. Now, this third text message, I’m not quite sure what you were trying to accomplish but your third text message says, “Oops, could have sworn it was you.” Which it seems like you knew that the wrong number was prevalent but you decided to go forward anyways. So, you said, “Oops, could have sworn it was you. It reminded of that time I was in my bathrobe.”

    Now, there’s a lot of mistakes here. I don’t know if you were trying to use some sort of jealous text or be flirty or sexual in nature or something but it didn’t play well. Often times, when you’re going to be try to be sexual in this nature, you need to have built up rapport. You wouldn’t try to ask someone on a first date to marry you? You would have to build up rapport, trust first. Same kind of thing goes with flirting and doing sexual messages like this ok? You need to build more rapport. So, essentially this was way too much way too soon. And the bathrobe, I really– it has to tie to what your’e talking about before. It’s out of left field. You were just saying, “Hey, I just saw you. I just drove past you in Glenroy.” And he just said, “No, you didn’t” And then you start talking about being in your bathrobe which is very sexual in nature.

    Now, I understand, you were probably trying to be flirty and it’s often said that tears are a woman’s greatest weapon but sex is also a woman’s greatest weapon right? And I think you were trying to use that. You were trying to use that to your advantage and hopefully, get him to show some introspect. The things is, he didn’t. He responded very, very negatively which we’ll talk about one second. First things first, I want to explain to you why I would never recommend this text even if things were going well. So, first off, the sexual in nature texts, it’s really tricky because you have to have a lot of rapport built and I always think, especially with texts, it’s always kind of fun when you’re a little cheeky and a little flirtatious in nature. You’re being very kind of forward here with your bathrobe comment and believe it or not, it’s not the craziest thing I’ve ever seen a woman text to an ex but the bathrobe thing is so far out of left field. It would have made a little bit more sense if you are talking about bats and something like that where you could tie it in but this really had no place in the conversation and he didn’t respond well to it.

    Let’s talk about that right now.

    So, the 4th text that he sent you, the 4th in the string of texts that we are talking about here is, “Who the F is this?” except it wasn’t just F. It was the F U. You know what I’m saying, the cuss word. Alright, this is indicative of a man who has been angered ok? And creeped out. So, him being angry and creeped out by you is definitely not the reaction that you want him to have when you were texting. I always say, on the first contact text message, end the conversation when you get your chance ok? So, end the conversation first and soon. You want it to be a really short re-introduction to you and then the next day, you’ll start to kind of rebuild that rapport and then every subsequent day you’re going to slowly get deeper and deeper into texting him. You want to take things really slow at first and you probably would’ve continued to text him and that’s a mistake but he essentially cut the conversation off when he said, “Who the F is this?”.

    Now, I want you to look at this from his perspective. Imagine that you got a text message from a stranger. Someone who you didn’t know who it was. And then you tried to explain to the person, “Hey I think you have the wrong number.” And the person just continues to go and get sexual in nature. Would that creep you out? Especially being a woman. I’m pretty sure you’d be a little creeped out. And that’s what he’s displaying here. He’s displaying someone who doesn’t know who he’s talking to, who just got really sexual, and it creeps him out. So, here’s what we can learn from this string of text messages.

    Number 1, the first contact text message is vitally important and it’s something that you didn’t really do a great job of. The–I believe it was the, I drove past you in Glenroy. That really is not a great first contact text message.

    Now, it’s not anything against you. I understand.  A lot of women have issues with texting their exes. Especially, with that first contact text message. In fact, I’ve even recorded a podcast on how to conduct the first contact text message, a perfect one and you didn’t do that. And that’s where things started to go wrong and it spiraled down and you didn’t leave the conversation which again is something that you can correct. This are things that are correctable ok?

    Now, his reaction to you is understandable. Don’t take it personally. I suppose the question that you’re wondering at this point is, “Do I have a chance?”

    Your chances just took a massive hit. I am not going to lie to you. You only get so many chances at a first contact text message. I would say you get probably 2 or 3 chances tops. So, it’s a vitally important aspect and a lot of women fail when you get to this aspect. They’re expecting the no contact rule is supposed to do all the work for them but it doesn’t and it never will.

    Yes, there will always be those outliers where all they have to do is ignore their ex for 30 days and bam! The ex comes back. But there’s no guarantee that that’s going to happen. So, if I was you, I would approach it like there’s no guarantee that that’s going to happen. Really work on your first contact text message. Now, do you have a chance? Getting back to my original point.

    You still have a chance but it took a hit ok? Really what you can do is take the information that you have from this experience. You know that he doesn’t know who you are. So, to me that means he erased your number. He hasn’t blocked you because he blocked you, he wouldn’t have responded. He 20:04 probably of anger due to the break up which is an understandable reaction. I just told an embarrassing story on my last podcast episode where I did something like this ok?

    So, take that information and with your first contact text message going forward, re-introduce yourself. Use your name. “Hey, it’s–if your name is Chloe–Chloe” and then weave it into your first contact text message because you have a vital piece of information. The fact that he has erased your number, he doesn’t know who this is ok? So, use that information that you have. Text messages is nothing but a chess match and then best players are the ones who win.

    That’s going to do it for this episode of the ex boyfriend recovery podcast. Thank you for listening. I had a blast filming this and recording it. If you have any questions, please visit our website exboyfriendrecovery.com and ask a question there. We do our best to answer every single question and if you like this podcast and you want it to continue, I highly encourage you to go to Itunes and leave us a review. An honest one, that’s all we ask.

    I really had a blast! Thanks!

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Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

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218 Comments on "EBR 063: When Texting Goes WRONG With Your Ex…"

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Patricia
Guest

Please!!!

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Patricia,

slowly building rapoprt means starting off with texts, and then calls and then meet ups later on.. And that means you don’t become emotional and try to rush things.. Think of him as a stranger that doesn’t have feelings for you but you do for him. How would build rapport and attraction with him in that mind? You would use interesting topics right? Your edge is that you know what topics he likes talking about.

Patricia
Guest
Hi Amor, I’m so sorry, I’m probably coming across as if I had some personality disorder. And yes, I know, I read all the articles on it and I never showed emotion, if anyone was being emotional, it was him. He’s depressed. He wouldn’t react well when I tried using topics he likes. He would ignore me. I know that I shouldn’t be emotional, because I’ve had extremly bad experiences when showing my real self and I’m normally in fact very closed (I know I’m being open now, writing my problems on the internet). So yesterday he asked for his… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

If you’re moving on, we respect that.. And I really hope you can move on sooner

Patricia
Guest

Please!!!

