Using Text Messages To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back


Using text messages to get your ex boyfriend back can be one of the most effective “recovery” tactics that one can employ. In fact, if done correctly, a text message can bring up reminiscent feelings that can set you on the right path to getting your ex back. However, there seems to be a huge misunderstanding among the women out there on how to actually use text messaging effectively. I am not going to lie to you, sending a text message is a huge risk, if done incorrectly you will decimate any chance you have of that happy reunion you keep daydreaming about. In order for this to work the landscape has to be set up in a certain way. Allow me to explain.

Why Most Women FAIL When Texting

(For more in-depth information on why women fail at texting check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO)

Since you are all beautiful women ;) I am sure you have had your fair share of suitors. Now, out of those suitors, throughout your years in the dating realm there has had to be one guy that didn’t pick up the hints. He texted you, you ignored, he texted you again, you ignored again and so on and so forth. It usually looks a little something like this:

no hint text

Essentially, this person turned into a text terrorist. The text receiver was clearly ignoring the sender but they refused to accept that fact so they kept texting until they they could get a response. Most women fail at texting their exes for the simple fact that they commit this texting sin and quite honestly it’s not even their fault. Right after a break up everyone involved is out of whack emotionally and are prone to do some really stupid things. I have heard plenty of stories where women, in the heat of the moment, texted their exes multiple times, even after getting no response.

In essence, texting an ex boyfriend after a breakup is usually not a good idea. The better idea is to wait until the opportune moment where can maximize the power of the text message. First though, before we can do that, we are going to have to figure out how to create that opportune moment.

Creating An Opportune Moment

opportune moment

This is going to sound really weird but for the next month I don’t want you to talk to your ex boyfriend.


Yup, I know it sounds ridiculous but trust me, doing this will stack the odds in your favor in a very unique way. Did you know that after a breakup 95% of men still think about their girlfriends too much? Since I am a guy I can definitely say that this is a very true statement. The experts call this “freeze out” the no contact rule. Essentially for 30 days you are not going to talk, text, email or write to your ex. Oh, and in case you are wondering it is not going to be easy. Since you are on my site I am assuming that you are interested in somehow trying to get your boyfriend back. No matter how hard it is or how much you want to talk to him DO NOT DO IT, even if he responds you have to ignore it.

More About The No Contact Rule


Here is how the psychology behind the no contact rule is supposed to work. As a guy, I will admit we have a warped way of looking at things. For example, after a breakup a guy will think something like…

“Just wait, she will text me begging to come back.”

Now, that is wrong on so many levels but you are going to use this type of thinking to your advantage. By completely taking 30 days to yourself without texting him or talking to him at all you are slowly taking control of the situation. Instead of thinking

“Just wait, she will text me begging to come back.”

He is going to be thinking..

“Why hasn’t she texted me yet? Has she moved on already?”

Do you see the power of the no contact rule now? It is basically the ultimate way to get him checking his phone every five minutes to see if today is the day that YOU will text HIM. That is how you create your opportune time to text him!

Texting Strategies

(For the complete texting strategies please check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO)


If you have advanced far enough to have created that “opportune moment” there is still a lot that has to be covered when it comes to texting. There is a subtle art to texting. You can’t go zero to sixty in a second when it comes to this. In fact, you have to slowly lead up to the moment where he or you will hopefully go out on a date again. Allow me to explain this strategy a little more in depth.

The First Text

Have you ever heard that first impressions are everything? Well, that statement certainly rings true in this case. After basically blowing off your ex for a month straight your first text to them better have some substance to it. I always like to say that you should make your first contact text so interesting that they have no choice but to respond.



Remembering The Good Ole Days

One of the most interesting things about text messaging is the fact that every holds their texts as sacred. Very rarely will anyone ever willingly show someone their text messages. It is like their phone is their own personal sanctuary holding all their secrets and feelings about things. You are going to use this fact to your advantage.

IMPORTANT - You cannot move on to this text message until you successfully complete the first text message above.

