He Cheated On You And You Want Him Back… What Do You Do?

Will Text Messages Be THE THING That Gets Your Ex Back?

How are you supposed to get an ex boyfriend back if he cheated on you? Do you even want to get him back? I’ll admit that these are a few of the most asked questions I get on this site. Today I am going to do my very best to answer them both for you. If you are new to my site then just a warning, every single page I write goes far more in-depth than my peers. Every page draws upon in-depth research (from experts), stories from women who have had success and my own personal experience. So, rather than write more filler content I would prefer to talk about the stuff that can actually do something for you!

Getting A Cheating Boyfriend Back… Is It Possible?

Heck ya it is possible! Of course, the real question is do you even want him back? I have found that a lot of the women who I have worked with who have been cheated on decide not to get their ex boyfriends back because they feel a lot better about themselves after they read the process on this page.

Now, a word about this page:

If you came here looking to get back your ex boyfriend then this page can help guide you. However, it can’t give you the step by step instructions that you are craving. If that is really what you are looking for then I urge you to check out the Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO system that I am always going on and on about. Of course, I still want you to read this page because it contains valuable information on understanding the mind of a cheating boyfriend and how to approach the situation you are in. But, if you want a true step by step guide check out the link below:

Learn More About Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

Good, now that I have that out of the way we can proceed to understanding why men cheat.

Why Do Men Cheat?

Understanding why your boyfriend cheated on you is important. In this section I am going to give you some insight into the male psyche so you can understand why a man will cheat on you. Obviously, there are a lot of different reasons that a man will ultimately decide to cheat on his girlfriend but I would have to say that the most common reason would be because he is just plain horny.

Basically, he sees something he wants and he goes and gets it. While, I think it is a horrible betrayal of trust to cheat on someone (why not break up with them before you move on?) I think a case can be made here that evolution plays a role in his “horniness.” At his very core, a man is instilled with a primal need to replicate/reproduce. Humans were never intended to be monogamous creatures. While I think it says a lot about the advancement of humans that we have slowly developed into a race that seeks out a significant other we weren’t originally intended to do so.

Now, I don’t want you to sit there and feel like I am in any way “for” cheating because I AM NOT. I am simply explaining to you why your ex would feel a need to cheat on you. I suppose there is a little comfort to take in the fact that your ex didn’t cheat on you because of something you did but because he can’t properly his sexual urges. Which leads us to the next section.

Should You Even Try To Get A Cheating Boyfriend Back?

As I write these words I am little conflicted. A part of me wants to tell you to move on but another part of me wants to help you. You clearly came here because you want your ex boyfriend back and I want to help you do that but above all I want to help YOU. Sometimes that means telling you to run the other way. So, I am just going to say this:

The only way that I can justify giving you my help is if you have a legitimate reason for getting back together with your ex.

(I outline the legitimate reasons a lot more in my book found here.)

This means that I CAN NOT help you if you

  • Don’t have a good reason for getting back together.
  • If he has cheated on you multiple times.
  • If you don’t think you can do any better than your ex.
  • The relationship you had was physically or mentally abusive.

However, I WILL be willing to offer you my help if you.

  • Have a legitimate reason for wanting to get together again.
  • If the cheating was an isolated incident (AND WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN)

Trusting Yourself

Here is the deal, before you try to get your ex boyfriend back (if he cheated on you) I am going to ask you to do something that may be a little unorthodox. I want you to implement a no contact rule. If you are familiar with my site then you know I am a really big believer in the no contact rule. Usually, the most powerful part of the no contact rule is it’s ability to break a guy down and make him wonder why you haven’t tried contacting him yet, making him really be on the edge of his seat for when you finally do decide to reach out.

BUT

You are in a very unique situation so I am going to ask you implement the no contact rule for an entirely different reason. I want you to use it as a sort of self check. As you read my page you may still be pretty close to your breakup, time wise. As you will probably realize, making big decisions like going back to an ex who cheated on you isn’t a choice you should make when you are so emotionally unstable (no offense.) The normal no contact period is supposed to last one month or 30 days. That means you can’t text, email, facebook, google plus or talk to your ex on the phone. You essentially cut off all communication. However, I would say that you up the no contact period in this case to 45 days

If after that amount of time you still want to get your ex back then I say you should go right ahead. Notice how you are going to be using the no contact rule on three fronts.

  1. To get your ex a little worried that you will never contact him again.
  2. To use the time to work on yourself (healing)
  3. To decide if your ex is even worth getting back

Deciding If He Is Worth Getting Back

During your 45 days of no contact you are obviously going to have some thinking to do. As stated above, you are going to have to decide if you want to take your ex boyfriend back. You may find that after 45 days you just don’t have the same desire you did to get him back when you first started the NC period. It that happens to you then you should probably move on to someone new.

Since we are dealing with someone who cheated on you the thing you really need to figure out is if he is the type of person that will cheat on a moments notice. Here are some qualities that cheaters tend to have.

  • Narcissistic (Selfish and only thinks of himself.)
  • Chronic Liars (Everyone lies but if someone does it over and over you may have to take a step back and decide if this is someone worth being with.)
  • Someone who gets jealous very easily (If he is constantly accusing you of inappropriate behavior.)
  • Constantly flirts with other girls (Every guy will flirt every now and then but if it is common behavior for him then be careful.)
  • If your ex has cheated in the past (Everyone is human, everyone makes mistakes but if he cheated in the past then that behavior is NOT a one time thing.)

Contacting Your Ex

The time has come, you have waited, hopefully 45 days, and it is finally time to try and start getting your ex boyfriend back. Now, before I go into some long explanation about each step you should take I do feel it is important to mention that I have put together a HUGE resource on how to get your ex back here. While I will talk about what you should do on this page I can tell you that the page I just linked to goes into way more detail (which you will definitely need.)

Alright, now that I have that out of the way lets dive in to how you should contact your ex boyfriend after 45 days.

Usually what happens is your ex will have contacted you at one point during the NC period. That is a really good sign because it means they are interested or concerned about you. Basically, they are feeling something towards you which is what you want. Now, the whole point of the no contact rule was to NOT contact your ex so you aren’t exactly allowed to respond to them after they contact you during the initial 45 day period. Understand that you essentially ignoring them will make them really angry.  I AM HERE TO TELL YOU THAT YOU DON’T CARE HOW THEY FEEL. At least, not at this point.

What is going to happen is that when you finally do decide to contact them they are going to be filled with joy. They have waited all this time to hear from you and when that moment finally comes they are going to be so excited that they will probably run up and down the stairs and do all the things that guys do when they are happy.

Now, here is an interesting question. What is the best way to contact your ex boyfriend?

Choice 1: Calling (NOOOO)

Choice 2: Writing A Letter or Emailing (NOOOO)

Choice 3: Texting (YESSS)

Before I move on I am going to take a few moments to go through each of the choices and explain why texting is the way to go.

