How are you supposed to get an ex boyfriend back if he cheated on you? Do you even want to get him back? I’ll admit that these are a few of the most asked questions I get on this site. Today I am going to do my very best to answer them both for you. If you are new to my site then just a warning, every single page I write goes far more in-depth than my peers. Every page draws upon in-depth research (from experts), stories from women who have had success and my own personal experience. So, rather than write more filler content I would prefer to talk about the stuff that can actually do something for you!

Getting A Cheating Boyfriend Back… Is It Possible?

Heck ya it is possible! Of course, the real question is do you even want him back? I have found that a lot of the women who I have worked with who have been cheated on decide not to get their ex boyfriends back because they feel a lot better about themselves after they read the process on this page.

Why Do Men Cheat?

Cheating

Understanding why your boyfriend cheated on you is important. In this section I am going to give you some insight into the male psyche so you can understand why a man will cheat on you. Obviously, there are a lot of different reasons that a man will ultimately decide to cheat on his girlfriend but I would have to say that the most common reason would be because he is just plain horny.

Basically, he sees something he wants and he goes and gets it. While, I think it is a horrible betrayal of trust to cheat on someone (why not break up with them before you move on?) I think a case can be made here that evolution plays a role in his “horniness.” At his very core, a man is instilled with a primal need to replicate/reproduce. Humans were never intended to be monogamous creatures. While I think it says a lot about the advancement of humans that we have slowly developed into a race that seeks out a significant other we weren’t originally intended to do so.

Now, I don’t want you to sit there and feel like I am in any way “for” cheating because I AM NOT. I am simply explaining to you why your ex would feel a need to cheat on you. I suppose there is a little comfort to take in the fact that your ex didn’t cheat on you because of something you did but because he can’t properly his sexual urges. Which leads us to the next section.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Should You Even Try To Get A Cheating Boyfriend Back?

optimism

As I write these words I am little conflicted. A part of me wants to tell you to move on but another part of me wants to help you. You clearly came here because you want your ex boyfriend back and I want to help you do that but above all I want to help YOU. Sometimes that means telling you to run the other way. So, I am just going to say this:

The only way that I can justify giving you my help is if you have a legitimate reason for getting back together with your ex.

(I outline the legitimate reasons a lot more in my book found here.)

This means that I CAN NOT help you if you

  • Don’t have a good reason for getting back together.
  • If he has cheated on you multiple times.
  • If you don’t think you can do any better than your ex.
  • The relationship you had was physically or mentally abusive.

However, I WILL be willing to offer you my help if you.

  • Have a legitimate reason for wanting to get together again.
  • If the cheating was an isolated incident (AND WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN)

Trusting Yourself

strength of gut

Here is the deal, before you try to get your ex boyfriend back (if he cheated on you) I am going to ask you to do something that may be a little unorthodox. I want you to implement a no contact rule. If you are familiar with my site then you know I am a really big believer in the no contact rule. Usually, the most powerful part of the no contact rule is it’s ability to break a guy down and make him wonder why you haven’t tried contacting him yet, making him really be on the edge of his seat for when you finally do decide to reach out.

BUT

You are in a very unique situation so I am going to ask you implement the no contact rule for an entirely different reason. I want you to use it as a sort of self check. As you read my page you may still be pretty close to your breakup, time wise. As you will probably realize, making big decisions like going back to an ex who cheated on you isn’t a choice you should make when you are so emotionally unstable (no offense.) The normal no contact period is supposed to last one month or 30 days. That means you can’t text, email, facebook, google plus or talk to your ex on the phone. You essentially cut off all communication. However, I would say that you up the no contact period in this case to 45 days

If after that amount of time you still want to get your ex back then I say you should go right ahead. Notice how you are going to be using the no contact rule on three fronts.

  1. To get your ex a little worried that you will never contact him again.
  2. To use the time to work on yourself (healing)
  3. To decide if your ex is even worth getting back

Deciding If He Is Worth Getting Back

During your 45 days of no contact you are obviously going to have some thinking to do. As stated above, you are going to have to decide if you want to take your ex boyfriend back. You may find that after 45 days you just don’t have the same desire you did to get him back when you first started the NC period. It that happens to you then you should probably move on to someone new.

Since we are dealing with someone who cheated on you the thing you really need to figure out is if he is the type of person that will cheat on a moments notice. Here are some qualities that cheaters tend to have.

  • Narcissistic (Selfish and only thinks of himself.)
  • Chronic Liars (Everyone lies but if someone does it over and over you may have to take a step back and decide if this is someone worth being with.)
  • Someone who gets jealous very easily (If he is constantly accusing you of inappropriate behavior.)
  • Constantly flirts with other girls (Every guy will flirt every now and then but if it is common behavior for him then be careful.)
  • If your ex has cheated in the past (Everyone is human, everyone makes mistakes but if he cheated in the past then that behavior is NOT a one time thing.)

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Contacting Your Ex

The time has come, you have waited, hopefully 45 days, and it is finally time to try and start getting your ex boyfriend back. Now, before I go into some long explanation about each step you should take I do feel it is important to mention that I have put together a HUGE resource on how to get your ex back here. While I will talk about what you should do on this page I can tell you that the page I just linked to goes into way more detail (which you will definitely need.)

Alright, now that I have that out of the way lets dive in to how you should contact your ex boyfriend after 45 days.

Usually what happens is your ex will have contacted you at one point during the NC period. That is a really good sign because it means they are interested or concerned about you. Basically, they are feeling something towards you which is what you want. Now, the whole point of the no contact rule was to NOT contact your ex so you aren’t exactly allowed to respond to them after they contact you during the initial 45 day period. Understand that you essentially ignoring them will make them really angry.  I AM HERE TO TELL YOU THAT YOU DON’T CARE HOW THEY FEEL. At least, not at this point.

What is going to happen is that when you finally do decide to contact them they are going to be filled with joy. They have waited all this time to hear from you and when that moment finally comes they are going to be so excited that they will probably run up and down the stairs and do all the things that guys do when they are happy.

Now, here is an interesting question. What is the best way to contact your ex boyfriend?

Choice 1: Calling (NOOOO)

Choice 2: Writing A Letter or Emailing (NOOOO)

Choice 3: Texting (YESSS)

Before I move on I am going to take a few moments to go through each of the choices and explain why texting is the way to go.

Calling – It’s way too much way too soon. As I have said multiple times throughout this site, you have to earn the right to call your ex or in this case, your ex has to earn the right to call you. Besides, when you talk on the phone you don’t have time to think. You have to say just the right thing at just the right time for things to work out the way you want them to. However, the biggest disadvantage for calling an ex is the fact that you could potentially get angry, raise your voice and start a fight if something is said that you don’t like. Now, it may seem like I am swearing off calling altogether but I promise you I am not. In fact, there is a time and a place to use calling as a way to contact your ex but only after your ex earns the right for you to call them. I feel I do a good job of explaining when the proper time to call is in the link I provided at the beginning of this section.

Writing A Letter – It’s creepy. Can you imagine getting a letter after 45 days of no contact from someone that you thought didn’t want to talk to you? Besides, sending a letter is a bold statement that basically screams I STILL LOVE YOU. There is no way to that sending a letter is “light” it is basically an all or nothing kind of deal or as I like to say, it’s a low percentage shot of getting your ex back.

Emailing- A couple of problems with this. First, does your ex even check their email? I can go days, sometimes months without checking certain emails (I have multiple.) Secondly, there is no way that you can get an instant response. With a text if your ex doesn’t respond to you in a day then you can pretty much determine “ok, well that didn’t work.” However, with an email it can sometimes take 2-3 days for a response. I think you have waited long enough.

Texting- Texting is really the best option you have for a number of reasons. First off, it gives you time to think (which calling doesn’t allow.) Every single text message you can craft with time and thought. It is also impossible to show you are angry by raising your voice through a text. Add in the fact that you can get a quick response and you are good to go!

What Do You Say To Them?

Alright great, so now you know that texting is the way to go if you want to get your ex back the question becomes “what do you say in your texts?” I am not going to pretend that this is the easiest thing to do in the world because quite honestly anyone who claims that is lying. Getting your ex back is not going to be an easy task. What I will say is that I have written a page that will help you make the “what to say” process even easier. Check out my texting guide that will help you through what to say to your ex boyfriend.

What to Read Next

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1,029 thoughts on “He Cheated On You And You Want Him Back… What Do You Do?”

  1. Avatar

    aastha

    July 30, 2020 at 4:59 pm

    Its really very usefull…..i m really vry glad for your suggestions….can i contact u to take more advice ….like i wnt to share my whole situation with of being cheated n wht reasons he is justifying now….can i conatct u plsss…i would look forwrd for a positive response from u…thanku ott

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 31, 2020 at 11:00 am

      Hey Aastha, you can post your situation here and I can reply to you. If not then you would need to look at the coaching options to speak one to one. Also consider the ERP Pro and Private Facebook group as there is loads of support there too

  2. Avatar

    Gwendolyn Johnson

    July 18, 2020 at 9:30 am

    My God im so glad I read this I feel much better you understand exactly what I’m feeling I needed to hear this thank you your words of encouragement are on point thank you so very much I feel like I’ve went to a counseling session

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 18, 2020 at 9:53 pm

      Hi Gwendolyn, very glad this article could help you!

  3. Avatar

    Audrey

    July 14, 2020 at 6:50 am

    but what if he likes someone more..and he said he miss me (sometimes) but he’s rejecting his feelings..what should i do..he likes her quirks and little things..and he said their connection is strong and that he said their convo goes deep..i really eant him back but he’s rejecting his feelings..please help i’m a minor so i can’t book anything i’m sorry

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 14, 2020 at 4:24 pm

      Audrey, right not you need to stop talking to him and follow this program starting with a No Contact, this is for 45 days. The more time you spend talking to him about her and their relationship the more damage you are doing. You need to show your ex that you are strong and know your worth! While it does not feel natural to do this when he is getting to know someone else. Right now their relationship is brand new, so of course he things she is great. He has not yet found flaws in her because they have just met! Give it time and believe in the program

  4. Avatar

    Amanda

    July 3, 2020 at 1:00 am

    Hi I need some advice, my ex and I were together 4 months and he told me he loved me and we spent almost everyday together but a few nights he stayed out late with the boys and never called or came home but I didn’t question it, the last time I did and he called me crazy saying he would never cheat and I shouldn’t think that way because he’s been cheated on in the past by his exes, fast forward a few days ago and I heard from my friend kaylee that she saw my boyfriend making out with some girl at a party and theirs video proof so I confront my boyfriend and he’s like I cheated on you 3 times haha sucks for you and then he blocked me on everything but I miss him and his friends are telling me he misses me too, I don’t wanna get back with him but I miss him and I never got closure since he just said he cheated and blocked me on everything I really loved him and this is so hard

  5. Avatar

    Clara

    July 2, 2020 at 10:42 am

    Hi, I could really use your advice my ex and I were together 4 months and we did everything together mostly he told me he loved me he bought me a promise ring and all this stuff however he would disappear some nights and I asked if he cheated on me and he always said no because he knew what it felt like and then yesterday my friend kaylee caught my boyfriend with some girl Jen and I confronted him over text and his response was I cheated on you three times haha have a nice life and he blocked me on everything but I can’t stop thinking about him and I don’t know what to do it’s only been about a day and I know he’s toxic and cheats and has hurt me but I don’t know why I wanna text or call him right now, any advice would help

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 26, 2020 at 10:04 am

      Hi Clara, I would say that you got lucky finding out. He sounds like an awful person to treat you this way! You want to text him because at the moment your emotions are getting the better of you. Remind yourself of your worth and walk away from him

  6. Avatar

    Cindy

    June 25, 2020 at 10:59 pm

    I was with my ex for two years. We recently broke up and we recently turned two years. Our two year was on a Saturday, we didn’t go out or see each other. The whole weekend he was acting weird barely texting,calling or calling me babe. The weekend went by and I got the “we need to talk text” he came to talk to me and come to find out he cheated on me multiple times. He said on Saturday on our two year he took a girl to a party and kissed her on the cheek. He was crying and kept telling me that he doesn’t deserve me that he’s not a good person And he wants to change and work on himself. that he loves me and wants to be with me. He also said he won’t change? How can someone love you but not change ? Sounds ridiculous but I want him back. Despite everything. The past three days after the break up I kept texting and calling him wanting To talk more, he would answer but he would just say “ i can’t do this. I don’t deserve you.” I ended up talking to him the next day face to face and he told me he just wanted to be single and free and when I would ask if he still loved me he wouldn’t say a word and would say that I don’t understand him. After the talk we left it has friends had I stoped texting him and he just started texting me. It hasn’t been a day. He is so confusing and difficult to talk to. I do want to be with him which is so dumb for me to say. What should I do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 22, 2020 at 8:10 pm

      Hey Cindy, I would suggest that you start following the program starting with No Contact so that you can work on yourself and your Holy Trinity to be Ungettable. Then read and follow the advice for texting phase, how you should reach out and what type of texts to get your ex talking.

  7. Avatar

    Tina

    June 12, 2020 at 11:01 pm

    I was with my ex for three years. When we first dated I met my previous ex who tried to kiss me I also lied about my past and didn’t tell my ex. He later found out about this. Since then my now ex held that over my held for our whole relationship He also constantly accused me of cheating etc. At the end of 3 years I realised we need to break up so we both can heal. We have been broken up for 3 weeks. He told me yesterday that he cheated on me ( he met up with different girls as friends nothing happened, but there was on girl who kissed him, in the first two years of us dating) after that for the last year he never cheated again. I want to take him back but I am not sure what to do? Should I meet him and sort this out or do I need time away from home before trying to work things out?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 13, 2020 at 10:19 pm

      Hi Tina, I would say that you both need some time apart so that you can both deal with your emotions. And also understand why you both felt the need to go to other people for attention.

  8. Avatar

    Anagha

    May 17, 2020 at 3:16 am

    How can I get my ex bf back if he broke up with me and is trying to get back with his first love after she comes and proposes him?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 17, 2020 at 8:12 pm

      Hi Anagha, you need to complete a 45 day NC working on your holy trinity and then you start the being there method

  9. Avatar

    Grac

    March 3, 2020 at 11:22 pm

    so me and boyfriend have been dating for about a year and a half now and at one point he went to a party and was all up on some girl and he “swore to god” that he didn’t cheat on me and I found out he lied about a couple of things and he said he was just really drunk and he was really sorry and that he loved me and wanted me in his life forever and that he was so so sorry and he was gonna tell me the truth about everything from now on and he was gonna change and I thought he changed because he met my parents, brought me eat, hung out with me a lot, took all the girls off his snapchat, appreciated me more and I thought we were perfectly fine because he was telling me a lot of things he never would’ve told me before and he went to an event with a lot of drunk girls this weekend and he knows I get nervous when he goes to stuff like that and he didn’t invite me and I was so so nervous but that Friday night of the event everyone was telling me was loyal and then come Saturday I got really nervous and I didn’t want to ruin his night and I knew I was gonna say something that pissed him off cause I was anxious and I just blocked him for bit and I didn’t think about it and last time I blocked him he told me next time I blocked him he would be done but him lieing to me in the past causes all of my trust issues I thought they were fine until this night and his friends said as soon as I blocked him he was like saying fuck me cause I blocked him and all this random crap and was hooking up with girls and then continued to bring this girl to his moms house and they slept in the same but she said they never did anything but some people are saying they did and I’ve tried calling and texting him and he won’t answer anything and the only thing he said to me was “ I wish you the best too” and we I said something about us talking and he told me he when he gets home from work we could talk and I said okay and he never texted me and we haven’t texted all day and I don’t know what to do like I don’t want to lose him but apparently he’s texting that girl taht was all up on him at a party

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 17, 2020 at 11:12 pm

      Hi Grac so your ex has a grass is greener syndrome, which is common in a lot of relationships where he thinks he can do better than you. Hurtful. But if you work the Ungettable to become the best version of yourself, and use social media, mutual friends and show him what hes lost while he was giving his attention else where you will see he will regret his decision before long. But it does mean that you follow a No Contact of 45 days and work on yourself in that time. Get to reading and show him what hes lost

