He Cheated On You And You Want Him Back… What Do You Do?

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

How are you supposed to get an ex boyfriend back if he cheated on you? Do you even want to get him back? I’ll admit that these are a few of the most asked questions I get on this site. Today I am going to do my very best to answer them both for you. If you are new to my site then just a warning, every single page I write goes far more in-depth than my peers. Every page draws upon in-depth research (from experts), stories from women who have had success and my own personal experience. So, rather than write more filler content I would prefer to talk about the stuff that can actually do something for you!

Getting A Cheating Boyfriend Back… Is It Possible?

Heck ya it is possible! Of course, the real question is do you even want him back? I have found that a lot of the women who I have worked with who have been cheated on decide not to get their ex boyfriends back because they feel a lot better about themselves after they read the process on this page.

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Why Do Men Cheat?

Cheating

Understanding why your boyfriend cheated on you is important. In this section I am going to give you some insight into the male psyche so you can understand why a man will cheat on you. Obviously, there are a lot of different reasons that a man will ultimately decide to cheat on his girlfriend but I would have to say that the most common reason would be because he is just plain horny.

Basically, he sees something he wants and he goes and gets it. While, I think it is a horrible betrayal of trust to cheat on someone (why not break up with them before you move on?) I think a case can be made here that evolution plays a role in his “horniness.” At his very core, a man is instilled with a primal need to replicate/reproduce. Humans were never intended to be monogamous creatures. While I think it says a lot about the advancement of humans that we have slowly developed into a race that seeks out a significant other we weren’t originally intended to do so.

Now, I don’t want you to sit there and feel like I am in any way “for” cheating because I AM NOT. I am simply explaining to you why your ex would feel a need to cheat on you. I suppose there is a little comfort to take in the fact that your ex didn’t cheat on you because of something you did but because he can’t properly his sexual urges. Which leads us to the next section.

Should You Even Try To Get A Cheating Boyfriend Back?

optimism

As I write these words I am little conflicted. A part of me wants to tell you to move on but another part of me wants to help you. You clearly came here because you want your ex boyfriend back and I want to help you do that but above all I want to help YOU. Sometimes that means telling you to run the other way. So, I am just going to say this:

The only way that I can justify giving you my help is if you have a legitimate reason for getting back together with your ex.

(I outline the legitimate reasons a lot more in my book found here.)

This means that I CAN NOT help you if you

  • Don’t have a good reason for getting back together.
  • If he has cheated on you multiple times.
  • If you don’t think you can do any better than your ex.
  • The relationship you had was physically or mentally abusive.

However, I WILL be willing to offer you my help if you.

  • Have a legitimate reason for wanting to get together again.
  • If the cheating was an isolated incident (AND WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN)

Trusting Yourself

strength of gut

Here is the deal, before you try to get your ex boyfriend back (if he cheated on you) I am going to ask you to do something that may be a little unorthodox. I want you to implement a no contact rule. If you are familiar with my site then you know I am a really big believer in the no contact rule. Usually, the most powerful part of the no contact rule is it’s ability to break a guy down and make him wonder why you haven’t tried contacting him yet, making him really be on the edge of his seat for when you finally do decide to reach out.

BUT

You are in a very unique situation so I am going to ask you implement the no contact rule for an entirely different reason. I want you to use it as a sort of self check. As you read my page you may still be pretty close to your breakup, time wise. As you will probably realize, making big decisions like going back to an ex who cheated on you isn’t a choice you should make when you are so emotionally unstable (no offense.) The normal no contact period is supposed to last one month or 30 days. That means you can’t text, email, facebook, google plus or talk to your ex on the phone. You essentially cut off all communication. However, I would say that you up the no contact period in this case to 45 days

If after that amount of time you still want to get your ex back then I say you should go right ahead. Notice how you are going to be using the no contact rule on three fronts.

  1. To get your ex a little worried that you will never contact him again.
  2. To use the time to work on yourself (healing)
  3. To decide if your ex is even worth getting back

worth itDeciding If He Is Worth Getting Back

During your 45 days of no contact you are obviously going to have some thinking to do. As stated above, you are going to have to decide if you want to take your ex boyfriend back. You may find that after 45 days you just don’t have the same desire you did to get him back when you first started the NC period. It that happens to you then you should probably move on to someone new.

Since we are dealing with someone who cheated on you the thing you really need to figure out is if he is the type of person that will cheat on a moments notice. Here are some qualities that cheaters tend to have.

