By Rachel

I’ve been a member of the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Private Facebook Group for a year now.
It’s crazy how time flies!
And this year being involved in the group, I have seen all sorts of situations arise.


Many women think that their plight is unique and singular. But the Ex Recovery Team has seen nearly every situation there is. And we have worked with men and women in all sorts of circumstances. In our years of dealing with these situations we have sorted them into a few key categories.
We’re going to talk about one of those very specific, and VERY common, categories today:

What to do if your ex has moved on.

Or to word it a little differently…

What to do if your ex has another woman.

Spoiler alert! Just because he is dating another woman does not mean that he has moved on.

It is one of the most common problems that gets brought up in the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Facebook Group. Our ladies wonder how their ex moved on so quickly, if it is a rebound, and what to do in this situation.

The truth is, if breaking up is hard to do, moving on might be even harder.

And men and women do this very differently and at drastically different paces.

We’ll get to the details in a bit, but I want you to hold on to the thought that it is likely that your ex isn’t as over the breakup as he appears to be. Cling to it, because it is easy to get disheartened after a breakup.


Being in this situation can leave you full of questions. Today we are going to address the following:

  1. Why It Seems Like Your Ex Has Moved On So Quickly
  2. The Difference Between Moving On And A Rebound
  3. How To Get Him Back If He Has Moved On
  4. What To Do When It Feels Like He’s Never Coming Back

Well… What are we waiting for? Let’s jump right in!

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Why It Seems Like Your Ex Has Moved On So Quickly

A few years ago, I watched as a friend went through a breakup that illustrated this scenario perfectly.

For the purpose of anonymity, we’ll call her Lynn* and him Will*.

They dated for three and a half years. Seemingly out of nowhere, Will ended things, and Lynn was understandably devastated.


We spent months talking over the relationship and what could have caused this breakup out of the blue. We watched Will post sappy love posts about his new girlfriend just a month after ending things with Lynn!

When she tried to reach out to him in her moments of weaknes, something we do not recommend,  he would be cold or ignore her altogether. It seemed like he had moved on in a flash, while Lynn was left alone picking up the pieces of her broken heart.

Six months later Lynn was in abetter place. She had started a new job and had even begun casually dating again.

One night at 1am, there was a knock at her door, and there was Will. He came in and they talked. He admitted how stupid and selfish he had been. He said that he had tried to push her away and move on, but that every woman he interacted with reminded him of her. No one could compare to her.

It just took him some time to realize how good he had it in their relationship together.

Lynn had to decide if she should give the relationship another shot – after all, she didn’t want to risk being hurt again. The two tentatively began dating again with renewed dedication to communication, and from what I can see on Facebook, are still happily together.

Basically a fairy tale, right?

So… why did it take Will so long to realize what he had lost?

Is it just because guys are dumb!


I’m just kidding…

But the reason DOES have to do with men not processing their emotions as healthily as women do.

The way that Lynn and Will reacted to the breakup was totally opposite.

The night of the breakup, Lynn came over to my house, and by the end of the night, my trash was filled with tissues, and all the Insomnia Cookies we had ordered were gone.

(For those of you who don’t live in this area, that is a late night cookie place. Go figure right?)

Will, on the other hand, went out immediately and started posting on facebook about how trashed he was and all the hot girls that were out partying with him.Things went on this way for a while.

This is normal even if the roles are reversed and the girl is the dumper. Women tend to wallow in their emotions, while men go out and try to find distractions.

I don’t encourage over-wallowing, but it is an important step in recovery.

Wallowing allows you to come to terms with the reality of the situation that you are in, and to develop healthy coping mechanisms to grieve, pick yourself up, and eventually move on.

Women tend to use breakups as ammunition to become better versions of themselves… or at least the ones in EBR do!

In one of my favorite videos online, a guy who dumped his girlfriend went on a rant about how he thinks women go to “breakup camps” to recover – how they always end up looking better, feeling better, accomplishing more than ever before, while men just kind of seem stuck.

I guess Ex Boyfriend Recovery is kind of like a breakup camp! It helps us to become better versions of ourselves, and maybe win our ex back in the process.

But I digress.

Anyway. Women process the pain of the breakup right away. Then, when they’ve moved on, they tend to REALLY move on without looking back. Men, on the other hand, tend to need to find a distraction, whether or not they are in pain over the breakup, and don’t process those feelings until later down the road.

Think about Buffy in Season 5. Riley leaves her, but she distracts herself with her slayer duties, and when her friends check in on her, she doesn’t break down – she only shows the slightest bit of weakness:

Tara: Is it that bad?

Buffy: Sort of, but I’m starting to get perspective on the whole situation. You know, maybe Riley’s…where he’s supposed to be. You know, maybe he needed…to be where he was needed.

Tara: Willow says that things always happen for a reason.

Buffy: But you ever notice people only say that about bad things?

-Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Triangle”

So if your ex has seemingly moved on, to another woman or not, just know that he hasn’t gotten over you as much as it seems he has. There is still pain, but men are socially conditioned to keep those intense feelings hidden to themselves.

The Difference Between Moving On And A Rebound

Alright, let’s get specific. Maybe your ex actually has moved on to another person.

I’m going to go back to my example of Lynn and Will.

Lynn was dismayed that Will seemingly moved on to another girl so quickly. It made her feel worthless like he had never loved her the way he had claimed.

I’m sure there are a few of you that know that feeling.

Okay, not husband… boyfriend, but you get the idea.

What made matters worse is that he and his new girlfriend, we’ll call her Liz, were ALL over each other’s social media pages. He became Facebook official with her within weeks of dating, and they were constantly posting on each other’s pages and posting pictures each and every time that they were together.

I was annoyed because I knew that seeing this was hurting Lynn. However, I encouraged her not to worry and to post about her awesome life, and to keep her snooping to a minimum.

I told her about a study that I read online a couple years ago. The study said that couples who tend to incessantly post about one another on social media are actually insecure in their relationships. Of course, it’s somewhat normal to post about your partner – they are a huge part of your life, after all. But to post gushy things on a daily basis or need prove that you are “so happy” by taking a selfie when you are out together – it SCREAMS insecurity.

Just yesterday in the Ex Boyfriend Facebook Group, a girl posted a screenshot of her ex’s Facebook page, where he had updated his “in a relationship with” status. She was so torn up, but I told her about the study quoted above. It’s also important to consider two other things in addition to the study.

She could be pushing him to post those things. This is absolutely linked to insecurity… hers or his… whichever. Men are typically okay not putting their relationship status on Facebook. Typically, if the woman asks them to post more online, they will concede. Most don’t think of it on their own or see the need for it. If they do think of it on their own they are most likely insecure or trying to make someone jealous.

Which leads me to the other reason that isn’t just “he moved on…”

Your ex could be trying to prove he’s happier without you.

Even if they seemingly hate you and are thrilled with their new girlfriend, this could be and likely is the case.

Sometimes, when regrets start to seep in, they don’t want to acknowledge that they made a mistake. As I’m sure you know… most men are stubborn creatures. So, they try to make up for it by trying to convince themselves and the world, that they are oh so very happy in their new relationship.

Will later admitted to Lynn that was exactly what he was doing.

If your ex is shouting from the rooftops how much he loves his new girl, take it with a grain of salt. The likelihood that it will last is extremely low. Insecurity is a breeding ground for disaster.

How To Get Him Back If He Has Moved On

Sometimes when I’m stuck on an article, I ask my boyfriend for his opinion, as one of our favorite things to do together is dissect interactions between people and societal norms that dictate those interactions.

Through those conversations, I’ve have realized that women are more likely to have a relationship lined up before leaving a relationship. Men are more likely to rebound right away, even if they didn’t have someone lined up before ending it.

But why do men tend to rebound?

I think a big part of it is that men are socially conditioned to look weak. Typically the only person he’s “alliowed” to be vulnerable in front of is his girlfriend. And even then he’ll probably try his best not to.

Once a relationship ends, that connection and ability to be vulnerable are gone. So, men try to very quickly try to find it in someone else.

The best way to tell if he’s in a rebound or not is time. If they’ve been seeing each other more than 6 months, then it’s probably not a rebound.

So, what do you do to combat the situation when another woman is the situation, rebound or no?

You use the Being There Method!

The Being There Method is the idea that you stay in your ex’s life, using the Ex Boyfriend Recovery steps, in what is seemingly a “friend” capacity.

Using the Being There Method, you interact with your ex as normal. I don’t mean normal like when you were his girlfriend. I mean as a friend.

He knows that nothing is going on between the two of you, but his new girlfriend doesn’t. Eventually, her insecurity will eat away at her. Since she only has him to take her frustation out on him. That will create tension within their relationship. Her insecurity will place strain on it. Insecurity is not attractive.

And since your ex knows there is nothing funny going on between the two of you, she will look crazy. The idea is that she will sabotage herself and he will leave her. This will clear the way for you to sweep in and implement the more serious and intense EBR tactics.

There are a few important things to remember about Being There.

Don’t get flirty. The whole idea of this method is based on the idea that there is nothing romantic going on between you and your ex. He knows it. You know it. Don’t be too flirty, because then he may start realizing there is some weight to his girlfriend’s accusations and that that was your plan all along.

Emotional control! Get some!

This is going to be hard to be in contact with your ex knowing he has someone else. Keep yourself centered and always think before you act so you don’t sabotage yourself. Remember, you need to be the sane one in comparison to the other woman.

Give it time. This process is tedious, and it may take some time for you to see results.

The Being There Method can be very difficult to implement but used correctly, the results can be very impressive.

The Take-Away

I know how hopeless breakups can feel. I understand how it feels like the pain might literally kill you.

So, if you are going to try and get your ex back when he is seeing someone new, there are a few things you should take away from this article.

Emotional Control –  Your ex may be flaunting his relationship for reasons unknown, but he won’t advertise if he is missing you. So, don’t jump to conclusions.

The Being There Method – You absolutely have to do your research on it before implementing it, as it is a difficult and painful path to follow. However, it is extremely effective.

I know it feels like everything is hopeless and he’s never coming back, but you would be surprised at what crazy other women success stories we have cataloged on the website. All is not lost.

We’ve produced tons of other material to help you get him back; articles, videos, and books.

In the comments below, let’s talk about your breakup. Tell me a little bit about it. What have you done since then? Our experts will use that information to help you decide what your next action should be.Then, once you have a plan, have a plan, so go and put it into action.

What to Read Next

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70 thoughts on “Has Your Ex Has Moved On And What To Do About It”

  1. Avatar

    Elizabeth B

    May 2, 2020 at 2:22 am

    My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me a month and a half ago. He has made no attempt to move out. However, he constantly goes out and stays out late or all night. I recently found out he’s been seeing another girl. Basically, he’ll go to this girls house in the middle of the night, “hang out”, and then come home to me. When I found out about her he cried and said he’s having a hard time with this breakup and she’s the only thing making him feel okay again. He told me that he felt bad and broke it off with her, but I recently found out that was again a lie. I kicked him out of our apartment and I’m attempting the no contact rule. However, since then he’s blocked me and I’m pretty sure it’s because he’s finally free to be with her and interact with her online. During that month and a half he was still living here we were still sleeping together and he continually told me he loved me and cared about me more than anything. Is there hope? How am I supposed to get through this when good things are happening to him when I feel like I’m dying?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 7, 2020 at 11:29 pm

      Hi Elizabeth, so the fact that he needs someone else to distract him from his emotions shows that he still cares about you and is struggling with the break up so it is so important that you follow a Limited no contact where you only speak to him when you MUST speak to him. Regarding the shared house, bills or responsibilities you have together. Then you work on your Holy Trinity, your limited no contact needs to be for 45 days as he is sort of involved with this other woman, then you start following the being there method, there are videso and articles about this for you to understand how to implement it.

  2. Avatar

    twyla

    April 13, 2020 at 1:54 am

    my ex and I were together for 7 years when he suddenly texted me saying he didnt love me anymore. That was 5 months ago. I moved out a month later and than we started hanging out and sleeping together and through all this I was doing everything for him from cleaning his house, getting his groceries and being there for him whenever he needed. He always told me he didn’t want to get back together and I knew he was working on another girl. throughout all of this I’ve been on an emotional coaster. We have fought more than we ever have before and I’ve been extremely cruel at times. A week ago we slept together again but after words he messaged me saying it couldn’t happen anymore because it always makes him feel guilty because he will never have feelings for me again. I blew up and we got into another fight that ended up with me being cruel to him and about his new girl. He still answers right away when I message which I only do when it involves our son. But him and this other girl have now been snap chatting all day long, looking at houses to buy as well as other things and he even bought her kids easter gifts. Have I lost him forever because of my craziness?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 22, 2020 at 12:18 am

      Hi Twyla, there is still a chance of getting him back but it goes against your natural instincts, you need to make him feel that you are done, following a Limited no contact where you only speak if he asks about your child when he is with you. Otherwise 45 days NC and then you need to start the being there method. But the most important thing is that you do not take care of him, do not show him love and you do not sleep with him while broken up

  3. Avatar

    Tina

    April 9, 2020 at 10:56 am

    My ex and I who had a very on-off relationship for 8 years broke up a couple of years ago. He recently came back into my life for a couple of months but we have since had an argument and he now informs me that he is seeing someone new and sees no future with me. Not sure if too much time has passed between us to rectify this relationship although I’d like to try?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 9, 2020 at 9:46 pm

