Why Your Ex Boyfriend Contacts You When Hes In Another Relationship

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

You find it baffling, don’t you?

Your ex boyfriend appears to be happy with his new girlfriend yet he still ends up contacting you behind the scenes.

All sorts of questions run through your head…

“Is he trying to get back with me?”

“Is he trying to rub the fact that he has a girlfriend in?”

“Is he trying to make me jealous?”

Well, with this guide I plan on answering every single one of those questions. First though, I think its important that we really take a look at your situation.

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The Situation You Are In

This guide assumes that you and your ex boyfriend have broken up and he has moved on to another girl. What I would really like to explore is the reasons why he may potentially talk to you when he has another girlfriend and believe me when I tell you that there could be a lot of different reasons for that.

Of course, the assumption I am going to make about you is that you probably want your ex boyfriend back in this instance because lets face it, you came to my website, Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

Well, the one thing I want to make you aware of is that this particular page is not a “get your ex boyfriend back” guide. In fact, its actually more of a understand why your ex is contacting you so you can have the insight you need to understand him and hopefully help you get him back.

If you are really searching for a “get your ex boyfriend back” guide then I recommend you take a good hard look at my book,

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Ok, lets move on to the meat of this article.

The Reasons Why An Ex Boyfriend May Contact You When He Has A New Girlfriend

reasons meme

I thought really hard about this and have come up with really only six reasons for why an ex boyfriend would want to contact you if he has a new girlfriend,

  1. He has grass is greener syndrome.
  2. He wants to make you jealous.
  3. His new girlfriend is pushing him away and he is looking for you to make him feel better.
  4. He wants to be friends
  5. He wants sex

Now, some of these reasons are good for your quest to get your ex back and some of the reasons are bad. I am going to take an in-depth look at each of these reasons and describe how they will help or hurt your case to get your ex boyfriend back. Lets do that now!

Reason One- He Has The Grass Is Greener Syndrome

grass to be green

You know what the grass is greener syndrome is right?

For those of you whose memories may be a little foggy on what it is allow me to give you a quick crash course.

The Grass Is Greener Syndrome- Is a term used to describe what a man goes through when he starts dating someone new who doesn’t measure up to the standard you set in a relationship with that man. The GIGS (grass is greener syndrome) can also work negatively in your favor if the new person he dates exceeds the standard that you set.

Still a little confused as to how GIGS works.

Ok, lets put this in the perfect context for this guide.

Lets say that you and I dated and had a pretty decent relationship. Of course, I end up breaking up with you and moving on to a new girl. After about two months with this new girl I begin to realize that I may have made a mistake as this new girl can’t really compare to the standard that you set as a girlfriend during our relationship.

This is a perfect example of the grass is greener syndrome working in your favor.

So, what do I mean when I say that one of the reasons that an ex boyfriend could contact you when he has a new girlfriend could be a result of him having the grass is greener syndrome?

Well, its quite simple really.

Lets say that during your ex boyfriends new relationship he begins to compare it to his old relationship with you and determines that his old relationship was better than his new one. For example, lets say that he thinks back to the way you used to take such good care of him when you were sick and his new girlfriend really doesn’t take care of him like that at all.

Well, he is going to think back to that and miss it.

It is that comparison, that feeling of missing some aspect of his old relationship with you that is going to cause him to want to reach out to you.

Does Him Having The GIGS Help or Hurt Your Case To Getting Him Back?

If your ex boyfriend reaches out to you because he misses you or has a serious case of the GIGS I would say that it definitely helps your case in getting him back.

Now, does it mean you will get him back?

Not necessarily…

It helps yes, but you have to realize that it is going to take more than him reaching out to you for you to get him back. One thing that you definitely have on your side though is that if your ex is reaching out to you because of this reason it means that you can give him something that his new girlfriend can’t and most likely never will.

Reason Two- He Wants To Make You Jealous

jealousy

Breakups are a very hard thing for anyone to go through.

Yes, I am insinuating that your ex boyfriend could be seriously hurting inside after the breakup (even if he was the one who initiated it.) Men often have very unique reactions to breakups. Some will close themselves off from the world building a wall around themselves that prevents anyone from getting in while others take the opposite approach and go into hardcore party mode letting everyone in.

With this guide we are focusing specifically on one reaction, a man who goes out and gets a new girlfriend.

Believe it or not your ex could still be harboring some serious resentment towards you for the breakup (even if it wasn’t your fault) so he will do anything to get back at you. One of those ways that he can “get back at you” is by trying to make you jealous of his new relationship.

What Is Going On Inside Of His Head If He Tries To Make You Jealous?

I feel that I am at my best when I give examples (or made up examples) to illustrate my points so that is what I am going to be doing here.

Lets pretend that your ex boyfriend breaks up with you because he doesn’t feel as strongly as he did for you at the beginning of your relationship. A month goes by and he meets a new girl and starts dating her while you are still reeling from the hurt of the breakup. When you hear that he has moved on your first reaction is pretty normal for this type of thing.

You are hurt, angry and saddened.

Then one day out of the blue your ex boyfriend contacts you and starts talking about how happy he is in his new relationship and how his new girlfriend is the best thing that ever happened to him. It is apparent that he is trying to make you jealous of his new relationship.

First off, what a total a**hole move.

Secondly, why in the world would he do this? Why would he say these things to you?

It’s almost like he is rubbing his new relationship in on purpose because he knows twisting the knife is the ultimate way of hurting you.

I would like to start by saying that in this made up example your ex boyfriend is the one breaking up with you. Most women who are in this situation make the mistake of assuming that their exes aren’t hurting at all. This isn’t actually true because in a mans mind if he is pushed to a point where he has to break up with you then he is going to shift the blame solely on you, the person who forced him to initiate a breakup.

Men think pretty highly of themselves and believe that they are entitled to the best women and the “best woman” wouldn’t ever make them feel like they are pushed to a point where they need to break up with their significant other.

As a result, if a man broke up with you then he might hold some resentment against you because you pushed him to a point where he had to break up with you.

I know it is a really weird way of thinking but that may be what is happening here.

Now, why am I focusing so much on the man breaking up with woman as opposed to the woman breaking up with the man?

In this particular situation, a lot of men who make women jealous are doing so from a place of hurt or anger. To them, its like a warped way to get payback.

Well, if a man was broken up with by you then his motivation to get revenge through jealousy isn’t going to be very hard to pinpoint. On the flip side, if a man broke up with you then that motivation for jealousy might be a little harder to locate (I located it for you above though.)

This brings us to the million dollar question, what does it mean for your chances of getting your ex boyfriend if he attempts to make you jealous by rubbing his new relationship in your face?

Does Him Trying To Make You Jealous Help Or Hurt Your Chances To Get Him Back?

When it comes to this type of stuff I like to look at things in a very logical manner.

What’s my trick for looking at things logically?

I take a good hard look at a persons actions as opposed to what they are saying.

Lets do that with the made up example I gave above.

Already forgot the example we used above?

That’s ok, I can give you a quick refresh.

Your ex boyfriend breaks up with you saying he no longer feels like he did at the beginning of the relationship. Within a month your ex boyfriend meets someone new and starts dating her. After this your ex boyfriend very quickly messages you and attempts to make you jealous of his new relationship.

Lets break this example up into three parts and dissect it.

Part 1- Your ex boyfriend breaks up with you saying he no longer feels like he did at the beginning of the relationship

When you look at this action it seems like it is a pretty strong action stating that your ex doesn’t want to be with you anymore. After all, someone who would want to be with you wouldn’t break up with you. In other words, this action taken by your ex is not really helping your chances of getting him back at all.

Part 2- Within a month your ex boyfriend meets someone new and starts dating her.

This is another action indicative of someone who is trying to move on. While moving on in a month may be too fast for most men there are some cases where this would be an acceptable amount of time. For example, if you and your ex only dated for a month or two. This action taken by your boyfriend really isn’t helping your chances of a reconnection either.

Part 3- After this your ex boyfriend very quickly messages you and attempts to make you jealous of his new relationship.

This is where things start to get really interesting because the actions your ex is taking now by contacting you and trying to make you jealous are indicative of someone who is clearly not over his ex. Take it from someone who knows what it’s like to move on from a relationship successfully. When you have completely moved on from someone you will have no desire to rub things in with them. Why? You won’t care enough to. So, the fact that your ex still finds the need to “rub things in” most likely means that he is not over you and I don’t think you need a palm reader to tell you that, that is good in your quest for trying to get your ex boyfriend back.

Reason Three- His New Girlfriend Is Pushing Him Away

not a nag

I want to tell you a really interesting story about a friend of mine.

A few years ago my friend told me something shocking…

He told me that he was thinking about leaving his current girlfriend to get back with his ex girlfriend.

Why was this shocking to me?

I mean, you would think someone who has seen tens of thousands of relationship situations wouldn’t be shocked by anything anymore. Well, the shocking thing to me was the fact that my buddy had nothing but horrible things to say about his ex,

“She’s a demon…”

“She’s a bi%h…”

So, the fact that he was even considering going back to someone who he clearly didn’t think very highly of was strange to me. Of course, I am fascinated by human behavior so I decided to pick his brain as to why he was considering leaving his current girlfriend to get back with his old one.

I asked him one simple question,

“Why would you want to go back with your ex? I thought (insert his current girlfriends name) made you happy?”

His answer was very interesting.

Apparently his new girlfriend was pushing him away.

She was constantly flirting with other men. He actually told me a story about a time that he took her on a date and she texted the entire time while on the date. She had told him that she was just texting friends but he later found out that she was texting another guy with some very flirty text messages.

She was also not meeting his physical needs. Now, my buddy isn’t shy about talking about sex. In fact, he is just a very sexual person and one of his prerequisites for dating is that the girl he dates has to have a similar sex drive to him and while his current girlfriend seemed great at the beginning she would hardly ever sleep with him after a while and this bothered him a lot.

As a result of her behavior he didn’t feel very close or connected to her which forced him to think back to his most recent past relationship.

While his ex did have her faults she never flirted with other men on the level that his current girlfriend did and she definitely made sure his physical needs were met. So, all of a sudden the grass wasn’t so green on the other side after he broke up with his ex.

His current girlfriends behavior really pushed him away and made him unhappy so where do you think he turned?

Yep, his ex girlfriend.

Could He Just Use You To Feel Good About Himself?

Take a situation like my friends above where a current girlfriend isn’t meeting a mans needs either emotionally or physically. Well, in order for most men to be happy they have to have those needs met. So, oftentimes a man can revert back to an ex to get those types of needs met.

Now, I am actually not talking about physical needs so much here though there are cases where that happens. More often than not a man will contact an ex with hopes that she will meet some of his emotional needs.

Usually it starts off with a man venting to his ex about how bad his current relationship is going which can look something like this,

venting

 

So, when you look at the message above what do you think an ex boyfriend would be trying to accomplish by venting about his current relationship to you?

Well, there are a couple of things that he could be doing here.

Thing One- He wants to vent about his frustrations with his current relationship and trusts you enough to listen to him.

Thing Two- He knows that you have the ability to make him feel better about the situation. So, in other words he wants you to make him feel better about the situation and maybe raise his self confidence a bit.

If Your Exes Girlfriend Pushes Him Away And He Contacts You Does It Help Or Hurt Your Chances?

Lets think about this very logically.

If you are extremely happy in your relationship do you contact your ex?

The logical answer is no.

Obviously there are circumstances where you have to contact an ex if things like pets or kids are involved but for the most part if you are happy you won’t contact an ex.

So, when we put our logic hats on and when we look at a situation where your ex boyfriend is unhappy in his relationship and he contacts you as a result of that then that is definitely a good sign if you want him back.

Let me put this in another way for you to understand.

An ex boyfriend who is having trouble with his current significant other is a more likely to leave her and come back to you than an ex boyfriend who is doing great with his significant other.

Reason Four- He Is Just Being Friendly

friendly

Lets do another hypothetical situation since we always have so much fun when we do those 😉 .

Lets say that you break up with your ex boyfriend because he isn’t giving you enough attention. Of course, after the breakup he immediately moves on to someone else. Him moving on so fast kind of stings you a bit but you know you’ll survive given some time.

Of course, after some time does pass you begin to realize that you have have made a mistake breaking up with your boyfriend because time has revealed that life just isn’t the same without him. The only problem now is that he has moved on and appears to be happy in his relationship with his new girlfriend.

You begin thinking to yourself,

“There is no way I can get back with him so why should I even try?’

Ah… at last some logic kicks in, right?

You decide to move on and forget your ex boyfriend since it is a lost cause and just when you think you are ready to turn the corner and be free of your feelings for your ex you get a text from him that looks like this,

frinedly ex text

What does it mean?

All of a sudden out of the blue your ex texts you? Is he trying to get back with you? Is he unhappy in his relationship and looking for reassurance from you? Does he have the grass is greener syndrome?

Nope…

Turns out, some men just like being friendly with their exes with no extra intentions other than being friendly.

Are Most Men Friendly With Their Exes?

I have a bit of a confession to make.

I actually don’t understand how some men can be friends with their exes. In fact, I never have and I have to say that when I go by my own experience in this life it is rare to find a man that is on really good terms with his ex.

(Which I suppose is good news for if you are trying to win your ex boyfriend back.)

You see, in my opinion most men can’t be friends with their exes since all kinds of emotional and physical baggage is involved.

Think of it like this.

As much as you try to convince yourself otherwise you are never going to be able to just be friends with someone who you used to,

  • Say “I love you” to.
  • Sleep with (as in sex.)
  • Cuddle with very intimately.
  • Held hands with.
  • Kissed passionately.
  • I think you get the idea.

