Using Text Messages To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

Can Text Messages Work for you as a SECRET WEAPON in Getting Your Ex Back?

In so many of the success stories I’ve heard over the years, the primary way that the couple communicated was texting.

Texts are short, simple and can lead to HUGE results if you can send the right text message, in the right situation. But it all depends on the inner-dynamics of your relationship.

We’ve put together a quiz, so you can find out if text messages will work for your individual situation. It’s a total of 19 questions, and only takes about 5 minutes to answer.

Are you ready to know ?

Take 5 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Now!

Using text messages to get your ex boyfriend back can be one of the most effective “recovery” tactics that one can employ. In fact, if done correctly, a text message can bring up reminiscent feelings that can set you on the right path to getting your ex back. However, there seems to be a huge misunderstanding among the women out there on how to actually use text messaging effectively. I am not going to lie to you, sending a text message is a huge risk, if done incorrectly you will decimate any chance you have of that happy reunion you keep daydreaming about. In order for this to work the landscape has to be set up in a certain way. Allow me to explain.

1 - Why Most Women FAIL When Texting

(For more in-depth information on why women fail at texting check out The Texting Bible)

Since you are all beautiful women πŸ˜‰ I am sure you have had your fair share of suitors. Now, out of those suitors, throughout your years in the dating realm there has had to be one guy that didn’t pick up the hints. He texted you, you ignored, he texted you again, you ignored again and so on and so forth. It usually looks a little something like this:

no hint text

Essentially, this person turned into a text terrorist. The text receiver was clearly ignoring the sender but they refused to accept that fact so they kept texting until they they could get a response. Most women fail at texting their exes for the simple fact that they commit this texting sin and quite honestly it’s not even their fault. Right after a break up everyone involved is out of whack emotionally and are prone to do some really stupid things. I have heard plenty of stories where women, in the heat of the moment, texted their exes multiple times, even after getting no response.

In essence, texting an ex boyfriend after a breakup is usually not a good idea. The better idea is to wait until the opportune moment where can maximize the power of the text message. First though, before we can do that, we are going to have to figure out how to create that opportune moment.

2 - Creating An Opportune Moment

(If you want to learn the in’s and outs of texting an ex boyfriend I suggest you read The Texting Bible.)

opportune moment

This is going to sound really weird but for the next month I don’t want you to talk to your ex boyfriend.

WHAT???

Yup, I know it sounds ridiculous but trust me, doing this will stack the odds in your favor in a very unique way. Did you know that after a breakup 95% of men still think about their girlfriends too much? Since I am a guy I can definitely say that this is a very true statement. The experts call this “freeze out” the no contact rule. Essentially for 30 days you are not going to talk, text, email or write to your ex. Oh, and in case you are wondering it is not going to be easy. Since you are on my site I am assuming that you are interested in somehow trying to get your boyfriend back. No matter how hard it is or how much you want to talk to him DO NOT DO IT, even if he responds you have to ignore it.

Can Text Messages Work for you as a SECRET WEAPON in Getting Your Ex Back?

In so many of the success stories I’ve heard over the years, the primary way that the couple communicated was texting.

Texts are short, simple and can lead to HUGE results if you can send the right text message, in the right situation. But it all depends on the inner-dynamics of your relationship.

We’ve put together a quiz, so you can find out if text messages will work for your individual situation. It’s a total of 19 questions, and only takes about 5 minutes to answer.

Are you ready to know ?

Take 5 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Now!

3 - More About The No Contact Rule

ignore

Here is how the psychology behind the no contact rule is supposed to work. As a guy, I will admit we have a warped way of looking at things. For example, after a breakup a guy will think something like…

“Just wait, she will text me begging to come back.”

Now, that is wrong on so many levels but you are going to use this type of thinking to your advantage. By completely taking 30 days to yourself without texting him or talking to him at all you are slowly taking control of the situation. Instead of thinking

“Just wait, she will text me begging to come back.”

He is going to be thinking..

“Why hasn’t she texted me yet? Has she moved on already?”

Do you see the power of the no contact rule now? It is basically the ultimate way to get him checking his phone every five minutes to see if today is the day that YOU will text HIM. That is how you create your opportune time to text him!

4 - Texting Strategies

(For the complete texting strategies please check out The Texting Bible.)

texting-at-the-table22

If you have advanced far enough to have created that “opportune moment” there is still a lot that has to be covered when it comes to texting. There is a subtle art to texting. You can’t go zero to sixty in a second when it comes to this. In fact, you have to slowly lead up to the moment where he or you will hopefully go out on a date again. Allow me to explain this strategy a little more in depth.

The First Text

Have you ever heard that first impressions are everything? Well, that statement certainly rings true in this case. After basically blowing off your ex for a month straight your first text to them better have some substance to it. I always like to say that you should make your first contact text so interesting that they have no choice but to respond.

Example:

first-contact-1-572x1024

Remembering The Good Ole Days

One of the most interesting things about text messaging is the fact that every holds their texts as sacred. Very rarely will anyone ever willingly show someone their text messages. It is like their phone is their own personal sanctuary holding all their secrets and feelings about things. You are going to use this fact to your advantage.

IMPORTANT – You cannot move on to this text message until you successfully complete the first text message above.

The key with this type of text is to get your ex to remember the good parts of your relationship. The way you accomplish this is by going into great detail on one of the most positive experience that you had together as a couple. If you do this correctly you will bring up his most positive feelings about the relationship and get him thinking about you in a different more positive light. Now, while it is important that you get him to think positively about you it is also extremely important that you remain as positive as well. That means you can’t get angry if things don’t go according to plan. Handle every single text and interaction you have with your ex with as much grace as possible.

So, now that you have an idea of how to approach this type of a text lets look at a good example:

good-example-2-572x1024

Is There A Place For A Jealousy Text?

This section is a little controversial, I am not going to lie. Some people have called this tactic manipulation but my job isn’t to give my personal opinion on this matter it’s just to give you the tactics that others have had success with. Jealousy can be a powerful motivator for a man. I remember once that one of my married friends told me something very interesting about the male psyche. He said that a man is a pretty simple creature. If he gets too used to a woman his eyes will tend to stray. However, if the woman he is dating/married to starts going to a bar and flirting with other guys he will come back down to earth and do everything that you want a good boyfriend or married man to do.

IMPORTANT – You cannot move on to this text message until you successfully complete the first text message above.

So, how does a jealous text work. Well the idea behind it is pretty simple, send a text message to your ex that could potentially get him jealous and bring up some of the lovey dovey feelings that he felt during your relationship. As a guy I can tell you that nothing makes you want a girl more than when you see her talking with another guy that is even moderately attractive. Here is how a jealousy text message would go:

jealousy (did I see you at)

5 - Confused?

If you haven’t already realized this, getting your ex back can be a very complicated process. In fact, I wouldn’t be shocked if this entire page confused you. Don’t worry, I got your back and I want to help you understand the best way you can get him back. There is a lot more to this process and quite frankly this page doesn’t do a great job of describing exactly what you do step by step. So, if you are intrigued by this method but very confused I urge you to visit get my guide, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. It may take you a while to read through the entire thing but it will break every step of the ex recovery process down for you, in-depth. It will also go into extreme detail about how you can use text messages to get your ex boyfriend back.

What Do You Think? (2,373)

  1. J - 0

    J

    Hey Amor

    I’m starting to get confused. So my ex and I have been back in contact for about a week and a half. I’ve spoken 5 days out of this and as u know, the convos have been pretty good. He’s pretty engaged and the convos rnt long but they aren’t short either. I’m confused because twice I ended the convo by ghosting because I fell asleep. Both times when I try to continue the conversation the next day, he does not respond. This just recently happened today. He started talking about his fav tv show last night, I fell asleep, then I asked a question about it today around noon and he didn’t respond but he watched my snap and posted a lot on social media. It’s been almost 4 hrs. Idk what to think or what to do about this. Help :/

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      With the first one that he ignored it, did he just replied late or he moved on to another topic? Because maybe for him, that topic just died the night before.. And if it was at night, I think he’ll probably realize that you fell asleep.. especially when you tried to continue that topic

    • J - 0

      J

      With the first one, it’s possible that it may have just died. He just never replied and I started a new convo a few days later. The second time, he ended up txting me like wayyyyyy later but didn’t even answer my question (about his fav show). I just didn’t react and continued talking for a short time.
      His brother talked to me about us all hanging out again and somehow I ended up being left with the duty to ask my ex if he wanted to come with us. It went well, I made it sound like a simple hang out. He responded pretty fast for him saying “yea that sounds good”. So he shouldddd be coming, I’m nervous to get my hopes up tho but I’m trying to be positive that he won’t back out. We talked a little more and he was being positive and joking around. After that he asked me what I was doing the next day, kind of like he wanted to see me earlier but I was busy so I really couldn’t. He didn’t respond and we havnt talked since then. That was Tuesday (2 days ago) but I am still active online and he’s still looking at my snaps. I took this time to kind of put myself in check because I feel like I’m starting to get too emotional (I havnt shown him any of that tho!)
      Tomorrow is the hangout with his brother. I think we’re going to the mall and possibly the movies after. I got this new outfit that should be delivered tomorrow morning just in time (black jumpsuit and a red kimono/cardigan. Thanks Jennifer for the “what to wear” video!) and I’m also doing my hair in the morning as well. Tonight I’m going to just mentally prepare. Hopefully all goes well! I’ll keep u updated
      Send me plenty fairy dust lol xoxo

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Enjoy!!!!

  2. Elly - 0

    Elly

    Hey Amor
    My ex and I of three years broke up via text due to a communication misunderstanding back in july. Since then he gradually went from ‘I want to fix this’ to ‘I don’t have feelings for you anymore’ however when I ask how his feelings could have just disappeared his answer is ‘i don’t know, they just have’. I struggle to believe this as our relationship was very serious and positive up untill the last month or so – I think it is because we’ve both had a tough year, and haven’t spent any positive quality time together since January, which I feel is enough to make anyones’ feelings subside regardless if they were lovers, couples or married. He over emphasizes that he still cares about me and wants us to be close friends, although he refuses to see me or talk over the phone? I feel as if he is avoiding me but I don’t understand why as if he doesn’t have feelings for me anymore why does it matter? However he is willing to call as soon as I threaten to cut him off. Our last conversation (last monday) was a long Q&A for me to have closure and I asked many q’s but the ones that stood out for me was if he was ever unhappy in the relationship he said no, if there was any needs I wasn’t fulfilling for him or another girl involved to which he said no and whether he regrets us to which he also said no (which confused me because then, why are we breaking up?) and his inability to give me an actual reason as to why his feelings have “vanished”. He began to get uncomfortable with the conversation stating that he didn’t like it or the questions (but couldn’t tell me why) and developed an attitude, stating that it doesn’t change anything etc even though I had explicitly said that i’m not trying to get him back (even though I want to) and I needed this for closure. He repeatedly stated that he will always care about me and then apologized for his attitude, stating that he doesn’t want to talk to anyone (in a bad place) and the only reason why his phone is in his hand is because of me, and the only reason why he isn’t ignoring me is because he doesn’t know what I’m going to do if he does (cut him off).
    In the end I wished him well (in case we never spoke again) and told him that I’m not going to contact him first anymore, due to feeling like a nag, but warned that if he left ‘space’ for too long then I would learn to live without him and won’t want him back in my life, to which he gave thanks and appreciation
    I think its important to note that since then, he really hasn’t been on his phone at all but thanks to the beloved internet I know hes been out with his friends quite a lot who, I think its important to note, are going to university this week.
    If my theory is right (the lack of quality time), I think that if we were to meet up and have a positive time together, his feelings will rush back to him as the fact that he honestly doesn’t know why his feelings have gone, he still cares strongly for me and is bending his rules to make sure I don’t leave his life suggests that there really isn’t a solid reason for their disappearance (the break up was really stupid), and is the only reason why I’m considering trying to get him back.
    My main question is what should I do? and what do my chances look like in terms of rekindling us and am I just completely misreading the situation?