The key with this type of text is to get your ex to remember the good parts of your relationship. The way you accomplish this is by going into great detail on one of the most positive experience that you had together as a couple. If you do this correctly you will bring up his most positive feelings about the relationship and get him thinking about you in a different more positive light. Now, while it is important that you get him to think positively about you it is also extremely important that you remain as positive as well. That means you can’t get angry if things don’t go according to plan. Handle every single text and interaction you have with your ex with as much grace as possible.

So, now that you have an idea of how to approach this type of a text lets look at a good example:


Is There A Place For A Jealousy Text?

This section is a little controversial, I am not going to lie. Some people have called this tactic manipulation but my job isn’t to give my personal opinion on this matter it’s just to give you the tactics that others have had success with. Jealousy can be a powerful motivator for a man. I remember once that one of my married friends told me something very interesting about the male psyche. He said that a man is a pretty simple creature. If he gets too used to a woman his eyes will tend to stray. However, if the woman he is dating/married to starts going to a bar and flirting with other guys he will come back down to earth and do everything that you want a good boyfriend or married man to do.

IMPORTANT - You cannot move on to this text message until you successfully complete the first text message above.

So, how does a jealous text work. Well the idea behind it is pretty simple, send a text message to your ex that could potentially get him jealous and bring up some of the lovey dovey feelings that he felt during your relationship. As a guy I can tell you that nothing makes you want a girl more than when you see her talking with another guy that is even moderately attractive. Here is how a jealousy text message would go:

jealousy (did I see you at)


If you haven’t already realized this, getting your ex back can be a very complicated process. In fact, I wouldn’t be shocked if this entire page confused you. Don’t worry, I got your back and I want to help you understand the best way you can get him back. There is a lot more to this process and quite frankly this page doesn’t do a great job of describing exactly what you do step by step. So, if you are intrigued by this method but very confused I urge you to visit get my 100 page guide, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. It may take you a while to read through the entire thing but it will break every step of the ex recovery process down for you, in-depth. It will also go into extreme detail about how you can use text messages to get your ex boyfriend back.

Learn How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
Put your email address in the box to the right to follow along day by day as I show two women (Sarah and Kai) exactly what they need to do to get their ex boyfriends back.
1,301 Responses to Using Text Messages To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
  1. Cait
    November 25, 2014 | 3:29 am

    Hi there. Interesting case for you,
    I just was dumped by my boyfriend of almost 2 years a couple days ago. The reason for breaking up was because i am “irrational”. He and I had plans to be together that night and when he said he made other plans for the later part of the evening with his friends, I began to nag. I brought out the dirty laundry of similar occurances in the past and thats when he said he’d had enough.
    We were often arguing. I was in need of attention and he was in need of space to do as he pleased. It was not a healthy relationship and perhaps we are better off moving on, but it bothers me that this was the singular, yet reoccurring issue we had. We never wronged each other in any major ways. We just always argued about time together and eventually started to argue about how much we argued.

    We broke up and got back together many times over the past year. I somehow would convince him that if we wanted to make it work we could do that by being more considerate of each others needs. But unfortunately nothing changed, at least not longer than a week. The last time we got back together he said if we broke up again it would be the last time. And at some point I mentioned that I didn’t want to be in the relationship “because” I convinced him to be back with me. I wanted him out of his free will. I told him if he is serious about breaking up with me ever it would be best to completely shut me out, block me, etc., because I will always try to get him back.

    Well this time I got what I asked for because he would not talk to me after the break up like he typically has done. For a solid 12 hours I tried texting and calling and didn’t get a response until this evening. He responded to a text I sent prior to finding your site that said I’d be calling him at 7pm tonight to make peace with him whether its for our future or for closure. He responded by saying that I could talk tomorrow night because he had a long day at work and felt crappy.

    Now that you have a synopsis of the situation.. Even though I am afraid to call him from fear of being rejected and hurt more than I already am, Is there anything I can say tomorrow that will help me not only make him see that I do want to build a healthy relationship and I honestly don’t know why I haven’t been able to change? Because its not for lack of loving him. I do think he is worth the effort for me to better myself,but at the same time I want him to be in mutual agreement. I’d like for him to want to better himself as a friend to me and not just as a friend to his guys. It is a relationship and I feel that there does need to be a bit of a higher level of commitment to a loved one in comparison to buddies. We are only 23 and I know there is plenty of time ahead of us to move on, but I don’t want to lose him. When we aren’t arguing, I feel thankful to have him.