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Patricia,

slowly building rapoprt means starting off with texts, and then calls and then meet ups later on.. And that means you don’t become emotional and try to rush things.. Think of him as a stranger that doesn’t have feelings for you but you do for him. How would build rapport and attraction with him in that mind? You would use interesting topics right? Your edge is that you know what topics he likes talking about.

Patricia
Guest
Hi Amor, I’m so sorry, I’m probably coming across as if I had some personality disorder. And yes, I know, I read all the articles on it and I never showed emotion, if anyone was being emotional, it was him. He’s depressed. He wouldn’t react well when I tried using topics he likes. He would ignore me. I know that I shouldn’t be emotional, because I’ve had extremly bad experiences when showing my real self and I’m normally in fact very closed (I know I’m being open now, writing my problems on the internet). So yesterday he asked for his… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

If you’re moving on, we respect that.. And I really hope you can move on sooner

Patricia
Guest

Please help me.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Patricia,

slowly building rapoprt means starting off with texts, and then calls and then meet ups later on.. And that means you don’t become emotional and try to rush things.. Think of him as a stranger that doesn’t have feelings for you but you do for him. How would build rapport and attraction with him in that mind? You would use interesting topics right? Your edge is that you know what topics he likes talking about.

Patricia
Guest

Please help me.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Patricia,

slowly building rapoprt means starting off with texts, and then calls and then meet ups later on.. And that means you don’t become emotional and try to rush things.. Think of him as a stranger that doesn’t have feelings for you but you do for him. How would build rapport and attraction with him in that mind? You would use interesting topics right? Your edge is that you know what topics he likes talking about.

Patricia
Guest

I really messed up. So a few days ago you recommended me to slowly build rapport and I tried, but he’s responding with shorter and shorter messages and trying ro end conversations as quickly as possible. It’s really hurtful. I don’t think he’s thinking of me anymore. He’s obviously avoiding me and I’m really afraid that I’ve messed up and he’s found someone else. Please help me, I feel like I’m going insane.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Patricia,

slowly building rapoprt means starting off with texts, and then calls and then meet ups later on.. And that means you don’t become emotional and try to rush things.. Think of him as a stranger that doesn’t have feelings for you but you do for him. How would build rapport and attraction with him in that mind? You would use interesting topics right? Your edge is that you know what topics he likes talking about.

Patricia
Guest

I really messed up. So a few days ago you recommended me to slowly build rapport and I tried, but he’s responding with shorter and shorter messages and trying ro end conversations as quickly as possible. It’s really hurtful. I don’t think he’s thinking of me anymore. He’s obviously avoiding me and I’m really afraid that I’ve messed up and he’s found someone else. Please help me, I feel like I’m going insane.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Patricia,

slowly building rapoprt means starting off with texts, and then calls and then meet ups later on.. And that means you don’t become emotional and try to rush things.. Think of him as a stranger that doesn’t have feelings for you but you do for him. How would build rapport and attraction with him in that mind? You would use interesting topics right? Your edge is that you know what topics he likes talking about.

J
Guest
Hi again, Thank you so much for your answer Amor! So you don´t think he is just uninterested? Everything feels so strange. As I mentioned, the first text message after NC was a success. He even asked me several times why I was taking so long before answering his texts. So it felt like he just couldn’t wait for my response. Since he didn’t answer the other day, I send him a message asking if he was okay. He didn’t answered so I called… no answer. Then he texts me saying that he is very busy but that he would… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

well, he can be too.. hmm.. wait 5 days..

Julia
Guest

Hi again!

As I mentioned earlier, I destroyed my ex’s key which he gave me when we were together. Today, he told me that he is really upset because of what I did. I answered and said that I did what I thought was the best thing to do since I was so sad directly after the break up. I just couldn’t stand seeing him at that time.

How do I go forward from here?

Thanks in advance!

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

that’s a good reply.. what did he say after that? let him initiate for now.. continue your 5 day count.. if he initiates reply, after 5 days, initiate again in having conversations.

Julia
Guest

He never replied… is that a bad sign? I know that he is difficult to talk to when he is upset. I’m so afraid that he doesn’t care if I disappear again (like I did during NC). I was so happy after my first contact message, it felt like he was so happy to hear from me. I know that he is busy renovating his apartment but shouldnt he be more interested in my messages?

Thank you so so so much for your help Amor!

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

not really.. you should be the one who is less scared or at least not worry about it… it will cloud your judgment and will make you desperate.

J
Guest
Hi again, Thank you so much for your answer Amor! So you don´t think he is just uninterested? Everything feels so strange. As I mentioned, the first text message after NC was a success. He even asked me several times why I was taking so long before answering his texts. So it felt like he just couldn’t wait for my response. Since he didn’t answer the other day, I send him a message asking if he was okay. He didn’t answered so I called… no answer. Then he texts me saying that he is very busy but that he would… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

well, he can be too.. hmm.. wait 5 days..

Julia
Guest

Hi again!

As I mentioned earlier, I destroyed my ex’s key which he gave me when we were together. Today, he told me that he is really upset because of what I did. I answered and said that I did what I thought was the best thing to do since I was so sad directly after the break up. I just couldn’t stand seeing him at that time.

How do I go forward from here?

Thanks in advance!

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

that’s a good reply.. what did he say after that? let him initiate for now.. continue your 5 day count.. if he initiates reply, after 5 days, initiate again in having conversations.

Julia
Guest

He never replied… is that a bad sign? I know that he is difficult to talk to when he is upset. I’m so afraid that he doesn’t care if I disappear again (like I did during NC). I was so happy after my first contact message, it felt like he was so happy to hear from me. I know that he is busy renovating his apartment but shouldnt he be more interested in my messages?

Thank you so so so much for your help Amor!

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

not really.. you should be the one who is less scared or at least not worry about it… it will cloud your judgment and will make you desperate.