    Lots of love,
    Elly T

    Reply
  3. Rachel - 0

    Rachel

    After a short, wonderful 3 month relationship, I had a very drunk night with him and other friends, said and did stupid things (so I was told), he broke up with me. I deserved it, I think. I didn’t beg or cry. Immediately went into no contact. Did 30 days. Sent the first text remembering the good old days. He replied fairly positively in 15 min. I waited 30 to respond and closed the conversation. 2 days later, I sent “you won’t believe what happened yesterday”! Silence. Now what?!?! Wait a week then…. Why would he give me a positive response then nothing. So sad. Yes, it was a short relationship, but at my age, you know a good thing when you see it.

    Reply
    • Rachel - 0

      Rachel

      I’m going to add a few more details here. My drunken episode happened 2 days before his divorce trial; a very ugly divorce with an unstable woman. The trial was 1.5 years after filing. Based on how she treated him and the stress he was under, I didn’t think he was ready to date again but he assured me otherwise. What I said while drunk was not good, but should have been Forgivable. But I’m sure he just wasn’t able to deal with it considering everything else. When he ended it, it wasn’t ugly. He said he enjoyed his time with me and had no regrets. I said the same. I’m willing to wait as long as I need to for him. I have good willpower. I live an hour from him. Should I do another month? Or more? Should I text him saying something like, “you were right to have ended our relationship, but I would hate to lose our friendship. I’d love to catch up sometime! (maybe add something about hearing how divorce went/ended up). Help!!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Rachel,

      Yeah, I think you can send that as reverse friendzoning him..are you continually improving yourself?

    • Rachel - 0

      Rachel

      Absolutely. And showing it on Snapchat and Facebook. Being positive. Going out with friends and other men but not in an obvious way; just pics of me, my girls, and other men. Again, I know I’ll be fine. He’s not the last man on earth, but I’m very picky and don’t date many men. This was the one I felt so right about which is why it’s hard to let it go. I’m 41. Never been married. Turn away almost all men. Finally let this one in because my gut said yes!

      I sent, “Hey! I just want you to know you were absolutely right to end our relationship. It wasn’t the right time. But I really would hate to also lose our friendship! And, I must say, I’m dying to know how the divorce went! That’s pretty much all we talked about for 3 months and curiosity is KILLING ME!!! What happened?!?!? “. And….no response.

    • Rachel - 0

      Rachel

      So he wrote back, a day later, but with a very bland response. Didn’t say hello. Good morning. Nothing. He just told me the court result in 2 sentences. Didn’t reference the being friends or anything else. Game plan now? Back off for a while? Gut says yes.

    • Rachel - 0

      Rachel

      I waited 3 hours, replied asking a couple of additional questions about the divorce trial, and again, no response yet. So, he is writing me back on occasion, but obviously not eager to do so. How to I change the tide? Can I actually change how he views me or his desire to talk to me?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Rest from texting and I think you need to avoid the divorce topic. It’s not really something he would be excited in talking about. And it looks like you were just waiting for it to be done to have a chance with him. Use topics that he loves talking about, especially the ones that are current like tv shows, friends, news.

    • Rachel - 0

      Rachel

      Thank you for the advice. I appreciate it. How long should I go silent again? Again, I’m in no hurry here and will wait as long as I need to improve my chances. When I do text again, go back to a memories text? Maybe say I was at a bar playing pool where he and I had a fun date and it made me think of him?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If you have already done that, don’t use it again as a first contact text.. But if you haven’t that’s ok.. Hmm.. try a week..

  4. Emily - 0

    Emily

    My boyfriend of two years broke up with me on August 31st because of his depression. He had been a bit off in the few months before the break up and was not putting in any effort and seemed bored of me. He said that we had no future, he didn’t love me anymore and that he doesn’t want to be tied down because he turns 18 in a few months and wants to go out clubbing. He sent me a text two days after saying he is going on medication and needs at least 6 weeks for it to start working and he needs to get himself sorted before he is with someone. He said I should not wait for him and he wants me to move on. I kept sending him messages and he’s ignored them all, he blocked me on snapchat and our parents swapped our belongings so we didn’t have to see each other. I have decided to start the no contact rule and have not contacted him for nearly a week, but I just want him to want me back. His medication would have kicked in around the third week of October so I was going to wait until then to message him again to see how he is doing and whether he would like to rebuild what we used to have. However he is talking to another girl now and I’m really scared that he will have moved on if I wait for him. I just want him back and I love him so much, I have never felt pain like this and I don’t know what to do.. please help me.

    Reply
  5. Zoe - 0

    Zoe

    I broke up with my boyfriend two years ago because I chickened out on committing properly, and because we have all the same friends we would see eachother at parties and we were still very close mainly because he was still very in to me. He was clearly still massively in to me for about a year and a half after we broke up, we would text eachother all the time, but lately he’s stopped talking to me, and I’ve suddenly realised I never stopped liking him at all, I was just scared of committing to him. But now I like him so much and I desperately want him back.
    Please help what should I do?

