One of the scariest things for my readers is the thought that their ex-boyfriend might meet someone new. For some of you that may have already happened and now you want to know how you can go about winning him back before it’s too late.
There are four different scenarios you might be dealing with when there is another woman on the scene.
- Your ex-boyfriend left you for someone new.
- Your ex-boyfriend returned to someone from their past.
- Your ex-boyfriend started dating soon after the breakup.
- Your ex-boyfriend was single a while before he started dating.
Having another woman on the scene limits the techniques you can use to get your ex-boyfriend back, however there are still a couple of excellent methods you can still use to your advantage.
Whether your ex cheated on you, is in a rebound relationship or is looks like he might genuinely be moving on with someone new the approaches to win him back are the same but your chances of winning your ex back will vary.
To help you get him back this article is going to discuss: –
- Your chances of winning your ex back.
- The Being There method.
- Stealing her Shine.
- Moving on without moving on.
Ok, so first things first……
If your ex is dating someone new the number one thing you can do at this point is to remain calm.
I know it can seem like the end of the world but your situation can be fixed if you remain calm and follow the advice in this article.
Your Chances Of Winning Your Ex Back If They Are With Someone Else
It’s probably best if I break this down into the four different scenarios in which your ex-boyfriend might have met someone new.
Your ex left you for someone else
This situation is certainly the most painful to have to go through because it involves cheating and I am sorry that you experienced that. As you are reading this article I am assuming that you would still like to get back together with your ex-boyfriend if you can, so I will discuss the most common reasons an ex-boyfriend will cheat.
This situation usually occurs due to the following reasons: –
- He was bored in the relationship
- He has got away with it in the past
- He wasn’t having his needs met
- Neediness or controlling behaviour
- He didn’t feel respected in the relationship
Your chances of winning your ex back in this circumstance are about average.
When an ex-boyfriend leaves a relationship for another woman the excitement of the secret affair quickly wears off and then he will start to miss you.
Your ex left you to return to someone from the past
This situation generally occurs when you were your ex-boyfriend’s rebound relationship or perhaps you were the other woman.
If you are unsure if you were in a rebound relationship with your ex-boyfriend a good indicator is if you started dating him within a couple of months of his previous breakup.
The reasons your ex left you can include: –
- The honeymoon period with you had ended
- He missed his ex-wife or ex-girlfriend
- He was not looking for a serious relationship
I am afraid the chances of getting your ex-boyfriend back if you were a rebound or the other woman are low.
I would flag up that an ex-boyfriend may often reappear looking for a casual relationship however you should navigate these waters carefully to ensure you do not fall into a friends with benefits situation.
Your ex-boyfriend started to date soon after the breakup
If your ex-boyfriend broke up with you and has started to see someone within 2 months of your breakup then the likelihood is that this is a rebound relationship.
There are no guarantees that it is a rebound as his ability to get over your and moved on is based largely on how long you were together; however assuming you were in a relationship over three months, then it is likely to be a rebound as we know it takes around 60 days on average to move on after a breakup.
If your ex-boyfriend is in a rebound relationship then this is likely to be a way to: –
- Distract himself from feeling lonely
- Validate his ego after the breakup
- Exercise his freedom again
- Disguise the pain of the breakup
- Make you jealous
If your ex-boyfriend is in a rebound relationship then your chances of getting him back after the rebound ends are good.
It is often the case that an ex-boyfriend has a rebound relationship and realizes that the new girl can’t match up to you and the relationship breaks down once the honeymoon period is over.
Your ex-boyfriend was single a while but is now dating
This final category covers those of you whose breakups happened several months ago. If you and your ex have been broken up for more than three months and he has now started dating then this may not be a rebound relationship.
There are exceptions to this, for example, if you have been married for several years, but generally speaking for a normal boyfriend/girlfriend breakup a person can feel stable enough to move on after about two to three months of being single. If this sounds like the situation with your ex-boyfriend then it is possible that this new woman could become his next real lasting relationship.
There is a silver lining in that even if it is not a rebound there is a good chance that this relationship will not last forever. Statistics show that the average male will date 9 women in his lifetime, some men will date more, some less but the majority will date 9 women.
Why is that significant?
Well, assuming all relationships are equal, then that means that this one only has an 11% chance of ending in marriage!
That seems shockingly low right?
OK, so we have established his new girlfriend might not last, but what are you chances of getting him back?
Well actually they aren’t as bad as you might think. Ex-boyfriends inevitably reappear in about 50% of cases but sometimes this can take months or even years to happen if they are dating someone new, so it’s worthwhile saying you should never put your life on hold waiting.
Now we have covered the different scenarios of an ex-boyfriend dating someone else, I am going to move on to discuss the three things you should do going forward.
The Being There Method
Whilst your ex-boyfriend is dating someone else I want you to practice something called the Being There method.
In the Being There method the aim is not to proactively try to break-up your ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend but simply remain present in his life like a haunting from a friendly ghost!
Remaining present in your ex-boyfriend’s life will make it harder for him to get over you as you as he will be constantly reminded of how great you are, which will prevent him from wanting to fully commit mentally to the new girlfriend.
If you apply the Being There method his new girl will go insane with jealousy and insecurity due to the fact that you are in regular contact with him and this will eventually lead to a breakup.
When you apply the “Being There” method you are going to make sure you are always present in your ex-boyfriend’s life undertaking kind acts and gestures.
This can be anything from texting over old jokes you shared together to reminding him of important dates like his mum’s birthday. Hangouts would be things that were relatively innocent like a trip to the shops or a coffee hangout during the day.
You might even occasionally comment on his social media status or like some pictures…. Just don’t get too carried away!
Try to avoid being flirtatious with your ex as this oversteps the boundaries of appropriateness and will give the new woman good reason to demand he cut off all contact with you, which will limit your ability to influence your ex-boyfriend.
By always remaining angelic, you provide your ex-boyfriend with a perfect reason to rebel against the controlling behavior of his new girlfriend, this will actually help to accelerate their breakup, the relationship will effectively run its course and eventually burn out.
Whilst you are using the Being There method you will find it tempting to flirt with your ex and overstep those boundaries but it is really important you try to avoid that as although it will cause a breakup, it will also cause your ex to resent you for causing that breakup which will damage your chances of winning him back and keeping him, so remember nothing inappropriate until they end it.
Another key concept to mention is that of Mud-Slinging.
So what is Mud-Slinging? This is where you end up arguing with his new girlfriend or speaking badly about her and spreading gossip.
It is crucial that when you are talking to or spending time with your ex-boyfriend, that you do not get caught up in trying to insult his current girlfriend as this will be a huge turn-off.
Your ex-boyfriend will side with each ever girl presents the least amount of drama so mud-slinging will not work in your favor.
If you are complaining about his new girlfriend you will strengthen the bond between them and they will have a common fight against you! However if you let her complain about you, then you can play the innocent party and win his favor!
It is quite common that during the mud-slinging period that your ex-boyfriend will tell you, that his new girlfriend dislikes you or does not like him talking to you. If this happens the best thing you can say is: –
“Really? I don’t know why she feels that way, I have no problem with her. It is not like we are doing anything wrong.”
When you respond like this rather than trying to fight back against her, you will always look like the kind, reasonable party and she will look like the crazy controlling girlfriend in your ex-boyfriend’s eyes.
Responding with grace and dignity is a great way to demonstrate to your ex that you are a high value woman.
Be prepared to gracefully bat away all oncoming insults and slights that may come your way; it is very common for the new woman to undertake considerable research about you and it is surprising how much information a person can discover online or through mutual connections about your life, so be ready to deflect anything that might come up!
Do you see how this approach is going to work now?
You are going to allow her insecurities to shake their relationship on its own. You are going to be friendly, sweet and innocent, and patiently wait to see if they breakup.
Steal her Shine
The Steal her Shine method is something I came up with based upon a psychological principle called the Decoy Effect.
The Decoy Effect is a phenomenon that exists when people are given two similar options to choose from. What happens is they struggle to make a decision until a third slightly better option is introduced.
One day you go to the cinema to watch a movie
You are getting food and drinks and you can’t decide if you want a medium bucket of popcorn or a small Pepsi because you aren’t that hungry. If you were going to get them both, that would cost $9.00 but you think that is too expensive.
When you get to the front of the line, the sales person says that you can get large everything for $10.00.
Your brain thinks, “I only wanted medium but I get a whole lot more for only one dollar….. that seems like a bargain!”
So you pay $10.00 and get the large popcorn and large Pepsi, even though its more food than you can finish and more money than you were prepared to spend, yet you feel like you got a great bargain!
Ok, so that is all very interesting but how exactly do we use it to get your ex-boyfriend back?
Well right now, your ex-boyfriend would struggle to decide which girl he likes the best as you both have similar amount of pro’s and con’s. You and your ex have a lot of history together but then this other woman is exciting because their relationship is shiny and new.
But if you give him a third option where he gets the best of both worlds you can win him back.
So how do you do this?
Easy you offer more value than you did when you were dating!
- Keep being the girl he liked
- Improve the aspects he didn’t like to become the Ungettable Girl
- Steal her shine
I want you to steal her shine by presenting yourself as a brand-new woman. If you do this you will also be offering your ex-boyfriend a shiny new relationship. Just like the one he has with her and in doing so you will be offering more value…. Even though getting back together with you would be more difficult than staying in a relationship with her.
By offering more value, you become the popcorn deal!
The next thing you should do is listen to the information your ex is giving you about her, use that data to your advantage.
When you are applying the Being There method you have the perfect opportunity to learn from her positive features and much as her negative features.
Your ex tells you that his new girlfriend keeps trying to change him. -
- You avoid trying to get him to change because you have learnt that he hates it
Your ex tells you he loves that they go hiking together -
- You post pictures of yourself hiking up a mountain with friends
By combining the old you with the new you, and by learning from the information you are receiving from him you will be giving him the best of both worlds!
Moving On Without Moving On
This is the final topic I want to cover in this article and I think it’s crucial that we do.
When your ex-boyfriend is dating someone new, I want you to start going out on dates and this is for two reasons: –
- Show him he is missing out
- You should not put your life on hold
When you start going on dates, your ex-boyfriend is going to feel a bit jealous and also feel he is missing out on the new improved you. Dating also indicates to him, that if he doesn’t make a move soon, he could lose you forever!
It is just like when a store has a flash sale, when an item is sat there on display you think “I can buy that anytime” however when the salesman tells you that the item is available on offer for a limited time only, suddenly it becomes more desirable as there is a sense of urgency to buy it before it runs out! This is exactly the same approach you take with your ex-boyfriend.
By dating other people, you are showing him that you are only available for a limited time before someone else snaps you up.
The other reason I want you to go out on dates is so you have a plan B, because although the chances of your ex’s new relationship ending in marriage are low, they do still exist and so you need to keep moving forward with your own life and keeping your options open.
If your ex-boyfriend is in a new relationship it could be quite a long time before he becomes single again.
Studies have shown that if a relationship lasts for beyond three months then the likelihood is that the relationship will last for four years so you could be in for a long wait. For that reason, if your ex-boyfriend has been dating someone for three months or more I recommend that you also practice the moving on without moving on method to protect yourself.
Should your ex-boyfriend be in a relationship with a new woman, it is perfectly fine to want to keep the door open and remain in contact in-case they break up but in the meantime, you should continue enjoying life and living it to its fullest.
To summarize what we have talked about in this article,
We have covered the four different scenarios where your ex might be dating someone else along with your chances of getting your ex back.
We have talked about the Being There method and how a breakup can happen just by you being present and friendly in his life.
I have taught you about how being the Ungettable Girl and how stealing her shine will help to win him back. Lastly, we talked about always keeping your options open and moving forward with your life by practicing the moving on without moving on approach.