By Rachel

I have to make a confession.

See what I did there?

I just used an EBR texting tactic on you!

Okay, so your ex went back to his ex. Why would he even do that?

Well, sometimes people want to go back to what is comfortable,especially after a breakup. They believe will make them feel better… or, i suppose, less bad.

That’s why you’re here, isn’t it?

The main thing I want to cover today is when you ended things and with him and he just went back to his ex. We will also briefly touch on the scenario of if he ended the relationship for the purpose of rekindling a relationship with his ex, which is just the worst.

Regardless of who ended things with whom, the feelings you face when you are trying to get through a breakup or get back together with an ex are the same across all situations. To demonstrate here are some anxiety-ridden questions and concerns that I frequently find in my messages from people in this situation:

  • He went back to his ex; will it last?
  • He went back to his ex, but he still wants to be friends. Should I do it?
  • My ex has a new girlfriend, does he miss me?
  • He went back to his ex but still calls me, what should I do?
  • He says he loved me but he still went back to his ex!
  • Why does my ex keep contacting me when he has a girlfriend?

We’re going to cover all of these things today, some in more detail than others.

Ready? Okay.

Darla: Do you know what the saddest thing in the world is?

Buffy: Bad hair on top of that outfit?

Darla: To love someone who used to love you.

Buffy: You guys were involved?

Darla: For several generations.

Buffy: Well, you’ve been around since Columbus, you are bound to pile up a few exes.

— Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Angel”

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Always The First Step: Reflect

Some breakups are decisions made over a lengthy period of time. Then there are those that are made impulsively. I get it. You fight. Words are said. And before you know if you don’t have a boyfriend anymore. And you immediately regret it. It happens to the best of us.

I implore you, though, before you start on the Ex Recovery journey, take the time during No Contact to reflect on your actions. Determine whether you actually want him back or not.

I have realized in my 9 months of writing for EBR that a lot of people try to get their ex’s back because of their ego or simply because of the fear of being alone.

This isn’t everyone, obviously.

I’ll admit, I myself have been guilty of holding onto a relationship for way longer than I should have. Both because I thought I wasn’t going to get anything better and because didn’t want to be alone. Being unhappy with someone else was better than being on my own.

Imagine what a cruel twist of fate it would be for your ex boyfriend to be dumped, pine after you for months, start dating his ex, and drop her for you only to be dumped again 4 months later.

I wouldn’t wish that emotional rollercoaster on anyone. Especially someone I once cared for.

You should be asking yourself the following questions when using EBR anyway, but ESPECIALLY if you were the one to end the relationship and are considering trying to get your ex back:

  • Do I still love my ex?
  • Was the relationship healthy and in my highest good?
  • Do I want him back because I’m lonely?
  • Do I want him back to know that I can have him if I want him?
  • Do I want him because I don’t want anyone else to have him?
  • Am I scared I won’t be able to find someone else?
  • Do our opinions align regarding the important things? (religion, politics, marriage, children, dogs vs cats… the answer is obviously dogs duh)?

Ask yourself these questions.

Asnyou start to get a clear picture of the situation, you have to determine what it’s saying.

  • Are you making a mistake?
  • Do you see your ex and you being healthy and compatible partners?
  • Does a willingness to make it work seem likely?

THEN, you can move forward with the program.

BUT if you realize that you only want to get your ex back to avoid loneliness or to feed your ego, let the poor guy move on.

And you should do the same. There is absolutely someone out there who is a perfect fit for you. Don’t waste time on anything else.

If You Broke Up With Him and He Went Back to His Ex

The good news is, since you broke up with him, you have the advantage because he didn’t want the relationship to end. The downside, he’s probably not your biggest fan right now.

However, if you’ve done your reflecting and do decide to embark on the EBR journey, then the best way to start out is always by beginning No Contact.

As you should know by now, No Contact works to give you and your ex time and space from one another to recover from the breakup. It is an opportunity to heal any leftover negativity left over from the relationship and the breakup. And it gives him time to miss you and realize how much joy you brought to his life.

After No Contact, begin developing rapport with the Being There Method.

The Being There Method is, simply put, being involved in your ex’s life in a friendly manner. The goal being to drive a wedge between him and his current girlfriend.

 The key is that there is actually nothings romantic going on between you two – both you and your ex will be aware of that – so his girlfriend will seem nuts with her assumptions and insecurities. Eventually, he will get sick of it. This will leave the door open for the two of you to try to rekindle something again. So, keep the flirting to a minimum. Keep your emotional cool. eing friends with someone you still love while they are with someone else is one of the hardest things to do.

Does your ex miss you?

Of course, he does.

You broke up with him. Remember?

He probably was sad and lonely, so he returned back to someone that felt comfortable, and who he felt like he could be vulnerable with. It’s likely he asked if you could be friends, probably on the off-chance the two of you could get back together again later down the road.

Remember: You ended things with him. That gives you the edge over this other girl. He still cares, even if he tries to act otherwise.

Why Does He Keep Contacting Me When He Has a Girlfriend?

It’s hard to fully let go of someone, especially if they hurt you. Ego gets involved and you want to prove something to the person who hurt you to show them what they lost out on when they lost you.

Your ex, even though he has moved on, may be reaching out to you and trying to keep in contact because he is trying to show you what you are missing out on. 

Here’s an EBR article on just that, He Went Back To His Ex, But Still Texts Me.

Breakups are brutal, man.

So his reasons for staying “friends” may have to do with his ego. It is also possible, as I mentioned before, that he may be keeping you on the back burner, on the off chance that you change your mind and want to try a relationship with him again.

It is important to recognize that he went back to his ex after you ended things with him. He is probably hurting and wanted something familiar and comforting, which led him straight into the arms of his ex.  When you are developing a rapport with him, it is just as important to start re-establishing trust. You hurt him, and he needs to know that you won’t do it again. This will take time, a lot of rapport-building, and even more patience.

Despite him being back with his ex, you still have some power, because you are the cause of his unhappiness. That means you have the ability to be the solution as well. The key is nabbing him back before he settles into happiness with “the replacement girlfriend.”

Since your ex is still contacting you, it is the ultimate time to implement The Being There Method.

  • Keep things friendly towards both him and her.
  • Act as if everything is normal.
  • Invite them to do things you know he’ll really want to do at times you know she will be unvailable.

It will make her more and more insecure the longer it goes on. And she’ll start to act a little controloling and crazy. This will make you look better and better.

By the time you’re done, he’ll wonder why he ever thought going back to her was a good idea.

When He Leaves You For His Ex

As I said, most of this article is coming from the place of someone who broke up with her boyfriend, THEN he went back to his ex. But what if your boyfriend left you for his ex?

Well there are several articles here on the site that cover this. In fact, here’s one, Has Your Ex Has Moved On And What To Do About It

One of my good friends went through this, and it was so painful because she has the sweetest heart and didn’t deserve the pain this guy dragged her through. They were together a year, and he ended it, saying there was no one else and he wanted to be friends. Two months later, he was in a rekindled relationship with his ex. He had lied to her on two counts:

  • The ex was in the picture when he ended things with my friend
  • And he had absolutely no intention of continuing a friendship.

Ouch. I can’t imagine the pain she was in.

My biggest advice here is not so much in the vein of how to get him back.  Forget that guy!

My advice is to take care of YOU. A situation like this is a huge blow to the heart and ego, and it’s totally understandable that you’d need some time to recover. Remind yourself that you are worthy of love, that he is an awful human being and a liar, and you deserve so, so much better.

Self-care is the best medicine I can recommend in this situation.

I understand you still may want him back. If that’s the case, the steps are the same – No Contact, build rapport, the Being There Method, etc. Understand it’s a bit more of an uphill battle to climb.

The Take-Away

We have covered a lot today, and I have hooked you up with a LOT of resources to get your ex back. It’s up to you to implement them and stick to the Program.

Let’s review.

Whether you broke up with your ex and just realized that you made a mistake or broke up with him hoping that he would come crawling back, you have to do the following:

  1. Determine if you want him back for the right reasons
  2. Start the EBR Process with No Contact
  3. Work the rest of the program while using Being there Methods to make yourself look better than the girl he is seeing

It sound simple, but it takes time. So, patience is key. And everyone’s situation is different.

So, in the comments below, I want you to tell me about your breakup and what you have done since then. Our experts will help you determine which length of No Contact you should do and what your best next action should be.

Here’s a video Chris made to help you tell if No Contact is working.

We’ll have your ex begging for you back in no time!

What to Read Next

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25 thoughts on “I Broke Up With My Boyfriend And He Went Back To His Ex”

  1. Avatar

    Barbara

    March 14, 2020 at 9:51 am

    So my case is a little complicated and understandable at the same time. We were together for 5 months. During our last month together we were long distanced. By the end of that month, his ex girlfriend reappeared in his life. I was suspecting something was happening and social media confirmed it for me. We did this long and very emotional video call in which he admitted that his ex girlfriend appeared and he was facing a very tough situation because he was having feelings for two people at the same time. He also admitted that he cheated on me once with her. I told him I understood the situation because I know things like that can happen (especially being long distance) so when he told me with tears in his eyes that he was sorry I told him I forgive him but I cannot be in a relationship with him anymore because he broke my trust. So I was the one that ended things. Did the no contact rule for about 20 days and then he messaged me. Wishing me luck on everything I was doing and again apologizing. He had told me he wanted to be friends with me, so I continued to chat with him for a few days. It has been hard though, because another picture on social media made me see that he is currently dating his ex again. But he still messages me telling me he misses me and thinks about me. I still have very strong feelings for him and I miss him too, and I understand distance is hard. I am very independent and he’s not that much, that’s why I’m guessing he’s dating his ex to not feel lonely. I can definitely try to be friends with him and open to whatever happens in the future, but right now, I still love him.

  2. Avatar

    Aakansha poudel

    February 26, 2020 at 3:25 am

    He broke up with his first love and he always use to say that she teaches him how to love but I know that he use to cheat behind her a lot we were just friend then after he broke up with her he use to say having is not only love but letting go is also love the reason behind their breakup was she use to humiliate and fight with him a lot which leads him to no feeling. So after 3 or 4 month he and I fell in love and it was way too deep he completely changed and I was everything to him more priority than his family he stop talking and flirting to girls very possessive about me and hate when I talk to guys. But I use to dwell on his past and fight with him a lot and smoke what makes him pissed off it continuously happen and suddenly he decided to not give me that importance but use to be curious about where I go what I did slowly after being surrounded by his friend he completely started ignoring me and hurt me everyday I lost weight I was anxious feel depressed but he didnt give a shit about me. It was being way too much and I tell him to salute the things out he told me he cant take me as future wife but upto gf is ok and his mother loves his ex girlfriend picture more because they belong from same culture and I am not so he make culture as excuse I beg him cried he finally said let’s go with flow but It was way too hurting me I stopped talking to him and he didnt get even bother. Next day of school when he saw me he try to give me sad looks and even try to flirt with me he was staring at me I didn’t give a shit about him went with my male friend whom he doesnot like he was spying me and he saw me going with him I know he didnt like my this friend whom I was going with. So evrythng stopped right there. Our school have organized 3days program outside the valley he didnt care about me and surround himself with his friend there also he saw me with my male friend twice at night but we were just hanging out I dont know what went on his mind then he stare at me quite a time whenever he see me things went much worse after that he is sending friend request to so many girls and changed his Instagram password now I came to know he add his ex girlfriend too what makes me feel like dying . Are they going to be together. Am I his bad chapter. Are they destined for future. What will happen to me I am totally going mad please help me!! I remember him saying that whenever he wants to have sex he never use to get feeling with his then ex girlfriend and they never had sex. But with me he always use to say I can only have feeling with you in this thing.p.s I also had a abortion and he know how painful was it for me knowing all these thing how can he do this to me.

  3. Avatar

    Sasha

    December 1, 2019 at 5:35 am

    Hi Chris, I ended things with my boyfriend about a week ago and I’m 31 weeks pregnant. My ex and I started off as close friends then ended up in a relationship for about 8 months. Throughout our relationship he never broke it off completely with his ex gf of 5 years. She and I were both oblivious of each other dating him.
    I had to make him tell her about us and the baby. I told him I’d leave him for good if he didn’t because that’s not fair to both of us. Later that week she has said to him she has accept our child and wants to buy gifts for the baby if he needs help. I broke it off with him because I caught him having intimate conversations with her still and not being a family man. The first couple of days after the break up he’d contact me first but since then we haven’t spoken really. We talked about co parenting until he wants his family. Before I knew I was pregnant his mom and i had bad words and told me that his ex of 5 years will never leave him. ( she really cares a lot for him and they have a lot of history ) I want my family to work but clearly she’s his home and I really dont want a mixed family.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 4, 2019 at 7:58 pm

      Hey Sasha, so the issue you have here is he is leaning more towards her, do they share children?

      I would work on yourself and show how you do not need him. And work on becoming Ungettable so that you are the “better woman”. Even though you do not want a mixed family sometimes we dont get a choice so make sure you come to terms with that before baby arrives just so that you do not have a hard time adjusting emotionally when baby has already arrived. When baby arrives, you need to be the bigger person and try to remain calm when things get hard for him and the other woman. The best thing you can do is get yourself used to the current situation and happy before baby comes. When baby is here you will realise how he has been behaving is not love so stay strong

  4. Avatar

    Jen

    November 19, 2019 at 1:43 am

    We’re communicating entirely by text- I don’t pester him but try to bring up topics we have a mutual interest in

  5. Avatar

    Evvie

    November 18, 2019 at 3:05 am

    I broke up with my ex because things were very strained. I started dating to see if I was making the right decision because I had left a marriage 2.5 years before. My ex ended up going back with his ex. However, she has terminal cancer (in remission now) and he has an 8 year old son with her. They tried to work it out 2.5 years ago, but realized they just worked better coparenting. Since then, she has had 3 boyfriends and a fiance live with her. She broke up with her fiance over a weekend and my ex was there the following day. Also, since they were last together, she found out about the cancer. My guess is that he will stick it out with her now? I was basically scared because of my marriage of nearly 20 years not working out. But I feel like I really messed up with this guy. I truly love him and have never had so much connection with someone.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 23, 2019 at 6:39 pm

      I think Evvie, that considering the fact he has gone back to the mother of his child who is terminally unwell you are going to have to wait on the side lines as he is probably not going to leave her. You are going to have to keep living your life for now and just wait to see what happens.

  6. Avatar

    Jen

    November 16, 2019 at 8:15 pm

    my ex and I split up in July because he said he wasn’t ready for a long term relationship. He’s now back with his ex, although I believe they’re on and off because they keep unfollowing/refollowing each other on Instagram. He and I are in contact but he is slow to reply, and has not told me of his new relationship. How can I keep rapport going? (We’re not on each other’s social media).

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 18, 2019 at 10:17 pm

      Hi Jen, so if you are not on social media how are you communicating? If you are wanting him back then you need to just make sure that all conversations you have with him are positive but you need to do some reading about the being there method.

  7. Avatar

    Anna

    June 30, 2019 at 4:16 pm

    My bf ended our 2.5 years relationship but he asked me we could be still friends. He said he still loved me but he blamed my kids and accused me that I never supported him. By the time we broke up he went back to his ex whom he dated 6 years ago. In the meantime he lied to me that he was lonely and called/ texted me. Until one day he was drunk n txted me then I found out he was with his ex 2 weeks before we broke up . I don’t understand how someone could said he loved me then straight back to his ex. It does not make sense to me if he could jump from one to another relationship just like that. So pls shed light for me of his behaviour.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 30, 2019 at 10:15 pm

      Hi Anna…I agree..some guys are senseless and confusing in their behavior and choices. It’s best to have an ex recovery plan you can set into motion. That is what my website and Program is all about. You can learn a lot more with my Program – EBR Pro Bundle

  8. Avatar

    Suzan

    May 25, 2019 at 2:43 am

    My boyfriend left me for six months for the his colleague that I caught him sleeping with. I went on No contact rule. Now he came back to me.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 25, 2019 at 10:51 pm

      So where are you with all of that. Are you taking small, measured steps to explore how committed he is? Are things back to normal?

  9. Avatar

    anele

    May 19, 2019 at 7:51 am

    Greetings…So during the first years of my relationship with my boyfriend he found a girl to cheat with and I broke up with him, however month after month he’ll still come back trying to work things out and I eventually agreed because the girl had her boyfriend. However days back I broke up again but 4years later he still makes his exes his friends but consistently bothering them with comments on social media, a different from the girl we had a problem with but instead after the break up he unblocked the one we had a problem with and now the girl had deleted her boyfriends pics on social media after accepting my exes friend request. What does that mean?

  10. Avatar

    Flaming

    May 8, 2019 at 7:20 am

    Hey
    I started dating my guy for about two months plus, he broke up with his ex a week before we started dating. But recently she made a flight from a different city to go see him, all calling and buying him gifts, sending gifts to his sister and all. On his birthday she bought him cake and all. That was the last straw, so I broke up and sold the gift I bought him. I’m still in love with him, he claims I over react and likes Issues, his Bestfriend asked me to move on that I’m beautiful and any one will want to date me. So I’m writing to you. What do you think is best for me to do.
    Thank you

  11. Avatar

    Amy

    December 29, 2018 at 9:29 am

    Me and and my ex were arguing for weeks and decided to end it. A week later we thought we could make it work and tried again but a few later we argued and said that it wasn’t meant to be. A few days later I realised that he was friends with his ex again and invited her to a New Years party that I was not invited to. He has told me multiple times that there was nothing between them and despite our breakup being mutual, I feel like he’s going to go back to her because he is lonely. I don’t know if I should feel hurt or angry? I am sad the relationship is I’ve but it was for the best but the reappearance of his ex has me pining for him, probably because I am worried that he will go back to her and forget me.

  12. Avatar

    Bless

    November 25, 2018 at 10:40 am

    Me & my ex broke up & his ex girlfriend laughed at the fact that i was hurt & now they are back together. What will happen in this situation?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 25, 2018 at 7:24 pm

      First of all…shame on them for making fun of a very serious situation. They need to grow up. Perhaps they deserve each other.

    2. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 25, 2018 at 7:24 pm

      First of all…shame on them for making fun of a very serious situation. They need to grow up. Perhaps they deserve each other.

  13. Avatar

    Kensley

    November 14, 2018 at 1:12 am

    Me & my ex broke up & he went back to his ex after 2 years of them being broken up. She would try to do things to get him back before & during our relationship but he didn’t want her back. We were broken up for 6 months & she was still trying but he still wouldn’t go back but he finally did but now they’re not together. It’s been awhile since me & him talked i still love him a lot & honestly i want him back but he cut ties with me after a rumor. I don’t know if he still loves me but the times we’ve talked after the break up were good conversations & he said he missed me. But he’s been acting horrible towards me since the rumor incident but i wanna know if he still loves me but maybe he doesn’t right ….

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 14, 2018 at 1:49 am

      Sorry Kensely he has been acting horrible…NC is in order

  14. Avatar

    DcP711

    April 4, 2018 at 3:13 am

    Oh my God! As i read this, i realized his ex used the being there method! What do you recommend i do now? She succeeded. I got tired of competing and feeling insecurity on my end. He is clueless. We lasted almost 9 months. She used the kid as an excuse to constantly communicate. I mean constantly. Over 100 messages a day, video calls, talks. All friendly. Started w the kid then just general friendly conversations. We never really were ever alone. Physically yes but she was always on the phone. I finally ended it because i told him he never ended that relationship and was giving her the gf place and attention. This realization is insane!!!!! Help!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 5, 2018 at 10:49 pm

      The “BEING THERE METHOD” I talked about this a lot on a webinar yesterday and a lot of women told me exactly what you just said with someone using it on their ex and causing the breakup.

      I am glad that I gave you a bit of a light bulb moment.

  15. Avatar

    Nadya

    March 23, 2018 at 7:22 pm

    Hi Chris, I ended things with my bf 6 months ago. Last month I tried to reconcile, owing up to my mistakes in the relationship. He refused to consider reconciling (I may have pleaded abit out of desperation). He said he was not dating anyone at that stage.

    Only to find out last week that he is low-key back with his ex for about a month now. And they trying to work things out.

    What do I do? Is it too late 🙁

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 28, 2018 at 6:34 pm

      Hi Nadya,

      Try the nc rule of at least 30 days and check this one:
      How To Win Back An Ex Who Is With Someone Else