He Cheated On You And You Want Him Back… What Do You Do?

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

How are you supposed to get an ex boyfriend back if he cheated on you? Do you even want to get him back? I’ll admit that these are a few of the most asked questions I get on this site. Today I am going to do my very best to answer them both for you. If you are new to my site then just a warning, every single page I write goes far more in-depth than my peers. Every page draws upon in-depth research (from experts), stories from women who have had success and my own personal experience. So, rather than write more filler content I would prefer to talk about the stuff that can actually do something for you!

Getting A Cheating Boyfriend Back… Is It Possible?

Heck ya it is possible! Of course, the real question is do you even want him back? I have found that a lot of the women who I have worked with who have been cheated on decide not to get their ex boyfriends back because they feel a lot better about themselves after they read the process on this page.

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And that’s where I come in!

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Why Do Men Cheat?

Cheating

Understanding why your boyfriend cheated on you is important. In this section I am going to give you some insight into the male psyche so you can understand why a man will cheat on you. Obviously, there are a lot of different reasons that a man will ultimately decide to cheat on his girlfriend but I would have to say that the most common reason would be because he is just plain horny.

Basically, he sees something he wants and he goes and gets it. While, I think it is a horrible betrayal of trust to cheat on someone (why not break up with them before you move on?) I think a case can be made here that evolution plays a role in his “horniness.” At his very core, a man is instilled with a primal need to replicate/reproduce. Humans were never intended to be monogamous creatures. While I think it says a lot about the advancement of humans that we have slowly developed into a race that seeks out a significant other we weren’t originally intended to do so.

Now, I don’t want you to sit there and feel like I am in any way “for” cheating because I AM NOT. I am simply explaining to you why your ex would feel a need to cheat on you. I suppose there is a little comfort to take in the fact that your ex didn’t cheat on you because of something you did but because he can’t properly his sexual urges. Which leads us to the next section.

Should You Even Try To Get A Cheating Boyfriend Back?

optimism

As I write these words I am little conflicted. A part of me wants to tell you to move on but another part of me wants to help you. You clearly came here because you want your ex boyfriend back and I want to help you do that but above all I want to help YOU. Sometimes that means telling you to run the other way. So, I am just going to say this:

The only way that I can justify giving you my help is if you have a legitimate reason for getting back together with your ex.

(I outline the legitimate reasons a lot more in my book found here.)

This means that I CAN NOT help you if you

  • Don’t have a good reason for getting back together.
  • If he has cheated on you multiple times.
  • If you don’t think you can do any better than your ex.
  • The relationship you had was physically or mentally abusive.

However, I WILL be willing to offer you my help if you.

  • Have a legitimate reason for wanting to get together again.
  • If the cheating was an isolated incident (AND WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN)

Trusting Yourself

strength of gut

Here is the deal, before you try to get your ex boyfriend back (if he cheated on you) I am going to ask you to do something that may be a little unorthodox. I want you to implement a no contact rule. If you are familiar with my site then you know I am a really big believer in the no contact rule. Usually, the most powerful part of the no contact rule is it’s ability to break a guy down and make him wonder why you haven’t tried contacting him yet, making him really be on the edge of his seat for when you finally do decide to reach out.

BUT

You are in a very unique situation so I am going to ask you implement the no contact rule for an entirely different reason. I want you to use it as a sort of self check. As you read my page you may still be pretty close to your breakup, time wise. As you will probably realize, making big decisions like going back to an ex who cheated on you isn’t a choice you should make when you are so emotionally unstable (no offense.) The normal no contact period is supposed to last one month or 30 days. That means you can’t text, email, facebook, google plus or talk to your ex on the phone. You essentially cut off all communication. However, I would say that you up the no contact period in this case to 45 days

If after that amount of time you still want to get your ex back then I say you should go right ahead. Notice how you are going to be using the no contact rule on three fronts.

  1. To get your ex a little worried that you will never contact him again.
  2. To use the time to work on yourself (healing)
  3. To decide if your ex is even worth getting back

worth itDeciding If He Is Worth Getting Back

During your 45 days of no contact you are obviously going to have some thinking to do. As stated above, you are going to have to decide if you want to take your ex boyfriend back. You may find that after 45 days you just don’t have the same desire you did to get him back when you first started the NC period. It that happens to you then you should probably move on to someone new.

Since we are dealing with someone who cheated on you the thing you really need to figure out is if he is the type of person that will cheat on a moments notice. Here are some qualities that cheaters tend to have.

  • Narcissistic (Selfish and only thinks of himself.)
  • Chronic Liars (Everyone lies but if someone does it over and over you may have to take a step back and decide if this is someone worth being with.)
  • Someone who gets jealous very easily (If he is constantly accusing you of inappropriate behavior.)
  • Constantly flirts with other girls (Every guy will flirt every now and then but if it is common behavior for him then be careful.)
  • If your ex has cheated in the past (Everyone is human, everyone makes mistakes but if he cheated in the past then that behavior is NOT a one time thing.)

Contacting Your Ex

contact

The time has come, you have waited, hopefully 45 days, and it is finally time to try and start getting your ex boyfriend back. Now, before I go into some long explanation about each step you should take I do feel it is important to mention that I have put together a HUGE resource on how to get your ex back here. While I will talk about what you should do on this page I can tell you that the page I just linked to goes into way more detail (which you will definitely need.)

Alright, now that I have that out of the way lets dive in to how you should contact your ex boyfriend after 45 days.

Usually what happens is your ex will have contacted you at one point during the NC period. That is a really good sign because it means they are interested or concerned about you. Basically, they are feeling something towards you which is what you want. Now, the whole point of the no contact rule was to NOT contact your ex so you aren’t exactly allowed to respond to them after they contact you during the initial 45 day period. Understand that you essentially ignoring them will make them really angry.  I AM HERE TO TELL YOU THAT YOU DON’T CARE HOW THEY FEEL. At least, not at this point.

What is going to happen is that when you finally do decide to contact them they are going to be filled with joy. They have waited all this time to hear from you and when that moment finally comes they are going to be so excited that they will probably run up and down the stairs and do all the things that guys do when they are happy.

Now, here is an interesting question. What is the best way to contact your ex boyfriend?

Choice 1: Calling (NOOOO)

Choice 2: Writing A Letter or Emailing (NOOOO)

Choice 3: Texting (YESSS)

Before I move on I am going to take a few moments to go through each of the choices and explain why texting is the way to go.

Calling – It’s way too much way too soon. As I have said multiple times throughout this site, you have to earn the right to call your ex or in this case, your ex has to earn the right to call you. Besides, when you talk on the phone you don’t have time to think. You have to say just the right thing at just the right time for things to work out the way you want them to. However, the biggest disadvantage for calling an ex is the fact that you could potentially get angry, raise your voice and start a fight if something is said that you don’t like. Now, it may seem like I am swearing off calling altogether but I promise you I am not. In fact, there is a time and a place to use calling as a way to contact your ex but only after your ex earns the right for you to call them. I feel I do a good job of explaining when the proper time to call is in the link I provided at the beginning of this section.funny gf

Writing A Letter – It’s creepy. Can you imagine getting a letter after 45 days of no contact from someone that you thought didn’t want to talk to you? Besides, sending a letter is a bold statement that basically screams I STILL LOVE YOU. There is no way to that sending a letter is “light” it is basically an all or nothing kind of deal or as I like to say, it’s a low percentage shot of getting your ex back.

Emailing- A couple of problems with this. First, does your ex even check their email? I can go days, sometimes months without checking certain emails (I have multiple.) Secondly, there is no way that you can get an instant response. With a text if your ex doesn’t respond to you in a day then you can pretty much determine “ok, well that didn’t work.” However, with an email it can sometimes take 2-3 days for a response. I think you have waited long enough.

Texting- Texting is really the best option you have for a number of reasons. First off, it gives you time to think (which calling doesn’t allow.) Every single text message you can craft with time and thought. It is also impossible to show you are angry by raising your voice through a text. Add in the fact that you can get a quick response and you are good to go!

What Do You Say To Them?

Alright great, so now you know that texting is the way to go if you want to get your ex back the question becomes “what do you say in your texts?” I am not going to pretend that this is the easiest thing to do in the world because quite honestly anyone who claims that is lying. Getting your ex back is not going to be an easy task. What I will say is that I have written a page that will help you make the “what to say” process even easier. Check out my texting guide that will help you through what to say to your ex boyfriend.