I am a guy and I have had friends of the opposite sex and let me tell you have I never done any of the above with them.

I have never said “I love you” to them..

I have never had sex with them…

I have never cuddled with them…

I have never held hands with them…

I have never kissed them…

In fact, isn’t it all of that stuff that separates friends from boyfriends or girlfriends?

I  guess the point I am trying to make here is that most men won’t truly be friends with their exes because they understand that once you open Pandora’s box of dating there is no going back. However, every once in a while you will get a guy who just wants to be friendly for the sake of being friendly after a breakup and it is important for you to recognize the signs to decipher if your ex is doing this to you.

What are some of the signs?

I’m glad you asked.

Signs Your Ex Is Just Trying To Be Friendly With You

I think its important to remember that we are focusing in on a specific situation here.

If your ex boyfriend contacts you when he has a new girlfriend.

Turns out that, that new girlfriend is going to be a bit of a factor on if your ex is just contacting you for the sake of being friendly (though I personally think that exes can’t really ever be friends the way they were before they started dating.) Study your exes new relationship and determine if he is really happy with his new girlfriend.

If your ex is extremely happy with her then it could be possible that he was just reaching out to you to check up on you and be nice and he has no intentions of things progressing further than that.

The next thing that I think you should take a look at is his past romantic history. How did his breakups go?

Were they knock out, drag out fights where he completely cut his ex out of his life?

or

Were they relatively calm where he really didn’t have much bad to say about his exes?

If his past breakups were calm then maybe it’s just in his personality to be a peacekeeper.

A lot of figuring out if your ex is just being friendly is going to revolve around your own knowledge of his personality. So, make sure you put your thinking cap on here.

Is It Good or Bad For My Chances Of Winning Him Back If He Is Just Being Friendly?

It is definitely NOT GOOD for your chances if your ex is just being friendly.

I mean, the whole reason he is just being friendly towards you is just to keep the peace or maybe he is just a nice person like that.

So, when we look at your overall chances of winning him back things in this instance things aren’t looking so great.

Reason Five- He Wants Sex

(Disclaimer- I have decided that I am going to be brutally honest about what men think about sex for you ladies in this section. Some of what I say may definitely disturb you so I just want to give you a heads up before I get going here.)

yoda

Sex is an incredible motivator for a man.

I mean, you won’t believe the things that men are capable of doing when sex enters the equation. Sex makes us all a little crazy to be honest. Sometimes that crazy translates into good and sometimes it translates into bad.

For example, some men will grow extremely attached to the woman that they sleep with. The will commit to her like no other and love her until the day they die and in a weird way it can all be tracked back to sex or the love that these men have for their women as a result of sex. This would be an example of the good kind of crazy that leads to life long commitments and happy endings.

Now, the bad kind of crazy is what we are going to be looking at exclusively in this section.

Want an example of the bad kind of crazy.

Ok, sex can make some men so crazy that they are willing to cheat on their girlfriends with someone else just because they want that 5 second feeling over and over again and just being with one woman isn’t enough.

You know how much I love giving examples right?

Well, try this one on for size.

A Frightening Example

Imagine for a moment that you and your ex boyfriend dated for five years.

Now, five years is a pretty long time to date someone so towards the end neither of you did anything to keep your relationship fresh so he ended up breaking up with you citing this exact reason,

“Things are kind of boring with us. We do the same stuff all the time and I need more excitement in my life.”

So, just like all of  the “fun” examples on this page your ex boyfriend moves on to someone else and starts dating her. Around the six month mark you get a call from your ex and you notice that he is extremely flirty with you. Now, you haven’t quite gotten over the breakup since 5 years is a long time and you just aren’t as quick with dealing with your feelings as he is so you welcome the flirting.

Of course, then the flirting evolves into something else… something sexual.

At first you are a little alarmed since he does have a girlfriend but your own feelings override your logic and you are just happy to be looked as a sexual being again.

Pretty soon he is asking to see you and it is very apparent what is on his mind, sex.

So, here is my question for you.

What is happening here?

A number of things could be happening. Maybe his new girlfriend isn’t satisfying his physical needs properly. Maybe he compared her to you in bed and you won the comparison (GIGS anyone?) Maybe he is trying to set up a friends with benefits relationship with you.

Whatever the case, the fact that he is willing to cheat on his current girlfriend with you is a major red flag.

Lets take a step back for a second and look at his perspective for a bit. Particularly this friends with benefits idea.

His Opinion Of Friends With Benefits With An Ex

If everything works out in his warped world here is what will happen.

He will continue to get sex from his current girlfriend while at the same time having you on the hook enough to believe in this friends with benefits idea so he can get sex from you too. So, not only is he going to be getting a ton of sex on a regular basis which is a prospect good enough for any man to celebrate (FYI I am talking about sex on a regular basis not the cheating/friends with benefits) but he will also get the excitement of having two lovers.

To him having you on the side is a very attractive prospect.

But why go after an ex?

Why not make a new friend and set up a friends with benefits type of relationship with her?

The answer is that it takes too long and that he is lazy. He already knows he has gotten you in the past. He probably assumes you still have feelings for him and he is manipulative enough to leverage those feelings to his advantage. To him you are just the easiest lay…

But What If I Sleep With Him And He Leaves Her For Me?

Ok, I want to make one thing abundantly clear.

Any man who is willing to cheat on his current girlfriend with his ex (which would be you in this case) is not a man worth pursuing.

I am not ruling out the possibility that he could leave her for you but in my experience this is extremely rare. Usually what happens is that the girlfriend finds out he is cheating on her, she breaks up with him and you are the logical choice to keep sleeping with until he can find another girl.

Please don’t fall for this.

I am begging you.

Oh, and I don’t think I have to tell you if your chances are good for getting him back if he tries to sleep with you when he has a new girlfriend.

HINT HINT… They aren’t.

February 1, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

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What Do You Think? (261)

  1. Leigh - 0

    Leigh

    Hey, me and my ex have been broke up for about 4 months now, he ended things after arguments broke out for some time after he started flirting with other girls infront of me and admitted to having feelings towards this other girl, a huge factor was he said he wanted to be single again. However they are now both seeing eachother but when we both came back to uni after Christmas he has told me there’s no harm in trying things with her, and that he’s less of a mess when he’s single and being with her doesn’t mean that he’s over me. He has wanted to meet up for coffee and wants to forget about the bad parts of our past. Last weekend he drunk messages me saying how much he misses me. I’ve come so far from being extremely depressed after our relationship ended but all these feelings have surfaced since he’s been into contact with me again I’m very confused on the current situation any advice?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Leigh

      he’s friendzoning you.. I think that’s because he misses talking to you but that doesn’t mean he wants to be with you..He just missed talking to you..

  2. Rose - 0

    Rose

    Really need advice please respond. I dated a guy for five years. From everything we did for one another I can tell u the love was real. We had a lot of good moments we met each other’s families and would always go to each other’s family events.We were there for each other through thick and thin but we always argued because he cheated a few times. A year ago a few months before we broke up I began dancing at a strip club behind his back. I felt guilty for it but would justify myself with the many times he cheated and the fact that it was a job. He noticed I was making good money and would ask questions but never confronted me about it. We began fighting every day about everything and anything. He then posted a Facebook status saying that “he had not been feeling shyt in a while”& I knew it was directed to me so I confronted him and that’s when we broke up. We completely stopped contacting each other for two months. But then I text him to wish him happy birthday. He didn’t reply until I text him again. Two weeks after that we had sex and this continued a few times. Until I got pregnant by him. When I was gonna tell him the news I noticed a hickey on his neck and it devastated me he witnessed me cry for over a hour and then out of anger I told him it was ok he moved on because I was pregnant by someone else. It hurt me to see he was marked up bc I loved him and bc during that time he didn’t have a job so I was the one helping him financially taking him out and doing other stuff for him. We agreed on being friends after that but I feel he only was doing it bc he knew I helped him with anything I could. He would only contact me when he needed something. So eventually we stopped talking.but then began talking again and wen he was drunk he began telling me he wanted to see me and loved hearing my voice and wanted to have sex.so we had sex and the very next day I found posts on Facebook of him and his girl. I was really mad and we had a huge fight and stopped talking again. Then a few months after I confessed to him the truth about the baby but he denied it. He was acting very mean and around that time I found out the girl he had been dating is five years older has 3 kids with two guys, and also happens to be his moms best friend and his little brothers aunt.(his little brother’s dad’s sister). He wasn’t there for my pregnancy but one time only for the gender reveal. And to meet the baby at the hospital. Ever since one day he loves the baby the next he wants a paternity test. I feel that someone influences this change in mind. On New Year’s Eve we got together and drank and out of no where he began acting like my boyfriend trying to hold my hand one thing let to the other. But same story the next day I found out he was still with the girl from before even though he denied it. So we again fought and a lot of things were sad. After that he confessed to someone tht when I told him I was pregnant by someone else he felt he was going crazy and wanted to die from how hurt he was. So again we barely even talked only about the bby. A week ago I told him that I don’t want him in my life and that I need time away from him to get my mind right. And he told me that he just wanted to know if the baby is truly his. We stopped talking and last night ended up drinking again and same story continues. We drink have sex only for me to find out literally the next day he’s still with the same girl even though he denies it all the time. To this point I give up I want him away from me and my son. I feel he plays with me and tries to hurt me or else why would he do those things I really don’t know how to interpret his actions please help.

    Reply
  3. Emily - 0

    Emily

    Hi,
    My ex boyfriend and I were together almost 2 years. One day, we had a fight and happened to break up. I was devastated during this broke up. And I found out he dated a new girl immediately after the break up which made me think he already cheated on me and make our relationship to be shattered so that he can date that girl. However, it is 8 months since our break up and now, he texted me that he wanted to have a catch up with me, and he said he has no girlfriend. So yes, I accepted his appointment and a night before the appointment, he texted me again like he was not honest that he has a gf and sorry for his stupid request for the meet up with me. He canceled the meet up. To be honest with you, I want him back. But, I can not be tolerate him for giving me no respect me like this. What should I reply him?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Emily,
      you can tell him that you’re not happy being disrespected but you appreciate the fact that he had come clean early. And then do you want to start the no contact rule after that? even if you didn’t talk for 8 months, was those 8 months focused in improving yourself?

  4. Ally - 0

    Ally

    Hi,
    I am at a loss with what to do. My ex-boyfriend keeps talking to me every single day and has a girlfriend. Just last week I hung out with him and he told me that he wants to start building our relationship again but can’t be with me right now. Yet he is still with his girlfriend. He also went out of his way to buy me a $200 jacket for my birthday but he is still hanging out and being with the other girl. In no way have we done anything physical. He keeps telling me he just needs time to figure himself out but says he still has feelings for me and considers me his best friend. What course of action do I take if I want him back? Do I cut off all contact and ask him to only contact me if it is serious or do I continue talking with him? By the way, him and this girl have problems every week and have only been together for 3 months. We were together for 3.5 years.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ally,

      what do you tell him everytime he says that? do you want to do the no contact rule?

    • Ally - 0

      Ally

      We were in no contact for 3 months until he reached out to me at the beginning of January. And I am not really sure… I usually just say “ok” but I think I should take a more drastic approach maybe and tell him I cannot talk to him until he is serious about a relationship with me?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      For me you dont need to tell him but to show it more through your actions.. even if you had 3 months nc before,.this time start the nc without explanation and be very active in your life and in posting..show that you’re not a doormat, you’re not going to wait forever and that you have a life..

  5. Shazmina - 0

    Shazmina

    I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me and broke up that night, the next morning he wanted us to sort things but he was still lying and I asked him to just say this things in front of me and the other girl…when the girl came he said that I was the ex and the girl was the girlfriend..I was okay with that and just after two days of breaking up yesterday he started borrowing me things and talking to me..
    What can I do….
    We have been dating for seven years

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Shazmina,

      do you want to try the no contact rule?

  6. rosy - 0

    rosy

    Its so hard. I want to move on but at the same time i miss him and love him. I wish things were different. its obvious i was just a thought in his head nothing more. He has a girlfriend now. the one he lie to me about in the beginning. He told me there was no one else when we broke up. I guess your right i shouldn’t reply if i am trying to move on. Im scared i get my hopes up for nothing and i get hurt again. His reaching out means nothing.

    Reply
  7. deep - 0

    deep

    Hii
    I am so confused now.. ..
    I have a relation about which i never told my boyfriend when he got to know about that he left me that was very rude i told him everything about that person but he said its too late.. .
    He also love some other girl and now he is in relation with her.. ..
    He never contact me for about 1 month but after a month we met and i can’t control my emotions and i start crying for him
    After that he talk to me for few day then again he disappear… ..
    He did this two times
    He said he is very happy with her but he wants me to meet him in alone
    I don’t understand what to do at this time
    I want him back in my life but not just becouse for physical attachment
    He again start talking with me
    Pls help me how can i solve it out

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Deep,

      he wants to make his friend with benefits? Are you going to do the no contact rule?

