You find it baffling, don’t you?
Your ex boyfriend appears to be happy with his new girlfriend yet he still ends up contacting you behind the scenes.
All sorts of questions run through your head…
“Is he trying to get back with me?”
“Is he trying to rub the fact that he has a girlfriend in?”
“Is he trying to make me jealous?”
Well, with this guide I plan on answering every single one of those questions. First though, I think its important that we really take a look at your situation.
The Situation You Are In
This guide assumes that you and your ex boyfriend have broken up and he has moved on to another girl. What I would really like to explore is the reasons why he may potentially talk to you when he has another girlfriend and believe me when I tell you that there could be a lot of different reasons for that.
Of course, the assumption I am going to make about you is that you probably want your ex boyfriend back in this instance because lets face it, you came to my website, Ex Boyfriend Recovery.
Well, the one thing I want to make you aware of is that this particular page is not a “get your ex boyfriend back” guide. In fact, its actually more of a understand why your ex is contacting you so you can have the insight you need to understand him and hopefully help you get him back.
If you are really searching for a “get your ex boyfriend back” guide then I recommend you take a good hard look at my book,
Ok, lets move on to the meat of this article.
The Reasons Why An Ex Boyfriend May Contact You When He Has A New Girlfriend
I thought really hard about this and have come up with really only six reasons for why an ex boyfriend would want to contact you if he has a new girlfriend,
- He has grass is greener syndrome.
- He wants to make you jealous.
- His new girlfriend is pushing him away and he is looking for you to make him feel better.
- He wants to be friends
- He wants sex
Now, some of these reasons are good for your quest to get your ex back and some of the reasons are bad. I am going to take an in-depth look at each of these reasons and describe how they will help or hurt your case to get your ex boyfriend back. Lets do that now!
Reason One- He Has The Grass Is Greener Syndrome
You know what the grass is greener syndrome is right?
For those of you whose memories may be a little foggy on what it is allow me to give you a quick crash course.
The Grass Is Greener Syndrome- Is a term used to describe what a man goes through when he starts dating someone new who doesn’t measure up to the standard you set in a relationship with that man. The GIGS (grass is greener syndrome) can also work negatively in your favor if the new person he dates exceeds the standard that you set.
Still a little confused as to how GIGS works.
Ok, lets put this in the perfect context for this guide.
Lets say that you and I dated and had a pretty decent relationship. Of course, I end up breaking up with you and moving on to a new girl. After about two months with this new girl I begin to realize that I may have made a mistake as this new girl can’t really compare to the standard that you set as a girlfriend during our relationship.
This is a perfect example of the grass is greener syndrome working in your favor.
So, what do I mean when I say that one of the reasons that an ex boyfriend could contact you when he has a new girlfriend could be a result of him having the grass is greener syndrome?
Well, its quite simple really.
Lets say that during your ex boyfriends new relationship he begins to compare it to his old relationship with you and determines that his old relationship was better than his new one. For example, lets say that he thinks back to the way you used to take such good care of him when you were sick and his new girlfriend really doesn’t take care of him like that at all.
Well, he is going to think back to that and miss it.
It is that comparison, that feeling of missing some aspect of his old relationship with you that is going to cause him to want to reach out to you.
Does Him Having The GIGS Help or Hurt Your Case To Getting Him Back?
If your ex boyfriend reaches out to you because he misses you or has a serious case of the GIGS I would say that it definitely helps your case in getting him back.
Now, does it mean you will get him back?
It helps yes, but you have to realize that it is going to take more than him reaching out to you for you to get him back. One thing that you definitely have on your side though is that if your ex is reaching out to you because of this reason it means that you can give him something that his new girlfriend can’t and most likely never will.
Reason Two- He Wants To Make You Jealous
Breakups are a very hard thing for anyone to go through.
Yes, I am insinuating that your ex boyfriend could be seriously hurting inside after the breakup (even if he was the one who initiated it.) Men often have very unique reactions to breakups. Some will close themselves off from the world building a wall around themselves that prevents anyone from getting in while others take the opposite approach and go into hardcore party mode letting everyone in.
With this guide we are focusing specifically on one reaction, a man who goes out and gets a new girlfriend.
Believe it or not your ex could still be harboring some serious resentment towards you for the breakup (even if it wasn’t your fault) so he will do anything to get back at you. One of those ways that he can “get back at you” is by trying to make you jealous of his new relationship.
What Is Going On Inside Of His Head If He Tries To Make You Jealous?
I feel that I am at my best when I give examples (or made up examples) to illustrate my points so that is what I am going to be doing here.
Lets pretend that your ex boyfriend breaks up with you because he doesn’t feel as strongly as he did for you at the beginning of your relationship. A month goes by and he meets a new girl and starts dating her while you are still reeling from the hurt of the breakup. When you hear that he has moved on your first reaction is pretty normal for this type of thing.
You are hurt, angry and saddened.
Then one day out of the blue your ex boyfriend contacts you and starts talking about how happy he is in his new relationship and how his new girlfriend is the best thing that ever happened to him. It is apparent that he is trying to make you jealous of his new relationship.
First off, what a total a**hole move.
Secondly, why in the world would he do this? Why would he say these things to you?
It’s almost like he is rubbing his new relationship in on purpose because he knows twisting the knife is the ultimate way of hurting you.
I would like to start by saying that in this made up example your ex boyfriend is the one breaking up with you. Most women who are in this situation make the mistake of assuming that their exes aren’t hurting at all. This isn’t actually true because in a mans mind if he is pushed to a point where he has to break up with you then he is going to shift the blame solely on you, the person who forced him to initiate a breakup.
Men think pretty highly of themselves and believe that they are entitled to the best women and the “best woman” wouldn’t ever make them feel like they are pushed to a point where they need to break up with their significant other.
As a result, if a man broke up with you then he might hold some resentment against you because you pushed him to a point where he had to break up with you.
I know it is a really weird way of thinking but that may be what is happening here.
Now, why am I focusing so much on the man breaking up with woman as opposed to the woman breaking up with the man?
In this particular situation, a lot of men who make women jealous are doing so from a place of hurt or anger. To them, its like a warped way to get payback.
Well, if a man was broken up with by you then his motivation to get revenge through jealousy isn’t going to be very hard to pinpoint. On the flip side, if a man broke up with you then that motivation for jealousy might be a little harder to locate (I located it for you above though.)
This brings us to the million dollar question, what does it mean for your chances of getting your ex boyfriend if he attempts to make you jealous by rubbing his new relationship in your face?
Does Him Trying To Make You Jealous Help Or Hurt Your Chances To Get Him Back?
When it comes to this type of stuff I like to look at things in a very logical manner.
What’s my trick for looking at things logically?
I take a good hard look at a persons actions as opposed to what they are saying.
Lets do that with the made up example I gave above.
Already forgot the example we used above?
That’s ok, I can give you a quick refresh.
Your ex boyfriend breaks up with you saying he no longer feels like he did at the beginning of the relationship. Within a month your ex boyfriend meets someone new and starts dating her. After this your ex boyfriend very quickly messages you and attempts to make you jealous of his new relationship.
Lets break this example up into three parts and dissect it.
Part 1- Your ex boyfriend breaks up with you saying he no longer feels like he did at the beginning of the relationship
When you look at this action it seems like it is a pretty strong action stating that your ex doesn’t want to be with you anymore. After all, someone who would want to be with you wouldn’t break up with you. In other words, this action taken by your ex is not really helping your chances of getting him back at all.
Part 2- Within a month your ex boyfriend meets someone new and starts dating her.
This is another action indicative of someone who is trying to move on. While moving on in a month may be too fast for most men there are some cases where this would be an acceptable amount of time. For example, if you and your ex only dated for a month or two. This action taken by your boyfriend really isn’t helping your chances of a reconnection either.
Part 3- After this your ex boyfriend very quickly messages you and attempts to make you jealous of his new relationship.
This is where things start to get really interesting because the actions your ex is taking now by contacting you and trying to make you jealous are indicative of someone who is clearly not over his ex. Take it from someone who knows what it’s like to move on from a relationship successfully. When you have completely moved on from someone you will have no desire to rub things in with them. Why? You won’t care enough to. So, the fact that your ex still finds the need to “rub things in” most likely means that he is not over you and I don’t think you need a palm reader to tell you that, that is good in your quest for trying to get your ex boyfriend back.
Reason Three- His New Girlfriend Is Pushing Him Away
I want to tell you a really interesting story about a friend of mine.
A few years ago my friend told me something shocking…
He told me that he was thinking about leaving his current girlfriend to get back with his ex girlfriend.
Why was this shocking to me?
I mean, you would think someone who has seen tens of thousands of relationship situations wouldn’t be shocked by anything anymore. Well, the shocking thing to me was the fact that my buddy had nothing but horrible things to say about his ex,
“She’s a demon…”
“She’s a bi%h…”
So, the fact that he was even considering going back to someone who he clearly didn’t think very highly of was strange to me. Of course, I am fascinated by human behavior so I decided to pick his brain as to why he was considering leaving his current girlfriend to get back with his old one.
I asked him one simple question,
“Why would you want to go back with your ex? I thought (insert his current girlfriends name) made you happy?”
His answer was very interesting.
Apparently his new girlfriend was pushing him away.
She was constantly flirting with other men. He actually told me a story about a time that he took her on a date and she texted the entire time while on the date. She had told him that she was just texting friends but he later found out that she was texting another guy with some very flirty text messages.
She was also not meeting his physical needs. Now, my buddy isn’t shy about talking about sex. In fact, he is just a very sexual person and one of his prerequisites for dating is that the girl he dates has to have a similar sex drive to him and while his current girlfriend seemed great at the beginning she would hardly ever sleep with him after a while and this bothered him a lot.
As a result of her behavior he didn’t feel very close or connected to her which forced him to think back to his most recent past relationship.
While his ex did have her faults she never flirted with other men on the level that his current girlfriend did and she definitely made sure his physical needs were met. So, all of a sudden the grass wasn’t so green on the other side after he broke up with his ex.
His current girlfriends behavior really pushed him away and made him unhappy so where do you think he turned?
Yep, his ex girlfriend.
Could He Just Use You To Feel Good About Himself?
Take a situation like my friends above where a current girlfriend isn’t meeting a mans needs either emotionally or physically. Well, in order for most men to be happy they have to have those needs met. So, oftentimes a man can revert back to an ex to get those types of needs met.
Now, I am actually not talking about physical needs so much here though there are cases where that happens. More often than not a man will contact an ex with hopes that she will meet some of his emotional needs.
Usually it starts off with a man venting to his ex about how bad his current relationship is going which can look something like this,
So, when you look at the message above what do you think an ex boyfriend would be trying to accomplish by venting about his current relationship to you?
Well, there are a couple of things that he could be doing here.
Thing One- He wants to vent about his frustrations with his current relationship and trusts you enough to listen to him.
Thing Two- He knows that you have the ability to make him feel better about the situation. So, in other words he wants you to make him feel better about the situation and maybe raise his self confidence a bit.
If Your Exes Girlfriend Pushes Him Away And He Contacts You Does It Help Or Hurt Your Chances?
Lets think about this very logically.
If you are extremely happy in your relationship do you contact your ex?
The logical answer is no.
Obviously there are circumstances where you have to contact an ex if things like pets or kids are involved but for the most part if you are happy you won’t contact an ex.
So, when we put our logic hats on and when we look at a situation where your ex boyfriend is unhappy in his relationship and he contacts you as a result of that then that is definitely a good sign if you want him back.
Let me put this in another way for you to understand.
An ex boyfriend who is having trouble with his current significant other is a more likely to leave her and come back to you than an ex boyfriend who is doing great with his significant other.
Reason Four- He Is Just Being Friendly
Lets do another hypothetical situation since we always have so much fun when we do those 😉 .
Lets say that you break up with your ex boyfriend because he isn’t giving you enough attention. Of course, after the breakup he immediately moves on to someone else. Him moving on so fast kind of stings you a bit but you know you’ll survive given some time.
Of course, after some time does pass you begin to realize that you have have made a mistake breaking up with your boyfriend because time has revealed that life just isn’t the same without him. The only problem now is that he has moved on and appears to be happy in his relationship with his new girlfriend.
You begin thinking to yourself,
“There is no way I can get back with him so why should I even try?’
Ah… at last some logic kicks in, right?
You decide to move on and forget your ex boyfriend since it is a lost cause and just when you think you are ready to turn the corner and be free of your feelings for your ex you get a text from him that looks like this,
What does it mean?
All of a sudden out of the blue your ex texts you? Is he trying to get back with you? Is he unhappy in his relationship and looking for reassurance from you? Does he have the grass is greener syndrome?
Turns out, some men just like being friendly with their exes with no extra intentions other than being friendly.
Are Most Men Friendly With Their Exes?
I have a bit of a confession to make.
I actually don’t understand how some men can be friends with their exes. In fact, I never have and I have to say that when I go by my own experience in this life it is rare to find a man that is on really good terms with his ex.
(Which I suppose is good news for if you are trying to win your ex boyfriend back.)
You see, in my opinion most men can’t be friends with their exes since all kinds of emotional and physical baggage is involved.
Think of it like this.
As much as you try to convince yourself otherwise you are never going to be able to just be friends with someone who you used to,
- Say “I love you” to.
- Sleep with (as in sex.)
- Cuddle with very intimately.
- Held hands with.
- Kissed passionately.
- I think you get the idea.
I am a guy and I have had friends of the opposite sex and let me tell you have I never done any of the above with them.
I have never said “I love you” to them..
I have never had sex with them…
I have never cuddled with them…
I have never held hands with them…
I have never kissed them…
In fact, isn’t it all of that stuff that separates friends from boyfriends or girlfriends?
I guess the point I am trying to make here is that most men won’t truly be friends with their exes because they understand that once you open Pandora’s box of dating there is no going back. However, every once in a while you will get a guy who just wants to be friendly for the sake of being friendly after a breakup and it is important for you to recognize the signs to decipher if your ex is doing this to you.
What are some of the signs?
I’m glad you asked.
Signs Your Ex Is Just Trying To Be Friendly With You
I think its important to remember that we are focusing in on a specific situation here.
If your ex boyfriend contacts you when he has a new girlfriend.
Turns out that, that new girlfriend is going to be a bit of a factor on if your ex is just contacting you for the sake of being friendly (though I personally think that exes can’t really ever be friends the way they were before they started dating.) Study your exes new relationship and determine if he is really happy with his new girlfriend.
If your ex is extremely happy with her then it could be possible that he was just reaching out to you to check up on you and be nice and he has no intentions of things progressing further than that.
The next thing that I think you should take a look at is his past romantic history. How did his breakups go?
Were they knock out, drag out fights where he completely cut his ex out of his life?
Were they relatively calm where he really didn’t have much bad to say about his exes?
If his past breakups were calm then maybe it’s just in his personality to be a peacekeeper.
A lot of figuring out if your ex is just being friendly is going to revolve around your own knowledge of his personality. So, make sure you put your thinking cap on here.
Is It Good or Bad For My Chances Of Winning Him Back If He Is Just Being Friendly?
It is definitely NOT GOOD for your chances if your ex is just being friendly.
I mean, the whole reason he is just being friendly towards you is just to keep the peace or maybe he is just a nice person like that.
