By Chris Seiter

Updated on April 6th, 2021

Today we’re going to be talking about why your ex responds to your texts immediately.

It’s interesting, most of the time when I’m dealing with clients, the number one problem that they have isn’t in the fact that their ex is responding to their text messages, it’s the opposite.

Their exes aren’t responding to their text messages.

But today we’re going to hear from a woman named Ella who basically is in the situation where her ex has responded to her but she doesn’t really understand why or some of the mechanisms behind why he responded to her.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Ella Asks: Why Is My Ex Responding So Quickly To Me? 

Hey, Chris. So it’s been two weeks since my boyfriend and I broke up. We’ve been together for a year and the breakup was a mess. I actually slapped him in the face. I felt bad about it so I apologized by sending him a somewhat long text message, which basically sounded like a closure letter.

I told him I was sorry for what I did that night, that I understand now why he was confused about his feelings for me, and that I have accepted the breakup, that I’m doing well now with family, friends, and work, and I hope that he is too. I ended it by saying not to give up on himself and always take care of himself, and I wished him luck.

So I sent this to him. I know, I’m sorry I broke the no contact rule, but it’s at my own peril anyway. And then he replied with three messages consecutively. First, “Hey, I just woke up and read this.” Second, “I forgive you for that night.” And the last message was, “You know me well enough to know I don’t hold grudges, right?” With a question mark.

I haven’t replied to him and I have no immediate plans to. I want to finish the no contact rule and then follow your texting strategy, send two texts, Sunday one, and another two on day two, and so on. I still want to have another try with this guy, but not with how he is at the moment. I just want to know why did he reply so quickly but so briefly. He literally just focused on the slap and ignored the rest of the letter. And his last message was a question. Is expecting me to reply to him? I’d really appreciate some insight-

A Recap Of Ella’s Situation

So it looks like Ella got cut off there a bit at the end, but we got the gist of her situation. So what I like to do in typically these type of podcasts is I like to recap the person’s voicemail so that I’m on the same page and then from there just organically talk about what I think about her situation.

So from what I understand, Ella went through a pretty rough breakup.

  • In fact, she actually slapped him when he broke up with her, which is kind of mean but also kind of funny at the same time.
  • Maybe I’m wrong there.
  • But, she immediately apologizes to him and she enters into a no contact rule.
  • But then she does what I hate the most and breaks the no contact rule by sending this really long text, which is kind of looked at as an apology but also at the same time is like this closure text messages, or text message rather.
  • And he actually replied to her with three text messages really, really quickly.
  • So she’s wondering why he replied so quickly and so briefly. He only focused on one aspect of her apology text.
  • And if he’s expecting her to reply to him.

The Red Flags To Watch Out For In This Situation

So really, we’re going to be talking today about why your ex responds to your texts immediately.

But what I’d like to talk about first has to do with Ella. I think Ella actually has a lot of work to do because there’s a couple things that she said that struck me as a little bit of red flags.

Now, what are red flags? Well, red flags are things that will prevent her from not only getting him back but also prevent her from having a successful relationship.

The fact that she was moved to physical violence during the breakup is a bit alarming. It also says something about her emotional state at the time. So it seems like when she gets highly emotional she can act out physically.

And this is not something that really is conducive to a great relationship, but it’s great that she recognizes that it was a wrong thing to do and she apologized for it. It is great. But I would actually have preferred her to apologize first before she went into a no contact rule.

She actually did it kind of backwards.

She actually went into a no contact rule and then broke the no contact rule to apologize probably after sitting and festering a bit.

You Are Probably Not The Exception To The No Contact Rule

But ultimately, what’s really, really interesting I find is when we’re dealing with clients who are sitting there and they’re thinking they’re the exception to the rule, to the no contact.

But perhaps the most ironic part about the no contact rule is that there’s almost no exceptions.

So Ella has this need to break the no contact rule and think that there won’t be consequences. And I want to take this as a lesson to maybe not only teach her but anyone who’s listening and thinking about breaking the no contact rule.

What we found from a pure statistic-driven sort of study is people who break the no contact rule consistently this easily during their first no contact, maybe just this early, have a really hard time of sticking with the no contact rule for maybe the second attempt, or the third attempt, or the fourth attempt.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

What alarms me about Ella’s situation is the fact that she’s just basically … She even admits it’s at her own peril, but she admits that she’s not going to try the no contact rule again.

She’s just going to go forward. But, it’s essential to the overall process for you to actually fully complete a no contact rule, even if you’re in a situation where you’re forced to do a limited no contact rule or a indefinite no contact rule. You still want to sort of serve your time, so to speak, because that time not only serves you well but it also serves your ex well.

And sometimes getting back in touch too soon can have the opposite effect of what you’re trying to achieve, and that’s getting your ex back.

That’s sort of looks like what Ella wants to do.

So Ella, even though she recognizes that it’s a mistake, she sort of plows forward. It’s a mistake, Ella. I just want to tell you right off the bat. I can’t tell you how oftentimes people in our private Facebook group break the no contact rule and think that there’s no consequences, but there is. Usually, the consequences come in the form of when you actually start having a conversation because you haven’t done any soul searching. They haven’t done any soul searching. So when you’re actually communicating with them, it’s almost too soon to be having any kind of talks.

Also, your other mistake, I think, Ella, is the fact that you got way too emotional way too soon. You sent this apology text, but it’s not really an apology text. It’s more of a closure text, which is extremely emotional. That’s not going to really end up well for you. But, why?

Why Will An Ex Respond To Your Text Messages Immediately?

Well, I think first we should answer the original problem or the original question, and that is why does my ex respond to my texts immediately.

Like I said, most people have the opposite problem. They can’t get their exes to respond to their texts at all. So just be thankful that you’re in that situation where you have an ex that wants to respond to you. But, why?

Well, in my mind there are two reasons why exes will respond to text messages immediately, especially if they’re happening a little too soon.

  1. Your Ex Is Thinking About You A Lot
  2. She Reached Out With A Highly Emotional Topic

Let’s talk about both reasons now.

Your Ex Is Thinking About You A Lot

The first one is that they’re thinking about you a lot. So I’m not really sure how to expand on that other than the fact that you go through this breakup.

Your ex is obviously upset about the whole situation, but they can’t stop thinking about you.

Sometimes when you implement a no contact rule, like Ella has attempted … She attempted the no contact rule but broke it.

I don’t know how long she was in the no contact rule for. She didn’t specify. But let’s just assume she’s been in it for a week. So a week has gone by. She hasn’t reached out to him. He hasn’t reached out to her. And maybe there’s kind of like this war of attrition going on. Well, I’m not going to reach out to her until she reaches out to me first.

And she’s thinking, “Well, I’m really upset. I want to talk about the breakup.” But the interesting thing is him. From his perspective, he’s thinking about her. Even if it’s I’m not going to reach out to her first, he’s thinking about her. So then when she breaks down, reaches out to him, which is what exactly happened here, he’s like, “Okay, okay. I could talk to her.” He gets really excited, right? That is probably what’s going on here.

He looks at like, oh, point for me. And if you don’t think men do this, if you think we’re all mature, I’m sorry to break it to you, but we’re not, especially when it comes to emotional topics and relationships. We are so immature it is almost laughable. But the same can be said for women from what we’ve found working with men who are trying to get their exes back.

So maybe it’s not accurate to say men or woman, but human beings can be extremely immature when it comes to relationships. And granted, breakups often attract immature relationships because usually there’s a reason that relationship failed, and usually that has to do with one member’s immaturity. And ladies, it’s usually not you. So that’s the first reason I think most exes will respond to your texts immediately. They’re thinking about you a lot.

She Reached Out With A Highly Emotional Topic

The second reason is if you do what Ella did and you reach out with an emotionally charged topic very, very quickly after the breakup. What do I mean by that? So let’s look at Ella’s situation. She slapped him, which is not okay by any means. Thinking about it is a little funny. I’m allowed to say that. But it’s not okay.

It’s not something that you want to do. She recognizes that that is not an okay way to go about your situation. But it makes for a one heck, one heck of an emotionally charged topic.

So what’s interesting is she sends this closure/apology text message to him where she mentions, “I am sorry for slapping you. I am really sorry. That is not the way a woman should treat a man. I’m sorry.” It is a highly emotional topic. He’s thinking about her a lot. He’s maybe even thinking about the fact that this is the first time in my life I’ve ever been slapped by a woman. So he wants to respond.

I think the important thing to remember with the emotionally charged topic is that it has to do with recency. There is a recency bias. If the breakup just happened and then three, four, five, even a week later, three, four, five days in or a week later, you reach out to your ex with a closure/apology texts, which is a mistake … And I actually have done a YouTube video and written an article about this.

Go check that out if you haven’t. Your ex is going to want to respond. So the more recent or the closer you are to this emotionally charged topic like a breakup, the more likely they are to respond.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

But here’s the thing. When we’re looking at responses, we don’t really care if … Sorry. I’m saying that wrong. Boy, I just sort of blanked out there. What we do care about really more than anything is the type of response that you’re getting.

You’re looking for a neutral to positive responses.

And ultimately, if you didn’t know, there are four types of responses to text messages.

  1. There’s a positive response
  2. A neutral response
  3. A negative response
  4. A no response.

And really, if you were to chart these on a spectrum, the best you could get is a positive response.

The second best is a neutral response.

The third best is a negative response, because a negative response is … It’s kind of like credit. Having bad credit is better than having no credit.

Well, as you could guess, no response is the worst thing you can get, indifference, being ghosted. Horrible. We don’t want that.

But what ends up happening typically when you enter into a conversation with your ex and he responds to this emotionally charged topic or text message that you send very recently after this emotional time, the responses maybe start out cordial, neutral, but quickly deteriorate to negative and eventually to no response.

We don’t want that to happen. That is not a recipe for success.

Do Not Send Closure Text Messages

Now, what’s interesting is Ella points out that, well, I sent this huge closure text message. I talked about a lot of things, but he only focused on one thing, the slap. Why? So why is he only focusing on this one thing in this gigantic closures/apology text? Well, it’s probably because it’s the part that he feels he needs to address. It’s also the part he’s thinking about the most, and it’s the most emotionally charged aspect of the topic.

Also, there’s this concept of how human beings understand or organize their memory.

Your brains are amazing tools, but one thing that you may … Anyone who sits there and tells me they have great memory is actually not realizing how our brains really work. Our brains, our memory centers essentially try to decipher what is important enough to put in long-term memory, and what’s important enough to put in short-term memory, and what’s important enough to not put in memory at all.

So what’s really interesting is when you send this closure text, I mean, you’re making a lot of mistakes here, Ella. I’m not trying to sound like I’m picking on you, because I’m not, but think of it like this. You send a closure text where you’re essentially starting and apologizing, and everything else you’re talking about is sort of what you wanted a response to.

Let’s just assume your closure texts or apology/closure text started with an apology about the slap and then quickly goes into some of the issues with the relationship, and how he treated you, and how you felt wronged and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So why isn’t he touching on the things that you want him to touch on and he’s touching on the things that you really don’t want him to touch on? Well, it’s because the thing that you don’t want him to touch in on also coincides with the end of your relationship.

So I’m a big proponent of this concept called the peak-end rule, which basically is a way of showing you how human beings organize their thoughts, right? They think that if you put a list in front of people, they will organize that list based on the most exciting aspect of it in the end of it. So when you’re looking at memory, I don’t even think I explained that right, so let me try it again.

When you’re looking at memory, when you’re thinking back on your relationship with your ex, you’re thinking about two points most distinctly, the most emotionally charged moments, the exciting ones, the ones you can’t get out of your head years later, months later, days later, and the bad one, the breakup, the end of the relationship. It just so happens that your closure message is highlighting the end of your relationship, Ella. You’re talking about the slap and how you feel bad about it, how you apologize for it. But the fact of the matter is the slap happened at the end of the relationship and it is also an emotionally charged moment. Of course he’s going to focus on that. He doesn’t want to talk about anything else.

He feels, number one, that he’s won by getting you to reach out to him first. And he also feels, number two, that he doesn’t care about any of the mumbo jumbo stuff that you want him to talk about. He only cares about the stuff you don’t want to talk about, the slap, how you were mean to him. He maybe has a bit of the victim mentality. But what you need to understand above all is that this is why we don’t break the no contact rule. This is also why I don’t believe in apologies until you’re kind of close to getting back together.

If you really think about it, there’s two points that we want to hit on here. Why shouldn’t you break the no contact? Well, number one, if you break the no contact rule and have a conversation like this, it’s a prime example of what can go wrong. And what can go wrong is he will only focus on the negatives as opposed to the positives. Our goal, especially if you want to take a bird’s-eye view of this whole thing, if you’re trying to get your ex back, is to get your ex to remember the peaks of the relationships when all he’s remembering is the end of the relationship.

The other thing I think we really need to touch on is this aspect of apologizing. Now, it may seem weird to me, but why shouldn’t Ella apologize? Because ultimately, when you’ve been wronged, I mean really wronged … Because relationships, when you go through a breakup, you feel it down to your soul. And when you’ve been wronged to that extent, words alone cannot help you recover or make you feel better.

So in the end, all Ella is doing by sending this closure/apology text … And you may disagree with me, and you’re welcome to disagree with me. But in my opinion, all she’s doing is trying to make herself feel better. She recognized it was wrong, so she reaches out and apologizes for it. But it’s not going to make him feel better.

The also important thing to keep in mind here is when you apologize, you want to make sure your ex is in the right state of mind to not only accept it but sort of reciprocate. Because believe it or not, Ella, he’s not innocent either. He did something that hurts you to the core, and he might … He should be held accountable for that. Not to the point where you slap him, of course. But if you apologize in a way that only makes yourself feel better … And oftentimes the only way you can tell if it will make herself feel better is timing. You should only really apologize to your ex, in my opinion, if you’re in a situation where you’re very close to getting them back. And it’s okay for you to have these emotionally highly charged conversations about your past relationship without them walking away or getting freaked out. And clearly 6, 7, 8 10 days into a no contact rule is not the time to have that conversation. And that’s the big issue.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Timing Matters More Than You Think

So ultimately, if you want to figure out why getting an ex back is difficult, it’s because timing really does matter. Not a lot of people think of it like that, but it does. When you say things, when you do things, what you do, all of it encompasses to create your overall chances of success. And most of the time that success is fleeting because people don’t have the self-discipline to stop themselves from reaching out and make an apology like Ella, reaching out and talking about an emotionally charged conversation before they’re ready to have an emotionally charged conversation.

I can tell you so many stories of women who went down Ella’s path and did not get their exes back. Now, that’s not to say that Ella can’t get her ex back if that’s what she wants to do. But my advice to anyone who’s in a situation where they’re thinking about breaking the no contact rule, where they’re thinking of having emotionally charged conversations with their ex is, number one, do you really want them back? And number two, if you do want them back, do you have enough self-discipline to time these conversations correctly? Because we’ve outlined it in the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Program. These are when it’s okay to share your feelings. This is what it’s okay to have these types of conversations.

And most of the time, people make two errors when they’re looking at the Ex Boyfriend Recovery problem. They take it as it’s the word of God, as if they don’t follow the words and timing exactly they’re going to fail. And then you have the other people who don’t take it seriously enough. You need to be a little bit in the middle I guess is my overall point here. You have to be open to adaptability, but that doesn’t mean you should adapt so much that you lose sight of the overall template that we’ve provided.

So ultimately, what you’re looking to do is have enough knowledge that you know what you should be doing as a template from a bird’s-eye view, but also having enough micro knowledge to adapt when the situation calls for it. That’s why it can be so hard for us to work or create a resource that just is a universal all-size-fits-one. We’ve tried our best to do that. But so much uniqueness is involved in each individual situation that each individual situation needs its own sort of built-in template and that decision to build that template or what that looks like lies with you.

More often than not, if you listen to what we say, you will have good success. But the people who don’t listen to what we say, who don’t follow the directions, who aren’t open to adaptability because adaptability is something that we really think you need to have, they’ll fail. I think in the end it really boils down to discipline. Are you disciplined enough to make the hard decision that you don’t want to make? If the answer to that question is yes, you got a really good shot. If it’s no, then you probably don’t. That’s as simple as I can make it.

What to Read Next

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

22 thoughts on “What It Means When Your Ex Responds So Quickly”

  1. Ryan

    May 30, 2022 at 7:13 pm

    We broke up about a week ago after dating for two years. I gave her about a week of no contact and recently I have been breaking that since I get this unbearable urge to text her. She responds back almost instantly, but Is still replying very dry and saying it’s probably not a good idea to talk. I think I feel the need to text her because of the way she ended things. There was no real reason she just insisted she needs to work on herself and become more independent, but that I was a great a bf, but i know sometimes I was a bit too clingy. The fact that she still has me on all socials with her locations on, and is answering my texts very fast gives me mixed emotions. Do you think it’s possible she still wants to get back with me? Or is she just trying to be nice?

    1. Coach Shaunna Nicol

      August 6, 2022 at 7:31 pm

      Hey Ryan, based on what you have told me I would say she is trying to be nice at the moment. You mentioned that you were too clingy so I would say if you wanted a chance to get this girl back that you need to allow her space. REAL SPACE. Work on yourself, spend time with your friends and work on becoming like the person you were when you first met.

  2. Ashley

    November 26, 2021 at 9:20 pm

    Hi, I dated this guy for two weeks and after I said I like you. He said this isn’t what he wants long term and that we aren’t compatible okay with being friends. Three weeks later I texted him happy thanksgiving and he was engaged in the convo for two days. He texted fast too. Is this him just being friendly or is there hope of him wanting to get back together?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 29, 2021 at 8:25 pm

      It sounds as if he is friendly, but if you want to get him back then use this as a window to start talking more regularly and increase the flirting gradually.

  3. Nora

    March 21, 2021 at 9:39 pm

    I sent a text saying “you have been crossed my mind just wanted to know how he’s doing.” to my ex after 1.5 months of NC. He replied to my text promptly that “Thanks for the message. Life likes to throw some challenges our way, things haven’t been ideal. I will work my way through.” What is that mean? Does it mean any positive or negative?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 24, 2021 at 9:02 pm

      Hey Nora, I would take that as if he is going through a hard time right now and things are not going great for him. It wasn’t a bad response to you but he has told you that he is stressed. Do not engage with this conversation – you need to reach out using Chris texts so that your conversations are interesting and positive.

  4. Nicole

    January 27, 2021 at 7:15 pm

    My ex reached out to me. I hurt him . He answers imediately, and seems Happy to hear from me. I do throw in flirty comments and he laughs, but I initiated hanging out and he responded with Idk, I felt sad he rejected me and said nothing then 10 min. Later he wrote soon. I feel like he is giving me mixed signals. He hasn’t texed in 2 days is it ok if I tex him just funny and flirty texted. Our relationship was great, but at the time he knew I was ending a toxic relationship and hurting the other person was hard. He got tierd , cried was really hurt and blocked me for almost 2months and has now reached out. He somehow blurted things aren’t the same what do I do to get him to see me. I feel like once he does atleast we can both see if we can fix this.
    We were amazing together in every aspect never boring. Help!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 2, 2021 at 8:45 pm

      Hi Nicole, I think it sounds positive conversations however do not try to rush the texting phase as you need to build rapport. Your ex could be worried about rushing things and getting hurt again. Let him take the lead in meeting.

  5. Aradhana

    October 26, 2020 at 11:53 am


    My ex dumped me 2 weeks ago. I was on NC since then. I couldn’t handle it. So today I sent him a message by asking about a reading group on Telegram and told him to add me to the group. He said “ok”. I said thank you and that’s it. His reply was fast but cold. What should I do now?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 28, 2020 at 1:33 am

      Hi Aradhana. Go back into a No Contact if you want this program to work for you, you need to complete 30 days solid No Contact.

  6. Joyce Felixes Wabe

    September 13, 2020 at 1:41 pm

    I was with my ex for 3 years and lived with him for 2.5 years. We had a lot of downs but we also have a lot of ups. more ups actually. He told me he didn’t want me there anymore (his house) and that night it happened, we both had alcohol in our system and I lashed out and got angry but this isn’t the first time he’s told me he doesn’t like anymore, and wants me to move out. I texted him immediately after to tell him that i love him and it was extremely hard. He responded saying it was for him too and saying that he needs to be a better person and work on himself. He said he can’t be what somebody needs right now. he said doesn’t know what destiny has planned but we are not meant to be together right now. He told me I was the best girlfriend he had and he’s thankful for everything I have done and he thinks i’m a great person and he has nothing against me. he also stated that I hope I understand and doesn’t hate him. I apologized to him and he said i didn’t have to do that. He also apologized for causing me any pain. The next day, I sent him another long text and he said he understands how hard it is and to give it time. few days later,he accidentally gave my number out to some guy at a bar. after a week,it was my birthday, I was sad to not even get the happy birthday message from him. I texted him the day after my birthday saying I miss our dog and he doesn’t think it’s healthy I should see her so I thanked him for responding. then he said I hope everything’s going okay for you, and i didn’t respond for hours only to have me call him (my health decline after drinking so much alcohol) telling him I had a hangover and he asked why i’m drinking so much. he told me school was going well and he got good grades and I told him that that was good. we ended the call, and the day after, I apologized for reaching out like that. Since then I initiated a no contact and week later, realized he reactivated his social medias as he messaged me on facebook that he wanted to let me know he’s using my number for hannaford rewards. I ignored him and took me a week to finally blocked him on social medias as he was watching my snapchat stories for some reason. it’s been 23 days since I have had no contact. I miss him everyday, but i have a new job and will be graduating soon (i’m 24, he’s 23). We built our life together, shared finances and supported each other. I have no idea what happened as I know COVID affected his anxiety and depression. I took the quiz and it says I have a 73 chance of getting him back. What should I Do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 4, 2020 at 8:37 pm

      Hi Joyce, you need to read articles that apply to your situation and work on yourself before you reach out, make sure that you use the first reach out texts that Chris suggests in his articles

  7. Sarah

    May 11, 2020 at 3:42 pm

    It’s been 5+ weeks since my boyfriend said he needed time to think after our series of stress related fights. I’ve had some conversations with him, some light, some where he just keeps listing all the things I’ve done wrong, and I stay neutral, apologetic, and keep it short. Yesterday I sent him a genuine apology text explaining how I understand all our fights really hurt him and I’m sorry. He didn’t respond at first, then: “ I’m not ignoring you I swear. I’m sorry I’m taking my time on thinking but I hope you understand.” I told him the lack of communication and relationship isn’t working for me and he said his grandpa died, he’s trying to get a promotion at work, and he’s really hurting right now. He said “if you can’t wait for me I understand, sorry if it doesn’t make sense.” This is so hard to just keep waiting. Is he just wanting me to break up? Is he cheating? I know he does the victim thing a lot in our fights. I’m confused but trying to take the high road. Advice? Thank you!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 19, 2020 at 5:44 pm

      Hi Sarah, there is no way for me to tell you what he is feeling or if he is cheating. However I would say that you need to give him some space and stop reaching out to him to talk about the relationship. Go 30 days where you do not speak with him at all or watch his social media and then reach out with a text that Chris suggests

  8. Melissa

    April 6, 2020 at 6:09 pm


    So i just recently went thru a bad breakup with this guy. We got into a heated argument and out of anger he told me we would never work because I always let my insecurities get to me. We almost always argued on little things these past few days and clearly it got tiring. So the last thing i said to him was that “maybe we should stop talking for good” but deep inside I didn’t really mean it because I know I really wanted to work on my self confidence.

    I know I have to work on this no contact for me to gain confidence. I just hope I’ll get a good outcome out of this because I’m still keeping high hopes on this relationship to work.

  9. Niki

    April 5, 2020 at 1:25 pm

    Hi Chris! I was with someone for 2 months, I am 28 and he is 37. Everything was fine, he was doing future plans, he was protective with me when we were going out, he was doing compliments, he was saying that I am perfect because I don’t push him for anything,I was myself with him but overenthusiastic and I couldn’t control it and he had his way to make me open up to him and be vulnerable. Because I didn’t have a job when we were in relationship I was full available with texts and we were texting all day. He has a full day due to his job. And then we broke up. It was kind of mutual and then I regretted it. He broke up with me when I said that I want to spend more time with him to get to know eachother, not only by texts. He said that he is breaking up with me because he didn’t have time due to his job and his personal issues. And he said that to our common friends too. He broke up with me by text and then ghosted me.I didn’t text him anything offensive or begged and plead. After breakup he only deleted my number. I didn’t contact him for 1 month and after that I texted him first and he responded but with short responses and told me to take care and be safe. He is reading my texts immediately and replies immediately even when he is in his job, and he was doing that during our relationship, so the pattern didn’t really changed. If he was trying to cut all communication he probably wouldn’t even reply or tell me to stop? Why he bothers to reply? Our texts were only funny memes about his job due to pandemic and he started to make some humor and then went cold. I haven’t mentioned anything about breakup and i talk to him like a friend. I text him everyday and I try to cut the convo short. He doesn’t have social media, only WhatsApp and it’s kind of impossible to bump to eachother somewhere. 2 months have passed since our breakup and because he is really secretive I dont know if he has met someone else for serious relationship but with this time length probably he is in rebound. He used to tell me that all his relationships lasted only for 6 weeks and I was his longest. I am using excuses with his job or tech stuff to talk to him , I did it again today and feel lame and that I look desperate and so available. During quarantine I think about him everyday and I miss him. I want him back but i think I have pushed him away, and he maybe thinks that I am the crazy ex, that he chases him and it’s too late to change his mind. I was texting him everyday with short messages about his job. We were texting for 4 weeks. I deleted the app today because I feel he is annoyed, to give him space again and stop texting him. I do something annoying. I am overanalyzing my texts and delete them from chat and then send again the text because I am so afraid what he is thinking but I look more crazy with deleting a message and send it again and I don’t know how to make the convo flow and I didn’t have the time to really know more about him. Should I lose hope and move on and block him and delete his number or go no contact again? I really need your help!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 12, 2020 at 9:42 pm

      Hi Niki, so I hope you take this with humour you need to BREATHE! So you are getting responses from your ex which is great and then you say you are struggling about what topics to talk to him about, as you have asked about his work and made a few jokes, I am going to assume you have spoken about covid19 by now. Move on to such things as netflix series, movies, music, books… things that he can “suggest for you to try” and try to have conversations that feel more organic and that oyu are not chasing him, do not text him daily however give it a few days between. If you want him back you can keep going you are but slowing down the pace. Try to get him talking more or investing in conversations and then phone calls.

  10. Elle

    March 31, 2020 at 5:34 pm

    I want to start over with all my heart!! But I dont want to chase him. Although it was me who ended things, but only because he was not ready to commit to me (which was partly my fault, I was not ready either). If I call him again, it would seem like me chasing after him.
    He tried to make me say rude things to him when we broke up “tell me you think I just used you, tell me I am shxit because I dont commit, tell me like other women told me all the time” but I didnt say anything rude to him, because I know anger passes away, but rude things we say remain. And I didnt want to harm him even when he wanted me to. After he said “I am not good enough for you so leave” and I left because I felt I cannot fix it. It was very difficult for me, but I told him its better to end things before we hurt each other too much. But I knew we both made mistakes and thats why I called him because I know I love him and my hurt feelings faded during this 1 month no contact. I tried my best to improve myself even these difficult iskolated days, I was de thinking my decisions, But I dont know what to do now. I cannot remain a lady and still call him.

  11. Elle

    March 31, 2020 at 9:24 am

    I was dating a man and we got along just perfectly. He was still hurt after a bad breakup, and me too so we had confidence issues. After a while I suggested we Should become more serious because thats why we cannot move forward and he freaked out because it was after an argument. I dumped him, he tried not to end things with me but I was devastated he didnt want to commit and he got angry. After that we had a big argument, he telling me I just used him and he was not ready anyway. We almost met again but we got into an argument again and I texted him I rather accept that we are over because I dont want us to hurt each other even more and he is a wonderful person and even though we made mistakes I will remember the good and I dont want to be in touch because I feel he doesnt want me. He didnt answer.
    A month passed and I called him and he texted me he will call me back. Later that night he texted me if its good for me to talk, and we called and had a nice conversation, about 20 mins, but we didnt talk about the breakup. He was very nice and attentive and we said our good nights and thats all. I dont know if he will call me..

    1. Chris Seiter

      March 31, 2020 at 5:03 pm

      I suppose the real question I’d start with is what you are wanting.

      Closure or to get back together?

  12. Sara

    March 31, 2020 at 1:16 am

    Hello I started talking to this guy again we were getting kind of serious and he stopped texting me. He said it was because he was having family issues and so I stopped talking to him for about a month because he wasn’t putting in any effort to communicate. So I reached out to him and we’ve been talking here and there and I went on a date with another guy a few weeks ago and I’m having the exact same issue with the new one. Yesterday the first guy I was talking to about a month ago texted and I didn’t respond he then sent me a good morning message. I’m not sure if I want to continue with talking to him if he just wants me to chase him both of them I feel like for me to chase them. And I’m getting fed up with it. Idk what to do with these men why are they acting like this?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 31, 2020 at 1:57 am

      Hi Sara, I would say that it sounds as if this guy wants to do the chasing, but when you start responding he backs off. Getting him more invested is what I suggest doing, where you allow him to chase you and reach out to you first. You end conversations first, either stop replying randomly or you say you have to go. Try to increase to phone calls and meet ups when the covid19 issues are over