Today I’m gonna let you in on the one singular truth, the one singular reason why your ex moves on so quickly after your breakup (and what you can do about it).

But before I get to the nitty gritty, my best recommendation for anyone who is interested in getting an ex back is to take my Ex Recovery Chances quiz.

This is a quiz designed to tell you if you are wasting your time trying to get your ex back.

Taking the quiz is super-simple and free, and it will give you an approximate idea (as a percentage) what your chances are of getting an ex back.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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But enough of that.

Let’s get down to the details so we can tackle one of the most difficult questions.

Why Does Your Ex Move On So Quickly?

The answer to this question is actually pretty easy.

But to understand this truth, we first need to understand the idea of

fight or flight

When confronted with a traumatic experience, human beings tend to react with fight or flight mechanisms. We either stand up and fight the experience, or we ‘flight’ or run away to try to escape it.

Make no mistake about it, most breakups tend to be a traumatic experience to a certain extent.

Depending on how your relationship was going before the breakup and how the breakup itself went down (and any nastiness afterwards), there will be some neutral feelings at best and downright negative at worst – anger, sadness, pain, shame, guilt…on both sides.

You can look at your ex’s behaviour and quite easily determine how they are reacting to this ‘traumatic’ experience.

You can do that by looking at their fight responses and their flight responses.

Let’s Tackle “Fight” Responses First

There are three main ‘fight’ responses that your ex may enact after a breakup

They Will Get Angry And Say Mean Things To You

  • They’ll insist on taking back things you shared e.g. DVDs, household goods, books.
  • They’ll bring up arguments from way back to justify the break-up.
  • They’ll say extreme things like “I never want to see you again” or “I never loved you.”
  • They will tell you to never speak to them again.
  • They may even get friends or family to say mean things.
  • They’ll make things up and accuse you of cheating, lying and so on.

They Will Do Things To Try To Make You Jealous

  • They’ll look like they’re having the most fun ever on their social media feeds.
  • They’ll go places and do things that you discussed doing together.
  • They’ll hint that they are dating other people.
  • They will get other people to tell you how well they are looking.

They Will Date Someone New And Rub It In Your Face

  • They’ll seem to be super happy with this new person very quickly.
  • You’ll see them all over social media.
  • They’ll post more than usual, and things they wouldn’t have before e.g. couple pictures.
  • They’ll be officially In A Relationship on Facebook after a few weeks of dating.
  • They’ll go on trips and holidays with them.
  • They’ll treat them the way you wanted to be treated.

What’s the common theme with all three of these responses? The common theme is that they are trying to find ways to hurt you, or fight you.

After all, you are the source of their pain. They are hurting because of the breakup with you. So they will say mean things to you to try to hurt your feelings, try to show you that they are really enjoying their life, and sometimes even date someone new in a further attempt to make you jealous.

But ultimately the common theme with these three responses is

it’s all about you and making you feel bad.

And it will make you feel bad. The person who used to care the most about your happiness is now actively trying to upset you.

This is so that you can share the pain that they too are actually feeling, even as they try to distract themselves with someone new or new experiences.

Try to remember that these are all emotional responses. They are often knee-jerk, heat of the moment reactions to the pain of the breakup.

Your ex has most likely not sat down and thought, right, how can I hurt her/him the most? (And if they have…they probably aren’t someone you want to waste time getting back together with.)

They are simply dealing with the breakup. Remember that fight or flight is all about instincts, and rarely about rational thinking.

Now Lets Look At The Flight Responses

There are three main ‘flight’ responses that you need to keep an eye out for.

  1. Your ex can ghost you,
  2. They can date someone new and never talk to you again,
  3. Or they can talk to everyone about the break-up except you

Where the fight response was all about making you hurt,

the flight response is all about making sure they aren’t hurt.

Most of the time that’s by doing things to push you away, by ghosting you for example.

A ghoster walks away from the relationship with no need to explain themselves, discuss painful issues, deal with your emotions or their own. They may or may not feel any guilt over this.

Dating someone new and never talking to you again is further pushing you away, and dealing with the pain of losing you by replacing you with someone else.

Research has suggested that this can actually be one of the best ways to ‘get over’ a breakup, but even more interestingly, that these ‘rebound’ relationships almost never stand the test of time. This is because they are not started when your ex is in a good place to choose a suitable partner…he’s still hurting over you. It’s just a distraction, and not built on the solid foundation you two had.

Your ex may also be used to being part of a couple, and liked that partnership. But trying to replace you often backfires – because they got into the relationship so hastily it isn’t likely to work out.

Some exes will talk to everyone about the breakup except you. This is simple avoidance – they don’t want to have that awkward conversation. They want to avoid those raw feelings, avoid seeing you and stirring it all up again.

This is a crude way of dealing with the breakup by pushing you away.

Other Examples Of Pushing You Away:

  • Avoiding mutual hangouts.
  • Cancelling plans where they know you’ll be there.
  • Going to totally new places, especially with a new partner in tow.
  • Changing shifts at work to avoid you.
  • Refusing to talk about belongings, kids, etc.
  • Blocking or deleting you.

These examples of fight and flight responses may be very similar to some of the experiences that you are going through with your ex right now.

But we still haven’t really distilled it down to that universal truth that we need to learn to understand why they move on so quickly.

The ultimate truth that we’ve learned through years of research and study is that most of the time when an ex moves on extremely quickly, the reason they do so is that

they are terrified of dealing with the emotions associated with the breakup

Oftentimes they’ll look for someone or something else to distract them so they don’t have to be in as much pain throughout the breakup process.

And that’s the why of why exes move on so fast – in reality, they’re just trying to force the process of moving on. But in the end, they will have to confront those feelings.

So you’ve looked at your ex’s post-breakup behavior and determined that they are hurting. You know that even though they’ve exhibited some of these typical fight or flight behaviours, this shows that they do still have feelings (positive and negative).

Your next question is:

What can I do about it?

Watching an ex apparently move on and disconnect from the relationship you two shared is painful, there’s no doubt about it.

The best way to get over this is to instantly implement a No Contact Rule.

You are effectively countering any ghosting behavior by ignoring it, and you are not reacting to any jealousy-inducing behaviour like them dating someone else. You are instead keeping your dignity, giving yourself and them time to recover, and working on getting your own life back.

No Contact means simply not contacting your ex – but so much more too. You don’t respond if they contact you. You also don’t look at their social media, talk about them with mutual friends or their family, or engineer bumping into them.

It’s just as important to work on yourself – the basics of eating and sleeping well, reconnecting with friends and family, working on your emotional health, and making the most of life. (All of this can of course be displayed on social media as well as in real life, so that your ex can see it.)

You keep your distance, and let them wonder how you are coping so well without them.

To learn more about the No Contact Rule, I have written a Definitive Guide. And for those of you who are super-serious about getting your ex back, there’s also the No Contact Rule Handbook, which tells you everything you could ever want to know

To learn about the full process of getting your ex back, check out Ex Boyfriend Pro, which takes you step by step through every part of the process, from No Contact through to messaging, phone calls, dates and getting back together. It covers every situation you can imagine (cheating, long distance relationships, rebound relationships etc.); it’s my flagship product and has helped thousands of people get their ex back.

If you haven’t done so already, head over to the Ex Recovery Chances Quiz. It’s free, and it only takes three minutes. You’ll get an approximate number for your chances of getting your ex back, and bonus info on what to do next.

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11 thoughts on “Why Do Exes Move On So Fast?”

  1. Avatar

    Alexia

    March 16, 2020 at 6:17 pm

    My ex and I was unable to get along, yet we loved each other very much.I would think of fun things for us to do her turn them down. He never wanted to do anything worth remembering in our relationship. Yet he has a way of making me seem horrible to his older brother he speaks with regularly. We broke up right before Christmas. He told me he missed me, but wasn’t willing g to work on our relationship. Now I’m blocked on everything. I used a friend fb and see he’s in a relationship. I was deeply hurt. I just want to move on. Why do I continue to love him. This has been on n off since 2014.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 18, 2020 at 2:41 am

      Hi Alexia, so I would suggest that you take some time for yourself. Focusing on getting over what has been going on between you both. Moving past this is going to help you in the future especially if you are wanting to get them back in the long run. Read the ungettable posts and make sure that you work on yourself to show that you are bettering yourself

  2. Avatar

    Anne

    March 1, 2020 at 2:52 pm

    I broke up with my ex last April after constantly feeling like I couldn’t trust him after he cheated 2 years previously. We were together for 8 years. He cheated because I was constantly working to save for a mortgage and thought that I was not giving him enough attention. Fast forward to April I ended up breaking up with him. He was so low and upset, and we lived together so it was hard at first. Then we started to laugh again, go on dates and it reminded me of why I loved him, I however said I wanted to ensure I was happy in myself before getting back into a relationship. He fought for me, always telling me he would always loved me and then asked for us to go away for the weekend however I couldn’t book time off work. He ended up going with what I believed was himself. This was 3 months after we broke and had started dating again. For the remainder of the last year things were good, he was making an effort again and I completely fell in love again, sleeping together, things were back to as he would say normality, cooking dinner, running bath for when I got in. I also said for him to spend time with family as I didn’t want him to lose touch with them just because he was concentrating on us. He did and then started not to text back at all, stay overnight there. New Years he text me saying cannot wait to see you. Then I noticed on another girls Instagram who I had asked him about before, a photo of him and her at a wedding and how she couldn’t wait to spend this year with him. I confronted him and he told me that he had been going to hers, seeing her when he was meant to be at his dads and leading two lives. He even took her on the holiday two weeks after asking me to go. I kicked him out immediately and told him he had to tell her. She ended up messaging me for the truth. I told her everything, screenshots etc. She stated she would not go anywhere near him as she was scared how much he had lied! Two months on he has seen me numerous times, flirty, ended up engaging in sexual acts and constant communication every day. Our Facebook still has us as in a relationship and our photos all over his Instagram. Yet he is still seeing her once a week? I’m so confused at where his head is at? How can he beg and fight for me and then two weeks later go on holiday with her, but still come home at night to me for over a year with everything perfect again and now we’re apart, being flirty, engaging in sexual acts and then still be in contact with her and ignore me when he is with her.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 7, 2020 at 9:33 am

      Hi Anne, this is a man who has his cake and is eating it too… You are not willing to walk away, she is not willing to walk away… So he gets to have both of you. It is that simple. He can talk you around to being with him again and he knows he can do the same with the other woman. One of you has to be willing to walk away but that doesn’t mean he is going to stop cheating. He clearly enjoys what he is doing as he keeps doing it and is also getting away with it!

  3. Avatar

    Arya

    January 27, 2020 at 3:24 pm

    How do I deal with my ex getting engaged, 3 months after he broke up with me . We were in a 2 year relationship. He was playing all these games with me trying to test me post break up . And now he’s getting engaged!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 27, 2020 at 10:21 pm

      Hey Arya, if this is a new person who he has not long met then I would say that the engagement / marriage is not going to last as they have only been together what we can assume is 3 months. In the mean time you can work on becoming Ungettable and focusing on yourself so that you can become the best version of yourself.

  4. Avatar

    Bob

    November 16, 2019 at 12:09 pm

    My ex and i broke up 1month and 7days ago from today because he told me that he lost his feelings towards me. Then yesterday i heard that he’s in a relationship with his female bestfriend. I was hurt all over again, all those heart aches came back and i just felt very bad. I can’t even explain how i felt. Idk how to react or what to do, i just hope this pain doesn’t last long for me.

  5. Avatar

    INGABIRE Janvière

    October 2, 2019 at 3:31 am

    Hello,
    We break up because of me. After 2 month I asked him to forgive me and he accept but he don’t need me to come back together,but he told me that he will not get anyone that make him happy us i did,anyone who loved him as i did. We makes sex after that conversation of asking forgiveness. But as day passed he got a new girlfriend and he invited me to visit him also we had sex and I give him a gift he was happy,but when he go out I took his phone and see the picture of them together out.I asked him about her. He told me she is his girlfriend.
    I get home with broken heart, in the morning i asked him if he still love me a little but he answered”to forget him without considering if he love me or not”.
    Next day,i called him and he was blocked me and also he blocked me on whatsapp.
    But why he has not delete our photo on instagram and facebook.
    His best friend told me that they have the strong project together(marriage).
    Help if possible because I love him and i know he still love me too

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 2, 2019 at 5:55 pm

      Hi Ingabire, the best thing to do now is to focus on being the best version of yourself and post that to social media so he can see how great you’re doing in your life and then if you want him back and hes still in a relationship to do the being there method

  6. Avatar

    Baby

    September 27, 2019 at 1:04 am

    I have 7month long distance bf, our relationship is good, suddenly like he change he never call or message me for 3 days, and the 4days he message me that he said our relationship is not working. So I shocked I never asked why or what happen. I just reply to respect he’s decision. So after that we never call or message at all. Do I have a change to take back my long distance bf?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 29, 2019 at 8:30 pm

      Hi Baby, yes you do have a chance of getting your ex back, you need to familiarise yourself with the program, and learn how to deal with your situation specifically, the response about respecting his decision and not begging him to give you another chance is great work.