    • admin
      November 25, 2014 | 3:07 pm

      Ok, what exactly is the dirty laundry that you brought up?

  2. Samantha
    November 6, 2014 | 4:33 pm

    Chris, despite following every single step, I’m finally at a point where my ex-boyfriend is considering a reconcililation but has left things as “we’ll see” and hasn’t contacted me as much as before. It’s so strange, because there was build up, romance, and we even kissed and talked about how great it was to be around each other. When I finally asked him if he was looking to patch things up, he got nervous and said he had been thinking about it but was worried about another break up. How do I take it from here? I feel like I’m waiting around.

    • admin
      November 20, 2014 | 3:14 pm

      What have you done to cure his fears of another breakup?

  3. Monami
    November 3, 2014 | 7:28 pm

    My boyfriend of 6 months left suddenly after I accepted him into my home while he found a place of his own, He moved here from out of state (we were maintaining a long-distance relationship) once he found a job here. After less than a week of him living here, when I asked him for help around the house (completely non-nagging, and quite kindly asked him), he left and said simply that he thought I was here to “help him” since he left his previous “life” for me (which included a live-in ex girlfriend and two kids).
    He has now turned the entire situation back onto me. He admits no wrongdoing and said I should have helped him while he stayed with me (laundry, cooking, expenses, etc). I work full time and am a single mom. At 44 I’m thinking he should be capable of a partnership.
    Fast forward 3 weeks and I miss him terribly. I did reach out to him during the first 2 weeks and received less than ideal responses – cold, distant, angry. I decided to try the NC and in a mere 3 days, he has now started to message me. Do I continue the NC? I don’t know what he intent is and I don’t want to be hurt again since I’m still hurting from the original breakup. But, I’ve not ever felt this way about someone and at 44, this has been my most difficult breakup.

    Looking for guidance. Thank you.

    • admin
      November 20, 2014 | 2:48 pm

      Do you think the move was too much for him?

      Moving is a very stressful event.

  4. Chris
    November 3, 2014 | 6:47 pm

    My bf broke up with me a week ago Sunday after a long time where we were in ‘limbo’ (we had dated for 1.5 years and had been rocky since July this year). We tried to take breaks but they were never longer than a week. This time we broke up, no ‘break’ in our relationship. No limbo. I am struggling with NC but haven’t reached out to him since Sunday and since he ended it. I unfriended him on FB because that is what he wanted (and I tend to check if he is online anyway, so to keep NC it is easier for me not having him on FB. He is not very active on social media posting but rather only uses it to keep in touch with friends here and where he’s lived before.
    I’ve been keeping busy, even went on one date (but I don’t feel like dating so it felt strange). It is still very difficult.
    So even after we’ve had several hick-ups in our relationship and him breaking all ties with me for now, is there a chance that we can reconcile after the NC period? I like this guy, and I know he still likes me, but he doesn’t love me like he used to (the honeymoon phase ended). I am his longest relationship in 9 years and we used to talk about everything every day. I miss this, and I often wonder if he does too.

    • admin
      November 20, 2014 | 2:46 pm

      I think you definitely need to last long in NC.

      I know it is incredibly tough but you can do it.

  5. Ivy
    October 29, 2014 | 3:38 am

    After 33 days of no contact, I texted my bf via whatsapp. He answered me, and we had a short conversation but it was good, he told me he was studying,and asked a few things about me. 4 days after that first contact, I talked to him again and this time he was colder, he just answered what I asked, but didn’t ask about me, and he ended the conversation by saying he was going for dinner, and we would talk later. He didn´t talk to me again.
    I want some advice: how long should I wait to contact him again?

    • admin
      October 29, 2014 | 3:54 pm

      A day or two.

      • Ivy
        November 1, 2014 | 5:38 pm

        Thank you! Chris I contacted him again and we had a longer conversation, and he asked things about me like the first talk. It has been 3 days since that conversation and we didn’t talk.
        Should I contact him again? Or wait until he makes the first contact this time?

  6. marianne
    October 20, 2014 | 10:50 am

    Hello Chris,

    What about sexy texts? After the NC period, when we are talking again can I send sexy pictures? (we are long distance).

    Thanks a lot!

  7. Roxy
    October 17, 2014 | 2:49 am

    I was dating a guy & we broke up and during the time we weren’t together one of his good friends one night pushed himself on me after I gave him a ride home it was the worst thing I ever experienced needless to say it didn’t go far & I got out of there as fast as I could. I was really scared & didn’t say a word to anyone we started talking again & his friend told him we slept together. He asked me about it & I denied anything happened at all because I was worried he wouldn’t believe me about what really happened. We started dating again & in that time I saw pictures of naked girls on his phone he said it was old & i let it go & believed him then the topic of his friend & me got brought up again the other night & I finally tried to tell him what really happened & he wouldn’t listen he just said I was a liar & cheat we had all been drinking & I said I would go but he said no so I stayed & we slept together & as soon as we were done he left his room & my girlfriend was on the couch I found out they hooked up & he was really rude to me about it saying how were even now. I have ditched my so called good girlfriend & am contemplating on what to do about him. I know I hurt him by lying & not telling him what happened right off the get go but should I even waste my time trying to fix this relationship or is it ruined for good?!

    • Kelly Smith
      October 30, 2014 | 1:07 am

      Girl Iam telling you to leave him… That is not cool, you deserve better.

      • admin
        October 30, 2014 | 6:34 pm

        I really need a like button!

  8. Jenn
    September 30, 2014 | 2:36 am

    Hey there, looking for a bit of insight into how to proceed with my old flame.

    We met at a festival, and totally hit it off. We spent the entire weekend together, and exchanged contact info to meet up again once we were back in our hometowns (<20mins away from each other). We went on a lot of fun, planned dates, dinner, a ball game, hikes, etc, and spent a decent amount of low-key, movie watching, cuddling and talking time. Over the month following the festival, things couldn't have been going any better. He met my parents, I met his friends (I'm the first girl to do so in a long, long time), and we totally clicked.

    About five weeks in he started to get a little distant. This was only apparent when we were not together, as things were 100% normal when we did see each other over that last week we were "dating". During that week I didn't hear from him for two days (we had talked every day at some point, so this was out of character). When I finally asked what was going on, he stated he had way too many things going on in his life at the moment, and that he wasn't able to give 100% to a relationship, which is what I deserve. He badly injured his shoulder, and is expected to have surgery in the coming weeks. This injury may have affected his chances of being employed as a firefighter, which is his dream. He had to withdraw an application that had been accepted at a fireball due to the injury. He is working long hours, often 10-12 hr days, 6-7 days a week managing a store. He had a legal matter to deal with (which has since been resolved). He explained to me that although he really liked me, he "needed to get his shit together". Our conversation ended with me expressing that once he figures out his stuff, if he wants to try things out again, to let me know, and his response was that i would "be the first to know" when that happens. He said I hadnt done anything wrong, and that he really likes me, really enjoys spending time with me, that he loved our dates, and that his family would have loved me. He said it wasn't a case of him losing any feelings for me, or that he just wasn't into it, it was just bad timing. Overall, the conversation seemed incredibly genuine, and he hasn't given me any reason not to trust what he is telling me. Two weeks later his best friend had told someone else the exact same reasonings my guy said to me, when they asked what hadhappened to my guy and myself, so I am thinking that this is a good sign??

    My question is, what the heck do I do? I am totally fine with giving him the space he needs to deal with his current situations, but I don't want to wait around/I do want to wait for him. How do I know he was being genuine? I am struggling following this NC idea — does this still apply to my situation?? Please help!!

