Today, we’re going to talk about, what to do when you go through a breakup with your boyfriend and they go back to their ex.
This is always a difficult situation because, without a doubt, the number one fear most people have when they go through a breakup is, what if they find someone better than me. And this fear is made doubly worse by the fact that your ex went back to someone that maybe you had an issue with, their ex.
Someone that they have a romantic history with.
And it can feel sometimes like they found someone better in their ex. And it makes you feel less confident in yourself.
So, today we’re going to talk about why they do this, but also how to handle a situation where your ex does move on to someone new, and that someone new being their ex.
Now, I’ve been doing this a long time. Pretty much for the past decade I have dedicated all of my time, effort and energy, in to understanding breakups. What works with them, what works to get over an ex, what works to get back with an ex, we sort of cast a wide net.
And what’s interesting is when you have an audience they ask you lots of different questions.
And specifically when it comes to a scenario like this, we get a lot of different questions.
For example,
- “My ex went back to his ex. Will it last?”
- “He went back to his ex but he still wants to be friends. Should I be friends with them?”
- “My ex has this new girlfriend, but does he miss me?”
- “Well, he went back to his ex but he still calls me, what should I do?”
- “Well, he said he loved me so much but he still went back to his ex.”
- “Why does my ex keep contacting me when he has a girlfriend? Isn’t that a bad sign?”
So, we’re going to talk about every single one of those questions.
So let’s just start from the top.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizIf Your Ex Went Back To His Ex Will It Last?
Your ex went back to his ex, will it last?
All right.
So the interesting thing about scenarios like this is actually determining whether you are the rebound relationship or your ex’s ex is the rebound relationship.
This is a unique scenario in the fact that usually most of the clients that we’re dealing with who have ex’s who move on to someone else definitely fall into that rebound category.
Where their ex moves onto someone else trying to distract themselves from the pain of the breakup. And it’s pretty obvious that it’s a rebound.
Usually with women specifically, you’ll see them hyper analyze the new girl’s photos and say, “She looks just like me.”
Now, how many of us have done this?
This is a scenario where this might not be the case.
It’s actually a little up in the air whether or not you were the rebound or your ex’s ex is the rebound.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizSo, before I talk about rebound relationships and how long you can expect them to last, let’s actually determine whether or not you were the rebound or your ex’s ex is the rebound.
So I think the number one way that we can help determine something like this, is actually first by understanding the length of time your ex’s ex was with him and you were with him.
So the way I’m thinking is if you want like a simple approach, Occams Razor, “The simplest explanation often is the right one,” the best probably way to approach this is by saying,
“Look, if I was with my ex for three years, and my ex’s ex was with him for one year, it’s more likely that my ex’s ex is the rebound.”
Then we also have to consider the fact, well, how quickly did my ex move on from his ex to me? Or did he move on from me to the ex? I know this is kind of like word jumbling, but basically those are the two factors that you are going to want to sit back and think about when you’re determining whether or not you are the rebound or not.
So, most likely in this scenario where you were with your ex longer, you most likely are not going to be the rebound. The only scenario where that maybe is not the case is how quickly he moves on to his ex.
So what you mean by that is, if you’re with your ex for three years, and your ex’s new girlfriend was with him for three years or two years, excuse me, before he moved back onto her, the big determinator on understanding whether or not your ex is actually in a rebound with this new girl is, of course, I mean, you were the tiebreaker, you were with him longer. But the issue I see is, if it has been like a year since your breakup, all of a sudden, this is a different question.
So the length of time on how long it takes him to move on to this new person matters as well. And then once you understand that, you can understand how long the rebound will last.
So if you believe that you were not the rebound, but your ex’s new girlfriend is the rebound, the typical rebound relationship is going to last anywhere between 5.2 months. And sometimes in certain cases a little bit longer.
So buckle up because a lot of people think like rebounds are like a one week type thing. They’re usually not. Usually in my experience, people or exes who have rebounds will love the joys of the honeymoon phase or the honeymoon period. Where the dopamine levels are just like off the charts. They’re really enjoying their time with this new person.
They see this new person with rosy colored glasses. Everything seems to be going well. And this is actually hard for a lot of our clients to hear. Because 5.2 months is half a year, basically. But this is how long we’ve determined that the average rebound relationship last. You can also consider if your ex is with this new person, one other factor that you need to think about is, how long this new relationship with this new person’s lasting. If it lasts longer than 5.2 months, all of a sudden it’s charting away from rebound territory, if you get my meaning. So those are three factors you really want to look at. How quickly they move on to this new person. How long you were with him versus he being with the new girl in the past. And if they’ve been with this new person for longer than 5.2 months, it’s not necessarily a rebound relationship anymore.
So, hopefully that answers your question on how long this rebound relationship with your ex will last.
Let’s tackle the next big question.
If Your Ex Went Back To His Ex But Still Wants To Be Friends
“Well, he went back to his ex, but he still wants to be friends. Should I do it?”
Yes. You should.
The story I’m going to tell you right now is actually the introduction to the being there method. So, if you’re not familiar with the being there method, it’s without a doubt one of the most important strategies that you need to wrap your head around if you have an ex who has moved on to someone new.
No matter what circumstance you were in, the being there method is going to be the most important strategy for you to conceptualize and implement.
And if you want to learn more about the being there method, I’ve written an entire article, basically detailing what you should be doing if you are in a situation where your ex moves on to someone new. Whether that’s with his ex or with someone completely new, doesn’t really matter.
But the being there method is an important part of the strategy.
Why? All right. So when I first started taking on coaching clients, my wife actually helped me. And we first started looking for coaching clients in our private Facebook support group. You hear me talk about it all the time.
Currently there’s over 6,100 members in it.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizIt’s a great community. And back then, though, it was a little bit different, because it was actually a small community. We had just started it up. There was only a couple hundred people in it. So we knew almost every single person situation really, really well.
And so, when I actually implemented coaching for the first time, we started mining first or giving first-mover status to people in the Facebook group. And an interesting thing happened, my wife was helping me, so I would take clients and my wife would take clients.
And I noticed one of her clients was in a really difficult situation. One of her clients actually was in a situation where her ex broke up with her and literally moved in with this new person. So, literally, it was like all set up during the breakup.
So, as you can imagine, it was just like one thing after another. And it was just devastating for this girl. And we recommended a longer period of no contact for her, thinking maybe that if we were able to do a longer period of no contact, it would help her emotionally.
But something interesting occurred.
We noticed that after the long period of no contact, the more she stayed in touch with her ex, the better things seemed to go.
So we actually just followed that curiosity thread and introduced her to what soon became the being there method. “Hey, why don’t you just be friends with them and constantly be a secure presence in their life?
You don’t necessarily have to become physical with them or give them emotional support, but you’re just there, and see what that does to the relationship with the new girl and him.” And it worked brilliantly.
The new girl imploded. And really, we were trying to understand like, why? Well, obviously there’s kind of a gray hat approach here. This is not necessarily morally perfect. If you get what I mean.
We don’t recommend people cheat or anything like that. We were just very curious to see how this would approach. And ultimately, when we learned more about attachment styles, we learned this is maybe why the being there method works.
Okay. So, what we know about attachment styles, is there’s basically four core attachments.
- Secure attachment, which is like the secure person, like the holy grail. This is always what you want to aspire to be.
- The anxious attachment style, which is people who are extremely anxious in relationships. Their whole identity is made up of the actual relationship and they’re the ones who are most likely to get blocked after a breakup, because they’re the ones that blow up their ex’s phone or beg for their ex’s back and things like that.
- Avoidant attachments, which is basically people who value their independence so highly that anytime they get into a relationship and begin to grow more emotionally intimate, they get scared because they feel like they’re not going to have their freedom anymore, so they bail.
- And then you have fearful attachment, which takes the worst categories from both anxious and avoidance and combines them together.
Now, we usually don’t talk a ton about fearful attachment styles because only 7% of the entire human population has exhibited them.
So it’s extremely rare. It can have, and we have seen a few over the course of the years. But one factor remains true no matter what. And this is something that we’ve been calling the secure attachment gravity.
If you’re able to shift your anxious attachment style, your avoidant attachment style, or your fearful attachment style towards more of a secure attachment style, something interesting happens. Your partner begins to mimic those secure factors.
Also, in the being there methods case, if you are able to become more secure with yourself and then communicate with your ex, the fact that you are so secure, not only draws your ex to you, but it intimidates the new person.
Because generally speaking, the new person is not going to have a secure attachment style.
They’re not going to be cool with an ex talking to their ex. They will become incredibly threatened, give their ex an ultimatum. This will cause fights and friction. And ultimately your ex is thinking, “What am I doing with this person?” And they start to compare you to the new person and you compare very favorably. And that’s exactly what happened in our client’s case.
And the being there method has been without a doubt, one of the most successful strategies that we’ve come up with when it comes to literally having an ex who moves on to someone else. So, if your ex wants to be friends with you, it is a perfect segue into the being there method.
You should do it after a no contact rule, of course.
Can Your Ex Miss You When They Are With Someone New?
So, let’s move on to the next question. “My ex has a new girlfriend. Does he miss me?” I think in cases like this, where your ex is moving on to his ex, the truth is they’re going on the rebound to try to forget you.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizAnd that’s maybe a hurtful thing to hear, but bear it out.
They aren’t going to miss you at first.
This is an important thing to consider, because I think there’s this misconception people have when their ex moves on to this new person, the new person doesn’t measure up to the expectations that your ex maybe had. And they begin to miss you.
That seems to be what happens, but it happens on a much longer scale than you can possibly imagine. So, if your ex does have this new girlfriend, and this new girlfriend is their ex, it is possible that he will miss you but it will not happen right away.
In fact, the chances are actually higher due to normal circumstances or due to the abnormal circumstances you find yourself in because your ex is going back to a known commodity.
What I mean by that is, the honeymoon period or the honeymoon phase that they’re likely to experience is going to be a little bit shorter because they’ve already experienced a honeymoon phase with this person. And after that honeymoon phase is over, it’s usually when they began to miss you or begin to harp on the alternatives factor.
What do we mean by that?
Well, there’s this concept called the interdependence theory, which basically helps us understand why human beings make commitment decisions. Basically it says, human beings make commitment decisions based on costs and benefits scenarios.
So they’re always trying to maximize the benefits and minimize the costs. And the way they grade this in their heads subconsciously, is through three external factors. How satisfied they are in the relationship with the person that they’re with.
How much they’ve invested into the relationship with the person that they’re with, money or emotions. And then, of course, alternatives. Is there someone out there better?
Well, at some point your ex thought there is a better alternative to you in another relationship. This is why he went into a relationship with this new person. But the same can also be said when he moves on to the new person.
Eventually they don’t start seeking out other alternatives or having the idea of other alternatives until satisfaction comes down. And satisfaction usually comes down when the honeymoon phase is over. And this is an important thing to understand, because satisfaction itself won’t cause an ex to want to break up with their new person and come back to you.
What ends up doing that, is when they began to realize they’re investing more time into you via the being there method than with the new person.
Then all of a sudden you look like the best alternative. So that’s when you can expect an ex to begin to miss you.
Ah, but what if they go back to their ex and still call you, what should you do? This is, again, a variation of the being there method. After our no contact rule, of course, you want to gain a monopoly on your ex’s time.
All right.
So this goes back into that interdependence concept of satisfaction, alternatives, investment.
You want your ex to invest as much time into you as possible.
So if they’re calling you and talking to you, it’s always a very good sign. But why is investment so important? Well, they’ve done studies and realized, people will stay in unhappy marriages where they definitely believe that there’s a better alternative out there for them if they feel like they’ve invested so much into the relationship.
Why?
Because they don’t want it to be for nothing.
So, if you’re to grade these three factors of the interdependence theory and try to understand which one matters more, it would definitely be investment.
Because even if satisfaction is low, alternatives are high, they will still stay in an unhappy relationship because they don’t want their time to be wasted.
This is important to understand, because if you’re able to take the monopoly on your ex’s time, all of a sudden you remove that off the table, and they really start to make decisions based on how unsatisfied they are with this new person and how you’re the better alternative out there.
Why Did My Ex Say He Loved Me But Still Went Back To His Ex?
So, let’s go with the big million dollar question of, “Why is it that my ex said that he loved me but he still went back to his ex?
There’s a lot of different reasons, but I think ultimately understanding attachment styles is the number one thing that you can do to help navigate the understanding of men and break up. So, one of the cool things about having an audience is, we have a lot of data to sort through.
We have a lot of experience to sort through. We noticed earlier last year when we started really diving into attachment styles, that most of our clients have anxious attachment styles, and most of their exes have avoidant attachment styles. Now, why is this important?
Well, people with anxious attachment styles value relationships pretty much more than anything else in their life, almost to an unhealthy level. They become almost very possessive of the person that they’re with. This often leads them to extreme bouts of jealousy, extreme bouts of possessiveness, controlling, things like this.
In their minds, they believe that they’re doing it to create a meaningful connection with the person. And that the connection is this mass thing that is amazing. This is the exact opposite of what an avoidant ex wants, or an avoidant person wants. An avoidant person wants space every once in a while, because they feel they value their independence more than anything else.
So the irony is, avoidance and anxious people are drawn to one another, but they’re doomed from the outset because their natural attachment styles just grate on each other’s nerves. So, why is it that your ex says that they love you but they go through this breakup with you and then go back to their ex?
Well, I think it’s an understanding an avoidance need of valuing their independence. Sometimes when things get so emotionally intimate between two people, an avoidant will literally start to think, “Oh my gosh, I’m getting too close.” Or, “Oh my gosh, what happens if I lose my independence? What happens if I’m no longer able to do this or no longer able to do that.”
And they freak out and leave.
But the interesting thing about avoidance is, a lot of people misunderstand and think that they don’t want an intimate relationship.
They do.
They want an intimate relationship more than anything else, but they are stuck in the self-fulfilling cycle.
Where they start out wanting an intimate relationship because they’re tired of being alone, but they do value being alone at the same time. So they enter into a relationship with someone who gives them all of the intimacy that they are seeking.
Someone who is an anxious attachment style. But when the anxious attachment style person’s tendencies begin to grate on their nerves, they start to realize what a mistake it was to get into a relationship and they bow out of the relationship.
Of course, then they start to feel bad about themselves and feel sorry for themselves and create this self-fulfilling narrative in their head of, why is this always happening to me?
And then they start to look for someone else. But what about the known commodity where they begin to realize, “Hey, remember my old ex, maybe I’ll try things up with them?”
And this actually completely is understandable if you understand how avoidance tend to miss people. So, avoidance are famous for literally loving these, what if scenarios.
They love to admire from afar, to have nostalgic reverie from afar, when there’s no chance they could ever get back together with you is oftentimes when they begin to miss you because it’s safe to miss you.
So, then when they get out of this relationship with you and they begin to think back on their whole relationship status, it makes complete sense that they would want to go back to an ex because they begin to have nostalgia about maybe the good times with this one ex.
Of course, interestingly enough, if they get into this relationship with this one ex, and if that ex, this new person that they’re with, has anxious attachment styles it’ll eventually grate on their nerves and they will be stuck in the same process again. And ultimately, maybe want to come back to you.
Raina Akther
December 26, 2022 at 12:21 am
I was in rebound relationship thst I didn’t want my bf went back to his ex because they were together 4 years he kept comparing me to her I know he couldn’t forget her he still messages her on Facebook there families are close they have close friendship circle I couldn’t compete with that but he lied didn’t tell me and dumped me on txt
Camila
September 6, 2022 at 8:40 am
Is it possible to work on our attachment styles? Or have a healthier attachment with someone else? Me and my ex were exactly like this…I would say that I have developed a very anxious attachment with him, specially because he used to do things that did not transpire me confidence. He would do drugs and no come back home, get too wasted and start talking about how he could not be with only one person for the rest of his life, and then apologize for that the day after. So I got more and more controlling over time, and that got him feeling more and more trapped. I finally decided to move out from our apartment because I was not happy living there, I thought that if I could have my own space I could loosen up a little bit. One day after I left the house and he is already following his ex back on social media. It hurts me, because I see how happy we could be together. When we were having a good phase, everything felt amazing. But he has sabotaged us every chance he’s gotten.
Coach Shaunna Nicol
September 6, 2022 at 8:38 pm
Hey Camila,
So yes you can 100% work on your own attachment style to work to become more secure, that is something we do encourage and support during your time with ERP and working on yourself. This comes naturally when you start putting yourself first and find your own way to be happy. When we enter a relationship with someone however, their relationship attachment has an affect on us. They could become secure if their partner is secure, this would help create a healthy relationship. An avoidant often creates an anxious side to their partner, or an anxious would create an avoidant. This is behaviours in the relationship, it changes the way we behave, react and respond.
From his actions, telling you that he wouldn’t be with one person his whole life is almost telling you that he was not planning on committing to you, so take it as he was not planning on being in a healthy relationship. Drugs also creates problems in a relationship, the impact of drugs is underestimated on a relationship. He would be doing and saying things he may not mean at the time, but then break your trust by doing said things. The apology would mean nothing, once that trust is broken.
Tonya
June 21, 2022 at 2:33 am
Hi Chris,
I was dating a guy for 20 months. We had been arguing a lot towards the end so I broke things off. After a week of thinking about it, I tried to re-connect but he was distance. Recently, we have chatted and I found out he has someone but wants to be friends. I think he is dating his ex fiancé. Does it matter if it is a fiancé or ex girlfriend? Part of me cares and the other parts says Let it Go.
Coach Shaunna Nicol
July 23, 2022 at 10:26 am
Hey Tonya so if he has gone back to the ex fiancé I think you will find that it will take a little more patience to follow the being there method. I would say that the only time that you should walk away is if they reach a point where they end up getting married. The being there method is an option for you while they are dating / spending time together and also would recommend that you spend some time working the Ungettable girl information.
Chantel
July 14, 2021 at 7:18 am
My ex and I were together for 18 years with 2 break ups. The 1st time he left me to go back to his ex-wife whom he was married to before, they got married for a 2nd time. She had an affair and he divorced her and came back to me. She got married to the guy she had an affair with. We had a son in 2011 and in 2015 he had an affair with a friend which lasted 6 months. I forgave him and gave him another chance. This year he left me again for his ex-wife. It hurts so much that this woman keeps interfering in our lives. She is still currently married ans she & my ex is now living together with their kids as 1 happy family. Will it last?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
July 20, 2021 at 10:45 pm
Hi Chantel, it doesn’t sound like a healthy dynamic, but also suggest that you look at your exes actions not just the ex wife. He’s cheated on you, not her. Yes she is the common issue in the relationship, but he chose to betray you.
Kimberley Taylor
June 29, 2021 at 8:49 pm
I was dating a guy intensely for a couple weeks, said he was over his ex and pursued me relentlessly. I noticed his ex creeping into conversations, his words and actions did not match up. I hinted at us parting ways, he then ended things saying he wants to be friends and get back with his ex.
Blessing in disguise because he cheated on his ex and now wants her back. I would rather be alone than allow someone like that to be in my life. Anyone who experiences anything similar and confused on what to do. Indefinite no contact, head high and walk out that door.
X
Tolu
August 13, 2020 at 5:42 pm
Hii,so my ex told me he doesnt love me anymore that’s why we broke up, but he went back to his ex and he tells me nothing is going on between them but it doesn’t seem like it,he posts her everyday and ignores my messages most time even when he says he hope’s for things to be better between us but I think he said that to make me feel better,and we had loads of misunderstandings with no trust.
Elizabeth Stevens
July 30, 2020 at 5:25 am
I have been hooking up with this guy for 7months and he tells me we have no life but when he was drunk he told me he loves me I just don’t understand what he wants because I knowing one way he wana get back with his ex’s off 7years I just don’t know what to do because I told him how I feel
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
August 2, 2020 at 9:48 am
Hi Elizabeth, if you want a relationship with this guy then you are going to have to follow the program and stop sleeping with him. Do not give him boyfriend privileges when he is not your boyfriend
Lola
July 17, 2020 at 10:18 am
Hi, I’ve recently broke up with my ex 2 months ago. And I just received news that he was back with his ex after 2 weeks of breaking up. We were together for 4 years of hard battles including cheating on his part and long distance relationship. But somehow we managed to pull through. He came back a few months ago because his father passed away. So we were together almost every day since he came back. And all of a sudden, in the middle of a heated argument he decided to break up with me. I was successful on doing 30days of no contact as he was the one who repeatedly reached out to me. But I decided not to talk to him. After those 30days. He asked me to go out with him. I still didn’t know he was back with his ex. We met up. Talked and decided to take things slow. And today I just knew that he was back with his ex. I don’t know what to do. This ex of his broke up with him before because she didn’t like guys who drink and this was 10years ago. They were only together for a few months. I just dont know what to do about it now. Please help.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
August 9, 2020 at 11:35 am
Hey Lola, so I would suggest that you tell your ex that you know he is with this other woman and that you will not be a part of a relationship when he is technically cheating. I would suggest that you tell him to choose one or the other. And if he chooses her then you go into a NC and do not reply to him at all for 45 days, unless he tells you he ended things with her
KLJ
July 13, 2020 at 3:11 am
So I broke up with my ex of 4 months. He finished with his wife for me, I wasn’t aware that they were together until after the break up but its been about a month now and it was due to him messaging other women, I have reflected on this and feel that maybe i should of gave him a chance as we were good together other than this 1 thing and i ended up texting him a week after this telling him I missed him this is when he told me he was going back to his wife and blocked me on all social media. I then contacted him about another 2 weeks later on Facebook just asking how he was but he saw this and blocked me again. We work together and he is acting like I am invisible, so I’ve just been giving him the space he needs. It has now been another week and I’m still missing him like crazy, I think work makes it harder. Do you think it is even worth it or has he realised his feelings for his wife while we were together? If not how long no contact should I do?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
August 5, 2020 at 11:08 pm
If he has gone back to his wife, then I suggest you focus on moving on.
Barbara
March 14, 2020 at 9:51 am
So my case is a little complicated and understandable at the same time. We were together for 5 months. During our last month together we were long distanced. By the end of that month, his ex girlfriend reappeared in his life. I was suspecting something was happening and social media confirmed it for me. We did this long and very emotional video call in which he admitted that his ex girlfriend appeared and he was facing a very tough situation because he was having feelings for two people at the same time. He also admitted that he cheated on me once with her. I told him I understood the situation because I know things like that can happen (especially being long distance) so when he told me with tears in his eyes that he was sorry I told him I forgive him but I cannot be in a relationship with him anymore because he broke my trust. So I was the one that ended things. Did the no contact rule for about 20 days and then he messaged me. Wishing me luck on everything I was doing and again apologizing. He had told me he wanted to be friends with me, so I continued to chat with him for a few days. It has been hard though, because another picture on social media made me see that he is currently dating his ex again. But he still messages me telling me he misses me and thinks about me. I still have very strong feelings for him and I miss him too, and I understand distance is hard. I am very independent and he’s not that much, that’s why I’m guessing he’s dating his ex to not feel lonely. I can definitely try to be friends with him and open to whatever happens in the future, but right now, I still love him.
Aakansha poudel
February 26, 2020 at 3:25 am
He broke up with his first love and he always use to say that she teaches him how to love but I know that he use to cheat behind her a lot we were just friend then after he broke up with her he use to say having is not only love but letting go is also love the reason behind their breakup was she use to humiliate and fight with him a lot which leads him to no feeling. So after 3 or 4 month he and I fell in love and it was way too deep he completely changed and I was everything to him more priority than his family he stop talking and flirting to girls very possessive about me and hate when I talk to guys. But I use to dwell on his past and fight with him a lot and smoke what makes him pissed off it continuously happen and suddenly he decided to not give me that importance but use to be curious about where I go what I did slowly after being surrounded by his friend he completely started ignoring me and hurt me everyday I lost weight I was anxious feel depressed but he didnt give a shit about me. It was being way too much and I tell him to salute the things out he told me he cant take me as future wife but upto gf is ok and his mother loves his ex girlfriend picture more because they belong from same culture and I am not so he make culture as excuse I beg him cried he finally said let’s go with flow but It was way too hurting me I stopped talking to him and he didnt get even bother. Next day of school when he saw me he try to give me sad looks and even try to flirt with me he was staring at me I didn’t give a shit about him went with my male friend whom he doesnot like he was spying me and he saw me going with him I know he didnt like my this friend whom I was going with. So evrythng stopped right there. Our school have organized 3days program outside the valley he didnt care about me and surround himself with his friend there also he saw me with my male friend twice at night but we were just hanging out I dont know what went on his mind then he stare at me quite a time whenever he see me things went much worse after that he is sending friend request to so many girls and changed his Instagram password now I came to know he add his ex girlfriend too what makes me feel like dying . Are they going to be together. Am I his bad chapter. Are they destined for future. What will happen to me I am totally going mad please help me!! I remember him saying that whenever he wants to have sex he never use to get feeling with his then ex girlfriend and they never had sex. But with me he always use to say I can only have feeling with you in this thing.p.s I also had a abortion and he know how painful was it for me knowing all these thing how can he do this to me.
Sasha
December 1, 2019 at 5:35 am
Hi Chris, I ended things with my boyfriend about a week ago and I’m 31 weeks pregnant. My ex and I started off as close friends then ended up in a relationship for about 8 months. Throughout our relationship he never broke it off completely with his ex gf of 5 years. She and I were both oblivious of each other dating him.
I had to make him tell her about us and the baby. I told him I’d leave him for good if he didn’t because that’s not fair to both of us. Later that week she has said to him she has accept our child and wants to buy gifts for the baby if he needs help. I broke it off with him because I caught him having intimate conversations with her still and not being a family man. The first couple of days after the break up he’d contact me first but since then we haven’t spoken really. We talked about co parenting until he wants his family. Before I knew I was pregnant his mom and i had bad words and told me that his ex of 5 years will never leave him. ( she really cares a lot for him and they have a lot of history ) I want my family to work but clearly she’s his home and I really dont want a mixed family.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 4, 2019 at 7:58 pm
Hey Sasha, so the issue you have here is he is leaning more towards her, do they share children?
I would work on yourself and show how you do not need him. And work on becoming Ungettable so that you are the “better woman”. Even though you do not want a mixed family sometimes we dont get a choice so make sure you come to terms with that before baby arrives just so that you do not have a hard time adjusting emotionally when baby has already arrived. When baby arrives, you need to be the bigger person and try to remain calm when things get hard for him and the other woman. The best thing you can do is get yourself used to the current situation and happy before baby comes. When baby is here you will realise how he has been behaving is not love so stay strong
Jen
November 19, 2019 at 1:43 am
We’re communicating entirely by text- I don’t pester him but try to bring up topics we have a mutual interest in
Evvie
November 18, 2019 at 3:05 am
I broke up with my ex because things were very strained. I started dating to see if I was making the right decision because I had left a marriage 2.5 years before. My ex ended up going back with his ex. However, she has terminal cancer (in remission now) and he has an 8 year old son with her. They tried to work it out 2.5 years ago, but realized they just worked better coparenting. Since then, she has had 3 boyfriends and a fiance live with her. She broke up with her fiance over a weekend and my ex was there the following day. Also, since they were last together, she found out about the cancer. My guess is that he will stick it out with her now? I was basically scared because of my marriage of nearly 20 years not working out. But I feel like I really messed up with this guy. I truly love him and have never had so much connection with someone.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 23, 2019 at 6:39 pm
I think Evvie, that considering the fact he has gone back to the mother of his child who is terminally unwell you are going to have to wait on the side lines as he is probably not going to leave her. You are going to have to keep living your life for now and just wait to see what happens.
Jen
November 16, 2019 at 8:15 pm
my ex and I split up in July because he said he wasn’t ready for a long term relationship. He’s now back with his ex, although I believe they’re on and off because they keep unfollowing/refollowing each other on Instagram. He and I are in contact but he is slow to reply, and has not told me of his new relationship. How can I keep rapport going? (We’re not on each other’s social media).
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 18, 2019 at 10:17 pm
Hi Jen, so if you are not on social media how are you communicating? If you are wanting him back then you need to just make sure that all conversations you have with him are positive but you need to do some reading about the being there method.
Anna
June 30, 2019 at 4:16 pm
My bf ended our 2.5 years relationship but he asked me we could be still friends. He said he still loved me but he blamed my kids and accused me that I never supported him. By the time we broke up he went back to his ex whom he dated 6 years ago. In the meantime he lied to me that he was lonely and called/ texted me. Until one day he was drunk n txted me then I found out he was with his ex 2 weeks before we broke up . I don’t understand how someone could said he loved me then straight back to his ex. It does not make sense to me if he could jump from one to another relationship just like that. So pls shed light for me of his behaviour.
Chris Seiter
June 30, 2019 at 10:15 pm
Hi Anna…I agree..some guys are senseless and confusing in their behavior and choices. It’s best to have an ex recovery plan you can set into motion. That is what my website and Program is all about. You can learn a lot more with my Program – EBR Pro Bundle
Suzan
May 25, 2019 at 2:43 am
My boyfriend left me for six months for the his colleague that I caught him sleeping with. I went on No contact rule. Now he came back to me.
Chris Seiter
May 25, 2019 at 10:51 pm
So where are you with all of that. Are you taking small, measured steps to explore how committed he is? Are things back to normal?
anele
May 19, 2019 at 7:51 am
Greetings…So during the first years of my relationship with my boyfriend he found a girl to cheat with and I broke up with him, however month after month he’ll still come back trying to work things out and I eventually agreed because the girl had her boyfriend. However days back I broke up again but 4years later he still makes his exes his friends but consistently bothering them with comments on social media, a different from the girl we had a problem with but instead after the break up he unblocked the one we had a problem with and now the girl had deleted her boyfriends pics on social media after accepting my exes friend request. What does that mean?
Flaming
May 8, 2019 at 7:20 am
Hey
I started dating my guy for about two months plus, he broke up with his ex a week before we started dating. But recently she made a flight from a different city to go see him, all calling and buying him gifts, sending gifts to his sister and all. On his birthday she bought him cake and all. That was the last straw, so I broke up and sold the gift I bought him. I’m still in love with him, he claims I over react and likes Issues, his Bestfriend asked me to move on that I’m beautiful and any one will want to date me. So I’m writing to you. What do you think is best for me to do.
Thank you
Amy
December 29, 2018 at 9:29 am
Me and and my ex were arguing for weeks and decided to end it. A week later we thought we could make it work and tried again but a few later we argued and said that it wasn’t meant to be. A few days later I realised that he was friends with his ex again and invited her to a New Years party that I was not invited to. He has told me multiple times that there was nothing between them and despite our breakup being mutual, I feel like he’s going to go back to her because he is lonely. I don’t know if I should feel hurt or angry? I am sad the relationship is I’ve but it was for the best but the reappearance of his ex has me pining for him, probably because I am worried that he will go back to her and forget me.