      Hi Tina, I would look into the being there method, and work on your Holy Trinity for some time before reaching out. 45 days Nc is recommended from when you last spoke

  4. Avatar

    Kris

    March 1, 2020 at 5:44 pm

    My ex and I broke up 2 years ago, but have remained FWB. He has told me several times how we are soulmates and he loves me. 1 month ago I discovered he had a date. Last night he changed his Facebook status. He never did that when we were together. Do I still have a chance? Is it a rebound?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 2, 2020 at 10:36 pm

      Hi Kris, so by the sounds of things he is getting into a relationship with this new person. I am assuming you have stopped being friends with benefits if he is moving forward with this new person? If that is the case you need to go into a no contact and start dating casually in the mean time. You can read about the being there method and apply that if he is getting into a relationship with the date

  5. Avatar

    Farah

    February 27, 2020 at 4:18 am

    Hi, me and my ex were together for 18 months. We were inseparable, we loved each other down to earth. When he had to go for national service in the army, things went downhill. He told me that he was having mixed feelings as we don’t meet as often. A few weeks later, his grandfather passed away and I was really worried about him. I kept texting and calling him, no answers. Then suddenly he told me he had enough of it and broke up with me. I didn’t texted him or called him for two weeks then suddenly he called me, asking me questions like how are you, what are you doing, are you talking to other guys, etc. I was so confused then after the call he said that he checked on me to see i was okay and he could be my friend. I accepted it so i texted him now and then. Afterwards he kept cold replying me, so i asked him, is it weird that i’m talking to him. He said yes. Then he got all angry saying that he broke up with me because he was really mad. Then I told him that I wasn’t there to argue or anything and stuff. He went to cool down and then replied me saying thank you for taking care of me and I never replied. Now it’s more than a month since our breakup, i know that he is talking to another girl but he wouldn’t admit it. I still love and care for him but he told me that he is 80% over me. It feels like my relationship with him was nothing. We did all sorts of things together and I cannot believe that he has moved on from me so quickly. Has he really moved on from me or is he confused?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 28, 2020 at 9:50 pm

      Hi Farah so I think what you missed is he called you up when he was missing you, asked about you talking to other guys – which I assume you said no to. You gave him that fix form missing you and questioning if you were doing better than he was with the break up. You need to go into a full No Contact and ignore him for 30 days minimum, you need to make him fear he is losing you and also fear that you are moving on with someone new.

  6. Avatar

    Cindy

    January 28, 2020 at 6:28 am

    Hi me and my boyfriend dated for 9 months had a thing for like a year. We would hangout every single day and spent the whole summer together. It was perfect and he made me believe and I truly did believe he’s the guy I’ve most loved and I’m the girl he’s most loved. We had a really good relationship but his mom never liked me. She would always try things to separate us and would constantly fight with him for being with me. And that caused fights between me and him. But than we broke up. And a week after we broke up he is already with someone else. And they post together and he goes out with her all the time. We had a conversation about her and he told me they were only a thing and he didn’t want anything serious with her. But his mom loves this girl and he seems really happy with her. Me and him aren’t on talking terms and we don’t talk. But I constantly have to see him with this girl.

  7. Avatar

    Jane

    December 11, 2019 at 11:17 pm

    Hey Chris! Just looking for guidance
    My boyfriend and I dated for a year. We were talking marriage and moving in together. Well about 6 weeks ago he broke up with me. I did 30 days complete no contact after the breakup. Around the 30 day mark he texted me my perfume smell was torturing him. Then a couple days later sent me a I miss you text. So I regrettably responded. Asked him what he missed about me. Well he said he was sorry that was a poor choice of words on his behalf and he actually had found the love of his life a few weeks prior and God had perfectly orchestrated her into his life and we can never talk again out of respect to her. We haven’t talked in two weeks. Should I reach out again? Or let it go?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 15, 2019 at 6:52 pm

      Jane, he is awful! He sends you two messages that are going to trigger you into replying to him just so that he could then throw in your face that he had met someone else! Assuming you did not reply to his message – you can do a 21 day No Contact and then reach out and start doing the being there method (you can read about this on this website) and if you did reply and got angry with him then you need to do a 45 days No Contact where you work on your emotional control and make sure you are at your best self before reaching out to him and start doing the being there method!

  8. Avatar

    Cysterina

    November 26, 2019 at 3:11 am

    Hello, my boyfriend and I officially broke up on the 1st of November. Like, that is when we stopped trying to fix things. He had said that day that he cannot ever imagine himself with anyone else and doesn’t want to date for at least 6 months. But he’s been seen hanging out with a new girl, he likes everything she posts and they apparently talk late night. He’s doing the same things he did with me when we got together. I even heard that he had her lined up even before he broke up with me. I started no contact from the 18th of November and I also ended up blocking him everywhere because I had become quite obsessed with the two of them. He doesn’t seem to care about any of this. Do I have any chance of making him at least realize that he has hurt me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 30, 2019 at 11:40 pm

      Hi Cysterina, so it is hard to deal with that but if you want him to notice you, then you are going to have to do some work which Chris calls becoming Ungettable, there is plenty of information about it on this website and on Chris’ Youtube channel. Unblocking him is also something you need to do later down the road when you are less worried about the other girl and what they are both doing. You need to remind yourself, you are the best hes going to get anything else is just second best. THAT is the mindset you need to have so that when he sees how amazing you are and how happy you are on the outside looking in he is going to start comparing you to this new girl and hes going to regret leaving you

  9. Avatar

    Sparkles:)

    October 13, 2019 at 9:50 pm

    Hi there!

    The BTM has worked wonders in that we hang out regularly, he flirts, we’ve kissed twice and he initiated conversation with me every day almost!

    The BTM has also driven me into a position where we’re in a weird friend zone that dances over its boundaries. For example, when we have kissed he speaks the following day then needs a week before being able to talk to me.

    He is someone you have to tread caredully with because hes as good at hooking me in when he wants as i am. Tbh we are now at the point where I have been in this process for 15 mths after a two year rweationsrelationship and his current relationship with o.w is now almost as long as our relationship was (at times he would get guilty with his connection with me and go over the top with her in response – like booking a holiday etc).

    His motivation of guilt and his stubbornness not to admit he should have let me go is making his relationship with o.w last beyond the realms of rebound (but he does not commit to her e.g. move in etc). What can i do?!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 15, 2019 at 8:20 pm

      Hey Sparkles so you need to start friendzoning / flirting with him more. The guilt hes feeling is because its working, and in the end it will drive a wedge between them as long as you make sure your exes new gf knows about your presence

  10. Avatar

    Angela

    October 1, 2019 at 3:46 pm

    Hi
    I was dating my BF for 4months! He then broke up with me. It looked like he was confused. I have him his space, asked him only once if he really doesn’t want to continue. Deleted him off Facebook and did no contact for 45 days! Then msgd him that a show reminded me of him! And he said ok- and that he hopes I’m doing ok! That felt so cold so when I asked him not to be so cold he said he’s moved on and I should too.

  11. Avatar

    M.S.

    July 30, 2019 at 2:45 am

    Hi,
    My ex and I dated for 4 years and broke up after 2 of living together. There were some issues, but nothing that hurt the other or was not fixable. A lot of our troubles stemmed from work situations that caused one of us to become depressed at home, resulting in arguments and misplaced emotions.

    About immediately after breaking up, he and his ex before me began talking and now seem to be seeing each other (he has not told me this, but I know they are somewhat involved and talk via text). They dated for a little under 2 years prior to his dating me. Is this a rebound on his part? There are signs (according to your site) that lead me to believe he still loves me, and he brings up our past relationship at times. But at times he hot and cold. I couldnt implement strict no contact, since we still needed to be in contact about our shared apartment; however, I did not reach out to him in our time apart. He was always reaching out, and not about his things he left behind.

    I need a little help understanding the situation- is he rebounding with his ex? Is NC applicable in this situation now that we’re no longer on the same lease? Etc.

  12. Avatar

    Sophie

    July 17, 2019 at 3:32 pm

    Hi

    My ex and I were together for a year and then he dumped me out of blue….our differences were religious beliefs…anyhow I stopped talking to him then three months later…we meet up as he was dying to and we started being intimate again. Now I was in friends with benefits with him even though I wanted him back. The thing with him is he had a history with lots of girl moving from one to another and to other easily but it all shifted when he was with me. So when we got into FWB…I have seen him give me cold signs sometimes and sometimes he is just drooling all over me. Now I have ended the FWB thing too…and now he wants to stay friends, he calls me up and asks advices or tells me something but he manages a 5 minute call but when I ask commitment or relationship he backs away. Also , he is talking to girls plenty of beautiful girls who I can never compare myself ever to. Please help me I do want the man who loved me so dearly back with me.

  13. Avatar

    Patience and Prudence

    January 11, 2019 at 12:24 am

    Hi Chris!
    I first found your website a few years ago, in 2015. I had just broken up with a guy who I’ve been in a friends with benefits situation for a while (from 2012 to 2015, on and off). We’ve been good friends since college and were always attracted to each other, but that situation used to hurt me a lot. He never committed to me. Then one day I found out he was dating someone from his work and it got official pretty fast. That really broke my heart and I found EBR.
    I went no contact for 30 days, then started texting him, we eventually met for a coffee… it was nice for a while. But I was still heartbroken and he was still with the new girl. I found out she was taking care of his cat, cause he lived in a tiny apartment and they got very close. Few months later I blocked him in social media (it was hard for me to see their pictures on instagram) and tried to move on.
    I guess I did. I dated other guys, flirted a lot, nothing serious though. I focused on my career, finished my dissertation, studied abroad. He tried to contact me a few times over the years, said he missed me, asked me to hang out and have coffee, I agreed but never really met him. I didn’t want to.
    Three months ago we had elections in our country, it was really dramatic and I started texting him. We have similar political views and I like to send funny memes to my friends to cheer them (and myself) up. We lost the elections but he seemed very happy I contacted him and we had nice text conversations. At some point he sent me a spotify link to that really romantic song by Leonard Cohen.
    In November I was invited to give a lecture about my master’s research and I sent him the flyer, but I never thought he would show up. Well he did. He’s also in the academic field and always encouraged me to pursuit a master’s degree, plus, he loves my research theme about culture in my family country (Japan). During my whole presentation he seemed happy to be there and told me really nice things about it later. I guess it moved me. Three months ago I would never consider having him back. He wanted to hang out after my lecture, but I had plans that night.
    We met again a few weeks ago for lunch. It was a friendly date, but he kept touching my arms and looking into my eyes like he used to.
    We have been texting and phone calling consistently since the date. He gave me the impression that he’s not with that girl anymore. He called me when he was frustrated about not getting a doctorate scholarship, he sent me pictures of his students graduation party, he sent me pictures of his new apartment. But then I found out. He is still dating that girl and it looks like she’s moving in. He doesn’t know I know.
    I’m really frustrated right now. I know I can move on again and have a happy life, but then I think about him smiling affectionately during my lecture… I do have other guys that I flirt with, but they don’t really care about the things I do and love.
    About the other girl… she doesn’t seem to like the same things he does, like obscure post-punk bands, she seems very nice and tender, but not really an UG.
    By the way, he texts me in really weird hours like 6 in the morning and after midnight. He also calls me from his apartment and we talk for 40 minutes. I wonder if she’s there in the house.
    He wants to hang out again and I’m really afraid he tells me about her. I don’t know how to react if he does. I guess I’ll try to be prepared, since I already know about it. I’ll try not to get into an argument. I don’t blame him anyway, I was the one who contacted him when he was minding his own business and planning to move with her. I guess he’s trying to deal with this too… I think I’ll try the Being there method before giving up. It feels like I’m gonna have a very difficult road ahead.
    Please, I would love to hear what you think about my situation.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 11, 2019 at 12:32 am

      Welcome back…I encourage you to dive back into the site as a lot has changed. I have much more content, GREAT eBooks that can help you immensely, videos, podcasts…just lots of resources. So tap into all of that. Start with my home page and check out the tools and resources!

  14. Avatar

    Hopeful in Harlem

    October 23, 2018 at 3:21 am

    Help! My ex and I broke uo about a month ago. I went Into NC – after 17 days he texted me and yes I replied He called that night and talked for 3 hours and in that time he revealed that he has dated and is not seeing this one woman who he has been intimate with. Gah! Well we texted and talked over the next couple days then radio silence on both our ends. He was always the one to reach out. After a few days I reached out talking about a concert I went to by a band we both like and how great it was. He responded – quickly- asking who the opening band was and I said I wasnt Sure cause we didn’t make it for the opening. He was then curious who the “we” was and I said A friend and how great the weather turned out. He responded with “ A friend … ” I in turn did not respond leaving the circle still open. I feel like I played this convo beautifully until … Two hours later he sent a message saying the question was for the sole purpose to see if I was Going to tell him the truth and that he’s not being a hypocrite and that if he’s not mad if I’m seeing someone else and if I’m playing both sides of the fence then it’s just plain wrong. To which my last reply was that he should know me better than that and I dont Like the game playing and I’m always honest with him. I got no response from him.
    I dont Get it. I dont Know what fence he’s speaking of. When we spoke over the phone we both did say that we still cared etc and the door wasn’t closed. So what do I do Now? I feel Like I shoukd Go NC and just let it lay. Did I ruin My chances of a reconciliation for good? I’m so confused.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 24, 2018 at 3:30 am

      Hi there Hopeful!

      First of all, that is a great name…..”Hopeful”! I think you will benefit by understanding more about the ex recovery process. NC when executed well has a lot of benefits and it all starts with your own healing and becoming the best version of yourself. Consider taking a look at some of the resources I discuss on my home page.

  15. Avatar

    Stirling

    September 9, 2018 at 10:17 pm

    Hi Chris, thanks for your response. Do you honestly think it’s over between us now that he has a girlfriend?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 10, 2018 at 2:08 am

      Oh No…its not that unusual for guys to go chasing after another girl. It doesn’t mean they will love them or even draw close to them. It happens…its is life…and you do the things to focus on “you” and your healing and efforts to reinforce your value.

    2. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 10, 2018 at 2:08 am

      Oh No…its not that unusual for guys to go chasing after another girl. It doesn’t mean they will love them or even draw close to them. It happens…its is life…and you do the things to focus on “you” and your healing and efforts to reinforce your value.

  16. Avatar

    Stirling

    September 9, 2018 at 2:02 pm

    My ex has moved on to a new girlfriend, I can’t help but think he told me that ” I wanted more from him, and he’s not the one for me.” Then four months later gets into a relationship where I know he will have to give himself to his new girlfriend . I really feel that he wanted just to be physical with me, no emotions, no commitment. When I called him out, he had an outburst and said ” He was done and I couldn’t handle being his friend.” Most of my friends and family are done with talking about him. I do want to move on, but it’s been a year of back and forth up and down. I know the healing process is different for everyone and he could have been telling me all along why we didn’t work and I wasn’t listening. My biggest question is why come over to my apartment, but not want a relationship with me and get with someone else?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 9, 2018 at 6:51 pm

      HI Stirling!

      Yes, some guys just are a bit selfish and need a wake up call. So keep working toward your full recovery and if he truly wants something special with you, the ball is in his court.

  17. Avatar

    Gemma

    August 17, 2018 at 2:07 pm

    Hi,
    My boyfriend broke up with me just over 2 months ago and I’ve been in NC since then though it’s killing me.
    We were together just under a year. One month in to our relationship he’d told me that he was dating someone before he met me and that she was pregnant. He didn’t know what was going to happen as she left him after just 2 months together to go back to her ex boyfriend and didn’t want him to be involved with the baby. So I asked him to tell me absolutely everything, and we’d get through it (we’re both full grown adults and I have a son too)
    Come Christmas and he gets an email from his ex to say he now has a daughter and wanted to be in touch. He told me he didn’t think he should be involved and I really pushed him to do it. He would have been miserable if he hadn’t and I stand firm to my decision. Though it would have been easier on me I knew it was the right thing to do.
    All was great for a while, he was visiting baby at his exes house 3 times a week and he did all he could to make me feel uncomfortable.
    Then something shifted. I caught him lying a couple of times. He wouldn’t call me after his visits and make excuses and I got really insecure causing to a fair few fights. I just knew something was going on and he wasn’t pushing for solo access, he was quite happy spending time as the 3 of them.
    6 months after the baby was born, I got dumped. And I mean DUMPED! I had a letter and a box with all of my stuff in left at my house. The letter said that if done nothing wrong but with house move, money, job etc…he (and I quote) “needs to get himself sorted before he can commit to anything.”
    Well of course just 3 weeks later he’s posting over Facebook (he unfriended me, I did snooping) about his love for his girlfriend.
    I called him out on it and emailed a very classy respectful email to say that I knew. He denies any wrongdoing on his part entirely, even down to the way he broke up with me.
    It’s been about 7 weeks of no contact now and his birthday is on Tuesday so I’m tempted to send a little email, what do you think?
    I’m not entirely sure what I want to be honest. I think more than anything validation that this guy isn’t worth my time, despite how much I love him and I know how much he loved me too. He has a history of just walking away from things and I’m not that person, I want him to know that I still care I guess.
    Any thoughts would be wonderful!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 17, 2018 at 3:39 pm

      Sometimes its best to move on in one sense, but leave open far in the back of your mind the possibility that if the right things happen and unfold, you may revisit. But the focus now should be on your self healing. History means a lot to me. If a guy shows a repeated history of walking away…that is not something that sits well with me.

  18. Avatar

    Jen

    May 6, 2018 at 9:00 pm

    I met a guy soon after ending a long term relationship. After a few dates I found out he had also ended a long term relationship recently with a girl he dated for 9 years who was and still is very intertwined with his friends and family. Both of us being so fresh out of relationships we thought we would just see each other casually and did the whole friends with benefits thing. However, after a few months I fell hard for him- we made things exclusive, things were great and then his Ex re-entered his life. He told me that he needed some time to “self reflect” because seeing her made him realize how he wasn’t over her. I haven’t contacted him in two weeks but all his Ex posts on social media are posts relating to him-but not directly about him. She also lives 5 hours away. I am not sure if they are back together or not. But, I really thought we had something amazing, and I am not sure where to go from here. I almost wish we could hit the reset button on the whole thing.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 6, 2018 at 9:12 pm

      Hi Jen…I am sorry for your pain. I know it hurts. There is a bitter sweet quality to this whole thing. I know you want what is best for him, but you feel its you that is best and he has yet to learn that. Perhaps the best thing to do is proceed with the teachings in my ebook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” (website Menu/products link). It is a pretty comprehensive resource and should serve as your Companion Guide throughout this whole process as there could be some twists and turns. Going forward, a big part of your efforts should be around self recovery. Neither of know the future, but however this shakes out, I am quite certain you will end up on a path that will lead to fulfillment.

  19. Avatar

    Liz

    May 3, 2018 at 9:16 am

    Chris,
    My ex of 4 years (very serious) and I split. He got into a relationship 2 weeks later. She moved across the country to be with him and 3 months later are engaged. It seems serious, but happened so quickly. The breakup was rather sudden. And I know for certain he met her shortly after we split. I’ve been in NC for 3 months anf haven’t tried reaching out because I am blocked on everything. I don’t know what to do anymore..

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 3, 2018 at 2:16 pm

      Hi Liz…I am sorry for your pain. Neither of us know the future for sure. And you can only control so many things. If their relationship blossoms, then so be it. If it doesn’t then, you can use some of the tactics I talk about in my ebooks here to improve your chances. So going forward focus on your own healing. You also should consider joining my Private Facebook Support Group (1500 members. It has like minded women, like yourself, who do a lot to help each other and themselves. I do weekly live webcasts for the Group as well. You can learn more at my Website Menu/Products section!

  20. Avatar

    Kristen D

    April 4, 2018 at 3:01 am

    Me and my boyfriend were together for over 6 years. We went through hell and back and grew together. This past thanksgiving he told me he needed a break but that it was because he was stresssd (he was half way through the police academy) and he needed time to figure everything out but he didn’t want to be with anyone else. We talked occasionally but it got to be too much for me so I told him to leave me alone until he could be all in with me. Two weeks after that I find out he hooked up with a girl from the academy and i freaked out. He told me it happened just once and t didn’t mean anything. Me and him agreed to slowly work things out. He said to me “people break up and get back together all the time” and I said yes and they also never speak again. And his reply “I don’t ever want that”.. after this we talked a lot, we even talked on the phone which we didnt do that often as a couple before. We however never saw each other. Two weeks ago after we had planned to get dinner I find out he’s been hooking up with that girl still but he made it a point to tell me that she’s not his girlfriend. After hearing this I blocked him on social media and his number for a couple nights. I started the no contact (two weeks in) and today I find out that he brought this girl to dinner with his parents last week and then this weekend they are going away together. What I don’t understand is why was he still entertaining a relationship with me if he’s so happy with her? And also, is there still hope for me and him? I love him so much and saw myself marrying him. I’m two weeks into my no contact and want to know if I should still reach out when the no contact period is over ? Please help!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 5, 2018 at 10:46 pm

      You definitely should. Why don’t we work on your reach out text together!

    2. Avatar

      Kristen D

      April 6, 2018 at 2:56 am

      Hey Chris,

      Thanks for responding!! I would love to work together on my reach out text. Let me know how to contact you for that and what the next steps are. Thanks!!!

      -Kristen D

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 4:44 am

      First things first,

      Curiosity.. you need a hook that will make any man want to respond to the text. That’s step one.

    4. Avatar

      Kristen D

      April 7, 2018 at 5:44 am

      I signed up for one on one coaching but with annna any way I can switch it to you? Let me know

    5. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 9:30 pm

      Hey Kristen!

      Thank you so much for putting your trust into us!!!!

      Right now if it says I’m all booked up I am all booked up. But typically what Anna and I do is kind of swap for followup calls. So, if you go through the coaching with Anna and feel that you’ll need another one (which is significantly cheaper) you can always request me and I’ll make time for you.

      We just ran a big promotion though so I’m all booked up for the next two weeks.

      Trust me when I say that Anna will blow you away and we’ll even give you access to our Private Facebook Group if you don’t already have it. That way you can communicate with us all the time.

      I’m doing weekly FB lives in there and answering questions. Plus it’ll connect you with thousands of women going through what you are going through.

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