  8. rosie - 0

    rosie

    i wish it was a drunk call but it wasn’t because it was a weekday and he works after hours at a call center.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      ah then he missed you.. if you really want to move on from him..just dont reply

  9. Rosy - 0

    Rosy

    About a year ago my ex reached out 5 months since he broke up with me and i never responded back to his text. He was already talking to some other girl at the time. I figured that since i didn’t respond because my ex was very clear that he wanted to me to date others and fall in love, he was not going to try to contact me ever. Now a year later, he randomly calls me and then sends me a text which i never responded to as well. The reason i didn’t reply back is because i know he is still with the same girl and has introduced her to his family so it must be serious. What disappoints me is that he calls me after midnight and because i did not answer he sends me a text. In the text he said “Hi. I called. I was hoping to reach you. Hope all is well” It is very frustrating that he pops up once a year and he is in another relationship. I thought that he would never try to contact me after the first time of me not responding to him. Why is he doing this? we are in two separate states? what does he want from me? There is really nothing to talk about? He also did tell me i wasn’t going to find any type of friendship there and that i needed to heal.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Rosy,

      You said it’s after midnight.. It might be a drunk call and text..

  10. Staci - 0

    Staci

    Hi,
    My ex and I have been on and off for over two years. He has trust issues. We talked about getting married and everything but he eventually ended things back in March. Since then he has changed so much. He has had three “girlfriends”. Throughout each one hes always eventually contacted me. He also has two boys who live with him full time and I have a strong bond with them so I try to stay in touch for their sake. About a week ago he started flirting with me and being his old self again. I went to his house a few days ago to drop Christmas presents off and he seemed really distant (ever since March he’s been hot and cold with me. But when he’s cold he’s really cold and distant). He barley spoke to me while I was at his house (the whole evening). I spent the time with his boys and his mom (his mom and I are very close). She did let it slip that hes seeing yet another girl (this would be the third girlfriend). I was so utterly shocked considering just the week before he was back to his old self with me. I guess this girl comes to the house and hangs out with him and his boys (no other girlfriend besides me has met his kids). However, when I was there,I did get him to talk (didn’t bring up that I know about this other girl) but he said he wants to take things slow with me and then gave me soft sweet kisses. I’m really confused. I feel like his whole personality changed as well. When we were dating he always seemed so happy, and he was kind, loyal, funny, ECT. But he’s not that way anymore (ever since he broke up with me), and it’s not even with just me either, he’s very distant and cold to his mother too. I’m just confused what happened to him? Why did his personality change so much (like I said not just with me either)? Why does he flirt with me and still want me when he’s in a relationship (clearly it’s gotta be serious if he introduced his boys)? I’m so confused. I love him so much. I love his boys so much as if they were my own. It hurts so much to think I’ve been replaced. Why is he giving me mixed signals?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Staci,
      Maybe because you’re just always there and that his mom is close to you.. It’s like when things dont go well, you can be his fall back girl.. let’s say, he’s just going through a crisis, then that can be a reason why he’s being cold sometimes but you cant solve that for him and you have to set a limit on until when you would wait.. if he can see that you’re still friendly even after he treats you badly, then he would continue to treat you the way he treats you…

  11. Dee - 0

    Dee

    My ex and I broke up early October. We had a pretty bad breakup. We fought a lot which was mostly due to us being in a LDR. We didn’t see each other as much as we should have but we made it work. After our last fight, he stopped taking my calls and responding to text messages. I was devastated. I didn’t expect him to cut me off like that. It was the wake up call I needed to get my act together.

    A few weeks later I sent a text asking for closure. He responded a few days later and agreed we did. He told me he still loved me and after 3 years he wanted to end things the right way. I pretty much begged for him to take me back but he told me he wasn’t the man for me because nothing he did was good enough. After that I went into NC for 30 days. I had no plans to reach out to him. About a week ago I got a text from him that he wanted to see me face to face (in our hometown for the holidays visiting family) and for us to talk. We met up to talk and he said he wanted closure AGAIN! I was surprised because I felt we already had it. He told me how much he loved me and still in love with me but just doesn’t feel he was the one for me. I told him how I felt and that I have made some changes in the past 30 days. Working on my personal issues and focusing on me.

    The talk ended with blame from him on me saying I broke up with him and me trying to explain to him how I felt but we couldn’t see eye. Later that night I texted him and told him that I didn’t break up with him. We texted back and forth and he kept telling me how much he loved me. The next day was Thanksgiving and I texted him again and he texted me. We texted all day and it was us back to how we were. He never tried to come to my house or meet up. He said he was torn because he sees that I have changed and it makes him want to be with me but he just can’t.

    The night before he was to leave and go back home we hung out at my house (my invitation). It was like old times. We messed around but no sex. He said he just couldn’t do it because he had started detaching himself from me and trying to move on from me. We talked and had a moment. I was emotional and told him I know we both need to move on but it’s hard and the changes I’m making are because of our breakup and how I have been focusing on me. He told me several times he loved me. I did too. Later that night he texted me saying how he wished we could be together and how seeing me change really makes him want to be with me more but he isn’t the man for me and can’t be with me. I asked him why but he didn’t want to tell me. I finally got him to admit he was seeing someone else back in his home town. He said when we broke up he was very angry and met someone. I asked him how they met and did he know her while we were together. He said no but I don’t believe him. He said that it’s not that easy for him because since they have been seeing each other the girl is attached to him which made no sense to me because after a month you don’t get that attached. He told me the girl he is seeing is what he wanted me to be. Slap in the face but I needed answers.

    It was very hurtful to hear but I needed to hear it. What bothers me most about this is he is still in contact with me and telling me he loves me. I blocked his number but unblock because I’m still curious and want to know if he still wants me back. He made his choice and he wants to keep seeing this person and I know I have to cut ties but it’s really difficult.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Dee,
      it is very difficult but keeping on talking to him is giving him what he wants without commitment, which is what you want..

    • Dee - 0

      Dee

      I actually want more but he doesn’t want to work things out. I feel we should move on because we don’t want the same thing. He said that the way things ended made him very upset and had he known I changed before dating the new girl he would consider it. He wants to keep seeing the new girl and keep an open line of communication with me. I have my own business and he texted me yesterday stating he wanted to support my business. I blocked him and doing another 30 days. I told him to pursue his new interest and see where it goes. I dont want to be his plan b.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      That’s good dee.. Don’t settle for less

  12. vanessa - 0

    vanessa

    HI,

    My ex and i broke up 6 months ago and we were together for 5 years. He kept calling me for months and i finally found out that he had a gf and decided to do no contact. He then showed up at my job and found out i was having problems at work. He started calling again and texting. He still has a gf and i don’t know what to do. I feel like i am the one who is getting hurt and not him. He seems happy with his gf but is secretly calling me. The problem is i want him back, but i do not want this.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Vanessa,

      Have you asked him why he’s doing what he’s doing?

  13. Dana - 0

    Dana

    We broke up in August. Bad breakup, he left me for her, I cried and text gnatted. Since then we’ve had sporadic communication, usually at his initiative. I did no contact and he only contacted me a few times about belongings so I had to respond. Today he gmail chatted me at work and said “hey!” and I said “heyy” back, and he said
    “im sorry to bother you, but you have been in my head a lot this days!” I sent him a funny meme that reminded me of him and said that it made me think of him. Then he said “i honestly hope that you are doing well! and Im sorry for all that i made you go thru!” I said “thank you I appreciate that. I’m doing well, how are you?” and he said “i dont know, how am I doing! i would say that im doing well
    not great not bad just the same me, not drinking much
    still not smoking” so I said “did your brother have the baby? all healthy?” and he said “Ohh yes Dana, Im sorry i didnt share that with you! she is a cute little girl” then he told me about her and how he only got to see her once so far and his emotions about it and stuff. Then I told him I had started playing piano, and we had some lighthearted convo about that. All in all about 15 minutes of chat. Then I told him I had a lunch appt and thanks for reaching out 🙂 ttyl. and he said bye. So ??? I saw that his new gf liked his photo on Instagram tonight so I know they must still be together (must be 3 months now). What should I do? Does this mean he misses me at all? He tried once before this to apologize but I was running to a meeting so I had to cut him off.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Dana,

      he can be because you were distant when you did nc.But after no contact, did you try building rapport?

    • Dana - 0

      Dana

      The convo above was my attempt at building rapport! I was going to contact him but he contacted me first, and that’s our conversation so far. The conversation was him apologizing then us discussing his brother’s baby and my piano and a couple silly things. It was positive. So what next? Should I message him again or wait for him to message me (I think he will)? Also, should I worry about his girlfriend?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You have to keep havung postive conversations and interactions to have rapport.. You have to be careful though because he has a gf.. Take it slow, dont be too forward. So that he will not go in protective mode for his gf…

  14. Tia - 0

    Tia

    Hi, I just recently got divorced from my husband of 5 years. We have a 2 year old son together he has a teenage daughter from a previous marriage. He filed for divorce and never really told me why he wanted it in the first place. Well long story short, we had a lot of communication issues we went to counseling almost got back with each other. He filed for divorce and about a month later he tells me that he had a girlfriend. He asked me to stop calling him and showing up by his house without calling ahead of time first. Said he didn’t want to make his company upset. Well I met someone too and he doesn’t live in the same city as us. Well as time went on he says they are not together anymore, and me and him have been sleeping with each other since his break up. They were never intimate says him. He knows I want him back. However he began to brag to me about how great she is and how he hates that things can’t work out between them because they really do like each other she just doesn’t want a man with children. YET he told me the other day that maybe things aren’t really over between us and let’s just see what happens. I’M tired of the mind games and I still love him. BUT what do I do at this point. I feel like maybe he is in love with her and just wants me as back up. OR wants to try and juggle us both. HE has never been a cheater. BUT I don’t know what to think at this point. He will offer to cook for me when I’m sick or injured everything. But tells me he doesn’t know what to do about us. Says he doesn’t want to ruin his relationship with his daughter and she get mad at him for being back with me. Because she is mad with Mr right now. But I don’t feel like she should make his decisions or choices for him. Or its justhe something he is making up to buy him some time

    Reply
  15. Mei - 0

    Mei

    Hi,
    So my ex boyfriend and I dated for 6 years and in a few more months 7 years. We had an argument about him moving because he wanted to join the military, but we were fine the day of his flight. We kissed and said I love you, and he promised he would call. He texts me he landed, and I continued to wait for his call which never came. Me being stubborn, I refused to call him until 4 days has passed. He never picked up and ended up completely blocking me off everything. After a week, he texts me it’s over with no explanation. After three weeks, I flew down to see him and realized that a week after he left, he got into a relationship with his coworker (which I assume is a rebound). I returned his stufff that day and gave him a piece of mind, and I was ready to let him go. The day of my flight back he texts me and calls me. He tells me that he still loves me, and he’ll never forget me. And I wanted to make things work between us. But he’s still dating his new gf and he calls me everyday saying he loves me and doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t say that he loves her and can’t even remember the day they got together. I’m confused, what does this mean? I want him to choose me over her, but I’m scared that he’ll choose her because I’m not physically there and she is. What do I do? He promises to still call me.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Mei,

      Truth is, he already chose her when he got together, he’s just not letting you go yet.. When did he meet her?

    • Mei - 0

      Mei

      They met in the summer when he worked there, but at that time he was living with me, and she also had a boyfriend. So they knew each other for two months, then we moved back to Hilo. I’m a college student, so we move back and forth during vacation and school. He left on Oct 2, and broke up with me on Oct 11 and I think they hooked up between this time.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Ah.. looks like a grass is greener syndrome..check this one:
      The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

    • Mei - 0

      Mei

      So does this mean that I still have hope? Since that weekend I’ve cut all contact with him, but I think he blocked me again anyway. More than anything, I’m actually very worried about him. His new gf seems to have a bad reputation of sleeping around and doing drugs. I know that all his family and friends are actually upset about this and don’t particularly like her. But she posts pictures of them together, and he looks happy. I am actually going back for vacation a month from now, what do I do when I get there? Do I see him or continue no contact?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      just continue no contact.. if you see him during no contact, that’s breaking no contact. Yeah, there is a chance, especially if he sees or realizes that you’re better than her.

  16. Naliah - 0

    Naliah

    Hi Chris

    My ex boyfriend and I have been separated for just over 4 years now. We’ve known each other since high school which makes it 20 years now. He cheated on me and when I found out we kind of just stayed away from each other and not making contact. Time and again he will just text me out of the blue or he will ask questions about me by people in my circle. If we do talk he will always try and kiss me or tell me how much he miss me or lo that he still love me and that will never change. But he has a girlfriend that’s much younger than him (23yrs)and she moved in with him (36 yrs) Im not sure what to think anymore. He use to rub it in how happy he was but when we have heart to heart talks he tells me that he still want me. What should I do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Naliah,

      You broke up 4 years ago? But you kept in touch as friends or friends with benefits? When was the last time you talked?

  17. Jane - 0

    Jane

    My boyfriend and I dated for 5 years through junior high and high school. Our relationship suddenly took a nasty turn (lots of arguments and shutting each other out) He broke up with me suddenly saying that he had found someone else. I was heart broken and I spent months trying to figure out what I did wrong. A mutual friend committed suicide a few months after our break up and I contacted him to talk about it because I was devastated and I knew he was too. Through the sad circumstance, the door to our relationship opened again. While I didn’t want him in my life again and I didn’t want to be with him again, it was nice to have someone to talk to. It was a weak time of my life and I put my guard down. A few weeks after talking he came clean about how he cheated on me. Not with his current girlfriend but with someone else who happened to be a good friend of mine. I was crushed. He had cheated on me for weeks with my friend. This was 2 months prior to breaking up with me. So this explained the sudden change in our relationship. More time went by and we kept talking. His girlfriend wasn’t happy that we were talking and I didn’t blame her. He told me he wanted to be with me but didn’t know what to do and so for months (up to this moment) he has maintained his relationship with his current girlfriend and with me. Though I think the reason he is keeping me around is for sex. I think he misses many aspects of our relationship. But I know the underlining motive is sex. he always needs to be in a relationship with someone and he’ll cheat if he isn’t getting it from his current girlfriend. Thus sex is his top priority and he’s willing to manipulate and lie in order to get what he wants. I know this so why do I stick around? I have no problem with being single but I feel like there’s really something there between us. I have such strong feelings for him and I don’t know how to not think about him or totally be Googly eyes over him. Ive never met someone else that I’ve felt this feeling for. I don’t want to ever be in a relationship with him again because i don’t trust him. But at the same time I don’t want to lose him from my life because he’s been such a close friend through basically my whole life.
    Thanks in advance for any advise!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jane,
      it depends on what you allow.. you said it yourself, he knows how to manipulate, so you’re being manipulated..what’s good is that you’re aware.. it’s up to you on what you will allow him to do with you…

  18. sarah - 0

    sarah

    Hi,
    My boyfriend of 8 months broke up wit me because we were long distance and only saw eachother on weekends. I was heart broken so i did the no contact rule…a month later he got into a new relationship. Its been about 2 months and a half and he posts so many pictures and he looks happy wit his new girlfriend so i never got inbetween but every couple of weeks he texts me that he misses me and that he cries for me still. He keeps telling me that he never wanted to hurt me he just couldnt handle the distance. My question is… Everytime he does this i get emotional and i get sad for a few days…should i just completly cut him off? I dont understand why he keeps telling me this over and over. I wanna be able to communicate wit him but i feel its doing more damage and i dont understand his motive

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sarah,

      seeing once a week is not that bad.. I think the other girl is just a rebound but if he cant find a way to make the distance work..and he prefers his situation now, then yes, cut all contact..

  19. Anna - 0

    Anna

    Hi this is going to be very long. So my situation feels slightly different than some of the ones I’ve been reading. Basically, me and my ex had started dating November of last year (officially), but together since mid to end of September before we officially started dating. We had an amazing relationship, especially at the beginning. There were tons of butterflies and all of the normal relationship things going on. We were so happy together and to spend time with one another. Then about a month and a half to two months into our official relationship, he had told me he loved me. I had told him from the beginning that I needed to take things slow and cautious because he was my first relationship since my previous boyfriend (who I broke up with a year and a half before I started dating this new guy) who had cheated on me (there is a lot more to the story but that is the main concept behind it) and left me feeling very hurt and heartbroken. So in this new relationship, I was still very guarded of my heart but new that I had real feelings for this guy. So when he told me he loved me, I told him I appreciated it and was on my way there, but I wasn’t ready to open up to that extent yet. He seemed very understanding and I knew it was just because I was scared to open up. Anyway, our relationship continued, we flew to California to vacation and meet his parents and family. We did a bunch of the normal things in a relationship. But I was going through a really tough time. My best friend was in the process of moving across the country, my sister was graduating college and moving to a different state, and the classes I was taking in college were the hardest I’ve ever taken, consuming a lot of my time away from seeing my boyfriend, my best friend, and my sister. I was very stressed and overwhelmed and sometimes I accidentally took that stress on my boyfriend, since he was the one I saw the most. On top of that, I was still very scared to open up completely because of the trauma I went through with my previous ex. So instead of letting my boyfriend in, I pushed him away sometimes. He would bring up some of these issues, and we seemed to talk/argue it out, but we would never go home without seemingly resolving our feelings about the situation. Anyway, in the middle to the end of May (after about 6 and a half months of officially dating, about 8 total together with him), we were having another argument. It was about how I was still not opening up about my feelings (which I do realize how important that is for another person, I guess I just was so terrified of getting heartbroken again) and how he felt that I didn’t really even want to be in the relationship. That hurt me, because I knew how I felt about him, but I was just taking longer than a normal time frame to fully open up. I realized that I was making him unhappy and that maybe we needed time apart so I could focus on my problems and fully heal before I was able to be with him, as I didn’t want to continue to hurt him. I made the rash and unplanned decision to break up right then because I was overwhelmed and didn’t think logically or try to work things out. So we broke up. That night, he also told me that he would be enlisting in the army sometime this year (something he had been planning on doing throughout our entire relationship). We had about two or three conversations in the following week and I told him I didn’t know what would happen between us but that I needed to work on myself before I could fully commit to him, but I told him that it’s not that my feelings had gone away. He was very upset but acting kind and understanding about the whole thing. Then about 2-3 weeks had gone by. I realized how miserable I was without him and I was constantly regretting my decision because I hadn’t thought it through. I was so back and forth on if I should try to talk to him again, but I was scared about getting rejected or heartbroken again. Then one day, about 3 weeks after our breakup, he texted me. We caught up (through text) and it sounded like he was about to say goodbye. And I didn’t want that because I had just gotten him back. So we continued texting every single day, our conversation just continuing from one to the next. That started in June. So from June to August, we talked every day, about what was going on, what we were doing, inside jokes, funny or happy memories, etc. He would occasionally say things like calling me cute or whatever. In June, he had also asked me to hangout once or twice. I realize now that I should have, but I was scared to say yes in fear of what he expected from me. Were we hanging out as friends, as possibly getting back together, or was he expecting it to be exactly like old times? I had no idea, and he didn’t say anything further, so I said I was nervous and we didn’t hangout. Anyway, we continued our conversation every day and he would even ask a few questions about me and him, comparing him and my old ex boyfriend. Then in the beginning of August, I went to California with a few of my girl friends. The day I left, I hadn’t received a text from him, which I thought was strange (turns out he never received the text I sent). But anyway, halfway through our trip, he had posted a picture of him kissing another girl. This really confused me and hurt me because I was very confused by his actions of wanting to constantly talk to me and act how he did when we were in a relationship, but be kissing someone else. So when I confronted him about it, he had said she was just a friend (sure) and besides, I was the one that wanted to break up. Anyway, we started talking again every day and a few days later I had told him that I still had a lot of feelings towards him. He didn’t say he did back, but we had a long conversation through text about how I had felt it the whole time, how I was confused by his actions, etc. He was asking me a bunch of questions and what not about how I had felt but he never mentioned anything about anyone else or this girl. He just said “I think it was a good idea we broke up, we just weren’t happy together in a relationship”. Which I do not agree with, but anyway. He also told me around this time that he was officially enlisting into the army in less than two months. About two days after that, I saw another picture of them somewhere of them holding hands, ensuring that she was still in the picture, and not just a friend. He continued to talk to me every day (maybe I shouldn’t have done that, but he was leaving shortly for the army and I was scared to lose him already). He ended up continuing to talk to me every day, but he started posting pictures on his snapchat of him and her, or just pictures of her, all the time it felt like. It felt rubbed in my face. I noticed he seemed to stop talking to me when he was currently with her in the moment, but continued to text me all the time when he wasn’t with her. I saw on Facebook that they were officially in a relationship in the beginning of September. Sometimes our past relationship or questions about my feelings about him got brought up again. He eventually stated that he wanted to be friends with me, how he had moved on from me and how he didn’t have feelings for me anymore. He still continued to text me every single day when he was officially with her, an action I find strange, especially since he made clear to me that he doesn’t like any of his other ex’s and how he went out of his way if one of them tried to contact him back when me and him were still together. He likes a few of my Facebook/instagram posts by the way. Skipping some not as important parts of the story, we get closer to when he is leaving for the army. The prior week, he would talk to me about how nervous he was and about his feelings towards it and how sad he was. I gave him advice on how to cope with it and he told me how he really appreciated everything I’ve done for him in his life. I was gaining the courage to ask to meet with him to say goodbye, when 3 days before he left, I ran into him in Target. My first time officially seeing him since the breakup actually. So we had a good talk throughout Target, mostly talking about what we were up to and a bunch of old good memories and inside jokes we had. He even brought up a (probably inappropriate since he has a girlfriend) memory of a time when we had fooled around together. But I also noticed that he talked about his girlfriend a few times and specifically called her his “girlfriend”, not her name, multiple times that we were in target. He even mentioned to me how they were talking about going to California to see his family when he gets out of basic training. And that hurt, because that’s what we did together and I don’t know why he needs to tell me this. When we were leaving, I asked if I could see him briefly before he left just to have a more meaningful goodbye. He apologized and said he would if he could but he doesn’t have time to since he was so busy packing and spending time with his family and such before he left. So I left. And he texted me asking if I was ok. I asked him if he had time to talk on the phone for a few minutes sometime before he left. He said sure that sounds good 🙂 So later that night we talked on the phone. He brought up how he never meant to get a girlfriend but that they just connected. I asked him for insight on why I felt lead on by him then and he said he doesn’t “get in past relationships because we broke up for a reason” and I told him that I didn’t break up with him because I didn’t feel anything for him or because I wanted to, but because it was bad timing. I told him I believe in second chances and I told him that I regretted the breakup and I just wanted him to know that. He was very nice and didn’t say much back to that. He texted me after in relation to what we talked about on the phone. He also mentioned that I would probably see him the next day since there was a tailgate for our school’s football game the following day that we were both planning on attending. Anyway, he stopped replying. The next day he was with his girlfriend all day (documented by him on snapchat as usual – something he never did with me actually). Later that day one of his snapchats of her said “I love you”. So apparently after a month of dating and talking to me every day, they were in love i guess……?? Lastly, he was with her the next day and the day after that is the day he was leaving for the army. He was with her the whole time til he left, and we hadn’t talked in two days (not really normal by the way). Then as soon as he left, I got a text from him. Which is so crazy to me because I seem to be on his mind as soon as he is not with his girlfriend. Is that not weird?! I feel crazy in this whole situation. I thought no contact would have been smart but I didn’t do it because he was leaving anyway and wouldn’t get to contact me when he’s gone anyway. Is there any insight you have to my situation? Clearly I am still in love with him and ruined every chance I have with him, but I thank you for your help

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anna,

      ANd he knows that you still have feelings for him.. and it looks like he’s trying to keep you at arm’s length because he’s not sure with you.. He’s not sure if you’re really serious now.. His current gf probably is the safer choice for him, so maybe even if he still has feelings for you, he just chose to friendzone you.

    • Anna - 0

      Anna

      Yeah…so is there anything else I can do?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      try doing the no contact rule..make it seem like you’ve had enough and chose to move on or at least moving on, so when you’ve initiated contact, he might think you’re just being friendly

    • Anna - 0

      Anna

      The thing is though, he’s away in basic training and he won’t be able to contact anyway…Does that change things

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yeah.. That means your only chance is when he gets back from training.. but in the mean time, keep improving yourself.

  20. Heart - 0

    Heart

    My bf of 3 years broke up with me 3 weeks ago. He denied there was another girl and that he simply fell out of love with me. He is now dating his bff’s friend whom used to hangout with us all the time. A mutual friend said they are together, but he still denies having feelings for her when I ask him. I tried doing NC, but he texts me about our bills all the time. A mutual friend said he says he misses me because I was his best friend. Also, that he feels guilty for talking to this new girl. He told me he wants to friends and doesn’t want to lose me. I’m still in love with him. I want him back and have been trying to do the NC and working on myself. I’m not sure what to do because I’m still in the fresh heart broken state. Every time he texts me and makes jokes even when I try to keep it simple, I miss him. I also tried blocking his number, but he had his sister text me on his behalf! It’s like a cycle. Idk what to do.

    Reply
  21. Tanya - 0

    Tanya

    Hi so my ex boyfriend and I broke up for the second time 4 months ago but continued to see each other for the following 2 months and slept together. He left me be with the girl he got pregnant and she has since had the baby. We were LDR but even now he has insisted we stay friends. I did the NC on him (he kept texting me during NC) then after I never texted him unless he texted first. I have never mentioned wanting him back and have played hard to get except I have done a few favours for him. He split up with his gf, for a week and contacted me straight away after hearing I was going to be in his town within the next month. I told him he should go back to her, and make it work. He has since then, and when I deactivated my Facebook account for a day he thought I had blocked him and got upset, even writing a Facebook status talking about how sad he was that a friend didn’t know how important she is to him. I am sick of the emotions I feel, most of the time I am strong but lately I have started missing him. It has been playing with my mind so I told him not to contact me for a month because I have a lot on this month and need to focus. Am I on the right track? I felt I started being a little too available to him again so I am trying to gain some value while at the same time concentrating on improving myself. We were together for 1.5 years and he just gets upset at the mention of me not being friends with him.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Tanya,

      I think it has stretched for too long now.. if he really wanted you back, he has to work for you, and he has to prove it. So, that’s good that you’re taking the time off again to put yourself first..

  22. Jackie - 0

    Jackie

    Hey! So I have a situation. Ok we were together for 7 months, unexclusive. We had such amazing chemistry and the sex was amazing. I left on vacation on (Jun 2016) and before I left I told him what day I was coming back and how long I was going to be gone. I was gone for almost 7 weeks. About 3 weeks later into my vacation, he starts hanging out with some other girl and I don’t think anything of it till he takes her on a date. We weren’t exclusive but it still hurt. I get in a huge fight with him, and the next day I break it off because I deserved better. Anyways we don’t talk after that. Still kept him on social media though. The day I get back, he posts on snapchat he’s at the airport with the girl he took out on a date. I see it right before I get on the plane and I’m furious. The next day he posts on Facebook he’s in a relationship with her, which hurts me even more because I still hadn’t moved on. I delete him on everything and now at the beginning of the month (Sept 1) a day after he goes to a concert he planned since we were together, he requests to follow me on Instagram twice. I follow back and I add him on snapchat again which he immediately adds back and tries to talk to me. He tries to hang out and I get mad and tell him no. Which pisses him off and he deletes me. A week later he adds me on snapchat again after he finds out I’m seeing someone now, and tries to make me delete all the proof of what we once were so his girlfriend couldn’t see it. I figure it’s a way to hurt me cause I too start looking back, and I remember our great moments together but I was mad too so I deleted it all. He procceds to ask me what’s wrong and why I’m mad, my pride gets in the way and I tell him nothing’s wrong I’m good. He continues to act like an asshole towards me. Fast forward to 2 weeks later, and he starts asking me to hang out at his place (I repeatedly tell him no cause he has a new gf) but he continues to message me. The last message I got from him was him telling me he has to work all week and that we should hang out next week so he can show me around his new place as friends. I don’t know if I should or not? I think a part of him misses me. His girlfriend is 2 hours away from college and right before he sent me that text he posted on Instagram a pic of them together (old) saying happy birthday and all this other bullshit. I’m very conflicted and confused. A part of me doesn’t care he’s with her and will sleep with him again so he can cheat on her. They’ve only been together for 3 months. I don’t think he loves her if he’s so willing to cheat on her with me. But another part doesn’t want to get involved again. I keep telling him he has a girlfriend and I refuse to be with him as long as he’s with her but he won’t end it. Ugh. I need advice. I want him back.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jackie,

      even if he’s not serious with his current gf, that doesn’t mean you have to sleep with him as revenge.. Don’t lower your value. Don’t let him treat you as a booty call.. If you want, you can try the no contact rule.. Do 30 days and just focus in healing and improving yourself during it and continue to do that even after no contact, when you start to rebuild rapport slowly with him.

  23. Zemog - 0

    Zemog

    Hi, well my ex and I dated for over 4 years. It was a tough relationship. Fights all the time, trips and lots of love overall. Over the course we broke up about 3 times. The last time we broke up was about a year ago. We were still having sex up until 2 months ago that he met someone else. The relationship he is in is a bit serious since they are now living together. We still kept in contact as regular friends. It killed me when he told me he was living with his current crush and I told him how much I loved him and wanted him back. So he is aware of my feelings. I’m not sure if he is taking advantage of my feelings, but about 2 weeks ago we’ve already had sex 2 times. He doesn’t really ask if I want to go back with him or anything but he does seem to question our future if we were to get back together. Like the what if, or what would change. I’ve been sensing that him and his crush are having some issues of some sort since they don’t really know each other and my ex does tend to have a heavy attitude. Well anyway, I’m the one that broke up the relationship and when we were together I did tend to go out a lot and party a lot and that would bother him. So he questions that I we would ever get back together I should cut my ties with my friends and the party life. To be honest we just had sex yesterday and we spent like half of the day together. He called the day off so his crush thought he was at work and we went out and had sex and went to lunch. He began to check my phone too see if I’m talking to anyone. What could this all mean, is he trying to keep me on check while being in his relationship? I’m really confused to be honest.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Zemog,

      yes, he’s using your feeling to keep being friends with benefits with you. What do you mean that he lives with his crush? They live in together? Only the two of them in one roof? How old are you both?

  24. Michelle - 0

    Michelle

    My ex and I dated for 4 years and broke up because we fought about the same things over and over and we both knew the trust wasn’t there anymore. After the breakup we continued to sleep together for I over a year. He didn’t let me into his life, however, I wasn’t invited to family events anymore and never was invited out with his friends. So basically I was a secret to everyone in his life now. I had a feeling he was sleeping with other women but he never came clean to me about it. I ended up getting pregnant and when I told him about it he freaked and didn’t want to take any responsibility! He was obsessed with the fact that it wasn’t his and he would have no part. I told him I was having an abortion because I was scared and alone and couldn’t do it on my own. He still was not supportive at all. That was the last straw for me..I cut all contact after that because I lost respect for him and was heartbroken. I received a drunken 3am text from him that said “very funny, btw” which I was confused about but as tempted as I was to respond I did not. I didn’t hear from him again until 3 months later our mutual friend commuted suicide and he reached out to me via text and was very sweet and wanted to make sure I was doing okay and if I needed anyone he was there. I was so messed up over this death I caved and called him. Ever since we have been talking and flirting very regularly. I see on social media that he has been very involved with a women to the point of even his parents tagging the two of them together at family events. His friends also would tag her with him in pictures of everyone going out drinking and such. To say the least, I’ve seen more than enough proof that she is his girlfriend. We have gotten to the point of being very flirty and talk about hooking up all the time but never do. He always has an excuse. He won’t be honest with me about her, I have asked many times if he has someone in his life and he says no every time. I don’t want to be the desperate ex that has hopes that we will be back together if he is playing me to be a fool. I want to know why he is keeping up this act? Why does he continue to flirt and call? Why can’t he be honest? Am I waiting for something that will never happen? What does he want?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Michelle,

      correct me if I’m wrong, I’m assuming you proceeded with the abortion?

      I’ll be honest. He treats you like that because you let him treat you like that. You were friends with benefits for a year and then after being left from being pregnant, you give in too easily with sweet texts and you even talk about being friends with benefits again. Don’t lower your value. The best move you can do is to move on.

  25. Rhodonite - 0

    Rhodonite

    Hi, I’m glad I found this article to help me think about my situation. Thank you! I don’t know if my case fits in one of the six reasons why my ex boyfriend would want to contact me, I don’t know exactly what it is, I’m very confused. Maybe GIGS?

    My ex and I mainly used to be friends, but with some benefits (except sex, because I was a virgin and he respected this) for 3 years. He always had feelings to me but I kind of wasn’t that much, until 2011 when I suddenly started to have feelings too and we officially started dating. But it lasted for 2 months because of communication issues. I guess we were afraid to hurt or lose each other, so we put small problems aside, but things got worse and worse and we broke up. All of that was FIVE years ago. I deleted all my social media, we never saw or talked to each other again.

    Today I’m 27 and he’s 30. He recently contacted me through e-mail saying that he always missed me, that he has dreams with me, that I’m the most compatible person for him, that he needs to talk and explain a lot of things. So we started to text through Skype chat and he confessed that he has a girlfriend now, and they’re dating for less than a year. Before her, he dated another girl for 3 years. But he said he always loved me all of these years! I was like, is it GIGS? Why didn’t he e-mail me before? I believe what he’s saying because I know him for a long time but I’m skeptical as well.

    I asked him to think again, to organize his feelings and that sometimes we need to let our past go, even though I do miss him a lot too and I love him. He agreed. He knows what he’s dong is wrong. I said all I want for him, for her, for me and for everyone else is happiness. Once he did cheat one of his ex girlfriends a very long time ago with ME, but I don’t want to be in that situation never again and he neither. We’re older now. I don’t know what’s going to happen.

    Thank you for reading, peace and positive energy for all.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Rhodonite,

      I think he does have feelings for you, but if he really is serious, he has to leave his current gf. You don’t have a bf now, so the only moves he has to take is leave his current gf and pursue you.

    • Suzy - 0

      Suzy

      My boyfriend dumped me 3 years ago after what I thought was an amazing two year relationship. We fought a lot but the chemistry between us was unreal we couldn’t live without each other. He did it by text after a weekend away with work. I didn’t find out until 7 months after that he had got together with a girl from work and had moved in with her. He blocked me on all channels when I begged him for closure and answers, then a year later starts saying he wants to have sex one last time. This has continued up until now he says he can’t stop thinking about sex with me and is sexually addicted to me. He blatantly keeps asking for one last time and I have of course always said no. He begs sometimes it’s gets really weird and he says the sexual desire is killing him, but he is still with this girl, and asks me for closure.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Suzy,

      If you really want him to stop thinking about you as his booty call. Don’t be his booty call.

  26. stars(maris) - 0

    stars(maris)

    Hi Chris.. 🙂

    I love reading your website’s article…, and this topic actually bothers me.. since my ex boyfriend whom i spent for 4 years… is now trying to reach me out.. ” He keep on asking my cousins if what’s my facebook name..then keep on asking how I’m doing right now? … ” but I’m really avoiding him since his the one who left me.. and whom who said “i don’t want to see again! ”

    actually our break up story is that (Dec 2015) we broke up from a small fight that become a big fight then he starts telling me that he had enough of me and want to be free again. (Jan 2016) After a month we broke up he got himself a new girlfriend.. , actually i find out that he got a girlfriend..after 5 months (May 2016).. He told me he doesn’t have a girlfriend yet… but he lied. Then only then he told me he loved her girlfriend and their supposed to have a baby yet.. they lost their first baby.. ,
    I got mad to him because he only not lied to me but also use me.. since he have sex with me and telling me he doesn’t have a girlfriend when he already have one.. ,now if only i know he got one then i should have not got that far and had sex with him.

    May 06,2016 is the last conversation we had.. and that is also when he told me ” Don’t ever talk to me and i don’t wanna see you again! ” then i block him on my Fb account so i wont talk to him again nor hear anything from him..

    But then Now September 2016 its been almost 5 months already…
    for as long i can remember he block all my cousins in FB and now he Unblock them and keep asking about me?…

    I’m confuse, Why he unblock them then suddenly out of no where he keeps on asking my facebook name then how im doing?

    “Didn’t he told me that he doesn’t want to see me again nor talk to me again?” now how come his being like that… is that being friendly or his having a problem with her Girlfriend or maybe just because of sex? ”

    Chris i hope u could help me with all of this questions i have in myself.. you might be confuse on my english ..but i hope you can read them clearly .. : )

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Stars,

      it’s more likely that they’re having a problem.. If you are going to talk to him again, dont sleep with him until you’re really back together

  27. Beth - 0

    Beth

    My ex and I dated for two years. A week after he broke up with me, he got a new girlfriend. We haven’t had any form of contact for five months. Then, out of the blue, he texts me that he misses me and realized I was wonderful. He said he was going to leave his new girlfriend for me. So we went for a walk just to catch up. He kissed me several times. We continued to talk every day until the next weekend. Then, he stopped talking to me for two weeks. He texted me a few days ago. His grandfather had died. Now, he’s talking to me every day all day again but he’s treating me like just a friend. Today he sent me a picture of his new hair cut and I didn’t respond. I had broken the conversation off earlier saying I was busy and would text him tomorrow. Should I stay his friend, go into no contact, lightly flirt or what? I know he’s grieving but I don’t want to be used as just his emotional support.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Beth,

      try to do no contact.. so that he can grieve in other ways.. try to do just 30 days

    • Beth - 0

      Beth

      Should I just stop replying or give him some kind of explanation?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I think it would be better if you tell him that you need space because it’s not working out for you to stay as his friend right now

  28. Destiny - 0

    Destiny

    I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years about 2 months ago. We had a problem with him hiding texts and his location last summer with a girl he worked with. I thought we resolved the issue and she was gone. About 2 months ago I saw a text that said, “I had a great time with you and hope to do it again sometime” from my ex to the girl. I asked him about it but he swears he doesn’t know why he sent that to her. I also saw him delete texts from their conversation. I broke up with him and moved out. A few days later, he texts me saying how sorry he is, how he wishes he can turn back time, and how he never ment to hurt me. I was angry and not accepting because this was the second time with the same girl. A few weeks later, I point blank asked him if he wanted to make it work or not. He replied, with “I don’t know” but can’t picture his life without me. Now, he is dating that girl not exclusively. They’ve been on dates which he tries to hide from me or he lies about it. I have been over his house a few times, but we didn’t have sex. He hides our relationship from her. He still texts me and takes me to lunch. He says, “It’s awkward” talking about the girl he is seeing and tries not to talk about it with me. He hasn’t change his Twitter photo from us and still can’t change his Facebook relationship status to “single” even though he hidden. I feel like he has the girl he always wanted, yet he still hasn’t asked her to be exclusive. I’m confused. Does he just want to be friends or am I on the back burner?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Destiny,

      I think he sees her as a grass is greener case but he’s gotten comfortable with you already. It’s like she’s the spice of variety in his life and you’re the comfort zone.
      Are you going to do the no contact rule?

    • Destiny - 0

      Destiny

      I haven’t decided on the no contact rule . We were friends before we dated, so I’m having a hard time ignoring him. Part of me just wants to ‘rip off the band aid’ and never contact him again, but the other part of me values our friendship. It’s not easy dropping the years we’ve been together, neither is it easy knowing there is another women in his bed. I’m in a pickle. So far, we have been contacting each other but I don’t know how long that can continue.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hmm.. you might risk being friendzoned if you keep contacting him or being friends with benefits.. To help you decide, you can read this: EBR 017: The Importance Of The No Contact Rule

  29. Isha - 0

    Isha

    Hi,
    my married ex bf sent me an email(” hello petname”)after 10 years of N.C. I have moved on and I did not reply to him because I know he is married and has 3 kids! I am now wondering why he emailed me and why he still calls me by my petname?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Isha,

      that’s a hard question, but it’s more likely that him and his wife may be having a hard time now.. And we’re not sure if you’re the only one that he messaged like that.

  30. Lisa - 0

    Lisa

    Hi team. Ive wrote a few comments before but i really do need help understanding this new development. Today i txt my ex (ex since march) i told him i still love him and that i want us and our little family back together. He has a new girlfriend (since a week after we split) but today has set up a new fb page to message me back. He says he doesnt want to hurt his now gf but says he misses ‘us’ aswel but he thinks it has gone too long and too far now. He stopped messaging because his gf turned up. What does all this mean? Is there any hope for us to get back together?

    Reply
    • Lisa - 0

      Lisa

      Just an update.. He has not spoken to me since the other day.. I dont want to txt again and risk annoying him. Dont know what to do…

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi lisa,
      that means he chose his gf.. he’s being protective of his relationship now..

      he has to see that you’ve moved on first before he becomes friendly with you again so that he wouldnt think you’re a threat to his new relationship

    • Lisa - 0

      Lisa

      Ok so should i just give up now??

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      if you want to try again.. you have to move no without fully moving on.. if you want to give up, that’s ok too.

  31. Lisa - 0

    Lisa

    Ok, try to figure this one out. Met a guy while he was visiting parents through mutual friends. Saw each other a few times while he was here. Kept pressuring for sex, I said no. First date I had since my divorce after 23 yrs of marriage. Couple months later, he visits again, calls, we go out most nights he is here. He is after all visiting family so have to share. We do have sex this time around. We are in our 50s after all. Time between visits, texts and phone calls. Lives in another state far away. Comes up again, more time spent together. Should mention that times we did not go out while he was here, we did hang out with his family. Couple months go by, I fly and spend weekend with him. He wanted longer, but was not possible. More texts, more phone calls. All the time, I did know that he was dating others. We never had a conversation because yeah, we are adults and realize life issues. See him again couple months later, spend even more time together. Basically he spent day with his father while I was at work, nights with me. Family dinners with his family, blah blah. He goes back and we start talking about going on vacation together. His suggestion. I agree and we start looking and trying to decide. New Years Eve day, he texts that he is excited about vacation and book one late April and if he doesn’t get a chance to text Happy New Years. Wake up next morning- on facebook (yes evil facebook) there is a picture with him tagged on a date.
    Kick to the stomach I mean yes, I knew he dated but still stung. We never really tagged photos of us. I didn’t because I didn’t want to intrude on his life without a commitment or at least convo. Then the tags and check-ins started one after another. All the woman’s doing. I admit I pulled away and didn’t ask. Feb. I asked if we were still going on vaca, he said he’d get back to me busy at work. OK- writing on wall. So I book a trip to visit a friend. Texts are now a thing of the past. Likes all my photos and stuff, but no response. Text and tease him when his now gf posts “new relationship”. Have short convo. Hear nothing till 4 months later when he again up visiting. Ask to meet for drinks with mutual friends. I agree, cause I wanted an apology and food. ha ha. I mean, yes, we had no commitment, but thought we were mature enough that if either one got serious with someone else, we’d tell the other.
    So, I think you can guess what happens. One of the first things he says is that he moved in “with the person he has been dating” last week. Came up to get some of his belongings. Had nice evening with our friends and found ourselves alone. All through the evening you could feel it slipping into familiarity. When he used to come up, we were a couple. He drove me home, wanted to see my new place, I had moved since I last saw him. Tells me he still likes me. I’m not buying it but say I think we need to talk. Basically, I think we both could have handled everything better. He didn’t think I cared as much as I did. Kept saying things like maybe you should have, I wish you did, blah blah.
    Yes, slept with him. Now what? I truly thinks he does care about me and the whole thing is a rebound, but now complicated. All of his friends are “couple” friends, he has no where else to live now. (I know lame) Do I hold out hope?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lisa,

      with all due respect.. I think it was a misunderstanding..

      for you, both of you were just being adults and not needing a label but of course, you want him to commit. For him, he thought you were not that serious because he didnt see or hear that you want him to commit.. I dont think she’s a rebound.. It looks like she’s a grass is greener case. If he goes back again in your town any time soo, dont sleep with him again..

      so, when did you last talk?

  32. Maya - 0

    Maya

    Hi Amor,
    Me and my ex dated for 3 months. I moved to his city and leave my life+friends and everything I had in my hometown. Our relationship was short but originally were planned to get married. 3 weeks after breakup he have new GF and change his profpic (from what i know, he hates people with this kind of profpic). After another week fully emotional – ugliest breakup reaction i ever did, I DID NC (1 month after breakup). But i stay in his city, cause i already start new business and networking in the city. I can not just walk away from what i’ve just started and move back to my hometown.

    Successfully 30 days NC, i sent him 1st text about The Jungle Book movie (let’s say i sent the greatest text by telling him the latest movie on cinema and I nailed his favorite thing). I get quick response in 10mins! it said … “I’ll let him know”
    me try to be positive ;
    A. if he’s the one that replied, i guess he doesn’t want to talk to me, but at least he’s not angry.
    B. if the new GF replied, well .. she is sure feel threaten by me, I better walk away.

    So I planned NC for another 2 weeks before sending him my 2nd text attempt. Within a week, I met another guy, date him and hanging out around the town (without intention to make this new relationship seen by my ex).

    10 weeks after breakup with my EX, I’ve got phone call from a friend of mine, he seen my ex at my favorite coffee shop IN MY HOMETOWN, by himself. That day was supposed to be the day I sent my EX the 2nd attempt text. But it was the busiest day on the event that i’ve been working on. I told my friend, do not worry i already got a new BF. The next day, I type a text for my EX with WOW content, etc like you guys advice. I never sent that text, but new BF seen it. We brake up a week later. I know it’s a rebound.

    At this point ; I began to see a lot of drama in this town, people here love to butt-in on other people’s business. and they enjoy to watch the cause of what their doing to other’s love life and business life. Including my previous relation with my EX, and several weird rejected events by companies that would hired me. I shut myself from unimportant event and being way more careful with people in this town. This i take it from my EX advice and story when we’re still together. And I start to reminiscing all positive things my EX teach me about life. It takes me 2 weeks to just focus on myself. And I start to know where to step, how to act in this town.

    I feel like this is the prime time of my life in this town. I am back being ME, the cheerful, easy going and full confidence with my weirdness. I walk around town with heads up but my chin lower than anyone (just to keep myself out of the drama radar) And to keep my life balance, i have my old friends watching my back from my hometown and sometime visit them on the weekend.

    So 12 weeks after the breakup ;
    The same old friend call me, he said that my EX came back to the coffee shop and this time he’s talking to my friend .. and act like he just visiting an old friend, asking my friend why never text him. my friend reaction ; just trying to be cool in front of him, but told me that i should never talk to my EX again. He said, it will not be healthy for me if we’re both getting back together. He’s basically said that my EX is an asshole.

    Just after I hung up the phone, I’ve got EMAIL FROM MY EX. He said that he’s so happy to brake up with me and now he found the lady that he’s been looking for. he even told me that he take his GF to our secret place. for that he sent me a “gift” ; several pictures of him being lovey dovey with the new GF.

    I was fully enjoy myself and was so proud that I actually dated a good guy.
    My Ex, no matter how asshole, hypocrite, and sometime shallow .. he that taught me a lot of things about life.
    But this .. this broke my heart .. this is too lame ..
    This gave me mixed feeling of how happy i am that he’s actually still thinking about me, proud to myself that i am better than him, also disappointed that my best guru doesn’t have show respect for himself, his current GF and me. I literary walk away

    But the story hasn’t finished yet.
    I’ve got involved in someone else’s drama, just because I borrowed a tent to go camping with my EX (when we’re still dating)
    the tent, along with some of my stuff were still left in my EX house and he never allowed me to take it back. I checked that is an expensive tent, and i don’t have a money to exchange it with a new one.

    So 15 weeks after breakup , I replied to his email. (I know is not a good idea and it wasn’t a good email either)
    I said good, it’s great for him (for the new GF) and thank you to come visit my friend twice and sent email to let me know about him, since he have so much time to do that, i believe he’s also have more time to sent my stuff back and the most important is to drop the tent back to my friend’s place. I suggest him to sent via courier so we don’t have to meet. He never replied. Instead he changed his email profile picture with a picture with his gf.

    This drama tent is happening between A and B, A is the owner of the tent. Me and my EX used to hang out with B a lot. even after the breakup B is being neutral by still hanging out with my EX or with me. B is pitying me, he text my EX :
    “hey bro, long time no see. how about hang out again on your day off, let’s go camping!”
    the GF replied, using my EX phone, sending a video and voice message telling that they are on vacation,
    and told B to go fuck himself.
    B replied “hey bro, come on we are a grown up men, less drama please”
    my EX replied “Sorry bro. I’ll call you, when I am back in town.”
    And so 2 weeks after B text, my EX drop the tent to B house. Case closed. But he say sorry to B, for such a fuss the GF made, he said the GF doesn’t like him to have any other relationship with me nor anyone related to me..

    I don’t know what conclusion that you could get from my long story. (PLEASE DO LET ME KNOW)
    But all of those events .. got me thinking a lot of probability ..
    Why my EX have to visit my hometown, why he have to told B about his current GF condition .. or my EX might never seen my 1st message, instead the GF replied to me. My EX might never sent the email, it could be his GF. but why .. why he even let her do that ..

    Today, it’s 19 weeks after my breakup. Almost 5 months.
    It pass the time I spent dating my EX.
    I tried to set aside any logical thought I have and clear my feeling from the grey cloud toward my EX.
    I realized, I still believe in my guts to have him back, to spent the rest of my life with him.
    I haven’t move on. I don’t want to ..

    But at this point I could only wait my EX back being single, before approach him back.
    although i have no confidence that he will break up with this GF, they’ve been dated for 4 months by now – longer than our relationship ..
    Please advice me for the next move that I should take to get him back.
    Thank you Amor, you’ve been very kind to keep reading my whining.

    Cheers!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Maya,

      if the gf is like that then just keep being great, living a happy life and looking at your best because if she keeps being like that, he’ll get tired and probably wonder how you’ve been and check your profile and message you..

  33. Jay - 0

    Jay

    Hi Chris!
    Okay, so what if he has a girlfriend but is willing to be friends with you, if his girlfriend is okay with it. And have been sexual with one another at one point. But he also claims that he wants to give his current relationship a go and if it doesn’t work out he would choose you?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jay,

      that means he’s making you a back up

  34. Mary - 0

    Mary

    My boyfriend and I broke up a month ago. We dated for almost a year. Not even a full month he’s dating someone older with kids. However, we’ve been flirting over text and he keeps playing words with friends. What is going on?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Mary,

      stringing you along.. stop it and start active no contact.

  35. Confused - 0

    Confused

    I know my ex bf has been talking to a new girl. He’s living with a friend this whole time and I know he’s met up with her only once. It’s been less than a month. The few times I was able to spend time with him he always made a comment on our past relationship. He says that he doesn’t know if he can love me the same way he used to or that he’s afraid it might not work (meaning us getting back together). Then mostly everyday he calls me late at night to tell me that he loves me. Then just the other night he asked me why I loved him. Now I’m trying to contact him and I can tell he’s slowly going to get mad that I don’t respond.

    I’m not sure what I should do going forward.

    Reply
    • Confused and more - 0

      Confused and more

      Also, I wanted to mention that we would make 5 years this year and I broke up with him thinking that he deserved better than what I could give him like going out and having fun. I tried to get him back 2 days later but he was changed already. He became distant. I begged and pleaded for him to come back. Only after 2 weeks then he started communicating with me again. We hung out a few times…always having fun like we used to, laughing alot. He then asked me 1 day why I wasn’t like this when we were together. I told him that I became boring and that I stopped living life and I know now what needs to change. But here I am today. It feels like I haven’t made much progress lately so I started NC again today. He has now called me twice. Left me 6 texts. The very last 1 he says, “Ok…I understand.. look..I’m done…I really am.. You go..Live your life..You deserve it..” This isn’t the first time he has sent me something like that after I ignored him for just a day I failed to mention in my earlier comment that within this month he mentions that he’s wants me to move on because he feels he can’t give me what I deserve. But then later he mentions like I said above that he’s scared that it won’t work out and that he loves me. I then kept telling him that I can’t fix what you feel in your heart but that only time can heal your pain.

      I’m really confused. It’s like he lures me in then cuts me down. Over and over. Up and down.

      What do I do to move forward and hopefully still have a chance with him.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Confused and more,

      YOu ahve to stick to nc this time so that it doesn’t get confusing for the both of you and that you get a restart..

  36. Anonymous - 0

    Anonymous

    Hi I was wondering if you could help me in my situation. Currently I just finished in the NC period. Right when my last day on the period came, my ex decided to message me with a “hey, wondering how you are doing”. I decided to wait one day before replying and soon after he told me he wanted to return this watch I got for him a couple of months ago for his graduation, (he said it was too much from me, ad he didn’t feel right keeping it). While all this is happening, my ex boyfriend is currently in a relationship with another girl. They got together a week later we broke up, and they are still seeing each other. This girl is completely opposite from me in every way.
    I told him he doesn’t have to worry about returning the gift, but he kept insisting and eventually I told him we will plan something for this week and he can return it and ended the conversation.

    I know I probably didn’t explain my situation clearly, but Im really confused on what to expect, what do I do? What does this mean?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anonymous,

      continue on building rapport before the meet and then look your best when you meet up

  37. Sharra - 0

    Sharra

    So, my issue is I’m 22 and my ex and I have known each other since 10th grade. We ended up getting together in 2014 and broke up at the end of 2015. So a month before my ex and I broke up I caught him flirting with another woman on Instagram and I was upset of course and talked to him about that. So then I went lurking and the month of our break up I seen him comment on one of her pictures calling her gorgeous and seen they exchanged numbers. Definitely asked him about it and he tried to make it seem like it was a “friendly” exchange. I wasn’t happy about it and let him know I didn’t appreciate the exchanging of numbers because he has other intentions. I was upset with him for a few days and he ended up breaking up with me, telling me he’s young and wants to live because he feels as though he doesn’t want to miss out on different experiences, and so he doesn’t want a relationship. It’s funny because I found out the girl I caught him flirting with they started actually dating (talking trying to get to know one and another to become an item eventually) right when we broke up. I was furious . My ex and I were still contacting each other through this time and he was telling me not to worry and it’s not what I think it is. Didn’t believe him. 5 months later he’s in a relationship with this girl and whenever I ask about him being with her he never gives me an answer. He just changes the subject. Yet, he posts her on his Instagram but while with me he claimed he couldn’t post me because he didn’t want people in our business. Yet, while he’s been talking to this girl hed ask me for thirst traps, try to come see me, and the other day just asked if I’d stay at a hotel with him a night when he gets one. Said no to all of these. And it upsets me because he puts on this front for social media like he such a great guy and even claimed this girl is one in a million and I told him if she’s one in a million to you why are you wasting your time trying to cheat on her? He wouldn’t even answer that question either . He appears “happy” on social media but while texting me he claims he’s sorry and that he hopes we can be something down the line.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sharra,

      which do you believe, his actions or his words?

  38. La La Girl - 0

    La La Girl

    Wow, great article on ex’s! I am hoping you can answer my confusing situation. I have known my ex for more than 25 years, we were lovers when we were younger, however I would never have a relationship with him then as I was a bit of a wild child. For years we would have this on and off again thing, he would even come and hang out with me and my boyfriends, as friends, I never cheated on them. I know he was in love with me as he would always spend half the night staring at me. During one of the times we were alone, and he hit on me, I freaked out, letting him know that I couldn’t cheat. Years went by where we didn’t talk and he got a woman pregnant and went on to marry her and have a child. I tried to reach out to him to say hi through mutual friends but it was difficult as they seemed to no want us to have contact. Years go by and we have had brief contact, I am now in an unhappy marriage and his marriage is now over, he chased me like now one ever has, and of course we started this crazy affair. Prior to the affair, and chasing me down…he had hooked up with a girl he knew from high school, that found him on Facebook, but she broke up with him. Btw he seemed to carry a torch about her breaking up with him. He had gained quite a bit of weight when he was married, and this woman seemed to not be turned on by it. Fast forward, she became the catalyst of many a fight, he never lied to me about her, and i knew when she was calling him etc. he even told me to tell him to not talk to her, but i could never do that, I’ve always felt people need to make their own decisions. Well, i broke up with him, and literally within a day he was sleeping with her, of course a huge fight came to be as I contacted her, to inform her of our relationship. She knew nothing about it. Well, after vast amounts of texts from his new girlfriend telling me they are engaged and so on. We finally had no contact, until 3.5 months later, when he asked me to call him. He said he couldn’t take us not talking, and hating each other, he then would not take no for an answer and had to come to my place where he spent the night….Ive told him that Im not that girl, and I know something is lacking with their relationship for him to be calling me everyday or so.. Sometimes 10 times in one day…Your thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated, as I do love him and always will, its been more than 20 years … Its just so painful having him in my life again, and I do miss him, i know he would jump to come see me, but I just can’t do it, Im afraid he will hurt me again……

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Lala girl,

      so right now, he’s still with her?

  39. Serendipity - 0

    Serendipity

    So there was a guy I use to date for about 7 months, who told me that he didn’t want a relationship bc he felt at that point in his life he wasn’t ready to be in a serious committed relationship. I eventually came to terms that despite our great connection and chemistry. I couldn’t take the mixed signals, my situation was not changing and he would never commit to me. He told me that it was just bad timing. I completely stopped talking to him, he would contact me and I would barely answer and then he would contact me again, until he finally stopped. I met someone new and we had a great relationship
    but all the while a part of me still cared about him. My relationship ended and I am very heart broken. Out of the blue I just saw,after a year of not running into eachother or speaking, the guy from the past. He came up to me and we talked for about 20 minutes. He said it had been so long and asked how I’ve been and told me he remembered the last time he saw me. Which was passing eachother on the street. I asked if he was in a relationship and he said uhhh kinda and I laughed and said what do you mean kind of and he said well it’s long distance, I don’t know. He seemed like he was telling me he didn’t know if it would work out. Then he said I’m going to text you tomorrow, and laughed and told him I had to go. I was in shock after not seeing him for so long and he had weighed so heavy on my heart. We had such fun when we were with eachother and I always felt I met him at the wrong time. I couldn’t believe we were actually speaking. Sure enough he did text me saying good to see you, let’s catch up. I said sure, lemme know when you’re free sometime. That’s about as far as the conversation went. I’m not sure what to think of it and I’m definitely trying not to let myself think that he misses me and wants another chance. Especially bc he’s in a relationship and I’m still hurting over my breakup. It just seems like serendipity. I’m not sure his reasoning for wanting to “catch up” maybe he’s just being friendly, but I don’t know.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Serendipity,

      heal your heart first before jumping into a new relatioship, so that it wouldn’t be rebound

  40. Anna - 0

    Anna

    Hi Amor,
    So my ex broke up with around the beginning of the year or so and we had been together for 5 years. He moved away, we were still together even after he moved, but after some time, he told me that besides the distance he had his reasons for wanting to break up and it’s been months since then. We’ve kept contact the whole time, we even gave each other silly nicknames to sort of replace/ help us get out of the habit of calling each other “honey” or “sweetie” like we always used to.

    Around this month he suddenly stopped calling me by my nickname and when I asked if he missed me, he said “I miss you sometimes. But there’s something serious I have to tell you” and revealed he has a new girlfriend. Now, we still keep contact, in fact, we were messaging each other today. But what we talk about doesn’t seem to be anything special (a mutual friend between us told me that he and my ex were also talking about the same thing which was this tv show).

    BASICALLY, what I’m getting to is: Should I take this as reason #4) My ex is just being friendly with me? Or could this possibly be #1) the GIGS syndrome?

    Some of my friends tell me that he’s probably just being friendly and that I’m over thinking things, but some tell me that this is possibly a “rebound relationship” because of how fast he’s moved on (especially since we were together for so long) and he’s probably just “testing the waters” and “possibly comparing us”.
    I’d really apperciate a professional’s / expert’s advice, please!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anna,

      I just want to make it clear, you said he stopped talking to you for 5 months and then when he started to talk he broke up with you?

  41. APRIL - 0

    APRIL

    My ex girlfriend of 5 yrs broke up with me earlier this month. She said the reason she broke up was our constant fighting arguing and making her feel unwanted not because she didn’t want me. She is now dating her best friend soon after we broke up. I’ve begged and did everything I could to get her back and let her know I’ve changed. My ex says she loves me &misses me still. I asked her then why in a relationship with your best friend, she says she treats her well, look at her like she never been looked at before in years, protects her but she doesn’t know if she wants to be with her. My ex says she wants to believe me but it’s hard. She went back home which is 7 hrs away from me so we been away from each other for 4 months now. To this day, she still texts me and calls telling me how much she loves me her heart is with me she just afraid to come back if things are the same. I really don’t know how to handle this situation. I do love her but I don’t know how to make her feel safe with me. I told her I started getting help for my anger issues when she left to visit her family. I have changed a lot these past 4 months since she been away. I started doing NC 2 days ago. I know what I want but doing it to see if she can figure out what she need & want. Can you please help because I’m lost on what to do or feel in this situation? Am I doing the right thing in NC? If so, how many days? I don’t want to come between their relationship if she’s happy. I do however what her to know what she wants.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi April,

      well the space would definitely help for her to miss you more and realize that you’ve been changing lately for her.. so just continue that during nc.. try doing 21 days and when you get to talking again be positive and continue what your activities..

  42. Kate - 0

    Kate

    So just to clarify I totally screwed things up. My ex and I were together for four years. After a massive break up I applied ANC. I’ve lost weight. I’ve changed a lot in my life. I work out. I’m dating. Hanging out with friends. Posting a lot bc even though my ex doesn’t like anything his gf posts he likes everything I post… but I’m still very depressed and want him back. So he started texting me on day 30 of ANC. He told me he was depressed and that I was the only person that could make him smile again. We talked for a little he kept asking for selfies of me and kept telling me how beautiful and flawless I was. But the thing is I knew he had a gf because of pictures this girl had posted on Instagram. My ex to this day does not like anything she posts on any form of social media and he has not posted anything of being in a relationship. It’s all her that does the posting which gets complicated later in this… a few days of talking later we skipped straight to a meet up and he came to my house and he wanted to cuddle and kiss and I stopped it and said no because you have a gf and he proceeded to tell me she was this crazy girl at work that created this whole fake relationship with him. So we slept together. Then we were texting more and he posted a selfie and she commented baby <3<3 and he had her take it down and I asked him if she was his gf and he swore no and that he would tell her to back off. Then he took me for a movie and a nice dinner and he paid the night could not have gone more perfect. And we somet together again that night… Then we had plans to go on a trip to Catalina but he had to cancel bc his mom had had a major surgery and he had to take care of her. That's no lie bc he'd told me when we first started talking and who makes up an alibi for plans they haven't made yet. Okay so I got upset bc the plans fell through and the last text he sent me was, "I love u<3 and I'm going to prove it to you. It may not be today or tomorrow but I will"… Since then his gf went public on Twitter and I now see all of these relationship pictures of the past month of their relationship so she isn't crazy bc he's kissing her in these photos and there's a lot of them. So they are in a relationship. I found a post that shows he was with her in December before we'd officially cut ties in January. They've only officially been together since February 16th according to her but now my ex has cheated on his girlfriend with me twice and I am not sure what to do or think about this situation. I can't tell if he's playing me or if he's really unhappy and was telling the truth when he said he wanted to take me out on small dates to win my trust and heart again. So what do I do? We were together for a long time so I do understand we needed to break up and see other people for a little if our relationship was ever going to work out in the long run but from what I've told you how hopeless is my situation. I want to blow up his phone and ask him why he lied to me especially bc now I feel like shit bc he's now a cheater and I helped him become one. But I won't because I know any more negative interactions will push him more towards his new gf… This relationship is 100% a rebound bc 1. It started before he ended our relationship and he's had no time to process our break up after being together for 4 years
    2-She says she loves him and he's her human diary and her best friend which shows the relationship on her side is moving way way too fast. And 3. He slept with me so he has to have been telling the truth that he was miserable.
    So what do I do? Should I give up? Did sleeping with him push him closer to his new girl? Help

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kate,

      if he knows about the twitter pictures, let him explain about it but this time, don’t be intimate with him if they are still together.. You have to choose.. it’s better to let him go and save your dignity than have him but become just one of his girls

  43. Erika - 0

    Erika

    So I lost my virginity to this guy and broke things off with him because I felt he was not into me the way I was into him. He always contact me to see how I am. Based on the fact that he is friendly with all his exes I can’t say it’s because I am special . He also always wants to meet up and I first I agreed but he cancel me even though it was my birthday then I thought he had moved to another city so I contacted him to know if it was true and I myself started seeing another guy that is really good to me so I am not sure if he saw this thru my social media but at any rate today he contacted me to let me know he is dating someone seriously but would like to meet up with me over dinner and catch up. What the hell ? Is he being friendly or he still has feelings for me ? Before I left I have him the chance to be with me but he told me he longed for me but couldn’t offer me more than that .

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Erika,

      it’s hard to tell.. it’s like he playing

    • Erika - 0

      Erika

      I know that if he truly wanted me we would be together but I love him so and it hurts me to see him with another girl. Why does he keep contacting me still ? And most of all why did he wanted me to know that he was in a serious relationship if we haven’t seen each other in 2 years ?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s leaning more on being just friends..since you said he’s really friendly with exes

    • Erika - 0

      Erika

      Seeing me exes post with his new girlfriend destroys me but I see he is happy and proud to show her off, unlike with me. It was cruel for him to reach out to me to let me know about her. I feel it was better without me knowing or finding another way because pretending it doesn’t hurt only makes me depressed. What advice do you give me ?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Honestly it’s better if you move on

    • Erika - 0

      Erika

      You are right! I blocked him from Facebook and deleted everything about him. I feel stupid but proud of seeing things clearly. I just wanted a different perspective to see if from another angle you could see the hope I saw or help me see it in better light. Thank you so much ! I think he just felt guilty for breaking my heart and never loving me the way I did him. It hurts but it’s life 🙂

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      We hope the best for you Erika!

