Well, we started the week with a success story (episode 19) and we are going to end the week with a success story.

Hey, this has been one heck of a week for women getting back with their exes!

In this episode we hear from “Successful But Concerned” a woman who wonders how she can keep her boyfriend intrigued in a new relationship.

Here is a quick rundown of the situation that “Successful But Concerned” has found herself in,

Quick Rundown

  • She got her ex boyfriend back
  • He cheated on her
  • She is taking a very pragmatic approach in giving the new relationship time
  • She required him to go to couples therapy (which he complied)
  • She doesn’t want to be in an on again/off again relationship
  • Wonders how she can keep him intrigued in the relationship

What I Cover In This Episode

  • Five languages of love
  • How pitching and relationships correlate
  • A funny story of a tour guide
  • The importance of keeping things exciting
  • How to keep things exciting
  • Why a man needs to think you are better than him to stay intrigued
Is He Worth All This Trouble?
Take The Quiz

Important Links Mentioned In This Episode

The Game Plan For Keeping Your Boyfriend Intrigued

Intrigue

Utilize The Five Languages Of Love

You’ve heard of that book, The Five Languages Of Love, right?

Well, it basically talks about five things that every person will need in a relationship for the relationship to survive,

  1. Words of Affirmation
  2. Acts of Service
  3. Receiving Gifts
  4. Quality Time
  5. Physical Touch

Make sure that you give your boyfriend these and not only will he be happy but he will stay intrigued.

P.S. check out episode 19 of The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast for information on the order of importance that these qualities have to a man.

Never Be Predictable

Being spontaneous is important to keep a man intrigued and on his heels.

As a general rule if your boyfriend never knows whats going to happen you are doing well.

Do Exciting Things

I am going to draw from my own personal experience here.

Two of the most exciting experiences that I have had in my life was going on a hot air balloon and traveling to Paris with my wife.

Can any of your dates top that?

If not, then you may have some work to do on keeping things exciting.

Repeat After Me “I Am Better Than Him”

This is going to sound really weird but I have found it to be the truth.

Men are drawn to women who not only challenge them but women who they believe are better than them.

For example, I pretty much think my wife is better than me on a daily basis and as a result I am always in a position where I am trying to impress her.

In other words, her intrigue will never go away!

Be better than your boyfriend 😉 .

Podcast Transcript

Welcome to Episode 23 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. Today we’re going to hear from a woman who didn’t give me her name. I’m going to call her “Successful but Concerned,” which is the title tag she gave me on the voicemail. She is a success story. Like I said in Episode 22, we started the week with a success story with Shannon in Episode 19. We’re going to end the week here with a success story from “Successful but Concerned.”

Let’s hear from her now and find out why she’s concerned. Like I said, there’s a little bit of a twist to this success story:

“Hi, Chris. I am a success story of yours. My ex-boyfriend and I are together now. Well, I get to decide when we’re together. He cheated on me. I’m giving things time to go slow and start up a brand new relationship again. It’s what you talk about in a lot of your blogs. Once you do get back, it’s fresh. Your old relationship is a failure, and it was. We both agree on that.

We’ve done some things to try and ensure that our relationship is stronger than ever. We want the new relationship to move forward and we don’t want to bring in things from our old relationship. We’re going to couples therapy. That was my requirement because he did cheat on me. There were things I wanted to know. He’s a war vet. He has PTSD.

We both have emotional issues that we’re dealing with. I want to make sure I’m not in an off-again, on-again relationship. He’s very dedicated now, but once the honeymoon phase is over and you have to keep things interesting, what do you do to keep a man intrigued? I did read your blog posts. I’m worried about that. I’m a success story of yours. Thank you so much for all of your help.”

Congratulations on getting back together with your ex. I’m really glad to hear that things worked out between the two of you. It sucks that he cheated on you. That is the worst thing that can happen. I’m glad that he’s trying to make amends. I’m glad that he’s willing to go to couples therapy, which I think is a great idea, specifically for you, Successful but Concerned.

Not only will you get the expertise from someone with a degree in psychology, but you’ll also be able to get advice from me. I don’t have a PhD. I don’t have a degree in psychology. But I do subscribe to the school of street smarts. I can give you thoughts into a man’s mind that a doctor can’t. They’re more looking at statistics. I’m looking at what goes on in his mind. You’re getting the best of both worlds here.

I’m really glad that you’re going to couples therapy. I think that’s a great step for both of you to strengthen your relationship. It sucks that he cheated on you. I’m glad that you’re giving it time and taking it slow. That’s a very smart approach. You sound like a very intelligent person. I can tell from your voice that you really want this to work out. You are willing to put in the work as well as him. He’s making amends.

I know you’re a bit concerned that the honeymoon period will be over and he’ll lose interest after that. After all, men do like new things. They like the honeymoon period. Some men are addicted to it. They’re addicted to new, exciting things.

I don’t know why he cheated on you. I would love to hear more about his reasons. Most likely, men cheat for physical needs or when things aren’t exciting. I watched a video about a year ago of this woman who dedicated a book to cheating. She said that the number one reason that people cheat is because it’s exciting. It’s new. Maybe the newness factor ended in your relationship and it caused him to stray. I don’t know the whole story.

I can tell you what you can do to keep him intrigued. That’s what this game plan for you is going to be about. This episode is going to be specifically focused on the things that you can do to keep a man intrigued in a relationship.

The first thing that I think a man needs to have in order to be intrigued and stay in a long-lasting relationship is what I talked about in Episode 19. I will link to it in the show notes. It’s called the five languages of love. It’s from the book, The Five Love Languages. You have words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch.

I think that men need all of these things in a relationship to stay intrigued, to feel safe and to feel loved. I know that your ex cheated on you. You have a lot of resentment towards that. I understand that. He still needs these things to feel loved and intrigued in a relationship. Without them, he will lose interest.

There are other things you can do to keep him intrigued, but you need to continue to display these five languages if you are interested in staying with him for a long time. He will grow disinterested without them. He will need these things to feel loved. Every human needs to feel these things to be happy. If you look at things in a common sense manner, a man is not going to stay in a relationship if he’s incredibly unhappy.

I don’t know if you’ve ever watched the movie Gone Girl. It was very disturbing. This is a spoiler alert. If you’ve never watched the movie, skip past this section. At the end of the movie, the guy, Ben Affleck’s character, is forced to stay with his wife. That’s the only case where I can think that a man would stay in a relationship when he’s unhappy.

For the most part, common knowledge tells you that a man will not stay in a relationship if he’s not happy. If he doesn’t get these five things, most likely, he will be unhappy. Make sure you’re giving him those things, Successful but Concerned.

You also need to be unpredictable. Here is the best way I can describe this. When I was 17 or 18, I played baseball. I was a baseball player in high school. I was a good one. I’m not just saying that to toot my own horn. I was athletic. I was good. I pitched a perfect game. I think I struck out every single batter that came up. I think only one ball was fouled off. It was great. I found that the key to pitching was to be unpredictable. You could never be the same.

Generally speaking, if you’re throwing the same pitch over and over again, the batter is going to zone in on it and hit it. It’s sort of the same way in relationships. If you keep doing the same thing over and over again and expecting your boyfriend to continue to like it without any unpredictability, he’s going to grow bored.

Albert Einstein said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Be unpredictable. Don’t be the same. Maybe you spontaneously surprise him with a date. Maybe you spontaneously surprise him with a gift. Be spontaneous. Be unpredictable to where he can never figure out what you’re going to do. Don’t be afraid.

Like I said, a great pitcher is unpredictable. They are never the same. They are constantly changing things up. In a way, a great relationship needs to have these qualities. They need to have one or both persons in the relationship changing things up, being spontaneous and doing spur-of-the-moment things. You need that.