    • Jenn
      October 16, 2014 | 5:33 am

      He started to like a few of my quotey posts on Facebook, about two weeks post split. He then messaged me one night after liking a post, to tell me he enjoyed what I had put up. I responded with a simple, “i liked it too :). About a week later, he liked another post, this time it was a relationshippy one. I sent him a text saying I found it interesting that he had liked it, and asked how he was. Naturally he played dumb, asking why I thought it was interesting, when he very well knew why!!! I told him to never mind, that I hoped he was doing well, and that I was going to hide under a rock! He replied with “Don’t do that. I do miss you that was never an issue and it sucks i’m just a moron”….. I asked why he thought he was a moron, he basically said because he doesn’t know how to deal with his crap.” Since then we haven’t talked… do I need to reinstate a NC type of thing? Do you think he will come around?

      • Chris
        November 3, 2014 | 9:59 pm

        Personally I’d say leave “relationship” talk out of it for now and just talk about whatever. I know I pushed my ex too hard by pushing him and putting pressure on him when he felt uncertain. It caused us to drift further and further apart until he broke it off completely.
        I think him liking your FB stuff again is a sign that he’s paying attention to it. Don’t overthink what exactly he is liking and don’t monitor him liking it (i.e. don’t point out you noticed he liked it).
        He might come around if you give him his space.

  9. Kayla
    September 29, 2014 | 4:41 pm

    I was needy and clingy and I begged and pleaded with him to show me affection the entire time we were together. He warned me to back off, which scared me and caused me to be that much more needy.I know I should have gave him space, but now I don’t know what to do. He’s not the jealous type and I’m afraid if I don’t do something soon, he will move on and find someone else. Is there any way I can reverse the damage I have done, or should I just give up?

    • admin
      September 30, 2014 | 2:53 pm

      Your problem from the get go is that you were too clingy and needy…. Don’t repeat that mistake.

  10. Sarah
    September 18, 2014 | 6:23 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My ex texted me after NC is up asking me to return his books that he don’t rly use. Then few days later he texted me twice but we didn’t really conversate I just play it cool back since he was also been cold to me. A few days later after i texted him and something else happened – he was warm, friendly, flirty if I’m not misreading – a change from his cold responses. We texted for 3-4hours. Now its been 3 days since that warm chat. Why do you think this is? Is he still not sure abt us, doesnt wanna seem desperate or plainly friendzoning me? What should I do.. I’m lost :( Thanks!

    • Sarah
      September 18, 2014 | 6:26 pm

      been 3 days I’ve not heard from him but he’s online on fb/social media since that good convo we had*

    • admin
      September 29, 2014 | 12:42 pm

      Has there been any more warm chats since then?

  11. Julie
    September 17, 2014 | 3:13 pm

    My ex broke up with me a week ago and just texted me hey, how are you doing today. Should I respond? We have been in n/c since the break up

  12. Sasha
    September 11, 2014 | 1:46 pm

    My ex and I have been broken up for a year. I’m 30 and he’s 26. I got pregnant during our shaky times and had moved to another city. I was accused of cheating because I was talking to my other exes as well as a guy friend. He later told me he had looked through my phone and saw where I was talking to other guys inappropriately. He also told me he cheated on me with 3 other women because he thought I had. Which I actually hadn’t. Well physically at least. Fast forward some, he ignored me a lot, we couldn’t stopped arguing, he wasn’t helping with the preparation of our child and I would say things in spite to try and force him to care. Finally we reached the breaking point and we never wanted to speak to each other again. Fast forward 3 months, I called him. I lost the baby due to stress and other factors. He actually answered and we caught up and the bad blood seemed to had disappeared. I had also loaned him money to fix a tire because he didn’t have it. Things were fine. We both agreed that we didn’t want relationships with each other, he had moved on to just hanging out with other women and so did I. Until I actually came to visit. We slept together and at the time he had other friends he slept with as did I, jealousy reared his ugly head for both of us. I became controlling because I didn’t want him to like anyone else or anyone else dating him and he was upset at the fact at I didn’t consider him #1. Push come to shove he ignored me on purpose, said he did as a matter fact, he already was bad at communication. That I shouldn’t have the sort of expectations of him like I did. A couple of days after I left he said that I had no clue what he had been through in the last 48 hours after I lashed out at him. When I asked what happened he said that it wasn’t of my concern because it was obvious I didn’t care about him. He didn’t want my help because he was a man and could do it by himself. I said all I could including threatening until he said he never wanted to speak to me again or deal with me because I was psycho, obsessed and to leave him alone. He even said he would get a restraining order. His last words included “Stalker…smh, obsessed with nothing cause I ain’t shit. You’re no good for me, I don’t care if I never get into a relationship anyone else for the rest of my life. I texted and called repeatedly and still no response. Waited out 30 days and finally texted him something simple, he replied with who is this, I said it was me and no response. I still love him and everyone who I have tried to date and he still rings in my ear. When we lived together we seldom fought as well as anytime we’re around each other. My friends and family think I’m crazy for wanting someone who most would say is below my standards. But I don’t know what to do from here. What happens now?

    • admin
      September 15, 2014 | 3:34 pm

      Ok, seems like trust is an issue here from both sides.

      • Sasha
        September 16, 2014 | 12:10 pm

        So we basically should work on our trust issues separately and not come back to each other for some time or do I wait a week before sending him another first text message?

        • Sasha
          September 16, 2014 | 12:11 pm

          Or will this never work out no matter how much effort I put into it?

  13. prettywengzz
    September 6, 2014 | 11:55 pm

    I have a bf we are almost 5 years already.We are not good terms with my bf for a month now.for a small reason.And he is not talking to me for almost 2 weeks.And then he contact me and all about his birthday and he he told me he wants to regain his freedom.Damn I am so hurt that moment.Until time that his going on a training and he contact me so rare.Then there i saw a pic with friends and a girl so i try to open his fb and i read it there that girl is something likes a friend or something fishy.So i cried and then i message him about it who is that girl and i ask him if he don’t want me to be part of his life anymore.Then he don’t even reply me instead he just read my messages.Until when he come back after training he talk to his workmate who is good friend of mine.He was so problematic about what happen to us and he to he want to fix everything as he can.Until he called me up and we talk all about his birthday(Actually i am the one organize the celebration in everything about his birthday)and then he ask me can we be casual for now”friends’.So i didn’t react I just go with the flow.Well he still keep calling me asking how am I.Yet he told me we gonna talk everything when we meet on his birthday.But now his rarely send me message me on fb.But still our status in fb is in complicated with my name and still all our memories still there he didn’t even delete it :)
    You think we can still make things work out…Thanks for your advice…

    • admin
      September 15, 2014 | 3:05 pm

      I think so!

      Have you done NC yet?

  14. Lisa T
    September 6, 2014 | 7:54 pm

    Hi there,

    I was wondering if you could give me some insight into my break up situation. My boyfriend broke up with me about a week ago. I have known him for 3 years. When I met him three years ago, we were basically hooking up and just about to head back to college (we go to diff colleges) and he started to play the disappearing act. We were never official at this point, but one day after visiting me at school, he texted me saying he tried to make a relationship with me but he couldn’t and he hoped we could still be friends. I was upset and I told him that we could not be friends because I still liked him as more than a friend. After that happened, I stopped contacting him altogether, and even started dating someone new. Then, two months later Tony texted me on Valentine’s Day to wish me a happy Valentine’s Day. I was shocked but I was with someone else so I just acted casually. A few months down the road, I broke up with my boyfriend at the time and Tony and I started hanging out/hooking up again. He was always flaky though, cancelling plans last minute or not texting at all to cancel. During this time, I met a new guy named Ryan at school. We totally hit it off and I could see myself dating him. Of course, when this happens Tony contacts me out of the blue saying how he was so stupid in the past, he was scared of a relationship, and how he is serious about me, really likes me, and wants a relationship. I was obviously hesitant to believe him since he had bailed on us before. But he ended up convincing me to choose him over Ryan. This was February of this year. We spent spring break together, and all of summer. We had so much fun together and rarely argued. I met his family and his friends, and things were great between us. Then we left for school in August, and I visited him at his school a week ago for 5 days. We barely left his apartment, which he had to himself, and I was so tired and bored of watching tv inside all day I thought I was losing my mind. The only time we left the house was because I basically forced him to come to the bars with me one night because I couldn’t stand being inside watching movies anymore. The night went well, but the next day Tony was very distant, not really talking at all, and he even refused to sit on the couch next to me or run to the grocery store with me. I was hurt and confused when he wouldn’t even kiss me or anything, so you could say I was ready to leave as much as he wanted me to leave. Shortly after I got home, Tony texted me saying “sooo after this weekend I think we both have nothing in common” and insisted he didn’t see us dating anymore because we are too different blah blah. We exchanged maybe 12 texts altogether and I stopped responding and cut off all contact with him after saying “what’s over is over I think its best as well.” Personally, I feel like we just weren’t used to spending that much time with one another. Do you think my situation can even be repaired, or do you think he is already checked out?

    Thank you so much!

    • admin
      September 15, 2014 | 3:02 pm

      He seems checked out right now but you can steer the ship in the right direction still.

  15. Kri
    September 3, 2014 | 5:11 pm

    after the first initial text to me ex there wasn’t much of a conversation. i am still planning on sending a second text to establish more of a conversation with him and see what happens/where it all goes. but now a new guy started texting me but i’ve been getting red flags from him and i am just not ready for anything right now. he’s already mentioned ‘future family’ and sending me heart icons and wink faces, i get that they’re all playful and harmless but i am still just not ready for this. this seems weird to ask but i wanted to see if you had advice on what to do. how do i stop talking to him/stop anything from happening to early?

    • admin
      September 4, 2014 | 12:01 pm

      Wait, he is going too fast for you????

      • Kri
        September 4, 2014 | 4:47 pm

        yes new guy is going too fast for me

        • admin
          September 5, 2014 | 12:16 pm

          Ya way too fast…

          It’s ok to want to slow down and if he isn’t willing to then good riddance.

  16. addy
    September 2, 2014 | 9:20 pm

    i broke up with my boyfriend about a week ago. it started when her accused me of still being into another guy even though i proved to him that we were just friends. i thought we were okay until her randomly texted me saying that i didnt do enough for him and that he was tempted by other girls. it was really stupid and he was being a huge douche so i broke up with him.. no more than 5 minutes later he poured his heart out in paragraphs saying that he was crying and stuff like that, so i gave in and gave him a second chance….THE NEXT DAY he hooked up with another girl and i found out because our mutual friend sent me a video of it. i completely lashed out at him and said some pretty harsh things.. i was upset! anyway, the other day he was face-timing me and my friend and i kinda fell for him again:/ although i didnt say anything. well, by 5:30 in the morning i told him i still loved him and i wanted to see him. so the next day we met up with a bunch of friends and everyone was talking about us hooking up and such and i wanted to as well and he said he did too. it didnt end up happening and i was really upset. we talk often and he always asks me how it is possible that i still love him.. and he makes up excuses that i hate him and stuff but deep down i feel like hes just saying that because he doesnt like me and he wants me to admit it first or something. i really want to get back together but all my friends tell me it would be a mistake… did i mention we have been on and off for 2 years… well ya… now i dont know what to do:( i feel so trapped.

    • admin
      September 3, 2014 | 2:45 pm

      Ar eyou sure you want this guy back… He seems like a user.

  17. Nicki
    September 2, 2014 | 3:26 pm

    I should add, I told him I wanted to go our separate ways (citing it was too hard and the non-committal/sex situation was upsetting me) before I did the recent NC – so he thought I didn’t want to hear from him and wanted to move on:

    3. Do I address this or ignore it? I obvs don’t want to say ‘i want to be FRIENDS’! ?

  18. Bobbi
    September 2, 2014 | 1:19 pm

    I really would appreciate some help. I have known my bf for three months. We got past the “L” word and were serious. However, we are 5 years apart. At first, this never mattered to us, it was really true love. We were such a cute match and everybody said so. I will not lie that our relationship was a curious one. He lived in another city, about 20 min. away. We are both very busy so we hardly saw each other ever at all during that three months. In fact, we the last time we saw each other was in June. It was over the phone that he asked me if I loved him and so forth. We never had any reason to doubt each other, we constantly assured one another we missed each other. We texted nearly every day (sometimes there was a quiet spell, things would get really busy) and chatted on phone. Last night, I was on the phone with him. He has an accent, and i misunderstood what he was saying and was laughing. He hung up om me and then I texted him asking what happened to the phone connection. Basically, it all came out that i was so young for him, and couldn’t understand the gravity of such a relationship and then he said i was never going to hear his voice again and i said fine, he could whatever he wanted. This was all via text. Maybe he had a really stressful day. I want to know if this is considered a breakup or just a little fight that will cure up within a few days. Should I do the one month silence spell? Please, I need an answer. I still feel for him and want him, regardless of what I said last night. I don’t want to lose him, and I know we are made for each other and things can work out out. I don’t believe age has any prevalence in love.

    • admin
      September 3, 2014 | 2:24 pm

      I think the issue is the fact that you didn’t see each other that much.

      • Bobbi
        September 4, 2014 | 3:55 pm

        yes, i know. it’s so hard to see each other though. how can we patch this up and get back together? He is French, so if you’ve ever met a french person, you will know what i mean

        • admin
          September 5, 2014 | 12:04 pm

          Hahaha in other words he is completely stubborn?

          • Bobbi
            September 5, 2014 | 2:08 pm

            Not completely. But you guessed it. It’s just a characteristic for all french guys to have a slight ego! So, yes, they can appear stubborn, especially when you ask them to change a habit or something they like doing. They hate change.

            • Bobbi
              September 5, 2014 | 2:16 pm

              It’s all patched up! I followed my gut instinct which was to write an email, explaining how I felt and my views on everything.( without begging him to come back, of course!) In fact, I left that out entirely. I didn’t mention me wanting him,or missing him. Just how I felt, what caused this, and that if he wanted to end this for good, I would respect his decision. And it worked. We’re back together and promised each other to not let this happen again.
              Something I notice is that French guys like frankness, they don’t like cat/mouse games. They’re very open.
              Thanks, Chris. You have an amazing site, I love it and will refer any of my friends who are having problems w/t their relationships to you! I really learned a lot just from reading your articles :)

              • admin
                September 15, 2014 | 2:23 pm

                Wow, congratulations! So happy to hear that.

  19. Jenni
    August 29, 2014 | 11:21 pm

    i just broke up with my bf yesterday.We were kind of okay,but the past few weeks he had been too busy all the time with his friends,to the point were even his bestfriend left him for 20 days because of how he was kind of treating me.yesterday when he told me,he just blew up in paragraphs telling me how stressed and depressed he is because he is aware that he had been treating me horribly and he know how hurt ive been trying to get his attention and feeling empty the more he spent more time with his friends,yet he was scared of letting me go and said he didnt want me to go forever and said to stay as his best friend.he told me he will always love me and never regret what we have done together but i dont want this to be the end.he sent me a few txts today about how he was doing,of how he was at work and then going to the beach.ill give the 30 day worth a shot. i was still hurt when he said he couldnt picture a future for us together ,he’s been my best friend since we were kids..only now that we have dated and this happened that i realized how much i truly love him. i just want him to fall for me again…,we had been together for almost a year,this was our 9th month,his birthday is next month,it bummed me out when he broke up with me because i was going to get his presents early aswell. i want him to love me again..

    • admin
      September 2, 2014 | 12:17 pm

      Hold the horses. His best friend left him for a spell because of how he was treating you?

  20. Anne
    August 29, 2014 | 8:38 pm

    My boyfriend of 6 months just broke up with me, i still love him and want to be with him. I asked him to stay but he said he doesnt have the same feelings for me anymore. We have had fights over the past two months and we barely fix them because he shuts down. I have been the “needy” and “nagging” gf to put it in a nutshell. He has his mistakes and i admit I have my own faults too.

    I dont know what to do. Please help.

    • admin
      September 2, 2014 | 12:16 pm

      Well, then it’s time to erase that needy/nagging image.

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