One of the scariest things for my readers is the thought that their ex-boyfriend might meet someone new. For some of you that may have already happened and now you want to know how you can go about winning him back before it’s too late.

There are four different scenarios you might be dealing with when there is another woman on the scene.

  1. Your ex-boyfriend left you for someone new.
  2. Your ex-boyfriend returned to someone from their past.
  3. Your ex-boyfriend started dating soon after the breakup.
  4. Your ex-boyfriend was single a while before he started dating.

Having another woman on the scene limits the techniques you can use to get your ex-boyfriend back, however there are still a couple of excellent methods you can still use to your advantage.

Whether your ex cheated on you, is in a rebound relationship or is looks like he might genuinely be moving on with someone new the approaches to win him back are the same but your chances of winning your ex back will vary.

To help you get him back this article is going to discuss: –

  • Your chances of winning your ex back.
  • The Being There method.
  • Stealing her Shine.
  • Moving on without moving on.

Ok, so first things first……

If your ex is dating someone new the number one thing you can do at this point is to remain calm.

I know it can seem like the end of the world but your situation can be fixed if you remain calm and follow the advice in this article.

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Your Chances Of Winning Your Ex Back If They Are With Someone Else

It’s probably best if I break this down into the four different scenarios in which your ex-boyfriend might have met someone new.

Your ex left you for someone else

This situation is certainly the most painful to have to go through because it involves cheating and I am sorry that you experienced that. As you are reading this article I am assuming that you would still like to get back together with your ex-boyfriend if you can, so I will discuss the most common reasons an ex-boyfriend will cheat.

This situation usually occurs due to the following reasons: –

  • He was bored in the relationship
  • Temptation
  • He has got away with it in the past
  • He wasn’t having his needs met
  • Neediness or controlling behaviour
  • He didn’t feel respected in the relationship

Your chances of winning your ex back in this circumstance are about average.

When an ex-boyfriend leaves a relationship for another woman the excitement of the secret affair quickly wears off and then he will start to miss you.

Your ex left you to return to someone from the past

This situation generally occurs when you were your ex-boyfriend’s rebound relationship or perhaps you were the other woman.

If you are unsure if you were in a rebound relationship with your ex-boyfriend a good indicator is if you started dating him within a couple of months of his previous breakup.

The reasons your ex left you can include: –

  • The honeymoon period with you had ended
  • He missed his ex-wife or ex-girlfriend
  • He was not looking for a serious relationship

I am afraid the chances of getting your ex-boyfriend back if you were a rebound or the other woman are low.

I would flag up that an ex-boyfriend may often reappear looking for a casual relationship however you should navigate these waters carefully to ensure you do not fall into a friends with benefits situation.

Your ex-boyfriend started to date soon after the breakup

If your ex-boyfriend broke up with you and has started to see someone within 2 months of your breakup then the likelihood is that this is a rebound relationship.

There are no guarantees that it is a rebound as his ability to get over your and moved on is based largely on how long you were together; however assuming you were in a relationship over three months, then it is likely to be a rebound as we know it takes around 60 days on average to move on after a breakup.

If your ex-boyfriend is in a rebound relationship then this is likely to be a way to: –

  • Distract himself from feeling lonely
  • Validate his ego after the breakup
  • Exercise his freedom again
  • Disguise the pain of the breakup
  • Make you jealous

If your ex-boyfriend is in a rebound relationship then your chances of getting him back after the rebound ends are good.

It is often the case that an ex-boyfriend has a rebound relationship and realizes that the new girl can’t match up to you and the relationship breaks down once the honeymoon period is over.

Your ex-boyfriend was single a while but is now dating

This final category covers those of you whose breakups happened several months ago. If you and your ex have been broken up for more than three months and he has now started dating then this may not be a rebound relationship.

There are exceptions to this, for example, if you have been married for several years, but generally speaking for a normal boyfriend/girlfriend breakup a person can feel stable enough to move on after about two to three months of being single. If this sounds like the situation with your ex-boyfriend then it is possible that this new woman could become his next real lasting relationship.

There is a silver lining in that even if it is not a rebound there is a good chance that this relationship will not last forever. Statistics show that the average male will date 9 women in his lifetime, some men will date more, some less but the majority will date 9 women.

Why is that significant?

Well, assuming all relationships are equal, then that means that this one only has an 11% chance of ending in marriage!

That seems shockingly low right?

OK, so we have established his new girlfriend might not last, but what are you chances of getting him back?

Well actually they aren’t as bad as you might think. Ex-boyfriends inevitably reappear in about 50% of cases but sometimes this can take months or even years to happen if they are dating someone new, so it’s worthwhile saying you should never put your life on hold waiting.

Now we have covered the different scenarios of an ex-boyfriend dating someone else, I am going to move on to discuss the three things you should do going forward.

The Being There Method

Whilst your ex-boyfriend is dating someone else I want you to practice something called the Being There method.

In the Being There method the aim is not to proactively try to break-up your ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend but simply remain present in his life like a haunting from a friendly ghost!

Remaining present in your ex-boyfriend’s life will make it harder for him to get over you as you as he will be constantly reminded of how great you are, which will prevent him from wanting to fully commit mentally to the new girlfriend.

If you apply the Being There method his new girl will go insane with jealousy and insecurity due to the fact that you are in regular contact with him and this will eventually lead to a breakup.

When you apply the “Being There” method you are going to make sure you are always present in your ex-boyfriend’s life undertaking kind acts and gestures.

This can be anything from texting over old jokes you shared together to reminding him of important dates like his mum’s birthday.
Hangouts would be things that were relatively innocent like a trip to the shops or a coffee hangout during the day.

You might even occasionally comment on his social media status or like some pictures…. Just don’t get too carried away!

Try to avoid being flirtatious with your ex as this oversteps the boundaries of appropriateness and will give the new woman good reason to demand he cut off all contact with you, which will limit your ability to influence your ex-boyfriend.

By always remaining angelic, you provide your ex-boyfriend with a perfect reason to rebel against the controlling behavior of his new girlfriend, this will actually help to accelerate their breakup, the relationship will effectively run its course and eventually burn out.

Whilst you are using the Being There method you will find it tempting to flirt with your ex and overstep those boundaries but it is really important you try to avoid that as although it will cause a breakup, it will also cause your ex to resent you for causing that breakup which will damage your chances of winning him back and keeping him, so remember nothing inappropriate until they end it.

Another key concept to mention is that of Mud-Slinging.

So what is Mud-Slinging? 
This is where you end up arguing with his new girlfriend or speaking badly about her and spreading gossip.

It is crucial that when you are talking to or spending time with your ex-boyfriend, that you do not get caught up in trying to insult his current girlfriend as this will be a huge turn-off.

Your ex-boyfriend will side with each ever girl presents the least amount of drama so mud-slinging will not work in your favor.

If you are complaining about his new girlfriend you will strengthen the bond between them and they will have a common fight against you! However if you let her complain about you, then you can play the innocent party and win his favor!

It is quite common that during the mud-slinging period that your ex-boyfriend will tell you, that his new girlfriend dislikes you or does not like him talking to you. If this happens the best thing you can say is: –

“Really? I don’t know why she feels that way, I have no problem with her. It is not like we are doing anything wrong.”

When you respond like this rather than trying to fight back against her, you will always look like the kind, reasonable party and she will look like the crazy controlling girlfriend in your ex-boyfriend’s eyes.

Responding with grace and dignity is a great way to demonstrate to your ex that you are a high value woman.

Be prepared to gracefully bat away all oncoming insults and slights that may come your way; it is very common for the new woman to undertake considerable research about you and it is surprising how much information a person can discover online or through mutual connections about your life, so be ready to deflect anything that might come up!

Do you see how this approach is going to work now?

You are going to allow her insecurities to shake their relationship on its own. You are going to be friendly, sweet and innocent, and patiently wait to see if they breakup.

Steal her Shine

The Steal her Shine method is something I came up with based upon a psychological principle called the Decoy Effect.

The Decoy Effect is a phenomenon that exists when people are given two similar options to choose from. What happens is they struggle to make a decision until a third slightly better option is introduced.

For example

One day you go to the cinema to watch a movie

You are getting food and drinks and you can’t decide if you want a medium bucket of popcorn or a small Pepsi because you aren’t that hungry. If you were going to get them both, that would cost $9.00 but you think that is too expensive.

When you get to the front of the line, the sales person says that you can get large everything for $10.00.

Your brain thinks, “I only wanted medium but I get a whole lot more for only one dollar….. that seems like a bargain!”

So you pay $10.00 and get the large popcorn and large Pepsi, even though its more food than you can finish and more money than you were prepared to spend, yet you feel like you got a great bargain!

Ok, so that is all very interesting but how exactly do we use it to get your ex-boyfriend back?

Well right now, your ex-boyfriend would struggle to decide which girl he likes the best as you both have similar amount of pro’s and con’s.
 You and your ex have a lot of history together but then this other woman is exciting because their relationship is shiny and new.

But if you give him a third option where he gets the best of both worlds you can win him back.

So how do you do this?

Easy you offer more value than you did when you were dating!

  • Keep being the girl he liked
  • Improve the aspects he didn’t like to become the Ungettable Girl
  • Steal her shine

I want you to steal her shine by presenting yourself as a brand-new woman. If you do this you will also be offering your ex-boyfriend a shiny new relationship. Just like the one he has with her and in doing so you will be offering more value…. Even though getting back together with you would be more difficult than staying in a relationship with her.

By offering more value, you become the popcorn deal!

The next thing you should do is listen to the information your ex is giving you about her, use that data to your advantage.

When you are applying the Being There method you have the perfect opportunity to learn from her positive features and much as her negative features.

For example

Your ex tells you that his new girlfriend keeps trying to change him.

  • You avoid trying to get him to change because you have learnt that he hates it

Your ex tells you he loves that they go hiking together

  • You post pictures of yourself hiking up a mountain with friends

By combining the old you with the new you, and by learning from the information you are receiving from him you will be giving him the best of both worlds!

Moving On Without Moving On

This is the final topic I want to cover in this article and I think it’s crucial that we do.

When your ex-boyfriend is dating someone new, I want you to start going out on dates and this is for two reasons: –

  1. Show him he is missing out
  2. You should not put your life on hold

When you start going on dates, your ex-boyfriend is going to feel a bit jealous and also feel he is missing out on the new improved you. Dating also indicates to him, that if he doesn’t make a move soon, he could lose you forever!

It is just like when a store has a flash sale, when an item is sat there on display you think “I can buy that anytime” however when the salesman tells you that the item is available on offer for a limited time only, suddenly it becomes more desirable as there is a sense of urgency to buy it before it runs out!
This is exactly the same approach you take with your ex-boyfriend.

By dating other people, you are showing him that you are only available for a limited time before someone else snaps you up.

The other reason I want you to go out on dates is so you have a plan B, because although the chances of your ex’s new relationship ending in marriage are low, they do still exist and so you need to keep moving forward with your own life and keeping your options open.

If your ex-boyfriend is in a new relationship it could be quite a long time before he becomes single again.

Studies have shown that if a relationship lasts for beyond three months then the likelihood is that the relationship will last for four years so you could be in for a long wait. For that reason, if your ex-boyfriend has been dating someone for three months or more I recommend that you also practice the moving on without moving on method to protect yourself.

Should your ex-boyfriend be in a relationship with a new woman, it is perfectly fine to want to keep the door open and remain in contact in-case they break up but in the meantime, you should continue enjoying life and living it to its fullest.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

To summarize what we have talked about in this article,

We have covered the four different scenarios where your ex might be dating someone else along with your chances of getting your ex back.

We have talked about the Being There method and how a breakup can happen just by you being present and friendly in his life.

I have taught you about how being the Ungettable Girl and how stealing her shine will help to win him back. Lastly, we talked about always keeping your options open and moving forward with your life by practicing the moving on without moving on approach.

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235 thoughts on “How To Win Back An Ex Who Is With Someone Else”

  1. Avatar


    December 31, 2020 at 6:38 pm

    Hi this is great so my situation is we have 2 kids , spilt in August 4 weeks later told me via text he had been speaking to someone else. Iv basically spent all this time begging pleading to always get a sorry were never getting back together I end in saying right go thru my mum to see kids let me get over you . Its been no more then 2 days and I get a hope you all ok. So then the cycle starts again…me begging pleading etc. Ends in dont speak to me let me get over you. Hes done the Facebook with her , met the parents just spent xmas with her all along still every day hope your all ok. .says I will always love you. Here if you need anything i say please dont contact me ! Am i at the point now were it’s me that has to cut the contact thinking the 45 day NC . Then just casually drop a hey hope your ok ??? Like everything you say makes sense we have 2 kids and I love him so much am not at a point were I cant move on I just dont want to but I’ll happily hang out etc to show him am not stuck at home…. what you think thanks xx

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 18, 2021 at 9:57 pm

      Hi Ra, so you do not have to be with another person to show you are “moving on” just focus on yourself and find what is going to make you happy without him. Do things with the children, take photos and enjoy those moments with them as often as you can. Keep civil with contact for the childrens sake, but from now on reply to that message. Hope you’re all okay, with a “We’re all great thanks, see you when you collect them next”. As he has the other woman you need to LNC for 45 days, and if you decide you want to try and get him back you need to follow the being there method. There is plenty of information about these things on this website, however, give this one a read/listen to when you get time.

  2. Avatar


    November 18, 2020 at 6:08 pm

    My guy and I were never official, but had seen each other for a few months. He was the type that would drive anywhere to see me, and one that I could talk to about anything and everything for hours. Then he started to get distant dealing with personal issues and I was getting ready to deploy. We kept talking after I left, and talked about me coming home until one day he quit responding. We’re not friends on any social media outlets, so with the internet issues, I’d send a hello message here and there until he finally told me that he was dating someone and good luck. I have since started the no contact and have a couple more months left before I head home. Sadly where I am, there are not a lot of ways to work on myself and take my mind off of wondering if there is any chance for us to give a relationship a try without the distance. I’m afraid that my leaving, and him having been seeing someone for the last few months, any chances I might’ve had are lost.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 19, 2020 at 8:26 pm

      Hi A, so where you are and your line of work! There is nothing to work on that sense, what you do is next level! When you are home, do not mention it to him that you are back. Just tag yourself into local places with your friends, if he is keeping an eye on your social media he will see you’re home and wonder why you haven’t reached out. If you have mutual friends, be sure to meet up with them but do not speak to them about him.

  3. Avatar


    September 26, 2020 at 10:28 pm

    Will these strategies work even in the situation where he’s truly over you and with someone else and has done things that he hasn’t done with you like posting on social media about that person or introducing that person to his family? It’s been 3-6months and he seems serious and maybe he likes the other person more than he liked me. Maybe the other person is better than me? What should I do…?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 6, 2020 at 10:42 am

      Hey K, sometimes it can be difficult to see them doing things with a new person that they didn’t do with you, however, every relationship is different. I would suggest that you start the program working on yourself and following a 45 days no contact because of your ex being in a new relationship. Read about being ungettable and apply this to yourself, showing how you are doing great. Then you can start with the being there method if you still want to get them back.

  4. Avatar


    September 25, 2020 at 1:21 pm

    So my ex boyfriend and I were together for two years. Our first year was great, hug our second year was rough. He constantly kept bringing up old stuff from my past that happened before me and him was in a committed relationship. But I never through his past in up in his face. Because it was his past of course. We all have a past. So we broke up in July of this year and he was in a relationship like two weeks later. Will that be considered a rebound relationship? I haven’t heard from him since July. I been doing no contact but I seen him on the side of the road one day and I turned around to help him but he had animosity towards me and refused the help then in the same way he sent me a message through email but he say it was a mistake, he didn’t mean to send that to me. Him and the girl been talking since July. Will he come back to me or should I just leave him alone?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 12, 2020 at 10:22 am

      Hi Nicole, yes I would consider this a rebound relationship if they got together that quickly and he is with her for less than 8 months it is considered a rebound. If you want to get him back you can follow the program but it is your choice if you want to try and get him back.

  5. Avatar


    September 22, 2020 at 3:58 pm

    We went to the same School when we were younger. 7 years later we started talking and noticed we had great chemistry. We talked for about 6-7 months and then He ended it because he couldnt trust me, as i did understand. We talked back and forth for some months also sometimes flirted, until i found out He had a girlfriend. We stopped talking for 2 months until He then contacted me, saying that He had moved and now lives a few doors away from me. We talked for some days and then He invited me over to his new apartment. We kissed but didnt sleep together. We havent really talked since then but i dont know what to do. I dont want to end up being some side chick or a Girl He just calls when hes alone and lonely or for validation. At the same time i do want him back, but i want to do it in the right way with some High value strategies. What do you suggest that i do and avoid being the side chick and the Girl He wants again. Do i continue to seeing him but telling him we’re only friends or do I just stop seeing him

  6. Avatar


    September 14, 2020 at 2:27 pm

    I think he’s in love with matter hoe many times i try to distract myself all that happens is that i end up thinking about him..and now he just posted their 2 month anniversary..he never does it for me..i mean yeah we broke up a lot it was on and off but i feel like he’s in love with her..

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 15, 2020 at 9:09 pm

      Hey Au, I think a lot of your work is going to be about you moving on from the past relationship you had with him. This does not mean you’re not going to get him back, it does mean however that you need to teach yourself to move on from the relationship, the break up, and the fact he is with someone else. You are obsessing over him and the OW and this is not healthy or going to give you any positive progress

  7. Avatar


    September 11, 2020 at 2:07 pm

    Wondering if this is what I need to do?
    My ex broke up with me (10 years and 2 kids into our relationship) I had emotionally cheated in January but he agreed for us to work it out. 5 weeks ago he left saying he couldnt do it anymore.
    1 week ago I found out he was already seeing someone else and they had been messaging
    prior to us splitting. They go away together next weekend abroard.
    I am currently doing LC due to the children. I see him every other weekend due to them and he is flirty and gives me mixed signals.
    What do I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 11, 2020 at 9:07 pm

      Hey Laura, you are doing the right thing with the limited NC, keep going for 45 days. He has cheated at least emotionally too so make sure that you want him back and that you can forgive the mistakes made. Work on yourself and being Ungettable during this time and show him how much of a mistake he made walking away

  8. Avatar


    September 11, 2020 at 8:03 am

    I never did the no contact period with my ex. Every time I ignored him even for a day he’d call me non stop. We are now friends and talk all the time. He’s told me that his new girl get jealous and I act as if I don’t want that and I offer to leave him alone ( even tho he is always the one to initiate the contact never me). He says no he doesn’t want to lose me in his life. From what he’s told me about the relationship I believe it’s a rebound and he’s just coming out of the honeymoon phase and cracks are slowing starting to form ( they are about 7 weeks in). His relationship moved very fast, spending everyday together, telling each other they loved each other after a week, and talking about getting married and moving in together. I don’t know if I should do no contact for a bit since I never did it or just continue with the “being there” method as it seems to be working.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 11, 2020 at 9:27 pm

      Hi Susan, so for this program to work we say that you need to do a No Contact so that you can re set the situation. Ideally as he has met someone else you need to work the NC for 45 days. I would say that you definitely need to back off as you know information about his relationship that you really shouldn’t as his ex who wants him back. If you go into a NC and he calls you and texts you IGNORE HIM. You have no obligation to speak with him.

  9. Avatar


    August 24, 2020 at 11:32 am

    Will this all work if we were never officially an item? We were on and off for a few months, he would have sex and start ghosting me, cancel plans, never commit etc. We knew each other for years beforehand though and our attraction built up over time before anything happened. At the time I was still living with my previous ex, which he knew about, but it did have a negative impact on the relationship and I think it spoiled our chances. He kept giving me mixed signals and was hot and cold, he also had personal circumstances going on at the time. In the end I asked him to commit or call it a day and he never answered, so I said fair enough, no hard feelings, still friends. He’s started dating someone else now and has become cold and distant with me after we had an argument, the argument was a couple of weeks before he started seeing her, but prior to that we were getting along really well after our “breakup”. I am now living alone and in a better position to really commit, although he didnt reply when I tried to invite him for a coffee. I did that before he started seeing the new girl and that was when he started being hostile with me, which led to the argument. We were getting along great prior to that. Personally I think he’s trying to make me a bit jealous with the new girl as he hasn’t put her anywhere on social media but has brought her into the pub where I work, on my shift.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 5, 2020 at 9:47 pm

      Hey Ava, yes it can still work as you had some sort of a relationship. .But make sure you work on yourself and stick with your No Contact

  10. Avatar


    July 30, 2020 at 4:20 pm

    How do i implement the being there method if we unfollowed each other on instagram (the only social media we both use) and both have private accounts

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 31, 2020 at 11:08 am

      Hi Tia, the being there method would be through texting and eventually you would re add each other on social media. But you would need to take your time so that it does not appear obvious you are trying to get his attention more than just a friend.

  11. Avatar


    July 24, 2020 at 7:54 pm

    My ex & I had a serious LD relationship for 2 years- planning marriage & kids. We broke up twice, the last time being about 4 months ago. I did 30 day NC, then contacted him. Initially very good replies, then he told me we shouldn’t talk anymore. Went back NC for 2 months. Sent him something funny on social media that he liked but didn’t reply. I didn’t bother trying again. He then initiated contact thru different social media over a week later at 4AM, but we kept it light & just sent funny stuff which seemed promising. Then I find out thru a different site that he is meeting someone that I assume he’s been talking to online for a while now. I told him that I felt like he had someone else & that I didn’t feel it was right to go between us now. He would not admit to it, just denied that he had contacted me for any romantic reason & reached out to me bc he was hurting & lost after a tragedy in his life. I told him that maybe in the future we could be friends but how it felt wrong now to use me as his back up when he had someone else to go to for support. I’m confused on what to do now, if anything at this point…

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 25, 2020 at 12:03 am

      Hey Kat at this point I would suggest another No Contact, but be sure that you do not reply to ANYTHING that he may send you over the next 30 days. And work on your Holy Trinity and being Ungettable. If he is meeting and online dating then he is not in a relationship, but you need to be the best version of yourself so that he realises he is never going to meet someone better than you.

  12. Avatar


    July 24, 2020 at 3:41 am

    I broke up with my ex because I felt the void in the relationship and we both just moved overseas for studies. I got busy with the new life and found an emotional connect with another guy from the same city. I felt like that was not right for my ex and broke up with him. I put him through a lot for almost 6 months before we completely broke up and he moved on. Just a month later of talking after our break up, he started seeing his best friend from his university and I’m really worried. I want to get back to him because I was using up the 6 months time to work on myself and give back a 100% for the relationship. I have practiced the NC for 2 months now and I really want to talk to him asking to get back. I don’t know what to do. Please help me!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 24, 2020 at 10:17 am

      Hi Shannon you need to reach out to him and start following the being there method – you have left the NC a very long time so you need to understand that it may take some time to get your ex talking to you like you will be hoping for. Remember slow and steady

  13. Avatar

    Jane Doe

    June 15, 2020 at 6:19 am

    Help! So my dude and his OW broke up finally after about a year and a half. Made very good rapport/progress etc. Followed everything perfectly and we became good friends… but it seems like he put me now as a rebound or something. He was starting to text me first everyday and chasing me but he started sending very sexual texts. I flirted back quite a bit and then I turned down the sex and said I couldnt because I was scared and didn’t know his intentions. He is quiet now and had ignored my last text. What should I do now? I started another NC and I am on Day that a good idea? How long should I be doing it and what else is there that I should I be doing to help with this? Thank you!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 15, 2020 at 7:48 pm

      Hi Jane, you are doing the right thing going into a NC you need to follow the program and use the information to show how you are the best option and he is going to see this through social media. You also need to read some texting articles so you understand how to keep your ex invested in your conversations and chasing you

  14. Avatar


    June 11, 2020 at 10:47 pm

    How long does the honeymoon phase typically last?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 12, 2020 at 9:09 pm

      A rebound relationship honeymoon phase, average lasts around a month.

  15. Avatar


    May 21, 2020 at 7:46 am

    Hi, this is the second breakup we’ve had out of a 2 year+ relationship, the first one was about 5-6 months ago. I’ve done NC and it was going really well afterwards. I messaged him every other day and he responded within 5 minutes every time, sometimes within seconds. There was humour and old memories and one time a conversation lasted for hours. Then all of a sudden he told me yesterday he can’t speak to me anymore because he’s seeing someone else. It has only been just over a month since the breakup. Any advice?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 29, 2020 at 4:56 pm

      Hey Eve if you have followed the program before, then you are going to remember that the most important thing of the program is that you work on becoming Ungettable. If you are breaking up for similar reasons then think how that can be changed in your relationship.

  16. Avatar


    May 4, 2020 at 9:24 pm

    My ex and I broke up in November/December. We had been together for 4 years, lived together, and also had dogs etc together. I moved out and the break up was slow, we have broken up before but only for 4 weeks. This time was different we were both angry and blamed each other for the break up. We argued over text for 2 months. Then when I was picking up the last of my stuff at the end of Jan he broke down, we started seeing each other for a couple of weeks. I had booked a 2.5 week holiday with my friend to clear my head (prior to us starting to see each other). I then went away and was excited to come back. A few days before coming back he told me he wanted a clean break and that he had “just” started seeing someone else. This was the end of February. Since then we didn’t speak much but then a death in his family meant I saw him at a funeral at the end of March. After that I moved house (as I was living with a friend when we first split). We live a few miles away from each other. I then started to go on dog walks with him etc, but I then told him nothing could happen if he was seeing someone else. He told me he had stoped seeing the other woman. And a week later we ended up sleeping together (this was two weeks ago) then we have seen each other a few times and it was his birthday on Friday. I saw him on Thursday and went to drop off card on the Friday and her car was there. I felt crushed, had he lied to me the whole time? I don’t know. I’ve kept normal ish in text responses and not told him that I know. Yesterday he then told me that his head is all over the place and if I want to date to do it and if HE decided at a later date HE wants to try again that won’t effect things. I don’t think he wants to be with this other woman but I think he has gotten himself into a situation he doesn’t know how to get out of. He has only ever managed 5 days without contacting me. Now it is pretty much every day or every other day. I want him back but I feel like I keep messing it up, every time he gets closer I sort of get excited and then want to see him more and then he pushes back. But obviously he is still seeing this other woman now too. I don’t know what to do, NC doesn’t seem like the right thing as we have kind of done that phase. I don’t want to disappear and then him end up closer to this woman. Should I try the being there method? Or will I just end up hurt. Any advise would be appreciated, I don’t want to lose him 🙁

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 17, 2020 at 9:32 pm

      Hi Jennifer, yes you can start the being there method once you have completed a 45 day No Contact where you are focused on your Holy Trinity. Be sure that you fully understand the being there method before reaching out to him and do not bring up the OW again. Also I do suggest that you date when you can too just so that he is aware that you have not been sat around waiting for him

  17. Avatar


    March 27, 2020 at 2:27 am

    Hello There!
    Hope you can suggest me what to do now! Me and my ex were classmates and really good friends. We are in our late 20’s now. We have been close for last two years. But my family & friends always suggested that he shouldn’t be the one, and life would be full of struggle if we end up together. So I was always in a doubt and wanted to change him so that my parents can accept. It took a lot of time to convince my family about him. It was a constant pressure for both of us, we were always in a doubt that we may not end up together for other circumstances though we had a great connection and so, this relation was being toxic. Since last December, he was really down about his business and family matters, and this idea of getting married was creating an extra pressure on him. Meanwhile my family was emotionally forcing me to go for an arranged marriage. It was a messy situation and we both were exhausted. Sometimes I also discussed about moving on, but we never did. Then in the last week of January we had a fight and I could sense something was off. I could feel he was hiding something. I didn’t contact him for a week and he tried to reach out many times. Then eventually I became normal, but he did not. Suddenly he told me, we should part our ways . I didn’t take it as alarming and I respected his decision considering he was facing other problems. I thought after a few days everything would be alright and we would be together again. We were in contact. In mid of Feb, I could realize he is with someone else, but he didn’t admit. He was saying he is going through a tough situation, and needs some space. His behaviour towards me changed completely. I couldn’t afford losing him. I begged and pleaded. Apologized a many times. Assured him that my family is convinced, there is no uncertainity now, he may take time to settle down. He told me to give this a time. And then three weeks later, in March, he confessed that he has moved on with someone else, and he was cheating on me. He no longer has any feelings for me. Surprisingly, I took it calmly at first then cried and requested him to give our relationship another chance. Next day we met again and we both open up. He told me that he wants to give it another chance, but he is way too involved with his new girlfriend. Then he stopped contacting me. After 5 days of waiting I gave him a letter writing that, I am stepping out so that we both can move on. He shouldn’t be guilty and if he ever wants to come back I will leave the doors open. I planned to start NC, but from the very next day, he started knocking me daily just to ask if I am going to office. I responded casually like nothing happened. I deactivated Facebook, to avoid recent corona updates. Three days ago, he called me to ask what happened to my acc. Again I talked like nothing happened. Then at night he texted me that he is sorry. No explanation, nothing, only sorry. Next day I called him, he told me to move on, not to wait for him. Now I am really confused which approach will work in this case. I really miss him. Now I know, how small happy moments make us happy and I ignored those for long. For last two months, there was not a single day, when I didn’t pray for him, didn’t cry for him. Everyday seems like a long nightmare. I know it will be tough but I want him back. As he moved on, when I stopped talking, I am afraid to go for a NC. He is too introvert and stubborn. I am afraid it will backfire.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 30, 2020 at 11:56 pm

      Hi Linda, NC will not backfire with an introvert you will find that he is slower at replying when you enter the texting phase. Which is also fine as we want slow and steady work. Work your Holy Trinity during your NC and focus on yourself and not your ex so that when you reach out your ex realises that you have been doing just fine without him around

  18. Avatar


    March 20, 2020 at 2:47 pm

    My ex and I did a fwb gig for a few months with one instance of him asking for me back and me dropping the ball with that and playing games (cringey as hell, right?) before he got a new girl (who I actually know and is a wonderful person but the total opposite of me); otherwise we’ve been broken up for over six moths. As much as I’d love to have him back and would like some advice, I think the best I can do is work on the flaws I have that made him look elsewhere (which we’ve talked about and I’ve owned up to!) and rock Being There for him; no matter what the outcome I’m at peace with it. Thoughts and advice welcome!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 20, 2020 at 10:19 pm

      Hi Bardcore, so you answered yourself really! Work on yourself and follow the being there method after a No Contact period. It does sound as if you are a strong person to deal with this so use the information and let me know how you get on!

  19. Avatar

    Kathy Nguyen

    March 20, 2020 at 8:00 am

    My ex and me dated for about one year. But we had many fights since he did not want me to meet my other ex boyfriend who is also my best friend. Then we had a fight in last December. After that, he tried to talk to me nicely, warmly and sweetly. I also gave good feedback to him and told that i missed him sometimes. It took 2 months for me and him not to contact usually. During that time, he still argued about my ex boyfriend story. One day, he did not contact me in 1 week. After that week, i contacted him back and knew that he was seeing another girl. That girl used to have relationship with him but she decided not to go with him since she had boyfriend that time. It meant she used to run after 2 horses. Last year, she broke up and has started flirting and approaching my ex until now. She said that she would compensate for her last cheating.
    I now meet him once a week. He tells that he still loves me but he does not want to get back due to him sadness and he is now seeing that girl.
    Please give me some advice here!!!! I’m very dissapointed.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 28, 2020 at 5:50 pm

      Hi Kathy if he is seeing someone else and is telling you that he loves you, then you need to look at the actions he is taking rather than his words. He is being unfaithful to the new person which is also something I would suggest you keep in mind during this time. There is the being there method that we recommend doing when you want an ex back but it does not pass the line of cheating emotionally or physically. If you have not done so yet you need to complete a No Contact for 45 days for their new relationship to pass the honeymoon phase

  20. Avatar


    February 27, 2020 at 8:14 pm


    I’ve been reading some of the comments and thought maybe you could give me some advice too.

    So. Me and my ex boyfriend were together for 2 years and have been broken up for 1 year now. We split up on the last day of February 2019. It’s been 1 year now. I’m still deeply upset and miss him every day. During our relationship he really became my best friend. We would talk and text every day. But we always had issues. He worked shifts so would often be at work all night and sleep during the day. Which mean difficulty meeting up. I was constantly rearranging my schedule to meet with him. We did have many adventures together, we loved travel. We traveled more in one year that I had done in my life so far (I’m 22 now, then I was 19/20). We had different travel styles so there was always some difficulty. A lot of the time I felt abandoned and wanted to see him more and connect more. But he was busy and sometimes even when he could meet he would just stay at home.

    Anyways. So we broke up because we always had the struggle to meet and always had recurring discussions about the same issues. It was rough. I did no contact for 1 month and then realised we want to be together again. The day after we got back together my grandmother (whom I was very close to) suddenly passed away. I was devastated. It was a shame because obviously she passed away and also because I had made a lot of progress in that month really working on myself to be better for him and the relationship. When she passed I was devastated. I tried to be strong but obviously I broke down slightly. I wanted to stay in more and take life one day at a time. He understood but wasn’t too impressed as he was hoping for a crazy romantic rekindling. Unfortunately I wasn’t much up for it. We met up and had sex and stuff but I wasn’t as adventurous. In fact, I was exhausted! I had 2 jobs and full time university at the time and this is when it was put to the test. Can he make time for me instead of me moving my schedule. At that time my schedule was not flexible and he struggled to make time when I had it. It was hear wrenching. I remember the day like it was yesterday. Both of us sitting on my bed and crying in each others arms because we were exhausted and just couldn’t work it out. This was two months after we got back together.

    So he left my flat that night and that was the end of a two year long relationship. Initially I was okay. I still had my studies to finish and was very busy with work. However when my time freed up, with my internship coming to an end and graduation around the corner I really started feeling the lack of him again. I always did during this time and still now, but when I first came out of that busyness the first thing I thought of was seeing him. I reached out in May to say I’ve finished my coursework and am finally free. We had not talked for a couple of months. He said he’d rather not speak anymore as he felt this would just amplify the pain.

    Side note. He did tell me several times during our relationship that he feels we have met at the wrong time. I was poor and a student and he was a couple years older and in a good job. We always had money problems because of this. I couldn’t afford to live a lavish lifestyle like he did. He said that maybe we will meet later in life and it will work out. We did actually say this on the day of the break up. That maybe we will meet again later when we are ready and at a place where we both have income and both know where we stand in life.

    So that’s why I thought I would contact him. After the initial contact in May I left it again and went travelling in August until end of October. Backpacking around Europe. I should have used this opportunity to put lots of good pictures up of myself but I was too much enjoying my time travelling.
    So the travels came to an end and I decided to give it another shot. I remembered what we had said to one another and felt that I now want what he wants and was ready to move to his city and wait for him to be ready to move in. I decided to contact his best friend for this quest just because I felt he might be able to tell me if there is a chance still. I was met with an answer that I was not expecting. He had someone new and was reportedly “very happy” with them. I broke down and didn’t know what to do. All these months I had been thinking we weren’t fully finished given our last conversation. So I contacted him (WRONG decision) and he replied with also saying that he is “very happy in a relationship and wishes me the best for the future”. He was always a man to wish best for the future. I was devastated. I tried to call in an attempt to talk about things. He did not respond well and blocked me. As I write this now I must sound like a crazy person, but at the time I couldn’t see anything else in my life besides getting him back. But he did block me. On everything. I do still have all of his friends on social media and his sister as well.

    I was so deeply upset. I felt we were best friends. He said he’d always be there for me but after the split he did not communicate much.

    Today a year after the break up I still miss him terribly and often think of what could have been if I was just a bit more what he wanted. Or what I thought he wanted at least. I question if what he said was true. That we would find each other later and be together. Will that really happen? The latest events indicate otherwise I suppose. But you know. I really want him back. I feel sick and depressed without him in my life. Is there any chance? Any strategy? I do live quite far away from where he lives now so the only way he would know about my whereabouts would be through friends telling him what I do on social media. I am thinking of moving back to where I used to live in the UK, just 20 minutes drive from his town. I’m sure he still lives there. He wowed to never leave the place. Is this a good idea or no? Should I move somewhere new instead. I don’t know where I would to be honest. I miss him every day. We had a strong relationship but a lot of problems. I think now I could be a much better girlfriend. Much better. Any advice please?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 12, 2020 at 10:58 am

      Hi Luna, so as for your choice of somewhere to live that’s your call do what is going to be best for your future, be it your happiness and how you can excel in your career. As you broke up a year ago you are going to have to read some articles about how to get an ex back after a long break up. You are going to have to have a way of showing him how great you are doing, most use social media.

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