EBR 063: When Texting Goes WRONG With Your Ex…

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

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When it comes to getting an ex boyfriend back one of the most asked questions that we get is,

How do I text him?

And if you are pretty familiar with our site you would know that I have put together quite a few guides over the years detailing exactly what to do. Well, I want you to take a moment and imagine something for me.

Imagine that you read all of my “in-depth” guides and had a pretty good idea of how I teach texting. And yet, when you actually went to implement my teaching it turned into a disaster.

Well, this is the exact thing that happened to the woman featured in today’s episode.

She sent a string of text messages and they didn’t work out too well for her.

Well, today I am going to dissect her messages and show you what she should have done.

Video Of Episode 63 (When Texting Goes WRONG With Your Ex…)

Pretty crazy, right?

Here’s a better explanation of the situation we are talking about in this episode,

The Situation We Are Talking About

  • The woman wanted to remain “anonymous” so we are just going to refer to her as anonymous
  • She completed the 30 day no contact rule
  • She began texting her ex like she was supposed to
  • He ended up not responding well to it at all
  • She has no idea on what to do

Important Things We Talk About In This Episode

  • The importance of being interesting with your texts
  • Every text you get is information and it’s important that you use that information properly
  • My crazy new phone number and the calls I get from it
  • Not going too fast, too soon
  • Looking at the situation from your exes perspective

Important Links Mentioned In This Episode

Interview Transcript:

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Every so often I get a voice mail that really sticks out to me and that was certainly the case with the voicemail that I’m going to feature in this episode. Now, there’s a lot of things you can do to really stick out to me and get featured on this podcast. You can have an interesting situation, you can have a funny situation, you can have really good audio.

There’s a lot of different things that I take into account. But this one, this one took the cake because you can hear the frustration and anger in this woman’s voice. And her situation is kind of funny at the same time and interesting at the same time.

This situation really had it all. Now, what we’re going to talk about today is texting.  Texting is a thing that a lot of people struggle with when it comes to getting their ex boyfriends back. They don’t know what to say, how to say it or what to do. And even though I can’t really cover all of those things in one podcast episode, I can introduce you to them. And that’s what I’m going to attempt to do here.

This woman essentially talk to me about her entire conversation with her ex and it went completely wrong. And so what we’re going to do today and, I’ve never done anything like this. So, this is kind of a first here for the ex boyfriend recovery podcast, is we’re going to take those four text messages that were sent because remember this conversation did not go well. It didn’t really last very long and I’m going to dissect what she did wrong, and kind of give you some insight into what her ex boyfriend was thinking.

So, without further ado, I’d like to introduce you to our really, really great Anonymous call her–“Call-her”! [Laughs] our Anonymous caller–Call her, I can’t believe I said that. I’m going to introduce you to our Anonymous caller who has a question about texting.

Anonymous

Anonymous

Hi!,

So, I started no contact up to 30 days and then I texted today my ex and I wrote, I just said,

“I just drove past you in Glenroy.” Hang on. I’m sorry. The text was:

text-1

And then he replied half an hour later.

text-2

And then I wrote,

text-3

and then he wrote,

text4

I don’t know what to do now. Please help.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Ok. Wow, that is one heck of a situation. It definitely did not go well and we’re going to talk about that and hopefully give you some understanding of what went wrong, what you could have done better, and what’s going on in his mind to make him act or say the things that he’s saying.

So, the first thing I want to do is commend you on the no contact rule. I know that’s a really difficult time to go through. The only thing that I can really–and you didn’t really mention anything about this. But the only thing that I can really advise on with the no contact rule, is ask you a simple question. What significant changes have happened? If you are the same version of yourself that you were during the relationship and you just ignored him for 30 days, that is actually not enough anymore with the no contact rule. We become a lot more advanced in our understanding of the no contact rule and what really works to get an ex back. And often times, personal growth and development has to happen during this time and period where you are ignoring your ex.

So, if you didn’t do anything like that and you approached him and tried to text him. We found that things tend not to go really well. Whereas if you have created a lot of personal growth and development during the no contact rule and then you text him, you’re in a much better frame of mind. You’re more confident and things just end up going better.

Now, you didn’t really talk much about that. Mostly, you were talking about your text message conversation that went horribly wrong. So, let’s talk a little bit about that.

The one thing I want you to understand here about texting is it’s almost like a little chess match and every single text you send gives you a piece of information. And based on that information that you get, it essentially informs your next move. So, if things are going well, then usually you know you need to pull back and retreat and try to figure something else out. If things are going good, then you know you can kind of keep advancing and the idea here is you want things to continue to go good, so you can kind of advance up the value chain.

Of course you wouldn’t be calling me if things went really well. Things went disastrously bad. So, here’s what I’m going to do. Four texts were sent here.