Calling – It’s way too much way too soon. As I have said multiple times throughout this site, you have to earn the right to call your ex or in this case, your ex has to earn the right to call you. Besides, when you talk on the phone you don’t have time to think. You have to say just the right thing at just the right time for things to work out the way you want them to. However, the biggest disadvantage for calling an ex is the fact that you could potentially get angry, raise your voice and start a fight if something is said that you don’t like. Now, it may seem like I am swearing off calling altogether but I promise you I am not. In fact, there is a time and a place to use calling as a way to contact your ex but only after your ex earns the right for you to call them. I feel I do a good job of explaining when the proper time to call is in the link I provided at the beginning of this section.

Writing A Letter – It’s creepy. Can you imagine getting a letter after 45 days of no contact from someone that you thought didn’t want to talk to you? Besides, sending a letter is a bold statement that basically screams I STILL LOVE YOU. There is no way to that sending a letter is “light” it is basically an all or nothing kind of deal or as I like to say, it’s a low percentage shot of getting your ex back.

Emailing- A couple of problems with this. First, does your ex even check their email? I can go days, sometimes months without checking certain emails (I have multiple.) Secondly, there is no way that you can get an instant response. With a text if your ex doesn’t respond to you in a day then you can pretty much determine “ok, well that didn’t work.” However, with an email it can sometimes take 2-3 days for a response. I think you have waited long enough.

Texting- Texting is really the best option you have for a number of reasons. First off, it gives you time to think (which calling doesn’t allow.) Every single text message you can craft with time and thought. It is also impossible to show you are angry by raising your voice through a text. Add in the fact that you can get a quick response and you are good to go!

What Do You Say To Them?

Alright great, so now you know that texting is the way to go if you want to get your ex back the question becomes “what do you say in your texts?” I am not going to pretend that this is the easiest thing to do in the world because quite honestly anyone who claims that is lying. Getting your ex back is not going to be an easy task. What I will say is that I have written a page that will help you make the “what to say” process even easier. Check out my texting guide that will help you through what to say to your ex boyfriend.

Published June 18, 2013, | Modified November 8, 2016

Will Text Messages Be THE THING That Gets Your Ex Back?

In so many of the success stories I’ve heard over the years, the primary way that the couple communicated was texting. Texts are short, simple and can lead to HUGE results if you can send the right text message, in the right situation. But it all depends on the inner-dynamics of your relationship.

We’ve put together a quiz, so you can find out if text messages will work for your individual situation. It’s a total of 19 questions, and only takes about 5 minutes to answer. Are you ready to know ?

Take 5 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Now!

What Do You Think? (776)

  1. Tasha - 0

    Tasha

    My ex boyfriend and I dated for 2 years. I was his first real relationship and then we broke up because he kissed another girl and was texting her. I expected him to beg for forgiveness but instead he just said he didn’t want a relationship anymore. About a week went by and I saw him again and he said he missed me and wanted us to remain friends. Around 3 days later we got back in a relationship suggested by me because we were still actin good like a couple. For about 2 weeks things were perfect but he kept saying he felt bad like he didn’t deserve to be with me and that he felt he would hurt me again. Sure enough he did. He broke up with me saying he was unhappy and just didn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone and basically wanted to be free to do whatever. The next day I found out he had cheated the night before he broke up with me. We didn’t talk for about 1 1/2 weeks and then we spoke saying he wanted to sill hangout and be friends. We hung out 2x and started sleeping together while he was sleeping with another girl. He still would send me goodmorning texts, say he missed me, come spend the night even without sex, and sending mixed signals. After a while he would only spend the night with the girl 1-2 week and the rest of the days he would be with me. We still went to do activities together and still bought each other food during he day. While with her he never saw her unless it was at night and didn’t do those things with her. After a while I. Got upset because we basically acted like a couple so why not just be back together but he didn’t want to so we agreed to try and be friends. About a week later of us strictly being friends (but still commenting on who the other person was texting) I found out I was pregnant but was getting an abortion. He then distanced himself from me a lot and my parents told his parents about it and he blamed me. He told me he never wanted to speak to me again because it was clear that I wanted to be with him later on but he doesn’t ever want to be in a relationship with me again. A couple days later he said he didn’t have feelings for me anymore and wanted to be there for me because he loves me but just as a friend. He hasn’t blocked me on anything and I feel I text or call him he answers. I took him off my social media but it’s public and I can see that he still views everything I post. I don’t know if I even want him back but I do know I want him to want me like he use to and I want him to regret ever treating me like this and losing me.

    Reply
  2. Claire - 0

    Claire

    Hello,
    My boyfriend of 2 years went away on a guys trip in july, while away he cheated on me then dumped me upon his return. He now has a new girlfriend that he has been with for a couple of months. My no contact time is coming to an end and I have not heard from him at all, he seems to wrapped up with his new girlfriend. I really miss him and want him back. What do I do?

    Reply
  3. May - 0

    May

    Hi I am May.
    I had a boyfriend over 4 years upto last 2 week’s. We have been in relationship for 4 years and 2 months. Everything was ok with us. I regarded him as my soul mate. But last two weeks, I found out that he had been cheatingon me over 1 and half year with one of my friends. Then he dumped me n ran away from me without explaining or apologizing to me. He called me last night n told me he dumped n cheated on me because he didn’t not interested in me anymore n not to wait for him because he will never getting back with an ex he dumped. I love him so much n I said I forgive him n will love him forever like I did previously. But he said I have no fault on his cheating n he only want to dumped me cause I cannot make him satisfied any longer. He is my very first n last lice to whom I gave my virginity. I am 27 now. I have loved him with all of my life. Now what I heard is he dumped my friend who cheated with too, n already dated with a very new gf now. He ignored n told me harsh n scurrilous words even I am begging him let me love him. I don’t know anything. I can’t even think anymore. The only thing I know is to get him back. I love him so much. What should I do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi May,

      do you want to try the advice above?

  4. Criss - 0

    Criss

    I dated my ex for about 6 months. He broke up with me, hooked up with people for two weeks, then we started hanging out again for about a month until I decided I couldn’t do the FWB after all I was his GF, and he now has downgraded me. I started NC an I am on day 25 of no contact. I would have been on day 37, but on day 16 I broke contact and was angry after finding out he was hooking up with a “friend” of his shortly after I began NC and it appeared as if they are very into each other, I see them being a rebound or a new GF. He basically said he was sorry and wished my true happiness, blocked me on FB after I went off on him, the last thing I said was negative out of anger.. he won’t see the message I sent 25 days until now given the situation he’s in.

    For the past 25 days he has been underway as he is in the Navy so it’s been good for me because they are unable to contact out in the middle of the sea. But once his cell phone reaches service he will get my negative message from 25 days ago which I kind of regret now because it’s as if i am contacting him in present time although I am not.

    Through this time I have followed the rules, worked on my self, really thought about the situation and who he has treated me. I’ve lost more and more interest, almost to the point were I no longer want him back. It hurts when I think he will start seeing this other girl on his return and has forgotten about me however. Although part of me still wants him to miss me and want me back, it’s mostly over ruled now by my moving on.

    My question is, at the end of my no contact period, should I still contact my ex if I am over him? I want to, and I don’t want to all at once.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Criss,

      that decision is solely yours.. If you want to apologize or clear somethings before moving on, do so. If that helps you be at peace right?

