One evening, after a very long and trying day at work, I decided to sit down and watch some TV.
You know, like a regular person would do to unwind after a stressful workday.
As I flipped through channels trying to find something that I wanted to watch, I stumbled upon an NBA game.
Now, I’m not much of a sports fan but my sports fanatic ex boyfriend was, and it kind of rubbed off. He was into every kind of sport; golf, hockey, basketball, baseball, football.
You name it, he’s probably played it.
Being the big sports fan he was, he rooted for the one team that represented his hometown of Houston, Texas.
And who was playing that night’s NBA game, you ask?
If you guessed his team… you would be right.
The Houston Rockets!
Such luck!
They were playing some other team I’ve forgotten. But let’s be real, it’s not that important. What’s important was that the Rockets were playing and all I could think about was my ex boyfriend.
It had been one month since our breakup. I had just completed my No Contact period of my Ex Boyfriend Recovery process, and I hadn’t messaged my ex boyfriend since before that.
So, as I sat there on my bed watching the Rockets lose this playoff game to team whoever, my heart sank for two reasons (aside from the fact that the Rockets were losing):
- having been influenced by my ex’s love for this team made me feel like it was my own team losing
- all I could think of was,
“I wanna text him about it. I want to ask him what he’s thinking about this game and the Rockets’ chances at the playoffs now. I want to text him…I want to…I want to…but…”
After every breakup, thoughts tend to cloud our heads. If we are being honest, most of those thoughts tend to trail back to your ex boyfriend.
Even something as trivial as seeing flipping past a team playing on TV or binge-watching “Strangers Things” would just about set you off because your mind is saying,
“We used to watch that show together…”
But I digress. After all, I’m not writing an article about what triggers your emotions after a breakup.
Today I want to talk about the desire that comes after that initial thought, the question that makes you ask,
“Should I text him or not?”
You are likely familiar with the silent debate that happens every time you pick up your phone… and then set it back down… only to pick it back up five seconds later.
Or it could be an actual debate that you have with friends or family about whether you should text him or not.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizNo matter what, though, when you do pick up that phone, you set it down again when you think of what external influences have said to you:
“Girl… don’t do it. Just don’t.”
“You guys broke up for a reason. Don’t invite that mess back into your life.”
““Well…don’t get mad if he doesn’t reply, then. You only brought this on yourself.”
“It’s over. Let it go.”
No matter who is speaking sense to you…
- your best friend
- your sister
- his best friend
- his sister
- the girl who is serving you today’s coffee
- your dog
- even you talking to yourself
…they all seem to tell you the same answer that you don’t want to hear.
You’d ask just about anyone just to hear the words you always want to hear.
“Yes! Text him RIGHT NOW!”
The truth is, deciding whether you should text him or not can be one of the most trying decisions you will face while going through the EBR Program.
Why?
Well, it can make or break you because it is one of those first steps that you take after No Contact. Knowing when it is right is not always easy.
So let’s talk about some of the situations you may find yourself facing.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizShould I Text Him First?
After breaking up with my previous ex boyfriend, I went on a few dates to help me get over him. I remember one guy in particular who I had a one month fling with. I say “fling” because we were just casually dating and never set any labels what we were doing. Towards the end of this fling, this guy had stopped being responsive and what went from daily morning texts and continued conversations from the night before slowly becoming nothing.
When I realized what was happening, panic set in and that’s when I asked myself, Should I text him first?
You’re probably feeling that way about your ex right now, aren’t you? You’re sure whether or not to text him. In fact, the only thing you are sure of is that you do want to text him.
I get it. I really do.
We all feel that way at some point. And whether you should text him or not depends whether or not you’ve completed your EBR process. That is if you’ve read the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Program, implemented a full No Contact, and you’re now contemplating your first text draft.
You might be wondering,
“Why do I need to read a book and go through a ‘process’ before texting him? I should be able to text him whenever I want! This is ridiculous. You sound just like all of my friends and family.”
Hey, I’m still on your side, ace!
The reason I say that it depends on your situation is that I highly encourage you to complete the EBR process first before sending out a text. That way, your texting conversation will end successfully with your ex thinking,
“Man, my life is missing something and I think it’s her.”
With every article I write, I always like to highlight the benefits of going through No Contact, but instead of doing that here, I will just leave another article I wrote about it here, “The No Contact Rule Is Killing Me.”
By letting you read that on your own we can move on and talk about what’s really important,
- how you’re feeling right now
- how to handle it in a way that will work in your favor
See, being a contributor AND a member of the EBR Facebook group, I’ve seen instances of girls jumping the gun and texting their exes before they’ve started or completed No Contact.This leaves them back at square one, hurt that things didn’t pan out the way they hoped.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz
No Contact allows you and your ex time to heal from whatever split you up in the first place. If you haven’t allowed yourself time and distance from your ex you’re running the risk of ruining any chances of getting back together.
Simply put, if you haven’t gone through No Contact, PUT THE PHONE DOWN!
Don’t worry… I’m not saying you can’t text him ever. I’m saying you can’t text him now.
However, If you have gone through No Contact… that’s a different story.
Once you finish No Contact you reach a stage in the process I like to call reconnecting.
Basically, you should be feeling better about yourself and the stage of life you’re in after making it through No Contact and using that time to become an Ungettable Girl.
If this is where you are in the EBR Process, then yeah, it’s alright to text him. Just make sure you are following the guidelines laid out for you in the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Program and The Texting Bible.
We also have an article about “Keeping Your Ex Engaged While Texting.” This is a good source of information to read BEFORE you try and text your ex to make sure you get the best results.
Each of these includes example texts have been shown to be successful for the women who’ve implemented them in their own strategies.
For more examples on how to send a text to and carry on a conversation with an ex, you can refer to this podcast article.
Basically, to wrap up this section, as long as your situation is one where you’re now an Ungettable Girl who’s successfully gone through No Contact…
well… you can go on with your bad self and text him already!
To be clear let’s put it like this…
Question: Should I Text Him?
Answer: Depends on the situation. If you have successfully completed No Contact and have read the material on texting your ex, then yes. If not, no.
Should I Text Him Again?
Let’s say you decided to text your ex for the first time. Maybe You had one solid conversation with him maybe not. Either way, you haven’t heard from him since. Now you’re at a crossroads wondering whether you text him again, right?
If we are being honest, you probably started wondering this at about 10 or 15 minutes after you sent the last text you sent, didn’t you?
At this point, I’d suggest waiting a day or two before texting your ex again. Maybe even wait three days to keep him on his toes!
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizAfter that, honestly, there is no hurt in texting again – especially if his response was positive.
On the other hand, if your conversation was uneventful and left you with the impression that you were more invested in the conversation than your ex was, you should definitely wait a while before you send him another text. I’d suggest several days to a week, so you seem more cool and collected and less likely to overwhelm him.
You should definitely read The Texting Bible if you hadn’t before your first text. This will assure that you send a text that he can’t help but respond positively to.
If your texting streak is strong with him, he will naturally be expecting to hear from you.And when that expectation isn’t satisfied right away, the tables could be turned and he will be the one picking up the phone and be debating if he should text you or not.
Question: Should I text him again?
Answer: Stick to playing it safe and wait a few of days. If he responded negatively or didn’t respond at all to the last text, give it a week or so.
Should I Text Him If He Has a New Girlfriend?
I’m going to keep this section short because I think the scenario speaks for itself.
Look, I understand that you want to reconnect with your ex whether you know if you want to get back together with him or not yet. But you have to be extremely careful in this situation.
Normally, I would encourage you to go out and get what you want. But, I would never encourage it at the expense of someone else’s happiness.
In this case, I would say that you should text him ONLY if it is absolutely necessary.
Like, if you need something that you can only get from him; belongings you left at his place, approval to cancel joint accounts, something involving a child or a pet that belongs to both of you, etc.
If you have a desire to text him outside of these limits, remember to be sensible and sensitive.
Keep any conversation with your ex, who is already dating someone else, platonic and light. No subtle flirting or planting ideas in his head.
You don’t want to ruin his relationship. Then, he would blame you for it. Why would he ever want to get back with you after that?
Letting him make that call on his own is important.
Not to mention, how would you feel if your boyfriend kept getting messages from his ex? Not good, right?
Question: Should I text him if he has a girlfriend?
Answer: If you are using the Being There method, then you should be following the guidelines in that section of the book. Otherwise, the only reason you should message and ex who has a girlfriend is if there is no way to avoid it.
No, this does not mean make up an excuse to text him. If there is another way… use it.
Should I Text Him If He Hasn’t Texted Me Back?
So, you got brave and sent a text and your ex had the audacity not to text back.
Girl, I have been there.
The real question is… how long has it been since you sent it?
A few minutes?
And you’re already Googling what to do? Calm down and give it some time before you go panicking. I’d still read this article though. It’s full of good stuff.
A few hours?
Dude, he has a life too. He’s probably out living it. Don’t flip out just yet.