    Reply
  6. Rose - 0

    Rose

    My ex broke up with me saying that it would be the best for both of us. I completed over 30 days of no contact. However last night he text me with a hey. I haven’t responded. Think I’ll wait for over a day to respond. What do you suggest and what should I say? I want him back and I want him to be serious about me.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Rose,

      why did he break up with you? And, don’t rush things.

  7. R - 0

    R

    My boyfriend broke up with me three days ago. He said he felt that we were growing apart and that he wanted to be honest with me. He said he didnt feel that he could provide me with the type of relationship I deserved. He said we were just different, and even though he always knew that now he thought we were just heading in different trajectories in life. He said it wasnt me and that I should never blame myself in any way shape or form. I told him i loved him and he said he loved me too and even if it was awkward or weird he still wanted to be there for me if I needed him. I asked why he was leaving then. I asked him if it was that he loved me he just wasnt in love with me any more. And he said no that wasnt it. I asked him if we could try to fix it and work on us but he said no because he just didnt feel as passionately about the relationship anymore. We met up briefly the following day and talked about being friends because we both want to have each other in each other’s lives. I can’t imagine not talking to him.

    I’m afraid if I try NC for 30 days he’ll just forgot about me/ move on/ realize he doesn’t need me instead of miss me

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi R,

      how would he miss you if you remain present?

  8. Ana - 0

    Ana

    I’ve texted my ex twice this week for the first time in over a month and he responds but he never texts first. How to I get him to text first? how long should I keep texting him first before I should give up on him ever making the first move?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ana,

      you’re just starting to build rapport, so it’s just normal that he wouldn’t text first, especially if the texts was not ended in a way that he would be intrigued to talk to you again…what’s more important is that you’ll be the one to end the convos at high point

  9. Safiya - 0

    Safiya

    Hi,
    I did the NC for 32 days. I sent a memory texted, he laughed, mentioned how fun that day was and went on to asking how I was, work, life, etc. 7 ended the convo by saying “I’m on my way to a dinner party, maybe we can catch up sometime soon” I felt like I blew it by saying that. He responded telling me “Have fun, and sure we can definitely do that” I waited a few days and texted again, he said “Damn, hearing from you twice in one week” IDK how to take that, we texted for a while, great convo, he texted last but then I fell asleep. The next day (today) I texted “sorry I fell asleep, good morning btw” he responded “it’s no problem and good morning” I haven’t said anything else. Idk what to do next. I want to see him. Feel the energy, gauge what my chances are. Idk how to proceed. Any tips? Advice?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Safiya,

      take that as a good sign.. If he didn’t want to talk you, he wouldn’t have answered. Focus more on your topics, on what you talk about and build rapport first before asking for a meet up

  10. Charity - 0

    Charity

    Hi Amor,
    I couldn’t help it and sent him another text (3 texts in 1 day), asking if my reaching out made him uncomfortable. Silence again. Is my situation really hopeless? Should I close the door on this one? There is still a part of me wanting to reach out one more time. What do you think?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Rest from texting for a week, and then initiate again after that. If he doesn’t reply, rest for two weeks and then initiate again. If he doesn’t reply again, that means you have to move on.

  11. megan - 0

    megan

    My boyfriend who I lived with for almost 7 years broke up with me in a text after we had a stupid argument july 31st. He told me he could not stand the fighting, arguing, me wanting my way all the time, and he was tired of me saying everything was mine because it was in my name or I paid for it in front of other people. We knew each other as teenagers but were only friends, we got together 7 years ago after we got back in touch on facebook when I was moving back to the area, we were both getting divorced too. I found pictures and texts to 2 other girls on his phone after he moved out (phone was in my name, as well as his car, our house, etc.) He says they didn’t have sex, but he made similar promises to one girl (who according to him is having problems with her abusive husband and has a 3 year old kid) that he made to me 7 years ago. Since breaking up I of course have been an emotional wreck, texting him, trying to call him, see him, we have seen each other a few times, and had sex 3 times. He has said he cares about me, and loves me, but is not “in love with me” and does not know if we will get back together because he has to focus on his job and him now. I have had thought he cheated a few years ago, but he denied it. He and his ex wife lost a baby who was stillborn at 21 weeks, she went into depression and left him a few months after that. I found out I was pregnant with an ectopic pregnancy last month, they estimated it was conceived 2 weeks before our breakup while I was on birth control, I had to decide in the office while texting him to get a shot to terminate it. He convinced me to take the shot for my health. He came to see me the next day, and a few after that was the first time we had sex after breaking up and it was nice. Then I didn’t hear from him for days, then I he texted, but was very guarded with me. He saw me again a week later, we had sex again, it was nice, then no contact for several days again. I had to get a 2nd shot to terminate the pregnancy, he became distant again. I went away for a few days the last week of august with my daughter, then we texted again. I saw him when I got back briefly, told him my daughter was mad because she thought he treated me bad and that’s why she has not been so close to him and grouchy in recent months before the break up, and he used that as another excuse to back away again saying he could not try to work things out and have to deal with her attitude towards him (she just turned 15, the other daughter lives with my ex husband for past 2 years and is 17). Just when I thought we were making a little progress he backs away again. I don’t know if he is bipolar (his sister is), or a sex addict, or has issues from his marriage he never dealt with. I am a nurse, so my concerns are not just because he broke up with me, but make sense to me as a reason for all of his past moods and behaviors. He moved back to his parents an hour away with his 2 brothers, and sister who are all over 21. I think they might be influencing his decisions also. I know I have made mistakes, admitted it to him, begged him for another chance and to go to counseling, he said that does not work, he has admitted some things to me, he said I made him feel worthless because everything was in my name, and I needed him to do things for me and have him as my chauffer. I don’t know what to think. I have told a few friends, heard their advice. I cant help that I still love him, and want to try a work things out, especially after just a month before the break up he bought me a birthday card that pretty much said he was glad we met because we were soulmates. I don’t know if no contact would work with him, or what to do. I don’t want to push him away and into anothers arms. Please advise me. I don’t know if I can get over this heartache, it is way worse than my ex-husband cheating on me after being married for 10 years. I really believe in my heart that we can work things out, and be happy.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Megan,

      We can’t guarantee that the no contact will work but I think he felt emasculated. It’s normal for him to still want to have sex with you because he’s a man and that means he’s still physically attracted to you but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t tired of being in a relationship with you..

