What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

EBR 063: When Texting Goes WRONG With Your Ex…

When it comes to getting an ex boyfriend back one of the most asked questions that we get is,

How do I text him?

And if you are pretty familiar with our site you would know that I have put together quite a few guides over the years detailing exactly what to do. Well, I want you to take a moment and imagine something for me.

Imagine that you read all of my “in-depth” guides and had a pretty good idea of how I teach texting. And yet, when you actually went to implement my teaching it turned into a disaster.

Well, this is the exact thing that happened to the woman featured in today’s episode.

She sent a string of text messages and they didn’t work out too well for her.

Well, today I am going to dissect her messages and show you what she should have done.

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

Video Of Episode 63 (When Texting Goes WRONG With Your Ex…)

Pretty crazy, right?

Here’s a better explanation of the situation we are talking about in this episode,

The Situation We Are Talking About

  • The woman wanted to remain “anonymous” so we are just going to refer to her as anonymous
  • She completed the 30 day no contact rule
  • She began texting her ex like she was supposed to
  • He ended up not responding well to it at all
  • She has no idea on what to do

Important Things We Talk About In This Episode

  • The importance of being interesting with your texts
  • Every text you get is information and it’s important that you use that information properly
  • My crazy new phone number and the calls I get from it
  • Not going too fast, too soon
  • Looking at the situation from your exes perspective

Important Links Mentioned In This Episode

Interview Transcript

  • Every so often I get a voice mail that really sticks out to me and that was certainly the case with the voicemail that I’m going to feature in this episode. Now, there’s a lot of things you can do to really stick out to me and get featured on this podcast. You can have an interesting situation, you can have a funny situation, you can have really good audio.

    There’s a lot of different things that I take into account. But this one, this one took the cake because you can hear the frustration and anger in this woman’s voice. And her situation is kind of funny at the same time and interesting at the same time.

    This situation really had it all. Now, what we’re going to talk about today is texting.  Texting is a thing that a lot of people struggle with when it comes to getting their ex boyfriends back. They don’t know what to say, how to say it or what to do. And even though I can’t really cover all of those things in one podcast episode, I can introduce you to them. And that’s what I’m going to attempt to do here.

    This woman essentially talk to me about her entire conversation with her ex and it went completely wrong. And so what we’re going to do today and, I’ve never done anything like this. So, this is kind of a first here for the ex boyfriend recovery podcast, is we’re going to take those four text messages that were sent because remember this conversation did not go well. It didn’t really last very long and I’m going to dissect what she did wrong, and kind of give you some insight into what her ex boyfriend was thinking.

    So, without further ado, I’d like to introduce you to our really, really great Anonymous call her–“Call-her”! [Laughs] our Anonymous caller–Call her, I can’t believe I said that. I’m going to introduce you to our Anonymous caller who has a question about texting.

  • Hi!,

    So, I started no contact up to 30 days and then I texted today my ex and I wrote, I just said,

    “I just drove past you in Glenroy.” Hang on. I’m sorry. The text was:

    text-1

    And then he replied half an hour later.

    text-2

    And then I wrote,

    text-3

    and then he wrote,

    text4

    I don’t know what to do now. Please help.

  • Ok. Wow, that is one heck of a situation. It definitely did not go well and we’re going to talk about that and hopefully give you some understanding of what went wrong, what you could have done better, and what’s going on in his mind to make him act or say the things that he’s saying.

    So, the first thing I want to do is commend you on the no contact rule. I know that’s a really difficult time to go through. The only thing that I can really–and you didn’t really mention anything about this. But the only thing that I can really advise on with the no contact rule, is ask you a simple question. What significant changes have happened? If you are the same version of yourself that you were during the relationship and you just ignored him for 30 days, that is actually not enough anymore with the no contact rule. We become a lot more advanced in our understanding of the no contact rule and what really works to get an ex back. And often times, personal growth and development has to happen during this time and period where you are ignoring your ex.

    So, if you didn’t do anything like that and you approached him and tried to text him. We found that things tend not to go really well. Whereas if you have created a lot of personal growth and development during the no contact rule and then you text him, you’re in a much better frame of mind. You’re more confident and things just end up going better.

    Now, you didn’t really talk much about that. Mostly, you were talking about your text message conversation that went horribly wrong. So, let’s talk a little bit about that.

    The one thing I want you to understand here about texting is it’s almost like a little chess match and every single text you send gives you a piece of information. And based on that information that you get, it essentially informs your next move. So, if things are going well, then usually you know you need to pull back and retreat and try to figure something else out. If things are going good, then you know you can kind of keep advancing and the idea here is you want things to continue to go good, so you can kind of advance up the value chain.

    Of course you wouldn’t be calling me if things went really well. Things went disastrously bad. So, here’s what I’m going to do. Four texts were sent here.

    Text number 1 was you said, “I just drove past you in Glenroy. Hope you are well.”

    To which he responds, “Glenroy? I think you got the wrong person.”

    And then you wrote, which this is where things really started going wrong.

    “Ooops, I could have sworn it was you. It kind of reminded me of the night I was in my bathrobe.”

    And if you are watching this on Youtube. I just basically made love to the camera right there! Ok, and then he responds,

    “Who the F is this?”

    And that’s when you know, it really went wrong. So, I’m going to take you text by text and explain what you didn’t do right, what you did do right and what he’s thinking. So, let’s start with the first text.

    So, I have written a lot about this on exboyfriend recovery and I’ve even done podcast episodes about it because this is really where women struggle the most. So, when women do the no contact rule, they’re ignoring their ex from 21-45 days. Any kind of time frame in between that. And after that I’d recommend, “Ok, now it’s time to text your ex” and then you have that ultimate question. “Well, what do I text him?” And this is something that women struggle with a lot.

    So, you are definitely not alone in this Anonymous and you did make some mistakes here. So, you’re text was–your first text to him was, “I just drove past you in Glenroy. Hope you are well.”

    Now, here’s the problem with that. Number 1, there’s nothing interesting about that. There’s nothing that makes him want to actively respond. Number 2, you didn’t follow my protocol on first contact text messages. So, let’s talk about this, your first contact text message, the first message that you basically text to your ex after the no contact rule, has to be interesting. It has to be so interesting that he’ll actively want to respond to you in a positive manner. And I’ve come with this really special protocol for doing this.

    So, you’re going to utilize four things when you’re creating your text message. Your knowledge of your ex, so you’re going to play on to your knowledge of him. What does he like? What does he dislike? And you’re going to try to incorporate that into the text in some way, shape or form. And then number 2, a story. People, I found really respond well to stories. If you really want to connect with someone or build rapport with someone, telling a story is the way to go and generally if it’s a really interesting story, you’re going to get a really interesting response. So, right now we have two. You’re going to utilize the knowledge that you have of your ex already and incorporate it into a story.

    Number 3 is you’re going to use an action phrase. So, you want to start off your text with, “Oh my god!” or, “You won’t believe what I just saw!” An action phrase like this, creates interest. And you want your ex boyfriend to be interested in what you have to say.

    What is your first reaction when I say, “Oh my god! You’re not going to believe what I just saw!” Well, you’re first reaction is, “What did you see?” You want to know. It creates interest, intrigue and I would liken this kind of a pattern interrupt. So, a pattern interrupt is imagine that you were walking up to a group of friends. Ok? And this group of friends all knew each other and they were talking amongst themselves. And you were walking up and you were just trying to get into the middle of the conversation but everyone is talking amongst themselves and you really can’t get their attention onto you. Now, compare that when you walk up to them and then you do this, you snap. Immediately, they stop talking and they look directly at you. The action phrase is meant to do this,

    “Oh my god! (snap) You’re not going to believe what I just saw (snap)! It’s snapping his attention to you and then you tell your story of which you of course you use your knowledge of him and then finally you’re going to tie in.

    Now, this is really where it gets a little tricky. You’re going to say something like, “Yeah that was the first time you popped in my head in a while.”

    Now, I realized, this is a little bit confusing so, I think it’s best if I do this in a cohesive manner.

    So, imagine you decide to send this text to your exboyfriend. He’s a big fan of, let’s say Game of Thrones.

    “You are not going to believe what I just saw.”

    To which he responds, “What?”

    “I just saw the most epic marathon of Game of Thrones and it totally reminded me of that time that I was at your house and we just binge watched the entire series. It was the first time I thought about you in a while.”
    Now, this text is going to do a number of things. 1, you are intriguing him with the action phrase. You’re intriguing him with a pattern interrupt. Something that’s going to make him snap to attention and respond to you. Next, you’re going to tell a little quick story about the time you saw this really awesome Game of Thrones marathon on the television which you know, he’s a big Game of Thrones fan. And you’re going to bring him back into a memory, a good memory of when the two of binge watch it at his house. And then finally, you’re going to tie it back in to you where you’re going to say, “Yeah, it was the first time I thought about you in a while.”

    Now, the important part of this tie in, the “It was the first time I thought about you in a while.” is the fact that you haven’t talked to him in a month ok? So, if you say that, he’s going to think, “Wait, you haven’t been thinking of me this entire time?” And that’s kind of where you want him. So, your text, your problem was, this is what you texted your ex. “I just drove past you in Glenroy. Hope you are well.” That is a normal text message.