Text number 1 was you said, “I just drove past you in Glenroy. Hope you are well.”

To which he responds, “Glenroy? I think you got the wrong person.”

And then you wrote, which this is where things really started going wrong.

“Ooops, I could have sworn it was you. It kind of reminded me of the night I was in my bathrobe.”

And if you are watching this on Youtube. I just basically made love to the camera right there! Ok, and then he responds,

“Who the F is this?”

And that’s when you know, it really went wrong. So, I’m going to take you text by text and explain what you didn’t do right, what you did do right and what he’s thinking. So, let’s start with the first text.

So, I have written a lot about this on exboyfriend recovery and I’ve even done podcast episodes about it because this is really where women struggle the most. So, when women do the no contact rule, they’re ignoring their ex from 21-45 days. Any kind of time frame in between that. And after that I’d recommend, “Ok, now it’s time to text your ex” and then you have that ultimate question. “Well, what do I text him?” And this is something that women struggle with a lot.

So, you are definitely not alone in this Anonymous and you did make some mistakes here. So, you’re text was–your first text to him was, “I just drove past you in Glenroy. Hope you are well.”

Now, here’s the problem with that. Number 1, there’s nothing interesting about that. There’s nothing that makes him want to actively respond. Number 2, you didn’t follow my protocol on first contact text messages. So, let’s talk about this, your first contact text message, the first message that you basically text to your ex after the no contact rule, has to be interesting. It has to be so interesting that he’ll actively want to respond to you in a positive manner. And I’ve come with this really special protocol for doing this.

So, you’re going to utilize four things when you’re creating your text message. Your knowledge of your ex, so you’re going to play on to your knowledge of him. What does he like? What does he dislike? And you’re going to try to incorporate that into the text in some way, shape or form. And then number 2, a story. People, I found really respond well to stories. If you really want to connect with someone or build rapport with someone, telling a story is the way to go and generally if it’s a really interesting story, you’re going to get a really interesting response. So, right now we have two. You’re going to utilize the knowledge that you have of your ex already and incorporate it into a story.

Number 3 is you’re going to use an action phrase. So, you want to start off your text with, “Oh my god!” or, “You won’t believe what I just saw!” An action phrase like this, creates interest. And you want your ex boyfriend to be interested in what you have to say.

What is your first reaction when I say, “Oh my god! You’re not going to believe what I just saw!” Well, you’re first reaction is, “What did you see?” You want to know. It creates interest, intrigue and I would liken this kind of a pattern interrupt. So, a pattern interrupt is imagine that you were walking up to a group of friends. Ok? And this group of friends all knew each other and they were talking amongst themselves. And you were walking up and you were just trying to get into the middle of the conversation but everyone is talking amongst themselves and you really can’t get their attention onto you. Now, compare that when you walk up to them and then you do this, you snap. Immediately, they stop talking and they look directly at you. The action phrase is meant to do this,

“Oh my god! (snap) You’re not going to believe what I just saw (snap)! It’s snapping his attention to you and then you tell your story of which you of course you use your knowledge of him and then finally you’re going to tie in.

Now, this is really where it gets a little tricky. You’re going to say something like, “Yeah that was the first time you popped in my head in a while.”

Now, I realized, this is a little bit confusing so, I think it’s best if I do this in a cohesive manner.

So, imagine you decide to send this text to your exboyfriend. He’s a big fan of, let’s say Game of Thrones.

“You are not going to believe what I just saw.”

To which he responds, “What?”

“I just saw the most epic marathon of Game of Thrones and it totally reminded me of that time that I was at your house and we just binge watched the entire series. It was the first time I thought about you in a while.”
Now, this text is going to do a number of things. 1, you are intriguing him with the action phrase. You’re intriguing him with a pattern interrupt. Something that’s going to make him snap to attention and respond to you. Next, you’re going to tell a little quick story about the time you saw this really awesome Game of Thrones marathon on the television which you know, he’s a big Game of Thrones fan. And you’re going to bring him back into a memory, a good memory of when the two of binge watch it at his house. And then finally, you’re going to tie it back in to you where you’re going to say, “Yeah, it was the first time I thought about you in a while.”

Now, the important part of this tie in, the “It was the first time I thought about you in a while.” is the fact that you haven’t talked to him in a month ok? So, if you say that, he’s going to think, “Wait, you haven’t been thinking of me this entire time?” And that’s kind of where you want him. So, your text, your problem was, this is what you texted your ex. “I just drove past you in Glenroy. Hope you are well.” That is a normal text message.

We need to be more creative and have more thought. And of course he didn’t really respond to well to it. Let’s look at the second text. Now, his second text was, “Glenroy? I think you may have the wrong person.”

Now, remember what I said in the beginning of this episode how every single text message you get is a piece of information ok? Now, this is a vital piece of information. A piece of information that you ignored and this is where you really went wrong. Now, there’s nothing wrong with the fact that you went wrong. Everyone makes mistakes. All I want for you is to learn from the mistake. So, the piece of information that you didn’t pick up on is, someone who says, “Glenroy? I think you may have the wrong person.” is indicative of someone who doesn’t know who you are. So, usually and I know this really well because I got a new phone at the begging of the year and I’m always getting this phone calls from people wanting to speak to the previous owner of the phone. So, I’m getting text messages, phone calls, all for someone who isn’t me. It’s for someone who previously owned the phone ok?

And so, I am used to getting wrong numbers. So, I’m constantly saying, I think you may have the wrong person. This seems like that is what is happening here.

So, it seems to me like either he has blocked your number or erased your number so, he doesn’t know what your number looks like. He doesn’t have you in his phone anymore. This is a vital piece of information and it’s a piece of information that you didn’t pick up on. So, what’s the best play here? Well, let’s imagine that you got this piece of information. The mistake you made was you continued to go forward. What you should’ve done was retreated and come up with another game plan. That would be the smart way to approach it. The only thing, the only fly in the ointment so to speak is, every time you come up with a game plan, especially when you’re trying to get an ex back. A lot of things, a lot of variables will change and something won’t go according to your ultimate plan.

For example, things didn’t go according to your plan right here. You were expecting him to say something like–so, your first text was, “Hey, I just drove past you in Glenroy. Hope you are well.” And you were expecting him hopefully to say, “Oh, that’s so sweet. Thank you for thinking of me.” But you didn’t. He essentially gave you the response of, “Sigh, wrong number.”

Now, the smart move there is to retreat, regroup and come up with another game plan. You went forward and this is really where you made your biggest mistake. Your biggest mistake was with the third text message. Now, this third text message, I’m not quite sure what you were trying to accomplish but your third text message says, “Oops, could have sworn it was you.” Which it seems like you knew that the wrong number was prevalent but you decided to go forward anyways. So, you said, “Oops, could have sworn it was you. It reminded of that time I was in my bathrobe.”

Now, there’s a lot of mistakes here. I don’t know if you were trying to use some sort of jealous text or be flirty or sexual in nature or something but it didn’t play well. Often times, when you’re going to be try to be sexual in this nature, you need to have built up rapport. You wouldn’t try to ask someone on a first date to marry you? You would have to build up rapport, trust first. Same kind of thing goes with flirting and doing sexual messages like this ok? You need to build more rapport. So, essentially this was way too much way too soon. And the bathrobe, I really– it has to tie to what your’e talking about before. It’s out of left field. You were just saying, “Hey, I just saw you. I just drove past you in Glenroy.” And he just said, “No, you didn’t” And then you start talking about being in your bathrobe which is very sexual in nature.

Now, I understand, you were probably trying to be flirty and it’s often said that tears are a woman’s greatest weapon but sex is also a woman’s greatest weapon right? And I think you were trying to use that. You were trying to use that to your advantage and hopefully, get him to show some introspect. The things is, he didn’t. He responded very, very negatively which we’ll talk about one second. First things first, I want to explain to you why I would never recommend this text even if things were going well. So, first off, the sexual in nature texts, it’s really tricky because you have to have a lot of rapport built and I always think, especially with texts, it’s always kind of fun when you’re a little cheeky and a little flirtatious in nature. You’re being very kind of forward here with your bathrobe comment and believe it or not, it’s not the craziest thing I’ve ever seen a woman text to an ex but the bathrobe thing is so far out of left field. It would have made a little bit more sense if you are talking about bats and something like that where you could tie it in but this really had no place in the conversation and he didn’t respond well to it.

Let’s talk about that right now.

So, the 4th text that he sent you, the 4th in the string of texts that we are talking about here is, “Who the F is this?” except it wasn’t just F. It was the F U. You know what I’m saying, the cuss word. Alright, this is indicative of a man who has been angered ok? And creeped out. So, him being angry and creeped out by you is definitely not the reaction that you want him to have when you were texting. I always say, on the first contact text message, end the conversation when you get your chance ok? So, end the conversation first and soon. You want it to be a really short re-introduction to you and then the next day, you’ll start to kind of rebuild that rapport and then every subsequent day you’re going to slowly get deeper and deeper into texting him. You want to take things really slow at first and you probably would’ve continued to text him and that’s a mistake but he essentially cut the conversation off when he said, “Who the F is this?”.

Now, I want you to look at this from his perspective. Imagine that you got a text message from a stranger. Someone who you didn’t know who it was. And then you tried to explain to the person, “Hey I think you have the wrong number.” And the person just continues to go and get sexual in nature. Would that creep you out? Especially being a woman. I’m pretty sure you’d be a little creeped out. And that’s what he’s displaying here. He’s displaying someone who doesn’t know who he’s talking to, who just got really sexual, and it creeps him out. So, here’s what we can learn from this string of text messages.

Number 1, the first contact text message is vitally important and it’s something that you didn’t really do a great job of. The–I believe it was the, I drove past you in Glenroy. That really is not a great first contact text message.

Now, it’s not anything against you. I understand.  A lot of women have issues with texting their exes. Especially, with that first contact text message. In fact, I’ve even recorded a podcast on how to conduct the first contact text message, a perfect one and you didn’t do that. And that’s where things started to go wrong and it spiraled down and you didn’t leave the conversation which again is something that you can correct. This are things that are correctable ok?

Now, his reaction to you is understandable. Don’t take it personally. I suppose the question that you’re wondering at this point is, “Do I have a chance?”

Your chances just took a massive hit. I am not going to lie to you. You only get so many chances at a first contact text message. I would say you get probably 2 or 3 chances tops. So, it’s a vitally important aspect and a lot of women fail when you get to this aspect. They’re expecting the no contact rule is supposed to do all the work for them but it doesn’t and it never will.

Yes, there will always be those outliers where all they have to do is ignore their ex for 30 days and bam! The ex comes back. But there’s no guarantee that that’s going to happen. So, if I was you, I would approach it like there’s no guarantee that that’s going to happen. Really work on your first contact text message. Now, do you have a chance? Getting back to my original point.

You still have a chance but it took a hit ok? Really what you can do is take the information that you have from this experience. You know that he doesn’t know who you are. So, to me that means he erased your number. He hasn’t blocked you because he blocked you, he wouldn’t have responded. He 20:04 probably of anger due to the break up which is an understandable reaction. I just told an embarrassing story on my last podcast episode where I did something like this ok?

So, take that information and with your first contact text message going forward, re-introduce yourself. Use your name. “Hey, it’s–if your name is Chloe–Chloe” and then weave it into your first contact text message because you have a vital piece of information. The fact that he has erased your number, he doesn’t know who this is ok? So, use that information that you have. Text messages is nothing but a chess match and then best players are the ones who win.

That’s going to do it for this episode of the ex boyfriend recovery podcast. Thank you for listening. I had a blast filming this and recording it. If you have any questions, please visit our website exboyfriendrecovery.com and ask a question there. We do our best to answer every single question and if you like this podcast and you want it to continue, I highly encourage you to go to Itunes and leave us a review. An honest one, that’s all we ask.

I really had a blast! Thanks!

Published October 6, 2016, | Modified October 6, 2016

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

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What Do You Think? (42)

  1. Pippa - 0

    Pippa

    I completed NC and the texting seemed to be going ok: I sent was one asking how his Christmas went, he replied and asked how mine was. The next text was a few days later wishing him a happy new year and he responded the same. The one after that I was asking after a mutual friend who is ill in hospital and again he replied. And then a few more days had passed so this morning I sent him a funny one – no response. I admit that it could be because I sent it in the morning instead of early evening like usual but I’m sure he will have read it as he never ignores his phone, it’s practically glued to him. I’ve been tempted all day to send another one saying that I’m sorry my text made him uncomfortable, etc, or jokingly saying that I realise it was a rubbish joke, but so far I’ve managed to stop myself from sending anything – feel disappointed and wish I’d not texted him today. Have I blown it by sending too many texts even though they were spaced days apart? How do I come back from this, leave it until a couple of weeks have passed and them say what?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Pippa,

      Why were the previous texts spaced days apart? And then suddenly you went all in a day. I think you need to rest for a week, and then after that, try the tide theory.

  2. S. - 0

    S.

    I’ve started texting my ex, but most of the times it takes him all day to answer, so I don’t feel we can have a proper conversation. How do I get him to response me faster? Does this mean that he’s not interesting in being in contact with me?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      How many texts have you exchanged? If there’s no rapport and you’re just starting out then it’s normal that he wont initiate.. End the conversations yourself and end it in cliffhanger style

  3. Jillian - 0

    Jillian

    I need someones help. I have no idea what to do, and none of my comments have been answered and its been 5 days. He is being confusing and my situation is odd.
    My boyfriend and I were together for a year and a half. We were the best of friends, did everything together, told each other everything, we were each others first love. We had our arguments because we are bull headed but he treated me like a princess, and the arguments never lasted. But everything changed when he left for a university and Im staying at a community college for a year. He would go out and party which I didn’t mind, but would ignore my texts a lot, not be as lovey or complimenting, ditched me once when I came to visit, and just overall didn’t put in the effort.
    I was extremely unhappy in the place I was at, not wanting to stay home for a year, so bored and unhappy with myself, and he knew it, and I would be too needy and bitch at him for all the shit he was doing, pushing him away more. I didn’t let him experience college like I shludve and if we got back together so much would change for the good.
    About two months in after i text him bitching about not answering me, I get a drunk text saying “I think we should take a break”
    The next day he call and texts me begging for me back and I ignore him and kiss another guy. The next day I get back with him but when he I tell him I kissed another guy he freaks out and says were over. And then the next day texts me and we text for a week and then I beg for him back and we got back together. After this nothing changed. He still treated me the same way.
    Things weren’t going well and we went to a concert and I ended up going to the hospital because I drank too much beforehand. I got more needy because I was freaking out about what happened and he pushed me away more.
    A week after that he sends me a text that he needs to be on his own/needs time on his own and he’s been unhappy for a long time. I don’t respond to this text at all for 23 days, implementing the no contact and doing things to make myself happy.
    He texts me “hi” on week 2, and I see on spotify that he is listening to sad songs about breakups and missing someone.
    I don’t answer, and on day 23, I call him at 4 am and text saying I saw something that reminded me of one of our good memories. He answers back “I miss that”
    I continue with the rules for contacting and he answers, in short but not negative phrases, and not right away.
    And then I break down. I say “I think I need some closure” he says “I thought we already had closure” and I say “I miss the person I thought was my best friend. I didn’t think it would end this way.” he says “I have always been your best friend.” I call and text back “Can you call?” he says “I can’t Im studying with friends” and I say “How did everything go so wrong? I miss snuggling in bed watching our show eating tortilini” and he says “I don’t know”
    He has not changed his social media from in a relationship, his photo is still of me on every social media site and he hasn’t asked for his things back. Why am I the one who is doing all the work when he’s the one who did something wrong? What should I do? I need your help. He comes home for a month in two weeks, do I wait to contact him until then? Or should I just text him a friendly text like nothing happens a week from the day we had our most recent conversation where I say I miss him? Or do I text wishing him luck on his exams on Monday?

    Reply
    • Jillian - 0

      Jillian

      UPDATE: I texted him after 3/4 days saying “I just thought of a happy memory” and he said “What is it?” and I said the memory about when we stayed up all night talking in Florida and asked him if he remembered it and he responded “I do remember” Do I wait a day or two and try again?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jillian,

      It’s good that you did the no contact rule but it looks like it was not enough for a restart. You’re the only one making effort because he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore. So, right now, there’s still might be a little thought in him that thinks you’re trying to get him back. He doesn’t really think you’re moving on but you did mention to him that you just missed your best friend. Are you still continually improving yourself? Are you active in posting in social media? Will he think you’re moving on and improving? Will he regret leaving you?

  4. Jamie - 0

    Jamie

    Hi Chris or Amor,
    Trying to keep this simple, my situation is in a way related with the podcast here. Also, I have purchased and am currently involved in the Ex Boyfriend Recovery pro steps. I broke up with my ex because I admitted that I didn’t love myself enough to love him and that he wasn’t changing either, since he wasn’t motivated and I just wanted him to get a job. From that day, around October 2016, a month went by without any contact and when I texted him, he said “I was about to text you. I was thinking of you and I actually passed your house a few times the previous weeks.” At the time I had not been looking into any methods of getting him back cause I was thinking that he still had feelings for me. We decided to meet up and talk, and he said that he thought I was trying to bait him back, but I said I wasn’t. I told him that I did have feelings for him still, but I knew that we broke up for a reason. I told him I needed more time with no contact, because he said he had moved on and that we were over. But I still had feelings and he wanted to be friends. The next day I bombarded him with texts, like an idiot, and he got really upset saying he didn’t have romantic feelings for me anymore, but he still cared. Like an idiot, I asked “Did you love me these four years?”. He said “of course!”, and then he said, if we can’t do six months apart, let’s do three. I disagreed, and said we should try to not do no contact (because that’s what I heard from another dating adviser). And he just never responded (not blocking me though). I don’t want to lose the love of my life, I don’t deal with communication well and I was scared. Now, it’s been a week since that day I texted him and I haven’t said anything trying to grasp to being independent and loving myself, while also holding dearly onto this program. It feels like the days are slower and I’m emotionally turbulent, but it’s getting better. I just need to know that because he wanted to do a three month rule, should I abide by that or still try to contact him in 30-45 days?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jamie,

      I think you need to accept first that he’s not inlove with you anymore. He has moved on. So now, all he wants before being friends with you is to be sure that you have moved on too. For me you should do at least 45 days but you have to really improve yourself during and after nc. Aim to be the ungettable girl.

  5. Barbara - 0

    Barbara

    Hey, I don’t know if it is the right place to write down my question… I have been seeing a guy for the past 4 months and we went through a major argument last sunday (because of a huge misunderstanding). We both were wrong, I apologised saying I’m willing to talk this through, but at the same time I was sick. He said we should wait until I get better and talk about “us”. The thing is, for the past months, a day hasn’t gone without him sending the first “good morning” text. And since that argument, no more texts or news (knowing that I was sick and I find it kind of rude not hearing from him and asking how I am doing). Anyways, my last text was thursday night and he said we will talk once I’m not sick anymore. Now, I’m completely fine and I don’t know what to do? This is the first time we don’t talk for that long and I don’t know what to do anymore. Go like “Hey, I’m fine, can we talk” or just wait for him to come back? I know he is very mad at me but does it mean it’s over? I’m confused. God, men are so confusing.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Barbara,
      have you talked?

    • Barbari - 0

      Barbari

      Yes, I did talk to him , telling him I was doing good and asking about how he was going. Seems like things are quite hectic with him at work, and I didn’t want to bother him. We haven’t mentionned our relationship, the whole convo was about work and problems at work. I was the last to text two days ago and I haven’t heard from him yet. I guess I will just leave like this and wait for him to come around. I don’t wanna be the pushy one asking where we are heading. What do you think?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      actually what I meant is to talk about the relationship.. Time it right because if you don’t talk about it, then how long are you going to wait?

    • Barbara - 0

      Barbara

      He is a radio host, a lot is going on with his work right now and I’m afraid to catch him at the wrong time … And I don’t know how to bring the subject. “Hey can we talk about us” seems a little bit harsh.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Yeah..I understand..but set a time limit on until when you would wait..if you see each othet in person, bring it up when he’s in the best mood

  6. Lisa - 0

    Lisa

    so ive completed the no contact stage and insome ways it worked well. about 4 days after the 30 days of NC we saw each other out as it was a kind of festival day her in Australia (Melbourne Cup; its a horse race the basically the whole of Australia shuts down for on the 1st Tuesday of Nov every year; kinda like an Aussi tradition) anyays…we saw each other out as we were both celebrating; he’d been at work before the race so i was a little more jovial then he was. He actually saw my boss who is also a very close friend of mine and asked her where i was and if I was with her exc…i kind of was, i was due to meet her not long after he saw, she texted me saying to hurry up B/F is asking of me and for me…
    once i arrived at the venue we natuarally saw each other as it was kind of difficult not too and we both sat and talked. We both apologised for our places in the ultimate argument and we had a really great afternoon together in each others company. There were a few small incidents of which i was a little emotional that arose due to other people putting thier opinions in tot our situation. we got past them quiet quickly though and remianded to have a great time. we left the veue together and went to his house to hang out and just chat. I didnt stay the nightt, i left around midnight. Now though he seems to have gone “quiet” again. I did however leave a jacket at his that was and honest forget and i would like it back cause i’d only just brought it and that was the firt time i’d worn it.
    His situation is a little hard due to him having quiet the horror of a year.
    i kind of feel like i missed a few steps and now that he’s gone quiet and somewhat cold again im unsure how to approch the sitaution.
    Also every time i try to send even a starting message ive no idea what to say. I dont really want to bring up the past issues and in a simple way would love to be able to start fresh…should i go back to NC? how long for?
    so very confused! sometimes i feel like giving up but i honestly do know i love him and he is “my 1″and i miss him with a fierc-ness ive never experienced.
    please advise
    Lisa

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lisa,

      check this one:
      EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
      it doesn’t have to be a memory. Think about his interests and talk about that or what’s current that’s interesting for him.

    • Lisa - 0

      Lisa

      so ive started to compile some ideas for my text messages in relation to his interests exc. Thing is though there is mention of starting it with something like “you’ll never guess what?” I hate to say it but not much happens thats excititng in my life (hahah) how would i combat this. I work in Accounting and not a llot happenes on a day to day basis.
      Also ifeel that i should do another lot of no contact but only for a shortened time. The 30 days worked but as i mentioned in my about post he has shaded out on me. Would 14 days or 21 days be suitible. in the 30 days i even limited what he could see on my social media; without deleting him or anything, but i restricted what he could see and even to see whether i was online or not. i returned my social media to allow him to see everything around a week before the 30 days were up. I would probebly do this again couse it seems easier for me to stick tot he no contact.
      cheers
      L.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hmm what are his interests? Anything current?

  7. famrion - 0

    famrion

    Hi thanks for helping ok i left few comment on different pagest but dosent see that . so my ex erased my number and i didnt replie him but then he on to telegram and find out who i am said hi so next day i left message for him and interesting happening to me and he asked me i dont get number for other guy that seemd he car about me in first time so he respond positively so in this day i dont know what to do next? was it that mean he loves me? Sorry for my bad english I am from iran

    Reply
    • famrion - 0

      famrion

      we once kissed each other and touching and hug cuddle just that have sexually job we did and he asked me again those things that is so quickly happen and i dont know what to do ? i just did first contact message.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Famrion,

      how long did you do nc amd nd did you improve yourself? What do you think about the advice above?

    • famrion - 0

      famrion

      Hi i did nc 13 days we have been together 3 month. i am not improve complatly but doing well, advices are very helpful and useful so good for me I try to do them but situtians are very various.so when he asked me those things i showed him interests but said I am not ready for that yet he says ok next time see you bye now, after that and two days i didnt text him so he didnt text me now what should i do?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I think you need to restart count. Because the most important part of no contact is that you improve yourself, and that you don’t look like you’re just waiting for him to text you. Try a full set of 21 days.

  8. Catherine - 0

    Catherine

    Hi EBR Team!!!
    First of all, I just wanted to say thank you for all of the incredible help!! I don’t know what I would do without y’all! Just to give you a little background, my boyfriend and I dated for 11 months and we broke up a little over a month ago. He said he wanted to still be friends and so I tried talking to him a few days after the break up (just as friends) but he was weird and distant, so I immediately went into the No-Contact Period. I successfully completed my 30 day no-contact period and I sent him a text today for the first time. I used your advice for how to send the perfect first text message, reminding him of a time we went rollerskating together and I told him a friend and I were talking about going rollerskating and it make me think of him for the first time in awhile. Well, he seemed to respond positively to my text message, saying “haha yes I do remember!” and I was so excited to see that it made him laugh! I kept it cool and said “Haha I was so clumsy it was awful.” I planned to end the conversation there but then he actually made an effort to keep the conversation going, saying: “It was fun. So what have you been up to?” So I gave him just a very brief 2 sentence update, telling him I’ve kept myself very busy and I mentioned a couple of things coming up that I’m really excited about, and then ended the text asking “what about you?” and I never got a response. I know he saw it because he has his “Read Receipts” on, but he didn’t say anything. I’m so scared! Did I do something wrong? Should I have ended the conversations sooner? I was glad to see that he was actually trying to keep the conversation going, but now I’m just more confused than ever. When should I try to contact him again? Thank you!!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Catherine,

      hmm, let’s give him the benefit of the doubt this time. Maybe he didnt know what to say or his life is not really that eventful in the last days.. try again after 3-5 days.. List out interesting things for him, those that he always loved talking about..

  9. Amanda - 0

    Amanda

    I just ended NC. I couldn’t figure out what to send so I asked him to swap our stuff and catch up in about a week. He said that would be fine and that he thinks he’s ready. But then he called me to tell me that he’s not coming to my/our mutual friend’s party on the weekend. I wasn’t even expecting him to come. Why would he make a point of saying we should do separate things?! (Did I freak him out with the meet up?). I would have loved to build up suspense with texts but I wasn’t sure where to start because I cut him out of my life. Thing is we’re broken up but we’re also on a break. He broke it off with me whereas I wanted some space to sort my own things out. He wanted to stay friends, have sex, and not date anyone in the foreseeable future. I said this was cool only if we worked on us, otherwise no. He was okay with this as long as there was no relationship expectations. So we compromised and I was okay with it because I was about to go on holiday, so we would have space and then we could revisit everything after (I was hoping space would make us see each other’s point of view on this). So during our time a part, we texted a bit (he seemed unsure as to whether he could talk with me at first). We didn’t do this regularly but it was good when we did. There was no relationship talks. I then brought up a funny memory and he didn’t respond. So I decided to properly cut contact (I didn’t want to be the dangling cake – its the sex thing that bothered me). So when I got back from holiday, I never called him like I was supposed to and waited a month. So now I don’t know how to text him with all of this unfinished business. When I do text him, he replies but doesn’t ask questions. He’s not taking the bait. I’ve also heard that he’s gone really wild since we broke up (he is not a partyer- or wasn’t when we were together. He was “over it” and I was the one who went out with friends on the weekends). I don’t know if he’s decided this is a total breakup or if I hurt him. Then again he wasn’t calling me either? (But I know he feels guilty too so maybe he wouldn’t). Another thing I heard is that our card group (mutual friends but his) won’t set up a game because they’re scared I won’t go and that will hurt him?! I feel like everything is backwards and I don’t know how to approach this. Should I stay positive or bring up this weird situation when I see him. Should I say sorry for not contacting him? Should I postpone the date and go back into texts? (I didn’t even realize but we’re meeting up on our anniversary – so for sentimental reasons I don’t want to change this but I told him I might not be free and would call him on the day to confirm). (Also I was wanting an evening meet up on a weekday and it sounds like he would prefer to meet during the day on his day off? – this also seems weird to me) Should I see him and then jump back into texts and/or work on date 2? And how do I get him to talk. I feel silly sending messages because its so obvious that I cut contact and now I want him back. Also, it’s super hard coming up with reasons to text him. IM CONFUSED. And the vibe I’m getting right now is that he’s closed off. So how the hell do I break through that? I just need help with the plan of attack. I’m not sure where I stand right now at all. This is harder than NC. I want my bf who I can talk openly and honestly with again. … and I guess this is exactly the reason you build up to the date (I want my stuff back too though).

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Amanda,

      I’m confused too.. When and why did you break up? So, you mean you broke up but then you agreed to be friends with benefits but you never pushed thorough with it? And why are you meeting on you’re supposed anniversary? Who initiated that meet and when was that raised?

  10. Puzzled - 0

    Puzzled

    Great! Thank you, Amor! I will check that out! Do you mind deleting my first message? I used exact phrases, so I just don’t want them out in internet land…just in case…
    Thank you!!

    Reply
  11. Chris Seiter - 4

    EBR Team Member: Amor

    Hi Puzzled,

    Try to check this one:
    Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

    Reply
    • Puzzled - 0

      Puzzled

      Thanks again Amor! For both deleting the initial message as well as for your recommendation. I consulted the page you provided and started from scratch using tide theory and it worked. I initiated contact on days 1, 2, 4 & 5. Then, just as it was suggested, he initiated contact on day 6. When he did that I said to myself “this is f*ing crazy – It worked!” I’m somewhat bewildered. Haha. Thank you!! 🙂

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hahahaha! That’s great!

  12. Andream - 0

    Andream

    My ex broke up with me few weeks back over a few comments l had said which he didn’t like, I however have apologised and knew l was in the wrong should have thought first. He has ignorened me and unanswered my texts. But then he texts me after l leave him a few days saying l want to be with you but we need to talk. This has been a few weeks now, I’ve said to him when do you want to talk he keeps saying he will when l stop going on about this all the time. I’m hurt as he’s played mind games saying he wants me back, then he wants to talk, plus he texts me random messages mostly about him but when l talk about us he ignores me. I’m at the end of the road what can l do?? Any suggestions l would love to hear. Thank you.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Andream

      I think you should try no contact.. try 21 days

  13. Caxx - 0

    Caxx

    Hi, just have a question, I am in no contact, 7days to be exact, my ex has me blocked on what apps and his phone, I don’t care cause I’m not trying to message him anyway.

    Last night, I went to our chat on facebook and accidentally sent a thumbs up!!! I left it alone, cause I’m not breaking no contact.

    So today after I post an awesome pic of myself on fb, I go to my messages and he sends a thumbs up back(I have his messages on mute, so I got It way after he sent it)

    We are not friends on fb, I removed him, so In order to respond he had to ‘accept’ my message request.

    Will I have to start no contact all over? What do I do?

    Reply
  14. Adelaide - 0

    Adelaide

    So i have a slightly different issue with my ex to the above article. I’ve been seeing him for about a month now and everything is going great! He almost said i love you and quickly changed it to like while we were curled up on the sofa together. Neither of us are ready to say that to each other.
    However, everytime my phone goes off he looks over my shoulder to see who’s messaging me. Since my male friend of over 10yrs recently broke up with his fiancee, he’s messaging me more than usual. Him and my ex never got along, and the arguments between them and over them, caused a large divide between me and my ex. I see both of their sides and I feel stuck in the middle between them both. But my ex is even going as far as to suggest that all of the male friends i have are interested in me in a romantic way (because I’m adorable and irresistable – his words), and despite my reassurances, and even pointing out that most of his friends are female, he simply won’t have it. He always becomes moody and sulks with me. Nothing seems to work.
    Now he wants to me to cut all contact with my friend. I have no idea what to do right now and nothing I’ve tried to reassure him with has worked.

    Is there anything I can do? Any advice would be great! x

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Adelaide,

      include him.. ask for his advice.. be honest with him that you understand what he’s feeling but the truth you’re just friends, and now you actually think it would be better if he’s the one who’s going to help your friend because he has fellow guy’s perspective

  15. M - 0

    M

    Hey I drunk texted my ex yesterday night. That I am horny after returning from the party idk why. And he replied me Good morning. So what should I do ? Should I text him sorry I was not in my right mind and then go to No Contact or should I just directly go into a No Contact rule? Would be great if you can suggest me something cause I am embarrassed.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI M,

      yeah, I think you should tell him that it was a drunken text and go into no contact rule..

  16. Meg - 0

    Meg

    I actually think she has a great chance here to be honest. She can just change her number, get a Google Voice or use one of those apps that give you a custom number and text him on it. Just never use the same words EVER in your conversations. Keep that embarrassing act to yourself.

    Reply

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