      Ask yourself, if you keep talking would it help to build rapport? If you do nc, would it help to have a restart?

    • megan - 0

      megan

      In my case, since we have been talking (mostly via text) and its been going ok, not great, but ok, do you suggest no contact? Or do you think he will take it as an insult, or a sign that I am not interested in working things out anymore? I don’t know what to do?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I think he will think you got tired.. because if he really wanted to work things out with you why didn’t he want to go to counselling? You tried. Shouldn’t he be trying as well?
      If I were you, for him not to take me for granted, I’d take a chance on no contact and tell him that I understand him now, I’d apologize if I made him feel any less and that I know now that he needs his time for his own growth because now, I need my time to heal because I’m not ready to be just friends yet, but when I am, I’ll reconnect.
      And then I’ll do nc.. continue to heal and improve..

  12. Charity - 0

    Charity

    Hi Amor,
    So I sent him a “how are you?” text followed by “can I get your advice about something…” but still no response, just like the first time last time. This is my second time reaching out to him after no contact. Is this a sign that I should give up on trying to re-establish communication? I do not know what else to do.

    Reply
  13. Shana - 0

    Shana

    So I finally texted me ex after over a month of nc (he never texted me during this time) and I will admit instead of using a super exciting ice breaker text, I sent him a short message that basically said “I’m sorry for putting pressure on you, I’m doing much better and have lots of cool stuff going on, and i hope you are too.” He responded and asked what cool stuff I’d been up to, and the next morning I saw it and we texted ok and off that weekend (not ALL weekend as we were both busy so it was drawn out… Mistake maybe? I ended that convo because I had to go to a 5k but when I tested him later he replied only once then stopped. I used some good memories and unintentionally a little jealousy. Then three days later (yesterday) I tried playing would you rather with him because it was a game we loved playing together while we dated but he didn’t seem that into it, his responses were mostly (but not all) “neutral.” Why do u think that is? That conversation did end short tho because after about an hour I stopped texting back because I got in a bad car accident. Long story. But besides the conversation being too long (my bad) what else can I do? My plan is to text him briefly every three or so days, but what do I do if he never initiates conversation? Also, I sent him a fb friend request again, because I had unfriended him, but I saw that he rejected it. Why? My friend said there’s nothing on there he would need to hide.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Shana,

      I think you’re rushing things.. And I think he can sense you’re trying to get him back.. how are you now?

  14. Lokiijai - 0

    Lokiijai

    I am on day 7 of NC. My boyfriend broke up with me due to a severe over reaction/miscommunication wherein I told him he was acting like a child. I tried to smooth it out the next morning and he said he never wanted to talk to me again. I have honoured that request despite my obvious confliction. He is also a very stubborn man and I can predict will not be the first to give in. I have gone the direction of posting “casual” Snapchats and Instagram stories to create the facade of normalcy without him. Day 5 was the last day he’s viewed my snapchats, but continued to post his activities. I am assuming he has called trump and either refuses to watch my feed or possibly blocked me. Is this good and what is my next move if 30 days elapse? I am normally the one to initiate reconciliation but feel it is unfair but that could be my sense of entitlement or pride. The trouble seems to be our stubbornness and pride are of equal forces.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Lokiijai,

      I hope he has cooled off after 30 days. Yes, it’s still good news that he stopped viewing your snaps because it might be because he’s still affected by it. Initiate contact after 30 days.

  15. Victory - 0

    Victory

    Hello Amor,
    We had broke up with my ex one month ago, next week gonna be 30 days of no contact. I’m preparing my first message, and doing everything to be unforgettable girl. But I have a question, we have no way to meet accidentally, we don’t have same friends and we are not friends on Facebook or anything else. The only way to see each other is to ask him about it. How many days is it better to take between first message and meeting face to face? Thank you

    Reply
  16. La'Niya Chatman - 0

    La'Niya Chatman

    me and my boyfriend broke up because we was in different school and we didn’t know we was going to see eachother in school then when I wanted him back he said i have a lot of boys trying to go out with me but he don’t know what’s going on up there and my other friend text him about me he told her he still love me and he misses me but he has another girlfriend he feels bad

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi La’Niya,

      you went to different colleges? When did you break up and how long were you together? When was the last time you talked?

  17. Karen VELANDIASALCEDO - 0

    Karen VELANDIASALCEDO

    Hello,

    Today was my 31 day of NC, I decided to send him a text saying something about what I saw that reminded me of him. He replied 30min later telling me that of course he did remember and started asking questions about my new job… We kept talking for a little while and he said that he was happy for me and my new job. In the same text, he asked, “What do you want me to do with the stuff you have in my house? I replied and we ended up setting up a date to go to his house in 4 days, only to pick up my stuff… I don’t know what to think about this, how I should act or what to expect.

    Thanks.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Karen,

      look you best. Be calm and light and take that as an opportunity to break the ice so that it would be easy to text him

  18. J - 0

    J

    I was looking for my comment in moderation to reply to to keep everything together but it went away haha. I was just gonna say I may have spoken too soon. I did leave the convo on a high note early last night and then responded to what he had said this morning. He made a joke and I made a joke back. But he hasn’t responded to it. However, he did watch the snaps I posted later today tho.
    I’m not discouraged just yet but of course I’m wondering what he could be thinking. I thought my text would make him want to respond but then again, i guess it didn’t really require one. I’ll still wait a couple days to text again and continue to be active on social media

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I don’t know too why emojis don’t show! haha! I think the website can’t support it? I’m not sure. You’re strategy is on point! The only thing I would add, is that, when you plan to skip one day. End a conversation before skipping one day. So, that you can start a new topic after skipping one day.. I don’t know if you’re getting what I’m saying. But basically, don’t leave an open conversation before skipping a day or two..

    • J - 0

      J

      Yea I understand! And thanks, I’m trying to play this the best I can. So in the situations where he doesn’t reply to my open text (or when he may have just felt like it didn’t need a response) like this past time, I treat it as an ended convo and start the next time with a new topic?
      Also, the first day we txted he told me he was at work but I didn’t ask anything about it and just answered the other question he asked. Is it a good idea to start the next convo with “hey, so tell me about this new job. I didn’t get to ask the other day lol”. And then should I boost his ego a little about his job? Like just be really positive and say things like “I knew it’d work out for u”. He didn’t have one when we broke up and it was one of the reasons he told me he wanted to end things

    • J - 0

      J

      Another thing to add haha. My exes brother just txted me saying that he just got off the phone with my ex. He said my ex feels like we’re gonna get back together! Still going to wait to txt him tho.. Unless he txts me before I do :P. I can’t make it too easy for him Amor! Gotta leave that mystery for the chase! Lolll

    • La'Niya Chatman - 0

      La'Niya Chatman

      Just do you.

    • J - 0

      J

      Last thing for today I promise lol. Since it crossed my mind, when it comes time to meet up, is it better to do the first meet as a group with other people (most likely his brother and his brother’s gf) or just my ex and I? I dnt want him to feel any pressure or anything so I’m not sure if his bro’s presence will make him feel more pressured or not. Especially since we’d probably be around another couple

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Just comment away πŸ˜‰ No worries!
      Yes, on starting a new convo if a topic has not been answered and yes, on the job topic.
      That’s right, take it slow. Don’t jump right in because of that news. But it’s a very good news!

      And yes, it’s best if the first and second meet up would be in a group setting.

    • J - 0

      J

      So we spoke today about his job. Everything was going great. He was sending pretty long responses and pretty fast, responding every 1-7 min. We got up to around 7 txts each. He sent a pretty long txt about his next career steps. The last thing I said was “aww that’s great! I’m proud of u. I knew everything’d work out *little smile emoji*”. But he stopped responding.. Did I mess up? Or did he probably just think it didn’t need a response? I hope what I said wasn’t too much.. Do I have to wait 3-5 days again?

    • J - 0

      J

      I was thinking maybe I should do a story txt next time to confirm how interested he is in what I have to say and I think it’ll also paint me in a good light. It’s about how I got a flat tire last week trying to buy food for this homeless guy. I’ve planned it and broken it into 6 shorter messages. Let me also add that we both dnt really like talking on the phone. I won’t text him today since I’m not sure how he took my last msg to him yesterday. Maybe tomorrow, or should I wait longer?
      Also, his brother really wants us all to hang out for some reason. He’s been trying to convince me for about a week. He said when my ex told him he thinks we’ll get back together, he also said “she’s cool. I love her and have love for her. When we talk now it’s like we never fell off. I think we’ll get back together or one day in the future definitely” adding that there’s really nothing I’ve done wrong and he just needs to get his mind right first. (This is similar to what he told me during the break up). So with his brother bugging me so much about hanging out, I finally broke and just agreed. There’s nothing set yet but it’ll either be next Friday or the week after. He mentioned trying to go to the mall or the movies. He thinks my ex and I just need to see each other and it’ll answer everything. I’m just concerned cuz I dnt want my ex to start feeling pressured with his brother pushing for us to hang out along with him getting txts from me suddenly after a month. I guess I’m just scared he’ll find a reason not to come. Since we might be hanging soon, should I start to txt him everyday or every other day? I feel like since he does answer my txts positively, was really engaged sending longer txts this last time, even told his brother that he still loves me and believes we’ll def get back together, I should not be this worried! Lol I shouldn’t be worried at all possibly! The doubt starts coming in when he ends the convo and since he’s not txting me first.

      Main questions:
      1) is the story text good and how long should I wait to start it?
      2) should I increase the # of days we talk a week since we may see each other soon?
      3) is it ok to only build attraction thru txts and not calls since we rarely talked on the phone?
      4) do I need to calm down Amor? Lol am I overthinking for no reason?

      Sorry this was long. Thank u xoxo

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Haha! Yes, you need to calm down.. Go with the flow.. If you’re having good talks, just have fun.. Rest if you think it’s too much.. and enjoy that day.. look your best and just have fun

    • J - 0

      J

      Thanks Amor πŸ˜€ you’re so awesome!
      Keep sprinkling fairy dust to us all lol

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Lol! πŸ˜‰

  19. Charity - 0

    Charity

    Thank you Amor for the response. I want to ask him how he is doing, do you think this is ok to send as second reach-out text? Would it make me appear needy and desperate?

