What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

Why Your Ex Boyfriend Contacts You When Hes In Another Relationship

You find it baffling, don’t you?

Your ex boyfriend appears to be happy with his new girlfriend yet he still ends up contacting you behind the scenes.

All sorts of questions run through your head…

“Is he trying to get back with me?”

“Is he trying to rub the fact that he has a girlfriend in?”

“Is he trying to make me jealous?”

Well, with this guide I plan on answering every single one of those questions. First though, I think its important that we really take a look at your situation.

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

The Situation You Are In

This guide assumes that you and your ex boyfriend have broken up and he has moved on to another girl. What I would really like to explore is the reasons why he may potentially talk to you when he has another girlfriend and believe me when I tell you that there could be a lot of different reasons for that.

Of course, the assumption I am going to make about you is that you probably want your ex boyfriend back in this instance because lets face it, you came to my website, Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

Well, the one thing I want to make you aware of is that this particular page is not a “get your ex boyfriend back” guide. In fact, its actually more of a understand why your ex is contacting you so you can have the insight you need to understand him and hopefully help you get him back.

If you are really searching for a “get your ex boyfriend back” guide then I recommend you take a good hard look at my book,

ExBoyfriend Recovery PRO

Get the Fairy Tale Feeling Back again with our Step-by-Step Guide to Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

Learn More

Ok, lets move on to the meat of this article.

The Reasons Why An Ex Boyfriend May Contact You When He Has A New Girlfriend

reasons meme

I thought really hard about this and have come up with really only six reasons for why an ex boyfriend would want to contact you if he has a new girlfriend,

  1. He has grass is greener syndrome.
  2. He wants to make you jealous.
  3. His new girlfriend is pushing him away and he is looking for you to make him feel better.
  4. He wants to be friends
  5. He wants sex

Now, some of these reasons are good for your quest to get your ex back and some of the reasons are bad. I am going to take an in-depth look at each of these reasons and describe how they will help or hurt your case to get your ex boyfriend back. Lets do that now!

Reason One- He Has The Grass Is Greener Syndrome

grass to be green

You know what the grass is greener syndrome is right?

For those of you whose memories may be a little foggy on what it is allow me to give you a quick crash course.

The Grass Is Greener Syndrome- Is a term used to describe what a man goes through when he starts dating someone new who doesn’t measure up to the standard you set in a relationship with that man. The GIGS (grass is greener syndrome) can also work negatively in your favor if the new person he dates exceeds the standard that you set.

Still a little confused as to how GIGS works.

Ok, lets put this in the perfect context for this guide.

Lets say that you and I dated and had a pretty decent relationship. Of course, I end up breaking up with you and moving on to a new girl. After about two months with this new girl I begin to realize that I may have made a mistake as this new girl can’t really compare to the standard that you set as a girlfriend during our relationship.

This is a perfect example of the grass is greener syndrome working in your favor.

So, what do I mean when I say that one of the reasons that an ex boyfriend could contact you when he has a new girlfriend could be a result of him having the grass is greener syndrome?

Well, its quite simple really.

Lets say that during your ex boyfriends new relationship he begins to compare it to his old relationship with you and determines that his old relationship was better than his new one. For example, lets say that he thinks back to the way you used to take such good care of him when you were sick and his new girlfriend really doesn’t take care of him like that at all.

Well, he is going to think back to that and miss it.

It is that comparison, that feeling of missing some aspect of his old relationship with you that is going to cause him to want to reach out to you.

Does Him Having The GIGS Help or Hurt Your Case To Getting Him Back?

If your ex boyfriend reaches out to you because he misses you or has a serious case of the GIGS I would say that it definitely helps your case in getting him back.

Now, does it mean you will get him back?

Not necessarily…

It helps yes, but you have to realize that it is going to take more than him reaching out to you for you to get him back. One thing that you definitely have on your side though is that if your ex is reaching out to you because of this reason it means that you can give him something that his new girlfriend can’t and most likely never will.

Reason Two- He Wants To Make You Jealous


Breakups are a very hard thing for anyone to go through.

Yes, I am insinuating that your ex boyfriend could be seriously hurting inside after the breakup (even if he was the one who initiated it.) Men often have very unique reactions to breakups. Some will close themselves off from the world building a wall around themselves that prevents anyone from getting in while others take the opposite approach and go into hardcore party mode letting everyone in.

With this guide we are focusing specifically on one reaction, a man who goes out and gets a new girlfriend.

Believe it or not your ex could still be harboring some serious resentment towards you for the breakup (even if it wasn’t your fault) so he will do anything to get back at you. One of those ways that he can “get back at you” is by trying to make you jealous of his new relationship.

What Is Going On Inside Of His Head If He Tries To Make You Jealous?

I feel that I am at my best when I give examples (or made up examples) to illustrate my points so that is what I am going to be doing here.

Lets pretend that your ex boyfriend breaks up with you because he doesn’t feel as strongly as he did for you at the beginning of your relationship. A month goes by and he meets a new girl and starts dating her while you are still reeling from the hurt of the breakup. When you hear that he has moved on your first reaction is pretty normal for this type of thing.

You are hurt, angry and saddened.

Then one day out of the blue your ex boyfriend contacts you and starts talking about how happy he is in his new relationship and how his new girlfriend is the best thing that ever happened to him. It is apparent that he is trying to make you jealous of his new relationship.

First off, what a total a**hole move.

Secondly, why in the world would he do this? Why would he say these things to you?

It’s almost like he is rubbing his new relationship in on purpose because he knows twisting the knife is the ultimate way of hurting you.

I would like to start by saying that in this made up example your ex boyfriend is the one breaking up with you. Most women who are in this situation make the mistake of assuming that their exes aren’t hurting at all. This isn’t actually true because in a mans mind if he is pushed to a point where he has to break up with you then he is going to shift the blame solely on you, the person who forced him to initiate a breakup.

Men think pretty highly of themselves and believe that they are entitled to the best women and the “best woman” wouldn’t ever make them feel like they are pushed to a point where they need to break up with their significant other.

As a result, if a man broke up with you then he might hold some resentment against you because you pushed him to a point where he had to break up with you.

I know it is a really weird way of thinking but that may be what is happening here.

Now, why am I focusing so much on the man breaking up with woman as opposed to the woman breaking up with the man?

In this particular situation, a lot of men who make women jealous are doing so from a place of hurt or anger. To them, its like a warped way to get payback.

Well, if a man was broken up with by you then his motivation to get revenge through jealousy isn’t going to be very hard to pinpoint. On the flip side, if a man broke up with you then that motivation for jealousy might be a little harder to locate (I located it for you above though.)

This brings us to the million dollar question, what does it mean for your chances of getting your ex boyfriend if he attempts to make you jealous by rubbing his new relationship in your face?

Does Him Trying To Make You Jealous Help Or Hurt Your Chances To Get Him Back?

When it comes to this type of stuff I like to look at things in a very logical manner.

What’s my trick for looking at things logically?

I take a good hard look at a persons actions as opposed to what they are saying.

Lets do that with the made up example I gave above.

Already forgot the example we used above?

That’s ok, I can give you a quick refresh.

Your ex boyfriend breaks up with you saying he no longer feels like he did at the beginning of the relationship. Within a month your ex boyfriend meets someone new and starts dating her. After this your ex boyfriend very quickly messages you and attempts to make you jealous of his new relationship.

Lets break this example up into three parts and dissect it.

Part 1- Your ex boyfriend breaks up with you saying he no longer feels like he did at the beginning of the relationship

When you look at this action it seems like it is a pretty strong action stating that your ex doesn’t want to be with you anymore. After all, someone who would want to be with you wouldn’t break up with you. In other words, this action taken by your ex is not really helping your chances of getting him back at all.

Part 2- Within a month your ex boyfriend meets someone new and starts dating her.

This is another action indicative of someone who is trying to move on. While moving on in a month may be too fast for most men there are some cases where this would be an acceptable amount of time. For example, if you and your ex only dated for a month or two. This action taken by your boyfriend really isn’t helping your chances of a reconnection either.

Part 3- After this your ex boyfriend very quickly messages you and attempts to make you jealous of his new relationship.

This is where things start to get really interesting because the actions your ex is taking now by contacting you and trying to make you jealous are indicative of someone who is clearly not over his ex. Take it from someone who knows what it’s like to move on from a relationship successfully. When you have completely moved on from someone you will have no desire to rub things in with them. Why? You won’t care enough to. So, the fact that your ex still finds the need to “rub things in” most likely means that he is not over you and I don’t think you need a palm reader to tell you that, that is good in your quest for trying to get your ex boyfriend back.

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

Reason Three- His New Girlfriend Is Pushing Him Away

not a nag

I want to tell you a really interesting story about a friend of mine.

A few years ago my friend told me something shocking…

He told me that he was thinking about leaving his current girlfriend to get back with his ex girlfriend.

Why was this shocking to me?

I mean, you would think someone who has seen tens of thousands of relationship situations wouldn’t be shocked by anything anymore. Well, the shocking thing to me was the fact that my buddy had nothing but horrible things to say about his ex,

“She’s a demon…”

“She’s a bi%h…”

So, the fact that he was even considering going back to someone who he clearly didn’t think very highly of was strange to me. Of course, I am fascinated by human behavior so I decided to pick his brain as to why he was considering leaving his current girlfriend to get back with his old one.

I asked him one simple question,

“Why would you want to go back with your ex? I thought (insert his current girlfriends name) made you happy?”

His answer was very interesting.

Apparently his new girlfriend was pushing him away.

She was constantly flirting with other men. He actually told me a story about a time that he took her on a date and she texted the entire time while on the date. She had told him that she was just texting friends but he later found out that she was texting another guy with some very flirty text messages.

She was also not meeting his physical needs. Now, my buddy isn’t shy about talking about sex. In fact, he is just a very sexual person and one of his prerequisites for dating is that the girl he dates has to have a similar sex drive to him and while his current girlfriend seemed great at the beginning she would hardly ever sleep with him after a while and this bothered him a lot.

As a result of her behavior he didn’t feel very close or connected to her which forced him to think back to his most recent past relationship.

While his ex did have her faults she never flirted with other men on the level that his current girlfriend did and she definitely made sure his physical needs were met. So, all of a sudden the grass wasn’t so green on the other side after he broke up with his ex.

His current girlfriends behavior really pushed him away and made him unhappy so where do you think he turned?

Yep, his ex girlfriend.

Could He Just Use You To Feel Good About Himself?

Take a situation like my friends above where a current girlfriend isn’t meeting a mans needs either emotionally or physically. Well, in order for most men to be happy they have to have those needs met. So, oftentimes a man can revert back to an ex to get those types of needs met.

Now, I am actually not talking about physical needs so much here though there are cases where that happens. More often than not a man will contact an ex with hopes that she will meet some of his emotional needs.

Usually it starts off with a man venting to his ex about how bad his current relationship is going which can look something like this,



So, when you look at the message above what do you think an ex boyfriend would be trying to accomplish by venting about his current relationship to you?

Well, there are a couple of things that he could be doing here.

Thing One- He wants to vent about his frustrations with his current relationship and trusts you enough to listen to him.

Thing Two- He knows that you have the ability to make him feel better about the situation. So, in other words he wants you to make him feel better about the situation and maybe raise his self confidence a bit.

If Your Exes Girlfriend Pushes Him Away And He Contacts You Does It Help Or Hurt Your Chances?

Lets think about this very logically.

If you are extremely happy in your relationship do you contact your ex?

The logical answer is no.

Obviously there are circumstances where you have to contact an ex if things like pets or kids are involved but for the most part if you are happy you won’t contact an ex.

So, when we put our logic hats on and when we look at a situation where your ex boyfriend is unhappy in his relationship and he contacts you as a result of that then that is definitely a good sign if you want him back.

Let me put this in another way for you to understand.

An ex boyfriend who is having trouble with his current significant other is a more likely to leave her and come back to you than an ex boyfriend who is doing great with his significant other.

Reason Four- He Is Just Being Friendly


Lets do another hypothetical situation since we always have so much fun when we do those 😉 .

Lets say that you break up with your ex boyfriend because he isn’t giving you enough attention. Of course, after the breakup he immediately moves on to someone else. Him moving on so fast kind of stings you a bit but you know you’ll survive given some time.

Of course, after some time does pass you begin to realize that you have have made a mistake breaking up with your boyfriend because time has revealed that life just isn’t the same without him. The only problem now is that he has moved on and appears to be happy in his relationship with his new girlfriend.

You begin thinking to yourself,

“There is no way I can get back with him so why should I even try?’

Ah… at last some logic kicks in, right?

You decide to move on and forget your ex boyfriend since it is a lost cause and just when you think you are ready to turn the corner and be free of your feelings for your ex you get a text from him that looks like this,

frinedly ex text

What does it mean?

All of a sudden out of the blue your ex texts you? Is he trying to get back with you? Is he unhappy in his relationship and looking for reassurance from you? Does he have the grass is greener syndrome?


Turns out, some men just like being friendly with their exes with no extra intentions other than being friendly.

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

Are Most Men Friendly With Their Exes?

I have a bit of a confession to make.

I actually don’t understand how some men can be friends with their exes. In fact, I never have and I have to say that when I go by my own experience in this life it is rare to find a man that is on really good terms with his ex.

(Which I suppose is good news for if you are trying to win your ex boyfriend back.)

You see, in my opinion most men can’t be friends with their exes since all kinds of emotional and physical baggage is involved.

Think of it like this.

As much as you try to convince yourself otherwise you are never going to be able to just be friends with someone who you used to,

  • Say “I love you” to.
  • Sleep with (as in sex.)
  • Cuddle with very intimately.
  • Held hands with.
  • Kissed passionately.
  • I think you get the idea.

I am a guy and I have had friends of the opposite sex and let me tell you have I never done any of the above with them.

I have never said “I love you” to them..

I have never had sex with them…

I have never cuddled with them…

I have never held hands with them…

I have never kissed them…

In fact, isn’t it all of that stuff that separates friends from boyfriends or girlfriends?

I  guess the point I am trying to make here is that most men won’t truly be friends with their exes because they understand that once you open Pandora’s box of dating there is no going back. However, every once in a while you will get a guy who just wants to be friendly for the sake of being friendly after a breakup and it is important for you to recognize the signs to decipher if your ex is doing this to you.

What are some of the signs?

I’m glad you asked.

Signs Your Ex Is Just Trying To Be Friendly With You

I think its important to remember that we are focusing in on a specific situation here.

If your ex boyfriend contacts you when he has a new girlfriend.

Turns out that, that new girlfriend is going to be a bit of a factor on if your ex is just contacting you for the sake of being friendly (though I personally think that exes can’t really ever be friends the way they were before they started dating.) Study your exes new relationship and determine if he is really happy with his new girlfriend.

If your ex is extremely happy with her then it could be possible that he was just reaching out to you to check up on you and be nice and he has no intentions of things progressing further than that.

The next thing that I think you should take a look at is his past romantic history. How did his breakups go?

Were they knock out, drag out fights where he completely cut his ex out of his life?


Were they relatively calm where he really didn’t have much bad to say about his exes?

If his past breakups were calm then maybe it’s just in his personality to be a peacekeeper.

A lot of figuring out if your ex is just being friendly is going to revolve around your own knowledge of his personality. So, make sure you put your thinking cap on here.

Is It Good or Bad For My Chances Of Winning Him Back If He Is Just Being Friendly?

It is definitely NOT GOOD for your chances if your ex is just being friendly.

I mean, the whole reason he is just being friendly towards you is just to keep the peace or maybe he is just a nice person like that.

So, when we look at your overall chances of winning him back things in this instance things aren’t looking so great.

Reason Five- He Wants Sex

(Disclaimer- I have decided that I am going to be brutally honest about what men think about sex for you ladies in this section. Some of what I say may definitely disturb you so I just want to give you a heads up before I get going here.)


Sex is an incredible motivator for a man.

I mean, you won’t believe the things that men are capable of doing when sex enters the equation. Sex makes us all a little crazy to be honest. Sometimes that crazy translates into good and sometimes it translates into bad.

For example, some men will grow extremely attached to the woman that they sleep with. The will commit to her like no other and love her until the day they die and in a weird way it can all be tracked back to sex or the love that these men have for their women as a result of sex. This would be an example of the good kind of crazy that leads to life long commitments and happy endings.

Now, the bad kind of crazy is what we are going to be looking at exclusively in this section.

Want an example of the bad kind of crazy.

Ok, sex can make some men so crazy that they are willing to cheat on their girlfriends with someone else just because they want that 5 second feeling over and over again and just being with one woman isn’t enough.

You know how much I love giving examples right?

Well, try this one on for size.

A Frightening Example

Imagine for a moment that you and your ex boyfriend dated for five years.

Now, five years is a pretty long time to date someone so towards the end neither of you did anything to keep your relationship fresh so he ended up breaking up with you citing this exact reason,

“Things are kind of boring with us. We do the same stuff all the time and I need more excitement in my life.”

So, just like all of  the “fun” examples on this page your ex boyfriend moves on to someone else and starts dating her. Around the six month mark you get a call from your ex and you notice that he is extremely flirty with you. Now, you haven’t quite gotten over the breakup since 5 years is a long time and you just aren’t as quick with dealing with your feelings as he is so you welcome the flirting.

Of course, then the flirting evolves into something else… something sexual.

At first you are a little alarmed since he does have a girlfriend but your own feelings override your logic and you are just happy to be looked as a sexual being again.

Pretty soon he is asking to see you and it is very apparent what is on his mind, sex.

So, here is my question for you.

What is happening here?

A number of things could be happening. Maybe his new girlfriend isn’t satisfying his physical needs properly. Maybe he compared her to you in bed and you won the comparison (GIGS anyone?) Maybe he is trying to set up a friends with benefits relationship with you.

Whatever the case, the fact that he is willing to cheat on his current girlfriend with you is a major red flag.

Lets take a step back for a second and look at his perspective for a bit. Particularly this friends with benefits idea.

His Opinion Of Friends With Benefits With An Ex

If everything works out in his warped world here is what will happen.

He will continue to get sex from his current girlfriend while at the same time having you on the hook enough to believe in this friends with benefits idea so he can get sex from you too. So, not only is he going to be getting a ton of sex on a regular basis which is a prospect good enough for any man to celebrate (FYI I am talking about sex on a regular basis not the cheating/friends with benefits) but he will also get the excitement of having two lovers.

To him having you on the side is a very attractive prospect.

But why go after an ex?

Why not make a new friend and set up a friends with benefits type of relationship with her?

The answer is that it takes too long and that he is lazy. He already knows he has gotten you in the past. He probably assumes you still have feelings for him and he is manipulative enough to leverage those feelings to his advantage. To him you are just the easiest lay…

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

But What If I Sleep With Him And He Leaves Her For Me?

Ok, I want to make one thing abundantly clear.

Any man who is willing to cheat on his current girlfriend with his ex (which would be you in this case) is not a man worth pursuing.

I am not ruling out the possibility that he could leave her for you but in my experience this is extremely rare. Usually what happens is that the girlfriend finds out he is cheating on her, she breaks up with him and you are the logical choice to keep sleeping with until he can find another girl.

Please don’t fall for this.

I am begging you.

Oh, and I don’t think I have to tell you if your chances are good for getting him back if he tries to sleep with you when he has a new girlfriend.

HINT HINT… They aren’t.


Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

300 thoughts on “Why Your Ex Boyfriend Contacts You When Hes In Another Relationship”

  1. Donna

    November 18, 2017 at 2:25 pm

    If men think pretty highly of themselves and believe that they are entitled to the best women, common sense says they will always be looking outside their current relationship to find another woman that is better than the one they are committed to. Since there are always going to be women smarter, funnier, more beautiful, etc., this logic will ensure that men will never stay with one woman. The cycle will continue if, or until they become self aware and adopt some healthy understanding of what being in a real relationship means instead and not be lead by their ego. This doesn’t seem to be that encouraging for those of us that have been married for over a decade and our husbands have left us for their affair partner. It tells us that we were objectified and not valued for who we are. What inventive is there to be in a another relationship?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 20, 2017 at 5:31 am

      Hi Donna,

      That’s an insecure guy.. The right kind of guy will still appreciate other women but not jump from one to another..

      Being your best self is a way of respecting him and the relationship, and of course yourself.. When you’re your best self, you stay true to who you are, and the right guy will love the real you..

      And another important factors in relationships are variety and mystery .. If you’re not always available and you’re constantly improving yourself for yourself, that means there’s always something he’ll be curious about with you..
      And in that way, you also stay interdependent because you have your own life..

  2. Alexa

    November 18, 2017 at 10:22 am

    Hi Chris,

    I am currently cohabiting with my ex bf (4 years together) because our rental contract has not ended yet. It will be ending in 2 months time. Even though he dumped me, he still want to be friends with me, so he keeps asking me out for lunches and dinner. When I ask him why he is doing this, he says it is because he wants to end our relationship on a good note. Eventhough I have lunch and dinner with him, he seems to be texting other girls all the time. Does this mean that he really has moved on and just really want to be friends with me? He even asked me for sex but he say directly to my face that he just wants sex and ask me not to have any hope on getting back together.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 20, 2017 at 5:20 am

      Hi Alexa,

      He’s trying to be friends with benefits with you..

  3. Weronica

    October 30, 2017 at 9:04 am

    I was dating a guy for 5 months. He’s my 1st one. We got acquainted during our exchange period in another country. So, we were dating, we lived together, travelled the world, he was telling me about our “future”, and I know he wasn’t playing with me back then, he was sincere, but then something happened… He told me that I should understand that we will break up since we live in different countries and it’s really difficult for him to be in a long distance relationship and since we are students we don’t have enough money to travel to each other often and it’s going to be extremely difficult. I just agreed on that and he said that we going to be friends.
    When we came back to our home countries, he in less than a month got back with his ex. He told me he broke up with her because of me back then. He kept texting me and I came to him after 2 months. We met etc. and just enjoyed our time together. I kissed another guy and my ex was extremely jealous and really was close to kill me. And he was always really jealous.
    So, for now, he is still with his gf, but texts me every day. Some texts are “sexts”.
    I don’t understand what’s going on in his head. I still love him. Every time we text I feel good, but then something related to her pops up and it hurts.
    I don’t know how to react; I don’t want to lose him. And I don’t want to be a sidechick or backup plan. Whatever.
    I would appreciate any advice or thoughts considering my situation!
    I don’t have much experience in that stuff and just love him blindly.
    Thank уou.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 1, 2017 at 3:30 pm

      Hi Weronica,

      If you’re sexting, that means you’re friends with benefits.. Check this one:
      Sleeping with Your Ex Boyfriend… Does It Work?

  4. Patsy

    October 27, 2017 at 3:00 pm

    Hi Cris,
    It has been three years since my break up. I actually ended the relationship because he cheated. He moved on quickly and went through a few new ones but now he is engaged. He always kept in touch and now he wants to talk to me about his fiance, in a negative way and says he is not going to marry her. I asked him not to talk to me about their problems and he stopped so the next time he contacted me he asked why did I end it and says he would have handled thing differently with me. Every time he gets a new facebook account he adds me as a friend and he will do something or say something on facebook, contrary to what he says when he calls me regarding his new relationship. i don’t have time for games or drama so, I delete him as a friend. I don’t know what he is up to or what he wants but I suspect he wants to feel me out to see if he can cheat with me, on her like he cheated on me. I am a really nice person but sometimes I think i can’t be his friend because it is all so confusing and too much drama.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 30, 2017 at 8:25 pm

      Hi Patsy,

      Then don’t..you shouldn’t be friends with him..

  5. Mercy

    August 28, 2017 at 3:33 pm

    He cheated on me after being together for 3 years. I went NC for a month. 2 weeks he tried calling me which I did not pick up. After 2 weeks he started dating the girl he cheated me with. But after 2 more weeks, texted me and called me saying he misses me and loves me. I replied him asking him not to string me along, either be with me or break it up. He asked sometime and I replied I can’t wait. He replied he already told his gf about us. I replied repeating not to throw breadcrumbs and string me along; either be with me or break it off. As I understand he is planning to propose to her. It has been 4 days after my last text and no reply yet. I assume he is going to get engaged and married soon. Should I wait or move on?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 28, 2017 at 7:39 pm

  6. Sheelagh

    August 19, 2017 at 3:01 pm

    I broke up with my man and pretty quickly he is with someone else. This gave me a kick i needed to realise i want him back. I did the 3 week no contact and we text occasionally but nothing flirty. He texted me to say he wasn’t going to mutual friends party and if i was going to enjoy? Why if he has moved on? Would ot be mad to meet him and explain things in a cheerful way how i feel. The not knowing is driving me mad!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 22, 2017 at 6:38 pm

      Hi Sheelagh,

      when and why did you break up, how long was the relationship, how much did you improve during and after nc, and were you active in posting?

    2. Nica

      September 22, 2017 at 6:51 pm

      I was dating a guy for 3 years. During those three years we decided to take a break. To me a break means that we just need to be away from one another to miss each other to reconnect and to try to work things out. Come to find out that he had met somebody in June of this year 2017 and then he told me that he had slept with her. I told him that we were on a break, why would he slept with somebody. So I broke it off. And now he’s been calling and texting me even though he still seeing the other person and still wanting sexual favors from me. What do I tell him? Without being the nasty women. I want to be friends and nothing else. But he get mad at me for saying this. He cheated on me. I don’t want any kind of sexual relationship with him without looking like the bad persons. Or getting emotionally connect to him again. I’m Trying to be nice about this whole situation. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 27, 2017 at 4:32 pm

  7. Maria

    August 15, 2017 at 3:21 pm

    I been leaving with my boyfriend for few mounts. We never fight and enjoyed every moment together. We had different ways how to reise the children which we bough had from provirus relationships. One day he just moved out after one of conflicts with the kids. We tried few times to get back but problem with kids always ended the same. We try be friends with benefits but after a while he starts avoid me saing that we shouldn’t seeing each others because we not work together. We not been in touch for a while till we start seeing each other on the street. I text him politely n shortelly he asked me to meet for sex. I said no and I said that I’m seeing someone. But we decide to be friends. He talks to me friendly n then he stops saying that he not want relationship, that he wants to look after his child till child need it. I didn’t ask him to get back together. Two weeks after I called him when I was very upset. He spoked with me,gives a friendly advise but he didn’t want to hung up for a drink saying that he not want to be with anyone,that’s not right time , that he knows that we will have a grate time together but we shouldn’t meet. we still friends. A week after I call him he didn’t pick up because it was his work time, he text me back asking what’s wrong I said that I thought we are friends but my messages didn’t go true to him any more. So I wanted find out what’s wrong.He text me that he seeing someone and he don’t want ruin it but he still will be my friend. I don’t understand why he saing me that he want to be single till his child grow enough to not need him, saing that he is single and when I give him more attention a week after he saing me that he is in a relationship. I’m so confused.

  8. eden

    August 4, 2017 at 2:19 pm

    we been together for 1 years after 3 mounth we broke up he found new girl friend from his basis
    he send me a massage when I almost forgot him
    one day I went to his house and we slept .it happened more time I told him it hard for me to be in this sitiuation .he not understand I don’t understand if u don’t love your girl why u still with her .they are now 6 mounth together but he still send massage after 24 days I didnt spoke with him
    I don’t know what I should do

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 6, 2017 at 9:34 am

  9. Mimi

    July 7, 2017 at 10:52 pm

    OK. So… I have a question. We have been together almost 4 years. I’ve done everything for this man. I was the first and only woman to meet his mother and sister who means everything to him. I was literally there for him when he was shooting up. I literally saved this mans life. We been through it all. We have a baby girl. She’s 1. We just got married 2 months ago. Then one day at work I get a text saying we need to have a BIG talk. I knew something wasn’t right. He said I messed up this month I met someone and she makes me happy. He also said he slept with her. So he moved out into her house. 2 days later i put in my 2 weeks at work and told him i was moving to my moms. 3 hours away. So this is where it gets tricky. He doesn’t want me to leave but he hasn’t come home. He does not want a divorce. But yet he’s with her. He got super possesive when I said someone was dropping off the boxes that I don’t need him to bring any. Then he freaked out and said who like 6 times. Then he said what if I decide to come home. What if I’m sitting in your couch with my bags of clothes. Then I said I gotta go, AGAIN he freaked out but where ?? Where are u going?? Then he starts sending me naked pics of me in a text saying I’m his. That my ass is his lol. I ignored him .I said sorry I don’t wanna get back with you. I’ve changed. He said OK I’ll leave u alone. Next day he’s accusing me saying who is staying at my house with me. I said no one I’m not seeing anyone yet I’m not ready. Then he said let’s move together and start fresh. I said do you work today? Let’s talk in person. To which he replied I can’t Im working late all these days.I’ll come on Monday (today’s is Friday). Then few hours later he texts me he quit His job….. I didn’t answer. If he quit why doesn’t he want to meet up? He knows I move in a week. He’s about to lose me forever. Help

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 9, 2017 at 7:02 pm

      Are you really moving out? If yes, just let him freak out through the whole limited nc..Check this one too:
      The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

  10. Dani

    July 4, 2017 at 3:00 am

    Hi there,
    My ex has a girlfriend for 1
    month now, and I have not been in contact with him since they made it official, he showed up at my work unexpectedly today to come tell me in person that he is moving back home which is in another state.
    I was not expecting this news or to see him, so my immediate reaction was sadness and my eyes just filled up with tears I tried my best to hold it back, and I could see he was also tearing up just before he left, why did he not just sent me a message with that news?

    I obviously still have feelings for him, and I feel this girl has just been a rebound from the start. But seeing him and saying goodbye is just bringing back so much hurt
    and emotions.
    He then asked if we can go for lunch later this week before he leaves. I told him that I will go.

    My q is, why not just text me the news? And why the lunch?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 5, 2017 at 4:32 pm

      Have you gone to lunch by this time? Honestly, it’s better not to assume..just go so you’ll know

  11. Louise

    June 29, 2017 at 8:51 am

    Hi, I need help..

    I don’t know what’s going on anymore.. my ex and I have been split for a year now and I’m that year we’ve had our ups and downs we’ve been so close to getting back together and then been so far apart from each other.

    About 2 months ago my ex got into a relationship with a girl who is the complete opposite of me.. he told me it was what he wanted and if I found it hard to talk to him maybe we shouldn’t talk (he knew I still loved him) so I did exactly that I did 30 days no contact I went out more with friends I met new people I started seeing someone new for a few weeks I was happy to say the least..

    A few weeks later I got a random text of my ex apologising for not replying to a message i sent him a week earlier (his dad had passed away and we hadnt spoke since the funeral) I text him back asking how he’s been and before long he phoned me telling me his life was a mess his head was all over the place he wasn’t happy in his relationship with his girlfriend saying they’ve only been together a few months but he feels like it’s been so long and he doesn’t want to do it anymore.
    anyways we still talk every now and then and he tells me without me asking about his relationship and I say that I’ll always be there to listen to him

    A few days ago I went abroad and everyday he facetimed me and asked how I was he even facetimed me ont birthday so him mum could wish me happy birthday. He told me while I was still away he still loved me and wanted us to try again and have a second chance basically everything I’ve wanted to hear. He said he just needs to sort his situation.
    Apparently he went to her house to talk and have the chat but it didn’t work out the way he wanted.
    He talks to me still now and when I ask he say yeah we’re good thanks. I feel like when they are good I get dropped like I’m nothing and when they go through a rough patch he wants me around
    He’s promised to come see me in September when I’m home alone.
    We talk on the phone almost every night I love this man so much I don’t know what I’m supposed to do I still get upset a year later. I want him back more than anything I just don’t know how long I can keep up the pretence that I don’t care he’s with someone else.
    Please help!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 30, 2017 at 2:22 pm

      Set a limit until when you’re going to do this because the longer you stay, the more youre going to be friendzoned

  12. Vivian

    June 5, 2017 at 8:20 pm

    So my ex texted me yesterday… I am not sure the reason why he texted me though since the conversation was brief.. He has a girlfriend( i don’t know if that’s true though)he told me he does have a girlfriend..but surely i don’t know the reason as to why he texted . If he asks for sex what should i say to him since he has a girl? Chris recommends not to have such a guy in your life but can i do something to make him change if that’s the reason he texted ? .. but what if he’s also trying to be friendly and to keep peace and he’s dating? Can i still have a chance with him? I love him still but i let him go and he texted me.. What can i do to improve my chances in those situations that are difficult to have a chance? Please help me

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 7, 2017 at 5:39 pm

      you dont know if he has a girlfriend but he told you he has a gf? You cant change other people, that’s what standards are for. If they change for you, good, be thankful.. but dont take the credit for that.. That’s decision was made by that person, you didnt make it for them. That’s one of the characteristics of ungettable girls, they dont chase.. if he wants you, then he has to do the work. If you want to be treated better, dont allow what you dont want to happen to you.

  13. MAY

    May 19, 2017 at 10:59 pm

    Ok so I have a question.. I feel like I may already know the answer to this but I’d like to know others options on my situation..

    Ok so he wasn’t exactly a boyfriend more of a fling (slept together).. but I did have feelings for him. Anyway the reason why we didn’t keep pursing anything is because he stoped messaging me so I felt like I did some wrong anyway 7 years goes by .. I see him rerguarly as he works up the road but never make eye connect with him because it just felt awkward.. then one day I seen him and he just started me.. I don’t know how to describe it but it was a good stare.. Anyway so I decided to message him on Facebook and tell him I’m sorry for being a snob and being so rude every time I see you that it’s just to Anward.. he replies back that he never thought things were awkward and that how his misuses is having a baby and how excited he is… So I congratulate him and say maybe one day we can hang out again (friend way not sex) anyway 2 years goes by and were still talking on messenger.. I do have a boyfriend by the way.. Anyway in between all these messages he talks a about sex but then talks about how his feelings are still there for me.. one day I went off at him.. Anyway I’m so confused.. I don’t know wether he just wants sex or those feelings are actually there.. it’s hard to tell with a guy they will tell you anything to make you feel good.. wether like it says up above I’m his easiest option because he’s already had me before.. or that his relationship isn’t working.. we have actually talked about meeting up.. we did have a fight once and he apologized and said that he guessed that he was looking for an outlet.. please let me know your thoughts.. my feelings are still there and I am so confused.. please let me know what you think his intentions are or what is on his mind.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 21, 2017 at 6:03 pm

      I think the quickest way to know is to ask how he’s relationship is going..

  14. Lucy

    April 27, 2017 at 6:10 am

    Hi team EBF!
    I would like to thank you for the guide in getting back your ex. I’ve did the No Contact (successful!) did the First contact texts + tide theory (success!) and soon progressed to going out casually 2-3 times a week without sex ;). After a few weeks of that, he has been behaving like a puppy in love with me again. Surprisingly, I am not that eager to get back with him anymore. I must admit it is during the NC period that i made lots of self-reflection on my role (not his) in the relationship and realised there is nothing i can do to change the past. But who knows what the future holds?

    So here’s for the readers out there to treat the No Contact period seriously. It’s only 30 days of your life that guarantees your sanity. I stopped talking about the breakup to friends & family after a week and vent everything into a journal. It’s a very difficult 30 days but hey, i made it out alive..

    Cheers Team EBF! Thank you 🙂

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 30, 2017 at 7:53 am

      Thank you for sharing Lucy!

  15. Patti

    April 23, 2017 at 3:40 am

    My EX and I were LD. I broke it off several times but went back talking to him as I thought I made a mistake and I do things rashly in other areas of my life. Broke it off basically because he was talking to other women online. I even suspected he had another woman due to rarely ever speaking about anyone in his life or talking about his days, other than sleeping or working. Each time I contacted he wrote back almost immediately and said he loves me and always will, and thinks of me often.

    I recently found out he has a brain tumor which appears to be terminal but he is taking treatments. I contacted because I cared and was concerned. He responded right away and we texted all night and then two weeks after. Each time though he would end the conversation at some point, by not writing back. If i didn’t follow up, I wouldn’t hear from him. I let a week or so go by and never heard back.

    Went online and saw that he had died with a long obituary describing all his family members. To my shock there was a photo of him marrying some blond woman!! The date of the photo was a month prior. I was absolutely speechless and angry knowing I had been with him for over 2 years LD and he never mentioned anyone!

    Would you give me your opinion on this and advise if he was likely seeing her all along? I’m sure he wouldn’t just marry someone he just met. Why was he being all lovey dovey with me?

    I just don’t get it.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 28, 2017 at 6:26 pm

      Wait, you mean he’s dead now?

  16. Samantha

    April 16, 2017 at 7:12 am


    My boyfriend and I dated for 5 months and he broke it off by stating that we had “obvious differences” – but since the “official” break up we have been texting daily for about a month and then he texted that he met someone new and started dating them. He continued to text me and I told him not to. He went three weeks with NC and then texted again at 11:30pm to ask “how are you”? – I responded by asking him to stop texting me as I feel it’s unfair to me – his response is that he is just being friendly and would like to remain as friends –
    Do you believe this to be true or does he have other motives?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 16, 2017 at 2:48 pm

      he might be trying to friendzone you.. were you friends with benefits before?

    2. Samantha

      April 16, 2017 at 3:45 pm

      No –
      we don’t and won’t ever see each other (not in the same proximity) –
      I think he just needs some comfort knowing that I’m there? or trying to ease his guilt about breaking up with me?

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 16, 2017 at 5:23 pm

      That’s good that you weren’t. it might be the second reason or he’s trying to friend zone you because he’s still used to talking to you

  17. Miwa

    March 27, 2017 at 10:52 am

    Hi Chris,
    I really like your advice based on human psychology and behavior, and the examples that are easy to understand. I really appreciate your generosity and kindness for providing such useful advice to all.
    I have broken up with my ex-boyfriend last July (8 months ago) who was with me for 8 months and I kept pursuing him over 5 months until last December. However, I tried ‘no contact rule’ for 30 days through mid-December to mid-January. He kept sending text messages to me while I was ignoring him for the ‘no contact period’ and he told me he missed me and he wants to give a second try for our relationship when we met after the ‘no contact period’. However, I knew he has been casually sleeping with multiple girls after we broken up and I didn’t feel he was serious enough about getting back together. Moreover, I thought it’s not a good idea getting back together so easily especially when he has some girls to sleep with. I answered him ‘ I don’t know about it’. We met few times after that and he wanted to sleep with me, but I refused it because I thought it was inadequate. The problem is that we are in a same salsa community and we see each other at salsa parties even when I don’t want to see him. I’ve also heard that he has been sleeping with some girls in the community which made me upset and I told him that I was upset. Since them, he said he wants to keep in touch with me, but he looks like he stopped pursuing me. I am not sure what to do anymore. Please advice!!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 28, 2017 at 4:54 pm

      Hi Miwa,

      that’s good that you didn’t sleep with him, because it looks like that’s just what he wants.. if he is serious with you, he should be faithful and perseverant in getting you back.. Either you move on or set a time limit and you just keep improving yourself and refusing him while telling him your standards

  18. Yna

    February 27, 2017 at 4:55 pm

    Hi Chris

    my boyfriend broke up with me because he thinks we dont have spark and he is no longer happy with me but he said he loves me after i 2 or 3 weeks i heard that he is dating his new officemate.were in 4years relationship.we broke up 4 months ago.last february they officially in a relationship.every time he has a problem with the girl he always told me even he said that im not the right person to listen to his problem.were friends.i really love him because his the one.i was confused if i have a chance.sometime he said he miss me he has a feeling for me.if he they have problem im always there for him.he said im dont deserve someone like him.what im going to do?.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 27, 2017 at 8:00 pm

      Hi Yna,

      do you want to try the no contact rule?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *