So, your ex started dating someone new after the two of you broke up.
Watching your ex date someone new can be devastating. It was probably easy to let yourself get caught up in obsessive thoughts about his new relationship. It can be a crushing weight the idea of someone you care about being happy with someone else.
You pray every day that something catastrophic will happen and that they will break up. You pray with all of your heart and all of your soul.
But then it happens. You see his status on social media go from “in a relationship” to “single.” Or perhaps you get a text from a friend that said,
“Hey did you see that your ex and his new girl split up?”
Your heart jumps into your throat and your mind is racing. You suddenly need your phone with you every minute of the day just in case he texts. You start daydreaming about getting back together.
Let’s be honest. You kind of have it in your head that your ex is going to come running back to you. Everyone thinks that way.
Can we have a super honest moment here?
Good, because I am going to say something that you know, but you don’t want to think about.
Ready?
Your relationship ended for a reason. Do not assume that the failure of his new relationship means that the issues that caused the two of you to split up just disappear.
Could he have realized that you were everything he could have ever wanted? Yeah sure. It’s possible. But it’s more likely that his new relationship had issues of its own and that its demise had nothing to do with you.
Don’t let that dampen your spirit, though.
Can you still get him back? You betcha!
There are a few things you consider before you make moves to get your ex back. So, keeping that in mind, this is what we are going to cover today.
- Understanding Where Your Ex’s Head Is After His Breakup
- Figuring Out Where You Are In Your Journey
- Making Your Ex Realize He Needs You
- The Key to Reaching Out
Understanding Where Your Ex’s Head Is After His Breakup
Before you give into that voice in your heat that is telling you to dive headfirst into his DM’s and confess your love, you should remember that he is newly single.
I’m sure you’re thinking,
“I know he’s single! Why do you think I am dancing around my home right now?”
I know you know that. But it’s easy to forget that men process breakups differently than women.
For men, it goes like this.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizStage 1: Liberation – This time is spent basking in his freedom. Generally, it manifests in your ex spending a lot of time out with his single friends, drinking and living the life of a bachelor. Yes, that means he will be thinking about one thing… getting back on the horse.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizIf that was to vague let me put it another way. he will be looking to hook up with anyone who is down for it. This is because, despite enjoying being single, his ego has taken a blow and he needs to know that women still find him sexually attractive.
I say this because you should be wary of He could be using the fact that you still have feelings for him to soothe his ego.
There are two sure-fire ways to avoid being rebound sex.
- Ignore those late night texts and respond in the morning, assuming you aren’t in No Contact. “I just saw this. Sounds like you had a good time last night.”
- If he’s particularly persistent you can simply let him know that you aren’t interested in hooking up.
Stage 2: Doubt – The bachelor lifestyle loses its shine after a while. The hangovers get worse and his friends start to worry about if he’s really as “okay” as he says he is.
During this time he will realize that being single has its downsides. He may consider getting back with her or even getting back with you.
This is a pivotal time. He will be uncertain in any of his decisions at this point.
Stage 3: Depression
This is where he realizes he misses being with someone and caring about someone.
Unfortunately, this is a period that he is going to have to work through on his own. You are just going to have to wait until he is in a stable enough place before trying to get him back.
Can you guess how long it will likely take before he is “over” the breakup? 30-45 days!
Sound familiar?
Yeah, I know! It’s crazy that we make No Contact line up perfectly with that. It’s almost like we did it… on purpose.
Figuring Out Where You Are In Your Journey
Now that you’ve considered where your ex’s head is at, it’s important you know where you are too. It’s so easy to get focused on what you want and not realize that you haven’t done any prep work.
For example, If you have read our program, you know that No Contact is the most important part of getting an ex back. It allows both of you to process your feelings after the breakup and allows you to fix anything you need to fix on your own before getting back into a relationship.
So, if you haven’t done No Contact, or perhaps you did No Contact and didn’t do anything productive during that time, now is the time to do that.
Here are a few articles (and the book) that will help you determine what you need to do before reaching out to your ex.
Does The No Contact Rule Even Work?
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizHow To Make It Through No Contact Period
Just remember that the sooner you start No Contact, the sooner it’s over. AND every time you break No Contact, you are making yourself wait longer to get back together.
How Can You Make Your Ex Realize He Needs You
There is a tactic in EBR that we call The Being There Method. It is essentially exactly what it sounds like.
You simply Be there.
Generally, in the book, we reference Being There when your ex is seeing someone else. It is an excellent way to inactively drive a wedge between him and the Other Woman.
You only use it AFTER No Contact, because your improvements and changes will be obvious and set in stone.
However, the trick to this method is keeping your emotions in check.
Why?
Well, you have to maintain the illusion that you are completely fine with simply being there for him. You cannot push your agenda of getting back together.
I’ll admit it is tempting to break that illusion. So, use The Being There Method with great caution.
In the wake of a breakup with an Other Woman, you have to have that same hold over your emotions. Be there in his life, but don’t push to get back together.
Make him realize that his life is better with you in it.
The upside in using The Being There Method after he and this new girl have broken up is that he is single! So, that’s one more hurdle you don’t have to worry about.
Just be careful not to become an emotional crutch. Otherwise, he will only need you while he is upset and set you aside once he is feeling better.
You can read more about The Being There Method in the articles I’ve provided below. Keep in mind that you will have to modify it slightly to account for the fact that he has already broken up with the Other Woman.
What To Do After The No Contact Period
How To Win Back An Ex Who Is With Someone Else
I Think My Ex Likes Another Girl What Do I Do
It is possible that this Other Woman was a rebound in the first place, in which case your ex should be more susceptible to these tactics.
While you are Being There, continue to work on yourself. This is truly the key to getting your ex back. Develop your health, wealth and relationships. Doing this will cause your ex to pay attention to you and will help you to feel your own worth and be happier on your own.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizThe Key to Reaching Out
The keys to a first text are timing and content. You want to send the text at a time when you know your ex is going to respond. For example, after he gets home from work. Once you have picked the perfect time, you want to come up with good content. Generally, you want to say something that gets him curious as a good way to start.
Here are some examples:
“Guess who I ran into today!”
“You’ll never believe what I just found!”
“The craziest thing just happened to me…”
You get the point. The trick is to make sure that whatever story you have come up with interests him, not you. For example, if you are into hockey but know that he isn’t then don’t use hockey as the base of your story. If he is into football, then that would be a good topic to focus on.
In reaching out to him you have to let go of what is important to you and play on his interests.
After you send your reach out text be patient and wait to see how he responds.
Let me repeat that…
BE PATIENT.
If he responds in a positive manner then engage briefly and end the conversation abruptly at a high point.
Ending on a high note means to wait until the conversation has a good back and forth, then come up with an excuse to end it.
“I’ve enjoyed talking to you like this, but I have plans tonight. We can talk again soon. Okay?”
Doing this will make him think of you fondly until you speak again. In fact, it will make him WANT to speak to you again without knowing what makes him want to.
Neat trick, huh?
If you get no response or a negative response then wait a couple of weeks and then try reaching out again- he may just need more time.
It’s important that you remember that if either your breakup or his break up with the other woman were bad breakups, then your ex may need more time than usual to get over the negative feelings. Be patient and continue to work on yourself until he is ready.
It’s always a good idea to improve yourself… always.
The Take-Away
Now, I’ve given you a lot of information today.
And it may seem a little haphazard at the moment.
I know, along with everything else you are facing, you are probably quite overwhelmed.
Hey, one article isn’t really enough time to cover everything there is to know about getting your ex back.
But Chris covers it all in The Ex Recovery Program for you to use not to mention there are COUNTLESS other articles for you to read.
Chris has made a series of videos to help you do this too!
How can you fail with this much information in your grasp?
But for now, let’s talk about what we covered today.
- Understanding Where Your Ex’s Head Is After His Breakup
- Figuring Out Where You Are In Your Journey
- Making Your Ex Realize He Needs You
- The Key to Reaching Out
Give that a little thought for a second. Go over what we have discussed. Now think about your situation.
Alright, now in the comments below I want to have a conversation about your breakup.
I want to know:
- the details surrounding your breakup
- what you have done since the breakup
- what you think your next step should be
From there, our experts will help you decide if you are on the right track. If not, they will guide you to where you need to be.
Alice Taylforth
November 15, 2020 at 6:07 am
He broke up with me ten years ago I guess his last message to me in saying that any man would be lucky to have me he was really saying that I deserved better I guess it’s only taken me ten years to figure this out at last but now I feel ok about the break uo .
Ankita
July 7, 2020 at 6:59 pm
My ex used to love me so much. But i broke up with him because loss of connection. He was sad but i was there to talk to. Rather after two months he start a relationship that with a girl he knows for 15 days i guess. After 1 month he texted me and said he love me, he always miss me though he lied about his relationship. He said he don’t have any girlfriend. But things got exposed. After one day, yesterday, he broke up with his new girlfriend. His girlfriend is constantly telling that she feels that my ex boyfriend love me. He wasn’t happy with her. Until now i have no contract with him. I blocked him as i was angry. I feel pity for him. I don’t know what to do
Sophie
May 15, 2020 at 1:58 am
dated a guy for 4 months and we had an intense connection, very similar interests (we both have australian families lol) and we were both kind of obsessed with each other for a little while. But then a combination of my school stress and my anxiety/depression problems really took a toll on the relationship, as well as the anticipation of long distance (we were going to have to be apart for 6 months) ended the relationship.
4 ish months after we broke up, he started dating another girl and they seemed quite close, but then they broke up about 2 months ago. During this whole break up period away from him, I worked on myself, my mental health and worked towards my goals. But now, I miss him and I want him back, because I feel like without all of those issues I mentioned, we could actually be amazing together. We haven’t talked since he started dating the other girl, and still haven’t talked even after they broke up… i can’t tell if he’d ever want to get back with me, if he’s still in the “grieving” stage of his other relationship or not… I have no idea. he still views my snapchat stories though (that’s the only social media he has lol.)
Sorry this was crazy long! Hope you guys can help.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
May 28, 2020 at 4:44 pm
Hi Sophie I would suggest that you reach out if you want to try and get this guy back, thats your only way of really knowing if you are going to be able to relight that connection
Kris
October 2, 2019 at 6:31 pm
Dated a guy for 2 years. I broke up with him because I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. We stayed friends. I was getting feelings for him again and debating on if I was ready for a serious relationship when he met a new girl. I reacted very poorly and he was very confused because we weren’t dating. We tried staying friends during their relationship but I couldn’t handle it and told him we had to stop hanging out. I’ve been on the apps and dating a few different people since then and learning to move on from him. That’s when he told me they broke up, he didn’t want to talk about it, and that he “wants things to stay the same right now only being friends”. I honestly don’t know what to do. Part of me wants him back but I know he needs time and space to move on. I want to Be There for him but I’m afraid I’ll push him into something if we start hanging out again. Any advice would be very helpful! Thanks!
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 2, 2019 at 8:12 pm
Hey Kris, so you need to NC him because you’re friend-zoned and you don’t want to be in that position if you want more from him. So NC and work on being Ungettable. Be open to dating guys too as this will make your ex see you as desirable to other guys it will make him more interested in you.
Ashley
November 26, 2018 at 7:17 pm
Hi
So I had a roommate situation that turned into something more and it ended badly when he was starting to date someone else at the end of our lease.
My exs new gf broke up with him after 5-6 months, (he blocked me on everything for the last couple month) I stayed the night with him a couple times within a week after they broke up.
We talked and I made the comment of how I haven’t had the chance to date anyone else yet because I was focusing on myself and he was unsure because he had strong feelings for recent ex. We were kind of just going with it and I freaked out messaging him I’m done and not doing this again. I didn’t care about anything anymore he was a dead end road and he said your right I am.
We didnt see each other for a few days because of the holiday,
We had a quick 5< minutes conversation on the phone he was driving home from visiting his family on Thanksgiving I couldn't talk long because I had plans. After that, he unfollowed me on Instagram and blocked me text messages saying he doesn't want to talk, I am not allowed in his apartment and needs space. he still follows the most recent gf so what's the deal?
I blame myself for this situation I should have held off on seeing him after their break up, I am not sure how to fix this?
I think he still had feelings for me even when he was with his most recent ex, they came into a coffee shop I was at and I pretended not to notice them and we ignored each other. But he kept looking over at me the whole time and looked sad.
