One of the scariest things for my readers is the thought that their ex-boyfriend might meet someone new. For some of you that may have already happened and now you want to know how you can go about winning him back before it’s too late.

There are four different scenarios you might be dealing with when there is another woman on the scene.

  1. Your ex-boyfriend left you for someone new.
  2. Your ex-boyfriend returned to someone from their past.
  3. Your ex-boyfriend started dating soon after the breakup.
  4. Your ex-boyfriend was single a while before he started dating.

Having another woman on the scene limits the techniques you can use to get your ex-boyfriend back, however there are still a couple of excellent methods you can still use to your advantage.

Whether your ex cheated on you, is in a rebound relationship or is looks like he might genuinely be moving on with someone new the approaches to win him back are the same but your chances of winning your ex back will vary.

To help you get him back this article is going to discuss: –

  • Your chances of winning your ex back.
  • The Being There method.
  • Stealing her Shine.
  • Moving on without moving on.

Ok, so first things first……

If your ex is dating someone new the number one thing you can do at this point is to remain calm.

I know it can seem like the end of the world but your situation can be fixed if you remain calm and follow the advice in this article.

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Your Chances Of Winning Your Ex Back If They Are With Someone Else

It’s probably best if I break this down into the four different scenarios in which your ex-boyfriend might have met someone new.

Your ex left you for someone else

This situation is certainly the most painful to have to go through because it involves cheating and I am sorry that you experienced that. As you are reading this article I am assuming that you would still like to get back together with your ex-boyfriend if you can, so I will discuss the most common reasons an ex-boyfriend will cheat.

This situation usually occurs due to the following reasons: –

  • He was bored in the relationship
  • Temptation
  • He has got away with it in the past
  • He wasn’t having his needs met
  • Neediness or controlling behaviour
  • He didn’t feel respected in the relationship

Your chances of winning your ex back in this circumstance are about average.

When an ex-boyfriend leaves a relationship for another woman the excitement of the secret affair quickly wears off and then he will start to miss you.

Your ex left you to return to someone from the past

This situation generally occurs when you were your ex-boyfriend’s rebound relationship or perhaps you were the other woman.

If you are unsure if you were in a rebound relationship with your ex-boyfriend a good indicator is if you started dating him within a couple of months of his previous breakup.

The reasons your ex left you can include: –

  • The honeymoon period with you had ended
  • He missed his ex-wife or ex-girlfriend
  • He was not looking for a serious relationship

I am afraid the chances of getting your ex-boyfriend back if you were a rebound or the other woman are low.

I would flag up that an ex-boyfriend may often reappear looking for a casual relationship however you should navigate these waters carefully to ensure you do not fall into a friends with benefits situation.

Your ex-boyfriend started to date soon after the breakup

If your ex-boyfriend broke up with you and has started to see someone within 2 months of your breakup then the likelihood is that this is a rebound relationship.

There are no guarantees that it is a rebound as his ability to get over your and moved on is based largely on how long you were together; however assuming you were in a relationship over three months, then it is likely to be a rebound as we know it takes around 60 days on average to move on after a breakup.

If your ex-boyfriend is in a rebound relationship then this is likely to be a way to: –

  • Distract himself from feeling lonely
  • Validate his ego after the breakup
  • Exercise his freedom again
  • Disguise the pain of the breakup
  • Make you jealous

If your ex-boyfriend is in a rebound relationship then your chances of getting him back after the rebound ends are good.

It is often the case that an ex-boyfriend has a rebound relationship and realizes that the new girl can’t match up to you and the relationship breaks down once the honeymoon period is over.

Your ex-boyfriend was single a while but is now dating

This final category covers those of you whose breakups happened several months ago. If you and your ex have been broken up for more than three months and he has now started dating then this may not be a rebound relationship.

There are exceptions to this, for example, if you have been married for several years, but generally speaking for a normal boyfriend/girlfriend breakup a person can feel stable enough to move on after about two to three months of being single. If this sounds like the situation with your ex-boyfriend then it is possible that this new woman could become his next real lasting relationship.

There is a silver lining in that even if it is not a rebound there is a good chance that this relationship will not last forever. Statistics show that the average male will date 9 women in his lifetime, some men will date more, some less but the majority will date 9 women.

Why is that significant?

Well, assuming all relationships are equal, then that means that this one only has an 11% chance of ending in marriage!

That seems shockingly low right?

OK, so we have established his new girlfriend might not last, but what are you chances of getting him back?

Well actually they aren’t as bad as you might think. Ex-boyfriends inevitably reappear in about 50% of cases but sometimes this can take months or even years to happen if they are dating someone new, so it’s worthwhile saying you should never put your life on hold waiting.

Now we have covered the different scenarios of an ex-boyfriend dating someone else, I am going to move on to discuss the three things you should do going forward.

The Being There Method

Whilst your ex-boyfriend is dating someone else I want you to practice something called the Being There method.

In the Being There method the aim is not to proactively try to break-up your ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend but simply remain present in his life like a haunting from a friendly ghost!

Remaining present in your ex-boyfriend’s life will make it harder for him to get over you as you as he will be constantly reminded of how great you are, which will prevent him from wanting to fully commit mentally to the new girlfriend.

If you apply the Being There method his new girl will go insane with jealousy and insecurity due to the fact that you are in regular contact with him and this will eventually lead to a breakup.

When you apply the “Being There” method you are going to make sure you are always present in your ex-boyfriend’s life undertaking kind acts and gestures.

This can be anything from texting over old jokes you shared together to reminding him of important dates like his mum’s birthday.
Hangouts would be things that were relatively innocent like a trip to the shops or a coffee hangout during the day.

You might even occasionally comment on his social media status or like some pictures…. Just don’t get too carried away!

Try to avoid being flirtatious with your ex as this oversteps the boundaries of appropriateness and will give the new woman good reason to demand he cut off all contact with you, which will limit your ability to influence your ex-boyfriend.

By always remaining angelic, you provide your ex-boyfriend with a perfect reason to rebel against the controlling behavior of his new girlfriend, this will actually help to accelerate their breakup, the relationship will effectively run its course and eventually burn out.

Whilst you are using the Being There method you will find it tempting to flirt with your ex and overstep those boundaries but it is really important you try to avoid that as although it will cause a breakup, it will also cause your ex to resent you for causing that breakup which will damage your chances of winning him back and keeping him, so remember nothing inappropriate until they end it.

Another key concept to mention is that of Mud-Slinging.

So what is Mud-Slinging? 
This is where you end up arguing with his new girlfriend or speaking badly about her and spreading gossip.

It is crucial that when you are talking to or spending time with your ex-boyfriend, that you do not get caught up in trying to insult his current girlfriend as this will be a huge turn-off.

Your ex-boyfriend will side with each ever girl presents the least amount of drama so mud-slinging will not work in your favor.

If you are complaining about his new girlfriend you will strengthen the bond between them and they will have a common fight against you! However if you let her complain about you, then you can play the innocent party and win his favor!

It is quite common that during the mud-slinging period that your ex-boyfriend will tell you, that his new girlfriend dislikes you or does not like him talking to you. If this happens the best thing you can say is: –

“Really? I don’t know why she feels that way, I have no problem with her. It is not like we are doing anything wrong.”

When you respond like this rather than trying to fight back against her, you will always look like the kind, reasonable party and she will look like the crazy controlling girlfriend in your ex-boyfriend’s eyes.

Responding with grace and dignity is a great way to demonstrate to your ex that you are a high value woman.

Be prepared to gracefully bat away all oncoming insults and slights that may come your way; it is very common for the new woman to undertake considerable research about you and it is surprising how much information a person can discover online or through mutual connections about your life, so be ready to deflect anything that might come up!

Do you see how this approach is going to work now?

You are going to allow her insecurities to shake their relationship on its own. You are going to be friendly, sweet and innocent, and patiently wait to see if they breakup.

Steal her Shine

The Steal her Shine method is something I came up with based upon a psychological principle called the Decoy Effect.

The Decoy Effect is a phenomenon that exists when people are given two similar options to choose from. What happens is they struggle to make a decision until a third slightly better option is introduced.

For example

One day you go to the cinema to watch a movie

You are getting food and drinks and you can’t decide if you want a medium bucket of popcorn or a small Pepsi because you aren’t that hungry. If you were going to get them both, that would cost $9.00 but you think that is too expensive.

When you get to the front of the line, the sales person says that you can get large everything for $10.00.

Your brain thinks, “I only wanted medium but I get a whole lot more for only one dollar….. that seems like a bargain!”

So you pay $10.00 and get the large popcorn and large Pepsi, even though its more food than you can finish and more money than you were prepared to spend, yet you feel like you got a great bargain!

Ok, so that is all very interesting but how exactly do we use it to get your ex-boyfriend back?

Well right now, your ex-boyfriend would struggle to decide which girl he likes the best as you both have similar amount of pro’s and con’s.
 You and your ex have a lot of history together but then this other woman is exciting because their relationship is shiny and new.

But if you give him a third option where he gets the best of both worlds you can win him back.

So how do you do this?

Easy you offer more value than you did when you were dating!

  • Keep being the girl he liked
  • Improve the aspects he didn’t like to become the Ungettable Girl
  • Steal her shine

I want you to steal her shine by presenting yourself as a brand-new woman. If you do this you will also be offering your ex-boyfriend a shiny new relationship. Just like the one he has with her and in doing so you will be offering more value…. Even though getting back together with you would be more difficult than staying in a relationship with her.

By offering more value, you become the popcorn deal!

The next thing you should do is listen to the information your ex is giving you about her, use that data to your advantage.

When you are applying the Being There method you have the perfect opportunity to learn from her positive features and much as her negative features.

For example

Your ex tells you that his new girlfriend keeps trying to change him.
-

  • You avoid trying to get him to change because you have learnt that he hates it

Your ex tells you he loves that they go hiking together
-

  • You post pictures of yourself hiking up a mountain with friends

By combining the old you with the new you, and by learning from the information you are receiving from him you will be giving him the best of both worlds!

Moving On Without Moving On

This is the final topic I want to cover in this article and I think it’s crucial that we do.

When your ex-boyfriend is dating someone new, I want you to start going out on dates and this is for two reasons: –

  1. Show him he is missing out
  2. You should not put your life on hold

When you start going on dates, your ex-boyfriend is going to feel a bit jealous and also feel he is missing out on the new improved you. Dating also indicates to him, that if he doesn’t make a move soon, he could lose you forever!

It is just like when a store has a flash sale, when an item is sat there on display you think “I can buy that anytime” however when the salesman tells you that the item is available on offer for a limited time only, suddenly it becomes more desirable as there is a sense of urgency to buy it before it runs out!
This is exactly the same approach you take with your ex-boyfriend.

By dating other people, you are showing him that you are only available for a limited time before someone else snaps you up.

The other reason I want you to go out on dates is so you have a plan B, because although the chances of your ex’s new relationship ending in marriage are low, they do still exist and so you need to keep moving forward with your own life and keeping your options open.

If your ex-boyfriend is in a new relationship it could be quite a long time before he becomes single again.

Studies have shown that if a relationship lasts for beyond three months then the likelihood is that the relationship will last for four years so you could be in for a long wait. For that reason, if your ex-boyfriend has been dating someone for three months or more I recommend that you also practice the moving on without moving on method to protect yourself.

Should your ex-boyfriend be in a relationship with a new woman, it is perfectly fine to want to keep the door open and remain in contact in-case they break up but in the meantime, you should continue enjoying life and living it to its fullest.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

To summarize what we have talked about in this article,

We have covered the four different scenarios where your ex might be dating someone else along with your chances of getting your ex back.

We have talked about the Being There method and how a breakup can happen just by you being present and friendly in his life.

I have taught you about how being the Ungettable Girl and how stealing her shine will help to win him back. Lastly, we talked about always keeping your options open and moving forward with your life by practicing the moving on without moving on approach.

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218 thoughts on “How To Win Back An Ex Who Is With Someone Else”

  1. Avatar

    tia

    July 30, 2020 at 4:20 pm

    How do i implement the being there method if we unfollowed each other on instagram (the only social media we both use) and both have private accounts

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 31, 2020 at 11:08 am

      Hi Tia, the being there method would be through texting and eventually you would re add each other on social media. But you would need to take your time so that it does not appear obvious you are trying to get his attention more than just a friend.

  2. Avatar

    Kat

    July 24, 2020 at 7:54 pm

    My ex & I had a serious LD relationship for 2 years- planning marriage & kids. We broke up twice, the last time being about 4 months ago. I did 30 day NC, then contacted him. Initially very good replies, then he told me we shouldn’t talk anymore. Went back NC for 2 months. Sent him something funny on social media that he liked but didn’t reply. I didn’t bother trying again. He then initiated contact thru different social media over a week later at 4AM, but we kept it light & just sent funny stuff which seemed promising. Then I find out thru a different site that he is meeting someone that I assume he’s been talking to online for a while now. I told him that I felt like he had someone else & that I didn’t feel it was right to go between us now. He would not admit to it, just denied that he had contacted me for any romantic reason & reached out to me bc he was hurting & lost after a tragedy in his life. I told him that maybe in the future we could be friends but how it felt wrong now to use me as his back up when he had someone else to go to for support. I’m confused on what to do now, if anything at this point…

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 25, 2020 at 12:03 am

      Hey Kat at this point I would suggest another No Contact, but be sure that you do not reply to ANYTHING that he may send you over the next 30 days. And work on your Holy Trinity and being Ungettable. If he is meeting and online dating then he is not in a relationship, but you need to be the best version of yourself so that he realises he is never going to meet someone better than you.

  3. Avatar

    Shannon

    July 24, 2020 at 3:41 am

    I broke up with my ex because I felt the void in the relationship and we both just moved overseas for studies. I got busy with the new life and found an emotional connect with another guy from the same city. I felt like that was not right for my ex and broke up with him. I put him through a lot for almost 6 months before we completely broke up and he moved on. Just a month later of talking after our break up, he started seeing his best friend from his university and I’m really worried. I want to get back to him because I was using up the 6 months time to work on myself and give back a 100% for the relationship. I have practiced the NC for 2 months now and I really want to talk to him asking to get back. I don’t know what to do. Please help me!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 24, 2020 at 10:17 am

      Hi Shannon you need to reach out to him and start following the being there method – you have left the NC a very long time so you need to understand that it may take some time to get your ex talking to you like you will be hoping for. Remember slow and steady

  4. Avatar

    Jane Doe

    June 15, 2020 at 6:19 am

    Help! So my dude and his OW broke up finally after about a year and a half. Made very good rapport/progress etc. Followed everything perfectly and we became good friends… but it seems like he put me now as a rebound or something. He was starting to text me first everyday and chasing me but he started sending very sexual texts. I flirted back quite a bit and then I turned down the sex and said I couldnt because I was scared and didn’t know his intentions. He is quiet now and had ignored my last text. What should I do now? I started another NC and I am on Day 3..is that a good idea? How long should I be doing it and what else is there that I should I be doing to help with this? Thank you!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 15, 2020 at 7:48 pm

      Hi Jane, you are doing the right thing going into a NC you need to follow the program and use the information to show how you are the best option and he is going to see this through social media. You also need to read some texting articles so you understand how to keep your ex invested in your conversations and chasing you

  5. Avatar

    Ashley

    June 11, 2020 at 10:47 pm

    How long does the honeymoon phase typically last?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 12, 2020 at 9:09 pm

      A rebound relationship honeymoon phase, average lasts around a month.

  6. Avatar

    Eve

    May 21, 2020 at 7:46 am

    Hi, this is the second breakup we’ve had out of a 2 year+ relationship, the first one was about 5-6 months ago. I’ve done NC and it was going really well afterwards. I messaged him every other day and he responded within 5 minutes every time, sometimes within seconds. There was humour and old memories and one time a conversation lasted for hours. Then all of a sudden he told me yesterday he can’t speak to me anymore because he’s seeing someone else. It has only been just over a month since the breakup. Any advice?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 29, 2020 at 4:56 pm

      Hey Eve if you have followed the program before, then you are going to remember that the most important thing of the program is that you work on becoming Ungettable. If you are breaking up for similar reasons then think how that can be changed in your relationship.

  7. Avatar

    Jennifer

    May 4, 2020 at 9:24 pm

    My ex and I broke up in November/December. We had been together for 4 years, lived together, and also had dogs etc together. I moved out and the break up was slow, we have broken up before but only for 4 weeks. This time was different we were both angry and blamed each other for the break up. We argued over text for 2 months. Then when I was picking up the last of my stuff at the end of Jan he broke down, we started seeing each other for a couple of weeks. I had booked a 2.5 week holiday with my friend to clear my head (prior to us starting to see each other). I then went away and was excited to come back. A few days before coming back he told me he wanted a clean break and that he had “just” started seeing someone else. This was the end of February. Since then we didn’t speak much but then a death in his family meant I saw him at a funeral at the end of March. After that I moved house (as I was living with a friend when we first split). We live a few miles away from each other. I then started to go on dog walks with him etc, but I then told him nothing could happen if he was seeing someone else. He told me he had stoped seeing the other woman. And a week later we ended up sleeping together (this was two weeks ago) then we have seen each other a few times and it was his birthday on Friday. I saw him on Thursday and went to drop off card on the Friday and her car was there. I felt crushed, had he lied to me the whole time? I don’t know. I’ve kept normal ish in text responses and not told him that I know. Yesterday he then told me that his head is all over the place and if I want to date to do it and if HE decided at a later date HE wants to try again that won’t effect things. I don’t think he wants to be with this other woman but I think he has gotten himself into a situation he doesn’t know how to get out of. He has only ever managed 5 days without contacting me. Now it is pretty much every day or every other day. I want him back but I feel like I keep messing it up, every time he gets closer I sort of get excited and then want to see him more and then he pushes back. But obviously he is still seeing this other woman now too. I don’t know what to do, NC doesn’t seem like the right thing as we have kind of done that phase. I don’t want to disappear and then him end up closer to this woman. Should I try the being there method? Or will I just end up hurt. Any advise would be appreciated, I don’t want to lose him 🙁

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 17, 2020 at 9:32 pm

      Hi Jennifer, yes you can start the being there method once you have completed a 45 day No Contact where you are focused on your Holy Trinity. Be sure that you fully understand the being there method before reaching out to him and do not bring up the OW again. Also I do suggest that you date when you can too just so that he is aware that you have not been sat around waiting for him

  8. Avatar

    Linda

    March 27, 2020 at 2:27 am

    Hello There!
    Hope you can suggest me what to do now! Me and my ex were classmates and really good friends. We are in our late 20’s now. We have been close for last two years. But my family & friends always suggested that he shouldn’t be the one, and life would be full of struggle if we end up together. So I was always in a doubt and wanted to change him so that my parents can accept. It took a lot of time to convince my family about him. It was a constant pressure for both of us, we were always in a doubt that we may not end up together for other circumstances though we had a great connection and so, this relation was being toxic. Since last December, he was really down about his business and family matters, and this idea of getting married was creating an extra pressure on him. Meanwhile my family was emotionally forcing me to go for an arranged marriage. It was a messy situation and we both were exhausted. Sometimes I also discussed about moving on, but we never did. Then in the last week of January we had a fight and I could sense something was off. I could feel he was hiding something. I didn’t contact him for a week and he tried to reach out many times. Then eventually I became normal, but he did not. Suddenly he told me, we should part our ways . I didn’t take it as alarming and I respected his decision considering he was facing other problems. I thought after a few days everything would be alright and we would be together again. We were in contact. In mid of Feb, I could realize he is with someone else, but he didn’t admit. He was saying he is going through a tough situation, and needs some space. His behaviour towards me changed completely. I couldn’t afford losing him. I begged and pleaded. Apologized a many times. Assured him that my family is convinced, there is no uncertainity now, he may take time to settle down. He told me to give this a time. And then three weeks later, in March, he confessed that he has moved on with someone else, and he was cheating on me. He no longer has any feelings for me. Surprisingly, I took it calmly at first then cried and requested him to give our relationship another chance. Next day we met again and we both open up. He told me that he wants to give it another chance, but he is way too involved with his new girlfriend. Then he stopped contacting me. After 5 days of waiting I gave him a letter writing that, I am stepping out so that we both can move on. He shouldn’t be guilty and if he ever wants to come back I will leave the doors open. I planned to start NC, but from the very next day, he started knocking me daily just to ask if I am going to office. I responded casually like nothing happened. I deactivated Facebook, to avoid recent corona updates. Three days ago, he called me to ask what happened to my acc. Again I talked like nothing happened. Then at night he texted me that he is sorry. No explanation, nothing, only sorry. Next day I called him, he told me to move on, not to wait for him. Now I am really confused which approach will work in this case. I really miss him. Now I know, how small happy moments make us happy and I ignored those for long. For last two months, there was not a single day, when I didn’t pray for him, didn’t cry for him. Everyday seems like a long nightmare. I know it will be tough but I want him back. As he moved on, when I stopped talking, I am afraid to go for a NC. He is too introvert and stubborn. I am afraid it will backfire.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 30, 2020 at 11:56 pm

      Hi Linda, NC will not backfire with an introvert you will find that he is slower at replying when you enter the texting phase. Which is also fine as we want slow and steady work. Work your Holy Trinity during your NC and focus on yourself and not your ex so that when you reach out your ex realises that you have been doing just fine without him around

  9. Avatar

    Bardcore

    March 20, 2020 at 2:47 pm

    My ex and I did a fwb gig for a few months with one instance of him asking for me back and me dropping the ball with that and playing games (cringey as hell, right?) before he got a new girl (who I actually know and is a wonderful person but the total opposite of me); otherwise we’ve been broken up for over six moths. As much as I’d love to have him back and would like some advice, I think the best I can do is work on the flaws I have that made him look elsewhere (which we’ve talked about and I’ve owned up to!) and rock Being There for him; no matter what the outcome I’m at peace with it. Thoughts and advice welcome!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 20, 2020 at 10:19 pm

      Hi Bardcore, so you answered yourself really! Work on yourself and follow the being there method after a No Contact period. It does sound as if you are a strong person to deal with this so use the information and let me know how you get on!

  10. Avatar

    Kathy Nguyen

    March 20, 2020 at 8:00 am

    My ex and me dated for about one year. But we had many fights since he did not want me to meet my other ex boyfriend who is also my best friend. Then we had a fight in last December. After that, he tried to talk to me nicely, warmly and sweetly. I also gave good feedback to him and told that i missed him sometimes. It took 2 months for me and him not to contact usually. During that time, he still argued about my ex boyfriend story. One day, he did not contact me in 1 week. After that week, i contacted him back and knew that he was seeing another girl. That girl used to have relationship with him but she decided not to go with him since she had boyfriend that time. It meant she used to run after 2 horses. Last year, she broke up and has started flirting and approaching my ex until now. She said that she would compensate for her last cheating.
    I now meet him once a week. He tells that he still loves me but he does not want to get back due to him sadness and he is now seeing that girl.
    Please give me some advice here!!!! I’m very dissapointed.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 28, 2020 at 5:50 pm

      Hi Kathy if he is seeing someone else and is telling you that he loves you, then you need to look at the actions he is taking rather than his words. He is being unfaithful to the new person which is also something I would suggest you keep in mind during this time. There is the being there method that we recommend doing when you want an ex back but it does not pass the line of cheating emotionally or physically. If you have not done so yet you need to complete a No Contact for 45 days for their new relationship to pass the honeymoon phase

  11. Avatar

    Luna

    February 27, 2020 at 8:14 pm

    Hey.

    I’ve been reading some of the comments and thought maybe you could give me some advice too.

    So. Me and my ex boyfriend were together for 2 years and have been broken up for 1 year now. We split up on the last day of February 2019. It’s been 1 year now. I’m still deeply upset and miss him every day. During our relationship he really became my best friend. We would talk and text every day. But we always had issues. He worked shifts so would often be at work all night and sleep during the day. Which mean difficulty meeting up. I was constantly rearranging my schedule to meet with him. We did have many adventures together, we loved travel. We traveled more in one year that I had done in my life so far (I’m 22 now, then I was 19/20). We had different travel styles so there was always some difficulty. A lot of the time I felt abandoned and wanted to see him more and connect more. But he was busy and sometimes even when he could meet he would just stay at home.

    Anyways. So we broke up because we always had the struggle to meet and always had recurring discussions about the same issues. It was rough. I did no contact for 1 month and then realised we want to be together again. The day after we got back together my grandmother (whom I was very close to) suddenly passed away. I was devastated. It was a shame because obviously she passed away and also because I had made a lot of progress in that month really working on myself to be better for him and the relationship. When she passed I was devastated. I tried to be strong but obviously I broke down slightly. I wanted to stay in more and take life one day at a time. He understood but wasn’t too impressed as he was hoping for a crazy romantic rekindling. Unfortunately I wasn’t much up for it. We met up and had sex and stuff but I wasn’t as adventurous. In fact, I was exhausted! I had 2 jobs and full time university at the time and this is when it was put to the test. Can he make time for me instead of me moving my schedule. At that time my schedule was not flexible and he struggled to make time when I had it. It was hear wrenching. I remember the day like it was yesterday. Both of us sitting on my bed and crying in each others arms because we were exhausted and just couldn’t work it out. This was two months after we got back together.

    So he left my flat that night and that was the end of a two year long relationship. Initially I was okay. I still had my studies to finish and was very busy with work. However when my time freed up, with my internship coming to an end and graduation around the corner I really started feeling the lack of him again. I always did during this time and still now, but when I first came out of that busyness the first thing I thought of was seeing him. I reached out in May to say I’ve finished my coursework and am finally free. We had not talked for a couple of months. He said he’d rather not speak anymore as he felt this would just amplify the pain.

    Side note. He did tell me several times during our relationship that he feels we have met at the wrong time. I was poor and a student and he was a couple years older and in a good job. We always had money problems because of this. I couldn’t afford to live a lavish lifestyle like he did. He said that maybe we will meet later in life and it will work out. We did actually say this on the day of the break up. That maybe we will meet again later when we are ready and at a place where we both have income and both know where we stand in life.

    So that’s why I thought I would contact him. After the initial contact in May I left it again and went travelling in August until end of October. Backpacking around Europe. I should have used this opportunity to put lots of good pictures up of myself but I was too much enjoying my time travelling.
    So the travels came to an end and I decided to give it another shot. I remembered what we had said to one another and felt that I now want what he wants and was ready to move to his city and wait for him to be ready to move in. I decided to contact his best friend for this quest just because I felt he might be able to tell me if there is a chance still. I was met with an answer that I was not expecting. He had someone new and was reportedly “very happy” with them. I broke down and didn’t know what to do. All these months I had been thinking we weren’t fully finished given our last conversation. So I contacted him (WRONG decision) and he replied with also saying that he is “very happy in a relationship and wishes me the best for the future”. He was always a man to wish best for the future. I was devastated. I tried to call in an attempt to talk about things. He did not respond well and blocked me. As I write this now I must sound like a crazy person, but at the time I couldn’t see anything else in my life besides getting him back. But he did block me. On everything. I do still have all of his friends on social media and his sister as well.

    I was so deeply upset. I felt we were best friends. He said he’d always be there for me but after the split he did not communicate much.

    Today a year after the break up I still miss him terribly and often think of what could have been if I was just a bit more what he wanted. Or what I thought he wanted at least. I question if what he said was true. That we would find each other later and be together. Will that really happen? The latest events indicate otherwise I suppose. But you know. I really want him back. I feel sick and depressed without him in my life. Is there any chance? Any strategy? I do live quite far away from where he lives now so the only way he would know about my whereabouts would be through friends telling him what I do on social media. I am thinking of moving back to where I used to live in the UK, just 20 minutes drive from his town. I’m sure he still lives there. He wowed to never leave the place. Is this a good idea or no? Should I move somewhere new instead. I don’t know where I would to be honest. I miss him every day. We had a strong relationship but a lot of problems. I think now I could be a much better girlfriend. Much better. Any advice please?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 12, 2020 at 10:58 am

      Hi Luna, so as for your choice of somewhere to live that’s your call do what is going to be best for your future, be it your happiness and how you can excel in your career. As you broke up a year ago you are going to have to read some articles about how to get an ex back after a long break up. You are going to have to have a way of showing him how great you are doing, most use social media.

  12. Avatar

    Lacey gotz

    February 9, 2020 at 5:26 pm

    Hi. So my boyfriend and I were together for a year before dating. We were best friends for years so we had to see. After dating for two months we moved in together. We had lived together for three years till one day he said he was done. Literally out of the blue. We were talking about trying to have kids. We got dogs together. We had a future.

    We kept dating and living together for months but he wouldn’t speak to me. He would try to work things out. He checked out. Recently I moved out about a month ago with just a bag. He broke up with me. Except all of my things are still in the house. He hasn’t asked me to collect , we talk every single day , I see him everyday to walk the dog. And most evenings we sit in the living room together. I want to work things out because I love him very much and have expressed that a lot.

    But he keeps giving me mixed signals. One day it’s we are never gonna get back together and the next it’s flirting and wanting to meet up to talk. Or checking up on me. Recently he had a girl spend the weekend in our bed , and it was the girl I was never ever supposed to worry about.

    I still want him. That hurt a lot but I still want to work things out cause I love him. But it felt like he has betrayed me for four years. Like everything he said to me about her was a lie. I don’t care I just want him back. I want him to try with me. Cause we are so important to me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 12, 2020 at 9:37 pm

      Hey Lacey that is such a heartbreaking situation for yourself and I am sorry you have had to go through this! Taking some time in No Contact and getting over the hurt that has been caused is essential right now. And then when you are ready you can reach out and start the texting phase from this program if you feel you want to try and get him back. As for the girl that you worried about, it is hurtful to know he has done that but remember right now he is single so can do as he wants as hurtful as that is. You could also make sure that you are working on yourself and letting mutual friends hear how great you are doing and the positive changes you are making in your life so that your ex takes a step back and thinks to himself, “Why is she doing so well without me?”

  13. Avatar

    Lisa

    January 10, 2020 at 11:54 am

    Me and my ex dated for almost a year. During that time we never fully committed to each other as I think I was too needy and did not give him any boundaries or limits.
    6 weeks ago he told me he needs some space and does not feel like meeting up at the moment. 3 weeks ago I asked him to meet up again and he told me that it is complicated as he is dating someone. He does not know where that will go and what will happen in the future but right now he wants to give this other girl a chance and see where that goes. I wrote him than a message and told him that the news where a shock for me but I can understand that he wants to try it with the other girl as I could also feel that our relationship got a bit stuck and it was not that fulfilling for me either and I was far to unrelaxed the last couple of months. He then told me that he was always a nice time with me and cannot say what the future brings but right now he tries to date that other girl and sees what will happen. I told him then that we should both give each other space and distance and not see each other for some time but concentrate on our own lives and then maybe in a couple of weeks meet up again for a coffee. He just then just wished me a happy new year but did not say anything to having a break or take some distance from each other. Now I am a little bit unsure if it was good to tell him that I was not happy in the relationship anymore too and that it did not that fulfil me anymore as well. Because after I wrote that he reacted very distant and cold. I know have not contacted or written him for 3 weeks. How should I know continue and do you think I destroyed my chances of getting him back for telling him that being with him did not fullfill me either in the end?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 17, 2020 at 7:22 pm

      Hey Lisa no you did not ruin your chances doing that, whats gone on is he has met someone else while you were apart. You need to work on yourself and work on your self confidence in the mean time. And read about the being there method if you want to try and get him back form this other person. As you were not in a committed relationship you may find that he is quicker to close off conversation but you just have to try and be friendly not flirty for some time, adn also date other guys

  14. Avatar

    Elderflower Cider

    January 6, 2020 at 11:46 am

    Hi EBR team

    My ex ended things with me a few months back after dating for 2 months because his feelings were not growing. However, we remained friends and became even closer (we slept together and text everyday). He claimed he liked me more than his other friends and confides only in me. He also asked about my other dates and i always sensed some jealously.

    Recently, I asked him to date me seriously. He refused because he said he had no feelings. So I said we should stop talking- he called me unreasonable, but respected my decision. I went on tinder to fill the void as I went from having a constant companion to 0 communication. I do have other friends, but no one else who is as compatible and who has very similar interests.

    I see my ex on tinder the next day, and it’s an instant match once i swipe. he messages me immediately to say he misses talking to me. I don’t respond and notice that he deleted tinder shortly after. This is likely because he found someone as I constantly see him online on telegram and previously, he only used telegram to chat with me.

    I miss him terribly, but I am dating others as well as a distraction. I still have some of his stuff to return to him. When Should i contact him to maximise my chances of getting him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 11, 2020 at 1:10 am

      Hey there so, maximising your chances of getting him back, is not about when you should contact him. Its about the work that you do with yourself in that No Contact period that is going to make the difference. He has told you openly. That he misses talking to you but he has no feelings for you, even though you have still been sleeping with each other. That shows that he does not value you enough. So you have to do some work on being Ungettable girl and showing your ex that you are willing to move from him by dating (which you are doing) and living your life until he starts to value you more and asks you to go on a serious date with him. But most important thing is you do not sleep with him again until he is your boyfriend

  15. Avatar

    Lindsay

    December 11, 2019 at 8:56 pm

    Hi, we had been in the relationship for 7 years. My ex boyfriend dumped me in Aug and started dating with a girl after 2 month or so. He refused to answer my call or meet up with me since the breakup but he kept contacting me by messenger every 3~4 day. Also, he watched my social media and liked my every post.
    Why he dates someone new but keeps contacting me in the same time? Should I respond his message or just ignore them? I don’t know what else I can do to win him back.
    Thanks a lot!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 15, 2019 at 6:09 pm

      Hi Lindsey, the messages he is sending you what is it that he wants? I would not reply and I would start doing a no contact where you start to work on yourself and making it clear to him you are not going to be waiting on the side while he moves on. Look like you are dating even if you are not ready to do so yet. Socialise with your friends and live your life. When it has been 45 days you can reach out to him and start doing the being there method. This information is on the website for you to read about and implement it into your situation and the new girl

  16. Avatar

    Wise actions

    November 13, 2019 at 12:50 pm

    Hi,
    My boyfriend of 5 yrs split up and it’s been 3 months. He builted a bond with her for 7 months while we were together. The problem is thst they do all thrir music project together. If I began to dk his kind of music it would be too obvious that I am trying. They both broke up with their bf/gf. He broke up to went living with her. It’s been 3 months… they do all their music (3 bands), sport ( that we use to do), and party until 3 am 1 night on 2 together. I don’t how to compete with that… I can be there but I feel she is filling every hole in his life… And I don’t think he w.ould stop playing with her.. lol He has a pattern if 3 yrs with his exes..Which is plenty of time to built something strong and forget about me. I am hesitating to tell him that I know he cheated on me, I know he had his reasons but he kind of broke my trust. How do you deal with wanting zo get back but still want to show that you don’t agree with that kind of behavior?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 13, 2019 at 11:03 pm

      So first you need to go into a No Contact and then work on yourself so that you are over the hurt and betrayal that your ex has caused. Cheating is hard to deal with because you give them your trust. But you do need to read about being Ungettable and the being there method. So you are prepared but you need to consider if you were to get back would you be willing to forgive and forget what he has done with this girl, and know he will still be in contact with her for the music work that he does?

  17. Avatar

    Alic

    October 27, 2019 at 10:00 pm

    So me and my partner was together for 5years,I have two children from previous 4&9. I’m currently 8months pregnant with his first child that was very much planned he left a month ago out the blue, said he didn’t love me anymore and up and left totally didn’t see it coming I thought we was happy we recently moved into a new house together all excited about the baby everything g was good and happy in my eyes..only to realise day after he left he was txting my best friends sister who I also considered to be a friend, she knew about us aswell. He’s left for her basically.hes barely contacted me at all since he left a month ago but wants to be in baby’s life.. iv hardly contacted him either and doing the NCR in hope he will see sense is it rebound or?? He seems happy with her walking about all happy she also has a 1yr old herself. Apperntly theyeve always had a crush on eachother.. is there any way back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 30, 2019 at 7:08 pm

      Hi Alic, so I would see this more as an emotional affair before he left you. So it is more up to you if you want him back or not. You need to do a limited NC where you only keep in touch about baby and access to the little one when they arrive. You need to read about the being there method and work out what has happened in the relationship to make him feel the need to cheat. Read some cheating articles on this website and also visit Chris’ Youtube channel itll help you understand his decisions a little more if you can work out why hes walked away from you and your family

  18. Avatar

    Charissa

    October 23, 2019 at 3:07 am

    Hi Shaunna,

    Thanks for the advice 🙂 I’ve had to restart NC this week bc I wasn’t able to deal with not hearing from him so I reached out. I hope I stick to it this time. Was toying with the idea of limited no contact, but since I am still emotional (ups and downs), maybe NC would be better.

    Regards
    Charissa

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 24, 2019 at 8:54 pm

      100% No Contact your situation doesn’t require limited because your emotional stick to NOTHING and let him miss you

  19. Avatar

    Charissa

    October 18, 2019 at 2:32 am

    Hi Shaunna,
    Unfortunately I tried NC and broke it last week when he texted me and called me.

    After the call over the weekend, I tried to reinitiate NC but could not deal with not hearing from him (previously, he had always been the one reaching out). And he asked to video call this weekend to show me his new apartment.

    How long should I go for NC before reaching out to him again? Will that give him enough time to forget that i’ve behaved so suffocatingly before..?
    Will disappearing during NC give him a chance to connect even more with the other girl? (Sry for the many qns!)

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 20, 2019 at 8:51 am

      Hey Charissa, so you’ve spoken this weekend you need to give him 30 days NC hes not going to forget you but it is going to give him some space from the pressure. He isnt going to stop getting close to the new girl at the beginning you need the “newness” to pass which does usually happen after 30 days. Read some articles that apply to your situation and it will help you understand what you need to do

  20. Avatar

    Charissa

    October 15, 2019 at 1:35 am

    Hi, I’m not sure if my comment managed to get sent through so just trying once more.

    I met a guy in my home country last year (June 2018) when he was on an exchange programme. He returned to his home country of Europe in Sept 2018 to work. We continued texting almost daily, but it was more friendly in nature. He invited me to spend Christmas & New Year with him and when I agreed , as I had never been to Europe, he got really excited and took annual leave so that he could spend the 11 days with me, going around. We were really happy.

    When I returned back to my home country (Asia, aka 12,000km apart) after the 11 days, in January 2019, he seemed to get more emotionally attached and clingy, in a good way. We continued texting everyday, but the texts grew more intimate and caring, he was very accountable, he would share with me all aspects of his day, and ask about mine. Then he started to ask to call – so we would call every weekend to chat on the phone for an hour or more. It went on January, February. But we never talked about whether we were dating long distance. I was just enjoying having his attention and care.

    Then in February, i decided to go on a 3-month backpacking trip to Europe to WWOOF , a programme where you work on farms voluntarily. When i told him abt it, he was even more excited, and he asked if I was going to Italy (where he lives). and I said yes. But the trip was for myself, I did not want him to think I was going there only because he was there. I had fallen in love with Europe during my trip in December last year. ANyway, he got even more excited and sweet. When I arrived in Europe and he fetched me to his place, he said he really missed me etc and was surprising me with chocolates. I spent Easter weekend with his family. I was never able to spend much time with him because I was always moving around place to place, but he would make detours and make plans for us to meet. for eg, he visited me on one of the farms that I had been staying at. The last leg of my trip, i spent 3 weeks living with him, but we had some crazy fights when I got insecure about very small issues.

    I returned to my country in mid-July this year. Before I came home I asked about our status and he said he did not want to commit in a long distance rship because he is not sure how it will end – will we move to be with each other? I said that I did not mind moving because I am keen to find work abroad. But he did not want me to move JUST BECAUSE of him, he said. anyway, he was still emotionally attached, it seems – he wld ask why i did not text him good morning, he would still ask to call every other day..

    However in August, somehow, I got extremely insecure and I would pick fights if I felt he was not showing me the level of attention he used to , even tho i knew he was very busy working on work projects and settling his new apartment. as the fights intensified, he was still “chasing” – in the sense still calling, but the texting seemed to take a different turn. He would text much less throughout the day and it felt one-sided, he didn’t seem as engaged at all, and shared much less – you can just feel it.

    When I asked him abt it, he wld always say that it’s nothing I’ve done, and that he was just busy/too much on his mind. And I tried to believe that but deep down I felt I had pushed him away, because several occasions when we fought, he said he felt controlled (esp when I ask why he was not texting me). Last week, he called as . usual, BUT this time, he said he started seeing someone a week ago, and I was stunned. I texted alot of hurt messages asking if I ever meant anything to him. He insisted he wanted to call and text the way we have done before, but he was also defensive in saying he had alr told me he cld not commit to a long distance rship.

    After a day of texting him hurt msgs, I stopped. Then he texted asking how my day was – i ignored it. A day later, he texted a photo of what he was doing at work (special lunch with his colleagues) and i replied out of curiosity for the photo. and then he responded and asked about a photo I had posted but I took my time and only replied the next day , and he proceeded to tell me about the last touches he was making for his new apartment. A day ago , on Sunday, he finally finished refurnishing his apartment and he sent me a video, and then called me to ask me if i liked it etc. But we were not able to talk for long. It’s since been 1.5 days, I have not texted after the call and neither has he.

    At this point I dont know what I should do. Is all hope lost because he says he does not want a long distance and he has another girl now..? 🙁

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 15, 2019 at 7:10 pm

      Hi Charissa, so your best chance is to get yourself into a NC and working on becoming Ungettable Girl and then planning your first reach out that needs to be a hook type text abut his interests. You also need to read the being there method because of the new girl. Good luck 🙂

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