    We need to be more creative and have more thought. And of course he didn’t really respond to well to it. Let’s look at the second text. Now, his second text was, “Glenroy? I think you may have the wrong person.”

    Now, remember what I said in the beginning of this episode how every single text message you get is a piece of information ok? Now, this is a vital piece of information. A piece of information that you ignored and this is where you really went wrong. Now, there’s nothing wrong with the fact that you went wrong. Everyone makes mistakes. All I want for you is to learn from the mistake. So, the piece of information that you didn’t pick up on is, someone who says, “Glenroy? I think you may have the wrong person.” is indicative of someone who doesn’t know who you are. So, usually and I know this really well because I got a new phone at the begging of the year and I’m always getting this phone calls from people wanting to speak to the previous owner of the phone. So, I’m getting text messages, phone calls, all for someone who isn’t me. It’s for someone who previously owned the phone ok?

    And so, I am used to getting wrong numbers. So, I’m constantly saying, I think you may have the wrong person. This seems like that is what is happening here.

    So, it seems to me like either he has blocked your number or erased your number so, he doesn’t know what your number looks like. He doesn’t have you in his phone anymore. This is a vital piece of information and it’s a piece of information that you didn’t pick up on. So, what’s the best play here? Well, let’s imagine that you got this piece of information. The mistake you made was you continued to go forward. What you should’ve done was retreated and come up with another game plan. That would be the smart way to approach it. The only thing, the only fly in the ointment so to speak is, every time you come up with a game plan, especially when you’re trying to get an ex back. A lot of things, a lot of variables will change and something won’t go according to your ultimate plan.

    For example, things didn’t go according to your plan right here. You were expecting him to say something like–so, your first text was, “Hey, I just drove past you in Glenroy. Hope you are well.” And you were expecting him hopefully to say, “Oh, that’s so sweet. Thank you for thinking of me.” But you didn’t. He essentially gave you the response of, “Sigh, wrong number.”

    Now, the smart move there is to retreat, regroup and come up with another game plan. You went forward and this is really where you made your biggest mistake. Your biggest mistake was with the third text message. Now, this third text message, I’m not quite sure what you were trying to accomplish but your third text message says, “Oops, could have sworn it was you.” Which it seems like you knew that the wrong number was prevalent but you decided to go forward anyways. So, you said, “Oops, could have sworn it was you. It reminded of that time I was in my bathrobe.”

    Now, there’s a lot of mistakes here. I don’t know if you were trying to use some sort of jealous text or be flirty or sexual in nature or something but it didn’t play well. Often times, when you’re going to be try to be sexual in this nature, you need to have built up rapport. You wouldn’t try to ask someone on a first date to marry you? You would have to build up rapport, trust first. Same kind of thing goes with flirting and doing sexual messages like this ok? You need to build more rapport. So, essentially this was way too much way too soon. And the bathrobe, I really– it has to tie to what your’e talking about before. It’s out of left field. You were just saying, “Hey, I just saw you. I just drove past you in Glenroy.” And he just said, “No, you didn’t” And then you start talking about being in your bathrobe which is very sexual in nature.

    Now, I understand, you were probably trying to be flirty and it’s often said that tears are a woman’s greatest weapon but sex is also a woman’s greatest weapon right? And I think you were trying to use that. You were trying to use that to your advantage and hopefully, get him to show some introspect. The things is, he didn’t. He responded very, very negatively which we’ll talk about one second. First things first, I want to explain to you why I would never recommend this text even if things were going well. So, first off, the sexual in nature texts, it’s really tricky because you have to have a lot of rapport built and I always think, especially with texts, it’s always kind of fun when you’re a little cheeky and a little flirtatious in nature. You’re being very kind of forward here with your bathrobe comment and believe it or not, it’s not the craziest thing I’ve ever seen a woman text to an ex but the bathrobe thing is so far out of left field. It would have made a little bit more sense if you are talking about bats and something like that where you could tie it in but this really had no place in the conversation and he didn’t respond well to it.

    Let’s talk about that right now.

    So, the 4th text that he sent you, the 4th in the string of texts that we are talking about here is, “Who the F is this?” except it wasn’t just F. It was the F U. You know what I’m saying, the cuss word. Alright, this is indicative of a man who has been angered ok? And creeped out. So, him being angry and creeped out by you is definitely not the reaction that you want him to have when you were texting. I always say, on the first contact text message, end the conversation when you get your chance ok? So, end the conversation first and soon. You want it to be a really short re-introduction to you and then the next day, you’ll start to kind of rebuild that rapport and then every subsequent day you’re going to slowly get deeper and deeper into texting him. You want to take things really slow at first and you probably would’ve continued to text him and that’s a mistake but he essentially cut the conversation off when he said, “Who the F is this?”.

    Now, I want you to look at this from his perspective. Imagine that you got a text message from a stranger. Someone who you didn’t know who it was. And then you tried to explain to the person, “Hey I think you have the wrong number.” And the person just continues to go and get sexual in nature. Would that creep you out? Especially being a woman. I’m pretty sure you’d be a little creeped out. And that’s what he’s displaying here. He’s displaying someone who doesn’t know who he’s talking to, who just got really sexual, and it creeps him out. So, here’s what we can learn from this string of text messages.

    Number 1, the first contact text message is vitally important and it’s something that you didn’t really do a great job of. The–I believe it was the, I drove past you in Glenroy. That really is not a great first contact text message.

    Now, it’s not anything against you. I understand.  A lot of women have issues with texting their exes. Especially, with that first contact text message. In fact, I’ve even recorded a podcast on how to conduct the first contact text message, a perfect one and you didn’t do that. And that’s where things started to go wrong and it spiraled down and you didn’t leave the conversation which again is something that you can correct. This are things that are correctable ok?

    Now, his reaction to you is understandable. Don’t take it personally. I suppose the question that you’re wondering at this point is, “Do I have a chance?”

    Your chances just took a massive hit. I am not going to lie to you. You only get so many chances at a first contact text message. I would say you get probably 2 or 3 chances tops. So, it’s a vitally important aspect and a lot of women fail when you get to this aspect. They’re expecting the no contact rule is supposed to do all the work for them but it doesn’t and it never will.

    Yes, there will always be those outliers where all they have to do is ignore their ex for 30 days and bam! The ex comes back. But there’s no guarantee that that’s going to happen. So, if I was you, I would approach it like there’s no guarantee that that’s going to happen. Really work on your first contact text message. Now, do you have a chance? Getting back to my original point.

    You still have a chance but it took a hit ok? Really what you can do is take the information that you have from this experience. You know that he doesn’t know who you are. So, to me that means he erased your number. He hasn’t blocked you because he blocked you, he wouldn’t have responded. He 20:04 probably of anger due to the break up which is an understandable reaction. I just told an embarrassing story on my last podcast episode where I did something like this ok?

    So, take that information and with your first contact text message going forward, re-introduce yourself. Use your name. “Hey, it’s–if your name is Chloe–Chloe” and then weave it into your first contact text message because you have a vital piece of information. The fact that he has erased your number, he doesn’t know who this is ok? So, use that information that you have. Text messages is nothing but a chess match and then best players are the ones who win.

    That’s going to do it for this episode of the ex boyfriend recovery podcast. Thank you for listening. I had a blast filming this and recording it. If you have any questions, please visit our website exboyfriendrecovery.com and ask a question there. We do our best to answer every single question and if you like this podcast and you want it to continue, I highly encourage you to go to Itunes and leave us a review. An honest one, that’s all we ask.

    I really had a blast! Thanks!

	https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/chris-avatar.jpg	

Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

110 thoughts on “EBR 063: When Texting Goes WRONG With Your Ex…”

  1. Patricia

    June 8, 2017 at 3:11 pm

    Please!!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 9, 2017 at 3:09 pm

      Hi Patricia,

      slowly building rapoprt means starting off with texts, and then calls and then meet ups later on.. And that means you don’t become emotional and try to rush things.. Think of him as a stranger that doesn’t have feelings for you but you do for him. How would build rapport and attraction with him in that mind? You would use interesting topics right? Your edge is that you know what topics he likes talking about.

    2. Patricia

      June 9, 2017 at 4:05 pm

      Hi Amor,
      I’m so sorry, I’m probably coming across as if I had some personality disorder. And yes, I know, I read all the articles on it and I never showed emotion, if anyone was being emotional, it was him. He’s depressed. He wouldn’t react well when I tried using topics he likes. He would ignore me. I know that I shouldn’t be emotional, because I’ve had extremly bad experiences when showing my real self and I’m normally in fact very closed (I know I’m being open now, writing my problems on the internet). So yesterday he asked for his things back, that probably means all the doors are closed now and I’ve missed my chance. Thank you for trying to help though. This website definitely brings success to alot of people, but I guess I’m just hopeless.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 13, 2017 at 6:52 pm

      If you’re moving on, we respect that.. And I really hope you can move on sooner

  2. Patricia

    June 7, 2017 at 6:19 pm

    Please help me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 9, 2017 at 3:09 pm

      Hi Patricia,

      slowly building rapoprt means starting off with texts, and then calls and then meet ups later on.. And that means you don’t become emotional and try to rush things.. Think of him as a stranger that doesn’t have feelings for you but you do for him. How would build rapport and attraction with him in that mind? You would use interesting topics right? Your edge is that you know what topics he likes talking about.

  3. Patricia

    June 6, 2017 at 7:49 pm

    I really messed up. So a few days ago you recommended me to slowly build rapport and I tried, but he’s responding with shorter and shorter messages and trying ro end conversations as quickly as possible. It’s really hurtful. I don’t think he’s thinking of me anymore. He’s obviously avoiding me and I’m really afraid that I’ve messed up and he’s found someone else. Please help me, I feel like I’m going insane.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 9, 2017 at 3:09 pm

      Hi Patricia,

      slowly building rapoprt means starting off with texts, and then calls and then meet ups later on.. And that means you don’t become emotional and try to rush things.. Think of him as a stranger that doesn’t have feelings for you but you do for him. How would build rapport and attraction with him in that mind? You would use interesting topics right? Your edge is that you know what topics he likes talking about.

  4. J

    May 31, 2017 at 8:35 am

    Hi again,
    Thank you so much for your answer Amor! So you don´t think he is just uninterested? Everything feels so strange. As I mentioned, the first text message after NC was a success. He even asked me several times why I was taking so long before answering his texts. So it felt like he just couldn’t wait for my response.

    Since he didn’t answer the other day, I send him a message asking if he was okay. He didn’t answered so I called… no answer. Then he texts me saying that he is very busy but that he would call me later but he never did… I know that I did a huge mistake by texting and calling him, but I was worried. I did this before I saw your answer Amor and I feel so stupid…

    Should I wait a few days or longer?

    Thanks in advance!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 31, 2017 at 4:55 pm

      well, he can be too.. hmm.. wait 5 days..

    2. Julia

      June 1, 2017 at 3:21 pm

      Hi again!

      As I mentioned earlier, I destroyed my ex’s key which he gave me when we were together. Today, he told me that he is really upset because of what I did. I answered and said that I did what I thought was the best thing to do since I was so sad directly after the break up. I just couldn’t stand seeing him at that time.

      How do I go forward from here?

      Thanks in advance!

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 1, 2017 at 6:42 pm

      that’s a good reply.. what did he say after that? let him initiate for now.. continue your 5 day count.. if he initiates reply, after 5 days, initiate again in having conversations.

    4. Julia

      June 1, 2017 at 7:49 pm

      He never replied… is that a bad sign? I know that he is difficult to talk to when he is upset. I’m so afraid that he doesn’t care if I disappear again (like I did during NC). I was so happy after my first contact message, it felt like he was so happy to hear from me. I know that he is busy renovating his apartment but shouldnt he be more interested in my messages?

      Thank you so so so much for your help Amor!

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 2, 2017 at 7:10 pm

      not really.. you should be the one who is less scared or at least not worry about it… it will cloud your judgment and will make you desperate.

  5. J

    May 29, 2017 at 1:11 pm

    Hi,
    I met an amazing guy for 4 months ago. We both thought that we were perfect for each other and everything was great for the first 2,5 months. However, for six weeks ago everything started to change and suddenly he broke up with me and said ”it´s not you, it´s me” and ”you’ll meet an amazing guy who really deserves you”. A few days later I found this website and bought the book. I did the no contact for 4 weeks, did a lot of fun stuff which I posted on Instagram and followed the plan. He never contacted me during the NC period. For two days ago I send him the first text, an interesting one, and he responded in a very positiv way. However, when I tried to end the conversation he wrote that he had found some of my stuff at his place. Furthermore, he asked for his key back (he gave me a key to his place when we were together). Since I didn’t wanted to meet up right now (I would like to follow the plan), I just told him to throw my stuff and that the key had been destroyed after the breakup.
    Yesterday morning I send him another text message but he hasn’t responded.

    What went wrong? What should I do? I really miss him!

    I would really appreciate your help!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 30, 2017 at 5:12 pm

      maybe he thought you were angry because you said to throw you stuff or maybe, he’s just busy.. wait 3 days before trying again…

  6. Julia

    May 29, 2017 at 12:44 pm

    Hi,
    I met an amazing guy for 4 months ago. We both thought that we were perfect for each other and everything was great for the first 2,5 months. However, for six weeks ago everything started to change and suddenly he broke up with me and said ”it´s not you, it´s me” and ”you’ll meet an amazing guy who really deserves you”. A few days later I found this website and bought the book. I did the no contact for 4 weeks, did a lot of fun stuff which I posted on Instagram and followed the plan. For two days ago I send him a text, an interesting one, and he responded in a very positiv way. However, when I tried to end the conversation he wrote that he had found some of my stuff at his place. Furthermore, he asked for his key back (he gave me a key to his place when we were together). Since I didn’t wanted to meet up right now (I would like to follow the plan), I just told him to throw my stuff and that the key had been destroyed after the breakup.
    Yesterday morning I send him another text message but he hasn’t responded.

    What went wrong? What should I do? I really miss him!

    I would really appreciate your help!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 30, 2017 at 5:13 pm

      maybe he thought you were angry because you said to throw you stuff or maybe, he’s just busy.. wait 3 days before trying again…

  7. Help

    May 3, 2017 at 1:55 pm

    So I commented on another post saying : my ex told me he wanted to ba alone for a while , I became pushy and he said to move on & ignored my last two texts that day . I started nc and haven’t heard from him , that was 3 days ago .
    I was going to buy something from one of his friends in a couple of days , which I was already going to do before the break up .
    I don’t have his friends number anymore is it ok to text and ask him for it ? Is that breaking the nc ?
    It would allow me to comment on the reply I got from Amour .

    So I sent a text(yesterday morning)
    He replied within five minutes
    I asked for the number
    He said hold on because he is driving .
    Then he never texted me the number …
    Now I’m wondering is that a sign he is over me? That he doesn’t care enough to get back to me ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 3, 2017 at 8:10 pm

      I’ll copy my answer there.

      if that’s really the only option and you only talk about it, its not but if you can get it through other friends or social media, you’re breaking it

      nope, it’s just a number.. that’s hard to say it from that

  8. Gwen

    April 22, 2017 at 9:05 pm

    Hi

    My comment doesn’t appear here I don’t know if I made it too long sorry. Anyway is it a good idea to stop texting him for like 3-4 days and then start again with tide theory and cliffhangers? Or is it better if I just continue writing him everyday to build rapport?? And if I wait and do tide theory again should I start 2 messages, 2, 4,4,… Or follow with the 6 messages I was right now…?

    Thanks in advance

    1. Gwen

      April 22, 2017 at 9:07 pm

      omg sorry i’ve just seen the texts because my computer doesn’t keep the comments until I comment again. the one of day 18 is the important one I just thought I wasn’t sending them. My laptop wasn’t working.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 24, 2017 at 5:06 pm

      That’s ok..yes, you can use the sample text of being comprehensive rather than asking why he’s not replying or slow to reply.. That way you don’t look like you’re accusing him and then rest from initiating for a few days.. It’s ok to use your gut feel on when you text him as long as your texts are not emotional

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 24, 2017 at 5:06 pm

      That’s ok..yes, you can use the sample text of being comprehensive rather than asking why he’s not replying or slow to reply.. That way you don’t look like you’re accusing him and then rest from initiating for a few days.. It’s ok to use your gut feel on when you text him as long as your texts are not emotional

  9. Tessa

    April 22, 2017 at 5:28 pm

    I think I messed up. Of course I tried to be strong in making sure how text were implicated but recently I just felt this urge of neediness. I’m trying to shake it off I don’t want to come off as needy! I noticed when I sent two texts and now I’m not sure if I should just try to compose myself and just laugh it off or do a no contact. I may just be paranoid

    He ended our text after two texts so I didn’t get to end it and that’s throwing me off

  10. Gwen

    April 18, 2017 at 10:54 am

    Hi Amor,

    Well right now I’m still trying to build rapport and using the tide theory but I have some doubts. When it says you have to text 1,2,4,5,… and it says 1st contact, 1st contact, funny, funny, memory, etc can you alternate it?? Or is it better to follow those kind of texts? I mean I’m now in the memory text part and I want to send him another memory text but if I do a story text then a memory one is ok?? Then also I’ve read in another comment that the person who asks tells about doing the daydream message, but I thought that was better when the rapport was built or doesn’t it matter and one can do the daydream message before or at how many days???

    Then, since I started talking with him again after NC I think he just has iniciated once. It’s just me who iniciates the conversation. It’s me too who is ending the conversation now because last week it was more complicated but this week I’m getting to be the one who ends the convo. I’ve thought about trying to write him normal today just building rapport and tomorrow another memory text with the 6 texts and after tomorrow leave him space to iniciate, but to keep building rapport we have to talk right?? So how long? Maybe I’ve thought about doing what you recommend in another comment and leave him a week and start with tide theory again. My doubt here is if I do that, do I have to start from scratch and go 2 texts 2 texts 4 texts 4 texts 6 texts etc?? Or just follow in the 6 texts part I am right now???

