By Rachel

After my last breakup, I told all of my friends and family that it was one of the hardest things I had ever had to do.

And it was.

Each and every day felt like I waftas climbing a mountain of grief, and I wasn’t sure how I was going to make it through.

And I was mad at myself, too. Mad that I had allowed someone to have such a hold over me– that I gave someone the power to devastate me so completely.

In the direct aftermath of a breakup, there are strong, intense emotions at play. Shock, anger, pain. But what I think is arguably harder than the event of the breakup itself is coping on a day to day basis, when you have to re-adjust to life without your ex boyfriend.

I remember the feeling well, being too scared to fall asleep at night because I was afraid to wake up and have to re-adjust to a world where we weren’t together.

In that moment between asleep and waking, when your body hasn’t full woken up yet, but your mind is already at work. And then the weight of the realization that you are alone comes crashing down again and you have to learn to move on, breath by breath, minute by minute, day by day.

I know that many of you know this feeling all too well.

Today, we are going to delve into some of the more complicated types of breakups, and consider some coping mechanisms that may help as you try to heal.

First, though, I want to mention that regardless of which of any of these situations you fit into, the first step should be to begin a No Contact period. Sure, it could potentially make your ex miss you, but more importantly, it will give you the time and space away from your former partner to let your emotions settle, and come back to a place of putting yourself and your needs first.

I know a lot of women are resistant to the No Contact period and come up with a myriad of excuses, but there are none. If you have children together, you can still do a Limited No Contact (LNC) period.

He will not forget about you in 30 days. Give yourself, him, and the relationship you shared more credit than that.

Coping After the End of a Long Term Relationship

If your ex boyfriend had been a part of your life for a significant period of time, it can be especially hard to deal when, seemingly out of nowhere, they disappear from your life. It’s difficult when the person you shared every minuscule event of your day with becomes a total stranger.

I know that after every long term relationship of mine that has ended, this quote from season 2 of Buffy looms in my mind:

“It’s so weird… Every time something like this happens, my first instinct is still to run to Angel. I can’t believe it’s the same person. He’s completely different from the guy that I knew.” -Buffy, “Passion”

It rings so true.

Your ex may not have lost his soul like Angel, but if you and your ex boyfriend were together for a while, you guys were likely close friends, if not best friends. When you are hurting, it is your impulse to go to your closest confidantes. What is difficult about that is that your now ex is the one who caused this pain in the first place.

This is a bit of a side note, but for the record, this is why it is important to not cut your friends off when you enter a relationship.

I’ve seen so many of my friends drop off the face of the earth as soon as they begin falling in love. I don’t hear from them for months, and then once it’s over, I’m expected to pick up the pieces. I was even guilty of this myself once.

But no matter how intense your feelings may be, you cannot cut off your close friends. You never know how long your relationships will last, but you know your friends will be there to pick up the pieces when and if it ends.

But I digress…

You have to adjust to the new normal. You survived without this guy before the two of you began dating, and so you can survive without him again. You can’t go on the same way you did before, so you have to live in a new way.

Surround yourself with people you love – friends, family. Do whatever grieving you have to, but do not allow yourself to live in it. Do things you neglected over the course of the relationship because you were giving your time and energy to your, now,  ex. Take up new hobbies that you’ve always wanted to try, but didn’t for whatever reason.

Go to therapy, write. Do what you need to so that you express your emotions in a healthy way. It’s okay to get emotional, but don’t allow your ex to see your weakness. Keep an emotionally clear head when interacting with mutual friends, and when using social media.

Ultimately, take care of you.

I know it doesn’t feel like it, but in many ways, this is a gift. You get to be selfish and care 100% only about yourself. Explore who you are. There will be other men, but how frequently do you get to love yourself with the fervor and abandon with which you loved your ex?

Focus on you. This is the path to healing. It’s slow, and a cyclical process that is frustrating and painful, but it will be worth it in the end when you feel whole and ready to begin dating again or begin the attempt to try and get your ex back.

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How to Cope When you Still Love Them

I imagine you’re not reading this article just to see what Buffy reference I include, although, if you are, you might just be my new favorite person.

I assume you are here because you still have some sort of lingering feelings for your ex boyfriend.

If you are determined to get your ex back because your feelings for them are still strong, I encourage you to, again, follow the No Contact rule and try to focus some of that love energy on yourself.

I also am not quite sure how to say this delicately, so here we go – if your primary reason for wanting your ex back is just because you still love them, and you are having a hard time functioning on a day to day basis, obsessing, I suggest you take a step back. Your emotions may have the upper hand, and that is no way to enter into the Ex Recovery process.

There are more to relationships than love. You need to be compatible, have similar life goals that align, be on the same page with the basics like marriage, kids, religion.

Love and loss are also complex emotions. After my most recent breakup, I was overwhelmed with a feeling of loss, but I tried to logically work through to figure out where the pain was coming from.

How much of me was actually missing my ex?

How much of me was scared to be single?

How much of me was afraid of being alone forever, thinking he was the best I would get?

How much of it was because Loved him?

I created a pie chart in my head, trying to figure out the percentages of each point. And you know what I figured out?

I figured out that though – yes, I loved my ex boyfriend – those other sections of the pie chart had larger percentages than I originally thought they would.

Loss is complex. It is not easy.

Don’t just feel your emotions – analyze them as well and try to figure out where they come from. Discover why you love and miss your ex. You may be surprised.

As for how to cope, I suggest a No Contact period – enough time to re-set, get your emotions under control, and to get your ex to begin missing your presence in his life.

But if your primary reason for wanting your ex back is as simple as “I love him” I suggest that you do a little additional soul searching to figure out where you stand and what your real motivations are.

Apologies if this sounds harsh – it’s a pattern I’ve noticed in our EBR Facebook Group that I felt should be addressed on the Ex Boyfriend Recovery site.

Coping If You Live Together

I feel deeply for anyone who is stuck in a position where they are forced to live with their ex for a period of time after a breakup. It is so, so painful.

There is a girl on the EBR Facebook Group who I’ll call Jane, who successfully lived with her ex for almost a year, and then he broached the topic of the two of them getting back together.

Limited No Contact is rough.

If you share children, or live in the same home, it is impossible to just cut off full contact. But keep your interactions minimal and do not bring up emotional topics about your relationship. How you progress in Limited No Contact could make or break how the rest of your ex recovery unfolds.

My biggest piece of advice for coping if the two of you live together is to spend as much time as possible apart.

Not only will it help with No Contact, but it will also make your ex see that you are busy and not letting the breakup control your life. I also recommend writing. You can’t say a lot of things to your ex, but writing them down will help so that you can get those thoughts out of your system without compromising the Ex Recovery Process.

The goal is to appear aloof and secure.

Think of it as a game – poker. You can’t allow your ex to know what is going on inside your head, or what cards you hold.

Guard your tell with your life, and don’t feel badly about coming off as secretive. Your activities are no longer any of your ex’s business, even if the two of you do still share a living space.

Ultimately, the faster you can get out, the better. You will feel so much more free once you no longer are surrounded by your ex boyfriend every day. It may be one of the most painful things you have to do, to walk away. But ultimately, it is best in your Ex Recovery journey, and best for you if you can get out of that painful, toxic situation as soon as possible.

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When You Have Gotten Closure

Healing from a breakup takes time. Even if you and your ex have discussed the breakup over and over again, and you have a sense of closure, it still hurts to have a relationship end.

The first thing I’m going to say is that as much as we may fight it, closure doesn’t come from external forces, it comes from within. You create your own closure. You decide to move on. I know it may feel important to have the last word, but if you and your ex have already had discussions about this change, that’s been done.

I understand that it still hurts, but the best things you can do is to begin the process of moving on without moving on. This means, – again – doing some work to take care of yourself. Take the time to mourn, but remember that each day, coping will get easier and easier. All you can do is keep going and taking the best care of yourself to pursue happiness.

Try dating. Not with any particular goal in mind, but simply to meet new people and get back out there. Casual dating gets a bad reputation, but really, it can be a useful tool if you are just dipping your toes in the water, considering getting back out there again. But don’t feel pressure to date. You don’t have to until you’re ready.

If you are attempting the “Moving on Without Moving On” tactic, just remember that you are the maker of your own happiness. This breakup may be a bump in the road, but you can turn it into a beautiful opportunity to learn to love yourself – something that not enough women know how to do.

Overall: Emotional Control and Coping

So many complicated emotions come into play when dealing with a breakup. Rejection, stress, anger, depression, anxiety, guilt, loneliness are just a few.

Having control of your emotions is one of the best ways you can effectively cope with your breakup. Remember, think of it as a game of poker. If you were very emotional during the breakup, your ex will be surprised and intrigued as to why you are now cool as a cucumber in your interactions.

I remember once saying to my psychologist after the demise of my college breakup,

“I just want to skip ahead and be over it. I don’t want to go through all of this pain. What do I do? How do I get better?”

She looked at me sadly and said,

“I’m afraid this is it. You’re doing it. This is the process of healing.”

It’s stuck with me, because it’s true. You can’t force the grieving and recovering process. Sometimes, all you can do is take it one day at a time. Then one day, a couple months down the road, you’ll wake up, and he won’t be the first thing you think of anymore. You’ll look out the window, see the sun, and realize that even if you are not incandescently happy then in that moment, you will be again someday. You’ve just got to keep going.

If you are still a little anxious about the breakup, you should watch this interview that Chris did about having to deal with the Anxiety of a Breakup.

 

Alright, now that we have walked through how to cope with a breakup in all of these different scenarios, let’s discuss your breakup.

  1. Tell me a little bit about your breakup.
  2. Tell me what you have done since the breakup.
  3. And tell me what you’re plans are so far for moving forward.

Our experts will work WITH you to figure out what you should do next and if you are on the right track.

74 thoughts on “Coping With a Breakup”

  1. Julianne wenck

    February 16, 2018 at 7:16 pm

    hi just wanting to know what is on the invoice receipt as i dont want my ex husband to see EX boyfriend recovery on bank statements ( in courts so solicitors have access to bank details )

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 19, 2018 at 12:53 pm

      Hi Julianne,
      Exrecovery name will probably appear but I’ll check in on Chris about that.

  2. Emily

    January 2, 2018 at 6:04 pm

    I have been seeing a guy who was just a friend for many years. Out of the blue last year he told me he had feelings for me and we started to see each other. I’ve been in love with him for about 20 years so I was over the moon. His mum died last year and his dad has taken me out for coffee a few times just for a chat. Now he has it in his head that his dad and me have something going on even though he told me he knows we don’t. We’ve had a few big fights over it and he’s told me today we can only be friends atm. I’m heartbroken because I love being with him. We texted almost every day and I miss that already. He told me when he saw me he couldn’t flirt with me. I just don’t know what to do I just want to get his trust back and him back.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 5, 2018 at 6:47 pm

  3. gloria

    December 27, 2017 at 1:10 pm

    My boyfriend and i broke up few days ago after dating for 3 years. He started seeing another woman but when i confronted him about it he said he it wasn’t serious because she has a boyfriend. He wanted us to be friends after the break up and i said no, yesterday he texted saying that he doesn’t want to hurt me more and that he has a void and doesn’t want to take me down with.He also said that he is going to take a some days off.
    I’m really confused on whether he wants to work things out or not and i really miss him so much and i have dealt with the fact that he was seeing another woman

    I’m asking what do i do in this situation..Should i move on or i should give both of us time to heal ??
    I don’t know what to do next

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 28, 2017 at 5:06 pm

      Hi Gloria,

      Do you want to try the nc rule?

  4. Sarah

    December 25, 2017 at 3:30 pm

    I was in a relationship with my ex for 6 months. I counted it from the date of our first date but he doesn’t see it as that long. I think he thinks it was ~4/5months but this was only brought up at the very end of the break up. Again this is me overanalysing things..
    I spent a lot of the relationship picking at all the small bits of our relationship, creating issues that actually weren’t there and picking fights. He is several years older than me also and I guess didn’t want the hassle. Whilst I thought I was quite mature, when I look back on it I really wasn’t. The break up wasn’t good and he got very upset (he broke up with me).. he said it was done and I should just get out and walk away. I begged him saying I wanted to try and to give me another chance..
    anyway a week after the break up I sent him a message telling him how I realised what I needed to do and how I have changed. He said he’d call and he didn’t. We then had a few sporadic texts. I got very impatient though and fell back into being very needy and very immature. I was clingy and desperate and sent text after text (several long ones) after I knew he was online- not actually giving him time to process my earlier texts. I took the blame for everything and said everything was my fault. I apologised profusely over and over, begging for another chance. He told me I wasn’t the one for him and yet again I still refused to listen. I was entirely wrong.
    He told me my behaviour was worrying and to leave him alone at which point I still continued to beg and apologise. My last message was just saying how sorry I was for everything. In hindsight, I wish I had stood up for myself more but I now realise I was desperate to be happy and I thought that happiness came from him. It’s been 3 weeks since that last apology message and there has been no contact since. I have spent this time really working on myself and I’ve honestly just grown up. I don’t intend on texting him during the festive period or New Years but I do hope to send him a message in another 3 weeks.. that will be 55 days of no contact. My worry is when I text the last messages that will show on his phone from me will be needy- and that might bring up all the old memories. The behaviour during the break up will have definitely clouded that of the relationship. My point is because I texted him already about a week after the break up (I didn’t know about the 30 day no contact then or even about no contact in general).. and said I’d changed when I hadn’t- why would he believe me now? I now feel like I no longer need him in my life but I do very much want him to be a part of it. Do you think we can move forwards? Also the reason I made the prolonged no contact time is because I didn’t want to send a message on xmas or New Years as I feel it would be generic and easy for him to ignore.. I have learnt to be patient and less anxious but I’m worried I’ve just screwed it all up. I don’t want to go back to the relationship that we had- I want to have a relationship being this new me that I’ve discovered and that I am still discovering.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 27, 2017 at 9:02 pm

      HI Sarah,

      are you active in posting in social media?

  5. Strictly Anonymous

    December 23, 2017 at 11:39 pm

    My boyfriend and I had Wonderful time and no problem at all until he made a post on whatsapp regarding how heartbroken he felt because his ex girlfriend is getting married this December, after seeing that, I got hot tempered and jealous and I sent him all manner of insult, I was hurt because it shows he still have some feelings for his ex girlfriend and I never wanted any explanation from him.. He tried to calm me down, he tried to apologise for what he did but I was to hurt to give him a space for that and I demand for a break up . He got angry and blocked me on whatapp (only) and he instantly deleted the post after blocking me and I havnt reached out to him in whatever ways and he didn’t reach out to me either. It’s one week now

    What should I do!?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 26, 2017 at 7:09 pm

      Hi,

      If you stilk want to get back with him, let him cool down.. Once he reaches out,talk about your standards.. In the meantime, be active in your life and in doing social media posts that doesn’t disappear after 24 hours

  6. Jane

    December 22, 2017 at 10:55 am

    Thank you Amor. I can’t move on, I love him, I miss him… And I know that the “sparkle” is still there. He always tells me that he is still attracted to me and he admitted that he missed me… I think that the only thing that prevents us for being friends with benefits is the distance, so I’m glad we won’t fall in that pit. I need to regaign control and make him chase me, that’s the only way… But I’m always scared thinking that he may meet another girl in the same city or at least nearer and he could forget about me forever…and it’s been a week since his last text (he didn’t responded anymore) and I’m always afraid that he never text me again (he always does but…).

  7. Anna

    December 21, 2017 at 10:19 am

    Hi, my ex broke up with me just under 2 months ago, in that time i went into NC and improved myself and made new friends and started going to the gym… then i tried reaching out after NC but he told me he liked someone else and that i should move on since we were never getting back together, so i did. i decided to move on and havent spoken to him in about 2-3 weeks, but in the space of a week he has added me on snapchat but then unadded me but i still get the notification. Hes done this 3 times this week and i dont know what this means? i chose to move on because i thought thats what he was doing but now im not sure. He hasnt sent me any messages. Ive ignored the notifications so far but i dont know what to do next, i think he expected me to message him but i havent. I was a text GNAT when we first broke up so i think hes confused as to why im not trying to win him back. Do you think theres a chance? what should i do next? Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 25, 2017 at 6:10 pm

      Hi Anna,

      decide first, do you really want to try to rebuild rapport or not? And did you ask for a chance after your first nc?

  8. Maria

    December 20, 2017 at 5:48 pm

    I’m already 27 and he is 26 and it’s his first time to be in a relationship. I did no contact for 1 week and I think things are going good lately. He picked me up at work today..

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 20, 2017 at 10:18 pm

      That means you’re not in nc because you kept seeing him and talking to him..

  9. Kristin

    December 19, 2017 at 11:22 pm

    okay I need help..when my ex and I broke up, he told me that an ex from his past came back. (we were only dating for a month at that point and things were going well but never got official, I know for a fact that I wasn’t a rebound though as his last ex was from a year ago). Anyways at that point he said he needed to figure things out. We never fought and I only replied positively giving him space. I started and completed NC, I went longer than the 30 days.. 70 days actually. 😛 I noticed him on an online dating app and I contacted him and he replied positively within half an hour of me messaging which included an apology about the timing of his ex coming back though he didn’t say anything about whether they are still together or ever got together etc. He did say after that he would love to talk sometime but I don’t know if he’s just being polite as I had wrote a positive first contact message reminding him of good times and had asked for advice. I did see that he was on the dating app within 45 days of the NC and I’m wondering now if he was lying the whole time and is still lying to me. If the excuse of an ex coming back was just purely him trying to say I don’t want to get back together as he has no other excuse…Is there anything I can do to re-attract him given how short of a time frame we dated and given that he may or may not be lying to me? I have been actively improving and also posting beautiful pics of me having fun and with a couple mysterious guys in the background of my pics on my social media the whole 70 days of NC. Please let me know your thoughts.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 20, 2017 at 9:34 pm

      Hi Kristin,

      For me, you should move on.

  10. Jane

    December 19, 2017 at 9:20 pm

    Hi Amor. Well, he broke up with me almost a year ago (last Christmas). My fist NC was in March. He have kept texting since the break up but he started to be distant and cold, so I decided to go NC, 31 days.. After that we started to text each other again, once a week or so (somtimes we spent two weeks without texting and anothers he texted me several times in a week). In October I made another NC because I asked him to meet and he said yes but end up giving me excuses so… And after 24 days it was my bday so we started to text each other again, but the frequence wasn’t the same (he is getting through a lot of changes in his life but…). But he was being nice and flirting (he has beeing flirtng with me since summer). A few weeks ago, as I told, we have the chance of meeting but… It didn’t happen, even if the rapport was better than ever. Now he ignores me for days and then appears very kind and “close”, and then ignores me again… I feel like he’s got all the power and I don’t know how get the power (and him) back

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 20, 2017 at 9:22 pm

      you either move on, or once he initiates contact, don’t reply and start the count of nc from there.. and then take it slow in build rapport instead of doing meet ups right away..

  11. Hanna

    December 17, 2017 at 9:55 pm

    What if he cheated on me? And ever since I implemented the No Contact he’s just been hanging out with the girl still? To the point his friends have told me it’s on purpose to hurt me. I don’t know what to make of it. I made it clear that I needed to do the No Contact for me but I just ended up finding out that he kept lying to me. I really wanted to still make things work but he keeps hurting me I had no choice but to block him off everywhere.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 20, 2017 at 7:07 pm

      If I were you, I would move on..

  12. Maria

    December 16, 2017 at 12:13 pm

    Hi! I’m on NC for a week now. He said he wanted space for a month because of my anxiety he even told me I shouldn’t get my hopes up, that we are getting back together. We’ve been together for 4 months. Never had any big fights. He invinted me over for a family event, and I went, his family and relatives don’t know we are somehow in a cool off stage. He acted like we are still together and introduced me to his friend as his gf. We weren’t awkward to each other or looked like we have a problem. When he dropped me off to my house, I thanked him for inviting me and I told him I missed his family and shead a tear. He hugged me and invinted me for family Christmas gathering next week. And he saw improvements when I was in NC and noticed it. I’m so confuse, is there a chance of getting back together? Also I’m his first gf

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 19, 2017 at 7:03 pm

      Hi Maria,

      how old are you? And you talked to him during nc?

  13. Maria

    December 16, 2017 at 8:45 am

    Hi! I’m on NC for a week now. He said he wanted space for a month because of my anxiety he even told me I shouldn’t get my hopes up, that we are getting back together. We’ve been together for 4 months. Never had any big fights. He invinted me over for a family event, and I went, his family and relatives don’t know we are somehow in a cool off stage. He acted like we are still together and introduced me to his friend as his gf. We weren’t awkward to each other or looked like we have a problem. When he dropped me off to my house, I thanked him for inviting me and I told him I missed his family and shead a tear. He hugged me and invinted me for family Christmas gathering next week. And he saw improvements when I was in NC and noticed it. I’m so confuse, is there a chance of getting back together? Also I’m his first gf

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 19, 2017 at 7:02 pm

      Hi Maria,

      how old are you? And you talked to him during nc?

  14. Jane

    December 15, 2017 at 8:27 pm

    I’ve been in the texting phase with my long distance ex for months, slowly building rapport. He always tell me that he is still very attracted to me and he wants “more than a coffee” when we meet. But we’ve had the chance of meeting twice and he couldn’t make it (complicated schedule but he could have made an effort, it wasn’t impossible). After the last time of not meeting he didn0t text me in a week and after that he told me that he was ashamed for failing me when we could have met. He keeps insisting that he want to see me again. Our texting is unstable: he can text me first four times and another week not answering me. I tried NC twice (a few months after the break up and two months ago) and it worked I guess, but I can’t use NC more because it would loose effectivity (and I am afraid that he may forget about me, long distance…out of sight, out of mind) I try to play the UG but I’m not always perfect at that. I must say that I am very active in social media but sometimes when he spend a week or so without texting me, I stopped posting (for another reasons, because I was busy or ill and if I “dissapeared” for one or two days, he texted. It’s weird. I need to recover my power, when we met, he was the one chasing me (even if I liked him before he liked me) and I feel that that’s the only way to get him back: be the chased one. What can I do for gaining him back? Thank you a lot

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 19, 2017 at 6:19 pm

      Hi Jane,

      how long have you been texting and how long were the nc periods you made?

  15. Tran

    December 15, 2017 at 12:54 pm

    Hi Rachel,

    I love to read your this article. It’s amazing. I do like this website, I think this is one of decent websites I found. Yes, I’m a big fan of this website although my language is not English . I found myself in your article
    so I’m trying to tell you about my story again here.

    I broke up with my ex boyfriend, a long distance relationship almost 6 months ago. Before the breakup, I did No Contact 2 months with him and I initiatived contact him by mail. We had happy together over 2 months via email. At that time, I was in happy emotions and I created a game for us with my pictures in which some male colleagues of me at work. However, my words were too provocative, such as: “You take your time to win this game…a special gift waiting for you…”._ That game made him mad at me, his response_was: “what do I win? …”. The day after he emailed to me said that he had not fun with the gam because he didn’t meet them yet…I knew I made mistake it’s because my silly game. I apologized to him for that and say thank you for the time he spent with me. We were in a LDR over a year (9 months only chat chit, 3 months talked on the phone) I told him anything and everything. We enjoyed our relationship and we had deep conversations. He stopped contact me from there. My thought that he may put his pride and ego over our relationship. I knew he is a stubborn guy even narcissistic man but I love him. We had a LDR about 6 months, in 2000 before he got married when I was young. You know, we reconnected on Facebook after 17 year of separation. I knew he loved me but I was hurt by him. Frankly, I invested my time and energy into our relationship but I had nothing to him. I still love him so much and have strong feelings for him. We shared more than 600 love songs and instrumental music, those music touched our hearts but I don’t want to run after him, chasing him beacuse I have own life. We now are still friends on Facebook. I’m active on my FB page, I posted a lot beautiful pictures of me on FB. I’m a pretty women

    For me, I have a stable job and a part-time job. My works make me so busy. Honestly, after a breakup I learned to love myself and take time to do what I want and travel a lot. Be honest, sometimes I miss him because his music reminds happy memories we had together…I’m not sure I can get over him just because I’ve met some guys but I was not have feelings for them.

    To tell you the truth, I have feelings better and improving myself in mental and physical. So now give me some advice.

    Thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 15, 2017 at 6:11 pm

      Hi Tran,

      if you mean you want to move on, and his things and memories are not helping you, then remove them.

  16. Cat

    December 14, 2017 at 1:39 pm

    My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me about a month ago. I went through no contact for 30 days, and have talked to him a bit after that, not about the relationship just causally. After that though he told me that he hoped this meant we could be friends. Later, a mutual friend told me that he had told her he didn’t regret his decision of breaking up with me at all and another friend told me she saw him on Tinder a couple weeks after the breakup. I feel like he is acting like a completely different person than who he was in our relationship. Should I just accept that it is completely done and enter no contact again?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 15, 2017 at 4:31 pm

      Hi Cat,

      Yup accept that he has moved on and if you weren’t active in improving yourself and in posting in social media during and now after nc, yes restart it..

  17. Ria

    December 14, 2017 at 11:43 am

    My ex broke up with me 2 months ago due to my parents not approving our interracial relationship and so he ended our relationship saying that we had no future together if my parents wouldn’t accept and we couldn’t have a relationship without my parents. Another small factor was that we live 2 hours away from each other while I am at university and so he would drive ever 2 weeks to spend the weekend together and so he said distance was a factor. In our relationship nothing else was wrong we never used to argue, we got on really well and we had planned a future together. We have been talking on and off since the breakup with a mixture of nice flirty messages to arguments but he replies and isn’t against speaking to me. At the beginning it was a mix of who initiated contact however now it is just me. At the beginning he had asked for space after we broke up but I panicked and didn’t give him that. I went through 2 weeks of no contact and then spoke to him where he admitted me missed me and wanted us to be back together but was scarred and that my parents hadn’t changed and wanted a few days to think. He contacted me when he said he would however did a 360 flip and said we would never work and that him saying he missed me was a weakness and not true it then led to a massive argument where we both said hurtful things. Two days later of not talking my phone had video called him while I was doing my makeup and he assumed I was going on a date and he was so angry and riled up at the thought of me going on a date that he bombarded me with messages but i avoided it and didn’t admit it because it wasn’t true. He then sent me a paragraph apologising for the things he has said and done. Since we have both agreed to have a month space and then we will both see what our situation is and go from there. Also I would like to add that we unfollowed each other on all social media and just have each others numbers to communicate. Is a month of no contact the correct thing to do in this situation? How do I have any assurance that within a month he won’t move on as by then it would have been 4 months since we had officially broken up?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 15, 2017 at 4:25 pm

      Hi Ria,

      you kept talking to him right? it didn’t make the situation better. There’s no guarantee that nc will work in any case, but it helps increase your chances.

  18. Brei

    December 13, 2017 at 11:00 pm

    Mine is alittle complicated, I left my ex after he consistently was treated me like a child and never took the blame. Over a course of a couple of weeks I started feeling extremely sad and didn’t even want to get out of bed. I had to leave the apt we shared and come back to my very toxic family situation, so I felt some regret. I was not contacting him but then I knew left something at his house so I had to ask him for it and when he replied in a nice way. I started to text him more, and then when he started to show minimal interest I started texted him again. I called him and told him how I felt, and he said I have to grow up ( without him) that hurt and I couldn’t believe he wanted to just throw away the relationship like that. Then I kept texting him because I wasn’t clear what he meant and then he later on said in a text that we should not text for while before he starts to hate me. Will be able to get him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 15, 2017 at 3:54 pm

      Hi Brei,

      why do you say that it’s complicated? Is it because he said he doesn’t want to talk to you? If yes, check this one:
      I Want My Ex Boyfriend Back But He Doesn’t Want Me

  19. Sarah

    December 13, 2017 at 9:27 pm

    we were together for a little over two years (i’m 22 and he’s 24)… i have written on this site many times explaining my break up but essentially he ended things because we were not compatible. although we had many similar life goals and wanted a future together, the current state of our lives made our relationship difficult. he works full time, and i’m in university and so a lot of our fights would be about him not prioritizing our relationship because of his career.
    we are now broken up for 5 months, the longest we’ve been broken up for. (this is our second break up, the first time lasted a month)
    in that 5 months, i’ve done NC and reached out to him but got a neutral response and so i stopped trying. then two months after i ran into him, and we started texting then hungout a few days later. during our hangout, things got complicated… he said that he would always have feelings for me but we are not getting back together unless we’ve changed. he emphasized that we are not getting back together in 6 months or a year. but he keeps adding “not right now…maybe one day when we’ve changed” which gives me hope, unfortunately. that night we almost had sex and he said that he was still very attracted to me, but we didnt because he thought that 1) it would make things difficult for me 2) it would confuse him.
    after that complicated hangout, we didn’t really talk… i texted him a few days later and he didn’t seem very engaged in the conversation so i stopped. (he has always been bad at texting) A few days after, he texted me but didn’t continue the conversation when i responded… A few days after I texted him first, and once again, he did not seem very engaged and so i asked him why and he said “you know i’ve never been good at texting” and then our conversation got a little better but it still felt like i was trying harder so I ended the conversation politely.

    Ever since then, we have not talked. That was 3 weeks ago.

    I don’t know what to do… I’m just frustrated and sad that I’m still hung up on him after 5 months of being broken up.
    In those months, i’ve gone out a lot more, reconnected with friends, met new guys etc…
    It feels like I’m moving forward, and I’m doing things to move forward but in the back of my mind, he’s always there. I still have hope and I wish that we could be together.
    But the chances of me getting him back seems so slim as time passes…therefore I know I have to move on.
    I don’t know what else to do to move on, because whatever I’m doing, he’s still in the back of my mind.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 15, 2017 at 3:42 pm

      Hi Sarah,

      moving on doesn’t mean you’ll instantly forget him or you’ll forget him faster than expected.. moving on means doing things or activities that help you grow despite of feeling hurt..

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