  10. Avatar

    Tara

    February 25, 2020 at 11:18 pm

    Hello Chris,

    I hope you can find the time to answer my message. I found out my boyfriend cheated on me just days after my dads funeral. He denied everything while I was looking at the proof. And since that exact moment I am in no contact with him. For exactly 20 days now. And counting. I find it very difficult and I am very depressed because of all this grief. He has been calling and texting me everyday several times a day. But he says he doesn’t understand why I am not talking to him and responding. He is completely in denial. Which makes it hurt even more. His last message was from yesterday and he said I was just rude for not responding to his messages and that I should feel ashamed for not responding to him. It made me so angry reading it. But I held my cool and I did not respond. But I am having a really hard time not showing my anger. During the discovery I was numbed and I couldn’t speak. I do not want him back. I just can’t. I do still love him but my heart is broken. He betrayed my trust. Not only as my lover but also as my best friend. Chris, what should I do, can you please give me your advise? Do you have any idea what is going through his mind right now. Why is he in denial and pretending nothing bad happened. I have known him my entire life. We met again last year, totally in love and after a couple of months broke up because of the distance, I live in another country. Then after 2 weeks we were back together. We missed each other to much. Then he started fading away and for weeks on end I did not hear from him. I wrote him a long letter after continually being ignored. He never responded to the letter. I traveled to where he lived and showed him how much I loved him. He was very happy to see me. Since then we were back together and we started having fun together like we used to. Until three days after the funeral when I found out he cheated on me with several woman. The strangest thing is that he even was bragging about so many girls liking him. I was shocked as to why on earth he would share this with me. Thank you so much for reading my letter Chris!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 6, 2020 at 9:45 pm

      Hi Tara your ex telling you that its rude to not reply to him etc is just him trying to convince you to talk to him! Not only are you going through an emotional time losing a parent you are also having to deal with his betrayal too! I would keep to your no contact and stick with it for 45 days. I don’t think this guy respects you or any woman for that matter. Show him you know your worth and are not willing to settle for less!

  11. Avatar

    Maggie

    February 22, 2020 at 12:21 pm

    My ex and I had lived together some time. While he’s never physically cheated on me, he has been secretly talking to women and using dating sites for the last 2 of our 6 year relationship, this has recently ramped up into sexting with several women simultaneously. Apart from this, on the day to day I really valued our relationship and enjoyed our time together.

    After a year of my outrage upon each discovery and a few months of him threatening to end it, we finally had an argument after a new discovery of messages and he has moved out.

    I’ve begged and called and texted and done all the things I’m not supposed to do to undo the break up. He’s still texting good naturedly, which is encouraging and confusing to me at the same time.

    I know I want him to come back, but there doesn’t seem to be any guides for this separate tier of infidelity. I’m not sure what to do or how to interpret his actions. Please help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 22, 2020 at 10:12 pm

      Hi Maggie you follow the same rules as he has emotionally cheated on you even if you have no proof of him physically cheating. If this is something that you feel crosses a line in your relationship it is cheating. You need to go into a No Contact without explaining why you are not speaking to him right now this is going to make him worry that you are done with him and moving on. In that time you need to do the work to become Ungettable

  12. Avatar

    Rs

    February 19, 2020 at 1:00 am

    My bf of almost 2 years Cheated on me even tho he says he loves me so much.. 3 days Before I caught him.. I tried ending the relationship and he begged and pleaded for me not to.. He said he loved me and would do anything to make things up to me because we were having problems.. Then 3 days later on Valentine’s day he stood me up and I caught him at this girls house (someone I had warned him to never have contact with). She is a home wrecker and I am sure she played with his head. We have a deep connection and love each other very much. But it’s been 4 days and he hasn’t contacted me or read any of my msgs after he knew I caught them.. I want to talk to him, I want answers. I want to know why. I love him so much and thought he loved me too.. What do i do?? Please help me I’m going crazy

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 19, 2020 at 9:38 pm

      Hi Rs this is very awful behavior on your exes part, and the questions you want answers to, I dont think you would get them from him if this is the sort of person he is. I would show him what he has lost by moving on with your life and being happy. Take the time to get over the break up and the betrayal. Read the articles about becoming Ungettable and show him what hes lost

  13. Avatar

    Kijah

    January 21, 2020 at 7:04 am

    Hi, so my ex and I were best friends first for about a year and started dating for almost 3 years. We were in LOVE, everyday we would say I love you, even when we’re mad, we would talk on the phone every day, text all the time, send middle of the night “I know you’re sleeping but I want to tell you how grateful I am to have you” texts, & we went on vacations together. We even talked about marriage and kids. We even went to a wedding for his family 3 days before New Years and I met all his family and we were talking about how nice this place would be for our wedding. So all this to say, he went to a New Years party and I went to New Years service with my parents. I texted him happy New Years I love you & he texts back happy New Years I love you so much baby, or something like that. Later I call to see if he wants to do something, he didn’t pick up. I call all night no answer. So I wake up & go to his house because I have a key and he’s not there. So I wait. An hour later he comes home and he holds my hand and says I have something to tell you, I got really wasted and I don’t remember anything, but I got 5-6 hickeys on my neck. I was furious, but later I forgave him because the circumstances. I’m not sure if he felt guilty because he was like I don’t deserve this we should break up because I can’t want to hurt you anymore. I said no you’re my best friend I love you. But we decided to take a break, then to be just friends. We would text and call and say I love you and I want to still marry you, but it felt weird, I couldn’t be just friends with him. So I sent him a message saying how much I miss his touch and doing nothing with him. He didn’t respond so I called the next morning and he said I will always love you, but rn I need space. And I say people mess up it’s life, but I want to work through it, we’ve been through too much. He then said I need some space and I need you to move on rn. I know it’s hurting you, but I have some stuff that I need to do. So I said whatever, when you’re done with your space, give me a call. He said okay and hung up. I miss him so much it’s physically hurting me. I have deleted everything on my phone I have of him and took all our pictures down, but I can’t stop thinking about him. I want him back.

  14. Avatar

    Hols

    January 1, 2020 at 6:57 am

    Hey,
    Thanks for ur page…
    Sooo 4 months after getting a house and engaged my ex left me for our puppies vet. Living under the same roof he lied about if for 8wks till I discovered my intuition was right via social media and he left, a month later he came bk, for month then left again. I remember him saying I wasn’t giving him enough attention after he was the one I though should b working towards reassuring me.
    Not long after Leaving a second time he got a tattoo of her face’ on his left chest and posted it on social media ( I must say we look the same but like I said posted social media with intentions it was for her) hes finally moved out 8 mths later, with her help after I specifically told him not to bring her into my personal space.
    I’ve just flown 28hrs to get away from it while he moves out and 8mths dwn the line I still cried practically the whole flight missing him. Due to the whole incident I’ve started to develop anxiety and a functional depressive.
    He suffers badly with anxiety and before It has never been dealt with. After the first reconciliation he acknowledged his problem (I also recognised my contribution to why the relationship declined) and he went to the doctor who put him on a course of anti anxiety meds.
    Now his talking to me saying his meds have been upped and he’s also seeking Regular counselling, revising his breathing techniques and has been on a journey realising it’s me he wants to spend his life with. Both times he left he went back to the vet who I do believe cohursed A taken man, even tho I know I can’t blame her but reading their conversations she was v into him.
    I’m not condoning his actions but after everything I do love him and at 39 have never felt like this or committed myself for life to someone in our engagement which made he the happiest I’ve ever been.
    He knows he needs to work on his communication and through out our relationship I always loved his actions to try.
    His anxiety is like a Tasmania devil in the room who goes crazy over thos he’s created in his head then apologises for It (he works alone outdoors with only his thos for company, maj overthinker). I’ve often felt like a victim of his anxiety.
    Now he’s moved out he says he cried for 3 days and says he’s prepared to work to get me back because I’m worth it, which I am
    My question to u is how do I handle this please?
    I’ve told him (still in another country) that this has all come as a big surprise and I still need time to heal while I figure all of this out in my head.
    I can see how this had happened but do not excuse how his treated me, broken my trust and disrespected me but if I’m honest I do still love him and his declaration of love has has made me happier in mind and heart, I’m just super cautious about being hurt and lied too again next time things get tough.
    I’d appreciate any advice u might have. thank u!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 4, 2020 at 11:52 pm

      Hey Hols, so if you want to get back with him you need to find a local therapist and work on communication with him. If you choose to get back together, then you can always explain that you are going to have huge trust issues and worried that he is going to be strayed away from you by another woman, also change vets, thats a given but he does not need to be around her in the future

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    Suzanne

    November 9, 2019 at 12:43 am

    Well hello Chris!
    Diving right in as short as possible. I dated someone 7 months..was head over hills. He was a pilot and took a job away for 3 of those months. During that time (with no proof) i have a major feeling b/c of things, that I was being cheated on. The one time I even brought it up he went silent and walked off saying that was unfounded. My last visit to see him things were off even though he was nice and told me he loved me. Finally after his return home 2 weeks later his texting was short. I texted him a few days later and told him i love him with NO response. Not shocked 2 days later he text ” He just doesnt know what to say things just dont feel the same (sad face). I said nothing and 2 days later he text ” no response, my point exactly”…..i went no contact and its been 2 months. I wish to communicate with him but….
    Not sure who broke up?
    Not sure if he cheated?
    Not sure if he just hadnt moved on?
    Not sure if he just didnt want me to chase?
    I am lost as to what to do…….help

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 9, 2019 at 1:57 am

      Hi Suzanne, so you need to start the process. You can read about everything you need to know about the process starting with the No Contact

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    Tina

    September 18, 2019 at 12:46 am

    I met a man 8 months ago and started dating him. At the very beginning of the relationship he told me he is still married but has nothing with his wife. The only reason he’s still married is because he made her the major shareholder in his company and she would shut him down if they divorced. He said he had a 2 year plan to move elsewhere but he was seeking the right woman because he wasn’t going to risk losing his company for something that wasn’t going to be long term. So I understood although I had many questions and wondered about the dynamics. We had an amazing relationship so I thought. Have never fought and only ever been happy. A week ago he went out of town to visit his son but before that made a stop in Las Vegas with a woman he’s apparently been dating for 11 years. She got into his phone and read some messages. Googled me and found my number and texted me. I was in shock and thought she’s a crazy old girlfriend and I sent a copy of it to my bf. His response was not to respond. Just before that though, he said his phone had been breached and won’t call or text until he figures it out. This lady texted me 3 more times before I responded. We shared a lot of stories and she wanted to meet me. I met up with her and she seemed nice but she was using me to get information for her own benefits. I supported her and tried to keep her chin up. My bf or should I say her bf, kept calling her and making an effort with her to mend things. At that time she stopped responding to me. When I texted my bf to ask if this is true. He said yes it is, I f***** up. I’m sorry. That’s all I got from him. No explanations, no closure, nothing. I emailed him too and no response. I am broken down to my core and am so depressed. I have no idea what went wrong where. Not to even get an explanation whatsoever is the worst. One reason this woman is with him is for financial purposes because he provides everything for her and pays her bills. And she said she’s not even attracted to him anymore. In my circumstance, I was so attracted to him and wasn’t in it for money but I genuinely loved him. I don’t know how to cope, I don’t know what to think, I so want him to talk to me and I probably would even take him back. I wish he would just be friends with me if nothing else. Do you have any advice for me to help me get through this.

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    Lauren

    September 5, 2019 at 3:40 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My ex and I were together for 2 years when he decided to go to Europe and travel solo. He broke up with me when he couldn’t handle long distance, and slept with someone else 3 weeks later. 7 months later, I went to see him, and we rekindled our relationship and had been talking every few weeks while broken up. We remained long distance and he got a job in Europe, so I went to see him again for 3 weeks in June. We had a few bumps during that trip but when I was leaving we promised we would figure everything out and that everything would be okay. A month and a week after I left, we got on the phone on my birthday after we had been going back and forth about how I wasn’t happy with the level of communication and he was never around. He broke up with me again, but said he did love me… and then I said I had a gut feeling he had cheated. Prior to all of this, during our 2 years before, we had always said if something happened we would tell each other. He then confessed he had cheated on me, and said he was in compromising situations. He confirmed it was multiple times. When I asked why he didn’t tell me he said because he loved me.

    After all of that, we talked a week after the break up and he said he didn’t not want me and did love me and consider me his best friend but it wasn’t working out and he knew he was a bad person for cheating but all he could do was move forward and learn. He told me I had to stop calling him. I have followed the NC rule now for 8 days. I am worried he is moved on and that we’ll never talk again. I am afraid he will never reach out.

    Should I maintain NC for 45 days?

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    Prudence

    August 24, 2019 at 4:11 am

    Just curious, Chris…what are your thoughts on a 29 year marriage? I always thought we were soul mates, true bff’s, I was envied by my friends. We were good together. He’s going through this mid life crisis, I just know it. He’s got his race car, he’s even got a motorcycle. All of which I can handle believe you me, the one thing I can’t handle is the betrayal and the lies. I have recently learned that hes been meeting up with local escorts and even a young girl who is his best friends fwb and a mutual friend or so I thought. My heart has been shredded to bits. After 29 years he’s all I know. I can’t imagine my life without him. I’ve also been a stay at home mom/spouse all these years. I really have no independence so to speak. All of my friends are his friends. His family is my family. I can’t even vent to anyone cuz i love him to much for anyone to think bad of him, so I’d never tell anyone about his infidelity. I am completely depressed. All I keep wondering is why. In fact I’m so obsessed with digging up anything and everything I can about who he’s been with cuz he won’t tell me the truth. He has totally denied any of it. Yet, he can’t cuz i busted him out looking through his phone and saw a pic of some girl sitting on a hotel bed in a sexual pose in only a tank top and panties. Info on the pic showed that it was taken with his phone and the location and time were right on with his map data…he doesn’t deny taking her pic or getting the hotel room, no, he expects me to believe that they didn’t have sex. I later dug up through his browser history that she was an escort. (Gag). The young friend of course, let’s just say he’s not very good at discretion, I caught the two of them in a fb secret messenger chat. That stung a lil, he still thinks I’m stupid to believe that it was nothing that she’s not into him bla bla bla….then two days later, we were arguing and he leaves, goes for a ride…I waited n waited to hear something from him but I get nothing…til I tried calling his phone one more time only to hear a lot of background noise he doesn’t even know I’m on the other end I’m guessing he meant to swipe my call in reject but no he accepted w/o knowing…I hang on listening to sounds of him working on his truck(he’s a mechanic) then all of a sudden this so called friends voice saying “is it me you were waiting on” the dinger steady going off in his truck then I hear both doors slam and him telling her they need to get the hell out of town. That’s when I screamed his name into the phone. Wish I hadn’t cuz i lost all communication. Let’s just say he best be glad I didn’t find his truck parked at any of the local hotels. I took my baseball bat. Before I got home 2 hours later he had just made it home. There were some bad words and the palm of my hand meeting his cheek and different sleeping arrangements. But still there was his denial. Well as obsessed as I was proof is what I needed. Wasn’t hard at all cuz the call was recorded. I played it for him the following day. He had the nerve to get up and just walk out without a word but his look was priceless….he says they didn’t do anything either….I have since dug up more escorts and I’m very disgusted with my husband. I’m not sure what I want to do. I really just want to know why men deny deny deny he refuses to own up to any of it. I didn’t even tell his best friend about his fwb mutual bitch (ooops), mainly cuz i don’t want his bf to think bad of him. What is wrong with me? I guess I just need advice on how to make him see that I just want to hear the truth. I need the truth and maybe I can quit obsessing and go on with my life….

    How deep was that?
    Shattered wife

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    Angela

    August 19, 2019 at 10:42 pm

    My husband died 6 years ago. It took me 3 years to open my heart up to date. I started dating my husbands friend from work and have been dating him for 2 1/2 years until about 3 months ago and I found out from some people he worked with that he had been seeing his ex girlfriend from work. When I questioned him he ended it with me. He had blocked my number and blocked me on Facebook. I am so in love with this man. How can I get him back?

  20. Avatar

    Sophia

    August 14, 2019 at 10:36 pm

    My ex boyfriend of one year cheated on me multiple times, i am going to say he was definitely my first love. He said he was happy with me and he showed it but he broke up with me after he found out that I found out he cheated. This was nine months ago. I still haven’t forgotten nor lost feelings, he contacted me 2 weeks ago saying he missed me and wanted another shot, I gave it to him but then said to forget everything he said? What do you think about this?

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