J
Guest
Hi, I met an amazing guy for 4 months ago. We both thought that we were perfect for each other and everything was great for the first 2,5 months. However, for six weeks ago everything started to change and suddenly he broke up with me and said ”it´s not you, it´s me” and ”you’ll meet an amazing guy who really deserves you”. A few days later I found this website and bought the book. I did the no contact for 4 weeks, did a lot of fun stuff which I posted on Instagram and followed the plan. He never contacted… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

maybe he thought you were angry because you said to throw you stuff or maybe, he’s just busy.. wait 3 days before trying again…

Julia
Guest
Hi, I met an amazing guy for 4 months ago. We both thought that we were perfect for each other and everything was great for the first 2,5 months. However, for six weeks ago everything started to change and suddenly he broke up with me and said ”it´s not you, it´s me” and ”you’ll meet an amazing guy who really deserves you”. A few days later I found this website and bought the book. I did the no contact for 4 weeks, did a lot of fun stuff which I posted on Instagram and followed the plan. For two days… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

maybe he thought you were angry because you said to throw you stuff or maybe, he’s just busy.. wait 3 days before trying again…

J
Guest
Hi, I met an amazing guy for 4 months ago. We both thought that we were perfect for each other and everything was great for the first 2,5 months. However, for six weeks ago everything started to change and suddenly he broke up with me and said “it´s not you, it´s me” and “you’ll meet an amazing guy who really deserves you”. A few days later I found this website and bought the book. I did the no contact for 4 weeks, did a lot of fun stuff which I posted on Instagram and followed the plan. He never contacted… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

maybe he thought you were angry because you said to throw you stuff or maybe, he’s just busy.. wait 3 days before trying again…

Julia
Guest
Hi, I met an amazing guy for 4 months ago. We both thought that we were perfect for each other and everything was great for the first 2,5 months. However, for six weeks ago everything started to change and suddenly he broke up with me and said “it´s not you, it´s me” and “you’ll meet an amazing guy who really deserves you”. A few days later I found this website and bought the book. I did the no contact for 4 weeks, did a lot of fun stuff which I posted on Instagram and followed the plan. For two days… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

maybe he thought you were angry because you said to throw you stuff or maybe, he’s just busy.. wait 3 days before trying again…

Help
Guest
So I commented on another post saying : my ex told me he wanted to ba alone for a while , I became pushy and he said to move on & ignored my last two texts that day . I started nc and haven’t heard from him , that was 3 days ago . I was going to buy something from one of his friends in a couple of days , which I was already going to do before the break up . I don’t have his friends number anymore is it ok to text and ask him for it… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

I’ll copy my answer there.

if that’s really the only option and you only talk about it, its not but if you can get it through other friends or social media, you’re breaking it

nope, it’s just a number.. that’s hard to say it from that

Help
Guest
So I commented on another post saying : my ex told me he wanted to ba alone for a while , I became pushy and he said to move on & ignored my last two texts that day . I started nc and haven’t heard from him , that was 3 days ago . I was going to buy something from one of his friends in a couple of days , which I was already going to do before the break up . I don’t have his friends number anymore is it ok to text and ask him for it… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

I’ll copy my answer there.

if that’s really the only option and you only talk about it, its not but if you can get it through other friends or social media, you’re breaking it

nope, it’s just a number.. that’s hard to say it from that

Gwen
Guest

Hi

My comment doesn’t appear here I don’t know if I made it too long sorry. Anyway is it a good idea to stop texting him for like 3-4 days and then start again with tide theory and cliffhangers? Or is it better if I just continue writing him everyday to build rapport?? And if I wait and do tide theory again should I start 2 messages, 2, 4,4,… Or follow with the 6 messages I was right now…?

Thanks in advance

Gwen
Guest

omg sorry i’ve just seen the texts because my computer doesn’t keep the comments until I comment again. the one of day 18 is the important one I just thought I wasn’t sending them. My laptop wasn’t working.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

That’s ok..yes, you can use the sample text of being comprehensive rather than asking why he’s not replying or slow to reply.. That way you don’t look like you’re accusing him and then rest from initiating for a few days.. It’s ok to use your gut feel on when you text him as long as your texts are not emotional

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

That’s ok..yes, you can use the sample text of being comprehensive rather than asking why he’s not replying or slow to reply.. That way you don’t look like you’re accusing him and then rest from initiating for a few days.. It’s ok to use your gut feel on when you text him as long as your texts are not emotional

Tessa
Guest

I think I messed up. Of course I tried to be strong in making sure how text were implicated but recently I just felt this urge of neediness. I’m trying to shake it off I don’t want to come off as needy! I noticed when I sent two texts and now I’m not sure if I should just try to compose myself and just laugh it off or do a no contact. I may just be paranoid

He ended our text after two texts so I didn’t get to end it and that’s throwing me off

Gwen
Guest

Hi

My comment doesn’t appear here I don’t know if I made it too long sorry. Anyway is it a good idea to stop texting him for like 3-4 days and then start again with tide theory and cliffhangers? Or is it better if I just continue writing him everyday to build rapport?? And if I wait and do tide theory again should I start 2 messages, 2, 4,4,… Or follow with the 6 messages I was right now…?

Thanks in advance

Gwen
Guest

omg sorry i’ve just seen the texts because my computer doesn’t keep the comments until I comment again. the one of day 18 is the important one I just thought I wasn’t sending them. My laptop wasn’t working.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

That’s ok..yes, you can use the sample text of being comprehensive rather than asking why he’s not replying or slow to reply.. That way you don’t look like you’re accusing him and then rest from initiating for a few days.. It’s ok to use your gut feel on when you text him as long as your texts are not emotional

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

That’s ok..yes, you can use the sample text of being comprehensive rather than asking why he’s not replying or slow to reply.. That way you don’t look like you’re accusing him and then rest from initiating for a few days.. It’s ok to use your gut feel on when you text him as long as your texts are not emotional

Tessa
Guest

I think I messed up. Of course I tried to be strong in making sure how text were implicated but recently I just felt this urge of neediness. I’m trying to shake it off I don’t want to come off as needy! I noticed when I sent two texts and now I’m not sure if I should just try to compose myself and just laugh it off or do a no contact. I may just be paranoid

He ended our text after two texts so I didn’t get to end it and that’s throwing me off

Gwen
Guest
Hi Amor, Well right now I’m still trying to build rapport and using the tide theory but I have some doubts. When it says you have to text 1,2,4,5,… and it says 1st contact, 1st contact, funny, funny, memory, etc can you alternate it?? Or is it better to follow those kind of texts? I mean I’m now in the memory text part and I want to send him another memory text but if I do a story text then a memory one is ok?? Then also I’ve read in another comment that the person who asks tells about doing… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

That’s ok..yes, you can use the sample text of being comprehensive rather than asking why he’s not replying or slow to reply.. That way you don’t look like you’re accusing him and then rest from initiating for a few days.. It’s ok to use your gut feel on when you text him as long as your texts are not emotional

Gwen
Guest
Hi Amor, Well right now I’m still trying to build rapport and using the tide theory but I have some doubts. When it says you have to text 1,2,4,5,… and it says 1st contact, 1st contact, funny, funny, memory, etc can you alternate it?? Or is it better to follow those kind of texts? I mean I’m now in the memory text part and I want to send him another memory text but if I do a story text then a memory one is ok?? Then also I’ve read in another comment that the person who asks tells about doing… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

That’s ok..yes, you can use the sample text of being comprehensive rather than asking why he’s not replying or slow to reply.. That way you don’t look like you’re accusing him and then rest from initiating for a few days.. It’s ok to use your gut feel on when you text him as long as your texts are not emotional

Gwen
Guest
Hi Amor, What if I text him and he doesn’t answer until the next day and seems very distant?? Should I wait like another day for answering him or just after he texts me?? Because I feel it looks like I’m too much after him… Btw, I just texted yesterday: “Good morning, I have a question” and today he answered just “Hello tell me” And he is acting weird because he was starting to be more open with me and we were texting more and he seems more distant, also because he usually calls me by the abreviation of my… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

That’s ok..yes, you can use the sample text of being comprehensive rather than asking why he’s not replying or slow to reply.. That way you don’t look like you’re accusing him and then rest from initiating for a few days.. It’s ok to use your gut feel on when you text him as long as your texts are not emotional

Gwen
Guest
Hi Amor, What if I text him and he doesn’t answer until the next day and seems very distant?? Should I wait like another day for answering him or just after he texts me?? Because I feel it looks like I’m too much after him… Btw, I just texted yesterday: “Good morning, I have a question” and today he answered just “Hello tell me” And he is acting weird because he was starting to be more open with me and we were texting more and he seems more distant, also because he usually calls me by the abreviation of my… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

That’s ok..yes, you can use the sample text of being comprehensive rather than asking why he’s not replying or slow to reply.. That way you don’t look like you’re accusing him and then rest from initiating for a few days.. It’s ok to use your gut feel on when you text him as long as your texts are not emotional

Gwen
Guest
Hi Amor, What if I text him and he doesn’t answer until the next day and seems very distant?? Should I wait like another day for answering him or just after he texts me?? Because I feel it looks like I’m too much after him… Btw, I just texted yesterday: “Good morning, I have a question” and today he answered just “Hello tell me” And he is acting weird because he was starting to be more open with me and we were texting more and he seems more distant, also because he usually calls me by the abreviation of my… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

That’s ok..yes, you can use the sample text of being comprehensive rather than asking why he’s not replying or slow to reply.. That way you don’t look like you’re accusing him and then rest from initiating for a few days.. It’s ok to use your gut feel on when you text him as long as your texts are not emotional

Gwen
Guest
Hi Amor, What if I text him and he doesn’t answer until the next day and seems very distant?? Should I wait like another day for answering him or just after he texts me?? Because I feel it looks like I’m too much after him… Btw, I just texted yesterday: “Good morning, I have a question” and today he answered just “Hello tell me” And he is acting weird because he was starting to be more open with me and we were texting more and he seems more distant, also because he usually calls me by the abreviation of my… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

That’s ok..yes, you can use the sample text of being comprehensive rather than asking why he’s not replying or slow to reply.. That way you don’t look like you’re accusing him and then rest from initiating for a few days.. It’s ok to use your gut feel on when you text him as long as your texts are not emotional

J
Guest
Hello! So I just finished the no contact rule. I started off with a text referring to something funny from a class “hey remember that class you took when you did …” and he didn’t reply. Then, I messaged the next morning saying I got the class syllabus from a friend already and saying I hope he is doing well and if he would like to get coffee. He then replies and says we should just be acquaintances and not meet though he appreciates the gesture. What does this mean/what should I do? He was clearly displaying interest in me… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi J,

you asked too early for a meet up.. slowly, be more friendly in person..

J
Guest
Hello! So I just finished the no contact rule. I started off with a text referring to something funny from a class “hey remember that class you took when you did …” and he didn’t reply. Then, I messaged the next morning saying I got the class syllabus from a friend already and saying I hope he is doing well and if he would like to get coffee. He then replies and says we should just be acquaintances and not meet though he appreciates the gesture. What does this mean/what should I do? He was clearly displaying interest in me… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi J,

you asked too early for a meet up.. slowly, be more friendly in person..

Natalia
Guest
Hello, My first message after NC went good, he replied positively and then I finished the convo with ‘I’ll catch you later’. He didnt respond. Then I took one day off from texting. Next day I send also interesting message, we exchanged 3 txts and then I finished with smth like ‘I really wish to know how are your studies going etc but my phone battery is dying, I’ll talk to you later’. He replied ‘I’ll talk to you later, have a safe journey to home’. So now – I guess it means he is giving me signs he will… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Natalia,

can be, but it’s ok to initiate if he doesnt.. wait a day if he will initiate

Natalia
Guest
Hello, My first message after NC went good, he replied positively and then I finished the convo with ‘I’ll catch you later’. He didnt respond. Then I took one day off from texting. Next day I send also interesting message, we exchanged 3 txts and then I finished with smth like ‘I really wish to know how are your studies going etc but my phone battery is dying, I’ll talk to you later’. He replied ‘I’ll talk to you later, have a safe journey to home’. So now – I guess it means he is giving me signs he will… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Natalia,

can be, but it’s ok to initiate if he doesnt.. wait a day if he will initiate

Mary
Guest

Hello Chris,

I am On day eight where we build attraction and rapport in text messages. Should I be starting off with a day dream text or should I start the conversation off with a topic and then make my way into the “What are your biggest dreams text”

Thank you

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Mary,

start off with a topic and then proceed to daydream text..

Mary
Guest

Hello Chris,

I am On day eight where we build attraction and rapport in text messages. Should I be starting off with a day dream text or should I start the conversation off with a topic and then make my way into the “What are your biggest dreams text”

Thanks

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Mary,

start off with a topic and then proceed to daydream text..

Mary
Guest

Hello Chris,

I am On day eight where we build attraction and rapport in text messages. Should I be starting off with a day dream text or should I start the conversation off with a topic and then make my way into the “What are your biggest dreams text”

Thank you

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Mary,

start off with a topic and then proceed to daydream text..

Mary
Guest

Hello Chris,

I am On day eight where we build attraction and rapport in text messages. Should I be starting off with a day dream text or should I start the conversation off with a topic and then make my way into the “What are your biggest dreams text”

Thanks

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Mary,

start off with a topic and then proceed to daydream text..