So, when we look at your overall chances of winning him back things in this instance things aren’t looking so great.
Reason Five- He Wants Sex
(Disclaimer- I have decided that I am going to be brutally honest about what men think about sex for you ladies in this section. Some of what I say may definitely disturb you so I just want to give you a heads up before I get going here.)
Sex is an incredible motivator for a man.
I mean, you won’t believe the things that men are capable of doing when sex enters the equation. Sex makes us all a little crazy to be honest. Sometimes that crazy translates into good and sometimes it translates into bad.
For example, some men will grow extremely attached to the woman that they sleep with. The will commit to her like no other and love her until the day they die and in a weird way it can all be tracked back to sex or the love that these men have for their women as a result of sex. This would be an example of the good kind of crazy that leads to life long commitments and happy endings.
Now, the bad kind of crazy is what we are going to be looking at exclusively in this section.
Want an example of the bad kind of crazy.
Ok, sex can make some men so crazy that they are willing to cheat on their girlfriends with someone else just because they want that 5 second feeling over and over again and just being with one woman isn’t enough.
You know how much I love giving examples right?
Well, try this one on for size.
A Frightening Example
Imagine for a moment that you and your ex boyfriend dated for five years.
Now, five years is a pretty long time to date someone so towards the end neither of you did anything to keep your relationship fresh so he ended up breaking up with you citing this exact reason,
“Things are kind of boring with us. We do the same stuff all the time and I need more excitement in my life.”
So, just like all of the “fun” examples on this page your ex boyfriend moves on to someone else and starts dating her. Around the six month mark you get a call from your ex and you notice that he is extremely flirty with you. Now, you haven’t quite gotten over the breakup since 5 years is a long time and you just aren’t as quick with dealing with your feelings as he is so you welcome the flirting.
Of course, then the flirting evolves into something else… something sexual.
At first you are a little alarmed since he does have a girlfriend but your own feelings override your logic and you are just happy to be looked as a sexual being again.
Pretty soon he is asking to see you and it is very apparent what is on his mind, sex.
So, here is my question for you.
What is happening here?
A number of things could be happening. Maybe his new girlfriend isn’t satisfying his physical needs properly. Maybe he compared her to you in bed and you won the comparison (GIGS anyone?) Maybe he is trying to set up a friends with benefits relationship with you.
Whatever the case, the fact that he is willing to cheat on his current girlfriend with you is a major red flag.
Lets take a step back for a second and look at his perspective for a bit. Particularly this friends with benefits idea.
His Opinion Of Friends With Benefits With An Ex
If everything works out in his warped world here is what will happen.
He will continue to get sex from his current girlfriend while at the same time having you on the hook enough to believe in this friends with benefits idea so he can get sex from you too. So, not only is he going to be getting a ton of sex on a regular basis which is a prospect good enough for any man to celebrate (FYI I am talking about sex on a regular basis not the cheating/friends with benefits) but he will also get the excitement of having two lovers.
To him having you on the side is a very attractive prospect.
But why go after an ex?
Why not make a new friend and set up a friends with benefits type of relationship with her?
The answer is that it takes too long and that he is lazy. He already knows he has gotten you in the past. He probably assumes you still have feelings for him and he is manipulative enough to leverage those feelings to his advantage. To him you are just the easiest lay…
But What If I Sleep With Him And He Leaves Her For Me?
Ok, I want to make one thing abundantly clear.
Any man who is willing to cheat on his current girlfriend with his ex (which would be you in this case) is not a man worth pursuing.
I am not ruling out the possibility that he could leave her for you but in my experience this is extremely rare. Usually what happens is that the girlfriend finds out he is cheating on her, she breaks up with him and you are the logical choice to keep sleeping with until he can find another girl.
Please don’t fall for this.
I am begging you.
Oh, and I don’t think I have to tell you if your chances are good for getting him back if he tries to sleep with you when he has a new girlfriend.
HINT HINT… They aren’t.