    • Criss - 0

      Criss

      Thank you Amor for hearing out and giving advice on my long story, and for that of others on the site! You rock!

      I just want to say for anyone else reading this the NC rule has really helped me. After 30days I feel so much happier by myself, and have realized I don’t want to go back. This took a lot of introspection, but I feel like a much better person. Although I know I am not completely healed, and deep down I still slightly crave my ex (or the idea of our good times), I find that this was ultimately the best thing for me. Ima happy and appreciate this site and its staff for the help!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You’re welcome and thank you too!

  5. Aicha - 0

    Aicha

    Hi,
    I desperatly need opinion what to do.
    Everything is such a big confus right now.

    I have Been 3 years In longdistance rls with my boyfriend. He lives 200 km from me.
    From the start things have been tricky, actually he lied allready then when we met..being single. In some way he is yes..He is divorced but for some difficult money things he is kinda stuck with his ex, and living as a roommate with her. Its a long story..I know there is not nothing More, ( allso this ex is over 60 years old and he is at his 30’s. It was marrying for money thing..And he is ashamed) but this ex still acts like jelous wife and he doesnt want her to know anything. So that mess is really limiting our change.
    He havent handle his life well..He mess up his money things and havent really even move to better work.
    He has narsistic charter…not total but some.
    His mental side has allso been long time not so well..too much pressure for big loans and his family issues.
    He comes from different culture and family is pushing him for many things.
    He has even angry..verbally agressive. .selfish.
    I have stick by him all this time..I love him even he havent really give me a reason.never with me..
    Contact very minimum and many other things

    But he allways sayd he loves me and was hoping I can wait..
    Tough lately it was More : dont wait…I cant give nothing blaa blaa.

    So some time ago he went to his family overseas, there was difficult things waiting. .threath allso going to jail if he cant pay something.
    He left..
    7 weeks go and I didnt heare nothing!
    7 weeks! Phone closed.
    Then one day raport from message come…phone was open.
    I ask is he ok and like helooo. …

    He answer leave me alone. This is over
    I get shock. I waited here. .I loved and missd him and then he says like this.

    I call him and he lied to me being still abroad ( later I found out he was allready here )
    And that he doesnt want me anymore. Move on.
    Allso sayd he wants a family there.

    I get so hurt and depressed. .
    Then two days later he write me like we can meet as friends blaa blaa…And I say I know you are here. Why you lie?
    Then he sayd he comes here later.
    He come..I could see something was wrong. I try talk. .He was telling bad problems etc. But didnt really want to say anything to that what was this breakup.
    The he ask do I still want him ??!
    I tell him I dont know. He was my everything but he doing this is…
    Well one thing lead to other and we end up bed.
    After that I could see some was wrong. Allso the sex was..very lame.
    He got really akward. ..And finally confesed that he was in bed with a hokker there.

    My world crush.
    He left…What was painful even More. .He sayd he is sorry. But didnt say nothing to tell me im something to him.
    Weekend we text..but he hade play this phone off phone open since goming back..and I knew from the raport.
    Saturday I get pissed to this..and told him I have enough.
    He say to me better that I go. For me !!
    Later when I say that you know ok. What the fuck..I have cry and tell I love you bla blaa. .but you only push me away.
    Why I try. I go out tonight and have to say that you treating me like this…Me feeling rejected and unwanted. .What you think happens if someone gives me attention etc.
    I want to see yes if he is even jelous. ..He say I didnt say I dont want you.

    So very mixed signals.
    I didnt go..but didnt tell that.
    3 at night I wakeup him calling…I just chek you are not with anyone.
    Öööö. .Ok.
    Sunday nothing allmost. .and then yesterday he was standing behind my door.
    He come we talk..but he was silent and depressed. I was thinking that if he comes…He must feel something to me.
    But when I just very light ask that I dont think he wants I go away…He get really akwarded again and finally say no…but it wasnt. ..I dont know.

    Now Today. ..I dont feel atall anymore in love or panic if he goes.
    But yes I would want him back still I think.

    Does anyone have any idea what is this ?
    He is the one who First dissapear for many weeks. Lies. ..cheat. dump me but then actually no..or I dont know.

    And im the one who is allmost begging First him not to leave and tells I love him and maby I can try to forgive.
    But I think I should be hear in from him that. That he dosent want to loose me etc
    Or maby he Does then 🙁
    But why the hell he keeps contact and comes here ?
    Then other moment say leave me alone.

    Uhh. ..help me please

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Aicha,

      It could be because he wants to make you his friend with benefits. It’s apparent that he’s not going to leave his wife for money. For me you should move on. You deserve a guy that will stand up for you.

  6. Denise - 0

    Denise

    So I was dating this guy for a year and a month right now. He is a really good person I truly believe that. We met when we were doing our foundation year in Manchester, UK. So it took us about 10 days to actually start dating and kiss mainly cuz before he was just trying to get me. After that we were literally inseparable, since we lived in the same block at our student accommodation he would sleep at mine spend 24/7 together and we would go to college and do everything together, gosh sometimes it even was about 3 days of us not getting out of my room and just chilling. After about a month he confessed his love for me and later on so did I. But I always felt that He loves me the most, I could truly say that, I could feel it till the last point of our relationship. Then it took us around 5 months to have sex because both me and him were virgins and he just wanted me to take time and don’t rush into such things. After having it I got attached to him a lot. And throughout our relationship we never had like problems with sexual life hence we were pretty active. Since both of us are not from the UK we would go back home to our countries for winter break, spring break and etc. So we had some distance thing too. At the end of our foundation year we would apply for uni even tho they weren’t the same, because we just wanted to base our choices on our own choice and hopes for the future. However, we knew we are going to make it even though we would be in different cities, I mean England is not a massive country, is it? So I got accepted to London, whereas he decided to go to Swansea, which is around 4 hrs away by train… Later on we actually faced that horrible summer break that was around 2-3 months long. Obviously we had a lot of arguments and disagreements, it’s hard to keep it that way but we would still Skype and stuff. So here comes the spiciest part of the story… It was time for us to finally see each other and get on our way to our unis. It was his birthday when we got a chance to meet up and he came all the way from Swansea and spent around 4-5 days with me and we were actually extremely happy and everything. Ok so it was our freshers week and I admit I am generally a very jealous person, so I would get really concerned about him going out by himself, drinking an meeting new people, so we started arguing and I had trust issues for him. We basically agreed for seeing each other every weekend from Friday till Sunday, so he would come for around 3 weeks everytime and we would love and spend time. But we argued a lot during the past few weeks, mainly because of my jealousy him worrying and etc. When he would come on friday we would have fun and go clubbing together and enjoy ourselves. And one weekend I argued with him so much I told him not to come, so he didn’t but then we argued argued argued and I called him and told him to come next day and he did haha. That was the last time I saw him in person. He came over from saturday till tuesday and actually missed some of his classes for me. But then when he was leaving I was crying so much like I had a really bad feeling like something is going to happen but he calmed me down and left normally. Then next weekend I told him I am going out with my girls from uni , and so did he (I mean he was like ok I’m going out w my friends in swansea as well). We agreed that neither of us will get too drunk and to trust each other. He didn’t reply to a single call the whole night… I got concerned and I couldn’t sleep properly. Next day I called him and asked him to explain himself, which he freaking did. He said “Denise, yesterday night didn’t end up well, ….(pause)…It’s time for us to end it….. I kissed a girl last night and I was really drunk”. My reaction was just a huge shock, cause he never seemed like that type of a guy to me, I mean I never caught him on flirting with girls or talking so actively. Then I called him back and asked him if it was a prank and he said it wasn’t and he wouldn’t joke around like that and I hung up. So I was just taking underground to home, and I couldn’t hold it and bursted out crying. I was so hurt. Then I got some huge bottle of wine an started drinking it by myself and all those emotions just hit me so I called him and started yelling crying shouting and blaming him ( long story short being a psycho). Then he said ” I can’t talk Denise we should really stop and end this I can’t hurt you” and he hung up. After a couple of minutes he sent me texts describing what exactly did he do. Quote: “Im sorry Denise, We have to never talk again, It was in the club, random girl started talking to me. I was really drunk, she bought me a drink… And I bought her one too and after we made out… We kissed for a pretty long time, around 10-15 mins; Then I went to the bathroom and all that guilt got me… I couldn’t do anything. I just cried and went home. And cried home. I have to go now, Im sorry…There is nothing I can do right now, I fucked up and no way in hell I can fix it. Even if you forgive me I won’t forgive myself”. So after that he blocked me everywhere so I wouldn’t reach him. I never thought I would forgive cheating, but we’ve just been through a lot and my love is unconditional, so I decided I would try and actually forgive him. But I figured He doesn’t want to be forgiven… I didn’t contact him for 2 days, until today I called him. I told him that I still love him and I’d forgive him if he lets me. The thing is that … he told me this “I’m so sorry Denise but I can’t I really can’t … Probably If I had stronger feelings for you I wouldn’t have cheated on you.. My feelings have decreased and they are decreasing a lot but I do care about you a lot.. You really have to move on, Denise… ( then I started crying and begging him) … Denise, please understand, all those arguments were leading to this, I never meant to hurt you…(I told him to at least think about it more carefully and come and see me on saturday…”I promise you, Denise I’ll come on Saturday and talk things through with you and I am going to think about it before, tho don’t expect anything please.. don’t rise your hopes even a tiny bit, because honestly I doubt I’m going to change my mind”…

    And now I don’t know what to do, but he did ask me not to contact him in any way till saturday which is exactly what I am going to do… But I really want to get him back so much so desperately. I just have no idea how, probably he sounds so convincing. I don’t know how could I possibly get over him if we actually do break up… I just love him so much, he is special to me. Those last few days were just miserable… I hope you could help me.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Denise,

      if he really needs soace..give him that.. let him have his space so he can think and forgive himself..

  7. Taurus 23 - 0

    Taurus 23

    Hello ,
    I was wondering is it even worth that i try to get my ex to chase after me?? My boyfriend, well ex and I have been on and off for 5 years . The foundation of our relationship is cheating (from
    Him) and lies (from me) . We have a 2 year old daughter together and now we are expecting a son which I’m carrying going on 6 months. I guess you can say the reason why we always get back together is bc I allow him to come back bc I’m weak and stupid. Over the years I got a little strong with not tolerating his bull & he seems to be committed but then after while the cycle repeats itself & he’s back to trying to have his cake & eat it too. This last time around , he was doing good, I was doing good . We were finally happy & I had no doubt in my mind that he was faithful but then a random # texted his phone & I happened to notice & when I questioned him he blew up at me , said some lame excuse that I wasn’t buying saying that a guy had texted his phone lookin for someone else , basically acted guilty & left home that entire day & didn’t return until the next day. I broke up with him bc I felt like no man should spend the night away from home after being told time & time that I don’t allow it. A man should put his woman insecurities to rest especially if he has a background of cheating. I then later find out after I already broke with him that the “guy” who really texted his phone was really a female . She said she was his friend & had no clue that he and I were together and just knew I was his “baby mother” . Idk to what extent what relationship they had or how long he was involved with her but even tho I was suspicious of that text message then later find out that he was texting someone did hurt me . All that blowing up at me was just a sign that we was guilty of something & all I did was ask a simple question. I’m hurt bc he lied about who he was texting. In the past I normally go looking for dirt but this time i find out without invading his privacy & phone so I feel a little relieved but I’m hurt bc I’m emotionally attactched & have a kid & I’m already pregnant which makes me more emotional. At this point I don’t want him back, however , I do beilbe people can change , but I want him to hurt by realizing that I am no longer there &want him to learn his lesson & miss me. I haven’t contacted him nor even let him know that I know he was actually texting a female. But I know we will cross paths eventually I’m carrying his child along with a 2 year old daughter. I want him to CHANGE ! I want my family to work but if he can’t prove to me that he can be solely committed to me and ONLY me, the hell with his ass! Please respond

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Taurus 23,

      You cant force someone to change..you cant control them..that’s why it’s veey important that you know what your values are, and stick to them.. So, that the wrong people will leave and the right ones will stay.. If they have to change, they’ll do it because they can see they have no other choice if they want to stay in your life..

      In your case, you kept pushing your standards aside and accepting him.. It’s ok to make a mistake but that means the second chance would be really hard to earn..

      This would be harsh, but if your daughter was in the same position, how would you advise her?

  8. Elle - 0

    Elle

    Hi,

    My ex boyfriend and I are both 24 years old. We are each other’s first serious relationship. We dated for 2.5 years before he broke up with me the first time. I found out through friends that he had been cheating on me with another woman. I cried and begged for him to stay but he wanted no part of that. After 5 months, things fizzled out with the new girl.

    We stayed apart all up for about a year (in which he dated another woman for around 4-5months, but I stayed single). The whole time we stayed in contact and my feelings for him were always clear but he never reciprocated those feelings. After his relationship with the second woman ended, we got back together (which I believe was out of convenience for him as he had just lost his licence, but he disagrees, saying that he had thought about it for a few months).

    We stayed together for another 4.5 years in which everything was generally good. However, history is repeating itself and he has now left me again for another woman. When we broke up, I remained calm and listened to what he had to say (he said he had lost his feelings towards me and was unhappy), which I had sensed for the last 2 months of our relationship. I let him go without being overly emotional which was the complete opposite of what I had done the first time we broke up.

    I implemented strict NC after the breakup for 40 days. During this time, I noticed he started watching my snapchat stories (he never did before, even when we were together). However, he has since deleted me. He has also deleted every trace of me on his Facebook profile but has still kept me as a friend. When I did the initial reach out via text, his responses were very neutral which is what I expected (I texted him a picture of something funny we used to laugh at and asked him about work). I am also aware that he is still seeing the other woman.

    It has been 5 days since I first reached out to him and now I’m unsure of what to do. Any advice? Thanks 🙂

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Elle,

      I’m wondering why you were the one who begged before when he was the one who cheated? You have to wait a week, and since you’re already 5 days in, just 2 days from now before trying again.. Use a topic that he likes that is current.. if he doesn’t reply, wait two weeks before trying again.. if he still doesn’t reply, then it’s better to move on..

  9. S - 0

    S

    Hi
    Well, I wanna say sorry to you in advance, my English is not so good. (I’m not English speaker)
    Even though, I found this site and thought articles are quite helpful and logical.

    Honestly, my ex bf cheated on me and finally dumped me last Sunday, so we broke up. (yes, just few days ago)
    He was really sweet. But from weeks ago before when we broke up, i felt he doesn’t pay attention to me enough.
    Of course i know its natural phenomenon between couple. But his attitude was changed all of sudden.
    Also I saw he texted with another girl on Facebook using sweet nickname, so I asked him who she is.
    He told me she is just friend politely, and sorry to make me worry a lot. I was still have doubt, but tried to trust him.

    However i couldn’t stop to suspect him because he changed our date plan again and again, didn’t call me, didn’t send me a snapchat and so on. Just he seemed to busy.

    On Sunday, yes day when we broke up. I dated with him from morning to 1430, because he told me he have to go work place to dinner with his boss. I didn’t have any doubt about that.
    But his friend(male friend) texted me “Are you with him? I saw your photo tagged him on your Facebook”
    I told my bf that text, and he told me “Don’t answer that.” I asked him reason but he seemed avoid, just said “no no no”
    After my bf left, I texted his friend “Yes, I was with him. Do you made plan with him?” so friend said “Yes, at 1600” lol
    At that time, my bf texted me “Babe, i can’t use phone all night long becuz i will be with my boss”
    I got mad suddenly because i thought he doesn’t need to lie about that.
    So i answered him politely “please tell me honestly what are you doing now. babe, you have right to tell me if you wanna have time with your friends.”
    But he didn’t answer. i called him, he hung up that. So i texted “Ok. Do anything what u wanna do.”
    Then he texted me with curse words. Its first time i saw he reaction like that.
    He told me i always do that to him, i always overact, his friend said to him i’m crazy and we should break up(his friend told me later its not true), and can’t deal my overact anymore ….
    I’m so shocked, so i just told him “Ok. i can’t deal your lying either. bye” and its over.

    Funny thing is that he changed his instagram bio to her nickname from my name after 20min we broke up.. -.-
    I ignored, i deleted my instagram account and deleted him on “facebook”.
    Then, after 2 hours, he changed his messenger profile picture to her from his selfie.
    Then, after 1 hours, he setted his statue message “Oo, shes so cute” LOL
    I just laughed because i thought he want to show me off that and just wanna make me annoyed.

    I was in sadness deeply (Still i’m in).
    I couldn’t understand how he could do that right after we broke up, how his love changed all of sudden.
    Anyway, I tried to get over. But he sent me friend request on Facebook after two days of Sunday.
    WHAT???? I assumed various reasons, but i couldn’t find a answer. I just ignored him. (I believe NC rule.)
    But next day of that day, he sent me request AGAIN.
    I’m so confused whats his intention. But i ignored second request again.
    (I checked his profile pic of messenger app, but he didn’t change)

    Actually, I don’t know I wanna get him back or not. I don’t know my emotion.
    But I wanna talk with him again. I feel painful whenever imagine he with new girl…..even though i don’t know they already in relationship or not.
    I know i’m stupid. I respect my feeling too 🙁

    I need your advice. What should I do? Whats his intention to sent me request twice? (Maybe not good intention, i guess)
    I afraid I will lost chance to contact with him using his Facebook request.
    But I think i have to keep No Contact rule too….. So confused.

    I’m looking forward to hearing from you. Sorry for my English again.
    Thank you.

    S

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi S,

      dont’ delete the request but don’t approve it yet too.. Approve it after no contact rule.. Be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media…make your posts public so he will see it even if his not your friend..

  10. Sofia - 0

    Sofia

    My boyfriend of 2 years and I broke up last December. We’ve been on and off since then, on my birthday in September he told me he still loved me and missed me and wanted another chance and can’t imagine his life without me and I’m the only one he can go to and I am perfect to him. I just found out he slept with someone else while we were broken up… I suspected it before but he denied and now I know it’s true. We were so good last week but when I found out I left him a nasty voicemail crying telling him he was a disgusting pig and he was dead to me. ( I was upset). He has yet to even attempt to contact me… I really want him to.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sofia,

      Honestly, he probably won’t because he knows you’re angry. But give him a few days, maybe he will initiate.

  11. Aimee - 0

    Aimee

    I’m 27 and my bf is 34. We’ve known each other since February, and decided to take it to next level on month of May. At courting stage, I didn’t like him at all, I even ignore him often but he was so into me. Everyday he’ll come to my office just to give me any random food or flowers. He will skip office hours just to send me home or have a coffee date with me. During May to June, everything is like a fairytale, we go out with friends and with my family, we travel and do lot of stuff together. On mid-July, I just found out that there’s a girl he’s still into a relationship with and to my horror they’ve been together for 7 years. Everything he told me at first was a big fat lie, he even makes stories just to make it look real. When I found this out, he told me that it’s already done and I’m the one he wants to be with. After days, I forgive and accepted. But after then, I felt different, he changed, I can feel he’s hiding something from me. I’m aware from time to time, the other girl is trying to win him back, she keeps on messaging my bf and she keeps on coming to his office. I was not threaten because my bf will secure me. Then he’s starting to loose hand on our strings, he will not text, or chat me like old times, it would take hours for him and say he was busy. It gets worst by not answering back all my calls, text and chats. He ignored and didn’t push through all our plans of dates. Then one day he told me he wanted space, he confessed that he loves me deeply but things got really complicated in his part, he said his past is still haunting him and having hard time finishing it all at once. I got hurt so badly and let him do that, gave him space, I cut all the routines and he started getting curious of my whereabouts. He’s getting angry that I don’t tell him and accusing me seeing someone else. Until I can’t hold and went back to him. Now that I’m fighting for him and he must choose me over his ex, he started getting away again. I know clearly that he’s making communication with the other girl. Though he said he’ll understand that I may not comprehend that he has this strange strategy to get his ex totally out of our lives and that is to be attached again with her. And that he’s doing this for me so we can finally be together after all this conflicts. He asked me for a month or two of this complicated situation. We are now on its second month. At this point in time, I feel again that I’m losing him, I thought showing love and affection will help us. But it’s not working anymore, he continuously taking me for granted. I believe he’s making more contact with the other girl than me. He’s a chronic liar. I’m starting to think if he’s really worth it or not, I can’t figure it out yet and I’m super undecided, confused (and ofcourse still loving him despite of everything). I’m pretty aware now that I acted in a post break-up syndrome and I want to take over now of my own feelings and own self. I need guide on how to effectively implement things, Thanks.

    Reply
    • Aimee - 0

      Aimee

      I even forgot to tell that my bf said he still want to have me by his side while he’s taking his time and space. He said that he do not want me to go away and if we lose communication according to him we will drift away and forget what we had for good. I think it may contradict the NC rule. I’m curious of what you could advise. Thanks. 🙂

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hmm.. that’s just his way of trying to control you.. Well, it’s your choice.. If you start no contact you have to ignore him. If you want you can tell him you’re not going to do this anymore because you need to move on and you need space to move on.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Aimee,

      do you want to try what’s advised above and start no contact rule?

  12. Ailee - 0

    Ailee

    Hi,
    My boyfriend of three years broke up with me last week to date an 18 year old. We were off and on the last year of our relationship because he always cited that while we were best friends, a longterm relationship wasn’t right for him. We would be off for a month or so, but then we’d end up back together. This time was different though, he broke up with me for the same reason, adding that he still wanted me in his life, and me, being tired of this cycle, got up and left. Before I got into my car, he gave me a long hug and said he still loved me.

    I told him I was going to begin NC to give myself space to heal before I could be his friend again. It wasn’t until a day later that my friends told me he had the other girl over the night before we broke up and that he asked her out the same day we broke up. I was so upset that I blocked them both on social media. Now I don’t know how to proceed. I wake up in the morning wanting to text him, “I know what you did. You’re not the man I thought you were,” but I know it wouldn’t be worth it.

    The worst part is that I’ll see him every once in a while at competitions (he’s my college team’s coach – I just graduated last spring). At some point, I’d like him to come back and beg, but I’m not sure how to proceed from here.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ailee,

      if you want to increase your chances of him begging, then dont chase and focus in improving yourself

  13. Vida - 0

    Vida

    My boyfriend has a girl on the side. He told the girl he’s with me because I work for his company. I tried the NC unfortunately I need to call him. How do i continue with the nc. I never talk of personal things when i call him and i see him once a month.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Vida

      why did you need to call him? And by once month, does that mean your work?

  14. Brooke - 0

    Brooke

    Me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost 2 years. We started dating at the beginning of grade 10 and now we are starting grade 12. My boyfriend has mental illnesses like depression and anxiety and a touch of OCD (he always needs to impress people and do the best). This summer I was on vacation for 3 months so I didn’t see him for that long. He was also away on vacation for one of those months. Everything was going great the whole summer, no fighting or arguing. I was feeling so happy and in love. W hen we both got back to town for back to school things were going just as good. And then just randomly he broke up with me because “his feelings changed” and he “wasn’t happy”. I just let it be because I was sorta done trying to make him happy and have it not work. But then a few days later one of my good guy friends girlfriend messaged me pictures of messages between her and my boyfriend from back in December. The messages included him asking her to go cruising and making sure she didn’t tell anybody about them going cruising. Back in December when this was brought to my attention I asked him about it and he lied and told me she asked him to hangout but he said no and then blocked her. I didn’t even think to go and look for the messages on his phone bc I trusted him to tell the truth. After the girl sent me the messages between them she told me that they never did anything, only went for a short drive. When I asked my boyfriend about why he felt the need to do this and he said he regretted it so much but it was just “to impress one of his older friends” who was already after hooking up with this girl. (Dumbest excuse ever right??) anyways it was also brought to my attention that while I was away on vacation he ended up getting super depressed and his head was all fucked up according to him. So he slept with a girl that he works with after they were done work one night. After I found this out I confronted both my boyfriend and the girl and their stories added up so I knew they weren’t lying about anything. They never talked out side of work only to discuss their work schedules. They never flirted our talked during work because there was always other people around. And it wasn’t a premeditated thing. Apparently she came up and kissed him and for a bit nothing was on his mind so he just let go. He stopped after it started because he was grossed out by her and felt instant regret. After do confronted him about everything he cried to me for 2 hours about how bad he messed up and regrets it and how I’m the best thing in his life and how he loves me with every inche of his body and how he wants a second chance to prove everything. And how he would never do any of this to someone ever again because he realizes how much pain it not only put me and him in but all of our friend and families too. He’s now going to counselling to figure out his mental illnesses and won’t stop trying to prove how he wants to be better for me. He told me afterwards that he didn’t come clean about the cheating in the summer right away because he was trying to find a way to tell me without hurting me too much, but he has to do something bc he couldn’t deal with the remorse and guilt anymore. And well I guess I came here for advice because im confused on what to do. I always thought I’d never get back with someone if they did this to me. But I love him so much and I can’t even hate him for what he did no matter how much I want to. He’s made me a better person. He makes me happy and he’s my bestfriend. He’s been my best friend since 7th grade. In a way I’m glad we are on a break and not together because it gives both of a chance to make ourselves better and do things for ourselves for a chance. But I still want to be with him more than ever. I’m going on the 3rd week of not being in contact with him and he still won’t stop messaging me and trying to make things better. I was hoping after not talking to him for a while my feelings would go away but they haven’t. I’m so confused and to how he could do all of this when he claims to love me? But more than ever I still trust him and believe that he’s telling me the truth about this. I thought after someone betrays your trust you don’t usually believe them. But I still believe him. It’s so confusing. Please help me out. I think I really just want to hear an opinion from an outsider who doesn’t personally know me or him. Thank you:)

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Brooke,

      Because he’s young.. That’s just it. He’s still immature, especially emotionally. So, the need to impress or just explore over rides his feelings for you.. Well, you wouldn’t really forget your feelings for him in just 3 weeks but I do hope you really focused in improving yourself, being independent and being more rational. If you decide to take another chance with him, take it slow and let him prove his words first.

  15. Catherine - 0

    Catherine

    I was dating my boyfriend for 4 years and everything was fine, in July 2016 he went on a boys holiday and cheated on me for a one night stand.. He got back and immediately told me! We spoke on and off for a while but now have completely stopped.. I still love him and want him back but I’m not to sure if he wants me back because he hasn’t showed any signs wanting to? I’m still really upset and I don’t know what to do because I would like to get back with him.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Catherine,

      who broke up with who and when was the last time you talked? Do you want to try the no contact rule;

  16. Kay - 0

    Kay

    Hi,
    My break-up with my boy-friend is more complicated. I thought I was pregnant and going through a miscarriage I thought that my boyfriend wasn’t supporting me or emotionally supporting me like he should. I end up texting him, saying how I felt and I suggested breaking up and he agreed, which I thought was strange. I was serious with breaking up I was just frustrated. I asked him why he wants to break-up, he gave me multiple different reason like I wasn’t showing him enough attention, he felt obligated to do thing for me, and how he wasn’t there for me. We agreed to give each other space. I waited a week to see if he would contact me but he didn’t and I was not satisfied with his reason for breaking up because it didn’t make sense. We was fine for one moment and I told him that he never express those feelings to me of me not showing him enough attention. He said we could do better as friends but I said no I don’t want to be your friend. I keep push it and he just kept lying to my face. I had a feeling that it was much more than that and it turns out I was right. He finally told me that he found attention elsewhere. So he was cheating on me for an entire month with someone younger and I asked him for details and I was disgusted. We was going to work thing out until I found out the whole extent of him cheating. I don’t even see us working out. He said he love and care for me, but he didn’t even try to get me back or text or call me. We been going out for almost 3 years now and I would think that he would have some kind of trust and loyalty to at least to tell me the truth. It’s hard for me to get over it, I’m still upset it’s been almost a week of us officially over. His cheating was out of the blue, I really didn’t even expect it or thought he was up to something. I thought our relationship was going fine until the last month. I don’t know what to do. I really want to get over him. He still lied to me about detail information about the cheating and the person he cheated with. I ‘m a person who can’t get over something until I know the full truth on what happen. I really don’t know if there’s any way of us getting back together. What do you think I should do? I think that he needs someone to talk to other from his friends that’s not giving him the best advice. His friends gave him the ok to cheat and he did it. I really want to tell his parents of what’s being going on. Do you think I should or leave it alone? His not make smart decision and his going back to his bad habits of smoking weed and hanging out late and now cheating. What is your advice on this situation?Should I just leave it alone?

