By Chris Seiter

Updated on May 4th, 2021

You find it baffling, don’t you?

Your ex boyfriend appears to be happy with his new girlfriend yet he still ends up contacting you behind the scenes.

All sorts of questions run through your head…

“Is he trying to get back with me?”

“Is he trying to rub the fact that he has a girlfriend in?”

“Is he trying to make me jealous?”

Well, with this guide I plan on answering every single one of those questions. First though, I think its important that we really take a look at your situation.

The Situation You Are In

This guide assumes that you and your ex boyfriend have broken up and he has moved on to another girl. What I would really like to explore is the reasons why he may potentially talk to you when he has another girlfriend and believe me when I tell you that there could be a lot of different reasons for that.

Of course, the assumption I am going to make about you is that you probably want your ex boyfriend back in this instance because lets face it, you came to my website, Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

Well, the one thing I want to make you aware of is that this particular page is not a “get your ex boyfriend back” guide. In fact, its actually more of a understand why your ex is contacting you so you can have the insight you need to understand him and hopefully help you get him back.

If you are really searching for a “get your ex boyfriend back” guide then I recommend you take a good hard look at my book,

Ok, lets move on to the meat of this article.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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The Reasons Why An Ex Boyfriend May Contact You When He Has A New Girlfriend

reasons meme

I thought really hard about this and have come up with really only six reasons for why an ex boyfriend would want to contact you if he has a new girlfriend,

  1. He has grass is greener syndrome.
  2. He wants to make you jealous.
  3. His new girlfriend is pushing him away and he is looking for you to make him feel better.
  4. He wants to be friends
  5. He wants sex

Now, some of these reasons are good for your quest to get your ex back and some of the reasons are bad. I am going to take an in-depth look at each of these reasons and describe how they will help or hurt your case to get your ex boyfriend back. Lets do that now!

Reason One- He Has The Grass Is Greener Syndrome

grass to be green

You know what the grass is greener syndrome is right?

For those of you whose memories may be a little foggy on what it is allow me to give you a quick crash course.

The Grass Is Greener Syndrome- Is a term used to describe what a man goes through when he starts dating someone new who doesn’t measure up to the standard you set in a relationship with that man. The GIGS (grass is greener syndrome) can also work negatively in your favor if the new person he dates exceeds the standard that you set.

Still a little confused as to how GIGS works.

Ok, lets put this in the perfect context for this guide.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Lets say that you and I dated and had a pretty decent relationship. Of course, I end up breaking up with you and moving on to a new girl. After about two months with this new girl I begin to realize that I may have made a mistake as this new girl can’t really compare to the standard that you set as a girlfriend during our relationship.

This is a perfect example of the grass is greener syndrome working in your favor.

So, what do I mean when I say that one of the reasons that an ex boyfriend could contact you when he has a new girlfriend could be a result of him having the grass is greener syndrome?

Well, its quite simple really.

Lets say that during your ex boyfriends new relationship he begins to compare it to his old relationship with you and determines that his old relationship was better than his new one. For example, lets say that he thinks back to the way you used to take such good care of him when you were sick and his new girlfriend really doesn’t take care of him like that at all.

Well, he is going to think back to that and miss it.

It is that comparison, that feeling of missing some aspect of his old relationship with you that is going to cause him to want to reach out to you.

Does Him Having The GIGS Help or Hurt Your Case To Getting Him Back?

If your ex boyfriend reaches out to you because he misses you or has a serious case of the GIGS I would say that it definitely helps your case in getting him back.

Now, does it mean you will get him back?

Not necessarily…

It helps yes, but you have to realize that it is going to take more than him reaching out to you for you to get him back. One thing that you definitely have on your side though is that if your ex is reaching out to you because of this reason it means that you can give him something that his new girlfriend can’t and most likely never will.

Reason Two- He Wants To Make You Jealous


Breakups are a very hard thing for anyone to go through.

Yes, I am insinuating that your ex boyfriend could be seriously hurting inside after the breakup (even if he was the one who initiated it.) Men often have very unique reactions to breakups. Some will close themselves off from the world building a wall around themselves that prevents anyone from getting in while others take the opposite approach and go into hardcore party mode letting everyone in.

With this guide we are focusing specifically on one reaction, a man who goes out and gets a new girlfriend.

Believe it or not your ex could still be harboring some serious resentment towards you for the breakup (even if it wasn’t your fault) so he will do anything to get back at you. One of those ways that he can “get back at you” is by trying to make you jealous of his new relationship.

What Is Going On Inside Of His Head If He Tries To Make You Jealous?

I feel that I am at my best when I give examples (or made up examples) to illustrate my points so that is what I am going to be doing here.

Lets pretend that your ex boyfriend breaks up with you because he doesn’t feel as strongly as he did for you at the beginning of your relationship. A month goes by and he meets a new girl and starts dating her while you are still reeling from the hurt of the breakup. When you hear that he has moved on your first reaction is pretty normal for this type of thing.

You are hurt, angry and saddened.

Then one day out of the blue your ex boyfriend contacts you and starts talking about how happy he is in his new relationship and how his new girlfriend is the best thing that ever happened to him. It is apparent that he is trying to make you jealous of his new relationship.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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First off, what a total a**hole move.

Secondly, why in the world would he do this? Why would he say these things to you?

It’s almost like he is rubbing his new relationship in on purpose because he knows twisting the knife is the ultimate way of hurting you.

I would like to start by saying that in this made up example your ex boyfriend is the one breaking up with you. Most women who are in this situation make the mistake of assuming that their exes aren’t hurting at all. This isn’t actually true because in a mans mind if he is pushed to a point where he has to break up with you then he is going to shift the blame solely on you, the person who forced him to initiate a breakup.

Men think pretty highly of themselves and believe that they are entitled to the best women and the “best woman” wouldn’t ever make them feel like they are pushed to a point where they need to break up with their significant other.

As a result, if a man broke up with you then he might hold some resentment against you because you pushed him to a point where he had to break up with you.

I know it is a really weird way of thinking but that may be what is happening here.

Now, why am I focusing so much on the man breaking up with woman as opposed to the woman breaking up with the man?

In this particular situation, a lot of men who make women jealous are doing so from a place of hurt or anger. To them, its like a warped way to get payback.

Well, if a man was broken up with by you then his motivation to get revenge through jealousy isn’t going to be very hard to pinpoint. On the flip side, if a man broke up with you then that motivation for jealousy might be a little harder to locate (I located it for you above though.)

This brings us to the million dollar question, what does it mean for your chances of getting your ex boyfriend if he attempts to make you jealous by rubbing his new relationship in your face?

Does Him Trying To Make You Jealous Help Or Hurt Your Chances To Get Him Back?

When it comes to this type of stuff I like to look at things in a very logical manner.

What’s my trick for looking at things logically?

I take a good hard look at a persons actions as opposed to what they are saying.

Lets do that with the made up example I gave above.

Already forgot the example we used above?

That’s ok, I can give you a quick refresh.

Your ex boyfriend breaks up with you saying he no longer feels like he did at the beginning of the relationship. Within a month your ex boyfriend meets someone new and starts dating her. After this your ex boyfriend very quickly messages you and attempts to make you jealous of his new relationship.

Lets break this example up into three parts and dissect it.

Part 1- Your ex boyfriend breaks up with you saying he no longer feels like he did at the beginning of the relationship

When you look at this action it seems like it is a pretty strong action stating that your ex doesn’t want to be with you anymore. After all, someone who would want to be with you wouldn’t break up with you. In other words, this action taken by your ex is not really helping your chances of getting him back at all.

Part 2- Within a month your ex boyfriend meets someone new and starts dating her.

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This is another action indicative of someone who is trying to move on. While moving on in a month may be too fast for most men there are some cases where this would be an acceptable amount of time. For example, if you and your ex only dated for a month or two. This action taken by your boyfriend really isn’t helping your chances of a reconnection either.

Part 3- After this your ex boyfriend very quickly messages you and attempts to make you jealous of his new relationship.

This is where things start to get really interesting because the actions your ex is taking now by contacting you and trying to make you jealous are indicative of someone who is clearly not over his ex. Take it from someone who knows what it’s like to move on from a relationship successfully. When you have completely moved on from someone you will have no desire to rub things in with them. Why? You won’t care enough to. So, the fact that your ex still finds the need to “rub things in” most likely means that he is not over you and I don’t think you need a palm reader to tell you that, that is good in your quest for trying to get your ex boyfriend back.

Reason Three- His New Girlfriend Is Pushing Him Away

not a nag

I want to tell you a really interesting story about a friend of mine.

A few years ago my friend told me something shocking…

He told me that he was thinking about leaving his current girlfriend to get back with his ex girlfriend.

Why was this shocking to me?

I mean, you would think someone who has seen tens of thousands of relationship situations wouldn’t be shocked by anything anymore. Well, the shocking thing to me was the fact that my buddy had nothing but horrible things to say about his ex,

“She’s a demon…”

“She’s a bi%h…”

So, the fact that he was even considering going back to someone who he clearly didn’t think very highly of was strange to me. Of course, I am fascinated by human behavior so I decided to pick his brain as to why he was considering leaving his current girlfriend to get back with his old one.

I asked him one simple question,

“Why would you want to go back with your ex? I thought (insert his current girlfriends name) made you happy?”

His answer was very interesting.

Apparently his new girlfriend was pushing him away.

She was constantly flirting with other men. He actually told me a story about a time that he took her on a date and she texted the entire time while on the date. She had told him that she was just texting friends but he later found out that she was texting another guy with some very flirty text messages.

She was also not meeting his physical needs. Now, my buddy isn’t shy about talking about sex. In fact, he is just a very sexual person and one of his prerequisites for dating is that the girl he dates has to have a similar sex drive to him and while his current girlfriend seemed great at the beginning she would hardly ever sleep with him after a while and this bothered him a lot.

As a result of her behavior he didn’t feel very close or connected to her which forced him to think back to his most recent past relationship.

While his ex did have her faults she never flirted with other men on the level that his current girlfriend did and she definitely made sure his physical needs were met. So, all of a sudden the grass wasn’t so green on the other side after he broke up with his ex.

His current girlfriends behavior really pushed him away and made him unhappy so where do you think he turned?

Yep, his ex girlfriend.

Could He Just Use You To Feel Good About Himself?

Take a situation like my friends above where a current girlfriend isn’t meeting a mans needs either emotionally or physically. Well, in order for most men to be happy they have to have those needs met. So, oftentimes a man can revert back to an ex to get those types of needs met.

Now, I am actually not talking about physical needs so much here though there are cases where that happens. More often than not a man will contact an ex with hopes that she will meet some of his emotional needs.

Usually it starts off with a man venting to his ex about how bad his current relationship is going which can look something like this,



So, when you look at the message above what do you think an ex boyfriend would be trying to accomplish by venting about his current relationship to you?

Well, there are a couple of things that he could be doing here.

Thing One- He wants to vent about his frustrations with his current relationship and trusts you enough to listen to him.

Thing Two- He knows that you have the ability to make him feel better about the situation. So, in other words he wants you to make him feel better about the situation and maybe raise his self confidence a bit.

If Your Exes Girlfriend Pushes Him Away And He Contacts You Does It Help Or Hurt Your Chances?

Lets think about this very logically.

If you are extremely happy in your relationship do you contact your ex?

The logical answer is no.

Obviously there are circumstances where you have to contact an ex if things like pets or kids are involved but for the most part if you are happy you won’t contact an ex.

So, when we put our logic hats on and when we look at a situation where your ex boyfriend is unhappy in his relationship and he contacts you as a result of that then that is definitely a good sign if you want him back.

Let me put this in another way for you to understand.

An ex boyfriend who is having trouble with his current significant other is a more likely to leave her and come back to you than an ex boyfriend who is doing great with his significant other.

Reason Four- He Is Just Being Friendly


Lets do another hypothetical situation since we always have so much fun when we do those 😉 .

Lets say that you break up with your ex boyfriend because he isn’t giving you enough attention. Of course, after the breakup he immediately moves on to someone else. Him moving on so fast kind of stings you a bit but you know you’ll survive given some time.

Of course, after some time does pass you begin to realize that you have have made a mistake breaking up with your boyfriend because time has revealed that life just isn’t the same without him. The only problem now is that he has moved on and appears to be happy in his relationship with his new girlfriend.

You begin thinking to yourself,

“There is no way I can get back with him so why should I even try?’

Ah… at last some logic kicks in, right?

You decide to move on and forget your ex boyfriend since it is a lost cause and just when you think you are ready to turn the corner and be free of your feelings for your ex you get a text from him that looks like this,

frinedly ex text

What does it mean?

All of a sudden out of the blue your ex texts you? Is he trying to get back with you? Is he unhappy in his relationship and looking for reassurance from you? Does he have the grass is greener syndrome?


Turns out, some men just like being friendly with their exes with no extra intentions other than being friendly.

Are Most Men Friendly With Their Exes?

I have a bit of a confession to make.

I actually don’t understand how some men can be friends with their exes. In fact, I never have and I have to say that when I go by my own experience in this life it is rare to find a man that is on really good terms with his ex.

(Which I suppose is good news for if you are trying to win your ex boyfriend back.)

You see, in my opinion most men can’t be friends with their exes since all kinds of emotional and physical baggage is involved.

Think of it like this.

As much as you try to convince yourself otherwise you are never going to be able to just be friends with someone who you used to,

  • Say “I love you” to.
  • Sleep with (as in sex.)
  • Cuddle with very intimately.
  • Held hands with.
  • Kissed passionately.
  • I think you get the idea.

I am a guy and I have had friends of the opposite sex and let me tell you have I never done any of the above with them.

I have never said “I love you” to them..

I have never had sex with them…

I have never cuddled with them…

I have never held hands with them…

I have never kissed them…

In fact, isn’t it all of that stuff that separates friends from boyfriends or girlfriends?

I  guess the point I am trying to make here is that most men won’t truly be friends with their exes because they understand that once you open Pandora’s box of dating there is no going back. However, every once in a while you will get a guy who just wants to be friendly for the sake of being friendly after a breakup and it is important for you to recognize the signs to decipher if your ex is doing this to you.

What are some of the signs?

I’m glad you asked.

Signs Your Ex Is Just Trying To Be Friendly With You

I think its important to remember that we are focusing in on a specific situation here.

If your ex boyfriend contacts you when he has a new girlfriend.

Turns out that, that new girlfriend is going to be a bit of a factor on if your ex is just contacting you for the sake of being friendly (though I personally think that exes can’t really ever be friends the way they were before they started dating.) Study your exes new relationship and determine if he is really happy with his new girlfriend.

If your ex is extremely happy with her then it could be possible that he was just reaching out to you to check up on you and be nice and he has no intentions of things progressing further than that.

The next thing that I think you should take a look at is his past romantic history. How did his breakups go?

Were they knock out, drag out fights where he completely cut his ex out of his life?


Were they relatively calm where he really didn’t have much bad to say about his exes?

If his past breakups were calm then maybe it’s just in his personality to be a peacekeeper.

A lot of figuring out if your ex is just being friendly is going to revolve around your own knowledge of his personality. So, make sure you put your thinking cap on here.

Is It Good or Bad For My Chances Of Winning Him Back If He Is Just Being Friendly?

It is definitely NOT GOOD for your chances if your ex is just being friendly.

I mean, the whole reason he is just being friendly towards you is just to keep the peace or maybe he is just a nice person like that.

So, when we look at your overall chances of winning him back things in this instance things aren’t looking so great.

Reason Five- He Wants Sex

(Disclaimer- I have decided that I am going to be brutally honest about what men think about sex for you ladies in this section. Some of what I say may definitely disturb you so I just want to give you a heads up before I get going here.)


Sex is an incredible motivator for a man.

I mean, you won’t believe the things that men are capable of doing when sex enters the equation. Sex makes us all a little crazy to be honest. Sometimes that crazy translates into good and sometimes it translates into bad.

For example, some men will grow extremely attached to the woman that they sleep with. The will commit to her like no other and love her until the day they die and in a weird way it can all be tracked back to sex or the love that these men have for their women as a result of sex. This would be an example of the good kind of crazy that leads to life long commitments and happy endings.

Now, the bad kind of crazy is what we are going to be looking at exclusively in this section.

Want an example of the bad kind of crazy.

Ok, sex can make some men so crazy that they are willing to cheat on their girlfriends with someone else just because they want that 5 second feeling over and over again and just being with one woman isn’t enough.

You know how much I love giving examples right?

Well, try this one on for size.

A Frightening Example

Imagine for a moment that you and your ex boyfriend dated for five years.

Now, five years is a pretty long time to date someone so towards the end neither of you did anything to keep your relationship fresh so he ended up breaking up with you citing this exact reason,

“Things are kind of boring with us. We do the same stuff all the time and I need more excitement in my life.”

So, just like all of  the “fun” examples on this page your ex boyfriend moves on to someone else and starts dating her. Around the six month mark you get a call from your ex and you notice that he is extremely flirty with you. Now, you haven’t quite gotten over the breakup since 5 years is a long time and you just aren’t as quick with dealing with your feelings as he is so you welcome the flirting.

Of course, then the flirting evolves into something else… something sexual.

At first you are a little alarmed since he does have a girlfriend but your own feelings override your logic and you are just happy to be looked as a sexual being again.

Pretty soon he is asking to see you and it is very apparent what is on his mind, sex.

So, here is my question for you.

What is happening here?

A number of things could be happening. Maybe his new girlfriend isn’t satisfying his physical needs properly. Maybe he compared her to you in bed and you won the comparison (GIGS anyone?) Maybe he is trying to set up a friends with benefits relationship with you.

Whatever the case, the fact that he is willing to cheat on his current girlfriend with you is a major red flag.

Lets take a step back for a second and look at his perspective for a bit. Particularly this friends with benefits idea.

His Opinion Of Friends With Benefits With An Ex

If everything works out in his warped world here is what will happen.

He will continue to get sex from his current girlfriend while at the same time having you on the hook enough to believe in this friends with benefits idea so he can get sex from you too. So, not only is he going to be getting a ton of sex on a regular basis which is a prospect good enough for any man to celebrate (FYI I am talking about sex on a regular basis not the cheating/friends with benefits) but he will also get the excitement of having two lovers.

To him having you on the side is a very attractive prospect.

But why go after an ex?

Why not make a new friend and set up a friends with benefits type of relationship with her?

The answer is that it takes too long and that he is lazy. He already knows he has gotten you in the past. He probably assumes you still have feelings for him and he is manipulative enough to leverage those feelings to his advantage. To him you are just the easiest lay…

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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But What If I Sleep With Him And He Leaves Her For Me?

Ok, I want to make one thing abundantly clear.

Any man who is willing to cheat on his current girlfriend with his ex (which would be you in this case) is not a man worth pursuing.

I am not ruling out the possibility that he could leave her for you but in my experience this is extremely rare. Usually what happens is that the girlfriend finds out he is cheating on her, she breaks up with him and you are the logical choice to keep sleeping with until he can find another girl.

Please don’t fall for this.

I am begging you.

Oh, and I don’t think I have to tell you if your chances are good for getting him back if he tries to sleep with you when he has a new girlfriend.

HINT HINT… They aren’t.

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413 thoughts on “Why Your Ex Boyfriend Contacts You When Hes In Another Relationship”

  1. Jane

    October 27, 2022 at 5:55 am

    Thank you, just what I needed. After 3 years of being in a relationship, my ex and I been on an on off relationship, block, unblock, follow, unfollow situation which keep continuing till date. He is in another relationship but says he has feelings for me and openly flirts with me. When asked what he wants he says he don’t know. I have strong feelings for him, The reason for our breakup was family issue. He cites that the sole reason he is with her is she agreed to marry him

  2. Ida

    July 1, 2022 at 6:28 am

    Needed this article cause currently in the position of wondering what my ex wants!

    Met him last year and it was “love at first sight”. I was his girlfriend by second date and I knew it was too good to be true! We broke up for 8 hours 2 months in and he met another girl within those 8 hours. We got back together but he dragged her along through texts for a week until I found out. We remained friends with Benefits for months because I wanted too and he said with or without sex, he doesn’t want to lose this friendship but I wanted the sex lol I personally couldn’t handle his mood swings so I ended the friendship a few months in. Few weeks passed and I asked if he wanted to talk about it and he said yes he will text me in the morning and never did. So I never reached out again and neither did he. He then got into a relationship couple months after that and they have been dating 2 months and I got a friend request on Facebook from him the other day. We haven’t spoken in 4.5 months and he hasn’t tried to reach out verbally, just sent the request that I accepted.
    I feel he will reach out sooner or later. Just don’t know if hes trying to be friends again or he had the grass greener syndrome

  3. S

    November 8, 2021 at 8:13 pm

    my ex and i dated twice, the first time we dated for a month then he cheated on me, he insisted on us being friends so i agreed, a few months later, he hit me up saying how much he missed me, even went as far to go to my mom and apologized for hurting me, and promised to never cheat on me again, so i took him back, it was fine for a while, then he ended up cheating on me even more with multiple girls, he ended things after i kept bringing it brought it up, i moved on, but… i still have him on social media, and i tell everyone i’m over him (which i am) but every time he messages me, i message him back (keep in mind he has a girlfriend) and i lie to my friends, and family and say i don’t respond to him when i do, i hate lying to them, but they’ll be disappointed in me if i say i’m talking to my cheating ex who shattered my heart, i keep telling myself i’m over him, but i still end up answering his texts, and he sometimes talks about our memories and asking to hang out, and i agreed.. like i said i’m over him, i just don’t know why i still message him. my mind is just confusing me at this point, can you help?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 27, 2021 at 12:01 pm

      HI S, I think as difficult as it is for you to do, moving on is the best option for you. You may have to block him just to help yourself do this. Forget your friends and family for a second and realise this guy treated you poorly and clearly has not changed because he is doing the same, even if it is emotionally, he is cheating on the current girlfriend. You say you are over him, but it could be that you are seeking validation from him as he broke your heart and most likely your confidence too. I would suggest that you do NOT meet him and you just focus on avoiding conversations with him going forward. Unless he changed and grew up then you would be able to start slowly. But only if you feel that you could trust him 100%.

  4. Tiffany

    February 17, 2021 at 8:48 am

    This article was exactly what I needed! Thank you for your time and wisdom.

  5. Helen

    January 16, 2021 at 11:42 pm

    Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Your article has helped me greatly
    In easing the tension and stress my ex has caused me these passed few weeks and also to understand better why men pursue their exes for sex, Of course a lot of it were my conclusions too and to have it confirmed by reading and digesting your words is truly supportive. My problem is there hasn’t been anyone else and my feelings and desire for him is pretty much the same as it was when I first met him, which is a major problem for me, but one that I have to manage to maintain my emotional stability and sense of self worth…The battle continues in my heart and head but reading your article has been most helpful…

  6. Stella Tran

    January 15, 2021 at 9:26 am

    We were in a rocky relationship for 15 yrs, included the last 9 yrs living together. Around July or August 2020, he was secrectly dating another woman who had been divorced for about a year (I’ve never met her, I got all the information from my ex recently). He broke up with me in September 2020, then came back as a friend and I ask him not to stay in touch with me anymore. So we officially disconnected from 20th Nov. On 6th Jan,2021, he was back to inform me his situation. He said he missed me a lot. He’s broken. His girlfriend’s ex-husband wants to be back with her. She was in debt so her ex paid all the debt for her and she cannot reject him though she’s only wants to be with my ex. What a story! I treated my ex as a friend and told him that he could get back to my apartment, but he doesn’t want to hurt his girlfriend’s feeling. I was hurt but that moment but it makes me stronger at the same time. I don’t think he’s deserved my love anymore. However, I stil feel sorry for him. On my birthday 13th Jan, he came back again and brought me a beautiful necklace. For all those years together, he didn’t buy me any nice presents, but after broken up, he bought me a ring, and now a necklace. I feel bitter for myself but still don’t hate him enough to get him out. He doesn’t want sex with me, only want to be friends. I want to respect myself and doesn’t want to see him as a friend like this. But, still, don’t want to bring him down since he’s already in a bad condition. What should I do now? Please send me some advice.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 3, 2021 at 9:20 pm

      Hi Stella, all you can do is be honest with him about what you want from him. If you just want friendship then tell him that. And if you want more then you need to explain to him that you want the girlfriend out of the picture before you will take him serious.

  7. Kat

    January 2, 2021 at 7:04 pm

    Well, I am not to sure where to begin. I was once seeing this guy we had been through a lot together. There was a lot mistrust and disrespect on my part. We tried dating off and on but then I decided that we would only be friends. We continue to hang out and plan trips together and see one another at each others house. Over a period of time the intimacy stopped (mainly because I didn’t want to). Time went by and then he recently told me he was dating someone and he wanted us to still hang out but just in a different way. At first was happy, but then I felt hurt because I was actually beginning to fall in love with him again. I expressed those feelings to him and that I was not able to see him someone else or to share his time with someone else at the same time. I guess i thought I would always be there in his life and he in mine. unfortunately he told me that because there was so much distrust he didn’t know if he could trust what I was saying and it wasn’t fair for me dump my feelings on him at this time. He said he would only be there for me as a friend because I have hurt him so much. I do love him, I want him in my life, but he doesn’t want the same and cannot see us being a couple at this time. If I can’t have him in my life as a boyfriend, but I cannot imagine not having him in my life at all. Should I let him go or just give him space and reach out to him again…as a friend

  8. Emma

    December 17, 2020 at 6:11 pm

    So I was in a 4 year on again off again relationship. For the first 2 years he would not commit completely and after living together the 3rd year I told him I could not do it anymore because he was not taking our relationship seriously. The 4 year he tried to get me back and begged for a chance which never seemed to work because I was angry at him for how he acted. After being broken up for 9 months he got a new girlfriend and I was okay at first even though he posted on social media constantly. After 3 months they broke up and he messaged me. We started hanging out again and after a couple weeks he went back to her. I thought I would be okay but I was crushed. I told him how I felt and he stated he was confused and needed time. Now 3 months later he keeps texting me every couple of weeks acting like he wants to make things work and saying he’s going to break up with her but then he gets right back together with her. He says he’s not sexually attracted to her like he is me and thinks about me all the time. I don’t know what to do because I love him but I don’t know if I should wait around or let it go. He is really close to my family and they are all mad at me because I gave him the chance to move on so it’s my fault I’m in this situation. He’s tells me you never know what will happen and I feel like he is giving me false hope.

  9. Maddy

    December 7, 2020 at 10:03 pm

    So I have been speaking to my ex for about 3 weeks now (I accidentally messaged him first (honest) and to be honest I wasn’t even expecting a reply, but he did. He has been popping up almost every day now. He has a girlfriend and I do feel terrible but I do still love him and miss him a lot.

    We have met twice (one on his request and one on mine) and honestly it felt like nothing had ever happened between us. It seemed perfect.
    I can tell he isn’t happy, but I haven’t actually spoken to him about that yet, because I want to know if this is going to be a casual thing or if this means something to him?

    We originally broke up last year due to work commitments.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 14, 2020 at 9:17 pm

      Hi Maddy, I cannot tell you what he feels I am sorry. However if he is willing to meet up with you and keep it secret from his girlfriend clearly he is interested in having you in his life. However, I would also observe his behaviour. If he is willing to cheat on her, then he would be willing to cheat on you too. If he wants to be in a relationship with you, then you can work on the being there method – again it is about not crossing that line that he ends up cheating on the other girl.

  10. Julie Yellis

    November 8, 2020 at 11:52 pm

    I was 15 years older than my exboyfriend.
    We both made mistakes.
    But my insecurities got the best of me.
    He ended the relationship after warning me numerous times.
    He jumped into a serious relationship with a woman around his age the next week.
    Spending every night together for 6 weeks.
    I didn’t handle it well,
    He blocked me and unfriended me on social media.
    After 2 weeks I gave him his space.
    6 days with no CONTACT in place he calls wants to talk
    It went great
    Ok another
    Week he called and wanted to see me
    But canceled because of her calling about an emergency
    3 days we meet up for an hour he kisses me tells me how much he misses me that he loves me would not stop embracing me.
    3 days ” I ” reach out no ANSWER
    5 days he messaged he misses me and he was sorry
    Could he come over and stay.
    I agree
    He comes crying and bringing up all the good times, how he took me for granted.
    We made love. He said how wonderful it was to be with me.
    We have a snack and talk and he has his phone and is being distracted we get ready for bed he gets his phone again and says he has to go because she left her purse at his house
    That he would be back.
    He did not return and messaged me the next morning at 6am how he was sorry,
    I said how good it was to see him
    It he said
    Again soon with a heart emoji
    And it was really good to see me too, for real.

    Its been 3 days and nothing

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 9, 2020 at 7:20 pm

      Hi Julie, it sounds as if he is spending time with this new girl just as much as he is with you. If you want him to be in a relationship with you (and not friends with benefits) then you need to stop sleeping with him and tell him that he needs remove the other woman from the situation.

  11. yash

    September 23, 2020 at 5:34 pm

    So my ex boyfriend contacted me after 8 months. It was normal talk and then was like I’ve been good to him all these years and its not right to have bad blood. A few days later he messaged me again asking me for a textbook. I had assumed he broke up with the current girl he’s with but he then posted a picture and she commented with a red heart.
    I was extremely confused as to why he reaching out only now. A few days later he messaged me again and added me back on every social media. He kept calling me a few times like a crazy person in the night but i didn’t answer. Today was the first time i spoke to him on the phone. We spoke about why things ended and stuff, however he told me he still speaks to that girl. Im so confused as to what is actually going on. He said he wants to be friends but i don’t know. I still have feelings for him and i haven’t told him but i also dont really know whats going on with him and the other girl .

  12. Deniz

    September 1, 2020 at 7:59 pm

    Thank you so much for this article!

  13. Kimmy

    August 5, 2020 at 3:35 am

    What a deep and thorough research! I enjoyed this article a lot! <3
    I would love to ask a question that's been bugging me for some time and I will try to keep this as short as possible.

    So the thing is, I had a 6 months relationship with my ex, 5 years ago, and since then we've been off and on, more like friends with benefits.

    We both enjoyed our casual thing, however we were never really straighforward about our feelings, we enjoyed our time and there was no need of saying words like "I love you" and such, cause we both already knew that.
    However, as time went by I wanted something more stable and I found myself a boyfriend. My ex was obviously hurt, he kept calling and texting, saying I should break up with my bf and be with him.
    He had a hard time processing the fact that I had a new boyfriend and told me that he never felt with anyone the way he felt with me and that he felt depressed.
    After a while, he got into a new relationship too, but continued texting me, he even said that when he spends time with her, he thinks about me, which is so sad since he got himself in a new relationship and to be honest I kinda felt the same, throughout my new relationship.
    So his gf found out that we're still texting and blocked me from his account.
    They are still together and my ex completely disappeared since his gf found about our texts.

    My question is, why the hell would he text me that he misses me and then disappear out of a sudden? Super confused!

    Thank you for reading this and have a great day.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 5, 2020 at 11:51 pm

      Hey Kimmy, going through a break up if you are the dumper, or the dumpee is very emotional and sometimes he is going to question his decision of ending things and tell you he misses you. Then he is going to spend some time thinking about things and realise that he does not want to deal with that emotional conversation about “us” once he has sent that message. The best thing you can do at the moment is No Contact and let him deal with those emotions himself while you work on yourself and get over the break up

  14. Nancy

    July 30, 2020 at 12:28 am

    Loved the article and I thought perhaps you could provide some insight to my situation that I’m currently struggling with.

    I was in a relationship for 2 years. Close to his family and friends. Our situation wasn’t ideal because we worked together ( no dating policy) has to keep the relationship on the DL and I have children. He always wanted his own family and we were both honest about everything. Because of that, he was never a part of my children’s life. He would buy things for them (bunk beds, etc). Our relationship was amazing, minus the situation. He was my best friend. It’s been 5 months since the split. I gave him an ultimatum and asked if he ever saw himself marrying me one day. He couldn’t see a future. We are both in relationships now and he has always been adamant that he loves me and that I mean a lot to him. He asks to be friends, he wants to stay in my life forever. When I say I cannot and tell him we need to stop talking, he calls crying. He says that there has to be a way we can be okay. He means a lot to me and we have been there for each other during those “hard” times that exist with a breakup. I can’t change my situation for him and I don’t want him to be in a situation he doesn’t want to be in. I’m not sure his reasons for wanting to stay friends. He says because I mean a lot to him, he misses me, and I’m the only person who knows everything. I’ve never been friends with an ex before and neither has he. We meet for lunch, but after the last lunch he told me that he just has a deeper connection with me and he really enjoys seeing me. Then he went on his planned trip with his new girlfriend. I sort of lost it on him and cut him out. I told him it messes with me when he says things like that. I tend to overreact when I am emotional. We haven’t been sexual since the breakup, not even in our discussion. Does he really want to be friends with me… or do you think there are alterior motives? Should I be friends? He is in a new relationship and she should be his emotional support? Not me. Right ? Please help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 2, 2020 at 9:50 am

      Hi Nancy, yes the new girl should be taking on his emotional problems, and the fact that he is coming to you shows that he is dependant on your support. I would suggest that you follow a 45 day no contact (including his family and friends where possible without being rude) Just do not text or call them, dont spend time with them for the short term basis. It is really unfair that he is coming to you for support when he is in a new relationship. You need to work on yourself during your NC and then implement the being there method if you still want him back at the end of your NC.

  15. Alice

    July 23, 2020 at 7:33 pm

    I was in an unofficial relationship with a certain for almost two yrs, he told me he wasn’t ready the whole time. But then 3 weeks later he made a new lady his gf. I pleaded and begged for like 3 months but he shut me out. After that I went into NC in 20 April-may 28. We started to speak and gave spoken every single day till today 23 July. He visits me, we flirt. When I decide to cut him off he texts me and creates conversations. He broke up with the lady, but he told me he got back with her..but nothing had changed, we spend time whenever he’s in town too. This confuses me so much. Is he happier without me, is he not? Does he want me back? I need help please

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 24, 2020 at 11:09 pm

      Hi Alice, it sounds as if your ex is possibly trying to keep you available to him if things do not work out with the OW. You need to work on the Ungettable information and show him that other guys are interested in you – using social media and subtle jealousy hints that there could be another guy interested in you.

  16. Nancy

    May 19, 2020 at 1:42 am

    I was in a relationship a year ago, we were so fine together until he broke up with me because i used to be so cold with him alot because of some family issues.
    However after he broke up with me, he jumped into a new relationship within a month.
    Nowadays, we started talking again and he’s being so flirty and keeps teasing me as if we’re still together while he’s in a relationship!
    He keeps talking about the past and the he used to love me so much, he even mentions our kisses and that they were so passionate, he compliments me on my pics.
    I don’t if he thinks about going back again, what do you think?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 27, 2020 at 9:47 pm

      Hi Nancy, I would say that he is thinking about you romantically but you also need to be sure that you don’t allow yourself to become “the other woman”. You are following the being there method well but be sure not to cross any lines so that he cheats. He will eventually reach a point where he has to choose you or lose you.

  17. Delinda Jones

    April 24, 2020 at 1:37 pm

    I was in a relationship for 6 yrs and it was good but he was very disrespectful and had women friends. He always accusing me and I wasn’t the one doing anything. I loved him very much but he was disrespectful and always had lady friends and still kool with his exes. We have been broke up for 3 months and he is messing with another girl after I thought we were trying to work our relationship out. He keep bringing up marriage and he still calls me every day and he still telling me he loves me. He is denying that hr goes with this girl and she posting all kind stuff on his post about them. I’m not having sex with him because I will not do that I just answer his calls but I have no communication for him. I just don’t understand why he keeps bothering me. I don’t call him because he isn’t talking nothing I want to hear. I’m trying to get over him without jumping into another relationship. I want my mind free because it will take a ring and some before I ever take him back. I’m just weak to when he calls I answer and the problem.

  18. Stephanie

    April 11, 2020 at 7:21 pm

    Hello ,
    I just need some advice,
    as I’m like thinking about it cause me and my ex boyfriend firstly were best friends for 2 yrs then later on admitted our feelings then in a relationship for 1yr together said and done lot of things but he called it off in January and it was okay but went downhill on terms to say. Then few days later he got into a new relationship. so been few months, just recently like 2 days ago he suddenly txted me again we talked for good while he also tried putting most things on me when asking or to bring up the negative things that happened but I told I didn’t want to get into as it ends bad but I’m a polite way , also that when In a relationship it take two people so it’s both not just one then he stopped bothering about the past. but I don’t understand how to feel cause examples of our txt convo from one day to the next. him “You haven’t talked to me in months and when you get the chance to do so you send me away damn Deep down I think I was missed Got a feeling”
    As for me I been so positive ,good ,laughing When responding to him even when he mentioned about his new gf then next day Was just last night he’s like this him: “ Also post things yet won’t bother to answer a dm Probably answered to others But it’s whatever rn“ me: “ Also yes I been posting and yeah I was answering some friends here and there most waited since I was busy I told you first about what’s up plus I admitted that I figured that you were busy as well or already heading to sleep” him: “ Nah I get it and don’t make it seem as if you were thinking about me lmao It’s simple to get that. If you wanted to talk to me you would’ve but it’s easy to even replace that If I can bother to read your dm and answer then Ig I was expecting the same lmao But it’s easier to post smth , ignore it , talk to others and then come back to the last option” me: “ Ooo my , I have no words rn my mind just went poof, again I did think about you in a sense of a way that you’re busy txting others as well, doing your thing and heading off to bed is all why I stoped , also didn’t wanna constantly like spam you if you know” he got pissed off as he said and left me on seen but just idk if it’s just me that can understand or not but my way of thinking is yes be positive and good which I am nowadays normally just I see it in a way to respect that I know he has a new gf meaning I’m not gonna be spamming him as back then so why I told him that I know he’s doing his own things from what I understand and way he acted is like okay then lemme let you cool off or what did I do wrong that mad him change his vibe. Which is really confusing me cause he can be happy with me then act like he doesn’t care next then gets mad out of nowhere. any help advice I’d really appreciate a whole lot thank you for your time. c:

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 20, 2020 at 10:50 pm

      Hi Stephanie, have you implemented a NC at all yet? If not you need to do so. And then start the texting phase, his up and down emotions just show he is struggling with the break up himself. Which again means you need to do a NC to give you both a break

  19. Star

    April 11, 2020 at 7:54 am

    Hi! Loved this article but I still have a question. I started dating a guy, we went on 2 incredible dates & he told me he doesn’t date more than 1 person at a time. Then I went on a 1 week trip overseas. We kept in touch all during the trip & when I returned he tells me he’s dating someone new but wants to “keep in touch.” Now it’s 2.5 months later & he still keeps in touch by watching my IG stories & reaching out with very flirty, almost on the edge of sexting messages. However, he never asks to meet in person or even to talk on the phone, he always just texts. When I asked him what’s going on his response is that it’s just “friendly conversation because he has a girlfriend.” So….I don’t understand why he’s still reaching out, what’s the point?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 12, 2020 at 8:08 pm

      Hi Star, so this is what we call “keeping you there” this is where if things go wrong with the girlfriend he has you there for him to move on to. I would ignore his messages for some time, and read about the being there method if you want to get him. But honestly I would suggest dating other guys in the mean time to see how you feel about meeting new people before attempting the being there method

  20. Ell

    April 10, 2020 at 2:45 am

    I was on and off with my ex boyfriend for 5 years. I was 14 when we first got together and he was 16. He broke up with me September 2019 and up until January 2020 we were still sleeping with each other because we was trying to put things right and work towards getting back together. However, things just wasn’t working so we stopped speaking and called it a day.. I found out that he was speaking to somebody new about 3 weeks after we put a stop to speaking. However, since then he has contacted me a few times… 1) when he saw me on a night out 2) to say happy birthday 3) asked how I was and how my family were 4) when he saw me on a night out again 5) he sent me a video from a few years ago saying “look what I just found”. I’m just confused why he would still be messaging me now and then (usually every 3-4 weeks). Is he happy with his new girl? Does he miss me? Is he just being friendly? I don’t know. But, then again, I personally would not be happy if I had a boyfriend who was messaging his ex-girlfriend in a “friendly” manner?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 20, 2020 at 3:08 pm

      Hi Ell it sounda s if your ex is trying ot talk to you, if you are interested in being friends with him then communicate back. If you want to get him back as a boyfriend then you need to read an follow the information about the being there method

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