  • Narcissistic (Selfish and only thinks of himself.)
  • Chronic Liars (Everyone lies but if someone does it over and over you may have to take a step back and decide if this is someone worth being with.)
  • Someone who gets jealous very easily (If he is constantly accusing you of inappropriate behavior.)
  • Constantly flirts with other girls (Every guy will flirt every now and then but if it is common behavior for him then be careful.)
  • If your ex has cheated in the past (Everyone is human, everyone makes mistakes but if he cheated in the past then that behavior is NOT a one time thing.)

Contacting Your Ex

contact

The time has come, you have waited, hopefully 45 days, and it is finally time to try and start getting your ex boyfriend back. Now, before I go into some long explanation about each step you should take I do feel it is important to mention that I have put together a HUGE resource on how to get your ex back here. While I will talk about what you should do on this page I can tell you that the page I just linked to goes into way more detail (which you will definitely need.)

Alright, now that I have that out of the way lets dive in to how you should contact your ex boyfriend after 45 days.

Usually what happens is your ex will have contacted you at one point during the NC period. That is a really good sign because it means they are interested or concerned about you. Basically, they are feeling something towards you which is what you want. Now, the whole point of the no contact rule was to NOT contact your ex so you aren’t exactly allowed to respond to them after they contact you during the initial 45 day period. Understand that you essentially ignoring them will make them really angry.  I AM HERE TO TELL YOU THAT YOU DON’T CARE HOW THEY FEEL. At least, not at this point.

What is going to happen is that when you finally do decide to contact them they are going to be filled with joy. They have waited all this time to hear from you and when that moment finally comes they are going to be so excited that they will probably run up and down the stairs and do all the things that guys do when they are happy.

Now, here is an interesting question. What is the best way to contact your ex boyfriend?

Choice 1: Calling (NOOOO)

Choice 2: Writing A Letter or Emailing (NOOOO)

Choice 3: Texting (YESSS)

Before I move on I am going to take a few moments to go through each of the choices and explain why texting is the way to go.

Calling – It’s way too much way too soon. As I have said multiple times throughout this site, you have to earn the right to call your ex or in this case, your ex has to earn the right to call you. Besides, when you talk on the phone you don’t have time to think. You have to say just the right thing at just the right time for things to work out the way you want them to. However, the biggest disadvantage for calling an ex is the fact that you could potentially get angry, raise your voice and start a fight if something is said that you don’t like. Now, it may seem like I am swearing off calling altogether but I promise you I am not. In fact, there is a time and a place to use calling as a way to contact your ex but only after your ex earns the right for you to call them. I feel I do a good job of explaining when the proper time to call is in the link I provided at the beginning of this section.funny gf

Writing A Letter – It’s creepy. Can you imagine getting a letter after 45 days of no contact from someone that you thought didn’t want to talk to you? Besides, sending a letter is a bold statement that basically screams I STILL LOVE YOU. There is no way to that sending a letter is “light” it is basically an all or nothing kind of deal or as I like to say, it’s a low percentage shot of getting your ex back.

Emailing- A couple of problems with this. First, does your ex even check their email? I can go days, sometimes months without checking certain emails (I have multiple.) Secondly, there is no way that you can get an instant response. With a text if your ex doesn’t respond to you in a day then you can pretty much determine “ok, well that didn’t work.” However, with an email it can sometimes take 2-3 days for a response. I think you have waited long enough.

Texting- Texting is really the best option you have for a number of reasons. First off, it gives you time to think (which calling doesn’t allow.) Every single text message you can craft with time and thought. It is also impossible to show you are angry by raising your voice through a text. Add in the fact that you can get a quick response and you are good to go!

What Do You Say To Them?

Alright great, so now you know that texting is the way to go if you want to get your ex back the question becomes “what do you say in your texts?” I am not going to pretend that this is the easiest thing to do in the world because quite honestly anyone who claims that is lying. Getting your ex back is not going to be an easy task. What I will say is that I have written a page that will help you make the “what to say” process even easier. Check out my texting guide that will help you through what to say to your ex boyfriend.

February 1, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (895)

  1. Kelsey - 0

    Kelsey

    I feel that my situation is a little stressful and different so i hope you all can help me. My boyfriend and I had broken up around christmas time after 7 1/2 years due to me finding out he was initially having an emotional affair with a coworker and then he began sexting her and sending nude photos back and forth to her via snap chat. I am unsure how long the emotional affair had gone on due to the fact the past year I had my own emotional and personal turmoil I had to handle. Because of this, and this is where I accept my involvement in the problem, I had become withdrawn from him and was no longer communicating or engaging with him. I digress though. Christmas time we broke up with a huge physical fight because he wasn’t willing to give up contact with this other girl. The problem we had was we were still living together and had no way of moving out at the time. I remained living in the same house with him until the middle of February. During that time I had tried giving him everything he wanted, be it sex, more time with him etc. I was also begging and trying to get him to try and fix us and to stop contact with the other girl, which he never did. During that time he also began to see her more, after work and on the weekend when I was at the house. I was devastated and could no longer take it so I decided to move home with my family.