  44. Jennifer Xiong - 0

    Jennifer Xiong

    Hello Chris,
    So my ex and I broke up two months ago. There was no closure to the relationship so it felt open ended. After a couple of days, on my end, I did what I felt like what I had to do and did the closure. I’ve moved on and I am happy. Last night I received a text from my ex saying he was sorry about everything that has happened and he hopes that I am doing well, and hope to cross paths again someday. The thing is that, he JUST got with another girl. I am so confused because that fact that he just got into this relationship (I assuming that he is happy and well) and texting me saying he was sorry, and hoping to cross paths again someday. I took a chance saying what I never said to him and I felt good about it, it feel more at peace. I then asked him, why contact me all of the blue, especially when he just got a girlfriend. It is not fair to her, and he is making himself look pathetic and wanting attention. Then he asked me, Do i still want to be with him, despite of all that has happened?.. I didn’t know how answer him because he just got with another girl. He texted again saying that I loved me a lo and I am amazing but he cannot be with me now, and its shame that we ended like that. I keep trying to stop and let go of the conversation but he keeps the conversations lingering and making me wonder more; its like he wants the conversation to keep going but makes me feel bad. I want to know what does he want from me? (like what is my next move) and why is he doing this 2 months after we broke up, and especially when he is in this new relationship? He is clearly not being fair to his GF now, and keeps looping me around. Cause right now if he want closure, it’s clearly not to me, its too late because I’ve already close the book to that. Is this his way of making me jealous and rubbing it in my face that he moves on and he is happy now, and he wants to say sorry?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jennifer,

      it looks like the girl is a rebound.. if he wants to be with you, he should break up with the new girl first

    • Jenn - 0

      Jenn

      Hi Amor,
      Thank you for the response. After sometime of talking to him and asking why over and over, he finally said he just saying sorry and had no intentions of hurting me, and for me not to overthink it. For as long as I’ve known him, saying sorry just isn’t him, he has a motivation but he has a pride he holds on to. I told him there was no point of apologizing because when you get into a relationship, someone will end up feeling hurt and it will surface eventually. He just kept telling me that it was a shame how things ended. I told him that the issue we had was fixable but he didn’t love me enough to fix it. I know fighting isn’t good in most relationships but to me it a way for me to see their true self, and how they handle problems. He avoid arguments like a plague. To me, he was looking for an easy way out. He wanted an easy relationship, something that he didn’t have to work for it. I found that when we were on the urge of breaking up, he had a online dating profile up and active. Right after we broke up, two weeks later he’s gotten with a girl he recent met on there (he just moved to my state a month ago, we’ve been doing LDR for quite sometime). Putting my hurt and anger to the side, I sent him off wishing him the best in everything. But I want to know why do men do this when they know you have healed, they come back to touch wounds that isn’t meant to be touched? It really hurt me when I saw that text from him.. there shouldn’t be a apology to start off with.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hmmm not all men are like that.. it just so happens that that’s his personality

  45. Therese - 0

    Therese

    Hello,

    Caught my boyfriend of 32 yrs cheating on me with a 26 yr old girl. He is 58 yrs old. It’s been almost 6 months now I have not spoken to him and 5 months seeing him. He stop over a house knowing I was babysitting. He is still with her. I have him on a reject list not to be tempted to answer his calls. he has called a couple of times. Well the other day he called my phone. I drove by them on the highway. VM kick in and all I could hear was her talking. Why even call me. I do know he hears things about me because I hear too much about him and shrug it off. Yes I was very hurt at the time. But why call me ? Is he trying to get her work up because he is calling me? Or me Jealous because he is with her? Why put me in the middle I’ve not bother with either of them. Gone out of my way not to run into them

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Therese,

      Maybe it was an accident call.

  46. Platinum - 0

    Platinum

    Hey again guys. I have some doubts and I could use your opinions on my situation.
    Me and my ex boyfriend were together for 1 year and 7 months, and we’re apart for 7 months. During the first 5 months post-breakup, my ex contacted me and used to be quite sexual and would attempt to seduce me several times. He would also ask me about what I was up to. Suddenly, in December, just before New Year’s, he overreacted to something I said and vanished from my sight for 2 months. Some weeks ago, he appeared again on my Facebook side bar. And today, he contacted me all of a sudden.
    He seemed quite interested about what I was up. He asked me if there was any guy interested in me. I said “Not that I know of.” He then asked me to take a picture of myself so he could see “how the clothes I designed looked on me”. Then, I learned that he’s been dating a new girl for almost 2 months. After that, he kept on asking about what I was up, and was quite kind and softly flirted with me, asking me things like “So you’re hotter than before? You’re looking great.” and calling me “cutie” and such.
    I managed to impress him with the things I’ve been up to. “This is awesome. I’m so happy for you.”, he kept saying.

    What do you think? Could he be unhappy with his new relationship and started to miss me?

    Thanks in advance! 🙂

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Platinum,

      That’s good that he’s contacting you but if ever he wants to sex again, run away. He’s using you as a booty call.

    • Platinum - 0

      Platinum

      Hey Amor, thanks for replying. After having pretty good conversations for some days, I contacted him today and he simply said “Sorry, my girlfriend won’t let me talk to you”.
      Well, I felt a bit hurt… I’m losing his friendship. He didn’t use me as a booty call, he was friendly and kind. I really don’t think I have much left to do now, unless waiting that luck stays by my side.

      What do you recommend?

    • Platinum - 0

      Platinum

      Do you think she started to see me as a threat? I mean, I improved myself a lot. I have a more fit shape, I got a lot of credit for designing the university jackets for my college, I got better at drawing, which is my passion, and I’ve learned how to communicate better. He himself said he was impressed with all my changes. “You’re attractive… you’ve really been working out, huh? Your butt is huge now. I hope you don’t lose that, nor your breasts. I’m very impressed with everything.”

      But I don’t like this. I never did these sorts of things to him, I never told him to stop talking to anyone. I didn’t even look at his phone or Facebook because I trusted him and above all I trusted myself as a girlfriend. I certainly wasn’t like his new girlfriend… The worst is that he’s doing what she tells him to do.

      I find this ridiculous. This really doesn’t seem like him. I can already tell who wears the boxers, hahahah. But hey, if she’s doing this, it must mean she sees me as someone she cannot compete with, otherwise she wouldn’t be so insecure and manipulative. That’s good, all right. What’s bad is him doing what she says! First, how does she know who I am and what I’ve been doing and how I’ve been talking to him? Second, how can she know if he’s talking to me on her back? Is she spying on him? This is hilarious.

      I thought I should add this information. I’m not sure if I’ve accidentally destabilized their relationship.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      That means you have to keep distance.. Because if you come too forward he might agree with his girlfriend that you are trying to win him back.

    • Platinum - 0

      Platinum

      Yes, I agree with you. I let him be that day. I’m keeping my distance.

      I just find it this quite sad. I think he’s not the same guy anymore.
      But I feel a little powerless… There’s nothing I can do but sit and wait. I don’t know if I’m making progress or not. On one hand, I think I am, because if she wasn’t that scared of me, there would be no reason to keep him from talking to me. On the other, I don’t because he’s obeying her. I’m not sure where I stand.

      Thanks for the help, Amor. 🙂

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      welcome! yeah you’re having progress..contnue to do what you did during nc and post it, so your ex will see and miss you.. as long he doesn’t agree with her, he’ll see her being jealous and take your side

    • Platinum - 0

      Platinum

      Yes, Amor, will do! The thing is that he’s doing what she told him to do. He was initiating contact with me almost constantly, however when I initiated contact with him, he just told me his girlfriend won’t let him talk to me. And we haven’t talked since… I don’t think she’s spying on him every second, so he’s doing it for other reason besides being scared of being caught on act.
      There’s no way for her to know who he’s been talking to, unless she’s asking him to show her his phone, which, knowing him, will bring her trouble. He’s got female best friends too. I wonder if she’s going to tell him to stop talking to them too. Might as well tell him to stop talking to his parents. This is hilarious. xD

      I will do as you say. Maybe he’ll start to miss me and start talking to me again. 🙂

  47. Teya - 0

    Teya

    Hi Amor/Chris I broke up with my boyfriend 2 and half months ago, and after doing no contact he contacted me after week 2. We are in 2 different countries but still keep in touch by text. His girlfriend is pregnant and they’re engaged, which he has been pressured into by her and her family. The wedding is only 3 weeks away and he has told his family he is not sure his girlfriend is the one for him. After playing it cool these last few weeks, I told him I still love him and he said he still loves me too. He admitted he is not ready to get married but wants to be there for his child. I told him it’s sad he is getting rushed into marriage but that he doesn’t need to marry to be a father. I can tell he is very torn and stressed out right now so I don’t want to lay any pressure on him. I am trying not to text him too much because I want to give him space, with all that must be going on in his head. What should I do at this point? His family are wanting us to get back together and hate his girlfriend which is another reason I don’t want to pressure him more because I know they have said a lot to him. I am also going to be in his country next month, and we have planned to meet up.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Teya,

      I just want to be clear.. you call the other girl girlfriend, does that mean they were together before you two?

    • Teya - 0

      Teya

      Hi Amor
      No he broke up with me to be with her

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      continue what you’re doing now and when you meet up, have it cleared if he’s still getting married, because if he is, make it an official breakup.. If he really loves you, he has to stand up for you

    • Teya - 0

      Teya

      Ok, just found out last night he called the wedding off. He admitted to his family that she and her family were pressuring him to get married. He and I were texting today, just friendly conversation how’s your day type of thing. He didn’t say anything to me about calling it off and I don’t want to let him know that I know. I have been following all the advice from your site and have got this far. How do I handle things from now on? I’m trying not to get my hopes up as he could easily change his mind.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      That’s right.. let him tell it you..just go with the flow for now

    • Teya - 0

      Teya

      BTW i found about him calling it off from his sisters.

  48. Stacey - 0

    Stacey

    Hi Chris. Thank you for this guide, I just need some clarity please. My boyfriend broke up with me 2 and a half months ago. I utilised NC but he contacted me twice in the first 2 weeks whereafter I told him to move on and that the relationship we had is in the past. Another 2 weeks later, I started contacting him according to your guidelines and it started to seem like we were making progress. The day we broke up as well as once during our conversations, he said that he is not searching for love. The past weekend, I mentioned to a mutual friend that I will go on a date, but instead I decided to catch up with an old friend. After posting a pic of me and my friend on facebook, I later invited my ex to join us for drinks. He showed up with someone else and they were acting very lovey dovey and were having conversations with all the other people in our group as it was a rather big group, but never spoke to me or my friend. 2 days after this, he sent me a message, although it was a meme. Now, basically what I want to find out, was he trying to make me jealous with the other lady or is it possible that he has truly moved on. As far as I know, they are not officially in a relationship as nothing is on facebook. I should also mention that my ex is generally a friendly person as he stayed friends with his previous 2 exes before me. And also, should I still follow the guidelines in getting him back?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Stacey,

      He may be making you jealous if they’re not together. EYeah, continue on. Where are you in the process? I mean, you’re already open to asking each other meetups? Was that event your first attempt for asking a meetup?

    • Stacey - 0

      Stacey

      Hi Amor. Well, I asked him 2 weeks ago if he was interested in going for a drink with me, but it was an instant request and not in advance. He told me that he was already on his way to meet someone else for drinks and that I should have asked him sooner. So the event described above was the 2nd attempt, which I also thought might be more comfortable for him as there were mutual friends involved as well. I should also mention that we were in a long distance relationship and therefore only saw each other weekends.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Oh maybe he was really being friendly.. That means if you’re texting now, you have to build attraction. Continue on the plan and continue posting in social of your activities.

  49. Eleanor - 0

    Eleanor

    Hey Chris,

    Love your website, finding it very useful, just wanted a bit of one-on-one advice.
    My ex broke up with me 4 months ago, he said he wanted to be single. We went no contact from the word go, he didn’t message me because he’d slept with someone after we broke up.
    6 weeks later I sent him a letter, to which he responded by messaging me.
    A few weeks later of talking nearly everyday we met up and spent a nice few weeks together – basically getting back together.
    However, I still felt hurt from the break-up and said I needed to think about if I could forgive him.
    A week later I decide I’m being ridiculous, he doesn’t want to hear about it and says he needs to think about what he wants.
    So, I started going out on dates with different people and slept with someone as it was clear to me that he didn’t want to be with me as he was being so indecisive.
    We then started talking everyday for two months, all the while my ex couldn’t ‘decide’ how he felt and that he was confused.
    I then asked him exactly what he wanted, and he said that he wasn’t ready for a relationship with me yet and wants to be single for a while to figure stuff out.
    A week later he starts seeing someone new.
    He says he loves me as a person, and wants to be friends.
    We now haven’t spoken now for 4 days…. Do you think he’ll reach out?
    And if so will the no contact rule work if he’s wanting to be friends and he’s just started seeing someone?

    Thanks

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Eleanor,

      Though I can’t guarantee 100% that you’ll get him back, no contact can make him miss you..especially of you do it right.. Do active nc and try to move on without moving on

  50. Hello Chris, - 0

    Hello Chris,

    Hello Chris,

    I read your entire post and I have to say I am finally impressed with the raw and brutal truth you laid out for all of us. I really do appreciate that. I just wanted to know, why my ex boyfriend, first true love, I was 14 and he was 19 ( no it was not a physical relationship at all) He broke up with me after a year of dating. We were youngish. Well I was. 34 years go by and he comes back, first because of stupid crack book (FB). Then he was very nice and bought my wedding ring ( I failed relationship marriage after 10 years) So that I could move to my new place (rental) Anyway, all find and well. I never here from him for about 6 months. Then he shows up ( lives in Toronto) Grew up here, family is here. We meet have a nice chat. His life sounds good, and then he opens up and a can of fiery worms come blasting all over the place. So life is not good, has a marital affair, and wants to leave his wife, oh but not for her, he says, yeah right heard that one before not stupid. Anyway sure enough another 12 months he contact me again. We text chat and he tells me, ready, laughter please, he has separated from his wife and is now living with his affair. sorry I fell of my stool laughing my ass off.

    That being said, why is he coming back to me. I don’t need him, love him or want him back. When we broke up 30 years ago, he did the same thing a year later came back took me out to dinner and then told me he had a girlfriend. Okay so the only thing I can think of is that he feels guilty for the way things ended. You know what I am okay I survived I am fine, I have moved on. So why can’t he. What do I do. Why do I have to be the bad person in this.
    Obviously I am a bit jealous, should not be. But I have been divorced for 7 years. I have been single : single for 4 years. Its tough, but whatever moving on. Tell me what to do. So I do not come out looking like the bad gal.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi,

      sorry, I didn’t quite understood what you said.. correct me if I’m wrong.. the last time he talked to you.. he’s friendly right? why do you think you appear as the bad guy?

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