I want to tell you a funny story that I heard. I don’t know if I’ll tell it very well. I don’t know the person’s name who told it. I was listening to a podcast a couple of years ago. It always stuck in my mind. It made that much of an impression. I think it was something behind the psychology of selling. Somehow, the person worked relationships into it. Here is the story.

There was a guy who liked a girl. He was a psychology major. He learned that, if you take a date and put her in an exciting situation, there will be certain chemicals that are released in her brain that cause excitement. She’ll be more open to liking the person she’s with. He decided, “I’m going to take her on a super exciting date. I’ll take her on a rapids tour.”

They get in the car and go to this thing. They are on the tour with a tour guide who is taking them down the rapids and showing them what they need to do to navigate. They weren’t extreme rapids but they were exciting enough for the girl to get nervous and excited about it. There was adrenaline. They’re going down the rapids and things are going well.

The guy was thinking, “This is working. She’s smiling at me. She’s happy. I think this is working. These chemicals must be releasing in her brain as a result of the excitement. She’s attaching those chemicals to me. As a result, she’s going to look at me and be excited every time she thinks of me. This is great.”

Then the rapids guide pulled over for lunch. He said, “We’re going to pull over and have lunch on this beautiful island here. Then we’ll go back and finish our rapid tour.” It was at that moment when they were about to break for lunch that the girl turned to the guy and said, “Isn’t that tour guide hot?”

Essentially, it worked. She was super excited and happy, but she was more attracted to the tour guide. In theory, the idea works. In this particular story, it didn’t work for the guy who meant to do it. Maybe he should have taken her on an exciting one-on-one date.

My advice to you, Successful but Concerned, is to do exciting things. Take exciting dates that create a lot of adrenaline. He’ll get excited and attach those feelings to you. He’ll always be intrigued by you.

A few examples spring to mind here with my wife and I. when I proposed to my wife, she told me about two of her biggest dreams. Number one was to ride in a hot air balloon. Number two was to have a trip to Paris. To this day, I don’t know how I did it, but I pulled off getting both of those things for her in the proposal. I told her, “I got a trip to Paris for us.” I have the whole story in a blog post that I’ll link to in the show notes of this episode. I got a trip to Paris for us and I got a hot air balloon ride. Those are probably two of the most exciting experiences I’ve had, date-wise.

I went to Paris. That was exciting in and of itself. There was lots of adrenaline going on. I saw the Eiffel Tower. I saw it lit up at night. It was really romantic. We were so in love. We kissed each other. It was great. It was Paris, the city of love.

Then you have the hot air balloon, which is incredible. You’re miles above the earth, looking down. It feels incredible. It culminated in the fact that we landed in someone’s backyard. It was totally unplanned. The whole entire town came out to watch us land. It was super exciting. We felt like a king and queen.

The entire town came out to watch us land because we landed in someone’s backyard. We thought the pilot was kidding when he said, “Okay, we’re landing here,” and we were landing in someone’s backyard. It was during an eight year-old’s birthday party. That eight year-old must have thought that this was a gift from God or something.

Those are exciting experiences that I went on with my wife. They connect us forever and always. We always have those memories. We always think of those things. They keep us intrigued with each other. They keep us in love. Those memories are important. You need to do exciting things with your boyfriend if you want him to continue to stay intrigued, Successful but Concerned.

My last piece of advice for you is to give him subtle reminders that will remind him you are above him. I know that sounds weird because a couple should be equal. I’m going to tell you a funny secret about men. Men don’t want an equal. We may say that we want equals, but the truth is, we don’t want an equal. We want someone who is better than us. We want someone who is better than any girl out there. We want the ultimate girl, the un-gettable girl. We want that.

Give him subtle reminders of, “I’m better than you.” The way to do this is to put yourself in a position where other men chase you. He can understand that, “I have a catch here.” It will keep him in line. It will keep him interested. I talk a lot about the roller coaster effect. Sometimes it’s okay to make a man feel like he has you and then take that away for a second. If you do this throughout your relationship, it will keep him intrigued. It will keep him in check, so to speak.

How do we do this? How do you make a man understand, “I have a catch? She’s better than me. She makes me a better person. I have the ultimate girl.” A good way is to put yourself in a position where men chase you. Sometimes this just happens naturally. Let your boyfriend in on it. You can tell him, “Some guy came up to me today and started hitting on me. It totally repulsed me.”

You do it in the right way. You don’t do it in a mean way where you’re trying to make your boyfriend jealous. You say it in a way that you were repulsed by it. It’s also a subtle reminder letting him know that you are a very attractive woman. Other men find you attractive. At the same time, your boyfriend will try to be cool about it.

He will think, “She did the right thing. She was repulsed by this guy who hit on her.” Deep down he will think, “I wonder how many other times this happens. I wonder if she tells me all the times it happens.” It will make him a little jealous inside. A little jealousy can be good in a relationship. It keeps him intrigued. It makes him realize your value.

As long as he understands, “I have a girl who is better than me,” he’s going to be a happy camper. I know that’s a weird thing to say. You would never think that but it’s the truth. I don’t think any man would ever admit this. I’m telling you, my wife is better than me. I am perfectly happy telling you that. I got a good one. I would not feel the same if I was married to a girl who I thought I was better than. That’s just the way it works.

The fact that I think my wife is better than me works perfectly. It means I will always be intrigued with her for the rest of my life. I’m always thinking, “She’s better than me. I need to make sure I treat her right so she doesn’t leave. I want to make sure that she is happy in this relationship.” If you can create that in a man, you’re golden. You are the golden goose.

That’s it for Episode 23. I hope you enjoyed this, Successful but Concerned. I’m really happy that you got your boyfriend back. I’m happy that I potentially played a role in that. I completely give all the credit to you. I just come up with the ideas but you implement them. You have the hardest part.

I’m really proud that you got your ex-boyfriend back. I’m really sorry that he cheated on you but it seems like he’s willing to put in the effort, which is a very good sign. Hopefully, you can have a long-lasting relationship and live happily ever after.

From Chris Seiter here at Ex-Boyfriend Recovery, that’s it.

What to Read Next

Why Your Ex Is Hardwired To Care About You

By Chris Seiter | 0 comments

How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Back

By Chris Seiter | 2733 comments

My Ex Only Responds To Some Of My Texts

By Chris Seiter | 0 comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

58 thoughts on “EBR 023: How To Keep Your Boyfriend Intrigued”

  1. Avatar

    Allanis

    September 23, 2016 at 6:07 pm

    hi , My exboyfriend break up with me and i dont know why. when i ask him , he told he is tired of relationship . plz help me i have deep feeling inside , when i see any girl taking to him thats not me i go crazy everytime i talk to him and tell him i love me he say okay We done

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 24, 2016 at 3:21 pm

      Hi Allanis,

      when did you break up? How long were you together and how old are you both? Are you going to do no contact?

  2. Avatar

    Sarah

    September 20, 2016 at 2:18 am

    Hi

    I’m not really sure if this works for marriage. I am in a long distance marriage and we have been married for almost 2 months. We are planning to get him to come over to my side.

    I am under great pressure because I can’t seem to connect with my husband. Like I can’t get him to open up himself. Like I want to know what’s going on with things at his side, in his phone, FB, etc. Its like he put a wall around him.

    Please tell me what to do.

    Thanks

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 21, 2016 at 5:14 pm

      Hi Sarah

      be vulberable.. when you expose your weakness and share it to another person in a way that you’re like getting their opinion on what to do, they will more likely put their walls down too.. And share your life with him.. send him videos, pictures.. Guve before you ask..so that it would be more natural for him to do the same because you’re already doing it..

      And by being vulnerable, that doesnt mean you would beg him. It means being candid.. like, saying you miss him because you saw his favorite thing and then take a picture of it and then ask him if he has ideas in what activities you could explore based on how he knows you..

      And be interesting.. have your own life and excel, grow.. How would he be interested if he already knows eveything about you?

  3. Avatar

    L

    June 27, 2016 at 9:27 am

    Hi Chris,

    My man and I have been together for a year and we are also contemplating about marriage. I don’t want to get my hopes too high but I’m keeping my fingers crossed that everything falls into place. I like to know what I should do when he said he wanted our conversations at my convenience. Its really nice and comfy when given that privilege. But I want him to chase me again. What do I do? Thanks!

    1. Avatar

      L

      June 30, 2016 at 1:14 am

      Hi Amor,

      Throughout that period, I took up a part time course and then, another licence. But i stopped cos I was taking my sweet time dilly dallying. I put on weight, even he commented that I should shed some pounds. (Haha, that sounded hurtful cos its an honest answer.) So I’m fixing those things which I put on hold for like the longest time.

      No, its not the first time I’ve met him. It’s a long distance relationship and we meet every few months. I also know some of the important ppl in his life. My family knows him.

      Lately, I’ve been needing space for myself. I have been making the calls because he mentioned its out of my convenience. It just makes me feel like….argh, I can’t be bothered now. When we talked on the phone, there was a long silence n mundane questions of “how are u?, did u sleep well?”, etc.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 29, 2016 at 5:19 am

      Hi L,

      Have you improved yourself? Is it the first time you’re going to meet him?

  4. Avatar

    Mel

    June 27, 2016 at 8:04 am

    Hey Chris!
    I am having an issue with the NC rule…My ex slept with this woman twice before meeting me, and then stopped talking to her when we were together for obvious reasons. However now that i’m using your method, he’s been talking to her again and i think they’re going to have sex again. What should I do? Should i contact him?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 29, 2016 at 5:17 am

      HI Mel,

      nope.. just let him..she probably a rebound

  5. Avatar

    A

    February 16, 2016 at 1:06 am

    Chris it’s A he wants to actively talk on the phone after the contact rule. Do I build up attraction through text & phone calls at the same time? Or do I make him work to get to talk to me on the phone, through texting. I think it’s a good question, I’m lost, thanks. Plus he showed up on my doorstep after no contact so I’ve already seen him in person, twice. Thanks A

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 16, 2016 at 11:39 am

      Hi A,

      Wow, that’s good! Is it because he wants to start over again? If so, it’s ok to call and see each other.. Bind and rebuild but as much as possible don’t go too fast… explore other things you can enjoy apart from sex(if you are sexual) or apart from the usual things you used to do before

  6. Avatar

    reshma

    October 14, 2015 at 7:27 pm

    Hi Chris,

    Just wanted to say I read about all your guides and I find your advice very insightful. It has helped me a lot in the ex-boyfriend recovery process, so thank you!

    As my comment, I don’t have a question, but I do have a psychology degree (and yes, I still can be very clueless about the male thought patterns!!) So I read your post and the example you gave of the super exciting date and the effect it hold. I recognized it as one of the studies I read years ago and thought perhaps you would like to know the mechanism behind it. I thought this is the least I can do to repay you for your help 🙂

    It’s called the Misattribution of Arousal (some call it: the Suspension-bridge effect). Its based on a very nice experiment of a random group of men who were individually send on a very high bridge. On the bridge they met a women and afterwards they had to rate the attractiveness of this women. Another group of men did the exact same rating but they met the same women on the ground with no exciting background. The results were: the group of men who met the women on the bridge rated the women as HIGHLY ATTRACTIVE, however the group of men who men the women on the ground all rated her as just MODERATELY ATTRACTIVE. The psychology behind this difference in perception of attractiveness is that the physical responses ( heart racing, breathing faster, sweating etc.) from being high in the air and in a kind of ‘dangerous situation’, were all attributed to the second stimulus (the women). They thought they were feeling this way because of the women and so the women received all of the arousal and a high level of attractiveness!!

    So overall you made a very good point in this guide and I hope you wil appreciate my background info:) Reading through your posts kind of became a habit of me so I like staying in the community:)

    Yours Faithfully,

    Reshma

    1. Avatar

      reshma

      October 19, 2015 at 2:04 pm

      Wow that’s nice, however you shouldn’t sell yourself short. Your work actually has a serious affiliation with basic psychological frameworks. It is just that most of them are conducted in a more general sense like the motivational theories and goal setting theories.

      I like how you always try to re-invent your work and add new visions. If you ever find yourself stuck, try to look into some psychological research. Some good theories might not be based on relationships, but if you can see the underlying mechanisms you can link them back to your work. Perhaps it will give you some fresh ideas to take your work on a even higher level. (it’s already impressive though, I don’t just read them for my personal situation. I actually enjoy them as a researcher)

    2. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 20, 2015 at 9:51 pm

      Lately I have been watching documentaries and Ted talks to pick up ideas.

      I am also going to be doing a YouTube channel soon so that should add a nice twist to things.

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 16, 2015 at 2:59 am

      Psychology degree!

      AWESOME.

      I actually saw that principle on a Ted Talk and it always kind of stuck with me. It’s amazing what you can learn watching those things.

  7. Avatar

    Love is a drug

    May 17, 2015 at 10:22 pm

    I’m dating someone, about 5 months now, & I am concerned. This article has been great, but here is where I get concerned… I have been showing affection and I sometimes receive it but not all the time. I mention I’m buying him tickets to go see a team or inviting him out of town and that I would pay, but he insists on not.
    I have started to withdrawal, and have an “I’m more inportant” phase and he doesn’t seem concerned by it.
    It’s clear the honeymoon phase is gone, but I sense more either due to irrational anxiety or fortunate truth.

    He’s an only child, about 29, and kind of set in his ways. He has routines he goes by, but when they are disrupted by me, he feels uneasy.

    I really am confused and becoming frustrated

  8. Avatar

    Kat

    May 1, 2015 at 3:15 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I just listened to your podcast, and I have one comment about making yourself (the girl) always be “better” than your guy:

    What about the ex-boyfriend who thinks the girlfriend IS too good for him, to the point that THAT is one of the main reasons he breaks up with you?

    This is sort of my current situation (we split, but are back together). He deep down feels like he doesn’t have the patience/sacrifice a guy has to give to the other person in a relationship (sees himself as a loner, very individualistic). Almost like he sometimes does not understand the checks/balances that happen in a relationship (both have to work). He may even be your “clueless guy” that you talk about during the NC days. We went almost a year without my even getting a single gift from him (I mean, simple gift, not something big or fancy – like even FLOWERS? And nothing even on Valentine’s Day…I even paid for the V-Day breakfast. When confronted, he claims he’s so clueless on what to do? He’s also 40 years old. Warning signs? He’s had several prior relationships – one even lasted for 5 years – where he ended it because he felt there was no passion (they also never fought. I’m the first girl to ever have “issues” or “fights” with him. I find that crazy…) and another relationship where the gal destroyed him/manipulated him that ruined him – which led to what I explain below as his “dark time”. )

    My relationship got to the point where I helped him through a dark time – sacrificed a lot of myself to help him love himself again … but when it came to a point in MY life where I needed the support through a dark time, he felt like no matter what he did, he couldn’t help – and then said he just realized he couldn’t help and stopped. Another reason this happened: protecting himself. He said/says his lack of trying to empathize or help me out my dark time is because he was worried he’d fall back into his own dark past (that I helped him out of) so he just stopped trying because he’d break and hurt both of us. I felt it was a cop-out. That he just gave up. (he’s not a fighter for things, like fighting for a relationship – he even said this.) So we broke up because he felt his views of “not helping/giving up” on me (which is how I felt since it was very hard for me to help him through his times (he was like the guy you know who didn’t date for 5 years from being hurt from a prior gal and was really isolated) – all these things made/makes him feel like he’s too selfish (“you’re too good for me”) and doesn’t have what it takes to be in a relationship (or what he feels I am asking for in a relationship – helping someone through thick/thin if you love them?). Mind you, he’s in a good place now in his life and can say all this because I took the time (months!) to help him get there (lot of patience).

    Thoughts?

  9. Avatar

    M.

    April 26, 2015 at 6:04 pm

    Well you’re right..in theory things work but in reality no matter what you do for the other he’ll betray you.. I have a question, I went on a date with a guy and he was very clear and honest with me, from what he said I got that he doesn’t really want a relantionship but just have a good time. He speaks to me on fb all these days but just in a friendly tone..I’m wondering is there a way of ”changing” his mind and make him actually want a relantionship with me??

  10. Avatar

    Anne

    April 20, 2015 at 6:34 pm

    So… I kind of got what I wanted.

    I was travelling and my ex got worried. Even called my family to ask if I am ok. After my long trip I met up with him. His all-grown-up-business-friends were really trying to hook us up that night. Eventually it also happened. He told me so many times that he loves me (broke up 10 months ago) and he hadn’t been with any other girl.
    Two days later asked me out to join him and his friends. I had other plans.
    We met after work today. I was almost shooting myself dead from bordeom. He just wanted to sit and stare outside the window. No touching, no compliments, no questions, no interest, no fun. I alomst run off after that one drink.

    I had never ever seen him soooooo boring. What happened? How can I behave to help to fix it?

    I need laughter and excitement and talks and human connection in my life. But he would just be quiet and all he said was pointless (just random bad jokes, no actual conversation).

    I am still shocked.

    What happened?

  11. Avatar

    Sofia

    April 11, 2015 at 5:02 am

    Hi Chris. I am in a relationship with my guy for about 6 months or so. Everything has been good so far. We enjoy each other’s company, we keep in contact when we get busy with our lives.

    I like to know that when a relationship becomes a bit boring, like the constant calls and telling each other how the day has gone, how do you spice things up? Sometimes I do most of the calls. Is keeping quiet even when there’s no arguments make my guy intrigued?

    I bought your e-book a few months ago. I felt that the info its kinda too concise.

  12. Avatar

    marilyn

    March 25, 2015 at 2:19 pm

    Hello Chris,

    Do you have tips on how to keep your boyfriend intrigued in an LDR ?

    1. admin

      admin

      March 31, 2015 at 7:57 pm

      Plenty!

      Though most of them are located in the LDR section of the site.

    2. Avatar

      marilyn

      April 1, 2015 at 9:39 am

      Thank You, I will check them.
      I sent you a mail describing my current situation in the relationship. Did you see it ?

  13. Avatar

    Kate

    March 23, 2015 at 3:36 pm

    Hey Chris,

    Just a heads up. You’ve written so many posts now on the site that the new posts are deleting the old ones (including the “No Cotact Rule” post, which is your main article)

    Kate

    1. admin

      admin

      March 23, 2015 at 3:46 pm

      Hi Kate,

      I fixed it!

  14. Avatar

    Amanda

    March 21, 2015 at 3:07 am

    Chris, my situation is complicated. We’ve had two bad break ups before but we always came back together. I really messed up this time because I was clingy to the extreme and told his mom private stuff that I shouldn’t have because I was upset and not thinking in the moment. He told me he does not want to be with me and that he likes other girls and he told me that we will never EVER get together again. Please help me 🙁

    1. admin

      admin

      March 22, 2015 at 4:47 pm

      Is he singing a Taylor Swift song or something?

      Ok, may I ask what the cause of your breakups were?

  15. Avatar

    bewildered

    March 20, 2015 at 10:59 pm

    Chris – help! after not speaking to me for a month (while officially still together) and then breaking up, and then me doing NC for a month before texting and now a week later I get a text…..how long do I wait before responding?

    1. admin

      admin

      March 22, 2015 at 4:33 pm

      You can respond now!

      Keep the conversation short and you be the one to end it.