More than a day?
Okay, reading this article isn’t an overreaction.
Control Your Emotions
I hate to throw it in your face, but you guys aren’t together anymore. You’re broken up. So, unless you have a pretty good friendship with your ex, you’re not gonna be texting each other every day.
It’s a bit unrealistic to do so, and your ex will have other priorities in his life now that come before texting you. So, you shouldn’t get too mad or too upset about it because you’re living different lives now.
So before you react, remember to keep your cool and stay calm.
Know WHEN To Text Him
Assuming after you read this article you decide that you can text your ex again when he hasn’t responded yet, then you should be mindful of his schedule.
I’m not saying be a stalker and text him at six in the morning when you know he is just getting up. That’s weird.
Instead, shoot over a text at six in the evening, when he is off of work and probably numbing his mind with social media.
This assures that you are not driving yourself crazy thinking that your ex is blatantly ignoring your texts when in actuality he’s just at work… you know… working.
Change Up Your Talking Points
I’ve met girls from the EBR Facebook group who’ve implemented a texting calendar, which they followed using the model in the Ex Recovery Program. Some of them used it just to track when they texted their exes (every other day, every two days, etc.) Others used it to track that, as well as who texted first on each day, so they can keep up a pattern and not text first too often.
Both were helpful in their cases, but the most successful implementation of the calendar was from one girl who used it on another level. She used the calendar to track:
- When messages were sent
- Who sent them
- The Topic of the conversation that day.
By doing that, the girl was able to see what topics her ex was most likely to respond to. Then she used that information to create conversations that lasted a while versus those that just seem to fall short.
Follow her lead and try to change things up in your next text message!
Question: Should I text him if he hasn’t texted me back?
Answer: Be patient. Learning how to control your emotions is paramount.
Tip: Whenever I would send an ex a text, I would turn my phone on ‘Airplane Mode’ so that I wasn’t constantly checking my phone or worrying about when he would text.
Instead, I just went on with my life, and an hour later, I’d turn my phone back on and lo and behold, he’d message me back!
If that doesn’t work he doesn’t text back after two days to a week, go on a short NC period of a week or so, and try again. You can’t go wrong with a little No Contact for a while!
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizShould I Text Him If He’s Mad At Me?
If your ex boyfriend is mad at you and you’re wondering if you should text him or not, I still would suggest texting him… after giving him enough time to let the anger subside.
Now if you are really asking,
“Should I text him and apologize?”
Then no.
You shouldn’t.
After No Contact you have a fresh start. There is nothing that will ruin it faster than bringing up past transgressions.
I know, I know… there isn’t an exact indicator of how long your ex will stay mad at you. There’s simply no way of knowing when you can text him. But if he was angry with you right after the breakup, then obviously texting him a week after breaking up will not be enough time. Use common sense.
I’d suggest going through a 30 or 45 day No Contact, depending on the severity of the disagreement, which would give you both time to heal before you send a text.
Question: Should I text him if he is mad at me?
Give it time. A long No Contact is ideal for tough situations like this. That’s it. There is no solution for anger better than time. And don’t ruin the good will you’ve gained by bringing up an old fight or whatever he is mad at you about. It’s tricky, but you should only talk about those things if he brings them up. And even then, you should keep it simple.
For example: You guys have been chatting for a second and he says, “So we’re just going to pretend that never happened?” you shouldn’t explain your point and start an argument over it. What you should say is, “Oh yeah, I completely forgot about that. I could’ve handled that better. I hope we can put it in the past.” OR “I’m glad you brought that up. Obviously, I feel really strongly about that, but I could have handled it better or been more patient. It isn’t something we need to talk about right now, but if you want I’d be happy to explain my thought process on that another time.”
You see? You aren’t admitting that you are wrong. You aren’t accusing him of anything. There is no real blame being tossed around. AND you are setting it aside for another time so it doesn’t derail the two of you getting reacquainted.
Should I Text Him If I Haven’t Heard From Him in a While?
The last time I sent my ex a text was at the beginning of November when the World Series was happening. Yes, new season, new sports playoff series.
If you recall, the Houston Astros were facing off against the LA Dodgers for the World Series. If you recall even more from this article, the Houston Astros is my ex’s team. He even used to have their flag hanging in his closet in his old apartment. Well, if you know that then you also remember that I am not into sports. When I do watch sports, I simply cheer on teams from California because where I’m from. So, naturally, I adopted the Dodgers as my own.
During a particular game in the Series, my ex had posted his excitement of the games on his Instagram. We hadn’t talked since August, which isn’t a long period of time, but it was the longest I’d gone without talking to him since my No Contact.
Again, I debated whether or not to text him. This time, however, I ultimately decided I would text him.
I tried to be funny in this text, so I sent him something along the lines of,
“Ah man, I can’t watch this game because I have to work! But I hope your team loses! Just kidding. Good luck.”
Luckily for me, I really did have to work, so I wasn’t concerned with checking my texts to see how’d he reply. After my shift, I checked my phone and he did reply about how the game was emotionally charged, but it was a good game anyway. I was happy that he texted back, but even happier because the Dodgers managed to win that particular game.
The moral of this story is, even if a lot of time passed you and your ex by, you can still text him. Just be mindful of what you do send him. It would definitely be a little weird to just send him a simple “Hey” message because he might’ve deleted your number He may also need to be reminded of who you are. A lot can happen in a long time.
In this case, a good memory text would be good to send. Memory texts usually involve telling your ex about how you encountered something that made you think of them as the subject. Sending a memory text would mean something more and would elicit more a response from your ex than one that just simply says
“Hi.”
I mean, think about it. It’s been a year or two since your ex would be hearing from you. Do you think he’d simply reply to a “Hey” out of the blue on a random Tuesday in July?
Probably not.
He’d probably be more interested in replying to a text that went along the lines of,
“Hey, remember when we went on to that roller rink just because we’d thought it’d be cheesy but we ended up having fun instead? Well, I fell on my ass trying it again today, but it made me think of you!”
It shows that even after all that time, that memory is still a dear one to you while also showing him that you were thinking of him. It opens up a conversation avenue for you both and since it’s a light, funny topic, he’ll probably take the bait and reply to you.
Question: Should I text him if I haven’t heard from him in a while?
Answer: Yes. Definitely. But only if you have read the EBR information so you don’t send something that will work against you in the long run.
The Takeaway
Going back to the initial story about wanting to text my ex about the Houston Rockets’ loss to that team in the playoffs, I eventually did manage to text him. I waited a while to gather what I would say before I texted it took me several drafts and sent him this:
“Hey, so I was watching the Houston Rockets game and I thought of you automatically! WHAT is going on with them?”
He responded with a laughing emoji and telling me that they were having a rough playoff season, but most people from Houston take more pride in football and baseball over basketball anyway. So no, he wasn’t hurt at all.
The takeaway here is that, yes, you can text your ex. But no – you can’t text him for just any random reason and if your current situation doesn’t call for it.
If it’s a particularly difficult situation – one where he has a girlfriend or if he’s mad at you – then take some time before you reach out to him. Give him the space you both need. If you still haven’t done No Contact, then now is the time. Here is a video that explains what No Contact is featuring our fearless leader Chris.
When you do text him for the first time, remember to send him a good first text to get his attention and to keep the conversation going. If there is a lull ever in the conversation, take another shorter No Contact period, and try again.
Texting is the gateway to getting your ex to open back up to you. If you follow the rules and practices in the EBR process, you’ll be successful in no time.
Okay, so now that you have an idea of how to handle the desire to text the ex… let’s talk about your specific situation. I want you to tell me about the circumstances surrounding your breakup. I also want to know what you have done since then and what you think your next move should be. Then, our experts will work with you to decide what will be your best next move.
Lilli
April 2, 2021 at 3:51 pm
I hope you can help me. I was with my ex for almost 7 years. As any relationship we had our up and downs, we laughed. We got each other and felt like 2 had become 1. Soulmate, life partner, best friend. I accepted his flaws & he mine. That invisible pull between us. It’s now over. And I’m lost, we broke up in September of last year, he got in contact with me in November on my birthday. We split again for a few weeks in January but got back together only to split again 3 weeks ago. I sent a couple of texts in the first 2 weeks, however nothing this week. He hasn’t replied to either of the texts! We never have split like this ever until COVID and it’s just gone wrong. He says he doesn’t love me anymore, I bore him. I’m trying really hard taking each day as it comes but it’s hard. Just some advise would be appreciated.
Thanks
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
April 8, 2021 at 10:14 pm
Hi Lilli, that is heard to hear but sounds as if he has grass is greener syndrome – I would suggest that you work through the information about being Ungettable and apply this to yourself.
Lorelai
February 19, 2021 at 4:39 am
Hi, hoping you can shed some light for me as well.
My ex and I were friends for 6 years and about 7 months ago everything just aligned and we started dating. (Woohoo!)
I had just gotten out of an emotionally tough relationship and was struggling, he was aware and really helped me through it. However, during this time it took a toll on him because as much as I would’ve liked to be I wasn’t fully invested in the relationship. My ex was reaching out, I had other distractions that meant nothing reaching out and he got hurt and bothered by it for months, it took a while for me to grasp how much this hurt him but one day everything clicked and I closed doors that would harm my relationship with him.
As a result of these things happening on my end, if felt as though he started seeking attention from other women over social media, chatting with his ex whom he had strong feelings for, complimenting other women etc. to spite me…
He says that’s not what it was but that he just wanted to feel desired. Which I completely understand. But that’s just flat out disrespectful, i understand my situation was similar but I didn’t entertain other men.
Long story short, we both had some issues that caused us both harm and hurt. After a while he was able to get over it but I struggled letting things go, he was still reaching out to an ex that he was in love with (they’ve been broken up for about 5 years?), complimenting old hook ups, etc.
Needless to say I found out and got upset and my insecurities towards this became too much. He stopped, or claims to have stopped, but We would chat about it constantly! He went out of the country for over a month to visit family and two days after he got back, he said It eventually became too much. So after 7 months he told me that he just couldn’t do it anymore. We have been broken up for about 2 weeks now and I reached out to him once about a pair of expensive cowboy boots that I needed and couldn’t find about a week or so after the break up and that’s it, His response was very direct and cold. I didn’t respond..
He’s a very stubborn, prideful person and even though he ended it I’m afraid he would t out his pride aside to ever reach back out…/:
Anyways, here I am, only about 2 weeks and some change during an ice storm hoping to hear from him and it’s been nothing but crickets..
I had high expectations from him and just feel completely let down. He fought for me in the beginning, we both had issues we were dealing with, and then told me just wasn’t as strong as he thought he was.. and just gave up?
He was my best friend and not only is my relationship gone, but my friendship with him as well. This time apart has made me realize the good, bad, and things that i wish we could’ve just moved past to be great again.
Any advice would be so helpful during this challenging time!
Thanks!
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 19, 2021 at 2:51 pm
Hi Lorelai, so by the sounds of things, your relationship had a lot of negative and heavy pressure from the off which is not a great starting point for a new relationship, even though you had that friendship first it was new to you both and you brought in your past ( both of you ) So I would suggest that you spend some time following a proper no contact for 45 days and then start reaching out with Chris’ texts that he suggests in his articles.
Alypot
October 20, 2020 at 8:16 pm
Hello,
I got blindsided by break up. I thought we were happy and our relationship was very kind and understanding. My ex was very caring and he took care of me the whole time.
Prior to our relationship, he also got blindsided by a breakup and he admitted that he had a hardtime getting over it specially during the lockdown.
He didnt give me any reason to be jealous, I was really comfortable in the relationship. One day I talked about it and on how he seem to be still hurt about it. I asked if he processed that break up properly cos I dont want it to backfire in our relationship. 2 days after, he broke up with me saying he is sorry because he realized he was still hang up and wouldnt want to hurt me. He was insisting to be friends and he cried a lot saying he dont want to lose me. I was hurt and did 50 days no contact. I just reestablished contact, and the conversations were positive. Though he was ending it at some point, he was also the one to initiate it contact at the 2nd time. Im confused if he is interested or just want friendship.
Emma
August 24, 2020 at 9:30 am
Hi Chris,
My ex and I broke up 5 weeks ago. We haven’t spoken a lot since we broke up, but have met up on occasion – until he sent me a string of texts last week saying how great I looked and that I’d had a glow up.. which indicated to me hes trying to become my friend. Since then I’ve stopped replying, and he’s sent me texts nearly every day asking to catch up, that he ‘misses me’ and if I just want him to leave me alone? Before last week we hadn’t spoken for 2 weeks. Should I implement no contact from the last time I replied? Or should I get in contact with him sooner as we had already not spoken for a while before our brief conversation last week? I’m really not sure what to do.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
September 5, 2020 at 9:48 pm
Hey Emma if you want him back then you need to reach out after your NC – which is from the last time you replied. By the sounds of things he isnt being too friendly, he could have been trying to flirt too. Make sure you read some articles about how to reach out for the first time after a NC
Anna
August 16, 2020 at 4:11 pm
Hi, I hope you could help me or at least let me know what my situation really is because I can’t see clear.
He broke up with me in Jan, I forced him to it as I was frustrated with his moods (he had no intention to break up). I’m not emotionaly stable and when I saw him being upset and in ‘I don’t know what to do’ mood I kept pushing on him and telling he needs to make up his mind and as a result he got angry with me and said ‘fine, we are done’. Long story short we kept seeing each other for 6 months then acting almost like a couple, it was going pretty well, he was the one to ask me on dates etc. He started to think about coming back but I felt too comfortable at that point and I begin to be a bit pushy, wanting him to start giving me more attention etc. He noticed it, got very angry and cold and said that he’s not ready to make any decision but if I want one then fine, we are just friends and that’s it. He suddenly stopped contacting me and 2 weeks later he told me he started seeing someone new. He was now totally different person, very cold and distant. And told me we are never coming back together because to much has happened.
I have no idea who that girl is, if that’s someone new, if it’s serious etc. We have no contact since then, it’s been 1 week now.
Should I do anything? Have I messed it up completely? Is it possible he moved on already? I’m scared that if we won’t be in contact he will get used to it that I’m not there. He just views my instagram stories, doesn’t post anything himself.
The reason he wasn’t happy with me was that he felt neglected in sex (which I’d be happy fix). We were 2,5 years together.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
August 17, 2020 at 10:23 pm
Hey Anna, starting with a No Contact and working on your holy trinity (as you can read from the articles) focusing on yourself for 45 days and then you start reaching out to your ex. You can choose if you want to start following the being there method or not near the end of your No Contact period.
Jennifer
July 25, 2020 at 3:03 pm
I hope to get a respond, I’m going crazy i swear. We live in different countries, we split of course, we have been on and off talking, I did no contact rule for 2months, he never text me during that time, I texted him and we started talking. Is being 2 weeks we haven’t talked and he is not texting, I feel is always me reaching out, I’m hopeless and idk what else can I do. We were together for 3 years, was intense and with many ups and downs, long story. He said to me he doesn’t want to be in a relationship again, that he is hurt, he is doing well now and focus on his work, seems nothing I say or do will change his mind. So, as is being 2 weeks and he hasn’t text, should I text?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
July 25, 2020 at 7:29 pm
Hey Jennifer, so I think what is going on is he is still remembering your relationship as a “bad time”. Have you been asking him to get back together and having emotional conversations since the two months of no talking? IF so you need to stop this. Keep your NC to 21 days and then start following Chris texting advice in the articles. It is not about getting him back at first, it is about getting him investing time into talking to you and interesting conversations that make him look forward to talking to you again
Rebecca Bishop
June 18, 2020 at 11:06 pm
I tried No Contact with my ex and three days later he texted me and then gave me a surprise visit the same night (after I got home from work). We are on a “friends” level now. I have been trying to refrain from texting him first and so far it’s been working in my favor. I was just wondering if I should put some effort (however little it may be) to text him at some point. ??
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
June 20, 2020 at 1:48 am
Hi Rebecca, if you want to get back with your ex then you need to start a full no contact and then the texting phase. If you only want friendship then you can reach out to him as you normally would
K Sales
June 18, 2020 at 8:30 pm
My ex and I broke up about 4 months now (Since he’s in the army and in South Korea). I did the NC rule and he eventually texted me after the NC. I eventually texted him and we were good. He told me that he still loved me and cared for me and I for him. We both saw each other in the future and we were willing to work things out together. He was in quarantine throughout the time and before that, he would go to night clubs or bars and went drinking and he broke up with me because he felt he kept hurting me and used the advantage of my kindness. But anyways, when he was in quarantine, he was different. He was willing to change and he would tell me that he would be a better person for me but a 2 month ago, wasn’t in quarantine and went out drinking and that was the last time that he was the person who was willing to change for the better. Yesterday, he told me that he was dating someone else and that he thinks that there wasn’t a possiblity for us being back later on. What should I do? Should I block him even though I don’t want to? I want to text him how I feel for the very last time and go into NC. Please respond please. Thank you
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
July 12, 2020 at 11:46 am
Hey K I do not suggest that you send an emotional text as it is not going to help you, especially if you then go into NC because he knows he can still have you. You need to do No Contact to work on yourself and get over him, in this time he is going to think that you are moving on and getting over him in the sense that he cant get you back. Your NC needs to be 45 days as he has met this new person and you need to give them time to pass the honeymoon phase. Then you need to read about the being there method and implement this with your ex
Ale
June 4, 2020 at 12:21 pm
My bf wanted to break up, but I really thought that we were having such a great time and why would we throw all away for 1 thing? (I have to say I was the one who did wrong). So I told him we should take a break instead, he agreed to be on a break up, no break, for a little while and we set a day to meet up again and decide whether or not he wants to continue with this. I texted him the day after that because I was feeling really bad and helpless, I really want things to work out and he did reply by the way, we had a short conversation. Now a few days has passed and I’m feeling the urge to text him telling him how I feel and that I miss him…I know your article said it all, but I’m having such a hard time right now controlling my emotions and no matter what I do, he’s always in the back of my head.
Robin
June 1, 2020 at 5:11 pm
I have a unique situation. My ex and i broke up in October after it being an on and off type relationship. When we first split, I cut communication completely and then a few weeks later he asked if we could be friends. I agreed to this even though i knew it would be hard. Our friendship has been so rocky, and i think that’s because feelings are still very high. We would fight constantly, even more then when we were together. A couple weeks ago, we kind of blew up at each through texting and I haven’t spoke to him since. He told me to stay away from every one. But then this past weekend, he asked a mutual friend if he could come to a party I was at. I told the friend I didn’t think that was a good idea and that we need to talk first and apologize. So he basically never showed up and now i feel like i should of asked him to come so we can talk. I hope i’m doing this right. The not communicating and such. I just want to know if I’m on the right path to reconciling and making things with him even better than before. I don’t want him to start hating me and never want anything to do with me anymore. Please help?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
June 13, 2020 at 8:44 am
Hi Robin, do you want to get back with your ex or just have him as a friend again? If you want him back then you need to follow the program with a NC and follow the information. If you want him back as a friend then you can reach out and try to have a calm conversation
Marie
May 14, 2020 at 8:36 pm
Hi, my ex boyfriend and I were together for just a little over one month. But we spent a lot of time together and it was really special to me. The breakup was a little rocky, I cried pretty bad. I wanted to stay with him because I really liked him. He promised me we’d stay friends and could still text and hang out. The next day I felt a sense of hot and cold behavior and when I kept texting him he told me he had just woke up. It was 4pm and I had seen he was active on social media earlier. We haven’t texted except for a few times and it was very short and a little heated. He still has me on social media, Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat but he blocked my number. (I had like 4 different number changed in a short period of time for personal reasons) so I think that may be it because I would text him my new one. I recently completed no contact after about a month of practically bombarding him with text messages. I texted him letting him know in a subtle way I was in a better place and I also apologized for my behavior. He texted back saying thanks it meant a lot but nothing else. It’s been a week since that and I haven’t heard anything else and I wanted to give it about another week until I text him again. My question is why does he send all these signals. Should I go back to no contact this time 21 days instead of 30 or should I send another text and see where it goes? It’s been about 3 months since the breakup we got together on Jan. 23rd, 2020 and broke up on Feb. 25th.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
May 20, 2020 at 9:00 pm
Hi Marie, as you apologised and brought up the past yes you are going to have to complete another No Contact I would suggest that his time around you do a 21 day and focus on your Holy Trinity only
Katie
February 29, 2020 at 5:52 pm
Hi, so I’ve completed no contact after a pretty emotional break up with my ex. Before i implemented it he was being super hot and cold with me and i only broke it once to get some clothes back off him that i needed. He seemed to be pretty miserable and really hasn’t done much but play video games. Anyway, i intiated contact yesterday with the i have a confession text and followed up on telling him I’d recently got into a tv show he always wanted me to watch with him but i never did. I got positive/neutral responses within minutes and made sure to end the conversation after a few messages back anf forth. He still has a cover photo of us on his facebook and my name in his Instagram bio. What steps should i take next and when?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
March 2, 2020 at 10:50 pm
Hi Katie, I am so happy that your first reach out went well, so you need to reach out with a text again a few days later (3-5 days) and again make sure you are the one who is ending the conversation not him. Keeping it unemotional and positive. Focusing on his interests for now
Shannen
February 2, 2020 at 8:03 pm
Hey! I’m hoping I can get a little help,
My ex and I have been split for around 3 months now. The breakup was normal, definitely not the worst I’ve had. I contacted him for around a month afterwards and got very little, until eventually I got nothings from him and then I jumped into no contact. Failed the first time and messaged (No response obviously) but then completed it the second time with honestly no slip ups. I didn’t hear from him during but when I texted with the memory text, I got a positive response. Things went pretty flat quickly though and he went back to ignoring my messages. I left it for another couple of weeks and tried again, saying that I wanted to start fresh, he replied saying he was sorry, he had just been really busy and that he would like that too. He said he wanted to talk to me, he just has a lot on and is hardly on his phone. I know this is a lie because I can see when he’s online but I haven’t called him out, I’m playing it cool. But there’s no conversation. He started off responding quickly but the more I waited to respond to him, the longer he took to respond. It’s been about 3 weeks since NC and now we’re at the point where he seems completely uninterested, slightly irritated by me and takes near enough a day to respond But he is still responding positively when he does, however his responses are relatively short and don’t really carry on the “conversation”. He never initiates contact, He has probably asked like 2 questions over the course of a month, it seems like he doesn’t actually want to talk to me (even though he said he did) and I feel like I’m at a dead end. I can’t be interesting when he gives me breadcrumbs, I’m just trying to come across happy, bubbly and unfazed by everything. I don’t know wether or not he is with someone else now, it doesn’t seem like it but It’s definitely possible. Its difficult as we live 7 hours from each other, so I have no idea what he’s up to these days, neither of us use social media and I don’t want to be that person who asks. I really am playing it very cool. At least I think so lol!
I’m just confused, it really seemed like I was on the right track with him but now it seems like I’m getting no where.
Any help or advise on my situation would be massively appreciated. If more info is needed then I’m happy to supply.
Shannen
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 21, 2020 at 10:41 am
Hi Shannen so by the sounds of things you are letting your conversations run dry, or out staying your welcome. Do some reading about what Chris calls the peak end of conversations
Mege
September 30, 2019 at 1:09 am
My ex text me yesterday so say he hopes I am okay and he dropped my belongings off at my friends house for me. He said he hopes I have at nice weekend.
He broke up with me just over a week ago (we haven’t text since) – should I reply to thank him for dropping my stuff off? I miss him and want him back but dont want to ruin any chance I may have. Our relationships was only 3.5 months long so I dont want to leave it too long to reach out.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
September 30, 2019 at 11:23 am
Hi Mege, stick with your NC and dont worry it doesn’t affect your chances. You need to complete the NC to work on yourself and give him enough time away from you to get over the break up and start to miss you
Ky
September 5, 2019 at 11:35 pm
So he contact me after 30 days of no contact. Admitted he was seeing someone but it wasnt serious. That he compared her to me a lot and she wasnt me. So we have talked on and off and he called me and we talked for 4 hours. Basically we talked about getting back together. He said he has a lot to think about. He reached out and told me to have a good day yesterday. Saturday is when he called me and we met up after no contact. We talked all day yesterday and joked and laughed. I didnt bring up the other girl or our relationship. We talked about how it would work getting back together and he said he was afraid it wouldnt be the same or that we would fight all the time again. A lot of what he said was that hes scared and unsure about everything. But today, he hasn’t said a word to me and I havent either because I’m trying to respect his space. I’m lost and getting in my head and would appreciate any feedback on what to do here. Im truly scared hes already considering not coming back to me and going to chose the other girl.
Asen
July 28, 2019 at 6:56 pm
Chris I made an error and called my ex after no contact and invited him out and he said no, I left him for a period of like 1week can I text him now ?
Chris Seiter
July 28, 2019 at 11:29 pm
Hi Asen…probably best to return to NC and read up on more of my Program details
Ezgi
January 14, 2019 at 3:26 pm
I broke up with my boyfriend only three weeks ago. We were together for more than one year. And it wasn’t really mutual, I wanted to break up. Two days ago he texted me,” i miss you so much”. I said “it’s too late”. Then, today I’m feeling very down and it is not only because of break up. I’m actually suffering from severe depression for a while. And it’s one of those awful days. And I need to talk to him. I feel like I will be better if I reach out to him. I do not want him back, but I need his companionship.I know it’s not right, it is too early. I know i should not text , but I do not know how to get through without talking to him.
michelle
November 26, 2018 at 8:16 am
i always text him first so how do i slow down and make him chase me ? should i text every other day or keep texting him every day ?
Chris Seiter
November 26, 2018 at 11:08 pm
Not everyday in the early period, though it depends on a lot factors. You have my Program eBook right?
michelle
November 25, 2018 at 1:41 pm
Hi, i am in texting phase right now and in texting my ex response are positive and trying to make conversation longer. But i always the one who initiate to text first if i’m not initiating to text first he never text. Is it okay to keep going or should i do nc again ?
Chris Seiter
November 25, 2018 at 7:22 pm
Hi Michelle!
So I would just slow it down a bit, see if you can get him to chase. But if you are making some general progress, then re-doing NC would not be a good idea.
gossip
May 6, 2018 at 12:15 pm
how do you delete your comment on here????
Chris Seiter
May 6, 2018 at 2:51 pm
To delete the comment….just give me the date you left it.