    Reply
  17. Cathy - 0

    Cathy

    My husband and I separated 3 yrs ago after 12 years of marriage because he had an affair. We are still married and have no plans to divorce at this point, even though he is living with his affair partner in our home. I’m a full time student and he supports me, even pays for satellite radio in my car, my phone, health insurance, etc. He comes over around once a month & we split a bottle of wine. We don’t hook up but often talk about reconcilliation. I’d take him back in a heartbeat because I’m still in love with him and we were blissfully happy together for a number of years. I’ve frequently asked him if he wants a divorce and he says he doesn’t know what he wants. I questioned him about it and he swears he REALLY doesn’t know & wants to re-visit reconcilliation idea when I graduate in May of 2017. He talks about spending the rest of our lives together, however lately I’ve been initiating all contact. Should I re-initiate no contact? It failed miserably the first time I tried it. Not sure where to go from here. Very apprehensive about NC. Maybe we’re beyond that.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Cathy,

      Take a different approach. Try doing nc again but this time, after it, do not be engaging in taking him back if he asks it. Make it seem like you’re not that interested anymore. And if he wants you, he as to prove it.. And ofcourse, improve yourself during and continually after nc.. Maintain your routine after nc

  18. Melissa - 0

    Melissa

    Hello, I’ve followed 30 day no contact, followed the texting guide and got the dinner date in 10days! I really believe in your method. We are in constant stream of texting but as soon as we start flirting, he cuts the conversation for 6 hours and then starts messaging again? He saying things like wow I’m really wanting sex, I’ll say something similar and then he vanishes and bans the conversation… I don’t think ignoring him is the way, as he’s being messaging every day, just not sure how to read this. Is he not into flirting, does it scare him, or is he seeing me as a friend, does he not want me to think he’s using me for sex? I have no intension in sleeping with him until commitment. He’s 29years old.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Melissa,

      I think he doesn’t want the conversation to be too forward.

  19. Akiko - 0

    Akiko

    My ex boyfriend of nearly 3 years cheated on me and he doesn’t want to admit that he did. We really did love each other but towards the end of our relationship, he started becoming more distant and I found out that he’s been with another girl. I live with him and he still wants to be friends and he said that he still cares for me as a close friend, since we’ve known each other for years even longer than our relationship. Even after all of this, I still love him a lot, but I don’t want to just be friends and apparently, he’s already with the girl he cheated on me with, but he doesn’t want to admit that they’re together. He did this to me before but at that time, we weren’t really together. Although, he realized that he hurt me so much and wanted to make up for it. Right now, he doesn’t realize that he’s technically doing the same thing again/letting history repeat itself BUT this time, we were actually together. I’ve already done the NO CONTACT rule for 3 weeks and he got super bothered and kept trying to reach out. We are now on talking terms, but even now, I still want him back and we helped each other grow so much. What should I do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Akiko,

      and you’re still living with him? If you really want something to change, the circumstances has to change. If you don’t want to be his friends, then don’t be his friend.. Living together is going to put you in a friends with benefits position which is even worse

  20. Carolina Chavez - 0

    Carolina Chavez

    I’ve known my ex boyfriend for over two years. We started off as friends, then hooking up, and we became in a relationship. I found out that in February he hooked up with his ex girlfriend of 4 years. During this time, we weren’t official. However, I also found out he has been talking to a new girl. When I confronted him he apologized was remorseful and constantly stated feeling embarrassed and like an idiot. He said he doesn’t know what to say to me because he is embarrassed and I don’t deserve this. He also has been ignoring me because he feels like he doesn’t deserve talking to me. During our relationship, he did not show any signs of unhappiness. We talked every day, laughed, saw each other. Best relationship I ever had. We haven’t spoken for three days and I don’t know what to do. He seems like he is avoiding talking to me. What should I do?

    Reply
    • Carolina Chavez - 0

      Carolina Chavez

      Also, he stated that he wants to be with me. That he has done more with me than any other relationship he has had (2). He just feels like he doesn’t have the right to beg for my forgiveness. I really would like for him to fight for me but he hasn’t. He’s going to be 28years old in a couple of months and I don’t know if he got scared because the relationship was serious or because he feels like he still needs to mess around with other girls. I just wish he would talk to me. He took the decision of taking time to think and stuff on his own. I didn’t ask for time or I didn’t say to not contact me. I don’t know what to do.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Carolina,

      when did he talk to the new girl? and when did you break up? Are you going to try what’s advised above?

    • Carolina Chavez - 0

      Carolina Chavez

      He started talking to the new girl in August. He claims he does not talk to her every day like he talks to me. He isn’t really fighting for me. He keeps saying he feels like he doesn’t deserve to talk to me and how he feels embarrassed. At this point, I don’t even know if we are broken up or not. The last thing we said is that we are taking time to think. He was the one that suggested this. I am willing to try the no contact rule. What do you think I should do?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Ok.. yeah, I think you should do 30 days no contact.. Don’t be friends with benefits with him again.. It’s still a good sign that he feels guilty. Just don’t lower you value by chasing him or agreeing to be friends with benefits again.

  21. Stacy - 0

    Stacy

    Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years. We were recently living together and I went through his phone and saw some very in inappropriate/ flirtatious text messages. When I confronted him he told me they kissed and he likes the girl. I broke up with him the same day because he didn’t want to cut off the girl. His reasons for this is because I often have the habit of shutting down and not talking about things and I just end the relationship so he feels disposable and he says if he cuts this friend off then he won’t have anyone to talk to when I dissapear on him emotionally. While I do realize I have things to work on I think it’s an excuse. He then moved out and continues to talk to the girl, I found out through a friend that he’s been staying at her house and we’ve been broken up for 2 weeks. They both share common interests and values and he often seems to rub that in my face. He also compares me to her. Now this girl isn’t someone new in his life they have been friends for years and they even had a little thing in the past when they were younger but he just didn’t decide to pursue anything, and so I’m having a hard time figuring out why now? I recently started the no contact method and he’s been contacting me and texting me non stop. I deleted him off social media and blocked his number and he texts me and tells me I’m immature. It’s been a week since I started the no contact method but I don’t get why he’s still Calling me, and sending pictures of us together and begging for me to talk to him if he likes this girl and is currently staying with her. He recently texted me and stated he tried and ever since then the calls and texts have stopped since I didn’t respond. Should I continue the NC method or just move on?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Stacy,

      Looks like he saw her as a grass is greener case because he got tired of feeling unimportant and now, he misses you because you’ve been silent.. but that doesnt mean he would want to get back with you..try to finish 30 days first and then decide in the end if you want to try to slowly build rapport.. Heal and Improve yourself during nc too

  22. P - 0

    P

    Hi,

    My boyfriend of 1 and a half years has decided to end our relationship. He came clean about cheating on me with his ex during a trip with her together, and it was during the infidelity, he realised he loved me. He has never cheated before and this was his first time, and was very guilty about it. He apologised for the infidelity and said that he could not forgive himself even if I ‘ve decided to give him another chance; he can’t seem to bare to live with the guilt if we were to continue this relationship, and told me i deserved better and i should go away and never come back. We have broken up twice during our relationship, due to certain factors that are stressful in our personal life. In both those break ups, he plead to continue the relationship.
    Before he broke things off this time, he told me that I was the only girl who he’s truly loved and expressed how he feels, as he is not an expressive type of guy. I could tell from his voice, he sounded lost, and needed some direction.
    If he loved me, why did he allow the cheating to happen? why is he coming clean now after 6 months after their trip ended? How could he continue the relationship in that 6 months period as if nothing has happened? He said he knew he had to tell me sooner or later, but he didn’t want to tell me sooner because he doesn’t want to lose me over something meaningless he had with his ex during the trip.

    I know i should forgive him, for myself. But I don’t know if what he said is true and not just bullshit guys tell girls and if we still have a shot at this relationship if we do plan to continue or is this the end?

    Please advice. Thanks

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi P,

      looks like he’s telling the truth and breaking up with you is his form of remorse.. when did you break up?

  23. B - 0

    B

    I dated my exboyfriend for almost 18 months. I am 40, he is 28. I have never loved anyone more than him. This was my first ltr in awhile. I asked him to choose between his girlfriend and me. He chose me. We have been through 2 miscarriages, drugs and alcohol, loss of a parent and even lived together. I caught him cheating and we ended the relationship. He is currently with this person. I am currently working on the 30 days no contact. I am trying to improve myself. I want him back, but hesitate. I also hesitate to purchase your book because I don’t know if it will truly work. The saying it happens for a reason keeps me from investing in your book. Help me decide if I should move forward…

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi B,

      That’s a lot for 18 months.. Ok, why not try this one first. List down the reasons why you should and shouldn’t try again and then list down your non negotiables too

    • B - 0

      B

      I want him back! I miss him and we were good together. I realized that I want him back. We have been through a lot and I can’t imagine going through anything else without him. I am still in love with him.

    • B - 0

      B

      I want him back. We were good together. I am still in love with him.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Ok.Are you going to try what’s advised above?

    • B - 0

      B

      Yes I’ve done my lists.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      That’s good. Focus your energy in improving yourself. You only have a short time in just focusing in yourself. No contact is just a start of a routine that you will continue when you start rebuilding rapport and attraction again and even when you get him back.

    • B - 0

      B

      My 30 days is almost up, but I feel that I need more time to improve myself. I miss him like crazy and want so bad to talk with him. Do I start texting him and continue or do I wait until I feel I’m in a better place. I don’t want him to forget about me. What should I do?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Well you have to continue improving yourself even after nc and while rebuilding rapport. So, if it’s just improvement, it’s ok to initiate contact now.

    • B - 0

      B

      Ok so he is with the girl he cheated on me with. Do I still initiate a text message conversation?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Yeah. Do not be forward in texting with him. Act like you have accepted they are together and that you’re just friendly. Follow this one: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On To A New Girl (Video)

    • B - 0

      B

      So, I went ahead and texted him on Sunday and Monday. It seemed ok. Today, I texted him and I got a negative response. I ended the text immediately. Does this mean I should just give up or give it more time?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      what was the text?

    • B - 0

      B

      Why are you texting me?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hmm.. it is kind of a negative text but actually you could have turned that around.. he’s just wondering why you’re texting him and he might be getting a hint that you’re doing it to get him back.. so, if you’re response was casual, it could have made him think that maybe you just wanted someone to talk to..

      Like, if you texted him about a topic that he loves talking about and he replied that, then you can say, oh because that topic reminded me of you, and it’s very interesting to you about that, coz you’re the only person I know that can really a lot from that topic

  24. Darian - 0

    Darian

    Hi,

    Me and my boyfriend were in a committed relationship for a few months. It was my first real relationship, and his second. We spent ALOT of time together, despite both of us maintaining full time jobs. We’re 18-19. Things were going smoothly. We never fought but we always laughed and traveled and went on date nights. Then, a week before trouble happened I noticed a change. He became distant.

    I started to strategize ways to fix it when a friend told me that he recently created a profile on a hookup site, (Grindr) which is weird because we made love frequently. Supposably he “got bored with me”. I, enraged, waited until I was rational, gathered my evidence and confronted him the next day. He shut down because I caught him (he’s military and values “integrity and honor”) and has since resisted my efforts to fix the situation (He’s a Scorpio “avoidant personality”). I messed up by texting too much and being too aggressive in trying to fix our situation. Long story short, I asked him for closure and he kept retreating until he finally blocked me on snapchat.

    It makes little to no sense because he was the one who put so much effort into remembering things like our anniversary and showing me off to his friends, and then in the matter of a week this change happened. After these failed attempts I started the No Contact. I’m 13 days into it. He now has re-added me as a friend on snapchat but I left his friend request pending. He also screenshots pictures of me on our mutual friend’s snapchat. I’m getting mixed signals here. How should I handle this?

    To make matters worse his first ex boyfriend, (who has admitted to only using him for free food and sex) is pursuing him. This charming boy admitted to sleeping with over 80 people and has his sights set on my ex again. I’m not too worried about them rekindling anything other than a hookup, because things never last with that whore, but it’s a variable to keep in mind.

    I honestly care about him because he’s only 18, and he ran away from an abusive home for that whorish user ex boyfriend. The other boy apparently got “bored” of him and he got dumped, only after getting mooched of money and food for a good many months. 8 months or so later we met. He’s supporting himself, which is impressive, but he has NO family nearby. I just fear for his safety that an injured soul might seek out bad company and degenerate into bad and unhealthy habits. He was doing so good with me and my family. Sorry for the really complicated situation, I’m just desperate for someone’s take on it. Maybe there’s something I’m missing.

    Thanks : )

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Darian,

      I think it’s because of the age. He’s young and he wanted to explore. He screenshots your pictures? and then what? he sends it to you? Well, it looks like he’s starting to miss you.Just continue on with your no contact period and have you started to improve yourself? I think you should do 30 days too

    • Darian - 0

      Darian

      Thanks you so much Amor! I appreciate your response 🙂

      Also, quick update, I’m at day 26 and our mutual friend is telling me that my ex has been binge eating like crazy (ice cream/ junk food) the past month, and hooking up. Depression maybe? Is that good or bad for me?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You’re welcome! Good for you.. well, bad for him

Join the Conversation: