How To Have Open And Vulnerable Communication With Your Ex Boyfriend

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

Hypothetical situation…

Lets pretend that you and your ex boyfriend have just broken up and you decide that you want to get him back.

Here’s the thing though, you want to get him back the right way.

Oh, and in case you are wondering there is a right way to get him back and there is a wrong way to get him back. So, you do what any woman in your position would do, RESEARCH.

Throughout your research you begin to realize that getting an ex boyfriend back the right way is quite challenging. It’s all about building attraction, rapport, texting, calling, in-person encounters, no contact rules, you get the picture. But here is what your research doesn’t cover.

What if your ex boyfriend is uncooperative?

What if he won’t text you back?

What if he doesn’t pick up when you call?

What if he isn’t even open to the idea of communicating?

What then?

Most women give up at that point but every once in a while a woman comes in and cracks the “man code” and figures out how to open their exes up.

How to properly communicate with them.

That’s what I intend to teach you about today.

I Am Going To Coach You… For FREE!

And that’s where I come in!

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What if I were to tell you that I have put together an “On Demand Coaching Class” where I am going to coach you for free?

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Oh, and if you were wondering “Jennifer Christina” is my wife 😉 .

This is another Facebook testimonial from someone who is on the Private Facebook Group.

I’ve got about 300 more Facebook testimonials just like this.

If you are interested in joining my Free On Demand Coaching please click the link below,

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Why Having Open & Vulnerable Communication With An Ex Boyfriend Is Important

important

Ex Boyfriend Recovery has become one of the premier websites on ex recovery.

Would you like to know why?

It’s because I go all out when I write content for you guys to read.

Seriously, I challenge you to look elsewhere online and find a website that writes as in-depth articles as I do when it comes to getting an ex back.

Chances are high that you won’t be able to find one.

Anyways, that’s besides the point.

This article is going to act as a blueprint for you to have open and vulnerable communication with your ex boyfriend. Which as I am sure you are already learning isn’t always the easiest thing to achieve.

Now, you may find yourself wondering,

“What’s the big deal about having open and vulnerable communication? Why is it even important?”

Well, in order to properly answer this we are going to have to take a step back and look at the state your relationship with your ex is probably in right now.

Your Exes Mindset After A Breakup

I feel I can bring a lot to the table when it comes to getting into the mind of a man after a breakup because I have been there.

Yes, in case you forgot I AM a man and I HAVE been through breakups.

Now, before I get to the goods I do feel it is important to mention that I am not going to be holding anything back here. In other words, what I am about to unveil to you isn’t going to be the dressed up/politically correct version that my counterparts tell you about men and breakups.

Nope, I am going to give you the down and dirty version.

The version that the so called “experts” are afraid to tell you about.

I guess the best way to start this off is to start with a fun little infographic that I put together,

sIlhouette_love

I like to call this little infographic “The Ex Boyfriends Mindset After A Breakup.”

You may notice that there are four main emotions/reactions that an ex boyfriend can have after a breakup that will ultimately shape his mindset.

Lets take a moment to go through each of those one by one now.

(Oh, and I promise you that I will explain how the open and vulnerable communication comes into play in a second.)

Let’s start with our first “shaping of the mindset,” sad/angry/uncaring.

Mindset Shaper #1- Sad/Angry/Uncaring

It may seem weird to say these three things at once but I promise you that there is a method to my madness.

Lets pretend that your ex boyfriend has just experienced a breakup right now at this very moment.

How do you think he is going to react?

Well, no matter how you slice it he isn’t going to react well.

In fact, there are probably three ways he is going to initially react.

He will either be super sad which you will see in men who immediately beg for you back (assuming you were the one that broke up with them.)

He could be very angry which you will see in men who are very mad and start calling you names (not an uncommon reaction when you think about it.)

OR

He could be very uncaring. What do I mean by this? Simple, he will act like the breakup doesn’t bother him or say something like, “PHEW, that was a weight off my chest.”

Chances are at least one (or a combination of all) are going to factor into your ex boyfriends mindset after the breakup.

Lets move on to our next mindset shaper so we can get close to determining why it is so important to have open and vulnerable communication with your ex.

Mindset Shaper #2- Playing The Victim

Men have a strange fascination with playing the victim.

Why?

Probably because the victim gets all the sympathy and the person who isn’t the victim gets all the hate.

What I would like to do now is tell you a little story about a guy named Joe.

So, Joe was not exactly the best person to be in a relationship with.

He was overly jealous, possessive and freaked out over the smallest of things going wrong. So, one day his girlfriend had enough of his shenanigans and decided to cut ties with him completely. Joe reacted as suspected and immediately freaked out about the whole thing but what happened next his ex girlfriend did not expect.

She heard through the grapevine about how HE was the one that was so great in the relationship and how SHE was the one that was a monster.

So, what the heck happened here?

Why is Joe blatantly lying about the way things went down in the relationship?

Well, in his mind HE is the victim because of the emotional roller coaster that his ex is putting him through.

If there is one thing that human beings resist with every bone in their body it’s change.

Joe was probably used the the way things were and when that routine got interrupted he got emotional. As a result of being emotional he felt he was the victim because his ex was the one who changed things up. So, when you are looking at your ex boyfriends mindset after a breakup you have to consider the victim effect.

Now, I think it goes without saying that sometimes men are the victim in relationships. Sometimes their exes are the one who act crazy and deserve to get broken up with. I guess what I am trying to say is that there are two sides to every coin but every time that coin is flipped the same result is going to pop up, being the victim.

Mindset Shaper #3- Viewing You As The Enemy

So far the first two mindset shapers that I covered were,

  1. Being angry, sad or uncaring
  2. Playing the victim

From an ex boyfriends perspective are any of these two shapers good?

Definitely not.

No man wants to sit there and be angry or sad. Oh, and most men don’t want to feel like they are the victim (though there are some that definitely do like it.) When you are looking at these two mindset shapers the thing you have to understand is that more often than not they negatively impact an ex and guess who is at the forefront of that negative impact?

YOU!

Lets do another fun example since I think you guys get a lot out of that.

Lets take Joe and pretend that when him and his ex broke up he felt very angry and decided to play the victim. Ultimately when he closes his eyes at night and thinks about the situation he is in there is one source of his pain, his ex. So, what do you think he does when he comes to this realization.

He views his ex as the enemy.

I can speak about this one because this is something I definitely did during a breakup with my ex.

Once I came to the realization that all the source of my pain came as a result of my ex I viewed her as public enemy number one.

Oh, and you better believe that I am not some unique guy that this has only happened to. Chances are high that if I came to that conclusion at one point your ex potentially did as well.

Mindset Shaper #4- Retaliation

When men have an enemy we like to do something to that enemy.

Any idea what that something is?

….

Any idea?

Anything?

Anything?

Bueller?

Ok, all kidding aside we like to destroy any enemy.

You see this a lot in men who talk bad about you behind your back post breakup.

Oh, and for the record yours truly even wasn’t above it.

In fact, if I recall correctly I bashed my ex but more specifically her parents.

Why?

Long story but in short they were very intrusive and a little bit overprotective and I always felt like I was their enemy. I remember talking to her best friend about how glad I was that I had broken up with my ex and how her parents were super crazy.

Her best friend pretty much did what any best friend would do.

She backed up her best friend and told me that her friends parents were super nice.

I guess my point in telling you all this is that if you have an ex boyfriend who you feel is lashing out at you it is probably because he is mentally gone through this mindset process and ended up retaliating.

How Does Open And Vulnerable Communication Factor Into All This?

disturbs me

Take a good look at that mindset infographic that I created above and answer this question,

When you look at the mindset of a man after a breakup is it generally positive or negative?

It’s negative, right?

It’s laced with negativity, anger, sadness, depression, retaliation, victimization, you get the idea.

Now, lets pretend that I have a magic wand and the second I waved this magic wand I put a spell on you that made you feel angry, sad, victimized and depressed. Lets also pretend that I am trying to communicate with you and get you to be very open and vulnerable.

Do you think you would be willing to take that risk?

Would you be willing to have open and vulnerable communication with me?

Probably not.

Why?

Because I am the source of all your pain. I waved that magic wand and BAM you started getting “the feels” all over and these aren’t the good type of “feels.” Nope, these are the bad ones.

This is the boat that your ex boyfriend is in.

Look, here is a fact that you are going to have to get through your head.

In the grand scheme of things your ex boyfriend is going to have to be willing to be open and vulnerable with you if he is going to consider getting back with you. However, right now he probably isn’t at a place where he is willing to do that.

So, when women ask me,

“How do I actually get my boyfriend to open up to me? How can I have open and vulnerable communication with him.”

They have to understand that the odds are actually stacked against them.

They have to find a way to overcome the overall negativity of an ex boyfriends mindset after a breakup.

How do you do that?

Well, that’s what this entire article is about.

How To Have Open And Vulnerable Communication With Your Ex Boyfriend

Here is the million dollar question.

How can we make an ex boyfriend, who doesn’t hold you in the highest regard, want to communicate with you in a vulnerable way?

Well, below I put together a little graphic describing the process of how a woman can accomplish this,

open and vulnerable

Now, I realize you probably have no idea what the heck this graphic means.

Heck, you are probably sitting there wondering,

“What are those little bubbles with words inside them?”

Well, it just so happens that those little bubbles with words inside them are your game plan for how you are going to get your ex to open up to you.

  • Rejection
  • Trust
  • Leading By Example
  • Time

Four things…

If you can do these four things then you will have a really good chance of making your ex boyfriend have the type of honest and vulnerable communication that you are seeking.

Pretty simple, right?

WRONG!

Finding the synergy between these four things is extremely challenging and will take some time on your part.

Luckily I am an amazing teacher and school is in session 😉 .

Lets start by talking about rejection!

STRATEGY ONE: REJECTION

rejection

Is it weird that I have rejection as a strategy for opening up an ex boyfriend?

Well, I don’t mean rejection in the sense that I want you to reject your ex boyfriend again. No, I am talking about rejection in the sense that your ex boyfriend is probably feeling rejected since the two of you broke up and this rejection (coupled with all the other mindset factors I talked about above) makes it extremely hard for your ex boyfriend to open up to you, the source of the rejection.

“But Chris, what if my boyfriend broke up with me? How can he feel rejected then?”

Remember what I said above about playing the victim?

Yup, men can TOTALLY do this even if they were the ones that broke up with you.

But I digress…

What I really want to talk about in this section is “fear of rejection.”

Fear Of Rejection

Fear is a powerful motivator.

Take me for example.

My biggest fear is that one day this site will lose it’s traction.

That everything I built…

Everything I worked so hard for…

Will one day just, POOF, vanish into thin air and I will be left with nothing.

As a result of that fear I write these super long posts and do everything in my power to make sure I am writing the most in-depth and comprehensive content out there on exes.

In fact, recently I told someone in my personal life about this website and he took the initiative to look it up.

Would you like to know what he said to me when he saw me the next day?

“You seem like you give away WAY too much for free.”

I just smiled and shook my head and what he said went in one ear and out the other. Well, maybe that’s not 100% true. It went in one ear and stuck in the middle of my head for a bit before it went out the other ear. While it was stuck in the middle of my head I began to take a step back and look at what I had built.

“Wow” I thought.

“I really do give away A LOT for free.”

And you want to know the funny part?

The only reason I give away so much for free is as a result of my greatest fear, losing the traction this site has.

Fear can make you do some pretty interesting things.

I imagine your ex boyfriend is experiencing something similar with his fear of rejection.

I am going to let you in on a little secret about men.

Most of us have no trouble communicating, we are just scared to.

Society dictates that men are supposed to be strong and hold their feelings in while women are supposed to be the ones who let all of their feelings out. I mean, if you were born and were told all of your life that the sky was green then you are going to believe that the sky is green. Same principle applies here.

Men are actually taught NOT to let their feelings out.

Who teaches them this?

OTHER MEN!

Look, I don’t have research to back up what I am saying I am just drawing on my own experience.

Any time I have ever let my feelings out amongst other men I get ridiculed or called pathetic, lame, weak, etc.

This experience makes it very hard to open up.

My money is on the fact that your ex boyfriend experienced something similar to what I did growing up and now he is very careful about who he opens up to.

It all boils down to the fear of rejection.

Your ex boyfriend is afraid that if he opens up to you he could get rejected again.

He has already been rejected once by you so it’s not a stretch for him to imagine that it could happen again.

So, how do you overcome this fear of rejection?

How can you get him to feel safe opening up to you?

Well, that comes with trust!

STRATEGY TWO: TRUST

turst me

You ready to have your world rocked?

If you want an ex boyfriend to open up to you then he is going to have to trust you.

Pretty shocking, right?

(That was sarcasm by the way.)

Here’s the thing though.

Right now you are the last person that your ex boyfriend is going to trust.

You know what that means, right?

It means that you are going to have to work to regain his trust.

Percentage Theory

The biggest mistake that I see women making when trying to regain trust from their ex boyfriend is they try to regain it all at once.

NEWSFLASH…

Trust doesn’t work that way.

Nope, it’s impossible for someone to trust you all at once. Like all things worth having it takes time for a human being to trust someone.

So, what I am going to do now is teach you my method for regaining trust on a grand scale and then give you a few simple techniques that you can put into action today. First though, lets get the big picture of what we are trying to accomplish here.

I have this theory based on percentages and trust.

However, in order to explain fully explain this “percentage theory” I have to give you some context.

Lets pretend for a moment that I wanted to increase the conversions (the people who buy) of my system, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO by 10 percent. Now, in the world of online sales there are a million ways to do this but most people tend to flock to, two camps.

Camp 1– Increase the overall conversion rate of the sales page

Camp 2– Increase the traffic to the sales page

In other words, the people in camp one are saying that if your current sales page is converting at 5% then you need to increase that number to 10%.

And the people in camp two are saying that if you increase the amount of visitors to the sales page by something like 10% or 15% then together with the increase in conversions you should increase sales by 10%. Actually looking at those numbers it would probably be more.

Here’s the thing though.

Oftentimes increase a conversion rate by that much and increasing the traffic by that much are unrealistic. So, the professionals out there would take a very unique approach. Instead of doubling the conversion rate maybe they just add on another 2% to it in addition to driving more traffic to the sales page. Oh, and then maybe they implement something to turn cold leads into hot ones and increase the conversion rate that way.

By the end of the day all they have to do is find 10 ways to increase the conversion rate by just one percent and they will hit their 10% increase mark.

This is the basis of percentage theory.

So, here is my theory.

Trust works the same way.

In order to regain trust you can’t sit there and try to increase the “conversion rate” all at once. Instead, you have to do multiple things to regain the trust and it is going to take time to do that.

Do you understand now?

There isn’t any one thing that you can do to regain your exes trust. Instead, you are going to have to do A LOT of things to increase the “percentage.”

Lets take a look at what some of those things are.

Rebuilding Trust Factor #1- Re-Build Rapport

Have you ever taken the liberty to look up the definition of “rapport?”

Well, let me save you some time,

Rapport- relation marked by harmony, conformity, accord, or affinity

Now tell me… right now would you describe your relationship with your ex boyfriend as harmonious?

Probably not…

In fact, a big reason for why your ex boyfriend probably doesn’t trust you is the fact that he has no rapport with you.

Now, I know what you are thinking.

“Can rebuilding rapport really be that big of a deal to get him to trust me and ultimately open up to me?”

It can and I will show you why.

Speaking personally whenever I talk to someone who I get along with I tend to open up more. In other words, if a rapport is being built and I feel good about it I am more likely to share personal information about myself. Now, I am a bit of enigma to the acquaintances I have in my personal life.

What do I mean by this?

The other day someone asked what I did for a living.

Rather than saying that I am a relationship consultant who helps people repair their relationships with their exes I just told this person that I run an online business. I have learned that this is the best way to avoid further questions about me helping men and women get back with their exes.

Why wouldn’t I want to talk about helping people with their exes.

There’s a negative stigma behind it.

A look I get.

People scoff at me or roll their eyes. Heck, sometimes people look at me and then look at my wife and say to her,

“Your with this guy? How does he even provide for you?”

In other words, these experiences have caused me not to trust others when I talk about my job.

HOWEVER…

I do recall rather recently that I was talking with someone on the tennis courts near my home and I ended up building a good rapport with him. Eventually the rapport that the two of us built gave me the confidence to open up and tell him what I really did for a living.

In other words, instead of the generic,

“I run an online business” answer that I give to everyone else.

I answered with,

“I actually run two of the biggest relationships websites online. I teach men and women how to get back with their exes and I absolutely love it.”

The rapport that I built with this guy made me think,

“Hey, this guy is ok. I can open up to him.”

And for the first time in a long time I felt I wasn’t being judged when I talked about what I did for a living. I felt that he got a sense of how passionate I am about it.

So, how does any of this tie in with your ex?

Well, building rapport with your ex can be looked at as a way to loosen him up and get him to talk to you honestly. Right now he is very rigid and tentative when he talks to you. However, if you get some good rapport built with him the chances of him trusting you enough to open up to you are that much greater.

Rebuilding Trust Factor #2- Be A Constant Force

Lets get YOU involved in this for once.

Right now I want you to take out a piece of paper and write down the five people that you see the most in your life.

More specifically, who are the people that you spend the most time with?

Some of you will say your parents.

Some will say your friends.

Heck, some may even say that you spend the most time with a college professor or teacher.

Others may have the unlucky answer of saying a co-worker or boss.

But right now I just want you to write down who you end up spending most of your time with.

…..

…..

…..

Do you have it?

Good!

Ok, now out of that list I want you to pick the three people you trust the most.

Maybe I should play along first though and lead by example (which is actually the next section.)

Ok, here is the list of the five people I spend the most time with right now,

  1. My Wife
  2. My Dad
  3. My Mom
  4. My Brother
  5. You Guys

Out of these five people here are the ones that I trust the most,

  1. My Wife
  2. My Parents
  3. My Brother

Well, it just so happens that these three people are the ones that I spend most of my time with.

Now, when we look at your list can we the say the same?

Are the people you trust the most the ones that you spend the most time with?

My guess is yes.

You see, over the years I have found a correlation between trust and the time you spend with a person. In other words, most of us only like to spend our time with people that we trust.

You know what this means, right?

It means that YOU are going to have to find a way to weed yourself back into your exes life.

You need to become that constant force.

The girl he talks to when he is having a bad day.

The girl he has amazing rapport with.

The girl he feels he can open up to…

Get it?

Become a constant in his life and then he will trust you.

STRATEGY THREE: LEAD BY EXAMPLE

knowledge

I am going to tell you a fun little story about myself.

When I was younger I was obsessed with playing baseball.

You see, I was lucky enough to be gifted with a pretty good arm and some pretty good accuracy so I ended up being a pitcher 10 years ago in high school. Now, since I was from the Houston area I ended up watching a lot of baseball from the Houston Astros.

The Astros had one pitcher in particular that I thought had the coolest pitching motion, Roy Oswalt.

oswalt

I remember that any time he would play I would watch him and study everything about his motion.

Start after start I would watch him and game after game I would incorporate his motion into mine. Pretty soon I had studied him so much and incorporated so much of his motion into my own that the teammates on my high school baseball team would start calling me by his name.

Looking back 10 years later with more knowledge about the world I can finally understand why I was so driven to copy his pitching motion.

Of course, in order to understand why I did it we first need to understand the psychological principle of mirroring.

What Is Mirroring?

Mirroring is a psychological principle that I learned about in college when I was taking a class in psychology.

The premise of it is actually quite clever.

Imagine that you are sitting across from a guy that you really like.

Hmm…

Lets pretend this guy is Brad Pitt.

bp

Ok, so you are sitting at a table across from Brad Pitt.

Your first reaction upon realizing you are in this situation is,

“OMG OMG OMG OMG I CANT BELIEVE I AM REALLY HERE!”

After you get over the shock of being in such a dream scenario you and Mr. Pitt start having a pretty nice conversation.

But then something happens…

Pitt leans back in his chair and you do the same.

Then Pitt leans in and you follow suit.

Heck, you even notice that you are copying his speech patterns.

As more time goes on you begin to realize that you are copying ALL of his behavior.

This is mirroring in a nutshell.

Mirroring- When a person subconsciously imitates the gestures, attitude or speech of a person

Now, that’s the official definition but the truth is that I would like to add a little something to the definition. In my opinion mirroring is more likely to happen when you like or look up to the person.

Take my example of Roy Oswalt above.

As a teenager Roy Oswalt was someone that I really looked up to. As I studied him I incorporated elements of his pitching style into my own. In other words, I mirrored him.

And this brings us full circle to having open and vulnerable communication with your ex boyfriend and the idea of leading by example.

Mirroring & Leading By Example

Everything before the section on “leading by example” has all been about rebuilding rapport with your ex and getting him to trust you.

Well, do you remember my little “add on” to the official definition of mirroring?

I mentioned that in my opinion I think mirroring is more likely to happen if you like or look up to the person.

In other words, the more your ex boyfriend likes you or looks up to you the more likely he is to mirror you.

So, everything before the section on “leading by example” has been leading you to this point. I want you to lead by example by being open and vulnerable yourself. The idea is that if he likes you enough he will follow your lead and potentially mirror your behavior.

Of course, your behavior = being open and vulnerable in your communication.

Now, I know I make it sound super easy but the truth is that it’s not. In fact, you are going to find that it is actually going to be quite challenging to get an ex boyfriend to mirror you but that’s why everything works in tandem. That’s why you have to have enough trust built before you really start trying this mirroring method out.

STRATEGY FOUR: TIME

car

Ah the last strategy.

What I am about to say here isn’t exactly revolutionary but it is important.

So far I have covered three big strategies for getting an ex boyfriend to be willing to have open and vulnerable communication with you.

  1. Understanding His Fear Of Rejection
  2. Rebuilding Trust With Him
  3. Mirroring

Well, this last strategy is all encompassing in the fact that it deals directly with each of the three things mentioned above.

How does that work?

Ok, with the exception of “understanding his fear of rejection,” rebuilding trust and mirroring take time.

You can’t just do it right out of the gates and expect an ex to respond to it.

No, you have to do it slowly and surely.

And TIME is required for that.

So, that’s the final strategy.

Manage your expectations and understand that this process is going to take time.

One of the biggest mistakes that I see women continually make is the fact that they want everything at once. They want results super fast. Well, getting the kind of open communication you want doesn’t always work that way. In fact, in most cases it takes time.

February 1, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (225)

  1. Faith - 0

    Faith

    Hi
    I have had so much advice from friends that i should move on with my life. Well I’m not really ready to do so coz i love my ex so much. I’m only on the 7th day of no contact and I’m really scared he might not text. I’ve made so many mistakes after the break up including contacting him so many times, calling him and having sex with him. I’m so discouraged that he’ll never come back because of how it all ended.I cheated on him with his friend and he was so upset. It’s not the first time that he’s cought me on the wrong with same thing to do with cheating. He warned me not to ever cheat again coz it would be the end of us… but this time round i did that because he sent he’s friend to come test me.. He assured his friend that I’d give him sex and that he should ask for it.. I was so mad after his friend sent me the conversation as prove and that he was cheating on me..i remember the part he wanted his friend to send him a sex video because he told him he had a girl that very night in the conversation they had.He had not sent the whole conversation but after i had sex with him as a way to revenge to my ex.After not talking to my ex for three days.. I decided to send him the prove his friend had sent to me. He told me it was just a test but I was so mad and couldn’t trust him. The next time i went to his friend I asked the friend to give me his phone and i saw the rest of the conversation where by my ex told him to tell me it was all a test after i approached him.. It really hurt me that it’s like it was a plan and he thought i was available to other guys too. I don’t know if i can save our relationship and start a fresh even after that. I told his friend not to tell him about the sex because i forced myself to trust him. His friend told him everything and he dumped me. He sent him my way and he assured him I’d give him sex yet he couldn’t give me another chance after he found out.
    He always told me that if i had confessed he would not have been mad and that if i thought he had a chiq.. I would approach him and not have sex. I think we were both wrong but i love him.
    He wants us to be good friends but I have a feeling it’s because of sex.. I have read about building a rapport and I wanna try so he can trust me as we start off as friends. Should i go ahead?My friends advice me to move on but i love him.before i decided to embark on the no contact I had broken another no contact where by i picked his call on the fifth day.. He had texted and i didn’t reply so he called on thr fifth day. It’s true that when we love someone so much we tend to fall in love with their imperfections and I did with my boyfriend. I texted him before i started the current no contact making him aware of how much i love. He still told we have history but we can’t date because he doesn’t trust me. He unblocked me but because I’m on no contact i decided to delete his number. I may have made a mistake by approaching his friend about the story as to why i cheated during my current no contact but he told me that he thinks my ex knows I’m easy to get. I think he may have sent him or told him about our conversation and he is angry. He doesn’t like the fact that i approach his friend to solve our issues. Please advice me coz my situation is messed up. We broke up 3 months ago and i’ve been doing the wrong things. Should i just cool down give him time and start off as friends while i build rapport so he can trust me? Help

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Faith,

      it’s been toxic..I think you should do 45 days and stick to it to really have a chance..

  2. Jenny - 0

    Jenny

    Hi, good people! Please help me to figure out what to do. I met him a year ago, i knew he liked me but we were sort of friends and nothing more, but I hoped some day he will do smth about it and waited. Finally, after a year, two weeks ago he texted me and asked if I could meet him because he wanted to talk to me in person. Then we met and he offered to date. I was very happy and then we met on weekends and saw a movie. Then throughout the next week he texted me, called me, everything was fine. One evening he texted to know how was I doing, I told him I was a little busy. Then he disappeared for 3 days, no texts, nothing, even though we agreed to meet on weekends, he did not text or call me about the meeting. I was silent and just did not want to sem needy and waited for him to text or call me. Then after the weekends were over, and after 2 days, after overall 5 days of no contact at all, he texted me “It seems like I am not ready to have a relationship. I`m out”. It was 2 days ago. That`s all. I am shocked. I liked him very much and I was getting feeing that he really likes me too. I want to know what happened and want to talk to him in person. But I am scared of pain if he tells me that I am boring or smth rude like this… Too bad I like him so much I cant stop being despearte and sad about all this… I don`t know what to do. Please tell me what is best to do now?! Thank you very much in advance!!!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jenny,
      it’s been 4 days, has he told you the reason why? if not, proceed to no contact

  3. Holly - 0

    Holly

    This article is NULL and VOID if you and your bf breakup because your bf is a narcissist.
    And then you really don;t want to get him back. You want to celebrate looking at him i the rear view mirror.

    Reply
  4. Lauren - 0

    Lauren

    Hi Amor,

    1. What is the best frequency to talk to my bf? Sometimes he calls me to check on me how I’m doing. The calls are usually 5 mins. Whenever he calls me, I don’t answer him until I call back after 15 minutes. Sometimes I don’t call back because I know he’s just checking on me.

    2. There was a discussion that made me to disagree with him. It was a future prospect topic. How do i tell him nicely that I do not agree without implying that I’m grumbling/complaining or yelling?

    Thanks

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lauren,

      you said bf? you’re together? That’s just normal that he checks on you… if it’s too much then just don’t answer some of it.. If the topic does not arise, and if it will just cause an argument, just agree to disagree.. If you really have to talk about it.. wait until he is in the best mood, so both of you can listen to each to other and you won’t have misunderstandings.

    • Lauren - 0

      Lauren

      I feel that he’s getting complacent. The calls are shorter and he’s acting less interested. Can I just answer his calls the next day or maybe a few hours later?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yeah you can do that

  5. Brittany - 0

    Brittany

    Hi Amor,
    I am currently going on 3 weeks in the no contact zone with my boyfriend of 3 years. before the NC I asked him what he wanted out of our relationship bc we aren’t going anywhere. I explained I was NOT talking about marriage but about traveling together and him trusting me and respecting me and us being the bc and gf we’ve always wanted to be. I love him dearly with all my heart and I’m very committed to him since day 1 even through all our struggles. He told me that he cannot change into the guy I want him to be and he will move out the way for another guy. I told him this wasn’t what I was expecting and even though it hurts I appreciate his honesty. I also said it seems that I am the only one holding on to this relationship so I’m going to give it a shot and let go. I then severed all ties. For the first week and a half he used a different number to text me over 200 messages making promises he made before and begging me to talk to him and tell him if he wanted me to leave him alone (all of which I ignored). He said he wants to do everything he told me he couldn’t do and he called me from random numbers all through the night and day (I also ignored). He told me he is lost without me and doesn’t know what to do. And also, for the first time since we started dating he changed his Facebook profile to he and I. Now he hasn’t tried contacting me at all. I miss him so much and I want to be in his arms so bad this is the longest I have ignored him. It is really hard to plaster a smile everyday like everything is going okay. It is really hard to get out of bed. I have cried every night for him. I am doing everything I can to be active but it seems that my energy has drained and it is truly a battle to do anything. I am however committed to making it through the NC bc I cannot go on the way we are. Is there any advice you can give me please?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Brittany,

      if he has sent a series of at least 10 positive text to get back to you, you can break nc.. but if you want to finish it, that’s ok too.

  6. Kaye - 0

    Kaye

    Hi! My ex and I were together 2 years. In May we will have been broken up a year. I haven’t seen him in 8 months. He’s dated someone else. They aren’t together now.
    2 months ago he called and apologized for everything and wanted to talk more often. We have been. We even talk on the phone a lot, and it’s fun. (We haven’t seen each other yet, though we tried but we live 3 hours apart.)
    He asked if I would like to drive out of state with him to pick up his boss from an airport. It would be a 2 day trip. I was extremely excited. 4 days later, 4 days before the trip, he tells me his mom says it’s not a good idea to take me, that it would be awkward because he is also picking up his ex. I was unaware of this. He apologized, but I was short because I was shocked and felt that my feelings hadn’t been considered. I could tell he felt bad.. But he should have told me.
    It’s been a few days since we talked and I’m unsure how to convey how I feel disappointed and unconsidered without putting him on the defense. (IF he ever talks to me again.) Thanks so much in advance!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kaye,

      try to write everything you feel, unedited on paper first, don’t send it. And then after a few days, when you’re less emotional send an edited letter/pm/email/text, a more rational way of conveyinf what you felt.. but that also means you have to restart no contact after that if he doesn’t truly apologize

  7. Lauren - 0

    Lauren

    Hi Amor,

    I know my guy from a dating site. The relationship has been so good so far. I made a small talk about closing the accounts in the dating site. I closed down mine and he made his thereafter. He also mentioned that he didnt intend to go there anymore. He had found his “treasure”. After some days, I returned to the site. Well, I just wanted to be sure that he DID closed his account. I found out he put his profile as taking a break from dating site. It appeared that he closed his account temporarily. I called him and asked indirectly. He said the same thing of no plans of returning to the site. It makes me feel insecure to be thinking about this. If I told him about his status at the dating site, he would feel as if I’m checking on him. How do i go about raising this issue to him?

    After much thinking, I was intending to put as the same status as him. Don’t want to go too fast nor slow. If he’s putting it on hold, maybe I should do the same thing. Or do I have the status unchanged as closing my profile permanently? I’m not sure of what to do.

    Thanks for reading.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi lauren,

      don’t do the same thing but observe in the coming weeks of he changes it.. if he doesn’t better think about if you should really trust him

  8. Tate - 0

    Tate

    Hello!
    my boyfriend broke up with me about a week and a half ago. We are both 21 and go to the same college. I went to go visit his family over christmas break and they LOVED me. then when I got back to college he seemed a little distant so I asked him about it. He told me that he had realized that he had grown “too attached” to me and was trying to work through that and maybe that was why I felt that way. So a couple of days go by and I confront him again because I felt like we weren’t connected and all he wanted to do was nap and tell me it was a bad time … and it might have been but lately when I tried to talk he would prolong it for days. In this we almost broke up because he told me he wasn’t going to change and I didn’t want that. (also keep in mind that he has broken up with me once before due to commitment issues and came back saying he wanted to commit to me … and for the last year he has and the relationship has been AMAZING and beautiful). But I ended up telling him that I would do anything to be with him. because I love him a lot and every couple is going to have a rough patch. After that I could see him trying with me which was sweet but not exactly in the right areas. we were together for 3 more weeks and had no fights then one day I left his place and he texted me why i had been acting a little weird lately. which I don’t think I had been but I told him the truth that in order for me to be okay with you detaching I had to detach a bit myself and by that I mean I had to have no expectations of the relationship so that I don’t get let down. He called me spiteful and I told him I just wanted to communicate like we used to and be the team we always talked about – then he sends me a text that “it’s not working Tate”. and I thought he had been somewhat happy until this point. I went and got my stuff immediately and sent one text later that day asking if this was what he REALLY wanted. He said yes – also when I went to get my things I didn’t cry or anything we kept it casual and he made breakfast and tried not to look or talk to me. He never had an issue with communication and he has changed but I still want to be with him. I think he just made a rash decision and I KNOW he is going to regret it. I know he is probably hurting just as much as me but I also know he is stubborn just like me and won’t admit or act on his feelings. We truly are each others best friends and I know he thinks that about me. Where does this leave me? He has been hurt and the past and I just wan’t to make him happy – because that makes me the happiest girl in the world. How do I get a stubborn person to communicate with me when they are at a non-communicative stage in their life with me? PLEASE as much info or in-depth analysis as you can get! he is a special case! And I really don’t want to lose the one I love to something like this. ALSO I have been doing really good with all the rules while in the NO CONTACT period.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Tate,

      I think you’re not half way no contact right? So keep it up..and it’s good that you’re doing good.. you said this happened before right? There is a good chance that no contact will work if you keep at it.. and be active..keep yourself busy and improve yourself too.. if he sees your posts and that you’re trying to move on.. he may have a change of heart

  9. s - 0

    s

    My ex boyfriend said to me that now he wants to earn some money to go away… to go in another region or even country… I’m scared to lose him forever… can I do anything? I have to get him back in a fast way…

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      So, he’s not angry anymore about the jealousy text? I wish I can say yo can do that..but the truth is, if it’s forced it won’t happen.. and if you get him back now, it would be a lkng distance relationship..are you or him ready for that?

    • s - 0

      s

      no he wasn’t angry anymore… we were texting in a “calm” way and he told me that the work that has now it’s not what he wants… and that he wants only to earn money and go away… I hope that if I will get him beach he would like to change idea or that he would like to go away with me… but now he dosen’t love me anymore so the most impotant thing is “wake up” his feeeling I think…

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      if that’s what he really wants in life, then stopping him, if you get back together, can lead to resentment to you in the long run..

  10. Mary - 0

    Mary

    A year passed and i did the no contact thing. We did speak and have nice little conversations and eventually by almost the end of the year he confessed his feelings for me. We talked through text for awhile from there and have seen one another in social gatherings and yet haven’t had a real conversation in person. He spoke about getting back together and that every girl he’s tried to get to know, not once has he had an emotional attatchment and that it’s always been me. Even after everything i still loved him and hoped for the best but deep down wished for a second chance. So thank you for the advice that got me there. I told him to wait and see me in person and we can talk. After making plans to get back together, due to outside problem he said we should stop. Then i just ended our talk and he apoligized and wanted to talk and said he still liked me but wasn’t ready for a relationship. Funny thing is i never mentioned getting back, he did. All i wanted was to get to know him again, catch up, see him in person THEN start over. I said to get to know eachother and then see eachother and then see where it goes, it’s common sense. He started flirting and saying ily again and i replied nuetrally because i just wanted to speak in person first. Now when we speak sometimes he doesn’t keep the convo going and i confronted him about that and he said he’d be more talkative but then started acting the same by being distant. Just talking through text, he controlled my mood and i hated it. I’m doing the no contact thing till i figure out what to do and I’d like this last piece of advice, what should i do? I really just want to see him in person because then things will play well and i want our redo. Our breakup even occurred around the time we didn’t see one another in person. How do i make him want to see me? Thank you.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Mary,

      did he say anything about not wanting to meet in person? or how did you respond when he said ily?

  11. Bella - 0

    Bella

    Hey Amor! Hope you’re doing good.

    My boyfriend of five years broke up with me in August, two weeks before my sister died. He then moved in with my best friend (they’re not in a relationship) however this ruined my friendship with her.

    I tried to get him back for awhile, which he completely strung me along for (giving me chocolates for my birthday, texting me before nights out, saying he couldn’t say yes or no to seeing us get back together). About three months ago I told him I’m done making an effort with him and if he wants me in his life he has to work at it….

    So he didn’t talk to me for almost three months! In which time I got out and (mostly) got over him.

    So about three weeks ago he adds me on snapchat out of the blue. A week later he messages me and asks to meet up. I went along, he told me how he found a suicide victim and apologized to me for his actions at a time when I needed support ect. He seemed upset for the whole encounter. Ever since then there’s been a complete 180 flip of the situation, he texts me most days, replies straight away and we’ve met up a few times and things have been fine.

    My problem is that I don’t know if he wants me back or is just wants me as a ‘friend’ because it’s obvious that I’m doing better than he is. I could contemplate forgiving him and taking him back, and I don’t mind re-forming a connection in order to start again. However, I don’t really see the point in wasting time on a friendship that I’ll want to give up on if either of us get in a relationship, or just being used for support. I’d like to ask him what he wants but I’m not really sure how to approach it, and I don’t really want to ruin things.

    I’d really appreciate any advice you have on the situation 🙂

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Bella,

      Thank you for asking.. I’m good!

      So, if ever he wants to be just friends you’re not open to it?

    • Bella - 0

      Bella

      Thanks for replying!

      I’m not really to be honest. I don’t know if it’s ever possible to be ‘just friends’ with so much history and I don’t really think it’s fair on new partners to maintain a friendship with an ex. Not to mention that I don’t need his support, I’ve plenty of actual just friends who fill that void, and I owe him nothing.

      I know he doesn’t have the same support network around him. I don’t mind being there for him for the moment, but I know I’m not fully over him and I really don’t want to take a step backwards, also I don’t just exist for him to use me emotionally.

      We weren’t speaking for ages so it’s not like he suddenly lost me as a friend. The only reasons I can think of for him wanting to open up communication are that he thinks he wants me back or he needs a support/ego boost.

      He was a good boyfriend for the most part, he broke up with me because we weren’t happy anymore. I was unemployed and stressed because of my sisters illness, so I was unhappy in general. I think he blamed me for his unhappiness and thought that getting rid of me would make him happy. Now I think he’s realizing he was wrong because I’m loving life and he’s more miserable than I’ve ever known him.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You have to observe of he’s making an effort to go back with you and if he’s making friends.. So, if you’re sure that he’s just making friends, then politely tell him you can’t do it

  12. TOTALLY CONFUSED - 0

    TOTALLY CONFUSED

    Hi Chris/ Amor,

    I have successfully completed NC for 30 days and have been in contact with my ex for about three weeks now. My boyfriend broke up with me stating that he just wasn’t sure about me and needed to be single and to get over his ex cheating on him. We were together about 9 months. He responded very positively to my text messages after NC at the start but I think I may have screwed things up a bit. Initially, he seemed very happy to hear from me and even said he was happy I was talking to him again because he thought I would never talk to him again. I kept to conversation light and tried cutting it at the high points. At a certain point he got a little bit comfortable and it seemed like he was always expecting a text from me, so trying to implement the tide theory, I would sometimes not respond for a day or so. We finally met about a week back, he was really flirty with me, kept lots of eye contact, kept asking me if I was seeing anyone, used any excuse to touch me and asked to see me again. I got the second date and I met him a second time. He seemed a bit more reserved this time around but still flirted with me a bit, asked if I was seeing anyone, kept eye contact and throughout the whole time had his leg touching mine. He asked to see me again. Up until that point I was still always the one initiating contact. I fell sick right after that (the date was on the Sunday), I was sick on the Monday and so spent a full two days in bed asleep (I didn’t text him at that time). I messaged him on the Wednesday to see how he was and then messaged on Thursday to see if he wanted to meet up on Friday. He told me he had made plans with friends which I understand happens as I asked last minute. We spoke for a bit and then he went silent on me. We didn’t message Friday and on Saturday night I messaged asking how his night was going and I was out for dinner. He said he was at home and enjoy. I messaged again about meeting up like he asked and we are in the middle of deciding on a day and time for our third date. I think perhaps maybe my silence after our last date (because I was sick) has made him think I am no longer interested in him. Before he used to respond to my texts fairly timely but now takes three or four hours to respond. I would also be the one to end the conversation usually but now he seems to be doing that a lot more and I find myself messaging more frequently to start a conversation. Could you please tell me if I have screwed things up and if he has lost interest in me? What can I do to rectify the situation I am in? Please help, I am really confused. Thanks!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      But you’re still meeting up fornthe fourth time right? Of yes, then focus on what to do that day. It’s ur chance to attract him back

  13. Jan - 0

    Jan

    Hey Amor,

    Yes i did check out the articles on texting but he is taking his own sweet time when replying to me. he is clearly “online” and replying others but not me. But on some days our conversations flows rather smoothly while there are days where it is just so hard to sustain the conversation. Are these bad signs and should I move on?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If he’s replying is it positive?

    • Jan - 0

      Jan

      Hi Amor,

      his replies ranges from neutral to positive! I did try to bring up past happy memories but i mostly get a neutral response. (that is, he just replies “haha lol” Should i be too concern about how long does he takes to respond to me? It is really annoying as it can go up to a few hours when i know, he isn’t busy at all. Anyways, i would just like to thank you so much for responding back to me, I feel like there is no one i can talk to as we have too many mutuals friends and i am avoiding talking about him to them.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You’re welcome. I am glad I can be of help somehow. He may be thinking about what to text you. But it’s a good thing that he is replying positively or neutrally instead of negativity right? Have you tried sending him interesting messages for him aside from the remember me text?

    • Jan - 0

      Jan

      hey amor,

      yeap i did send him text regarding his favourite shows and things that might interest him. problem is, it fizzle out quite fast and i dont think that me being the “go to” girl for things like a certain show can help me get him back. knowing my ex, I’ll need to be someone that really “gets him”, someone that he feels comfortable opening up to and share his personal problems with. do you have any advice on how to open him up? thanks alot 🙂

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hmmm.. that’s good that you know what he wants. That means you really need to build the friendship back or when he talks or texts you about something listen or be interested in it.

  14. Anna - 0

    Anna

    Hey Chris!
    I have a doubt, do you implement this after NC, and if he is responding after it?
    or can you use this even after he doesn’t respond during and after NC?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anna,

      Did you mean the open vulnerable communication? If you can have it before nc then better! If you want to have an open and vulnerable communication after nc, that would have to wait until he’s ready or comfortable enough to have that with you.

  15. Jan - 0

    Jan

    Hi Chris,

    Please help me!! I have successfully completed no contact and is now currently texting my ex. Everything is going not too bad but i realise that most of the time, i have to initiate contact, if not, we won’t be having any conversations. Also, we are only talking about really superficial stuff and he is not really opening up to me. So what can I do to get him to connect emotionally?
    Please help me!!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jan,

      What do you mean about superficial? Have you tried topics that he’s really into?

    • Jan - 0

      Jan

      Hey Amor!

      Superficial things like school and tv shows etc. I want to know how to get him to open up to me, telling me about his feelings and personal life. I did try topics he is really into but it never seem to go into a deeper more emotional conversation?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hmm have you tried to check Chris’ posts about texting? or purchasing his books?

  16. Sue - 0

    Sue

    Hi, my ex boyfriend has been seeing someone else for about 6-8 weeks tops and we have been spilt up for 3 months total. I followed no contact rule in last month, he contacted me twice and I replied mirroring him, giving no more than fitted his texts. I have since sent him a message about something that reminded me of him and he replied, and asked a couple of questions about what I had been up to, I replied vaguely and he then replied and then I said off out, take care. Now what do I do

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sue!,

      Congratulations on taking another step after the no contact rule. I think you can try to initiate positive conversations with him that are more engaging that can lead to you making it easy to invite him later on or him inviting you out later on. Better yet, check this out to guide you for the next step. Texting and ex boyfriend(the new rules)

  17. Krystle - 0

    Krystle

    Hi Chris!

    i am in desperate need of help and I feel like you may be the only one with some answers.

    Long story short by ex boyfriend broke up with me 5 months ago (it was a very bad breakup) bascially we fight non-stop over silly things that I often initiated and we had small break ups in between that he always initiated but after me begging he took me back.

    For 5 months we have been going back in forth where he puts me in no contact for a week then we talk then it’s a yes then it’s a no and recently for the past month we have been officially “working on things” but then he pulled the plug when I pressured commitment and he said no he can’t commit and said he was lying to himself and his not working on things. He has just quit his job and his due to go overseas to South America tomorrow for 5 weeks. We have met up to talk and he just says he doesn’t want to be with me because he has nothing left to give and his too hurt, I have been telling me non-stop I would do whatever it takes.

    He has noodfocially blocked me on the phone so I can’t call and text (his done this before but never this long) and he keeps saying he doesn’t know what the future holds.

    Do I keep trying? him going away for 5 weeks will be our first NC since the break up so I think it may be good for us or is it just a lost cause? His just so confusing and seems confused!

    Btw his 26 and I’m his first gf, we have been together 1 year and a half.. He says he can’t even think of other girls and that he has a wall built up so high but I don’t know what to do anymore! I really love him Chris and I know I made a lot of mistakes along the way which is why I am trying so hard to fix it but he just won’t let me.

    Help please!

    Krystle

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Krystle,

      Honestly, you have to do NC so you can avoid talking to him emotionally. Plus, don’t rush things. he could feel pressured again. Give him space, trying to soon can do more harm than good.

  18. Queen - 0

    Queen

    Hi I love following all your posts! My boyfriend, Ryan broke up with me half a year ago, bcos my parents are hard & difficult on him. Especially my dad, he death threats him & put him in handcuffs by police, wrongly accused him as ‘mastermind criminal’, bcos he so smart and don’t backdown to my dad like the previous ex who sucked up to my dad. Thus Ryan hate my dad alot because I went to live with him without telling my parents for a while. My ex never break up by person, because my dad make him cut all contacts with me even by whatsapp. He doesn’t dare to call me or answer my calls; he said I am immature to be living still with my overprotective parents. We are both 25 working adults middle class. I can’t buy my house yet with this economic crisis. Within this few months; I had self-improved, upload my facebook hot posts, gone NC, tried to reach out to my ex by normal conversation starters like ur articles, Ryan by few whatsapp texts but he ignored and didn’t open it, the blue ticks never register! The last time Ryan talk to me, he didn’t mention of any future talks but didn’t call me no more. He wanted to work with me last time in my company as investor. We plan future to travel to Italy etcetera & by now should have gone for holidays as that was his plans. As far as I notice, he didn’t want to meet up, semi-block me, and probably going out with a fat chick as rebound girl. What should I do Chris? I had done everything, going out dating others as hot solo woman, enjoying Christmas alone, now is the New Year 2016, I wish he return to me, but there’s no chance if we don’t work/go to same place/slight chance to bump into him. I have even told him months ago that my parents had cooled off. In fact, I met up our mutual guy friend and he send to Ryan photo of us hanging out, he sound doesn’t care in reply. He used to revolve his life around mine, used to be jealous every single guy that come into contact to me, now he acting like uncared and silent treatment or no contact. I have grown much, but he can’t see my improvements if he don’t want to seek me. What should I do Chris?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Queen,
      Sorry to say but the deal breaker is actually your dad. Even if you don’t get back with your ex, your next relationship will be the same. Your parents wants the best of you, but they could at least show respect right? It doesn’t matter what you do with yourself because the real issue your dad.

    • Queen - 0

      Queen

      TQ Amor, yes it’s true it’s my dad. He stopping me alot in life, and I am having a chinese dad! So much for Asian parents. I had moved on to date many other guys now and try to gain more independence in my life step by steps. But how to deal with my dad, many times I had confronted my own dad itself too to stop spoiling my life! My parents can’t see me to date outside of my race, and ofcourse I just keep pushing on in life.

      I am 25 btw. My ex Ryan, he has moved out of his apartment asap without telling me after we broke up, as I had tried to go over but his housemate told me that he move after I moved out, means he really cleared out of his place in fear of my dad. I can’t find my ex now unless he answer my call which he ignored all my NC/texts etc. Now I more determined for a better relationship. Recently I discover my ex on a dating site as single. He is ready to pursue new girls, but how to make him consider me too.

  19. Confused in the friendzone - 0

    Confused in the friendzone

    Hi Chris so me and my ex broke up in August. I have noticed lately that subtle hints have been dropped on his twitter that I feel he wanted me to see. I have since wondered why. Recently I decided that I wanted to go to see a movie with a friend but he wanted to go too. I invited him but he never responded. I sent him a text to see if he could still go and if not I’d go with my male best friend. He never responded again so I decided that maybe he didn’t get them. I didn’t want it to seem like I was being fake so I called no answer. Is or was he stringing me a long or is he mad that I am choosing to go with my male friend?

    Reply
  20. cee - 0

    cee

    Hi Chris,
    I wanted to write you in hopes of getting additional advice. My ex broke it off with me over the summer because he had “things to figure out with his career.” He subsequently unfollowed and blocked me on instagram and facebook, the main social media platforms that we both use. Over the past couple of months I’ve tried to move on – at first just getting over it cold turkey. When I felt ready, I joined dating websites and chatting with new guys. I still thought of him a lot over that time, I cracked a few times and sent my ex texts 2 times over a 3 month period with no reply from him. About a month ago, he actually sent me a text saying that he would be in my area (we live a few hours away from each other). In the text he basically stated that he didn’t have any negative feelings towards me, he said he didn’t handle the situation appropriately, and wanted to see me when he was in my area. Initially, I felt that he was just looking for a hook up without saying it so blatantly. I responded neutrally and stated that I probably would have done the same thing he did with figuring out his career and ultimately I didn’t feel like it was a good idea to see each other again. BUT I really did want to see him again. I just didn’t want him to think that it would be so easy to see me/get again and I wanted him to feel like he would have to do a lot more than just text me to get my attention. Fast forward a month (a week ago), I text him and ask him about his trip. We strike up a pretty good conversation via text and he is responding proportionately and positively to my texts, which I do see as a very good sign considering there was a time when he flat out ignored me. I want to eventually talk to him about what happened before and at least address the issues we had, not sure if that’s a good idea at this point though. I just don’t know the “when?” and “how?” aspects of it. We are also long distance, which complicates things slightly. I’m very scared of rejection with him because it’s happened before and it could always happen again. Thanks ahead of time for any advice!

    Reply
  21. Elin - 0

    Elin

    Long story short -> My boyfriend broke up with me after living together for 2,5 years.

    For quite a long time now I’ve been acting needy, nagging… you name it, I’ve done it the past months.
    Anyway, he broke up with me saying he wasn’t happy anymore, he didn’t wanna be in a relationship anymore (I get him now but I was blind before).

    I’ve also done the mistake of texting him these past 2 weeks (he broke up with me 2 weeks ago), saying that I miss him, saying that I wish it wouldn’t have ended like this. I’ve gotten the same responce every time, him saying he loves me but it’s different now, that he wants to be alone without me and move on.. Like a dagger to my chest.

    Anyway now after reading your e-book I get the NC picture, but there is ONE small problem..

    We lived together and we are meeting up on thursday (17 days after breakup and a lot of contact from my side) talking about practical things such as furniture dividing etc..

    HOW can I act on thursday? What should I say? How should I approach this in the best way? After this commence the NC period… but what can I do during our meeting on thursday? Cold..? please help!!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      That is fine. Getting your stuff back doesn’t count as breaking no contact. No do not be cold, just be really nice and short. Make it as quick as possible. Don’t talk about your relationship or getting back together. Try to seem sort of happy.

  22. Ola - 0

    Ola

    Hi Chris,
    First of all i really like your page and it really helps. I manage to understand a lot more for my i dont know how to call it anymore but for my boyfriend i guess. My problem seams to be different from the problem of the other girls in here. Ive been with my bf for almost 2 years now and before getting into a relationship we were best friends. After getting in relationship with him things happened and was left with no friend and he played the role of my boyfriend and my best friend. Things got more complicated because I was used with lot of people around me and he asked me things that would improve our relationship but i had a hard time to do them so it took me same time to archive them. He kind of got broke seeing me straggling for this things and kind of started to lose attraction in me . Right now we are in a phase where things are cold. He ask me some times to break up and i didn’t want to so we stayed together. He said that he didnt want me to do anything stupid (i would probably do stupid things after breaking up with him and he knows it). He now refuses to show love to mi or even hug me with his with without me asking for a hug . well i dont get any. from the idea of losing him i also have been very sad and stressed plus i live with my parent and sometimes i have stress at home also at school and future and all that so Im not able to stay calm when i talk to him. I intermediately when i talk to him i imagine what if he breaks up with me now. The point is he right now is not my boyfriend and also is not ex. I really would appreciate if you have any advice how to win his love and attention again. He also will leave after 6 months and this really freaks me out.
    (sorry for my grammar mistakes)

    Reply

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