By Chris Seiter

Updated on June 10th, 2021

I can’t tell you how many times we get people calling in to inquire about cheating situations.

My ex boyfriend cheated on me… what do I do?

I cheated on my ex boyfriend… what do I do?

It’s pretty common to get these kinds of questions.

What isn’t common though is the situation I encountered a few weeks ago when I stumbled across this voicemail,

The Voicemail

Now, the average reader of Ex Boyfriend Recovery may listen to this and think,

Umm… what’s the big deal? This sounds like your average “cheating situation.”

Actually, that isn’t the case at all.

This isn’t the average cheating situation because what we have here is the case of a chronic philanderer.

You know what that means, right?

Chronic Philanderer: A man who readily or frequently enters into casual sexual relationships with women; a womanizer.

Of course, if you are familiar with the way I work you would know that I like interesting things that are challenging and this is a pretty darn interesting situation. I mean, isn’t it every woman’s greatest fear to commit herself fully to a man only to find out that he is addicted to cheating on her.

What makes a man want to cheat?

Why does he do it?

What does he get out of it?

Should you even try to get a man like this back.

Well, that’s what we are here to explore in this episode of The Ex Boyfriend Recovery podcast!

First things first, let me show you the video I put together for this episode,


Video Of Episode 56: (My Ex Boyfriend Cheated On Me Multiple Times)

If you remember in last weeks episode I mentioned that the video quality was going to start to get better in these videos starting this week.

Well, this week is here and this week’s podcast video is out.

What do you think?

last week vs this week

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

The videos are starting to look a bit better, huh?

Look, I am not going to lie to you. I am not a professional and I am learning as I go on how to make the videos I produce look more and more professional but I definitely feel this is a step in the right direction.

What do you think?

Let us know in the comments.

Christina’s Situation

  • Her ex boyfriend cheated on her multiple times
  • He is a police officer
  • This particular cheating instance was with a woman who is much younger than him
  • The girl he cheated with was considered a police explorer (someone considering a career in law enforcement)
  • Having a relationship with a police explorer is against his departments policy
  • Out of disgust, Christina told on them
  • Currently she is in her third week of no contact

What We Talk About In This Episode

  • The type of environment that Christina allowed by taking him back
  • The fact that Christina’s ex probably feels like he can get away with cheating on her
  • Reporting him to his boss put’s you in a very difficult situation if you were to try to get him back
  • The two needs that men need to have to stay happy in a relationship
  • The specific “need” that Christina’s ex wasn’t getting from her in the relationship

Important Links Mentioned In The Episode

Transcript For Episode 56

Download The Transcript Here

(BONUS) The Two Things Men Need To Stay Faithful In A Relationship

Human beings are fascinating in the fact that they really need two things to remain happy and stay faithful while in the midst of a relationship.

Thing #1: The need for excitement, adventure and mystery


Thing #2: The need for reliability and stability

So, why was Christina’s ex boyfriend constantly cheating on her?

Well, it’s probably due to the fact that he viewed Christina as a reliable and stable girl. Which is good, right?

Yes and no.

It’s good because in order for him to feel safe in a relationship he needs to feel stable. However, he wasn’t getting the excitement out of the “safe girl,” Christina.

Think of it like this,

Two needs

He is essentially getting his two primary needs met by two separate girls which perfectly explains his reasoning for cheating.

Christina is reliable and stable.

Whereas the other girl is exciting and mysterious.

In a perfect world Christina would be able to provide her ex with both of these major needs but we don’t live in a perfect world now do we?

So, what can Christina do to get a man like this back?

Well, I will leave that up to the podcast episode to explain 😉 .

What to Read Next

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50 thoughts on “EBR 056: My Ex Boyfriend Cheated On Me Multiple Times… What Do I Do?”

  1. Cathy

    September 11, 2022 at 4:02 am

    Chris- thank you for episode 56! My long term (almost 3 years) BF has cheated and moved onto someone else twice stating if he wanted to settle down, he would stay with me. He dumped me Aug 26 2021, Aug 26, 2022. We still talk/text constantly. I had a session with Coach Anna last week and would like a free follow up with you asap please!!

    1. Coach Shaunna Nicol

      September 13, 2022 at 5:33 pm

      Hey Cathy, you would have had a follow up link in an email from Anna to book 🙂

  2. Veronica Fleming

    June 10, 2020 at 8:37 am

    I’m currently laid off related to COVID-19 and my funds are super limited but I desperately need your help!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 10, 2020 at 4:18 pm

      Hi Veronica, if you post your situation here, like others have I can get back to you when I can

  3. Julianne

    March 26, 2020 at 8:40 pm

    Long distance!
    I have an ex from nearly 10 years ago. I’ve since married someone else and divorced, but through the entire experience, he kept popping back in, as he did for years. He would profess his feelings, love-bomb me, etc.
    After divorcing, he kept doing that, even as far as to talk about my kid as if he’d respect my parental boundaries… kept trying to ask what I was looking for in a guy. I thought he was interested in trying again, for once. A business event brought me local to him for 3 days. I told him I would be around. I thought he was going to pursue something. He did, he sought a fling with me, but he didn’t tell me until I was there that he got himself a girlfriend after I told him I’d be there. Then he blames it as “bad timing.” Because nothing is ever his fault, it’s either mine or “fate.”
    I told him to quit coming around, quit messaging me back ever. He lasted two months. Then after that, I went no contact. And again he came back. We’ve been back and forth on and off for a decade with the longest stretch being 4 years before he came back. But with no strategy. I’ve followed your material years ago. I’m about to initiate your plan now. He sends me something every day, currently.
    He never commits. He professes his undying feelings, and that he just can’t and won’t love anyone the way he loves me ever again. He claims I mean more to him than I could ever know – or have more of an impact on him than anyone else in his life. But he continues to see other chicks, just short and cheap and like constant flings and one-nights. The past many years, he wouldn’t interact with me on HIS posts online, I’m assuming because he doesn’t want to be “seen” interacting with me. Only on my posts. I thought he didn’t ever want to add me as a friend again for that reason, but the other day he seemed jealous that he wasn’t on my friend list. (he didn’t request…)
    Anyway, I’m not sure if I should add him before starting your plan.
    I’m tired of being jerked around. Help give me some direction.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 31, 2020 at 12:05 am

      Hi Julianne, so if you want this person to be in a relationship with you, then I would complete a NC without adding on social media you want him to add you preferably. When you work your Holy Trinity. I would say that him confessing undying love, but wanting to hide you is that you are not getting the full truth from him so I would be wary of what you do.

  4. Melissa

    September 5, 2017 at 3:26 am

    I would love to do a free, live coaching session!
    summary/ highlight: I was with my ex for 4+ years with one 3-month split in 2014. Extremely intense attraction for each other. Amicable break up in that we had a long heart to heart. But he cheated on me and he’s still seeing the ow (4 months in.) He’s been telling me he wants me back and I’m in his heart since Thursday, but just went on the long weekend with the ow Friday. He also said he’s conflicted about us. I found myself too invested, so I just re-started NC. (Broke it before completion last month when he reached out.) Ok, that’s where I am!

  5. Sonja

    July 10, 2017 at 8:14 pm

    I really need some help. So my ex boyfriend and I had been together for almost 4 years. We were high school sweethearts, and he’s 20 now, and I’m turning 20 soon. We were together for about 3 months when he first cheated on me. We got back together after about a month and were good for about a year. He cheated on me a second time, and we broke up for three months before deciding to get back together. After that, we were together for over 2 years, and it was really great. He recently cheated on me again, which is why we broke up. It was different from the other ones though. In the first two, he lied about where he was and who we was talking to, and I had to find out the news from some of my friends. This time, he told me himself and didn’t want to run anymore and just face the consequences (but he still obviously regretted doing it). I wasn’t as mad about it this time, but it still really hurt. I was completely blindsided. I always thought he was the love of my life, and we talked about getting married someday and everything. He’s my best friend, and I don’t feel ready to let him go. I always felt like he was “the one.” During our past two break ups, I still talked to him all the time either yelling at him or begging for us to work it out. After reading many articles, I’ve realized that’s definitely NOT the way to go. So I’ve been doing this no contact for a couple days to “properly” break up and work on myself. My problem is that I don’t know if I want to take the trying to get him back route or the moving on and being friends route. Our break up was really amicable. We both knew it was best, but didn’t want to let go. We spent hours cuddling and crying. We also talked about taking some time apart to grow and be single for a while (since we’re young and have never really been on our own) and then considering getting back together in a year or more if we still want to be together. He told me he didn’t want to try anymore until he knew he could be someone I deserved. It sounded ideal fictionally, but in reality it’s driving me nuts. I know if we try again, I want him to be over his childish ways. He’s been lost with no goals or direction the past two years. He’s been stuck, and I want to give him time to grow up and be mature enough for our relationship and to grow out of his cheating (if that’s possible), but I also feel nervous about waiting too long. I want to be with him, but I don’t want to fall back into old patterns. So I guess my question is, how do I tread from here? I know no contact is a good start, but where do I go from there? Should I do no contact for 45 days and try talking to him again like suggested in the getting your ex back section? Or do I do no contact longer and try to be distant, maybe even close friends? I want to take this time to grow, but I don’t want to do something to completely throw ever getting back together out the window. We both agreed we felt like we found the right person at the wrong time. If you could give me any help, I would greatly appreciate it.

    1. Sonja

      July 31, 2017 at 3:15 pm

      Hi Amor,

      Once we start talking again, is there anything I can do to encourage him to change? We always had problems before where he wouldn’t put in enough effort or make me a top priority in his life. Like sometimes he wouldn’t make time to hang out with me, he wouldn’t plan anything for us to do together, or he would ditch me for his friends. I often felt like I was doing all of the work to keep the relationship alive. Sometimes he’d put in effort to plan things and make extra time, but not often. He’s also been stuck in the same dead end job for a while, and I’d like to encourage him to strive for something better. And of course, I’d like him to never cheat again. I don’t want to get him back just to have everything go back to the way it was and repeat old mistakes. But I also don’t want him to feel like I’m trying to change him completely. I don’t want to act like his babysitter or have to control him. So how can I do this without pushing him away?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 31, 2017 at 5:18 pm

      Thats where you go back to your standards. That’s the purpose of having standards. We can’t force or wait for guys to change. The person who is most sure with his or her standards will either attract the people within that standards or influence others to change because those people want to stay in that person’s life..

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 14, 2017 at 9:37 am

      Hi Sonja,

      Try the suggestion in getting your ex back..and yes do 45 days

  6. arpita

    May 25, 2017 at 4:18 pm

    I need urgent help!!!
    I was in relation with a man for 6 and a half years. it started when i was just 20 years older. we used to love each other a lot. It was always a long distance relationship and we probably used to meet only in weekends. But we have stayed in live in for 3 months approximately. It started when I got new job and my bf was very possessive of me talking with guys. I am a person who has lots of male friends rather than female friends. So I reduced contacts with all my male friends and became overly dependent on my bf. There started frequent fights and my nagging as I didnt had any other friends to talk with. Due to which he was frequently disturbed in classes for some networking course he was pursuing for which I had paid the whole course fees. Due to shortage of money he left his course mid way and started staying with me to get a job. he then shifted to new city and then he cheated on me there with a girl. He gave the reason that due to me always calling him and disturbing was the reason for this. This cheating happened after four years of our relationship. First I used to beg him to come back to me. But he didnt. Then when i started moving on he came back to and said that he has realized his mistakes and want me back in his life. For which I agreed. Then I came to know that he was still in relationship with the other girl which had made me furious as he was cheating both of us. it resulted in frequent fights. he then promised me that he will leave the other girl and had told a lots of lies to me. I literally mean lots of lies. I cant count them. So starting from May 2015 to Aug 2016 it was like on off relationship. Whenever we came together we again fought due to some or other reason and parted away. And again came back. After Aug 2016 he promised me that he will never hurt me again and will slowly stop calling the other girl and he needs time for it. For which I agreed. Then on Dec 2016 I found out that he had again cheated me with that other girl for which I broke up with him. And again there was on off relationship. I was frustrated of his lies and started no contact period. He then came back but the pain was still fresh in my mind which resulted me verbally accusing him of cheating, breaking my trust never loving me etc. I had decided to stop the on off relationship again for which I took 45 days of no contact. He then called me and said sorry and all. But he also said that he is not ready for relationship as he believes that we can never be happy together. I begged him for just a chance saying that if it doesnt work in one month I would leave him. Last night I had a huge fight with him as I asked him to give our love a last chance as I really love him. But he denied. Which made me very furious and as usual he accused me of what happened four years back during his certification. I want to tell you that I havent probably made any big mistakes after that. So he always dug up the past to insult me. I was very angry last night and I really told him very bad things about him and told him to never see my face again. I had sent him almost 50 messages and also tried to commit suicide. As in 2014 whenever we used to fight I would give him fear that if he does anything wrong with him I will commit suicide. And believe me it was really a mental torture when we fight. But I promised him that I will never do it again until yesterday when he meanly took out that suicide topic and said to me that because of your habits I became so bad. But believe me I never did like that after I promised from 2014 till yesterday. I am heart broken. I am in depression. I dont know Whether now I want him back or not as yesterday he crossed all his limits just to take revenge from me when ther was no mistake of mine. I really love him lot. I mean really. Its true love from my side. And had also loved me except the lies and cheating. Whenever we were together we were just awesome. Pls guide me. What should I do. My heart says to wait for him until he corrects himself but minds tells to move on. Pls answer my question on the earliest.