    When I moved home I took all of our pets with me, something that really upset him because he wanted to keep the cats. I had indicated to him that there were consequences to cheating and that was his consequence. I brought the animals into the relationship and they were to leave with me. That is when things started to go down hill. He stated if he didn’t get to have the cats then he never wanted to see me again and if I didn’t give him what he wanted, the exact way he wanted, and be willing to “lose” for once in our relationship we would never get back together or try. The following week he also moved out of the house into an apartment. That weekend he had the girl he cheated on me with over. She has been involved in his life since. He states she hasn’t replaced me, that he still loves me and misses me however believes we would never work out and is excessively mad at me. Claims I had to always get my way and wanted to get his way for once: getting an NSA relationship and the cats as well as being allowed to continue the interactions with the other girl. The main irritation he had with me was that he claimed I put everything else in my life above him, even though he did the same. He wanted to be one of the most important things in my life and he felt that he wasn’t. WELL, with this new girl she has a child, a young child. Children dominate their parents life and that child will be more important to her in the end, so he is getting himself into the same situation. states that they aren’t dating, I guess he is getting everything that he wants from her without the label. I just found out today though that they probably are dating and just not posting it online. He recently unfriended me (this weekend) and that is because she posted their first tagged post together.

    Anyways since I had moved out we had continued texting however all we did was fight. I wasn’t begging to be with him we were just arguing about who was right and who was wrong and all that jazz and trying to convince him to actually try. I had enough of the fighting and tried no contact for a week however I had to break it due to being impulsive. I drove to his house last Monday, one week after NC and he wasn’t happy to see me. He has been overly angry and hateful to me this whole time and had those stipulation before even thinking about trying, however never stated that it would make a difference . Fast forward to last Thursday. He calls and accuses me of vandalizing her car. Tells me to never call, text or contact him and that they were filing a police report and listing me as a suspect. I had to contact him on Tuesday due to him still having some of my belongings (as well as maybe my passport) and he didn’t block me and actually responded. He is still very angry and I messed up again by asking him why he unfriended me, why he didn’t block me and talking to him about his “relationship” about getting with someone that has a child.

    I am beginning the NC all over again however it makes me feel like things are hopeless. He replaced me with her immediately and has been interacting with her and saying things to her like he used to do with me. 7 1/2 years is hard to let go and I truly felt things were going ok (because he was no longer trying to talk to me about problems he had turned to her). I am unsure how long he was talking to her however he has worked with her for the last 3 years. All I can say is there have been no true good texts between us, he was always asking me to leave him alone and that I had my prizes what else did I need?

    Please Chris, I need all of your help. I just purchased all of your product and as I have said reinitiated the NC and ended our conversation with wishing him the best. I am in shambles and can’t let go and feel that I could never recover from this with him. We are 3 months down the road from the official break up, a month and a half since truly seeing each other and now 1 day since NC. Please lend me all your help and strength to know if I can recover from the damage I have caused. I have been taking care of myself (lost weight and interacting with friends again) as well as pursuing school again. I just feel there is no hope

    Reply
  2. Kelsey - 0

    Kelsey

    Was with my boyfriend for a little over 7 years and we had broken up around Christmas. The reason for the break up was me finding out he was having an emotional affair that started becoming sexual (sexting, sending naked pictures etc). The past year was a bad year for me emotionally and I had to focus on rebuilding myself and my confidence as an individual. Because of this I had become withdrawn from him and things in my life, this is the reason he claims he turned to the other girl and started cheating (because he no longer felt important to me and that I had put my phone, work and my family ahead of him). Anyways we broke up and had a huge fight at the time where we became physical (i smacked him and threw some things at him). At the time we were still living together and had to continue living together. I attempted to kick him out a couple times which led to bigger fights. During this time he was still in contact with the other girl, continued seeing the other girl and wasn’t really sorry for cheating on me. Fast forward to the middle of February. In that month and a half I had tried giving him exactly what he wanted, however didn’t make a difference of course and he began being more forward and open with seeing and doing things with this other girl. I had Kept trying to talk to him and work things out, this only made him angrier and was pushing him away. Middle of February was all I could handle living with him and I moved out and took all of our animals with us. He became angry and wanted the cats back (claimed he would try and work on things however still would not get rid of the other girl and stated if I didn’t let him have the cats he would never want to see me again.) Within tHe next week he had to move out of the house we were living in and since then she has been in his life, literally replacing me. I have attempted the no contact since I have moved out however it never stuck for more than a week. We were fighting every day and not getting anywhere yet he has continued to have her in his life. He claims he doesn’t know if he wants to be with her (she has a child) and hasn’t stated that he is dating her and with how quickly she replaced me I feel she may be a rebound or he is using her since she is giving him everything he wants without the commitment. I have restarted the NC after we have finally had some of our belongings sorted and exchanged. The most recent time he didn’t want me being anywhere close to him, preferred to mail things to each other. He hasn’t blocked me however he has unfriended me on social media. We were very much in love, were talking about marriage and moving forward with each other. Is there any way things between us can be fixed when she is still in his life and he doesn’t want to let her go. He didn’t want to let her go for us to fix our relationship before I founded out he was cheating sonthat was my clue he was cheating. Have i traveled to far past the point of no return? This last time we talked he stated he still loves me and misses me and always will however he hasn’t shown any desire to be with me. Will her being in his life prevent him from wanting to come back?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      It’s not yet too late but you have to stop talking to him about the other girl, and to start looking like you’re moving on through your posts.. Be active in improving yourself..

    • Kelsey - 0

      Kelsey

      Amor,

      I have started NC and have plans to never talk to him again about her, ever. I am now 5 days in and how can he see that I am moving on via posts if he isn’t my friend on Facebook? We do have mutual friends on Facebook however no one that actually talks to both of us or even sees both of us. He can’t see anything on my Facebook other than when i update a profile picture.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s ok..just keep posting and make them public..so that he has posts to see of he gets curious now or while building rapport

  3. Anna - 0

    Anna

    Hello! A month ago (after 5 perfect months together) I felt that something strange is happening with our relationship. I pushed him to tell me the problem and he said that he’s missing something, maybe he needs some time. I decided to do it but at the same time I was annoying and clingy. I suspected that he is texting someone and as I was very angry I went to his place to take all my stuff. We talked and of course he told me that there is no one else. 1 week after it he was officially in a relationship with some girl on Facebook for about one month (which means overlapping). The day that their “relationship” started was before our first conversation. So my question is – should I try to get him back or just to forget about him after all the lies?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anna

      that depends on you.. on your standards if you still want to give him a chance or to move on

    • Anna - 0

      Anna

      I definitely want him back but at the same time I’m very hurt. Anyways, it’s day 15 on the NC. I don’t have problems with it, but he hasn’t contacted me at all! Is this a bad sign? I know that now he is on the honeymoon stage, but is it possible that this ignore is because he hates me or he forgot about me?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      No, it’s ok if he doesn’t contact you.. What’s more important is that you heal and improve during and after nc.. check this one:
      Your Worst Nightmares During The No Contact Rule

  4. Carin - 0

    Carin

    With boyfriend for 4 years. We still had a great friendship and physical connection. He was talking about marrying me earlier this year. We both have issues though which put a strain on our relationship. I’m in therapy. He was saying he needed to do therapy. Sometimes after a fight he would leave and not talk to me for days or even a week or two. I would always chase him, and he would come back. One time that pattern was different – last year he took a break, I did not chase him, and he really chased me instead.

    Nearly 4 weeks ago he walked away after a minor fight but it was on his birthday. The next day I found out (TMI) that he was getting involved with a seedier part of life. I messaged him a kind, brief message to basically say: I knew what was going on with him, that I had therapy work to do, but he needed to do therapy as well if he wanted a relationship to work out. I also said that he was hard on me at times and withdrawing was cruel to me. He replied immediately to say it was no surprise to him that I had figured out what was going on. That was all he said and I did not reply.

    That was 4 weeks ago. I have made no contact at all since then but he has not contacted me either. Now I am not chasing him, it seems he’s letting us go then? He is very handsome and charismatic and gets lots of other attention.

    I was doing OK and working on myself but I am starting to feel heartbroken. I thought he would contact me after a few weeks. I guess I gave him a mild ultimatum? Do you think he will contact me?

    Thank you

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi Carin,

      you can initiate contact after nc.. but if it was not focused in improving yourself and in posting in social media, you have to restart the count

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