The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

This is what you have been waiting for right?

For what seems like a year straight every day I am asked a simple question,

“Why don’t you write about the grass is greener syndrome?”

Well, here it is.

I am finally going to be tackling the grass is greener syndrome. I want this guide to be extremely insightful so I am going to be covering a wide variety of topics,

  • I am going to teach you what the GIGS (grass is greener syndrome) is.
  • I will give you real life examples of men who have gone through this.
  • I will explain why sometimes the GIGS can work.
  • I will also dive in to how the GIGS can be a very dangerous thing.
  • Oh, and how could I forget that I am going to be applying all of this to your ex boyfriend.

Lets start by defining the GIGS.

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What Is The Grass Is Greener Syndrome?

(If you would like to learn how to get an ex boyfriend back who has GIGS please click this link.)

gigs
I have a confession to make…

The first time I heard of the grass is greener syndrome was when a reader of this site pointed it out to me. Now, as I stated above, a lot of women have been wanting this guide for a very long time and I have been putting it off because I didn’t feel I had a good understanding of what the GIGS was.

That is definitely not the case anymore as I did extensive research to make sure I knew everything there was to know.

The Grass Is Greener Syndrome- The belief that what you currently have in your life is no longer good enough or adequate. As a result, you begin to believe that there are better things out there.

The GIGS is mostly used to refer to people in relationships but it can also be applied to people who are in jobs.

Of course, since we are trying to gain insight into your ex boyfriend here we are going to be using the grass is greener syndrome in the context of relationships.

If I had to pick out one of the most frightening aspects of this entire thing it is that you could be doing everything perfectly in your relationship, you could literally be the best girlfriend in the world to your boyfriend and he could still have a bout of GIGS.

Lets take a look at how this phenomenon can apply to your ex boyfriend.

How GIGS Applies To Your Ex Boyfriend

grass and greener
This site was really designed for women who are trying to get their ex boyfriends back. So, lets take a moment and look at what your ex boyfriend may be experiencing assuming he got a bout of the GIGS. In my opinion, there are really three outcomes that can occur when it comes to your ex boyfriend.

  1. Things Are Great But I Think I Can Do Better
  2. Things Are Not Great And I Think I Can Do Better
  3. I Always Think I Can Do Better

As always, lets start with number one!

“Things are great but I think I can do better..”

For most of the women on this site this has to be one of the most horrifying outcomes that can potentially unfold. The way this works is actually pretty simple. You and your boyfriend are doing great. You love him and he loves you.

(FYI there is no question in his mind about that.)

However, somewhere down the road this little thought begins to creep into his head,

“I love her… but I feel I can find someone even better than her. Actually… now that I think about it I have always thought that from the moment I started dating her.”

When the inevitable talk comes where he explains that he just isn’t into the relationship anymore you immediately assume that he lost feelings. The truth is that he didn’t, he just thought he could do better even though things were great.

Pretty horrifying right?

“Things are not great and I think I can do better..”

To be honest, this is a situation where I think he may be justified in his reasoning to want to look elsewhere.

Lets pretend that you and I are dating. Throughout our relationship you are horrible to me. You are controlling, manipulative and get angry at every little thing I do. Pretty soon all of this craziness from you begins to weigh on me and a singular thought begins to enter my head,

“I think I deserve more than this in a relationship. I think I can do better.”

In other words, your inability to be a caring girlfriend was your own downfall as it caused me to look over the fence to see if the grass was greener anywhere else.

(Hint: It probably is which is why I left.)

“I can always do better..”

This is a very interesting type of grass is greener mindset. So, the way this basically works is that a guy can’t ever find happiness in a relationship. Nothing ever fulfills him and as a result he opts to look elsewhere for it.

In other words, he jumps from relationship to relationship trying to find someone who is going to fulfill him. Unbeknownst to him just the way he is, always thinking he can do better, prevents him from ever sustaining a long term relationship with anyone.

How can you tell if your ex boyfriend is like this?

Admittedly, this particular mindset on a man tends to be really rare. However, there are warning signs that you can keep a look out for.

For example, if your ex boyfriend has never had a long term relationship and just jumps from girl to girl it can be possible that he has the “I can ALWAYS do better” mindset.

Can The Grass Is Greener Syndrome Ever Work?

(Learn about how you can get an ex boyfriend back by clicking here.)

grass is greener

Obviously there are two trains of thought when it comes to GIGS.

  1. One portion of people believe that ending a relationship because you think you can do better usually works out.
  2. The other portion of people believe that just because you think the grass is greener on the other side doesn’t necessarily mean that things are going to work out.

The question that you are probably wondering is,

“If my boyfriend left me because he has the grass is greener syndrome could a relationship with someone else potentially work out?”

I think it depends on a number of factors.

For example, if you were a horrible girlfriend to him and did nothing but berate him throughout your entire relationship then probably any other situation is going to seem “greener” to him. I like to call this phenomenon, the setting the bar effect.

The “Setting The Bar” Effect

set the bar

Here’s an interesting question.

If your ex boyfriend could rate his experience having a relationship with you on a 1-10 scale what do you think he would give you?

Lets use the example I gave above in the last section about you being a horrible girlfriend and doing nothing but berating him throughout the entire relationship as a placeholder. Given this particular situation what do you think your ex boyfriend would rate you as? Where would he set your bar?

2… ?

3… ?

How about a 2.5 (since you did have some redeeming qualities.)

Alright, in this particular instance if your ex boyfriend can find a girl that can put provide him with a situation better than a 2.5 then for him the grass is indeed greener.

Of course, I know for a fact that most of you are great girlfriends and his bar isn’t going to be set at a 2.5.

Heck, maybe you were the best girlfriend that he ever had in his entire life and he gives you an 8 out of 10.

Well, if your ex ends up getting the GIGS he may potentially leave you because he thinks he can do better.

(What an idiot..)

Anyways, lets say that he does find a girl that he ends up dating for a little while but he only sets her bar at a 7.

By my math,

8 > 7.

This is a case where the grass is not greener and he is going to be really kicking himself for letting you go. In other words, he will be filled with an extreme amount of regret.

“What if he finds a girl that has the exact same rating as me?”

Lets assume that your ex boyfriend did leave you because of the grass is greener syndrome. He rated your overall relationship as a 6 out of 10. Well, when he finally does get in a relationship with someone else he may found out that she is a 6 out of 10 as well.

For him in this scenario the grass is not greener.

Remember, the grass is only greener if he can find someone who can beat the bar that you set. Of course, the other fly in the ointment for him is the fact that the grass may be a little greener at first but it almost always never stays the same.

How The Honeymoon Period Plays A Role

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honeymoon period phase

Everyone here is aware of the honeymoon period in a relationship right? Well, for those of you new to the game the honeymoon period is this period of the time at the beginning of a relationship where you have this constant emotional high and your significant other can do no wrong.

However, eventually the honeymoon period levels out and you don’t have that emotional high all the time (just spurts here and there.)

This is normal for every single romantic relationship that has ever been formed since the beginning of time.

What’s interesting is how the honeymoon period can affect the grass is greener syndrome.

Lets pretend that you and I were dating and I decided that I thought I could do better than you (classic GIGS.) Anyways, after I leave the relationship I determine that my experience with you was a 7 out of 10. Then the inevitable happens, I meet a new girl and start a new relationship with her.

At the beginning this new girl and I are going to be going through a honeymoon period so my experience in that relationship is going to be super high (probably a 9 or a 10.)

Wow, a 9 or 10.

The grass was greener right?

WRONG!

The honeymoon period begins to wear off and that is where the true test of a relationship begins. Pretty soon this new girl and I start fighting a lot.

That 9-10 rating suddenly drops to a 6-7.

Then I begin to suspect that she is cheating on me.

Now the rating is down to 5-6.

Now, I don’t know about you but in my book a 7 (my relationship with you) beats a 5 (my relationship with the GIGS girl.)

The main point here is that the honeymoon period has a way of inflating where the bar was set so it’s important not to be fooled by it.

Why The Honeymoon Period Will ALWAYS End

“But what if the honeymoon period doesn’t end?”

It will.

It’s inevitable.

Let me give you an example. When you are driving around in the car and listening to the radio what do you do when you hear an amazing song for the first time?

I’ll tell you what I do.

I immediately memorize a few lyrics to the song and send a text message to myself so I can look it up later and buy it. Once I have bought the song I listen to it about 50 times over and over again. This is a bit of an issue because after you listen to a song that much it kind of loses its appeal after a while.

The same principle applies here.

It’s impossible for a human to have a continuous emotional high for so long without adapting to it. Eventually we all adapt and make the “emotional high” normal. Sure, some honeymoon periods last longer than others but the end result always seems to be the same, it ends.

Now, just because the honeymoon period is over doesn’t mean the relationship is over. It just means that your ex boyfriends initial view of the relationship he is currently in may go down a little bit.

For example, that 9 he experienced during the honeymoon period may turn into a 7 or an 8.

Real Life Examples Of GIGS (Ex Boyfriends)

(Learn how to get your ex boyfriend back.)

memes in real life

I actually have two real life examples that I can tell you of how the grass is greener syndrome works.

I am going to give you an example of a woman who I communicated with on this site who ended up getting her ex boyfriend back after he got GIGS. In other words, I am going to give you an example of a case where the grass was not greener on the other site.

In addition to that I am going to be giving you an example of a case where the grass WAS greener on the other side by talking about the mindset of someone I know who met his future wife after a case of the GIGS.

I suppose we can start with what you really want to hear.

An Example Of The Time The Grass WASN’T Greener

grass isn't greener

A girl gets dressed up one night to go to a big party because she knows HE was going to be there.

Who was he?

His name was Brad.

So, the girl goes to the party and “casually” runs in to Brad. Something was different about her though. Brad was noticing her in a different light. Before she was just one of his “friends” but the way she looked tonight, she was much more than a friend.

They spent the entire night together swapping stories, philosophies and dreams. By the time the party was over at 2am the two were still talking. From that moment on they were inseparable. Not an hour went by where they didn’t text each other and not a day went by where they didn’t see each other.

As I am sure you have already predicated Brad and the girl ended up dating.

Their relationship was actually quite good.

They dated for a total of 2 years and didn’t have too many problems. Sure, there were fights here and there but generally speaking everything was great most of the time. One day Brad had a strange epiphany.

Actually, it turned out to be the day before his 30th birthday. You see, his parents kept urging him to marry the girl and as time went on he kept finding excuses not to man up and propose. With his upcoming birthday he started to have a thought,

“You know, I should probably get married. But I haven’t been out there really looking… I have been in a relationship all this time and I just think I can do better than (the girl.)”

Essentially Brad decided that he could do better than the girl he was currently dating.

So, he decided to break up with her so he could start his search for his future wife.

Little did he know that the girl (who asked me to remain anonymous) was waiting to be his future wife all along. So, when Brad tells her that he doesn’t think that shes,

“Wife material..”

She makes it her mission to prove that she is and takes to the internet to try find a way that she can win him back.

That’s when she stumbles across Ex Boyfriend Recovery and starts reading my articles. Eventually she works up the courage to email me (back when I was answering 100% of them and not getting overwhelmed.) She told me her story and I point out that she was a very good girlfriend to this guy and eventually he is going to realize his mistake.

I suggest that she implement a no contact period and “move on without moving on.”

She does her best to abide by my advice but ends up devastated when she logs on to Facebook one morning and notices that he is in a relationship with another girl.

Again, she comes back to me begging for me to tell her what to do.

“Stay in NC and keep on focusing on yourself.”

What I was hoping was that this girl had set the bar so high in her relationship with her ex that this other girl couldn’t compare when the honeymoon period did end up wearing off.

I was right!

Brad and his new girlfriend eventually started fighting and broke up after 6 months together.

Brad was starting to realize that the grass wasn’t as green as he thought.

So, in typical man fashion what does he do?

He decides to crawl back to the ex who set the standard for his relationships.

There was just one problem.

In all my speeches to the girl about,

“Moving on without moving on.”

It turned out that the girl had actually moved on. She forgot the “without moving on” part. By the time Brad had crawled back to her she had already found someone else and was happy in her relationship with him. In other words, it was too late for Brad.

The grass wasn’t greener.

Key Takeaways From The Story

  • Setting the standard/ bar for relationships for an ex is essential for making the grass not be greener.
  • Sometimes an ex going on the rebound can be a good thing especially if you are the best girlfriend he ever had.
  • Moving on without moving on can be an important part of the process.

An Example Of A Time That The Grass WAS Greener

grass is greener

This is a very personal story to me because I actually know this person and haven’t just communicated with them via email.

Someone I know really well was in a relationship with a girl for just under a year (like a month shy.) The relationship was pretty intense. At the beginning of the relationship with the honeymoon phase everything seemed to be pretty great. There were no fights and everything was going along very nicely.

The issues started occurring when the honeymoon period was over and my acquaintance began to notice that his girlfriend was a bit of a flirt. Well, quite honestly “a flirt” is putting it nicely. Turns out that this girl was constantly hanging out with other guys.

(Quick Sidenote: If a guy ever tells you that he is ok with you hanging out with other guys one on one then that means one of two things. The first could be that, that guy is a liar because no guy in his right mind is going to be ok with that. We are very protective and territorial ladies. Make sure you remember that. The second could be that, that guy doesn’t care about you very much because like I said, we are territorial and if he stopped caring about your “hang out” habits then that must mean he doesn’t care about you very much.)

Her indiscretion with the other men in her life began to drive a wedge between the relationship her and her boyfriend (my acquaintance) had built.

Now, most guys probably would assume that this girl was cheating on them due to how many guys she was “flirting with” and who knows, she probably had some feelings for some of these other men. However, my friend is not the type of person to just give up on a relationship. For whatever reason he saw potential in it so he stuck by her side.

As time went on they had fight after fight.

Pretty soon her flirty nature had driven him to the point where he had a hard time trusting her at all which of course led to more fights and made him very resentful.

This went on for almost a year until one day my friend had enough and found the courage to end it. He believed in his heart that he deserved better.

He was always the one that had to carry their relationship. Always the one to set up dates, initiate things and progress things forward. He felt like he put in all the effort but was never reciprocated.

If we could take a sample of the scale in his head this girl he dated would probably be a 2 or a 3 out of 10 which means that just about any girl he would date after that is going to seem better.

Here’s the thing though.

My friend takes relationships very seriously and was left very deeply hurt at how much he felt he wasted his time with this 2. So, rather than getting right back on the horse and potentially dating a rebound girl he took his time. He focused on healing and thought a lot about what he wanted in a future relationship.

He wasn’t going to make the same mistake by dating a girl that could wrong him the same way that this one did.

In other words, he made it his mission to find that “greener grass.”

He eventually did by the way.

Of course, it took him a total of 4 years.

Do you realize how rare that is?

Someone who is willing to wait that long. Who is willing to take every day to look inwards to find out what they really want out of a relationship. But perhaps most impressive of all is the ability to have the strength to say no to women that couldn’t make the cut.

Someone who refuses to settle.

A little confused?

Let me make it super easy for you to understand.

Essentially what my acquaintance is doing is that he is making sure that the next person he dates is going to be super high quality. Someone who is going to set the bar so high that no one can ever compare.

It took him 4 years but he finally found that woman.

As it turns out, that woman ended up being his future wife.

He had spent so much time thinking about what he really wanted in a relationship that he knew exactly what to look for when he was “vetting” women. Eventually he got so could at vetting women that the girl that was strong enough to make the cut was predestined to be his wife.

So, if you were wondering about a case where the grass is greener on the other side this would be it.

Someone who had such a bad experience in a relationship that they make it their mission to find the greener grass.

Recap

  • If the bar is set low in a relationship it is possible that an ex boyfriend can find someone else who can easily beat the mark.
  • Someone who doesn’t go on the rebound is more likely to find greener grass.
  • Someone who moves on completely after a relationship and actively searches for greener grass will probably find that greener grass.

Would you like to take a guess at who my “acquaintance” is?

I’ll tell you what.

The first person who can guess correctly in the comments will get my E-Book for free.

February 1, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

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What Do You Think? (357)

  1. Jessica - 0

    Jessica

    So after the 5 months of my ex and I chatting and sometimes seeing each other he is still with his gf. He has basically moved in with her and she still doesn’t know about me according to his friend. His friend noticed how much I’ve changed and I can say I’ve almost become the UG. I know my ex notices I’ve become someone else but right now I’m still chasing him. How do I make it so he is chasing me? And how do I get him to break up with her and be with me?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I think it’s time to step away. You said it yourself, you’re chasing him. At first, it’s ok to build rapport but it can’t go on for a very long so that you don’t seem chasing and you don’t become friendzoned. Ungettable girls hook and then pull away, that’s why men chase them. In your case, if it stays like that for too long, it’s like you’re not luring him anymore. You’re just there letting him eat the bait. So, now, you need to step away and let him initiate. If he does, let him invest more and focus more in your own life rather than him.. At this time you should try to date others. If he doesn’t initiate, set a time frame on until when you would wait before totally moving on.

  2. Jessie - 0

    Jessie

    I’m learning the more I read in every article. So my ex boyfriend allowed and said it was alright for one of my good friends to move in to his house.
    Her parents live in Texas, she didn’t have money and no where to stay (live), so my ex boyfriend felt bad for her and as being nice and so she lived with him. Well then a few months later back in 2015, they started dating. My ex boyfriend last year would sometimes call me an say how they went to a party and she embarrassed him in front of his friends. Then one time they both went to my ex’s friend’s house and drank alcohol. I don’t know how drunk his current girlfriend was but she actually kissed my ex’s best friend on front of him.
    Later I found out this by my friend, and I contacted my ex and I told him why he is still with her; he said that she didn’t mean to, it was just a accident, and it won’t happen again. (They were making out and then started to make out in the bathroom tub and slept there together. I seen a picture and yes they had their clothes on. Also his current girlfriend now, she’s the same one mentioned above, well she is making my ex boyfriend depressed a lot of times. I was wondering if there is anything I can do or say to just be a friend to my ex to help him. And also my ex started dating her right after him and I broke up in 2015. So he never really had the time to go through a healing process. My ex boyfriend misses me and wants me back, he had this, he realized that his girlfriend now is not like me. But the only way I can get my ex back is to show him my actions, since I betrayed him and lost his trust to trust my words. Thanks I really need help. I don’t mean to comment on so many articles, but I really need help, and I’m a single mother and I am not working so I don’t have money to buy anything right now. Thanks for you help!!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If you can work and have somebody else look over your child while you work, that would be better.. You need to know and cultivate your self worth.

      You cheated on him before but right now you’re chasing him. You’re accepting that you’re the one who has to prove something even though he’s telling you he wants to be with you while he’s in a relationship.

      Hanging out with other guys especially his friend is like proving to him he’s right about you..

      Staying friends with him now is lowering your self worth too because first, you’re putting yourself in the friendzone. Second, it’s starting to look like you’ve been making up for a mistake that was a long time ago and both of you should have moved on from it since he’s in a relationship now too.

      You’re showing him you’re just there, always waiting for his forgiveness..

      The better approach is to talk to him about what happened calmly. Tell him you’re sorry about what happened before but you’ve forgiven yourself and that’s not you now and it’s up to him whether he forgives you or not but you’re moving on from that for your self respect and for your child.

      If he wants to get back with you, he has to do the right thing first, break up with his current gf. If he says it’s just because he doesn’t trust you, tell him, that’s for him to work out for himself because that was a mistake years ago. Thank him for eveything and tell him you hope that he understands and respect the space you need for yourself.

      And then do at least 30 days of nc.. Don’t tell him you’re doing nc. Don’t tell him you’re going to contact him after 30 days. If he asks if you will contact him again, tell him as of now you don’t know yet. If he asks if you’re still friends, tell him as of now that’s not workable.

      Improve yourself. Have a new routine for yourself and your child. Have your own life. Prepare your life in a way that if you don’t get him back, it will hurt but it’s his loss, not yours. You have a lot in store for yourself and in your child’s future.

    • Jessica - 0

      Jessica

      I believe i have been friendzoned as well. He still comes to visit me and hangs out with me and i dont think his gf knows about it still. He started playingnonline games with me again and has hinted that he missed me but wont actually come out and say it. He has also figured out that im not who i used to be. How do I back away? and how do i get him to dump her but make it like it was his idea?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Don’t make it “seem” like it’s his idea.. It really has to be his idea. When you back away, you just back away. Stop interacting with him.. I believe you know what to do.. You just have to have courage to do it. Most of the time, we allow the things that we don’t want to experience. If you really don’t want him to treat you the way he treats you right now, you should be walking away and focusing in yourself.

  3. Anon - 0

    Anon

    My boyfriend of 1.5 years recently broke up with me because he felt he couldn’t put the effort into a relationship and wants to experience being single. We had very minimal fights and it was rare. I just felt like he was hanging out less with me. It’s strange because this was his 2nd chance since we broke up before. But he says he still loves me and I’m his best friend and hopes we can always be that way he just wants to experience being single. Any advice on what he may be thinking? What should I do as I’m still confused on how this could happen and I’m scared of there being another girl as this cause.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anon,

      Are you going to do the no contact rule?

    • Anon - 0

      Anon

      I am currently doing the NC rule but I just started as he contacted me recently.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      That’s good.. be active in improving yourself and in posting.. check this one too:
      The Ungettable Girl

  4. sarah - 0

    sarah

    I’m not sure if he has GIGS because he tells me that “he has never loved anyone as much as me, and it will take him a long time to get over me” and since he said that I deserve someone better, it sounds like he thinks there’s a greener grass for me. But anyway, our breakup was somewhat mutual? He initiated the discussion about our relationship because we’ve been fighting for a couple of days over small problems, and said the words “I think we should break up” whereas I didn’t protest, and stated that it was for the best as well since I was unhappy. Now that I have some time to think about it, I feel like our issues are fixable if theres effort from the both of us. And so, I do want to try again.
    I don’t really know how to approach this since it is our second time breaking up. (We were together for 1.5 years, broke up for a month, got back together for 9 months, broke up again) The both times we broke up, he said the same thing… Along the lines of not wanting to fight anymore or feel stressed.
    I’m on day 4 of NC and its really tough… I just want to fix this but I don’t know what to do ..please help!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Be active, so you can heal and improve yourself and aim to be an ungettable girl.

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