    i really love him and I also believe that he also love me but somewhere he is too confused.

    1. arpita

      May 30, 2017 at 2:24 pm

      Thanks a lot.. I will try my best… Let him face his karma

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 30, 2017 at 7:55 pm

      You’re welcome!

    3. arpita

      May 28, 2017 at 2:09 pm

      Will he ever regret leaving me? Or will he ever come back if I follow all the tips mentioned in your website? As I really love him from heart. You are correct that I cant wait forever to see him changed. But is there any scope?

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 29, 2017 at 7:40 pm

      why not make him regret? improve for yourself, and do the things you love, so you can meet the same people of the same interest and make new friends.. you can never go wrong with’s the best revenge

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 27, 2017 at 2:33 pm

      Hi Arpita,

      see a therapist please and call the suicide hotline in your country.. Frankly, you should move on from that relationship. He’s abusive and it’s toxic..You cant wait for people to change, that’s something you cannot control. That’s why it’s important that we have standards..

  7. Jane

    April 5, 2017 at 5:44 am

    How do you tap into becoming exciting and mysterious?

    1. Sagradocorazon12

      May 19, 2017 at 5:22 am

      My boyfriend and I have been together for four years. We were in a long distance relationship initially, and he decided to move to my location so we can have a more fulfilling relationship. I had never expected lying or cheating from him and always gave him the benefit of the doubt until I found out this week that he has been lying and cheating during a span of 2 years with about 5 different women. Broken hearted, but still in love, I’m not sure whether do to a ” break” or a break-up. I would love to see the effects of a 30 day rule and see him fight for my love and prove his willingness to change and move forward. However we do live together which makes things more difficult. Advice?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 19, 2017 at 10:40 pm

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 5, 2017 at 5:59 pm

      check this one:
      The Ungettable Girl

  8. Julie

    March 26, 2017 at 12:04 am

    I already finished no contact rule and he replied. We exchanged messages after 2 days but on the next day, his replies seemed to becoming neutral and it takes longer time for him to reply. Should i wait another day or two before i text him again?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 26, 2017 at 3:42 pm

      Hi Julie,

      yes, you should rest for 2 days

  9. Diya

    January 23, 2017 at 5:05 am

    Me nd my bf met at fb first and we r in d same colg.So after being frnds,he confessed to me that he likes me.I liked him too but i wanted sometime before going in a relation and he agreed.There was this girl rhea(name chnged),who i thought lyked him nd he liked her also i asked him abt her he said they r only frnds.suddnly one day he asked me if i want to be his gf,i said yes and he seemed very happy tht moment.the next day he strted crying nd said he hurted rhea,because rhea got mad after knwing that he nd me r in rltns.i asked him if he wants to be with her,he said he wnts to be with me.after some days i asked him abt rhea and he told me they r only frnds nw.Though i was alwys insecure abt rhea.out relation was going good.He used to come to me only to look at me.I felt top of d was dec 2016 ,there was a suddn chnge in his behaviour ,he broke up with me on 19 th without giving a rsn thn on 25th i came to knw that he nd rhea r in a rltn.I went mad ,rhea told me that he has alwys loved rhea nt me .he just made a rltn only to make rhea jealous as rhea at first place had nt accpt him.But thats nt d truth,as at d begining i gave him chance to go to her bt he stayed with me.Now he says that he cant be in a rltn with me but wnts to be my frnd.He blcked me on whtsapp bt nt on phn or fb.He said that he loves me bt cant be with me.what to do?? I hv strted nc on 12 th jan,i have bought ur ex bf recovry pro but there is no reff to my situation .pls help me chris, i want him badly.Also i want to say that we had some big fights in our rltnship bt again he admitted tht i lv him nd care fr him too..i cant tell this a rebound.i jst wnt him.pls hlp me

    1. Diya

      January 24, 2017 at 6:21 am

      Yes .I have recntly joined d gym.I m trying to improve myself emotionally also.Do you think I have a chance of getting him back?he seems perfect with d other woman .

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 24, 2017 at 1:02 pm

      That’s good. Whether he finds another woman or not, you still have to improve yourself and heal. Because not doing anything will not help improve your situation.

    3. Diya

      January 23, 2017 at 6:26 pm

      Yes i hv joined the gym.I am improving my self emotionally.But today i suddenly came across a fb post by him ,he is openly declaring that he is in love.will this things wrk fr me?do i have any chances of getting him back?

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 23, 2017 at 5:03 pm

      Hi Diya,

      are you actively improving yourself?

  10. Frustrated

    October 26, 2016 at 6:05 am

    I’m so frustrated! I have done everything right, and had him back but found out he’s got a gf and he’s chosen her! To elaborate, we were together for 2 years and lived together. Broke up in June due to long-distance after both moving back to our hometowns. Did 30 days no contact, and heard from him the day I came to his town for a job interview. Have been talking ever since and I now live here and we’ve been going on dates. Everything was going perfect and two weeks ago he asked me to be exclusive, and I agreed. Last week all of a sudden he blocked all contact and I found out he’s had a gf this whole time who had just found out. He text me today apologising, saying he was confused, sorry for leading me on and that he can’t talk to me again. Everything worked! But now I don’t know what to do next?!

    1. Frustrated

      October 28, 2016 at 8:31 pm

      Thanks for your reply, do you think there’s any chance he’ll come back?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 31, 2016 at 3:47 pm

      there is because he already did.. but make him prove to you that he is serious if ever he asks you back again

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 28, 2016 at 10:51 am

      Hi Frustrated,

      for me you should move on.. If he’s really serious, he’ll realized that.. but if you do anything, you might come across as chasing.

  11. Jenny

    October 21, 2016 at 1:43 am

    I desperately need free coaching! My situation has been going on too long and I need help figuring things out and be confident in my decision about my cheating ex, whether it’s to be with him or move on.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 22, 2016 at 5:20 pm

      Hi Jenny,

      what about the advice above? what do you think if it?