I need advice on how to fix this and why did he unfollow me and not his recent ex (he still likes all their photos).
Chris Seiter
November 26, 2018 at 10:57 pm
Hi Ashley….lots of reason for why a guy will unfollow you, Sometimes he just wants to close the window into your life as he is struggling with the whole thing and is looking to escape the emotions that bubble up.
You do have my 485 Page Companion Guide (Pro)eBook, right? It walks you thru the whole process.
Shan
February 25, 2018 at 2:53 am
Hi EBR, My ex broke up with me for the second time. We had been dating for 6 months, and dated for 7 months then broke up for 1,5 months (No contact) then we dated again for 2 more months. It was a huge mistake to tell him that I did no contact on him and kept pursuing him back then. Now he has this mindset where “yeah she’s probably not contacting me to get me back.” So he just recently got lead on by this girl who is already in a relationship. But my friends tell me that he’s so upset that this girl left him to stay with her boyfriend. And she did a song cover of “We can’t be together” that made him think of her more in a way. He told me before that he would never have feelings for this girl. My friends told me that they used each other. My ex using her to forget me and the girl using my ex as a way to not care about her boyfriend. Last night, his friends asked him between me and that girl who would he pick? He answered that girl. How long should I wait for him to get over this girl? I am about to finish no contact in 2 more weeks, and no contact has been great so far! I know things would be different this time, but it looks like he’s so head over heels for this girl! Even though everyone says I’m better than her in every aspect. What should I do when he probably thinks I’m still not over him? (I planned on making NC longer for about 2 months+, is it a good idea?) And what do I do if he just has feelings for this girl now? Please help me, thank you! 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 27, 2018 at 11:44 am
Hi Shan,
yeah, you have to make a long nc so that you’re not obvious .. Don’t wait for something you can’t control.. Focus in your own actions.. If he talks to you again or sees you, would he regret not being with you because of how great you are now?
Chantel
February 21, 2018 at 12:59 am
Hi! This may be long.
My ex boyfriend and I broke up three years ago after six months together due to us being in our early twenties and me being a serial monogamist who hadn’t been single for years. I was jealous, immature and couldn’t handle my alcohol. This was far before me knowing about EBR, and when we broke up I refused to talk to him for about six months and both dated/slept with other people in the years between then and now. I also believe he was flirting with another girl around the time with our breakup and they were together for a bit after.
We’ve hung out irregularly as friends since then, alone and in groups in the past two years with no contact points in between that were unintentional. He can be difficult to talk to, because he doesn’t communicate well through text and never has, but we can talk for HOURS when we are together in person. We also live under an hour away from each other.
He’s been dating a girl seriously for almost a year, but they had broken up for a while (over a month apart) and we started hanging out again with him initiating it, because we want to be friends but I obviously put a strain on his relationships due to being an ex. During this time, we drank and spent a night together kissing only and agreed to not go further. It was an obvious rebound that neither of us had planned on. This isn’t the first time this happened (last was about a year ago when I had been dumped by someone else six months before and wasn’t over it.) He has no idea I have feelings for him again.
We established how we felt about it at a few days later since it was unexpected, and I never mentioned any desire to want to get back together, and we both told each other that we would rather be friends at this time, but didn’t mind if it got physical so long as neither of us felt used. He also mentioned that he was still sad about the breakup he just went through, and ended up getting back together with her to “work things out” a few weeks after we touched base. We don’t hang out anymore, but he also won’t spend time with any of his good female friends now. He did this when we were on the way to breaking up years ago, and I think he is lonely from winter and missing having someone because he lives with couples/ is around several of them regularly.
Since our original breakup and first “hookup” over a year ago, I have gone back to school, got work in a field we both are trying to pursue, continued being fit, worked on jealousy issues and anxiety issues successfully and dated other people who opened me up to networking for my field. I’m successful in selling myself professionally and am dedicated to pushing myself in my talents and he sees that.
Since he is back in his relationship, I think my next move is to do no contact for now despite us not talking regularly, and then continue the being there method. I’m just not sure how to effectively “be there” when we are in different towns, and he’s poor at text-based communicating and have never actually called each other even when we dated.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 25, 2018 at 3:09 pm
Hi Chantel,
If he’s poor at texting , how about calling?