Stephanie
Guest
I have a question about the texting bible and texting section of your recovery program. Are we always the one who have to initiate the conversation? I finished the 31 days NC & I hit up my ex ten times in the course of two weeks, he always replies, but never starts the conversation with me & leaves me hanging at times. I feel like we have become more like friends then anything & its my fault I thought if I suggested being friends first he will be more open to speaking and hitting me uo first! Idk what to… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Stephanie,

it’s not really a “must” but it’s ok that you’re the one initiating, just be the one to end the conversation at high point. Are you trying to end it in cliffhanger?

Stephanie
Guest
I’m clearly still friend zoned. Thats all we are now friends. We decided to catch up Saturday so we went out to eat. After, I got upset when he wasn’t responding to my messages & was clearly on fb. He told me that I’m forgetting we are just friends & not dating. I told him of course thats clear to me & I don’t want to get back together because I lost all my feelings of attraction for you. But that’s not true I’m still in love with him. I don’t know what to do I’m always the one texting… Read more »
Stephanie
Guest
I didn’t take the week off from texting & I’m clearly still friend zoned. Thats all we are now friends. We decided to catch up Saturday so we went out to eat. After, I got upset when he wasn’t responding to my messages & was clearly on fb. He told me that I’m forgetting we are just friends & not dating. I told him of course thats clear to me & I don’t want to get back together because I lost all my feelings of attraction for you. But that’s not true I’m still in love with him. & now… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
I think you should and this time, you cant get angry with him..it’s frustrating but you won’t build rapport if you get angry.. Dont be too available after nc .. start dating too and after nc, dont stop your activities.. Do new things and make new friends.. He has to think you’re really moving on..because right now, you’re saying one thing but your actions show you’re expecting another.. You have to be the one ending the conversations at high point too after nc… I think you should do at least 45. You have to risk losing him because of wanting… Read more »
Stephanie
Guest
45 days? He may never talk to me again. We didn’t have a long relationship it was only 3 months. We never got to the I love you phase. Wouldn’t I loose him completely? He always showed he cared a lot for me through his actions and he moved things really quick with me he was excited to present me to family & friends … he said he hasn’t had a relationship in years &was the second girl he presented to his family. So I don’t understand when he left me for something so petty. Only because I got upset… Read more »
Stephanie
Guest

Is been four days since I last contacted him. Two days ago I posted on my Snapchat story a picture with guy friend from college who is attractive, he has his girlfriend though but he offered to take the picture with me and suggested I posted it. In less than an hour my ex opened my story & saw it. Snapchat lets you see the people that have viewed your story. Could this change things a little? Do I still proceed with 45 NC?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

you’re already friendzoned..He made it clear that you’re not dating, so what’s more to lose? The goal from now is to get out of the friendzone. that’s why you need to be an ungettable girl..

Stephanie
Guest
Hello, So the last words my ex told me before ending our friendship were …”Things are not the same. Right now I need to keep my eye on the prize because my dream is knocking on my door right now. I’m on review for nypd but I could get off of it and now I’m starting the Suffolk police process. I can’t afford to be lose my focus and to do that I need to be extremely selfish and focus solely on my self. No one is going to hand me my dream I have to push myself harder and… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

That’s good that he knows he has to push for his dream.. When is he going to be a police? check the link below:
The Ungettable Girl

Stephanie
Guest

He didn’t get into the academy this time around and was put in physic review … he is really stressed about the whole thing & dislikes he’s job now…. reason he says he has no patience or time to focus on anything but his career right now .. & I got stuck in the middle. I try to be there for him & support him … but I guess he saw it more as a bother & decided not to be friends nomore …

Stephanie
Guest
I have a question about the texting bible and texting section of your recovery program. Are we always the one who have to initiate the conversation? I finished the 31 days NC & I hit up my ex ten times in the course of two weeks, he always replies, but never starts the conversation with me & leaves me hanging at times. I feel like we have become more like friends then anything & its my fault I thought if I suggested being friends first he will be more open to speaking and hitting me uo first! Idk what to… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Stephanie,

it’s not really a “must” but it’s ok that you’re the one initiating, just be the one to end the conversation at high point. Are you trying to end it in cliffhanger?

Stephanie
Guest
I’m clearly still friend zoned. Thats all we are now friends. We decided to catch up Saturday so we went out to eat. After, I got upset when he wasn’t responding to my messages & was clearly on fb. He told me that I’m forgetting we are just friends & not dating. I told him of course thats clear to me & I don’t want to get back together because I lost all my feelings of attraction for you. But that’s not true I’m still in love with him. I don’t know what to do I’m always the one texting… Read more »
Stephanie
Guest
I didn’t take the week off from texting & I’m clearly still friend zoned. Thats all we are now friends. We decided to catch up Saturday so we went out to eat. After, I got upset when he wasn’t responding to my messages & was clearly on fb. He told me that I’m forgetting we are just friends & not dating. I told him of course thats clear to me & I don’t want to get back together because I lost all my feelings of attraction for you. But that’s not true I’m still in love with him. & now… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
I think you should and this time, you cant get angry with him..it’s frustrating but you won’t build rapport if you get angry.. Dont be too available after nc .. start dating too and after nc, dont stop your activities.. Do new things and make new friends.. He has to think you’re really moving on..because right now, you’re saying one thing but your actions show you’re expecting another.. You have to be the one ending the conversations at high point too after nc… I think you should do at least 45. You have to risk losing him because of wanting… Read more »
Stephanie
Guest
45 days? He may never talk to me again. We didn’t have a long relationship it was only 3 months. We never got to the I love you phase. Wouldn’t I loose him completely? He always showed he cared a lot for me through his actions and he moved things really quick with me he was excited to present me to family & friends … he said he hasn’t had a relationship in years &was the second girl he presented to his family. So I don’t understand when he left me for something so petty. Only because I got upset… Read more »
Stephanie
Guest

Is been four days since I last contacted him. Two days ago I posted on my Snapchat story a picture with guy friend from college who is attractive, he has his girlfriend though but he offered to take the picture with me and suggested I posted it. In less than an hour my ex opened my story & saw it. Snapchat lets you see the people that have viewed your story. Could this change things a little? Do I still proceed with 45 NC?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

you’re already friendzoned..He made it clear that you’re not dating, so what’s more to lose? The goal from now is to get out of the friendzone. that’s why you need to be an ungettable girl..

Stephanie
Guest
Hello, So the last words my ex told me before ending our friendship were …”Things are not the same. Right now I need to keep my eye on the prize because my dream is knocking on my door right now. I’m on review for nypd but I could get off of it and now I’m starting the Suffolk police process. I can’t afford to be lose my focus and to do that I need to be extremely selfish and focus solely on my self. No one is going to hand me my dream I have to push myself harder and… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

That’s good that he knows he has to push for his dream.. When is he going to be a police? check the link below:
The Ungettable Girl

Stephanie
Guest

He didn’t get into the academy this time around and was put in physic review … he is really stressed about the whole thing & dislikes he’s job now…. reason he says he has no patience or time to focus on anything but his career right now .. & I got stuck in the middle. I try to be there for him & support him … but I guess he saw it more as a bother & decided not to be friends nomore …

Daria
Guest
Hello, so I recently started initiating conversation with my ex this week after completing 31 days no contact. The responses so far have been positive and he has been responding in a timely manner. I have been following the texting chart Chris has laid out in the ebook, but on Monday I will be leaving for Costa Rica for a week and will not have access, to the internet in order to text him. Does this mean all rapport will be lost when I leave? Should I start over with texting or pick up where I left off? I will… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Daria,
Nope, it won’t. Use it to your advantage. Have fun, take lots of pictures and do a lot of stuff that you can share to him and talk about. You can continue with the topics you left off or start new ones.

Daria
Guest

Thanks Amor, this helps.

Although.. I have had a lot of different feedback on this and my friends have been the ones saying that I shouldn’t be the one initiating contact with him first. I have been trying my best to end conversations on a high note with him, but will me initiating contact with me first get him to miss me or even get him to start messaging me first at all

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

It’s ok to initiate contact as long as you end the conversations at high point. You need to keep talking because talking builds rapport. And ending it yourself at high point gives you more power over the conversation. The quality of the conversation and how you continue to improve yourself can help him miss you more..

Stephanie
Guest

He ends the conversation most of the time & I’m feeling like he really isn’t in the mode to speak sometimes. This really bothers b/c he use to text me all the time before and will always initiate. Next time I speak to him I’ll make sure to end on a cliffhanger…. but my cousin phorbided me to hit him up first again and suggested I wait for him to hit him up because she says I’m coming off as needy or desperate.. what do you think?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Rest for a week from initiating, and then after that be in control by always being the one ending the conversation at high point.

Daria
Guest
Hello, so I recently started initiating conversation with my ex this week after completing 31 days no contact. The responses so far have been positive and he has been responding in a timely manner. I have been following the texting chart Chris has laid out in the ebook, but on Monday I will be leaving for Costa Rica for a week and will not have access, to the internet in order to text him. Does this mean all rapport will be lost when I leave? Should I start over with texting or pick up where I left off? I will… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Daria,
Nope, it won’t. Use it to your advantage. Have fun, take lots of pictures and do a lot of stuff that you can share to him and talk about. You can continue with the topics you left off or start new ones.

Daria
Guest

Thanks Amor, this helps.

Although.. I have had a lot of different feedback on this and my friends have been the ones saying that I shouldn’t be the one initiating contact with him first. I have been trying my best to end conversations on a high note with him, but will me initiating contact with me first get him to miss me or even get him to start messaging me first at all

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

It’s ok to initiate contact as long as you end the conversations at high point. You need to keep talking because talking builds rapport. And ending it yourself at high point gives you more power over the conversation. The quality of the conversation and how you continue to improve yourself can help him miss you more..

Stephanie
Guest

He ends the conversation most of the time & I’m feeling like he really isn’t in the mode to speak sometimes. This really bothers b/c he use to text me all the time before and will always initiate. Next time I speak to him I’ll make sure to end on a cliffhanger…. but my cousin phorbided me to hit him up first again and suggested I wait for him to hit him up because she says I’m coming off as needy or desperate.. what do you think?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Rest for a week from initiating, and then after that be in control by always being the one ending the conversation at high point.

koe
Guest
Hi EBR My ex boyfriend and I have been chatting for 31 days to be exact. However he has never initiated texts. He always responds but he never initiates. Im close to giving up now. I did a pretty long no contact as I had done it before and felt I went back into the relationship without fully healing myself. So when he broke up with me again I stopped contact for 3 months. He contacted me 3 times after 30 days of no contact. At that time I had still not healed hence the 90 day. I initiated contact… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Koe,

how are you ending the conversations and what topics were you using? Did you continue to be active in your life and in posting while building rapport?

koe
Guest
Hi Amor I mostly ended conversations using TTYL or letting him know im going somewhere or he should sleep well. I ended 70% of the conversations. Il admit my social updates were a daily occurrence prior to first contact. Afterwards I posted but more on weekends as I was mostly active on weekends more than during the week. My text messages are however more funny and casual rather than flirty. I early stopped using memory or compliment texts because I feared coming across as wanting him back. My story texts are definitely not a success so I stopped after 3… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

30 texts per day? that’s a lot.. you should move on to calls.. we’re you ending the texts in cliffhanger style?

koe
Guest
Hi Amor I did transition to phone calls. But before calling this is what I did. I didn’t text him for 3 days and he never initiated texting. When I finally did text him, I sent a funny meme of which we laughed and spoke about it. Somewhere in there he asked me what I considered a good looking guy. I dodged the question by responding about other things and being vague. He still continued to send more texts than me but never initiating. So in the last 2 days I took extremely long to respond to his texts as… Read more »
koe
Guest

My comment is not appearing that I sent on the 12 Feb

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

is that the comment above? I just haven’t reached it yet.. you’re doung4 great! It’s ok that he’s not initiating.What’s more important is that you’re having good conversations and that youre5 always the one ending at high note. Continue on incorporating more calls before moving on to hanging out

koe
Guest
Hi Amor thanks again for all your help. Since transitioning to calls a few days ago things have been a little weird for me. The day after the call I basically did not talk to him at all. The next day Basically on Vday I posted wishing everyone a happy day. Also I posted my sisters proposal. He was online the whole time and I never spoke to him as Its Valentines and I didnt want to come across as desperate. Odd thing though he was online the whole day and hes hardly ever online unless hes chatting to me.… Read more »
koe
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

you can call him..it’s going forward but you nees to initiate more conversations..

koe
Guest
Hi Amor Bad news I called him. We spoke and enjoyed our conversation. But then he kept on talking about breakups and bad relationships. He spoke about how his friends breakups were so bad. But all the stories sounded exactly like ours. One story even sounded exactly like ours word for word. The thing is throughout texting, calling he was always talking about breakups. I tried to ignore it but that day I couldnt. Needless to say I pointed it out and he blew up. We argued and with no hesitation we ended up speaking about our break up. He… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

One year is long, there’s a high possibility that by that time he has forgiven and moved on. The question is, how much you changed by that time because if he still you’re still the same as before, he might have forgiven you, but that doesn’t mean he trusts that you’re not going to be the same as before when you broke up. So, use that time to genuinely change and improve yourself. Yes, you should send his stuff back. You don’t have to tell him that you’re going to stop talking. Just stop.

koe
Guest
Hi EBR My ex boyfriend and I have been chatting for 31 days to be exact. However he has never initiated texts. He always responds but he never initiates. Im close to giving up now. I did a pretty long no contact as I had done it before and felt I went back into the relationship without fully healing myself. So when he broke up with me again I stopped contact for 3 months. He contacted me 3 times after 30 days of no contact. At that time I had still not healed hence the 90 day. I initiated contact… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Koe,

how are you ending the conversations and what topics were you using? Did you continue to be active in your life and in posting while building rapport?

koe
Guest
Hi Amor I mostly ended conversations using TTYL or letting him know im going somewhere or he should sleep well. I ended 70% of the conversations. Il admit my social updates were a daily occurrence prior to first contact. Afterwards I posted but more on weekends as I was mostly active on weekends more than during the week. My text messages are however more funny and casual rather than flirty. I early stopped using memory or compliment texts because I feared coming across as wanting him back. My story texts are definitely not a success so I stopped after 3… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

30 texts per day? that’s a lot.. you should move on to calls.. we’re you ending the texts in cliffhanger style?

koe
Guest
Hi Amor I did transition to phone calls. But before calling this is what I did. I didn’t text him for 3 days and he never initiated texting. When I finally did text him, I sent a funny meme of which we laughed and spoke about it. Somewhere in there he asked me what I considered a good looking guy. I dodged the question by responding about other things and being vague. He still continued to send more texts than me but never initiating. So in the last 2 days I took extremely long to respond to his texts as… Read more »
koe
Guest

My comment is not appearing that I sent on the 12 Feb

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

is that the comment above? I just haven’t reached it yet.. you’re doung4 great! It’s ok that he’s not initiating.What’s more important is that you’re having good conversations and that youre5 always the one ending at high note. Continue on incorporating more calls before moving on to hanging out

koe
Guest
Hi Amor thanks again for all your help. Since transitioning to calls a few days ago things have been a little weird for me. The day after the call I basically did not talk to him at all. The next day Basically on Vday I posted wishing everyone a happy day. Also I posted my sisters proposal. He was online the whole time and I never spoke to him as Its Valentines and I didnt want to come across as desperate. Odd thing though he was online the whole day and hes hardly ever online unless hes chatting to me.… Read more »
koe
Guest
Hi Amor Bad news I called him. We spoke and enjoyed our conversation. But then he kept on talking about breakups and bad relationships. He spoke about how his friends breakups were so bad. But all the stories sounded exactly like ours. One story even sounded exactly like ours word for word. The thing is throughout texting, calling he was always talking about breakups. I tried to ignore it but that day I couldnt. Needless to say I pointed it out and he blew up. We argued and with no hesitation we ended up speaking about our break up. He… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

One year is long, there’s a high possibility that by that time he has forgiven and moved on. The question is, how much you changed by that time because if he still you’re still the same as before, he might have forgiven you, but that doesn’t mean he trusts that you’re not going to be the same as before when you broke up. So, use that time to genuinely change and improve yourself. Yes, you should send his stuff back. You don’t have to tell him that you’re going to stop talking. Just stop.

Pippa
Guest
I completed NC and the texting seemed to be going ok: I sent was one asking how his Christmas went, he replied and asked how mine was. The next text was a few days later wishing him a happy new year and he responded the same. The one after that I was asking after a mutual friend who is ill in hospital and again he replied. And then a few more days had passed so this morning I sent him a funny one – no response. I admit that it could be because I sent it in the morning instead… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

HI Pippa,

Why were the previous texts spaced days apart? And then suddenly you went all in a day. I think you need to rest for a week, and then after that, try the tide theory.

Pippa
Guest
I completed NC and the texting seemed to be going ok: I sent was one asking how his Christmas went, he replied and asked how mine was. The next text was a few days later wishing him a happy new year and he responded the same. The one after that I was asking after a mutual friend who is ill in hospital and again he replied. And then a few more days had passed so this morning I sent him a funny one – no response. I admit that it could be because I sent it in the morning instead… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

HI Pippa,

Why were the previous texts spaced days apart? And then suddenly you went all in a day. I think you need to rest for a week, and then after that, try the tide theory.

S.
Guest

I’ve started texting my ex, but most of the times it takes him all day to answer, so I don’t feel we can have a proper conversation. How do I get him to response me faster? Does this mean that he’s not interesting in being in contact with me?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

How many texts have you exchanged? If there’s no rapport and you’re just starting out then it’s normal that he wont initiate.. End the conversations yourself and end it in cliffhanger style

S.
Guest

I’ve started texting my ex, but most of the times it takes him all day to answer, so I don’t feel we can have a proper conversation. How do I get him to response me faster? Does this mean that he’s not interesting in being in contact with me?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

How many texts have you exchanged? If there’s no rapport and you’re just starting out then it’s normal that he wont initiate.. End the conversations yourself and end it in cliffhanger style

Jillian
Guest
I need someones help. I have no idea what to do, and none of my comments have been answered and its been 5 days. He is being confusing and my situation is odd. My boyfriend and I were together for a year and a half. We were the best of friends, did everything together, told each other everything, we were each others first love. We had our arguments because we are bull headed but he treated me like a princess, and the arguments never lasted. But everything changed when he left for a university and Im staying at a community… Read more »
Jillian
Guest

UPDATE: I texted him after 3/4 days saying “I just thought of a happy memory” and he said “What is it?” and I said the memory about when we stayed up all night talking in Florida and asked him if he remembered it and he responded “I do remember” Do I wait a day or two and try again?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
Hi Jillian, It’s good that you did the no contact rule but it looks like it was not enough for a restart. You’re the only one making effort because he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore. So, right now, there’s still might be a little thought in him that thinks you’re trying to get him back. He doesn’t really think you’re moving on but you did mention to him that you just missed your best friend. Are you still continually improving yourself? Are you active in posting in social media? Will he think you’re moving on… Read more »
Jillian
Guest
I need someones help. I have no idea what to do, and none of my comments have been answered and its been 5 days. He is being confusing and my situation is odd. My boyfriend and I were together for a year and a half. We were the best of friends, did everything together, told each other everything, we were each others first love. We had our arguments because we are bull headed but he treated me like a princess, and the arguments never lasted. But everything changed when he left for a university and Im staying at a community… Read more »
Jillian
Guest

UPDATE: I texted him after 3/4 days saying “I just thought of a happy memory” and he said “What is it?” and I said the memory about when we stayed up all night talking in Florida and asked him if he remembered it and he responded “I do remember” Do I wait a day or two and try again?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
Hi Jillian, It’s good that you did the no contact rule but it looks like it was not enough for a restart. You’re the only one making effort because he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore. So, right now, there’s still might be a little thought in him that thinks you’re trying to get him back. He doesn’t really think you’re moving on but you did mention to him that you just missed your best friend. Are you still continually improving yourself? Are you active in posting in social media? Will he think you’re moving on… Read more »
Jamie
Guest
Hi Chris or Amor, Trying to keep this simple, my situation is in a way related with the podcast here. Also, I have purchased and am currently involved in the Ex Boyfriend Recovery pro steps. I broke up with my ex because I admitted that I didn’t love myself enough to love him and that he wasn’t changing either, since he wasn’t motivated and I just wanted him to get a job. From that day, around October 2016, a month went by without any contact and when I texted him, he said “I was about to text you. I was… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jamie,

I think you need to accept first that he’s not inlove with you anymore. He has moved on. So now, all he wants before being friends with you is to be sure that you have moved on too. For me you should do at least 45 days but you have to really improve yourself during and after nc. Aim to be the ungettable girl.

Jamie
Guest
Hi Chris or Amor, Trying to keep this simple, my situation is in a way related with the podcast here. Also, I have purchased and am currently involved in the Ex Boyfriend Recovery pro steps. I broke up with my ex because I admitted that I didn’t love myself enough to love him and that he wasn’t changing either, since he wasn’t motivated and I just wanted him to get a job. From that day, around October 2016, a month went by without any contact and when I texted him, he said “I was about to text you. I was… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jamie,

I think you need to accept first that he’s not inlove with you anymore. He has moved on. So now, all he wants before being friends with you is to be sure that you have moved on too. For me you should do at least 45 days but you have to really improve yourself during and after nc. Aim to be the ungettable girl.

Barbara
Guest
Hey, I don’t know if it is the right place to write down my question… I have been seeing a guy for the past 4 months and we went through a major argument last sunday (because of a huge misunderstanding). We both were wrong, I apologised saying I’m willing to talk this through, but at the same time I was sick. He said we should wait until I get better and talk about “us”. The thing is, for the past months, a day hasn’t gone without him sending the first “good morning” text. And since that argument, no more texts… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Barbara,
have you talked?

Barbari
Guest

Yes, I did talk to him , telling him I was doing good and asking about how he was going. Seems like things are quite hectic with him at work, and I didn’t want to bother him. We haven’t mentionned our relationship, the whole convo was about work and problems at work. I was the last to text two days ago and I haven’t heard from him yet. I guess I will just leave like this and wait for him to come around. I don’t wanna be the pushy one asking where we are heading. What do you think?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

actually what I meant is to talk about the relationship.. Time it right because if you don’t talk about it, then how long are you going to wait?

Barbara
Guest

He is a radio host, a lot is going on with his work right now and I’m afraid to catch him at the wrong time … And I don’t know how to bring the subject. “Hey can we talk about us” seems a little bit harsh.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Yeah..I understand..but set a time limit on until when you would wait..if you see each othet in person, bring it up when he’s in the best mood

Barbara
Guest
Hey, I don’t know if it is the right place to write down my question… I have been seeing a guy for the past 4 months and we went through a major argument last sunday (because of a huge misunderstanding). We both were wrong, I apologised saying I’m willing to talk this through, but at the same time I was sick. He said we should wait until I get better and talk about “us”. The thing is, for the past months, a day hasn’t gone without him sending the first “good morning” text. And since that argument, no more texts… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Barbara,
have you talked?

Barbari
Guest

Yes, I did talk to him , telling him I was doing good and asking about how he was going. Seems like things are quite hectic with him at work, and I didn’t want to bother him. We haven’t mentionned our relationship, the whole convo was about work and problems at work. I was the last to text two days ago and I haven’t heard from him yet. I guess I will just leave like this and wait for him to come around. I don’t wanna be the pushy one asking where we are heading. What do you think?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

actually what I meant is to talk about the relationship.. Time it right because if you don’t talk about it, then how long are you going to wait?

Barbara
Guest

He is a radio host, a lot is going on with his work right now and I’m afraid to catch him at the wrong time … And I don’t know how to bring the subject. “Hey can we talk about us” seems a little bit harsh.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Yeah..I understand..but set a time limit on until when you would wait..if you see each othet in person, bring it up when he’s in the best mood

Lisa
Guest
so ive completed the no contact stage and insome ways it worked well. about 4 days after the 30 days of NC we saw each other out as it was a kind of festival day her in Australia (Melbourne Cup; its a horse race the basically the whole of Australia shuts down for on the 1st Tuesday of Nov every year; kinda like an Aussi tradition) anyays…we saw each other out as we were both celebrating; he’d been at work before the race so i was a little more jovial then he was. He actually saw my boss who is… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Lisa,

check this one:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
it doesn’t have to be a memory. Think about his interests and talk about that or what’s current that’s interesting for him.

Lisa
Guest
so ive started to compile some ideas for my text messages in relation to his interests exc. Thing is though there is mention of starting it with something like “you’ll never guess what?” I hate to say it but not much happens thats excititng in my life (hahah) how would i combat this. I work in Accounting and not a llot happenes on a day to day basis. Also ifeel that i should do another lot of no contact but only for a shortened time. The 30 days worked but as i mentioned in my about post he has shaded… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hmm what are his interests? Anything current?

Lisa
Guest
so ive completed the no contact stage and insome ways it worked well. about 4 days after the 30 days of NC we saw each other out as it was a kind of festival day her in Australia (Melbourne Cup; its a horse race the basically the whole of Australia shuts down for on the 1st Tuesday of Nov every year; kinda like an Aussi tradition) anyays…we saw each other out as we were both celebrating; he’d been at work before the race so i was a little more jovial then he was. He actually saw my boss who is… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Lisa,

check this one:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
it doesn’t have to be a memory. Think about his interests and talk about that or what’s current that’s interesting for him.

Lisa
Guest
so ive started to compile some ideas for my text messages in relation to his interests exc. Thing is though there is mention of starting it with something like “you’ll never guess what?” I hate to say it but not much happens thats excititng in my life (hahah) how would i combat this. I work in Accounting and not a llot happenes on a day to day basis. Also ifeel that i should do another lot of no contact but only for a shortened time. The 30 days worked but as i mentioned in my about post he has shaded… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hmm what are his interests? Anything current?