  12. Helen

    October 17, 2016 at 6:00 pm

    It’s been a month since my ex boyfriend and I broke up. We are both 27 and have stable jobs. He will be turning 28 in December. I found out that my ex cheated on me when I was cleaning his room. He cheated on me in February 2016 with his ex girlfriend. He was with his ex for about 4 years. In February, we never made our relationship official but we did spend Valentine’s Day together and we went on a trip with my family. I also found out he went out with another girl three times this August. When I confronted him, he apologized and was upset. He said he felt embarrassed and I didn’t deserve that. He said Im a great person and that he wants to be with me. But he says he needs time. Initially, he did not text me because he said he felt that he didn’t deserve to text me because of what he has done. I asked him if he was still seeing the other girl and he said no (but who really knows). I know his friends are a bit of players and I don’t know if this influences his decision. He said that he needs time to think of why he did what he did, why he felt the need to talk to other girls, and if he can really be in a relationship right now or try to make it work since he was obviously unfaithful. He said that he wants to be with me and for everything to go back to normal but he is too embarrassed to convince me that it won’t happen again because he does not know if it will or not. He keeps saying I’m amazing and what he did was not right. He said he did more with me than any girl he has been with. It’s obvious that he isn’t ready to be in a serious relationship and needs time. After he told me that, I tried the no contact rule. He ended up texting me after 4 days. I initially responded but then stop. When he texts, he asks about my niece or encourages me to watch a new show. I have established again the no contact rule. He has not contacted me yet. This is our first break up. We never really argued and he was always happy and affectionate. I was really blindsided about the cheating. I tried to be adventurous and we always did new things (go kart racing, paint nite, and spice things up in the bedroom). I listened to Chris Seiter’s podcast and I’m not sure if I should even try to get back with him since it is a pattern. Although I tried to be mysterious or adventurous, I guess I am the reliable/stable girl. I do want to be with him but I’m not sure if I should even try since he cheated on me twice and he also cheated on his ex in the past. I really thought he was the one. I have been going out and I’m trying to focus on myself. He has been able to see pictures of me through social media. I do want to be with him. He made me happy and was the best relationship I’ve had. I am confused on what I should do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 18, 2016 at 6:18 pm

      Hi Helen,

      try out what Chris said.. at leasg finish no contact first and just use it for yourself before initiating contact with him..listen to this one too on what to do during no contact..
      EBR 060: “Dating Yourself” During No Contact With Veronica Grant

  13. Sara

    October 9, 2016 at 10:40 am


    I just listened to this podcast. Its really interesting. Quick question: How do you weave in adventure and mystery into a stable relationship? do you guys have any tips for that?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 10, 2016 at 10:31 pm

      Hi Sara,

      check this one:
      How To Keep Your Ex Boyfriend Once You Get Him Back

      And also, my own take..
      Always have time for yourself and don’t stop growing independently.

  14. Danielle

    October 9, 2016 at 4:51 am

    I need coaching please! I love him so much but I just recently found out he has been cheating on me for all the five years we’ve been together. But we have been together since we were 15! I am very trusting and everytime he was accused there was no proof and I begged him to be honest and he said he had never cheated so I stayed with him because when I am with him he is a complete gentleman. Was my best friend. and His family was my family. I found out what he has been doing all these years because I caught him with a girl outside his house and he said that the reason he was hanging out with her (at two in the morning) was because she was his coworker and his best friend had been dating her but had hit her and she needed a friend but he added in that they did just kiss before I got there.

    I then told his best friend what my ex had said and his best friend told me that, that girl my ex had already cheated on me with once before and then also showed me everything going back to before our second anniversary in 2013.

    So later that day, I kissed him one last time, got in my car pretending we were going to dinner and then said, “just to let you know _______ told me everything and we are over” and he went through all his anger stages of excuses and blame on me, on his childhood, on my success, and then finally he just cried and was begging and pleading and saying he would change for me, I was his world, he screwed up etc… and much more which I can elaborate on all he said over skype. But as sad as that was, I still ended it and left him walking around his neighborhood crying holding bags of all of his stuff. I used the 45 day NC rule when we broke up a few months ago and I found out about/thought he had only cheated on me with one girl he worked with but now I know he had been cheating on me long before that.

    The break up months ago he left me saying he needed to work on himself not the honest truth that he had been sleeping around and wanted to try sleeping around without me nagging him and needing to lie to me.

    Anywho, I have been the only girl he has ever brought home to his family. His mom was here the other day and was crying because she didn’t raise her son to be this way and she thought I was going to be his wife. None of his family knew he was this way and the one person that did that covered up all his cheating with girls in hs, with girls at the clubs and girls at his work just ratted him out because my ex told me that he abused women. His friend told me I was too perfect of a woman and too nice of a person and that I need to find someone who treats me better. I believe and she does too that we are meant to be. But I could be wrong because I let this cheating go on for 5 years!

    But he is a good person and he has been begging me over text and snapchat to give him a second chance. That he knows I am the one for him. That all those women meant nothing to him. That i am perfect in every way and he took it for granted. But all of these things he is saying could be a lie because that sweet side of this man that I was dating had a complete other sleezy side that was sleeping around and lying behind my back. Is this fixable? Can a cheater change? Can I regain trust in him? I want to because being with him and all of our trips and adventures and family BBQ’s and times at the lake and late night pho dates and him singing to me in the car… I want to believe some of that was real? And that he can be that person and change to be just with me? But how… I have started no contact and I blocked him on all social media but that’s more for me than for him because when I look at anything that reminds me of him I just start breaking down crying and wanting to call him to come over and hold me … so yes can I please get help… He is a good man…

    1. Danielle

      October 27, 2016 at 10:25 pm

      I think this went on for so long because he never really got caught and it became so natural for him. My therapist says that this sex with all his coworkers and random women but coming back to me is like an addiction to him. He’s like an alchoholic that feels invinsible and dreams of the next sip. He needs the chase and the sex because he has some personal issues and low self esteem. But that if this time and I really want to be with him I need to show that their is a consiquence for his actions because he really hurt me and I do not trust him at all. It is hard for me to let this relationship go even though it was fake because to me it was so real. I know even though I am gone he still has access to all of these meaningless women. And I know this sight is super anti-cheating and I know everyone else in the universe is but the man I knew was magical and he couldn’t have faked all of that for all 5 years? If he wnted to he could change and be that person and I want to know how to help him do that. Do i not contact him for 45 days? For three months? For a year? I know right now he is proably sleeping with other women to mask the pain but by not talking to him would that make me leaving real enough to make him to want to change? I stopped contact with him on Friday so it has been four days. I blocked him on snapchat and my phone because I obsess over why he wasn’t contacting me. But my personal trainer said that was a bad move on my part so I unblocked him but now it looks like he blocked me on snapchat which i had asked him to do so I could vent to his snapchat but I guess it took me blocking him to get him to do it. Is there any way to stop this behavior enough to make someone motivated to change? He has cried and begged and said he was sorry and I was the one and that we could work through it and that he will change for me and I yelled at him and said I would only take him back if he wrote and MLA format paper of all the women he slept with, every sex act, every place he took them and every lie he said to me so he could be with them. And our last contact was a snapcaht from him in his room saying, “have a great day. Paper in progress”.

      My friends say if he was serious about changing he would have proved it by now or he would have changed when we got back together after our break up in January. But I just don’t know if that is what all men would do in this situation. Because I mean I wanted him to come to my house with flowers apologizing letting me look through all his social media and phone and him apologize to my friends and my mother etc… But all i have gotten was texts amd promises that haven’t happened. What do u think is going through his head? Will no contact make him step up? Is this 100% hopeless.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 29, 2016 at 1:09 am

      For me you should move on. If you really want to try, yes, do no contact. There’s no guarantee that it will work, but at least you tried.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 10, 2016 at 9:38 pm

      Hi Danielle,

      the no contact rule should really be for you, not for him.. Assess your standards.. What we allow is what reflects our standards.. list them down. list down your non-negotiables. Honestly, 5 years of fooling you is a long time. There’s a big chance that when he gets you back some time in the relationship he will try it again.. He’s the only one who can answer your question if he can get your trust back because he will be the one working for it. You hold choice of whether to give him chance or not, until when you will give him a chance and what you will allow in your life..

      Take responsibility of everything that you can take responsibility of and let go of the ones that you can’t. Remember you have the choice of what you allow in your life, so whatever the consequence is take it as a lesson learned.

  15. Helen

    October 6, 2016 at 10:01 am

    I would really appreciate some coaching. I have a little bit of a different situation to normal since we aren’t actually broken up technically but he is very distant, we barely talk, we live in different cities (usually) and he is flirting and cheating with other girls. It feels as if we have broken up without saying the words.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 8, 2016 at 7:13 pm

      Hi Helen,

      how long have you been together? How old are you both? And what do you think about the podcast above? What plan did you have in mind after listening to it? And you should check this one too:
      How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming

  16. Erica

    September 23, 2016 at 12:58 pm

    I think I’m definitely in need of some serious coaching on this one

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 24, 2016 at 10:39 am

      Hi Erica,

      I answered your first comment. Sorry if it was late so, I understand if you didn’t see it.

      Since you reposted your comment, I’m going to assume you haven’t talked again and that it’s more than 3 days now.
      You said you already did nc.. How long did you do it before? And how much did you improve during and after it? This time if he’s not responding, then you don’t have a better choice but to do nc again. But the more you do it, the less it’s effect. So you have to make the most of this nc

  17. Erica

    September 23, 2016 at 12:55 pm

    So I was dating this guy for about a year & a half on & off again. He’s 24 & I’m 21. Of course as usual I thought he was the one & we always spoke about out future plans & being married with a family some day. Lastest news…..he actually did come through & we hung out recently. The first time he came to visit me & by the end of the date he once again asks to be with me, & I accepted. I informed him that I want to do things the old fashioned way & get rid of all social media. He said that he was willing to do that. Just to back track for a moment, the last time him & I tried this, he made another Facebook account which he gave me all his password info but I never thought to even check it because I never wanted it. I found out that he never got rid of his old page but simply deactivated it & once again after an argument he does his disappearing act & blocks me off the original page so I wouldn’t find out that he never got rid of it but of course like most women we always do. Ok so now to fast forward, the following weekend I went out to go see him. Now remind you, he lives with his mom & 3 sisters but his mom wasn’t there for the weekend. Once again, things went great from what I thought. When I got back, he sent me a text saying that I left my bra in his mom’s room. I guess his mom has been kind of upset for the past few days about it & has been saying that things hinting at the fact that she is going to kick him out soon. To be honest I couldn’t blame her if she did because all he does is sit around, outside of going to school. Anyway, last week the calls & text have been short & not as frequent. He explained that a lot has been going on & he’s just been walking on eggshells with his mom because of what happened. Which I think is a punk move on his part. He also, stated the reason he was distant was due to a slight argument we had about an ex that passed us by in her car as him & I were walking down the street & I got upset at the fact that he reacted as if he saw a ghost. Putting his hands on his head saying the words, “Oh my God,” repeatedly. Which he also said made him distant from me because he couldn’t believe my reaction & how upset I was with him for reacting about seeing an ex. Then, when I asked him about what he’s going to do as far as working, he continues to say he just wants to focus on school, which definitely confirmed my decision on not to move in with him when he asked me in the beginning of us trying to work things out again. So anyway, I extended the offer for him to meet my mom for the first time & have dinner which he said would be fine but he has to ask his mom first. Now usually when he comes in town, he usually hitches a ride with his mom, which is now starting to become a turn off to me because when I see him, I usually take the train (2 hour ride). I let it go & said ok. So a week goes by & we talked very little here & there which is not like us. So I continue to wait patiently but before I know it, a week has gone by & still no substantial conversation has been had. Therefore, I decide to call him basically stating everything that I am staring in this letter about moving out, not working, the issues in the relationship & so forth. The conversation basically ends with me asking where do we stand. I told him that I would give him the weekend to think things through but I know how he can linger & avoid conflict at all cost so I end the conversation simply asking, “Are we friends, going our separate ways or going to work it out?” And of course the phone dies. Attempt to call on Sunday but no answer or call back. I don’t know if he’s done or this is that “break” period that always happens but I haven’t attempted anymore since that day. And i have done no contact with him before at least 2 or 3 times. I love him deeply but there are many childish tendencies he has. Is this something that you think only time will heal & a good chance of us getting together with maturity? Or this is a lost cause & should just be forgotten? I’ve never had a bond with someone like I have with him & he professes the same thing which I do believe he means. I just love him so much & I know it sounds stupid to still want him but I do. It’s day 3 & I still haven’t heard anything from him & when I call he did not answer & since his phone is off & no longer works at all (so he claims, which I know is not true). I feel as if it’s super childish to have to call him on the house phone . What’s next? I know I’ve probably tripled spammed this site but I always fail to get a response

  18. Grace

    September 7, 2016 at 5:14 am

    I would love to have the free coaching. Thanks a lot!

  19. alicia

    September 2, 2016 at 2:28 pm

    I would really like the free coaching

  20. Sorcha

    September 1, 2016 at 8:58 am

    yes to the free coaching! That would be amazing!! Thank you Chris!!