February 1, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (919)

  1. Pom - 0

    Pom

    Me and my ex have been together for 10 months. I know it isn’t long but the first few months together, we got through a lot that most couples don’t go through in the beginning. I found out in March that he had been meeting up with some girl and sexting with another girl. We had a huge fight and he promised he would never do it again. Then he left for 3 weeks for army stuff. We talked every single night and everything seemed great. When he got back, I checked his phone while he was sleeping and found out he was on tinder the whole time he was there and hooked up with 2 girls. One of the girls was an older woman (37 yrs old). Obviously he did it bc wanted some action. I know he didn’t actually love these girls. We broke up after I confronted him. He told his family we broke up. Now he is gone for another 3 weeks for army stuff and he said he will call me when he gets back but I am not sure he actually will. I still want to be with him. He hasn’t contacted me at all while he has been gone and he has been talking to other girls while he is away (I know bc I secretly have access to his fb plus if he cheated on me while we were together, nothing is stopping him from talking to other girls while away…the army girls he’s there with). What do I need to do to get him back? What do I say to him when he finally wants to talk? What do I do if he doesn’t contact me after he comes back? Please help…

    Reply
    • Pom - 0

      Pom

      I haven’t texted or called him. There have been moments where I was about to but didn’t. It’s been over a week since the break up (broke up Saturday June 3rd and talked Sunday night June 4th). I asked him if we could talk on Sunday and he called that night. He was already away by that time for army stuff. That was when he said he would call after he got back. Haven’t talked or texted since then.

    • Chris Seiter - 4
  2. Pom - 0

    Pom

    Me and my ex have been together for 10 months. I know it isn’t long but the first few months together, we got through a lot that most couples don’t go through in the beginning. I found out in March that he had been meeting up with some girl and sexting with another girl. We had a huge fight and he promised he would never do it again. Then he left for 3 weeks for army stuff. We talked every single night and everything seemed great. When he got back, I checked his phone while he was sleeping and found out he was on tinder the whole time he was there and hooked up with 2 girls. One of the girls was an older woman (37 yrs old). Obviously he did it bc wanted some action. I know he didn’t actually love these girls. We broke up after I confronted him. He told his family we broke up. Now he is gone for another 3 weeks for army stuff and he said he will call me when he gets back but I am not sure he actually will. I still want to be with him. He hasn’t contacted me at all while he has been gone and he has been talking to other girls while he is away (I know bc I secretly have access to his fb plus if he cheated on me while we were together, nothing is stopping him from talking to other girls while away…the army girls he’s there with). What do I need to do to get him back? What do I say to him when he finally wants to talk? Please help…

    Reply
  3. Maya - 0

    Maya

    We broke up 3 weeks ago. Yesterday when he came to take his remaining things (we are living together for 3yrs and he moved to his mum’s), we had a final conversation. I asked for one last chance and apologized for my part. He said he wasn’t in love anymore and he can’t give this another chance.
    4 years ago when we started our relationship he cheated on me and asked for a chance which I gave to him. Over the years he really tried to work on his mistake, but every time we had a fight that came out of my mouth as a grudge. We were looking for a house to buy together and get married this year. My parents demanded he converts to Islam and her mother, who is a religious Catholic, was hurt and defied this. I tried to solve this situation by a secular marriage but asked if he can pretend to convert when he goes overseas for the reception part. He didn’t say no. This year he was supposed to come meet my family overseas but he didn’t come. He met me for holidays in another country afterwards instead. We fought a lot during that trip and after 2 weeks of coming back to our place, he broke up and left.
    He cried a lot during our last conversation, but he was more than sure that he can’t go back to this as it has become toxic. He mentioned it might have stemed from me getting hurt from his actions and that he can’t think of getting married anymore. I told him I left my family for this but he was adamant and left.
    What should I do now? Should I stop contacting him? I have to move out now and I am extremely lonely and depressed to even think about it and the economic burden it will cause me. Please help!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Maya,

      if he already moved out, then just stay there.. the place is all yours right? are you going to do the no contact rule?

  4. Arielllie - 0

    Arielllie

    I broke up with my ex for the second time 1 week back because he cheated on me with a hostess girl he knew from some thai club for a week. The first time we broke up, I was able to figure out the reason, being he still had feelings for his ex and he just was not ready to move on with me. When he came back to ask for me back in March, everything was magical, he explained how his feelings for his ex was just nolstagia and that he cannot accept going back with her because she cheated on him. Do you see the irony now? His largest deal breaker but he did it on me and he said ‘you are the first i have ever cheated on, i am rotten and you shouldnt come back and i can’t accept you back.” even though i was willing to work it out with him. He brought up reasons of incompatibility and how he never had to argue in his previous relationships in heated manner as a reason of breaking up and he said i was the one who has lost passion for him along the way. What the heck? and he has to cheat on me. And he said me talking to his mum about this whole fiasco is a dealbreaker for him and that he has accepted that things has ended between both of us. I don’t understand how one is so determined to have a future with me can suddenly turn into someone i don’t even know in the span of one 2 weeks? I’m sustaining to my NC rule, but i feel that chances are bleak cause i’m not even sure if he is still contacting the thai girl?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      if you want to find out, find it out, and then restart nc and decide if you still want him back

  5. Zhimary - 0

    Zhimary

    Hi have been with my boyfriend for like 10 years. He has left me like 5 times for other girls on the bases of his feelings towards them. Some time he says he feels deep inside of him. that am not his wife but then any Time he leaves he keeps coming back to me without me asking but this time he cheated without a break up
    Am so mad at him and I still love him. What can I do? Am really helpless right now I need help please

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4
    • Arielllie - 0

      Arielllie

      I broke up with my ex for the second time 1 week back because he cheated on me with a hostess girl he knew from some thai club for a week. The first time we broke up, I was able to figure out the reason, being he still had feelings for his ex and he just was not ready to move on with me. When he came back to ask for me back in March, everything was magical, he explained how his feelings for his ex was just nolstagia and that he cannot accept going back with her because she cheated on him. Do you see the irony now? His largest deal breaker but he did it on me and he said ‘you are the first i have ever cheated on, i am rotten and you shouldnt come back and i can’t accept you back.” even though i was willing to work it out with him. He brought up reasons of incompatibility and how he never had to argue in his previous relationships in heated manner as a reason of breaking up and he said i was the one who has lost passion for him along the way. What the heck? and he has to cheat on me. And he said me talking to his mum about this whole fiasco is a dealbreaker for him and that he has accepted that things has ended between both of us. I don’t understand how one is so determined to have a future with me can suddenly turn into someone i don’t even know in the span of one 2 weeks? I’m sustaining to my NC rule, but i feel that chances are bleak cause i’m not even sure if he is still contacting the thai girl?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      if you want to find out, find it out, and then restart nc and decide if you still want him back

  6. Jena - 0

    Jena

    I have been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. Recently I broke up with him (Thursday) because I found out he was flirting and talking to other girls in a dating website and through Snapchat. I confronted him calmly because this is the second time he’s done it. The first time I was really angry at him and it took me a long time to trust him. This time I was just very disappointed and not mad. I asked him why he felt the need to do it and he just said he doesn’t know he’s just an idiot sometimes. He knows he messed up and even admits it. He told me, when I found out, that he was planning on telling me soon because he felt bad for doing it again and stopped on his own by deleting the app off of his phone. He also blocked me on everything, phone, Facebook, Snapchat and instagram. I saw him Thursday when I broke up with him and got all my stuff from his house. We talked a little and he said that I made him really happy and that he still wants a future with me. He also said he wants to get me a promise ring still but he’s not going to beg for me to stay with him. He hasn’t contacted me at all. What should I do? I want to implement the no contact rule because it is genius but he is in full control right now because he has blocked me so I can’t get ahold of him even if I wanted to. Obviously I love him and still want to be with him but I’ve allowed him to do this to my twice so something has to give. He would of just did it again if I blew it off for a second time.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi Jena,

      he doesn’t really have the full control..he probaby expects you to change your mind and chase and wonder why you aren’t and then unblock you.. so, it would really be better if you start nc.

  7. Anonymous - 0

    Anonymous

    Hi, is it okay to like my ex’s pictures of him and the girl who he has cheated with on me when we were still together? Will he think that he’s correct doing shit to me if i like his picture

    Reply
  8. Debbie - 0

    Debbie

    A crazy situation here … my ex bf was already married when we got into a ‘relationship’. He said he intends to marry me as he was living separate from his wife then. Drastic changes took place after his was back with him after a year and within months she got pregnant… i was still unaware of that fact and he kept on dating me while cheating on both his wife nd me. When i got to know abt this, i broke up with him altogether, however within months he looped in to his talks where he said he has financial issues, issues with wife and childern and many more . I still helped him out and we happened to sleep couple of times which i am thoroughly upset, embarrassed and guilty about. Now as i fought with him lately and sternly refused to sleep with him, he blocked me from everywhere … my question is that how can someone be that ruthless, and why did he do this to me?? If u r still reading, thank u for taking time and plz reply and get me out of this mess …

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Because he can see he can.. I know this will hurt but what you allow you will get.. Move on from him.. It sounds like you’re a good person, but that doesn’t mean your kindness is your weakness right? Walk away from people who are not good for you..

    • Debbie - 0

      Debbie

      Thanx amor!! I hadn’t heard this since long that i am a good person … after all this i thought of me as a weak and a pathetic person … much like a slave to someone .. many people have advised me to get rid of him but i promised u will be the last one telling me that … much love ❤️ .. and thanx for being there …

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You’re welcome! It will be hard.. but dont worry youll get past this.

  9. Bella - 0

    Bella

    Hi Amor,
    I broke up with my ex, this is the 6 time we broke up, and each time i have broke up with him because each time we fight he changes his social media passwords ( which he give to me when we get back together), and adds girls and flirt and talk to then.
    I told him before we even started dating i did not want a boyfriend with social media, as i had 2 bad experiences with previous exes of doing the same he is doing now ( adding and flirting with other girls on each fight).
    He said he wanted to be with me and deleted his social media. After few months we had a fight and i discovered he made fake profiles and added girls behind my back. I broke up with him and he begged me to comeback that he just did it cos he though i was provably seeing other guys as i was cold with him.
    I forgave him and he said he misses social media to Interact with his male friends, to please lend him have it and he will give me passwords and not add girls.
    After that for 5 times each time we had a big fight he changes passwords and add girls.
    After each break up i always did no contact except the Last time, and he has always contacted me and begged me to comeback ( each break up he takes longer to comeback, the first was just 2 days and the Last one was 14 days). The Last break before this one i found out he did a badoo account while we broke up.
    This break up he has a badoo account as well,

    Reply
    • Bella - 0

      Bella

      I continue my other message here…
      This time i am doing no contact, and today is day 22 and i have not heard from him… It never took him so long to contact me…
      He blocked me on whatsapp after the break up but unblocked me 10 days after.
      Do you think he has move on for good?
      As well i dont think i should iniciate contact if he is not contacting me after the 30 days no contact, otherwise will be like telling me is ok to treat me like that and i will run1 after him anyway.

      I love him and miss him so much, i cant get out of bed or even eat, i lost so much weight, but i am being strong and not contacting him.

      Do you think there is any hope for my situation? To get him back and change this pattern of him adding girls on each fight?
      I hope you can answer me. Thanks.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you have to do at least 30 days or 45 this time..and to stick to it..and you can’t change other people.. That’s why you need to have standards.. either you walk away, or what you allow, you will get.

  10. Kelsey - 0

    Kelsey

    I feel that my situation is a little stressful and different so i hope you all can help me. My boyfriend and I had broken up around christmas time after 7 1/2 years due to me finding out he was initially having an emotional affair with a coworker and then he began sexting her and sending nude photos back and forth to her via snap chat. I am unsure how long the emotional affair had gone on due to the fact the past year I had my own emotional and personal turmoil I had to handle. Because of this, and this is where I accept my involvement in the problem, I had become withdrawn from him and was no longer communicating or engaging with him. I digress though. Christmas time we broke up with a huge physical fight because he wasn’t willing to give up contact with this other girl. The problem we had was we were still living together and had no way of moving out at the time. I remained living in the same house with him until the middle of February. During that time I had tried giving him everything he wanted, be it sex, more time with him etc. I was also begging and trying to get him to try and fix us and to stop contact with the other girl, which he never did. During that time he also began to see her more, after work and on the weekend when I was at the house. I was devastated and could no longer take it so I decided to move home with my family.

    When I moved home I took all of our pets with me, something that really upset him because he wanted to keep the cats. I had indicated to him that there were consequences to cheating and that was his consequence. I brought the animals into the relationship and they were to leave with me. That is when things started to go down hill. He stated if he didn’t get to have the cats then he never wanted to see me again and if I didn’t give him what he wanted, the exact way he wanted, and be willing to “lose” for once in our relationship we would never get back together or try. The following week he also moved out of the house into an apartment. That weekend he had the girl he cheated on me with over. She has been involved in his life since. He states she hasn’t replaced me, that he still loves me and misses me however believes we would never work out and is excessively mad at me. Claims I had to always get my way and wanted to get his way for once: getting an NSA relationship and the cats as well as being allowed to continue the interactions with the other girl. The main irritation he had with me was that he claimed I put everything else in my life above him, even though he did the same. He wanted to be one of the most important things in my life and he felt that he wasn’t. WELL, with this new girl she has a child, a young child. Children dominate their parents life and that child will be more important to her in the end, so he is getting himself into the same situation. states that they aren’t dating, I guess he is getting everything that he wants from her without the label. I just found out today though that they probably are dating and just not posting it online. He recently unfriended me (this weekend) and that is because she posted their first tagged post together.

    Anyways since I had moved out we had continued texting however all we did was fight. I wasn’t begging to be with him we were just arguing about who was right and who was wrong and all that jazz and trying to convince him to actually try. I had enough of the fighting and tried no contact for a week however I had to break it due to being impulsive. I drove to his house last Monday, one week after NC and he wasn’t happy to see me. He has been overly angry and hateful to me this whole time and had those stipulation before even thinking about trying, however never stated that it would make a difference . Fast forward to last Thursday. He calls and accuses me of vandalizing her car. Tells me to never call, text or contact him and that they were filing a police report and listing me as a suspect. I had to contact him on Tuesday due to him still having some of my belongings (as well as maybe my passport) and he didn’t block me and actually responded. He is still very angry and I messed up again by asking him why he unfriended me, why he didn’t block me and talking to him about his “relationship” about getting with someone that has a child.

    I am beginning the NC all over again however it makes me feel like things are hopeless. He replaced me with her immediately and has been interacting with her and saying things to her like he used to do with me. 7 1/2 years is hard to let go and I truly felt things were going ok (because he was no longer trying to talk to me about problems he had turned to her). I am unsure how long he was talking to her however he has worked with her for the last 3 years. All I can say is there have been no true good texts between us, he was always asking me to leave him alone and that I had my prizes what else did I need?

    Please Chris, I need all of your help. I just purchased all of your product and as I have said reinitiated the NC and ended our conversation with wishing him the best. I am in shambles and can’t let go and feel that I could never recover from this with him. We are 3 months down the road from the official break up, a month and a half since truly seeing each other and now 1 day since NC. Please lend me all your help and strength to know if I can recover from the damage I have caused. I have been taking care of myself (lost weight and interacting with friends again) as well as pursuing school again. I just feel there is no hope

    Reply
  11. Kelsey - 0

    Kelsey

    Was with my boyfriend for a little over 7 years and we had broken up around Christmas. The reason for the break up was me finding out he was having an emotional affair that started becoming sexual (sexting, sending naked pictures etc). The past year was a bad year for me emotionally and I had to focus on rebuilding myself and my confidence as an individual. Because of this I had become withdrawn from him and things in my life, this is the reason he claims he turned to the other girl and started cheating (because he no longer felt important to me and that I had put my phone, work and my family ahead of him). Anyways we broke up and had a huge fight at the time where we became physical (i smacked him and threw some things at him). At the time we were still living together and had to continue living together. I attempted to kick him out a couple times which led to bigger fights. During this time he was still in contact with the other girl, continued seeing the other girl and wasn’t really sorry for cheating on me. Fast forward to the middle of February. In that month and a half I had tried giving him exactly what he wanted, however didn’t make a difference of course and he began being more forward and open with seeing and doing things with this other girl. I had Kept trying to talk to him and work things out, this only made him angrier and was pushing him away. Middle of February was all I could handle living with him and I moved out and took all of our animals with us. He became angry and wanted the cats back (claimed he would try and work on things however still would not get rid of the other girl and stated if I didn’t let him have the cats he would never want to see me again.) Within tHe next week he had to move out of the house we were living in and since then she has been in his life, literally replacing me. I have attempted the no contact since I have moved out however it never stuck for more than a week. We were fighting every day and not getting anywhere yet he has continued to have her in his life. He claims he doesn’t know if he wants to be with her (she has a child) and hasn’t stated that he is dating her and with how quickly she replaced me I feel she may be a rebound or he is using her since she is giving him everything he wants without the commitment. I have restarted the NC after we have finally had some of our belongings sorted and exchanged. The most recent time he didn’t want me being anywhere close to him, preferred to mail things to each other. He hasn’t blocked me however he has unfriended me on social media. We were very much in love, were talking about marriage and moving forward with each other. Is there any way things between us can be fixed when she is still in his life and he doesn’t want to let her go. He didn’t want to let her go for us to fix our relationship before I founded out he was cheating sonthat was my clue he was cheating. Have i traveled to far past the point of no return? This last time we talked he stated he still loves me and misses me and always will however he hasn’t shown any desire to be with me. Will her being in his life prevent him from wanting to come back?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      It’s not yet too late but you have to stop talking to him about the other girl, and to start looking like you’re moving on through your posts.. Be active in improving yourself..

    • Kelsey - 0

      Kelsey

      Amor,

      I have started NC and have plans to never talk to him again about her, ever. I am now 5 days in and how can he see that I am moving on via posts if he isn’t my friend on Facebook? We do have mutual friends on Facebook however no one that actually talks to both of us or even sees both of us. He can’t see anything on my Facebook other than when i update a profile picture.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s ok..just keep posting and make them public..so that he has posts to see of he gets curious now or while building rapport

  12. Anna - 0

    Anna

    Hello! A month ago (after 5 perfect months together) I felt that something strange is happening with our relationship. I pushed him to tell me the problem and he said that he’s missing something, maybe he needs some time. I decided to do it but at the same time I was annoying and clingy. I suspected that he is texting someone and as I was very angry I went to his place to take all my stuff. We talked and of course he told me that there is no one else. 1 week after it he was officially in a relationship with some girl on Facebook for about one month (which means overlapping). The day that their “relationship” started was before our first conversation. So my question is – should I try to get him back or just to forget about him after all the lies?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anna

      that depends on you.. on your standards if you still want to give him a chance or to move on

    • Anna - 0

      Anna

      I definitely want him back but at the same time I’m very hurt. Anyways, it’s day 15 on the NC. I don’t have problems with it, but he hasn’t contacted me at all! Is this a bad sign? I know that now he is on the honeymoon stage, but is it possible that this ignore is because he hates me or he forgot about me?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      No, it’s ok if he doesn’t contact you.. What’s more important is that you heal and improve during and after nc.. check this one:
      Your Worst Nightmares During The No Contact Rule

  13. Carin - 0

    Carin

    With boyfriend for 4 years. We still had a great friendship and physical connection. He was talking about marrying me earlier this year. We both have issues though which put a strain on our relationship. I’m in therapy. He was saying he needed to do therapy. Sometimes after a fight he would leave and not talk to me for days or even a week or two. I would always chase him, and he would come back. One time that pattern was different – last year he took a break, I did not chase him, and he really chased me instead.

    Nearly 4 weeks ago he walked away after a minor fight but it was on his birthday. The next day I found out (TMI) that he was getting involved with a seedier part of life. I messaged him a kind, brief message to basically say: I knew what was going on with him, that I had therapy work to do, but he needed to do therapy as well if he wanted a relationship to work out. I also said that he was hard on me at times and withdrawing was cruel to me. He replied immediately to say it was no surprise to him that I had figured out what was going on. That was all he said and I did not reply.

    That was 4 weeks ago. I have made no contact at all since then but he has not contacted me either. Now I am not chasing him, it seems he’s letting us go then? He is very handsome and charismatic and gets lots of other attention.

    I was doing OK and working on myself but I am starting to feel heartbroken. I thought he would contact me after a few weeks. I guess I gave him a mild ultimatum? Do you think he will contact me?

    Thank you

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi Carin,

      you can initiate contact after nc.. but if it was not focused in improving yourself and in posting in social media, you have to restart the count

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