    Reply
  20. luce - 0

    luce

    hi, my bf broke up with me today and he said it wasn’t cause he doesn’t want to be with me or because he doesn’t love me but he doesn’t want to deal with fighting anymore which we would fight because my trust was still building back up for him after he hurt me and he just has high expectations for trust to come back right away and doesn’t want to feel obligated to have to tell me certain things he’s doing and stuff like that. he said he loves me and saw me in person for like 5 mins and said i love you but he just thinks its best. i brought up the idea of giving us a week separated and on sunday see how he feels but should i not have done that? and then after he left i texted him saying if he did decide he made a mistake i just would want to have a fresh start and full trust right away. i really love him and want to be with him can you please help? i don’t know what to do. he never answered my text.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Luce,

      how long were you together, why don’t you trust him and when did he break it?

  21. J - 0

    J

    Amorrrr! Heyyyy Back with an update
    So yesterday was my first contact day and I did still go with the text that I asked u about (about his fav artist). To my initial txt, he responded positively with “hey . Who?” Then texted again right after. I was at work all day so it forced me to not respond quickly. I sent 2, he sent 4! I “ended” the convo by ghosting and then picked up today from where we left off, still talking about music. This topic could probably last days if I let it. He had always been a slow txter, but he has been responding to me within the hour. Which is really good from him. I take about 3-4 hours, or at least I try to take longer to reply than he does. This last time he responded immediately and I waited about 50 min after. Over time, I’ll start to text back faster to fit more texts into the day. Is this a good way to not be too available?
    Also, I want to try something different. Instead of ending the conversations and then starting a whole new one on another day, I’m going to try ghosting the convos and then picking back up the next day. This way, if I end at the high point where I know he’s really waiting for a response, he’ll check his phone even more and it’ll be easier to talk over the long run because I won’t have to think about what to say. Basically, the conversation never truly stops and we can just branch off into other topics naturally. Does that make sense?
    I was also wondering if you think I should still skip a day texting since I am already spacing the texts out? It’s only been 2 days and things have been positive and good so far. He’s even been playful. Hopefully things keep going this way *fingers crossed*

    Reply
    • J - 0

      J

      His initial text was “hey *excited smiley emoji*. Who?” Idk why the emoji isn’t showing up here haha

  22. Charity - 0

    Charity

    Hi Amor,
    I completed my 30-day no contact rule and sent him the first contact text 4 days ago but no response. The text was about the good old day, I happened to be at the restaurant where we first met and it reminded me of him. Complete silence on his part. I heard silence itself is the answer. Part of me wants to give it another try to re-establish communication. Should I try again? Thank you for your response and insight.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Charity,
      Give it a week and initiate again, but don’t use a memory text.

  23. Marina - 0

    Marina

    Alright, so he cheated on me with a married girl, I found out, and after that he said he did not know how things will work for now and he said he did not see a future with me anymore. Never cried in front of him, told him “ok, if this is all you wants, that s it”.

    I have made 35 days of NC. He only texted me once: in my 5th day of NC. It was a link about cancer. I did not respond. 1 day ago I texted him on Facebook and he talk a lot about him, and also asked about me and he apologized. I said it was better this way to brake up.
    After the texts, I said “I have to go know, talk later”. He said ok.
    Anyhow, the thing that scars me is not be friendzoned. He is very friendly with people in general.
    I did not write him anything today, I was thinking to let him to write me something? What do you think? What to do next?

    Reply
    • Marina - 0

      Marina

      I have texted him again today(the second time) and i told him that is somebody at the gym that looks like his best friend. He responded “haha maybe is him”. And after that I said I want to take my stuff from his home and told him to tell me when to come. He said “alright, of course “. And that was all.

      I don’t know…. It seemes like he is responding me because complacency. I do not know what to do next: to continue to text him, or to quit everything πŸ™

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Marina,

      it’s too early to quit.. Take it slow..use the opportunity of gettigg your things to look your best and to establish a calm atmosphere between the two of you.. use it as an ice breaker

  24. Mallory - 0

    Mallory

    So I haven’t talked to my ex for only about a week. He had been texting another girl and I found out about this late one night and so he said he didn’t want to be with me anymore and blamed it all the fact that we fight. Its been so hard not to talk to him but I haven’t for about a week. He’s on vacation until Sunday but he still has tons of stuff at my house that I really want out because my six year old believes he is going to come back since his stuff is still there. So its really tough because I don’t know if I should tell him to come get his stuff when he comes home or just don’t text him at all. The thing that hurts is that he is now talking and hanging out with a completely different girl and it makes me sick to think he moved on so quickly what do I need to do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Mallory,

      how long were you together? and when did you break up? do you want to try the no contact rule? He can still talk to you about his things during it, but make it only about his things.

    • Mallory - 0

      Mallory

      We were together a little over a year and a half we broke up on the 2nd. I have been doing the no contact and its extremely hard just because I know he has been talking and hanging out with another girl so it really hurts and it feels terrible. I did text him last night just saying that he needs to come get his stuff because I want it out and he said he wouldn’t be in town until today so I don’t want to text him again because I’m trying not to talk to him at all should I just leave it at that? How do I know if he even misses me because I feel like he doesn’t but I want it to work so bad. I started counseling because it has been so hard and I signed up for classes that start in January so I feel like I am starting to work on myself I just want him to want me

    • Mallory - 0

      Mallory

      I mean we broke up on the 26th of August

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yup, leave it just at that.. it’s only been a week, so it’s too early for him to show signs that he misses you especially if he is talking another girl.. but you can still read this one to see if he will show or he has shown some signs of missing you:
      Does Your Ex Boyfriend Still Care About You? Let’s Find Out Together!

  25. Sunshine - 0

    Sunshine

    Hi there,
    Please help I did nc over a month, since 1 August till 4 September. I sent him best wishes card And he send me thanking text message. After 4 days I sent him text asking the name of Restsurant he used to take me over for lovely lunch. But no reply to my text. Am not sure if he is ignoring me or am nothing to do with him at all. Please help.
    Thanks
    Sunshine

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sunshine,

      The card, what was written in it? Best wishes for what? Give him 3-5 days before initiating and don’t use a memory text again. Use a different topic that he loves talking about.

  26. Tiffani - 0

    Tiffani

    Hey there! So my ex and I recently broke up because he says “he feels tied down(even though I let him be with his friends and stuff) and half hearted when he’s with me”.. But this is the second time he’s done this.. When we were together he would have some “stuff at home” going on and would take it out on me sometimes.. There would be days he wouldn’t talk to me or that he was distant with me.. I’m trying to work things out with him now but it seems as if I annoy him lately even know I’m not meaning to.. I really just want him back.. But I feel like it was all my fault.. I don’t know what to do..

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi tiffani,

      do you want to try the no contact rule:

  27. Rose - 0

    Rose

    I have a texting dilemma with my guy. We really like each other and have a special connection, when we are together it’s always nice and sweet and we are all over each other. I do believe his feelings for me since due to other people trying to get in between us we’ve had some arguments or disagreements due to misunderstanding and instead of moving on to the next girl (I was told he was a player-one of our fights) he still try’s with me yet barely knowing me.. But told me that He feels like he knows me for so long bc of the way we are with each other. The problem is we live 2hrs away from each other & he is a horrible texter!!!! He goes days without texting me but will be on social media and then when he does text me he says “I know your mad but… & usually just wants to make plans to see me or we’ll talk on the phone OCCASIONALLY but nothing deep or meaningful. He says he’s busy but why isn’t he too busy for social media? Why does he not text if he knows it bugs me? Is he just lying? Is he really a player? He is 5years younger than me but I need help understanding this texting issue or if I Just drop him cause it’s bs

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Rose,

      maybe it’s the topic.. Maybe you have to work on the topics that you talk about. What does he do in social media? Why not try social media messaging instead?

    • Rose - 0

      Rose

      He posts about his day.. But won’t look at my snap story unless I’m bothered with him. I suppose I don’t bring up anything interesting but at least he can say good morning or thinking of you or something. I actually told him several times that actions speak louder than words.. And recently told him I wasn’t going to bother making an effort to go see him (1 1/2hr drive) if I couldn’t get a simple text back from him.. He did not reply to my message but looked at my snap story. I do not understand. At. All.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      He got curious with your posts because you got angry with him not texting…

      Put yourself in his shoes. If you are interested in a person, and texting is the only way to that girl, you would text right? So, that can mean that he’s not that interested and he doesn’t have anything interesting to talk with you in text.

  28. Victory - 0

    Victory

    Hello,
    First of all I want to thank you for all information that I had learned from this site. It helps me a lot! You guys are doing amazing job. It doesn’t bring my ex boyfriend back but I’m on my way to do it. It helps me to believe in my self and a little bet come down, I had never thought that I’ll write here, but I need your advice. We had broke up a month ago. After that was messages about how we both feel, there was no fighting when we broke up, he said I have too many issues, on which I’m working right now. He was the one who decided to split. The last message was from me 16 days ago, that i need to concentrate on myself, fix my life and take my time, during the nc he haven’t contact me. Do I need to keep 30 days no contact if after we had broke up it was only couple messages with respond during 2 weeks before I had started nc him? I know I know u are going to say yes, 30 days, it’s hard…

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Victoria,

      yes, you need to. It is hard but it’s not impossible and anything that’s worth it, takes time. It’s not rushed. Actually the very important factor you need to do is to really change yourself. Not just because that’s what you said to him but because you need to be emotionally stronger and he has to think you’re not going to chase him anymore.

  29. Anne - 0

    Anne

    Thank You Amor for your suggestion, and I really did walk out the door. And I have already stopped chasing him. I started my new life already
    Thank you ^_^

    Reply
  30. Tiffany - 0

    Tiffany

    I am on week 2 of NC, and it’s been 3 weeks since I’ve seen him. It’s not getting any easier. I haven’t contacted him by text or phone or anything, however, and I am ashamed to admit this but I have been posting a lot of things on Facebook, like memes and quotes that I know he will see. (Pathetic I know)

    I don’t know if he’s seen them because I finally deactivated my profile. I am so scared that he found someone else, or that he left me for someone else even though he denied it when I asked.

    I don’t know what to do. I can’t stop thinking about him. I don’t know if he misses me, or is hurting like I am and I’m going crazy. Help!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Tiffany,

      you said you’ve posted a lot in fb, what were you posting and what activities have you started during nc to improve yourself? are you going out withe friends? are you meeting new people? that’s good that you weren’t able to answer it because it looks like you’re not ready to keep everything rational

  31. Anne - 0

    Anne

    HI Amor,

    Yes I’m in NC since 10th July, due to my exams he told me to study and then to talk with him. Well I really want to improve myself, but in vain, there should be a mutual understanding between two partners. Well he broke my trust once or more by saying some stuffs which I asked him to keep in privacy. He said me what his friends talked about our LDR, which made him more insecure. Due to anger I asked his friend whether that was right or wrong, he said he asked him to take a break..and not breakup.
    I really don’t know who is speaking the truth. : (
    I have messed it up all. : ‘ (
    Well proposing means..he says that he made me fall in love with him once. In the same way I need to make him fall in love with me once over again. : /
    Hence, I asked help from you.
    With lots of love : )

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Eek.. sorry but I have to be honest.. it’s either he knows how much you love him and loves being worshipped, so he tells you to do that.. or he’s narcissitic.. but either one, it’s still selfish.. which if done to me, I would be out the door…
      mutual understanding means mutual respect too..
      but the good side is if you don’t chase and start to have your own life, it might make him realize to respect you

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