    Also, something happened and I was thinking about not giving it importance but, the thing is that by mistake I added his work number to a group because I had it in my contacts but with no name and we were joking in the group and adding contacts randomly and I couldn’t imagine it was his other number… the thing is that while he was in the group I talked with my friends about a friend with benefits I’ve had recently, I also say in the texts we are just normal friends now but omg I almost got crazy when my ex told me why had I added his work number to a group I couldn’t believe it. In those texts I also say I still love him to one of my friends. The thing is that he found almost 2000 messages when he turn his phone on, and that was just a little amount of the convo in the group, the rest was just lots of silly things and jokes and anything else about him. He told me he had to delete the group and didn’t read it because it was nearly 2000 texts and he was at work. I’ve being reading those 2000 texts and seeing the tick that shows who has read it and some parts aren’t read so I hope it’s true he just oppened it found the messages and deleted the group but well… should I worry about this?? Or just continue texting him as if nothing happened?
    I’ve thought that I have to keep on improving myself, go on with my activities and be more active on social media will that help anyway?

    And my last question is if asking him why he never texts is wrong?? I think it is but sometimes I feel desperate. Also, we had a talk yesterday, I was noticing he wasn’t alright because of the way he texts lately and I tried the “break his walls” advices here and asked him if he was ok and telling him he can count on me if he needs. He was very thankful and told me that it means so much to him that I noticed because he sees I care about him. (Btw it’s that he’s having family problems.) Then I just ended the convo but was when he asked me about the group and all that I talk about before…

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 24, 2017 at 5:07 pm

      That’s ok..yes, you can use the sample text of being comprehensive rather than asking why he’s not replying or slow to reply.. That way you don’t look like you’re accusing him and then rest from initiating for a few days.. It’s ok to use your gut feel on when you text him as long as your texts are not emotional

  11. Gwen

    April 17, 2017 at 6:00 pm

    Hi Amor,

    What if I text him and he doesn’t answer until the next day and seems very distant?? Should I wait like another day for answering him or just after he texts me?? Because I feel it looks like I’m too much after him…
    Btw, I just texted yesterday: “Good morning, I have a question” and today he answered just “Hello tell me”
    And he is acting weird because he was starting to be more open with me and we were texting more and he seems more distant, also because he usually calls me by the abreviation of my name and today he has wrote my entire name, he never does that.
    Also, in the post where it talks about breaking his walls, in the part of alter my response it says I should be comprehensive, so I’ve thought I could tell him “I think you are dealing with something right now. You don’t have to tell me but I want you to know I’m here for you if you need anything” (like the post says)
    But really I don’t know what to do, do I wait for texting if this happens and also do I talk about what he’s thinking??

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 24, 2017 at 5:07 pm

      That’s ok..yes, you can use the sample text of being comprehensive rather than asking why he’s not replying or slow to reply.. That way you don’t look like you’re accusing him and then rest from initiating for a few days.. It’s ok to use your gut feel on when you text him as long as your texts are not emotional

  12. Gwen

    April 17, 2017 at 5:59 pm

    Hi Amor,

    What if I text him and he doesn’t answer until the next day and seems very distant?? Should I wait like another day for answering him or just after he texts me?? Because I feel it looks like I’m too much after him…
    Btw, I just texted yesterday: “Good morning, I have a question” and today he answered just “Hello tell me”
    And he is acting weird because he was starting to be more open with me and we were texting more and he seems more distant, also because he usually calls me by the abreviation of my name and today he has wrote my entire name, he never does that.
    Also, in the post where it talks about breaking his walls, in the part of alter my response it says I should be comprehensive, so I’ve thought I could tell him “I think you are dealing with something right now. You don’t have to tell me but I want you to know I’m here for you if you need anything” (like the post says)
    But really I don’t know what to do, do I wait for texting if this happens and also do I talk about what he’s thinking??

    (I’m having problems posting the comments I don’t know if I’m posting it more times)

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 24, 2017 at 5:07 pm

      That’s ok..yes, you can use the sample text of being comprehensive rather than asking why he’s not replying or slow to reply.. That way you don’t look like you’re accusing him and then rest from initiating for a few days.. It’s ok to use your gut feel on when you text him as long as your texts are not emotional

  13. J

    March 23, 2017 at 7:41 am

    Hello! So I just finished the no contact rule. I started off with a text referring to something funny from a class “hey remember that class you took when you did …” and he didn’t reply. Then, I messaged the next morning saying I got the class syllabus from a friend already and saying I hope he is doing well and if he would like to get coffee. He then replies and says we should just be acquaintances and not meet though he appreciates the gesture. What does this mean/what should I do? He was clearly displaying interest in me while at work 2 weeks prior, and was displaying that interest for four weeks straight once a week ( we have work once a week ).

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 26, 2017 at 6:48 am

      Hi J,

      you asked too early for a meet up.. slowly, be more friendly in person..

  14. Natalia

    March 18, 2017 at 6:34 am

    Hello,
    My first message after NC went good, he replied positively and then I finished the convo with ‘I’ll catch you later’. He didnt respond.
    Then I took one day off from texting.
    Next day I send also interesting message, we exchanged 3 txts and then I finished with smth like ‘I really wish to know how are your studies going etc but my phone battery is dying, I’ll talk to you later’. He replied ‘I’ll talk to you later, have a safe journey to home’.

    So now – I guess it means he is giving me signs he will txt me first and I should wait? How long it should be?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 21, 2017 at 6:58 pm

      Hi Natalia,

      can be, but it’s ok to initiate if he doesnt.. wait a day if he will initiate

  15. Mary

    March 7, 2017 at 10:48 pm

    Hello Chris,

    I am On day eight where we build attraction and rapport in text messages. Should I be starting off with a day dream text or should I start the conversation off with a topic and then make my way into the “What are your biggest dreams text”

    Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 10, 2017 at 11:04 am

      Hi Mary,

      start off with a topic and then proceed to daydream text..

  16. Mary

    March 7, 2017 at 10:48 pm

    Hello Chris,

    I am On day eight where we build attraction and rapport in text messages. Should I be starting off with a day dream text or should I start the conversation off with a topic and then make my way into the “What are your biggest dreams text”

    Thanks

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 10, 2017 at 11:05 am

      Hi Mary,

      start off with a topic and then proceed to daydream text..

  17. Stephanie

    February 25, 2017 at 7:49 pm

    I have a question about the texting bible and texting section of your recovery program. Are we always the one who have to initiate the conversation? I finished the 31 days NC & I hit up my ex ten times in the course of two weeks, he always replies, but never starts the conversation with me & leaves me hanging at times. I feel like we have become more like friends then anything & its my fault I thought if I suggested being friends first he will be more open to speaking and hitting me uo first! Idk what to do anymore. 🙁

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 25, 2017 at 11:05 pm

      Hi Stephanie,

      it’s not really a “must” but it’s ok that you’re the one initiating, just be the one to end the conversation at high point. Are you trying to end it in cliffhanger?

    2. Stephanie

      March 8, 2017 at 3:30 am

      I’m clearly still friend zoned. Thats all we are now friends. We decided to catch up Saturday so we went out to eat. After, I got upset when he wasn’t responding to my messages & was clearly on fb. He told me that I’m forgetting we are just friends & not dating. I told him of course thats clear to me & I don’t want to get back together because I lost all my feelings of attraction for you. But that’s not true I’m still in love with him. I don’t know what to do I’m always the one texting & always he leaves me hanging. No matter how nice I’m being. I don’t know what to do more. I made sure he knows I’m there for him, that I would never judge him, & accept him how is & that I care for him. I never said I want to get back together. Just that we could be good friends & I told him to make things clear I don’t want anything more than that… only because I was afraid of rejection and loosing him out of my life again. I don’t know what to do anymore…

    3. Stephanie

      March 9, 2017 at 2:45 am

      I didn’t take the week off from texting & I’m clearly still friend zoned. Thats all we are now friends. We decided to catch up Saturday so we went out to eat. After, I got upset when he wasn’t responding to my messages & was clearly on fb. He told me that I’m forgetting we are just friends & not dating. I told him of course thats clear to me & I don’t want to get back together because I lost all my feelings of attraction for you. But that’s not true I’m still in love with him. & now I feel he is more distant then ever. Should I start NC again ? Idk what to do please help?!

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 10, 2017 at 1:17 pm

      I think you should and this time, you cant get angry with him..it’s frustrating but you won’t build rapport if you get angry.. Dont be too available after nc .. start dating too and after nc, dont stop your activities.. Do new things and make new friends.. He has to think you’re really moving on..because right now, you’re saying one thing but your actions show you’re expecting another.. You have to be the one ending the conversations at high point too after nc… I think you should do at least 45. You have to risk losing him because of wanting to hold on so badly to him, you’re starting to look like you’re chasing.. Be the ungettable girl…

    5. Stephanie

      March 10, 2017 at 11:05 pm

      45 days? He may never talk to me again. We didn’t have a long relationship it was only 3 months. We never got to the I love you phase. Wouldn’t I loose him completely? He always showed he cared a lot for me through his actions and he moved things really quick with me he was excited to present me to family & friends … he said he hasn’t had a relationship in years &was the second girl he presented to his family. So I don’t understand when he left me for something so petty. Only because I got upset at him for not coming to see me & he said he couldn’t handle my passive aggressive attitude he had a bad day at work & said he just didn’t have the patience for it, but to stay friends. But I completely messed up in the way I handled the break up &I think that’s what really messed things up. If I do the 45 days what would I say… I wouldn’t start with the same initating texts as before right ?

    6. Stephanie

      March 11, 2017 at 4:43 pm

      Is been four days since I last contacted him. Two days ago I posted on my Snapchat story a picture with guy friend from college who is attractive, he has his girlfriend though but he offered to take the picture with me and suggested I posted it. In less than an hour my ex opened my story & saw it. Snapchat lets you see the people that have viewed your story. Could this change things a little? Do I still proceed with 45 NC?

    7. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 14, 2017 at 4:51 pm

      you’re already friendzoned..He made it clear that you’re not dating, so what’s more to lose? The goal from now is to get out of the friendzone. that’s why you need to be an ungettable girl..

    8. Stephanie

      April 2, 2017 at 3:58 pm

      Hello,
      So the last words my ex told me before ending our friendship were …”Things are not the same. Right now I need to keep my eye on the prize because my dream is knocking on my door right now. I’m on review for nypd but I could get off of it and now I’m starting the Suffolk police process. I can’t afford to be lose my focus and to do that I need to be extremely selfish and focus solely on my self. No one is going to hand me my dream I have to push myself harder and farther then I ever have in my whole life if I’m going to get this. I flake on everyone and leave people hanging all the time now but everyone understands that I need to focus on what’s in front of me right now. There is no plan b if I don’t get into a police department so I have to be extremely focused and have no patience for anything other then myself right now.” ….. I’m proceeding with a 45 NC rule, maybe 60 days. Is been 15 days since our last conversation…. but after his last message about needing to just focus on himself and ending our friend ship .. I don’t know if I even have a chance or if I should even ever be the one to intiate contact again. How do I become this ungettiable girl? And when the NC period is over how would I intiate contact again for the second time around of doing NC?

    9. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 3, 2017 at 4:44 pm

      That’s good that he knows he has to push for his dream.. When is he going to be a police? check the link below:
      The Ungettable Girl

    10. Stephanie

      April 4, 2017 at 2:50 am

      He didn’t get into the academy this time around and was put in physic review … he is really stressed about the whole thing & dislikes he’s job now…. reason he says he has no patience or time to focus on anything but his career right now .. & I got stuck in the middle. I try to be there for him & support him … but I guess he saw it more as a bother & decided not to be friends nomore …

  18. Daria

    February 25, 2017 at 2:08 pm

    Hello, so I recently started initiating conversation with my ex this week after completing 31 days no contact. The responses so far have been positive and he has been responding in a timely manner. I have been following the texting chart Chris has laid out in the ebook, but on Monday I will be leaving for Costa Rica for a week and will not have access, to the internet in order to text him. Does this mean all rapport will be lost when I leave? Should I start over with texting or pick up where I left off? I will be on day 7 or texting when I leave.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 25, 2017 at 10:19 pm

      Hi Daria,
      Nope, it won’t. Use it to your advantage. Have fun, take lots of pictures and do a lot of stuff that you can share to him and talk about. You can continue with the topics you left off or start new ones.

    2. Daria

      February 26, 2017 at 12:31 am

      Thanks Amor, this helps.

      Although.. I have had a lot of different feedback on this and my friends have been the ones saying that I shouldn’t be the one initiating contact with him first. I have been trying my best to end conversations on a high note with him, but will me initiating contact with me first get him to miss me or even get him to start messaging me first at all

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 26, 2017 at 7:05 pm

      It’s ok to initiate contact as long as you end the conversations at high point. You need to keep talking because talking builds rapport. And ending it yourself at high point gives you more power over the conversation. The quality of the conversation and how you continue to improve yourself can help him miss you more..

    4. Stephanie

      February 26, 2017 at 4:01 pm

      He ends the conversation most of the time & I’m feeling like he really isn’t in the mode to speak sometimes. This really bothers b/c he use to text me all the time before and will always initiate. Next time I speak to him I’ll make sure to end on a cliffhanger…. but my cousin phorbided me to hit him up first again and suggested I wait for him to hit him up because she says I’m coming off as needy or desperate.. what do you think?

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 26, 2017 at 9:34 pm

      Rest for a week from initiating, and then after that be in control by always being the one ending the conversation at high point.

  19. koe

    February 7, 2017 at 1:10 pm

    Hi EBR
    My ex boyfriend and I have been chatting for 31 days to be exact. However he has never initiated texts.
    He always responds but he never initiates. Im close to giving up now.

    I did a pretty long no contact as I had done it before and felt I went back into the relationship without fully healing myself. So when he broke up with me again I stopped contact for 3 months. He contacted me 3 times after 30 days of no contact. At that time I had still not healed hence the 90 day.

    I initiated contact 5 days after and he responded. Did 1,2,4,5,6 but I stopped chatting but he never initiated for 2days. I again initiated he responded and continued the conversation. This continued for another 6 days and I stopped chatting for a day and he still did not initiate.
    I concluded to do it again fot the rest of the 31 days.
    I moved on without moving on and made new friends and old friends. Was social and looked good and got a high position

    Its because of him not initiating that I have not transitioned to phone calls. Also because he sometimes takes long to answer my story type texts.

    Now today again he did not initiate and Im starting to feel he doesn’t like me hes just being polite.

    I neef advice on what to do now.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 7, 2017 at 10:25 pm

      Hi Koe,

      how are you ending the conversations and what topics were you using? Did you continue to be active in your life and in posting while building rapport?

    2. koe

      February 8, 2017 at 12:26 am

      Hi Amor

      I mostly ended conversations using TTYL or letting him know im going somewhere or he should sleep well.

      I ended 70% of the conversations.

      Il admit my social updates were a daily occurrence prior to first contact. Afterwards I posted but more on weekends as I was mostly active on weekends more than during the week.

      My text messages are however more funny and casual rather than flirty.
      I early stopped using memory or compliment texts because I feared coming across as wanting him back.
      My story texts are definitely not a success so I stopped after 3 attempts although he insisted I tell him later if I still want to
      Recently I told him a story about a friend and he was more interested in who it was and where we were.

      Our conversations are longer now and he texts more like his is 30 to my 21 texts per day.

      But still I feel like he doesn’t think of me if I don’t text him first.
      I just feel like giving up.

      Am I on the road to nothing rather than reconciliation?

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 8, 2017 at 12:43 am

      30 texts per day? that’s a lot.. you should move on to calls.. we’re you ending the texts in cliffhanger style?

    4. koe

      February 13, 2017 at 10:17 am

      Hi Amor

      I did transition to phone calls. But before calling this is what I did.
      I didn’t text him for 3 days and he never initiated texting.
      When I finally did text him, I sent a funny meme of which we laughed and spoke about it. Somewhere in there he asked me what I considered a good looking guy. I dodged the question by responding about other things and being vague. He still continued to send more texts than me but never initiating.

      So in the last 2 days I took extremely long to respond to his texts as I was out with friends most of the time.

      On Sunday I responded to his Saturday night text and I complimented him a bit.
      I started a story type text and he wanted to hear more
      I told him that I would finish the story after church.
      He responded to the text at the time he knows my church ends.

      I instead went out with friends afterwards and got home around 10.

      I said hi and asked if he still wanted to hear the story. He said yes and logged off even though he saw that I was typing (typing notification)

      So thats how I called. He answered and we spoke and I incorporated his 5 likes into the conversation. The conversation was lighthearted, fun and almost like we’ve been talking for days.
      He ended up telling me more stories although at the beginning he thought I was speaking fast.

      We spoke for 30minutes and I cut the conversation half way by telling him I dont have airtime and texted him to call me back.
      He called back and I said I enjoyed our conversation and he should enjoy the rest of his week. He was very quiet and less enthusiastic than when spoke for 30minutes then we said goodnight.

      Now im stuck. Am I supposed to call him again or initiate texting again.
      Did I do something wrong in the call that wont persuade him to call or text me first?

      Also most of my pictures from this weekend had a lot of guy friends in them. Ive never posted pics of my male friends since our break up or even when we dated. Mostly its me with female friends, is it risky to post one now?
      I have not posted anything from this weekend at all.

      Please help me with this

    5. koe

      February 14, 2017 at 4:54 am

      My comment is not appearing that I sent on the 12 Feb

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 14, 2017 at 3:34 pm

      is that the comment above? I just haven’t reached it yet.. you’re doung4 great! It’s ok that he’s not initiating.What’s more important is that you’re having good conversations and that youre5 always the one ending at high note. Continue on incorporating more calls before moving on to hanging out

    7. koe

      February 18, 2017 at 6:49 am

      Hi Amor thanks again for all your help.

      Since transitioning to calls a few days ago things have been a little weird for me.

      The day after the call I basically did not talk to him at all. The next day Basically on Vday I posted wishing everyone a happy day. Also I posted my sisters proposal. He was online the whole time and I never spoke to him as Its Valentines and I didnt want to come across as desperate. Odd thing though he was online the whole day and hes hardly ever online unless hes chatting to me.
      Hes a phone call type of guy even when we dated he hardly texted but always called.
      Later that night he sends me a Vday pic which says why guys shouldn’t get girls gifts.
      I text him a very defending the women type of text but jokingliy.
      The next day he says he was only joking and I say the same.
      he then says he hopes I enjoyed my day.

      He also asks me about a concert thats happening. I say yes i know the concert and explain what I know about it.

      He goes offline and comes back the next day changing the topic and sending a funny pic. I didn’t ask him why he was asking.

      I go along and cut off the conversation with enjoy ur day.

      He comes back the next day saying he had a good day and I should too.
      We spoke a little and he went offline.

      Im extremely confused. I don’t know if im going forward or backwards.

      Should I start a conversation again

      Also when initiating calls should I always use a story to get him to answer or can I just call him

    8. koe

      February 18, 2017 at 12:50 pm

      .

    9. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 20, 2017 at 3:37 pm

      you can call him..it’s going forward but you nees to initiate more conversations..

    10. koe

      February 24, 2017 at 4:50 am

      Hi Amor

      Bad news

      I called him. We spoke and enjoyed our conversation. But then he kept on talking about breakups and bad relationships. He spoke about how his friends breakups were so bad. But all the stories sounded exactly like ours. One story even sounded exactly like ours word for word.
      The thing is throughout texting, calling he was always talking about breakups. I tried to ignore it but that day I couldnt.

      Needless to say I pointed it out and he blew up. We argued and with no hesitation we ended up speaking about our break up. He said that he did not want to talk about it but he’s the one who kept on bringing it up. I added that he didnt change. I really tried to avoid this but unfortunately I failed.

      I said he was cute and miraculously he calmed down. I said that cause I needed to calm the situation down.

      We spoke a bit and we agreed that the past 2months of chatting we both enjoyed. I told him I just wanted for us to talk and build a friendship. He became silent and vaguely said the same.
      He apologised for adding the breakup and I apologised for pointing it out and causing this.

      We chatted again and had fun. He promised to tell me how his day went. We agreed that we would just keep chatting.

      But the next day I called him to talk and he ignored my calls.
      I tried again and eventually answered and said he wants to talk later. I said il talk to him after my meeting.

      After my meeting I texted him and he called back.
      He asked me to say all I needed to say and why I kept calling him. I explained I was checking if hes day went well and if he got the whatsapp I was meant to send.

      He said the reason why he kept adding bad and negative words was because he feels he never got the chance to say all he wanted.
      He then said throughout the no contact period he missed me but he held on and didnt call. He said he always used to look at our pictures and cried. He then said what is it exactly that I was hoping to achieve from all this chatting. I told him id rather not say coz I didnt want to embarrass myself. He then told me what he wanted. He said he didnt want to chat.

      I then told him I wanted him to give us a chance. He kept quiet the whole time I spoke. I told him to give us a month. He let me speak for 10 minutes without interruption.

      My phone went off just before he could answer. When it went on again I called and hes phone was off both phones.

      2hours later he called. He asked me what I called about. I had given up even talking so my answers were very one word. He then said he can see my attitude. He told me he doesn’t understand how it went from just chatting to just friends to last chance.

      I explained that the reason I asked for another chance was because I could see he hadn’t healed and wanted to give him and our relationship a last chance.

      Afterwards I blatantly told him to leave me alone. I got it, he didn’t want a relationship again. I accept it and he should leave me alone. I basically didn’t give him a chance to hurt me further. I told him I will walk this earth knowing I tried and you pushed me away and I just hang up on him.

      He kept calling afterwards. I switched my phone off.
      Later that night I switched my phone on and I got a voice message saying he didnt mean to keep adding bad and negative things and he did this because he never had that chance. He wished me all the best. And wished it didn’t have to end like this.

      I sent him a reply telling him to leave me alone and I dont want a relationship with him and I regret the day I met him. I asked him to not call or text me after this and to just leave me alone.

      I then needed to send him a picture proof of something that bothered him about our breakup and I was supposed to send it a day ago. I logged on whatsapp and sent him the proof pic.
      I then blocked him on whatsapp.

      He sent me an sms text later on. I didn’t reply to it I just deleted it coz I knew it would play with my mind

      I feel like sending him a text saying again please dont text me. Do u think I should?

      Essentially my ex boyfriend is not over our bad break up and clearly 3months was not enough to find him healed. He holds a lot of resentment and he wants to hurt me in the process. He wants me to be the girl who lost out.
      Our breakup was both our fault and it hurts me that in his eyes il always be the one who caused it. No contact taught me to not hold grudges and to look at the situation on both ends and realise my mistakes.

      I dont know what to do. Ive decided to go on a year long no contact. But really I love him with all my heart and wish he would come back to me. We were each others first love.

      But I also know that I need to move on.
      Do I even have a chance at this point.?
      Should I send him his stuff back like his TV and stuff.

      Please help

    11. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 24, 2017 at 3:36 pm

      One year is long, there’s a high possibility that by that time he has forgiven and moved on. The question is, how much you changed by that time because if he still you’re still the same as before, he might have forgiven you, but that doesn’t mean he trusts that you’re not going to be the same as before when you broke up. So, use that time to genuinely change and improve yourself. Yes, you should send his stuff back. You don’t have to tell him that you’re going to stop talking. Just stop.

  20. Pippa

    January 4, 2017 at 4:26 pm

    I completed NC and the texting seemed to be going ok: I sent was one asking how his Christmas went, he replied and asked how mine was. The next text was a few days later wishing him a happy new year and he responded the same. The one after that I was asking after a mutual friend who is ill in hospital and again he replied. And then a few more days had passed so this morning I sent him a funny one – no response. I admit that it could be because I sent it in the morning instead of early evening like usual but I’m sure he will have read it as he never ignores his phone, it’s practically glued to him. I’ve been tempted all day to send another one saying that I’m sorry my text made him uncomfortable, etc, or jokingly saying that I realise it was a rubbish joke, but so far I’ve managed to stop myself from sending anything – feel disappointed and wish I’d not texted him today. Have I blown it by sending too many texts even though they were spaced days apart? How do I come back from this, leave it until a couple of weeks have passed and them say what?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 6, 2017 at 6:24 am

      HI Pippa,

      Why were the previous texts spaced days apart? And then suddenly you went all in a day. I think you need to rest for a week, and then after that, try the tide theory.

  21. S.

    December 15, 2016 at 12:34 pm

    I’ve started texting my ex, but most of the times it takes him all day to answer, so I don’t feel we can have a proper conversation. How do I get him to response me faster? Does this mean that he’s not interesting in being in contact with me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 16, 2016 at 11:37 am

      How many texts have you exchanged? If there’s no rapport and you’re just starting out then it’s normal that he wont initiate.. End the conversations yourself and end it in cliffhanger style

  22. Jillian

    December 8, 2016 at 6:41 pm

    I need someones help. I have no idea what to do, and none of my comments have been answered and its been 5 days. He is being confusing and my situation is odd.
    My boyfriend and I were together for a year and a half. We were the best of friends, did everything together, told each other everything, we were each others first love. We had our arguments because we are bull headed but he treated me like a princess, and the arguments never lasted. But everything changed when he left for a university and Im staying at a community college for a year. He would go out and party which I didn’t mind, but would ignore my texts a lot, not be as lovey or complimenting, ditched me once when I came to visit, and just overall didn’t put in the effort.
    I was extremely unhappy in the place I was at, not wanting to stay home for a year, so bored and unhappy with myself, and he knew it, and I would be too needy and bitch at him for all the shit he was doing, pushing him away more. I didn’t let him experience college like I shludve and if we got back together so much would change for the good.
    About two months in after i text him bitching about not answering me, I get a drunk text saying “I think we should take a break”
    The next day he call and texts me begging for me back and I ignore him and kiss another guy. The next day I get back with him but when he I tell him I kissed another guy he freaks out and says were over. And then the next day texts me and we text for a week and then I beg for him back and we got back together. After this nothing changed. He still treated me the same way.
    Things weren’t going well and we went to a concert and I ended up going to the hospital because I drank too much beforehand. I got more needy because I was freaking out about what happened and he pushed me away more.
    A week after that he sends me a text that he needs to be on his own/needs time on his own and he’s been unhappy for a long time. I don’t respond to this text at all for 23 days, implementing the no contact and doing things to make myself happy.
    He texts me “hi” on week 2, and I see on spotify that he is listening to sad songs about breakups and missing someone.
    I don’t answer, and on day 23, I call him at 4 am and text saying I saw something that reminded me of one of our good memories. He answers back “I miss that”
    I continue with the rules for contacting and he answers, in short but not negative phrases, and not right away.
    And then I break down. I say “I think I need some closure” he says “I thought we already had closure” and I say “I miss the person I thought was my best friend. I didn’t think it would end this way.” he says “I have always been your best friend.” I call and text back “Can you call?” he says “I can’t Im studying with friends” and I say “How did everything go so wrong? I miss snuggling in bed watching our show eating tortilini” and he says “I don’t know”
    He has not changed his social media from in a relationship, his photo is still of me on every social media site and he hasn’t asked for his things back. Why am I the one who is doing all the work when he’s the one who did something wrong? What should I do? I need your help. He comes home for a month in two weeks, do I wait to contact him until then? Or should I just text him a friendly text like nothing happens a week from the day we had our most recent conversation where I say I miss him? Or do I text wishing him luck on his exams on Monday?

    1. Jillian

      December 9, 2016 at 1:21 am

      UPDATE: I texted him after 3/4 days saying “I just thought of a happy memory” and he said “What is it?” and I said the memory about when we stayed up all night talking in Florida and asked him if he remembered it and he responded “I do remember” Do I wait a day or two and try again?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 10, 2016 at 6:27 pm

      Hi Jillian,

      It’s good that you did the no contact rule but it looks like it was not enough for a restart. You’re the only one making effort because he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore. So, right now, there’s still might be a little thought in him that thinks you’re trying to get him back. He doesn’t really think you’re moving on but you did mention to him that you just missed your best friend. Are you still continually improving yourself? Are you active in posting in social media? Will he think you’re moving on and improving? Will he regret leaving you?

  23. Jamie

    December 7, 2016 at 12:31 am

    Hi Chris or Amor,
    Trying to keep this simple, my situation is in a way related with the podcast here. Also, I have purchased and am currently involved in the Ex Boyfriend Recovery pro steps. I broke up with my ex because I admitted that I didn’t love myself enough to love him and that he wasn’t changing either, since he wasn’t motivated and I just wanted him to get a job. From that day, around October 2016, a month went by without any contact and when I texted him, he said “I was about to text you. I was thinking of you and I actually passed your house a few times the previous weeks.” At the time I had not been looking into any methods of getting him back cause I was thinking that he still had feelings for me. We decided to meet up and talk, and he said that he thought I was trying to bait him back, but I said I wasn’t. I told him that I did have feelings for him still, but I knew that we broke up for a reason. I told him I needed more time with no contact, because he said he had moved on and that we were over. But I still had feelings and he wanted to be friends. The next day I bombarded him with texts, like an idiot, and he got really upset saying he didn’t have romantic feelings for me anymore, but he still cared. Like an idiot, I asked “Did you love me these four years?”. He said “of course!”, and then he said, if we can’t do six months apart, let’s do three. I disagreed, and said we should try to not do no contact (because that’s what I heard from another dating adviser). And he just never responded (not blocking me though). I don’t want to lose the love of my life, I don’t deal with communication well and I was scared. Now, it’s been a week since that day I texted him and I haven’t said anything trying to grasp to being independent and loving myself, while also holding dearly onto this program. It feels like the days are slower and I’m emotionally turbulent, but it’s getting better. I just need to know that because he wanted to do a three month rule, should I abide by that or still try to contact him in 30-45 days?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 10, 2016 at 7:34 pm

      Hi Jamie,

      I think you need to accept first that he’s not inlove with you anymore. He has moved on. So now, all he wants before being friends with you is to be sure that you have moved on too. For me you should do at least 45 days but you have to really improve yourself during and after nc. Aim to be the ungettable girl.

  24. Barbara

    November 22, 2016 at 10:37 am

    Hey, I don’t know if it is the right place to write down my question… I have been seeing a guy for the past 4 months and we went through a major argument last sunday (because of a huge misunderstanding). We both were wrong, I apologised saying I’m willing to talk this through, but at the same time I was sick. He said we should wait until I get better and talk about “us”. The thing is, for the past months, a day hasn’t gone without him sending the first “good morning” text. And since that argument, no more texts or news (knowing that I was sick and I find it kind of rude not hearing from him and asking how I am doing). Anyways, my last text was thursday night and he said we will talk once I’m not sick anymore. Now, I’m completely fine and I don’t know what to do? This is the first time we don’t talk for that long and I don’t know what to do anymore. Go like “Hey, I’m fine, can we talk” or just wait for him to come back? I know he is very mad at me but does it mean it’s over? I’m confused. God, men are so confusing.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 24, 2016 at 4:09 pm

      Hi Barbara,
      have you talked?

    2. Barbari

      November 25, 2016 at 3:39 pm

      Yes, I did talk to him , telling him I was doing good and asking about how he was going. Seems like things are quite hectic with him at work, and I didn’t want to bother him. We haven’t mentionned our relationship, the whole convo was about work and problems at work. I was the last to text two days ago and I haven’t heard from him yet. I guess I will just leave like this and wait for him to come around. I don’t wanna be the pushy one asking where we are heading. What do you think?

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 27, 2016 at 6:16 pm

      actually what I meant is to talk about the relationship.. Time it right because if you don’t talk about it, then how long are you going to wait?

    4. Barbara

      November 28, 2016 at 9:44 am

      He is a radio host, a lot is going on with his work right now and I’m afraid to catch him at the wrong time … And I don’t know how to bring the subject. “Hey can we talk about us” seems a little bit harsh.

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 29, 2016 at 3:09 am

      Yeah..I understand..but set a time limit on until when you would wait..if you see each othet in person, bring it up when he’s in the best mood

  25. Lisa

    November 14, 2016 at 8:35 am

    so ive completed the no contact stage and insome ways it worked well. about 4 days after the 30 days of NC we saw each other out as it was a kind of festival day her in Australia (Melbourne Cup; its a horse race the basically the whole of Australia shuts down for on the 1st Tuesday of Nov every year; kinda like an Aussi tradition) anyays…we saw each other out as we were both celebrating; he’d been at work before the race so i was a little more jovial then he was. He actually saw my boss who is also a very close friend of mine and asked her where i was and if I was with her exc…i kind of was, i was due to meet her not long after he saw, she texted me saying to hurry up B/F is asking of me and for me…
    once i arrived at the venue we natuarally saw each other as it was kind of difficult not too and we both sat and talked. We both apologised for our places in the ultimate argument and we had a really great afternoon together in each others company. There were a few small incidents of which i was a little emotional that arose due to other people putting thier opinions in tot our situation. we got past them quiet quickly though and remianded to have a great time. we left the veue together and went to his house to hang out and just chat. I didnt stay the nightt, i left around midnight. Now though he seems to have gone “quiet” again. I did however leave a jacket at his that was and honest forget and i would like it back cause i’d only just brought it and that was the firt time i’d worn it.
    His situation is a little hard due to him having quiet the horror of a year.
    i kind of feel like i missed a few steps and now that he’s gone quiet and somewhat cold again im unsure how to approch the sitaution.
    Also every time i try to send even a starting message ive no idea what to say. I dont really want to bring up the past issues and in a simple way would love to be able to start fresh…should i go back to NC? how long for?
    so very confused! sometimes i feel like giving up but i honestly do know i love him and he is “my 1″and i miss him with a fierc-ness ive never experienced.
    please advise
    Lisa

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 14, 2016 at 9:48 pm

      Hi Lisa,

      check this one:
      EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
      it doesn’t have to be a memory. Think about his interests and talk about that or what’s current that’s interesting for him.

    2. Lisa

      November 17, 2016 at 6:03 am

      so ive started to compile some ideas for my text messages in relation to his interests exc. Thing is though there is mention of starting it with something like “you’ll never guess what?” I hate to say it but not much happens thats excititng in my life (hahah) how would i combat this. I work in Accounting and not a llot happenes on a day to day basis.
      Also ifeel that i should do another lot of no contact but only for a shortened time. The 30 days worked but as i mentioned in my about post he has shaded out on me. Would 14 days or 21 days be suitible. in the 30 days i even limited what he could see on my social media; without deleting him or anything, but i restricted what he could see and even to see whether i was online or not. i returned my social media to allow him to see everything around a week before the 30 days were up. I would probebly do this again couse it seems easier for me to stick tot he no contact.
      cheers
      L.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 17, 2016 at 1:07 pm

      Hmm what are his interests? Anything current?

  26. famrion

    November 13, 2016 at 7:05 pm

    Hi thanks for helping ok i left few comment on different pagest but dosent see that . so my ex erased my number and i didnt replie him but then he on to telegram and find out who i am said hi so next day i left message for him and interesting happening to me and he asked me i dont get number for other guy that seemd he car about me in first time so he respond positively so in this day i dont know what to do next? was it that mean he loves me? Sorry for my bad english I am from iran

    1. famrion

      November 13, 2016 at 8:00 pm

      we once kissed each other and touching and hug cuddle just that have sexually job we did and he asked me again those things that is so quickly happen and i dont know what to do ? i just did first contact message.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 14, 2016 at 8:24 pm

      Hi Famrion,

      how long did you do nc amd nd did you improve yourself? What do you think about the advice above?

    3. famrion

      November 15, 2016 at 6:11 pm

      Hi i did nc 13 days we have been together 3 month. i am not improve complatly but doing well, advices are very helpful and useful so good for me I try to do them but situtians are very various.so when he asked me those things i showed him interests but said I am not ready for that yet he says ok next time see you bye now, after that and two days i didnt text him so he didnt text me now what should i do?

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 15, 2016 at 10:14 pm

      I think you need to restart count. Because the most important part of no contact is that you improve yourself, and that you don’t look like you’re just waiting for him to text you. Try a full set of 21 days.

  27. Catherine

    November 12, 2016 at 8:36 am

    Hi EBR Team!!!
    First of all, I just wanted to say thank you for all of the incredible help!! I don’t know what I would do without y’all! Just to give you a little background, my boyfriend and I dated for 11 months and we broke up a little over a month ago. He said he wanted to still be friends and so I tried talking to him a few days after the break up (just as friends) but he was weird and distant, so I immediately went into the No-Contact Period. I successfully completed my 30 day no-contact period and I sent him a text today for the first time. I used your advice for how to send the perfect first text message, reminding him of a time we went rollerskating together and I told him a friend and I were talking about going rollerskating and it make me think of him for the first time in awhile. Well, he seemed to respond positively to my text message, saying “haha yes I do remember!” and I was so excited to see that it made him laugh! I kept it cool and said “Haha I was so clumsy it was awful.” I planned to end the conversation there but then he actually made an effort to keep the conversation going, saying: “It was fun. So what have you been up to?” So I gave him just a very brief 2 sentence update, telling him I’ve kept myself very busy and I mentioned a couple of things coming up that I’m really excited about, and then ended the text asking “what about you?” and I never got a response. I know he saw it because he has his “Read Receipts” on, but he didn’t say anything. I’m so scared! Did I do something wrong? Should I have ended the conversations sooner? I was glad to see that he was actually trying to keep the conversation going, but now I’m just more confused than ever. When should I try to contact him again? Thank you!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 15, 2016 at 12:47 am

      Hi Catherine,

      hmm, let’s give him the benefit of the doubt this time. Maybe he didnt know what to say or his life is not really that eventful in the last days.. try again after 3-5 days.. List out interesting things for him, those that he always loved talking about..

  28. Amanda

    October 28, 2016 at 2:13 pm

    I just ended NC. I couldn’t figure out what to send so I asked him to swap our stuff and catch up in about a week. He said that would be fine and that he thinks he’s ready. But then he called me to tell me that he’s not coming to my/our mutual friend’s party on the weekend. I wasn’t even expecting him to come. Why would he make a point of saying we should do separate things?! (Did I freak him out with the meet up?). I would have loved to build up suspense with texts but I wasn’t sure where to start because I cut him out of my life. Thing is we’re broken up but we’re also on a break. He broke it off with me whereas I wanted some space to sort my own things out. He wanted to stay friends, have sex, and not date anyone in the foreseeable future. I said this was cool only if we worked on us, otherwise no. He was okay with this as long as there was no relationship expectations. So we compromised and I was okay with it because I was about to go on holiday, so we would have space and then we could revisit everything after (I was hoping space would make us see each other’s point of view on this). So during our time a part, we texted a bit (he seemed unsure as to whether he could talk with me at first). We didn’t do this regularly but it was good when we did. There was no relationship talks. I then brought up a funny memory and he didn’t respond. So I decided to properly cut contact (I didn’t want to be the dangling cake – its the sex thing that bothered me). So when I got back from holiday, I never called him like I was supposed to and waited a month. So now I don’t know how to text him with all of this unfinished business. When I do text him, he replies but doesn’t ask questions. He’s not taking the bait. I’ve also heard that he’s gone really wild since we broke up (he is not a partyer- or wasn’t when we were together. He was “over it” and I was the one who went out with friends on the weekends). I don’t know if he’s decided this is a total breakup or if I hurt him. Then again he wasn’t calling me either? (But I know he feels guilty too so maybe he wouldn’t). Another thing I heard is that our card group (mutual friends but his) won’t set up a game because they’re scared I won’t go and that will hurt him?! I feel like everything is backwards and I don’t know how to approach this. Should I stay positive or bring up this weird situation when I see him. Should I say sorry for not contacting him? Should I postpone the date and go back into texts? (I didn’t even realize but we’re meeting up on our anniversary – so for sentimental reasons I don’t want to change this but I told him I might not be free and would call him on the day to confirm). (Also I was wanting an evening meet up on a weekday and it sounds like he would prefer to meet during the day on his day off? – this also seems weird to me) Should I see him and then jump back into texts and/or work on date 2? And how do I get him to talk. I feel silly sending messages because its so obvious that I cut contact and now I want him back. Also, it’s super hard coming up with reasons to text him. IM CONFUSED. And the vibe I’m getting right now is that he’s closed off. So how the hell do I break through that? I just need help with the plan of attack. I’m not sure where I stand right now at all. This is harder than NC. I want my bf who I can talk openly and honestly with again. … and I guess this is exactly the reason you build up to the date (I want my stuff back too though).

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 29, 2016 at 2:15 am

      Hi Amanda,

      I’m confused too.. When and why did you break up? So, you mean you broke up but then you agreed to be friends with benefits but you never pushed thorough with it? And why are you meeting on you’re supposed anniversary? Who initiated that meet and when was that raised?

  29. Puzzled

    October 27, 2016 at 11:39 pm

    Great! Thank you, Amor! I will check that out! Do you mind deleting my first message? I used exact phrases, so I just don’t want them out in internet land…just in case…
    Thank you!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 29, 2016 at 1:25 am

      Ok! You’re welcome!

  30. EBR Team Member: Amor

    October 27, 2016 at 7:52 pm

    Hi Puzzled,

    Try to check this one:
    Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

    1. Puzzled

      November 4, 2016 at 3:46 am

      Thanks again Amor! For both deleting the initial message as well as for your recommendation. I consulted the page you provided and started from scratch using tide theory and it worked. I initiated contact on days 1, 2, 4 & 5. Then, just as it was suggested, he initiated contact on day 6. When he did that I said to myself “this is f*ing crazy – It worked!” I’m somewhat bewildered. Haha. Thank you!! 🙂

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 6, 2016 at 12:43 am

      hahahaha! That’s great!

  31. Andream

    October 13, 2016 at 1:31 pm

    My ex broke up with me few weeks back over a few comments l had said which he didn’t like, I however have apologised and knew l was in the wrong should have thought first. He has ignorened me and unanswered my texts. But then he texts me after l leave him a few days saying l want to be with you but we need to talk. This has been a few weeks now, I’ve said to him when do you want to talk he keeps saying he will when l stop going on about this all the time. I’m hurt as he’s played mind games saying he wants me back, then he wants to talk, plus he texts me random messages mostly about him but when l talk about us he ignores me. I’m at the end of the road what can l do?? Any suggestions l would love to hear. Thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 13, 2016 at 7:04 pm

      Hi Andream

      I think you should try no contact.. try 21 days

  32. Caxx

    October 11, 2016 at 8:29 pm

    Hi, just have a question, I am in no contact, 7days to be exact, my ex has me blocked on what apps and his phone, I don’t care cause I’m not trying to message him anyway.

    Last night, I went to our chat on facebook and accidentally sent a thumbs up!!! I left it alone, cause I’m not breaking no contact.

    So today after I post an awesome pic of myself on fb, I go to my messages and he sends a thumbs up back(I have his messages on mute, so I got It way after he sent it)

    We are not friends on fb, I removed him, so In order to respond he had to ‘accept’ my message request.

    Will I have to start no contact all over? What do I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 11, 2016 at 8:38 pm

      HI Caxx,

      lol.. nope, don’t worry..

  33. Adelaide

    October 9, 2016 at 10:12 pm

    So i have a slightly different issue with my ex to the above article. I’ve been seeing him for about a month now and everything is going great! He almost said i love you and quickly changed it to like while we were curled up on the sofa together. Neither of us are ready to say that to each other.
    However, everytime my phone goes off he looks over my shoulder to see who’s messaging me. Since my male friend of over 10yrs recently broke up with his fiancee, he’s messaging me more than usual. Him and my ex never got along, and the arguments between them and over them, caused a large divide between me and my ex. I see both of their sides and I feel stuck in the middle between them both. But my ex is even going as far as to suggest that all of the male friends i have are interested in me in a romantic way (because I’m adorable and irresistable – his words), and despite my reassurances, and even pointing out that most of his friends are female, he simply won’t have it. He always becomes moody and sulks with me. Nothing seems to work.
    Now he wants to me to cut all contact with my friend. I have no idea what to do right now and nothing I’ve tried to reassure him with has worked.

    Is there anything I can do? Any advice would be great! x

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 11, 2016 at 9:53 am

      Hi Adelaide,

      include him.. ask for his advice.. be honest with him that you understand what he’s feeling but the truth you’re just friends, and now you actually think it would be better if he’s the one who’s going to help your friend because he has fellow guy’s perspective

  34. M

    October 8, 2016 at 4:58 pm

    Hey I drunk texted my ex yesterday night. That I am horny after returning from the party idk why. And he replied me Good morning. So what should I do ? Should I text him sorry I was not in my right mind and then go to No Contact or should I just directly go into a No Contact rule? Would be great if you can suggest me something cause I am embarrassed.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 10, 2016 at 5:39 pm

      HI M,

      yeah, I think you should tell him that it was a drunken text and go into no contact rule..

  35. Meg

    October 6, 2016 at 9:41 pm

    I actually think she has a great chance here to be honest. She can just change her number, get a Google Voice or use one of those apps that give you a custom number and text him on it. Just never use the same words EVER in your conversations. Keep that embarrassing act to yourself.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *