Using Text Messages To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

Using text messages to get your ex boyfriend back can be one of the most effective “recovery” tactics that one can employ. In fact, if done correctly, a text message can bring up reminiscent feelings that can set you on the right path to getting your ex back. However, there seems to be a huge misunderstanding among the women out there on how to actually use text messaging effectively. I am not going to lie to you, sending a text message is a huge risk, if done incorrectly you will decimate any chance you have of that happy reunion you keep daydreaming about. In order for this to work the landscape has to be set up in a certain way. Allow me to explain.

Why Most Women FAIL When Texting

(For more in-depth information on why women fail at texting check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO)

Since you are all beautiful women ;) I am sure you have had your fair share of suitors. Now, out of those suitors, throughout your years in the dating realm there has had to be one guy that didn’t pick up the hints. He texted you, you ignored, he texted you again, you ignored again and so on and so forth. It usually looks a little something like this:

no hint text

Essentially, this person turned into a text terrorist. The text receiver was clearly ignoring the sender but they refused to accept that fact so they kept texting until they they could get a response. Most women fail at texting their exes for the simple fact that they commit this texting sin and quite honestly it’s not even their fault. Right after a break up everyone involved is out of whack emotionally and are prone to do some really stupid things. I have heard plenty of stories where women, in the heat of the moment, texted their exes multiple times, even after getting no response.

In essence, texting an ex boyfriend after a breakup is usually not a good idea. The better idea is to wait until the opportune moment where can maximize the power of the text message. First though, before we can do that, we are going to have to figure out how to create that opportune moment.

Creating An Opportune Moment

opportune moment

This is going to sound really weird but for the next month I don’t want you to talk to your ex boyfriend.


Yup, I know it sounds ridiculous but trust me, doing this will stack the odds in your favor in a very unique way. Did you know that after a breakup 95% of men still think about their girlfriends too much? Since I am a guy I can definitely say that this is a very true statement. The experts call this “freeze out” the no contact rule. Essentially for 30 days you are not going to talk, text, email or write to your ex. Oh, and in case you are wondering it is not going to be easy. Since you are on my site I am assuming that you are interested in somehow trying to get your boyfriend back. No matter how hard it is or how much you want to talk to him DO NOT DO IT, even if he responds you have to ignore it.

More About The No Contact Rule


Here is how the psychology behind the no contact rule is supposed to work. As a guy, I will admit we have a warped way of looking at things. For example, after a breakup a guy will think something like…

“Just wait, she will text me begging to come back.”

Now, that is wrong on so many levels but you are going to use this type of thinking to your advantage. By completely taking 30 days to yourself without texting him or talking to him at all you are slowly taking control of the situation. Instead of thinking

“Just wait, she will text me begging to come back.”

He is going to be thinking..

“Why hasn’t she texted me yet? Has she moved on already?”

Do you see the power of the no contact rule now? It is basically the ultimate way to get him checking his phone every five minutes to see if today is the day that YOU will text HIM. That is how you create your opportune time to text him!

Texting Strategies

(For the complete texting strategies please check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO)


If you have advanced far enough to have created that “opportune moment” there is still a lot that has to be covered when it comes to texting. There is a subtle art to texting. You can’t go zero to sixty in a second when it comes to this. In fact, you have to slowly lead up to the moment where he or you will hopefully go out on a date again. Allow me to explain this strategy a little more in depth.

The First Text

Have you ever heard that first impressions are everything? Well, that statement certainly rings true in this case. After basically blowing off your ex for a month straight your first text to them better have some substance to it. I always like to say that you should make your first contact text so interesting that they have no choice but to respond.



Remembering The Good Ole Days

One of the most interesting things about text messaging is the fact that every holds their texts as sacred. Very rarely will anyone ever willingly show someone their text messages. It is like their phone is their own personal sanctuary holding all their secrets and feelings about things. You are going to use this fact to your advantage.

IMPORTANT - You cannot move on to this text message until you successfully complete the first text message above.

The key with this type of text is to get your ex to remember the good parts of your relationship. The way you accomplish this is by going into great detail on one of the most positive experience that you had together as a couple. If you do this correctly you will bring up his most positive feelings about the relationship and get him thinking about you in a different more positive light. Now, while it is important that you get him to think positively about you it is also extremely important that you remain as positive as well. That means you can’t get angry if things don’t go according to plan. Handle every single text and interaction you have with your ex with as much grace as possible.

So, now that you have an idea of how to approach this type of a text lets look at a good example:


Is There A Place For A Jealousy Text?

This section is a little controversial, I am not going to lie. Some people have called this tactic manipulation but my job isn’t to give my personal opinion on this matter it’s just to give you the tactics that others have had success with. Jealousy can be a powerful motivator for a man. I remember once that one of my married friends told me something very interesting about the male psyche. He said that a man is a pretty simple creature. If he gets too used to a woman his eyes will tend to stray. However, if the woman he is dating/married to starts going to a bar and flirting with other guys he will come back down to earth and do everything that you want a good boyfriend or married man to do.

IMPORTANT - You cannot move on to this text message until you successfully complete the first text message above.

So, how does a jealous text work. Well the idea behind it is pretty simple, send a text message to your ex that could potentially get him jealous and bring up some of the lovey dovey feelings that he felt during your relationship. As a guy I can tell you that nothing makes you want a girl more than when you see her talking with another guy that is even moderately attractive. Here is how a jealousy text message would go:

jealousy (did I see you at)


If you haven’t already realized this, getting your ex back can be a very complicated process. In fact, I wouldn’t be shocked if this entire page confused you. Don’t worry, I got your back and I want to help you understand the best way you can get him back. There is a lot more to this process and quite frankly this page doesn’t do a great job of describing exactly what you do step by step. So, if you are intrigued by this method but very confused I urge you to visit get my 100 page guide, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. It may take you a while to read through the entire thing but it will break every step of the ex recovery process down for you, in-depth. It will also go into extreme detail about how you can use text messages to get your ex boyfriend back.

Learn How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
Put your email address in the box to the right to follow along day by day as I show two women (Sarah and Kai) exactly what they need to do to get their ex boyfriends back.
1,362 Responses to Using Text Messages To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
  1. Jenny
    January 26, 2015 | 7:27 pm

    So my ex and I broke up about a month ago. I went on a months holiday straight after it happened. Not because we broke up, it was already planned that I was going. We both kind of broke up with each other but neither of us wanted it to happen. We both cried for so long holding each other in our arms. But it felt like he wanted it more. I said look at us, neither of us want it, why does it have to happen. But he just said he didn’t really know what he wanted. So it ended. He has depression also. So I went on my holiday and began no contact for that month. Well, sometimes I broke it but I stayed strong for the majority. When I spoke to him it was only ever in reply to what he text me I never text him first. Now today we have got talking now that I’m home, and I swallowed my pride (we can both be very stubborn people who don’t like to be the chaser) and sent him a picture of a tree I passed, one that we had carved our names on. Then we got chatting and again, swallowed my pride and asked him how he was, or if he was over me. He said he missed things but tried not to think about any of it. I said I was the same and that I just missed us, he agreed that he did too. He admitted that he hadn’t moved on and I did as well. But now it’s just kind of turned into small talk and I don’t know what to say. I mean, I know I want to know if this is going anywhere, or if he knows he hasn’t gotten over me but he’s in the process and doesn’t want to get back together. What do I say to him? How do I get him to open up his feelings to me first for a change? I don’t want to feel any more rejected than I already do..

    • admin
      January 27, 2015 | 2:38 pm

      Your next step really needs to be priming him for a meet up or a date.

  2. abby
    January 24, 2015 | 5:33 pm

    Hello, my bf and i were together for 2years. well broke up for 6months in the last year. So last month he was like we never got along and never will and broke up with me, and accused me of talking too much to another guy friend etc. I, like most women, was crying and begging at first but at one point I stopped. After I stopped talking to him he texted me “u ok” a few times and i ignored them, I then asked him “why do you contact me” and he was just like “got it.” 3days ago he texted “sorry I was so hard to get along with…” I replied “thanks”. No contact ever since. I think I’m gonna stick to NC this time…it’s not easy and these days I always wake up depressed.. even had dreams about us making up then woke up sad.

    • admin
      January 26, 2015 | 3:26 pm

      Definitely stick to NC!

  3. Maria
    January 24, 2015 | 2:17 pm

    My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 months. We met through mutual friends and then I got his number texted him and we took off from there. We would talk everyday sometimes all day. Naturally this died down however it is in fact a long distance relationship so daily contact sometimes three times a day felt justified. Fast forward to two and a half months into our relationship where his friends from out of town come to visit. Naturally I expected communication to drop even though he convinced me it wouldn’t and made an earnest effort to keep up. However at this time he also had the cold and he also suffers from asthma (something I did not know till after our fight), so he was sick like a dog. When we talked I was starting to be the one to initiate conversations when he used to all the time and he would be more matter-of-fact about what he said and wasn’t being affectionate or using affectionate turns as he usually does. This went on for a few days and by then I had thought his cold was easing up and that he was getting the rest he was supposed instead of partying all night every night with his friends. So I asked him what was up why did he seem different and distant what was really wrong. He brushed it off basically, said it was the cold, said he was tired and going to bed and we would talk tomorrow. By this time I was really upset, he had just stayed up all night talking to his friend in his room and then wants to tell me he can’t talk? So I messaged him a bunch of times and then eventually i blocked him. He got so mad he messaged me back finally in the morning and said I was immature. I tried calling during the day but he didn’t answer. I messaged him an apology but he still didn’t reply. Long story short we finally do talk and after I apologize and he says he forgives me but he just wants to be friends. I spend the entire morning presenting him an argument as to why that won’t fix our issues. He agrees and outlines ways to fix these issues and we reach a consensus. He says when we both get angry to give each other space, to respect his feelings and he will respect mine instead of me expecting him to feel how I feel and for me to stop assuming what he means when he says something but to clarify with him. These are not issues I was aware of during our relationship he just brought them up after along with other misunderstandings I had to clear up. Basically our entire relationship we text message each other so miscommunication is an issue. I tell him thats why I rather talk on the phone but he doesn’t comply. Said that he can’t always talk when I want to so I said ok well just let me know when you can and I’ll wait till then. All in all we had a normal convo after that about his favourite movie and everything seemed fine. Next day I send him a few photos of landscapes he likes and we have brief talk but dont speak for the rest of the day. The next day he texts me to enjoy my day and again we don’t speak. Now it’s been 6 days. I haven’t reached out to him because it feels like I keep doing that and this time I’d give him his space to come to me when he is ready but I don’t know how long that may be. Plus I’m confused because I thought everything was ok but I don’t want to derail that by not contacting him however I also don’t want to ruin it by contacting him. I’m in between a rock and a hard place what do I do? I know he has been online and sees when i’m online and change my pic and my status but still neither of us say anything to each other. Is it over? His status last said to move forward we need to find the reasons why we fell in love but I haven’t looked at it since then because I didn’t wanna break and contact him or obsess over it. So six days, no contact, what do I do?

    • admin
      January 26, 2015 | 3:23 pm

      You are six days into NC.

      Well, you have a ways to go.

  4. Michelle
    January 24, 2015 | 2:55 am

    Hi Chris, so my ex and I had a bad argument 1 day ago and neither of us really “broke up” with each other. He left angry, and I told him not to come back.After about 8 hours I texted him and let him know how I felt about the situation and he replied with one word answers. So I just gave up and told him he clearly doesn’t want to be bother and that I tried to be cordial and he kind of jokingly replied with a joke lol. Since then we haven’t spoken, and he is flirting on social media already, and acting as if he does not care at all. I am fully prepared to give him his space, but it is hard. I have already caught him “lurking” on my snapchat and such. What do you suggest I do as far as communication? Because I have a feeling he will contact me soon being I feel as though I was really the one to initiate the breakup.

    • admin
      January 26, 2015 | 2:48 pm

      So, the breakup just kind of happened?

      Has he blocked you on texts or something?

      • Michelle
        January 26, 2015 | 4:32 pm

        It happened during the argument. And no he hasn’t blocked me on anything but he did text me yesterday saying that he wanted me to know that it was hard for him and that I hurt him. He wants to meet up today and Idk what to do..

  5. Lee
    January 23, 2015 | 11:48 pm a guy. Im in my late 30’s, I met a woman,33, we dated for 1 1/2 months. she broke up after one night when I asked to sleep w/her, I got upset and left. the next day she sd it was over. I tried to get her back w b.s. I luv u texts. she blocked me from fb and phone. I went by her brothers work to c how she been, her new bf then called n sd to stop. I love this woman and she said she felt it too. please help

    • admin
      January 26, 2015 | 2:39 pm

      Hi Lee!

      By any chance have you checked out my other website, Ex Girlfriend Recovery, It’s dedicated to men trying to get their girlfriends back. I think that would be a better fit for you.

  6. taylor
    January 22, 2015 | 2:18 am

    I dated my boyfriend for three years and we have a baby together. We actually got engaged the Christmas before last and we have lived together almost the whole time. Then he got a job working out if town and to make a long story short he moved in with a girl who he met at his new job but never told me I just had to find out myself. He was still coming home at least once a month but he wouldn’t be physical with me. He still get jealous over me and he will still tell me he loves me from time to time. We’ve gotten into fights since I found out but he never says anything about her nor does he defend her. I tried the no contact rule anx he is trying to call more. I try not to talk to him at all and when I do I keep it about the child except yesterday he finally said I want to talk about you. I have not heard from him today. But keep in my mind I did not deserve this I was good to him. I just want to get my family back. Help please.

    • admin
      January 22, 2015 | 5:00 pm

      How long total have you been implementing NC on him?

  7. Hlengiwe
    January 9, 2015 | 3:20 am

    Me and my ex broke up a Year in 2014 Feb, he soon moved on after 2months..I stayed Single for 6 months. Then in September he saw me@the club with my new boyfriend and that made him angry the way he looked @me. October I broke up with the Guy coz I still loved my ex whome I didn’t talk to but jst bumped @each other @the malls n all. End of Nov I was admitted in hospital for Depression and the Ex I want back came to visit me bt we didn’t talk and then in Decemba I text him he didn’t reply or replyed with one word. Today is the 30th day for NC bt I don’t know wt to text to him Please help

    • admin
      January 19, 2015 | 3:28 pm

      You should have been preparing a text message during NC.

      It has to be so interesting that he will be forced to respond.

      Have you tried the i have a confession text?

  8. mina
    January 8, 2015 | 9:29 pm

    i moved to Canada from Iran 10 months ago, back home i had a boyfriend of 9 months who i really loved but we could not handle the long distance relationship so we came to the agreement that each of us lives their life and there is no commitment anymore, but still we texted like once in a week(mostly me), we did not call or anything and we both knew there is nothing so called as a’ relationship” between us, but i have to admit the content of texts were i miss you, i love you and… no need to mention that i was completely broken since i immigrated to a new country, left my home and all my friends as well as planning for some important exams to enter university which all my career here depends on it, so i met a guy who physically i had no attraction for him like he was so short not good looking and….., but he was really a great guy he treated me perfectly and at the same time not in a needy way, interestingly i was sexually attracted to him! so we slept together and started a relationship, i just wanted it physical but i did not dare to tell him this and the sex was wonderful! i talked to him after i felt its getting more and more emotional that i was not ready for a relationship we did not talk for a few days but we got back together again, we both got emotional and the relationship went deeper it was not only the sex anymore, however down there i was always like: i am not gonna stay with this guy, he is not the perfect guy i want,i do not know what im going to do in future,im not even setteled down in this country, i have this very important things that i have to figure out first..why am i doing this….i event did not tell anybody about the relation ship we had and kept it to my self even my best friend thought he has a crush on me but im not into him which was completely not true! meanwhile there was a guy among my friends who was perfect exactly what i was looking for i tend to be a really perfectionist and i thought yes if i want to marry someone its going to be him, but when it came to feelings i honestly did not have any feelings for him, i told this second guy,that i want no relationship and i was not over my ex yet,he admited and did not push me but anyhow we continued seening each other because he was also one of my friends so you can emagin the situation!, and now i was in a big trouble! i was sleeping with some one a had feelings for who is so great and even loved him but i was not sure if he was someone i wanted to stay with for ever and i was also dating(and even making out) another guy who i thought had all these ideal things i wanted… i felt like an asshole, like a bitch! i have never felt worse about my self in my life, i hate my self! but i did not dare to change this i have this very important exam i have been planning for my entire life!…. so he(the first guy) felt i was not acting normal he asked me about it i told i was ok he asked me if i am still talking to my ex bf in Iran i told him the truth i said yes we still text sometimes but we are not in a relationship anymore… so yesterday after sleeping with him he took my phone went to the bathroom and secretly read my texts to my ex boyfriend which was all i miss you i still think of you i wish you were here… so he got really mad at me we fighted he said i was a lying bitch( he did not find out about the other guy who i was secretly also flirting with,because i had deleted all his texts, which in case he did i am sure he would have killed me) so he broke up with me and told me he never ever wants to talk to me and see me. so here i am missing him so badly, my exam is in 2 months i cant even study! i hate my self and i admit that i was an asshole,i am completely broken and i want him back… what do you think? what should i do? should i move on or gain him back?what should i do to the second guy? am i going completely crazy?

  9. jessica
    December 22, 2014 | 6:55 pm

    Ok so my boyfriend broke up with me about 2 months ago we have been in contact even hangout and sleep over but this last week he kind of changed again he started to withdrawal and told me that if I didn’t get it after two months that I was stupid and then he told me he would hang out after two weeks that the holidays were over since his uncle would come over so I tried the cn for 4 days expecting him to text back but didn’t at all so I did and got no reply till today when I sent him a text saying good afternoon how’s your day going his response was fine he has told me the reason why he broke up with me was because I was too needy but the when he needs something he will ask me and I’m always there he says I need to get my own life and that he doesn’t want to be with me but yet has his stuff at my place his phone under my name and knows we still have to see each other for the phone bill I feel he does love me but he is just to immature to handle the work in a relationship he then he will put me down all the time I don’t know I get hot and cold moments with him I’m confused I want him back I love him

    • admin
      December 23, 2014 | 3:09 pm

      Have you attempted the NC rule at all?

  10. Samantha
    December 10, 2014 | 4:15 pm

    I have been known to sleep text. I sent a text to a friend of mine who is the roomie to my ex bf. It said some serious stuff that I never would say in real life. My man broke up with me because of this. He now says he cannot see having a relationship with me ever again. Yet he’s asked me to sleep with him, and checks my profile on certain websites I’m on. Please help I wan him back and I’m at a loss.

    • admin
      December 15, 2014 | 5:03 am

      Sleep text…

      I can honestly say I have never heard of that before.

      He says he wants to sleep with you though?

  11. Olivia
    December 10, 2014 | 1:20 am

    Hello! Me and my ex broke up few months ago. I did the no contact rule two times already. I got to see him or his friends. When in person he’s nice and we can laugh in a group of friends. I tried texting him but he always responds with one word. So I waited a month again and messaged him today about the tattoo salon that we spoke about yesterday. Conversation was him sending one word answers again and then he said “I’m done talking.” I don’t really know what to think or what to do next? He blocked me off social media around 1/2 months ago. Do you have any ideas on what could I do? Please help :(

    • admin
      December 10, 2014 | 3:39 pm

      Are you blocked from texting or email or thing slike that?

      • Olivia
        December 10, 2014 | 4:29 pm

        No I’m not blocked of things like that. If I messaged him he would reply because it’s usually me asking him a question about something. But he replies with one word or cuts it out like he did I yesterday “I’m done talking.” Or another time is not gonna reply. I don’t harras him with texts. Just when needed and with a reason.

        • admin
          December 15, 2014 | 5:04 am

          Hmm… He doesn’t trust you enough yet to have a regular conversation. We need to find a way to get you back on that level.

          • Olivia
            December 15, 2014 | 2:31 pm

            So should I keep it low? Like just official messages with wishes for Christmas and new years Eve? Or do you have any other idea?

  12. CM
    December 9, 2014 | 4:23 am

    Hi Chris, I’d really appreciate your help on this one. Since I tend to ramble I put little labels before each section so you be the judge haha btu I’d really appreciate if you could at least read the dilemma/question part. And when I say I need help… I’ve been typing drafts, hovering the “send” button, and then deleting pretty much all day and I literally just don’t know what to do. So please help me! Thank you so much!

    BACKGROUnD (just on us, you might not need to know this): My ex and I were together 1 and a half years, but now have been broken up for about 6 months now… but it still sucks everyday. We broke up bc he’s from South America and was here only for college.. we knew the day would come that he’d have to move back, but since we were so in love (I even went there last summer to visit and meet his family), he seemed ready to do anything to make it work.. and we were already looking at arrangements for me to move there. But then… a few months before college graduation he froze.. and started acting really cold (very unlike him), and then about month before it he broke up with me. After about 10 days, we started hanging out again and studying together and got dinner/coffee, etc… and had soo many talk/cry sessions about everything. So he admitted that it was all just “too much” for him, too much pressure etc when he didn’t even know what he was doing with his life and needed to figure it all out. So I know he still had feelings for me, they just weren’t strong enough to “fight everything and make it all work out” anymore…

    DILEMMA (I totally messed up!):
    We’ve been texting back and forth periodically since he moved back… like every 2 weeks ish. The problem is we’re both trying so hard to just be “chill” about it all that we (or me, at least) just end up saying something random and/or totally not funny. So his response sometimes feels forced, like he just doesn’t wanna be a jerk.. But he does always responds nicely and usually involved. But I realized that lately even if he responds I’m always the one that sparks up the convo. About 3 weeks ago (right before I realized that) I texted him something light and funny about what was our favorite TV show to watch together, an inside joke kind of. He responded sounding more fun and interested than usual, so that was good and for once in several months the conversation ended well; like I was certain that he responded not just out of politeness, but because he wanted to and found it funny. I had left a good taste in his mouth– so then a week after that, he suddenly for the first time in a while, texted me on his own saying “Hey! Hope you’re having a good week, enjoy the rest of it” I responded short n’ sweet, and that was good. I told myself I wouldn’t text him again until he texted me.

    My mom’s friend was here visiting only a few days after he texted me (up there^ )and a you-had-to-be-there funny story came up… for WHATEVER reason I felt it a good idea to text it to him, but without making it too long… so it basically just came out confusing and slightly inappropriate maybe?? (which really isn’t “me” at all… so that was already embarrassing the minute I pushed send…) But then it got worse because he didn’t understand the joke and responded with something totally irrelevant. So it just went back and forth with me trying to explain the joke and also express my embarrassment for the way it came out… one text after another, I just couldn’t recover!! So it all ended with him saying “ohhh” etc how he felt so dumb and then he said “my bad”, and then me saying (and please, spare me the laughter, I’m literally embarrassed just repeating it) but: “Well I’m just glad I’m not the only one in the dumb department!” and then I said “Our bads!” with the iphone’s little 2 fingers symbol for a peace sign. OUR BADS PEACE SIGn!? And he never responded. Oh and as if the text itself wasn’t bad enough, he probably thinks that my response of him joining me in the department (lol) was in regards to how I felt dumb during the original story with my mom’s friend— Instead, I really wanted to acknowledge the fact that I know the story wasn’t appropriate for any old person, it’s only something I’d ever tell him and for a split second I forgot that “we” are no longer as we used to be… I don’t want him to think I turned all crude lol. Anyways besides the point! (kind of, read on pleaseee :)

    My original gut feeling told me that yes, no matter how embarrassing it was, don’t be the first one to text yet again… don’t want to be a text gnat.. especially not after that ha.. But he still hasn’t texted me back and it’s been 2 weeks… and everytime I see that stupid peace sign as our most recent words just sitting there in our whatsapp chat, I think about the mortifying conversation that also accompanied it.. and can’t help but feel that I left a bad taste in his mouth… maybe even ruined any good that came from the conversation before that, which he responded with lots of hahaha’s and remember, it also led him to text me on his own a few days after that. I’m scared the bad taste from this past super-embarrassing convo(and also remember that he also said he felt dumb in it.. soo, that could also likely be a negative association..) which might be causing him to not miss me and not want to text me first again…

    So is it better not to text him and wait for him to (whenever that may be) but leave the taste (and plain-sight evidence) of that bad convo….. Or should I just text him first yet again to try and get that bad taste out of his mouth and maybe ideally leave him with the same feelings that he had after the good cute funny text a few weeks ago. ?? And if I should text him, should it be something in regards to all that, like addressing the elephant in the room (I’d obviously try to do it in a humorous way… but i’m not sure I should drag it on any longer ha)? Or no something else, but yes text him?

    • admin
      December 9, 2014 | 1:35 pm

      I am a fan of texting first after the no contact rule.

      • CM
        December 9, 2014 | 10:26 pm

        Okay, you don’t see it as sort of text-gnaty? And you think him responding every time (even though he’s never the initiator, and sometimes he’s even the one to end the convo by not replying last) isn’t him just being nice/polite… But actually a good thing?

        It just seems like we’ve been going through this for so long now.. 2-ish weeks of nothing, then a random funny or “how’ve you been” text… and then it dies off.. And it just feels like I’m sort of on a treadmill. And since the initiating effort feels so one-sided, I sometimes wonder if I just never texted him again would he just… never text me? I wasn’t sure if I’m just not getting the hint I’m supposed to be getting or if this is actually sort of good.

        I should mention that I guess I never did the entire 30 days nc, But I did go a few weeks… and now I still go in little 10 day intervals. not sure if that counts and/or makes a difference. I kind of wanted to commit to it now entirely actually… but wasn’t sure if I should clear our that bad taste of the embarrassing text FIRST so he doesn’t remember me that way for the next 30 days.??

        • CM
          December 13, 2014 | 12:46 am

          Okay well then…. Even we just assume I’ll be the one next texting him next/first (a few weeks after the really embarrassing/dumb/I wish I could just delete somehow delete from his phone!) conversation. Should I jokingly address how awkward/embarrassing that last convo was, so that he doesn’t think I think it was just totally normal and funny (?) …. or should I just start fresh?

          I know that sounds like a dumb question… but I’m still so used to him being my best friend that it’s hard for me to step back and be “less-close” or transparent with him…. and it feels like if I don’t, I just keep making silly random fluffy comments which sometimes make I’m laugh but other times just make me feel like this. so stupid.

  13. tania
    December 9, 2014 | 3:48 am

    me and my boyfriend were going out for 2 weeks i noticed his ex came back to our school and a day after that he stared getting weird, like not

    • admin
      December 9, 2014 | 1:34 pm

      Are you still together?

      • tania
        December 11, 2014 | 2:11 am

        no, he cheated on me with her i found out by text saying that he was telling her he still over her and then i asked he said no and i moved on until a friend sent me a picture of them kissing at her house the same day we hung out he text me saying that he didn’t know if we were going to work i replied by saying they deserved each other and to have a nice life later realizing that i still love him not knowing what to do. They never went out after that because of trust issues between them he is currently single and hasn’t had a girlfriend since our break up about 3 weeks ago.

        • tania
          December 12, 2014 | 3:26 am

          its been about 3 weeks since we broke up and today him and his wonderful ex are back together what do i do

  14. Lissy
    December 9, 2014 | 12:23 am

    So he contacted me on day 30, texting me a text that a shirt reminded him of me, so i waited till the next morning to respond. I then waited a couple days and said something like it hurts to not have you in my life, he said honestly he missed me but his life was too crazy for a girlfriend. I said i didnt understand but want him to be happy, and he said he wanted me to be happy but just didnt know how to do that right now. I then stopped the conversation. I wished him a happy thanksgiving saying I was thankful for him, and he responded he was very thankful for that too. I havent texted him in over two weeks… I dont know what to say next? Should i try the “remember this one time” text or should I try the “this reminded me of you text”????

    • admin
      December 9, 2014 | 1:30 pm

      Wow, day 30.

      Remember the one time text.

      • Lissy
        December 9, 2014 | 8:37 pm

        Then what? If I start small talk, then wont he think that I am just trying to be his friend?

        • admin
          December 10, 2014 | 3:27 pm

          Usually you want to cut off the conversation at the high point to leave him wanting more.

          • Lissy
            December 11, 2014 | 10:56 pm

            So I texted him about a time to remember specifically about a time I felt lucky sitting next to him because someone said he looked like a famous actor, he laughed and responded with a question asking if I had seen his new movie, I said yes but then ended the conversation. He wished me luck with finals. I just feel like he is getting the idea I just want to be friends or I am just reaching out to be friends… even though he knows i miss him… but I just dont know how to break him out of the idea that he thinks he can’t handle his life and a gf… how do i get him to rethink that???

  15. Sheila
    December 5, 2014 | 4:47 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I feel so confused and scared …I texted my ex after 3 months of NO CONTACT and he never responded.

    I have been in no contact for almost 3 months now in order to work on myself and also to get my ex back. It was really hard but i did and i felt like I can now just send him a light friendly text to see how he’s doing..I msged him “hey its been awhile..I hope thing are well with you and your new job.” He didn’t reply but he’s been online on Fb several times since i sent him that message. It’s been over 24 hours now, no response ( he hasn’t opened my msg according to iphone)

    I feel horrible..I went on NC in order to get him back i still love this man..I don’t know what it means..does it mean that he needs more time to get back to me? or he doesn’t care anymore?

    • admin
      December 8, 2014 | 12:39 pm

      3 months is pretty extreme to be hoest.

      I just recommend it for 30 days.

      What was the exact message you sent him?

  16. Alice
    December 4, 2014 | 3:44 am

    The two months my boyfriend and I were together, he treated me like I was everything to him. He was amazing, so good and kind to me. As the weeks went on, I tried to bring my best to our relationship, by being supportive and kind to him, but still giving him his space when he needed it. After a few more weeks though, he very suddenly became distant. He called me up, and we talked, and he was confused and we should take it easy for a while. I was heartbroken, but I held myself together and agreed that was the right thing to do (though it killed me to do so). We broke up. Its been a couple of weeks, but I’m not sure what to do. He has sent me one or two texts checking up on me, and has made a few subtle comments that I believe imply that after our period of “calming things down for a while” things for us will magically go back to normal–like he’s waiting for me and believes I’m sitting here waiting for him. It may or may not mean that, I’m not sure… True, I miss him a ton, but we broke up, so I’ve gone on a few dates with other men and tried to prepare myself to move on, because I know that is a very real possibility that we will never recover from this “break”. My heart still aches for him, but I’m confused at the same time, and after thinking it through, I am trying to decide if I should even get back together with him if the opportunity presents itself. But….if I did end up being the “first texter” like you talked about in your article… how do I know if he really misses me or is interested at all? What sorts of things will men say back to you if they are interested or miss you?

    • Alice
      December 4, 2014 | 3:50 am

      (And like I said, he has only shot me a text once or twice, and I have never been the first one to text him. And I haven’t really replied much the once or twice he has sent me a text…)

    • admin
      December 4, 2014 | 1:31 pm

      Youll know from the way they text you.

      They will flat out tell you they miss you or all your texts will be of a positive nature.

  17. meriem
    December 1, 2014 | 9:25 pm

    hey chris i’m so confused i texted my ex after doing no contact for 2 months but he didn’t respond what should i do now !!!!!

    • meriem
      December 2, 2014 | 9:31 am

      no he just answer me but it’s a cold answer he just said thanks for the msg i hope you’r doing fine too gd night that’s it i think he want’s me to beg him now doesn’t he !!!!!! i can not do that plzzz chris tell me what to do now.i’m feeling really bad cause i think he has another one

    • admin
      December 2, 2014 | 2:50 pm

      What did you tex thim?

      • meriem
        December 3, 2014 | 11:17 am

        i told him that i will leauve my work this week but he didn’t respond and yestrday i sent him another msg i said can i add you on facebook he didn’t respond so i lost hope and sent him another msg sayin that i think that he want nothing to do with me and it’s okey i just wanted to be friends but if he didn’t want to it’s okey and i said good bye.after 5 mn he called me saying that it’s okey and that he didn’t saw the msg and he was like laughing like he was we talked on the the phone for 10 mn it was al laughing and good .but when he hung up i was thinking he didn’t got upset when i said we will stay friend if that was okey with him it means he has no feeling for me what do you think chris i’m so confused!!!!!!

  18. Cris
    December 1, 2014 | 9:12 pm

    So my ex wants to give things another shot (after three weeks of almost complete NC – I didn’t know about your website when I was doing it) but wants to take things slowly. We are long distance and, I’ll be honest, I’m not sure he’s completely committed to giving things another shot. He’s always ambiguous about what he wants. I’m trying to “play it cool” but honestly, I’m at the point that I want to just play hard to get. Sounds bad, huh? Basically I don’t know what I should respond when he texts “thinking about you” or “I love you”… because normally I would say those things back but right now I still feel like I’m needing to work on getting him to commit or really be back in this completely. Hopefully that makes sense… any advice you have would be greatly appreciated.

    • admin
      December 2, 2014 | 2:50 pm

      Read the long distance articles first.

  19. Victoria Liew
    December 1, 2014 | 3:19 pm

    My boyfriend and I dated for 8 months and he broke up with me a month ago. However, the first time we broke up, I begged him to stay and he agreed. But 5 days later, he broke up with me again. This time I could not beg him or what so ever because he blocked me from whatsapp, twitter, instagram, etc. I want to text him again but I just don’t know when is the right time, because my friends told me not to but I just want to text him to see if he is doing well. I don’t mind if we stay as friends, I’m not asking for a relationship but do you think I should wait longer before I text him? like maybe 2-4 months?

    • admin
      December 2, 2014 | 2:24 pm

      30 days is typical so one month.

  20. Kelly
    November 29, 2014 | 12:19 am

    In a very complicated situation:

    My boyfriend of 9 months recently decided that it’s best for us to stop dating because we are holding each other back from meeting new people. We are both in college and have lived with each other for about three years with two other roommates since our freshmen year of college. What makes this complicated is that he liked me back in 10th grade but I was not interested. We’ve been best friends ever since and getting into a relationship with him the past year made me feel like the happiest girl. Everything was going well and about two weeks ago we were just casually talking about the future and he tells me he doesn’t want to lose me, but later that day and the rest of the week he brings up the idea of finding the one and us not dating in college could maybe validate if we are meant for each other if we still have the same feelings after graduation. The weekend we broke up and went back to our hometown, he kept calling and texting me and I tried my best to not reply. Now during thanksgiving break he’s in another state visiting relatives and I can’t help but think about us. He tells me he loves me and cares for me and that this decision is the best for us and how everything will be okay.

    It just confuses me as to how someone can say they love and care for you but want to go out and meet other people. I honestly don’t care if he stays out late at night and hangs out with people as I trust his intentions and not to cross boundaries.

    We have to face each other as we make our way back to school to finish the semester and I just wish that this is some phase.

    • Kelly
      November 29, 2014 | 12:26 am

      I also dropped him off at the airport but a few hours before we left I ignored him and he was asking why and if anything was wrong. He said he didn’t want to feel bad going on this trip. After I dropped him off I called him to wish him a safe trip and the “I love you, babe” slipped out and he replied “love you too, everything is going to be okay”.

      I don’t know if he’s just saying this because there’s nothing else to say or if he truly does still love me back. I’ve asked him if he still does the week before and he said yes and everytime he still kisses me on my head and is still touchy feely as if we didn’t break up

    • admin
      December 1, 2014 | 3:27 pm

      You are better than most women. Most women wouldn’t trust their man out alone.

      Have you done NC? Or are you planning on doing NC?

  21. felicia
    November 28, 2014 | 11:40 pm

    how often should you be texting your ex? Once every week or so? Or is that something i should be gauging on my own?

    • admin
      December 1, 2014 | 3:24 pm

      You want to start off slow and slowly pick up the pace until eventually you are speakign every day.

      Now, everyone is diferent so in my opinion you have to gauge this yourself a bit.

  22. april
    November 26, 2014 | 3:58 am

    I actually broke up with my boyfriend six months ago, not him breaking up with me. Our relationship had been on and off for almost two years anyway. I sent him a goodbye email on my decision to move on. He didn’t contact me for two months and then he text me. I was ignoring him, or being short and cold. He text me again and said he miss me a month later. I was short again and asked what he want. He asked me can we be friends. I kept silence. Another 2 months passed by, just went I thought I finally getting over him some what (I still miss him, he was still the first one I think about in the morning, and before I go to bed). He text me said he is thinking about me and asked me how’s life. I was actually quite angry at him at that moment because he didn’t ‘address the issues’ so to speak. He doesn’t and cannot give more, he didn’t give any feedback on my goodbye email, I just have had enough for asking myself ‘what does he really want from me?’. That if he cares pick up the damn phone. So I was very short, and that’s it. It’s been a month and he hasn’t text me.

    I miss him, although I know there’s not going to be a future for us. I do want to keep him as friends, but I think it is too late, isn’t it?

  23. Cait
    November 25, 2014 | 3:29 am

    Hi there. Interesting case for you,
    I just was dumped by my boyfriend of almost 2 years a couple days ago. The reason for breaking up was because i am “irrational”. He and I had plans to be together that night and when he said he made other plans for the later part of the evening with his friends, I began to nag. I brought out the dirty laundry of similar occurances in the past and thats when he said he’d had enough.
    We were often arguing. I was in need of attention and he was in need of space to do as he pleased. It was not a healthy relationship and perhaps we are better off moving on, but it bothers me that this was the singular, yet reoccurring issue we had. We never wronged each other in any major ways. We just always argued about time together and eventually started to argue about how much we argued.

    We broke up and got back together many times over the past year. I somehow would convince him that if we wanted to make it work we could do that by being more considerate of each others needs. But unfortunately nothing changed, at least not longer than a week. The last time we got back together he said if we broke up again it would be the last time. And at some point I mentioned that I didn’t want to be in the relationship “because” I convinced him to be back with me. I wanted him out of his free will. I told him if he is serious about breaking up with me ever it would be best to completely shut me out, block me, etc., because I will always try to get him back.

    Well this time I got what I asked for because he would not talk to me after the break up like he typically has done. For a solid 12 hours I tried texting and calling and didn’t get a response until this evening. He responded to a text I sent prior to finding your site that said I’d be calling him at 7pm tonight to make peace with him whether its for our future or for closure. He responded by saying that I could talk tomorrow night because he had a long day at work and felt crappy.

    Now that you have a synopsis of the situation.. Even though I am afraid to call him from fear of being rejected and hurt more than I already am, Is there anything I can say tomorrow that will help me not only make him see that I do want to build a healthy relationship and I honestly don’t know why I haven’t been able to change? Because its not for lack of loving him. I do think he is worth the effort for me to better myself,but at the same time I want him to be in mutual agreement. I’d like for him to want to better himself as a friend to me and not just as a friend to his guys. It is a relationship and I feel that there does need to be a bit of a higher level of commitment to a loved one in comparison to buddies. We are only 23 and I know there is plenty of time ahead of us to move on, but I don’t want to lose him. When we aren’t arguing, I feel thankful to have him.

    • admin
      November 25, 2014 | 3:07 pm

      Ok, what exactly is the dirty laundry that you brought up?

      • Cait
        November 26, 2014 | 4:14 pm

        It’s maybe moderately soiled laundry. But I brought up the last couple instances where he said we’d be seeing each other and then took it back. I was going on a b**ch rant and in the middle of it he professed he was done and wanted to break up.

        We did end up speaking last night. He opened the conversation by saying that his feelibg are still there and that he has missed me. I was able to explain my frustrations and I told him that I see now how I got carried away. I knew that it was human for me to be annoyed, but it was unnecessary for me to turn it into an argument. He said he just wanted me to call him a jerk and have that be the end of it, which I do understand. I even explained that I was able to see how I was being clingy and needy (when I feel him pulling away I react emotionally and I want to resolve our issues immediately). He also said that he didn’t want us to break up and that he doesn’t like threatening to break up when we fight, but its been going on for so long now. And he also said he doesn’t want to keep saying that the next time a breakup happens will be that last. All of which I understand and happen to agree with despite how much it hurts my heart and even my pride a little.

        So the conversation did seem hopeful until I asked where we stand, and he said that we are broken up. He said that he hasn’t had the chance to remove himself from the situation or really miss me yet (which sort of contradicted what he said at the start of the conversation). That last part kind of hurt to hear and demolished some of the hope I had.
        I’m not sure whether to feel hopeful while I embark on the “no contact” or to feel discouraged because there is the chance that he won’t miss me enough to want another chance :/

        • admin
          November 28, 2014 | 2:55 pm

          I would say feel hopeful because it raises the chances of him missing you exponentially.

  24. Samantha
    November 6, 2014 | 4:33 pm

    Chris, despite following every single step, I’m finally at a point where my ex-boyfriend is considering a reconcililation but has left things as “we’ll see” and hasn’t contacted me as much as before. It’s so strange, because there was build up, romance, and we even kissed and talked about how great it was to be around each other. When I finally asked him if he was looking to patch things up, he got nervous and said he had been thinking about it but was worried about another break up. How do I take it from here? I feel like I’m waiting around.

    • admin
      November 20, 2014 | 3:14 pm

      What have you done to cure his fears of another breakup?

  25. Monami
    November 3, 2014 | 7:28 pm

    My boyfriend of 6 months left suddenly after I accepted him into my home while he found a place of his own, He moved here from out of state (we were maintaining a long-distance relationship) once he found a job here. After less than a week of him living here, when I asked him for help around the house (completely non-nagging, and quite kindly asked him), he left and said simply that he thought I was here to “help him” since he left his previous “life” for me (which included a live-in ex girlfriend and two kids).
    He has now turned the entire situation back onto me. He admits no wrongdoing and said I should have helped him while he stayed with me (laundry, cooking, expenses, etc). I work full time and am a single mom. At 44 I’m thinking he should be capable of a partnership.
    Fast forward 3 weeks and I miss him terribly. I did reach out to him during the first 2 weeks and received less than ideal responses – cold, distant, angry. I decided to try the NC and in a mere 3 days, he has now started to message me. Do I continue the NC? I don’t know what he intent is and I don’t want to be hurt again since I’m still hurting from the original breakup. But, I’ve not ever felt this way about someone and at 44, this has been my most difficult breakup.

    Looking for guidance. Thank you.

    • admin
      November 20, 2014 | 2:48 pm

      Do you think the move was too much for him?

      Moving is a very stressful event.

  26. Chris
    November 3, 2014 | 6:47 pm

    My bf broke up with me a week ago Sunday after a long time where we were in ‘limbo’ (we had dated for 1.5 years and had been rocky since July this year). We tried to take breaks but they were never longer than a week. This time we broke up, no ‘break’ in our relationship. No limbo. I am struggling with NC but haven’t reached out to him since Sunday and since he ended it. I unfriended him on FB because that is what he wanted (and I tend to check if he is online anyway, so to keep NC it is easier for me not having him on FB. He is not very active on social media posting but rather only uses it to keep in touch with friends here and where he’s lived before.
    I’ve been keeping busy, even went on one date (but I don’t feel like dating so it felt strange). It is still very difficult.
    So even after we’ve had several hick-ups in our relationship and him breaking all ties with me for now, is there a chance that we can reconcile after the NC period? I like this guy, and I know he still likes me, but he doesn’t love me like he used to (the honeymoon phase ended). I am his longest relationship in 9 years and we used to talk about everything every day. I miss this, and I often wonder if he does too.

    • admin
      November 20, 2014 | 2:46 pm

      I think you definitely need to last long in NC.

      I know it is incredibly tough but you can do it.

  27. Ivy
    October 29, 2014 | 3:38 am

    After 33 days of no contact, I texted my bf via whatsapp. He answered me, and we had a short conversation but it was good, he told me he was studying,and asked a few things about me. 4 days after that first contact, I talked to him again and this time he was colder, he just answered what I asked, but didn’t ask about me, and he ended the conversation by saying he was going for dinner, and we would talk later. He didn´t talk to me again.
    I want some advice: how long should I wait to contact him again?

    • admin
      October 29, 2014 | 3:54 pm

      A day or two.

      • Ivy
        November 1, 2014 | 5:38 pm

        Thank you! Chris I contacted him again and we had a longer conversation, and he asked things about me like the first talk. It has been 3 days since that conversation and we didn’t talk.
        Should I contact him again? Or wait until he makes the first contact this time?

  28. marianne
    October 20, 2014 | 10:50 am

    Hello Chris,

    What about sexy texts? After the NC period, when we are talking again can I send sexy pictures? (we are long distance).

    Thanks a lot!

  29. Roxy
    October 17, 2014 | 2:49 am

    I was dating a guy & we broke up and during the time we weren’t together one of his good friends one night pushed himself on me after I gave him a ride home it was the worst thing I ever experienced needless to say it didn’t go far & I got out of there as fast as I could. I was really scared & didn’t say a word to anyone we started talking again & his friend told him we slept together. He asked me about it & I denied anything happened at all because I was worried he wouldn’t believe me about what really happened. We started dating again & in that time I saw pictures of naked girls on his phone he said it was old & i let it go & believed him then the topic of his friend & me got brought up again the other night & I finally tried to tell him what really happened & he wouldn’t listen he just said I was a liar & cheat we had all been drinking & I said I would go but he said no so I stayed & we slept together & as soon as we were done he left his room & my girlfriend was on the couch I found out they hooked up & he was really rude to me about it saying how were even now. I have ditched my so called good girlfriend & am contemplating on what to do about him. I know I hurt him by lying & not telling him what happened right off the get go but should I even waste my time trying to fix this relationship or is it ruined for good?!

    • Kelly Smith
      October 30, 2014 | 1:07 am

      Girl Iam telling you to leave him… That is not cool, you deserve better.

      • admin
        October 30, 2014 | 6:34 pm

        I really need a like button!

  30. Jenn
    September 30, 2014 | 2:36 am

    Hey there, looking for a bit of insight into how to proceed with my old flame.

    We met at a festival, and totally hit it off. We spent the entire weekend together, and exchanged contact info to meet up again once we were back in our hometowns (<20mins away from each other). We went on a lot of fun, planned dates, dinner, a ball game, hikes, etc, and spent a decent amount of low-key, movie watching, cuddling and talking time. Over the month following the festival, things couldn't have been going any better. He met my parents, I met his friends (I'm the first girl to do so in a long, long time), and we totally clicked.

    About five weeks in he started to get a little distant. This was only apparent when we were not together, as things were 100% normal when we did see each other over that last week we were "dating". During that week I didn't hear from him for two days (we had talked every day at some point, so this was out of character). When I finally asked what was going on, he stated he had way too many things going on in his life at the moment, and that he wasn't able to give 100% to a relationship, which is what I deserve. He badly injured his shoulder, and is expected to have surgery in the coming weeks. This injury may have affected his chances of being employed as a firefighter, which is his dream. He had to withdraw an application that had been accepted at a fireball due to the injury. He is working long hours, often 10-12 hr days, 6-7 days a week managing a store. He had a legal matter to deal with (which has since been resolved). He explained to me that although he really liked me, he "needed to get his shit together". Our conversation ended with me expressing that once he figures out his stuff, if he wants to try things out again, to let me know, and his response was that i would "be the first to know" when that happens. He said I hadnt done anything wrong, and that he really likes me, really enjoys spending time with me, that he loved our dates, and that his family would have loved me. He said it wasn't a case of him losing any feelings for me, or that he just wasn't into it, it was just bad timing. Overall, the conversation seemed incredibly genuine, and he hasn't given me any reason not to trust what he is telling me. Two weeks later his best friend had told someone else the exact same reasonings my guy said to me, when they asked what hadhappened to my guy and myself, so I am thinking that this is a good sign??

    My question is, what the heck do I do? I am totally fine with giving him the space he needs to deal with his current situations, but I don't want to wait around/I do want to wait for him. How do I know he was being genuine? I am struggling following this NC idea — does this still apply to my situation?? Please help!!

    • Jenn
      October 16, 2014 | 5:33 am

      He started to like a few of my quotey posts on Facebook, about two weeks post split. He then messaged me one night after liking a post, to tell me he enjoyed what I had put up. I responded with a simple, “i liked it too :). About a week later, he liked another post, this time it was a relationshippy one. I sent him a text saying I found it interesting that he had liked it, and asked how he was. Naturally he played dumb, asking why I thought it was interesting, when he very well knew why!!! I told him to never mind, that I hoped he was doing well, and that I was going to hide under a rock! He replied with “Don’t do that. I do miss you that was never an issue and it sucks i’m just a moron”….. I asked why he thought he was a moron, he basically said because he doesn’t know how to deal with his crap.” Since then we haven’t talked… do I need to reinstate a NC type of thing? Do you think he will come around?

      • Chris
        November 3, 2014 | 9:59 pm

        Personally I’d say leave “relationship” talk out of it for now and just talk about whatever. I know I pushed my ex too hard by pushing him and putting pressure on him when he felt uncertain. It caused us to drift further and further apart until he broke it off completely.
        I think him liking your FB stuff again is a sign that he’s paying attention to it. Don’t overthink what exactly he is liking and don’t monitor him liking it (i.e. don’t point out you noticed he liked it).
        He might come around if you give him his space.

  31. Kayla
    September 29, 2014 | 4:41 pm

    I was needy and clingy and I begged and pleaded with him to show me affection the entire time we were together. He warned me to back off, which scared me and caused me to be that much more needy.I know I should have gave him space, but now I don’t know what to do. He’s not the jealous type and I’m afraid if I don’t do something soon, he will move on and find someone else. Is there any way I can reverse the damage I have done, or should I just give up?

    • admin
      September 30, 2014 | 2:53 pm

      Your problem from the get go is that you were too clingy and needy…. Don’t repeat that mistake.

  32. Sarah
    September 18, 2014 | 6:23 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My ex texted me after NC is up asking me to return his books that he don’t rly use. Then few days later he texted me twice but we didn’t really conversate I just play it cool back since he was also been cold to me. A few days later after i texted him and something else happened – he was warm, friendly, flirty if I’m not misreading – a change from his cold responses. We texted for 3-4hours. Now its been 3 days since that warm chat. Why do you think this is? Is he still not sure abt us, doesnt wanna seem desperate or plainly friendzoning me? What should I do.. I’m lost :( Thanks!

    • Sarah
      September 18, 2014 | 6:26 pm

      been 3 days I’ve not heard from him but he’s online on fb/social media since that good convo we had*

    • admin
      September 29, 2014 | 12:42 pm

      Has there been any more warm chats since then?

  33. Julie
    September 17, 2014 | 3:13 pm

    My ex broke up with me a week ago and just texted me hey, how are you doing today. Should I respond? We have been in n/c since the break up

  34. Sasha
    September 11, 2014 | 1:46 pm

    My ex and I have been broken up for a year. I’m 30 and he’s 26. I got pregnant during our shaky times and had moved to another city. I was accused of cheating because I was talking to my other exes as well as a guy friend. He later told me he had looked through my phone and saw where I was talking to other guys inappropriately. He also told me he cheated on me with 3 other women because he thought I had. Which I actually hadn’t. Well physically at least. Fast forward some, he ignored me a lot, we couldn’t stopped arguing, he wasn’t helping with the preparation of our child and I would say things in spite to try and force him to care. Finally we reached the breaking point and we never wanted to speak to each other again. Fast forward 3 months, I called him. I lost the baby due to stress and other factors. He actually answered and we caught up and the bad blood seemed to had disappeared. I had also loaned him money to fix a tire because he didn’t have it. Things were fine. We both agreed that we didn’t want relationships with each other, he had moved on to just hanging out with other women and so did I. Until I actually came to visit. We slept together and at the time he had other friends he slept with as did I, jealousy reared his ugly head for both of us. I became controlling because I didn’t want him to like anyone else or anyone else dating him and he was upset at the fact at I didn’t consider him #1. Push come to shove he ignored me on purpose, said he did as a matter fact, he already was bad at communication. That I shouldn’t have the sort of expectations of him like I did. A couple of days after I left he said that I had no clue what he had been through in the last 48 hours after I lashed out at him. When I asked what happened he said that it wasn’t of my concern because it was obvious I didn’t care about him. He didn’t want my help because he was a man and could do it by himself. I said all I could including threatening until he said he never wanted to speak to me again or deal with me because I was psycho, obsessed and to leave him alone. He even said he would get a restraining order. His last words included “Stalker…smh, obsessed with nothing cause I ain’t shit. You’re no good for me, I don’t care if I never get into a relationship anyone else for the rest of my life. I texted and called repeatedly and still no response. Waited out 30 days and finally texted him something simple, he replied with who is this, I said it was me and no response. I still love him and everyone who I have tried to date and he still rings in my ear. When we lived together we seldom fought as well as anytime we’re around each other. My friends and family think I’m crazy for wanting someone who most would say is below my standards. But I don’t know what to do from here. What happens now?

    • admin
      September 15, 2014 | 3:34 pm

      Ok, seems like trust is an issue here from both sides.

      • Sasha
        September 16, 2014 | 12:10 pm

        So we basically should work on our trust issues separately and not come back to each other for some time or do I wait a week before sending him another first text message?

        • Sasha
          September 16, 2014 | 12:11 pm

          Or will this never work out no matter how much effort I put into it?

  35. prettywengzz
    September 6, 2014 | 11:55 pm

    I have a bf we are almost 5 years already.We are not good terms with my bf for a month now.for a small reason.And he is not talking to me for almost 2 weeks.And then he contact me and all about his birthday and he he told me he wants to regain his freedom.Damn I am so hurt that moment.Until time that his going on a training and he contact me so rare.Then there i saw a pic with friends and a girl so i try to open his fb and i read it there that girl is something likes a friend or something fishy.So i cried and then i message him about it who is that girl and i ask him if he don’t want me to be part of his life anymore.Then he don’t even reply me instead he just read my messages.Until when he come back after training he talk to his workmate who is good friend of mine.He was so problematic about what happen to us and he to he want to fix everything as he can.Until he called me up and we talk all about his birthday(Actually i am the one organize the celebration in everything about his birthday)and then he ask me can we be casual for now”friends’.So i didn’t react I just go with the flow.Well he still keep calling me asking how am I.Yet he told me we gonna talk everything when we meet on his birthday.But now his rarely send me message me on fb.But still our status in fb is in complicated with my name and still all our memories still there he didn’t even delete it :)
    You think we can still make things work out…Thanks for your advice…

    • admin
      September 15, 2014 | 3:05 pm

      I think so!

      Have you done NC yet?

  36. Lisa T
    September 6, 2014 | 7:54 pm

    Hi there,

    I was wondering if you could give me some insight into my break up situation. My boyfriend broke up with me about a week ago. I have known him for 3 years. When I met him three years ago, we were basically hooking up and just about to head back to college (we go to diff colleges) and he started to play the disappearing act. We were never official at this point, but one day after visiting me at school, he texted me saying he tried to make a relationship with me but he couldn’t and he hoped we could still be friends. I was upset and I told him that we could not be friends because I still liked him as more than a friend. After that happened, I stopped contacting him altogether, and even started dating someone new. Then, two months later Tony texted me on Valentine’s Day to wish me a happy Valentine’s Day. I was shocked but I was with someone else so I just acted casually. A few months down the road, I broke up with my boyfriend at the time and Tony and I started hanging out/hooking up again. He was always flaky though, cancelling plans last minute or not texting at all to cancel. During this time, I met a new guy named Ryan at school. We totally hit it off and I could see myself dating him. Of course, when this happens Tony contacts me out of the blue saying how he was so stupid in the past, he was scared of a relationship, and how he is serious about me, really likes me, and wants a relationship. I was obviously hesitant to believe him since he had bailed on us before. But he ended up convincing me to choose him over Ryan. This was February of this year. We spent spring break together, and all of summer. We had so much fun together and rarely argued. I met his family and his friends, and things were great between us. Then we left for school in August, and I visited him at his school a week ago for 5 days. We barely left his apartment, which he had to himself, and I was so tired and bored of watching tv inside all day I thought I was losing my mind. The only time we left the house was because I basically forced him to come to the bars with me one night because I couldn’t stand being inside watching movies anymore. The night went well, but the next day Tony was very distant, not really talking at all, and he even refused to sit on the couch next to me or run to the grocery store with me. I was hurt and confused when he wouldn’t even kiss me or anything, so you could say I was ready to leave as much as he wanted me to leave. Shortly after I got home, Tony texted me saying “sooo after this weekend I think we both have nothing in common” and insisted he didn’t see us dating anymore because we are too different blah blah. We exchanged maybe 12 texts altogether and I stopped responding and cut off all contact with him after saying “what’s over is over I think its best as well.” Personally, I feel like we just weren’t used to spending that much time with one another. Do you think my situation can even be repaired, or do you think he is already checked out?

    Thank you so much!

    • admin
      September 15, 2014 | 3:02 pm

      He seems checked out right now but you can steer the ship in the right direction still.

  37. Kri
    September 3, 2014 | 5:11 pm

    after the first initial text to me ex there wasn’t much of a conversation. i am still planning on sending a second text to establish more of a conversation with him and see what happens/where it all goes. but now a new guy started texting me but i’ve been getting red flags from him and i am just not ready for anything right now. he’s already mentioned ‘future family’ and sending me heart icons and wink faces, i get that they’re all playful and harmless but i am still just not ready for this. this seems weird to ask but i wanted to see if you had advice on what to do. how do i stop talking to him/stop anything from happening to early?

    • admin
      September 4, 2014 | 12:01 pm

      Wait, he is going too fast for you????

      • Kri
        September 4, 2014 | 4:47 pm

        yes new guy is going too fast for me

        • admin
          September 5, 2014 | 12:16 pm

          Ya way too fast…

          It’s ok to want to slow down and if he isn’t willing to then good riddance.

  38. addy
    September 2, 2014 | 9:20 pm

    i broke up with my boyfriend about a week ago. it started when her accused me of still being into another guy even though i proved to him that we were just friends. i thought we were okay until her randomly texted me saying that i didnt do enough for him and that he was tempted by other girls. it was really stupid and he was being a huge douche so i broke up with him.. no more than 5 minutes later he poured his heart out in paragraphs saying that he was crying and stuff like that, so i gave in and gave him a second chance….THE NEXT DAY he hooked up with another girl and i found out because our mutual friend sent me a video of it. i completely lashed out at him and said some pretty harsh things.. i was upset! anyway, the other day he was face-timing me and my friend and i kinda fell for him again:/ although i didnt say anything. well, by 5:30 in the morning i told him i still loved him and i wanted to see him. so the next day we met up with a bunch of friends and everyone was talking about us hooking up and such and i wanted to as well and he said he did too. it didnt end up happening and i was really upset. we talk often and he always asks me how it is possible that i still love him.. and he makes up excuses that i hate him and stuff but deep down i feel like hes just saying that because he doesnt like me and he wants me to admit it first or something. i really want to get back together but all my friends tell me it would be a mistake… did i mention we have been on and off for 2 years… well ya… now i dont know what to do:( i feel so trapped.

    • admin
      September 3, 2014 | 2:45 pm

      Ar eyou sure you want this guy back… He seems like a user.

  39. Nicki
    September 2, 2014 | 3:26 pm

    I should add, I told him I wanted to go our separate ways (citing it was too hard and the non-committal/sex situation was upsetting me) before I did the recent NC – so he thought I didn’t want to hear from him and wanted to move on:

    3. Do I address this or ignore it? I obvs don’t want to say ‘i want to be FRIENDS’! ?

  40. Bobbi
    September 2, 2014 | 1:19 pm

    I really would appreciate some help. I have known my bf for three months. We got past the “L” word and were serious. However, we are 5 years apart. At first, this never mattered to us, it was really true love. We were such a cute match and everybody said so. I will not lie that our relationship was a curious one. He lived in another city, about 20 min. away. We are both very busy so we hardly saw each other ever at all during that three months. In fact, we the last time we saw each other was in June. It was over the phone that he asked me if I loved him and so forth. We never had any reason to doubt each other, we constantly assured one another we missed each other. We texted nearly every day (sometimes there was a quiet spell, things would get really busy) and chatted on phone. Last night, I was on the phone with him. He has an accent, and i misunderstood what he was saying and was laughing. He hung up om me and then I texted him asking what happened to the phone connection. Basically, it all came out that i was so young for him, and couldn’t understand the gravity of such a relationship and then he said i was never going to hear his voice again and i said fine, he could whatever he wanted. This was all via text. Maybe he had a really stressful day. I want to know if this is considered a breakup or just a little fight that will cure up within a few days. Should I do the one month silence spell? Please, I need an answer. I still feel for him and want him, regardless of what I said last night. I don’t want to lose him, and I know we are made for each other and things can work out out. I don’t believe age has any prevalence in love.

    • admin
      September 3, 2014 | 2:24 pm

      I think the issue is the fact that you didn’t see each other that much.

      • Bobbi
        September 4, 2014 | 3:55 pm

        yes, i know. it’s so hard to see each other though. how can we patch this up and get back together? He is French, so if you’ve ever met a french person, you will know what i mean

        • admin
          September 5, 2014 | 12:04 pm

          Hahaha in other words he is completely stubborn?

          • Bobbi
            September 5, 2014 | 2:08 pm

            Not completely. But you guessed it. It’s just a characteristic for all french guys to have a slight ego! So, yes, they can appear stubborn, especially when you ask them to change a habit or something they like doing. They hate change.

            • Bobbi
              September 5, 2014 | 2:16 pm

              It’s all patched up! I followed my gut instinct which was to write an email, explaining how I felt and my views on everything.( without begging him to come back, of course!) In fact, I left that out entirely. I didn’t mention me wanting him,or missing him. Just how I felt, what caused this, and that if he wanted to end this for good, I would respect his decision. And it worked. We’re back together and promised each other to not let this happen again.
              Something I notice is that French guys like frankness, they don’t like cat/mouse games. They’re very open.
              Thanks, Chris. You have an amazing site, I love it and will refer any of my friends who are having problems w/t their relationships to you! I really learned a lot just from reading your articles :)

              • admin
                September 15, 2014 | 2:23 pm

                Wow, congratulations! So happy to hear that.

  41. Jenni
    August 29, 2014 | 11:21 pm

    i just broke up with my bf yesterday.We were kind of okay,but the past few weeks he had been too busy all the time with his friends,to the point were even his bestfriend left him for 20 days because of how he was kind of treating me.yesterday when he told me,he just blew up in paragraphs telling me how stressed and depressed he is because he is aware that he had been treating me horribly and he know how hurt ive been trying to get his attention and feeling empty the more he spent more time with his friends,yet he was scared of letting me go and said he didnt want me to go forever and said to stay as his best friend.he told me he will always love me and never regret what we have done together but i dont want this to be the end.he sent me a few txts today about how he was doing,of how he was at work and then going to the beach.ill give the 30 day worth a shot. i was still hurt when he said he couldnt picture a future for us together ,he’s been my best friend since we were kids..only now that we have dated and this happened that i realized how much i truly love him. i just want him to fall for me again…,we had been together for almost a year,this was our 9th month,his birthday is next month,it bummed me out when he broke up with me because i was going to get his presents early aswell. i want him to love me again..

    • admin
      September 2, 2014 | 12:17 pm

      Hold the horses. His best friend left him for a spell because of how he was treating you?

  42. Anne
    August 29, 2014 | 8:38 pm

    My boyfriend of 6 months just broke up with me, i still love him and want to be with him. I asked him to stay but he said he doesnt have the same feelings for me anymore. We have had fights over the past two months and we barely fix them because he shuts down. I have been the “needy” and “nagging” gf to put it in a nutshell. He has his mistakes and i admit I have my own faults too.

    I dont know what to do. Please help.

    • admin
      September 2, 2014 | 12:16 pm

      Well, then it’s time to erase that needy/nagging image.

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